Original subtitles

Correct and synch by JustFuckingShit www.addic7ed.com

'Try to blend in...'

I'm Franky Fitzgerald. It's my first day.

I'm...really sorry. The brakes were fucked.

Has the circus come to town(?)

'Who is this chick?'

Pussy.

Think her name's Mini.

(BOTH) She's fucked.

We're Franky's new friends. Friends...?

'You've never worn make-up before!'

Do I look like a bulimic fucking Barbie?!

Oh, my God. I...thought something like his might happen.

Fuck you all!

Welcome to Bristol, Frankie.

? KYUSS: Thumb

MUSIC PLAYING

MUSIC PLAYING

♪ You don't seem to understand... ♪

(ALO) Rich...

Rich, mate.

Rich!

Sorry.

♪ ROLL DEEP: Good Times What♪

I want you to meet someone. ..This is Rich.

Hi.

I'm Arabella and this is Sally.

So, what were you listening to?

You wouldn't like it.

No, no, no. No, Rich, please...

Actually, we made a playlist, so...

I'm not with him.

MUSIC OFF, CROWD GROANS

Now, this...

is music.

? SLAYER: Angel Of Death Turn it off!

Turn it fucking off! Turn it off!

Wait - this is a good bit coming up...

Slaye-e-e-e-er! SCREECH OF GUITAR

Oof!

You dick!

That's because all the girls we meet are always arseholes.

I don't care if they're one-legged, dead hermaphrodites,

I need some sex - soon.

It'll never happen if you actlike an axe wound all the time.

I'm not wasting my time

on peroxide-sodden Miley Cyrus Cowellistas.

You'resofull of shit. >

So, if a tasty metalhead piece of clunge wandered into your life,

you'd ask her out - straight away(?)

Yeah. And...she'd say yes.

Right...

Well, then, I'm going to find you one.

I'm going to partner you up! >

I'll be like Cilla Black... with a dick.

This'll be easy. College Green is swarming with the fuckers.

(SIGHS)

She can't be fat, though.

Bollocks.

BIRDSONG OUTSIDE

♪ Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the... ♪

(SCREAMS) ..floor!

? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

One! # ..nothing wrong with me

Two! # ..nothing wrong with me

? Three, nothing wrong with me Four, nothing wrong with me

? One, something's got to give Two, something's got to give

? Three, something's got to give... ? PHONE RINGS

♪ Let the bodies hit the floor... ♪

Hello? (ALO) 'Rich - college, now!'

BIRDSONG

Morning. Off to college, are we?

Yes, Kevin, that's where I go every day.

I really wish you wouldn't call me Kevin, I'm your dad.

Yeah, well, I'm going now.

Have a good day, then.

I love you! Yeah, whatever.

Right, what's going on?

What?

Why are we holding hands...?

Get...

Right, what?

I give you...

(..The Angel of Death.)

HEAVY METAL PLAYS IN HIS HEAD

MUSIC STOPS

So...go and talk to her.

No, but... Look at her, mate!

Remember what you said.

Fine...

(Fuck, fuck, fucking, fuck, fuck, fuck...)

Hi...

HEAVY METAL PLAYS IN HIS HEAD

I, um...er...

..um...

HEAVY METAL MUSIC

Um... Oh...

Your T-shirt, that's...

Ha-ha! Um...

HEAVY METAL MUSIC

I...I was just...

..looking for a book.

Yeah, here it is.

Ha-ha! Ah.I've... been looking for this for ages.

HEAVY METAL MUSIC

Er...anyway um...bye.

So... Shut the fuck up, Alo.

LOW CHATTER

You need help, Richard.

No, I don't.

OK, you gave me barely any time to prepare, Alo.

I haven't even had breakfast yet. Bollocks. You're terrible.

You need someone to teach you the ways of the woman.

The method of the muff.

The Tao of...

tit-fuckery.

And that's you, is it, Alo? Yeah?

The guy who masturbates so much that his hand is now a shrivelled wank claw.

I've got most of the movement back now, haven't I?

Maybe you're right, though.

I mean, we need someone who properly knows girls,

but isn't going to think we're weird.

Like a girl.

But not like...

well, not like a girl.

Look, Rich, I can see your problem, but you've come to the wrong place.

I can't help you.

I mean, I don't know anything about girls either.

I don't have a mum or a sister.

My experience of girls is mostly being beaten up by them.

Oh, we're fucked, then.No.

Wait. I know someone who can help.

Ah! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

? BEETHOVEN: Fur Elise

PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

You can see her vag through that leotard.

(YELPS) Oh! What are you guys doing here?

Rich here needs help. Hi, Rich.

Hi. What can I do for you?

He needs help talking to girls. Ooh!Is someone in love?

(LAUGHING)

There's this girl who works in the library. And...

Gracie!

Oh.

Wotcha.

What are you doing in here? Talking to Grace.

Why? Is that like a problem, or something?

Oh, no.

I can't tell you where you can and can't be

or stop you from talking to Gracie, can I?

No, you can't.

I mean, we were just wondering if Gracie's still coming for that mocha.

Weren't we, Liv? Yeah, come on, Gracie.

Hey, I can see your... your vag through that leotard.

I can honestly say I have absolutely no, repeat, no problem with it at all.

I mean, if she wants to stay and chat with inbreds and lesbos and nerds.

Hey, no, hang on a fucking minute. Fuck off back to Valhalla, weirdo.

Valhalla? Oh, let me guess.

That's a reference to my taste in music, right?

GIGGLING

Are you coming, Gracie?Yeah.

I'll, er...see you guys.

GIGGLING

Great(!)

HEAVY METAL PLAYS

MUSIC PLAYS

MUSIC PLAYS

Er...hi.

MUSIC STOPS

How can I help you?

Grace?

Yep, it's me.

Oh, fucking hell. What's with the disguise?

Oh, I think it's best if I stay undercover.

Mini will be happier if she doesn't know about it.

The last thing I wanted to do is upset anyone.

Mm, how valiant of you(!) I know, right?

So, I've decided to help you.

I don't think that's a good idea. Why not?

No offence, but you kind of represent everything I despise in the world.

Oh, don't be silly, Richard.

My mum always says opposites attract.

That's magnets. We're people.

Come on.

What?Take me to her.

Who?The girl you like. Come on.

(SIGHS)

Come on, then.

HEAVY METAL PLAYS IN HIS HEAD

Wow, she's pretty. Why is she wearing a dog collar?

Cos she's a metalhead. What's a metalhead?

What?

This is. Me. I'm a metalhead. I like metal music.

Why do you think I dress like this?

I thought it was a joke No, it's not a joke.

You know, I'm not a fucking clown dressing up silly to make you laugh.

This is me. This is who I am.

Forget it. This will never work. But it will work.

You may not know this about me, Rich,

but I'm not only a dancer, I'm an actor as well.

Right, how's that going to help anything?

Using acting, I shall inhabit the role of "the metalhead",

and whilst I'm in character, you can practise chatting her up.

That's the worst idea since genocide. Possibly even worse.

Why would you ever want to do that?

Fun.No way.

What other choice have you got, Richard?

HEAVY METAL PLAYS IN HIS HEAD

All right, fine.Great.

Now all you have to do is help me get into character.

Fine!

Right, come with me.

Yo, yo, Rich. How you doing, bro? I got your tickets.

How much?There you go.

Brilliant.

It's going to be fucking sweet. Yeah.

What's that?

Napalm Death. Biggest gig of the year.

They haven't played in the city since... Atomic Kitten were big.

Oh. Maybe we can go together.

No, if I went with you, I wouldn't want to go.

Who is this nice young lady that you are not taking to the gig, Rich?

Grace. She's just a mate. How you doing, Grace?

Not even a mate. She's more of an acquaintance.

Hello, Toxic Bob.How you doing?

Oh, what's that?

This behind me is Misplaced Abortion's third record.

Apparently Dirk Strangle, the singer, he went loopy after they made it.

It is said to be the heaviest, loudest record of all time.

Only three in existence. Have you listened to it?

No, no, no. You can't listen to it. It's way too heavy.

And to the normal human brain it doesn't make any sense.

(WHISPERS) And to most of us, it sounds like silence.

(WHISPERS) That makes no sense. (WHISPERS) I know.

What a surprise. She doesn't understand.

You've never heard of these guys? It's fucking retarded, right?

Mind if I play her a few things?

Knock yourselves out.

I'll give you something light to ease you in.

THEY MOUTH

Ready?

MUSIC PLAYS

I think you might like this.

Grab them headphones. It won't be like last time. All right, are you ready?

? KITTIE: My Plague

Better, right? How much is it?

Well, I tell you what, you can take it...take it as a gift

cos I feel bad you passed out, and all that stuff.

If you don't like it, bring it back. What, free metal?

Where's my free metal? You never give out free metal.

Just cos she's got those and that. Oh!

Sod off, you...sod!

Rich, let me tell you a story.

I told Dave Mustaine this in 1983 and I think it bears repeating today.

What?

Don't be an ass hat and people will like you more.

(SNIFFS AND GRUNTS)

LOW CHATTER

CHAINS RATTLE

You need to be nicer to me, Rich.

Come on, you're never going to like this CD.

You know, you've called me stupid about three times today, and I want it to stop.

I bet you couldn't answer one question about ballet.

Yeah, that's because ballet is lame and I really couldn't give a fuck.

Ballet is everything to me.

Just like metal is to you.

I'm trying to understand your way, but you won't let me.

You didn't really like the stuff Toxic Bob played, did you?

I did like it.

It had counterpoint and melody and everything else I like in music.

Not that horrible noise you played me. That was just evil.

Right, well, ballet is just for gays and grannies.

Stop treating me like an idiot and help me.

Cos I'm trying to help you, aren't I?

Aren't I?

CHAIR SLIDES AWAY Oh, suit yourself.

HEAVY METAL PLAYS

HEAVY METAL PLAYS

MUSIC OFF

What?So, are you going to do it, then?

Do what? It, her, the Angel of Death.

You've had plenty of time to prepare with Grace. If you don't do it...

What? What...what terrible act will you visit on my soul?

Gay. Oh, that's mature(!)

Gay.

So, are you just going to... Gay.

I'm not... Gay, gay, gay, gay.

Gay.

? Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay... ? Yeah, all right, you're a fucking...

Lovely. First thing tomorrow. Ah...!

Just drop me here.

Shove up. Sorry, someone's sitting there.

Oh, yeah? Who?

Er...you.

What? I'm Sub. Short for Sub-Rosa.

Nice to meet you. Hey, Sub, I'm Rich.

(GASPS)

So, what do you do for fun, Rich?

Er...listen to music.

Go to gigs.

Er...hang out with my mate Alo.

That's about it, really.

You don't have any other friends, just this Alo guy?

Yeah, just him, really.

No-one else?

Well, recently there's been a couple of other people.

This girl Franky and...

others.

Others?

Yeah...there's this girl

who's helping me, I suppose.

OK, what sort of music are you into, Sub?

Oh, you know, Industrial, mostly -

Godflesh, early Scorn, TKK.

Nine Inch Nails? Fuck off.

Trent Reznor can suck my cock.

This girl, then, who's helping you...

...what do you think of her? Honestly?

Honestly.

She's all right. But... she lets people walk all over her.

And her friends treat her like shit, and she doesn't say a word.

Maybe she knows her friends love her.

Or maybe she's got no fucking self-respect.

You think you know me, Rich.

No-one fucking knows me. Not you, not Mini, not Liv.

No-one's got a fucking clue who I am or what I can do.

So...so, you're Grace now? Yes, I am Grace,

and I'm not going to let you talk to me like that.

This is more like it, Grace. You shouldn't let me trash-talk you.

You shouldn't let anyone trash-talk you, especially your mates.

It makes me so...fucking angry.

Be angry. I am angry!

Never compromise. Never compromise.

Yeah, like this track. "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me."

Yeah, fuck you, I won't do what you tell me.

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me.

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

(ALL CHANT) Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!

(ALL) Motherfucker!

♪ Oh! Oh! Oh! ♪

CHEERING

SIREN WAILS

So...

Um...I guess I'm going to ask out the Angel of Death.

First thing tomorrow.

Oh, right.

Yeah, well, um...

I've, um...got to go.

So, um...I'll see you later.

Yeah.

See you later.F

What would you do, eh, Barney?

Just ask her out, I suppose.

LAWN MOWER OFF

Er...did you say something, Richard?

No, Kevin.

CROCKERY CLINKS IN HOUSE

Listen, you know it's your mother's birthday tomorrow.

Yeah.

Still, though...

Get her something.

What, with moneyyou'vegiven me? It seems a bit pointless, doesn't it?

Listen, I know what it's like.

When I was your age, all I cared about

was getting away from my family,

Yeah? What went wrong?

Bye, Richard.I l...

Don't fucking say it, all right?

CAR DOOR SLAMS

(GROANS)

Hello. I'm Richard Hardbeck.

How are you?

Um...OK, so, what sort of music are you into?

What do you like to do for fun?

Look, listen.

Do you...do you want to come out for a drink with me?

No.

HEAVY METAL PLAYS IN HIS HEAD

No, actually, why not?

No, actually, why not? Why not?

Yeah.

Yeah. Because I'm too pretty for you.

Because you're weird-looking.

Because I can smell your pants from here.

But mostly because I would rather rim the shit-smeared arsehole

of a dead horse with AIDS than even consider the possibility

of touching your wiry, gangrenous, vile, inadequate,

half-circumcised, horrifically smelly,

pubescent dick. OK?

Rich. Hey.

Rich. Hey. Hey.

So, last night was fun.

Er...what? Yeah, yeah. Fun.

I was wondering if, um...

you might like to do something again some time.

Cos I've got this ballet recital...

No, I can't come tonight. I've got my gig, haven't I?

OK, well, then maybe...

No, OK? I said no.

All right?

Van. Now.

What?

Explain yourself.

Now you've got something to wank over when your broadband fails.

What's the problem?

The...the problem is that I just saw you reject a date

with one of the hottest girls in college.

She's not hot, OK?

Every other man in the room would be balls deep...

I'm not every other man.

I'm not every other man. What's so fucking special about you? >

Why are you so different to everyone? >

Cos I don't compromise ever. I'm metal!

the next thing you'd see

is me body-popping to Lil Wayne down Oceana.

Mate, listen to me.

Right, you can't just go through life with all these fucking...

No, how about you listen to me... for once?

This is Barney. Napalm Death. He never let anyone

What the fuck does he know? He spent his life

either sitting on a bus, masturbating,

or playing unlistenable music in Swansea!

He ain't got a clue! Where you going?

To prove you wrong.

Oh, you're full of shit, Rich!

You're just scared! Man the fuck up!

HEAVY METAL PLAYS IN HIS HEAD

(TOXIC BOB) R-Pattz, you dirty, diggety, double-deal...

(CHUCKLES) Hey, what's up, Rich?

Looking forward to Napalm Death tonight?

Looking forward to Napalm Death tonight? I want it, Bob.

You want what, Bob?

You know what.

Oh, you want it?

Yes.

Yes. It's 500, boy.

It's all there, huh?

KEYS CLINK

Is it?!

Just a record?

And I saw your copy of Heat, you fucking sellout!

Some people's children...

Hm.

HUMMING

Bring the noise, motherfucker.

DISTORTED CACOPHONY

(SCREAMS)

MUSIC STOPS, CONTINUOUS RINGING

RINGING CONTINUES

MUFFLED BANGS

CONTINUOUS RINGING

RINGING CONTINUES

(MUFFLED) What...what do I do now?

(MUFFLED) Wait for what?

RINGING CONTINUES

(MUFFLED) What do I donow?

(MOUTHS)

NO SOUND

DULL THUDS

RINGING CONTINUES

CONTINUOUS RINGING

(MUFFLED) I can't hear you. I've gone deaf.

I've seen a doctor, though.

Should come back soon.

CONTINUOUS RINGING

NO SOUND

Listen, Grace...

...I thought that, er...

CONTINUOUS RINGING

I thought your dancing was really beautiful.

NO SOUND

(MUFFLED) I tore up the ticket.

MUSIC PLAYING

LYRICS INDISTINCT

(LAUGHS)

Be careful.

Fuck careful!

Grace.

CONTINUOUS RINGING

CONTINUOUS RINGING

(SHRIEKS)

CONTINUOUS RINGING

? BEETHOVEN: Fur Elise

? Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the...

? Floor!

MUSIC OFF

BIRDSONG

CLICKS

Oh, thank fuck.

TEXT ALERT

Cheers, Barney.

Oh, fuck.

Kevin!

Kevin!

(SLAM) Kevin!

Kevin!

I'm in the Wendy house.

I'm out of moisturiser, so if you and Anita have got...

Oh. Cheers.

Kevin?

Can I ask you something?

Sure.

How did you...

How did you... How did you ask Mum out?

Ah.

Question about the fairer sex. Interesting.

Forget it, if you're going to be a douche.

Um...no, no, no.

Listen...

If there's a girl that you like, all you have to do is ask.

That's what I did with your mother.

And it was the most frightening thing I ever did.

You've just got to be brave.

The worst that could happen is, she says no.

And what then?

Well...you try again...

or you move on.

No problem, son.

See you...Dad.

Is the gay convention in town, or something?

Where the hell have you been all day?

Listen, Alo, I...

No, mate. Don't.

I...I just, you know... I...

It's cool, mate.

No worries, yeah?

OK.

OK.

I'm sorry, was that, like, a conversation you two just had?

That was like an outtake from Rain Man.

Yeah? I'm Tom Cruise.

FRANKY LAUGHS

Er...have you seen Grace?

Why?

Because...

She's on College Green.

Oh. Er...see you in a bit, yeah?

Yeah, in a bit.

BOTH LAUGH

BELLS CHIMING

Grace.

Oh. Rich.

Hey, can I, er...talk to you?

Oh, OK.

So, you can hear again?

Er...yeah.

Something must have clicked last night.

Awesome.

Look, I'm meeting Mini in a minute, so you need to be quick.

Well, um...

I had a good time last night.

Me too.It was perfect. I loved it.

I would have told you after, but you were deaf.

You got my text, though?

Yeah.

Oh, right.

Things got pretty close last night, didn't they?

Er...

Er...

It's probably good...

nothing happened between us.

Right?

Yeah, I...

..guess so.

Who are the flowers for?

My mum.

Really?

No, really.

Right.

MINI: Gracie!

I have to go.

I'll, er...see you soon?

Hi, Min. >

Hey, babe.

Hello, Gracie.

? IRON MAIDEN: Fear Of The Dark

? Have you run your fingers down the wall

? And have you felt your neck skin crawl

♪ When you're searching for the light♪

? Sometimes when you're scaredto take a look at the corner of the room

? You've sensedthat something's watching you

? Fear of the dark Fear of the dark

♪ I have a constant fear that something's always near... ♪

With just two days to go until our charity fashion show,

Gracie is finally ready to reveal her designs.

I need two gorgeous models to walk me and Liv down the runway.

I do the fashion show, you stay over tonight.

You're the ultimate boyfriend.

Correct and synch by JustFuckingShit www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0