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1
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:09,217
[chuckles nervously]
2
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:13,055
-Who are you again?
-I am Gayle.
3
00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:16,391
I am Larissa's spiritual surrogate
and legal counsel.
4
00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:18,810
Due to the events
on the night of her re-birthday,
5
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:21,813
heretofore referred to
as the Bowl-e-oki Betrayal,
6
00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:25,275
she has filed paperwork with the DA
for assault against the both of you.
7
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:26,651
-[Maria gasps]
-Assault?
8
00:00:26,734 --> 00:00:28,945
She also wanted me to mention
that the next time that you see her,
9
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,781
she'll be in séance mode
and would like you to ask why.
10
00:00:31,864 --> 00:00:33,325
Okay. Why?
11
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:35,493
So she can communicate to people
who are dead to her.
12
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:37,537
Hold for laugh.
13
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:41,916
Let the record show
I am Periscoping your reaction.
14
00:00:41,999 --> 00:00:44,669
And I'm going to give that a few hearts.
15
00:00:44,752 --> 00:00:46,838
Now, she will accept an apology.
16
00:00:49,257 --> 00:00:52,302
This is a hot microphone, and I mean that
in no less than three ways.
17
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,429
Okay, so you want us
to apologize to her now?
18
00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:57,265
-But Larissa isn't here.
-My client is in an undisclosed location,
19
00:00:57,349 --> 00:01:00,602
but she will be astral projecting
into this very moment.
20
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:06,023
-Larissa, are you there?
-[wind whistles]
21
00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:08,485
-Oh. She's on.
-Okay. This is insane. I'm out of here.
22
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:12,029
Hey, Scott. No.
We need to take this seriously.
23
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:13,948
Larissa has a lien on our house.
24
00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:17,244
-This woman's your friend?
-She's my best friend.
25
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:20,247
Oh, best friend status confirmed.
That's gonna go a long way with the judge.
26
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,665
Now speak into the microphone
and state your apology.
27
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:23,916
-[feedback]
-Stand.
28
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,253
Uh... Hi.
29
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:29,881
I just wanna apologize that I said
that Larissa was a bad assistant.
30
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:32,675
And I do not find her at all useless.
31
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,389
-Excellent.
-Thank you.
32
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:41,100
-Scott?
-Babe, please don't make me do this.
33
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:42,310
You have to.
34
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:45,605
Please stand.
35
00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:53,363
Yes. I am so very, very sorry
for saying she was a nightmare.
36
00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:58,326
[Larissa over speakers in Jamaican accent]
Rude boy, Scott, I accept your apology!
37
00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:01,078
Rude boy, Scott,
da rhythm is a-callin' me!
38
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:05,167
Rude boy, Scott,
intoxicate me like cola wine!
39
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,251
You're a rude boy, Scott.
40
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:07,627
Okay, that's it. I'm out of here.
41
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,629
[theme music playing]
42
00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:29,857
I just feel so much better
now that everyone's getting along.
43
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,945
Just don't make me apologize
into the microphone again, okay?
44
00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:34,862
You did great.
45
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:38,283
It's not about how I did.
It's about how it made me feel.
46
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:41,703
Well, I know a way
I can make you feel better.
47
00:02:41,786 --> 00:02:42,912
[both chuckling]
48
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:46,749
Surprise!
49
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:47,875
[screams]
50
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:50,253
-[Marilyn] Whoa!
-Mom?
51
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:54,341
-Holy moly. You almost took my head off.
-Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
52
00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,175
I believe introductions are in order.
53
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,678
I'm Marilyn Bamford. You must be Scott.
54
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:00,472
Mrs. Bamford, I'm so sorry about the lamp.
55
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:04,684
Oh, forget about it. You were
protecting my girl, and I sure like that.
56
00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:08,730
Mom, what are you doing here?
And... and how did you get in the house?
57
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:09,772
Listen to this one.
58
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:13,985
Haven't seen her in four months
and no big hug, big kiss.
59
00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:15,612
-Sweetie, you know what?
-Okay.
60
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:19,616
I got a key made the last time I was here.
It's just so much easier.
61
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:25,037
And I wanted to surprise both of you
and come to town for Scott's big art show!
62
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:27,999
-Oh, wow.
-How did you know about that?
63
00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:31,168
Larissa, silly.
I called her for her re-birthday.
64
00:03:31,253 --> 00:03:34,631
And you two should apologize to her.
Poor thing.
65
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:35,965
Where do you live, Scott?
66
00:03:36,048 --> 00:03:38,718
-I live very close. I...
-On the block?
67
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:41,053
Uh, no, actually. Here with Maria.
68
00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:42,639
-We're living together.
-Yeah.
69
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:43,848
Oh.
70
00:03:45,933 --> 00:03:47,810
You're living together here,
71
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,396
-in this house?
-Yes. Yes, yes.
72
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,022
-Yeah.
-Oh, my God.
73
00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:56,653
I mean, we talk in great detail
about Bert's anal glands getting expressed
74
00:03:56,736 --> 00:04:00,615
but not one peep
about a major relationship milestone?
75
00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,742
I mean, that's just funny to me.
76
00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:05,202
Oh, you know what?
Let's unpack you.
77
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:10,542
Mom, all... all this is, uh, no big deal.
You know, now you've met Scott.
78
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:13,085
And we're all together now,
and that's all that matters.
79
00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:14,671
Hey, you know Maria.
80
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,173
She probably wanted
to keep it low-key, right?
81
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,675
Yes, I do know Maria.
82
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,802
She came out of my vagina, feet first.
83
00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,387
Nobody knows Maria better than I do.
84
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,347
[chuckles] I mean, I know her pretty well.
85
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:25,640
-Yeah.
-[Scott chuckling]
86
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:29,352
Scott, it's not a contest,
but if it was...
87
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,270
I'd win.
88
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:33,981
Well, Maria hates contests,
so I guess that's one point for me.
89
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:36,818
You both know me so well.
[chuckles nervously] It's a tie.
90
00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:37,819
Please stop.
91
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:39,446
You probably don't know this
92
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,990
because she sure as shoot
isn't telling anybody anything,
93
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:45,285
but I'm a trained therapist. Unlicensed.
94
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:50,290
And I am sensing some antagonism
towards authority from you,
95
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:53,418
and it typically stems
from a chaotic childhood.
96
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,878
In my personal experience, uh,
97
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,006
snap psychological evaluations
of people you just met
98
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:02,093
stem from a need to control any situation.
99
00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:03,678
You're on the defensive, Scott.
100
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:07,307
It's natural to lash out
at innocent parties
101
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:10,852
who are only trying to find out
what you're hiding.
102
00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:14,481
[chuckles] I'm not hiding anything.
I'm... Just ask Maria.
103
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:17,942
You know, we are probably all having
low blood sugar. Time for supper.
104
00:05:18,025 --> 00:05:20,152
I could eat something.
That's a great idea.
105
00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:22,697
You know what?
I'll have a nap until then. Bye!
106
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:39,255
The Roller Jam skater contest
is in a week.
107
00:05:39,338 --> 00:05:42,842
[squeals] It's couples only.
Ooh! [chuckles]
108
00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:45,553
-Are you signed up?
-No. I'm not big on contests.
109
00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:48,139
I'm more of a, like,
soul spiritual skater.
110
00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:50,099
[sniffs] What's that smell?
111
00:05:50,182 --> 00:05:52,059
Oh, it's chicken shit.
112
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,604
[clucks] Bye!
113
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:58,983
♪ Long ago ♪
114
00:05:59,066 --> 00:06:02,612
♪ And, oh, so far away ♪
115
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:06,408
♪ I fell in love with you ♪
116
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:10,703
♪ Before the second skate ♪
117
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:15,124
♪ Don't you remember
You told me you loved me, skater ♪
118
00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:21,047
♪ Skater, skater, skater, skater
Oh, skater ♪
119
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:24,426
♪ I love to skate ♪
120
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:27,720
♪ Skating's really great ♪
121
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:32,391
[chuckles] So, I know this may sound crazy
122
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:36,353
because we just met
and skate-dueted spontaneously,
123
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:39,816
but do you want to, I don't know, maybe,
partner up for the Roller Jam?
124
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,067
[chuckles]
125
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:44,070
Well, I have to check and see if I'm free.
126
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,073
-I'm free.
-[both laughing]
127
00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:49,325
I've never felt so free!
128
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:52,119
Oh. [panting]
129
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:59,461
Hey, Susan, hon. What an adorable outfit.
130
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:03,422
I wish Maria would dress like a girl.
Have you seen Maria?
131
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:06,008
[Susan] Yeah, she's spazzing
around over there.
132
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:09,095
Well, that's impossible.
She's skating with a boy.
133
00:07:13,140 --> 00:07:15,435
-[whistling]
-[people screaming]
134
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,939
Uh, that's my mom's whistle.
[chuckles] I better jet.
135
00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:21,524
Wait. You gonna skate tomorrow?
136
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:25,778
Uh... I never usually
sometimes don't not skate.
137
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:27,238
[stammers] Yes.
138
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:30,324
-Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, then.
-See you tomorrow.
139
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:38,207
Oh, Maria, I am just so thrilled
140
00:07:38,290 --> 00:07:40,668
you decided to enter
that Roller Jam contest.
141
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:44,005
You know, competition is good for you.
It's what built America.
142
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:47,008
Sheesh, Mom.
I'm not trying to build America.
143
00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:49,385
I'm just trying to skate the best...
the best I can.
144
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,346
And no one is happier
about you having the chance to win
145
00:07:52,429 --> 00:07:54,849
that gift certificate to Perkins than me.
146
00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:57,018
But, a word of warning.
147
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,603
I know how boys are.
148
00:07:58,686 --> 00:08:00,229
[sighs]
149
00:08:00,312 --> 00:08:04,441
So just remember to keep that chemistry
with that new, young rink buck...
150
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,403
-in the rink.
-Why?
151
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,071
Bill's just a regular kid.
152
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,157
No, trust me. He's different.
153
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:15,077
[scoffs] Okay. Bill's the same as all
the other skater boys on eight wheels.
154
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:18,122
And we are all equals
under the fluorescent lights.
155
00:08:18,205 --> 00:08:21,668
You may think so, Maria,
but society sure as heck doesn't.
156
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:25,880
So take my advice
and be very careful with this one, okay?
157
00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:29,717
Mom, I'm a 16-year-old white girl
from northern Minnesota
158
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:33,095
and I just read an article
in Seventeen magazine
159
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,182
about the legacy
of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
160
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:39,561
So I think I know who I can
and cannot skate with.
161
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,979
You should read that article. [scoffs]
162
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:43,565
It's in the den!
163
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,947
-[upbeat music playing]
-[cheering]
164
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,741
[announcer]
Let's give it up for Susan Beeber
165
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:56,744
and her smoking hot brother,
Justin Beeber.
166
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,083
They're so skilled.
167
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:05,920
Yeah, they're damn good.
But you, you've got...
168
00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:08,380
[chuckles] You have something
they'll never have.
169
00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:09,757
-Timelessness.
-Is it because
170
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,551
I'm four months older than you?
171
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,720
[chuckles] Maria,
you're four months wiser, too.
172
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,097
Hmm, Bill. [chuckles]
173
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:18,057
[upbeat music continues playing]
174
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:23,229
[announcer]
Thank you to couple number 46,
175
00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:25,189
Susan and Justin Beeber!
176
00:09:25,272 --> 00:09:27,524
-[Susan] Top that, roller turds.
-[crowd cheering]
177
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:30,236
Ooh, hey!
Maybe skate on by Perkins later?
178
00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:34,198
We'll probably be there
with our crowns and our certificates.
179
00:09:34,281 --> 00:09:36,618
Ooh, maybe we'll save you
a jalapeño popper!
180
00:09:37,409 --> 00:09:41,163
Not! All right. Come on, Justin.
Let's jet.
181
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,290
[announcer] Next up, couple number 47,
182
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:46,460
that hot chocolate roller, Bill Snemis,
183
00:09:46,543 --> 00:09:49,546
and his marshmallow princess,
Maria Bamford!
184
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:50,547
[cheering]
185
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,049
[upbeat music playing]
186
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:21,578
-[all cheering]
-[announcer] Thank you, couple number 47.
187
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,709
Oh, Joel, you're a real Jimmy bad-timing.
188
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,586
-You just missed Maria's routine.
-[cheering continues]
189
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,799
[Maria laughing]
190
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,887
[announcer] And ladies and gentlemen,
we have ourselves a tie.
191
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:41,390
Can I please have
couples number 46 and 47?
192
00:10:41,473 --> 00:10:44,852
It's time
for a good old-fashioned skate-off!
193
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:47,604
I feel so scared.
I've never been in a skate-off.
194
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:50,650
-What if I'm not good enough?
-[sighs] You are good enough, Maria.
195
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,069
Together...
196
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,779
we're the best.
197
00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:07,083
[chuckles] Oh! It's my dad.
Uh, I'll be right back.
198
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,167
Okay.
199
00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:13,089
Hey, Dad, did you see my new routine?
200
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:15,174
We're in the skate-off
at the championships!
201
00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:17,802
Well, I didn't catch
your routine, jellybean,
202
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:20,221
but I did just see you
kissing your cousin.
203
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:22,098
My cousin? No, I was kissing Bill.
204
00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:25,226
-Exactly. Bill's your cousin.
-What?
205
00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:29,230
Yeah. He's your mother's sister's boy
from her first marriage.
206
00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:31,315
What... Aunt Carol has a son?
207
00:11:31,398 --> 00:11:34,318
She has a bunch of 'em.
We invite her to Thanksgiving every year,
208
00:11:34,401 --> 00:11:36,821
but she's already
cranking out another batch.
209
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:39,615
Luckily, Bill lives with his handsome,
210
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:42,785
responsible engineer father
in Thief River Falls.
211
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,329
Oh, my God. I just kissed my cousin.
212
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,665
And I feel kind of sick.
213
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,043
Uh... You knew this all along, Mom?
214
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,211
Yeah, you goose.
215
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:56,340
Why do you think I was worried
about skatin' leading to datin'?
216
00:11:56,423 --> 00:12:01,303
[stammers] I thought
it was because Bill... Bill is black.
217
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:05,224
Maria, what kind of monster
do you think I am?
218
00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:06,642
I love all races.
219
00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:08,727
But why didn't you tell us
we were cousins?
220
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,104
We still could have skated together.
221
00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:13,440
Well, sweetie, it was the very first time
I have ever seen
222
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:17,403
that spark of competitive fire
in your eyes and I didn't wanna...
223
00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:19,363
mess with that chemistry.
224
00:12:19,446 --> 00:12:23,868
Because sexual tension is the crucible
in which champions are forged.
225
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:26,245
Just look at the Green Bay Packers.
226
00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,164
Now what do I do?
227
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:32,209
Sweetie, go out there and blue ball
the heck out of your cousin.
228
00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:34,711
Do it for the family, bean.
229
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,052
-[crowd cheering]
-[upbeat music playing]
230
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:08,245
-[Bill] So, Maria...
-[Maria] Yeah.
231
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,788
I know we never stuck it in practice,
232
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:12,374
but I say we try
the Backwards Pantless Reverse Dragon.
233
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,418
Bill's your cousin.
234
00:13:14,501 --> 00:13:17,129
Maybe we should keep the pants
on the dragon.
235
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,841
It's okay.
Everyone's nervous their first time.
236
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:22,509
Blue ball the heck out of your cousin.
237
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:23,552
I'm not ready!
238
00:13:23,635 --> 00:13:25,304
-No. Maria, we're doing it, okay?
-No!
239
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,182
-Do it for the family, bean.
-[grunts]
240
00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:29,141
-Maria!
-No. No.
241
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,559
-Green Bay Packers.
-Maria, we're doing it!
242
00:13:30,642 --> 00:13:31,685
[bleats]
243
00:13:31,768 --> 00:13:34,188
-[Maria] No!
-[screams]
244
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:35,481
[crowd gasping]
245
00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:43,572
Oh, my God! [cries]
246
00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:44,490
[all exclaiming]
247
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:50,955
[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
our new Roller Jam winners,
248
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:56,168
Susan Beeber and her sizzling,
fuck hot brother, Justin!
249
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:02,884
Oh, Maria,
if only you had blindly obeyed me,
250
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:05,427
you'd be the one up there
with the Perkins certificate
251
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,721
and Bill wouldn't have lost his legs.
252
00:14:07,804 --> 00:14:09,848
Mom, he still has his legs.
253
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:13,019
Not for long, sweetie,
so let this be a lesson to you.
254
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,770
In life and love...
255
00:14:15,479 --> 00:14:18,190
never question your mother.
256
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,823
[Dagmar] So I go back
to get the bartender's number.
257
00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:28,784
They said he's been dead for 30 years.
258
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,078
[gasps] Bruce, he was a ghost.
259
00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:33,830
Oh, my God. I'm getting goosebumps.
260
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:36,458
Chilling tale of love thwarted
by the macabre.
261
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,502
-[Marilyn] Yes.
-I just have to say to you all.
262
00:14:38,585 --> 00:14:41,547
This means so much to me
to get to spend time with you.
263
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:42,714
So many blessings.
264
00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:45,259
-Who is this guy?
-Some jack-off.
265
00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:46,843
See, Scott?
266
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:50,890
I told you.
Everyone's laughing, getting along.
267
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:53,309
Okay, Maria. Bruce and Dagmar, I get.
268
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,395
That guy? Gayle?
You had to invite him?
269
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:59,899
Do you really think I need
this many buffers to be with your mom?
270
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,734
Yes, I do. And Gayle is lonely and...
271
00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:05,696
and, you know, it...
it's a win-win for everyone.
272
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:08,865
Okay, you know what the real problem is?
273
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:13,620
Your mom infantilizes you and she tries
to infantilize everyone around her.
274
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:14,746
That is not true.
275
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:17,416
Maria, I've noticed something
on your cheek.
276
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:19,418
-Oh.
-Here. It looks like tar.
277
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:23,130
Speaking of tar,
I used to represent Ben Vereen.
278
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:24,215
[Maria] Oh.
279
00:15:24,798 --> 00:15:27,259
This one time,
I actually dropped his glasses
280
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,678
-in the La Brea Tar Pits.
-[all exclaim]
281
00:15:29,761 --> 00:15:31,305
Fortunately, I was able to rescue them,
282
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:34,141
but those glasses were never the same
again and neither was our relationship.
283
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,477
You can read the whole story
in my upcoming memoir,
284
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,312
Here and Ben-Bacharach Again.
285
00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:40,439
Now available
as a Microsoft Word document.
286
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:43,109
Well, how wonderful.
I'm gonna check that out.
287
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,735
-Thank you, Marilyn.
-[Marilyn] What about you, Scott?
288
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:47,321
How do we find out
more interesting stories about you?
289
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,241
I'm an open book. Ask me anything.
290
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:53,202
-What was your childhood like?
-Oh, boy.
291
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:55,704
-I wanna hear about this.
-Yeah, I love a tale of youthful whimsy.
292
00:15:55,787 --> 00:15:58,290
Let me see. My dad was a drunk.
293
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:01,502
Uh, he used to throw knives at us
and I lived in fear the whole time.
294
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,296
And we had a rabbit named Tilley.
295
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:07,258
Okay, here we go.
I was trained for this.
296
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,551
Scott, I have news for you.
297
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:13,555
There is absolutely no shame
in being from a violent family.
298
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:14,806
I never said I felt shame.
299
00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:18,269
Even though terrible things
happened to you, it wasn't your fault.
300
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:19,979
I never thought it was.
301
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,523
-[chuckles] Yeah. Yeah.
-Your father was the knife thrower.
302
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,608
-Not you.
-Yeah, I know. I was there.
303
00:16:24,691 --> 00:16:27,153
I actually dodged
all those knives. [chuckles]
304
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:28,779
Well, you may have dodged the knives,
305
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:33,034
but did you dodge the damage in your mind?
306
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,910
That's the question.
307
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,787
You know what,
I shouldn't have said anything.
308
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:38,872
Mom, did you know
309
00:16:38,955 --> 00:16:41,833
that Dagmar just got her
horseshoeing certification?
310
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:43,919
But, Scott,
why don't you wanna to talk about it?
311
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:47,381
Did you know that children
of violent offenders
312
00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:51,552
have a 94% chance
of becoming violent themselves?
313
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:56,057
Mom, Scott's fine.
I mean, he's not violent at all.
314
00:16:56,140 --> 00:17:00,269
Well, there's a lamp back at the house
that might tell a very different story.
315
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:01,228
It was instinct.
316
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:05,441
Scott, I understand. But you are angry.
Do you know what anger is?
317
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:08,027
It's just fear with a red wig on.
318
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,612
On the outside, yes,
you're a grown up man,
319
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:13,740
but I think, on the inside,
you're an angry little boy.
320
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,118
I'm not an angry little boy.
321
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:18,245
[Gayle chuckles]
322
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:20,872
Look at Scott.
He looks like a little baby. [laughs]
323
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,875
-You now what? Fuck this!
-[Maria] Oh!
324
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:25,169
Fuck you, Gayle!
325
00:17:25,252 --> 00:17:27,546
[Marilyn] You're doing the work.
You're doing the work.
326
00:17:27,629 --> 00:17:29,631
-Shaking hands with your shadow. Good!
-Mom.
327
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,758
[sighs] I'm gonna go after him.
328
00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:33,427
Oh. Gayle, don't.
329
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,850
[men] Du-dum!
330
00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:42,269
[theme music playing]
331
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:59,035
[in fancy voice] Hey, Scott.
We really did praise Yarklon today.
332
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,622
You know, the space turkey god to whom
333
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:05,292
we give subsonic thanks
for his galactic bounty.
334
00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:07,753
-Praise be his space feathers.
-Mmm.
335
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:12,048
Could you be a dear and raise
the Gravitron three clacklacks?
336
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:13,134
[devices whirring]
337
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:17,596
♪ Space chicken leg
Space turkey leg ♪
338
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:18,972
How's this?
339
00:18:19,055 --> 00:18:21,016
Oh. How's this?
340
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:23,852
Oh.
341
00:18:23,935 --> 00:18:26,647
[chuckling] Okay. That's it. Yeah!
342
00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:30,151
Anybody wanna scrape my plate?
343
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,027
Now kiss them! Now kiss them!
344
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,531
-[both laughing]
-I kiss both of them?
345
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:38,242
Yeah. Do it! Kiss them!
Three-way tongue and tonsils!
346
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:41,453
I don't... I don't feel comfortable.
347
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,247
[chuckles nervously]
348
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,418
[yells] And...
349
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:50,671
cut!
350
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:53,465
I don't feel good. My tum-tum hurts.
351
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,634
-[speaking gibberish]
-Oh, oh...
352
00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:58,387
Those big, beautiful titties take
all your brain power?
353
00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:00,597
What the fuck, Maria? [speaks gibberish]
354
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,266
[laughs] They're made of rubber and foam.
355
00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:06,937
Listen, I've just been blindsided
by all the script changes and whatnot.
356
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:09,190
-Get your tongue ready. Let's go.
-Okay. Okay.
357
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:11,817
The show is getting...
How do I say it?
358
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,944
Very science fiction and porny.
359
00:19:14,027 --> 00:19:15,321
Why is Susan in this show,
360
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:18,073
and I don't understand
what it has to do with mental illness.
361
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,951
I just need Bruce 'cause I feel anxious.
Where is Bruce?
362
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:24,330
Look, Don Jr.'s run the numbers.
He likes Susan and the space shit.
363
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,832
And if you don't think
that sci-fi is about mental illness,
364
00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:29,876
then you clearly haven't seen
the last two films that Matt Damon did.
365
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,004
-I haven't, no.
-You do want to be a success, don't you?
366
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:34,423
[laughs]
367
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:36,342
-Yes!
-Fuck, yes!
368
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:39,511
Let's set those tit rockets to motorboat
369
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:43,265
because you are about to give
an over-the-pants hand job to success,
370
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,809
and big bang out
the next motherfucking Milky Way.
371
00:19:45,892 --> 00:19:48,895
Get back on that set
and tongue kiss your best friend!
372
00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:51,607
-Fuck, yes! Come on!
-Okay.
373
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,525
[Karen grunting rhythmically]
374
00:19:56,320 --> 00:20:01,074
It's time to infiltrate
the Krylex Mines to see first-hand
375
00:20:01,157 --> 00:20:03,535
how the brownlings who create
376
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:06,288
the reasonably-priced products
are treated.
377
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:07,373
[Susan] Oh!
378
00:20:07,914 --> 00:20:10,083
I'm gonna scale this cliff.
379
00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:12,544
See what's going on.
380
00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:16,298
Uh, hey, Karen, I just had a thought.
381
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:18,008
What if I said Maria's line?
382
00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:21,303
Because I feel like Susan's more
the heroic one in this scene.
383
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,805
Hold on, Su-Su-Sudio!
I'm gonna ask Don Jr.
384
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:25,891
[beeping]
385
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,768
[Maria] Uh-oh.
386
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:29,645
[laughing] You asshole!
387
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,147
Don Jr. loves it! Take Maria's line.
388
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,399
Keep it loose. Have fun with it!
389
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,109
Okay! Thanks, DJ. Thanks KG! [kisses]
390
00:20:36,192 --> 00:20:37,778
Susan, what are you doing?
391
00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:38,820
I'll tell you what I'm doing.
392
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:42,824
I am destroying your show
from the inside out.
393
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,452
And there t'aint nothing
you can do about it.
394
00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:47,162
The hell I can't.
395
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,748
[chuckles] I'm the executive producer.
396
00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:53,627
That means my name is in little letters
at the beginning of the show.
397
00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:57,172
That also means that I can have
Diet Coke tall boys
398
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,883
and Starkist tuna pouches any time I want.
399
00:20:59,966 --> 00:21:01,802
I can also criticize the first season.
400
00:21:01,885 --> 00:21:04,346
Number one. Why so many blow jobs?
401
00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:05,764
Blow jobs are an art form
402
00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:08,767
and really deserve respect
and character development.
403
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:11,144
Number two. The race episode.
404
00:21:11,227 --> 00:21:14,398
[scoffs] Written by an entirely
white team of writers.
405
00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:15,524
Yikes.
406
00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:18,360
Number three. The bisexual meth addict.
407
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,571
Bisexuals are not promiscuous.
408
00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:21,905
It turns out, it's projection.
409
00:21:21,988 --> 00:21:23,407
I was a dirty bird.
410
00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:26,660
I ended up at the Hollywood Planned
Parenthood where the diagnosis was,
411
00:21:26,743 --> 00:21:28,704
"How did you let it get so bad?"
412
00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:31,998
At the Hollywood Planned Parenthood, 1994.
413
00:21:32,874 --> 00:21:34,250
Who are you talking to?
414
00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:36,545
And you know what?
This is season one of your show.
415
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:37,504
Oh.
416
00:21:37,588 --> 00:21:40,341
And yeah, you know what?
You may be an executive producer,
417
00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:42,175
but you're not the showrunner.
418
00:21:42,258 --> 00:21:44,094
That's Mitch Vandermitch's job.
419
00:21:44,177 --> 00:21:47,889
I got him so cock-dazzled [chuckles]
420
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:50,684
that I can do whatever I want
to your little show.
421
00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:53,479
Don Jr. loves me, and so does Karen.
422
00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:56,982
So that just leaves
tiny, little, fragile you to stop me.
423
00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:58,233
[laughing]
424
00:22:03,364 --> 00:22:06,700
Go to hell! [screams]
425
00:22:06,783 --> 00:22:08,159
[screaming]
426
00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:12,288
-[people exclaiming]
-[Susan grunts]
427
00:22:12,373 --> 00:22:15,041
Hey, Dennis! Get me the Vic Morrow forms.
428
00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:16,167
[mouthing] Jesus Christ!
429
00:22:19,546 --> 00:22:20,547
[Maria in sing-song] Good morning.
430
00:22:20,631 --> 00:22:22,549
Look who's finally awake.
431
00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:24,926
I made your favorite. Hot dog and eggs.
432
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,596
I don't really eat hot dogs anymore.
433
00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:31,683
Oh. Elizabeth Taylor doesn't like
hot dogs anymore. What about Scott?
434
00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:34,728
Is he too good for America, too?
435
00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:36,772
No. He's gonna eat breakfast later
436
00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:40,442
'cause he's getting stuff ready
for the big art show.
437
00:22:40,526 --> 00:22:43,612
Really? And maybe pout a little bit, too?
438
00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:44,988
No, he's not pouting.
439
00:22:45,071 --> 00:22:48,409
He looked pretty pouty
when I looked in your room this morning.
440
00:22:48,492 --> 00:22:49,826
Please don't look in our room, Mom.
441
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:51,620
Well, believe me, I wish I hadn't.
442
00:22:51,703 --> 00:22:54,372
It's a mess. I'm gonna go up there later
and fiddle with things.
443
00:22:54,456 --> 00:22:55,331
Please don't.
444
00:22:55,416 --> 00:22:57,959
Honey, I have something
to say to you right now
445
00:22:58,043 --> 00:23:01,713
as a therapist, and as a friend,
but not as your mother.
446
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:04,132
-Do you follow me?
-Yes.
447
00:23:04,215 --> 00:23:07,385
Scott is an incomplete adult.
448
00:23:08,512 --> 00:23:10,556
I'm sorry. I had to say it.
449
00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:13,141
I'm your mother and I'm the only one
who's always been there for you.
450
00:23:13,224 --> 00:23:15,602
Scott has been there for me, Mom.
451
00:23:15,686 --> 00:23:18,814
He may be there for you now, Maria,
but what happens
452
00:23:18,897 --> 00:23:21,442
when the damage comes out again?
453
00:23:21,525 --> 00:23:23,610
Take it easy with this one.
454
00:23:23,694 --> 00:23:25,862
You're not exactly
an expert in reading men.
455
00:23:25,946 --> 00:23:27,614
I blame your father for that but--
456
00:23:27,698 --> 00:23:29,533
Scott loves me.
457
00:23:29,616 --> 00:23:33,161
I love Scott, okay? So please respect that
458
00:23:33,244 --> 00:23:37,749
and stop treating me like a child!
459
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:40,544
I don't even want breakfast!
460
00:23:40,627 --> 00:23:44,965
-Calm down, sweetie.
-You calm down, sweetie!
461
00:23:45,048 --> 00:23:46,049
[Scott sighs]
462
00:23:46,132 --> 00:23:49,094
Bert, I'm so embarrassed
I freaked out at dinner.
463
00:23:49,177 --> 00:23:51,096
And now I'm making it worse
by hiding out here.
464
00:23:51,179 --> 00:23:53,306
It's just,
Maria should've stood up for me.
465
00:23:53,389 --> 00:23:55,851
She didn't even tell her mom
we're living together.
466
00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:58,770
It's just like she's way more concerned
about what everyone else thinks.
467
00:23:58,854 --> 00:23:59,896
[Bert] You fucking baby!
468
00:23:59,980 --> 00:24:04,275
Do you want me to run out to Food 4 Less
and get you a package of di-a-pers?
469
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:06,820
Wah-wah. Goo-goo. Act like a man.
470
00:24:06,903 --> 00:24:07,988
That's pretty hurtful.
471
00:24:08,071 --> 00:24:12,117
Maybe, but like Shakespeare said,
and later was co-opted and paraphrased
472
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,703
by a certain English musical genius,
Nick Lowe...
473
00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:16,497
"You have to be cruel to be kind."
474
00:24:17,413 --> 00:24:18,373
[puffs]
475
00:24:18,456 --> 00:24:20,959
Maria doesn't exist in a vacuum,
dear Scott.
476
00:24:21,042 --> 00:24:24,045
She wasn't hatched out of an egg
like some sort of hive queen.
477
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:26,965
She has a strong mother
and mostly-absent father.
478
00:24:27,048 --> 00:24:30,260
Maria's family and friends have been
around longer than you, Scott.
479
00:24:30,343 --> 00:24:31,845
You need to help her deal with them
480
00:24:31,928 --> 00:24:34,264
instead of letting them trigger
all of your issues.
481
00:24:34,347 --> 00:24:37,601
You're worried about her defending you?
Who cares? Take one for the team.
482
00:24:37,684 --> 00:24:40,186
For Christ's sakes,
they'll be gone in two days.
483
00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:42,939
I ate a gym sock that took longer
to come out of my asshole.
484
00:24:43,023 --> 00:24:44,190
[groans]
485
00:24:44,274 --> 00:24:45,901
It's time to break the cycle,
486
00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:48,319
so you and Maria can become
a new family of your own.
487
00:24:48,403 --> 00:24:50,196
Okay, but how do I do that?
488
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:53,909
Don't shut down. Talk to Marilyn.
Accept her foibles.
489
00:24:53,992 --> 00:24:57,245
You can start by being charming as fuck
at your art opening tonight.
490
00:24:57,328 --> 00:25:00,040
That's how you help Maria,
my precious shithead.
491
00:25:00,624 --> 00:25:02,876
[chuckles] You called me precious.
492
00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:06,963
Of course I did. Anyone Maria invites
into her life is precious to me.
493
00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:10,551
-I love you, Scott, you fucking baby.
-I love you, too, Bert.
494
00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:12,636
[chuckles]
495
00:25:18,892 --> 00:25:19,935
[indistinct chatter]
496
00:25:22,729 --> 00:25:24,355
-Hey.
-Hey!
497
00:25:24,439 --> 00:25:26,733
-I was looking for you all day.
-I was hanging out with my mom.
498
00:25:26,817 --> 00:25:27,859
Look, I'm really sorry.
499
00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:30,987
I'm sorry I didn't come down
for breakfast. I'm sorry I hid in my room.
500
00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:34,449
I just shut down and acted like a child.
And know what? I'll make it up to you.
501
00:25:34,532 --> 00:25:36,910
When your mom visits,
you shouldn't have to worry about me.
502
00:25:36,993 --> 00:25:38,745
-You should only have to worry about her.
-Ooh.
503
00:25:38,829 --> 00:25:41,164
From here on out,
I'm gonna be charming and delightful
504
00:25:41,247 --> 00:25:43,875
for the two and half weeks
we're around her twice a year.
505
00:25:43,959 --> 00:25:46,587
Well, then I need to back you up more.
506
00:25:46,670 --> 00:25:50,340
[sighs] It's just that she makes me feel
like I'm 14 years old, and...
507
00:25:50,423 --> 00:25:52,050
that wasn't a very good age for me.
508
00:25:52,133 --> 00:25:54,010
You know what? I don't think
it was a good age for anyone.
509
00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:57,848
But I need to break the pattern
and stop dragging you into it.
510
00:25:57,931 --> 00:25:59,099
I can handle it.
511
00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:03,019
You know what? If things get
really hectic, I can always use my lamp.
512
00:26:03,103 --> 00:26:04,562
-Ah!
-[chuckles]
513
00:26:04,646 --> 00:26:06,064
See? I'm joking about violence.
514
00:26:06,147 --> 00:26:07,858
-Yes. That's growth.
-Yeah.
515
00:26:07,941 --> 00:26:09,109
Scott, oh, my God!
516
00:26:09,985 --> 00:26:12,570
-[gasps] Did you talk to Bert?
-I did.
517
00:26:12,654 --> 00:26:13,529
[snickers]
518
00:26:13,614 --> 00:26:15,490
-He is so wise.
-I know.
519
00:26:15,573 --> 00:26:17,951
You know what?
I really should make up with your mom.
520
00:26:18,034 --> 00:26:18,910
Okay.
521
00:26:18,994 --> 00:26:21,246
-I think she's in the fridge.
-Oh. Oh!
522
00:26:21,329 --> 00:26:22,623
Look at this.
523
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,542
You see, this is domesticity.
524
00:26:26,627 --> 00:26:30,338
The home.
The place Scott never really felt safe in.
525
00:26:30,421 --> 00:26:34,384
So he blew everything up
to monstrous proportions,
526
00:26:34,467 --> 00:26:36,052
just like Godzilla.
527
00:26:39,931 --> 00:26:42,643
Mmm. It's marvelous.
528
00:26:42,726 --> 00:26:45,353
-Uh, Mrs. Bamford?
-Oh, hi!
529
00:26:45,436 --> 00:26:48,606
Marilyn, look, there's something I...
I think I should say to you.
530
00:26:48,690 --> 00:26:50,692
Scott, this is a breakthrough.
531
00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:53,654
As a therapist,
I know that you're gonna feel better
532
00:26:53,737 --> 00:26:55,739
when you get this off your chest, honey.
533
00:26:55,822 --> 00:26:57,824
-I agree.
-[Marilyn] I, for one, feel happy
534
00:26:57,908 --> 00:27:02,578
just that we're, you know,
relating in this open and wonderful way.
535
00:27:02,663 --> 00:27:03,664
Thank you, Scott.
536
00:27:03,747 --> 00:27:06,750
-Thank you. 'Cause I... I think--
-I'm so proud of you, Scott.
537
00:27:06,833 --> 00:27:10,045
I mean, this is what I have been
pushing you to do all along.
538
00:27:10,128 --> 00:27:12,255
This is why we do the work.
539
00:27:12,338 --> 00:27:13,674
-For moments like this.
-Mom.
540
00:27:13,757 --> 00:27:17,093
-Savor it.
-Stop interrupting Scott.
541
00:27:17,177 --> 00:27:19,387
He wants to say something.
542
00:27:19,470 --> 00:27:23,099
And I am here to support him in that,
so that he is heard.
543
00:27:23,684 --> 00:27:27,938
Because he is my numero uno
and you need to get used to it, okay?
544
00:27:28,021 --> 00:27:30,273
I love Scott.
545
00:27:30,356 --> 00:27:32,442
Get on board. He's my future.
546
00:27:32,525 --> 00:27:33,819
The train's leaving the station.
547
00:27:33,902 --> 00:27:39,324
And that's the Maria-loves-Scott train.
Toot-toot. Toot. Toot!
548
00:27:39,407 --> 00:27:40,742
[imitates chugging train]
549
00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:44,329
Scott, you may have the fridge.
550
00:27:44,412 --> 00:27:45,914
Thank you. [chuckles]
551
00:27:46,707 --> 00:27:47,958
[Scott stutters] Well...
552
00:27:48,624 --> 00:27:51,461
Actually, I... I can't remember
what I was gonna say,
553
00:27:51,544 --> 00:27:54,965
but there is something else I've been
wanting to say for a long time.
554
00:27:58,218 --> 00:28:01,346
Wow! This closes just like a real fridge.
555
00:28:01,930 --> 00:28:03,431
-Oh! Look at this!
-[Maria chuckles]
556
00:28:03,514 --> 00:28:05,641
-Oh!
-It's magical!
557
00:28:05,726 --> 00:28:08,061
-[laughs]
-[stuttering] So, I've been carrying
558
00:28:08,144 --> 00:28:09,896
this around in my pocket
for three weeks now...
559
00:28:09,980 --> 00:28:11,189
[gasps]
560
00:28:11,272 --> 00:28:12,816
-[squeals softly]
-[Scott] Uh...
561
00:28:16,402 --> 00:28:18,154
Maria Herbert Walker Bamford...
562
00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:20,866
will you marry me?
563
00:28:20,949 --> 00:28:22,283
[gasps]
564
00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:24,660
Oh, my God! Yes! Maria, it's happening!
565
00:28:24,745 --> 00:28:26,329
Yes, yes. She says, "Yes."
566
00:28:26,412 --> 00:28:29,624
Mom, we were just now,
just talking about this.
567
00:28:29,707 --> 00:28:32,085
Oh, my God. I'm so...
You're right. I'm so sorry.
568
00:28:32,168 --> 00:28:35,756
I'm just so excited.
My baby's getting married!
569
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:39,009
If that's what she decides.
So go right ahead and make your decision.
570
00:28:39,092 --> 00:28:40,844
[whispers] But say yes.
571
00:28:43,304 --> 00:28:44,514
What do you say?
572
00:28:45,390 --> 00:28:47,851
-Yes!
-[Marilyn clapping] Wow!
573
00:28:47,934 --> 00:28:49,519
-Oh!
-[laughing]
574
00:28:53,815 --> 00:28:56,692
-[laughs]
-Yay! I'm getting married!
575
00:29:10,373 --> 00:29:12,375
[Dixieland music playing]
576
00:29:12,425 --> 00:29:16,975
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