All language subtitles for Lady Dynamite s02e05 Souplutions.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu

Original subtitles

-[TV playing indistinctly] -[groaning]

[Bert] He's burning up. Blueberry, more ice chips!

And turn the TV off. Scott hates golf.

Aw, thank you, guys.

[Bert] ♪ Little boy Scotty Sick in his bed ♪

♪ He's got a fever deep in his head ♪

How ya feelin', apple peelin'?

[Bert] Maria, we just got him down!

[Scott] Oh, guys, it's... it's okay.

I guess you could say I feel really...

[coughing] I feel sick to the core.

Well, I have the souplution!

Campbell's Chunky Clam Chowder! Right there.

-That's it? -Yeah, soup. That's what you wanted.

[gasps] Oh, my God. Yes, and...

-there is a fork. -[chuckling]

You can eat it with a fork because it's so thick.

[Bert] Jesus Christ, what is she doing?

Thank you.

Oh, and while you're nomming away on that,

I was thinking maybe you could answer some of the things

in our love lab workbook?

[Bert] Maria, stop it! Visiting hours are over.

-Sorry. -[grunts] Thank you, honey.

Feel better, sweet cheeks.

-That's really sweet. -[door closes]

[Bert] ♪ Little boy sleeping Trying to rest ♪

[Bert and Blueberry] ♪ He's got congestion Deep in his chest ♪

[theme music playing]

And that is when I knew that Loni Anderson would be forever in my life.

Ah.

And, pause.

-[recorder button clicks] -Bruce, how's it going?

I'm producing an audio book version of my smash hit memoir,

Here and Ben-Bacharach Again,

previously available only as a Microsoft Word document.

I'd like you to voice the part of Loni Anderson

in chapter four, "The Loni Years."

[gasps] Bruce, I would love to help.

I had no idea how fulfilling it was to take care of other people.

You know how they always say people who work in health care

and retirement homes are--

Are always skimming?

No, that they're happy 'cause they spend their lives--

Ejaculating for cash?

No, Bruce. Taking care of other people.

Like I've been taking care of Scott.

'Cause he has the flu, and I brought him some soup.

Ah! Wonderful! "The Jewish penicillin."

Uh, Nate 'n Al's? Canter's?

Uh, no, it's Campbell's Chunky Clam Chowder.

Ooh, that is, uh, unorthodox. Stove top or microwave?

No, I just handed him the can.

-Oh, dear Lord. -What?

Maria, I was once the soup concierge

in a very popular young boys' juvenile detention center in Norwalk.

You must understand, the type of soup

is absolutely crucial to whatever ails you.

Go ahead. Name any human problem.

Uh, you're late on the rent.

Next one. Pass.

-Syphilitic psychosis? -Italian wedding soup.

-Next? -Overmedication of adolescence.

Navy bean.

And for a touch of a flu, you need piping hot chicken soup.

Now, let's see what we have here.

Ye olde English bean, split pea with ham bits...

Ah! Here we are. Japanese Jewish chicken noodle.

Oh, Bruce, you keep soup in your file cabinet?

It's actually a novelty refrigerator.

Personal gift of Ben Vereen.

Oh, it's delicious!

[chuckles]

If you ever stop being a manager,

you could definitely get into the soup business.

-What do you mean by that? -Just that the soup is good.

No, no, I heard the words, but your intention was sort of weighted.

Are you gonna fire me?

'Cause if so, tell me now, so I can make the appropriate soup for myself.

Bruce, I am not firing you.

But can I take this to Scott before his fever breaks?

Of course, of course. Go, my angel. It's fine.

Aloha, sleepy!

Oh, sorry, you have company. I'll come back.

-Maria! [coughing] -Oh, yes. Oh, hi! Hi!

Oh, my God, Jessica, I didn't recognize you there.

-How you're sitting on the bed and-- -Jessica just brought me soup.

Bringing soup and I was... I was out getting some soup, but, uh--

Just brought him his favorite.

Wor Wonton from Green Dragon.

-Oh, Green Dragon. -Green Dragon!

[Scott] It's what we always used to eat when we got sick,

back when we were roommates

and became best friends at Exposition University.

-Go Pipes! -Go Pipes!

[chuckling] Okay. Well, I'll just... I'll just top you off then.

-Yeah, yeah. -Oh, what? Yeah, you know, I just...

-Ooh! -Oh, I'm so full.

Oh, no, you... It's fine, it's fine.

Thank you, thank you. Oh, no. No more. Thank you.

-Let's put it in the fridge and I'll... -Okay, okay.

-Thank you. -Okay.

-I'll just eat it later, you know. -[Maria] No... Yeah.

-[Scott] It looks really good. Thank you. -Thank you.

All right. I better get going. Okay? Scott needs his rest.

Oh, yeah, you know what? I'm completely wiped.

-Thank you so much, Jessica. -Mmm-hmm.

[stammering] Yeah, I'll take care of him, 'cause that's what I do.

I'm a natural nurtureman... Natch-nurtch, nurtch-natch.

-[soothing] -Yeah, uh, you know what?

I just hope I can rally for the premiere tomorrow.

Hey, don't you dare worry about that, okay?

The most important thing is that you feel better and get well.

That is the most important thing and that's exactly what I was gonna say,

except I was thinking of all the important things I need to do for you!

So, you know what? I know you got this.

-You take care of our guy here, okay? -Thank you. I will, I will.

Go Pipes! All of that.

-[Scott] Yeah. -Get some sleep, okay?

-[Scott] Yeah. Thank you. -See you guys!

Oh, Jessica, she is just... She is so great and so...

-Jessica's the best. -...pleasant and beautiful.

Yeah. I have a fun idea.

-What's that? -You could fill this out.

It's a grid where you can put in all your specific hard data

of exactly, you know, your personal needs.

So let's say your emotional--

[Bert] Maria, enough!

Okay, I'll just put this here

just in case if you think of anything, like,

"Oh, my God, I remember what my favorite breakfast is."

What is it? I don't know yet, 'cause you haven't told me.

I haven't learned that, and I wanna learn those things about you.

-Every little nugget I can. -Maria, the lights.

You don't like the light. You like darkness. I did not know that.

-[Scott sighs] -[door closes]

-[Blueberry] Another notebook! -[Bert] What a shit show.

[Maria] They say we all learn to nurture from our mothers.

In my case, my mom was distracted with problems of her own.

-[bleating] -I love you so much.

I do, I do, I do.

I can't believe I get to introduce

the king and queen of Norway to all of Duluth.

Honey, just sit there quietly with Tink and work on your speech.

-Okay. -[Candy] Knock-knock!

Candy Coombs, coming in.

-[Marilyn] Hi, Candy. -[Tink bleating]

Hi! How's the pinnekjøtt going?

Well, a lot better now that you're here with the birch sticks.

I don't know if it's good enough for royalty.

-So you haven't heard then yet? -Heard what, hon?

[chuckles] I shouldn't say anything.

It is not my place to mix, but as it turns out...

Shirley Nickelson is also making pinnekjøtt.

-[gasps] -And she's been brining for weeks.

What?

[Candy echoing] Shirley Nickelson is also making pinnekjøtt.

And she's been brining for weeks.

[bleating]

We've all already declared our dishes weeks ago.

And I declared pinnekjøtt.

[chuckles] What are you going to do?

Shirley's Shirley. I gotta run, hon.

Let me know if you need more sticks. [clicks tongue]

[Tink bleats]

[folk music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

"Velkommen, King Olav and Queen Märtha.

I'm sorry to hear you arrived at the hall in a Buick LeSabre.

I know you would have preferred a fjord.

-Hold for laughs." [chuckles] -[bleats]

Maria, your sister is evil. She needs to be stopped.

-I don't have a sister. -Her!

-[bleating] -Your sister with the horns!

She's gonna open the gates of hell.

[scoffs]

Oh, cripes, they're here. They're here!

The king and queen of Norway are here! Places, everybody.

[bleating]

[humming Norwegian national anthem]

[audience applauding]

[woman coughs]

"Thanks very much to the dulcet tones of the Duluth Humjabbers."

[audience applauding]

"Velkommen, to King Olav and Queen Märtha!

We promise there's Nor-way you won't enjoy Duluth.

Hold for laughs."

[laughs]

"On behalf of the Sons and Daughters of Norway,

we're pleased to present you with some traditional Norwegian dishes.

And some of the ladies are quite the Norwegian dishes themselves."

-[laughing] -Am I right, fellas?

-Is this thing on? -[laughing]

"First up, Candy Coombs with her legendary lutefisk!

Um, when Candy Coombs makes lutefisk, she's not playing around.

And that's funny because a lute, you play it,

it's a musical instrument that is used in stringed arrangements."

-[chuckles nervously] -[laughs]

[Maria] She got it.

"In keeping with the musical motif, next up,

a duet of pinnekjøtts

by Marilyn Bamford and also Shirley Nickelson."

-[audience applauding] -Marilyn Bamford's my mom. [chuckles]

Wait! One of the pinnekjøtt plates is poisoned.

[audience gasps]

Which plate is the preferred platter

to prevent the potentates from potential poisoning?

-[bleats] -Devil, get thee behind me!

-Get thee behind me! -[Candy] Marilyn, hon,

you're acting a little squirrely.

-We should take her home. -Marilyn, let's get some air.

Oh, don't you touch me! He is the devil's disciple!

He is the aid to the dark lord. And he beats me!

-[audience gasps] -Yes, Joel Bamford, MD,

-beats his wife! -[Tink bleating]

Devil daughter, get thee back to hell!

-Get thee back to hell! -No. No!

-[Maria] Tink! -[Tink screams]

So, Mom, how are you feeling?

I can't remember exactly what happened, but I have the feeling

this week is gonna be filled with a lot of "I'm sorry" days.

-[bleats] -[sighs] So, what do you think happened?

Honestly, I don't know,

but I figured since I haven't had a seizure in 20 years...

why was I taking the medication? So I stopped.

-Oh! -Not good.

-[sighs] -Is Tink okay?

You got him in his back legs, so he didn't feel a thing.

Good.

Why the long face, kiddo?

Well, besides you breaking down, I don't know, I...

I guess I finally thought that maybe you thought I was funny,

but then I realized it was just that you had lost your marbles.

Of course you're funny. You've always been funny.

But why don't you ever laugh?

Sweetie, I'm an internal laugher.

I laugh on the inside, where you came from.

'Cause in there, there's always womb for a good joke.

-I don't... I don't get it. -You don't get it?

-[bleats] -Tink gets it.

[chuckles]

[Maria] So, I got mixed messages about nurturing as a kid.

And that's why I was determined to find out

how to take care of my beloved Scott...

at couple's therapy.

Maria, welcome to couple's therapy.

I'm sure you remember my brother, Karl Grisham.

-What's up? -You guys are a couple, or...

Um, of course. This is couple's therapy.

Remind me. So you're stepbrother and sister, or...

-No, we are 100% biologique twins. -[chuckles]

She shares the exact same DNA as me.

Sometimes she has a little extra, if you know what I mean.

[Karen chuckles] All right.

So, what's going on with you and Scott?

Okay, well, Scott's best friend is Jessica Hu

and she knows everything about him,

like his favorite soup. I mean, how do I get to that point?

-How does that happen? -Whoa, whoa!

-Maria, I gotta stop you right there. -[Karen] Mmm, mmm, mmm!

-You're fucked. You're really fucked... -You're stone-cold fucked.

-[Karl] Yeah. -And you're just...

-Fucked. -Fucked.

Why? [stutters] What do you mean?

It's what we call the When Harry Met Sally rule.

-That men and women cannot be friends. -Can't be friends.

-Come on. That is not true. -Are you a man?

-Are you a man? -No.

Do you know who won the big game this fall?

-No. -Can I help you find the gentlemen's room?

-No! -Do you have a beautiful penis

-like my brother has? -Aw!

Can I... can I sidebar with you in the office for a second?

[Karen] Yeah, just... And just...

[Karl grunts] Oh, God.

I... You know what? I could just come back.

Yeah, just hold tight. Hang tight, Maria.

[Karl] Sit right there.

[both grunting]

[Karen clears throat]

[clears throat] So, we've meditated on your problem.

-We think we have a solution. -Okay.

It's called the Sling-A-Ling.

It's a mobile sex swing for sexy lovers on the go.

Slight drilling required.

Heavy drilling recommended.

-That's for sure. [chuckles] -Mmm. Mmm.

What I want is, like, for Scott and I to be best friends.

I don't think I'm Scott's best friend.

Right. And that's because Jessica Hu is controlling his mind

with caring, and communication,

and, uh, good old-fashioned anticipation.

-Mmm. -[chuckles]

But you can destroy all that by nuking Scott with your cooze missile, right?

And his ding-a-ling in the Sling-A-Ling.

[chuckles] I'm sorry.

We're still working on slogans. It's not great.

But the point is, that once you get Scott into this bad boy right here,

he's not gonna be saying, "Jessica Hu."

-He's gonna be saying, "Jessica who?" -[laughs]

Like, "Who is that?" With a "W."

-That's really good! -Thank you.

I would totally try that, as soon as his fever goes down a little.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Maria, Maria, Maria.

This is the best thing for a fever.

You know that old saying. "Starve a cold. Fuck a fever."

[Karen] "Now her man..."

[both] "will never leave her."

-[Karl gasps] -[inhales sharply]

-That's that magic right there, okay? -Ooh, ooh, ooh.

I've never heard that before.

But I've also never lived with a man before.

[chuckles] Right. Well, that's how you ended up in couple's therapy.

[sighs]

I'll tell you what, we're having a special right now, Maria.

Two Sling-A-Lings for the price of one. Can I put you down for two?

It'd be bad business sense not to. [chuckles]

-Great! Four Sling-A-Lings it is. -Great.

-Wonderful! -[Maria] Great!

[door opens]

Hey, there, sexy stuff.

-What's going on? -Oh, I don't know. Nothing.

Just a little breastoration hardware. Get it?

Maria, what are you doing with tools?

I'm just drilling.

-[whirring] -[moaning] My face hole...

My sexy face hole is getting all covered with dust.

-Honey-- -Ooh!

Honey, be careful. You're gonna hurt yourself.

[grunting]

I'm gonna hurt you in your pants

so you're ready for Jessica Who's with a W's premiere.

[Scott] I don't think I'm gonna go to the premiere.

Oh, that's 'cause you don't want to go? You want to stay in bed?

-Yeah. -[screaming]

-Oh, God! -[Blueberry] Oh, I think she's being sexy.

-Sex on you! Sex on you! -Oh, God!

You know what? I'm feeling a bit nauseous.

I don't think I'm in the mood.

Okay, well... you can fuck a fever.

What?

[Bert] Oh, God damn it!

Okay, okay. Redact. Redact, redact, redact, redact.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, okay.

The worst part is, I'm gonna let Jessica down.

I told her I'd help with the Q and A after the movie.

Here's a crazy idea. Uh, your best friend could help you out with the Q and A.

Yeah, but Jessica's already doing the Q and A.

Oh, I get it. She is your ancient best friend

of years and years and years and years.

But I'm talking about me!

-You silly invalid, you shut-in. -[chuckles]

I could fill in for you.

I could do the Q and A.

[chuckles] Really? You'd do that?

Of course I would. I'm your lover and best friend.

Objectively speaking, so much more important than just a best friend.

[Blueberry coughs]

Don't you worry your pretty little head about it.

I'm gonna be there at the premiere, meeting your needs and being a hero!

-Okay? -[Bert] Oh, boy.

-And if you get a chance... -Yeah.

-...if you could fill out this grid... -Ow!

...because then I can know everything about you.

-Maybe even more than Jessica knows. -[whirs]

-Okay. -It's just a small, 130-page grid.

[whirs]

-I know you'd have the time. -[whirs]

Thank you, honey.

[Blueberry] She bought four Sling-A-Lings.

[Bert] I wonder if they come in size pug.

[theme music playing]

[announcer] It's not just entertainment,

it's Elontainment Tonight!

Looks like things went full tits up

on the set of Maria Bamford's new Muskvision TV show, Space Nuts.

[Karen] Oh, my God!

Kasang! Chuchu! Magic box off.

[in fancy voice] I crippled my co-star.

[stutters] I crippled my co-star.

Crippled my co-star, and then I destroyed the entire show.

I heard from your "friend" Susan's Jew lawyer this morning.

She's suing, and I believe the legal term is, "the fuck off our balls."

Oh, no, no, no, no!

Don Jr. would like a word. It might be the C word.

-Is Don Jr. here? -[Don Jr.] Hello, Maria.

Oh. Ah!

We need you, Maria, to get Susan to drop the lawsuit

and to take on a new central role in the show.

The part of the crippled Sith Lord general, Phlybygggggxxxezyx.

Phlybygggggezegazyx?

-Phlybygggggezezazyx. -Phlybygggggezezazygen.

[Don Jr.] Phlybygggggxxxezyx.

-Phlybygggggezegazyx? -Phlybygggggezegazyx!

That's what I just said. Phlybygggggezegazegez.

[Don Jr.] Oh, BT-dubs, your new rack is testing awesome.

You're gonna want to make them permanent.

I made you an appointment with the greatest tit doctor in the world.

He'll take care of you.

Don, thank you so much. You're the sweetest.

[Don Jr.] Aw. Thank you. Muah. Kisses, kisses, muah, muah.

-You're the most darling. -[Don Jr.] Enjoy.

-[squeals] -Now, get the fuck out of here.

And get that crippled cunt back on the show!

-Go, go, go, go, go! -Exit line.

-What? -Exit line.

How about fuck off? Fuck off!

[chuckles] Fuck off!

[chuckles] Oh, babe, give me some more of those pain pills.

[laughs] They're so good. Ah!

Are you sure you should be taking these?

Aren't they a bad mix with your psych meds?

-Grow up, Scott. -I think these things are making you edgy.

[chuckles] I think you're a little eggy.

You come home with a set of jumbo gawangs out of nowhere.

And I know you want to apologize to Susan for destroying her spine...

-Mmm-hmm. -But did you have to invite her

to come live with us?

Scott, she's crippled. She needs to heal.

You know, it'll just take a little time.

You'll hardly even notice she's here.

-[whirring] -[Maria laughs]

Hi!

How great is this exoskeleton?

I almost forgot that my spine was snapped in half

and I'm forever gonna be a mechana-woman, all because of you.

I'm so sorry, Susan.

Well... [scoffs] not as sorry as my ovaries are.

Scott, did Maria tell you?

My ovaries... [mimics explosion] exploded.

My uterus is like a dustbowl.

Bunch of jalopies just roaming around the countryside.

[in Southern accent] "What's that, pa? We going to Californy?"

[chuckles] Ooh!

-Ooh! -[Susan sighs]

This thing is so sensitive, like a Lexus.

You know what, we're just happy to have you, Suz.

We're just happy to have you back on the show, aren't we, Scott?

-Yeah? -[Maria] Yeah.

-Prove it. We're out of bendy straws. -I'll go get 'em. Maria needs her rest.

No. No.

Maria promised me that she would be my helper monkey,

not some dick-limp chimp.

[chuckles] She's right. We had a deal.

You know what, I'll just take a quick drive

down to the Food 4 Less.

No, no, no. You... Not on those pain pills, you won't.

Oh, okay, fine.

[chuckles] I'll speed walk.

Give everyone a chance to see these twice-baked taters.

Tune in, Tokyo.

[both chuckle]

Thank you, Maria.

I'd have you get me tampons, but there's no need for 'em anymore.

-[chuckling] No. -[Susan chuckles]

It's like a CBS comedy lineup down there.

Just dead air, coast-to-coast. [chuckles]

-[Maria] I'm closing the door. -See ya!

Speaking of coast-to-coast, why aren't you fucking me yet?

What?

-Jesus! -I am single and ready to jangle.

-Look, Susan, I'm married, okay? -Oh!

[grunts]

Well, it ain't cheating if you boink the robot half.

Look, this is insane!

[screaming]

Why, Mr. Scott Marvel Cassidy,

I do believe you're trying to seduce me. [chuckles]

[whimpering]

[chuckles]

[laughing]

[screaming]

-[screaming continues] -[Susan continues laughing]

[Jessica] As we ate our sushi, I realized

Scott was the best karaoke partner, the best Frisbee coach

and, of course, the best friend.

-[crowd cheering] -[upbeat music playing]

Are you kidding me with this?

This extremely well-crafted, heart-wrenching movie

is about best friendship?

I'm sorry. What was that again?

I'm calling my best friend, Ted, that I haven't talked to in 26 years.

Oh, my gosh! Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Oh!

Um, unfortunately, the co-subject of my film, and my best friend,

he couldn't be here tonight to join us.

But taking his place is his girlfriend, Maria Bamford!

[Maria] Fiancée! We're getting married!

Right. He knows my social.

-Okay, yeah! -[laughing]

I'm wearing this ring. Ahh!

So, we're having fun, but, unfortunately,

Scott is a little under the weather with the flu.

But I took him some soup. And of course that soup was...

[crowd] Wor Wonton Soup from Green Dragon with extra dumplings and wontons!

[Jessica squeals] You got it!

-Oh, my gosh, have a seat. Are you good? -Uh, I'm good. Good, good, good.

-Yes, question from the audience? -Hi. Yes, I really loved the movie.

It's just so touching and so filled with friendship.

-Thank you. -Thank you. Thank you, yeah!

I was wondering, what inspired Scott to become a painter?

-Mmm-- -Oh, you know what?

Actually, I think I could take that.

Scott went outside one day and he saw everything.

And he said, "How do I get what I have in my eyeball onto paper?"

And then he just began.

So... I think that answers your question.

Oh, okay. Also, Scott's favorite aunt took him to an exhibit at the Tate

-when he was just nine. -Oh.

-Totally changed his life. Remember that? -Okay, and that... Yeah, that, too.

-Follow up question. -No, there's no more questions from you.

Can we get a bottle of water up here?

[chuckling] I am just, uh, wobbly and hot like a flan!

[laughs] Next question.

Hi, Jessica, um...

Well, first of all I just want to say that

I'm also a graduate of Exposition University, so go Pipes!

Go Pipes!

It seemed a little bit like Scott might have been disappointed

by that dinner party you threw together.

-Yeah, um, you know-- -Uh, no. I know.

He loves carrots. And there were not carrots at that party.

And, you know...

You know what, the truth is, as much as I love Scott, he's my best friend,

he can be really difficult to read sometimes.

I mean, it's just like... [screams]

-[chuckles] You know? -I don't find him

difficult to read at all.

He's easy to read for me because I'm his best friend and his lover,

and I've... I've really gotten in there many times.

-And, uh... Yeah. -[Jessica] Oh!

Well, you know a different Scott than I do. [chuckles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know why? Because Scott sometimes,

he has a problem with communicating what it is that he wants, you know?

So sometimes, it's like, I feel like he wants me to just read his mind--

Okay, you know what? I think you're...

You say you're a best friend,

but then you come at this and say, to all these strangers,

"Oh, he can't express himself."

You would never say that behind someone's back...

if you were a real friend.

Behind someone's back.

That's what's wrong!

Absolutely. But the thing is, Maria, I promise,

if Scott was here, I would totally say it to his face.

-Really? -Yeah!

Ladies and gentlemen, best friendships...

They don't have to be perfect for them to be meaningful.

What? They don't?

That's what my movie was about, Maria.

I totally got that.

[Jessica] You all got that, right?

[chuckles] Okay, good, good.

-You're so perfect! -No!

You got a perfect movie, you got a perfect outfit!

And now you said that you're not perfect in front of a whole group of people,

which again reiterates the fact that you are truly perfect!

[crowd gasping]

I'm so sorry. Oh, no! Never forgive me. Never forgive me!

[door closes]

Thanks, everybody, for coming out. [chuckles nervously]

Best Friends, the movie. Tell your best friends.

I really gotta call Jessica and apologize. I just totally ruined her premiere.

No, you didn't.

She called this morning to check on you. Said it was no big deal.

The most important thing is for you to get well.

Of course she did. She's so freaking cool.

And this soup from Green Dragon is so good! [slurps]

Yeah, don't you think soup tastes better when it's heated up?

I didn't think it would, but it does.

I'm so sorry that I brought you soup in a can and I barfed on your best friend.

[snorts] Hey, you're my best friend.

Really?

I know I'm not the best at telling people what I need, which is kind of ironic,

since I graduated with a master's in communication from Exposition University.

-Go Pipes. -But from now on, I promise

I'll just tell you what kind of soup I want.

-I would really appreciate that. -Maybe I won't have to.

-[gasps] -'Cause you'll have this.

-My grid! -Our grid.

And that's about way more than just soup.

And you broke it down into sections, just like I like it.

It took me about 11 hours.

You know what I realized, Scott? There are no shortcuts.

Best friendship takes time. It's just like soup, you know?

You've gotta pay attention to it, otherwise the bottom burns.

[Bert] Speaking of burning bottoms, I burned Blueberry's bottom this morning.

[Blueberry] He did. Sling-A-Ling!

-[chuckles] -You guys!

[upbeat music playing]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.