All language subtitles for Spin City s02e18 Funeral.Eng

What is it about sex

that makes people
think of ice cream?

I hear that's how Ben and Jerry
come up with their flavors.

It must have been a wild night

when chunky monkey was born.

So now that we're engaged, do you
think our sex life will slow down?

I hope so.

What?

Well, I mean the sex is great.

I'm putting on a lot
of weight here.

Have you thought about a
date for our wedding?

I kind of assumed
I'd be taking you.

Oh, my.

Gee, a lifetime
of jokes like that-

how lucky can a girl get?

Mmm. No, Mike, we really- we
should start planning, you know.

There's a lot of things
to talk about.

We have some of our best
conversations during sex.

No, we don't. You sound
like a tv evangelist, Mike.

Yeah. "Oh, lord. Oh, God.

Oh, lord, I can see. "

At least I don't sound
like a driving instructor.

"Slow down, slow down.

To the left, to the left. "

"Look out for the bus. "

I want to remind all of you

that running new York city

is our job.

And city hall is the nerve
center of that job.

And as city hall goes,
so goes new York city.

So I'll ask you
one more time again...

Who jammed the snack machine...

By using canadian coins?

I don't know.

James, when you put a coin in one
of uncle Sam's snack machines,

it likes to see a dead
president on that coin,

not a maple leaf...

Not a beaver.

I can't believe
the snack machines are down.

Now how am I gonna get
my afternoon ding dong?

I can take care
of that for you.

On a non-snack-
related note,

the first-quarter
reports are due.

Stacy, you're gonna
have to type them up,

so you'll be working all week.

You're kidding. Mike,
I have a new boyfriend.

Stacy, please. Let's act
like an adult, shall we?

Let's not forget the new rule.
If one of us works late, we all work late.

Mike, that's no fair!

I hate this place!

Everybody, don't tell Claudia
that I proposed to her on tv,

because she doesn't
know yet, o. k.?

Yeah, whatever.

Until I can propose in the right way,
I'm gonna keep her in the dark.

In fact, today I'm
whisking her off to a spa,

where she's gonna
spend most of the day

in a sensory deprivation tank.

Wouldn't
your apartment suffice?

Mike, I'm gonna need
the ring back.

You mean the ring that Laurie
is right now, as we speak,

wearing as her engagement ring?

Paul, I paid for that ring,
which is what they go by

when they're figuring out
whose ring it is.

But thanks for stopping by.

Janelle, I'm gonna need-

what? What is it?

We just can't believe
you're engaged, Mike.

That's right, ladies.
You can stop roaming the aisles.

The bachelor store is
fresh out of Flaherty.

Have no fear. There is a
huge shipment of Stuart,

and it is priced to move.

Then move.

You know, a person could do
a lot worse than Mike.

yeah.

Hopefully there's a Mike
out there for each of us.

oh, Mike! Are you
all right, honey?

You know, after tripping
over that thing

every day for 2 years,
you'd think I'd learn.

how was your day at city hall?

Oh, boy, don't ask.

You know, if it would help,

I'd be happy to come
work at the office.

You know I don't
want you working.

I want you shopping

and going to the salon

and taking care
of little Mikey.

Here. Mike wants you
to organize the books

for the entire first quarter
and give him a summary.

oh, Mike!

I've been asked to speak on
behalf of your arteries.

You have to eat healthier.

Why don't you try some
fruit once in a while?

How many times do I have
to tell you?

Crunch berries are fruit.

Let me get this straight.
You run the city?

You know, Laurie,
I've been thinking.

Most couples spend, like, a year of
their lives planning their wedding.

It overwhelms the relationship.

I was thinking maybe
we could move a quicker.

You mean move it up to summer?

I was thinking Saturday.

You can't put a wedding
together in less than a week.

There's a lot of things
we have to talk about.

For instance, what about
a prenuptial agreement?

I don't need one.

Of course you don't.
I make 4 times what you do.

You're serious, aren't you?

I'll take care
of every detail-

church, band, the caterers.

If you want, I'll have a thousand
doves released into the air.

I love you, and I want us

to start living our lives
together as soon as possible.

Let's do it.

Where are you gonna
get a thousand doves?

Pigeons and some house paint.

I can't believe I'm back here
buying another ring.

Paul, you didn't buy the first ring.
Mike did.

Still, it was very traumatic.

A diamond really is
a miracle of nature.

Not to mention a rocket
ride to mattressville.

Marriage is a huge proposition.

Am I ready? Is it
the right time?

Is Claudia the right woman?

Paul, Claudia's
the only girl for you.

Thank you, Stuart.

No, I mean she's the only girl.

Janelle said you had
a question for me?

Yes, sir, I do.
Well, I was wondering

if you would do me the honor
of being my best man.

The honor would be all mine.

And I don't want you
to think for a minute

that you're making a mistake

just because my marriage
was a total disaster.

Right. Well, sir, I'm sure
there were some good times.

No.

My marriage was 25
years of root canal

with no anesthetic.

A never-ending
plane ride

with a cabin full
of crying babies.

Sir? Save some of that
for the toast.

You know, Mike, now
that I've had some time

to think about marriage
and what it means-

no offense, sir,
but it sounds like

you're ramping up a long one,

and I'm getting married
on Saturday,

and I got a lot
of stuff I gotta do.

Mr. Mayor? Your conference
call's in 5 minutes.

So, janelle.
What do you think

of our Mike here
getting married?

I'm very happy for him, sir.
Laurie's a lucky girl.

I've decided to throw him
a big engagement party.

We're gonna need decorations, confetti, and
noise makers, and... oh, and a big cake.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the president
of the United States.

Which would you say
was a bigger thrill,

winning the heart of such a wonderful
person, or being elected president?

Well, I don't think the
two can be separated,

because without my Michael...

I don't think I could
have won that election.

Oh, honey, you know how I hate
to be in the spotlight.

Whoa! Hey, mrs. President.

Janelle, janelle,
janelle, janelle...

Janelle? Janelle.

We're gonna need balloons,
and lots of them.

Oh, and get some extra helium

so we can do that funny
thing with our voices.

Here we are at
an engagement party.

Does it make you
think of anything?

Yeah. There's gonna be a lot
of leftover hors d'oeuvres.

I'm glad you brought
your big purse.

Hey, James.
I'm proposing to Claudia tonight.

She has no idea.
I'm so smooth.

Paul, your tie
is in your drink.

Oh, no! On, no!

So, Laurie, as Mike's best man,

I'm curious as to who I will
be escorting down the aisle.

Sir, she's one of my oldest friends.
She's an architect.

She's actually
a fulbright scholar.

Honey, he wants to know
if she's hot.

She's smokin' hot. Yeah.

oh.

At least her husband thinks so.

oh.

Well, it's good to see
everybody here tonight.

I mean, we all work together,

we eat together...

Now we're at a party together.

I have to get a life.

Let me see the ring.

what do you call that setting?

A solitaire.

did you see that escape?

Mike, those women
were all over you,

scratching, clawing,
pressing against your body.

I'm going back in.

Wait, wait, Mike.

Before you go back in,

I'm proposing
to Claudia tonight,

and I'm thinking of 2
words- dual ceremony.

Paul, we know you're cheap,

but this is, like, psychotic.

Just because I'm thrifty,
that doesn't mean I'm not-

bark for a dollar, Paul.
Bark for a dollar. Bark.

Woof.

Uh, Mike? Why does
my engagement ring

have an inscription to Claudia?

Uh, Claudia, what-
what is the meaning of this?

Paulie?

Does this mean what
I think it means?

Because if it does,
the answer is yes.

I'm not asking the question.

What?

Every time I try and propose,

something goes wrong.

The gods are trying to tell us
we shouldn't be married.

What gods?

The big gods!
The gods in the sky!

Claudia, I'm sorry.
No, no, no.

We're just not meant to be.

why
does everyone look so serious?

I was holding the ring for
Paul, but then you found it.

So I just went with that.

And then I re-proposed,

which I thought
was very nice of me,

because I really do-

Mike...

Please don't hurt me.

Mike, I'm not mad.

I tried to be,

but when you're scrambling
around like this,

you just-you look
so cute, you know?

You remind me
of my old dog bucky.

I could never get mad at him

whether he was chewing my shoes,
or trying to hump my leg.

It's nice to know I have
that kind of leeway.

You are so cool.

Yes, I'm aware of that.

Oh, I have the greatest
fiancee in the world.

Technically, I don't
qualify as your fiancee.

I have no ring, and I was proposed
to under false pretenses.

What do you want?

I want a real proposal...

A nice one, the way
it should be.

You want a ring
with your name on it?

Good boy, yeah.

Sir, how's-
how's Claudia doing?

nothing
seems to cheer her up.

2 proposals shot to hell.

I should have gone with
my original instinct.

Which was?

The niagara falls

proposal-to-honeymoon
package.

99.95 gets
a round-trip bus fare,

ceremony aboard
the maiden of the mist,

and complimentary
wedding ponchos.

You just have to get back on the horse.
Propose again.

Yeah, I'd probably have
to buy a third ring.

I've already spent a king's
ransom on the first two.

Paul, I saw the bill.

It was more like
a burger king's ransom.

You're using any mishap
as a convenient excuse

to run away from commitment.

Take it from me.
You don't need an excuse.

Just run like the wind.

Morning, Stacy. Let me know
as soon as Paul gets in.

I need that list of wedding
guests typed up a. s. a. p.

I'm almost done, Mike.

# Oh #

# my darling #

Stacy.

Stacy, you o. k.?

Yeah. My mind was
just wandering.

Oh, I forgot. I gotta
make a phone call.

O.k., I'm still dreaming.

Stay focused,
and maybe he'll come back

without his shirt on again.

Hey, baby.

Claudia's here.
You tricked me.

Oh, yeah. I'm a regular
David Copperfield.

Have a seat.

Paul?

What?

Look at Claudia.

I can't. If I look, I'll
crumble like old cheese.

Paul?

Yes? Oh, Claudia.
Oh, I love you. I love you.

How about a toast?

Here's to 2 years
of love, commitment,

support, and friendship.

To, uh, 4 crazy days.

Are you all ready to order?

I don't need a menu.

My man will have
a Turkey sandwich

with mustard and extra pickles.

And my Lady will have
chicken salad on rye,

with lettuce, coleslaw, and
some potato chips, please.

Uh, my Lady...

Will have the...

The bacon and cheese omelet.

Um, Mike,
I'm allergic to bacon.

If I eat it,
my throat closes up.

She'll need a doctor with that.

I'll have the grilled tuna.

And how would you
like that prepared?

I- I-I got this. Grilled.

And you, sir?

I don't know what you want.

Wing it, honey. I'm sure whatever
you order will be perfect.

Um, he'll have
the veggie-burger.

See that? Perfect.

Can I get a side order of
corned beef sandwich with that?

You just hold
the veggie-burger.

You were king out there today.

Me, how about you?

That pass you made?

Kicked that guy right
out of his jock strap.

Not that he needed one
after that.

Oh, there's a Knicks
game on at 4:00.

Great. I got a couple
of beers here.

Got some leftover pizza.

Sounds like an afternoon.

Take my mind off my problems
for a while.

Yeah, really.

Hey, we've got about
an hour to kill

before the game.

Wanna head into the other
room and have some sex?

You know I do.

Hello. Hey! Carter!

Huh?

You wanna share a cab or what?

Yeah, Mike.
Yeah, sure. Sure.

What are we doing here?

Well, I wanted
to propose to you

in the place where
we first kissed.

The pressroom?

Yes, well, tonight they're
having a symposium

on rat management in there,

so this is the closest
I could get.

But we could go
in there if you want,

because it sounds interesting.

No, we'll stay here.

Your romantic instincts

are impeccable, as always.

Claudia...

You're the only woman
who's accepted me

for the man I can't help being.

Would you do me the honor
of becoming my wife

by selecting one
of these 2 rings?

Honey, they're both
so beautiful.

How do I choose?

Well, you could keep them both.

Are you sure?

That's so against your nature.

What can I say?

I love you that much.

Oh, Paulie.

Which one is fake?

The one on the left.

After lunch with Paul
and Claudia,

I had some time to think,

and you know what
I came up with?

I think I have an idea.

This.

Will you marry me?

No.

You can't-you can't say no.

You-you already said yes.

The yes is in.

I think we both know we made
this decision too quickly.

That's the way
I- I do things.

I make gut decisions,
and then I go with that.

Yesterday it took me 2 seconds
to decide to refurbish

all the jungle gyms
in the city parks.

Jungle gyms are not as important
as what we're talking about here.

You tell that to those kids.

I am certain I wanna
spend my life with you.

Are you certain you wanna
spend yours with me?

Not if you keep asking me
all these tough questions.

You know, it's funny.

You're fighting
for what I want,

and I'm fighting
for what you want.

Then we should get married.

No, Mike. You know
what's right.

All I know is that
I love being with you.

And I love being
with you, but...

That's not enough.

All right. So...

Now what do we do?

I don't know.

I've heard of couples that-
that get, uh, pre-engaged.

What's that all about?

That's about
being afraid, Mike.

That's about not knowing
what you want.

Bingo.

I can't come back
tomorrow as your date

when today I was your fiancee.

Laurie,
you can't leave, o. k.?

Without you,
I'm-I'm-I'm-

Mike, don't get me wrong.

I'm gonna pray you stop me.

Here I go.

You-you are gonna
come back?

I don't know.

Uh...

You o. k.?

I didn't think you'd
let me get this far.

Bye, Mike.

Laurie...

I'll-I'll keep
the door unlocked.

So Laurie's, you know,
been rough.

I can't deny it hurts.

We know, Mike.

And we just wanna help.

That's right, Mike.
We just wanna help.

huh!

Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.

moo.

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