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Do you think she's going
where we're going?
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00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:03,640
She is now.
3
00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:04,960
I'm tired of you, mate.
4
00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,400
Me, you and JJ.
Best mates for life.
5
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:11,400
Hello. I'm Thomas.
So glad to meet you.
6
00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:14,400
- They fuck you up.
- They don't mean to, Eff.
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00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:16,040
Please don't leave me.
8
00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:17,480
But they do.
9
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:19,480
Pyjama party means only one thing :
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00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,600
girls getting friendly.
11
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,640
Be careful
what you wish for, Pandora.
12
00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:29,120
I missed you too much.
13
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,400
- He's your friend, isn't he?
- Not necessarily.
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00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:37,720
DADA presents
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00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,280
Transcript by
Vanilla Chocolate
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00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:02,600
Subtitles by
ANTI TELE II
17
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:06,600
Season III - Episode V
- Freddie -
18
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,720
Every day I know this is what
I was born to do.
19
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,840
It's everything to me.
And nothing else matters except...
20
00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,040
This is for you, Mum...
21
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:21,280
Singing "Juicing Down",
please welcome Karen McLair!
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00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:35,040
♪ The light is running out
And my baby's still not back
23
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:38,720
♪ Although I'm by myself
He's chowing down on his snack
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00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,160
♪ It's the third time this week
But I have a plan
25
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,720
♪ I haven't lost him yet
I'm gonna make him understand
26
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:49,480
♪ I'm juicing down tonight
I'm gonna make him moan
27
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:53,120
♪ I'm juicing down tonight
I'm gonna take him to the zone
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00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:56,720
♪ I'm juicing down tonight
I can't wait to start
29
00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:00,480
♪ I'm juicing down tonight
Until I'm torn apart
30
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,760
♪ I'm juicing down tonight
31
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,440
♪ I'm juicing down tonight
32
00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:29,400
♪ I'm juicing down tonight. ♪
33
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,920
Let's see what the judges think.
34
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,320
Ladies, could you be happy
with Karen in the Sexxbombz?
35
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,120
- Yeah, it'd be lovely.
- Lovely, I love her.
36
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,040
Jordan, did you get Karen tonight?
37
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:51,240
Karen, I'm going to be honest with you, ok?
38
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,280
We're in the semi-finals of this competition.
39
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,640
Everybody's talented. Yeah?
40
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,040
But the question is...
41
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:03,240
are you talented enough
to join the Sexxbombz?
42
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,880
- How can you watch this again?
- Shut up, cockhead...
43
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,600
You know what?
You dance like a gazelle.
44
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:14,200
On acid. I love it! I love it! Yes!
45
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,400
Do you think I look hot?
46
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,520
Don't be fucking twisted.
You're my sister.
47
00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:19,840
Dad!
48
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:24,600
Freddie says I look ugly.
49
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,240
She doesn't look ugly.
She looks sexy.
50
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,040
Dad, that isn't what I said.
She's talking bollocks.
51
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:30,480
Tell your sister she looks
sexy on the television.
52
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:32,960
Go on.
53
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,400
You look sexy on telly, Karen.
54
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:38,440
Now let's watch the good bit.
55
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:44,160
We've had a record number of votes,
over 1,000 texts and phone calls.
56
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,920
And the last girl
to go through to the final
57
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:50,720
of "Search for a Sexxbomb" is...
58
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,520
You know you bloody won!
59
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:55,920
Karen!
60
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,840
I just hope my mum
was watching up in Heaven.
61
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,320
This is for you, Mum,
and I love you forever!
62
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,160
For fuck's sake, Dad.
Listen to what she's saying.
63
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:29,120
Hello.
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00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,040
Hi.
65
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,960
- You're in my garden.
- Yeah. - Right. Um...
66
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:41,840
So...
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00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,920
I... wanted to see what
was in your shed.
68
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,720
- My...?
- Shed.
69
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,040
Everyone says you
have a marvellous shed.
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00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,840
- Everyone?
- Yeah.
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00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,600
It's marvelled at.
72
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,560
So this is it.
73
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,080
So what do you and the boys do in here?
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00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,920
Braid each other's hair
and play soggy biscuit?
75
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,040
No...not for ages.
76
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:34,520
- So, spliff then?
- Cool.
77
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,840
Why don't you get your porn on
the internet, like normal people?
78
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,320
What the fuck's this?
79
00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:03,720
Sometimes, when we're
too stoned to go outside...
80
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:07,720
I'm sorry.
81
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,920
I wasn't really expecting guests.
82
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:14,240
What do you normally do?
Put out doilies?
83
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,160
Well, they do keep the cups clean.
84
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,600
Thanks for letting me in.
I know it's weird.
85
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,480
No... It's... whatever. You know.
86
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,400
It's cool.
87
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:49,640
It's cool.
88
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,320
It just... seems like
a good place to hide.
89
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,520
You'll never gonna guess
what just happened.
90
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,840
There's some little skinny
asian fucker at the Green, right?...
91
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:06,080
- Cook!
- ...body popping on a bit of lino.
92
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,520
He's got a little sign saying
"Anwar the Magnificent", right?
93
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,040
- Cook.
- He's busking, making cash money.
94
00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:15,280
So I said to him if I can join in, yeah?
And he says something about
95
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:18,040
Do I know the Buddha Buddha
Cheese Buddha routine. So I says...
96
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:19,560
Cook!
97
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,160
Well, blow bubbles up
my bollocks and call me Shirley.
98
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,880
Welcome to our fortress of solitude!
99
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,200
I think I love the Sexxbombz.
100
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,600
Karen's costume last night
was a bit of a marvel.
101
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,800
I'm pretty sure it
defied the laws of physics.
102
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,720
I mean, that tiny amount of material
is surely not be able to cover
103
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,600
the requisite surface area
for UK broadcasting laws.
104
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,920
- Did you see it, Eff?
- No.
105
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,400
That skirt was so short
I saw her bumhole wink.
106
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,480
Pass the spliff, Freddiebrek.
107
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,720
- It's that trick!
- Don't worry, I've perfected it.
108
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,280
Water... water...
109
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:22,720
No way...
110
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,160
Fucking Genius!
111
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,840
How long have you
had that planted there?
112
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,480
About eight months.
113
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,880
Fucking genius.
Fucking top, mate.
114
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,560
That's fucking tip toparoo.
115
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:46,880
After all that excitement, I fancy a spunk.
You coming, Eff? You soon will be.
116
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,120
I'd sooner fuck JJ.
117
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:54,840
I know that isn't intended
as a compliment but,
118
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,800
- ...I'm going to take it as one anyway.
- Maybe you didn't get it,
119
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,160
I said "Are you coming, Eff?
You soon will be."
120
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,560
I got it.
121
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:05,040
Freddie and JJ got it.
That termite over there got it.
122
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,040
But you're not going to get it. Got it?
123
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:09,920
No, I'm confused.
124
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:15,400
I'm not going anywhere
near your crayola dick.
125
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,520
I know where it's been.
126
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,760
- What's she talking about?
- Piss off then.
127
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,040
This is our place, right?, and if
you're not gonna shag us, then...
128
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,720
Get to fuck!
129
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:40,440
Mate, try and stir my
porridge if you want,
130
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:44,120
but I'd say even Jay's got
a better chance than you.
131
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,920
I mean, when was the last
time you breathed fire?
132
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:23,080
Freddie... Dinner's ready!
133
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:39,440
So, should I be called Minxy
Sexxbomb or Foxy Sexxbomb?
134
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:43,600
Jordan says he likes Minxy.
I wanted it to be Sexy Sexxbomb...
135
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,200
Freddie?
136
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:57,280
Can't you tell? Look at his eyes.
He's completely monged.
137
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,920
No... I'm not.
138
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,800
I've, erm... got coursework now.
139
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,840
You gonna tell him Dad? About the thing?
140
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,480
- Sit down!
- I'm busy.
141
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,720
Freddie, sit down!
142
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,320
Sit down.
143
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:27,840
< We want you here
at two o'clock tomorrow.
144
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,040
What for?
145
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,600
Filming for the interview
before my final performance.
146
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,400
You've got to talk about
how much you miss Mum
147
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,760
and how much it'll mean to you
to see me win.
148
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:43,040
This is like, too fucked-up for words.
My Mum's dead, vote for me...
149
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,240
It's not like it's not true.
I miss Mum every day.
150
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,200
- Shit. Dad, she's doing it again!
- You need a story.
151
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,440
- She didn't mean it like that.
- Yes, I did.
152
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,080
- At least I've got some fucking ambition!
- I don't really think that...
153
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:59,520
Wanting Robbie Williams to jizz
over your baps counts as ambition!
154
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,400
Oh, that's nice. That's Lovely, that is!
155
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,440
Freddie, you be here tomorrow
two o'clock in the afternoon.
156
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,040
- You know what, why should I?
- Cos I wash your clothes,
157
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,800
I cook your meals,
I put a roof over your head,
158
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,640
Prolly pay for your skunk!
And I do all that without asking
159
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,720
- ...anything in return. Except for this.
- Look! Look at her!
160
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,400
She's your sister, you support her. That's it.
161
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:23,560
It's just... Oh Fucking hell! You know?
162
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:28,440
It's just, like, erm...
Fucking hell, you know?
163
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:36,920
Dad!
164
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,760
Freddie you get back here and apologise.
165
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,200
- Freddie, get back here!
- Dad!
166
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,280
- Get him back here now and
make him apologise to me! - Sorry.
167
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,520
Dad, you've got to get him
back here. Dad, please...
168
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,040
♪ I am
169
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,920
♪ The only one
170
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:03,440
♪ Can ride that horse
171
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,800
♪ Yonder
172
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,120
♪ I'm full of beans
173
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,920
♪ Who died at sea... ♪
174
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:28,280
So, Hamlet. What's it all about.... dudes?
175
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,040
Anyone?
176
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:38,920
Well, Josie,
through the fog of his grief,
177
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:44,560
Hamlet is struggling to choose
between action or inaction,
178
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:50,880
and through this struggle,
he encounters existential forces
179
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:54,400
illuminating the path
towards death which is,
180
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,720
in itself, life.
181
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:02,920
My my, that is an illuminating
thesis, Gerald. Well done.
182
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,840
- Well, thank you.
- No, thank you. You're a delight to teach.
183
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:14,400
- I got held up.
- Freddie's always late.
184
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,840
- Sorry.
- Sit down, please.
185
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:23,840
- Is Freddie gonna fail his A-levels?
- 'Fraid so, Gerald.
186
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,640
You're all gonna fail if you
don't read the pucking book...
187
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,400
I've read it! It was great!
188
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,440
I didn't really understand it though.
189
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:37,880
Did the ghost do it after all, or was it
Voldemort? He's a right beast, in't he?
190
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:41,400
Erm, I think you've got your books
mixed up again, Panda.
191
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,520
So, in summary,
the predominant themes of...
192
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:49,280
William Shakespeare's Hamlet are...
193
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:55,040
Action, Inaction, Madness,
# Quand tu es pres de moi... #
194
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,720
Grief, Death.
# Cette chambre n'a... #
195
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:02,240
♪ ... plus de parois
196
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:06,520
♪ Mais des arbres oui
197
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:10,040
♪ Des arbres infinis
198
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:16,920
- Being, or not being? That is the question.
# Et quand tu es... tellement pres de moi #
199
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:24,240
♪ C'est comme si ce plafond-la
200
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:28,320
♪ Il n'existait plus
201
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:35,440
♪ Je vois le ciel
penche sur nous... ♪
202
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:40,600
Uh... Anyone else?
203
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:45,920
Hamlet's basically a teenage boy.
He's got these desires,
204
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,160
but he doesn't have the bottle
to reach out for them.
205
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:53,040
So, he goes mad and wanks off
about Ophelia and ends up so boring
206
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,040
that somebody has to kill him.
207
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,960
I'm not sure that's right.
There's no wanking in Hamlet.
208
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:03,880
Mmm, yeah there is. Loads.
Only they call it soliloquizing.
209
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:09,720
Nice one, blondie. She's funny.
210
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,760
Cook, no, please don't!
211
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,640
Stop it, please!
212
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:17,560
Freds!
213
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,520
Oh, thanks a lot, Cook.
Now my nipples are really chafed.
214
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,880
Come on.
We're going down the boozer.
215
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,920
- Nah, I'm gonna...
- Come on man!
216
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,720
I need to get that fucking
Dickens out me head.
217
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,600
- Let's get fucking trashed!
- But... - Oh, come on!
218
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:35,560
Fredds, it's been ages
since we last went out.
219
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:36,880
No.
220
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:40,240
I'm going home.
221
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,600
Oh, no... Cook don't! No!
222
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:52,440
Not again!
223
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,240
Have a tickle!
224
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,040
So, Freddie...
225
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,440
Tell us what it means
to you to have Karen
226
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:14,920
in the grand final of
Search For A Sexxbomb?
227
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,760
It's like, you know... Well, I mean...
228
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,160
I can't quite put it into words.
229
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,640
It's great. It is... great.
230
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,040
He is just the best brother
in the whole wide world.
231
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,080
I mean, we take every day
as a blessing from God because,
232
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,720
you know, Mum isn't with us any more.
233
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:44,880
- It really makes you think.
- Does it? About what?
234
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:49,400
About, you know,
life is precious... And stuff.
235
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:53,120
Freddie, why don't you
tell me what it was like...
236
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:56,520
- ...to lose your mother?
- I didn't lose her.
237
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,760
I'm not going to find her
down the back of the sofa, or anything.
238
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:03,120
Ok, But, you know, like,
how did it feel?
239
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:08,200
Oh, it felt great, Jordan.
It felt really great.
240
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,720
Let me ask you.
241
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,560
How does it feel being a cocaine-snorting,
low-budget, corporate puppet?
242
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:19,160
- Yeah, ok. I think we're gonna cut here.
- No. Mum was...
243
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:23,720
She was the one who told me
that I had a talent, and a gift.
244
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,560
Who first sang with me
and believed in me.
245
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,080
When I'm singing out there,
I'm not just singing for me.
246
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,560
I'm singing for her.
247
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:37,080
And I'm singing for anyone
who's ever been through tragedy.
248
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:45,320
Ok, cut there. I love you, Karen!
I actually love you. Wow!
249
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:46,800
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
250
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:52,320
You're so warm and sweet and cool.
I could eat you. I'd love to eat you.
251
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,480
You'd like that, wouldn't you, Karen?
252
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,760
- I'd love that, Jordan.
- Ok, all right.
253
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,560
Listen, I need a chai latte.
Where's that asshole runner?
254
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,720
In there, with all the other arseholes.
255
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:09,040
You know, you're not that hot, kid.
Nobody wants to eat you...
256
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,520
- Phil, yes, my man...
- You're such a cock!
257
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,720
Why are you trying
to fuck this up for me?
258
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,160
...the stuff that makes
me go gaga, you know?
259
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:20,120
Start raping people, you know?
You are beautiful, I'll see you then.
260
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,400
You know, you oughta
get laid or something, kid.
261
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:31,720
I might be a corporate puppet or
whatever. But I have a fucking good time.
262
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:36,120
How's being an angsty little prick
working out for you?
263
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:54,320
Wow. I haven't seen you
dressed like that since, well...
264
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,200
ever.
265
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,880
You look a bit
like Frau Hilde from Primary.
266
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,400
Right now Kinder, get
ze glitter on ze macaroni und stick!
267
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,520
Stick! Express yourselves, ja?
268
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:11,080
Oh, oh, Jeremiah. No.
269
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:15,400
Oh, no. Ze glue
is all over das lippen.
270
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:27,920
Do you remember how Cook used to try
and ping his crayons into her bra?
271
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:31,840
Yeah.
272
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:44,760
Primary was fun.
273
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:49,280
Yeah...yeah it was.
274
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:53,120
Cook wants you to come to
Uncle Keith's pub quiz tomorrow.
275
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:57,800
Well, if Cook wants me there, I suppose
I'd better fucking hop to it, hadn't I!
276
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,760
Freddie, why don't you want
to be friends with us any more?
277
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:07,480
Cook hasn't got any friends.
Just people that he knows.
278
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,520
- Don't say that.
- JJ!
279
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,920
So? I mean,
280
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,040
What else are you gonna do?
281
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,160
Anyway, you'll like this.
282
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,080
Hang on. Pack of cards,
283
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:35,480
handkerchief, and a mouse,
but I haven't actually got a mouse, so...
284
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:39,080
so, a rubber.
I need you to pick a card.
285
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,520
I'll pick it for you.
286
00:22:56,600 --> 00:23:00,800
Hello, Effy. I hope you're OK.
287
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,240
Good.
288
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,440
Now, Elizabeth. It's important
for you to remember
289
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,280
that your mother and I
still love each other very much.
290
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,960
- No we don't.
- No, that's right. We don't.
291
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,040
That's why I'm fucking
out of here, woman.
292
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,200
I am on a fucking plane.
293
00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:21,720
You're dead right.
I am fucking out of here...
294
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:33,640
What's up?
295
00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:47,440
...And you've got
so little imagination,
296
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,840
you have to shag my fucking boss!
297
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:54,240
It's pathetic. You could have
shagged the turd from Tesco's.
298
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,040
- Take anything!
- I don't want anything!
299
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,880
Take it! Otherwise it's all gonna
go to cunting Oxfam!
300
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,560
Don't you dare use "cunt"
and "Oxfam" in the same sentence!
301
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,560
- Take something. - All right.
- You bought it with your fucking precious money.
302
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,560
- I'll take my fucking pan.
- Take that pan and you are fucking dead!
303
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,840
- I brought your bracelet back.
- Thanks.
304
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:19,600
We'd be good together.
305
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,720
- Don't you think?
- No.
306
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,400
- Why?
- Because I'll break your heart.
307
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,200
Maybe I'll break yours.
308
00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:37,720
Nobody breaks my heart. And anyway,
309
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,040
why would I want that?
310
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,280
Who the buggering tits is this?
311
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,120
Unbelievable.
312
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,720
They're not actually crazy,
you know.
313
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,880
They're just women.
314
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,320
♪ Now that I know
315
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,840
♪ The way it goes
316
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:36,040
♪ You gotta pay back
every penny that you owe
317
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,840
♪ Twelve years old
318
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:43,040
♪ In your momma's clothes
319
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:47,040
♪ Shut the blinds
and lock up every blow
320
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:51,040
♪ And if you hear
321
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,840
♪ Someone's coming near
322
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:58,720
♪ Just close your eyes
and make 'em disappear... ♪
323
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,800
It's amazing what you can accomplish
if you get up early enough, isn't it?
324
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:55,040
Fuck!
325
00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:56,800
Don't swear. You know
I don't like you swearing.
326
00:26:56,840 --> 00:27:00,440
This is bullshit! This is our fucking shed.
327
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:04,400
Mine and JJ's and Cook's.
Since we were little kids.
328
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:06,480
Maybe it's time you grew up then.
329
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,720
Besides, Karen needs
somewhere to rehearse...
330
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,760
and actually it's my shed.
331
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,640
I think this is the worst
thing anyone's ever done to me.
332
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:17,600
I didn't do it to you. I did it for you.
333
00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:42,800
Right. Question 23.
334
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,560
A swan is the only bird with a penis,
335
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:52,920
but how long can a cockroach live
after you've pulled its head off?
336
00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:54,400
Easy.
337
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,920
Ah, this is the life, eh?
338
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,840
The three musketeers out on the lash.
Let's have a cheers.
339
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,200
- The only man in Britain...
- Come on, cheers.
340
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:05,080
...to survive three attempts to hang him
341
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:09,400
was John Babbacombe Lee
at Exeter Jail.
342
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,720
On what dates were
the attempts made?
343
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,920
Keith, what's up
with these questions?
344
00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:19,160
Do you wanna be disqualified?
345
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,400
What were the dates?
346
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:24,920
Yep.
347
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:30,640
Do you know what
Naomi is spelled backwards?
348
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,440
- I moan.
- Fucking JJ.
349
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:39,840
Brilliant, man.
350
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:43,280
In Sherwood Forest, a famous oak tree...
351
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:44,760
Hi Eff, what's up?
352
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:47,200
- You all right?
- Yea, fine. Who's this?
353
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,640
- What is it?
- Mike.
354
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:53,720
Romantic.
355
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:58,080
All right, love. Clitoris Allsorts
could do with some more members.
356
00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,960
All right Keith,
we're not stopping.
357
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:04,400
Right, next question.
358
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:09,040
When dropped from a height of
100 inches onto concrete,
359
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:13,440
how high should
a new tennis ball bounce?
360
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,720
Answer in hectares please.
361
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:23,080
- I've got the answer.
- Write it down then J-kins.
362
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:27,160
In 1912, a famous ship hit an iceberg...
363
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:30,440
Now, we don't let nothing
come between us, yeah?
364
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,240
Bros before hos, boys,
bros before hos.
365
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:36,760
- Yeah.
- Anyway, we've got bigger fish to fuck.
366
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,800
Who does your sister think she is?
Gina fucking G?
367
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:40,880
This fucking shed situation is fucked.
368
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:42,440
The Cookie Monster
does not like this.
369
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:47,040
If you find her so reprehensible,
why did you have sex with her?
370
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:49,240
Oh wait, wait.
371
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,440
- What you? - That was supposed
to stay in the vault. Wasn't it?
372
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,480
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm emotionally underdeveloped.
373
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,720
- You shagged my sister?
- You know what I'm like, Freds.
374
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:00,920
Half a bottle of grappa and
I turn into a fucking machine gun.
375
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,640
You fucked my sister?!
376
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:25,040
Just be, Freddie.
377
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:26,800
Just be.
378
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:03,080
Fuck!
379
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,280
Bring it, Karen, bring it.
380
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:11,880
What do you want?
381
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,600
I was just wondering if there was
anything else you wanted to take?
382
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:16,440
- What?
- You've got this.
383
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,400
Maybe you want my bedroom
for a tanning salon next.
384
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,480
At least then you might
stand a chance tomorrow.
385
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:22,560
Freddie...
386
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,840
Just let me rehearse, and you
can bitch at me after the final.
387
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:28,720
Oh, I am so sorry.
388
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,160
I forgot that's the only thing
that matters in the whole world.
389
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,720
- Grow the fuck up!
- You don't see it, do you?
390
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:40,160
You don't see what a stupid
fucking cliche you really are.
391
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:41,760
Piss off, Freddie.
392
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,520
So, out of interest,
393
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:50,160
What were you dreaming of
when you fucked my best friend?
394
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,480
- It wasn't like that.
- I bet he fucked you good, didn't he?
395
00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,600
I know your type, Karen.
396
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:05,400
Love me. Love me. Love me!
397
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:06,400
Look, stop it.
398
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,720
You little fucking whore.
399
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:14,600
Karen. Go to your room.
400
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,200
Get some rest.
401
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:28,240
Freddie, don't you ever speak
to your sister that way again.
402
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:29,600
What are you gonna do about it, huh?
403
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:41,040
Freddie, every time I look at you,
I wonder...
404
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:44,960
You've got your mother's eyes, but...
405
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:48,480
I don't know who you are any more.
406
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,520
You just skate around.
407
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,800
You just fucking skate around.
408
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:06,080
♪ Stephen Fretwell :
Darling Don't ♪
409
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:41,080
- Yeah?
- Is Effy in?
410
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,920
No, there's no-one here
but terrible old me.
411
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:47,600
Do you know where she is?
412
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:50,920
Please?
413
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:56,520
She's at the water park, I think.
414
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,040
She goes there to, um...
415
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,280
..get away from here.
416
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:08,040
♪ Phosphorescent :
I Am A Full Grown Man ♪
417
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:27,440
Effy!
418
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:30,280
Effy!
419
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,320
Effy!
420
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:34,880
Effy!
421
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:40,160
Effy! I wanna talk to you!
422
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,320
Hi. This is Effy.
I'm not talking right now.
423
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:05,640
But leave a message and maybe
I'll get back to you
424
00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:00,560
- Effy, I've come to tell you...
- Freddie.
425
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:03,520
I don't think I can...
426
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:19,040
So, now I've told you, ok?
427
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:22,400
Now you know.
428
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,480
♪ Rim licking, clit flicking
429
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:44,280
♪ You're the stuffing
I'm the chicken
430
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,120
♪ Said we're clicking
You're still licking
431
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,040
♪ Clock is ticking
Stick your dick in
432
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:50,040
♪ In this club they cannot tame us
433
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:51,800
♪ On the dancefloor
tongue meets anus
434
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:53,560
♪ Boy, I need you in my south pole
435
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,840
♪ Put your star
in to my black hole
436
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,040
♪ Rim lickin', baby
437
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:00,920
♪ Could ya lick my rim?
438
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,120
♪ Could you put it in
Oh, baby
439
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:06,600
♪ Rim lickin', baby
440
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,240
♪ If ya taste that thing
441
00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:11,800
♪ Then you can put it in
Oh, baby. ♪
442
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:19,640
Jemma, Jemma, Jemma, Jemma!
That was fierce. Fierce!
443
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:23,200
Jordan?
444
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:25,720
I didn't like it.
445
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:31,160
I loved it!
446
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:34,920
I loved it! I freakin' loved it!
447
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:38,760
Well, done! Thank you very much,
Jemma. Thank you.
448
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:43,760
OK, it's time for our third
and final act of the evening.
449
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:46,040
Singing the song that took the
Sexxbombz to number one
450
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:49,520
in two countries, one protectorate
and of course, Wales...
451
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:52,720
it's Karen Mclair
with Ass To Ass!
452
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,560
♪ Ass to ass with you
453
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:05,640
♪ Ass to ass with you
454
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:10,600
♪ At the rave we were bumping
I can feel his body pumping
455
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:14,560
♪ As he moves into mine
Then he really starts to wind
456
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:18,920
♪ He tells me dis ting and dat ting
To make me come undone
457
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,040
♪ Then he whispers in my ear
458
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:25,560
♪ Girl I want to see them
going ass to ass with you
459
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:29,440
♪ I wanna see them going
Ass to ass with you
460
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:33,320
♪ He wants to see me going
ass to ass with you
461
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:37,520
♪ I wanna see them going
Ass to ass with you
462
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:42,600
♪ Ass to ass
463
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:46,520
♪ Ass to ass
464
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:50,840
♪ Ass to ass
465
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:03,520
♪ Ass to ass with you
466
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:05,120
♪ I wanna see them going
467
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,440
♪ Ass to ass with you
468
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:09,160
♪ He wants to see me going
469
00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,400
♪ Ass to ass with you
470
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:15,640
♪ I wanna see them going
Ass to ass with you. ♪
471
00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:18,240
Oh, yes!
472
00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:21,480
Absolutely fantastic!
473
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:29,840
I'd like to dedicate that
to my mum, Mary Mclair.
474
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,040
I love you so much.
475
00:40:36,720 --> 00:40:38,240
Shut up.
476
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:41,320
Karen, Karen,
that was amazing.
477
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,840
You are not just in
this competition,
478
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:50,120
you are this competition!
Yeah! Yeah!
479
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,480
Yes! Yes! Yes!
480
00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:57,320
What about you Sexxbombz,
are you feeling the love tonight?
481
00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:04,720
♪ I wanna see you
going ass to ass with you
482
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:09,040
♪ I wanna see you going
ass to ass with me ♪
483
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,600
They're feeling the ass, baby!
Fo' shizzle!
484
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:17,880
OK, all feeling the ass.
485
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,840
Thank you. Karen, everybody!
486
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:26,400
OK, it's now time to get voting
for your favourite.
487
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,240
Honey, Jemma, or Karen?
488
00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:32,520
Lines are open, get dialling now
and come back here in one hour.
489
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:34,520
One of these three lovely girls will be
490
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:38,320
The New Sexxbomb!
491
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:13,040
Thanks, mate.
492
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,760
What are you doing, man?
Let's go out and fucking celebrate!
493
00:42:45,240 --> 00:42:47,120
- What?
- She fucking lost.
494
00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:49,040
I'm not going anywhere.
495
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:51,040
OK then.
We'll bring the party to you.
496
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:52,320
Come on J.
497
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:55,720
JJ.
498
00:42:56,680 --> 00:43:01,800
He wanted to come around.
Just don't do anything bad, OK?
499
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:11,120
Hello, Mr Mclair. Karen.
500
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:12,560
Hello, JJ.
501
00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:23,600
Bad luck, Karen.
In the competition, like.
502
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:25,120
But you know,
503
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,520
what goes around comes around.
504
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,440
How much did you lose by again?
15 votes?
505
00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:35,720
Well, that's funny.
506
00:43:35,720 --> 00:43:39,040
Cos that's about how many people
were in Keith's pub tonight.
507
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:40,880
You voted against her?
508
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:43,080
Not just me. Everyone in there.
509
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,120
- JJ, even.
- Cook, don't.
510
00:43:46,240 --> 00:43:47,920
You fucking did what?
511
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:50,520
You took my shed, I took
your competition. Fair's fair.
512
00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:52,840
You little shit,
you ugly little bastard!
513
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:54,400
Guys. Guys. Guys.
514
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:58,240
Let's go out? You can watch me play
pin the sausage on the bramble.
515
00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:00,720
- I forgot how limber you were, Karen.
- What's going on?
516
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:10,080
- Come on. It's been a long day.
- You prick.
517
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,600
You selfish fucking prick!
518
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:19,160
Freddie, please.
519
00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:21,280
Fucking do it then. You pussy.
520
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,520
I really fucking
love you, you bastard.
521
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,040
JJ, we're leaving, man.
522
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:52,280
- JJ, I'm sorry.
- JJ!
523
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:57,720
You fucking...
524
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:36,960
Hi, this is Effy. I'm not talking
right now but leave a message...
525
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:57,040
- Hi, um... is Eff...
- Oh, give it up, will you?
526
00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,520
- What?
- Just fuck right off.
527
00:47:16,240 --> 00:47:18,240
You've got about
as much chance of fucking me
528
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:21,160
as becoming the democratically
elected Student President of this dump.
529
00:47:21,240 --> 00:47:24,520
- You? President?
- Yeah man. Problem?
530
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:29,280
Vote for me!
Vote for non-stop party!
531
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:35,200
- You're such a fucking joke.
- I'm a joke? You're fucking hilarious.
532
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:38,280
Can we go somewhere? Anywhere?
533
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:59,880
Subtitles by
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534
00:48:00,720 --> 00:48:05,720
Transcript : Vanilla Chocolate
535
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:11,480
DADA
536
00:48:11,530 --> 00:48:16,080
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