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1
00:00:03,250 --> 00:00:04,917
Carter...
2
00:00:04,876 --> 00:00:06,876
What's wrong
with this picture?
3
00:00:06,822 --> 00:00:08,790
Those earrings
with that blouse.
4
00:00:08,736 --> 00:00:10,170
Hoo-hoo!
5
00:00:10,140 --> 00:00:12,241
Okay, if you weren't gay,
6
00:00:12,181 --> 00:00:14,916
what's wrong
with this picture?
7
00:00:14,829 --> 00:00:18,164
Let me give you a hint.
8
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:19,585
It was taken
at a press event.
9
00:00:19,550 --> 00:00:22,118
You wanna be in the picture,
you gotta be at the event.
10
00:00:22,038 --> 00:00:24,674
Caitlin plans these events
behind my back.
11
00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:27,024
She schedules them,
she creates them,
12
00:00:26,950 --> 00:00:29,051
she stars in them.
13
00:00:28,993 --> 00:00:32,996
She's like
an evil, blond spike Lee.
14
00:00:32,852 --> 00:00:36,121
Why are you so uptight?
15
00:00:36,010 --> 00:00:37,477
She's cuttin' me out!
16
00:00:37,445 --> 00:00:41,214
I can't do my job if I'm not
the guy behind the guy.
17
00:00:41,081 --> 00:00:41,680
You are.
18
00:00:41,687 --> 00:00:42,454
Not anymore.
19
00:00:42,453 --> 00:00:44,187
Now she's made me the guy
20
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:47,179
behind the girl behind the guy,
21
00:00:47,078 --> 00:00:49,412
which sounds like fun...
22
00:00:49,343 --> 00:00:51,677
...but is
not.
23
00:00:51,608 --> 00:00:55,278
From now on, wherever the mayor
goes, whatever he does,
24
00:00:55,149 --> 00:00:57,250
I'm gonna be
right next to him.
25
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:03,537
Gentlemen.
26
00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:06,313
Starting in
about 10 minutes.
27
00:01:06,218 --> 00:01:09,020
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
28
00:01:30,439 --> 00:01:31,806
Okay, next item...
29
00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:33,680
this morning, the first...
30
00:01:36,692 --> 00:01:39,994
Train pulled into the newly
renovated grand central station.
31
00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:41,282
The tracks weren't ready.
32
00:01:41,253 --> 00:01:43,655
Oh, no,
the tracks were ready.
33
00:01:43,582 --> 00:01:46,517
Unfortunately,
the stoplights were n ot.
34
00:01:46,421 --> 00:01:47,887
As a result,
35
00:01:47,856 --> 00:01:51,625
the eastern wall is now
known as "the Western archway."
36
00:01:51,493 --> 00:01:53,494
Hey, Mike,
tell 'em about Manny,
37
00:01:53,438 --> 00:01:55,907
the bathroom attendant
from grand central
38
00:01:55,831 --> 00:01:58,399
who's gonna work here
during the renovations.
39
00:01:58,318 --> 00:01:59,686
Go ahead, tell 'em.
40
00:01:59,659 --> 00:02:01,859
Sure you
don't wanna tell 'em, James?
41
00:02:01,795 --> 00:02:04,597
No, I don't want
to steal your thunder.
42
00:02:04,507 --> 00:02:06,642
Bathroom attendants...
I hate 'em!
43
00:02:06,580 --> 00:02:08,714
Just a bunch of crooks.
44
00:02:08,654 --> 00:02:10,522
Manny survives
off his tips.
45
00:02:10,472 --> 00:02:12,039
Survives... ha!
46
00:02:12,004 --> 00:02:14,805
They're just like
panhandlers.
47
00:02:14,715 --> 00:02:19,018
Half of 'em have mansions
out on long island.
48
00:02:18,861 --> 00:02:20,629
Yeah, Paul, according to Forbes,
49
00:02:20,585 --> 00:02:23,853
the three richest men in America
are bill gates, Warren buffet,
50
00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:25,243
and the guy on 31st street
51
00:02:25,209 --> 00:02:28,379
who screams, "gimme a dollar
or I'll drop my pants!"
52
00:02:28,272 --> 00:02:30,706
Now, finally,
Tuesday is the banquet
53
00:02:30,632 --> 00:02:33,735
honoring our own Carter Heywood
as activist of the year.
54
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:37,133
I just want
to let you people know
55
00:02:37,012 --> 00:02:39,947
that I don't do what I do
for the awards.
56
00:02:39,850 --> 00:02:42,586
Ah, this really comes
out of nowhere.
57
00:02:42,499 --> 00:02:44,267
It was a complete shock.
58
00:02:44,221 --> 00:02:46,523
Carter,
you nominated yourself,
59
00:02:46,455 --> 00:02:49,290
and you ran
a few months' smear campaign
60
00:02:49,197 --> 00:02:52,733
against your only competition,
sister carlita.
61
00:02:52,610 --> 00:02:55,378
You're either a nun
or an activist, Mike.
62
00:02:55,290 --> 00:02:56,624
You can't be both!
63
00:02:56,598 --> 00:03:01,402
The last thing you fought for
was a desk chair.
64
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:03,124
I just happen to do
my best protesting
65
00:03:03,073 --> 00:03:05,141
from an ergonomically balanced
position.
66
00:03:05,082 --> 00:03:06,684
I once got a chick
67
00:03:06,647 --> 00:03:09,949
in an ergonomically balanced
position.
68
00:03:09,836 --> 00:03:11,571
Then she sobered up,
69
00:03:11,527 --> 00:03:16,031
and I was just another loser
swinging from a harness.
70
00:03:15,865 --> 00:03:17,498
Oh, I was
looking for Caitlin.
71
00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:20,028
I have the schedule
of the mayor's campaign events.
72
00:03:19,948 --> 00:03:21,882
You can leave that with me.
73
00:03:21,830 --> 00:03:23,598
I was told
only to give it to Caitlin.
74
00:03:23,553 --> 00:03:24,920
Who told you that?
75
00:03:24,892 --> 00:03:25,892
Caitlin.
76
00:03:25,881 --> 00:03:27,882
Who you gonna listen to?
77
00:03:27,827 --> 00:03:29,661
[SNICKERS] Caitlin.
78
00:03:33,027 --> 00:03:36,229
Here are the transit papers.
79
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,995
Stuart, what's that?!
80
00:03:40,938 --> 00:03:42,839
A paperweight.
81
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:45,223
That's a
breast!
82
00:03:45,148 --> 00:03:47,717
This paperweight
looks nothing like a breast.
83
00:03:47,636 --> 00:03:50,671
Here, I'll prove it to you...
whip out one of yours.
84
00:03:50,570 --> 00:03:55,909
Caitlin, Stuart
has a breast on his desk.
85
00:03:55,707 --> 00:03:59,576
I was trying
to explain it's not a breast.
86
00:03:59,438 --> 00:04:02,407
It's a nonsexual,
abstract piece of art.
87
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,077
Oh, yeah?
Where'd you get it?
88
00:04:04,033 --> 00:04:06,367
The knocker locker.
89
00:04:12,837 --> 00:04:15,038
[WHISTLING]
90
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,702
Aah!
91
00:04:31,616 --> 00:04:33,750
That's not my purse!
92
00:04:33,689 --> 00:04:35,690
What are you doing?
93
00:04:35,635 --> 00:04:38,371
I'm looking for
the mayor's campaign schedule.
94
00:04:38,283 --> 00:04:39,717
Why don't you
just ask for it?
95
00:04:39,686 --> 00:04:41,453
Like you're just
gonna give it to me.
96
00:04:43,003 --> 00:04:45,372
Good.
97
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:48,769
Glad to see we're finally
being mature about this.
98
00:04:48,649 --> 00:04:50,817
Here's your mascara.
99
00:04:50,755 --> 00:04:53,390
Wait a minute...
this is written in code.
100
00:04:53,306 --> 00:04:54,673
It's not code, Mike.
101
00:04:54,647 --> 00:04:57,082
The mayor and I have developed
a sort of shorthand
102
00:04:57,007 --> 00:04:58,574
to help us be more efficient.
103
00:04:58,538 --> 00:05:00,740
He and I have had that
for years.
104
00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:02,076
Oh, Caitlin,
there you are.
105
00:05:02,047 --> 00:05:03,347
Oh, did you get my memo...
106
00:05:03,323 --> 00:05:05,158
cpdr13?
107
00:05:05,109 --> 00:05:07,878
Central park dog run
1:00 to 3:00.
108
00:05:07,789 --> 00:05:11,692
And this time, remind me
not to put the tennis ball
109
00:05:11,553 --> 00:05:13,354
in my trouser pocket.
110
00:05:14,806 --> 00:05:17,408
Hey, hey, b.F.
111
00:05:17,326 --> 00:05:18,694
What?
112
00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:21,769
B.F... Big fella.
113
00:05:21,665 --> 00:05:25,235
L.F... Little fella?
114
00:05:25,110 --> 00:05:26,978
I thought maybe later
115
00:05:27,088 --> 00:05:31,591
we'd get
some b. U.D... Weisers.
116
00:05:31,426 --> 00:05:33,593
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
117
00:05:35,317 --> 00:05:36,384
Here we go.
118
00:05:36,371 --> 00:05:37,738
Thanks, Manny.
119
00:05:37,710 --> 00:05:40,212
By the way, I love
the green urinal cakes.
120
00:05:42,336 --> 00:05:44,404
Very
classy.
121
00:06:05,654 --> 00:06:07,989
Hmm.
122
00:06:10,183 --> 00:06:12,384
No candy corn, huh?
123
00:06:14,266 --> 00:06:16,667
You know, they're not just
for Halloween, my friend.
124
00:06:16,594 --> 00:06:18,162
You know what would be nice,
125
00:06:18,126 --> 00:06:21,695
is, um...
126
00:06:21,570 --> 00:06:23,538
Some sliced fruit...
127
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,485
Or, uh, I don't know...
128
00:06:25,431 --> 00:06:27,666
finger sandwiches, maybe.
129
00:06:32,449 --> 00:06:34,851
I'll catch you
next ? time.
130
00:06:38,892 --> 00:06:42,227
Mike, you got a minute?
131
00:06:42,114 --> 00:06:43,381
Yeah, Carter.
132
00:06:43,358 --> 00:06:46,794
I think I've broken
Caitlin's code.
133
00:06:46,675 --> 00:06:48,709
Okay, see this... "fifen."
134
00:06:48,653 --> 00:06:50,654
It makes no sense, right?
135
00:06:50,599 --> 00:06:54,236
However, if you replace
all the f's with g's,
136
00:06:54,108 --> 00:06:56,076
swap the "I" for a "u"...
137
00:06:56,022 --> 00:06:59,124
Add the standard syllable
"heim"...
138
00:07:01,445 --> 00:07:07,517
...suddenly,
"fifen" becomes "gugenheim."
139
00:07:07,282 --> 00:07:11,085
Couldn't "fifen" just mean...
Congressman Barney fifen,
140
00:07:10,951 --> 00:07:13,953
who the mayor
is meeting with right now?
141
00:07:16,947 --> 00:07:19,382
At the gugenheim?
142
00:07:19,309 --> 00:07:21,042
No, in the pressroom.
143
00:07:20,999 --> 00:07:23,601
Oh, she is good.
She is very g ood.
144
00:07:23,519 --> 00:07:26,154
Mike, Mike...
I-I need to talk.
145
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:29,740
Make it fast, okay?
'Cause I gotta find the mayor.
146
00:07:29,612 --> 00:07:32,214
Nikki was right
this morning.
147
00:07:32,132 --> 00:07:34,634
I've totally lost my edge.
148
00:07:34,556 --> 00:07:36,323
Maybe I used to be
an activist,
149
00:07:36,278 --> 00:07:38,447
but now, whenever
I try to make a stand,
150
00:07:38,384 --> 00:07:40,418
someone always
talks me out of it.
151
00:07:40,362 --> 00:07:42,630
That's not true.
152
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:43,830
Yeah,
you're probably right.
153
00:07:43,807 --> 00:07:46,174
Wait, wait, wait!
Mike, Mike.
154
00:07:46,103 --> 00:07:47,638
This is important to me.
155
00:07:47,603 --> 00:07:50,605
I want to show the gay community
that I, uh...
156
00:07:50,505 --> 00:07:52,506
I stand out
here at city hall.
157
00:07:52,451 --> 00:07:56,155
Show them that mesh tank top
you wear on casual Fridays.
158
00:08:01,066 --> 00:08:02,567
Paul, I can't believe you!
159
00:08:02,534 --> 00:08:05,102
You're totally
taking advantage of Manny!
160
00:08:05,022 --> 00:08:06,389
Oh.
161
00:08:06,362 --> 00:08:10,498
That's preposterous!
162
00:08:10,350 --> 00:08:12,016
You better return
all this stuff,
163
00:08:11,976 --> 00:08:14,311
and if you want to use
the bathroom, tip Manny!
164
00:08:14,241 --> 00:08:16,376
Look, James,
I have principles!
165
00:08:16,314 --> 00:08:19,283
There are certain things in life
I will not pay for...
166
00:08:19,185 --> 00:08:22,687
parking, sex,
food, shelter!
167
00:08:25,118 --> 00:08:27,319
Stuart...
168
00:08:27,255 --> 00:08:31,025
Regarding the breast,
I put together a little file...
169
00:08:30,892 --> 00:08:35,163
let's just call them your
achievements here at city hall.
170
00:08:35,007 --> 00:08:37,308
Uh-oh.
171
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:41,811
"March 14... bondek arrives
at work wearing no pants."
172
00:08:41,642 --> 00:08:44,109
That was a special day.
173
00:08:44,034 --> 00:08:47,737
And eyewitness accounts suggest
it was also a very cold d ay.
174
00:08:49,935 --> 00:08:51,569
I want that breast gone.
175
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:55,901
Be careful about how you
interact with women here.
176
00:08:55,741 --> 00:08:57,375
What if I want to say
something nice?
177
00:08:57,336 --> 00:09:00,005
Well, according
to city-government protocol,
178
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:03,122
the only acceptable compliment
you can give a woman
179
00:09:03,014 --> 00:09:04,314
is "you look sharp."
180
00:09:04,290 --> 00:09:05,624
Understood?
181
00:09:05,598 --> 00:09:08,100
Absolutely.
182
00:09:08,022 --> 00:09:11,825
[SWEETLY]
Oh, Caitlin...
183
00:09:11,690 --> 00:09:13,458
You...
184
00:09:13,413 --> 00:09:15,681
Look sharp.
185
00:09:18,198 --> 00:09:22,568
You look so sharp...
186
00:09:22,408 --> 00:09:24,810
You make me feel sharp.
187
00:09:26,970 --> 00:09:28,971
Get out of the water,
188
00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:30,617
'cause here comes...
189
00:09:30,575 --> 00:09:32,576
A "sharp" attack!
190
00:09:36,221 --> 00:09:38,389
Where's the mayor?
191
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:41,295
He's in the middle
of an interview Caitlin set up.
192
00:09:41,198 --> 00:09:42,865
Another one.
That's it!
193
00:09:42,824 --> 00:09:46,260
I'm gonna show this reporter
who's really in charge...
194
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,735
uh, you know...
after the mayor.
195
00:09:47,648 --> 00:09:49,848
Uh, sir,
I just wanted to...
196
00:09:49,785 --> 00:09:53,421
ooh! An interview!
197
00:09:53,422 --> 00:09:56,024
Thanks for approving
that interview, Caitlin.
198
00:09:55,942 --> 00:09:58,144
Mike would never
have gone for that.
199
00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,748
Hey, the mayor being profiled
by the gay observe r
200
00:10:00,663 --> 00:10:02,231
it's a win-win.
201
00:10:02,194 --> 00:10:04,028
People
don't really understand
202
00:10:03,980 --> 00:10:06,982
just how close
the mayor and I really are.
203
00:10:08,765 --> 00:10:11,900
And I think it's time
they found out.
204
00:10:11,795 --> 00:10:14,363
Right, big fella?
205
00:10:14,284 --> 00:10:16,352
You said it, little fella.
206
00:10:17,346 --> 00:10:19,547
Somebody's
been working out.
207
00:10:23,406 --> 00:10:26,542
Working out... I don't have
the energy for that.
208
00:10:26,469 --> 00:10:28,670
You've seen me
in the mornings.
209
00:10:28,606 --> 00:10:31,642
I had no idea you guys
had this kind of relationship.
210
00:10:31,701 --> 00:10:33,002
A lot of people around here
211
00:10:32,977 --> 00:10:35,011
have been making
a lot of claims.
212
00:10:34,954 --> 00:10:37,857
So I'm just going to
bottom-line it for you, okay?
213
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:41,798
I am the guy...
Behind the guy.
214
00:10:44,365 --> 00:10:45,765
Hey, how about a picture?
215
00:10:45,736 --> 00:10:46,770
Perfect!
216
00:10:57,356 --> 00:10:59,324
Mike,
look at this headline!
217
00:10:59,269 --> 00:11:01,504
"The mayor comes out"!
218
00:11:01,471 --> 00:11:03,705
Sir,
if it's any consolation,
219
00:11:03,639 --> 00:11:07,576
I did talk them out of
"nobody's gayer than the mayor."
220
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,703
They're saying
that I'm a homosexual!
221
00:11:11,646 --> 00:11:14,948
This is the most horrible,
humiliating moment in my life!
222
00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:20,426
No offense, Carter.
223
00:11:20,354 --> 00:11:22,088
None taken.
224
00:11:22,045 --> 00:11:25,013
You?! I mean, sir,
t-they called me your boy toy.
225
00:11:24,915 --> 00:11:28,385
As if I came prancing into work
in a purple suit and a pink tie.
226
00:11:28,265 --> 00:11:29,832
No offense, Carter.
227
00:11:29,796 --> 00:11:31,797
None taken!
228
00:11:31,742 --> 00:11:33,476
I can't believe
they made us gay!
229
00:11:33,433 --> 00:11:34,801
First of all,
230
00:11:34,773 --> 00:11:37,008
you can't make someone gay...
231
00:11:36,942 --> 00:11:38,676
they're born that way.
232
00:11:38,632 --> 00:11:41,233
Or they...
Join the wrestling team,
233
00:11:41,152 --> 00:11:44,288
and... It's just
a matter of time.
234
00:11:44,183 --> 00:11:46,184
Randall...
235
00:11:46,129 --> 00:11:47,662
Boy toy.
236
00:11:49,032 --> 00:11:50,666
Shouldn't you
be calling reporters
237
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:52,660
trying to undo
the damage you've done?
238
00:11:52,604 --> 00:11:55,339
I tried.
Apparently, I lack credibility
239
00:11:55,253 --> 00:11:57,887
because I'm always "lying"
to them.
240
00:11:57,804 --> 00:11:59,939
Until this blows over,
the mayor and you
241
00:11:59,878 --> 00:12:02,278
probably shouldn't be seen
in public together.
242
00:12:02,206 --> 00:12:04,208
Yeah, you would like that,
wouldn't you?
243
00:12:04,152 --> 00:12:05,485
I think Caitlin
may be right.
244
00:12:05,460 --> 00:12:08,428
Sir, please, all we have to do
is put you in a series
245
00:12:08,331 --> 00:12:10,932
of very public,
very heterosexual situations,
246
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:14,053
thereby cleansing you
of any lingering gay... Residue.
247
00:12:16,529 --> 00:12:19,798
None taken!
248
00:12:22,494 --> 00:12:23,828
That's it!
249
00:12:23,802 --> 00:12:26,470
I've had enough.
I'm getting rid of it.
250
00:12:28,459 --> 00:12:32,129
[GRUNTING]
251
00:12:37,869 --> 00:12:40,771
What good is a paperweight
if it's glued to your desk?!
252
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:43,512
I think you just showed me.
253
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,154
Caitlin...
254
00:12:49,097 --> 00:12:54,368
I think it's time
we fight fire with fire...
255
00:12:58,603 --> 00:13:02,273
Little, uh,
paperweight of our own.
256
00:13:02,144 --> 00:13:03,244
Well!
257
00:13:03,228 --> 00:13:05,797
And this is supposed
to distract Stuart?
258
00:13:10,244 --> 00:13:13,112
It didn't look so big
in the store.
259
00:13:13,019 --> 00:13:15,487
What
store?
260
00:13:15,412 --> 00:13:18,848
Oh, Nikki,
can I ask you a question?
261
00:13:18,729 --> 00:13:20,229
Yes, sir.
262
00:13:23,833 --> 00:13:25,901
Do I seem gay to you?
263
00:13:27,182 --> 00:13:29,649
I mean,
I don't know why the press
264
00:13:29,574 --> 00:13:32,076
latches onto
things like this.
265
00:13:44,759 --> 00:13:49,363
Is there anything at all
about me that seems gay?
266
00:13:51,202 --> 00:13:53,569
No.
267
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:54,966
Thank you!
268
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:56,234
Oh, you know,
269
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:59,245
my ex-wife had this same
paperweight on her nightstand.
270
00:14:02,590 --> 00:14:05,459
Never any papers, though.
271
00:14:10,756 --> 00:14:12,957
Okay, now joining us
on "Monday night football"...
272
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:15,728
none other than the mayor of
New York City, Randall Winston,
273
00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:18,038
and next to him,
deputy mayor, Michael Flaherty.
274
00:14:17,965 --> 00:14:19,032
Welcome, guys.
275
00:14:19,017 --> 00:14:20,318
Thank you, boomer.
276
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:22,795
Boomer...
that's such a cool name.
277
00:14:22,718 --> 00:14:24,752
Uh, easy...
I-I'm married.
278
00:14:24,695 --> 00:14:26,663
As was the mayor...
279
00:14:26,609 --> 00:14:27,944
To a woman.
280
00:14:27,918 --> 00:14:29,952
And before that,
quite the womanizer...
281
00:14:29,896 --> 00:14:32,064
just sex, sex, sex
every chance he got...
282
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:33,468
But responsibly.
283
00:14:33,436 --> 00:14:36,338
I heard you played
a little high school football?
284
00:14:36,212 --> 00:14:37,378
He was
the star quarterback.
285
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,694
Until my senior year,
when I had to give it up.
286
00:14:39,624 --> 00:14:41,359
Was it a knee injury?
287
00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:42,648
Lead in "show boat."
288
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,518
Football just can't compare
289
00:14:44,473 --> 00:14:46,774
to the thrill
of musical theater.
290
00:14:46,705 --> 00:14:48,373
I'm sure.
291
00:14:48,333 --> 00:14:50,767
You were a tough kid,
though, right?
292
00:14:50,693 --> 00:14:51,660
IWas...
293
00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:52,851
In "West Side story."
294
00:14:52,831 --> 00:14:54,098
I was a jet.
295
00:14:54,075 --> 00:14:56,175
Unfortunately, me too.
296
00:14:56,116 --> 00:14:59,952
And when you're a jet,
you're a jet
297
00:14:59,817 --> 00:15:02,284
all the way
from your first cigarette
298
00:15:02,209 --> 00:15:04,043
to your last dying day
299
00:15:03,995 --> 00:15:05,530
boo doo-be-do da
300
00:15:05,495 --> 00:15:06,828
boo doo-be-do...
301
00:15:10,216 --> 00:15:11,983
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
302
00:15:11,938 --> 00:15:13,439
Mike Flaherty's office.
303
00:15:13,406 --> 00:15:16,375
[IMITATING WOMAN]
Hello, is Manny there?
304
00:15:16,277 --> 00:15:19,179
This is Mrs... Manny.
305
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,486
Oh, hold one second.
I'll get him.
306
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,956
Out of my way, junior!
This morning,
307
00:15:37,872 --> 00:15:41,675
Starbucks was giving away free
samples of Madagascar melody!
308
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,175
I had 12!
309
00:15:43,136 --> 00:15:44,136
You know the rules.
310
00:15:44,124 --> 00:15:46,926
Yeah, well,
I don't pee by the rules!
311
00:15:46,837 --> 00:15:48,437
Don't make me use this.
312
00:15:48,399 --> 00:15:50,033
What are you gonna do,
deodorize me?
313
00:15:49,994 --> 00:15:53,129
Ow! Ow!
My eyes! My eyes!
314
00:15:53,025 --> 00:15:54,658
Nice work, James.
315
00:15:54,619 --> 00:15:56,953
I'll take it from here.
316
00:15:56,883 --> 00:16:01,187
Let's see how tough
you are now... Mint stealer!
317
00:16:06,708 --> 00:16:07,942
Oh!
318
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:09,255
"Monday night football"...
319
00:16:09,229 --> 00:16:10,629
nice work, Mike.
320
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,735
Now the mayor's
not just gay in New York,
321
00:16:12,675 --> 00:16:14,876
he's gay in 70 countries
around the world.
322
00:16:14,811 --> 00:16:17,112
He's like the visa card
of gay people.
323
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:19,379
Yeah, well,
on the upside, uh,
324
00:16:19,308 --> 00:16:23,612
he was offered the role
of kenickie in "grease on ice."
325
00:16:23,456 --> 00:16:24,490
Oh, there he is.
326
00:16:24,477 --> 00:16:26,044
Carter, as guest of honor,
327
00:16:26,008 --> 00:16:28,509
you're seated at table 1
with the mayor.
328
00:16:28,401 --> 00:16:30,167
Hey, welcome
to the big time, Carter.
329
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:32,524
Not that there's anything wrong
with the other tables.
330
00:16:32,451 --> 00:16:33,719
There's no hierarchy here.
331
00:16:33,695 --> 00:16:35,228
Mike, you're at table 9.
332
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,496
The loser table?!
333
00:16:37,427 --> 00:16:38,962
You can't sit
with the mayor.
334
00:16:38,927 --> 00:16:40,828
Everyone will think
you're his date.
335
00:16:40,777 --> 00:16:43,979
All right.
I see your point.
336
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,805
For the record,
though, uh...
337
00:16:45,753 --> 00:16:47,754
He could do a lot worse.
338
00:16:47,698 --> 00:16:51,735
I don't know, Caitlin,
I, uh...
339
00:16:51,590 --> 00:16:53,691
I feel like a fraud
being here.
340
00:16:53,632 --> 00:16:55,399
I rarely speak out anymore,
341
00:16:55,354 --> 00:16:57,956
and when I do,
nobody really listens.
342
00:16:57,875 --> 00:17:00,443
I don't know.
I think it's some kind of fish.
343
00:17:02,053 --> 00:17:05,055
Looks like we both
got stuck at the loser table.
344
00:17:04,956 --> 00:17:06,957
This is not the loser table.
345
00:17:06,871 --> 00:17:09,839
This is the "young
mover and shaker" table.
346
00:17:10,889 --> 00:17:13,858
Oh, great...
the loser table!
347
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,269
We're both businessmen.
Let's make a deal.
348
00:17:21,158 --> 00:17:24,326
You let me use the bathroom
free of charge,
349
00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:27,723
I'll hook you up with
this guy down in Chinatown...
350
00:17:27,602 --> 00:17:29,870
he brews his own old spice.
351
00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:35,553
Stings a little,
but it's a nickel a gallon.
352
00:17:35,386 --> 00:17:37,220
Hmm...
353
00:17:37,171 --> 00:17:39,672
I'm listening.
354
00:17:39,819 --> 00:17:41,286
I can't believe this.
355
00:17:41,254 --> 00:17:43,122
Everybody thinks I'm gay.
356
00:17:43,073 --> 00:17:45,641
Caitlin is up there
attached to the mayor's hip,
357
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,228
and I'm stuck
at the loser table.
358
00:17:47,187 --> 00:17:49,221
You said this was
the cool table.
359
00:17:49,165 --> 00:17:52,300
James, wake up
and smell the bathroom guy.
360
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,430
Carter...
361
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,432
You got to
help me out, okay?
362
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:59,110
As the most prominent gay member
of this administration...
363
00:17:59,022 --> 00:18:00,990
Mike, I'm the only gay member.
364
00:18:00,936 --> 00:18:02,770
No, mark in accounting
came out.
365
00:18:02,722 --> 00:18:04,623
I knew it!
366
00:18:04,573 --> 00:18:05,873
I need you to go up there
367
00:18:05,849 --> 00:18:08,316
and tell everybody
the mayor and I are not gay.
368
00:18:08,241 --> 00:18:10,609
You're the only one
they're gonna believe.
369
00:18:10,538 --> 00:18:12,705
You want to let them know
you're straight?
370
00:18:12,643 --> 00:18:15,378
Just show them
how you dance.
371
00:18:15,290 --> 00:18:18,226
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen...
372
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:19,663
What do you say, Carter?
373
00:18:19,629 --> 00:18:20,996
...our city's activists,
374
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:24,104
and tonight's guest of honor,
Carter Heywood!
375
00:18:30,602 --> 00:18:32,904
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
376
00:18:32,835 --> 00:18:34,435
Thank you for this award.
377
00:18:34,398 --> 00:18:36,365
It's a...
378
00:18:36,312 --> 00:18:39,681
it's a great honor,
and now I need to live up to it.
379
00:18:39,566 --> 00:18:41,299
Believe it or not,
380
00:18:41,257 --> 00:18:44,926
the mayor was so alarmed
at being mistaken for gay
381
00:18:44,798 --> 00:18:48,300
that I was asked
to come up here and deny it.
382
00:18:50,061 --> 00:18:54,064
Well, I may work at city hall,
but I don't work for city hall.
383
00:18:55,515 --> 00:18:56,950
Stay strong.
384
00:18:56,919 --> 00:19:00,588
Carter Heywood... Is back.
385
00:19:00,460 --> 00:19:02,126
[APPLAUSE]
386
00:19:07,223 --> 00:19:10,224
Wow!
387
00:19:10,125 --> 00:19:13,827
Powerful... Powerful stuff.
388
00:19:13,698 --> 00:19:16,332
So, to sum up, uh...
389
00:19:16,249 --> 00:19:19,486
The mayor and I...
390
00:19:19,376 --> 00:19:21,344
not gay.
391
00:19:22,438 --> 00:19:24,038
Nice spin, Mike.
392
00:19:24,001 --> 00:19:26,068
I guess I'm back
at the mayor's table.
393
00:19:26,010 --> 00:19:27,411
Oh, this is silly...
394
00:19:27,382 --> 00:19:30,083
us competing to see
who can be closer to the mayor.
395
00:19:29,998 --> 00:19:33,867
Maybe you're
competing. I'm not competing.
396
00:19:40,142 --> 00:19:41,876
I'm closer.
397
00:19:51,211 --> 00:19:55,248
Well, Stuart...
398
00:19:55,104 --> 00:19:56,270
[CRASH]
399
00:19:57,656 --> 00:20:00,825
Looks like you can kiss
your paperweight goodbye.
400
00:20:00,718 --> 00:20:03,052
And we don't mean that
literally.
401
00:20:02,983 --> 00:20:05,017
[SIGHS]
402
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:13,152
They sell them in
pairs.
403
00:20:18,102 --> 00:20:19,436
Duh!
404
00:21:15,355 --> 00:21:17,957
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
405
00:21:17,958 --> 00:21:19,025
(BARKING)
406
00:21:19,075 --> 00:21:23,625
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