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1
00:00:02,539 --> 00:00:03,872
- Cheers!
- [WHOOPING]
2
00:00:05,499 --> 00:00:06,674
ARTEM: Hey, Ronnie.
3
00:00:07,532 --> 00:00:08,498
Ronnie!
4
00:00:09,031 --> 00:00:10,711
Oh, hey, what is it, Artem?
5
00:00:10,712 --> 00:00:12,393
I'm not very happy right now.
6
00:00:12,752 --> 00:00:15,320
If I were an emoji, I would be frown face.
7
00:00:15,355 --> 00:00:17,388
Oh, if this is about your
cologne, I already told you,
8
00:00:17,424 --> 00:00:18,857
you can't bring that stuff on board,
9
00:00:18,892 --> 00:00:20,325
they use it in explosives.
10
00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,727
No, that's a separate infuriating issue.
11
00:00:22,992 --> 00:00:24,358
This is about luggage.
12
00:00:24,394 --> 00:00:28,296
Now Jackpot charge ten
dollars for carry-on.
13
00:00:28,364 --> 00:00:30,898
This fee is no good for gambling profit.
14
00:00:30,934 --> 00:00:32,233
I know, it sucks.
15
00:00:32,268 --> 00:00:34,302
It's just Jackpot following
the other airlines' lead.
16
00:00:34,337 --> 00:00:36,304
They're squeezing out
every dollar they can.
17
00:00:36,339 --> 00:00:38,940
It's better than when they tried
charging for overhead bassinets.
18
00:00:40,110 --> 00:00:41,609
[BERNARD AND PASSENGERS GASP]
19
00:00:41,644 --> 00:00:43,644
- [SIGHS]
- [BABY COOS]
20
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,464
I still have nightmares about
the babies I didn't catch.
21
00:00:46,489 --> 00:00:47,481
Oh.
22
00:00:47,644 --> 00:00:49,344
Well, I'm outraged.
23
00:00:49,379 --> 00:00:52,266
I'm gonna give this flight
zero stars on Airbnb.
24
00:00:52,266 --> 00:00:54,928
Okay. Wait, um, how about I let you
25
00:00:54,953 --> 00:00:56,754
use the beverage cart,
26
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,101
so you can make that weird
tomato juice iced tea thing
27
00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:00,425
you're always talking about?
28
00:01:00,465 --> 00:01:03,065
I can finally make an Artem Palmer?
29
00:01:03,101 --> 00:01:04,502
You have deal, Ronnie.
30
00:01:04,527 --> 00:01:05,993
Oh. If I were emoji now,
31
00:01:06,029 --> 00:01:09,334
I would be smiley face
or lady in the bathtub.
32
00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:11,379
Because I pamper myself.
33
00:01:12,419 --> 00:01:15,005
Have to admit, pretty
impressive how you handled that.
34
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,576
I was expecting cologne to
start exploding any minute.
35
00:01:18,027 --> 00:01:20,279
I know how to manage my passengers.
36
00:01:20,311 --> 00:01:23,100
It's my job to know what
they need. They're my people.
37
00:01:23,486 --> 00:01:24,818
Like, uh, like that guy.
38
00:01:24,854 --> 00:01:27,154
That's James. He always
shows up for his flight
39
00:01:27,179 --> 00:01:29,230
so drunk, he forgets the name of his hotel.
40
00:01:29,239 --> 00:01:31,640
So, I write it down for him. Hey, James.
41
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:32,974
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
42
00:01:33,391 --> 00:01:35,193
Ooh, the Wynn.
43
00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:37,882
Sober me must be doing pretty good.
44
00:01:38,633 --> 00:01:40,671
And that's Ben.
45
00:01:40,696 --> 00:01:42,128
He says he's here visiting family,
46
00:01:42,164 --> 00:01:43,864
but I'm pretty sure he's
just stalking Nichole.
47
00:01:43,899 --> 00:01:46,105
- Stalking Nichole?
- Oh, he's harmless.
48
00:01:46,614 --> 00:01:49,410
It's her other stalker, Kristen,
we really have to worry about.
49
00:01:50,509 --> 00:01:51,708
And that's Dean.
50
00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:53,869
He's always one of the first to board,
51
00:01:54,104 --> 00:01:55,426
orders his coffee black,
52
00:01:55,426 --> 00:01:57,093
two sugars, and every week,
53
00:01:57,128 --> 00:01:59,037
flies with his lovely, lovely wife...
54
00:02:00,832 --> 00:02:04,133
...who is suddenly blonde
and 20 years younger.
55
00:02:08,106 --> 00:02:09,171
PILOT [OVER P.A.]: Jackpot Airlines.
56
00:02:09,207 --> 00:02:11,107
Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.
57
00:02:11,142 --> 00:02:14,110
?
58
00:02:14,145 --> 00:02:15,745
[SLOT MACHINE CHIMING]
59
00:02:15,780 --> 00:02:18,080
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
60
00:02:18,116 --> 00:02:20,082
- [PASSENGERS GIGGLING]
- WOMAN: I got it, I got it.
61
00:02:20,118 --> 00:02:21,450
[PASSENGERS CHATTERING]
62
00:02:22,530 --> 00:02:23,590
Oh.
63
00:02:25,290 --> 00:02:26,962
You have to pay to open it now.
64
00:02:27,405 --> 00:02:29,493
Oh, I see. So they're holding my biography
65
00:02:29,493 --> 00:02:31,018
of Patty Hearst hostage up there.
66
00:02:31,035 --> 00:02:32,238
Well, it could be worse.
67
00:02:32,263 --> 00:02:33,896
I heard VegasAir has a staircase fee
68
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,352
just to get off the plane.
69
00:02:36,926 --> 00:02:38,059
DAVE: This is your captain here
70
00:02:38,094 --> 00:02:39,493
with a little reminder.
71
00:02:39,529 --> 00:02:41,495
Now that marijuana's legal in Vegas,
72
00:02:41,531 --> 00:02:43,979
you deserve to treat
yourself to a little puff,
73
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,168
a Korean massage and a sandwich.
74
00:02:47,203 --> 00:02:50,237
So head on down to Kim
Bong Dill's Dispensary,
75
00:02:50,273 --> 00:02:52,321
Spa and Deli.
76
00:02:52,508 --> 00:02:55,342
Supreme leader says, "It's the bomb."
77
00:02:55,378 --> 00:02:58,212
GWEN [OVER RADIO]: Jackpot
529, winds 280 at ten.
78
00:02:58,281 --> 00:02:59,747
Should be a smooth flight.
79
00:03:00,675 --> 00:03:02,951
It is now that I'm talking to you, Gwen.
80
00:03:02,985 --> 00:03:04,984
GWEN [OVER RADIO]: Always
the charmer, Captain Dave.
81
00:03:05,039 --> 00:03:07,873
Once you get to Vegas, feel
free to buzz my tower and say hi.
82
00:03:08,437 --> 00:03:12,168
Will do. I'll be the handsome
brunette flying a plane.
83
00:03:14,393 --> 00:03:16,794
I think ATC Gwen likes you.
84
00:03:16,862 --> 00:03:18,662
Nah, she's just a flirt, that one.
85
00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:21,565
I don't know, she doesn't
talk to other pilots like that.
86
00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:22,966
You should ask her out.
87
00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:24,139
[LAUGHS]: Yeah, right.
88
00:03:24,493 --> 00:03:26,960
A pilot dating an air traffic controller?
89
00:03:26,996 --> 00:03:27,961
[CHUCKLES]
90
00:03:28,288 --> 00:03:29,631
Can you imagine?
91
00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:33,033
Yeah. It wasn't that hard.
92
00:03:34,162 --> 00:03:35,747
- [BUZZES]
- [COLIN GROANS]
93
00:03:36,724 --> 00:03:39,325
Hey, as a frequent flyer,
I'm used to this plane
94
00:03:39,350 --> 00:03:41,367
being a capitalist hell state,
95
00:03:41,377 --> 00:03:44,611
but I'm swiping my credit
card and my seat won't recline.
96
00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:48,264
Oh, it looks like the
guy behind you paid double
97
00:03:48,264 --> 00:03:49,864
to keep yours in the upright position.
98
00:03:49,899 --> 00:03:51,332
Well, in that case, how much would it cost
99
00:03:51,368 --> 00:03:52,734
to scream into a pillow?
100
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:57,143
Um... Nothing to scream,
but a pillow is ten dollars.
101
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,073
Oh! I take it back, screaming is five.
102
00:03:59,109 --> 00:04:01,909
I'll pay $50 for a drinks cart
to block my view of those two.
103
00:04:03,554 --> 00:04:05,580
You want to know the most
disgusting part about them?
104
00:04:05,648 --> 00:04:08,383
I saw it. He touched his
armrest, then touched her face.
105
00:04:08,418 --> 00:04:10,786
Best she can hope for now
is debilitating pink eye.
106
00:04:10,811 --> 00:04:13,418
No. That guy's cheating on
his wife, and that poor girl
107
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:14,351
probably has no idea.
108
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:15,485
He's not wearing his wedding ring.
109
00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:17,087
Wedding rings don't mean anything.
110
00:04:17,122 --> 00:04:19,022
Rock Hudson had one, and I had Rock Hudson.
111
00:04:19,184 --> 00:04:20,426
How old are you?
112
00:04:20,481 --> 00:04:22,251
Nichole, you're a woman. Back me up here.
113
00:04:22,287 --> 00:04:24,821
[CHUCKLES] Your generation
is so obsessed with labels.
114
00:04:24,856 --> 00:04:26,322
But, yes, as a cis female
115
00:04:26,357 --> 00:04:29,621
polyamory-tolerant monogamist,
I find cheating repulsive.
116
00:04:29,796 --> 00:04:32,728
But, as a stripper, cheating
is the backbone of my industry,
117
00:04:32,764 --> 00:04:34,640
and mama can recline
her chair all she wants.
118
00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:35,654
[CARD SWIPES]
119
00:04:35,655 --> 00:04:37,561
- [SCOFFS] This whole thing is disgusting.
- Thank you.
120
00:04:37,586 --> 00:04:39,386
They make you pay now
just to recline your seat.
121
00:04:39,421 --> 00:04:41,455
Back in the old days, we'd carve
our complimentary roast beef
122
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,723
right in the aisle.
123
00:04:42,758 --> 00:04:44,524
I'm losing track of this conversation.
124
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:47,173
Let's everybody go around and
say what we're angry about.
125
00:04:47,277 --> 00:04:51,211
So far, I've got cheating,
gender labels and roast beef.
126
00:04:51,211 --> 00:04:53,208
- OTHER: Yes.
- Okay, good to know.
127
00:04:55,874 --> 00:04:56,961
Hey, Ronovan.
128
00:04:58,451 --> 00:05:00,402
- Can I ask you something?
- Mm-hmm.
129
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:04,188
Let's say there's a woman
I know, professionally,
130
00:05:04,257 --> 00:05:07,358
and... wanted to ask her out.
131
00:05:07,393 --> 00:05:09,026
- That'd be okay, right?
- No.
132
00:05:09,062 --> 00:05:10,928
Let's say it was okay.
133
00:05:10,964 --> 00:05:13,931
How would I, you know, do that?
134
00:05:13,967 --> 00:05:15,766
- Do what?
- Ask her out.
135
00:05:16,970 --> 00:05:18,936
[SIGHS] I'm about to be brave
136
00:05:18,972 --> 00:05:20,793
and tell you something personal here.
137
00:05:21,615 --> 00:05:24,083
You see, I haven't asked
a woman out on a date
138
00:05:24,119 --> 00:05:25,452
since my last divorce.
139
00:05:25,487 --> 00:05:28,188
Oh, you're a good person to ask about this.
140
00:05:28,223 --> 00:05:30,123
Didn't all your ex-wives cheat on you?
141
00:05:30,352 --> 00:05:31,586
Yes, that's right.
142
00:05:31,587 --> 00:05:34,328
So, if there had been someone
to expose the situation,
143
00:05:34,369 --> 00:05:36,203
that would've been a good thing, right?
144
00:05:36,346 --> 00:05:39,747
Well, yeah, that's why for
number three, I hired a P.I.
145
00:05:39,783 --> 00:05:41,649
But he just got himself in on the action.
146
00:05:41,685 --> 00:05:42,917
This is helpful. Thanks, Dave.
147
00:05:42,953 --> 00:05:44,528
Wait, we never talked about me.
148
00:05:44,821 --> 00:05:46,633
Oh, you having trouble
149
00:05:46,658 --> 00:05:48,856
tricking woman into love.
150
00:05:48,892 --> 00:05:49,857
Listen.
151
00:05:49,893 --> 00:05:51,220
Here's what you say:
152
00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:54,454
"I spend most of my time in the
clouds, but you are real angel."
153
00:05:54,608 --> 00:05:56,342
I'm not taking love advice
154
00:05:56,377 --> 00:05:59,146
from someone who mixes
tomato juice and iced tea.
155
00:05:59,521 --> 00:06:01,045
I don't mix.
156
00:06:01,162 --> 00:06:03,571
I stir with a tiny sword.
157
00:06:03,751 --> 00:06:04,817
So you're just gonna walk right up
158
00:06:04,852 --> 00:06:06,318
to that girl and tell her he's married?
159
00:06:06,387 --> 00:06:08,220
Have you considered she might
already know and doesn't care?
160
00:06:08,255 --> 00:06:09,254
Oh, now you're being rational?
161
00:06:09,290 --> 00:06:10,656
Last week, you tried to get someone
162
00:06:10,691 --> 00:06:12,491
kicked off the plane for
watching La La Land.
163
00:06:12,526 --> 00:06:15,227
I don't need Ryan Gosling
to whitesplain jazz to me.
164
00:06:15,262 --> 00:06:17,162
I'm overhearing all this.
I'm not eavesdropping.
165
00:06:17,198 --> 00:06:19,565
You're both screaming,
and it all sounds terrible.
166
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,033
Okay, intervening in other people's lives
167
00:06:21,068 --> 00:06:24,503
is such a poor idea, I'm
actually ignoring my own advice
168
00:06:24,538 --> 00:06:26,171
to intervene and tell you that.
169
00:06:26,207 --> 00:06:29,041
How come when I butt into
other people's lives, I'm nosy,
170
00:06:29,076 --> 00:06:30,542
but when Bernard does it, he's charming?
171
00:06:30,578 --> 00:06:32,077
Well, it's just a likability issue.
172
00:06:32,113 --> 00:06:34,046
Look, I know you think
you're being helpful,
173
00:06:34,081 --> 00:06:36,181
but it's not your place to
tell this woman anything.
174
00:06:36,217 --> 00:06:38,306
You're her flight attendant,
not her friend.
175
00:06:38,337 --> 00:06:42,321
Up here, I'm friend, bartender,
human rights champion.
176
00:06:42,356 --> 00:06:44,590
That African-American man
wanted to sit in the back row.
177
00:06:44,625 --> 00:06:46,358
He was with his friends.
178
00:06:46,394 --> 00:06:48,660
Look, this girl deserves to know
what she's getting involved in.
179
00:06:48,729 --> 00:06:50,229
I'm trying to help her.
180
00:06:50,264 --> 00:06:53,932
Just watch, I'm gonna save her
20s without her even noticing.
181
00:06:53,968 --> 00:06:55,100
No, Ro... [SIGHS]
182
00:06:56,537 --> 00:06:59,171
Hi, let me know if you guys need anything.
183
00:06:59,206 --> 00:07:01,707
Oh, that's a nice shirt. Did
your wife get that for you?
184
00:07:03,511 --> 00:07:05,210
[SCREAMS QUIETLY] Did you see that?
185
00:07:05,246 --> 00:07:07,279
I just lit the fuse on a ticking time bomb.
186
00:07:07,314 --> 00:07:08,881
If it's a time bomb,
it wouldn't have a fuse.
187
00:07:08,916 --> 00:07:10,182
Yeah, I believe it would have a timer.
188
00:07:10,217 --> 00:07:12,220
Okay, then I lit the timer.
Who cares? Just watch.
189
00:07:17,458 --> 00:07:18,624
Looks like the fuse went out.
190
00:07:18,692 --> 00:07:20,192
We just agreed it didn't have a fuse.
191
00:07:20,227 --> 00:07:22,512
Perhaps we should all
stop talking about bombs?
192
00:07:22,513 --> 00:07:24,486
- WOMAN: What?
- BERNARD: Yeah.
193
00:07:28,204 --> 00:07:30,458
- Okay, that's enough screen time for you.
- [GROANS]
194
00:07:30,724 --> 00:07:32,980
GWEN: Hey there, JP 529.
195
00:07:33,325 --> 00:07:34,624
Hey, Gwen.
196
00:07:34,691 --> 00:07:35,690
Where you been?
197
00:07:36,072 --> 00:07:38,204
Cheating on me with other planes?
198
00:07:38,474 --> 00:07:39,572
No way.
199
00:07:39,572 --> 00:07:40,972
You know I'm a Jackpot girl.
200
00:07:41,007 --> 00:07:43,007
I bet you say that to all the airlines.
201
00:07:43,042 --> 00:07:44,542
- [LAUGHS]
- [GWEN LAUGHS]
202
00:07:45,541 --> 00:07:48,541
GWEN: I'm gonna need you
to turn right heading 060.
203
00:07:48,541 --> 00:07:50,875
As you wish.
204
00:07:51,211 --> 00:07:54,512
Anyway, I was thinking, and
call me a relief pitcher,
205
00:07:54,548 --> 00:07:57,248
because this is coming out of left field...
206
00:07:58,084 --> 00:08:00,000
...I spend all my time
207
00:08:00,056 --> 00:08:02,954
with angels in the clouds...
208
00:08:02,989 --> 00:08:04,189
Anyway, nothing.
209
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:05,857
[EXHALES]
210
00:08:06,043 --> 00:08:07,776
Did you just have a stroke?
211
00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:11,486
DAVE: You're not
supposed to be in here,
212
00:08:11,511 --> 00:08:12,479
so let's make this quick.
213
00:08:12,479 --> 00:08:14,546
I just need you to help me ask out Gwen.
214
00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:16,656
Okay. You do like this:
215
00:08:17,442 --> 00:08:19,315
"Gwen, I'm not a man
216
00:08:19,340 --> 00:08:21,844
who easily says feelings.
217
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,997
"But when that flying love baby hits you,
218
00:08:24,997 --> 00:08:26,563
"you have to answer the call.
219
00:08:27,292 --> 00:08:29,305
"I believe the airplane gods
220
00:08:29,330 --> 00:08:31,337
connected us for a purpose,
221
00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:35,042
and that purpose is
for the making of love."
222
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:38,729
Hey, Gwen.
223
00:08:38,764 --> 00:08:40,931
This is Jackpot
Five-Two-Niner,
224
00:08:40,967 --> 00:08:43,934
just letting you know that I'm
not a guy who opens up easily,
225
00:08:44,227 --> 00:08:48,005
but when you're shot by
Cupid's arrow, you have to act.
226
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,773
"Cupid." That is name.
227
00:08:49,809 --> 00:08:52,443
I think this universe put us
on this radio for a reason.
228
00:08:52,478 --> 00:08:55,054
And that reason is to take you out
229
00:08:55,055 --> 00:08:57,209
for a steak dinner tonight.
230
00:08:57,260 --> 00:08:59,994
You don't have to answer
right now, just think about it.
231
00:09:01,061 --> 00:09:02,661
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
232
00:09:02,696 --> 00:09:03,989
How does it feel?
233
00:09:04,014 --> 00:09:05,117
Feels good.
234
00:09:06,355 --> 00:09:08,055
In fact, it feels real good.
235
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:11,564
Okay, because you just said
that to the whole plane.
236
00:09:12,194 --> 00:09:13,427
- _
- DAVE [OVER INTERCOM]: ...is to
237
00:09:13,462 --> 00:09:15,663
take you out for a steak dinner tonight.
238
00:09:15,693 --> 00:09:18,350
You don't have to answer
right now, just think about it.
239
00:09:19,379 --> 00:09:21,006
You can get out now.
240
00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:24,769
Please, can I stay until a
bird explodes on the windshield?
241
00:09:24,804 --> 00:09:25,825
Get out.
242
00:09:26,583 --> 00:09:27,641
Come on, Dave.
243
00:09:27,642 --> 00:09:29,846
We talked about this. No
passengers in the cockpit.
244
00:09:31,646 --> 00:09:32,939
I guess I'm wrong.
245
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:34,972
Maybe she does already know he's married.
246
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:39,310
Or maybe she had earbuds
in and didn't even hear me.
247
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:41,379
- I have another chance.
- Oh, please don't.
248
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,215
Secondhand embarrassment
kills 13 Englishmen a year.
249
00:09:44,471 --> 00:09:47,506
So what? I'm just supposed
to sit back and do nothing,
250
00:09:47,541 --> 00:09:50,133
while that poor, naive
girl falls deeper into love?
251
00:09:50,133 --> 00:09:51,766
With no idea that the reason
252
00:09:51,802 --> 00:09:54,436
her name is "IKEA" in that guy's
phone is not a cute reference
253
00:09:54,504 --> 00:09:55,904
to where they first had sex,
254
00:09:55,939 --> 00:09:57,872
but to hide her from his chiropractor wife,
255
00:09:57,908 --> 00:10:00,041
and by the way, if he ever thinks
256
00:10:00,110 --> 00:10:01,609
he's getting his Jethro Tull T-shirt back,
257
00:10:01,645 --> 00:10:03,044
he's out of his mind.
258
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,079
Excuse me.
259
00:10:04,114 --> 00:10:05,455
Oddly specific.
260
00:10:06,308 --> 00:10:07,491
Who was he?
261
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,037
His name was Eric.
262
00:10:09,099 --> 00:10:11,299
I met him in junior college in Bakersfield.
263
00:10:11,335 --> 00:10:13,269
He was older. Swept me off my feet.
264
00:10:13,304 --> 00:10:15,232
Vacations, fancy dinners.
265
00:10:15,257 --> 00:10:17,691
Those movies where the
actors are, like, right there.
266
00:10:17,726 --> 00:10:18,991
You know they're called plays.
267
00:10:19,015 --> 00:10:20,448
Anyway, I dropped out of school,
268
00:10:20,483 --> 00:10:21,983
and moved to L.A. to be with him,
269
00:10:22,018 --> 00:10:23,608
only he was a little too busy...
270
00:10:24,266 --> 00:10:25,377
with his wife.
271
00:10:26,618 --> 00:10:28,022
Do you know what I would've given
272
00:10:28,058 --> 00:10:29,991
to have someone who could've warned me?
273
00:10:31,119 --> 00:10:33,743
I feel terrible that that happened to you,
274
00:10:33,949 --> 00:10:35,816
but even if this were
any of our business...
275
00:10:35,851 --> 00:10:38,118
Which again, to be clear,
it's absolutely not...
276
00:10:38,153 --> 00:10:39,820
This is hardly the time or the place
277
00:10:39,855 --> 00:10:41,847
to be delivering such delicate news.
278
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,834
I mean, for God's sake,
we're three feet away
279
00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:46,337
from a Captain Jack Sparrow impersonator.
280
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:48,673
For legal purposes,
281
00:10:48,708 --> 00:10:50,942
I'm just a "gender-fluid rum pirate."
282
00:10:50,977 --> 00:10:52,977
Fine. God, I liked you better when you kept
283
00:10:53,012 --> 00:10:54,846
your rational ideas to yourself.
284
00:10:56,816 --> 00:10:58,182
Okay, so from my experience,
285
00:10:58,218 --> 00:10:59,650
the way to get a woman's attention
286
00:10:59,686 --> 00:11:01,319
is to completely ignore her.
287
00:11:01,354 --> 00:11:02,553
Or buy her an island.
288
00:11:02,589 --> 00:11:03,821
Like a kitchen island?
289
00:11:03,857 --> 00:11:05,323
No, like an island island.
290
00:11:05,358 --> 00:11:07,634
Like, "Treasure" or "Long."
291
00:11:07,896 --> 00:11:11,201
GWEN: Vegas approach,
Jackpot 529, level 15,000.
292
00:11:11,241 --> 00:11:14,633
Wait, no, this is your chance.
Just play it cool, don't answer.
293
00:11:14,668 --> 00:11:16,264
GWEN: Jackpot 529?
294
00:11:16,928 --> 00:11:18,717
529, can you hear me?
295
00:11:19,692 --> 00:11:21,946
529, are you there?
296
00:11:23,034 --> 00:11:25,604
Dave? Dave.
297
00:11:25,842 --> 00:11:28,838
Oh, my God. We've lost
comm with Jackpot 529.
298
00:11:28,873 --> 00:11:29,801
[BUTTON CLICKS]
299
00:11:29,826 --> 00:11:31,334
No, we're here.
300
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,522
We're fine.
301
00:11:32,694 --> 00:11:35,094
JK, JK.
302
00:11:35,163 --> 00:11:36,938
GWEN: What the hell is going on there?
303
00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:38,162
Why did you answer?
304
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:39,568
You totally had her.
305
00:11:40,770 --> 00:11:43,004
You know we're charging
to lower tray tables now?
306
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,211
They've taken all the
dignity out of flying.
307
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:46,838
Judy Garland once said
308
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,617
she had the best bowel movement of her life
309
00:11:48,671 --> 00:11:51,327
after eating a salmon mousse
on a TWA flight to Paris.
310
00:11:51,359 --> 00:11:52,882
Now look what we've become.
311
00:11:54,397 --> 00:11:55,534
DYANA: Excuse me.
312
00:11:56,491 --> 00:11:57,498
Oh, hi.
313
00:11:57,533 --> 00:11:59,500
This is embarrassing to ask, but...
314
00:11:59,867 --> 00:12:01,702
am I doing something wrong?
315
00:12:01,737 --> 00:12:03,437
Wow. Okay.
316
00:12:03,506 --> 00:12:04,824
I-I mean,
317
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:07,786
I know that it's not really
my place to say anything,
318
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:10,552
but I know when it happened
to me, I blamed myself
319
00:12:10,567 --> 00:12:11,800
for a really long time.
320
00:12:11,835 --> 00:12:14,725
So I guess my question is,
321
00:12:14,975 --> 00:12:16,395
how much do you know?
322
00:12:17,841 --> 00:12:20,375
I know that the little slide says "vacant,"
323
00:12:20,410 --> 00:12:21,943
but I can't get the door open.
324
00:12:21,978 --> 00:12:23,678
Am I, am I doing something wrong?
325
00:12:23,714 --> 00:12:25,213
- [LAUGHS]: Oh. No, yeah.
- [CHUCKLES]
326
00:12:25,248 --> 00:12:26,948
I mean... well, I mean,
no, you're not, you're not.
327
00:12:26,983 --> 00:12:28,650
It's... we, um, we're just...
we're charging 50 cents
328
00:12:28,685 --> 00:12:29,818
to use the bathroom now.
329
00:12:29,853 --> 00:12:32,487
Or you could get a potty pass for $9.99.
330
00:12:32,522 --> 00:12:34,989
But you know what? This one, um...
331
00:12:35,025 --> 00:12:36,739
- This is on me.
- Thank you.
332
00:12:36,764 --> 00:12:39,227
- Yeah.
- Wait. I'm sorry.
333
00:12:39,611 --> 00:12:41,262
What did you think I was talking about?
334
00:12:41,846 --> 00:12:43,001
What's that?
335
00:12:44,634 --> 00:12:46,568
- This is decaf, right?
- Sure.
336
00:12:47,664 --> 00:12:49,671
Before you judge me, I'm
gonna start at the end.
337
00:12:49,671 --> 00:12:51,805
She is so happy I said something.
338
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:53,269
Something to who about what?
339
00:12:53,279 --> 00:12:55,212
Dyana, the mistress. I
told her Dean is married.
340
00:12:55,247 --> 00:12:57,513
And then, we planned a lunch,
but I'm probably gonna cancel.
341
00:12:57,549 --> 00:12:58,748
You told her?
342
00:12:58,783 --> 00:13:00,250
Didn't we agree that was a bad idea?
343
00:13:00,285 --> 00:13:01,484
It just happened.
344
00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,419
We had this delightful
bathroom misunderstanding,
345
00:13:03,455 --> 00:13:05,221
and we started talking,
and then we were hugging,
346
00:13:05,257 --> 00:13:06,789
and then she got mascara on my shoulder,
347
00:13:06,825 --> 00:13:09,158
which I said don't worry about,
but it does kind of bother me.
348
00:13:09,194 --> 00:13:10,793
"Mascara on my Shoulder."
349
00:13:10,829 --> 00:13:13,196
Isn't that the title of
a Joan Collins memoir?
350
00:13:13,231 --> 00:13:15,198
Now, is that a real question, or a burn?
351
00:13:15,233 --> 00:13:17,111
I honestly have no idea with him.
352
00:13:17,111 --> 00:13:19,812
She was upset, yes, but
she was also so sweet,
353
00:13:19,847 --> 00:13:21,280
and so grateful to know the truth,
354
00:13:21,315 --> 00:13:23,149
and maybe I will do that lunch with her.
355
00:13:23,217 --> 00:13:25,251
And you're okay being
trapped with these people
356
00:13:25,286 --> 00:13:27,653
in an enclosed space 20,000 feet up?
357
00:13:27,688 --> 00:13:29,655
She promised that she wouldn't
say anything until we landed,
358
00:13:29,690 --> 00:13:31,524
and she'd totally leave me out of it.
359
00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:33,392
You're married? You son of a bitch!
360
00:13:33,495 --> 00:13:34,527
What?
361
00:13:34,562 --> 00:13:36,295
- Who told you that?
- Her.
362
00:13:36,330 --> 00:13:38,130
[PASSENGERS MURMURING]
363
00:13:39,188 --> 00:13:42,201
[HUFFS] Well, that lunch is totally off.
364
00:13:42,727 --> 00:13:44,719
I have no idea what she's talking about.
365
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:46,024
Oh, really? Why would she lie to me?
366
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,458
DEAN: I have no... I don't know.
367
00:13:47,865 --> 00:13:50,161
Hey, Kelly. Gary. Anything to drink?
368
00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:52,188
Okay.
369
00:13:52,522 --> 00:13:53,988
Artem. You want some pretzels?
370
00:13:54,024 --> 00:13:56,057
Hey, I'm sorry, Ronald, but
I would prefer you stay out
371
00:13:56,092 --> 00:13:57,759
of my personal business, okay?
372
00:13:57,794 --> 00:13:59,394
Are pretzels that personal?
373
00:13:59,429 --> 00:14:01,357
Yeah, the way I eat
them, they are. Oh, yes.
374
00:14:04,217 --> 00:14:05,400
What's going on?
375
00:14:05,435 --> 00:14:07,168
All the passengers are acting so weird.
376
00:14:07,203 --> 00:14:08,903
Can you blame them? They
just saw what happens
377
00:14:08,939 --> 00:14:10,638
when you let Hurricane
Ronnie into your life.
378
00:14:10,674 --> 00:14:13,641
No, I was trying to help.
Nichole, you get that, right?
379
00:14:13,677 --> 00:14:16,010
Please don't tell my dad
I strip at Grapefruits.
380
00:14:16,046 --> 00:14:17,845
Also, don't tell Grapefruits I love my dad.
381
00:14:17,881 --> 00:14:19,480
It's a real bummer for customers.
382
00:14:19,516 --> 00:14:22,150
No, I... I thought I
was doing something good.
383
00:14:22,185 --> 00:14:24,608
I love my passengers. They're my people.
384
00:14:24,861 --> 00:14:27,585
I mean... look. James, hey,
385
00:14:27,637 --> 00:14:29,571
I-I wrote down the
name of your hotel again
386
00:14:29,639 --> 00:14:30,752
in case you lost the first one.
387
00:14:30,753 --> 00:14:32,709
I don't want it. Take this.
388
00:14:33,057 --> 00:14:35,117
It's a note for you to give to sober me,
389
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:37,526
telling drunk me not to let
you give me notes anymore.
390
00:14:41,333 --> 00:14:42,565
GWEN: Hey there, Jackpot,
391
00:14:42,599 --> 00:14:44,366
you're cleared I-L-S
two-eight right for landing.
392
00:14:44,401 --> 00:14:47,202
Copy that, and can I
just add congratulations
393
00:14:47,237 --> 00:14:49,438
on being a strong woman in the workplace?
394
00:14:49,473 --> 00:14:51,077
GWEN: Aw, thanks.
395
00:14:51,742 --> 00:14:54,246
So, I guess it's time to sign off?
396
00:14:54,878 --> 00:14:58,213
Come on, Captain, ask her
out. She's your sky-mate.
397
00:15:01,986 --> 00:15:04,798
Captain Dave likes you and
he wants to ask you out. Bye.
398
00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:06,866
GWEN: Sorry, Jackpot, could you repeat?
399
00:15:07,825 --> 00:15:10,222
Uh, yeah, Gwen. [SIGHS]
400
00:15:11,460 --> 00:15:14,907
There's a bar in terminal
"C" next to the noodle place
401
00:15:14,907 --> 00:15:16,079
with the great...
402
00:15:16,518 --> 00:15:17,666
DAVE AND GWEN: Noodles.
403
00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:21,945
- [GWEN CHUCKLING]
- DAVE: Would you want to go
404
00:15:22,291 --> 00:15:24,189
and grab a drink with me when we land?
405
00:15:24,869 --> 00:15:26,657
GWEN: It's about time you asked.
406
00:15:27,095 --> 00:15:30,196
Copy that. And prepare for landing.
407
00:15:31,084 --> 00:15:34,167
Hey! Captain Dave!
408
00:15:34,202 --> 00:15:35,902
I knew you had it in you. [LAUGHS]
409
00:15:35,938 --> 00:15:37,971
Hey, I've been out of
the game for a minute.
410
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,641
How far do people go on
first dates these days?
411
00:15:41,710 --> 00:15:43,910
I've heard butts are
very popular right now.
412
00:15:43,946 --> 00:15:45,337
GWEN: Still here, Jackpot.
413
00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:50,717
Thank you. Thank you for flying Jackpot.
414
00:15:50,752 --> 00:15:53,814
I'm still your friend... you
can trust me with your secrets.
415
00:15:57,385 --> 00:15:59,885
Hey. Black coffee, two sugars to go?
416
00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:01,442
I don't know who the
hell you think you are,
417
00:16:01,478 --> 00:16:03,778
but what I do is none of your business.
418
00:16:04,094 --> 00:16:06,027
What? You think just because
we fly on the same plane,
419
00:16:06,062 --> 00:16:09,063
that you have this unique
insight into our lives?
420
00:16:09,099 --> 00:16:10,865
That's pathetic. You are a nobody
421
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:12,667
to the people on this plane.
422
00:16:12,702 --> 00:16:15,403
And when we want something from
you, we'll hit the call button.
423
00:16:15,438 --> 00:16:17,071
I'm sorry, is there a problem?
424
00:16:17,107 --> 00:16:18,206
Stay out of it, Frenchie.
425
00:16:18,241 --> 00:16:19,266
[WHISPERS]: Frenchie?
426
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,322
Hey. Hey, hey. Um, you all right?
427
00:16:23,353 --> 00:16:26,288
Mm-hmm. Yeah, oh, I'm fine, I'm fine.
428
00:16:26,356 --> 00:16:27,589
I just... [GROANS]
429
00:16:28,076 --> 00:16:29,661
You were right, I was really stupid
430
00:16:29,686 --> 00:16:31,194
to get involved is all, I...
431
00:16:32,110 --> 00:16:33,152
Excuse me.
432
00:16:36,219 --> 00:16:37,908
[SCOFFS] Oh, my God.
433
00:16:39,217 --> 00:16:40,301
[SIGHS]
434
00:16:45,958 --> 00:16:49,360
Um, hi. Excuse me. Uh, yeah, you.
435
00:16:49,428 --> 00:16:51,462
Um, I don't know exactly
what it is you said
436
00:16:51,497 --> 00:16:53,297
to that flight attendant back there,
437
00:16:53,332 --> 00:16:55,299
but she's pretty shaken up, so I think...
438
00:16:55,334 --> 00:16:56,967
What is it with all you people?
439
00:16:57,003 --> 00:16:59,470
Why can't anybody on that
plane mind their own business?
440
00:16:59,505 --> 00:17:01,405
Hey, buddy, I'm the lord chancellor
441
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,358
of "mind your own business,"
but that woman you accosted,
442
00:17:04,429 --> 00:17:05,743
she is my business.
443
00:17:05,937 --> 00:17:08,319
So, if you were any kind of
man, you would go back in there
444
00:17:08,367 --> 00:17:09,933
and you'd apologize.
445
00:17:09,967 --> 00:17:11,967
Oh, I will show you exactly
what kind of man I am
446
00:17:12,002 --> 00:17:14,742
if you don't get out of
my face, G�rard Depardieu.
447
00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:17,344
G�rard Depar... I'm clearly English.
448
00:17:17,646 --> 00:17:20,376
You, on the other hand, you're
a bully and a philanderer.
449
00:17:21,653 --> 00:17:23,483
I really wish you didn't just poke me.
450
00:17:23,519 --> 00:17:24,785
- Why? What are you gonna do?
- [DROPS BAG]
451
00:17:24,820 --> 00:17:25,953
You gonna hit me?
452
00:17:25,988 --> 00:17:27,782
No, I'm gonna detain you.
453
00:17:28,727 --> 00:17:29,923
[ALL GASP]
454
00:17:30,224 --> 00:17:32,157
DEAN: You have no idea who
you're dealing with, buddy.
455
00:17:32,371 --> 00:17:33,891
Whoa, what's going on?
456
00:17:34,148 --> 00:17:35,962
Did Frenchie do something wrong?
457
00:17:35,987 --> 00:17:37,920
COLIN: What? I'm the one being assaulted.
458
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:39,590
Yeah, by an air marshal.
459
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,058
Wait, you're an air marshal?
460
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:44,328
Yes. And that woman I've been
flying out with every week
461
00:17:44,719 --> 00:17:46,195
was my trainee.
462
00:17:46,371 --> 00:17:48,397
Dyana is my girlfriend.
463
00:17:48,782 --> 00:17:49,867
Huh.
464
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,702
Oh, my God, that is the first time
465
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:53,382
you called me your girlfriend.
466
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:55,362
Well, that's what you are, baby.
467
00:17:57,349 --> 00:17:58,782
COLIN: Aw, that's nice.
468
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,447
I have a date tonight, too.
469
00:18:07,035 --> 00:18:09,502
So, the good news is they're letting you go
470
00:18:09,537 --> 00:18:10,970
with a stern warning.
471
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,605
Bad news is, we have definitely
472
00:18:12,641 --> 00:18:14,582
ruined the start of Dean's vacation.
473
00:18:14,582 --> 00:18:17,083
You know, as I sit here, rapidly
losing feeling in my hands,
474
00:18:17,117 --> 00:18:18,617
It does occur to me:
475
00:18:18,652 --> 00:18:20,719
shouldn't you know the
air marshals on board?
476
00:18:20,754 --> 00:18:22,687
They stopped telling me
and Bernard a while ago
477
00:18:22,723 --> 00:18:24,556
because we were abusing the system.
478
00:18:25,112 --> 00:18:26,959
Can I have a coffee and a water?
479
00:18:27,238 --> 00:18:29,761
Hey, Air Marshal, you
need to tase this bitch.
480
00:18:31,098 --> 00:18:32,898
For what it's worth, thank you
481
00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:34,437
for sticking up for me like that.
482
00:18:34,772 --> 00:18:36,905
It was kind of badass
hearing you be all like,
483
00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:38,440
[IMITATES COLIN]: "She is my business."
484
00:18:38,476 --> 00:18:40,476
- Wait, what accent is that?
- French.
485
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:41,954
Clearly.
486
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,589
But really, I appreciate it.
487
00:18:44,767 --> 00:18:47,535
Especially since I alienated
everyone else on the plane.
488
00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:49,289
So much for saying they're my people.
489
00:18:49,506 --> 00:18:52,666
Well, if it's any consolation,
I'm still your people.
490
00:18:55,596 --> 00:18:59,141
Anyway, consider confronting
that air marshal as my apology
491
00:18:59,189 --> 00:19:01,657
on behalf of men everywhere for Eric,
492
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,563
the chiropractor's husband.
493
00:19:03,564 --> 00:19:06,181
Well, in a way, Eric did me a favor.
494
00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:09,571
If I hadn't followed him to
L.A., I probably would have just
495
00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:12,674
stayed in Bakersfield, married
a guy with a neck tattoo,
496
00:19:12,709 --> 00:19:15,110
who eventually gets pinched
for driving the getaway car
497
00:19:15,145 --> 00:19:16,678
in an avocado heist.
498
00:19:16,703 --> 00:19:18,068
Again, oddly specific.
499
00:19:18,078 --> 00:19:19,611
His name was Randall.
500
00:19:19,646 --> 00:19:20,671
Yes.
501
00:19:26,863 --> 00:19:28,053
Is she here yet?
502
00:19:28,078 --> 00:19:30,554
I don't know. I have no
idea what she looks like.
503
00:19:30,575 --> 00:19:32,374
Hey, wait, are you
allowed to be back there?
504
00:19:32,399 --> 00:19:34,899
Jill loves it when I
sling. Don't you, Jill?
505
00:19:37,636 --> 00:19:40,805
Excuse me, are you Captain Dave Pratman?
506
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,473
What?! You've been catfished.
507
00:19:43,495 --> 00:19:46,945
Listen, I've been on both
sides catfish many times.
508
00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:50,338
But... remember, this man
is hurting more than you.
509
00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:53,918
No. I'm Gwen's supervisor
from air traffic control.
510
00:19:54,350 --> 00:19:55,820
Gwen's not gonna make it tonight.
511
00:19:55,855 --> 00:19:59,090
Oh, my God, was she on her way
here, but then got hit by a car
512
00:19:59,125 --> 00:20:00,325
and was horribly disfigured,
513
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:01,993
and is now too embarrassed to see him?
514
00:20:02,028 --> 00:20:04,929
That's so romantic. Tell her
to come, he'll love her anyway.
515
00:20:04,965 --> 00:20:07,165
Whoa, not so fast.
516
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,000
Just how broken is her face, Doc?
517
00:20:09,035 --> 00:20:10,535
What is wrong with you people?
518
00:20:10,570 --> 00:20:11,803
She was not in an accident.
519
00:20:11,838 --> 00:20:13,705
Gwen's filling out citation paperwork.
520
00:20:13,918 --> 00:20:16,152
Your conduct today was
thoroughly unprofessional.
521
00:20:16,187 --> 00:20:17,520
A lot of people were on that channel.
522
00:20:17,555 --> 00:20:18,554
What were you thinking?
523
00:20:18,589 --> 00:20:20,256
We were thinking this is still a world
524
00:20:20,291 --> 00:20:22,124
where true love exists, you bastard.
525
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,225
It's okay.
526
00:20:23,225 --> 00:20:24,824
She's getting off with a warning.
527
00:20:25,079 --> 00:20:28,541
But from now on, that radio is just
for ATC guidance only. Understand?
528
00:20:28,542 --> 00:20:29,622
I do.
529
00:20:30,208 --> 00:20:32,901
That's the end for Gwen and Captain Dave.
530
00:20:33,216 --> 00:20:35,520
It was beautiful while it lasted.
531
00:20:35,618 --> 00:20:38,464
Turns out, we were just two
planes crossing in the night.
532
00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:41,355
Or, just call her on the
phone like a normal person.
533
00:20:41,857 --> 00:20:44,091
Here's her number. Stop being a weirdo.
534
00:20:45,430 --> 00:20:46,696
See you tonight, Nichole.
535
00:20:46,732 --> 00:20:49,399
Bye, Lewis. Remember to eat a light dinner!
536
00:20:49,611 --> 00:20:51,644
Well, look at that.
537
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:55,483
Turns out old Captain Dave's still got it.
538
00:20:56,477 --> 00:20:57,896
- So, when do I call?
- Right now.
539
00:20:57,927 --> 00:20:59,684
- 20 days.
- Never. I still think catfish.
540
00:21:05,288 --> 00:21:06,396
What's going on?
541
00:21:06,427 --> 00:21:07,693
Oh, you got your wish.
542
00:21:07,728 --> 00:21:09,227
Jackpot had so many complaints,
they're getting rid of
543
00:21:09,263 --> 00:21:10,629
all the credit card swipers.
544
00:21:10,664 --> 00:21:12,597
Plus, everyone's identities were stolen.
545
00:21:12,633 --> 00:21:15,400
Well, at least they brought some
of the dignity back to flying.
546
00:21:15,436 --> 00:21:17,202
Yeah, they found another way to make money.
547
00:21:17,783 --> 00:21:20,517
For a small fee, Jackpot
passengers can now purchase
548
00:21:20,517 --> 00:21:21,750
in-flight flu shots.
549
00:21:24,163 --> 00:21:25,686
[BOTH SCREAMING]
550
00:21:25,736 --> 00:21:30,286
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