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Transcript: Chocolate.
Synch: Travis for www.forom.com
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00:01:19,435 --> 00:01:21,195
Fuckers.
3
00:02:26,673 --> 00:02:28,473
Fredster!
4
00:02:28,483 --> 00:02:31,953
This stuff is fucking rubbish,
by the way.
5
00:02:31,963 --> 00:02:33,673
Stop stealing my
fucking spliff!
6
00:02:33,683 --> 00:02:35,113
Arghhh!
7
00:02:35,123 --> 00:02:37,713
Morning, gents,
you thieving bastards.
8
00:02:40,033 --> 00:02:41,713
Come on,
I got you some breakfast.
9
00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:46,813
They allowed to serve
lager at 8 in the morning?
10
00:02:46,846 --> 00:02:49,670
I had a word...
11
00:02:49,685 --> 00:02:53,035
JJ's got some interesting thoughts
on the benefits of Carlsberg
12
00:02:53,044 --> 00:02:54,556
as part of a balanced
dietary pattern.
13
00:02:54,569 --> 00:02:55,836
Yeah?
14
00:02:55,849 --> 00:02:59,153
Calorifically it's right up
there with 392 energy units,
15
00:02:59,165 --> 00:03:01,630
which is nothing on the
Snickers Duo I'm having
16
00:03:01,646 --> 00:03:04,430
which has the additional
drawback of 28 grams of fat.
17
00:03:04,447 --> 00:03:06,870
Although I can call upon
1.2 grams of fibre,
18
00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:10,832
which doesn't feature in your lager.
But you could argue in some sense
19
00:03:10,846 --> 00:03:13,191
that hops constitute
one of your five a day.
20
00:03:13,205 --> 00:03:14,950
That'll do me.
21
00:03:21,276 --> 00:03:23,510
You not having that, Freds?
22
00:03:23,526 --> 00:03:25,550
That's his fourth so far.
23
00:03:25,568 --> 00:03:28,192
Is that a good idea?
We've college in half an hour.
24
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:31,033
You'll be carrying an
attention deficit into the day.
25
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:33,391
Attention deficit?
Intelligence deficit!
26
00:03:36,997 --> 00:03:38,031
Pig!
27
00:03:38,045 --> 00:03:40,152
Well, maybe I won't go then.
28
00:03:40,165 --> 00:03:42,270
You're going to bunk
off your first day?
29
00:03:42,287 --> 00:03:44,991
Freddie, mate,
the sun's shining.
30
00:03:45,005 --> 00:03:47,111
We're bevvied,
spliffed and sorted.
31
00:03:47,125 --> 00:03:50,273
Feels like the beginning of something.
So I'm waiting.
32
00:03:50,287 --> 00:03:51,210
For what?
33
00:03:51,227 --> 00:03:51,691
The signal.
34
00:03:51,725 --> 00:03:52,951
We're starting college, Cook.
35
00:03:52,968 --> 00:03:55,672
No, we're waiting.
Something's gotta start us off.
36
00:03:55,685 --> 00:03:57,873
You're running a randomised
fate model to see
37
00:03:57,887 --> 00:03:59,492
if you continue in
full time education?
38
00:03:59,525 --> 00:04:03,470
I need motivation. And it needs to
be better than sitting in the sun,
39
00:04:03,487 --> 00:04:07,871
with you two, drinking beers
and smoking your blow. Jensie!
40
00:04:07,885 --> 00:04:09,590
Have the same again?
41
00:04:09,608 --> 00:04:11,992
And sling a couple of
them cherry shots on top?
42
00:04:12,005 --> 00:04:12,991
Cheers, darling.
43
00:04:15,438 --> 00:04:18,552
Yes, I can feel it!
44
00:04:18,566 --> 00:04:21,272
It's got potential, this day.
45
00:04:21,287 --> 00:04:22,713
It's pregnant.
46
00:04:31,678 --> 00:04:35,951
Shouldn't someone pick up that
bike before it causes an...?
47
00:04:40,876 --> 00:04:42,871
For fuck's sake! Jesus shit!
48
00:04:42,885 --> 00:04:46,553
Where the fuck did that...?!
What the fuck?!
49
00:04:46,567 --> 00:04:50,670
Oh! Look at it! Look at it!
50
00:04:50,686 --> 00:04:53,313
Look at my fucking car!
51
00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:55,991
You saw that, didn't you?
Did you!? Did you see it?!
52
00:04:56,005 --> 00:04:59,111
I don't know.
You drove into the bollard.
53
00:04:59,128 --> 00:05:02,672
I did not! The fucking bike
jumped out in front of me!
54
00:05:02,686 --> 00:05:06,870
You must have seen it,
you're my witness, right? Are you blind?
55
00:05:06,887 --> 00:05:10,393
Why is everyone round
here fucking blind?
56
00:05:10,405 --> 00:05:12,391
That girl's looking
at you, Freddie.
57
00:05:12,408 --> 00:05:15,312
Yeah.
58
00:05:15,327 --> 00:05:17,471
Maybe she's looking at me.
59
00:05:17,488 --> 00:05:19,393
She's not looking at you, JJ.
60
00:05:19,408 --> 00:05:22,070
OK.
61
00:05:22,087 --> 00:05:23,512
Nice hair.
62
00:05:23,527 --> 00:05:24,791
Yeah.
63
00:05:24,805 --> 00:05:27,711
She's got nice hair
and nice eyes.
64
00:05:27,726 --> 00:05:29,311
And nice breasts, probably.
65
00:05:29,328 --> 00:05:30,793
Shut up, JJ.
66
00:05:30,805 --> 00:05:33,073
Nipples.
67
00:05:33,085 --> 00:05:35,631
We'll just imagine her bottom.
68
00:05:35,647 --> 00:05:38,150
Where's your fucking
white stick, woman?
69
00:05:38,166 --> 00:05:39,951
She's absolutely lovely.
70
00:05:39,968 --> 00:05:41,613
You are as stupid as you look!
71
00:05:41,625 --> 00:05:43,330
Ah, for fuck...
I want your mobile number.
72
00:05:43,365 --> 00:05:45,473
I don't have one.
73
00:05:45,487 --> 00:05:47,791
Your fucking email
address, then!
74
00:05:47,807 --> 00:05:50,580
Look at the state
of my fucking car!
75
00:05:50,595 --> 00:05:54,221
You must have seen something,
you demented bint!
76
00:05:54,237 --> 00:05:56,660
What... What happened?
77
00:05:56,677 --> 00:05:59,120
Is that your bike,
you fucking idiot?!
78
00:05:59,137 --> 00:06:00,882
I was signalling...
you just kept coming...
79
00:06:00,917 --> 00:06:02,622
I didn't even see you!
80
00:06:02,638 --> 00:06:04,703
You came out of
fucking nowhere!
81
00:06:04,718 --> 00:06:07,582
I was trying to make you see me.
You just kept coming, man!
82
00:06:07,598 --> 00:06:09,422
No. That's bollocks.
No. Listen!
83
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:12,661
You fucked my bike.
You just ran straight through me.
84
00:06:12,677 --> 00:06:17,463
That is not right!
You haven't got a witness.
85
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:20,822
Nobody saw me knock
you off your bike.
86
00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:23,661
I did.
87
00:06:23,676 --> 00:06:27,343
It was just like he said!
88
00:06:27,356 --> 00:06:30,503
You ran him over,
and now he's bleeding.
89
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:31,543
Profusely.
90
00:06:33,145 --> 00:06:35,003
Perhaps we should
call a policeman.
91
00:06:35,055 --> 00:06:36,921
I think it's a crime to
leave the scene of a...
92
00:06:36,957 --> 00:06:40,742
There's no need for that.
I'm sure we can sort this out.
93
00:06:40,755 --> 00:06:44,580
Let me buy you a new bike...
Look, here. Come on, take it!
94
00:06:44,595 --> 00:06:47,743
Take it!! Come on, have the lot.
Have the whole fucking lot!
95
00:06:47,757 --> 00:06:50,782
Oh, bollocks!
Forgive and forget, OK?
96
00:06:50,798 --> 00:06:54,141
Forgive and forget, OK?
OK?! All right.
97
00:06:54,158 --> 00:06:55,700
Everything all right, Gran?
98
00:06:55,717 --> 00:06:59,743
Oh, yes. Just a slight problem,
all sorted out now. Yes.
99
00:06:59,756 --> 00:07:02,742
He's a pillock,
he wrapped his car around that bollard,
100
00:07:02,757 --> 00:07:06,003
and he's called me
a demented bint.
101
00:07:06,038 --> 00:07:07,760
What the fuck did you
say to my Gran, man?
102
00:07:07,798 --> 00:07:09,381
Hello, nice to meet you...
103
00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:11,141
Don't fucking, "Hello," me...
104
00:07:11,158 --> 00:07:12,142
Sweet.
105
00:07:20,147 --> 00:07:22,901
Dad says some things are best
left to the imagination.
106
00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:24,163
But that's not right, is it?
107
00:07:24,198 --> 00:07:26,301
Your dad's a stupid tosser, JJ.
108
00:07:26,318 --> 00:07:27,423
Yes.
109
00:07:27,436 --> 00:07:31,383
Do you think she's
going where we're going?
110
00:07:31,395 --> 00:07:32,823
She is now.
111
00:07:52,227 --> 00:07:56,503
There were always
two sides to this story
112
00:07:57,466 --> 00:08:01,341
It was faith that led us here
113
00:08:02,826 --> 00:08:04,980
Two lazy bells
114
00:08:04,996 --> 00:08:07,861
We saw wings that
cling and wings that fell
115
00:08:07,877 --> 00:08:12,221
All our time
116
00:08:12,237 --> 00:08:17,503
It's easy to see all
these changes for me
117
00:08:17,517 --> 00:08:24,342
But all of these
things Do not compare
118
00:08:24,355 --> 00:08:27,940
Not anywhere no
Near the way we do
119
00:08:27,957 --> 00:08:32,063
Through all of this life
120
00:08:33,427 --> 00:08:35,021
There's you.
121
00:08:54,306 --> 00:08:56,263
Aarrgh!
122
00:08:56,275 --> 00:08:59,582
Mum! Mum! Emily hit me! Aargh!
123
00:08:59,596 --> 00:09:01,303
Emily? Are you hitting James?
124
00:09:01,316 --> 00:09:02,583
Sorry! Accident...
125
00:09:02,596 --> 00:09:05,062
Argh! That was my
bloody widdler!
126
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,502
Shut up or I'll tell
her what you were doing.
127
00:09:08,868 --> 00:09:12,022
I've got a natural curiosity
for a boy of my age.
128
00:09:12,038 --> 00:09:14,981
Fuck off. And I know it's
you stealing the knickers.
129
00:09:14,998 --> 00:09:17,903
They better not be
sticky when I find them.
130
00:09:22,465 --> 00:09:24,301
Get the fuck out
of there, bitch!
131
00:09:26,026 --> 00:09:29,020
Mum! Mum! Who?
132
00:09:30,548 --> 00:09:32,861
It's me, Emily.
133
00:09:32,875 --> 00:09:36,822
Tell her to get out of the shower.
She's making me late for college.
134
00:09:36,836 --> 00:09:40,220
Gotta dash. Remember to make
a packed lunch for James. No!
135
00:09:40,238 --> 00:09:44,421
Why don't you get Katie to...?
Good luck at college. Remember to smile.
136
00:09:53,735 --> 00:09:55,092
Fucking hell!
137
00:10:03,098 --> 00:10:06,611
You've used all
the fucking water!
138
00:10:06,627 --> 00:10:08,770
Jesus! Shit!
139
00:10:12,818 --> 00:10:16,293
Oh, for fuck's sake!
You pervy little bastard.
140
00:10:16,307 --> 00:10:17,572
Ow... Ow! Mum!
141
00:10:17,585 --> 00:10:19,093
She's gone to work, loser.
142
00:10:19,107 --> 00:10:20,172
Ow!
143
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:23,170
Fucking hell.
How many times are you gonna do that?
144
00:10:23,185 --> 00:10:25,055
I need to wash my
hair and you've...
145
00:10:25,064 --> 00:10:27,936
I knew this top would
look fucking bad-ass.
146
00:10:27,949 --> 00:10:29,696
It's mine.
147
00:10:29,709 --> 00:10:31,973
Yeah. Aren't you glad
I made you buy it?
148
00:10:33,618 --> 00:10:36,253
Get dressed, though.
We're gonna be late.
149
00:10:38,016 --> 00:10:40,052
I dunno where
you got this thong,
150
00:10:40,065 --> 00:10:42,370
but it's properly
cutting me in half.
151
00:10:42,388 --> 00:10:43,811
You could give it back.
152
00:10:43,825 --> 00:10:44,930
Sorry.
153
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,973
You know it doesn't
look as good on you.
154
00:10:48,018 --> 00:10:50,492
Oh, there's Danny. Hey, cutey!
155
00:10:50,508 --> 00:10:52,332
I'm just coming. Hooo!
156
00:10:52,348 --> 00:10:57,732
I'm telling you, college?
First day? You need to get ready.
157
00:10:57,748 --> 00:10:59,892
Cos we're not waiting for you.
158
00:11:12,207 --> 00:11:14,131
What about my packed lunch?
159
00:11:14,148 --> 00:11:15,413
Fuck off.
160
00:11:15,427 --> 00:11:19,090
You shave your fanny with
Dad's Gillette Mach3.
161
00:11:19,107 --> 00:11:21,093
WU-TANG CLAN: Shame On A Nigga
162
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:45,333
So Tommo goes up
the inside, right?
163
00:11:45,346 --> 00:11:47,933
I drop back to cover
Marco and Keeno.
164
00:11:47,946 --> 00:11:50,492
Took a one-two from Jonno,
he's gone, "Danno!"
165
00:11:50,506 --> 00:11:52,051
So I drag back over the ball.
166
00:11:52,068 --> 00:11:54,651
Looked up,
chipped the centre back... Boff!
167
00:11:54,666 --> 00:11:56,371
Sambo's in on goal.
168
00:11:56,385 --> 00:11:57,533
Sambo?
169
00:11:57,545 --> 00:12:01,253
He's got a lovely sense of rhythm.
Whoa! Where's your knickers, girl?
170
00:12:01,266 --> 00:12:04,012
That's for me to know and
you to find out, Danny.
171
00:12:04,026 --> 00:12:06,053
Nice one! Nice one, yeah?
172
00:12:26,575 --> 00:12:29,133
Score one for me, honey.
173
00:12:29,146 --> 00:12:31,491
Laters, babe.
174
00:12:31,507 --> 00:12:32,811
See you, Danny.
175
00:12:32,828 --> 00:12:33,973
Yeah, yeah.
176
00:12:37,735 --> 00:12:39,612
Yeah. Renault Megane Coupe!
177
00:12:41,215 --> 00:12:42,532
Fucking bag...
178
00:12:42,545 --> 00:12:44,492
Here, Ems?
179
00:12:44,505 --> 00:12:45,530
Ems?
180
00:12:45,546 --> 00:12:46,212
Yeah?
181
00:12:46,227 --> 00:12:49,570
You oughta spruce up, yeah?
Get some decent threads like Katie.
182
00:12:49,585 --> 00:12:53,852
We're having a party in the
Premier Travel Lodge on Thursday.
183
00:12:53,867 --> 00:12:57,970
Party fun, yeah? The lads,
they love a twin thing, you know?
184
00:13:00,938 --> 00:13:04,131
That's sweet of you, Danny.
Can I get back to you on that?
185
00:13:04,148 --> 00:13:06,450
Yeah, yeah. Nice one.
186
00:13:12,138 --> 00:13:14,172
Are you Danny?
That gas-head footy player?
187
00:13:14,185 --> 00:13:14,613
Yup...
188
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,050
My mate Janice wants
you to sign her tits.
189
00:13:17,067 --> 00:13:18,893
Let me park up.
190
00:13:18,907 --> 00:13:20,413
Your boyfriend's well mint.
191
00:13:20,426 --> 00:13:21,770
Yeah. He's totally fit.
192
00:13:21,786 --> 00:13:25,330
He took me to the Stakis Grand last
week for surf, turf and shots.
193
00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:27,612
Oooh. I love Danny
Guillermo. Wow.
194
00:13:27,625 --> 00:13:28,813
Safe.
195
00:13:28,826 --> 00:13:29,371
Lush.
196
00:13:29,386 --> 00:13:29,850
Foxy.
197
00:13:29,868 --> 00:13:31,212
Oh, yeah, cute.
198
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,971
He's signing Samantha's tits!
199
00:13:32,985 --> 00:13:34,212
Bonkers!
200
00:13:34,226 --> 00:13:36,132
What's surf and turf, Eff?
201
00:13:36,146 --> 00:13:37,572
Sex.
202
00:13:37,587 --> 00:13:40,771
Wow! We'll have a whizzer
time at this college, Eff!
203
00:13:40,786 --> 00:13:43,291
I'm definitely going to
have surf and turf, ASAP.
204
00:13:43,305 --> 00:13:44,653
Mum says boys only
want one thing
205
00:13:44,667 --> 00:13:46,452
so my plan is give it to them,
lots of times.
206
00:13:46,465 --> 00:13:48,372
That way I'll get good at it,
be really popular
207
00:13:48,407 --> 00:13:49,910
and maybe my toes
will stop throbbing.
208
00:13:49,925 --> 00:13:51,890
Bye!
209
00:13:51,907 --> 00:13:54,412
Christ's sakes, Ems.
Come on, you loser!!
210
00:13:54,426 --> 00:13:54,730
Oh...
211
00:13:54,748 --> 00:13:58,132
What's wrong with you?
You're always lagging behind me.
212
00:13:58,146 --> 00:14:00,970
Why can't you wear
decent clothes?
213
00:14:00,987 --> 00:14:02,453
Right.
214
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:03,731
You hate her.
215
00:14:03,745 --> 00:14:04,972
Who do I hate, Eff?
216
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,530
I'll let you know.
217
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:08,851
Cool.
218
00:14:08,868 --> 00:14:10,271
Let's get this party started.
219
00:14:10,287 --> 00:14:11,152
You want a lollipop?
220
00:14:11,186 --> 00:14:12,972
No.
221
00:14:12,987 --> 00:14:15,293
I know I've got
work to do But hey
222
00:14:15,305 --> 00:14:17,891
My will to move or
even use my brain
223
00:14:17,908 --> 00:14:20,652
Is weathered by
eternal English rain
224
00:14:20,665 --> 00:14:23,093
And when the talk show ends,
I scream
225
00:14:23,106 --> 00:14:24,933
Right at the screen for more
226
00:14:24,946 --> 00:14:26,850
Pregnant teens I
can't fall asleep
227
00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:28,373
It's almost three
228
00:14:28,388 --> 00:14:30,892
So I water the flowers
out on the street
229
00:14:30,907 --> 00:14:35,410
And I spent 5 hours on
the net last night...
230
00:14:37,658 --> 00:14:39,653
She smiled at me.
231
00:14:39,668 --> 00:14:40,893
Cool.
232
00:14:40,907 --> 00:14:43,532
She, erm,
didn't smile at you, JJ.
233
00:14:43,546 --> 00:14:46,212
I think you'll find she did.
234
00:14:46,228 --> 00:14:50,610
Mum was right. A lack of pubic
hair isn't necessarily a drawback.
235
00:14:50,626 --> 00:14:52,493
It is a drawback.
236
00:14:52,505 --> 00:14:56,451
Girls are more interested in
my character than my cock.
237
00:14:56,465 --> 00:14:57,890
That's just been proved.
238
00:14:57,908 --> 00:15:00,212
She was not looking at you.
239
00:15:00,225 --> 00:15:02,531
Fuck me, you're blind.
240
00:15:02,547 --> 00:15:06,650
On the contrary.
My eyesight is keen.
241
00:15:06,668 --> 00:15:09,532
Yeah? How many fingers
am I holding up?
242
00:15:10,456 --> 00:15:12,813
F... Ow!
243
00:15:12,825 --> 00:15:14,091
You always do that...!
244
00:15:14,106 --> 00:15:15,572
I've got so much cock hair
245
00:15:15,585 --> 00:15:17,770
I can backcomb it and
use it like a lure.
246
00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:19,811
Nice.
247
00:15:22,696 --> 00:15:24,690
Like a Porcupine.
248
00:15:24,708 --> 00:15:27,053
Right, you're all prick.
249
00:15:27,065 --> 00:15:28,611
Toosh.
250
00:15:28,708 --> 00:15:30,013
You mean touche.
251
00:15:32,058 --> 00:15:33,052
Probably.
252
00:15:37,096 --> 00:15:38,172
Tosser.
253
00:15:38,185 --> 00:15:39,250
Nice.
254
00:15:44,178 --> 00:15:45,450
Here we go.
255
00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:51,811
'Welcome to Roundview College.
A meeting place for young people.'
256
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,292
God help me.
257
00:16:05,308 --> 00:16:07,412
Lovely kids. So full of energy.
258
00:16:07,426 --> 00:16:09,172
Makes you feel alive.
259
00:16:09,187 --> 00:16:12,011
They look like a right
peck of fuckers to me.
260
00:16:12,028 --> 00:16:15,530
If I suddenly get a bit
flushed and short of breath,
261
00:16:15,547 --> 00:16:17,690
take over, would you, Doug?
262
00:16:17,708 --> 00:16:18,743
Why would you get flushed?
263
00:16:18,748 --> 00:16:19,852
Just fucking do it, ok?!
264
00:16:19,868 --> 00:16:22,571
No problem. Flushed.
Right you are.
265
00:16:24,295 --> 00:16:27,611
Could I have your
attention, please?
266
00:16:27,626 --> 00:16:30,093
Yes, we are starting.
267
00:16:31,178 --> 00:16:32,213
Excuse...
268
00:16:34,976 --> 00:16:36,211
Attention!
269
00:16:36,227 --> 00:16:39,853
Pay attention, look you!
270
00:16:41,975 --> 00:16:43,412
Thank you, Doug.
271
00:16:46,337 --> 00:16:49,171
Welcome to Roundview College.
272
00:16:49,188 --> 00:16:53,211
We are a designated four star
educational establishment
273
00:16:53,226 --> 00:16:56,573
under the National We're All
In It Together Initiative
274
00:16:56,585 --> 00:17:00,172
leading to Ultimate
Improvement status.
275
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:04,133
Anyone who screws that up will be
officially burnt at the stake.
276
00:17:04,145 --> 00:17:05,292
And expelled.
277
00:17:05,305 --> 00:17:06,890
Yes, and expelled.
278
00:17:06,907 --> 00:17:12,210
God help you all, you're gonna get
some qualifications. Any questions?
279
00:17:12,226 --> 00:17:13,530
PFFRT!
280
00:17:13,545 --> 00:17:17,130
Thank you. Now before I turn
you over to your form tutors,
281
00:17:17,146 --> 00:17:20,772
I'd like to tell you something about
the way in which we organise our...
282
00:17:20,787 --> 00:17:21,413
PFFRT!
283
00:17:21,428 --> 00:17:24,251
Right! Very funny.
This is a further education college,
284
00:17:24,266 --> 00:17:26,091
not a primary school.
285
00:17:26,107 --> 00:17:27,293
PFFRT!
286
00:17:28,338 --> 00:17:30,053
Stop it! Stop it!
287
00:17:30,067 --> 00:17:32,773
I'll cut your balls off,
you cheeky little turds!
288
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,931
You hear me?
289
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,851
I do apologise.
290
00:17:39,695 --> 00:17:41,130
I think I might be at fault.
291
00:17:42,418 --> 00:17:45,132
Too much rhubarb on
my Ready Brek. Havoc.
292
00:17:46,537 --> 00:17:47,810
Right.
293
00:17:47,828 --> 00:17:50,931
You are looking a little flushed.
Do you want me to...?
294
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:52,570
No! No. Just...
295
00:18:09,935 --> 00:18:14,293
Last year,
we had some intolerable incidents
296
00:18:14,307 --> 00:18:17,492
so, I want to make
this easy for you.
297
00:18:17,505 --> 00:18:22,161
The following will result in instant
expulsion - smoking on the premises,
298
00:18:22,176 --> 00:18:23,801
setting fire to the premises,
299
00:18:23,818 --> 00:18:25,961
consumption of alcohol
on the premises,
300
00:18:25,976 --> 00:18:29,803
consumption of drugs on the premises,
consumption of pornography
301
00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:32,763
on the premises, teacher abuse,
glue abuse, self abuse,
302
00:18:33,088 --> 00:18:37,041
sexual intercourse with any
other student, teacher or animal
303
00:18:37,056 --> 00:18:38,721
or combination of the above
304
00:18:38,737 --> 00:18:44,160
including oral sex and/or use
of sex toys, on the premises.
305
00:18:44,177 --> 00:18:46,043
That was nasty...
306
00:18:46,057 --> 00:18:50,321
Miss Reedy,
our new head of communications.
307
00:18:50,335 --> 00:18:53,442
Miss Reedy is
joining us from...
308
00:18:53,455 --> 00:18:55,323
Where are you joining us from?
309
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,762
Um, I had some time off.
310
00:18:57,777 --> 00:18:59,803
Seven years.
311
00:18:59,817 --> 00:19:05,082
It was stress-related but feeling
a bit better now, hopefully...
312
00:19:05,098 --> 00:19:06,803
Oh, Christ.
313
00:19:10,086 --> 00:19:17,122
Form BD1, say your name,
please, when I...
314
00:19:17,135 --> 00:19:23,201
Put your hands up, please,
when I call your, erm, name.
315
00:19:24,925 --> 00:19:26,882
Emily Fitch?
316
00:19:30,047 --> 00:19:32,523
Katie Fitch?
317
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:34,202
Jonah Jeremia Jones?
318
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:36,720
JJ, present.
319
00:19:36,738 --> 00:19:37,961
James Cook?
320
00:19:37,975 --> 00:19:39,803
Yo!
321
00:19:39,818 --> 00:19:43,521
Elizabeth Stonem?
322
00:19:43,537 --> 00:19:46,240
Mavis Jarundi?
323
00:19:47,246 --> 00:19:52,122
Dob...rislawa W...
324
00:19:52,135 --> 00:19:54,720
Wieczorek? I'm sorry,
you're foreign.
325
00:19:55,845 --> 00:19:57,122
Frederick Mclair?
326
00:19:57,138 --> 00:19:58,640
Yes.
327
00:19:58,657 --> 00:20:00,121
Yes!
328
00:20:00,137 --> 00:20:01,203
Denise Adebeyor?
329
00:20:01,215 --> 00:20:04,240
Yes. Yes!
The integrity of the unit is preserved.
330
00:20:04,257 --> 00:20:06,760
I'm still deeply
unhappy with you, mind,
331
00:20:06,778 --> 00:20:09,002
on account of the
unwarranted violence.
332
00:20:09,016 --> 00:20:10,761
All right, I said I'm sorry.
333
00:20:10,775 --> 00:20:15,560
And Naomi Campbell?
334
00:20:15,575 --> 00:20:17,401
Naomi Campbell?
335
00:20:20,646 --> 00:20:23,523
Naomi Campbell?!
336
00:20:23,538 --> 00:20:25,081
Fucking hell...
337
00:20:28,968 --> 00:20:31,083
Hey, Naomi.
338
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:33,761
Now I get it.
You got anger management issues.
339
00:20:33,776 --> 00:20:35,441
Only when I talk to wankers.
340
00:20:35,458 --> 00:20:38,361
Cool. You gonna hit me
with your shoe now, or...?
341
00:20:44,085 --> 00:20:45,323
I like her.
342
00:20:50,405 --> 00:20:55,040
Oh, Christ. Same fucking form.
343
00:20:57,568 --> 00:20:58,803
Hey, babe...?
344
00:20:58,815 --> 00:21:00,801
Babe? Babe?
345
00:21:00,816 --> 00:21:02,442
Babe?
346
00:21:02,458 --> 00:21:03,763
Babe?
347
00:21:03,776 --> 00:21:06,283
Sorry. I'm not a babe.
348
00:21:06,295 --> 00:21:08,441
No? Well,
I'll be the judge of that.
349
00:21:08,456 --> 00:21:10,160
Shut up, Cook.
Sorry about him.
350
00:21:10,178 --> 00:21:11,681
Listen, trying to
break the ice.
351
00:21:11,695 --> 00:21:13,721
Guess what I've got
tattooed on my cock?
352
00:21:13,736 --> 00:21:14,243
Cook...
353
00:21:14,256 --> 00:21:15,841
No, go on. Guess.
354
00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:17,121
What would you say?
355
00:21:17,135 --> 00:21:18,521
Excuse me?
356
00:21:18,538 --> 00:21:20,162
Yes? What is it?
357
00:21:20,178 --> 00:21:22,242
The boy next to me is
acting inappropriately.
358
00:21:22,258 --> 00:21:23,363
How?
359
00:21:23,376 --> 00:21:25,363
He wants to show me his tattoo.
360
00:21:25,377 --> 00:21:27,642
And not in a nice way.
361
00:21:27,658 --> 00:21:29,161
Right. You!
362
00:21:29,177 --> 00:21:29,922
Me?
363
00:21:29,935 --> 00:21:32,683
Yes! Why don't you show us
all your pathetic tattoo.
364
00:21:32,697 --> 00:21:36,162
We can wonder at its
magnificent stupidity.
365
00:21:36,175 --> 00:21:37,803
I don't think you'd like it.
366
00:21:37,815 --> 00:21:40,883
Right lad! Smartish!
367
00:21:40,897 --> 00:21:44,923
You've had an instruction.
Show her the tattoo, now!
368
00:21:44,935 --> 00:21:46,402
All right.
369
00:21:46,418 --> 00:21:49,162
Wait. No, no, no!
Cook, wait, no.
370
00:21:49,178 --> 00:21:50,440
Please, please!
371
00:21:59,528 --> 00:22:01,562
That is fuckin' impressive,
so it is.
372
00:22:03,125 --> 00:22:07,442
No, no, no, no, no! Let me out!
373
00:22:07,455 --> 00:22:11,643
Let me out!
Don't make me stay. Let me out!
374
00:22:12,925 --> 00:22:16,440
This is
unacceptable. Unacceptable!
375
00:22:18,125 --> 00:22:21,002
Silence.
376
00:22:21,015 --> 00:22:25,521
Silence! Silence! You, silence!
377
00:22:25,538 --> 00:22:31,603
PF-F-FFRT!
378
00:22:40,848 --> 00:22:43,480
I do apologise again.
379
00:22:48,958 --> 00:22:53,390
If I ever, ever see your
face in this office again...
380
00:22:53,406 --> 00:22:55,433
Get out!
381
00:22:55,445 --> 00:22:56,633
GET OUT!
382
00:22:56,647 --> 00:22:58,233
GET OUT!
383
00:23:02,518 --> 00:23:03,830
Did she expel you?
384
00:23:03,848 --> 00:23:04,512
For what?
385
00:23:04,526 --> 00:23:06,830
Well, getting your
cock out in Assembly.
386
00:23:06,848 --> 00:23:09,190
I'm guessing,
but it's possibly frowned upon.
387
00:23:09,208 --> 00:23:10,512
Even in the state sector.
388
00:23:10,528 --> 00:23:13,350
She understood the bind I was in.
I was doing what I was told.
389
00:23:13,365 --> 00:23:14,472
Very accommodating.
390
00:23:14,487 --> 00:23:18,030
There was something about removing
my bollocks with a monkey wrench
391
00:23:18,046 --> 00:23:19,470
if she ever saw them again.
392
00:23:19,487 --> 00:23:21,593
I think we reached
an understanding.
393
00:23:22,637 --> 00:23:24,393
Right. To business.
394
00:23:24,408 --> 00:23:25,431
You mean education?
395
00:23:25,447 --> 00:23:26,513
Women, JJ.
396
00:23:26,527 --> 00:23:27,591
Women?
397
00:23:27,607 --> 00:23:31,391
Um... I mean,
I feel like we might be...
398
00:23:31,405 --> 00:23:34,513
I don't want to sort of
run before I can walk...
399
00:23:37,798 --> 00:23:39,391
Wow.
400
00:23:39,405 --> 00:23:40,671
Girls!
401
00:23:45,908 --> 00:23:47,313
There's a lot of them.
402
00:23:47,325 --> 00:23:48,472
Yep.
403
00:23:49,558 --> 00:23:52,311
So much choice.
It's disconcerting.
404
00:23:52,328 --> 00:23:55,633
No, it's just a matter of sorting
out the wheat from the chavs.
405
00:23:55,648 --> 00:23:57,433
Ah, there we are.
406
00:23:59,436 --> 00:24:01,550
And the wolf shall lie
down with the lamb.
407
00:24:03,076 --> 00:24:05,270
You think she'd
lie down with me?
408
00:24:05,285 --> 00:24:07,033
No!
409
00:24:07,836 --> 00:24:11,232
Yeah? Well, that line is
wrong and popularly misquoted.
410
00:24:11,247 --> 00:24:14,193
It should read: 'The wolf also
shall dwell with the lamb,
411
00:24:14,208 --> 00:24:16,593
'and the leopard shall
lie down with the kid,
412
00:24:16,608 --> 00:24:20,072
'and the lion and the calf together
and a little child shall lead them.'
413
00:24:20,088 --> 00:24:22,671
Yeah. We'll try and pick
the bones out of that, J.
414
00:24:24,718 --> 00:24:26,871
I could show her one
of my magic tricks.
415
00:24:26,887 --> 00:24:28,471
Dad says it's an ice-breaker.
416
00:24:28,487 --> 00:24:30,192
Yeah? Let's try that out, then,
417
00:24:30,206 --> 00:24:33,952
before we go leaping in, and we can
see who gets the fatted calf, right?
418
00:24:33,965 --> 00:24:34,990
OK.
419
00:24:35,005 --> 00:24:36,190
Yeah, you.
420
00:24:36,207 --> 00:24:40,151
Darling, my mate wants to try out
his pick-up routine on you. That OK?
421
00:24:40,167 --> 00:24:42,792
Hey. Hi, I'm JJ.
422
00:24:42,806 --> 00:24:45,192
Pack of cards.
Nothing funny about them.
423
00:24:45,207 --> 00:24:48,432
Except one minute
they're blue and...
424
00:24:51,237 --> 00:24:53,311
Hi.
425
00:24:53,328 --> 00:24:54,911
Hi.
426
00:24:56,035 --> 00:24:59,512
You don't mind if
I take this locker?
427
00:24:59,526 --> 00:25:01,790
You can take anything
if you want it enough.
428
00:25:01,808 --> 00:25:06,472
Great. Everything's new and I
suppose we should probably, like,
429
00:25:06,485 --> 00:25:08,630
you know,
all get to know each other.
430
00:25:08,645 --> 00:25:09,593
Why?
431
00:25:10,797 --> 00:25:12,353
Well, um...
432
00:25:12,365 --> 00:25:14,272
I dunno.
433
00:25:15,397 --> 00:25:18,231
You definitely looked at
me this morning, twice.
434
00:25:18,248 --> 00:25:22,632
I just thought, you know,
maybe we could get to know each other.
435
00:25:22,647 --> 00:25:24,231
I look at lots of people.
436
00:25:24,247 --> 00:25:28,272
That doesn't mean I want
to get to know them.
437
00:25:33,757 --> 00:25:36,110
Do you want me to want
to get to know you?
438
00:25:37,157 --> 00:25:39,310
I, er, I wouldn't mind.
439
00:25:39,326 --> 00:25:41,550
Thing is,
they want to get to know me too.
440
00:25:45,755 --> 00:25:47,753
They're just wankers.
441
00:25:47,767 --> 00:25:49,473
They're your best friends.
442
00:25:49,485 --> 00:25:51,110
OK, so they're my best friends.
443
00:25:51,128 --> 00:25:52,830
That makes it complicated.
444
00:25:52,848 --> 00:25:55,790
I, um, I was hoping not.
445
00:25:57,918 --> 00:26:00,033
I'm Freddie.
446
00:26:01,595 --> 00:26:02,993
Tell you what, Freddie.
447
00:26:07,957 --> 00:26:09,312
Fill in a form.
448
00:26:09,328 --> 00:26:10,392
What's this?
449
00:26:10,408 --> 00:26:12,351
A list of things we're
not allowed to do.
450
00:26:12,365 --> 00:26:16,391
Like that head director said before
your bestest mate got his cock out.
451
00:26:16,406 --> 00:26:19,712
I was gonna see if I could tick
'em all before the end of the day.
452
00:26:19,725 --> 00:26:22,551
But this is much
more interesting.
453
00:26:22,566 --> 00:26:26,071
First one to fill
that out gets to...
454
00:26:27,958 --> 00:26:30,353
..get to know me.
455
00:26:31,475 --> 00:26:33,153
And no cheating.
456
00:26:33,167 --> 00:26:34,552
I'll need evidence.
457
00:26:34,566 --> 00:26:35,990
OK.
458
00:26:36,008 --> 00:26:38,390
Cos I wouldn't fuck a cheat.
459
00:26:38,406 --> 00:26:39,952
Sorry?
460
00:26:50,197 --> 00:26:51,432
Now watch very closely.
461
00:26:53,036 --> 00:26:54,872
Oh! Where's it gone?
462
00:26:56,515 --> 00:26:58,310
Presto!
463
00:26:58,326 --> 00:26:58,791
Presto!
464
00:26:58,807 --> 00:27:00,513
Put that away before I lose it.
465
00:27:00,528 --> 00:27:02,351
Fuck me!
466
00:27:02,366 --> 00:27:04,432
Yes, that's alarming.
So I'll just...
467
00:27:05,796 --> 00:27:07,310
Ha ha!
468
00:27:07,325 --> 00:27:09,752
And the coup de grace.
469
00:27:09,768 --> 00:27:11,471
Prestissimo!
470
00:27:13,835 --> 00:27:15,232
Yeah!
471
00:27:17,637 --> 00:27:18,792
Magic!
472
00:27:22,317 --> 00:27:25,271
Question is, pet, does that make
you want to give JJ a blowjob?
473
00:27:28,715 --> 00:27:30,991
Excuse me,
are you fucking deaf or something?
474
00:27:32,677 --> 00:27:34,953
Yes, I am deaf.
So why don't you
475
00:27:34,965 --> 00:27:37,591
give him a blowjob if
you love him so much?
476
00:27:37,606 --> 00:27:38,751
Tossers.
477
00:27:40,317 --> 00:27:41,670
Especially you.
478
00:27:43,276 --> 00:27:45,110
Who are we speaking to here?
479
00:27:45,126 --> 00:27:47,713
Pixie's lip reading.
I'm telling you what she says.
480
00:27:47,725 --> 00:27:49,710
Right, right. Cool.
481
00:27:51,755 --> 00:27:54,790
She's got tits like choccy Hob Nobs.
I'd like to dunk 'em,
482
00:27:54,807 --> 00:27:56,353
suck 'em and lick off the love.
483
00:27:57,436 --> 00:27:58,352
I'm not sure...
484
00:27:58,366 --> 00:27:59,473
Droopy, lardy arse.
485
00:27:59,488 --> 00:28:01,631
Bit spready, bit low slung.
You get me?
486
00:28:02,995 --> 00:28:05,710
I think we've stumbled upon
a flaw in your thinking.
487
00:28:07,316 --> 00:28:10,432
Listen... I mean, wait.
Hang on.
488
00:28:13,956 --> 00:28:16,950
Presto. You cunting
small-balled arsehole bandit.
489
00:28:20,398 --> 00:28:23,191
She may be deaf,
she's also extremely rude.
490
00:28:23,207 --> 00:28:24,431
Yeah.
491
00:28:25,316 --> 00:28:27,273
SANTOGOLD: Shove It
492
00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:37,593
It's bloody annoying they
put us in different forms.
493
00:28:37,608 --> 00:28:39,311
I mean, OK, I'm totally useless
494
00:28:39,328 --> 00:28:42,871
and Mum says I have to do Hair & Beauty,
but I'm good at Philosophy.
495
00:28:42,885 --> 00:28:45,711
I can't understand why I
can't do Hair and Philosophy.
496
00:28:45,725 --> 00:28:49,071
You can't cos it turns out Hair
& Beauty is one subject, not two.
497
00:28:49,086 --> 00:28:51,191
Blooming Nora, how mad is that?
498
00:28:51,207 --> 00:28:53,031
It's inexplicable, Pandora.
499
00:28:53,047 --> 00:28:55,272
Yeah. Inexplicable.
500
00:28:55,285 --> 00:28:57,352
What does inexplicable
mean, Eff?
501
00:28:57,365 --> 00:28:58,150
Can't explain.
502
00:28:58,165 --> 00:28:59,993
All right! Suit yourself, then.
503
00:29:10,677 --> 00:29:11,713
Whoa!
504
00:29:11,725 --> 00:29:13,390
Hi, I'm Katie.
505
00:29:13,407 --> 00:29:15,470
I'm Bruno and what do you know?
506
00:29:15,486 --> 00:29:17,433
Hello!
507
00:29:17,448 --> 00:29:18,753
Who's your friend?
508
00:29:18,765 --> 00:29:20,913
Pandora. Wow! You're a corker.
509
00:29:21,755 --> 00:29:23,712
Thanks, um...
510
00:29:23,727 --> 00:29:27,512
It's nice to... I got to go.
511
00:29:27,525 --> 00:29:31,231
Strewth! Do you think he'd do
surf and turf with me, Eff?
512
00:29:31,245 --> 00:29:31,713
I'll ask.
513
00:29:31,727 --> 00:29:35,033
Gotta go.
Lesson one, practical skills.
514
00:29:35,046 --> 00:29:37,272
Filing our nails - handy!
515
00:29:37,288 --> 00:29:39,430
I'm Pandora. I'm useless.
516
00:29:42,317 --> 00:29:43,473
Cute.
517
00:29:43,486 --> 00:29:46,431
I'm Katie, that's my sister.
518
00:29:46,447 --> 00:29:49,750
Aren't you Effy Stonem?
Haven't you got a really cool brother?
519
00:29:49,765 --> 00:29:51,152
Yeah, he's cool.
520
00:29:51,166 --> 00:29:53,673
All my friends fancied him.
I wasn't so fussed.
521
00:29:53,688 --> 00:29:56,511
Didn't he go mental?
Anyway I've got a boyfriend.
522
00:29:56,526 --> 00:29:58,431
He plays for Bristol
Rover reserves.
523
00:29:58,448 --> 00:29:59,952
Impressive.
524
00:29:59,966 --> 00:30:02,391
Yeah. He's well lush.
Let's sit together.
525
00:30:02,407 --> 00:30:04,110
We can chat because,
you know...
526
00:30:04,127 --> 00:30:07,110
We're the best-looking in here, really.
Sorry but we are.
527
00:30:07,125 --> 00:30:09,951
We should hang out. Definitely.
528
00:30:09,968 --> 00:30:11,912
Oh, no, here it comes.
529
00:30:11,925 --> 00:30:13,473
Total lezzer bitch.
530
00:30:18,956 --> 00:30:19,913
Excuse me.
531
00:30:24,278 --> 00:30:28,431
Like, don't talk to her. She tried
to snog my sister at middle school.
532
00:30:28,448 --> 00:30:31,833
Pervy. Don't you think, Eff?
533
00:30:33,957 --> 00:30:36,823
Watch out, Katie.
I might get confused
534
00:30:36,836 --> 00:30:39,301
and fuck you with my
big strap-on by mistake.
535
00:30:42,946 --> 00:30:45,102
Muff-munching bitch.
536
00:30:45,118 --> 00:30:46,460
Just jumped on you,
didn't she...
537
00:30:46,476 --> 00:30:47,900
Leave it, Katie.
538
00:30:47,918 --> 00:30:49,060
Whatever.
539
00:30:49,076 --> 00:30:51,100
Come on.
540
00:30:51,117 --> 00:30:53,343
We'll get the best seats, yeah?
541
00:30:53,356 --> 00:30:57,060
So, you the doormat, then?
542
00:30:57,075 --> 00:30:59,501
Sort of.
543
00:30:59,518 --> 00:31:02,101
Interesting, that you
just put up with that.
544
00:31:04,385 --> 00:31:06,261
Yeah.
545
00:31:07,387 --> 00:31:10,100
It's a challenging list.
You gotta give her that.
546
00:31:10,118 --> 00:31:12,182
Sex in school. Tricky.
547
00:31:12,197 --> 00:31:14,663
Guys, we are now
seven minutes -
548
00:31:14,676 --> 00:31:17,421
57, 58, 59 -
eight minutes late for form induction.
549
00:31:17,435 --> 00:31:19,743
Shut up, will you, JJ?
550
00:31:19,756 --> 00:31:21,462
Do you think she's serious?
551
00:31:21,478 --> 00:31:23,303
There's only one
way to find out.
552
00:31:24,908 --> 00:31:26,900
Wait a minute.
You're not gonna...
553
00:31:26,915 --> 00:31:29,102
I've already got
'teacher abuse' ticked.
554
00:31:29,115 --> 00:31:31,740
And how!
Your cock should not be that colour.
555
00:31:33,505 --> 00:31:36,900
The game is on, Freddie.
You wanna play?
556
00:31:36,915 --> 00:31:38,263
Don't be stupid.
557
00:31:38,277 --> 00:31:40,220
Tell you what,
girls like Stupid.
558
00:31:40,235 --> 00:31:41,661
Ain't you worked that out?
559
00:31:41,678 --> 00:31:44,020
And McFly. Girls like McFly.
560
00:31:44,945 --> 00:31:50,101
She's a naughty, naughty little girl
and I don't like to disappoint.
561
00:31:52,148 --> 00:31:53,742
Eh?
562
00:31:54,828 --> 00:31:56,663
Someone's left
their shit in here.
563
00:31:58,667 --> 00:31:59,660
Yeah!
564
00:31:59,678 --> 00:32:00,982
Nice!
565
00:32:00,997 --> 00:32:02,741
Check this out!
566
00:32:02,758 --> 00:32:05,823
Oh, my god.
Cook, I'm not sure if that's legal.
567
00:32:05,836 --> 00:32:07,780
Oh, that's definitely
not legal!
568
00:32:07,796 --> 00:32:11,263
Dunno who this Sid guy was but he's
got fucking great taste in gash.
569
00:32:11,277 --> 00:32:13,301
I can't look.
Don't make me look.
570
00:32:13,317 --> 00:32:14,943
I have to look. Oh, holy shit!
571
00:32:14,955 --> 00:32:18,061
That's forbidden.
Forbidden, verboten, interdit. JJ!
572
00:32:18,077 --> 00:32:20,223
Prohibido, prohibido! JJ! JJ!
573
00:32:21,308 --> 00:32:24,140
I'm sorry.
Was I getting locked on, there?
574
00:32:24,158 --> 00:32:25,222
Locked on, JJ.
575
00:32:25,236 --> 00:32:26,302
OK.
576
00:32:26,316 --> 00:32:29,661
I'm all right. I'm fine.
But can I just remind you,
577
00:32:29,677 --> 00:32:32,421
in a casual, non-locked-on way,
that we're late?
578
00:32:32,437 --> 00:32:35,380
We're late,
we're late, we're late!
579
00:32:35,397 --> 00:32:37,101
JJ!
580
00:32:37,118 --> 00:32:38,302
Sorry. I'm fine.
581
00:32:39,907 --> 00:32:41,343
We going?
582
00:32:41,356 --> 00:32:43,102
Hang on.
583
00:32:44,146 --> 00:32:45,181
Shoot me. Huh?
584
00:32:45,198 --> 00:32:46,903
The fucking camera. Go on.
585
00:32:49,908 --> 00:32:50,982
Right, action.
586
00:32:50,997 --> 00:32:52,860
Cook, what the fuck
are you doing?
587
00:32:52,877 --> 00:32:53,861
Action. Do it, man!
588
00:33:06,908 --> 00:33:10,183
I was saving this for
lunch but what the fuck?
589
00:33:10,198 --> 00:33:11,943
Cheers!
590
00:33:11,955 --> 00:33:18,621
What the fuck are you doing?
591
00:33:22,186 --> 00:33:23,221
Whoa! Jesus!
592
00:33:23,235 --> 00:33:24,302
Fuck me.
593
00:33:24,318 --> 00:33:25,263
Christ.
594
00:33:29,385 --> 00:33:31,303
Sorted.
595
00:33:31,315 --> 00:33:33,623
You are fucking mental.
596
00:33:33,638 --> 00:33:35,942
Mental is as mental does.
597
00:33:35,958 --> 00:33:37,620
But we're late.
598
00:33:37,638 --> 00:33:38,821
Shall we?
599
00:33:42,028 --> 00:33:43,142
Let's go.
600
00:33:43,156 --> 00:33:44,901
Come on, run!
601
00:33:46,467 --> 00:33:50,300
So, you see,
they don't mean it.
602
00:33:50,318 --> 00:33:52,062
That's what you
have to remember.
603
00:33:52,075 --> 00:33:53,702
They're just kids.
604
00:33:53,717 --> 00:33:55,942
Kids! Yes?
605
00:33:55,958 --> 00:33:58,581
I, um, I suppose so.
606
00:33:58,597 --> 00:34:00,301
They don't mean it.
607
00:34:00,318 --> 00:34:02,060
Have you ever
fallen off a horse?
608
00:34:02,078 --> 00:34:03,300
Huh?
609
00:34:03,316 --> 00:34:07,620
You have to drink your milk and
get straight back on that horse.
610
00:34:07,636 --> 00:34:09,581
OK? Back. Yes?
611
00:34:09,596 --> 00:34:10,983
Uggy uggy uggy!
612
00:34:10,995 --> 00:34:12,022
What?
613
00:34:12,035 --> 00:34:15,423
Kids. Cheeky, immature.
614
00:34:15,437 --> 00:34:17,461
Harmless. They
can't hurt you. OK?
615
00:34:17,475 --> 00:34:18,942
OK. They can't hurt me.
616
00:34:18,955 --> 00:34:20,462
Good girl.
617
00:34:21,667 --> 00:34:22,660
Saddle up!
618
00:34:38,067 --> 00:34:40,101
ARGH!
619
00:34:47,355 --> 00:34:50,790
Across firmly and round it off.
620
00:34:50,806 --> 00:34:53,832
Across firmly and round it off.
621
00:34:53,845 --> 00:34:57,073
Across firmly and round it off.
622
00:34:57,088 --> 00:34:59,912
Across firmly and round it off.
623
00:34:59,928 --> 00:35:03,193
Across firmly and round it off.
624
00:35:03,205 --> 00:35:06,833
Across firmly and round it off.
625
00:35:06,847 --> 00:35:10,392
Across firmly and round it off.
626
00:35:10,408 --> 00:35:13,033
Across firmly and round it off.
627
00:35:13,047 --> 00:35:15,392
Across firmly and round it off.
628
00:35:15,407 --> 00:35:16,833
Across firmly...
629
00:35:21,596 --> 00:35:25,113
Smooth the cuticle, push.
630
00:35:25,126 --> 00:35:29,191
Smooth the cuticle, push.
631
00:35:29,206 --> 00:35:31,470
Remember to breathe.
632
00:35:31,486 --> 00:35:33,951
Smooth the cuticle.
633
00:35:33,965 --> 00:35:35,630
Push.
634
00:35:35,645 --> 00:35:38,751
Smooth the cuticle.
635
00:35:38,768 --> 00:35:40,950
Push. Yes.
636
00:35:40,966 --> 00:35:42,391
I'm sorry...
637
00:35:42,408 --> 00:35:44,390
We're filing. What is it?
638
00:35:44,405 --> 00:35:47,112
Well, um,
blimey this is fascinating.
639
00:35:47,128 --> 00:35:49,271
Mega fun. But the thing is...
640
00:35:49,286 --> 00:35:50,473
I have to get out of here.
641
00:35:50,488 --> 00:35:52,711
Sorry?
642
00:35:52,725 --> 00:35:57,150
I have to go because I've got
three super-duper zits coming on.
643
00:35:58,318 --> 00:36:00,392
They're like...proper seepers.
644
00:36:00,798 --> 00:36:02,230
Oh, my God!
645
00:36:02,247 --> 00:36:03,511
Yes, Go! Go!
646
00:36:03,527 --> 00:36:05,510
For God's sake go!
Refresh and moisturise.
647
00:36:05,527 --> 00:36:07,270
Don't waste a second.
648
00:36:07,286 --> 00:36:10,193
Yes. Refresh and... I'm on it!
649
00:36:14,118 --> 00:36:16,150
Smooth the cuticle. Push.
650
00:36:23,598 --> 00:36:27,112
Blooming 'eck.
It's big out here.
651
00:36:43,318 --> 00:36:45,593
Right.
652
00:36:45,606 --> 00:36:49,272
Um... Now we've gotta...
653
00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:52,392
Christ.
654
00:36:55,597 --> 00:36:57,273
Fuck it.
655
00:36:58,835 --> 00:37:00,593
OK. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
656
00:37:00,607 --> 00:37:05,711
Um... OK. Whatever...
657
00:37:05,725 --> 00:37:08,270
We've gotta stand up,
658
00:37:08,285 --> 00:37:13,632
say our names and a unique
fact about ourselves.
659
00:37:13,647 --> 00:37:16,713
Right. I'll start.
660
00:37:16,727 --> 00:37:19,351
Christ.
661
00:37:19,367 --> 00:37:23,670
I'm Kieran and I hate being
a fucking teacher. You.
662
00:37:27,396 --> 00:37:30,953
Um... I'm JJ and with regard
to mathematic aptitude
663
00:37:30,967 --> 00:37:34,592
I'm in the top 0.3% of the
population which is an interesting
664
00:37:34,607 --> 00:37:37,871
demographic statistic because
paradoxically my communication,
665
00:37:37,887 --> 00:37:40,992
interpersonal and intuitive skills
are towards the lower quartiles.
666
00:37:41,006 --> 00:37:45,673
Yeah. You've stopped me in my
fucking tracks there, yeah. You.
667
00:37:47,278 --> 00:37:49,231
I'm Katie.
668
00:37:49,245 --> 00:37:51,351
I've never not had a
boyfriend since I was seven.
669
00:37:51,366 --> 00:37:54,790
Congratulations. You.
670
00:37:57,318 --> 00:37:59,870
I'm Emily.
671
00:37:59,887 --> 00:38:01,232
I've never had a boyfriend.
672
00:38:01,245 --> 00:38:02,752
Shit happens. You.
673
00:38:04,517 --> 00:38:07,072
I'm Naomi.
674
00:38:07,087 --> 00:38:08,790
I hate injustice.
675
00:38:08,808 --> 00:38:11,070
People tell lies about me.
676
00:38:11,088 --> 00:38:12,910
You at the back.
677
00:38:12,926 --> 00:38:14,752
I'm Kumir. I'm gay.
678
00:38:14,767 --> 00:38:16,790
Yup. Good. You.
679
00:38:18,437 --> 00:38:22,151
I'm Max,
and both my parents are artists.
680
00:38:22,166 --> 00:38:25,951
Great. I'm very very happy for you.
What about you? With the bling.
681
00:38:25,966 --> 00:38:28,951
I'm Effy.
682
00:38:28,968 --> 00:38:31,273
And I think my mum's
having an affair.
683
00:38:31,286 --> 00:38:34,870
Good one. Shows enterprise.
684
00:38:34,888 --> 00:38:37,513
What about you, big man?
685
00:38:37,525 --> 00:38:39,953
I'm Freddie.
686
00:38:39,966 --> 00:38:41,913
I met a girl I like today.
687
00:38:41,928 --> 00:38:44,991
She's like...
688
00:38:45,005 --> 00:38:47,513
Beautiful.
689
00:38:49,478 --> 00:38:51,432
That's it.
690
00:38:51,446 --> 00:38:55,310
That's it? That's your unique fact?
That's just great.
691
00:38:55,327 --> 00:38:59,311
Fascinating, Freddie,
thank you for that. What about you?
692
00:38:59,327 --> 00:39:03,033
I'm Katie and I had
Frosties for breakfast.
693
00:39:03,045 --> 00:39:05,913
Frosties, that's product
placement in my opinion.
694
00:39:05,927 --> 00:39:08,231
You there at the back
beside the wee gay man?
695
00:39:08,246 --> 00:39:10,673
My name's Nathan
and seven members
696
00:39:10,686 --> 00:39:13,631
of my immediate family
have been on Crimewatch.
697
00:39:13,648 --> 00:39:15,713
Brilliant, what a year
this is gonna be.
698
00:39:15,728 --> 00:39:16,752
Kieran? Yes.
699
00:39:16,768 --> 00:39:18,751
I'm feeling rather shit.
700
00:39:18,765 --> 00:39:20,551
I think I need to go
to the Nurse's office.
701
00:39:20,566 --> 00:39:22,593
Oh, yeah? OK. Go on then.
702
00:39:22,608 --> 00:39:24,352
Right. Where were we?
703
00:39:24,367 --> 00:39:27,032
Oh, stuff it.
704
00:39:27,045 --> 00:39:29,630
Let's just watch a DVD about...
705
00:39:30,918 --> 00:39:32,393
Oh, Christ.
706
00:39:32,408 --> 00:39:36,550
"How To Be Inclusive". Holy Mother of
divine shite, who makes up this shit?
707
00:39:36,565 --> 00:39:39,391
Actually, Kieran,
I'm not feeling too well either.
708
00:39:39,405 --> 00:39:42,512
My balls are aching.
I might have to go and see that nurse.
709
00:39:42,528 --> 00:39:43,551
Right! Bugger off then.
710
00:39:43,567 --> 00:39:45,112
Cheers, Kieran.
711
00:39:45,125 --> 00:39:47,673
See if she can laser
Jordan off them.
712
00:39:49,757 --> 00:39:53,990
OK. Right,
how the fuck does this...
713
00:40:00,196 --> 00:40:02,513
Hey. Can I be in this class?
714
00:40:02,526 --> 00:40:04,070
I don't like mine.
715
00:40:04,086 --> 00:40:07,472
Why not? Make up the numbers.
You doing some A levels?
716
00:40:07,487 --> 00:40:10,152
One, please. Philosophy.
717
00:40:10,165 --> 00:40:11,632
OK, sit down.
718
00:40:11,647 --> 00:40:14,910
When you've worked out the point of
living, come and fucking tell me.
719
00:40:14,927 --> 00:40:16,353
Whizzer!
720
00:40:18,396 --> 00:40:19,951
Where's Effy?
721
00:40:27,955 --> 00:40:29,791
They don't have a nurse.
722
00:40:32,837 --> 00:40:34,112
I just gotta get drugs.
723
00:40:35,875 --> 00:40:36,832
And sex.
724
00:41:38,436 --> 00:41:40,313
Grab my balls! Grab my balls!
725
00:41:40,755 --> 00:41:42,670
Grab my balls!
726
00:41:42,687 --> 00:41:45,112
Grab my balls!
727
00:41:45,125 --> 00:41:48,352
Grab my balls! Grab my balls!
728
00:41:53,356 --> 00:41:57,350
Transcript: Chocolate.
Synch: Travis for www.forom.com
729
00:42:21,478 --> 00:42:24,632
Teach me to learn
to lose myself
730
00:42:24,647 --> 00:42:27,470
My finger was
pricked by someone else
731
00:42:27,486 --> 00:42:30,830
Pull my blood up
through a mixer straw
732
00:42:30,845 --> 00:42:33,272
Spread the words all
over the neighbour's lawn
733
00:42:34,196 --> 00:42:36,991
Don't cry for
sleeping kittens
734
00:42:37,006 --> 00:42:40,191
Cos they won't die today
735
00:42:40,207 --> 00:42:43,392
We'll cover them with flowers
736
00:42:43,408 --> 00:42:45,472
They dream their dreams away
737
00:42:45,487 --> 00:42:47,790
Disconnect the
feeling factory
738
00:42:47,806 --> 00:42:50,911
Put your tongue
up to my battery
739
00:42:50,927 --> 00:42:54,353
Things are so much
smoother when we lie
740
00:42:54,365 --> 00:42:56,951
Crush your cigarettes
out on an orange sky
741
00:42:56,967 --> 00:43:00,631
Lose sleep for
sleeping children
742
00:43:00,646 --> 00:43:03,110
Throw your branch away
743
00:43:04,597 --> 00:43:06,592
The bees they
buzzed so loudly
744
00:43:06,608 --> 00:43:08,421
That I just couldn't stay
745
00:43:10,425 --> 00:43:12,501
I just couldn't stay
746
00:43:16,068 --> 00:43:18,902
Awaiting an audience
747
00:43:21,785 --> 00:43:26,702
Awaiting an audience
748
00:43:27,546 --> 00:43:30,740
Awaiting an audience
749
00:43:33,466 --> 00:43:37,661
Awaiting an audience...
750
00:43:37,711 --> 00:43:42,261
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