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1
00:00:01,368 --> 00:00:03,502
I think our second date's
going pretty well.
2
00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:05,304
Mike, you met me
at the subway stop,
3
00:00:05,372 --> 00:00:08,140
and we sat next to a man
who collects squirrels.
4
00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:10,843
Sure you don't want to save
that for Valentine's day?
5
00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:13,012
Come on.
I bought you a meal.
6
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,114
Remind me, I owe you a buck-50.
7
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:18,984
So, here we are.
8
00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:21,720
I, uh-I had
a wonderful time.
9
00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:23,856
Sure you don't want to come in?
10
00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:26,358
My, uh-my parents are
away for the weekend.
11
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:29,528
I can't. I have to
catch a cab back uptown
12
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,530
to where I should have
gotten off at the train.
13
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:32,531
But, um...
14
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:33,999
Dinner tonight sounds great.
15
00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:39,038
Ah.
16
00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:40,372
Hormones.
17
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,611
Calm down.
We haven't even kissed yet.
18
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:46,879
Well, thank God.
19
00:00:46,946 --> 00:00:49,281
Because no good can come
out of kissing a woman.
20
00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:53,485
I have that
embroidered on a pillow.
21
00:00:56,956 --> 00:00:59,391
They'll just dump you, lock
you out of your apartment,
22
00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:01,060
never return your phone calls.
23
00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:02,194
You talking about Claudia?
24
00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:03,829
Maybe.
25
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,133
Can you imagine how
pathetic my life might seem
26
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:11,070
if my mom hadn't let me
move back in with her?
27
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:16,375
Paul, I think I can speak
for all of us when I say,
28
00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:18,143
"we can only guess. "
29
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,337
I'm telling you,
I just met her.
30
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:47,473
Paul's mother is gorgeous.
31
00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:49,675
Maybe she is, maybe she isn't.
32
00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:51,577
You're gay, so you can't judge.
33
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,281
Come on.
34
00:01:56,349 --> 00:01:58,517
Gay men can tell if women
are beautiful or not.
35
00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:00,119
Can't you tell
if a man is handsome?
36
00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:01,720
Nice try.
37
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,725
You won't recruit me that easy.
38
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:11,030
Everyone, this is my mom.
39
00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:17,336
Mom, you remember Carter.
40
00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:19,071
This is James and Nikki.
41
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,506
Stuart bondek,
42
00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:22,741
ENCHANTE.
43
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:25,711
First Carter, then you.
44
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:26,945
Well, I think it's great
45
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,347
that there are so many gay men
46
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:30,916
working in the mayor's office.
47
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:34,420
Look how handsome
you are in your big suit.
48
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:35,954
Mom! Stop it.
49
00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:38,791
Not in front of my coworkers.
50
00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:40,325
O.k., o. k.,
I'm going.
51
00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:42,327
I'm going. Bye-bye.
52
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,303
Man, oh, man,
53
00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:54,206
do I love new York city!
54
00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:56,709
That's funny.
That's what my mom just said.
55
00:02:58,778 --> 00:03:00,145
That was your mother?
56
00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:01,146
Uh-huh.
57
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,883
Birth mother?
58
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:09,855
We all know we could
use a home run issue.
59
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,557
I think I found it.
60
00:03:11,624 --> 00:03:13,025
Public access television.
61
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:15,427
Apparently, it's pushing
the limits of decency.
62
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:16,762
Tell me about it.
63
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,864
I cannot get from espn
to the comedy channel
64
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:21,800
without some big penis
waving in my face.
65
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:30,676
Where are you
watching television?
66
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:35,280
And it switches over without
warning right around 10:00.
67
00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:36,415
10:06.
68
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:40,953
One minute I'm watching my
favorite home improvement show,
69
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,755
WOODWORKING WITH BILL,
70
00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:44,223
and the next minute
I'm watching...
71
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,025
WOODWORKING WITH BILL.
72
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:50,996
Oh, my God, is this for real?
73
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,065
I'm not an expert
at these things,
74
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:54,967
but I would think
one of the first rules
75
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,468
of working with a power sander
76
00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:58,671
would be don't do it nude.
77
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:01,473
And kids can see this.
78
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:02,908
People are gonna react to that.
79
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,511
This is a family values extravaganza.
80
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,780
It's like sizzler!
81
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:12,851
James, pull the cable company's
contract with the city.
82
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,486
Find out if I have options.
83
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:18,957
I'll just need
a copy of that tape.
84
00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,292
Here you go.
85
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,827
Oh, and, Stuart...
86
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,763
Merry Christmas.
87
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,534
Hey, Nikki.
88
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,102
Hi, Mikey.
89
00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:32,571
What are you doing tonight?
90
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:36,375
I'll bet my entire pension
on nothing.
91
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,943
Well, you'd better
start planning
92
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,445
for your retirement, Buddy,
93
00:04:39,512 --> 00:04:41,847
because tonight I am...
94
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,382
Doing my laundry.
95
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:46,752
I was supposed to have
dinner with Laurie.
96
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,521
But it turns out,
I have this work thing.
97
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:51,423
Cancel.
98
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:54,360
Well, I could, but I don't
want to disappoint her.
99
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:56,362
So, I was thinking
it would be easier
100
00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:58,297
if you just came along with us,
101
00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,366
and that way
when I had to leave,
102
00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:02,568
you could stay and you know,
103
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:05,170
and just-
talk about me.
104
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:10,242
Mike, I struggle with my
self-esteem every day of my life.
105
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:13,612
Now, to go out and spend time
working on your relationship
106
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,214
instead of on myself,
107
00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:17,483
that would not be very
healthy for me right now.
108
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,351
You're right.
109
00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:21,086
I'm sorry.
110
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,523
See you around 7:00?
111
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:25,691
No, Mike!
112
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,059
Not unless you're eating
113
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,794
at the launderama on Broadway.
114
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:32,698
Let me bottom line
this for you, o. k.?
115
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,066
You come with me,
116
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:36,068
I'll give you next Friday off.
117
00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,004
Deal.
118
00:05:41,207 --> 00:05:45,310
janelle, cancel
Stuart's vacation for next week.
119
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:49,648
I recognize that whisper.
120
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:51,950
I just got screwed, didn't I?
121
00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:56,555
Now that Helen's gone,
122
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:58,057
I have to admit,
123
00:05:58,124 --> 00:05:59,825
the nights do stretch on.
124
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,827
Actually, sir,
you mentioned that
125
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,595
to me on the phone
last night...
126
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:05,464
Around 4:00.
127
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,466
Well, how's your
schedule for tonight?
128
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,802
I could have the staff cook
us up a little dinner.
129
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,270
We could rent a movie.
130
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:13,405
Uh-well, tempting as that sounds,
131
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:14,973
I have plans tonight.
132
00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:18,977
Well, you can't blame
a fella for trying.
133
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:22,815
So, what's our issue
of the day?
134
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,483
Public access pornography, sir.
135
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,518
Oh, yes.
I would fight to the death
136
00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:28,420
to protect a citizen's
freedom of speech.
137
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:30,255
Actually, sir,
we were kinda hoping
138
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,091
you'd come out against that.
139
00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:34,727
I'm o. k.
With that, too.
140
00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:36,628
Good afternoon, all.
141
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:39,832
I want to start out
with a personal outrage
142
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:42,001
that's been going on too long,
143
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,435
public access...
144
00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:45,904
Pornography.
145
00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:50,042
You want to work on where
you break those cards.
146
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,710
I just want to make sure
147
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:54,480
that material with
graphic sexual content
148
00:06:54,547 --> 00:06:57,082
is available and seen...
149
00:06:58,718 --> 00:07:01,687
Only by those people
who specifically want to see it.
150
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,627
O.k., now, you did
that one on purpose.
151
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,999
Paul's dad and I actually met
152
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,467
during the big blackout of '63.
153
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:19,405
We talked for 7 hours before
we ever saw each other.
154
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:21,173
By the time the lights came on,
155
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,175
well, I was already in love.
156
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:25,010
Do you know that Paul is
157
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,146
the spitting image of his dad?
158
00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:29,114
I suppose he'd have to be.
159
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:34,253
More lasagna, please.
160
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,989
Oh. I've never seen
such hungry boys.
161
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,323
Meat or cheese?
162
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,925
Um...
163
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,061
Lower.
164
00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:47,266
Isn't this great?
165
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,600
Just the guys together?
166
00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:49,935
We should do this more often.
167
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,170
You know what?
168
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:53,172
I will have some more,
too, mrs. Lassiter,
169
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:54,273
if that's no trouble.
170
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:55,374
Well, of course not, dear.
171
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:56,942
Mom, sit down.
I'll get it.
172
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,510
No!
No!
173
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,081
Would the Lady care for a Rose?
174
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,916
Uh-yeah, I believe the Lady would.
175
00:08:09,689 --> 00:08:12,624
You don't by any chance have
a third wheel discount?
176
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:15,394
Oh, I uh-
I just got beeped.
177
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:17,129
I didn't hear anything.
178
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,864
It's on vibrate.
179
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,933
Whoa.
There it goes again.
180
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,004
It's the mayor's code.
181
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:27,740
It's like having
my own secret bat signal.
182
00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:29,708
So, this is what it's like
dating a superhero?
183
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,111
Oh, my God.
184
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,446
Well, it was worth it
coming all the way out here
185
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,515
even if it was
just for a few minutes.
186
00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:37,449
Isn't he the best?
187
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,184
The best what?
188
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,290
Think that was too much,
that superhero thing?
189
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:48,527
It's just that Mike doesn't exactly
have a self-confidence problem.
190
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,429
I just hate it
when I act like a dork.
191
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:52,197
No, no, no.
You were fine, really.
192
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:53,666
Tell you what.
193
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:55,200
Buy me a drink,
194
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:57,870
I'll fill you in on all
Mike's old girlfriends.
195
00:08:57,937 --> 00:08:59,672
Are we talking
High-quality dish here?
196
00:08:59,739 --> 00:09:01,106
Yes.
197
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,275
HI, UH-2 MAl TAIs,
PLEASE.
198
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:04,877
I'll have the same.
199
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,716
I can't believe I missed
the end of our date.
200
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:11,784
It's no big deal.
201
00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:13,719
It's a huge deal.
It was the third date.
202
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:16,455
The third date is when I
usually go in for the kiss.
203
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,390
It was the third date,
and it's come and gone.
204
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,225
Look, that bagel
thing yesterday,
205
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,161
let's just say
it wasn't a date.
206
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:23,996
Well, that's very
nice of you to say,
207
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,598
but we'll both always
know that it was.
208
00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:28,000
Fine.
You know what?
209
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,535
Let's just get it over with.
210
00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:31,036
Right now?
211
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,439
I mean, with my mom watching?
212
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:37,543
I have a huge crush
on your son.
213
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,047
So, we're gonna kiss?
214
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,215
You nervous?
215
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:44,450
No.
216
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,651
I've...
217
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:46,719
Done this before.
218
00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:48,287
O.k.
219
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,395
O.k., now see,
this is too awkward
220
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,697
because we talked about it.
You know that it's coming.
221
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,432
You can't reclaim a mom...
222
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,708
There.
223
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,276
Feel better now?
224
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:14,747
a little bit.
225
00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:17,016
Ready, sweetie?
226
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,084
Uh-not now,
schnookums.
227
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:24,523
Uh-lunch plans.
I gotta go.
228
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,360
Oh. Oh-stupid.
229
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:29,695
Oh, you mean...
230
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:32,231
You came over to have
lunch with Nikki.
231
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,465
Yeah.
232
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,000
Well, that's great.
233
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,201
That's just great.
234
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:37,569
How great is that?
235
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,239
I'm beside myself.
236
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,344
That's 2.
237
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:47,079
You like Sushi?
238
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,785
I like Sushi.
239
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:54,887
Cute couple.
240
00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:56,488
Our friends
from the porn industry
241
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:58,157
just sent over this tape.
242
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:03,295
We could order in.
243
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:07,066
You decided to rent a video
last night after all.
244
00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:08,233
How'd you know that, Mike?
245
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,437
hey, look, it's me.
246
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:17,009
God, I've got
a great head of hair.
247
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,144
Think I can get a copy
of this tape, Mike?
248
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,480
Well, I doubt this
is the only one.
249
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:22,514
Well, the thing is,
250
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,049
I was looking for a Western,
251
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:28,253
so I went through
the swinging saloon doors...
252
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:31,924
I thought that would go
into the Western area, you see.
253
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:33,092
So then I'm thinking,
254
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:35,127
well, at least,
your face isn't visible.
255
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,295
We've got deniability.
256
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:43,869
This shot...
257
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:46,071
IS ON THE COVER
OF THE DAILY NEWS.
258
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,073
My guess is
the headline won't say,
259
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:50,175
"great head of hair. "
260
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,447
Mike! Mike!
261
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:56,582
I'm Greg mullins.
262
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,417
I represent some of
the more prominent
263
00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,052
porn producers in this town.
264
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,654
Well, your mother
must be very proud.
265
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:03,856
So, uh-you see
the tape?
266
00:12:03,923 --> 00:12:05,657
Yeah, I saw.
267
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,493
The mayor walks in
the video store,
268
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,561
accidentally finds himself
in the adult section,
269
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,729
turns around and leaves.
270
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:11,930
Mayor walks in the video store,
271
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:13,832
immediately heads
for the adult section,
272
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,201
notices camera,
panics, and flees.
273
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,303
I'm sure the responsible
media in this city
274
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:21,273
will see this for the
innocent mistake that it is.
275
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:23,409
That's good.
276
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,677
Thank you.
277
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:25,844
So, what do you want?
278
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,246
I want you guys to back off.
279
00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,148
We're having a press
conference at 3:00,
280
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:31,183
and we're showing the tape...
281
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,384
Or not.
282
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:33,352
It's your call.
283
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,187
That almost sounds
like a threat.
284
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,223
Public access is valuable
exposure for my clients.
285
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,858
Is lack of exposure
286
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:42,761
really a problem for them?
287
00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:47,232
I can't believe
they'd sink to blackmail.
288
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,234
They're pornographers, James.
289
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:52,471
I don't wanna
back down on this,
290
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,073
so let's look at
every viable option.
291
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:55,974
Let's see if we have
any legal recourse.
292
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:58,477
Well, I'd say we should
dig up some dirt,
293
00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:01,547
but they'd probably put it in
a box and rent it to people.
294
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:05,718
They're untouchable.
That's the beauty of what they do.
295
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,319
O.k. So, Mike,
296
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,755
if you want me to, I can...
297
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,156
Why are you staring at me?
298
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:12,491
Do I have spinach in my teeth?
299
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:13,959
I don't know.
300
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:17,663
Did you have spinach last night
at your dinner with Laurie?
301
00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:20,632
No, mediterranean.
302
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:23,702
Do I have babaganoush in my teeth?
303
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,071
You guys had lunch yesterday,
dinner last night.
304
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,506
You're really hitting it off.
305
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:28,674
Yeah. Aren't you
happy for me?
306
00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:30,275
Ha ha ha.
307
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:31,944
No.
308
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,213
Why not? I thought you
wanted us to be friends.
309
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,048
Yeah, when I'm not available.
310
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,950
You're like my understudy.
311
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,818
I can't be there, you step in.
312
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,487
Audience is
a little disappointed,
313
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,288
but at least they get a show.
314
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:44,623
Do you know how hard it is
315
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,392
to find a great woman to
hang out with in this city?
316
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:49,061
Yes, I do.
317
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,929
You know how hard it is
to be surrounded
318
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,264
by a bunch of guys all day?
319
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,600
Yes, I do.
320
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:55,801
And do you know what it's like
321
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:58,203
to finally meet a woman
whose clothes you can wear?
322
00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,204
Bathing suits count?
323
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:00,305
Yeah.
324
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,474
Then no, I don't.
325
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,677
Aren't we being
just a wee bit possessive?
326
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:06,645
No, we're not.
327
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,714
Now, give me back
my girlfriend.
328
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:12,918
Was that my mom I just heard?
329
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:14,920
Yeah. Stuart and James
were giving her
330
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:17,289
kind of
a hands-on tour.
331
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,858
Isn't that great?
They turned out to be great friends.
332
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:21,060
Mm-hmm.
333
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:25,130
And you don't think they
have any ulterior motive?
334
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,532
Like what?
335
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:30,636
You knew he was gonna ask.
What were you thinking?
336
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:33,672
Come on, Carter. What?
337
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,574
Janelle, help me out.
338
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:38,110
Do I look like a fool?
339
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:40,479
Paul, how do I say this?
340
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,414
Your mom's a hottie.
341
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,249
A whatie?
342
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:46,552
A babe,
343
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:47,853
a fox,
344
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:49,922
a yummy mummie.
345
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:52,825
Oh, stop it.
346
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,560
Well, look at her, Paul.
347
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:55,894
Look at her.
348
00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:57,429
Well, she is very thin.
349
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,999
She has a lovely head of hair.
350
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,167
She works out all the time.
351
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,436
She's got a great body.
352
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:06,538
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
353
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,140
Oh!
354
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,976
I just checked out my mother!
355
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,146
And?
356
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,815
And she's a smokin' hottie!
357
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:23,989
Oh, Mike, I was down the block
taking a deposition.
358
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:26,592
I thought I'd stop by
and see if you were busy.
359
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:27,793
You seen Nikki yet?
360
00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:29,228
Uh-no. Uh-uh.
361
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:30,596
Excellent.
362
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,564
Would you like
to have dinner tonight?
363
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:33,699
O.k.
364
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:36,168
Did I hear Laurie?
Hey.
365
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:38,070
You did, but I'm afraid you heard her
366
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,638
a second too late.
367
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,940
I GOT 2 TICKETS
TO SEE RENT TONIGHT.
368
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:43,175
Ah.
369
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,244
Mike and I are going to dinner.
370
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:47,279
Well, at least you'll
have an empty seat
371
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:49,581
to put your jacket on.
372
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,017
It's the last night
with the original cast.
373
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:55,354
You probably won't have
much free time tonight.
374
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,991
I found this stack of budget
amendments on my desk.
375
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:00,325
You have to fill them out.
376
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:01,794
I should have shown
you these days ago.
377
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:03,228
Sorry about that.
378
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,997
You know what's
really funny, though?
379
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,665
I knew this was coming up,
380
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:09,835
so I got copies made
and did them all yesterday.
381
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:11,136
The only thing is,
382
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,072
you've gotta check them
all over and sign them.
383
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,774
I am so sorry to drop this
on you at the last minute.
384
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:23,682
I had her first.
385
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,017
She wants to go with me.
386
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,185
I made dinner reservations.
387
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:27,486
I have tickets.
388
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:29,421
You guys, if you're
gonna get competitive,
389
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,023
the best way to handle this
390
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,425
is to buy me gifts.
391
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,828
Can we stop this, please?
392
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,229
She's right.
You're right.
393
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,231
In fact, I think
you should just decide
394
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,799
who you want
to go with tonight.
395
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:43,502
I have no problem with that,
396
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:46,739
because I'm sure you'll
make the right decision.
397
00:16:47,741 --> 00:16:48,941
Me, too.
398
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,187
I have a penis.
399
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,628
Don't make me get my purse.
400
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,102
All right, Stuart.
401
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,937
On the other side of this door
402
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:20,939
are some of the
biggest names in porn,
403
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:22,508
your heroes.
404
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:25,244
I need you to stall them
for about 20 minutes.
405
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:26,311
Can you do that?
406
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,550
Hi.
407
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:32,818
Hi.
408
00:17:35,689 --> 00:17:37,423
Afternoon.
409
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,591
I am deputy mayor
Michael Flaherty,
410
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:42,161
and uh-I'm gonna pretend
411
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,229
I don't know who
any of you are.
412
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:50,402
This is my assistant
deputy mayor, Stuart bondek,
413
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,404
and he'll be negotiating
with you this afternoon.
414
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:53,572
Hi.
415
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,407
This is just...
416
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:56,975
Well...
417
00:17:58,478 --> 00:17:59,845
Hi.
418
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:02,014
Let's get right to it.
419
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:04,350
I think that I should start
by saying that...
420
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:07,252
I LOVED YOU IN
ADD MAMA TO THE TRAIN.
421
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,196
Uh-oh.
422
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:19,832
Mike, shouldn't
we get in there?
423
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,834
Aren't those porn people
about to release their tape?
424
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:23,669
Sorry, sir. Don't worry.
Stuart's handling it.
425
00:18:23,737 --> 00:18:26,605
All right.
Has everyone signed these?
426
00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:28,574
That's enough.
You're wasting our time.
427
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:29,508
Let's go.
428
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:31,010
Oh, wait.
429
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:33,245
Oh, please don't go.
430
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:35,814
Amber, Tiffany...
431
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:37,583
Amber...
432
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:38,984
Amber.
433
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:41,520
Amber!
434
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,056
Here, at the back of the store
435
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,891
is where the adult videos are.
436
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,627
And here's our mayor showing
how there's no supervision.
437
00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:51,630
He can just pick up
any tape he wants.
438
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,399
Now, look at the camera
439
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,234
so we all know
it's you, mr. Mayor.
440
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:56,301
Hello, sir.
441
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:58,971
We made this tape to show
442
00:18:59,039 --> 00:19:01,073
that smut is
too easily available,
443
00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,675
whether it's in a store,
444
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,110
or in your living room.
445
00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:07,513
So, if there is
any question as to our...
446
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:11,050
The porn people are coming.
447
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,453
They're running down the hall.
448
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:16,855
You should really see it.
It's amazing.
449
00:19:18,692 --> 00:19:21,393
In conclusion, that is
why we have expanded
450
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:23,729
our quality of life campaign
to regulate video stores
451
00:19:23,797 --> 00:19:25,964
as well as
public access television.
452
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:28,000
Here is a tape for everyone.
Pass 'em around.
453
00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:29,234
Ladies and gentlemen,
454
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:31,270
we have a video showing
the mayor of new York
455
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,838
renting adult entertainment.
456
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:35,808
Well, that's great,
'cause uh-we're one short.
457
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:36,875
There you go, Betty.
458
00:19:39,079 --> 00:19:42,314
All these years,
I never saw it.
459
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:43,716
I mean...
460
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:46,552
When I was a kid, and we'd
all play hide-and-seek,
461
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:49,088
all my friends
hid at our house.
462
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,425
Scotty and Timmy
463
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:55,427
and Frankie,
464
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,529
and Frankie's dad,
465
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,498
Frankie's older brother,
466
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:02,835
and Frankie's clarinet teacher.
467
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:05,137
I was such a fool.
468
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,839
No, you're not.
469
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:11,010
Darling, we lassiters have
to accept the fact that...
470
00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:12,611
Well...
471
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,179
We're attractive people.
472
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,614
Oh, stop it.
473
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:17,082
What?
474
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:19,785
Mom, we both know I'm
not exactly gorgeous.
475
00:20:19,853 --> 00:20:22,488
Oh, yes, you are.
476
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,189
No, I'm not.
477
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:27,559
You think I'm nice-looking
and smart, right?
478
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:31,463
You about to tell me
that I was adopted?
479
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,068
Out of all the men
that I could've had,
480
00:20:36,136 --> 00:20:37,569
guess what?
481
00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:39,304
I chose your father.
482
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,675
And you're exactly
like him in every way.
483
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:46,045
Thanks, ma.
484
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:48,047
If you ask me,
485
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:50,783
I think I'm better-looking than pop.
486
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:54,753
Why are you sulking?
487
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:56,755
Because you're going
to the play with Nikki.
488
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:58,957
We're still having
dinner together.
489
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:01,560
Oh, yeah, this is
very romantic.
490
00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:02,795
Chip?
491
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:03,829
All right.
492
00:21:03,897 --> 00:21:06,065
After the play,
493
00:21:06,132 --> 00:21:08,334
I'm coming right back over here
494
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,735
to see you.
495
00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:12,838
Without Nikki?
496
00:21:12,906 --> 00:21:14,940
Definitely without Nikki.
497
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:26,585
'Cause, you know, you can
bring Nikki if you want.
498
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:32,624
Is the play over yet?
499
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:34,827
Yes. Yes, sir,
it's me again.
500
00:21:36,196 --> 00:21:38,697
Because I'm running
out of candles.
501
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:41,867
3 hours!
502
00:21:41,935 --> 00:21:43,869
Come on.
That's ridiculous.
503
00:21:43,937 --> 00:21:45,404
No, I'm just saying,
504
00:21:45,472 --> 00:21:47,706
in that time, I could cook
505
00:21:47,774 --> 00:21:49,775
603-minute eggs.
506
00:21:50,910 --> 00:21:53,212
No, no, one at a time.
507
00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:55,848
Come on, who has
a pot that big?
508
00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:57,683
Hello.
509
00:21:57,751 --> 00:21:59,284
SIT, UBU, SIT.
GOOD DOG.
510
00:22:01,955 --> 00:22:03,088
MOO.
511
00:22:03,138 --> 00:22:07,688
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