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00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:08,675
[instrumental music playing]
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00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:11,303
[speaking indistinctly]
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00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,810
-Okay.
-Maria, what a fun party.
4
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:22,855
And look at you,
you are finally wearing a dress.
5
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:26,025
And, honey, you have such a cute figure.
Show it off!
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00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:28,320
You don't have to dress
like a boy all the time.
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00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:30,530
-I'll keep that in mind, Mom.
-Good job, bean.
8
00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:35,577
Scott and Maria
would like to say something now,
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00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:36,661
with their mouths.
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00:00:36,744 --> 00:00:38,913
-[drumroll]
-Uh, we just want to say thank you
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00:00:38,996 --> 00:00:42,542
to everyone for coming
to this special celebration
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00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:46,129
of my beloved's native country, Iceland.
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00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,630
Iceland.
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00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:49,549
Thank you.
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00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:53,803
Uh, yeah. So, we just wanted to say hello,
welcome and...
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00:00:53,886 --> 00:00:56,431
show you
a couple of traditions from back home.
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00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:58,475
Home.
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00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:03,146
Get the camera, Joel. This is like Epcot.
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00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:07,942
Now Maria and Scott will begin
the ribbon dance with their bodies.
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00:01:08,025 --> 00:01:09,069
[in Icelandic] Are you ready?
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Yes, my love.
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♪ Odin's gift ♪
23
00:01:16,033 --> 00:01:17,702
Look how she moves, Joel.
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Those three years
of rhythmic gymnastics really paid off.
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00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:23,250
♪ ...is Odin's gift ♪
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I now pronounce you husband and wife.
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Wait, what... what just happened?
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00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:32,300
[both laughing]
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00:01:33,926 --> 00:01:36,304
-I think they just got married.
-This was a fuckin' wedding?
30
00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,847
What the fucking fuck?
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I would have been paying more attention.
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I wore pants to my daughter's wedding?
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[screams]
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-[softly] Oh, no.
-[Marilyn sobbing]
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00:01:45,813 --> 00:01:47,732
[theme music playing]
36
00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:05,917
Oh, Bruce, the wedding was a disaster.
Everybody's mad at me.
37
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,419
Well, mostly my parents.
38
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,629
Mostly my mom.
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00:02:09,712 --> 00:02:11,714
[exhales sharply and groans]
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00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,217
I am having extreme abdominal pain.
41
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:18,721
Well, that is a pickle easily unbrined.
Just send her, uh, an edible arrangement.
42
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,433
Oh, I don't think so.
She's... she's pretty mad.
43
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,518
Well, surely, that's no match
for a speared cantaloupe.
44
00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:27,063
The one time
I try to do things my own way,
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00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,399
and everybody jumps down my throat.
46
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,026
I mean, my mom is down my throat.
47
00:02:32,109 --> 00:02:34,487
I don't know why it bothers me so much.
What's that about?
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00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:37,240
Why can't I not care?
49
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,617
Maria, you're an artist.
You can't not care.
50
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,744
That's why you had to hire me
to not care for you,
51
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,456
and, believe me,
I very truly do not care.
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00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:47,625
Listen, I'd love to further opine
on the subject matter,
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00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,836
but I've had to institute a moratorium
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00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,589
on any sort of
client-parent relationship advice,
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00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:56,426
since I attempted to guide Marvin Gaye
in a pesky little dustup with his father.
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00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,095
But speaking of bull's-eyes to the chest,
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00:02:59,178 --> 00:03:01,681
I do have something
right on target for you, my sweet.
58
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,100
It's a role in a prestige procedural,
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00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:06,185
because I know you like
meaningful stories.
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00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:09,564
And what is the name of this wondrous,
tasty, televised confection?
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00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,858
Apache Justice.
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00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:14,694
-[hawk screeches]
-[western music playing]
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00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:19,866
Bruce, that doesn't seem like something
that would be appropriate for me.
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00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:21,075
No, no, hear me out.
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00:03:21,158 --> 00:03:24,161
You'd play the wonderful white hero,
a lady lawyerette on the prairies,
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00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:27,457
who helps the Apaches
in their weekly quest for justice.
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00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:30,001
Bruce, I say this
almost every time we meet
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00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:33,296
but, uh, just to reiterate,
I'm a comedian.
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00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:40,136
I've gotta go deal with my mom.
I've gotta make her see that it's my life.
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00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,555
She can't control me anymore.
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00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:46,351
I'm not a child, you know.
I call the shots.
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00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:47,477
[cell phone vibrates]
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[Marilyn] "Your mother who loves you
and gave birth to you
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00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,899
would like to speak to you about issues.
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00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:54,609
-Emoji. Emoji. Emoji. Emoji."
-[groans]
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00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:55,943
You know what?
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00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:58,238
Maybe, I could do some good
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00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:01,449
telling the story of people
whose stories normally aren't told.
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00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,244
-What time is that audition?
-In one twenty-fourth of a moon.
80
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:07,079
-What?
-It's one hour. In Santa Monica.
81
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:11,208
Take Hauser. Great cut through.
82
00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:14,671
See, that's inappropriate, Bruce.
[chuckles]
83
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,132
It's a pun based
on the Native American experience,
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00:04:18,215 --> 00:04:20,635
which is actually not very funny
in retrospect.
85
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:26,683
So, for the last seven seasons
of Apache Justice, we've concentrated
86
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:29,519
on the injustice endured
by the native people.
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00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:32,314
Now we want to focus on something
very different...
88
00:04:32,980 --> 00:04:34,441
justice.
89
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:37,569
Okay, just spitballing thematically
on justice for a second,
90
00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:39,571
this could be an episode,
who knows, what do you say,
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00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:43,700
about a mother who gets
all bent out of shape because the daughter
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00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:46,077
plans a gorgeous wedding.
93
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:50,122
It's a surprise wedding, you know,
but the mother's invited.
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00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,626
-It's a great pitch for an episode.
-Yeah.
95
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,420
But our daughter character is
supposed to be likable.
96
00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:57,589
And pulling a stunt like that...
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00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,924
even in frontier times,
is a real cunt move.
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00:05:00,007 --> 00:05:02,802
[gasps] Oh, boy.
Oh. I may not be pitching it right.
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00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:06,973
[stammers] Because the daughter is the...
is the hero of that story.
100
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:10,518
Look, Maria, you're great. And now
that Mira Sorvino has passed on the role
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00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,770
of Miss Prudence,
middle-aged lady litigatetrix,
102
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,230
we are huge fans of your reel.
103
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,440
Oh, thank you.
104
00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,567
Would you be up for doing
a chemistry test with Peter Coyote?
105
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,151
He's just stepping out of makeup.
106
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,612
[gasps] Peter Coyote's on this?
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00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:25,408
Oh, my God. I am such a fan
of his passion for social activism.
108
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,743
Geobelle, can you bring in Peter, please?
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00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,035
Oh, my God. Okay.
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00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,498
-[Maria gasps]
-Peter, this is Maria. Maria, Peter.
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00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:34,041
[Maria] Wait, so Peter's an actual coyote?
112
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,668
Yeah, but he plays a hawk on the show.
113
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:37,086
-Guy's versatile.
-Oh.
114
00:05:37,169 --> 00:05:40,882
Our show is a period drama
improv procedural. So just play with it.
115
00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:44,719
Ad-lib. Robert Downey Jr. style, yeah.
Peter likes to find it in the moment.
116
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:46,804
I need to put this on your chin.
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00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:48,556
Okay. Cool.
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00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,100
All right.
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00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:54,145
Gosh, he's really looking at me.
[chuckles nervously]
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00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:56,355
Just look between his eyes,
not in them. You should be fine.
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00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:57,899
And go.
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00:05:57,982 --> 00:06:00,777
[sighs] This ridge belongs to us,
Nighthawk.
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00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,696
This is where we will find our justice.
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00:06:04,321 --> 00:06:06,073
Apache justice.
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00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,826
-[cell phone chiming]
-Oh, shit. I'm so sorry. Uh... [sighs]
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00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:12,329
Forgot to turn this...
My phone and my mom is
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00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,417
completely on the warpath.
I have never used that word before.
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00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,419
I don't know why
I'm using it now. [chuckles]
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00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:20,171
Oh, that is uncomfortable.
130
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:23,215
She is just all over my junk.
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00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,552
[groans]
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00:06:26,218 --> 00:06:27,136
[Goldfeather applauding]
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00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:29,597
Wow. That was brilliant.
134
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:32,434
Oh, you have the part.
That is Apache Justice.
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00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:35,394
Oh, my God. Whoa, really?
Thank you. Thank you.
136
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,564
-[groans]
-Are you okay?
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00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,232
I have this crippling stomach pain
every time my mom comes to visit.
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00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,777
Yeah, you should go see my guy at Cedars.
He owes me one.
139
00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,070
Amazing doctor.
140
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:45,988
-Gwyneth's guy. Very discreet.
-Oh.
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00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,699
And for the record,
he doesn't do abortions.
142
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:49,200
Though again, he's very discreet.
143
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,954
Okay, that's not a problem,
'cause I'm not pregnant. [chuckles]
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00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:55,748
Which would be dangerous and, uh,
irresponsible at my age.
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00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:00,670
[school bell ringing]
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00:07:01,253 --> 00:07:04,006
[in Australia accent] Another top day
in marriage and family class,
147
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,342
'cause your assignments have come back
for My Dream Wedding.
148
00:07:07,134 --> 00:07:09,428
Not my dream wedding. Your dream wedding.
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00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:12,765
I don't want to marry a koala.
Very funny, Ronald.
150
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,268
On the whole, I'd say
I'm pretty chuffed with these essays.
151
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:19,063
Clearly a lot of hard yakka was put in.
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00:07:19,146 --> 00:07:21,441
Some more than others. Gregory.
153
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:25,069
And top marks for you there, Roger.
Very nice.
154
00:07:25,152 --> 00:07:26,529
Awesome job, Roger. [chuckles]
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00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,740
[heavy metal music playing]
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00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,492
Maria, for you.
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00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,413
A C-minus?
158
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:39,416
Maybe next time you can put in
a fair dinkum effort.
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00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,127
You'll find that reflected in your grades.
160
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:44,171
But I did put in a fair dinkum effort.
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00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:45,965
-This is my dream wedding.
-Well...
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00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,717
Take a page from young Roger here.
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00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:52,680
Church wedding. Country club reception
with Dan Skylark and his orchestra.
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00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:55,391
And for dinner, a choice of kangaroo steak
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00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,685
or steamed ferns for the vegetarians.
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00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,145
Great work again, Roger.
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00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:02,023
Robert. Beautiful.
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00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:06,235
-[Marilyn] Okay. So, here you go.
-[bleats]
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00:08:06,318 --> 00:08:10,406
Some ants on a log to snack on.
So how was school today, honey?
170
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,325
It was horrible. I got a terrible grade
171
00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:15,620
in Miss Cookie Wolf's
marriage and family class.
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00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:19,373
She said I wasn't honest enough
for the assignment. But she should talk.
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00:08:19,456 --> 00:08:23,503
She's not even Australian.
She went there once for ten days.
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00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:26,923
Tell you who she should be honest with.
A bottle of conditioner.
175
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,257
Whoa, Maria.
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00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:32,219
Now, Miss Cookie Wolf is your teacher
and she deserves your respect.
177
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:35,222
-So cool it.
-Sorry. Got a little hot.
178
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:38,810
It's just that she told us to write
our dream wedding, and I did.
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00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,353
How could I get a C-minus
for telling the truth?
180
00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:42,772
Well, let me see that.
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00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:44,899
[bleating]
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00:08:52,489 --> 00:08:55,618
Okay, get your parka. Get Tink's leash.
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00:08:55,702 --> 00:09:00,206
We are gonna go have a nice little
conversation with Miss Cookie Wolf.
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00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:02,542
-Yes!
-[bleats]
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00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,461
-[wobbling]
-Remember,
186
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,714
don't grip the wobble board too tightly.
187
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:10,007
Firm pressure with your palms
on the edge of the board,
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00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,009
and dream of the outback.
189
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:13,928
-[chuckles]
-[door opens]
190
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:15,972
Knock-knock. Sorry to interrupt.
191
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:19,183
Marilyn Bamford.
Maria's mom and best friend.
192
00:09:19,266 --> 00:09:20,685
May I have a word with you?
193
00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:22,311
Uh, yes, you can, Miss Bamford.
194
00:09:22,394 --> 00:09:23,771
All right, boards down.
195
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:27,191
Let's take half a mo. Get that blood
shaking through your mitts and arms.
196
00:09:28,525 --> 00:09:30,069
Marilyn, what can I do for you?
197
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:33,030
Well, my Maria showed me
the horrible grade
198
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:35,032
that you gave her
for this recent assignment
199
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,368
in her marriage and family class.
200
00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:39,411
Right. Well, about that, Miss Bamford.
201
00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:42,707
In her dream wedding, she said
she wanted to be married in a canoe
202
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,834
with that crippled goat
and some Taco Bell.
203
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:45,918
She only spent $50.
204
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,588
So you'll forgive me if I say
that's less of a dream wedding
205
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:49,714
and more of a dream nightmare.
206
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:53,593
That's the kind of dreamtime
not even a spiny echidna can endure.
207
00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:56,345
Well, I have something to say about that.
208
00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:02,143
You were absolutely right to give Maria
a C-minus. She blew it.
209
00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:04,436
All I ask is that you give her
210
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,523
a second chance
to take this assignment seriously.
211
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,652
She has no real male role model
at home these days.
212
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,987
Her father is absolutely out to lunch.
213
00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:15,698
So, as a result, she has no idea
how to respect herself
214
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,450
as a young woman or a bride.
215
00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:22,538
So under the circumstances,
this was the best she could do.
216
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:26,668
Normally, my policy is no re-didgeridoo.
217
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,544
[board wobbling]
218
00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,596
But, since you've come on bended knee,
219
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:43,935
humbled like a whipped dingo,
begging for mercy...
220
00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:45,102
I'll make an exception.
221
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:48,731
Maria, you have until 4:30 a.m.
Canberra time
222
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:53,069
to hand in your assignment in a manner
that befits the institution of marriage.
223
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,197
That's 2:30 p.m. our time.
224
00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:00,743
Oh, that is wonderful.
Oh, thank you, Miss Cookie Wolf.
225
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,578
Maria, what do you say
to Miss Cookie Wolf?
226
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,166
[sighs] Thank you, Miss Cookie Wolf.
227
00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:08,500
[bleats]
228
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:12,463
[Maria] That wouldn't be the last time
my mother disapproved of my dream wedding.
229
00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:16,342
So you don't know where she is?
I'm this close to calling the precinct.
230
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:18,427
Oh, Maria. You're finally here.
231
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:20,637
We thought maybe you were hit by a bus
232
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:24,266
or Arab terrorists had grabbed you
and turned you into an ISIS or something.
233
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:25,893
What's going on here?
234
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:29,105
-Your father and I have terrible news.
-[gasps]
235
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:30,064
We lost the house.
236
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:33,192
[gasps] Uh, when?
237
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:35,069
Well, let's see, when was your wedding?
238
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:37,822
Yesterday, right? We lost it yesterday.
239
00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:38,990
Scott, what's going on?
240
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:40,783
I seriously have no idea.
241
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:41,868
You're out of pretzels.
242
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:45,121
And for tax purposes,
we put our home in Duluth in your name.
243
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,123
And Scott took it.
244
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:49,792
[stutters] When?
245
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,419
Right about the time
you got surprised married in a ditch
246
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:54,380
and buried part of your mother in it.
247
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:57,466
[groaning] Oh, my God!
248
00:11:57,549 --> 00:12:00,386
I just wanna point out
that I actually haven't taken anything.
249
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:02,304
Well, not technically yet.
250
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:06,725
But the second you two split up,
and your joint property is divided,
251
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,311
your father and I will be out
on our keesters by Easter.
252
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,398
Mom... [breathes shakily]
Scott and I are not getting a divorce.
253
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,233
We've been married one day.
254
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:18,695
Also, if you're so worried about that,
why did you put the house in my name?
255
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:21,824
Because we never, ever thought
you would get married.
256
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,118
-Ever.
-We were very surprised.
257
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,494
Well, you could have told me.
258
00:12:25,577 --> 00:12:28,622
Because it would have been very helpful
for tax purposes!
259
00:12:28,705 --> 00:12:30,166
Well, we didn't wanna bother you
260
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:33,419
and we were also a little worried
about your mental instability
261
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,171
because who knows, Maria?
262
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,882
I mean,
one day you could go off your meds,
263
00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:40,717
and we could come home
and find the locks changed
264
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:43,762
and feces everywhere and you in
the bathtub filled with mashed potatoes.
265
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,389
Okay.
266
00:12:45,472 --> 00:12:47,141
Number one, Mom,
267
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:50,937
mania can happen at any time,
even when you're on your meds.
268
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:53,272
Number two, I have bipolar II,
269
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:58,235
which does not have the florid signs
of psychosis, as in bipolar I.
270
00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:00,863
If I did have those, I'd be re-diagnosed
271
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,657
and at that point,
I would just deserve a cup of kindness
272
00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,617
and a drive to the hospital.
273
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:08,620
So you're not only inaccurate,
but insensitive!
274
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:10,122
Oh, it's just a who-knows.
275
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,875
I didn't mean it would happen.
I just mean, "Who knows?"
276
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,293
It's just a who-knows, Maria.
277
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:15,586
[groans]
278
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:17,504
Just sign this and it all goes away.
279
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,131
[Marilyn] It's a pre-nup,
280
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:22,259
but since you've already stabbed
your mother and father in their hearts
281
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:24,929
through their backs and got married
in a ditch, it's a post-nup.
282
00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:26,848
-[groans]
-[Marilyn] Once you sign this,
283
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:29,225
Scott has no claim on the house
when you break up.
284
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:30,601
Fine, I'll sign it.
285
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:34,188
-Oh, God! [grunting]
-Maria, what's wrong with you?
286
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:37,816
[grunts] I... I gotta go see
Goldfeather's guy.
287
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,737
[groans]
288
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:44,198
Mom, you did not have to come with me.
289
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:47,326
Oh, I know I didn't.
Yet, I'm here. And you know why?
290
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:50,537
Because no matter how far
you push me away, Maria,
291
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:55,667
I will always be here for you, Maria.
That's what mothers do.
292
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,669
[groans loudly]
293
00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:01,007
Oh, hey, Maria,
we have your test results back.
294
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,467
Oh, thank you so much again
for squeezing me in at the last minute.
295
00:14:03,550 --> 00:14:07,388
Please, Goldfeather and I go way back.
I was a consultant on Apache Med.
296
00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:09,348
And when they spun it off
into Apache Justice,
297
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:10,975
I came along for the ride. [chuckles]
298
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:13,852
Oh, my God. You work on AJ?
299
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:17,606
I love that show. Nighthawk is adorable.
300
00:14:17,689 --> 00:14:19,608
Thank you so much.
301
00:14:19,691 --> 00:14:21,735
I do a little background work
for them, too.
302
00:14:21,818 --> 00:14:25,114
You act on it, too?
Okay. We've gotta get a picture.
303
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,532
Mom, you can take a picture of me, too,
304
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,617
I've been cast on that show
as Miss Prudence.
305
00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:31,495
I thought they were out to Mira Sorvino
for that part.
306
00:14:31,578 --> 00:14:34,456
Now, see, look at this one.
She's always got secrets.
307
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,042
-She doesn't tell me anything.
-[sighs]
308
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,626
It wasn't a big deal.
309
00:14:37,709 --> 00:14:39,503
Ugh. Always an argument.
310
00:14:39,586 --> 00:14:40,963
[Dr. Runningstream]
Have you been feverish lately?
311
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,590
Experiencing rapid heart rate?
Loss of appetite?
312
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,634
Yes to all three. I just, uh...
313
00:14:45,717 --> 00:14:49,263
been under a lot of stress,
especially the last week.
314
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,891
Oh, good gravy, Maria. It's me.
315
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,351
She's talking about me. I'm the stress.
316
00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:56,853
Even though all I've ever done
is love her.
317
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,022
[groans]
318
00:14:58,105 --> 00:14:59,273
But who am I? I'm just a mother.
319
00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:00,857
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
320
00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:02,776
There's no such thing as just a mother.
321
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,988
The universe begins and ends
with the love of a mother.
322
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,490
I love you, Dr. Runningstream.
323
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,951
Hey, can we get back to my test results?
324
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:13,204
-You just tested positive for rudeness.
-Thank you.
325
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,789
She's experiencing
a lot of symptoms of C. difficile.
326
00:15:15,872 --> 00:15:18,250
Or C. diff.
You can say it either way. No diff.
327
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:19,919
-[both chuckle]
-Good one.
328
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:21,378
[groans]
329
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,505
She may not be producing
enough good bacteria in her gut,
330
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,882
which is a very serious condition,
Marilyn.
331
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,927
The only possible cure
is a fecal transplant.
332
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,095
From a monkey.
333
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:30,762
No. Not in this case.
334
00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:33,432
We would take the feces
from a trusted, caring,
335
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,351
loving family member with a healthy gut.
336
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:39,313
Well, that would be me.
Her father's GI tract is a GI joke.
337
00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:41,941
If you're a match,
then it would be a simple process
338
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,276
of harvesting the stool
and distilling it into a pill form.
339
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,653
What you're saying is that,
in order to feel better,
340
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,072
I have to eat my mother's shit?
341
00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:50,782
I don't know what you're worried about.
Your mouth is filthy already.
342
00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:52,118
-Thank you.
-[groans]
343
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,285
Now you listen here, young lady.
344
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,204
You better start respecting your mother,
345
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:57,581
because one day you're gonna wake up
and you're gonna wish
346
00:15:57,664 --> 00:15:59,291
you had your mother's stool to eat.
347
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,793
And she won't be there.
348
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:03,754
And neither will her stool.
349
00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:05,922
-[groans]
-Thank you, Doctor.
350
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,550
Thank you a million times. Thank you.
351
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:09,593
[groans]
352
00:16:13,805 --> 00:16:16,225
[men] Du-dum!
353
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,310
[theme music playing]
354
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,230
[narrator] General Phlybygggggxxxezyx.
355
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:23,107
Scott.
356
00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:24,608
And the rest.
357
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,160
When I was a little boy
on the twin sun planet of Vlartik,
358
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:37,246
my father would hurl
the war knives of Kriskin at us.
359
00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:40,791
Sometimes he'd ask,
"Who wants a war knife of Kriskin?"
360
00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:43,419
-[gasps]
-And even if we said we didn't,
361
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,254
the war knives would fly.
362
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,713
[sighs]
363
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,050
I am having...
364
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:54,888
[sighs] war knife Kriskin feelings!
365
00:16:55,722 --> 00:16:57,183
[screaming]
366
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:07,484
And cut!
367
00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:09,445
-[bell rings]
-I fucking love it!
368
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,822
That is called acting.
369
00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:16,660
This is what you call directing.
Where my jizz bib at? Hey!
370
00:17:16,743 --> 00:17:17,828
[chuckles]
371
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:19,080
Really fucking great work, Maria.
372
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:23,167
[in fancy voice] What? I just laid there
with... with my eyes closed.
373
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:25,961
That's what I do in the sack with Bruce.
374
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,421
[laughs] Just kidding.
375
00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:29,381
I don't lie there. Bruce does.
I'm a scrambler.
376
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:30,882
Hey-ho, wait, what's that now?
377
00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:33,969
-Bruce and I have begun a dalliance.
-Oh.
378
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,221
Yeah, we're lovers now.
379
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:38,140
We have been keeping company in my anus.
380
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,142
-Oh.
-[chuckles] I used to be repulsed by him.
381
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:43,437
But once I saw him goofing around
on the set with new Hollywood royalty,
382
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,898
that sweet Hebrew prince of cinema,
Andy Samberg,
383
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:49,025
I said to myself, "Jesus Christ, Grish,
384
00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:52,363
I gots to get that shrimp in me! Hey!"
385
00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:54,573
-No. I get it. I get it.
-And after last night,
386
00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:58,994
it is lightly battered.
But only tempura-rarily.
387
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,413
I love love in all its forms,
388
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:05,542
just don't tell me any of the details,
please. [claps]
389
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:09,296
I got a question.
Where's my motherfucking LaCroix, bitch?
390
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,466
Maxima mea culpa, Susan.
391
00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:16,720
One raspberry LaCroix coming up,
on the double!
392
00:18:16,803 --> 00:18:19,890
Yeah, put a hustle on it, tinsel tits.
393
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:29,191
This is hilarious.
394
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,026
You look just like me.
395
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,279
And you, like me. [chuckles]
396
00:18:34,070 --> 00:18:35,864
We are best friends,
so it makes sense.
397
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:39,243
You know what we used
to do in Berkeley with our best friends?
398
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:42,037
-Tell me, what do you do?
-Well, guy best friends...
399
00:18:43,079 --> 00:18:45,457
used to switch the names
on each other's dental records.
400
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,376
-Really?
-Sure.
401
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:48,877
But I have another surprise
for you, Bruce.
402
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,174
-I'm ready to sign with you.
-[moans]
403
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:55,884
-But I have one condition.
-Just name it, Your Eminence.
404
00:18:55,967 --> 00:18:58,345
I'm gonna need you to cut loose
all of your other clients.
405
00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:00,055
Oh, mine lords!
406
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,557
I wanna be best friends, Bruce.
407
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,643
-But best friends with business benefits.
-[moaning]
408
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:09,231
I want you to raw dog 10% of me
all up inside of you.
409
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:12,734
-But only... if you lose the clients.
-[whimpers]
410
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:16,530
Let the sweet, sweet orgy
[stammers] of friendship begin.
411
00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:17,864
Great.
412
00:19:19,991 --> 00:19:21,952
That's quite all right. Next time, babe.
413
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,704
I'm a little busy now,
with my current roster.
414
00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:26,165
Bruce, you wanted to speak with me?
415
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,499
Ah, Maria, come on in.
416
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:29,710
Yes, uh, just finishing up on a call.
417
00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:31,503
You know that's not a real phone.
418
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:34,215
Uh, yes. I just...
I just sort of figured that out myself.
419
00:19:36,132 --> 00:19:38,009
So, listen, uh, just a brief moment,
won't keep you long.
420
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:41,347
Just wanted to tell you that, uh,
I'm firing you as a client.
421
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:45,267
[chuckles] What? What are you saying?
422
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,561
I'm afraid I no longer have a home
for you in my stable.
423
00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:50,272
You see,
I have only room for one stallion now.
424
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:53,234
The grand and glorious golden horse god...
425
00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,819
Andy Samberg.
426
00:19:55,902 --> 00:20:01,032
[chuckles] But this isn't like you, Bruce.
Why are you betraying me thusly?
427
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:03,744
[chuckles] Betrayal?
Qu'est-ce que c'est, betrayal?
428
00:20:03,827 --> 00:20:05,579
-You know what? Fuck you!
-Ooh!
429
00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:09,082
Fuck you, Maria, you nutbag piece of shit.
Let me ask you something.
430
00:20:09,165 --> 00:20:13,254
When you were back there going cuckoo
inside that fucking lollipop factory,
431
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,297
who stood by your side? Me!
432
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,383
-Oh. [laughs nervously]
-Who pretended to care
433
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:21,428
when you said that your dog could talk
and you had some sort of idiotic song,
434
00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:25,599
some chicken leg turkey thing
going on with that ridiculous Scott?
435
00:20:25,682 --> 00:20:27,268
-Do you know who it was?
-Bruce!
436
00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:28,685
Me. Bruce.
437
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:32,273
From now on, you can think of me
as Roland Emmerich,
438
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:36,360
because I happen to be Andy Samberg's
plus-one for his Christmas party.
439
00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:39,488
And today is my Independence Day.
440
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:42,949
Now please, get the hell
out of my fake office, won't you?
441
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:46,995
[laughing] Wow, wow, wow.
442
00:20:47,078 --> 00:20:49,498
What a blow to the solar plexus.
443
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,750
[laughing]
444
00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:54,420
Well, as you wish, sir. [laughs]
445
00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:56,505
As you wish.
446
00:21:01,718 --> 00:21:04,179
I heard all that Bruce stuff
with my superhuman hearing.
447
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:08,725
Sounds like somebody really
soft served you a heaping helping of turd.
448
00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:11,520
Are you seriously gonna slurp down
every coily inch of that?
449
00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:13,980
This little lady's too tired
to fight anymore.
450
00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:16,692
I'm just gonna lay down and open my mouth
451
00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:20,321
and let the whole, wide world
squat over me and poop.
452
00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,323
-You're in a space coma. Hit the sheets!
-Oh. Yes, right.
453
00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:23,949
I'm too spiritual for this shit.
454
00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:25,992
[laughs] Ah!
455
00:21:31,122 --> 00:21:36,295
Look, Maria.
Cupcakes, avocado, salad and pie.
456
00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:37,253
Whoo!
457
00:21:39,214 --> 00:21:40,924
I'm eating all your favorite foods.
458
00:21:41,007 --> 00:21:44,886
And once they come out the other end,
you're gonna have twice the fun.
459
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,805
Mom, I'm not gonna eat your shit.
460
00:21:46,888 --> 00:21:48,599
Maria, we don't need
that kind of language.
461
00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:51,477
We really don't. And you might
have to eat it if it's medically required.
462
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:52,644
[Marilyn] That's right.
463
00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:57,148
Well, I won't,
under any circumstances, on principle.
464
00:21:57,232 --> 00:21:59,943
[sighs] Joel,
she's standing on principle again.
465
00:22:00,026 --> 00:22:02,278
What comes before the fall, Maria?
466
00:22:02,363 --> 00:22:04,448
-Uh, summer.
-No, pride.
467
00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:06,199
[cell phone rings]
468
00:22:07,075 --> 00:22:10,161
-Oh, it's Dr. Runningstream.
-Oh, tell him I said hello.
469
00:22:10,245 --> 00:22:13,374
-Hello? Yeah...
-I didn't hear a hello.
470
00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:15,000
Stop it, Mom!
471
00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:18,211
I am nice to her! Okay, you know what?
You don't even know me.
472
00:22:18,294 --> 00:22:20,464
Well, fine. Goodbye!
473
00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:21,423
[scoffs]
474
00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:24,217
Well, Mom, I guess
I don't have to eat your shit anymore.
475
00:22:24,300 --> 00:22:26,553
-Whoa, with that language.
-Aw. I see.
476
00:22:26,637 --> 00:22:28,389
What did he say was wrong with you?
477
00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:31,558
Well, he just said
I'm under enormous amount of stress
478
00:22:31,642 --> 00:22:34,811
and just to alleviate the stress.
And the stress that I can see
479
00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:37,939
is standing in my kitchen right now.
480
00:22:38,649 --> 00:22:41,610
-Well, uh, Joel, I guess that means...
-[groans]
481
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:44,696
...we have to go back to our Airbnb
and pack our bags
482
00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:47,949
because we're clearly
not being of service here.
483
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:50,411
In fact, it's just the opposite.
484
00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:53,997
That's for you. I'm not gonna waste
my Weight Watchers points for nothing.
485
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:57,250
She didn't mean that.
Maria, tell your mom you didn't mean that.
486
00:22:58,126 --> 00:22:59,169
I think I meant it.
487
00:23:00,421 --> 00:23:03,465
You know what, guys?
I'm gonna... I'm gonna sign the post-nup.
488
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:04,591
That's the spirit, boy.
489
00:23:07,428 --> 00:23:10,221
I will not sign that ever!
490
00:23:10,305 --> 00:23:12,641
All right, Joel, let's go back
to our beautiful home
491
00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:14,059
while we still have it.
492
00:23:14,142 --> 00:23:15,436
[grunts]
493
00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:17,938
-Bye, bean.
-[Maria] Bye, Papi.
494
00:23:18,021 --> 00:23:19,481
[door opens and closes]
495
00:23:19,565 --> 00:23:22,150
-Maria, what are you doing?
-I thought you would be proud of me.
496
00:23:22,233 --> 00:23:24,069
I stood up for myself.
497
00:23:24,152 --> 00:23:25,946
I am proud of you, in theory.
498
00:23:26,029 --> 00:23:29,115
But, you're picking the wrong battle here.
499
00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:32,202
-[sighs]
-You know, we should sign this.
500
00:23:32,285 --> 00:23:34,663
What kind of upside down world
am I living in?
501
00:23:34,746 --> 00:23:37,541
Is this, uh,
season two of Stranger Things?
502
00:23:37,624 --> 00:23:40,251
Do I need to write an alphabet
on the wall for you, Scott?
503
00:23:40,335 --> 00:23:42,796
Why is no one on my side?
504
00:23:42,879 --> 00:23:46,758
It's just you might be
on the wrong side of this issue.
505
00:23:47,884 --> 00:23:52,222
Well, I am gonna go sleep in the attic!
506
00:23:53,056 --> 00:23:54,475
[grunts]
507
00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:57,393
Okay, Maria, we... we don't have an attic.
508
00:23:57,478 --> 00:23:58,979
We do now!
509
00:23:59,062 --> 00:24:00,438
[Nighthawk screeches]
510
00:24:02,983 --> 00:24:03,984
[softly] Thank you.
511
00:24:04,067 --> 00:24:06,069
-[groaning]
-[bell rings]
512
00:24:07,529 --> 00:24:08,822
[continues groaning]
513
00:24:10,198 --> 00:24:12,242
You're still experiencing
abdominal distress, Maria?
514
00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:13,785
Hello, Dr. Runningstream.
515
00:24:13,869 --> 00:24:15,496
I thought your stress pains would've gone
516
00:24:15,579 --> 00:24:16,997
when you ran your mother out of town.
517
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,833
-How did you know that?
-I follow Marilyn on Instagram.
518
00:24:19,916 --> 00:24:21,292
This is how you treat your mother?
519
00:24:21,376 --> 00:24:22,460
You're a phony.
520
00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:26,089
-[groans]
-Places, places. Peter Coyote's on set.
521
00:24:26,172 --> 00:24:29,760
And any women on their menses, just please
leave the premises immediately.
522
00:24:31,762 --> 00:24:33,346
Yeah. I'm good on that account.
523
00:24:33,429 --> 00:24:34,765
[indistinct chatter]
524
00:24:35,473 --> 00:24:36,725
FYI.
525
00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:38,644
-[bell rings]
-And, action.
526
00:24:41,813 --> 00:24:43,439
[Nighthawk screeches]
527
00:24:43,524 --> 00:24:45,567
[gruffly] Nighthawk. Chief Moonbear.
528
00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:47,402
You must stand down.
529
00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:51,948
I know the white man did not ask
permission to build a well on your land,
530
00:24:52,032 --> 00:24:57,579
but you must see that water will be
a boon to all those under the sun.
531
00:24:57,663 --> 00:24:59,122
It is too late.
532
00:24:59,790 --> 00:25:02,375
We have already danced the war dance.
533
00:25:02,458 --> 00:25:05,546
And we will fight to the death
to defend grand Mother Earth.
534
00:25:05,629 --> 00:25:06,797
[Nighthawk screeches]
535
00:25:08,173 --> 00:25:09,758
Good call, Nighthawk.
536
00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:13,428
This is our fight,
and we will battle to the end.
537
00:25:13,511 --> 00:25:17,223
Nighthawk says
it is the principle that matters.
538
00:25:17,307 --> 00:25:18,642
And never trust white folks.
539
00:25:18,725 --> 00:25:22,938
They pretend to have treats,
but they don't. It is not funny.
540
00:25:23,021 --> 00:25:27,192
I see where you're coming from,
and yet I must ask you not to fight.
541
00:25:27,275 --> 00:25:29,152
You're fighting the wrong battle.
542
00:25:29,235 --> 00:25:30,528
[Nighthawk screeches]
543
00:25:31,697 --> 00:25:33,156
[in normal voice]
Wait, I'm fighting the wrong battle.
544
00:25:33,239 --> 00:25:35,909
Scott's right.
I'm fighting the wrong battle.
545
00:25:35,992 --> 00:25:39,079
He signed the post-nup, no problem.
I should sign it.
546
00:25:39,996 --> 00:25:42,207
I mean,
that would stop the fighting, right?
547
00:25:43,333 --> 00:25:45,794
For the first time in two weeks,
I do not have stomach pains.
548
00:25:45,877 --> 00:25:47,545
Dr. Runningstream,
what do you think that means?
549
00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:50,882
Maybe the cure wasn't resistance.
550
00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:53,551
The cure was capitulation.
551
00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:54,970
[gruffly] I think you're right.
552
00:25:55,721 --> 00:25:57,388
I need to make things right with my mama.
553
00:25:57,472 --> 00:25:58,640
-I'm sorry.
-[softly] Go, go, go.
554
00:25:58,724 --> 00:26:00,475
I must leave you.
555
00:26:01,559 --> 00:26:04,813
Look for her where the river breaks
to meet the sea.
556
00:26:04,896 --> 00:26:06,106
What's that?
557
00:26:06,189 --> 00:26:08,650
Uh, she's at
the Delta Gold Medallion Club
558
00:26:08,734 --> 00:26:12,028
for elite and platinum travelers.
She just posted. [chuckles]
559
00:26:12,112 --> 00:26:16,783
[chuckles] Thank you, my Indian friend.
And I mean that in both ways.
560
00:26:18,534 --> 00:26:20,370
Yes! Yes, okay, launch the dog.
561
00:26:20,453 --> 00:26:21,997
[Nighthawk screeches]
562
00:26:25,541 --> 00:26:26,542
[Nighthawk screeches]
563
00:26:31,297 --> 00:26:32,758
[captain over PA] Cabin crew,
prepare for departure.
564
00:26:32,841 --> 00:26:35,844
[grunting and groaning]
Ow! Ow!
565
00:26:35,927 --> 00:26:38,304
[panting] Hello. Hello. Mom!
566
00:26:38,388 --> 00:26:41,016
-Hey, bean.
-Maria, what are you doing here?
567
00:26:41,099 --> 00:26:43,226
[panting] I bought a ticket.
568
00:26:43,309 --> 00:26:47,230
You were right. I was wrong.
And here's the signed post-nup.
569
00:26:47,313 --> 00:26:51,151
-Oh, my goodness. Joel, look at that.
-I know I don't need a fecal transplant,
570
00:26:51,234 --> 00:26:53,486
but I would very much like
to eat your shit.
571
00:26:53,569 --> 00:26:55,405
-Whoa.
-Whoa. [chuckles]
572
00:26:55,488 --> 00:26:57,115
I want to be my own person,
573
00:26:57,198 --> 00:27:00,243
but that doesn't mean
I have to always have my own way.
574
00:27:00,326 --> 00:27:03,997
I know that it's important to you
that I have a big traditional wedding,
575
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:09,585
so if Scott and I need to do
another wedding, we'll do it.
576
00:27:10,253 --> 00:27:11,629
And we'll do it your way.
577
00:27:11,713 --> 00:27:13,840
Oh, Maria, I don't understand
578
00:27:13,924 --> 00:27:16,259
what happened to make you
change your mind,
579
00:27:16,342 --> 00:27:19,220
but I do understand the part
about the big wedding and I just...
580
00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:21,347
That's all that matters to me.
581
00:27:21,431 --> 00:27:23,349
-[chuckles]
-[Marilyn] Oh, thank you.
582
00:27:23,433 --> 00:27:25,560
-All right. I better go. Okay.
-[Marilyn] All right. See you.
583
00:27:25,643 --> 00:27:27,395
[captain] Ladies and gentlemen,
cabin doors are closed.
584
00:27:27,478 --> 00:27:29,439
-Please take your seats.
-You're flying with us.
585
00:27:29,522 --> 00:27:31,274
-Uh, okay.
-Honey, you're coming to...
586
00:27:31,357 --> 00:27:32,358
-All right.
-Take the window seat.
587
00:27:32,442 --> 00:27:35,821
Oh, this is fun, just like
our old family trips. I can't believe it.
588
00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:40,241
Look, Maria, here's a nice banana
and a little snack of trail mix.
589
00:27:40,325 --> 00:27:42,786
-[Joel] I brought the crossword.
-[Marilyn] Dad brought the crossword.
590
00:27:42,869 --> 00:27:44,746
-[Joel] Both of them.
-[Marilyn] Great. Oh, it's just...
591
00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:46,497
[Nighthawk screeches]
592
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:52,963
Very nice.
593
00:27:53,046 --> 00:27:56,717
In formation. There you go.
Very nice. Wobble away.
594
00:27:58,093 --> 00:28:00,386
Mike, got good posture there.
Got good rhythm.
595
00:28:00,470 --> 00:28:02,513
Good melody. You gotta feel it.
596
00:28:02,597 --> 00:28:05,308
Right, feel it? It's like an orchestra.
597
00:28:05,391 --> 00:28:07,477
Very good. Not too loud.
598
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,646
Good, find the rhythm and the melody.
Right.
599
00:28:11,314 --> 00:28:13,817
You're wobblin' it. You're wobblin' it!
600
00:28:13,900 --> 00:28:15,110
Right!
601
00:28:15,736 --> 00:28:17,738
Right! Wobble!
602
00:28:17,821 --> 00:28:19,823
[western music playing]
603
00:28:19,873 --> 00:28:24,423
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