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1
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Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:01,938 --> 00:00:04,539
(Screaming)
3
00:00:04,541 --> 00:00:07,275
Okay, Judy, what is wrong?
4
00:00:07,277 --> 00:00:11,346
Someone killed a tree. I think
they strangled it with lights.
5
00:00:11,348 --> 00:00:13,382
Someone's trying to send us a message.
6
00:00:13,384 --> 00:00:17,819
Yeah, yeah. And I think that
message is, "Merry Christmas!"
7
00:00:17,821 --> 00:00:22,190
Christmas trees are a tradition,
like caroling and hanging stockings.
8
00:00:22,192 --> 00:00:23,959
And don't forget giving gifts.
9
00:00:23,961 --> 00:00:28,330
When it comes to gift giving,
people might say I have a gift.
10
00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:32,300
Yeah, the gift of retelling
that same joke year after year.
11
00:00:32,302 --> 00:00:36,905
Look, okay, if there was, like,
a Christmas gift-giving Olympics,
12
00:00:36,907 --> 00:00:39,574
I would win the gold, the
silver, and the bronze,
13
00:00:39,576 --> 00:00:41,743
and then I would take that
gold, silver and bronze,
14
00:00:41,745 --> 00:00:45,213
I would rewrap it and give it away
as a gift, because I am that good.
15
00:00:46,382 --> 00:00:48,417
Watch this.
16
00:00:48,419 --> 00:00:50,218
Hey, Dad, I know it's Christmas Eve,
17
00:00:50,220 --> 00:00:52,320
but I just could not wait to
give you one of your gifts.
18
00:00:52,322 --> 00:00:54,423
Oh, a KC gift?
19
00:00:54,425 --> 00:00:55,991
Bring it on.
20
00:00:55,993 --> 00:00:58,093
All right, so you know,
Christmas is all about family,
21
00:00:58,095 --> 00:00:59,928
and I think everyone should be together
22
00:00:59,930 --> 00:01:02,831
at this time of year,
but not everyone is here.
23
00:01:02,833 --> 00:01:04,699
Sure we are.
24
00:01:04,701 --> 00:01:07,269
Maybe for Christmas, we
need to get you an eye exam.
25
00:01:07,271 --> 00:01:09,337
(Forced laughter) No.
26
00:01:09,339 --> 00:01:10,372
Okay?
27
00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:12,040
Not everyone is here.
28
00:01:12,042 --> 00:01:15,377
At least, not for another hour,
29
00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:18,413
when Dad's dad Poppa Earl
arrives at the airport!
30
00:01:18,415 --> 00:01:21,283
That's right, score another
perfect gift from KC.
31
00:01:21,285 --> 00:01:24,252
Take that, Santa.
32
00:01:24,254 --> 00:01:27,255
Why aren't you jumping up
and down and thanking me?
33
00:01:27,257 --> 00:01:29,257
(Angrily) Thanks a lot, KC.
34
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,461
Huh.
35
00:01:32,463 --> 00:01:36,031
Right words, wrong tone.
36
00:01:36,033 --> 00:01:39,401
Oh, when danger comes for you
37
00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:42,370
You know I'll stand beside you
38
00:01:42,372 --> 00:01:46,475
'Cause ain't nobody
keep things hustle cool
39
00:01:46,477 --> 00:01:50,579
I'll always find a way,
a way out of the fire
40
00:01:50,581 --> 00:01:54,583
Don't tell nobody, tell nobody
41
00:01:54,585 --> 00:01:56,384
I'm not perfect
42
00:01:56,386 --> 00:02:00,422
So many things I wanna tell you
43
00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:04,426
But I, I, I, I keep it undercover
44
00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:06,428
Livin' my life, no way to learn
45
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,630
Doin' my thing, gonna make it work
46
00:02:08,632 --> 00:02:11,299
Know I'm the realest,
baby, I'm fearless
47
00:02:11,301 --> 00:02:13,335
But I always got your back
48
00:02:13,337 --> 00:02:15,270
Nobody can do it like I can
49
00:02:15,272 --> 00:02:17,472
I gotta find out who I am
50
00:02:17,474 --> 00:02:20,142
Ain't got to worry about me
51
00:02:20,144 --> 00:02:21,476
It's all part of the plan
52
00:02:21,478 --> 00:02:23,778
I keep it undercover.
53
00:02:23,780 --> 00:02:25,213
I keep it undercover.
54
00:02:28,484 --> 00:02:32,320
Wait, Dad, why aren't you excited that
your father's visiting for Christmas?
55
00:02:32,322 --> 00:02:35,257
I don't wanna talk about it.
56
00:02:35,259 --> 00:02:37,759
Mom, why isn't he excited?
57
00:02:37,761 --> 00:02:39,628
Poppa Earl hasn't visited
in, like, three years.
58
00:02:39,630 --> 00:02:42,397
- Well, I guess...
- That's not a coincidence.
59
00:02:43,933 --> 00:02:45,367
So you two are mad at each other?
60
00:02:45,369 --> 00:02:47,836
I don't wanna talk about it.
61
00:02:47,838 --> 00:02:49,655
Why didn't I know that
they were in a fight?
62
00:02:49,686 --> 00:02:50,705
Well, we feel that...
63
00:02:50,707 --> 00:02:52,974
Children shouldn't be burdened
with this kind of stuff.
64
00:02:52,976 --> 00:02:55,343
Is there any way you two can make up?
65
00:02:55,345 --> 00:02:59,681
- I have been saying that...
- I don't wanna talk about it!
66
00:02:59,683 --> 00:03:02,651
My father thinks I'm a very big
disappointment, and I'm tired of it.
67
00:03:02,653 --> 00:03:05,520
And I am tired of not being able
to get in on this conversation.
68
00:03:08,124 --> 00:03:11,326
Dad, you are a super cool,
high-ranking secret agent.
69
00:03:11,328 --> 00:03:13,628
Who wouldn't be proud of...
70
00:03:13,630 --> 00:03:15,497
Oh, right.
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00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:17,899
Someone who's not allowed to know
72
00:03:17,901 --> 00:03:20,202
that you're a super cool,
high-ranking secret agent.
73
00:03:20,204 --> 00:03:23,371
Well, we could tell him, but
then, I'd have to kill him.
74
00:03:23,373 --> 00:03:25,240
Ooh, maybe I should tell him.
75
00:03:25,242 --> 00:03:26,708
Dad!
76
00:03:26,710 --> 00:03:30,478
I'm sorry, but for 20 years, he's been
putting me down, and it's not right.
77
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,347
A father should respect his son.
78
00:03:32,349 --> 00:03:34,482
- Good news, Dad, I found...
- Not now, Ernie.
79
00:03:36,819 --> 00:03:39,387
But now, thanks to you and your gift,
80
00:03:39,389 --> 00:03:43,558
I gotta deal with that man criticizing
me under my own roof, so thanks a lot
81
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:44,726
for ruining my Christmas.
82
00:03:44,728 --> 00:03:46,528
How you like your little gift now?
83
00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:48,897
I don't wanna talk about it.
84
00:03:51,834 --> 00:03:53,602
Hurry up and use those x-ray eyes.
85
00:03:53,604 --> 00:03:55,670
I wanna see what some of my gifts are.
86
00:03:57,940 --> 00:03:59,574
Hey!
87
00:03:59,576 --> 00:04:02,277
You know those fancy headphones you wanted.
88
00:04:02,279 --> 00:04:04,613
- Yeah!
- You didn't get 'em.
89
00:04:06,249 --> 00:04:08,683
But you did get some
brand-new tighty-whities.
90
00:04:08,685 --> 00:04:10,885
Score!
91
00:04:10,887 --> 00:04:13,521
If you ask me, this
whole gift-giving thing
92
00:04:13,523 --> 00:04:15,590
is a big ol' waste of time and effort.
93
00:04:15,592 --> 00:04:17,392
Don't bother getting me anything.
94
00:04:17,394 --> 00:04:19,594
But gifts are the best part of Christmas.
95
00:04:19,596 --> 00:04:22,097
Elves at the North Pole
spend all year making them.
96
00:04:22,099 --> 00:04:25,066
Really? Little elves?
97
00:04:25,068 --> 00:04:26,768
At the North Pole?
98
00:04:26,770 --> 00:04:28,536
Making tighty-whities?
99
00:04:32,241 --> 00:04:33,975
We're home.
100
00:04:33,977 --> 00:04:35,477
Push out the way, boy.
101
00:04:35,479 --> 00:04:37,612
I wanna see my grandkids.
102
00:04:37,614 --> 00:04:39,080
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
103
00:04:39,082 --> 00:04:41,216
Ooh-whee, look at you, my sweet angel.
104
00:04:41,218 --> 00:04:42,617
Poppa Earl.
105
00:04:42,619 --> 00:04:44,819
I bet you have to fight
the boys off with a stick.
106
00:04:44,821 --> 00:04:46,488
Yeah, well, sticks...
107
00:04:46,490 --> 00:04:48,757
rocks, nunchucks,
whatever it takes, really.
108
00:04:48,759 --> 00:04:50,091
Ernie.
109
00:04:50,093 --> 00:04:51,559
How the ladies treatin' you?
110
00:04:51,561 --> 00:04:56,398
- About the same.
- Sorry to hear that.
111
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,566
You're a late bloomer,
kinda like your father.
112
00:04:59,635 --> 00:05:02,737
Well, maybe he was just waiting
for the right girl to come along.
113
00:05:05,408 --> 00:05:09,110
And when you did, he clung
on to you like grim death.
114
00:05:09,112 --> 00:05:12,981
Oh, now, Earl, let's not
relive your wedding toast.
115
00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:15,950
You got a lot of nerve, Dad.
116
00:05:15,952 --> 00:05:18,586
Not saying hello to your
newest granddaughter.
117
00:05:18,588 --> 00:05:20,922
Judy.
118
00:05:20,924 --> 00:05:23,358
Oh, Princess, I've heard so much about you.
119
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:24,659
Aren't you the cutest little doll?
120
00:05:24,661 --> 00:05:27,495
No, but close.
121
00:05:27,497 --> 00:05:29,698
Real cute, real cute.
122
00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:31,666
Oh, look at that.
123
00:05:31,668 --> 00:05:34,035
I see you quit in the middle
of taking my bags upstairs
124
00:05:34,037 --> 00:05:35,870
just like you quit at everything else.
125
00:05:35,872 --> 00:05:38,506
Dad, I'm asking you nicely.
126
00:05:38,508 --> 00:05:41,476
It's the holidays. Can
we please not go there?
127
00:05:41,478 --> 00:05:43,311
What? I didn't say one word about you
128
00:05:43,313 --> 00:05:45,347
quitting your dream of going to med school
129
00:05:45,349 --> 00:05:47,382
to become an accountant.
But since you brought it up,
130
00:05:47,384 --> 00:05:50,151
am I wrong for wishing my son was
saving lives instead of saving pennies?
131
00:05:50,153 --> 00:05:52,187
Dad, I'm begging you. Please stop talking.
132
00:05:52,189 --> 00:05:54,489
If you don't wanna talk, why did
you invite me in the first place?
133
00:05:54,491 --> 00:05:56,224
If you must know, this
whole idea came from...
134
00:05:56,226 --> 00:05:58,293
His heart.
135
00:05:58,295 --> 00:06:01,529
The bottom of his heart.
136
00:06:01,531 --> 00:06:04,699
You see, he just kept saying,
"Three Christmases is way too long
137
00:06:04,701 --> 00:06:06,368
to go without seeing my daddy."
138
00:06:06,370 --> 00:06:10,205
Look at you two, reminiscing, having fun.
139
00:06:10,207 --> 00:06:11,539
Yeah, fun.
140
00:06:11,541 --> 00:06:13,174
Yeah, fun.
141
00:06:13,176 --> 00:06:15,143
Lots of fun.
142
00:06:15,145 --> 00:06:17,412
Junior, help me with my bags.
143
00:06:20,750 --> 00:06:22,584
Good thing you're so good at giving gifts,
144
00:06:22,586 --> 00:06:26,688
or this could've really been awkward.
145
00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:28,656
Listen here, Afro-puffs.
146
00:06:29,992 --> 00:06:34,195
I am going to turn this into the
best gift my dad has ever gotten.
147
00:06:34,197 --> 00:06:37,632
I just gotta do it before
they deck each other's halls.
148
00:07:11,801 --> 00:07:13,535
Merry Christmas!
149
00:07:13,537 --> 00:07:15,270
All: Merry Christmas.
150
00:07:15,272 --> 00:07:18,039
A little present from my parents.
151
00:07:18,041 --> 00:07:20,742
From the Millers to the Coopers.
152
00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:23,711
I don't think I've ever seen such
a beautiful gingerbread house.
153
00:07:23,713 --> 00:07:26,414
My mom really appreciates you guys.
154
00:07:26,416 --> 00:07:29,083
She said, sure, it is a lot of trouble
155
00:07:29,085 --> 00:07:31,653
to make a gingerbread house from scratch,
156
00:07:31,655 --> 00:07:34,823
but the Coopers are totally worth it.
157
00:07:34,825 --> 00:07:36,658
Hey, look, there's a card inside.
158
00:07:36,660 --> 00:07:39,160
No, there's not.
159
00:07:39,162 --> 00:07:41,262
"To the Millers. We
appreciate your business.
160
00:07:41,264 --> 00:07:43,064
Enjoy the gingerbread house.
161
00:07:43,066 --> 00:07:46,734
Merry Christmas from your friends
at Shapiro Exterminators."
162
00:07:49,271 --> 00:07:50,972
Well, it's the thought that counts.
163
00:07:50,974 --> 00:07:53,341
I really thought I threw that card away.
164
00:07:54,616 --> 00:07:56,177
- (Bracelet chimes)
- It's mission time.
165
00:07:56,179 --> 00:07:57,779
Discreetly get everyone upstairs.
166
00:07:57,781 --> 00:07:59,647
Oh, sugar.
167
00:07:59,649 --> 00:08:05,119
I forgot to get those special ornaments
from the attic. I better go get them.
168
00:08:05,121 --> 00:08:07,689
Um, hey, Dad, I think
you should go help Mom.
169
00:08:07,691 --> 00:08:09,858
I know it's your mission
to be there for her.
170
00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:12,694
Oh, right.
171
00:08:12,696 --> 00:08:14,496
Hey, Ernie, I think we're out of tinsel.
172
00:08:14,498 --> 00:08:16,664
Do you mind going up to the
attic and getting some more?
173
00:08:16,666 --> 00:08:19,767
It only be a brief moment.
174
00:08:19,769 --> 00:08:21,769
So get it yourself.
175
00:08:21,771 --> 00:08:23,905
While you're at it, get
some eye drops, Blinky.
176
00:08:25,608 --> 00:08:29,811
But Ernie, it's a tinsel emergency.
177
00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,546
Oh! Tinsel.
178
00:08:31,548 --> 00:08:33,515
I thought you said tonsils.
179
00:08:33,517 --> 00:08:35,717
So I was, like, we don't keep tonsils...
180
00:08:35,719 --> 00:08:37,852
I'm gonna go upstairs.
181
00:08:39,275 --> 00:08:40,955
You know what, I'm gonna go help them out.
182
00:08:40,957 --> 00:08:42,891
Marisa, do you mind
keeping my Pops company?
183
00:08:42,893 --> 00:08:43,858
- Sure.
- Thanks.
184
00:08:45,561 --> 00:08:47,161
So you're a doctor, right?
185
00:08:47,163 --> 00:08:49,831
Yes, and I have been for the past 40 years.
186
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:52,667
What is the grossest
thing you've ever seen,
187
00:08:52,669 --> 00:08:55,136
and where does this fall on the spectrum?
188
00:08:58,474 --> 00:09:01,142
So the Organization needs
us for a surveillance mission
189
00:09:01,144 --> 00:09:03,144
at the National Archives
Museum this afternoon.
190
00:09:03,146 --> 00:09:04,712
There's chatter about
someone possibly breaking in
191
00:09:04,714 --> 00:09:06,581
and stealing the Bill of Rights.
192
00:09:06,583 --> 00:09:10,385
(Whining) What about our right
not to work on Christmas Eve?
193
00:09:10,387 --> 00:09:12,820
Oh, relax, it's a nothing mission.
194
00:09:12,822 --> 00:09:15,156
We just have to check it
out. We'll be home in an hour.
195
00:09:15,158 --> 00:09:16,758
We don't know that.
196
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,894
I volunteer to do the mission
alone, even if it takes all week.
197
00:09:19,896 --> 00:09:23,765
But then you won't be able to
spend any time with Poppa Earl.
198
00:09:23,767 --> 00:09:26,601
Oh, darn, I didn't think of that.
199
00:09:26,603 --> 00:09:28,202
Oh, well, what can you do?
200
00:09:28,204 --> 00:09:32,440
Dad, your mission is to stay here
201
00:09:32,442 --> 00:09:34,542
and make fantastic Christmas
memories with Poppa Earl.
202
00:09:34,544 --> 00:09:37,946
And then, later on, you're gonna thank
me for giving you such a great gift.
203
00:09:37,948 --> 00:09:40,114
She's right. You and your
dad need to fix things.
204
00:09:40,116 --> 00:09:42,050
Ernie and I will do the mission.
205
00:09:42,052 --> 00:09:43,918
Craig, you be with your father,
206
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:46,287
and KC, you make sure
they don't kill each other.
207
00:09:48,691 --> 00:09:50,792
Well, well, well, look here.
208
00:09:50,794 --> 00:09:53,962
I see you forgot to tell me
the party was moved upstairs.
209
00:09:53,964 --> 00:09:57,765
Like you forgot to tell me you
weren't cut out for medical school.
210
00:09:57,767 --> 00:09:59,567
Yeah, Dad, you mind?
211
00:09:59,569 --> 00:10:01,035
We're having a little family meeting.
212
00:10:01,037 --> 00:10:03,771
Are you trying to figure
out other ways to ignore me?
213
00:10:03,773 --> 00:10:07,642
If you don't wanna spend time
with me, why did you invite me?
214
00:10:07,644 --> 00:10:09,544
So we could all spend
time together as a family.
215
00:10:09,546 --> 00:10:10,945
Isn't that nice?
216
00:10:10,947 --> 00:10:12,413
I didn't invite you.
217
00:10:12,415 --> 00:10:14,215
KC did, as a gift to me.
218
00:10:14,217 --> 00:10:16,951
And what a gift it is.
219
00:10:16,953 --> 00:10:19,253
You know what else is a gift?
220
00:10:19,255 --> 00:10:21,990
The gift of music.
221
00:10:21,992 --> 00:10:24,058
On the first day of Christmas
222
00:10:24,060 --> 00:10:25,259
My true love gave to me
223
00:10:25,261 --> 00:10:27,595
So you never wanted me here?
224
00:10:27,597 --> 00:10:29,397
Uh, everybody now.
225
00:10:29,399 --> 00:10:31,799
A partridge in a pear tree
226
00:10:31,801 --> 00:10:33,401
No, I did not.
227
00:10:33,403 --> 00:10:35,303
On the second day of Christmas
228
00:10:35,305 --> 00:10:37,171
My true love gave to me
229
00:10:37,173 --> 00:10:41,442
Don't worry, because this gift is being
returned to its home in Atlanta.
230
00:10:41,444 --> 00:10:43,144
Two turtle doves
231
00:10:43,146 --> 00:10:45,313
Or to his home in the Caribbean,
232
00:10:45,315 --> 00:10:48,783
because I have two homes
because I am a doctor.
233
00:10:48,785 --> 00:10:52,820
And a partridge in a pear tree
234
00:10:52,822 --> 00:10:55,757
I only have one home, and
you're no longer welcome in it.
235
00:10:55,759 --> 00:10:57,925
That's fine, 'cause I'm getting my bag
236
00:10:57,927 --> 00:10:59,727
and getting on the next flight outta here.
237
00:11:00,996 --> 00:11:04,832
On the third day of Christmas
238
00:11:04,834 --> 00:11:07,168
My daughter gave to me
239
00:11:07,170 --> 00:11:11,939
The worst gift I ever received
240
00:11:14,043 --> 00:11:16,244
It's French hens.
241
00:11:18,180 --> 00:11:20,715
Three... French hens.
242
00:11:25,521 --> 00:11:27,689
- (Whistling)
- You hear that?
243
00:11:27,691 --> 00:11:31,059
That's the sweet sound
of nobody criticizing me.
244
00:11:31,061 --> 00:11:36,698
So Merry Christmas to all, and
to all, a "leave me alone."
245
00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:39,667
I cannot believe you let
your father just walk out.
246
00:11:39,669 --> 00:11:42,904
Oh, I have a feeling he'll
be walking right back in.
247
00:11:42,906 --> 00:11:44,472
I wouldn't count on it.
248
00:11:44,474 --> 00:11:46,774
The Cooper men are stubborn.
249
00:11:48,077 --> 00:11:49,677
Earl?
250
00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:51,212
I couldn't get on a flight.
251
00:11:51,214 --> 00:11:53,881
The airline said I'm on
some kind of no-fly list.
252
00:11:53,883 --> 00:11:57,819
Probably annoyed the airline
the way you annoyed me.
253
00:11:57,821 --> 00:11:59,587
This whole thing is making no sense.
254
00:11:59,589 --> 00:12:01,989
I wasn't on a darn list
when I flew in this morning.
255
00:12:01,991 --> 00:12:04,559
Hm. That is weird.
256
00:12:04,561 --> 00:12:08,329
I'm sure you'll be off that no-fly list
in time for your original flight home.
257
00:12:08,331 --> 00:12:10,898
- Right, Ernie?
- Oh, I can guarantee it.
258
00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:14,235
Well, aren't you just
Santa's little helper?
259
00:12:15,571 --> 00:12:17,772
- (Bracelet chimes)
- What was that?
260
00:12:17,774 --> 00:12:20,908
It's just a reminder that I need
to go to the store. Let's go, Ernie.
261
00:12:22,678 --> 00:12:24,879
I might as well unpack the gifts I brought.
262
00:12:24,881 --> 00:12:26,781
I've got the cutest little gift for Judy.
263
00:12:26,783 --> 00:12:29,016
Dad, Judy doesn't need presents.
264
00:12:29,018 --> 00:12:30,384
What child doesn't need
a present on Christmas?
265
00:12:30,386 --> 00:12:32,086
Oh, let me guess.
266
00:12:32,088 --> 00:12:35,089
You were in the car, you
were about to get her toys,
267
00:12:35,091 --> 00:12:36,591
and then you decided to...
268
00:12:36,593 --> 00:12:38,726
Don't you say it. Don't you dare say it.
269
00:12:38,728 --> 00:12:40,928
Okay, I won't say anything.
270
00:12:40,930 --> 00:12:43,431
Look at that. Look at
you two communicating.
271
00:12:43,433 --> 00:12:47,869
You know what, that is the
first step to getting along,
272
00:12:47,871 --> 00:12:50,371
and that is the true spirit of Christmas.
273
00:12:50,373 --> 00:12:52,740
(Phone chimes)
274
00:12:52,742 --> 00:12:56,277
"Quit." He texted me "Quit."
275
00:12:56,279 --> 00:12:59,981
(Laughs) Yeah, but I didn't say it.
276
00:12:59,983 --> 00:13:02,550
You know what? I'm going to say it.
277
00:13:02,552 --> 00:13:04,652
You guys need to quit arguing.
278
00:13:04,654 --> 00:13:06,754
It is Christmas, okay?
279
00:13:06,756 --> 00:13:08,990
So what you're gonna do is
you're gonna get your jackets,
280
00:13:08,992 --> 00:13:11,893
you're gonna put a smile on your
face whether you like it or not,
281
00:13:11,895 --> 00:13:13,594
and we're gonna go to the
mall and get Judy a present.
282
00:13:13,596 --> 00:13:15,997
- I'm not goin' to the mall.
- Now!
283
00:13:15,999 --> 00:13:18,766
Move it. Thank you.
284
00:13:18,768 --> 00:13:22,303
Man, this has gotta be the
worst gift I've ever given.
285
00:13:26,008 --> 00:13:27,942
I don't get it.
286
00:13:27,944 --> 00:13:31,379
If you want to decorate
something, why not yourself?
287
00:13:36,185 --> 00:13:38,486
Merry Christmas, everyone.
288
00:13:39,988 --> 00:13:42,523
Yeah, I still don't get this holiday.
289
00:13:44,326 --> 00:13:45,827
(Knocking on door)
290
00:13:48,997 --> 00:13:53,000
Si-i-lent
night
291
00:13:53,002 --> 00:13:55,069
It was until you got here.
292
00:13:57,139 --> 00:13:58,573
(Knocking)
293
00:14:00,175 --> 00:14:03,211
Ho-o-ly
night
294
00:14:03,213 --> 00:14:05,012
What are you doing?
295
00:14:05,014 --> 00:14:06,848
I'm caroling.
296
00:14:06,850 --> 00:14:08,216
I'm spreading Christmas cheer.
297
00:14:08,218 --> 00:14:11,152
Well, go spread it next
door at the Goldfeders.
298
00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:13,020
They're Jewish. They
don't celebrate Christmas.
299
00:14:13,022 --> 00:14:15,857
- Why not?
- It's not a part of Judaism.
300
00:14:15,859 --> 00:14:20,494
I'm sorry, did you say Judy-ism?
301
00:14:20,496 --> 00:14:23,164
Come on in, girl.
302
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:25,633
Tell me more about this Judy-ism.
303
00:14:30,405 --> 00:14:33,908
(Horns honking)
304
00:14:33,910 --> 00:14:36,310
You know we wouldn't be
stuck in all this traffic
305
00:14:36,312 --> 00:14:39,647
if someone had put a little more
thought into his life's choices.
306
00:14:41,316 --> 00:14:44,018
Wow! Just when I think
you can't make everything
307
00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:48,055
about me not going to med school,
you come up with a gem like that.
308
00:14:48,057 --> 00:14:50,224
It's a Christmas miracle.
309
00:14:51,827 --> 00:14:54,929
What I think my dad is trying
to say here, Poppa Earl,
310
00:14:54,931 --> 00:14:58,833
is that there are other careers,
careers that help people every day.
311
00:14:58,835 --> 00:15:01,502
My son's a real help, filing taxes.
312
00:15:01,504 --> 00:15:04,872
You know they have computer
software that does that for free.
313
00:15:04,874 --> 00:15:07,708
Look, I think what Poppa
Earl is trying to say...
314
00:15:07,710 --> 00:15:10,077
Let me tell you something.
I am not just an accountant.
315
00:15:10,079 --> 00:15:11,345
I do way more than that.
316
00:15:11,347 --> 00:15:12,780
The truth is, I'm...
317
00:15:12,782 --> 00:15:16,684
Also someone who creates
318
00:15:16,686 --> 00:15:20,588
limited liability corporations.
319
00:15:20,590 --> 00:15:24,458
And that is super cool.
320
00:15:24,460 --> 00:15:26,460
Right, Dad?
321
00:15:26,462 --> 00:15:28,896
Right.
322
00:15:28,898 --> 00:15:30,564
(Cell phone rings)
323
00:15:30,566 --> 00:15:32,433
What's up, Ernie?
324
00:15:32,435 --> 00:15:34,902
Hey, Dad, Mom could use your help.
325
00:15:34,904 --> 00:15:38,906
This thing has turned into
an accounting emergency.
326
00:15:38,908 --> 00:15:40,775
An accounting emergency?
327
00:15:40,777 --> 00:15:44,245
What, somebody forgot to carry a one?
328
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:47,381
Sounds like a real
life-death situation to me.
329
00:15:47,383 --> 00:15:50,251
Sit tight, Ernie. We'll be right there.
330
00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:52,486
(Tires screeching)
331
00:15:52,488 --> 00:15:54,121
Where you going, fool?
332
00:15:54,123 --> 00:15:55,289
The mall's the other way.
333
00:15:55,291 --> 00:15:58,292
What I think Poppa Earl means is...
334
00:15:58,294 --> 00:16:00,094
Dang, Dad, did you quit
335
00:16:00,096 --> 00:16:02,129
in the middle of driving school, too?
336
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:15,242
What kind of errand takes place in the
back of the National Archives Museum?
337
00:16:15,244 --> 00:16:17,778
- I can't tell you.
- Because it's a Christmas surprise.
338
00:16:17,780 --> 00:16:18,846
Just stay in the car.
339
00:16:18,848 --> 00:16:20,247
Stay in the car?
340
00:16:20,249 --> 00:16:22,283
Like I'm a puppy?
341
00:16:22,285 --> 00:16:23,951
Don't be silly.
342
00:16:23,953 --> 00:16:26,354
We would never leave a puppy in the car.
343
00:16:26,356 --> 00:16:28,689
Now crack the window. We'll be back soon.
344
00:16:42,337 --> 00:16:43,938
Thank goodness you're here.
345
00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:46,140
Mom saw two enemy agents
breaking into the Archives,
346
00:16:46,142 --> 00:16:47,608
but they overpowered her.
347
00:16:47,610 --> 00:16:49,176
Now they have her tied
behind that dumpster.
348
00:16:49,178 --> 00:16:50,978
- I'll go left.
- I'll flank right.
349
00:16:50,980 --> 00:16:52,813
- What do I do?
- Stay here and hide.
350
00:16:52,815 --> 00:16:54,415
I was hoping you'd say that.
351
00:17:07,229 --> 00:17:10,264
- What is going on?
- Poppa, get back.
352
00:17:16,705 --> 00:17:18,773
- Dad, I'm hit.
- KC, I'm coming, baby.
353
00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:26,313
What the heck kind of accountant are you?!
354
00:17:32,421 --> 00:17:34,722
Craig, why are these
people shooting at you?
355
00:17:34,724 --> 00:17:37,425
Are they clients that got audited?
356
00:17:37,427 --> 00:17:39,427
Dad, I'm not an accountant.
357
00:17:39,429 --> 00:17:42,096
- What?
- I'm actually a secret government spy.
358
00:17:42,098 --> 00:17:44,398
What?
359
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,200
The whole family is.
360
00:17:46,202 --> 00:17:47,902
What?!
361
00:17:47,904 --> 00:17:50,237
Dad, we do not have time to
talk about that right now.
362
00:17:50,239 --> 00:17:52,373
You need to rescue Mom, and Poppa Earl,
363
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,708
we know you're a doctor 'cause
you mentioned it 472 times,
364
00:17:54,710 --> 00:17:56,877
so do you mind taking
a look at this, please?
365
00:17:56,879 --> 00:17:59,280
Oh, my, my, my, my, my.
366
00:17:59,282 --> 00:18:03,417
Ooh, that's nastier than Marisa's elbow.
367
00:18:26,308 --> 00:18:28,943
Whoo! Now that's how
you take out the trash.
368
00:18:30,445 --> 00:18:32,913
Hilarious, Craig.
369
00:18:32,915 --> 00:18:34,348
You wanna untie me now?
370
00:18:36,318 --> 00:18:37,985
- You okay, baby?
- Yeah. I'm fine.
371
00:18:37,987 --> 00:18:41,455
- KC, are you okay?
- Yeah, no, I'm good.
372
00:18:41,457 --> 00:18:43,324
Poppa Earl fixed me up.
373
00:18:43,326 --> 00:18:46,494
Good thing they didn't hit me in the
arm, 'cause I unwrap presents with it.
374
00:18:46,496 --> 00:18:48,796
Son, I don't know what to say.
375
00:18:48,798 --> 00:18:52,666
What with the kickin' and the shootin',
and the "hah" and the "yah."
376
00:18:52,668 --> 00:18:55,302
This whole thing is just
hard for me to process.
377
00:18:55,304 --> 00:18:57,338
Maybe y'all can fill me in at
the mall gettin' Judy's gift.
378
00:18:57,340 --> 00:19:00,941
Uh, Dad, Judy is a robot.
379
00:19:00,943 --> 00:19:02,510
A robot?
380
00:19:05,614 --> 00:19:07,481
These two kids are normal, right?
381
00:19:12,420 --> 00:19:15,356
So all this time, you
been busy saving the world.
382
00:19:15,358 --> 00:19:18,292
Well, I wouldn't exactly
say we're saving the world.
383
00:19:18,294 --> 00:19:21,328
Now, KC, Poppa's talking. Don't interrupt.
384
00:19:23,198 --> 00:19:25,166
You were saying, Daddy.
385
00:19:25,168 --> 00:19:28,536
I just feel awful, the
way I've been treating you.
386
00:19:28,538 --> 00:19:30,538
I should've been praising you
instead of putting you down.
387
00:19:30,540 --> 00:19:34,542
Go on, keep talking. You got my attention.
388
00:19:34,544 --> 00:19:41,415
What I'm really trying to say is,
I'm really proud of you, son.
389
00:19:50,225 --> 00:19:54,495
Honey, I think it's time
for the memory spray.
390
00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:56,564
I know, I know. Just one more second.
391
00:19:56,566 --> 00:19:59,366
So would you say you were very impressed,
392
00:19:59,368 --> 00:20:02,536
or incredibly impressed
when you saw me rescue Kira?
393
00:20:02,538 --> 00:20:05,439
Man, when I saw you...
394
00:20:09,511 --> 00:20:11,478
Really, Mom?
395
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,647
You couldn't let the guy
get one more compliment?
396
00:20:13,649 --> 00:20:16,250
Sorry, but I got a turkey to cook.
397
00:20:17,986 --> 00:20:19,587
Come on.
398
00:20:19,589 --> 00:20:21,422
"You're my favorite son, Craig.
399
00:20:21,424 --> 00:20:23,557
You're a chip off the old block."
400
00:20:23,559 --> 00:20:26,026
I love you, too, Pop.
401
00:20:26,028 --> 00:20:28,562
- Uh, Dad?
- Huh?
402
00:20:28,564 --> 00:20:30,998
I believe you have something to say to me.
403
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,567
Oh, right. Merry Christmas, baby.
404
00:20:33,569 --> 00:20:36,237
That's not really what I was thinking.
405
00:20:36,239 --> 00:20:39,006
Oh, yeah.
406
00:20:39,008 --> 00:20:40,407
Happy New Year.
407
00:20:40,409 --> 00:20:43,210
No.
408
00:20:43,212 --> 00:20:45,579
I was thinking something
more along the lines of,
409
00:20:45,581 --> 00:20:47,548
- "Thank you, KC."
- For what?
410
00:20:47,550 --> 00:20:50,451
- Dad...
- I'm just teasing you.
411
00:20:50,453 --> 00:20:52,786
You know it was the
best Christmas gift ever.
412
00:20:52,788 --> 00:20:55,556
Thank you, KC.
413
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:59,193
Please. No thanks necessary.
414
00:21:08,637 --> 00:21:11,605
I don't know how I overslept
on Christmas morning.
415
00:21:11,607 --> 00:21:14,475
I don't even remember going to bed.
416
00:21:14,477 --> 00:21:17,711
Looks like someone had
too much eggnog last night.
417
00:21:17,713 --> 00:21:19,947
- Where's my present?
- Oh.
418
00:21:21,650 --> 00:21:23,484
Oh, look at that.
419
00:21:23,486 --> 00:21:26,220
It's just the gift
that keeps on re-giving.
420
00:21:26,222 --> 00:21:29,256
Tighty-whities.
421
00:21:29,258 --> 00:21:31,659
Dig a little deeper in the box, Ernie.
422
00:21:33,662 --> 00:21:37,898
Noise-cancellation super bass headphones!
423
00:21:37,900 --> 00:21:40,534
I don't know how those elves do it.
424
00:21:42,771 --> 00:21:45,906
So, Craig, are you gonna open a gift,
425
00:21:45,908 --> 00:21:48,375
or are you just gonna quit in the middle?
426
00:21:49,811 --> 00:21:51,512
I love you, Dad.
427
00:21:52,914 --> 00:21:55,316
Here, Dad. Open this one.
428
00:21:59,921 --> 00:22:01,855
Wow.
429
00:22:03,692 --> 00:22:06,493
I gotta say, you outdid yourself.
430
00:22:06,495 --> 00:22:08,762
You do give the best Christmas gifts ever.
431
00:22:08,764 --> 00:22:10,497
Well, you're my father.
432
00:22:10,499 --> 00:22:12,533
I don't wanna argue with you on Christmas.
433
00:22:14,269 --> 00:22:17,538
Well, this gift is for Judy from me.
434
00:22:17,540 --> 00:22:18,939
No, thank you.
435
00:22:18,941 --> 00:22:20,674
Why wouldn't you want a Christmas gift?
436
00:22:20,676 --> 00:22:23,344
Didn't I mention? I
don't celebrate Christmas.
437
00:22:23,346 --> 00:22:25,179
I'm Judy-ish.
438
00:22:25,181 --> 00:22:27,214
Oy vey.
439
00:22:30,051 --> 00:22:31,685
Rob, your name's on TV.
440
00:22:31,735 --> 00:22:36,285
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