Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:03,430
_
2
00:00:05,970 --> 00:00:07,650
Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot!
3
00:00:07,690 --> 00:00:09,590
Oh-ho! Rock beats scissors. I win.
4
00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:11,730
These aren't scissors, it's
how many months rent you owe me.
5
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:18,950
I was hoping it was you.
6
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,310
That's not how this works.
7
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:24,420
This is my boyfriend, who
called because he missed me.
8
00:00:24,460 --> 00:00:26,730
Yes, that is totally
the reason why I called,
9
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,200
but also this.
10
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,199
Is there anything you can do about that?
11
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,770
I'm sorry, I can't help.
12
00:00:33,830 --> 00:00:37,110
Jackpot's official position is,
"You do you. We've seen worse."
13
00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:39,170
Well, if this is what I have
to put up with to see you
14
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,510
for the next three days, it's worth it.
15
00:00:41,550 --> 00:00:43,390
- It's probably worth it.
- It is.
16
00:00:43,430 --> 00:00:44,860
I'm so excited. This is your first time
17
00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,309
staying in L.A. with me.
18
00:00:46,310 --> 00:00:48,810
You finally get to see me in
my element, outside of work.
19
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:50,620
And once I peel off
these sanitary gloves,
20
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,180
it's all fun all the time.
21
00:00:52,690 --> 00:00:54,100
You're not wearing gloves.
22
00:00:55,610 --> 00:00:58,140
Oh, my God. I-I touched
the bathroom door.
23
00:01:05,570 --> 00:01:06,970
Can you believe this guy?
24
00:01:07,940 --> 00:01:09,040
Jackpot Airlines.
25
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,380
Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.
26
00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:17,580
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
27
00:01:18,390 --> 00:01:20,869
Ah, thanks again for letting
Bryan stay this week, Bernard.
28
00:01:20,870 --> 00:01:23,029
And, don't worry, we're
barely going to be home.
29
00:01:23,030 --> 00:01:25,180
I have a jam-packed
few days planned. Look.
30
00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:26,470
I have a list.
31
00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:29,580
"Paddleboarding"? "Hiking
to the Hollywood sign"?
32
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:30,570
"Yoga at Griffith Park"?
33
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,380
You don't do any of these things.
34
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,180
No, but they're things I want to do.
35
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:37,250
Okay, fine. They're things
I want to want to do.
36
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,480
Look, this week is a big
relationship test for me.
37
00:01:40,550 --> 00:01:43,620
Bryan is going to see my real
life outside of this plane.
38
00:01:43,690 --> 00:01:45,590
I don't want to give off any red flags
39
00:01:45,660 --> 00:01:48,320
that might make him second-guess
our whole relationship.
40
00:01:48,390 --> 00:01:49,760
Yes, like when I first saw Tristane
41
00:01:49,780 --> 00:01:52,670
wearing flip-flops to
dinner. Slide away, child...
42
00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:54,960
I'm just trying to put
my best foot forward.
43
00:01:55,030 --> 00:01:57,150
Honey, I get it, but
this ain't your foot.
44
00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,440
A linguine tour? That's
not you. I mean, look,
45
00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:03,110
this whole list is written
on an old Taco Bell receipt.
46
00:02:03,170 --> 00:02:05,449
A 10:00 a.m. Taco Bell receipt.
47
00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:06,690
They serve breakfast now, Bernard.
48
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,520
You had three burritos
and a cup of cheese.
49
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:10,630
Breakfast cheese.
50
00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:13,040
Hey there, passengers.
51
00:02:13,110 --> 00:02:14,299
As we approach L.A.,
52
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,610
a little reminder... Next
time you're in Calabasas,
53
00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:18,659
stop by Calabasics,
54
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:21,330
the destination for premium
business-casual ponchos.
55
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,690
Half blanket and half shirt.
56
00:02:23,740 --> 00:02:26,020
They're the beautiful biracial
baby of women's fashion.
57
00:02:26,150 --> 00:02:28,390
Check out a sample on
our model in the aisle.
58
00:02:35,810 --> 00:02:37,680
How'd you like the plug
for your store, babe?
59
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:40,910
Loved it. Next time,
could you mention our new
60
00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:43,520
Frances McDormand signature
collection of shapeless apparel
61
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:44,980
for middle school art teachers?
62
00:02:45,090 --> 00:02:47,360
Anything for you. I'll
call you when I land.
63
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,879
Hey! Can I keep this?
64
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,980
It hides all my problem areas.
65
00:02:53,050 --> 00:02:56,480
Yeah. Patricia has a such an
eye for sensible coverwear.
66
00:02:56,550 --> 00:02:58,750
- Hmm.
- God, she's amazing.
67
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:00,570
Alan, can I tell you a secret?
68
00:03:01,150 --> 00:03:02,900
Do not blow this, Alan.
69
00:03:02,970 --> 00:03:03,940
Yes.
70
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,590
I think Patricia might be the one.
71
00:03:05,650 --> 00:03:08,180
- But I thought the sky...
- Is my first love? She was.
72
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,660
But let's face it, Alan,
that's just stuff losers say
73
00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:12,050
when they're not getting laid.
74
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,040
Ooh, I've heard that's a good book.
75
00:03:15,450 --> 00:03:17,780
Ask me, did I ever read Joan Didion?
76
00:03:17,850 --> 00:03:20,620
Okay. Have you ever read Joan Didion?
77
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,760
Ask me did I ever read Joan Didion?
78
00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:25,230
Did you ever read Joan Didion?
79
00:03:25,260 --> 00:03:26,620
No, I Didion't.
80
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,910
Hi, I'm Colin... and of course I did.
81
00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:33,340
Colin, what's up?
82
00:03:33,410 --> 00:03:35,510
That's the third woman
I've seen you talk at today.
83
00:03:35,580 --> 00:03:37,550
- You can't blitz on every down, man.
- I know.
84
00:03:37,670 --> 00:03:39,400
I'm just... I'm trying to put
myself out there a bit more.
85
00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:41,320
You know, I haven't met anybody in ages,
86
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,070
and I can't keep holding out for Ronnie.
87
00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,210
Smart move. And I'd lock
down somebody quickly.
88
00:03:45,270 --> 00:03:47,010
British men age like
that Hemingway quote...
89
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,010
"slowly, then all at once."
90
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,470
Ooh! Ask me, did I ever read Hemingway?
91
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,030
Do you want to die alone?
92
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,200
I think he's gonna... Oh, Bernard!
93
00:03:59,270 --> 00:04:01,660
I was thinking, and you were right.
94
00:04:01,670 --> 00:04:03,580
I want to show Bryan
the best version of me,
95
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,900
but none of the things I
planned were actually me,
96
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,620
so I talked to Nichole, and
she knew exactly what I needed.
97
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,639
- A new bra.
- Finally!
98
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:11,940
- Right?
- No! The other thing.
99
00:04:12,020 --> 00:04:13,180
- A dinner party!
- Oh.
100
00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:15,070
At my house? No, thank you.
101
00:04:15,220 --> 00:04:17,920
Bernard, I need to do
something where I can be relaxed
102
00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:20,120
and confident, and I cannot
spend the next few days
103
00:04:20,190 --> 00:04:22,060
pretending I like going
to those art zoos.
104
00:04:22,090 --> 00:04:23,050
Museums.
105
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:24,519
It'll be small and tasteful.
106
00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:26,580
I promise. Just a few friends
that I want Bryan to meet.
107
00:04:26,650 --> 00:04:28,320
All right, I will allow this party.
108
00:04:28,390 --> 00:04:30,690
You may invite your gaggle
of Kelseys and Callies
109
00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:32,720
and other girls whose names
pumpkin when they turn 30.
110
00:04:32,790 --> 00:04:34,190
Yay! We're gonna have a dinner.
111
00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:35,810
You still need a new bra, though.
112
00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,320
This dinner party sounds
great. What time you need me?
113
00:04:39,350 --> 00:04:42,470
Oh, I'm sorry, Dave, I'm trying
to keep this separate from work.
114
00:04:42,510 --> 00:04:43,750
Come on, Ronnie. Tonight
was gonna be the night
115
00:04:43,820 --> 00:04:45,520
I ask Patricia to be exclusive.
116
00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:47,920
I want it to be special and
in front of people required
117
00:04:47,990 --> 00:04:49,519
to applaud because I'm their boss.
118
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,550
Okay. Dave, you're invited,
but please do not do that thing
119
00:04:52,590 --> 00:04:53,720
where you wear too much cologne.
120
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,890
It's not too much. It's too many.
121
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,050
I layer musk, citrus,
122
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,620
sandalwood, musk, musk.
123
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,860
Hey, Nichole. I waited all week.
124
00:05:04,910 --> 00:05:08,679
Why have you still not
responded to my e-mail?
125
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,010
I didn't get an e-mail from
you. What did you send me?
126
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,320
A screenplay!
127
00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:15,570
Turns out some of my
juices are creative.
128
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,020
- I've written a movie.
- Mm-hmm.
129
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,409
And, as a friend, I
would like you to read it.
130
00:05:20,410 --> 00:05:22,040
I would be honored. Send it to me again.
131
00:05:22,110 --> 00:05:23,080
Do you have my right e-mail?
132
00:05:23,150 --> 00:05:25,750
Nichole@email.stripper.
133
00:05:25,820 --> 00:05:29,020
No. That's not my or... anyone's e-mail.
134
00:05:29,090 --> 00:05:31,520
Email.stripper@Nichole.
135
00:05:31,590 --> 00:05:32,850
That's even further.
136
00:05:35,490 --> 00:05:37,700
I can't wait for you to meet my friends!
137
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,120
Callie works at this
fancy Italian market...
138
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:41,739
...so you can talk about
how everyone mispronounces
139
00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:43,010
"mozzarella" or whatever.
140
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:44,709
It's actually "moo-tza-rell."
141
00:05:44,710 --> 00:05:46,079
Can you just give me one minute?
142
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,150
Yeah, I got to wash the
Jackpot off my hands anyway.
143
00:05:48,910 --> 00:05:51,220
Nichole! Kelsey and
Callie just texted me.
144
00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:52,990
They're not coming. They both came down
145
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,020
with a case of greyscale.
146
00:05:54,090 --> 00:05:55,650
That's a rare disease from a fake world.
147
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,120
What a terrible lie.
148
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,820
To be fair, it's the same lie I used
149
00:05:58,890 --> 00:06:01,330
to get out of both their baby
showers, but what am I gonna do?
150
00:06:01,390 --> 00:06:02,960
They were my most interesting friends.
151
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,900
I needed them for cultured conversation.
152
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,030
Bernard, will you talk
to Bryan about cheese?
153
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,770
I will scream at Bryan about cheese!
154
00:06:08,830 --> 00:06:12,090
Wait, I have an idea. Colin?
What are you doing tonight?
155
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:14,279
Funny you should ask.
Some online pals and I plan
156
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,120
to debate who's the best
Doctor from Doctor Who...
157
00:06:16,180 --> 00:06:17,950
Instead, you should come
to Ronnie's dinner party
158
00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:19,520
and talk about literally anything else.
159
00:06:19,590 --> 00:06:21,890
Oh, a dinner party.
The modern-day salon,
160
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,890
as it were... A meeting
of minds and mouths.
161
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,450
- Never mind.
- No, no, please let me come.
162
00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:26,430
I'd like to come.
163
00:06:26,431 --> 00:06:29,170
Did I hear something
about a party of dinners?
164
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,300
I assume I am invited,
165
00:06:31,370 --> 00:06:33,649
because you can't spell
"party" without "Arty."
166
00:06:33,650 --> 00:06:35,950
Oh, I don't know, Artem.
I'm not sure it's your scene.
167
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:40,040
Yeah, right. I only swam across
two oceans to get to America,
168
00:06:40,110 --> 00:06:43,440
so, yeah, I guess I'm not a
very interesting dinner guest.
169
00:06:43,510 --> 00:06:45,480
Okay, fine! You can come tonight, Artem.
170
00:06:45,550 --> 00:06:47,820
- Did you say Artem or Alan?
- Artem.
171
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,679
Okay, because it sounded
like you might have said
172
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,340
- Artem or Alan.
- It was Artem.
173
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:52,400
'Cause there's a lot of similarities
174
00:06:52,420 --> 00:06:53,420
between Artem and Alan...
175
00:06:53,490 --> 00:06:54,860
You know damn well she said Artem!
176
00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:56,929
Okay, it's fine. You can come tonight.
177
00:06:56,930 --> 00:06:58,600
- Yes!
- You can all come.
178
00:06:58,670 --> 00:07:00,160
Just figure out what you're gonna bring.
179
00:07:01,660 --> 00:07:03,760
Well, we have our guest list.
180
00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:06,710
- What are you doing?
- Calling pharmacies
181
00:07:06,780 --> 00:07:08,530
to see if they sell Purell by the keg.
182
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,530
I have to admit I'm impressed.
183
00:07:15,820 --> 00:07:17,800
You have hors d'oeuvres,
tasteful napkins,
184
00:07:17,820 --> 00:07:20,330
and you showered and didn't just
dump baby powder on your roots.
185
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,130
You see that, Bernard? I'm a
regular Barefoot Contestant.
186
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,310
Uh, will you excuse me?
187
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,969
You-You don't have to
drink Artem's wine.
188
00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:30,700
- I've got fancy stuff.
- No, it's okay.
189
00:07:30,770 --> 00:07:32,640
It's Diane Keaton's new wine.
190
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:34,500
Look, there's a cute little turtleneck.
191
00:07:34,570 --> 00:07:36,710
Hey, did you ever see
Something's Gotta Give?
192
00:07:36,770 --> 00:07:40,340
It's a wonderful movie about
Diane Keaton's kitchen greed.
193
00:07:40,410 --> 00:07:42,550
No, no, no. That's It's Complicated.
194
00:07:42,610 --> 00:07:44,310
Something's Gotta Give
is where she dates
195
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:45,750
her daughter's ex-boyfriend.
196
00:07:45,820 --> 00:07:48,150
Oh, that is complicated.
197
00:07:48,220 --> 00:07:51,090
No, no. It...
198
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:52,560
You know what? Just
pour me some more wine.
199
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:54,649
- All the way to the top.
- Good.
200
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:59,190
Hey! Welcome to my...
201
00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:01,129
Bernard's apartment!
202
00:08:01,130 --> 00:08:02,680
Oh, what a smashing flat!
203
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,000
Good show, Bernard.
204
00:08:04,070 --> 00:08:06,199
What is that? Why are you
playing up the British thing?
205
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,800
There it is. You brought a date.
206
00:08:08,870 --> 00:08:11,540
Well, I wasn't planning on it,
but, uh, then Talia and I had
207
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,980
a cinema-quality meet-cute,
and, uh, here we are.
208
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:15,980
- Ah, where'd you meet?
- Just on an app.
209
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:17,920
Mmm, Tinder? Bumble?
210
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,810
Uber. I drove him here.
211
00:08:20,090 --> 00:08:21,120
Mint?
212
00:08:21,650 --> 00:08:23,390
Thank you for your vote, Councilman.
213
00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:25,350
As the Deputy Mayor, I'm
taking the lead on this,
214
00:08:25,420 --> 00:08:27,210
and I don't forget my friends.
215
00:08:28,310 --> 00:08:29,769
- Sorry about that.
- Ah...
216
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:32,210
We have a big vote tomorrow
about whether to start
217
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,680
watering the Calabasas
medians with potable water.
218
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,869
Some people just love
drinking from sprinklers.
219
00:08:36,870 --> 00:08:38,820
Not me. I think all water's gross.
220
00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:42,139
So, I've been meaning to ask.
221
00:08:42,140 --> 00:08:45,660
We might meet some new people
tonight, and I wasn't sure...
222
00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:48,180
You can call me your girlfriend, Dave.
223
00:08:48,250 --> 00:08:51,350
Yes! I guess that makes
tonight our coming out party.
224
00:08:51,420 --> 00:08:53,290
Let's show Bernard how it's really done.
225
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,740
Oh, I'm vibrating.
226
00:08:56,230 --> 00:08:57,569
- Can you hold this one second?
- Uh, yeah.
227
00:08:57,570 --> 00:09:00,560
Hey, you think tonight we
could just put our phones away
228
00:09:00,590 --> 00:09:02,660
and... focus on us?
229
00:09:03,470 --> 00:09:07,060
Absolutely, Dave.
Tonight, I am all yours.
230
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,370
Nichole! Do not keep me in suspense.
231
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,200
- Have you read the script?
- Uh-huh.
232
00:09:17,230 --> 00:09:18,630
Uh-huh... Hey, wait!
233
00:09:18,660 --> 00:09:21,230
Can you tell me what
was your favorite part?
234
00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:23,380
- Well...
- Oh, yes, the well.
235
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:25,499
Oh, that is a good scene,
236
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:27,730
and I know just the well to shoot it in.
237
00:09:28,270 --> 00:09:29,850
What else did you like?
238
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,889
Artem, I have to be honest,
I didn't like any of it.
239
00:09:32,890 --> 00:09:35,420
After I read it, I actually
deleted it off my phone
240
00:09:35,490 --> 00:09:37,760
and then switched carriers
so it couldn't find me.
241
00:09:37,830 --> 00:09:40,930
You read it on your phone?
Oh, that's the problem.
242
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,200
And it's not meant
for the little screen.
243
00:09:43,260 --> 00:09:45,000
You must read it on the big screen.
244
00:09:45,070 --> 00:09:46,330
The screen wasn't the problem, Artem.
245
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,630
It didn't make any sense.
246
00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:49,300
But it's based on my life.
247
00:09:49,370 --> 00:09:50,340
There were werewolves in it.
248
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,440
Yeah, that was embellishment.
249
00:09:51,510 --> 00:09:53,670
In real life it was just dog men.
250
00:09:53,740 --> 00:09:55,840
Ah, I'm sorry Artem.
I need to steal her.
251
00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:57,370
- Yeah...
- Thank God!
252
00:09:58,110 --> 00:09:59,750
Um... Dave is here with your mom.
253
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:00,910
Does she still think we're dating,
254
00:10:00,980 --> 00:10:03,420
because I have guests to
entertain, dinner to prepare.
255
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:05,390
I can't be a fake lesbian
on top of all that.
256
00:10:05,450 --> 00:10:07,020
Don't worry, I told her
we broke up a while ago.
257
00:10:07,090 --> 00:10:08,090
Oh! Good.
258
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:09,360
I said your drinking was out of hand
259
00:10:09,420 --> 00:10:10,660
and that you were a selfish lover.
260
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,410
Well, maybe the drinking
just makes me tired.
261
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:14,820
Ronnie.
262
00:10:18,010 --> 00:10:20,060
Not judging, but when
does the dinner part
263
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:21,220
of this dinner party start?
264
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,120
We're out of hors d'oeuvres.
265
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:23,680
Artem ate all the blankets off the pigs.
266
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,920
Now I'm full, and you are cold.
267
00:10:27,140 --> 00:10:29,110
We can eat now. I just
have to heat up dinner.
268
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,310
It'll take five minutes.
I got Blue Apron.
269
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,380
To be clear, do you think
there's a fully cooked dinner
270
00:10:33,450 --> 00:10:34,980
in that Blue Apron box?
271
00:10:35,050 --> 00:10:37,830
Yes. It's a gourmet meal
delivery service, Bernard.
272
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:41,160
Wait. Before you open
that, let me grab my wine.
273
00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:44,230
Okay.
274
00:10:44,290 --> 00:10:45,610
Proceed.
275
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,620
- What the hell is this?!
- Yes, this pairs very well.
276
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,910
You have to cook?! No!
277
00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:55,440
I thought this came already prepared.
278
00:10:55,590 --> 00:10:57,830
Why the hell would I pay
to cook my own dinner?
279
00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,160
I don't have time for this.
280
00:10:59,230 --> 00:11:00,830
You are sleeping with a chef.
281
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:02,830
No. I can't ask him to help.
282
00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:05,300
This-this whole thing was to
prove that I am responsible
283
00:11:05,370 --> 00:11:07,700
and sophisticated and...
284
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:09,050
I'm fine.
285
00:11:09,430 --> 00:11:11,350
You go stall and entertain Bryan,
286
00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:12,630
while I put all this together.
287
00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:14,430
Stall? Ronnie, I don't stall.
288
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:18,400
When I entertain it's an
event, a sacrament, an occasion.
289
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,280
At worst, a moment.
290
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,610
Hey, Alan, can you give us a sec?
291
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:23,780
Patty and I are gonna take our first
292
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,680
official relationship selfie.
293
00:11:25,750 --> 00:11:27,780
- It's our social media debut.
- Oh.
294
00:11:27,850 --> 00:11:28,980
Aw.
295
00:11:29,050 --> 00:11:30,950
Hold on. Let me fix my hair.
296
00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:33,550
As a public figure, I
have to look appropriate
297
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,100
and hide my hands so no one
Photoshops a penis into them.
298
00:11:36,140 --> 00:11:38,119
Ugh. Disgusting. We can
shoot a car into space,
299
00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,030
but we can't think of a better
place to Photoshop a penis?
300
00:11:40,090 --> 00:11:41,930
Oh, sweetie. Come here.
Get in this picture.
301
00:11:42,050 --> 00:11:43,810
- She's a big hit with the base.
- Oh.
302
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,480
- Here we go.
- Yeah, sure.
303
00:11:48,030 --> 00:11:49,220
- Hi.
- Hi.
304
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,910
Oh, Bernard! Come here, come here.
305
00:11:53,340 --> 00:11:54,990
He checks off a lot of boxes.
306
00:11:55,010 --> 00:11:57,349
- What the hell am I doing here?
- Just smile for the camera.
307
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:58,940
Oh. Why didn't you say so?
308
00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:01,820
I-It's hard to get all
four of us to fit.
309
00:12:01,860 --> 00:12:03,030
Just... this way a little bit.
310
00:12:03,060 --> 00:12:04,120
Perfect.
311
00:12:05,830 --> 00:12:06,860
Nice.
312
00:12:06,930 --> 00:12:10,060
- Your skin is incredible.
- I like the...
313
00:12:14,950 --> 00:12:16,580
Oh, my God! What happened to the dinner?
314
00:12:16,650 --> 00:12:18,090
The recipe was gonna take too long,
315
00:12:18,150 --> 00:12:19,850
and I don't know what
to do with a game hen.
316
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:21,760
So I'm just doing what
we do in Bakersfield
317
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:24,310
and turning a bunch of
things into a casserole.
318
00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:26,760
Ronnie, that looks like
something already ate it.
319
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,380
I know. That's why I need your help.
320
00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:30,790
Grab some of that food. Try
to make it look like a salad.
321
00:12:31,170 --> 00:12:34,380
Avocado, honey, oatmeal...
Where'd you get all this from?
322
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,320
- I raided your beauty drawer.
- My quail eggs.
323
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:37,870
I also raided your earthquake kit.
324
00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:38,970
My preserved quail eggs!
325
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,540
Sorry, Bernard. Don't be mad.
326
00:12:40,610 --> 00:12:41,500
Well, now I can't get mad.
327
00:12:41,540 --> 00:12:43,350
I don't have anything
to smooth the lines.
328
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,950
Hey. Bryan, tell Nichole
what you just told me.
329
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:52,250
Please don't come into the
bathroom while I'm using it.
330
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:53,599
No, after that.
331
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:54,900
You see, I told him the idea
332
00:12:54,970 --> 00:12:56,470
of my movie and he said...
333
00:12:56,580 --> 00:12:58,390
Sounds interesting. Please get out.
334
00:12:58,450 --> 00:13:00,450
Interesting, like the movie Get Out.
335
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,020
Artem, I didn't like it.
336
00:13:02,090 --> 00:13:03,820
I thought friends were
supposed to be honest.
337
00:13:03,890 --> 00:13:06,460
Friends are supposed to
focus on the positives.
338
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:09,600
Like when I tell Bryan,
"Oh, that's a nice shirt,"
339
00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:12,800
but never ask, "Why stupid bracelet?"
340
00:13:12,870 --> 00:13:13,820
Come on.
341
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,100
I was just trying to pee.
342
00:13:18,070 --> 00:13:19,520
Hey, Patricia.
343
00:13:19,710 --> 00:13:21,780
So we never actually got
to take that picture before,
344
00:13:21,850 --> 00:13:23,220
if you want to take it now.
345
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,500
No big deal.
346
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,400
Full disclosure, I want
to. It's a big deal.
347
00:13:27,420 --> 00:13:28,360
Oh.
348
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:31,790
You're right. Let's do it.
Let's take it. Right now.
349
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:35,819
Um... Oh, my God. We
lost two more votes.
350
00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:37,790
My non-potable bill's not gonna pass.
351
00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:39,510
I'm sorry. I have to deal with this.
352
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:45,780
I'll take a picture with you, Dave.
353
00:13:45,820 --> 00:13:47,110
Shut up, Alan.
354
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,460
All right, two regular, one silly.
355
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:53,580
Okay, and this is my children's
book Fish and Chips.
356
00:13:53,660 --> 00:13:54,320
Oh.
357
00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:57,240
It's two cops, Carl
Fish and Wesley Chips.
358
00:13:57,260 --> 00:13:58,660
That's so cute.
359
00:13:58,730 --> 00:13:59,960
Are you happy with the temperature?
360
00:14:00,030 --> 00:14:01,130
I can make it warmer.
361
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,220
I'm good.
362
00:14:02,650 --> 00:14:05,320
Now here they are uncovering
a cache of stolen art.
363
00:14:05,530 --> 00:14:08,950
The twist is, you see,
that Chips is the fish.
364
00:14:08,990 --> 00:14:10,900
Oh, your battery's almost dead.
365
00:14:10,940 --> 00:14:12,090
Here, I have a charger.
366
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:13,650
Oh.
367
00:14:14,940 --> 00:14:16,380
Hey, Colin.
368
00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:18,999
I don't want to be a bummer,
but I've been watching your date.
369
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,030
Are you sure you're her date,
and not still her passenger?
370
00:14:22,100 --> 00:14:23,640
Yeah, of course it's a date.
371
00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:26,070
What, do you see any
entry-level hybrids around here?
372
00:14:26,140 --> 00:14:28,070
Okay. But I'd check the
app if I were you,
373
00:14:28,140 --> 00:14:29,940
because she's being
tip-conscious level nice,
374
00:14:30,010 --> 00:14:32,240
and you're cute, but not
"pick up an Uber driver" cute.
375
00:14:32,630 --> 00:14:34,900
Thank you for the ego-bruising
concern, but I've...
376
00:14:34,970 --> 00:14:37,450
Tiny water?
377
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,040
Okay, Bernard, what do you think?
378
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,179
It needs more eye cream.
379
00:14:44,180 --> 00:14:45,669
Ronnie, we need to talk.
380
00:14:45,670 --> 00:14:47,560
Oh, don't worry, Dave. Dinner
will be ready any minute.
381
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:49,510
No, I came to say we
have to delay dinner.
382
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:52,280
Patricia is still on the
phone. Tonight has been a bust.
383
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:53,710
You seem like you're really stressed.
384
00:14:53,780 --> 00:14:55,220
Why don't you put all that stuff down
385
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,320
- and focus on me?
- Ronnie, quick question.
386
00:14:57,390 --> 00:14:59,520
I'm trying to log on to
my Uber account for, um,
387
00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:01,890
nothing, but I can't seem
to get a Wi-Fi signal.
388
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,360
Yeah. Bernard doesn't allow any
type of waves in the apartment.
389
00:15:04,390 --> 00:15:05,420
He says it's bad for aging.
390
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:07,510
Well, now we're eating the
last line of my defense,
391
00:15:07,580 --> 00:15:09,040
so just put the cell
tower right on my face.
392
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:10,839
Okay, if you're not in
the kitchen helping,
393
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,820
- could you please leave?
- Ronnie! You have me sitting
394
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,450
next to Nichole, so I
need to switch seats.
395
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:17,619
What is the problem now?
396
00:15:17,620 --> 00:15:18,919
She doesn't respect me
397
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:21,150
as a friend nor as an artist.
398
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:22,640
- Oh, so you're an artist now.
- Yes.
399
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:24,720
You can't spell "artist" without "Arty."
400
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:26,720
Fine. If you want to
be a baby about this,
401
00:15:26,780 --> 00:15:27,700
then I don't want to
sit next to you, either.
402
00:15:27,770 --> 00:15:29,200
Colin, will you switch seats with me?
403
00:15:29,270 --> 00:15:30,770
Oh, no, I'm sorry. I have a window seat.
404
00:15:30,780 --> 00:15:31,670
I don't like the middle.
405
00:15:31,671 --> 00:15:33,340
Hey, Dave, why don't you deal with this?
406
00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:35,170
I'm sorry, everyone. I
know you're all hungry
407
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,260
and want to get on our food,
but there's been a minor delay.
408
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,250
We're still waiting on Patricia
to come in from the hall.
409
00:15:39,310 --> 00:15:40,650
Once she's arrived at her seat,
410
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,330
we'll have this dinner up and running.
411
00:15:42,410 --> 00:15:45,010
- No. There will be no delay.
- Um, Ronnie.
412
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,010
Oh, Dame Judi Dench!
413
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,760
Oh, no! Why didn't the
smoke detector go off?
414
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,170
Oh, I tampered with and/or disabled it
415
00:15:51,230 --> 00:15:53,900
- so I could smoke a J.
- Alan, weed? Really?
416
00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:56,910
The deputy mayor of
Calabasas is out there, man.
417
00:15:56,980 --> 00:15:59,120
- Is everything all right?
- Oh, I-it's fine.
418
00:15:59,140 --> 00:16:00,310
I have everything under control.
419
00:16:00,380 --> 00:16:02,410
Is the smoke bothering
you? Should I open a window?
420
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:03,780
Ronnie, I really need that Wi-Fi.
421
00:16:10,860 --> 00:16:13,900
Oh, everybody get out or we
are cancelling this flight!
422
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:15,730
Flight?
423
00:16:15,790 --> 00:16:18,730
Oh, my God. That's what this is.
424
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,470
Bernard and I serving you while
dealing with your problems.
425
00:16:22,530 --> 00:16:25,440
Trying to manage Dave,
getting complaints about Wi-Fi.
426
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:27,640
Yeah, for normal reasons. A sports game.
427
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,389
I wanted to throw this dinner party
428
00:16:29,390 --> 00:16:30,860
to show Bryan my life,
429
00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:32,930
and I guess this is it.
430
00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:35,740
It's one never-ending flight.
431
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:39,680
Well, I have to put up
with that at 30,000 feet,
432
00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:42,810
but I don't have to do it here,
and I can finally do something
433
00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:46,000
that I have always
wanted and just leave.
434
00:16:48,330 --> 00:16:50,689
Ha! She thinks that was a dramatic exit.
435
00:16:50,690 --> 00:16:52,820
This is a dramatic exit.
436
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:57,290
Bernie does it again.
437
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,550
Hey. Can I hide in here with you?
438
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:07,520
Artem's trying to lighten the mood
439
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,280
by acting out scenes from his movie.
440
00:17:09,860 --> 00:17:12,330
It's an action musical,
in case you were wondering.
441
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,850
Still not sure what language it's in.
442
00:17:15,170 --> 00:17:16,760
I'm sorry about tonight.
443
00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:20,080
I wanted to show you
this other side of me,
444
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:22,320
but I've realized I'm out of sides.
445
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,720
Right now, you get the
choice between two Ronnies:
446
00:17:24,740 --> 00:17:27,190
the Ronnie who spends 60
hours a week in the sky
447
00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:28,630
fixing other people's problems,
448
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:30,960
or the Ronnie so exhausted
from doing that,
449
00:17:31,030 --> 00:17:33,660
she can't even finish
this heartfelt whatever.
450
00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:35,780
Well, let me finish
this heartfelt whatever.
451
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,580
Those are the only two Ronnies I need.
452
00:17:38,940 --> 00:17:41,780
Oh, good, because we both like you, too.
453
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,160
Also, I was hoping to get
the recipe for that casserole
454
00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:45,610
to serve at my restaurant.
455
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:46,710
- Really?
- No.
456
00:17:46,780 --> 00:17:47,810
No.
457
00:17:47,910 --> 00:17:49,430
Oh, I thought you would laugh at that.
458
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:51,260
But seriously, we need to figure out
459
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,300
what else to feed all these people.
460
00:17:56,390 --> 00:17:57,469
Dinner tonight
461
00:17:57,470 --> 00:17:59,230
will have an international flair.
462
00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:02,540
Special thanks to Bernard
for allowing this many carbs
463
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,800
and saturated fats into his home.
464
00:18:04,870 --> 00:18:06,579
Yes, I've always enjoyed eating foods
465
00:18:06,580 --> 00:18:09,180
that are given out for free
if a team makes free throws.
466
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,290
Well, I think it's great.
467
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:12,410
And don't worry, I'll
handle beverage service.
468
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:13,480
Oh.
469
00:18:13,790 --> 00:18:15,280
I have to use the restroom.
470
00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:17,110
Is there a specific way
you want me to go?
471
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:18,190
Oh, for...
472
00:18:22,670 --> 00:18:23,750
Yeah, I'm just curious.
473
00:18:23,780 --> 00:18:26,300
Have you ever been waterboarded
with non-potable water?
474
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,280
Welcome to my childhood.
475
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,109
- How did you manage it?
- You can't play games.
476
00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:33,580
If you want to get anywhere with my mom,
477
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,340
you have to be focused,
direct and honest.
478
00:18:35,410 --> 00:18:36,850
Doesn't she still think
you're a lesbian?
479
00:18:36,910 --> 00:18:38,360
Don't be a dick, Dave.
480
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:42,170
Hey, Artem.
481
00:18:42,190 --> 00:18:44,030
So, I'm really sorry about before.
482
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:47,330
Oh, Nichole, I'm sorry.
I-I know, I overreacted.
483
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,700
I asked you for your honest opinion
484
00:18:49,770 --> 00:18:51,440
and thank you for giving it to me.
485
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,040
Thank you for letting me read it.
486
00:18:53,110 --> 00:18:55,170
It takes guts to show
your art to somebody.
487
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:58,770
Which, actually, you inspired
me to show you something creative
488
00:18:58,800 --> 00:18:59,870
I've been working on.
489
00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:01,430
Uh, they're sketches
490
00:19:01,490 --> 00:19:03,109
from when I was interested in fashion.
491
00:19:03,110 --> 00:19:05,909
I've been playing with dress
designs. What do you think?
492
00:19:05,910 --> 00:19:08,050
Uh, you want my honest opinion
493
00:19:08,070 --> 00:19:10,270
or supportive friend opinion?
494
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,160
- The second one.
- I love them.
495
00:19:17,710 --> 00:19:18,990
What is it?
496
00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:21,210
Okay, look. Do you want me
in the front or the back?
497
00:19:21,850 --> 00:19:23,520
That's not a euphemism.
498
00:19:23,540 --> 00:19:25,790
It's just, if I sit in
the front, this was a date.
499
00:19:25,930 --> 00:19:28,670
If I sit in the back, it
was just a really long ride.
500
00:19:28,740 --> 00:19:30,400
No, of course it was a date.
501
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:33,050
I stopped charging you as
soon as you asked me in.
502
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,130
Fantastic!
503
00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:36,210
So do you want to go back to your place?
504
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:39,140
Okay, just to be clear, are
you asking as an Uber or...
505
00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:41,980
I'm asking as a woman who'd
like to take your clothes off.
506
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,620
In that case, I will take a mint.
507
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:47,740
So, you make dinner
for people every night.
508
00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:51,170
Not even people...
strangers. That's your job.
509
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,019
Worse than my job, it's my passion.
510
00:19:53,020 --> 00:19:56,480
Seems terrible. I think my
dinner party days are over.
511
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,770
Well, maybe you'll have better
luck with them at our apartment.
512
00:19:59,410 --> 00:20:00,450
What?
513
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,130
I've been thinking...
514
00:20:02,460 --> 00:20:05,290
I want you to move to Las
Vegas and live with me.
515
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,440
Ronnie, I'm stepping out.
516
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,919
But if the doorbell
rings, please answer it.
517
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,270
It's my interior designer
Le Marque Bougelet.
518
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,180
He'll be burning everything.
519
00:20:19,410 --> 00:20:20,590
Thank you.
520
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,900
Good news. Got the votes.
521
00:20:23,970 --> 00:20:26,110
Ah, those hose water junkies
522
00:20:26,170 --> 00:20:28,610
are gonna have to pay for their
water, like nature intended.
523
00:20:28,630 --> 00:20:31,560
Honestly, Patty, I don't care
how portable your water is,
524
00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:33,660
all I wanted was one picture with you,
525
00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:35,360
and you couldn't even give me that.
526
00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:37,519
I thought tonight was about
us taking a step forward
527
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:38,570
in our relationship.
528
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,640
Look, my job comes first.
529
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:42,640
Of all people, I thought
you'd understand.
530
00:20:42,660 --> 00:20:43,640
You and the sky.
531
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:46,310
I'm ready to put the sky aside for you.
532
00:20:47,090 --> 00:20:48,770
And I thought you would
do the same for me.
533
00:20:49,620 --> 00:20:51,169
I'm sorry, I can't do that.
534
00:20:51,170 --> 00:20:53,410
I mean, I like the way
my life is right now
535
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,600
and how you fit in it.
536
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,740
I don't want to waste my time
being a co-pilot in your life.
537
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,270
I don't think this is gonna work.
538
00:21:01,980 --> 00:21:03,330
Good-bye, Patricia.
539
00:21:11,340 --> 00:21:12,710
That was fast.
540
00:21:17,030 --> 00:21:20,399
Hey, Dave, she missed out on a
lot of fares tonight, so, um...
541
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,599
Who cares? Take me to
the nearest high school.
542
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,140
I'm gonna lie on the 50-yard line
543
00:21:24,210 --> 00:21:25,980
and talk about where it all went wrong.
544
00:21:29,230 --> 00:21:31,710
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
545
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:36,310
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
42041
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.