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1
00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:03,468
The press is killing me!
2
00:00:03,387 --> 00:00:05,823
They say I'm allowing
films to be shot in New York
3
00:00:05,715 --> 00:00:08,650
that are immoral, sexual,
and gratuitously violent.
4
00:00:08,514 --> 00:00:11,182
Am I?
5
00:00:11,061 --> 00:00:12,728
Last year we did
see the empire
6
00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:13,932
state building blown up,
7
00:00:13,892 --> 00:00:16,460
and wall street was taken out
by a tidal wave.
8
00:00:16,344 --> 00:00:18,546
And that movie
about the deranged cabby
9
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:20,520
who drove
through bloomingdale's.
10
00:00:20,433 --> 00:00:23,602
They were plugging that
last night on channel 7.
11
00:00:23,453 --> 00:00:25,921
That was the news.
12
00:00:27,698 --> 00:00:29,599
Anyway, sir,
I put together a tape
13
00:00:29,522 --> 00:00:32,024
of some of the more
objectionable r-rated material
14
00:00:31,912 --> 00:00:33,646
that's been shot in New York.
15
00:00:36,157 --> 00:00:38,258
Here we go.
16
00:00:38,170 --> 00:00:40,972
[WOMAN MOANING]
17
00:00:40,843 --> 00:00:43,512
[MONOTONE]
This is an outrage.
18
00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:48,395
I almost can't bear to watch
this dirty, dirty movie.
19
00:00:48,140 --> 00:00:49,440
I-I could stop...
20
00:00:49,398 --> 00:00:50,531
no, no.
21
00:00:50,498 --> 00:00:55,203
I want to let
the outrage grow.
22
00:00:59,367 --> 00:01:02,169
Unless you want
to stop, Mike.
23
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:03,107
Oh, no, sir.
24
00:01:03,078 --> 00:01:05,814
I can't let you suffer
alone.
25
00:01:05,689 --> 00:01:07,389
You know,
I might suffer more
26
00:01:07,323 --> 00:01:09,158
if you just lean back
a little.
27
00:01:09,085 --> 00:01:12,087
Sorry.
28
00:01:12,168 --> 00:01:16,004
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
29
00:01:40,179 --> 00:01:44,382
Why did you have this high-tech
security system installed?
30
00:01:44,174 --> 00:01:46,309
I'm running for senate now.
I'm a target.
31
00:01:46,218 --> 00:01:48,919
Why, just this morning
I received a death threat!
32
00:01:48,796 --> 00:01:50,498
Well, in all fairness, sir,
33
00:01:50,432 --> 00:01:53,868
your ex-wife sends you
one of those every Tuesday.
34
00:01:53,703 --> 00:01:56,505
Caitlin thought the security
measures were necessary.
35
00:01:56,376 --> 00:01:57,476
Good morning.
36
00:01:57,445 --> 00:02:01,248
Nice work. What are you
gonna do after lunch,
37
00:02:01,061 --> 00:02:02,763
dig a moat
around Paul's office?
38
00:02:02,697 --> 00:02:04,231
Sounds great,
39
00:02:04,175 --> 00:02:06,843
but we'll need a troll
to man the drawbridge.
40
00:02:06,722 --> 00:02:08,356
Are you available?
41
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:11,430
Ah, you two
ribbing each other...
42
00:02:11,282 --> 00:02:13,351
reminds me of my parents...
43
00:02:15,372 --> 00:02:17,573
...minus the gin...
44
00:02:17,478 --> 00:02:21,481
And the home-wrecking
au pair.
45
00:02:21,284 --> 00:02:22,850
I had the system installed
46
00:02:22,793 --> 00:02:25,161
because we're in a
national campaign now,
47
00:02:25,058 --> 00:02:28,560
and we had highly sensitive
material in this office.
48
00:02:28,391 --> 00:02:29,491
Like what?
49
00:02:29,461 --> 00:02:31,595
Yeah. Like what?
50
00:02:31,505 --> 00:02:34,440
Well, sir, there's that...
Thing we talked about.
51
00:02:34,303 --> 00:02:36,705
Oh, right, right.
52
00:02:36,599 --> 00:02:37,999
Right.
53
00:02:37,951 --> 00:02:39,585
What thing?
54
00:02:39,524 --> 00:02:41,058
The senate business
55
00:02:41,002 --> 00:02:43,838
you suggested we refer to
as "the thing"?
56
00:02:43,707 --> 00:02:46,709
Oh, the secret background checks
on my staff.
57
00:02:46,569 --> 00:02:51,773
You ordered background checks
and you didn't tell me?
58
00:02:51,506 --> 00:02:53,675
You probably shouldn't have
mentioned "the thing"
59
00:02:53,582 --> 00:02:54,582
in front of Mike.
60
00:02:55,406 --> 00:02:56,773
I demand to see my file.
61
00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:59,612
No one sees their file,
not even the mayor.
62
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,487
Sir, this is
a violation of privacy.
63
00:03:01,407 --> 00:03:03,808
You can't possibly be okay
with this.
64
00:03:03,702 --> 00:03:05,903
Mike,
when it comes to my past,
65
00:03:05,809 --> 00:03:07,810
I'm on a need-to-know basis.
66
00:03:09,646 --> 00:03:13,416
Stuart, I want you and Carter
to meet me in my office at 2:15.
67
00:03:13,232 --> 00:03:15,867
2:15? What's 2:15?
68
00:03:15,747 --> 00:03:17,648
Uh, uh, 2:15...
69
00:03:17,571 --> 00:03:21,842
Is, uh, my favorite verse
in the book of John.
70
00:03:22,855 --> 00:03:24,856
"Be good, John."
71
00:03:24,773 --> 00:03:27,075
"Johnny b. Goode."
72
00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,377
"Go, Johnny, go."
73
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,512
Amen.
Amen.
74
00:03:33,894 --> 00:03:35,962
I'm gonna run through
all the film permits
75
00:03:35,875 --> 00:03:37,342
that are being considered,
76
00:03:37,291 --> 00:03:39,358
flag anything
that seems objectionable.
77
00:03:39,271 --> 00:03:41,239
Are you aware
that when I was in college
78
00:03:41,158 --> 00:03:43,259
I made a student film?
79
00:03:43,172 --> 00:03:47,942
The Yale daily news
called it "an incoherent mess."
80
00:03:49,461 --> 00:03:52,397
Even back then,
nobody got me.
81
00:03:52,260 --> 00:03:55,495
The first one is about
a puppy lost in the city.
82
00:03:55,343 --> 00:03:56,809
It's too mainstream.
83
00:03:56,757 --> 00:03:59,325
An upper-east-side remake
of a French farce?
84
00:03:59,211 --> 00:04:01,712
Bor-ing.
85
00:04:01,758 --> 00:04:03,192
Sir, we're supposed
to be screening
86
00:04:03,142 --> 00:04:04,876
for violence
and sexual content.
87
00:04:05,420 --> 00:04:07,988
James,
this city needs a hit!
88
00:04:07,874 --> 00:04:11,309
We're still reeling
from "Godzilla."
89
00:04:11,144 --> 00:04:14,547
"Sexy singles looking for love"?
Seen it.
90
00:04:14,383 --> 00:04:16,251
"Pregnant daughter,
sick mother"?
91
00:04:16,176 --> 00:04:18,144
Chick flick.
92
00:04:18,063 --> 00:04:20,699
"A killer computer virus
downloads into humans
93
00:04:20,579 --> 00:04:22,012
and liquefies their organs."
94
00:04:21,963 --> 00:04:23,697
Hold it.
95
00:04:23,629 --> 00:04:26,364
Did you say
"killer computer virus"?
96
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,573
Yeah.
97
00:04:27,530 --> 00:04:31,399
Son, let's make a picture!
98
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:35,918
You want us to break into
the mayor's office tonight
99
00:04:35,768 --> 00:04:38,170
and copy
Caitlin's background checks?
100
00:04:38,065 --> 00:04:39,232
I know it sounds devious,
101
00:04:39,197 --> 00:04:41,331
but until we know
what she's got on us,
102
00:04:41,242 --> 00:04:44,544
we're gonna be at the mercy
of that fascist in high heels.
103
00:04:44,386 --> 00:04:45,686
Whoa.
104
00:04:47,531 --> 00:04:51,668
Vegas flashback.
105
00:04:53,506 --> 00:04:56,442
Carter, I need your help.
106
00:04:56,305 --> 00:04:57,638
Huh. I see...
107
00:04:57,595 --> 00:05:01,331
"need a break-in, get a
black man to help."
108
00:05:05,131 --> 00:05:08,334
"Black people know
all about committing crimes!"
109
00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:09,683
I didn't say that.
110
00:05:09,629 --> 00:05:10,863
Don't be so sensitive.
111
00:05:10,824 --> 00:05:13,159
"Ooh,
gay man's too sensitive!"
112
00:05:13,057 --> 00:05:15,258
If it's all
so offensive to you,
113
00:05:15,164 --> 00:05:16,398
fine, don't help.
114
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,961
No, no, sounds cool.
I'm in.
115
00:05:18,844 --> 00:05:20,778
Stuart, this is really...
116
00:05:20,699 --> 00:05:23,300
Mike,
you had me at "devious."
117
00:05:25,039 --> 00:05:27,708
Thanks, guys.
118
00:05:27,586 --> 00:05:29,921
She obviously wouldn't
be going to such lengths
119
00:05:29,820 --> 00:05:31,687
if she didn't have
something on me.
120
00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:33,073
You?
121
00:05:33,027 --> 00:05:35,496
My
File is gonna be thick.
122
00:05:35,386 --> 00:05:39,289
"The man" is watching me.
123
00:05:39,096 --> 00:05:42,532
"The man"
wants to bring me down.
124
00:05:42,368 --> 00:05:44,902
Carter, the only thing
"the man" wants to do
125
00:05:44,789 --> 00:05:46,156
is buy you a daiquiri.
126
00:05:48,594 --> 00:05:51,897
Our main problem is Caitlin.
She always stays late.
127
00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:53,741
Hey, I'm here
for the 2:15 meeting.
128
00:05:53,658 --> 00:05:55,359
You know what?
This is the 2:30.
129
00:05:55,293 --> 00:05:57,361
The 2:15 has been moved
to when you have
130
00:05:57,275 --> 00:05:59,309
that, uh, thing
you can't get out of.
131
00:05:59,224 --> 00:06:00,591
My 6:00 dentist appointment?
132
00:06:00,546 --> 00:06:01,746
There you go.
133
00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:03,710
Too bad.
We could have used you.
134
00:06:10,074 --> 00:06:11,575
Hey, Nikki.
135
00:06:11,521 --> 00:06:13,555
Uh, listen...
136
00:06:13,471 --> 00:06:18,075
Uh, now that you and I are
in a "holding pattern"...
137
00:06:17,842 --> 00:06:20,978
you mean "broken up
for all eternity"?
138
00:06:20,830 --> 00:06:24,966
You say "tomato,"
I say "holding pattern."
139
00:06:24,761 --> 00:06:26,596
What do you want, Mike?
140
00:06:26,523 --> 00:06:30,125
I-I was just wondering,
you know,
141
00:06:29,950 --> 00:06:32,051
with me... Gone, um...
142
00:06:31,962 --> 00:06:36,967
Do you still have your big
Tuesday girls' night out?
143
00:06:36,712 --> 00:06:38,046
No, um, actually,
144
00:06:38,001 --> 00:06:40,136
tonight I have a date
with a surgeon
145
00:06:40,046 --> 00:06:42,180
who is taking me
to the rainbow room.
146
00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:43,891
Got your three messages,
Nikki.
147
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,721
We are on for
girls' night out.
148
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,625
Why don't you invite...
Caitlin to come?
149
00:06:50,487 --> 00:06:54,823
Or, um, I could smear honey
all over my body
150
00:06:54,607 --> 00:06:57,275
and lie down on an anthill.
151
00:06:57,155 --> 00:07:01,057
I was with you
till the anthill.
152
00:07:00,864 --> 00:07:03,733
Caitlin is
not coming to girls' night.
153
00:07:03,601 --> 00:07:06,837
Oh, so I-I guess
that answers the question,
154
00:07:06,684 --> 00:07:08,551
"is Caitlin coming
to girls' night?"
155
00:07:08,475 --> 00:07:10,309
Girls' night?
156
00:07:10,237 --> 00:07:12,038
I-I'm sorry.
157
00:07:11,967 --> 00:07:14,368
My voice carries.
158
00:07:14,263 --> 00:07:16,097
Now she's gonna think
159
00:07:16,023 --> 00:07:17,925
you want her to come!
160
00:07:17,848 --> 00:07:19,982
Great! I'll cancel my date.
161
00:07:19,892 --> 00:07:21,225
You don't have to.
162
00:07:21,181 --> 00:07:24,184
That's okay. I am
so sick of the rainbow room.
163
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,811
I can't believe we're
breaking into our offices!
164
00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:36,349
Relax. It probably doesn't
even break the penal code.
165
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,267
What code?
166
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:43,429
You never listen.
I said penal... penal!
167
00:07:44,358 --> 00:07:46,726
So, "operation
Mike, Carter, and Stuart
168
00:07:46,623 --> 00:07:48,590
"break
into the mayor's office
169
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,716
to copy Caitlin's
background checks" begins.
170
00:07:50,719 --> 00:07:54,822
I give you all day,
you come up with that?
171
00:07:54,618 --> 00:07:56,286
So, Mike...
172
00:07:56,222 --> 00:07:59,325
How exactly are you supposed
to get from here...
173
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,912
Into there?
174
00:08:00,845 --> 00:08:04,080
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
175
00:08:05,614 --> 00:08:07,616
How cool is this?!
176
00:08:13,885 --> 00:08:16,387
You, uh, copying
the background checks?
177
00:08:16,276 --> 00:08:18,444
No, I found
Caitlin's yearbook.
178
00:08:18,351 --> 00:08:20,553
Man, I miss
high school chicks.
179
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:23,594
To be 30 again.
180
00:08:23,446 --> 00:08:25,748
Listen, we got
a lot of copying to do.
181
00:08:25,648 --> 00:08:27,349
We don't have time
to get distracted
182
00:08:27,283 --> 00:08:29,685
by a bunch of teenage...
holy crap!
183
00:08:29,579 --> 00:08:31,981
What, did she go
to "hot high"?
184
00:08:31,875 --> 00:08:34,744
Only one page?
185
00:08:34,611 --> 00:08:37,620
Where's
all my badass activities?
186
00:08:37,635 --> 00:08:40,504
Someone's coming!
187
00:08:40,689 --> 00:08:42,957
Quick... everybody freeze!
188
00:08:47,073 --> 00:08:49,874
I probably
should have said "hide."
189
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,513
I knew something fishy
was going on
190
00:08:51,445 --> 00:08:53,612
when no one showed up
for the 6:00 meeting!
191
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,154
Why do you guys
always freeze me
192
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:59,605
out of your poker games
and your Bible groups?!
193
00:08:59,432 --> 00:09:02,501
Why don't you include me
in anything?
194
00:09:02,357 --> 00:09:04,959
We're breaking in
to copy Caitlin's files.
195
00:09:04,842 --> 00:09:07,176
We were afraid
you might freak out.
196
00:09:07,074 --> 00:09:08,475
Oh, my God!!
197
00:09:08,427 --> 00:09:10,528
You're breaking in?!
198
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:13,975
Oh, my God,
that freaks me out!!
199
00:09:13,805 --> 00:09:16,040
Paul, security
is right downstairs!
200
00:09:15,943 --> 00:09:18,644
Security
is right downstairs!!
201
00:09:18,522 --> 00:09:20,256
Paul...
202
00:09:20,188 --> 00:09:23,190
Would it help
if I slapped you?
203
00:09:23,051 --> 00:09:25,052
No. [BREATHES HEAVILY]
204
00:09:25,724 --> 00:09:27,124
Ow!
205
00:09:30,441 --> 00:09:32,042
So...
206
00:09:31,982 --> 00:09:35,184
I'm doing a summer program
at Harvard,
207
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,567
and this geek, bill,
comes to my room,
208
00:09:37,455 --> 00:09:39,923
and he says
he's starting a company.
209
00:09:39,814 --> 00:09:41,548
I just made $500 modeling,
210
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:42,880
and I gave it to him.
211
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,400
Two years later, boom...
212
00:09:44,342 --> 00:09:47,211
I'm a founding shareholder
in Microsoft.
213
00:09:47,078 --> 00:09:48,245
So, yes,
214
00:09:48,211 --> 00:09:52,013
to answer your question,
I have been to Seattle.
215
00:09:51,828 --> 00:09:54,496
So, who needs another drink?
216
00:10:07,647 --> 00:10:10,015
Okay, Paul,
217
00:10:09,911 --> 00:10:13,013
if we take off the gag,
will you scream?
218
00:10:15,509 --> 00:10:17,109
Can I help you
with anything, Mike?
219
00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:20,018
Yeah, Stuart. Why don't you
beat me with a stick
220
00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:22,080
and see if candy
flies out my butt?
221
00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:26,242
All right, mission accomplished.
Lift me up!
222
00:10:26,138 --> 00:10:29,707
Wheeeeee!
223
00:10:30,982 --> 00:10:32,282
Paul!
224
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,142
I got it under control.
I don't need this thing anymore.
225
00:11:00,606 --> 00:11:02,507
Ohhhhh!
226
00:11:02,431 --> 00:11:04,732
[ALARM BLARES]
227
00:11:07,683 --> 00:11:09,384
Oh, my God, sir!
What happened?
228
00:11:09,319 --> 00:11:12,554
There was a break-in, Mike.
But how could you tell?
229
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,935
It's your face, sir.
230
00:11:14,822 --> 00:11:18,157
There was an innocence there
that's... that's...
231
00:11:17,999 --> 00:11:20,767
Lost.
232
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,641
D-d-d-don't touch
anything.
233
00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:24,860
The police will be here
in an hour to dust for prints.
234
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,394
An hour?
235
00:11:26,333 --> 00:11:30,102
Well, sir, the, uh, place
could be contaminated by then.
236
00:11:29,917 --> 00:11:33,186
You know
what I'm gonna do?
237
00:11:33,031 --> 00:11:36,399
I'm gonna call them...
238
00:11:36,239 --> 00:11:38,573
And I'm gonna give them...
239
00:11:38,472 --> 00:11:40,272
A piece of my mind.
240
00:11:40,201 --> 00:11:42,903
W-w-what did they take
anyway?
241
00:11:42,780 --> 00:11:44,981
Nothing, but my files
were rearranged,
242
00:11:44,887 --> 00:11:47,356
and the evidence
indicates an inside j ob.
243
00:11:47,246 --> 00:11:49,147
Or...
244
00:11:49,070 --> 00:11:53,107
Is that what they want you
to think?
245
00:11:52,907 --> 00:11:55,208
To review,
246
00:11:55,108 --> 00:11:57,976
let's eliminate insiders
as suspects
247
00:11:57,844 --> 00:12:00,846
and narrow our search...
248
00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:06,574
...to everybody else.
249
00:12:06,430 --> 00:12:07,730
? Mike...
250
00:12:07,688 --> 00:12:09,521
All due respect,
but you're ranting
251
00:12:09,449 --> 00:12:11,383
like an idiot
in search of a village.
252
00:12:11,305 --> 00:12:14,040
But I do think
we should keep this quiet.
253
00:12:13,915 --> 00:12:16,550
I'll lead
the investigation.
254
00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:18,398
You? No, no, you...
no, no, you...
255
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,267
you're in the middle
of a whole refiling nightmare.
256
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,927
No, no, sir, I'll carry
the ball on this one.
257
00:12:24,801 --> 00:12:27,169
You find
this backstabbing layabout!
258
00:12:27,065 --> 00:12:28,798
I want him behind bars,
259
00:12:28,731 --> 00:12:32,034
where bad things
will happen to him!
260
00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:34,912
Wow, sir,
when that innocence goes,
261
00:12:34,770 --> 00:12:36,705
it, uh, really goes.
262
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:44,731
Stuart,
I hope you don't mind,
263
00:12:44,677 --> 00:12:46,778
but I'll be joining Mike
in his investigation.
264
00:12:46,689 --> 00:12:48,390
Sweet.
265
00:12:48,325 --> 00:12:50,960
Be thorough.
266
00:12:50,841 --> 00:12:53,442
I'm crafty.
267
00:12:57,162 --> 00:12:59,497
Stuart, sit down.
268
00:12:59,394 --> 00:13:02,863
All right, where were you
last night at 9:00?
269
00:13:02,696 --> 00:13:04,731
Cooking dinner
with Carter.
270
00:13:04,646 --> 00:13:08,082
We made flautas.
271
00:13:07,918 --> 00:13:10,052
What exactly is a flauta?
272
00:13:09,962 --> 00:13:12,697
It's a delicious
Mexican entree
273
00:13:12,572 --> 00:13:17,242
consisting of chicken
baked in a light flour shell.
274
00:13:17,007 --> 00:13:20,609
And I suppose Carter
will corroborate your story?
275
00:13:20,434 --> 00:13:22,836
It's a delicious
Mexican entree
276
00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:27,034
consisting of chicken
baked in a light flour shell.
277
00:13:26,819 --> 00:13:28,653
All right, then what?
278
00:13:28,579 --> 00:13:31,048
We did the dishes.
It was 9:44.
279
00:13:30,938 --> 00:13:33,039
I remember the time
280
00:13:32,952 --> 00:13:36,020
because Carter
looked at the clock and said,
281
00:13:35,875 --> 00:13:38,177
"hey, it's 9:44."
282
00:13:39,430 --> 00:13:41,664
"That number
always gives me the creeps."
283
00:13:41,568 --> 00:13:44,837
Why does 944
always give me the creeps?
284
00:13:44,682 --> 00:13:46,550
Well, it reminds me
285
00:13:46,474 --> 00:13:50,143
of my tragic experience
aboard flight 944.
286
00:13:51,883 --> 00:13:54,218
What happened
up there, Carter?
287
00:13:54,116 --> 00:13:56,417
They lost my luggage.
288
00:13:58,780 --> 00:14:02,283
I spent a whole week
in Glasgow
289
00:14:02,115 --> 00:14:05,083
with one pair of underwear.
290
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,380
Why didn't he just buy
another pair of underwear?
291
00:14:07,272 --> 00:14:09,307
Well, it turns out...
292
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:13,759
You cannot get Calvin klein
in all of Scotland!
293
00:14:13,531 --> 00:14:15,198
Thank you, Carter.
294
00:14:15,134 --> 00:14:18,270
Sorry to make you
relive that nightmare.
295
00:14:19,884 --> 00:14:23,120
Well, throw some astronauts
into that alibi
296
00:14:22,966 --> 00:14:25,701
and launch that baby
into space,
297
00:14:25,576 --> 00:14:27,444
'cause it is airtight!
298
00:14:27,368 --> 00:14:29,269
Well, Michael,
if you ask me,
299
00:14:29,193 --> 00:14:31,026
it was a little
too airtight,
300
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:32,588
a little rehearsed.
301
00:14:32,526 --> 00:14:35,761
Maybe what's rehearsed
is your guilt.
302
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:38,210
Right, Michael, I snuck away
from Nikki and janelle
303
00:14:38,092 --> 00:14:40,193
and broke in to my
own file cabinet
304
00:14:40,106 --> 00:14:42,407
and took documents
that I can look at any time.
305
00:14:42,307 --> 00:14:45,176
Must feel good
to get that off your chest.
306
00:14:46,509 --> 00:14:47,877
Look, you're the director,
307
00:14:47,830 --> 00:14:51,000
and we all respect your vision
for "serialkiller.Com."
308
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,969
All we're asking
is that you cut 6 eye-gougings,
309
00:14:53,831 --> 00:14:56,333
8 dismemberments,
and 42 decapitations.
310
00:14:56,221 --> 00:14:58,956
Oh, and lose
the Kenny loggins theme song.
311
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,903
Guys, the posters
are already printed...
312
00:15:02,722 --> 00:15:04,890
"death downloads
this Christmas."
313
00:15:04,798 --> 00:15:06,699
Death!
314
00:15:06,622 --> 00:15:08,056
I speak for the mayor
when I say
315
00:15:08,006 --> 00:15:09,974
he won't let this city
serve as a backdrop
316
00:15:09,894 --> 00:15:11,560
for your gratuitous filth.
317
00:15:11,497 --> 00:15:13,197
How would you
like a part in my film?
318
00:15:13,132 --> 00:15:15,835
I'm in.
319
00:15:15,711 --> 00:15:18,146
That's the last night we ever
spend with Caitlin.
320
00:15:18,038 --> 00:15:19,171
Yeah.
321
00:15:19,139 --> 00:15:22,007
She even takes the fun
out of drinking.
322
00:15:21,876 --> 00:15:23,810
Oh, there you are!
323
00:15:23,731 --> 00:15:25,731
I am so sorry
about last night.
324
00:15:25,649 --> 00:15:27,684
I'm not very good
at bonding with women.
325
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,567
Maybe I spend so much time
with men,
326
00:15:29,487 --> 00:15:31,220
I'm starting
to act like one.
327
00:15:31,152 --> 00:15:34,221
Anyway, I got you flowers.
328
00:15:34,078 --> 00:15:36,647
Oh, that's okay, Caitlin.
We just didn't hit it off.
329
00:15:36,531 --> 00:15:38,932
Everyone doesn't have to
hang out with everyone.
330
00:15:38,827 --> 00:15:41,394
I'm doing it again...
I'm trying to smooth things over
331
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,715
with flowers and a weekend
on my friend's yacht. Ohh!
332
00:15:43,607 --> 00:15:46,576
Hold up. Yacht?
333
00:15:46,437 --> 00:15:48,238
I know...
I am just making it worse!
334
00:15:48,167 --> 00:15:50,536
It's so pathetic... like
that would make you like me.
335
00:15:50,432 --> 00:15:52,199
Forget I said anything.
336
00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:57,282
Wow! Can you believe her?
337
00:15:57,193 --> 00:15:59,027
Thinking she can buy us
with gifts.
338
00:15:58,954 --> 00:16:00,788
I'm gonna go put these
in water.
339
00:16:00,716 --> 00:16:02,517
Why bother?
340
00:16:02,445 --> 00:16:05,814
They're just gonna die
when we're on that yacht.
341
00:16:05,653 --> 00:16:07,254
Oh, Caitlin!
342
00:16:08,955 --> 00:16:11,022
Caitlin knows?!
343
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:12,838
You said "corn tortilla,"
didn't you?
344
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,195
You're the one
with an incentive to get caught!
345
00:16:15,087 --> 00:16:17,422
Prison is like summer camp
for you people!
346
00:16:19,082 --> 00:16:22,685
Please. Come on, guys.
Let's keep it together, okay?
347
00:16:22,510 --> 00:16:25,712
A chain is only as strong
as its weakest link...
348
00:16:25,561 --> 00:16:27,562
Which brings us to Paul.
349
00:16:27,479 --> 00:16:28,746
I'm gonna crack, Mike.
350
00:16:28,705 --> 00:16:30,606
I'm gonna sing
like a canary.
351
00:16:30,529 --> 00:16:32,563
I'm telling you...
I can feel it!
352
00:16:34,681 --> 00:16:37,149
Relax! I'm gonna be asking you
all the questions.
353
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,673
What if you trip me up?
354
00:16:38,612 --> 00:16:40,880
I'm not gonna trip you up
...I'm in it with you!
355
00:16:40,782 --> 00:16:43,617
Aw, you're talking
in circles!
356
00:16:43,487 --> 00:16:45,387
I can't take the mind games!
357
00:16:45,311 --> 00:16:48,113
I did it!
Me! You! Stuart! Carter!
358
00:16:47,984 --> 00:16:50,652
I did it!
I did it!
359
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:53,667
Paul, are you ready?
360
00:16:53,519 --> 00:16:56,487
Yeah. Yeah.
361
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,586
Are you okay, Paul?
You look a little flushed.
362
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:01,967
Come on...
give the guy a break.
363
00:17:03,802 --> 00:17:06,237
He is cool as a cucumber.
364
00:17:11,003 --> 00:17:13,839
All right, Paul,
let's get straight to it...
365
00:17:13,708 --> 00:17:16,043
where were you at 9:00
when you're usually home
366
00:17:15,942 --> 00:17:18,443
with your wife watching the news
and then going to bed?
367
00:17:18,332 --> 00:17:22,234
I was watching the news...
With my wife,
368
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:25,545
and then
I-I went straight to bed.
369
00:17:27,231 --> 00:17:29,899
So nothing
out of the ordinary happened?
370
00:17:29,779 --> 00:17:35,416
Well, actually...
Claudia and I made love.
371
00:17:37,735 --> 00:17:40,337
And how long
does that take?
372
00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:41,953
I don't know.
373
00:17:41,887 --> 00:17:44,389
How long
is "the Hollywood minute"?
374
00:17:46,447 --> 00:17:48,348
All right,
well, I'm satisfied...
375
00:17:48,271 --> 00:17:50,707
Claudia probably less so.
376
00:17:50,599 --> 00:17:52,967
Thanks for coming by.
377
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,631
[CHUCKLING]
It was my pleasure.
378
00:17:54,561 --> 00:17:56,462
I almost enjoyed it.
379
00:17:56,385 --> 00:17:57,885
Paul, one last thing...
380
00:18:01,543 --> 00:18:03,244
Was Mike heavy to lift?
381
00:18:03,178 --> 00:18:04,612
Oh, I don't know.
382
00:18:04,562 --> 00:18:06,896
Carter and Stuart
did all the lifting.
383
00:18:09,468 --> 00:18:10,867
Thanks.
384
00:18:12,142 --> 00:18:13,509
You betcha.
385
00:18:15,255 --> 00:18:17,056
Brilliant
investigation.
386
00:18:16,985 --> 00:18:18,653
So tell me...
387
00:18:18,590 --> 00:18:20,790
when did you first suspect
it might be you?
388
00:18:20,696 --> 00:18:22,530
All right.
You win.
389
00:18:22,457 --> 00:18:24,491
You got what you wanted.
390
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:25,975
What are you talking about?
391
00:18:25,917 --> 00:18:28,652
Oh, please! We know you
ordered those background checks
392
00:18:28,527 --> 00:18:31,163
so you could get something on me
because I threaten you.
393
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:32,777
Mike, believe it or not,
394
00:18:32,710 --> 00:18:35,712
the whole universe
does not revolve around ? you.
395
00:18:38,811 --> 00:18:41,012
Are you calling my mom
a liar?
396
00:18:46,643 --> 00:18:49,745
The truth is, I am not the
least bit threatened by you.
397
00:18:49,598 --> 00:18:52,333
Well, then you're nuts,
398
00:18:52,208 --> 00:18:54,143
because I am brilliant.
399
00:18:54,064 --> 00:18:55,998
You know, I-I am ruthless.
400
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,755
I'm like
some kind of evil genius.
401
00:18:58,624 --> 00:19:01,593
I should have
an underground lair.
402
00:19:01,455 --> 00:19:03,423
Michael, I am not gonna
turn you in.
403
00:19:03,374 --> 00:19:04,908
What...
404
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,052
y-you're not?
405
00:19:06,015 --> 00:19:09,385
The mayor doesn't need
his staff in turmoil.
406
00:19:09,223 --> 00:19:11,291
Besides, you crack me up!
407
00:19:12,807 --> 00:19:14,275
I mean, look at you...
408
00:19:14,223 --> 00:19:17,592
getting all worked up
over how threatening you are.
409
00:19:17,431 --> 00:19:19,666
Ooh,
who's my evil genius?!
410
00:19:24,161 --> 00:19:29,232
Someone will be receiving
many pizzas she did not order.
411
00:19:32,086 --> 00:19:35,255
You're afraid, but that's where
your courage comes from.
412
00:19:36,804 --> 00:19:39,872
Got it.
413
00:19:41,553 --> 00:19:44,622
This wa-a-a-a-y...
414
00:19:44,478 --> 00:19:47,713
[IMITATING JIMMY STEWART]
Well, this... d-d-d-d...
415
00:19:47,559 --> 00:19:49,594
well, this way?
416
00:19:49,509 --> 00:19:54,113
[FRENCH ACCENT]
Psst! This way!
417
00:19:53,881 --> 00:19:55,782
Ha ha ha!
418
00:19:55,705 --> 00:19:59,207
This...
419
00:19:59,038 --> 00:20:01,273
Line.
420
00:21:14,351 --> 00:21:16,886
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
421
00:21:16,887 --> 00:21:17,686
(BARKING)
422
00:21:17,736 --> 00:21:22,286
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