All language subtitles for Spin City s01e07 Grand Illusion.eng

This is Ashley schaeffer
with channel 10 news.

That was great stuff.

We don't have to play
this game every night.

Excuse me if I happen to find
that piece very comforting.

Mike, I interviewed a grown man
who collects Barbie dolls.

Exactly. It's
comforting to me

that he lives way the hell
on the other side of town.

It's just driving me crazy.

I miss my old job
at the newspaper.

Honey, I know you're upset.

No, I'm not upset.
Oh, you're upset.

You clean when you're upset.

Fine. I'm upset.

I'm cleaning.
What's the harm in that?

You threw out
the parks department budget.

I've been working
on that for a month.

I'm sorry.

That's ok.

We'll just dig my paycheck
out of there later.

Oh. It's just this
television thing, you know?

It's one puff piece after the other.
It's so frustrating.

I know it is, honey,

but everybody's got to
start at the bottom.

Mike, the man made me leave the
room when Barbie was changing.

Michael?

Ooh, it's never good
when you call me Michael

last Tuesday, you had me
cancel your lunch

with the parks commissioner

so you could dine with the
Dean of fordham law school,

which I then rescheduled

because of your
speaking engagement

at the women's caucus.
Bottom line, janelle.

You have 11 lunches today.

Good.
I'm really hungry.

I did it. I broke up
with Roger last night.

How do you feel?

In my heart, I know
it was the right thing,

but you know how he can be.
So I'm thinking

maybe if I'd just been
a little bit more...

But he had issues
with his mother-

I know exactly what
you're talking about.

Right?
So, you know...

How?

I mean, how could you
possibly know?

Guys don't talk about it
when they break up?

A Buddy shows up
with a new girlfriend,

you pretty much assume
he dumped the old one.

The only thing
that is required of you

is to not call her
by the other one's name.

Mr. Flaherty,
d- day has arrived.

Hey, Carter's got a new
nickname for himself.

You promised to tell me today

whether or not the mayor is
going to support

the legislation
on same-sex marriages.

I'm on pins
and needles, too, Mike.

I got big plans tonight.

Yeah. In my office,
one minute. Ok, Carter?

James, the mayor
needs his remarks

for the annual trick or
treating at Gracie mansion.

Halloween's still
a few days away.

It's a big event, James.

There's a lot of cameras.
The mayor's great with kids.

It's the only time of the
year he gets to wear

his Chewbacca costume
out of the house.

It's hard for me to get
into the halloween spirit

until it's actually halloween.

I need some kind
of inspiration.

Good morning, people!

Thank you, Paul.

Is it pirate day again?

I get this new toaster, right?

And the thing flings bread up
at an incredible speed.

I'm telling you, it should come
with a pair of safety goggles.

Is it bad?

The doctor prescribed
some drops.

I have to wear the patch
for a couple of days.

I'll be fine.

Go ahead, Stuart.
Let's hear it.

If you make it this easy,
you ruin it for both of us.

Mike, I'd
like that answer now.

Is the mayor for or
against same-sex marriages?

Gay marriages? Oh, no.
Mayor's against it.

Paul- no, no, no.
I just spoke to him.

He's against it 100%.

The mayor's coming out against.

Yeah. I picked that up.

Don't take this personally.
Why would I, Mike?

Just because if I was in a
monogamous, faithful relationship

with a man for 10 years, I would
never be able to marry him,

but if I met some
strange woman in a bar,

we could be married
within an hour,

and every state would
applaud it just like that.

You mind telling me
what bar that is?

Now, Carter,
you're a smart guy.

You know this was the only
thing we could do politically.

I should just lie down
and accept this, hmm?

If you wouldn't mind.

So Hank is the oldest
hockey player in new York.

Oh, age is just a number.

Hank's as young in his heart

as he was when
he started the game.

And how long have
you two been married?

I'm his daughter.

Right. Uh... Well, let me just
tell you my angle on the story.

I want to do a piece- an expose,
if you will- on ageism in America.

They said you were going
to talk about hockey.

Dad loves hockey.

Why don't we get a few shots
of Hank warming up,

and then I'll get some of
his insights on the issue.

Hank? Hank?

Could I have a few words?

Hank!

Uh... oh.

Nice job, sir.

Why did they need to
know my opinion on that?

Same-sex marriage is a
hot issue right now

and has legislation pending
at the state level,

and as leader of new York,
you're expected to voice your-

I'm familiar with the concept
of being mayor, Mike.

I was asking the question on
a more metaphysical level.

Ooh, well...
My waters don't run that deep, sir.

Could you believe
that reporter,

having the gall to ask
me if I were homophobic?

Even if I were prejudiced
against gays,

I'd want them
to get married-

give them a taste
of the nightmare

the rest of us live
through every day.

The good news is, the press
is ready to let this go

as long as we don't
do light a fire under it.

Where is Carter on all of this?

Probably out
gathering kindling.

He won't be a problem, will he, Mike?

I hope not, sir.
I've spoken to him,

and I'll continue
to speak to him

so that he can't speak
to anyone else.

Good, but we mustn't forget
we brought Carter aboard

because he represents
a segment of society

that had no voice
in this administration.

Make sure he understands we want
to hear what he has to say.

We just can't listen to him.

Stephanie from hall of records
wants you to call her.

Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

Gorgeous Stephanie called you?

Turns out she's
a very charming woman.

Course, I'd only
met her through you,

so I hadn't heard her
say much other than,

"get away from me.
I'm busy. "

Did you just make fun of me?

'Cause that's not how it works.

I'm having coffee
with her this afternoon.

Way to go, big daddy.
You betcha.

Something is very wrong here.

What? It's
so inconceivable

that she could
find me attractive?

Yes. It is.

I- I don't know that.

If I were a woman, I would
find Paul very sexy.

That sounded weird, didn't it?

It's the patch.

It's gotta be the patch.

Oh, Stuart,
you are so pathetic.

There it is again!

The only reason the guy had a hockey
stick was to prop himself up.

It's not funny, you know,

and it never ends, either.

Tomorrow, I'm interviewing
a dog who can count to 5.

Get outta town.

In English?

No, in spanish. The dog
speaks fluent spanish.

But what's more interesting
is that it could bark to 5.

Wow!

What does it count?

You know, I really don't care.

Probably cats.

Gatos.

If I could just have
one story, you know-

one strong, gripping,
divisive story.

We have something to tell you.

We're getting married.

Carter, this wedding is a
giant slap in the face

to the administration,

and I cannot in good
conscience let it happen,

so I'm simply not
going to allow it.

So, Carter, here's my pitch.
Yes.

Since everybody's going to be
covering the actual ceremony,

I want to start
when you say "I do"

and have my cameras roll
right up to the annulment.

You're
not helping.

Carter's fighting for a
very important cause.

I'm sorry. I hope you don't
mind if I speak for you.

No, no. I find this
fascinating.

He's a grown man,
he's getting married,

and there's nothing
you can do about it.

Honey, aren't you
supposed to be at the zoo

covering that iguana that
can do long division?

Actually, I Grant you
unlimited access.

Ha! You are
a God.

I think I'm going to talk
to my producer about this.

Love you, honey.

Oh, come on.
Smile!

Carter, I hope you're not
setting yourself up for a fall,

because this fake protest
wedding may be big

in our little world-

let me paint you
a picture, Mike.

First, Nikki and I are
going to get married.

We will then walk over
to the throng of reporters-

I hate throngs.
Throngs are very uncomfortable.

And we're going to
tell them, Mike,

this is a sham marriage.

We don't love each other.
We won't have a life together.

We'll never even spend one night
in the same room together.

We will, however, enjoy all the
benefits of a legal union:

Health insurance, tax
deductions, you name it.

Then, I'm going to trot out
gay couple after gay couple,

people who've been together
5, 10, even 20 years.

They've bought homes,
raised children,

they've been an important
part of this community,

and yet none of them
can enjoy the same benefits.

That's so subtle.

How's my lovely
bride-to-be?

Oh, busy, busy, busy.

I rented an art gallery
for the ceremony.

I got us a minister,
florist, caterer.

What about a band?
Will there be dancing?

Have you met my friends?

There will be dancing.

Ah.

You know, Nikki,

I had the strangest
dream last night,

and you were in it.

You were digging
this deep hole...

And you were burying me in it.

And here's the funny part.

I was still alive.

Could you hold on a second?

Hello?

Antoine! Guess what.
I am getting married the day after tomorrow.

You have to do my hair.

Oh, he's a great guy.
You'll love him.

No, no, no.
Trust me.

How about this dress?

No. If I go strapless, I'll
have to shave my armpits.

Let me see, Karen.

The one with the sequins?

Here's the one
she wants-

simple, elegant,
very Audrey hepburn.

James, come here.

One second, Mike.

Oh, you're definitely going to
have to wear pumps with that.

James!
Now.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm helping.

I picked out both of my
sisters' wedding dresses.

I really have an eye for it.

I'm detecting abnormal
estrogen levels, captain.

Set phasers
to "dewussify. "

Hey, Mike, press conference!

Let's go! Heel to toe!
Come on!

Coming!
I'm sorry, Paul!

What am I doing?

It's the patch, Mike.
The patch has power.

Whatever you do, don't
look directly at it.

"The mayor's office has no comment on mr.
Heywood's wedding

nor on the issue
of gay marriage. "

Mike, I can't read this.

It's our position.
We're going to stick with it.

No, no, no. I mean,
I can't read this.

You try it.
Cover an eye.

I'm getting a headache.

Paul, I got-

I got to know you're
ready for this, ok?

These people are going
to want some answers.

They won't be satisfied

with the timeless Paul
lassiter classic,

"I have no comment
at this time. "

Don't you worry about a thing
because I'm in total control.

Look, I've never felt
more confident in my life.

Since that accident, I've finally
found my inner strength.

That accident changed my life.

Paul, you weren't
driving an indy car.

You got hit by toast.

Well, there she is-
the bride.

I've been thinking about
wedding presents.

What do you want?
Gravy boat?

A blender?

Date for the reception?

Very cute, Mike.

What's the matter?

I just got off the phone
with my Nana.

She's just thrilled.

She's flying up from
Jacksonville for the wedding.

Wow, what a Nana.

She just kept saying
how happy she is

that her granddaughter is
finally getting married.

Unfortunately, the whole gay
rights thing just kind of went...

I know what you mean.

My grandmother thought
that a homosexual

was a person who slept with
one person their whole life.

We were going to let it slide,

but she kept telling the
mailman she was a homosexual.

I just don't want my
Nana to be disappointed.

You don't want to disappoint
Nana, so cancel it.

Cancel it for Nana.

You know, I'm sorry, Mike.

I'm doing this for Carter.

If I can help him shine the
light on an important issue,

that's great.
And as for me, I don't care.

This is just a few
days out of my life.

Nikki.

What?

I have a surprise for you.

What?

I hope you don't think
this is too corny,

but, well... here.

It's, uh, my grandmother's

engagement ring.

My mom was so excited

when she thought somebody
might actually wear it,

even for a week.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow!

Thanks, Nikki.

Wow.

Not a single
follow-up question?

None. Paul has completely
shut down the media.

I don't know how he did it.

Anyway, it gives us a
window to try to figure out

how to put the kibosh
on this wedding.

Well, I don't think we need
to put any kibosh on it.

Well, should we just
nip it in the bud, then?

Let me tell you a little story, Mike.

Please.

When I was 11 years old,

my parents sent me
away to summer camp.

It was there that
I developed, well,

a serious case
of athlete's foot.

Needless to say, when it came
time to hit the showers,

I was embarrassed and confused.

You and me both, sir.

No. The point is,
the more I did

to try to hide my affliction,

the more I Drew
attention to it.

Pretty soon, I-I-I was
just a boy in the shower

with one sock on.

You're saying the more we
do to try to cover this up,

the worse it will get. Give me a second.
Let me work with this.

Ok, well, you've already
come out negative on it,

so the conservatives are happy.

And if we let Carter and
Nikki walk down the aisle,

the liberals are
taken care of, so...

Do nothing.

Sir, that's inspired.

Let it be, Mike, and the
path shall reveal itself.

You're a very spiritual man,
aren't you, sir?

I'm part chippewa.

You know, I don't know
what it is, Stuart,

but I always get this
feeling at weddings.

You know, there's almost a
different energy in the air.

Maybe it's just me.

It's not just you, James.

It's the law of the jungle.

Women are naturally
vulnerable at weddings.

You ever see wild kingdom?

We're cheetahs, James,

and the women...

They're wounded baby gazelles.

Yeah, well, you're looking
at the king of the jungle.

I'm telling you,
I got more numbers

than I know what to do with.

Paul, how long
did the doctor say

you're supposed to
wear the patch?

Friday.

It's Saturday.

Yes, well,

the prescription
was very vague.

Hello.

Oh, Mike! Look, Nikki,
it's Mike!

Hi, Mike.

Hi, Karen.

She's a little stressed out.

She can hear you.

Why don't I get us a
little more champagne.

Good idea.
Why don't you get some, too, Karen?

It'll perk you up a little.

Okey-dokey.

I, uh... I just wanted to
come by and wish you luck.

How you doing?

Ok. I got my something
old, my something new,

my something blue.
I need something borrowed.

Oh, uh...

10 bucks.

Thanks.

Going to need that back
after the ceremony.

So, I'm doing it, Mike.
I'm getting married.

What am I doing?

I don't know.
I thought I could put this dress on,

and it wouldn't affect me,

but, I mean,
look at me. I'm...

You look beautiful.

No, I'm a mess.
My mascara is running.

I'm shaking.
Why am I shaking?

You shake when it's forever,
not when it's 5 days.

Maybe you got cold feet.

I can't feel my feet.

Look, I may be a little
out of line, but, uh...

It occurs to me you might have

a little more
invested emotionally

than you thought
you would in this.

You think?

I have a picture of my
mom on her wedding day.

I look just like her.

You don't have to
go through with this.

You know, I don't even get
to have sex tonight, Mike.

I'm going to spend my
wedding night at home,

ironing and folding my
dress for next time.

What's the holdup?

Nothing.

This is a mistake.
You can't go through with this.

You never quit, do you?

This is happening.
You can't stop it.

Look, to tell you the truth,

politically, this is no
longer a problem for me.

You're happy.
The mayor is happy.

I have no ulterior motive.

Well, that's a first.

Anything I tell you
now is personal,

it's honest, and
it is from my heart.

Uhh...

And what's that cold heart of
yours telling you, Michael?

That you pulled it off, Carter.

You did it, and I admire that.

I seriously do.
It's exactly

the kind of thing that
I hope I would do

if I was in your position.

You're gonna get everything you want.
But Nikki-

Mike, don't.

What?

Why don't you ask Nikki

how she feels about it?

If there's anything you
want to talk about-

no, I'm fine.
I'm just a little flustered.

Are you sure?
Because-

yes. Go away.

The groom is not supposed
to see the bride

before the wedding.

Before we consecrate
the vows of Holy matrimony,

if there is any man or woman

who thinks that this union
should not take place,

please let them speak now or
forever hold their peace.

Ok, I want a tight
shot on Nikki,

and then a quick pan
across to Carter.

Excuse me? Do you think this
union should not take place?

I'm for it.
Are you kidding?

They got me doing
talking dog stories.

Do you, Nicole Katherine Faber,

take this man,
Carter Sebastian Heywood,

to be your lawfully
wedded husband,

to love and honor him
in sickness and in health

all the days of your life?

Um, I-I do.

And do you, Carter,
take Nicole,

to love and honor her
in sickness and in health

for all the days of your life?

I don't.

Carter, you don't have
to do this for me.

Yeah, I do.

I mean, I-I don't.

I mean...

You know what I mean.

Am I disappointed?
Absolutely not.

It's amazing to have a friend
who would go this far.

She deserves to take those
vows when they mean something.

And you know what?
So do I.

Mark my words.
It will happen someday.

Someday, we'll be
standing right up there

with the man of our dreams.

I hope it's not the same guy.

Is Nikki ok?

Oh, yeah.
She'll be fine.

I don't know what it
is about weddings,

but they always
make me daydream.

M- me, too.

Really? So do you
ever think about,

I don't know, what our
wedding would be like?

Sure.

Hypothetically.

Didn't mean to scare you.

Oh, you didn't.
You didn't!

Listen up, people.

I am powerful,
and I'm confident,

and I don't need some eye patch
to make me feel that way.

I am Paul lassiter,

and I am a man
to be reckoned with.

Hello, gorgeous.

You're in my way.

I'm sorry. I-
I didn't mean-

ohh! Ooh.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

No, no, no, no.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Looking for an eye patch,
people. Please.

Looking for an eye patch.
I have a serious eye problem.

Please help.

So, I'll pick you up
at 9:00, then?

Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0