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1
00:00:03,067 --> 00:00:04,268
(laughter)
2
00:00:04,335 --> 00:00:05,969
MAC: Pretty crowded tonight, huh?
3
00:00:06,037 --> 00:00:08,539
DENNIS: Yeah, well, it's Gugino's, you
know, best restaurant in Philadelphia.
4
00:00:08,607 --> 00:00:10,441
To our monthly dinner.
5
00:00:10,509 --> 00:00:11,909
Oh, monthly dinner, baby.
6
00:00:11,976 --> 00:00:14,978
I tell you, I've been looking
forward to this for... 29 days!
7
00:00:15,046 --> 00:00:15,646
Me, too.
8
00:00:15,714 --> 00:00:17,681
I did my hair good, and
I wore two colognes.
9
00:00:17,749 --> 00:00:18,682
Is that what that is?
10
00:00:18,750 --> 00:00:19,383
Mm.
11
00:00:19,451 --> 00:00:21,318
That was an interesting
choice, but I get it, dude.
12
00:00:21,386 --> 00:00:22,152
You're excited.
13
00:00:22,220 --> 00:00:23,420
You are excited about tonight.
14
00:00:23,455 --> 00:00:26,056
Hey, hell, I'm excited tonight, you know?
15
00:00:26,124 --> 00:00:27,090
(music blares from the kitchen)
16
00:00:27,158 --> 00:00:29,627
Not terribly excited about being
near the kitchen, though.
17
00:00:29,694 --> 00:00:31,361
Really? It's where the action is.
18
00:00:31,430 --> 00:00:33,531
Maybe we'll get lucky and watch
one of these dumb-ass waiters
19
00:00:33,598 --> 00:00:35,478
spill spaghetti sauce all over himself.
(laughs)
20
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:36,434
And fall down or something.
21
00:00:36,501 --> 00:00:37,501
Okay, all right.
22
00:00:37,569 --> 00:00:38,536
Well, let's not be childish.
23
00:00:38,603 --> 00:00:39,703
Let's-let's keep it classy.
24
00:00:39,771 --> 00:00:41,639
You know, let's... Classy.
25
00:00:41,706 --> 00:00:42,973
I can do classy.
26
00:00:43,041 --> 00:00:45,509
I can be classy.
27
00:00:45,577 --> 00:00:48,278
Did you invite Frank and Charlie?
28
00:00:48,346 --> 00:00:49,246
No, I didn't.
29
00:00:49,314 --> 00:00:49,713
Hi.
30
00:00:49,781 --> 00:00:50,681
CHARLIE: Hi.
31
00:00:50,749 --> 00:00:51,649
How many will you guys be?
32
00:00:51,716 --> 00:00:54,017
FRANK: Two. And give us a nice table.
33
00:00:54,085 --> 00:00:55,385
This is a big night for us.
34
00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:57,287
We're celebrating our anniversary.
35
00:00:57,355 --> 00:01:00,057
Or the anniversary of us moving
in together, which is like an
36
00:01:00,124 --> 00:01:01,158
anniver-- it's been a long time.
37
00:01:01,225 --> 00:01:03,393
Anniversary is what it is, really.
38
00:01:03,462 --> 00:01:04,227
Well, great.
39
00:01:04,295 --> 00:01:09,032
Uh... oh, okay, oh, okay, uh...
You can just hand that to me.
40
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,068
I was trying to feel your breast.
41
00:01:11,135 --> 00:01:12,135
I got that.
42
00:01:12,203 --> 00:01:14,004
Yeah, but he was trying to
feel your breast and give you
43
00:01:14,072 --> 00:01:15,906
the tip so that we got a good table.
44
00:01:15,974 --> 00:01:16,574
I want a good table.
45
00:01:16,641 --> 00:01:18,342
Oh, hey. Hey, hey, hey!
46
00:01:18,409 --> 00:01:19,577
Mac and Dennis are here.
47
00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:20,604
Should we sit with them?
48
00:01:20,645 --> 00:01:21,411
Really?
49
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:24,147
Mm, Charlie, this is our night.
50
00:01:24,215 --> 00:01:26,149
Yeah, but we could all
celebrate it together.
51
00:01:26,217 --> 00:01:26,917
That'd be fun.
52
00:01:26,985 --> 00:01:28,218
We can do our thing.
53
00:01:28,286 --> 00:01:29,019
They can do their thing.
54
00:01:29,087 --> 00:01:31,288
I'm sure at some point they'll
come over to pay tribute.
55
00:01:31,356 --> 00:01:32,923
We can say hi to them then.
56
00:01:32,991 --> 00:01:34,157
That's weird.
57
00:01:34,225 --> 00:01:38,529
I know Charlie sees me, but they seem
to be sitting at their own table.
58
00:01:38,597 --> 00:01:39,329
Well, good.
59
00:01:39,397 --> 00:01:41,264
Good, they should sit at their own table.
60
00:01:41,332 --> 00:01:44,301
Look, I'm sure at some point they'll
come over and they'll pay tribute to us.
61
00:01:44,369 --> 00:01:45,970
They know it's our monthly dinner.
62
00:01:46,037 --> 00:01:47,237
We can say hi to them then.
63
00:01:47,305 --> 00:01:49,607
Yeah, still, seems kind
of awkward, though.
64
00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:52,242
No. Look, we spend every
waking minute together.
65
00:01:52,310 --> 00:01:54,512
It will be good for us to
keep our distance for once.
66
00:01:54,579 --> 00:01:56,079
It's one minor coincidence.
67
00:01:56,147 --> 00:02:00,117
Doesn't go any further than that.
68
00:02:00,184 --> 00:02:02,386
SWEET DEE: Goddamn it.
69
00:02:12,165 --> 00:02:22,249
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
70
00:02:24,990 --> 00:02:25,830
(opera music playing)
71
00:02:26,158 --> 00:02:28,192
Of all the goddamn nights.
72
00:02:28,260 --> 00:02:30,995
Can't believe they haven't come
over to pay me tribute yet.
73
00:02:31,063 --> 00:02:31,996
I was here first.
74
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:33,164
I know they see me.
75
00:02:33,231 --> 00:02:35,567
They're probably over there
right now making fun of me.
76
00:02:35,634 --> 00:02:36,668
I get it, guys.
77
00:02:36,735 --> 00:02:38,135
You know what they're doing?
78
00:02:38,203 --> 00:02:39,370
They're calling me "Scarecrow."
79
00:02:39,438 --> 00:02:42,306
'Cause I'm all alone in the cornfields,
scaring away the other birds.
80
00:02:42,374 --> 00:02:43,140
Real funny.
81
00:02:43,208 --> 00:02:43,641
You know what?
82
00:02:43,709 --> 00:02:46,678
There's no shame in a woman, an
adult woman, taking herself out
83
00:02:46,745 --> 00:02:49,447
to dinner, enjoying her own
company-- I'm not gonna leave.
84
00:02:49,514 --> 00:02:52,149
I'm not gonna leave because I
don't have to, and also I can't
85
00:02:52,217 --> 00:02:55,620
because I have a Groupon for this
evening that expires tonight.
86
00:02:55,688 --> 00:02:58,389
It does expire tonight, doesn't it?
87
00:02:58,457 --> 00:02:59,657
Uh, yeah.
88
00:02:59,725 --> 00:03:00,992
I... Yes, it does.
89
00:03:01,060 --> 00:03:02,060
I'm sorry.
90
00:03:02,127 --> 00:03:03,260
Are you going to order now?
91
00:03:03,328 --> 00:03:05,630
Well, I'm trying to have
a conversation with you.
92
00:03:05,698 --> 00:03:07,632
Why don't you sit down
for a little while?
93
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:08,633
Take a break.
94
00:03:08,701 --> 00:03:09,634
Oh! Are you almost off?
95
00:03:09,702 --> 00:03:10,383
Are you off soon?
96
00:03:10,402 --> 00:03:12,336
Should you sit and have
dinner with me tonight?
97
00:03:12,404 --> 00:03:13,370
No, got a long shift.
98
00:03:13,438 --> 00:03:14,472
Uh, I cannot do that.
99
00:03:14,539 --> 00:03:16,641
Uh, maybe I could at
least get a drink order?
100
00:03:16,709 --> 00:03:18,142
We're really busy tonight.
101
00:03:18,210 --> 00:03:20,144
Does the Groupon cover drinks?
102
00:03:20,212 --> 00:03:20,712
Nope.
103
00:03:20,713 --> 00:03:21,713
Just the tap water, then.
104
00:03:25,084 --> 00:03:26,951
I can't believe this.
105
00:03:27,019 --> 00:03:28,052
They still haven't paid tribute.
106
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,087
It's been ten minutes.
107
00:03:29,154 --> 00:03:30,187
Not a wave, not a nod.
108
00:03:30,255 --> 00:03:32,189
Have you seen them do
anything to acknowledge us?
109
00:03:32,257 --> 00:03:34,418
I thought we agreed that we
would not let it get to us.
110
00:03:34,459 --> 00:03:35,459
It's not getting to me.
111
00:03:35,527 --> 00:03:37,461
It's just, you know, a little
bit rude, is all I'm saying.
112
00:03:37,529 --> 00:03:38,496
It's, you know, irritating.
113
00:03:38,563 --> 00:03:39,497
Whatever, I don't care.
114
00:03:39,564 --> 00:03:40,498
I'm... I'm over it.
115
00:03:40,565 --> 00:03:41,499
'Kay.
116
00:03:41,566 --> 00:03:43,501
How good is their table, though?
117
00:03:43,568 --> 00:03:46,270
Oh, um... Don't-don't
look directly at them.
118
00:03:46,338 --> 00:03:48,272
Jesus Christ, just, you know,
glance around the room a little
119
00:03:48,340 --> 00:03:50,274
bit, and just, you know, land on them.
120
00:03:50,342 --> 00:03:51,342
Glance around the room?
121
00:03:51,409 --> 00:03:52,476
Yeah.
122
00:03:52,544 --> 00:03:53,477
Too obvious!
123
00:03:53,545 --> 00:03:55,412
Well, how do you want me to look at them?
124
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,414
With your eyes, just look with your eyes.
125
00:03:57,482 --> 00:03:58,449
Be subtle, be small.
126
00:03:58,517 --> 00:03:59,617
My eyes, they slant down.
127
00:03:59,685 --> 00:04:00,952
I don't have a good peripheral.
128
00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:03,254
Okay, can you just be subtle?
129
00:04:03,321 --> 00:04:04,255
It's a good table.
130
00:04:04,322 --> 00:04:05,256
It's a good table.
131
00:04:05,323 --> 00:04:07,291
How'd they get a better table than us?
132
00:04:07,359 --> 00:04:08,292
Uh, I don't know.
133
00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:09,293
Dennis, can we just focus on us?
134
00:04:09,361 --> 00:04:10,294
Yeah.
135
00:04:10,362 --> 00:04:11,996
It's our monthly dinner, all right?
136
00:04:12,064 --> 00:04:13,064
Don't let them ruin it.
137
00:04:13,132 --> 00:04:14,065
Okay?
138
00:04:14,133 --> 00:04:17,568
I have some issues that I want to talk to you...
Aw, shit. Really?
139
00:04:17,636 --> 00:04:20,636
No, I... Look, let's-let's keep things
light; I don't want to get all heavy.
140
00:04:20,639 --> 00:04:23,639
Let's not let tonight become more
unpleasant than it's already become, okay?
141
00:04:23,642 --> 00:04:24,575
I mean, already I'm irritated.
142
00:04:24,643 --> 00:04:27,611
I'm... I'm already sitting in the
wobbliest chair in the entire restaurant.
143
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,614
All right, well, we'll just ask
the waiter for a book of matches.
144
00:04:30,683 --> 00:04:32,349
I don't want to sit on a pile of matches.
145
00:04:32,417 --> 00:04:33,350
Look, I'll just scoot back.
146
00:04:33,418 --> 00:04:34,351
It's fine. It's fine.
147
00:04:34,419 --> 00:04:37,354
Oh, but now I feel like... you're
sitting so far away from me.
148
00:04:37,422 --> 00:04:38,355
It's gonna be fine!
149
00:04:38,423 --> 00:04:41,358
This is a perfectly suitable distance
for us to have our monthly dinner.
150
00:04:41,426 --> 00:04:42,593
Goddamn it.
151
00:04:42,661 --> 00:04:43,594
I am so sorry.
152
00:04:43,662 --> 00:04:44,595
Are you?!
153
00:04:44,663 --> 00:04:45,663
His chair's wobbly.
154
00:04:45,731 --> 00:04:47,098
Oh, okay.
155
00:04:47,166 --> 00:04:49,100
Let me get you a book of
matches to put under there.
156
00:04:49,168 --> 00:04:51,135
I don't want to sit on a pile of matches.
157
00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:53,270
Dennis, it's not like your
chair's gonna catch on fire.
158
00:04:53,338 --> 00:04:55,940
Oh, Christ, I'm not worried about
my chair catching on fire.
159
00:04:56,008 --> 00:04:58,642
Look, sir, can you just get
us a better table in general?
160
00:04:58,711 --> 00:05:00,078
Unfortunately, no.
161
00:05:00,145 --> 00:05:02,080
We're fully booked tonight
due to a Groupon deal.
162
00:05:02,147 --> 00:05:03,081
Oh, that sounds excellent.
163
00:05:03,148 --> 00:05:04,108
We'll have one of those.
164
00:05:04,149 --> 00:05:05,083
No, we won't.
165
00:05:05,150 --> 00:05:06,084
We don't need a coupon.
166
00:05:06,151 --> 00:05:08,119
Frankly, I'm disappointed in you people.
167
00:05:08,187 --> 00:05:09,120
This is Gugino's.
168
00:05:09,188 --> 00:05:11,122
You're supposed to be the nicest
restaurant in Philadelphia.
169
00:05:11,190 --> 00:05:14,926
Here I am, a regular, a full-paying
customer, and I'm sat by the kitchen on the
170
00:05:14,993 --> 00:05:16,627
wobbliest chair in Philadelphia.
171
00:05:16,695 --> 00:05:19,630
You know, forced to eat dinner with
this swarm of coupon-waving trash.
172
00:05:19,698 --> 00:05:20,631
This is crazy!
173
00:05:20,699 --> 00:05:21,632
You know what?
174
00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:22,633
Forget it, doesn't matter.
175
00:05:22,701 --> 00:05:24,702
Get me a pile of matches to
sit on-- that'll be fine.
176
00:05:24,770 --> 00:05:26,104
Okay.
177
00:05:26,171 --> 00:05:27,105
No, wait, wait, wait.
178
00:05:27,172 --> 00:05:28,940
There's more.
179
00:05:29,007 --> 00:05:31,042
There's an old, short, fat man here.
180
00:05:31,110 --> 00:05:33,945
He's sat with his young sleeping partner.
181
00:05:34,012 --> 00:05:36,114
Bring them a glass of
the house red from us.
182
00:05:36,181 --> 00:05:37,148
Of course.
183
00:05:37,216 --> 00:05:39,283
Although the table did just
order cocktails, so maybe...
184
00:05:39,351 --> 00:05:41,285
I don't need their entire life story.
185
00:05:41,353 --> 00:05:44,655
Just go get the wine.
186
00:05:44,723 --> 00:05:47,225
Well, that was a nice gesture.
187
00:05:47,292 --> 00:05:48,226
Was it?
188
00:05:48,293 --> 00:05:50,061
189
00:05:50,129 --> 00:05:51,062
Charlie.
190
00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:52,063
Hmm?
191
00:05:52,131 --> 00:05:53,091
Stop looking over there.
192
00:05:53,132 --> 00:05:54,999
Can we just go over and say
a quick hello, all right?
193
00:05:55,067 --> 00:05:56,067
Then it's done with.
194
00:05:56,135 --> 00:05:57,068
There's no more awkwardness.
195
00:05:57,136 --> 00:06:00,238
Charlie, I am the oldest
one in the group.
196
00:06:00,305 --> 00:06:02,673
If anybody's gonna say a quick
hello, it's them to me.
197
00:06:02,741 --> 00:06:06,177
I just feel like it's gonna become a
bigger deal than it needs to be, you know?
198
00:06:06,245 --> 00:06:07,912
Then forget it.
199
00:06:07,980 --> 00:06:08,946
Yeah?
200
00:06:09,014 --> 00:06:10,514
This is our night, Charlie.
201
00:06:10,582 --> 00:06:11,615
All right.
202
00:06:11,683 --> 00:06:14,585
Listen. I prepared a few
words for the evening.
203
00:06:14,653 --> 00:06:15,586
All right?
204
00:06:15,654 --> 00:06:16,587
Okay.
205
00:06:16,655 --> 00:06:17,588
All right.
206
00:06:17,656 --> 00:06:20,925
Charlie, I want to talk
about where we are.
207
00:06:20,993 --> 00:06:22,359
Where we've been.
208
00:06:22,427 --> 00:06:24,195
And where we're going to be.
209
00:06:24,263 --> 00:06:25,296
(laughs): Where are we going?
210
00:06:25,363 --> 00:06:29,200
Don't interrupt.
211
00:06:29,268 --> 00:06:34,205
Living with you has... changed my life.
212
00:06:34,273 --> 00:06:36,674
I-I used to be unaware...
Hi, sorry to bother you.
213
00:06:36,741 --> 00:06:37,701
What are you doing, man?
214
00:06:37,742 --> 00:06:39,677
I'm in the middle of something here.
215
00:06:39,744 --> 00:06:40,678
Get out of here!
216
00:06:40,745 --> 00:06:41,679
Of course.
217
00:06:41,746 --> 00:06:43,681
I just wanted to deliver a glass
of our house red from the two
218
00:06:43,748 --> 00:06:45,283
gentlemen near the kitchen.
219
00:06:45,350 --> 00:06:46,350
Beat it.
220
00:06:46,418 --> 00:06:47,351
221
00:06:47,419 --> 00:06:48,352
Well, great.
222
00:06:48,420 --> 00:06:50,354
See, there's your tribute, Frank.
223
00:06:50,422 --> 00:06:51,222
Awesome.
224
00:06:51,290 --> 00:06:53,224
Now can we go over and say a quick hello?
225
00:06:53,292 --> 00:06:54,192
No, no.
226
00:06:54,259 --> 00:06:56,060
I'm in the middle of
saying some words to you.
227
00:06:56,128 --> 00:06:58,595
Yeah, but you said 'em, and they were weird, like...
All right, you know what?
228
00:06:58,663 --> 00:07:00,331
How about I just stand and I bow?
229
00:07:00,398 --> 00:07:01,332
No. Ignore them.
230
00:07:01,399 --> 00:07:02,599
This is ridiculous.
231
00:07:02,667 --> 00:07:04,468
I mean, that was a very nice gesture.
232
00:07:04,536 --> 00:07:05,402
Was it?
233
00:07:05,470 --> 00:07:08,306
One glass of wine for two
people, and house red?
234
00:07:08,373 --> 00:07:09,506
That wasn't nice.
235
00:07:09,574 --> 00:07:11,508
They're just trying to agitate us.
236
00:07:11,576 --> 00:07:12,676
Mm.
237
00:07:12,744 --> 00:07:17,215
Well, two can play at that game.
238
00:07:22,452 --> 00:07:23,419
Hey.
239
00:07:23,487 --> 00:07:24,420
Ooh, hey!
240
00:07:24,488 --> 00:07:25,521
You, help.
241
00:07:25,589 --> 00:07:26,489
Over here.
242
00:07:26,556 --> 00:07:27,356
Me?
243
00:07:27,424 --> 00:07:28,891
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you, please.
244
00:07:28,958 --> 00:07:29,925
Help. Help me.
245
00:07:29,993 --> 00:07:30,926
Sit, sit, please sit.
246
00:07:30,994 --> 00:07:31,794
Help.
247
00:07:31,861 --> 00:07:32,662
Is everything okay?
248
00:07:32,729 --> 00:07:33,829
No, everything's not okay.
249
00:07:33,897 --> 00:07:35,698
There are men here, and
they're watching me.
250
00:07:35,766 --> 00:07:36,565
Oh, shit!
251
00:07:36,633 --> 00:07:37,433
Shh!
252
00:07:37,501 --> 00:07:38,967
Just look at me, just look right at me.
253
00:07:39,035 --> 00:07:40,903
Everything's gonna be fine, but
I'm in a lot of shit. Okay?
254
00:07:40,970 --> 00:07:41,771
So I need your help.
255
00:07:41,838 --> 00:07:42,638
Oh, good.
256
00:07:42,706 --> 00:07:43,506
You have a friend.
257
00:07:43,573 --> 00:07:44,373
Hi.
258
00:07:44,441 --> 00:07:45,040
Can I take your order now?
259
00:07:45,108 --> 00:07:45,908
Yes.
260
00:07:45,975 --> 00:07:47,075
I'm not with her.
261
00:07:47,143 --> 00:07:50,513
There is some shit going down right now.
262
00:07:50,580 --> 00:07:51,414
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
263
00:07:51,481 --> 00:07:52,948
He's just... (chuckles)
264
00:07:53,016 --> 00:07:54,049
Please, let's order.
265
00:07:54,117 --> 00:07:55,918
Look, you told me you was in trouble.
266
00:07:55,985 --> 00:07:57,820
I don't know what's happening here.
267
00:07:57,887 --> 00:07:58,847
No, it's okay, I'm fine.
268
00:07:58,888 --> 00:08:00,823
Do you want to split an appetizer?
269
00:08:00,890 --> 00:08:02,491
No, I don't need this shit.
270
00:08:02,559 --> 00:08:03,926
Well... oh.
271
00:08:03,993 --> 00:08:07,029
You know, if you just order, we
can get your food out really
272
00:08:07,096 --> 00:08:09,632
quickly, and you wouldn't have
to be embarrassed about being
273
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:10,499
here alone for very long.
274
00:08:10,567 --> 00:08:11,367
All right?
275
00:08:11,435 --> 00:08:13,336
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
276
00:08:13,403 --> 00:08:17,506
I-I'm gonna go ahead and order when
I'm goddamn good and ready to order.
277
00:08:17,574 --> 00:08:20,643
(laughing)
278
00:08:20,711 --> 00:08:24,079
Is that table having a meal
consisting only of loud noise,
279
00:08:24,147 --> 00:08:25,981
screams, and hollers?
280
00:08:26,049 --> 00:08:26,982
(laughing)
281
00:08:27,050 --> 00:08:28,917
Uh, they seem to be
celebrating something.
282
00:08:28,985 --> 00:08:30,653
Ooh, could be a tactical victory.
283
00:08:30,721 --> 00:08:31,520
What do you think?
284
00:08:31,588 --> 00:08:32,388
Sure.
285
00:08:32,456 --> 00:08:33,055
Whoo!
286
00:08:33,122 --> 00:08:34,623
Okay, how's the chair now?
287
00:08:34,691 --> 00:08:35,524
(chair creaking)
288
00:08:35,592 --> 00:08:36,625
Still wobbly.
289
00:08:36,693 --> 00:08:38,494
Why don't you just get me a new chair?
290
00:08:38,562 --> 00:08:39,595
I don't think it's the chair.
291
00:08:39,663 --> 00:08:41,564
You don't think it's the chair?
292
00:08:41,631 --> 00:08:45,033
Well, maybe my old pal, uh,
Abraham Lincoln begs to differ.
293
00:08:45,101 --> 00:08:46,869
Oh, okay, yeah, uh... You
can just hand it to me.
294
00:08:46,936 --> 00:08:47,737
Hello.
295
00:08:47,804 --> 00:08:48,604
Your waiter.
296
00:08:48,672 --> 00:08:49,405
Great.
297
00:08:49,473 --> 00:08:50,072
Hi.
298
00:08:50,139 --> 00:08:51,006
Can you get him a new chair?
299
00:08:51,074 --> 00:08:51,874
Sure.
300
00:08:51,941 --> 00:08:52,742
Oh, oh!
301
00:08:52,809 --> 00:08:58,981
Maybe this George Washington
will make it come here faster.
302
00:09:01,951 --> 00:09:04,587
Okay.
303
00:09:04,654 --> 00:09:07,055
This wine is for you.
304
00:09:07,123 --> 00:09:09,592
Ah, management sent us a
bottle to accommodate us.
305
00:09:09,659 --> 00:09:12,361
Actually, it was your friends
over at the other table.
306
00:09:12,429 --> 00:09:16,799
And they wanted me to relay to you
that it's our most expensive bottle.
307
00:09:16,867 --> 00:09:18,934
They said to say that.
308
00:09:19,002 --> 00:09:20,503
That's a classy move.
309
00:09:20,570 --> 00:09:21,470
I'm gonna stand up and bow.
310
00:09:21,538 --> 00:09:23,439
No. Do not stand and bow.
311
00:09:23,507 --> 00:09:24,473
Let me think.
312
00:09:24,541 --> 00:09:26,575
We've got to do something in return.
313
00:09:26,643 --> 00:09:27,810
Mm-hmm.
314
00:09:27,878 --> 00:09:29,412
I'll tell you what.
315
00:09:29,479 --> 00:09:30,479
We'll send it back.
316
00:09:30,547 --> 00:09:31,414
You know?
317
00:09:31,481 --> 00:09:32,481
We'll say, we don't want that.
318
00:09:32,549 --> 00:09:35,083
You know? We'll-we'll tell them
that, uh, what is it, Chilean
319
00:09:35,151 --> 00:09:39,555
wine is out of season, and that their
taste in wine in general is very poor.
320
00:09:39,623 --> 00:09:41,557
No, that's... we got to
be more subtle than that.
321
00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:43,759
I don't want them to know that
we're thinking about them.
322
00:09:43,827 --> 00:09:44,760
What are you doing?
323
00:09:44,828 --> 00:09:45,761
What are you doing?
324
00:09:45,829 --> 00:09:46,995
Are you staring at them?
325
00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:48,898
Yeah, dude, Charlie's
looking right at me.
326
00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:49,799
Stop it.
327
00:09:49,866 --> 00:09:50,800
Dude, stop it.
328
00:09:50,867 --> 00:09:54,603
Okay, stop looking, stop... All
right, you know what, goddamn it?
329
00:09:54,671 --> 00:09:58,441
I'm just gonna pour the wine out.
330
00:09:58,508 --> 00:09:59,107
Goddamn it!
331
00:09:59,175 --> 00:10:01,610
That son of a bitch is
pouring out my wine.
332
00:10:01,678 --> 00:10:03,779
Look... can you just let it go, Frank?
333
00:10:03,847 --> 00:10:04,780
Okay?
334
00:10:04,848 --> 00:10:06,615
You're ruining this night for me, okay?
335
00:10:06,683 --> 00:10:09,151
I-I'm sure he had a perfectly good
reason for pouring out a glass of wine.
336
00:10:09,218 --> 00:10:10,018
I want to go over there.
337
00:10:10,086 --> 00:10:10,886
Yeah.
338
00:10:10,954 --> 00:10:11,754
Yeah, yeah.
339
00:10:11,822 --> 00:10:14,423
Just like he had a perfectly good
reason for not inviting you to dinner.
340
00:10:14,491 --> 00:10:16,725
He had a good... Wait.
341
00:10:16,793 --> 00:10:18,661
What do you mean by that?
342
00:10:18,728 --> 00:10:20,596
Don't make me say it, Charlie.
343
00:10:20,664 --> 00:10:23,398
I know you're not as dumb as you seem.
344
00:10:23,467 --> 00:10:26,836
Well, let's just say that I am.
345
00:10:26,903 --> 00:10:29,905
Those two guys don't give a
shit about you, Charlie.
346
00:10:29,973 --> 00:10:30,940
You bought a business together;
347
00:10:31,007 --> 00:10:32,575
they made you a janitor.
348
00:10:32,642 --> 00:10:36,626
Eh, they didn't make me a
janitor; there was a... Mm?
349
00:10:36,746 --> 00:10:38,058
Oh, my God.
350
00:10:38,178 --> 00:10:40,230
It's time to fire back.
351
00:10:46,323 --> 00:10:47,790
(laughing)
352
00:10:48,941 --> 00:10:50,409
Aw, I gotta get over there.
353
00:10:50,476 --> 00:10:51,943
Hi, ma'am.
Sorry to bug you again.
354
00:10:52,011 --> 00:10:52,811
Oh, my God.
355
00:10:52,879 --> 00:10:53,897
I'll just take a plate of spaghetti.
356
00:10:54,017 --> 00:10:55,063
Oh, great.
357
00:10:55,183 --> 00:10:56,146
Didn't expect that.
358
00:10:56,266 --> 00:10:58,950
Uh, actually, I was coming over to
see if I could take your chair.
359
00:10:59,018 --> 00:10:59,818
What? No.
360
00:10:59,886 --> 00:11:00,685
What for?
361
00:11:00,753 --> 00:11:02,821
I'm trying to accommodate
that gentleman over there.
362
00:11:02,889 --> 00:11:04,355
Oh, goddamn it.
363
00:11:04,424 --> 00:11:05,323
Uh, that's a dig.
364
00:11:05,391 --> 00:11:06,031
All right, fine.
365
00:11:06,058 --> 00:11:07,893
Take the chair, but I tell you
what, when you're over there?
366
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:08,827
Tie his shoelaces together.
367
00:11:08,895 --> 00:11:10,028
(giggles)
368
00:11:10,095 --> 00:11:12,731
You want me to... tie a
customer's shoelaces together?
369
00:11:12,799 --> 00:11:15,033
Uh... Look, I'm in the biz, guy.
370
00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,334
I'm a waitress, okay?
371
00:11:16,402 --> 00:11:18,002
Look, let's team up and
stick it to that guy.
372
00:11:18,070 --> 00:11:19,337
It'll be hilarious.
373
00:11:19,405 --> 00:11:20,505
I would lose my job.
374
00:11:20,573 --> 00:11:22,641
Uh... (fake sobbing)
375
00:11:22,708 --> 00:11:24,776
"Oh, no, I-I would lose my job.
376
00:11:24,844 --> 00:11:27,045
And I wouldn't be able to work
at Gugino's anymore, and my
377
00:11:27,112 --> 00:11:30,048
family, and they'd be so disappointed
'cause they're currently so proud of my
378
00:11:30,115 --> 00:11:30,982
accomplishments."
379
00:11:31,050 --> 00:11:32,083
I mean, God, lighten up, guy.
380
00:11:32,151 --> 00:11:34,986
(laughing)
381
00:11:35,054 --> 00:11:36,354
I'm gonna take the chair.
382
00:11:36,422 --> 00:11:37,422
Fine, take the goddamn chair.
383
00:11:37,490 --> 00:11:38,523
Just don't make a big scene.
384
00:11:38,591 --> 00:11:43,361
(chair scraping, squeaking)
385
00:11:47,934 --> 00:11:49,568
How's the new chair?
386
00:11:49,635 --> 00:11:50,556
Oh, it's terrible, Mac.
387
00:11:50,570 --> 00:11:51,410
Thank you for asking.
388
00:11:51,437 --> 00:11:52,971
It might be worse than the first one.
389
00:11:53,038 --> 00:11:57,408
I mean, I cannot find a single flat
spot in this entire restaurant.
390
00:11:57,477 --> 00:12:00,912
Maybe that's it. I'm just... Goddamn it!
391
00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:02,981
This entire night is ruined.
392
00:12:03,048 --> 00:12:03,882
Dude, stop it!
393
00:12:03,950 --> 00:12:04,749
Okay?
394
00:12:04,817 --> 00:12:06,785
You're the one who's ruining this.
395
00:12:06,853 --> 00:12:07,786
I am enjoying myself.
396
00:12:07,854 --> 00:12:08,854
I'm enjoying our table.
397
00:12:08,921 --> 00:12:10,956
I'm trying to start the conversations.
398
00:12:11,023 --> 00:12:12,457
I wore two colognes.
399
00:12:12,525 --> 00:12:15,760
Oh, I'm very aware of how much
cologne you're wearing, Mac.
400
00:12:15,828 --> 00:12:16,668
It's overwhelming me.
401
00:12:16,696 --> 00:12:19,698
I mean, every time the goddamn kitchen
door opens, it wafts into my face.
402
00:12:19,765 --> 00:12:20,999
Hey, I like the way I smell.
403
00:12:21,066 --> 00:12:23,368
And I like me.
404
00:12:23,435 --> 00:12:26,004
And I haven't even gotten to
talk about what I wanted to talk
405
00:12:26,071 --> 00:12:28,540
about, which is an issue that
has been weighing on me, so I'm
406
00:12:28,608 --> 00:12:29,941
just gonna say it, okay?
407
00:12:30,009 --> 00:12:31,610
(sighs)
408
00:12:31,677 --> 00:12:34,379
When I wanted to get the karaoke
machine for our apartment, you
409
00:12:34,446 --> 00:12:36,347
laughed in my face.
410
00:12:36,415 --> 00:12:38,349
That's what this is about?
411
00:12:38,417 --> 00:12:39,651
Yes.
412
00:12:39,719 --> 00:12:40,952
The karaoke machine?
413
00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:42,487
Mac, you can't sing.
414
00:12:42,555 --> 00:12:43,722
It's not about singing!
415
00:12:43,789 --> 00:12:44,890
Okay?
416
00:12:44,957 --> 00:12:48,326
It's about you always putting me down, and...
you know what?
417
00:12:48,394 --> 00:12:49,427
I don't care; it doesn't matter.
418
00:12:49,495 --> 00:12:50,328
I'm out of here.
419
00:12:50,396 --> 00:12:51,630
Where you going?
420
00:12:51,697 --> 00:12:53,732
I'm gonna go sit with Frank and Charlie.
421
00:12:53,799 --> 00:12:54,599
Do not go to them.
422
00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:55,767
No, sit down, sit.
423
00:12:55,835 --> 00:12:57,969
Sit!
424
00:12:58,037 --> 00:12:59,938
Say something nice to me.
425
00:13:00,006 --> 00:13:02,607
What?
426
00:13:02,675 --> 00:13:05,276
I'm not going to sit down until
you say something nice to
427
00:13:05,344 --> 00:13:10,481
me for once in your life.
428
00:13:10,550 --> 00:13:12,784
(sighs)
429
00:13:12,852 --> 00:13:15,053
Your hair looks small.
430
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,321
Oh, for... Okay, okay, okay, man.
431
00:13:17,389 --> 00:13:18,456
All right, sit down, sit down.
432
00:13:18,524 --> 00:13:20,324
Sit.
433
00:13:20,392 --> 00:13:23,995
Please sit down.
434
00:13:24,063 --> 00:13:26,798
Okay, listen, listen.
435
00:13:26,866 --> 00:13:29,300
You remember that night
at Dooley's pool party?
436
00:13:29,368 --> 00:13:32,537
On that fine summer eve, when I
did that double jackknife twist
437
00:13:32,605 --> 00:13:33,672
and blew everybody's tits off?
438
00:13:33,739 --> 00:13:34,673
You remember that?
439
00:13:34,740 --> 00:13:37,740
And then I went down on Chrissie Orlando
on the trampoline later that night?
440
00:13:37,743 --> 00:13:39,678
You're just complimenting yourself.
441
00:13:39,745 --> 00:13:41,680
No, listen, I'm going
somewhere with this.
442
00:13:41,747 --> 00:13:44,549
The only reason I was even able
to attempt that amazing feat of
443
00:13:44,617 --> 00:13:51,255
courage was... because I knew if I
failed, you would... (glass clinking)
444
00:13:51,323 --> 00:13:52,423
Everybody.
445
00:13:52,491 --> 00:13:53,592
Hello!
446
00:13:53,659 --> 00:13:55,760
All the patrons of Gugino's, listen up.
447
00:13:55,828 --> 00:13:56,928
Hi, everybody.
448
00:13:56,996 --> 00:13:59,263
Frank Reynolds, Charlie Kelly.
449
00:13:59,331 --> 00:14:00,264
We would like to make a toast.
450
00:14:00,332 --> 00:14:03,602
Now, in front of you, you each
see, you have a glass of sambuca?
451
00:14:03,669 --> 00:14:05,937
You see this white, beautiful drink?
452
00:14:06,005 --> 00:14:06,938
Yeah. Okay, everyone got it?
453
00:14:07,006 --> 00:14:08,272
Yeah.
454
00:14:08,340 --> 00:14:10,441
Dude, everybody has sambuca but us.
455
00:14:10,509 --> 00:14:12,376
Now we have an American hero
tonight, so quick round of
456
00:14:12,444 --> 00:14:13,377
applause for our troop here.
457
00:14:13,445 --> 00:14:14,545
(applause)
458
00:14:14,614 --> 00:14:15,680
Nice-looking fellow.
459
00:14:15,748 --> 00:14:19,350
And to anyone who does not have a
glass of sambuca... Look around now.
460
00:14:19,418 --> 00:14:20,518
You'll see them.
461
00:14:20,586 --> 00:14:21,746
Those people refuse to drink.
462
00:14:21,754 --> 00:14:24,455
Yeah. They don't know how to pay tribute.
463
00:14:24,523 --> 00:14:25,624
They hate America!
464
00:14:25,691 --> 00:14:26,791
They hate the troops.
465
00:14:26,859 --> 00:14:27,959
Mm.
466
00:14:28,027 --> 00:14:30,461
They hate the people who
work hardest for them.
467
00:14:30,529 --> 00:14:31,689
They turn them into janitors.
468
00:14:31,697 --> 00:14:32,797
Mm, mm.
469
00:14:32,865 --> 00:14:33,965
It's not right. Aah!
470
00:14:34,033 --> 00:14:35,299
Damn 'em to hell.
471
00:14:35,367 --> 00:14:36,467
To the troops!
472
00:14:36,535 --> 00:14:37,636
To the troops.
473
00:14:37,703 --> 00:14:38,803
ALL: Cheers.
474
00:14:38,871 --> 00:14:41,305
(piano plays "Stars and Stripes Forever")
475
00:14:41,373 --> 00:14:42,473
To America!
476
00:14:42,541 --> 00:14:43,642
Good job, fellas.
477
00:14:43,709 --> 00:14:45,910
We did it.
478
00:14:45,978 --> 00:14:47,245
This is unbelievable, Mac.
479
00:14:47,312 --> 00:14:49,580
You know, and they totally
ruined our heartfelt moment.
480
00:14:49,649 --> 00:14:53,251
Now, there's a way we can get it
back-- if you just kind of jump...
481
00:14:53,318 --> 00:14:54,418
No, you fool!
482
00:14:54,486 --> 00:14:55,553
That time has passed.
483
00:14:55,621 --> 00:14:57,889
Can't you see they're humiliating us?
484
00:14:57,957 --> 00:15:00,391
Just tell me what you were gonna tell me.
485
00:15:00,459 --> 00:15:01,619
I'm not gonna stand for this.
486
00:15:01,627 --> 00:15:02,727
I'm not.
487
00:15:02,795 --> 00:15:03,728
Just, Dennis... Come on, man!
488
00:15:03,796 --> 00:15:04,896
Goddamn it!
489
00:15:04,964 --> 00:15:06,264
Ma'am?
490
00:15:06,331 --> 00:15:07,398
Uh-huh.
491
00:15:07,466 --> 00:15:08,587
Please return to your table?
492
00:15:08,634 --> 00:15:09,600
Oh, you know what?
493
00:15:09,669 --> 00:15:10,601
I'm gonna sit next to the hero.
494
00:15:10,670 --> 00:15:11,770
I used to date a troop.
495
00:15:11,837 --> 00:15:12,997
He was crazy for jean shorts.
496
00:15:13,005 --> 00:15:15,273
Attention, uh, attention,
everyone, please.
497
00:15:15,340 --> 00:15:17,608
If I could have your attention
momentarily. Thank you.
498
00:15:17,677 --> 00:15:18,777
(piano plays slow, gentle music)
499
00:15:18,844 --> 00:15:21,880
We do have an American
hero in the house tonight.
500
00:15:21,947 --> 00:15:24,582
A strong man, a brave man.
501
00:15:24,650 --> 00:15:29,821
He's the kind of man who
knows exactly who he is.
502
00:15:29,889 --> 00:15:32,824
He doesn't hide under a toupee.
503
00:15:32,892 --> 00:15:35,960
He faces his challenges, instead
of just retreating to the
504
00:15:36,028 --> 00:15:39,564
sewers... nude to forage
for rings and coins.
505
00:15:39,631 --> 00:15:41,499
Or to the toilets.
506
00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:45,937
Or to a life filled with rats.
507
00:15:46,005 --> 00:15:50,975
He's the kind of man who gives
me the courage to do an amazing
508
00:15:51,043 --> 00:15:53,712
double jackknife twist, which I did.
509
00:15:53,779 --> 00:15:56,247
Most of you people wouldn't
even attempt that.
510
00:15:56,315 --> 00:15:57,381
I did it.
511
00:15:57,449 --> 00:15:59,851
And to go down on Chrissy Orlando
on the trampoline later,
512
00:15:59,919 --> 00:16:02,353
on the very same night, which I also did.
513
00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:04,689
And I licked her asshole a little bit.
514
00:16:04,757 --> 00:16:05,857
It was pretty good.
515
00:16:05,925 --> 00:16:07,025
It was all right.
516
00:16:07,093 --> 00:16:08,359
It wasn't great.
517
00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:09,761
But it was fine.
518
00:16:09,829 --> 00:16:13,497
And I knew that it was gonna be
fine because this guy would be
519
00:16:13,565 --> 00:16:16,935
here to catch me if I faltered.
520
00:16:17,002 --> 00:16:23,708
Yeah. The world is a safer
place when he's around.
521
00:16:23,776 --> 00:16:30,615
Did you ever know That you're my hero?
522
00:16:30,682 --> 00:16:38,522
'Cause you are the wind
Beneath my wings.
523
00:16:38,590 --> 00:16:39,690
Thank you.
524
00:16:39,759 --> 00:16:41,359
Thanks.
525
00:16:41,426 --> 00:16:42,526
(scattered applause)
526
00:16:42,594 --> 00:16:44,796
Thank you.
527
00:16:44,864 --> 00:16:45,964
(crowd murmuring)
528
00:16:46,031 --> 00:16:47,298
Wow, dude.
529
00:16:47,366 --> 00:16:48,526
I mean, that was so touching.
530
00:16:48,533 --> 00:16:49,634
Oh.
531
00:16:49,701 --> 00:16:51,970
That's an amazing thing
you said about the troop.
532
00:16:52,037 --> 00:16:54,472
Now, can we get back to
the karaoke machine?
533
00:16:54,539 --> 00:16:56,607
Because I... I was talking about you.
534
00:16:56,675 --> 00:16:57,776
That was about me?
535
00:16:57,843 --> 00:16:59,844
Yes. He wasn't there when I
went down on Chrissy Orlando.
536
00:16:59,912 --> 00:17:01,345
I did not get that at all.
537
00:17:01,413 --> 00:17:03,681
I'm sor... Dennis, that's really sweet.
538
00:17:03,749 --> 00:17:04,849
Thank you.
539
00:17:04,917 --> 00:17:05,917
I'm sorry. What's happening?
540
00:17:05,985 --> 00:17:07,986
Is it freezing in here all of a sudden?
541
00:17:08,053 --> 00:17:08,987
Yeah, and it's... freezing.
542
00:17:09,054 --> 00:17:11,322
Air is blowing directly on us. What...?
543
00:17:11,390 --> 00:17:13,892
I mean, what is happening?
544
00:17:13,959 --> 00:17:15,260
Those goddamn sons of bitches.
545
00:17:15,327 --> 00:17:16,427
They turned up the A/C.
546
00:17:16,495 --> 00:17:18,797
Because they knew we were sitting
right underneath a vent.
547
00:17:18,864 --> 00:17:21,299
And they're trying to freeze us out.
548
00:17:21,366 --> 00:17:23,634
I didn't have your back before,
but now I'm gonna be the wind
549
00:17:23,702 --> 00:17:24,803
beneath your wings.
550
00:17:24,870 --> 00:17:27,305
I'm gonna smash this over
their goddamn heads.
551
00:17:27,372 --> 00:17:28,807
Yes, Mac. Yes! Yes!
552
00:17:28,874 --> 00:17:32,343
I'm gonna blast 'em with
this fire extinguisher.
553
00:17:32,411 --> 00:17:34,679
Okay, I'll toss hot soup in their faces.
554
00:17:34,746 --> 00:17:37,015
I'll pinch their dicks with this lobster.
555
00:17:37,082 --> 00:17:40,685
Let's do it.
556
00:17:46,792 --> 00:17:50,361
What are you people doing?
557
00:17:50,429 --> 00:17:51,529
Excuse me. Excuse me.
558
00:17:51,596 --> 00:17:54,265
What are you people doing?
559
00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:57,001
(crowd gasps and murmurs)
560
00:17:57,069 --> 00:18:00,671
Son a bitch!
561
00:18:02,507 --> 00:18:04,775
(laughter)
562
00:18:04,844 --> 00:18:07,278
Hey, his shoelaces are tied together.
563
00:18:07,346 --> 00:18:08,446
What?
564
00:18:08,513 --> 00:18:09,613
Oh, my God!
565
00:18:09,681 --> 00:18:11,950
Somebody tied his shoelaces together.
566
00:18:12,017 --> 00:18:13,284
His shoes are tied.
567
00:18:13,352 --> 00:18:14,452
Spaghetti-O, the waiter.
568
00:18:14,519 --> 00:18:16,754
I've wanted to see that all night long.
569
00:18:16,822 --> 00:18:19,257
Yes. Yes. Oh, my God, who do
we have to thank for this?
570
00:18:19,325 --> 00:18:20,424
Who?
571
00:18:20,492 --> 00:18:21,592
Oops.
572
00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:22,760
Deandra did it?
573
00:18:22,828 --> 00:18:23,928
Oh! Dee did it! It was Dee.
574
00:18:23,996 --> 00:18:25,263
Dee.
575
00:18:25,331 --> 00:18:27,431
Have you been here this entire time?
576
00:18:27,499 --> 00:18:28,599
Yeah, the whole time.
577
00:18:28,667 --> 00:18:29,767
Oh, great job, Dee.
578
00:18:29,835 --> 00:18:30,935
Great job.
579
00:18:31,003 --> 00:18:32,270
Oh, Dee.
580
00:18:32,338 --> 00:18:33,437
Hey, clash. Salud, huh?
581
00:18:33,505 --> 00:18:34,605
Salud.
582
00:18:34,673 --> 00:18:37,052
Guys? Guys, I'm really hurt.
583
00:18:37,337 --> 00:18:38,892
Back at the table!
584
00:18:39,012 --> 00:18:41,122
I want to hear some jokes
out of you tonight.
585
00:18:41,242 --> 00:18:43,422
You want to try this coat on?
586
00:18:43,542 --> 00:18:46,348
It's gotta look good on you, dude.
Put that hat on.
587
00:18:46,468 --> 00:18:57,103
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
588
00:18:57,153 --> 00:19:01,703
Repair and Synchronization by
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