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1
00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:03,668
He's a 54-year-old
father of one.
2
00:00:03,590 --> 00:00:06,259
Originally
from Fairfield, Connecticut,
3
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:09,074
who currently lives
at Gracie mansion.
4
00:00:08,978 --> 00:00:12,680
Randall Winston, come on down!
5
00:00:12,548 --> 00:00:14,515
[APPLAUSE]
6
00:00:14,460 --> 00:00:16,261
Nice game-show bit.
7
00:00:16,213 --> 00:00:17,814
Thank you, Mike.
8
00:00:17,775 --> 00:00:20,544
Keep that up, you'll be playing
the home version.
9
00:00:20,453 --> 00:00:23,355
Paul...
10
00:00:23,258 --> 00:00:25,859
You got a little...
Little situation.
11
00:00:25,775 --> 00:00:28,744
Shoot!
12
00:00:28,645 --> 00:00:30,479
Now that you'll be running
for the senate,
13
00:00:30,429 --> 00:00:32,730
you'll be spending more time
campaigning.
14
00:00:32,661 --> 00:00:34,562
Will the city's problems
be neglected?
15
00:00:34,509 --> 00:00:36,644
No, I have complete
confidence in my staff.
16
00:00:36,581 --> 00:00:38,849
There's no problem
these people can't solve.
17
00:00:38,781 --> 00:00:41,416
Oh, sugar!
18
00:00:41,331 --> 00:00:44,733
If you're elected to the senate,
is there anyone on your staff
19
00:00:44,614 --> 00:00:46,848
who you could see
as the next mayor?
20
00:00:46,781 --> 00:00:49,150
Showtime.
21
00:00:49,077 --> 00:00:50,377
I have an incredible staff
22
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:52,720
full of bright and talented
individuals.
23
00:00:52,647 --> 00:00:54,347
But if you're asking,
24
00:00:54,303 --> 00:00:58,073
"is there one person
who could rise above the rest,
25
00:00:57,937 --> 00:01:01,607
grab the reins
of this great city?"
26
00:01:02,878 --> 00:01:04,712
No.
27
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,436
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
28
00:01:32,485 --> 00:01:35,320
I've decided what I'm gonna do
with the money I won
29
00:01:35,226 --> 00:01:37,528
on "who wants to be
a millionaire."
30
00:01:37,457 --> 00:01:39,758
I have invested
in the world's first
31
00:01:39,688 --> 00:01:41,322
politically themed restaurant.
32
00:01:41,281 --> 00:01:43,550
You wanna hear the best part?
It's called "wonk."
33
00:01:43,481 --> 00:01:44,615
Wonk?
34
00:01:44,597 --> 00:01:45,764
Wonk!
35
00:01:45,744 --> 00:01:47,745
You know,
like a policy expert.
36
00:01:47,688 --> 00:01:49,656
Well, you obviously
didn't win that money
37
00:01:49,601 --> 00:01:51,536
on "who wants to staya millionaire."
38
00:01:51,482 --> 00:01:53,750
[CHUCKLES]
39
00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:55,249
You know what would be great?
40
00:01:55,211 --> 00:01:57,946
If you and I were to go
into business together.
41
00:01:57,857 --> 00:01:59,223
Oh, wait.
42
00:01:59,196 --> 00:02:02,031
You don't havea million dollars, do you?
43
00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:03,505
Hey, Paul,
44
00:02:03,467 --> 00:02:06,269
are you absolutely, legally
bound to this?
45
00:02:06,176 --> 00:02:09,412
Is there a loophole
or escape clause of any kind?
46
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,135
Why?
47
00:02:11,086 --> 00:02:14,188
Because I think
you got a real winner here.
48
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:17,085
I hear the mayor slammed you
at the press conference.
49
00:02:16,983 --> 00:02:18,216
Can you believe that?
50
00:02:18,194 --> 00:02:19,961
One of the first rules
of management
51
00:02:19,914 --> 00:02:22,616
is you don't crush the dreams
of those who work for you.
52
00:02:22,529 --> 00:02:24,028
He didn't mention me, either.
53
00:02:23,994 --> 00:02:27,497
Like you could be mayor.
54
00:02:27,373 --> 00:02:29,141
Caitlin
set me up on a campaign swing.
55
00:02:29,095 --> 00:02:31,996
I'm gonna be out of town
for a couple of days.
56
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:35,302
So you need someone on the staff
to rise above the others,
57
00:02:35,183 --> 00:02:37,384
grab the reins
of this great city?
58
00:02:37,350 --> 00:02:38,817
Easy there, mussolini.
59
00:02:39,996 --> 00:02:41,697
Here's a schedule.
60
00:02:41,654 --> 00:02:45,055
So you got
doorman's union and amc.
61
00:02:44,937 --> 00:02:46,671
What's amc?
62
00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:49,895
Uh, agricultural
m-management commission.
63
00:02:52,937 --> 00:02:55,372
Agricultural
management commission?
64
00:02:55,296 --> 00:02:57,931
"All my children."
65
00:03:00,428 --> 00:03:01,662
Hey, Nikki.
66
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:02,806
Hmm?
67
00:03:02,787 --> 00:03:05,488
You wanna see some pictures
of me and Deirdre?
68
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,268
Sure.
69
00:03:08,269 --> 00:03:11,038
Stuart, you're both naked!
70
00:03:10,946 --> 00:03:13,415
Why can't two people
in a committed relationship
71
00:03:13,338 --> 00:03:15,573
pose for some artistic
snapshots together?
72
00:03:15,505 --> 00:03:19,741
You're at the dmv.
73
00:03:19,584 --> 00:03:24,755
You know how long
they make you wait.
74
00:03:24,557 --> 00:03:26,023
Stuart!
75
00:03:25,991 --> 00:03:27,492
Hey, Deirdre.
76
00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:29,993
Are you showing naked pictures
of us around the office?
77
00:03:29,913 --> 00:03:31,613
Yes.
78
00:03:31,570 --> 00:03:34,238
Well, it's about time.
79
00:03:36,351 --> 00:03:38,853
Stuart...
80
00:03:38,773 --> 00:03:40,908
I wanted to tell you,
"good job last week
81
00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:42,913
on the mayor's
new business proposal."
82
00:03:42,853 --> 00:03:45,121
[SWEETLY]
Stuart did a good job!
83
00:03:45,053 --> 00:03:47,387
Yes, you did!
Yes, you did!
84
00:03:47,316 --> 00:03:51,119
All right, blondie, listen up,
here's the rules.
85
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,549
You stay away from my man,
86
00:03:52,511 --> 00:03:55,614
or you and I are gonna be
co-starring in a little play
87
00:03:55,508 --> 00:03:58,810
I like to call
"Deirdre, the prison guard."
88
00:03:58,695 --> 00:04:01,597
No offense, but I'm not
interested in your man.
89
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:04,502
So why don't you just march
those $12 pumps
90
00:04:04,401 --> 00:04:06,069
back to the trailer park
91
00:04:06,027 --> 00:04:10,196
and whip up some dinner
for cousin dad?
92
00:04:10,043 --> 00:04:12,745
[LAUGHS]
93
00:04:12,657 --> 00:04:14,191
Ha.
94
00:04:14,155 --> 00:04:15,789
Ha.
95
00:04:15,748 --> 00:04:17,516
Ha.
96
00:04:17,471 --> 00:04:20,339
I like her.
97
00:04:20,243 --> 00:04:22,511
But I have to be
out of that meeting by 11:00.
98
00:04:22,442 --> 00:04:24,477
Mr. mayor, I just wanted
to re-reconfirm
99
00:04:24,418 --> 00:04:26,519
that you are coming
to the opening of wonk
100
00:04:26,458 --> 00:04:28,459
like you promised
because I have, like,
101
00:04:28,403 --> 00:04:30,137
a million dollars
riding on this.
102
00:04:30,092 --> 00:04:33,395
Of course, Paul. You're a good
friend and a valued employee.
103
00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:34,347
When is it?
104
00:04:34,332 --> 00:04:35,365
Tomorrow night.
105
00:04:35,352 --> 00:04:36,452
Can't make it.
106
00:04:36,436 --> 00:04:37,703
But, sir...
107
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,878
won't you let it drop,
Paul?!
108
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,200
You wanted to see me?
109
00:04:46,179 --> 00:04:47,913
Yeah,
hang out for a minute.
110
00:04:47,869 --> 00:04:52,171
Professor Flaherty will give a
seminar on how to be the mayor.
111
00:04:52,012 --> 00:04:54,113
James, you wanna send in
the doormen?
112
00:04:54,052 --> 00:04:57,054
Thanks, Jerry.
113
00:04:56,953 --> 00:04:58,921
Thanks, Bob.
114
00:04:58,865 --> 00:04:59,998
Sure thing, Frank.
115
00:04:59,980 --> 00:05:01,481
You have a good day now.
116
00:05:01,447 --> 00:05:04,949
You too, Bob.
117
00:05:04,825 --> 00:05:07,026
Gentlemen,
please have a seat.
118
00:05:06,961 --> 00:05:08,728
I have to tell you,
I'm disappointed.
119
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:10,016
We're very busy here,
120
00:05:09,990 --> 00:05:12,958
and you can't keep running
to the mayor for arbitration
121
00:05:12,858 --> 00:05:15,626
every time your negotiations
reach an impasse.
122
00:05:15,535 --> 00:05:18,171
Who are you?
123
00:05:18,086 --> 00:05:20,320
I'll have you know
I am the interim mayor.
124
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:21,953
You're an intern?
125
00:05:23,919 --> 00:05:25,420
Interim.
126
00:05:25,385 --> 00:05:28,920
So you don't get paid.
127
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:29,963
Of course I get paid.
128
00:05:29,944 --> 00:05:32,879
You go back to college
in the fall.
129
00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:34,915
No, I am the interim mayor.
130
00:05:34,852 --> 00:05:38,855
I am totally in charge
until the mayor gets back.
131
00:05:38,709 --> 00:05:40,276
Fine,
then we'll come back later.
132
00:05:40,238 --> 00:05:41,873
We're having the meeting now.
133
00:05:41,833 --> 00:05:43,200
I am the interim mayor!
134
00:05:43,171 --> 00:05:45,840
You're gettin'
a little worked up here.
135
00:05:45,753 --> 00:05:48,322
How 'bout if we just talk
to the deputy mayor?
136
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,341
That's me,
I'm the deputy mayor!
137
00:05:51,236 --> 00:05:53,438
Sure you are.
138
00:05:53,372 --> 00:05:55,373
Carter,
you wanna tell 'em?
139
00:05:55,317 --> 00:05:59,319
He told me
he was a Professor.
140
00:06:00,734 --> 00:06:03,570
So the mayor can't make it.
What's the big deal?
141
00:06:03,476 --> 00:06:05,811
It's a politically themed
restaurant.
142
00:06:05,739 --> 00:06:09,175
It would be like opening Hooters
with flat-chested women.
143
00:06:12,433 --> 00:06:14,134
Don't even joke about that.
144
00:06:21,773 --> 00:06:24,307
Paul, the mayor will come
some other night.
145
00:06:24,226 --> 00:06:26,494
I have been
in the restaurant business
146
00:06:26,426 --> 00:06:27,993
for well over three days now,
147
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:30,557
and there's a couple of things
I've learned.
148
00:06:30,475 --> 00:06:32,142
Number one...
149
00:06:32,099 --> 00:06:34,467
there are tremendous bargains
to be had
150
00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,062
at government meat auctions.
151
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,687
And two... in New York,
152
00:06:37,646 --> 00:06:40,214
if a restaurant
doesn't open big,
153
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:42,701
it doesn't open at all.
154
00:06:42,618 --> 00:06:45,921
Paul, the army is here
with your meat.
155
00:06:47,432 --> 00:06:49,666
The mayor
never had a problem
156
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,168
in giving us
our standard 5% bump.
157
00:06:52,085 --> 00:06:54,487
You're not dealing
with the mayor.
158
00:06:54,412 --> 00:06:57,014
Do we have to
go through this again?
159
00:07:01,042 --> 00:07:06,047
You fellas got quite a list
of demands here.
160
00:07:05,856 --> 00:07:09,158
Every year we deadlock
with the landlords' association.
161
00:07:09,044 --> 00:07:10,811
The mayor rubber-stamps this.
162
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:14,400
We want increased medical
coverage and longer breaks.
163
00:07:14,270 --> 00:07:16,038
Longer breaks.
164
00:07:15,992 --> 00:07:18,527
You open doors.
165
00:07:18,447 --> 00:07:19,680
Keep pushin' it, Flaherty.
166
00:07:19,657 --> 00:07:21,658
You're gonna have a strike
on your hands.
167
00:07:21,601 --> 00:07:23,236
A doorman's strike?
168
00:07:23,196 --> 00:07:27,032
Who'll wear the funny
uniforms and not do anything?
169
00:07:26,893 --> 00:07:29,362
That's it.
We're outta here.
170
00:07:29,284 --> 00:07:31,853
Let me get that for you.
171
00:07:31,770 --> 00:07:33,203
Wait a minute.
172
00:07:33,173 --> 00:07:36,909
How does
one of these bad boys work?
173
00:07:39,611 --> 00:07:41,211
There you go!
174
00:07:48,664 --> 00:07:51,365
This whole thing has made me
realize I could be mayor.
175
00:07:51,277 --> 00:07:53,545
I'm not a backup guy,
I'm a lead singer.
176
00:07:53,477 --> 00:07:56,379
I should be up front,
tight pants,
177
00:07:56,281 --> 00:07:58,616
gyrating my hips
as the crowd goes wild.
178
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,012
If that's all it takes,
179
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:03,315
there's a bar in my neighborhood
where I was mayor last night.
180
00:08:03,199 --> 00:08:05,667
Talk to the mayor
and get his endorsement.
181
00:08:05,589 --> 00:08:07,190
I don't need an endorsement.
182
00:08:07,151 --> 00:08:09,787
All I gotta do
is float a rumor then deny it.
183
00:08:09,701 --> 00:08:11,101
What good would that do?
184
00:08:11,071 --> 00:08:12,739
That's how politics works.
185
00:08:12,697 --> 00:08:14,732
James, did you hear
186
00:08:14,675 --> 00:08:17,009
Carter is having an affair
with ed in the mailroom?
187
00:08:16,938 --> 00:08:17,804
Really?
188
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:19,464
No, it's not true.
189
00:08:19,423 --> 00:08:20,857
What's not true?
190
00:08:20,826 --> 00:08:23,995
Carter's getting it on
with ed from the mailroom.
191
00:08:23,886 --> 00:08:25,320
No, I'm not.
192
00:08:25,289 --> 00:08:28,624
Yeah, he's getting it on
with ed in the mailroom.
193
00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:32,944
Why do you think they call
it "the mailroom"? [MALE]
194
00:08:32,778 --> 00:08:36,715
For your information, I happen
to have a serious boyfriend.
195
00:08:36,573 --> 00:08:39,675
We know... Slut.
196
00:08:39,569 --> 00:08:41,002
You know what?
197
00:08:40,971 --> 00:08:43,939
You... And you...
198
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,207
Virgin!
199
00:08:45,179 --> 00:08:48,147
Stuart...
200
00:08:48,047 --> 00:08:50,815
Your girlfriend sent me
a candle as a peace offering.
201
00:08:50,725 --> 00:08:51,959
You got the gift?!
202
00:08:51,936 --> 00:08:54,171
Please tell me
it's not the blue candle.
203
00:08:54,104 --> 00:08:55,905
No, it's pink.
204
00:08:55,857 --> 00:09:00,995
Pink! I can't remember
what pink means, but it's bad.
205
00:09:00,797 --> 00:09:04,232
You have such low self-esteem
that you can't grasp the fact
206
00:09:04,112 --> 00:09:06,847
that sometimes people
treat each other nicely
207
00:09:06,758 --> 00:09:09,260
not out of spite,
but out of respect.
208
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:16,372
I just remembered
what pink means.
209
00:09:19,284 --> 00:09:24,255
This is so cool.
210
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,568
Before I answer any questions,
211
00:09:28,517 --> 00:09:31,519
I'd just like to clear the air
about something.
212
00:09:31,417 --> 00:09:32,162
Despite what you may have heard,
213
00:09:32,163 --> 00:09:35,198
if... when the mayor
is elected to the senate,
214
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:38,666
I will not, I repeat,
I will not be running
215
00:09:38,539 --> 00:09:41,141
for mayor of New York.
216
00:09:41,057 --> 00:09:45,160
Do you have any comment on
the citywide doorman strike?
217
00:09:45,009 --> 00:09:47,010
People, please.
218
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:50,356
I can read between the lines.
219
00:09:50,237 --> 00:09:52,739
Now, uh, I will not,
220
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:58,031
repeat, not be launching
a mayoral campaign.
221
00:09:57,824 --> 00:09:59,525
What about the doorman's strike,
222
00:09:59,481 --> 00:10:01,782
which has backed up
all package deliveries
223
00:10:01,712 --> 00:10:03,079
and gridlocked the city?
224
00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:08,524
Do you know
that Carter's getting it on
225
00:10:08,438 --> 00:10:10,239
with ed in the mailroom?
226
00:10:20,093 --> 00:10:22,060
Let me guess, Carter.
227
00:10:22,006 --> 00:10:25,842
You got drunk last night
and logged on to Prada.Com.
228
00:10:25,704 --> 00:10:27,705
[SARCASTICALLY]
Yeah, Mike,
229
00:10:27,648 --> 00:10:29,882
just because I'm gay,
I love Prada.
230
00:10:29,815 --> 00:10:31,416
They have a web site?
231
00:10:32,621 --> 00:10:35,322
The doormen are having
all of the packages
232
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:38,137
delivered to their buildings
forwarded to you.
233
00:10:38,039 --> 00:10:40,207
Do you want me to get
the doormen back?
234
00:10:40,143 --> 00:10:43,645
If they think a few packages
are gonna cause me to back down,
235
00:10:43,745 --> 00:10:45,011
they are sadly mistaken.
236
00:10:48,366 --> 00:10:53,170
See, this isn't gonna interrupt
my daily routine at all.
237
00:10:52,988 --> 00:10:55,256
So, what's first
on the schedule, James?
238
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:57,723
Well, at 9:00,
you're meeting
239
00:10:57,642 --> 00:11:01,478
with the society
for claustrophobia awareness.
240
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,797
We're gonna have to
reschedule that.
241
00:11:35,764 --> 00:11:39,100
Listen, I'm flattered
you wanna be like me.
242
00:11:38,984 --> 00:11:41,953
And I'm flattered
that you wanna be like me.
243
00:11:41,852 --> 00:11:42,852
No, I am me.
244
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,976
You're just dressing
and acting like me.
245
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:47,948
I'm gonna have to ask you
to change back to who you are.
246
00:11:47,846 --> 00:11:50,547
You change.
247
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:51,660
Me change?
248
00:11:51,638 --> 00:11:53,606
Okay, you're dating Stuart.
249
00:11:53,551 --> 00:11:56,420
I assume you do things
for money.
250
00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:58,192
What's it gonna take?
251
00:11:58,141 --> 00:12:02,344
I think you're just jealous
because I'm...
252
00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:04,591
A better version of you.
253
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:07,618
You're not gonna get away
with this.
254
00:12:07,513 --> 00:12:08,379
Mm-hmm.
255
00:12:08,372 --> 00:12:12,542
Caitlin,
lookin' good, sweetheart.
256
00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:15,736
Hey, Carter,
257
00:12:15,704 --> 00:12:18,205
Paul asked me to perform
at the opening of wonk.
258
00:12:18,126 --> 00:12:19,294
Check this out.
259
00:12:19,274 --> 00:12:22,577
I'm a master
of political impressions.
260
00:12:22,462 --> 00:12:26,931
[NORMAL VOICE] Ask not what
your country can do for you...
261
00:12:26,765 --> 00:12:29,700
Ask what you can do
for your country.
262
00:12:29,602 --> 00:12:32,938
Carter, who am I?
263
00:12:32,821 --> 00:12:34,055
John f. Kennedy.
264
00:12:34,033 --> 00:12:35,933
Yes!
265
00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:38,048
James, that's not really
an impression.
266
00:12:37,985 --> 00:12:39,252
It's more of a quote.
267
00:12:39,229 --> 00:12:41,497
An impression
is when you replicate
268
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,295
someone's voice and mannerisms.
269
00:12:43,245 --> 00:12:44,678
For example...
270
00:12:44,646 --> 00:12:47,682
[DEEP VOICE] Float like
a butterfly, sting like a bee!
271
00:12:47,579 --> 00:12:51,583
Amelia earhart.
272
00:12:51,436 --> 00:12:53,303
[NORMAL VOICEe]
It's Muhammad Ali.
273
00:12:53,253 --> 00:12:54,586
[SNICKERS]
274
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,961
You're really good
at impressions.
275
00:12:56,886 --> 00:13:00,956
Ladies and gentlemen,
my problems are solved!
276
00:13:00,807 --> 00:13:03,009
You got the mayor
to come to your opening.
277
00:13:02,944 --> 00:13:05,278
No, but I got
the next best thing.
278
00:13:05,206 --> 00:13:07,341
The city's top
Randall Winston impersonator.
279
00:13:07,279 --> 00:13:08,879
Come on out, Phil.
280
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:10,641
Ha ha ha ha!
Look at him...
281
00:13:10,594 --> 00:13:12,394
same height, same weight,
everything.
282
00:13:12,347 --> 00:13:15,149
He comes to the opening tonight,
no one will be the wiser.
283
00:13:15,056 --> 00:13:16,489
It's tonight?
284
00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:18,158
I can't make it.
285
00:13:18,116 --> 00:13:19,917
But you just said...
286
00:13:19,869 --> 00:13:22,438
will you let it drop, Paul?!
287
00:13:23,980 --> 00:13:26,415
No, the sewer workers
are not striking
288
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,307
in sympathy with the doormen.
289
00:13:28,252 --> 00:13:29,820
Then why are they?
290
00:13:29,782 --> 00:13:32,784
Here's a shot in the dark...
291
00:13:32,682 --> 00:13:35,184
they work in the sewer.
292
00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:37,607
The class with
the perfect attendance record
293
00:13:37,528 --> 00:13:38,829
is here for their photo op.
294
00:13:38,803 --> 00:13:40,670
This is the third photo op
today.
295
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,354
I got a lot of work
to do here.
296
00:13:42,309 --> 00:13:43,610
Can we just cancel it?
297
00:13:43,584 --> 00:13:45,585
Sure thing, Mike.
298
00:13:45,529 --> 00:13:47,095
He's ready for you!
299
00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:48,126
[KIDS SHOUTING]
300
00:13:48,143 --> 00:13:50,744
Hey, come on, come on.
301
00:13:50,660 --> 00:13:52,428
Cut that out.
302
00:13:52,381 --> 00:13:56,017
You're not the real mayor.
303
00:13:55,888 --> 00:13:58,256
Hey, do you guys
wanna see the...
304
00:13:58,183 --> 00:14:00,051
Witch that lives in my desk?
305
00:14:01,912 --> 00:14:02,745
Aaaah!
306
00:14:02,741 --> 00:14:03,942
Aah!
307
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,354
[SHOUTING]
308
00:14:08,479 --> 00:14:11,280
Wow. First you sock it
to the friendly doormen,
309
00:14:11,187 --> 00:14:14,390
and now you're cracking down
on cute little children.
310
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:18,016
Well, kids have had it
too easy for too long.
311
00:14:17,881 --> 00:14:21,651
Look, Mike, I know you're having
a lot of trouble here,
312
00:14:21,516 --> 00:14:23,750
so if you need any help,
just ask.
313
00:14:24,767 --> 00:14:26,768
All right...
I've made a career
314
00:14:26,711 --> 00:14:29,112
of helping politicians
project the right image,
315
00:14:29,038 --> 00:14:30,605
but if you
don't want my advice,
316
00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:32,636
I certainly don't need
to give it to you.
317
00:14:33,946 --> 00:14:36,681
Here's your problem.
318
00:14:36,592 --> 00:14:38,928
You think you're smarter
than everybody.
319
00:14:38,856 --> 00:14:41,257
I'm sorry I had to drag that
out of you.
320
00:14:41,182 --> 00:14:43,183
It's not that hard
321
00:14:43,126 --> 00:14:45,796
to make people
feel good about themselves.
322
00:14:45,709 --> 00:14:47,977
Mike, you are so charming,
323
00:14:47,908 --> 00:14:52,445
and one of the smartest people
I've ever worked with.
324
00:14:52,275 --> 00:14:56,078
Well, hey, thank you.
325
00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:58,408
See?
You lie right to their face.
326
00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:02,796
Nice blouse, janelle!
327
00:15:02,730 --> 00:15:04,531
JANELLE: Thanks!
328
00:15:13,185 --> 00:15:17,988
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
329
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:23,503
Hello, and welcome to wonk,
where politics is delicious.
330
00:15:23,362 --> 00:15:25,030
Would you like a table?
331
00:15:24,988 --> 00:15:26,154
Right this way.
332
00:15:26,135 --> 00:15:28,302
Oh, you happen to be in luck.
333
00:15:28,239 --> 00:15:32,276
We have space
at the "John wilkes" booth.
334
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:38,136
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
335
00:15:38,025 --> 00:15:40,993
That's a little something
I like to call
336
00:15:40,894 --> 00:15:44,730
"let's filibust a move."
337
00:15:44,591 --> 00:15:48,427
And I bet you didn't know
I could rap.
338
00:15:48,288 --> 00:15:51,491
Do you know you suck?!
339
00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:53,515
No, but if you get me
the sheet music,
340
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,754
I'll have it for my next set.
I gotcha!
341
00:15:55,684 --> 00:15:59,019
I'm gonna give myself
a little tip on that one.
342
00:16:03,620 --> 00:16:05,054
[SIGHS]
343
00:16:05,024 --> 00:16:07,258
Welcome to wonk.
344
00:16:07,190 --> 00:16:10,826
I'm Martha,
your "first lady" of service.
345
00:16:10,696 --> 00:16:13,331
We have some "amendments"
to the menu,
346
00:16:13,247 --> 00:16:16,082
but first, can I offer you
a "dawn's early light" beer?
347
00:16:15,989 --> 00:16:18,957
Or you can dodge the "draft"...
oh, screw it.
348
00:16:18,857 --> 00:16:20,257
Do you want a drink?
349
00:16:22,268 --> 00:16:24,436
How'd Paul
get you to do this?
350
00:16:24,371 --> 00:16:26,472
I'd do anything
for a friend.
351
00:16:26,411 --> 00:16:27,612
Well, in that case...
352
00:16:31,001 --> 00:16:34,637
I just thought I'd save us both
a little time.
353
00:16:34,508 --> 00:16:38,177
Paul, I think somebody's
getting food poisoning
354
00:16:38,045 --> 00:16:40,513
from
the Barney Frank 'n' beans.
355
00:16:40,437 --> 00:16:42,404
Damn government meat!
356
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,550
Oh, this is a disaster.
357
00:16:44,485 --> 00:16:47,553
The wheels are fallin' off.
358
00:16:47,448 --> 00:16:48,915
Come again!
359
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:51,118
Tell your friends!
360
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:53,019
We can re-serve those fries.
361
00:16:54,589 --> 00:16:57,824
Listen, guys, I just want
to apologize for the other day,
362
00:16:57,712 --> 00:16:58,879
and to tell you...
363
00:16:58,859 --> 00:17:00,193
tell us what, Flaherty?
364
00:17:00,167 --> 00:17:02,801
[THINKING]
I can't believe I'm negotiating
365
00:17:02,716 --> 00:17:05,319
with a guywho looks like cap'n crunc.
366
00:17:07,722 --> 00:17:09,689
You got something to say,
Flaherty?
367
00:17:09,634 --> 00:17:11,668
Yes, I do.
368
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:14,612
Come on,give these guys a complime.
369
00:17:14,511 --> 00:17:16,912
Pick something nice and say it.
370
00:17:18,049 --> 00:17:21,351
"Hey,look at those bedroom eyes"
371
00:17:21,235 --> 00:17:23,804
that sends the wrong messa.
372
00:17:23,722 --> 00:17:25,556
Okay, listen, you know,
373
00:17:25,508 --> 00:17:28,610
sometimes I'll
come up to a door,
374
00:17:28,503 --> 00:17:31,405
and it'll say "push,"
and I'll pull.
375
00:17:31,308 --> 00:17:33,510
And it's at moments like that
376
00:17:33,444 --> 00:17:36,914
that I wish I had
one of you guys around.
377
00:17:38,577 --> 00:17:42,012
What the hell was that?
378
00:17:41,891 --> 00:17:44,727
Thanks, Flaherty.
We appreciate it.
379
00:17:44,633 --> 00:17:46,367
They bought that?
380
00:17:46,322 --> 00:17:48,156
Caitlin was right.
381
00:17:48,107 --> 00:17:52,143
People don't knowI think they're idiots!
382
00:17:51,996 --> 00:17:55,364
By the way, we know
you think we're idiots.
383
00:17:55,247 --> 00:17:58,016
We're gonna need
that apology again,
384
00:17:57,925 --> 00:17:59,859
this time on your knees.
385
00:17:59,806 --> 00:18:05,811
Yeah, right, I'm gonna get on my
knees in front of these morons.
386
00:18:05,575 --> 00:18:08,144
Did I just say that out lo?
387
00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:11,084
Here you go, Carter.
388
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:13,158
I know you ordered
regular scotch,
389
00:18:13,097 --> 00:18:14,665
but I got you some chivas.
390
00:18:14,628 --> 00:18:15,794
Oh, thanks, Paul.
391
00:18:15,775 --> 00:18:17,642
It's gonna cost you
a lot more...
392
00:18:17,591 --> 00:18:19,291
And that's
not really chivas.
393
00:18:19,249 --> 00:18:20,583
Paul!
394
00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:22,323
I'm losin' my shirt here,
Carter!
395
00:18:22,277 --> 00:18:24,712
Is it gonna kill you
to spend an extra 15 bucks?
396
00:18:26,293 --> 00:18:29,028
Paul, I can make it after all!
When are you opening?
397
00:18:28,938 --> 00:18:30,406
We are open, sir,
398
00:18:30,373 --> 00:18:34,143
but nobody came because nobody
thought you'd be coming,
399
00:18:34,007 --> 00:18:35,674
so I'll lose
my million dollars,
400
00:18:35,632 --> 00:18:37,734
which means
I still need my job,
401
00:18:37,673 --> 00:18:40,575
which means I shouldn't be
yelling at my boss...
402
00:18:40,478 --> 00:18:42,044
can I get you a chivas?!
403
00:18:42,008 --> 00:18:46,111
Sir, you finally made it
after all, huh?
404
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,596
What are you eatin' there?
405
00:18:48,511 --> 00:18:51,279
The Barney Frank 'n' beans.
406
00:18:51,188 --> 00:18:52,955
It's delicious!
407
00:18:54,918 --> 00:18:56,651
How'd it go with the doormen?
408
00:18:56,607 --> 00:18:58,308
Oh, you didn't see the news?
409
00:18:58,264 --> 00:18:59,298
No.
410
00:18:59,284 --> 00:19:01,785
Went great.
411
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:06,777
Actually, sir, the past 24 hours
have been a nightmare.
412
00:19:06,584 --> 00:19:09,152
The job requires
so much patience, diplomacy,
413
00:19:09,069 --> 00:19:10,403
people skills.
414
00:19:10,376 --> 00:19:12,778
I just have
a newfound respect...
415
00:19:12,704 --> 00:19:14,671
[STOMACH RUMBLES]
416
00:19:14,617 --> 00:19:16,817
...for who you are
as a politician...
417
00:19:16,752 --> 00:19:19,320
[STOMACH RUMBLES]
418
00:19:19,239 --> 00:19:20,772
...and as a man.
419
00:19:20,736 --> 00:19:24,106
I just... I don't wanna get
emotional, sir,
420
00:19:23,987 --> 00:19:26,889
but I just...
I really admire...
421
00:19:26,793 --> 00:19:28,994
And well, love you.
422
00:19:28,928 --> 00:19:32,764
[VOICE BREAKING]
Oh, Mike!
423
00:19:32,626 --> 00:19:36,261
It's all right, sir.
I know.
424
00:19:36,132 --> 00:19:38,900
[WHIMPERS]
425
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,603
Thank you so much!
Thank you!
426
00:19:48,474 --> 00:19:50,141
[LAUGHING]
427
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:54,203
Ahhhhh! Ha ha ha!
428
00:19:54,052 --> 00:19:55,920
Ahhh!
429
00:19:55,869 --> 00:19:58,938
This is a dream!
430
00:20:03,710 --> 00:20:06,411
That was a dream.
431
00:20:06,324 --> 00:20:09,259
Where do you want the meat?
432
00:20:13,847 --> 00:20:16,181
I'll push it home.
433
00:21:12,992 --> 00:21:15,627
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
434
00:21:15,628 --> 00:21:16,829
(BARKING)
435
00:21:16,879 --> 00:21:21,429
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