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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxxwww.addic7ed.com
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[upbeat music playing]
3
00:00:14,474 --> 00:00:16,267
- [clattering]
- [both] Whoa!
4
00:00:16,351 --> 00:00:18,228
- What happened to you?
- [Maria grunts]
5
00:00:18,311 --> 00:00:19,812
I had to go on an action date with Chad.
6
00:00:19,938 --> 00:00:22,607
I had to roller skate up Runyon Canyon.
7
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:23,983
Why would you even do that?
8
00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:30,782
Well, because he read my OKCupes profile,
and I wasn't 100% honest, really.
9
00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:32,575
What's it say? Let me see it.
10
00:00:32,659 --> 00:00:34,577
It was around the truth.
11
00:00:34,661 --> 00:00:36,079
Wow, you think? Look at this.
12
00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:38,206
- Interests: hiking.
- Yeah.
13
00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:39,582
- Speedboating.
- I wish.
14
00:00:39,666 --> 00:00:41,834
- Rock climbing, anything with rocks.
- I hope.
15
00:00:41,918 --> 00:00:43,586
- [Dagmar] Jam bands. Tumbling?
- Why not?
16
00:00:43,670 --> 00:00:44,963
- March Madness?
- What is it?
17
00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:48,049
I've never seen you give a shit
about any of this before.
18
00:00:48,132 --> 00:00:50,718
That was the old me
trying not to be the real me.
19
00:00:50,802 --> 00:00:52,971
- [Dagmar] Okay.
- That was BladeHardorDie12.
20
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,977
The fact that there's
11 other people with that name
21
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:00,144
makes me wanna kill myself.
22
00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:01,813
[cell phone ringing]
23
00:01:01,938 --> 00:01:04,649
Oh, God.
Chad just sent me a text for the...
24
00:01:05,567 --> 00:01:08,653
Tough Mudder race
in Santa Barbara next weekend.
25
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:11,281
[groaning] Don't people die during those?
26
00:01:11,364 --> 00:01:12,574
Mmm-hmm. All the time.
27
00:01:12,657 --> 00:01:14,784
You know, I could get you a sign-up sheet.
28
00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:17,662
You're hurting yourself
as you're hurting me.
29
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,038
- [Dagmar] That right?
- Guys.
30
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:20,665
I've got to go tell Chad
31
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,625
I am not this person.
32
00:01:22,709 --> 00:01:25,295
I've spent over $2,600
at Sports Authority.
33
00:01:25,378 --> 00:01:27,338
I am becoming a sports authority.
34
00:01:27,422 --> 00:01:28,673
No more action dates.
35
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,466
I am not active!
36
00:01:30,550 --> 00:01:31,926
- Good.
- [Maria] All right.
37
00:01:32,010 --> 00:01:33,761
Go make some boundaries.
38
00:01:33,845 --> 00:01:35,930
Watch out, guys!
39
00:01:36,014 --> 00:01:40,852
I... I stop with my hands,
which means I'm on an adventure.
40
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:42,937
[theme music playing]
41
00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:53,823
[Maria] I'm a pterodactyl.
42
00:01:56,576 --> 00:01:59,078
I'm so super pumped
about how super pumped you are
43
00:01:59,162 --> 00:02:01,539
- about crushing it fitness-wise.
- [panting]
44
00:02:01,623 --> 00:02:02,999
Oh, God, yeah. [coughs]
45
00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:06,085
The most important thing
in life is health.
46
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:07,920
Yeah. That's why I signed us up
47
00:02:08,004 --> 00:02:10,590
for a doubles couple Ironman competition
in San Diego.
48
00:02:10,673 --> 00:02:13,009
I didn't wanna tell you until
we got kale shakes.
49
00:02:13,092 --> 00:02:14,844
But, like my ab tattoo says,
50
00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,638
you just gotta live in the moment.
51
00:02:16,721 --> 00:02:17,889
Yeah. Hey, um...
52
00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:19,098
Chad!
53
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:21,643
I have something
really important to tell you.
54
00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:23,353
[panting] Chad? Oh, God!
55
00:02:23,436 --> 00:02:26,564
That's insane. I have something
important to tell you, too.
56
00:02:26,648 --> 00:02:28,858
- Oh, my... We're, like, in sync.
- Yeah.
57
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,151
Wait. Before you go...
58
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:33,696
Let me turn the GoPro on
'cause I wanna tell you something.
59
00:02:33,780 --> 00:02:35,031
- Okay.
- Maria Bamford.
60
00:02:35,114 --> 00:02:36,783
Yeah?
61
00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:38,993
- Look right down the barrel.
- Okay?
62
00:02:39,077 --> 00:02:40,411
- I love you.
- [gasps]
63
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:43,331
[grunting] Okay.
64
00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:45,208
- Now, you go.
- Okay, what do I say?
65
00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:46,959
[chuckling nervously]
66
00:02:47,043 --> 00:02:48,169
Say, "I love you, too."
67
00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:51,089
I love you, too...
68
00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:53,216
- Fuck yeah, you do!
- [both laughing]
69
00:02:53,299 --> 00:02:55,426
Let's get up this hill like a tiger.
70
00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:57,845
[Maria panting]
71
00:02:59,097 --> 00:03:01,182
So, how'd it go with Chad?
72
00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:03,184
Did you tell him that you're 90% slug?
73
00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,895
I couldn't. It all went terribly wrong.
74
00:03:05,978 --> 00:03:09,023
It was like a nightmare.
He told me he loved me.
75
00:03:09,107 --> 00:03:10,650
And then I tell him,
76
00:03:10,733 --> 00:03:12,235
"Oh, I love you, too."
77
00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:15,154
Isn't that how you're supposed to do it?
Don't ask me.
78
00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:16,739
I can't give this cat away.
79
00:03:16,823 --> 00:03:17,949
Listen, cunt. Could you go?
80
00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:20,785
[Larissa] Come on.
I wanna hear the rest of the story.
81
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:24,080
My therapist says you're a trigger.
I don't wanna live like this.
82
00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:27,041
I respect your journey.
83
00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:30,545
That's it. I'm gonna break up with him.
84
00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:31,838
Why?
85
00:03:31,921 --> 00:03:34,215
Why? You ask, "Why"?
86
00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:35,299
- Yeah.
- Well, for one,
87
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:38,261
he went on a total rampage
at the batting cages.
88
00:03:38,344 --> 00:03:39,804
Yeah, yeah.
89
00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:41,431
I forgot to tell you.
90
00:03:41,514 --> 00:03:44,475
[ballpark organ playing]
91
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:50,022
Fucker! Bitch! Whore! Slut! Fucking cunt!
92
00:03:50,648 --> 00:03:51,816
[clapping]
93
00:03:52,525 --> 00:03:57,697
Wait, so he screamed at you,
"Bitch, cunt, whore, slut."
94
00:03:57,780 --> 00:04:00,575
Well, I don't know
if it was exactly those words,
95
00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:03,453
but it was the essence of the gist of it.
96
00:04:03,536 --> 00:04:05,496
It's like I saw him for the first time.
97
00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:08,624
It's like a veil lifted,
and a monster was there.
98
00:04:08,708 --> 00:04:12,628
Maria, this does not sound like the Chad
that you were action-dating,
99
00:04:12,712 --> 00:04:14,547
or was it datercising?
100
00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:18,176
I'm telling you,
it was like a veil lifted...
101
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:20,428
and a monster was there.
102
00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:23,264
Good job.
103
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:26,142
Fuck! I am gonna kill
this fucking, asshole puppy!
104
00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:27,977
[Maria] Oh, God! No!
[dog whining]
105
00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:30,563
Wait, where did the puppy come from?
106
00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:32,064
- I didn't tell you?
- No!
107
00:04:32,148 --> 00:04:33,941
The puppy was there the whole time.
108
00:04:34,025 --> 00:04:35,818
But I thought he wanted to hit you?
109
00:04:35,902 --> 00:04:38,112
He wanted to hit me.
He wanted to hit everyone.
110
00:04:38,196 --> 00:04:40,656
His rage was indiscriminate.
111
00:04:40,740 --> 00:04:44,660
It was like a veil was lifted
and a monster was there.
112
00:04:44,744 --> 00:04:47,955
[dog] It has now become clear
that the cure for cancer is
113
00:04:48,039 --> 00:04:49,457
and only can be...
114
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:50,833
Strike three, fuckos.
115
00:04:50,917 --> 00:04:52,668
- [dog] Oh, that's a bummer.
- [gunshot]
116
00:04:54,670 --> 00:04:57,548
Wait, I get it.
You're fucking with me, right?
117
00:04:57,632 --> 00:05:02,595
No! No, it's like a veil was lifted...
and a monster was there.
118
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:06,182
Okay, little mama, listen.
I think I know what's happening.
119
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:09,185
Chad told you that he loved you
and you freaked out.
120
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:12,146
'Cause you don't think you're
worthy of love, but that's not true.
121
00:05:12,230 --> 00:05:15,399
- We all love you. I love you.
- I love you.
122
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,528
We just want you to be happy.
123
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:21,239
Why can't you let him love you?
124
00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:23,115
I have my reasons.
125
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,619
There is just no way to understand them.
126
00:05:26,702 --> 00:05:27,870
[Maria] Actually, there was.
127
00:05:27,954 --> 00:05:29,997
In the past,I had no boundaries with men,
128
00:05:30,081 --> 00:05:32,708
which became an issuewhen I decided to sell my house.
129
00:05:32,792 --> 00:05:34,627
It wasn't the only thingon the market.
130
00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,170
[Karen] Apple pie Glade PlugIn,
131
00:05:36,254 --> 00:05:39,507
Baked brie, check.
Toll House cookies, check.
132
00:05:41,634 --> 00:05:44,387
That is how you take an open house
into a sold house.
133
00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:45,930
[Maria whispering] Oh, my gosh!
134
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,223
- No!
- [whimpering]
135
00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:49,976
Those aren't pleasure cookies.
They're business cookies.
136
00:05:50,059 --> 00:05:51,602
Okay.
137
00:05:51,686 --> 00:05:53,187
- No!
- [moaning] Oh.
138
00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:54,522
- Those are not...
- Come on...
139
00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:56,232
- No!
- [yelling]
140
00:05:56,315 --> 00:05:57,900
Oh, God.
141
00:05:57,984 --> 00:05:59,652
Oh, oh!
142
00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:01,112
What's wrong with you?
143
00:06:02,822 --> 00:06:04,448
What is this shit?
144
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,284
That's my vision drawer.
145
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:09,287
It's a message to the universe
of what I want in a perfect man,
146
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:11,581
so the universe will bring said man to me.
147
00:06:11,664 --> 00:06:13,040
- That's sad. Clear it out.
- Okay.
148
00:06:13,124 --> 00:06:15,001
Put it in your bedroom where no one else
149
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:16,335
- has ever been.
- Okay.
150
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,337
[Karen] Are those dogs?
They need to go.
151
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,131
Do you have a cardboard box
and packing tape?
152
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,424
You can't do that.
153
00:06:21,507 --> 00:06:24,010
You can. I once put a Rottweiler
in a plastic wreath container.
154
00:06:24,093 --> 00:06:25,428
He sleeps in there. He loves it.
155
00:06:26,304 --> 00:06:27,597
Do you think we can sell this house?
156
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,516
I know I just bought it,
but I just wanna get rid of it.
157
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,101
I don't know why you're selling.
158
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:35,313
You have so much money coming out
of that ass crack from Checklist ads.
159
00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:37,273
Every time I open the computer,
one pops up.
160
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:39,400
It interrupted my porn.
I had to work you in.
161
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,110
I don't know how much longer
I'll be doing it.
162
00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:42,778
I think Checklist is evil.
163
00:06:42,862 --> 00:06:46,032
And Susan is right.
This house isn't right for me.
164
00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:48,159
I need to unload it as fast as possible.
165
00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:49,910
- Hey!
- Jesus Christ!
166
00:06:49,994 --> 00:06:51,537
You listen up good right now!
167
00:06:51,621 --> 00:06:53,372
[Karen] I'm gonna say this one time.
168
00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:56,459
- Okay...
- You are not unloading this house.
169
00:06:56,542 --> 00:06:59,003
- Okay.
- Okay? Bullet points.
170
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:02,340
[whispering] You're about to move in
with your boyfriend, okay?
171
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:03,507
He runs a hedge fund.
172
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,010
- You're huge in London.
- Okay, yeah.
173
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,596
- You're selling out the Buckingham Palace.
- Okay.
174
00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:10,264
- You're in demand there.
- Okay.
175
00:07:10,348 --> 00:07:13,267
- This house is in demand, okay?
- [whimpering] Okay.
176
00:07:13,351 --> 00:07:15,186
- Okay?
- [crying] Okay.
177
00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:20,608
- [whimpering]
- Don't fuck with me, Maria.
178
00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:22,443
Don't fuck me.
179
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,070
[doorbell rings]
180
00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:25,529
Hi! Come on in!
181
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,031
- What the...
- [Maria] Hi!
182
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,367
So, yes. My husband is very rich
183
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,452
with money
from his hedge trimming business,
184
00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:35,581
so, we're moving to Buckingham Palace.
185
00:07:35,665 --> 00:07:38,000
Money's not an object for me or an issue,
186
00:07:38,084 --> 00:07:42,421
you know, it's like, just so much of it
except for folding it, you know.
187
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:44,423
How much I have in my pockets.
188
00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:45,883
It's a very sturdy kitchen.
189
00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:49,178
Rebar... [grunting]
...coming up through...
190
00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,846
- And there's a roof.
- [growls]
191
00:07:50,930 --> 00:07:52,765
- [laughing]
- [snarls]
192
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:55,101
I'm scared of my realtor.
193
00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:58,813
- [indistinct speaking]
- Blossy? Where... Oh.
194
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:00,314
- Oh, hi. [chuckling]
- Hi.
195
00:08:00,398 --> 00:08:03,484
These two guys must have been
playing around in here.
196
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:06,862
Got themselves stuck inside
this perfectly sealed box.
197
00:08:06,946 --> 00:08:09,031
Oh... Karen Grisham.
198
00:08:09,115 --> 00:08:11,033
So, you're looking at this house, too?
199
00:08:11,117 --> 00:08:15,788
Well... kinda. For the last time.
For I am the seller!
200
00:08:16,831 --> 00:08:19,375
[chuckling] I'm moving in with my fianc?.
201
00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:21,502
- Oh, cool.
- Yeah.
202
00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:22,795
- Yeah!
- [chuckling]
203
00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:24,588
- What a fun way to tell me that.
- Yeah.
204
00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:25,923
I don't know what I'm doing.
205
00:08:26,007 --> 00:08:29,260
So... does any of this furniture
come with the place?
206
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:31,303
- No!
- Ah!
207
00:08:31,387 --> 00:08:34,181
- I have the exact same cologne.
- Really?
208
00:08:34,265 --> 00:08:38,144
Oh... [chuckling]
And I'm wearing the exact same shirt.
209
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:40,604
- You are. You really are.
- [chuckling]
210
00:08:40,730 --> 00:08:41,981
Holy shit.
211
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:43,607
Jack London?
212
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:46,819
- That's my favorite author...
- Stop talking! [chuckling]
213
00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:49,405
Your fianc? and I
could be the same person.
214
00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:51,240
Well, you could be. You are...
215
00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:53,492
I mean, if you wanted to be. You could be.
216
00:08:53,576 --> 00:08:54,618
What?
217
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:57,413
[stuttering] The thing is that we...
218
00:08:57,496 --> 00:09:00,207
We're on the skids.
I mean, I'm basically...
219
00:09:00,291 --> 00:09:02,918
You know, just, single and...
220
00:09:03,002 --> 00:09:05,087
I'm selling the house right away,
221
00:09:05,171 --> 00:09:08,924
but I don't need to 'cause I am loaded
and it's paid off in full,
222
00:09:09,008 --> 00:09:10,968
but the thing is that London...
223
00:09:11,052 --> 00:09:14,680
Uh, it's complicated.
224
00:09:14,764 --> 00:09:17,516
My life is pretty complicated, too,
right now.
225
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,560
I'm actually going through a divorce.
226
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:21,562
[gasping] Oh, my God!
227
00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:23,105
I don't know how it'll work out.
228
00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:26,108
[laughing awkwardly] No!
Of course, we don't know...
229
00:09:26,192 --> 00:09:29,236
ever, how it's gonna work out, do we?
[chuckles]
230
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:31,906
Oh...
231
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:33,115
I'm late for something.
232
00:09:33,199 --> 00:09:34,366
- I gotta go.
- Oh.
233
00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:36,118
I was hoping
to check out more of the house.
234
00:09:36,202 --> 00:09:38,871
Okay, you can.
The thing is, come by later,
235
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:41,665
and I'll microwave you some taqooktito...
[sighs]
236
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,584
I will microwave you some taquitos!
237
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,252
Get it right, Maria! [laughing]
238
00:09:45,336 --> 00:09:49,173
And then, I'll show you more of the house
and the pugs and...
239
00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:52,760
Everything.
I'll show you everything.
240
00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:54,261
I'd like that.
241
00:09:54,345 --> 00:09:55,930
[whimpers]
242
00:09:59,475 --> 00:10:01,769
- [beeping]
- Dum, dum, bam, pum,
243
00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:02,853
bum. [chuckles]
244
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:07,358
Well, you know,
this is a Spanish Colonial,
245
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,443
and, uh... [chuckles]
246
00:10:09,527 --> 00:10:11,779
That means the pipes are copper
247
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:15,282
and the wires are copper
248
00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:16,909
and everything is copper,
249
00:10:16,992 --> 00:10:18,119
even the bath.
250
00:10:18,202 --> 00:10:19,703
Yeah, it's, uh...
251
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:22,873
It feels so good
against my naked skin, you know.
252
00:10:22,957 --> 00:10:25,960
It's just so... ooh.
253
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,796
Did I tell you about the low-flow toilet?
254
00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:34,677
Ooh, that feels so, so good
against my naked skin.
255
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:39,181
Oh, the whole house feels
really good against my naked skin.
256
00:10:39,265 --> 00:10:40,349
Ooh, yeah.
257
00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:42,309
[moaning]
258
00:10:42,393 --> 00:10:45,396
- Even the stucco?
- Oh, yeah.
259
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:49,483
It's a real exfoliant. Ooh, nice.
260
00:10:49,567 --> 00:10:51,652
[laughing seductively]
261
00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:55,823
You know, it's just got everything
you'd ever need.
262
00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:58,909
There's a garbage disposal.
Ooh!
263
00:10:58,993 --> 00:11:03,122
And, uh, you can come in
from the back, or the front.
264
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,124
- [laughing]
- That's fun, you know.
265
00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:07,710
It comes out...
Oh!
266
00:11:07,793 --> 00:11:09,879
- Whoo! Whoo!
- [both laughing]
267
00:11:10,963 --> 00:11:13,841
You know what?
I love it.
268
00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:16,218
I want it.
Let's seal the deal.
269
00:11:16,302 --> 00:11:18,929
But you haven't even seen
my unfinished basement.
270
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:20,973
- [both chuckle]
- Okay.
271
00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:22,683
Okay, uh...
272
00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:25,144
- Okay. Oh.
- Um...
273
00:11:25,227 --> 00:11:26,729
[muffled moaning]
274
00:11:28,272 --> 00:11:29,648
[Maria] I couldn't believe it.
275
00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:31,650
The perfect man jumpedout of my vision drawer
276
00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:33,527
and into my 30-year mortgage.
277
00:11:33,611 --> 00:11:36,196
I had it all.Love and financial security.
278
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:37,990
- [chuckling] Okay.
- What'd she say?
279
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:42,328
Karen Grisham said to go fuck yourself,
and that the deal will not go through.
280
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:43,913
Why not?
281
00:11:43,996 --> 00:11:46,248
You have such a low credit score.
282
00:11:46,332 --> 00:11:47,458
What's a credit score?
283
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:48,918
Are you serious?
284
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:51,420
Graham, you don't know your credit score?
285
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:52,838
I don't even know what one is.
286
00:11:52,922 --> 00:11:54,882
- Oh.
- I'm not a banker, I'm a stuntman.
287
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:57,676
I can't believe this. You have a Jaguar.
288
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:58,677
Thank you.
289
00:12:00,471 --> 00:12:01,889
Actually, I have two.
290
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,644
Three, if you count the third one.
291
00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:11,607
- You have three Jaguars?
- Thank you.
292
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,067
Karen Grisham said,
293
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,903
"With a credit score that low,
you can't even rent."
294
00:12:15,986 --> 00:12:18,113
This just became a really bad day.
295
00:12:18,197 --> 00:12:20,324
- Yeah.
- This morning I was crushing it.
296
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,825
Now, I don't know where I'm gonna live.
297
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:24,787
- [sighs]
- We're screwed, buddy. Hmm?
298
00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:28,082
You know, I guess you could...
you could stay with me.
299
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:31,835
You know, just till you get
things together, you know, just...
300
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:35,381
But wouldn't that be weird?
Since we just started dating?
301
00:12:35,464 --> 00:12:39,760
You know, I can be your lady.
And your landlady.
302
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:41,261
[both chuckle]
303
00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:44,056
Yeah, it would be weird,
but that's how I know
304
00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:46,725
[stuttering] it's the right thing.
305
00:12:46,809 --> 00:12:48,811
God, you are so strong.
306
00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:50,312
I know.
307
00:12:50,396 --> 00:12:51,438
[chuckles]
308
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,650
[muffled screaming]
309
00:12:57,569 --> 00:13:00,572
[Maria] Okay, so I had no boundarieswith Graham in the past.
310
00:13:00,656 --> 00:13:02,282
I wasn't gonna let that happen with Chad.
311
00:13:02,366 --> 00:13:04,702
I had to break up with him.
312
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:10,207
Okay, hi.
Are we ready to order?
313
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:15,004
Here's what I want you
to do for me, Brian.
314
00:13:15,087 --> 00:13:18,007
I want you to run my card now.
315
00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:21,593
I'm gonna be making a hard out
after appetizers,
316
00:13:21,677 --> 00:13:23,637
'cause I'm breaking up with my boyfriend.
317
00:13:23,721 --> 00:13:26,849
I mean, he's not my boyfriend per se...
318
00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:28,600
I mean, we haven't even kissed,
319
00:13:28,684 --> 00:13:30,227
but we have said, "I love you."
320
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,271
[chuckling] Right. Oh, very good.
321
00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:33,480
Wanna hear my plan?
322
00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:35,274
Okay, he's gonna sit down,
323
00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:37,735
and I'm gonna look at him and say,
324
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:41,822
"Hey, Chad."
That's his name, Brian... Chad.
325
00:13:43,741 --> 00:13:45,534
I'm just gonna look at him and say,
326
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:48,370
"Chad, I just can't see you anymore."
327
00:13:49,455 --> 00:13:52,458
God, I'm so on!
I wish he was here right now.
328
00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:54,877
[sighs] Help me out, Brian.
329
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,337
I would love to have a fun cocktail,
330
00:13:57,421 --> 00:14:00,299
but I am up to my ear-balls
in psych meds.
331
00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:01,759
[both chuckle]
332
00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:05,721
Do you have
a non-alcoholic option?
333
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:07,473
Sans alcohol?
334
00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:09,516
Let's see what our mixologist, Garlopfft,
335
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,185
can whip up for you.
336
00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:12,519
[gasps] Oh!
337
00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,355
[Brian] Here we have
the Devil's Sugarbowl.
338
00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:17,232
Compliments of Garlopfft.
339
00:14:20,611 --> 00:14:22,446
I give you... Grandma's Candy Store.
340
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,449
[gasps] What a fun idea.
341
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:26,950
[screaming] Garlopfft!
342
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,118
[Maria chuckling]
343
00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:29,411
[Brian] Here we are.
344
00:14:29,495 --> 00:14:32,581
Last drink of the night.
Something we call "Glass of Sugar."
345
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,041
Oh, what's in it?
346
00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:35,334
Sugar in a glass.
347
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,878
- Oh.
- Garlopfft left for the night. It's late.
348
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:41,673
[hyperventilating] I can't believe
I've been stood up, Brian.
349
00:14:41,757 --> 00:14:44,343
You know, you were
gonna break up with him,
350
00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:45,928
so it's probably for the best.
351
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:49,223
What kind of guy
doesn't show up at Manjjiaznoz?
352
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,725
I'll tell you the kind of guy.
353
00:14:51,809 --> 00:14:55,270
It's the kind of guy
who sniper-blasts a puppy scientist
354
00:14:55,354 --> 00:14:57,856
who's on the verge of curing cancer.
355
00:14:58,690 --> 00:14:59,817
You know, I wasn't there,
356
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,860
but that story sounds pretty made up.
357
00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:03,153
You know what, you weren't.
358
00:15:03,237 --> 00:15:06,323
You weren't there!
359
00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:09,076
[screaming] So zip it, ya dick!
360
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:11,537
- I'm just trying to help you out.
- Easy, clown.
361
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:14,289
Don't go off on me, too.
I'm outta here!
362
00:15:15,416 --> 00:15:16,500
Clown!
363
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,961
[Maria] How dare you stand me up?
364
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:21,755
Chad is dead meat!
365
00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:25,884
[sobbing] I know, honey.
It's unbelievable.
366
00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,970
[man stutters] You must be Maria.
367
00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:29,805
- We're Chad's parents.
- [whimpering]
368
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:31,348
We saw his GoPro.
369
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,642
We know how much you meant to each other.
370
00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:35,269
The love part.
371
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,271
Oh. You saw that?
372
00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:40,023
Chad's GoPro survived the kiln explosion.
373
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:41,358
[sobbing]
374
00:15:41,442 --> 00:15:44,278
Wha... He's a potter?
375
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:46,572
So what's going on? Where's Chad?
376
00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:48,615
He's dead, honey.
377
00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:51,452
He hit the end zone and kept on running.
378
00:15:51,535 --> 00:15:54,121
Like Bo Jackson
on Monday Night Football, right?
379
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:56,832
- [sobbing]
- Right. What a game. [sniffling]
380
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,793
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
381
00:15:59,877 --> 00:16:03,630
[Maria] I'm so sorry.
[repeats indistinctly]
382
00:16:07,426 --> 00:16:09,470
[Maria] Death.The ultimate boundary.
383
00:16:09,553 --> 00:16:13,515
My best friend's husband, Paul,was obsessed with death.
384
00:16:13,599 --> 00:16:15,809
So, naturally, I was drawn to him.
385
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:20,522
- It's a banana in a car.
- [laughing]
386
00:16:21,857 --> 00:16:23,901
Paul, these drawings are awesome.
387
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:25,694
Nah, they're just dumb doodles.
388
00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:27,404
These aren't dumb.
389
00:16:27,488 --> 00:16:29,615
This is incredible. What is this?
390
00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:32,409
Oh. That's a drawing of me
trying to hang myself,
391
00:16:32,493 --> 00:16:35,037
but I made the rope too long,
so I'm just standing.
392
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,581
I fucked it up like I fuck up everything.
393
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:40,501
Paul, you sound depressed.
394
00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:44,838
And I should know because I am
really depressed, clinically depressed.
395
00:16:44,922 --> 00:16:47,341
But art is helping me.
396
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:49,009
If you did more art,
397
00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:53,597
you could feel better
about yourself and your life, in general.
398
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,807
Susan doesn't like it when I'm creative.
399
00:16:55,891 --> 00:16:57,267
[stutters] What?
400
00:16:57,351 --> 00:16:59,645
She probably supports you now, right?
401
00:16:59,770 --> 00:17:02,314
Not at all.
She thinks we're working on your will.
402
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:03,899
- Oh.
- [Susan] Ding-dong.
403
00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:05,817
Hide the stuff.
404
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,445
- Hey.
- Hey.
405
00:17:08,529 --> 00:17:10,030
Hey. [chuckling]
406
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:14,618
Why do I smell marker?
407
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,203
[laughing]
408
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:21,166
Oh. We were just working on some Post-its
for Maria's end-of-life five wishes.
409
00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:24,253
Yeah, like a colorful,
living revocable trust.
410
00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:26,838
Aw. Isn't he the best?
411
00:17:26,922 --> 00:17:29,299
- Yeah.
- Maybe one day you'll get one of these.
412
00:17:29,383 --> 00:17:30,676
Oh.
413
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,135
- [grunting]
- Yeah.
414
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,304
- [blows raspberry]
- [all chuckling]
415
00:17:34,388 --> 00:17:37,266
- But he's a human being.
- [both laughing]
416
00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:39,810
All right, we gotta get you
in the Lexus, okay?
417
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,436
'Cause you need some golf pants.
418
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,398
[gasping] Somebody's gonna throw
a little ball around.
419
00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:47,276
We can't meet like this anymore.
420
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:49,611
Paul, you need art.
421
00:17:49,695 --> 00:17:53,031
[Susan] Paul, get your white ass
in the Lexus!
422
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:54,324
[sighing]
423
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:57,619
Skype me later, okay?
424
00:17:57,703 --> 00:18:00,998
It's Susan's bath night,
so we should have an hour and 45 to talk.
425
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:05,294
Maybe two hours if she has wine.
She's gonna have wine, so...
426
00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:08,714
[breathes heavily] Cool, cool.
427
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:15,387
[Marilyn] Hi, we're home.
428
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:19,141
- [Maria] Hi.
- Hello, kiddo, listen.
429
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:22,936
I don't know what's going on,
but you're playing with fire.
430
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:26,189
Susan called earlier,
and she's pretty PO'ed.
431
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:28,483
She said Paul's drawing his head off,
432
00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:31,778
he's slacking with his work,
and Susan's sick about it.
433
00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:36,033
Well, we're just making art.
He's a really good painter and drawer.
434
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:39,828
We just won the logo contest
for the psych center.
435
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:42,414
No offense, honey,
but if that won first prize,
436
00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:44,166
there are lots of zeros in that group.
437
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,835
Anyway, talk to Paul. No more art.
438
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,837
Susan can talk to him.
439
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,256
He's her husband. I'm not married to him.
440
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:54,176
Oh, sweetie, we're all well aware
you're not married.
441
00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:58,138
Anyway, your father and I went
to the greatest show tonight,
442
00:18:58,221 --> 00:18:59,431
the Cirque du Soleil.
443
00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:01,683
[Joel] A display of art and showmanship.
444
00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:03,352
It was French, but made you feel American.
445
00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:07,105
Yes, it was called Q'Ontained,
with a Q.
446
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:11,318
And you know how crazy I am about things
that fit inside other things.
447
00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:15,238
[Marilyn] I said to Joel,
448
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:18,241
"Oh, dear Christ, Joel,he's gonna do it."
449
00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:19,534
She did. And you know what?
450
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,620
- He did it!
- He did it.
451
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:23,664
[audience cheering]
452
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:24,998
[Joel] I couldn't believe it.
453
00:19:25,082 --> 00:19:28,043
[Marilyn] And I said,"Joel, oh, sweet Jesus in a basket.
454
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:30,796
He's in, Joel! He's in!"
455
00:19:30,879 --> 00:19:33,507
And you know what? He was in!
456
00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:36,718
[audience cheering]
457
00:19:36,802 --> 00:19:39,888
[Marilyn] I'm telling you, it was sorcery.
458
00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:41,056
The dark arts!
459
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:45,394
I can't even picture
what was actually happening.
460
00:19:45,477 --> 00:19:48,522
And now, your father has some new ideas.
461
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:50,565
- Sex ideas.
- [Joel] Mmm-hmm.
462
00:19:50,649 --> 00:19:51,900
- Oh.
- With sex.
463
00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:54,444
- Maria,
- [Maria] Oh, boy.
464
00:19:54,528 --> 00:19:55,904
It is possible to have
465
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:58,615
- a highly satisfying sex life...
- Oh, God.
466
00:19:58,699 --> 00:20:00,283
...well into your 70s.
467
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:02,202
- That was the point of the show.
- Oh, God.
468
00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:06,498
But seriously now, don't have
Susan's husband draw anymore.
469
00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:10,043
Okay? It's better to just
keep things bottled up.
470
00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:11,670
You know, the Midwest way.
471
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:12,963
Q'Ontained.
472
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,172
- [smacks]
- Giddy up.
473
00:20:14,256 --> 00:20:15,674
Q'ontain yourself, Monsieur Joel.
474
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,676
- [smacks]
- I can't.
475
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,511
[Joel] Let's go inside other things.
476
00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:21,263
- [Marilyn] Okay.
- [Joel chuckles]
477
00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:22,597
[Joel smacks]
478
00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:24,307
I should've gone to bed.
479
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:27,102
Hmm...
480
00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:31,356
[screaming]
481
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,943
Yeah. No one can hear me comin'
in my new Moon Boots.
482
00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:37,738
And no one can hear you scream.
483
00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:40,741
Gotcha, poop drawers.
You've been served.
484
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,075
[boots squeaking]
485
00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:47,456
Paul's billing me for the time
we spent drawing together?
486
00:20:47,539 --> 00:20:49,291
Nope, I sent you that.
487
00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:53,462
That's for all the billable hours
that you cost Paul and my family.
488
00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:55,255
You think I didn't know you guys have been
489
00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:57,382
sneaking off and Skypin' about
490
00:20:57,466 --> 00:20:59,551
your dumb art stuff
for the past two weeks?
491
00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:04,598
Paul needs this outlet.
I think he's really depressed.
492
00:21:04,681 --> 00:21:06,850
Yeah, everybody's depressed, Maria.
493
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,685
It's called being an adult.
494
00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:11,480
That's the saddest thing
I've ever heard.
495
00:21:11,563 --> 00:21:13,273
No more art, Maria.
496
00:21:13,356 --> 00:21:14,608
[boots squeaking]
497
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,902
Stop giving my husband hope.
498
00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:19,946
[boots squeaking]
499
00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:23,492
You can't hear me...
500
00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:26,870
but I'm always there.
501
00:21:35,796 --> 00:21:37,547
[chuckles]
502
00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:41,635
[Maria] Sometimes life works outthe way it should.
503
00:21:41,718 --> 00:21:43,637
But not for Chad, because he's dead.
504
00:21:46,014 --> 00:21:49,768
[man] Many of you here know Chad
from his many charities.
505
00:21:49,851 --> 00:21:51,394
Saving the Dolphins.
506
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:52,854
Pots for the Poor.
507
00:21:54,189 --> 00:21:56,441
Abogados Sin Fronteras.
508
00:21:57,234 --> 00:21:58,819
Scuba for Burn Victims.
509
00:22:00,028 --> 00:22:01,363
India.
510
00:22:02,072 --> 00:22:03,990
Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS.
511
00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:08,203
And of course, his great passion,
International Pug Rescue.
512
00:22:08,286 --> 00:22:09,412
[gasps]
513
00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:10,622
[whispering] Pugs?
514
00:22:10,705 --> 00:22:11,873
He was an active athlete...
515
00:22:11,957 --> 00:22:15,252
- I knew that, I knew that.
- ...who loved sport.
516
00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:17,671
While we mourn for Chad,
517
00:22:17,754 --> 00:22:21,633
let us also be comforted by the fact
that Chad died as he lived...
518
00:22:23,426 --> 00:22:25,720
throwing pots on a wheel for orphans.
519
00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:29,683
And racking up 20,000 steps on his Fitbit.
520
00:22:29,766 --> 00:22:31,142
[crying]
521
00:22:31,226 --> 00:22:35,105
Now, I'd like to bring up somebody
who is very important to Chad...
522
00:22:35,230 --> 00:22:36,481
Maria Bamford.
523
00:22:36,565 --> 00:22:37,899
[whispering] Okay, okay.
524
00:22:40,443 --> 00:22:42,112
It's no problem.
525
00:22:42,195 --> 00:22:43,280
Don't get up.
526
00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:46,741
Chad would've wanted me
to be as active as possible.
527
00:22:48,159 --> 00:22:49,452
Do lunges.
528
00:22:49,536 --> 00:22:51,288
[panting]
529
00:22:54,249 --> 00:22:55,458
[sighing]
530
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:58,336
Hello, everyone.
531
00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:06,761
I knew Chad for about a month
and we spent a lot of time together.
532
00:23:06,845 --> 00:23:08,763
Did a lot of activities.
533
00:23:08,847 --> 00:23:10,015
[chuckles lightly]
534
00:23:11,683 --> 00:23:15,395
I used to have a lot of issues
with boundaries... [chuckles]
535
00:23:15,478 --> 00:23:17,188
and, uh...
536
00:23:17,272 --> 00:23:19,232
now I realize my main issue,
537
00:23:19,316 --> 00:23:23,528
the real issue, is that
I put up too many boundaries and that...
538
00:23:24,988 --> 00:23:26,948
I was keeping love out.
539
00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:32,662
Hearing of all of Chad's just amazing
540
00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:35,624
accomplishments, I think...
541
00:23:35,707 --> 00:23:40,295
he could have been someone I could've
had babies with, were that safe.
542
00:23:40,378 --> 00:23:43,840
But I am 45 and that is irresponsible!
543
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:48,219
At this point, it's just selfish
and I should adopt.
544
00:23:48,303 --> 00:23:50,597
It's like this veil...
545
00:23:51,514 --> 00:23:53,516
has been lifted...
546
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,144
and where the monster was...
547
00:23:57,145 --> 00:24:01,066
I am...
I am a monster.
548
00:24:01,149 --> 00:24:02,942
Oh, dear Chad.
549
00:24:03,818 --> 00:24:06,321
You loved me
and I couldn't love you back.
550
00:24:06,404 --> 00:24:11,493
I wasn't ready, and I am so sorry,
and I feel so ashamed.
551
00:24:11,576 --> 00:24:14,079
[groaning] Oh, Chad!
552
00:24:14,162 --> 00:24:15,497
[sobbing]
553
00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:20,126
Amen.
554
00:24:20,877 --> 00:24:22,462
- Sweetie.
- Thank you.
555
00:24:22,545 --> 00:24:23,755
[crying]
556
00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:28,134
And now a couple of words
from Chad's wife.
557
00:24:29,302 --> 00:24:31,471
[sobbing] What?
558
00:24:31,554 --> 00:24:33,098
Oh. Oh.
559
00:24:34,849 --> 00:24:37,018
Oh. Oh.
560
00:24:38,478 --> 00:24:39,854
[man] Hey, Maria.
561
00:24:39,938 --> 00:24:42,691
Rick Rondo, CAA.
I worked with Chad at CAA.
562
00:24:43,566 --> 00:24:45,694
- Oh.
- You know, before he died,
563
00:24:45,777 --> 00:24:47,737
he was so pumped about signing you.
564
00:24:47,821 --> 00:24:50,949
He said he was one action date away
from nailing it down.
565
00:24:51,032 --> 00:24:53,576
[stutters] He wanted to sign me?
566
00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:54,869
He was an agent?
567
00:24:54,953 --> 00:24:56,788
Yeah. At CAA.
568
00:24:56,871 --> 00:24:59,040
Our team pulled your OKCupes profile.
569
00:24:59,124 --> 00:25:00,792
What did you think those action dates
were about?
570
00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:03,294
- What?
- I mean, you had him hiking,
571
00:25:03,378 --> 00:25:05,338
spelunking, sailing.
572
00:25:05,422 --> 00:25:09,676
If that kiln explosion
hadn't literally ripped him in half,
573
00:25:09,759 --> 00:25:11,094
signing you would have.
574
00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:12,554
- [chuckling awkwardly]
- Yeah.
575
00:25:12,637 --> 00:25:15,390
Anyway, I'm picking up his sloppy seconds,
576
00:25:15,473 --> 00:25:17,434
and I want you
to know something important.
577
00:25:17,517 --> 00:25:18,852
Maria...
578
00:25:20,854 --> 00:25:22,188
I love you.
579
00:25:23,690 --> 00:25:24,816
Oh... [gasps]
580
00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:28,778
I love you, too.
581
00:25:29,487 --> 00:25:33,908
[choir singing]
I don't know what I'm doing
582
00:25:34,659 --> 00:25:38,997
More than half of the time
583
00:25:40,749 --> 00:25:42,751
[upbeat music playing]
584
00:25:42,801 --> 00:25:47,351
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