All language subtitles for Lady Dynamite s02e06 Apache Justice.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:08,675 [instrumental music playing] 2 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:11,303 [speaking indistinctly] 3 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,810 -Okay. -Maria, what a fun party. 4 00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:22,855 And look at you, you are finally wearing a dress. 5 00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:26,025 And, honey, you have such a cute figure. Show it off! 6 00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:28,320 You don't have to dress like a boy all the time. 7 00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:30,530 -I'll keep that in mind, Mom. -Good job, bean. 8 00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:35,577 Scott and Maria would like to say something now, 9 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:36,661 with their mouths. 10 00:00:36,744 --> 00:00:38,913 -[drumroll] -Uh, we just want to say thank you 11 00:00:38,996 --> 00:00:42,542 to everyone for coming to this special celebration 12 00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:46,129 of my beloved's native country, Iceland. 13 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,630 Iceland. 14 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:49,549 Thank you. 15 00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:53,803 Uh, yeah. So, we just wanted to say hello, welcome and... 16 00:00:53,886 --> 00:00:56,431 show you a couple of traditions from back home. 17 00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:58,475 Home. 18 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:03,146 Get the camera, Joel. This is like Epcot. 19 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:07,942 Now Maria and Scott will begin the ribbon dance with their bodies. 20 00:01:08,025 --> 00:01:09,069 [in Icelandic] Are you ready? 21 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,778 Yes, my love. 22 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:15,950 ♪ Odin's gift ♪ 23 00:01:16,033 --> 00:01:17,702 Look how she moves, Joel. 24 00:01:17,785 --> 00:01:20,913 Those three years of rhythmic gymnastics really paid off. 25 00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:23,250 ♪ ...is Odin's gift ♪ 26 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:26,711 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 27 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,299 Wait, what... what just happened? 28 00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:32,300 [both laughing] 29 00:01:33,926 --> 00:01:36,304 -I think they just got married. -This was a fuckin' wedding? 30 00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,847 What the fucking fuck? 31 00:01:37,930 --> 00:01:39,557 I would have been paying more attention. 32 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:42,101 I wore pants to my daughter's wedding? 33 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,311 [screams] 34 00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:45,730 -[softly] Oh, no. -[Marilyn sobbing] 35 00:01:45,813 --> 00:01:47,732 [theme music playing] 36 00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:05,917 Oh, Bruce, the wedding was a disaster. Everybody's mad at me. 37 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,419 Well, mostly my parents. 38 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,629 Mostly my mom. 39 00:02:09,712 --> 00:02:11,714 [exhales sharply and groans] 40 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,217 I am having extreme abdominal pain. 41 00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:18,721 Well, that is a pickle easily unbrined. Just send her, uh, an edible arrangement. 42 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,433 Oh, I don't think so. She's... she's pretty mad. 43 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,518 Well, surely, that's no match for a speared cantaloupe. 44 00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:27,063 The one time I try to do things my own way, 45 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,399 and everybody jumps down my throat. 46 00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,026 I mean, my mom is down my throat. 47 00:02:32,109 --> 00:02:34,487 I don't know why it bothers me so much. What's that about? 48 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:37,240 Why can't I not care? 49 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,617 Maria, you're an artist. You can't not care. 50 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,744 That's why you had to hire me to not care for you, 51 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,456 and, believe me, I very truly do not care. 52 00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:47,625 Listen, I'd love to further opine on the subject matter, 53 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,836 but I've had to institute a moratorium 54 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,589 on any sort of client-parent relationship advice, 55 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:56,426 since I attempted to guide Marvin Gaye in a pesky little dustup with his father. 56 00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,095 But speaking of bull's-eyes to the chest, 57 00:02:59,178 --> 00:03:01,681 I do have something right on target for you, my sweet. 58 00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,100 It's a role in a prestige procedural, 59 00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:06,185 because I know you like meaningful stories. 60 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:09,564 And what is the name of this wondrous, tasty, televised confection? 61 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,858 Apache Justice. 62 00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:14,694 -[hawk screeches] -[western music playing] 63 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:19,866 Bruce, that doesn't seem like something that would be appropriate for me. 64 00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:21,075 No, no, hear me out. 65 00:03:21,158 --> 00:03:24,161 You'd play the wonderful white hero, a lady lawyerette on the prairies, 66 00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:27,457 who helps the Apaches in their weekly quest for justice. 67 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:30,001 Bruce, I say this almost every time we meet 68 00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:33,296 but, uh, just to reiterate, I'm a comedian. 69 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:40,136 I've gotta go deal with my mom. I've gotta make her see that it's my life. 70 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,555 She can't control me anymore. 71 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:46,351 I'm not a child, you know. I call the shots. 72 00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:47,477 [cell phone vibrates] 73 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:50,438 [Marilyn] "Your mother who loves you and gave birth to you 74 00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,899 would like to speak to you about issues. 75 00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:54,609 -Emoji. Emoji. Emoji. Emoji." -[groans] 76 00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:55,943 You know what? 77 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:58,238 Maybe, I could do some good 78 00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:01,449 telling the story of people whose stories normally aren't told. 79 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,244 -What time is that audition? -In one twenty-fourth of a moon. 80 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:07,079 -What? -It's one hour. In Santa Monica. 81 00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:11,208 Take Hauser. Great cut through. 82 00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:14,671 See, that's inappropriate, Bruce. [chuckles] 83 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,132 It's a pun based on the Native American experience, 84 00:04:18,215 --> 00:04:20,635 which is actually not very funny in retrospect. 85 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:26,683 So, for the last seven seasons of Apache Justice, we've concentrated 86 00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:29,519 on the injustice endured by the native people. 87 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:32,314 Now we want to focus on something very different... 88 00:04:32,980 --> 00:04:34,441 justice. 89 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:37,569 Okay, just spitballing thematically on justice for a second, 90 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:39,571 this could be an episode, who knows, what do you say, 91 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:43,700 about a mother who gets all bent out of shape because the daughter 92 00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:46,077 plans a gorgeous wedding. 93 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:50,122 It's a surprise wedding, you know, but the mother's invited. 94 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,626 -It's a great pitch for an episode. -Yeah. 95 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,420 But our daughter character is supposed to be likable. 96 00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:57,589 And pulling a stunt like that... 97 00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,924 even in frontier times, is a real cunt move. 98 00:05:00,007 --> 00:05:02,802 [gasps] Oh, boy. Oh. I may not be pitching it right. 99 00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:06,973 [stammers] Because the daughter is the... is the hero of that story. 100 00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:10,518 Look, Maria, you're great. And now that Mira Sorvino has passed on the role 101 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,770 of Miss Prudence, middle-aged lady litigatetrix, 102 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,230 we are huge fans of your reel. 103 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,440 Oh, thank you. 104 00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,567 Would you be up for doing a chemistry test with Peter Coyote? 105 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,151 He's just stepping out of makeup. 106 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,612 [gasps] Peter Coyote's on this? 107 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:25,408 Oh, my God. I am such a fan of his passion for social activism. 108 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,743 Geobelle, can you bring in Peter, please? 109 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,035 Oh, my God. Okay. 110 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,498 -[Maria gasps] -Peter, this is Maria. Maria, Peter. 111 00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:34,041 [Maria] Wait, so Peter's an actual coyote? 112 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,668 Yeah, but he plays a hawk on the show. 113 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:37,086 -Guy's versatile. -Oh. 114 00:05:37,169 --> 00:05:40,882 Our show is a period drama improv procedural. So just play with it. 115 00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:44,719 Ad-lib. Robert Downey Jr. style, yeah. Peter likes to find it in the moment. 116 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:46,804 I need to put this on your chin. 117 00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:48,556 Okay. Cool. 118 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,100 All right. 119 00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:54,145 Gosh, he's really looking at me. [chuckles nervously] 120 00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:56,355 Just look between his eyes, not in them. You should be fine. 121 00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:57,899 And go. 122 00:05:57,982 --> 00:06:00,777 [sighs] This ridge belongs to us, Nighthawk. 123 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,696 This is where we will find our justice. 124 00:06:04,321 --> 00:06:06,073 Apache justice. 125 00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,826 -[cell phone chiming] -Oh, shit. I'm so sorry. Uh... [sighs] 126 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:12,329 Forgot to turn this... My phone and my mom is 127 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,417 completely on the warpath. I have never used that word before. 128 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,419 I don't know why I'm using it now. [chuckles] 129 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:20,171 Oh, that is uncomfortable. 130 00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:23,215 She is just all over my junk. 131 00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,552 [groans] 132 00:06:26,218 --> 00:06:27,136 [Goldfeather applauding] 133 00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:29,597 Wow. That was brilliant. 134 00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:32,434 Oh, you have the part. That is Apache Justice. 135 00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:35,394 Oh, my God. Whoa, really? Thank you. Thank you. 136 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,564 -[groans] -Are you okay? 137 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,232 I have this crippling stomach pain every time my mom comes to visit. 138 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,777 Yeah, you should go see my guy at Cedars. He owes me one. 139 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,070 Amazing doctor. 140 00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:45,988 -Gwyneth's guy. Very discreet. -Oh. 141 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,699 And for the record, he doesn't do abortions. 142 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:49,200 Though again, he's very discreet. 143 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,954 Okay, that's not a problem, 'cause I'm not pregnant. [chuckles] 144 00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:55,748 Which would be dangerous and, uh, irresponsible at my age. 145 00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:00,670 [school bell ringing] 146 00:07:01,253 --> 00:07:04,006 [in Australia accent] Another top day in marriage and family class, 147 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,342 'cause your assignments have come back for My Dream Wedding. 148 00:07:07,134 --> 00:07:09,428 Not my dream wedding. Your dream wedding. 149 00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:12,765 I don't want to marry a koala. Very funny, Ronald. 150 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,268 On the whole, I'd say I'm pretty chuffed with these essays. 151 00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:19,063 Clearly a lot of hard yakka was put in. 152 00:07:19,146 --> 00:07:21,441 Some more than others. Gregory. 153 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:25,069 And top marks for you there, Roger. Very nice. 154 00:07:25,152 --> 00:07:26,529 Awesome job, Roger. [chuckles] 155 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,740 [heavy metal music playing] 156 00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,492 Maria, for you. 157 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,413 A C-minus? 158 00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:39,416 Maybe next time you can put in a fair dinkum effort. 159 00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,127 You'll find that reflected in your grades. 160 00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:44,171 But I did put in a fair dinkum effort. 161 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:45,965 -This is my dream wedding. -Well... 162 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,717 Take a page from young Roger here. 163 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:52,680 Church wedding. Country club reception with Dan Skylark and his orchestra. 164 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:55,391 And for dinner, a choice of kangaroo steak 165 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,685 or steamed ferns for the vegetarians. 166 00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,145 Great work again, Roger. 167 00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:02,023 Robert. Beautiful. 168 00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:06,235 -[Marilyn] Okay. So, here you go. -[bleats] 169 00:08:06,318 --> 00:08:10,406 Some ants on a log to snack on. So how was school today, honey? 170 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,325 It was horrible. I got a terrible grade 171 00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:15,620 in Miss Cookie Wolf's marriage and family class. 172 00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:19,373 She said I wasn't honest enough for the assignment. But she should talk. 173 00:08:19,456 --> 00:08:23,503 She's not even Australian. She went there once for ten days. 174 00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:26,923 Tell you who she should be honest with. A bottle of conditioner. 175 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,257 Whoa, Maria. 176 00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:32,219 Now, Miss Cookie Wolf is your teacher and she deserves your respect. 177 00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:35,222 -So cool it. -Sorry. Got a little hot. 178 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:38,810 It's just that she told us to write our dream wedding, and I did. 179 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,353 How could I get a C-minus for telling the truth? 180 00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:42,772 Well, let me see that. 181 00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:44,899 [bleating] 182 00:08:52,489 --> 00:08:55,618 Okay, get your parka. Get Tink's leash. 183 00:08:55,702 --> 00:09:00,206 We are gonna go have a nice little conversation with Miss Cookie Wolf. 184 00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:02,542 -Yes! -[bleats] 185 00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,461 -[wobbling] -Remember, 186 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,714 don't grip the wobble board too tightly. 187 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:10,007 Firm pressure with your palms on the edge of the board, 188 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,009 and dream of the outback. 189 00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:13,928 -[chuckles] -[door opens] 190 00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:15,972 Knock-knock. Sorry to interrupt. 191 00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:19,183 Marilyn Bamford. Maria's mom and best friend. 192 00:09:19,266 --> 00:09:20,685 May I have a word with you? 193 00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:22,311 Uh, yes, you can, Miss Bamford. 194 00:09:22,394 --> 00:09:23,771 All right, boards down. 195 00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:27,191 Let's take half a mo. Get that blood shaking through your mitts and arms. 196 00:09:28,525 --> 00:09:30,069 Marilyn, what can I do for you? 197 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:33,030 Well, my Maria showed me the horrible grade 198 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:35,032 that you gave her for this recent assignment 199 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,368 in her marriage and family class. 200 00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:39,411 Right. Well, about that, Miss Bamford. 201 00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:42,707 In her dream wedding, she said she wanted to be married in a canoe 202 00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,834 with that crippled goat and some Taco Bell. 203 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:45,918 She only spent $50. 204 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,588 So you'll forgive me if I say that's less of a dream wedding 205 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:49,714 and more of a dream nightmare. 206 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:53,593 That's the kind of dreamtime not even a spiny echidna can endure. 207 00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:56,345 Well, I have something to say about that. 208 00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:02,143 You were absolutely right to give Maria a C-minus. She blew it. 209 00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:04,436 All I ask is that you give her 210 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,523 a second chance to take this assignment seriously. 211 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,652 She has no real male role model at home these days. 212 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,987 Her father is absolutely out to lunch. 213 00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:15,698 So, as a result, she has no idea how to respect herself 214 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,450 as a young woman or a bride. 215 00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:22,538 So under the circumstances, this was the best she could do. 216 00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:26,668 Normally, my policy is no re-didgeridoo. 217 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,544 [board wobbling] 218 00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,596 But, since you've come on bended knee, 219 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:43,935 humbled like a whipped dingo, begging for mercy... 220 00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:45,102 I'll make an exception. 221 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:48,731 Maria, you have until 4:30 a.m. Canberra time 222 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:53,069 to hand in your assignment in a manner that befits the institution of marriage. 223 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,197 That's 2:30 p.m. our time. 224 00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:00,743 Oh, that is wonderful. Oh, thank you, Miss Cookie Wolf. 225 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,578 Maria, what do you say to Miss Cookie Wolf? 226 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,166 [sighs] Thank you, Miss Cookie Wolf. 227 00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:08,500 [bleats] 228 00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:12,463 [Maria] That wouldn't be the last time my mother disapproved of my dream wedding. 229 00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:16,342 So you don't know where she is? I'm this close to calling the precinct. 230 00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:18,427 Oh, Maria. You're finally here. 231 00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:20,637 We thought maybe you were hit by a bus 232 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:24,266 or Arab terrorists had grabbed you and turned you into an ISIS or something. 233 00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:25,893 What's going on here? 234 00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:29,105 -Your father and I have terrible news. -[gasps] 235 00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:30,064 We lost the house. 236 00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:33,192 [gasps] Uh, when? 237 00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:35,069 Well, let's see, when was your wedding? 238 00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:37,822 Yesterday, right? We lost it yesterday. 239 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:38,990 Scott, what's going on? 240 00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:40,783 I seriously have no idea. 241 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:41,868 You're out of pretzels. 242 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:45,121 And for tax purposes, we put our home in Duluth in your name. 243 00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,123 And Scott took it. 244 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:49,792 [stutters] When? 245 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,419 Right about the time you got surprised married in a ditch 246 00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:54,380 and buried part of your mother in it. 247 00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:57,466 [groaning] Oh, my God! 248 00:11:57,549 --> 00:12:00,386 I just wanna point out that I actually haven't taken anything. 249 00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:02,304 Well, not technically yet. 250 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:06,725 But the second you two split up, and your joint property is divided, 251 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,311 your father and I will be out on our keesters by Easter. 252 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,398 Mom... [breathes shakily] Scott and I are not getting a divorce. 253 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,233 We've been married one day. 254 00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:18,695 Also, if you're so worried about that, why did you put the house in my name? 255 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:21,824 Because we never, ever thought you would get married. 256 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,118 -Ever. -We were very surprised. 257 00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,494 Well, you could have told me. 258 00:12:25,577 --> 00:12:28,622 Because it would have been very helpful for tax purposes! 259 00:12:28,705 --> 00:12:30,166 Well, we didn't wanna bother you 260 00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:33,419 and we were also a little worried about your mental instability 261 00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,171 because who knows, Maria? 262 00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,882 I mean, one day you could go off your meds, 263 00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:40,717 and we could come home and find the locks changed 264 00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:43,762 and feces everywhere and you in the bathtub filled with mashed potatoes. 265 00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,389 Okay. 266 00:12:45,472 --> 00:12:47,141 Number one, Mom, 267 00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:50,937 mania can happen at any time, even when you're on your meds. 268 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:53,272 Number two, I have bipolar II, 269 00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:58,235 which does not have the florid signs of psychosis, as in bipolar I. 270 00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:00,863 If I did have those, I'd be re-diagnosed 271 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,657 and at that point, I would just deserve a cup of kindness 272 00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,617 and a drive to the hospital. 273 00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:08,620 So you're not only inaccurate, but insensitive! 274 00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:10,122 Oh, it's just a who-knows. 275 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,875 I didn't mean it would happen. I just mean, "Who knows?" 276 00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,293 It's just a who-knows, Maria. 277 00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:15,586 [groans] 278 00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:17,504 Just sign this and it all goes away. 279 00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,131 [Marilyn] It's a pre-nup, 280 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:22,259 but since you've already stabbed your mother and father in their hearts 281 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:24,929 through their backs and got married in a ditch, it's a post-nup. 282 00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:26,848 -[groans] -[Marilyn] Once you sign this, 283 00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:29,225 Scott has no claim on the house when you break up. 284 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:30,601 Fine, I'll sign it. 285 00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:34,188 -Oh, God! [grunting] -Maria, what's wrong with you? 286 00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:37,816 [grunts] I... I gotta go see Goldfeather's guy. 287 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,737 [groans] 288 00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:44,198 Mom, you did not have to come with me. 289 00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:47,326 Oh, I know I didn't. Yet, I'm here. And you know why? 290 00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:50,537 Because no matter how far you push me away, Maria, 291 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:55,667 I will always be here for you, Maria. That's what mothers do. 292 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,669 [groans loudly] 293 00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:01,007 Oh, hey, Maria, we have your test results back. 294 00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,467 Oh, thank you so much again for squeezing me in at the last minute. 295 00:14:03,550 --> 00:14:07,388 Please, Goldfeather and I go way back. I was a consultant on Apache Med. 296 00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:09,348 And when they spun it off into Apache Justice, 297 00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:10,975 I came along for the ride. [chuckles] 298 00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:13,852 Oh, my God. You work on AJ? 299 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:17,606 I love that show. Nighthawk is adorable. 300 00:14:17,689 --> 00:14:19,608 Thank you so much. 301 00:14:19,691 --> 00:14:21,735 I do a little background work for them, too. 302 00:14:21,818 --> 00:14:25,114 You act on it, too? Okay. We've gotta get a picture. 303 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,532 Mom, you can take a picture of me, too, 304 00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,617 I've been cast on that show as Miss Prudence. 305 00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:31,495 I thought they were out to Mira Sorvino for that part. 306 00:14:31,578 --> 00:14:34,456 Now, see, look at this one. She's always got secrets. 307 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,042 -She doesn't tell me anything. -[sighs] 308 00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,626 It wasn't a big deal. 309 00:14:37,709 --> 00:14:39,503 Ugh. Always an argument. 310 00:14:39,586 --> 00:14:40,963 [Dr. Runningstream] Have you been feverish lately? 311 00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,590 Experiencing rapid heart rate? Loss of appetite? 312 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,634 Yes to all three. I just, uh... 313 00:14:45,717 --> 00:14:49,263 been under a lot of stress, especially the last week. 314 00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,891 Oh, good gravy, Maria. It's me. 315 00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,351 She's talking about me. I'm the stress. 316 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:56,853 Even though all I've ever done is love her. 317 00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,022 [groans] 318 00:14:58,105 --> 00:14:59,273 But who am I? I'm just a mother. 319 00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:00,857 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 320 00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:02,776 There's no such thing as just a mother. 321 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,988 The universe begins and ends with the love of a mother. 322 00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,490 I love you, Dr. Runningstream. 323 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,951 Hey, can we get back to my test results? 324 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:13,204 -You just tested positive for rudeness. -Thank you. 325 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,789 She's experiencing a lot of symptoms of C. difficile. 326 00:15:15,872 --> 00:15:18,250 Or C. diff. You can say it either way. No diff. 327 00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:19,919 -[both chuckle] -Good one. 328 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:21,378 [groans] 329 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,505 She may not be producing enough good bacteria in her gut, 330 00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,882 which is a very serious condition, Marilyn. 331 00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,927 The only possible cure is a fecal transplant. 332 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,095 From a monkey. 333 00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:30,762 No. Not in this case. 334 00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:33,432 We would take the feces from a trusted, caring, 335 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,351 loving family member with a healthy gut. 336 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:39,313 Well, that would be me. Her father's GI tract is a GI joke. 337 00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:41,941 If you're a match, then it would be a simple process 338 00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,276 of harvesting the stool and distilling it into a pill form. 339 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,653 What you're saying is that, in order to feel better, 340 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,072 I have to eat my mother's shit? 341 00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:50,782 I don't know what you're worried about. Your mouth is filthy already. 342 00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:52,118 -Thank you. -[groans] 343 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,285 Now you listen here, young lady. 344 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,204 You better start respecting your mother, 345 00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:57,581 because one day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna wish 346 00:15:57,664 --> 00:15:59,291 you had your mother's stool to eat. 347 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,793 And she won't be there. 348 00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:03,754 And neither will her stool. 349 00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:05,922 -[groans] -Thank you, Doctor. 350 00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,550 Thank you a million times. Thank you. 351 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:09,593 [groans] 352 00:16:13,805 --> 00:16:16,225 [men] Du-dum! 353 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,310 [theme music playing] 354 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,230 [narrator] General Phlybygggggxxxezyx. 355 00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:23,107 Scott. 356 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:24,608 And the rest. 357 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,160 When I was a little boy on the twin sun planet of Vlartik, 358 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:37,246 my father would hurl the war knives of Kriskin at us. 359 00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:40,791 Sometimes he'd ask, "Who wants a war knife of Kriskin?" 360 00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:43,419 -[gasps] -And even if we said we didn't, 361 00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,254 the war knives would fly. 362 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,713 [sighs] 363 00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,050 I am having... 364 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:54,888 [sighs] war knife Kriskin feelings! 365 00:16:55,722 --> 00:16:57,183 [screaming] 366 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:07,484 And cut! 367 00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:09,445 -[bell rings] -I fucking love it! 368 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,822 That is called acting. 369 00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:16,660 This is what you call directing. Where my jizz bib at? Hey! 370 00:17:16,743 --> 00:17:17,828 [chuckles] 371 00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:19,080 Really fucking great work, Maria. 372 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:23,167 [in fancy voice] What? I just laid there with... with my eyes closed. 373 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:25,961 That's what I do in the sack with Bruce. 374 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,421 [laughs] Just kidding. 375 00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:29,381 I don't lie there. Bruce does. I'm a scrambler. 376 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:30,882 Hey-ho, wait, what's that now? 377 00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:33,969 -Bruce and I have begun a dalliance. -Oh. 378 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,221 Yeah, we're lovers now. 379 00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:38,140 We have been keeping company in my anus. 380 00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,142 -Oh. -[chuckles] I used to be repulsed by him. 381 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:43,437 But once I saw him goofing around on the set with new Hollywood royalty, 382 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,898 that sweet Hebrew prince of cinema, Andy Samberg, 383 00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:49,025 I said to myself, "Jesus Christ, Grish, 384 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:52,363 I gots to get that shrimp in me! Hey!" 385 00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:54,573 -No. I get it. I get it. -And after last night, 386 00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:58,994 it is lightly battered. But only tempura-rarily. 387 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,413 I love love in all its forms, 388 00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:05,542 just don't tell me any of the details, please. [claps] 389 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:09,296 I got a question. Where's my motherfucking LaCroix, bitch? 390 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,466 Maxima mea culpa, Susan. 391 00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:16,720 One raspberry LaCroix coming up, on the double! 392 00:18:16,803 --> 00:18:19,890 Yeah, put a hustle on it, tinsel tits. 393 00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:29,191 This is hilarious. 394 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,026 You look just like me. 395 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,279 And you, like me. [chuckles] 396 00:18:34,070 --> 00:18:35,864 We are best friends, so it makes sense. 397 00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:39,243 You know what we used to do in Berkeley with our best friends? 398 00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:42,037 -Tell me, what do you do? -Well, guy best friends... 399 00:18:43,079 --> 00:18:45,457 used to switch the names on each other's dental records. 400 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,376 -Really? -Sure. 401 00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:48,877 But I have another surprise for you, Bruce. 402 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,174 -I'm ready to sign with you. -[moans] 403 00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:55,884 -But I have one condition. -Just name it, Your Eminence. 404 00:18:55,967 --> 00:18:58,345 I'm gonna need you to cut loose all of your other clients. 405 00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:00,055 Oh, mine lords! 406 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,557 I wanna be best friends, Bruce. 407 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,643 -But best friends with business benefits. -[moaning] 408 00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:09,231 I want you to raw dog 10% of me all up inside of you. 409 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:12,734 -But only... if you lose the clients. -[whimpers] 410 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:16,530 Let the sweet, sweet orgy [stammers] of friendship begin. 411 00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:17,864 Great. 412 00:19:19,991 --> 00:19:21,952 That's quite all right. Next time, babe. 413 00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,704 I'm a little busy now, with my current roster. 414 00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:26,165 Bruce, you wanted to speak with me? 415 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,499 Ah, Maria, come on in. 416 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:29,710 Yes, uh, just finishing up on a call. 417 00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:31,503 You know that's not a real phone. 418 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:34,215 Uh, yes. I just... I just sort of figured that out myself. 419 00:19:36,132 --> 00:19:38,009 So, listen, uh, just a brief moment, won't keep you long. 420 00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:41,347 Just wanted to tell you that, uh, I'm firing you as a client. 421 00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:45,267 [chuckles] What? What are you saying? 422 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,561 I'm afraid I no longer have a home for you in my stable. 423 00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:50,272 You see, I have only room for one stallion now. 424 00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:53,234 The grand and glorious golden horse god... 425 00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,819 Andy Samberg. 426 00:19:55,902 --> 00:20:01,032 [chuckles] But this isn't like you, Bruce. Why are you betraying me thusly? 427 00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:03,744 [chuckles] Betrayal? Qu'est-ce que c'est, betrayal? 428 00:20:03,827 --> 00:20:05,579 -You know what? Fuck you! -Ooh! 429 00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:09,082 Fuck you, Maria, you nutbag piece of shit. Let me ask you something. 430 00:20:09,165 --> 00:20:13,254 When you were back there going cuckoo inside that fucking lollipop factory, 431 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,297 who stood by your side? Me! 432 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,383 -Oh. [laughs nervously] -Who pretended to care 433 00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:21,428 when you said that your dog could talk and you had some sort of idiotic song, 434 00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:25,599 some chicken leg turkey thing going on with that ridiculous Scott? 435 00:20:25,682 --> 00:20:27,268 -Do you know who it was? -Bruce! 436 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:28,685 Me. Bruce. 437 00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:32,273 From now on, you can think of me as Roland Emmerich, 438 00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:36,360 because I happen to be Andy Samberg's plus-one for his Christmas party. 439 00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:39,488 And today is my Independence Day. 440 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:42,949 Now please, get the hell out of my fake office, won't you? 441 00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:46,995 [laughing] Wow, wow, wow. 442 00:20:47,078 --> 00:20:49,498 What a blow to the solar plexus. 443 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,750 [laughing] 444 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:54,420 Well, as you wish, sir. [laughs] 445 00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:56,505 As you wish. 446 00:21:01,718 --> 00:21:04,179 I heard all that Bruce stuff with my superhuman hearing. 447 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:08,725 Sounds like somebody really soft served you a heaping helping of turd. 448 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:11,520 Are you seriously gonna slurp down every coily inch of that? 449 00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:13,980 This little lady's too tired to fight anymore. 450 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:16,692 I'm just gonna lay down and open my mouth 451 00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:20,321 and let the whole, wide world squat over me and poop. 452 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,323 -You're in a space coma. Hit the sheets! -Oh. Yes, right. 453 00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:23,949 I'm too spiritual for this shit. 454 00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:25,992 [laughs] Ah! 455 00:21:31,122 --> 00:21:36,295 Look, Maria. Cupcakes, avocado, salad and pie. 456 00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:37,253 Whoo! 457 00:21:39,214 --> 00:21:40,924 I'm eating all your favorite foods. 458 00:21:41,007 --> 00:21:44,886 And once they come out the other end, you're gonna have twice the fun. 459 00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,805 Mom, I'm not gonna eat your shit. 460 00:21:46,888 --> 00:21:48,599 Maria, we don't need that kind of language. 461 00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:51,477 We really don't. And you might have to eat it if it's medically required. 462 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:52,644 [Marilyn] That's right. 463 00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:57,148 Well, I won't, under any circumstances, on principle. 464 00:21:57,232 --> 00:21:59,943 [sighs] Joel, she's standing on principle again. 465 00:22:00,026 --> 00:22:02,278 What comes before the fall, Maria? 466 00:22:02,363 --> 00:22:04,448 -Uh, summer. -No, pride. 467 00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:06,199 [cell phone rings] 468 00:22:07,075 --> 00:22:10,161 -Oh, it's Dr. Runningstream. -Oh, tell him I said hello. 469 00:22:10,245 --> 00:22:13,374 -Hello? Yeah... -I didn't hear a hello. 470 00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:15,000 Stop it, Mom! 471 00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:18,211 I am nice to her! Okay, you know what? You don't even know me. 472 00:22:18,294 --> 00:22:20,464 Well, fine. Goodbye! 473 00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:21,423 [scoffs] 474 00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:24,217 Well, Mom, I guess I don't have to eat your shit anymore. 475 00:22:24,300 --> 00:22:26,553 -Whoa, with that language. -Aw. I see. 476 00:22:26,637 --> 00:22:28,389 What did he say was wrong with you? 477 00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:31,558 Well, he just said I'm under enormous amount of stress 478 00:22:31,642 --> 00:22:34,811 and just to alleviate the stress. And the stress that I can see 479 00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:37,939 is standing in my kitchen right now. 480 00:22:38,649 --> 00:22:41,610 -Well, uh, Joel, I guess that means... -[groans] 481 00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:44,696 ...we have to go back to our Airbnb and pack our bags 482 00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:47,949 because we're clearly not being of service here. 483 00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:50,411 In fact, it's just the opposite. 484 00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:53,997 That's for you. I'm not gonna waste my Weight Watchers points for nothing. 485 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:57,250 She didn't mean that. Maria, tell your mom you didn't mean that. 486 00:22:58,126 --> 00:22:59,169 I think I meant it. 487 00:23:00,421 --> 00:23:03,465 You know what, guys? I'm gonna... I'm gonna sign the post-nup. 488 00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:04,591 That's the spirit, boy. 489 00:23:07,428 --> 00:23:10,221 I will not sign that ever! 490 00:23:10,305 --> 00:23:12,641 All right, Joel, let's go back to our beautiful home 491 00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:14,059 while we still have it. 492 00:23:14,142 --> 00:23:15,436 [grunts] 493 00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:17,938 -Bye, bean. -[Maria] Bye, Papi. 494 00:23:18,021 --> 00:23:19,481 [door opens and closes] 495 00:23:19,565 --> 00:23:22,150 -Maria, what are you doing? -I thought you would be proud of me. 496 00:23:22,233 --> 00:23:24,069 I stood up for myself. 497 00:23:24,152 --> 00:23:25,946 I am proud of you, in theory. 498 00:23:26,029 --> 00:23:29,115 But, you're picking the wrong battle here. 499 00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:32,202 -[sighs] -You know, we should sign this. 500 00:23:32,285 --> 00:23:34,663 What kind of upside down world am I living in? 501 00:23:34,746 --> 00:23:37,541 Is this, uh, season two of Stranger Things? 502 00:23:37,624 --> 00:23:40,251 Do I need to write an alphabet on the wall for you, Scott? 503 00:23:40,335 --> 00:23:42,796 Why is no one on my side? 504 00:23:42,879 --> 00:23:46,758 It's just you might be on the wrong side of this issue. 505 00:23:47,884 --> 00:23:52,222 Well, I am gonna go sleep in the attic! 506 00:23:53,056 --> 00:23:54,475 [grunts] 507 00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:57,393 Okay, Maria, we... we don't have an attic. 508 00:23:57,478 --> 00:23:58,979 We do now! 509 00:23:59,062 --> 00:24:00,438 [Nighthawk screeches] 510 00:24:02,983 --> 00:24:03,984 [softly] Thank you. 511 00:24:04,067 --> 00:24:06,069 -[groaning] -[bell rings] 512 00:24:07,529 --> 00:24:08,822 [continues groaning] 513 00:24:10,198 --> 00:24:12,242 You're still experiencing abdominal distress, Maria? 514 00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:13,785 Hello, Dr. Runningstream. 515 00:24:13,869 --> 00:24:15,496 I thought your stress pains would've gone 516 00:24:15,579 --> 00:24:16,997 when you ran your mother out of town. 517 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,833 -How did you know that? -I follow Marilyn on Instagram. 518 00:24:19,916 --> 00:24:21,292 This is how you treat your mother? 519 00:24:21,376 --> 00:24:22,460 You're a phony. 520 00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:26,089 -[groans] -Places, places. Peter Coyote's on set. 521 00:24:26,172 --> 00:24:29,760 And any women on their menses, just please leave the premises immediately. 522 00:24:31,762 --> 00:24:33,346 Yeah. I'm good on that account. 523 00:24:33,429 --> 00:24:34,765 [indistinct chatter] 524 00:24:35,473 --> 00:24:36,725 FYI. 525 00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:38,644 -[bell rings] -And, action. 526 00:24:41,813 --> 00:24:43,439 [Nighthawk screeches] 527 00:24:43,524 --> 00:24:45,567 [gruffly] Nighthawk. Chief Moonbear. 528 00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:47,402 You must stand down. 529 00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:51,948 I know the white man did not ask permission to build a well on your land, 530 00:24:52,032 --> 00:24:57,579 but you must see that water will be a boon to all those under the sun. 531 00:24:57,663 --> 00:24:59,122 It is too late. 532 00:24:59,790 --> 00:25:02,375 We have already danced the war dance. 533 00:25:02,458 --> 00:25:05,546 And we will fight to the death to defend grand Mother Earth. 534 00:25:05,629 --> 00:25:06,797 [Nighthawk screeches] 535 00:25:08,173 --> 00:25:09,758 Good call, Nighthawk. 536 00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:13,428 This is our fight, and we will battle to the end. 537 00:25:13,511 --> 00:25:17,223 Nighthawk says it is the principle that matters. 538 00:25:17,307 --> 00:25:18,642 And never trust white folks. 539 00:25:18,725 --> 00:25:22,938 They pretend to have treats, but they don't. It is not funny. 540 00:25:23,021 --> 00:25:27,192 I see where you're coming from, and yet I must ask you not to fight. 541 00:25:27,275 --> 00:25:29,152 You're fighting the wrong battle. 542 00:25:29,235 --> 00:25:30,528 [Nighthawk screeches] 543 00:25:31,697 --> 00:25:33,156 [in normal voice] Wait, I'm fighting the wrong battle. 544 00:25:33,239 --> 00:25:35,909 Scott's right. I'm fighting the wrong battle. 545 00:25:35,992 --> 00:25:39,079 He signed the post-nup, no problem. I should sign it. 546 00:25:39,996 --> 00:25:42,207 I mean, that would stop the fighting, right? 547 00:25:43,333 --> 00:25:45,794 For the first time in two weeks, I do not have stomach pains. 548 00:25:45,877 --> 00:25:47,545 Dr. Runningstream, what do you think that means? 549 00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:50,882 Maybe the cure wasn't resistance. 550 00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:53,551 The cure was capitulation. 551 00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:54,970 [gruffly] I think you're right. 552 00:25:55,721 --> 00:25:57,388 I need to make things right with my mama. 553 00:25:57,472 --> 00:25:58,640 -I'm sorry. -[softly] Go, go, go. 554 00:25:58,724 --> 00:26:00,475 I must leave you. 555 00:26:01,559 --> 00:26:04,813 Look for her where the river breaks to meet the sea. 556 00:26:04,896 --> 00:26:06,106 What's that? 557 00:26:06,189 --> 00:26:08,650 Uh, she's at the Delta Gold Medallion Club 558 00:26:08,734 --> 00:26:12,028 for elite and platinum travelers. She just posted. [chuckles] 559 00:26:12,112 --> 00:26:16,783 [chuckles] Thank you, my Indian friend. And I mean that in both ways. 560 00:26:18,534 --> 00:26:20,370 Yes! Yes, okay, launch the dog. 561 00:26:20,453 --> 00:26:21,997 [Nighthawk screeches] 562 00:26:25,541 --> 00:26:26,542 [Nighthawk screeches] 563 00:26:31,297 --> 00:26:32,758 [captain over PA] Cabin crew, prepare for departure. 564 00:26:32,841 --> 00:26:35,844 [grunting and groaning] Ow! Ow! 565 00:26:35,927 --> 00:26:38,304 [panting] Hello. Hello. Mom! 566 00:26:38,388 --> 00:26:41,016 -Hey, bean. -Maria, what are you doing here? 567 00:26:41,099 --> 00:26:43,226 [panting] I bought a ticket. 568 00:26:43,309 --> 00:26:47,230 You were right. I was wrong. And here's the signed post-nup. 569 00:26:47,313 --> 00:26:51,151 -Oh, my goodness. Joel, look at that. -I know I don't need a fecal transplant, 570 00:26:51,234 --> 00:26:53,486 but I would very much like to eat your shit. 571 00:26:53,569 --> 00:26:55,405 -Whoa. -Whoa. [chuckles] 572 00:26:55,488 --> 00:26:57,115 I want to be my own person, 573 00:26:57,198 --> 00:27:00,243 but that doesn't mean I have to always have my own way. 574 00:27:00,326 --> 00:27:03,997 I know that it's important to you that I have a big traditional wedding, 575 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:09,585 so if Scott and I need to do another wedding, we'll do it. 576 00:27:10,253 --> 00:27:11,629 And we'll do it your way. 577 00:27:11,713 --> 00:27:13,840 Oh, Maria, I don't understand 578 00:27:13,924 --> 00:27:16,259 what happened to make you change your mind, 579 00:27:16,342 --> 00:27:19,220 but I do understand the part about the big wedding and I just... 580 00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:21,347 That's all that matters to me. 581 00:27:21,431 --> 00:27:23,349 -[chuckles] -[Marilyn] Oh, thank you. 582 00:27:23,433 --> 00:27:25,560 -All right. I better go. Okay. -[Marilyn] All right. See you. 583 00:27:25,643 --> 00:27:27,395 [captain] Ladies and gentlemen, cabin doors are closed. 584 00:27:27,478 --> 00:27:29,439 -Please take your seats. -You're flying with us. 585 00:27:29,522 --> 00:27:31,274 -Uh, okay. -Honey, you're coming to... 586 00:27:31,357 --> 00:27:32,358 -All right. -Take the window seat. 587 00:27:32,442 --> 00:27:35,821 Oh, this is fun, just like our old family trips. I can't believe it. 588 00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:40,241 Look, Maria, here's a nice banana and a little snack of trail mix. 589 00:27:40,325 --> 00:27:42,786 -[Joel] I brought the crossword. -[Marilyn] Dad brought the crossword. 590 00:27:42,869 --> 00:27:44,746 -[Joel] Both of them. -[Marilyn] Great. Oh, it's just... 591 00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:46,497 [Nighthawk screeches] 592 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:52,963 Very nice. 593 00:27:53,046 --> 00:27:56,717 In formation. There you go. Very nice. Wobble away. 594 00:27:58,093 --> 00:28:00,386 Mike, got good posture there. Got good rhythm. 595 00:28:00,470 --> 00:28:02,513 Good melody. You gotta feel it. 596 00:28:02,597 --> 00:28:05,308 Right, feel it? It's like an orchestra. 597 00:28:05,391 --> 00:28:07,477 Very good. Not too loud. 598 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,646 Good, find the rhythm and the melody. Right. 599 00:28:11,314 --> 00:28:13,817 You're wobblin' it. You're wobblin' it! 600 00:28:13,900 --> 00:28:15,110 Right! 601 00:28:15,736 --> 00:28:17,738 Right! Wobble! 602 00:28:17,821 --> 00:28:19,823 [western music playing] 603 00:28:19,873 --> 00:28:24,423 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 48616

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