Original subtitles

Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com

Hi, Marissa. Hi, KC.

Oh, hey, River. Nice costume.

I'm not wearing one.

These are just clothes.

Cool. Yeah.

No, that's what I'm wearing, too.

So what are you guys doing tomorrow night?

'Cause we are going to the best Halloween party ever.

We are?

Uh, yeah, we are, 'cause we like to party hearty, you know.

It's like that. We likes to pah-ty.

I didn't mean "potty." I meant party.

We like to party.

(Whispers) I hate myself.

You guys should totally come.

We're in. Text me.

You got it.

Rooty tooty, abso-looty.

Why?

Marissa, you never told me we were going to a party.

- I didn't tell you? - No. Where is it?

It is conveniently located right in our neighborhood.

- It's at my house, isn't it? - Yes. Yes, it is.

Marissa, how could you have a party at my house and not tell me.

You just said rooty tooty abso-looty.

You're lucky you're even invited.

Oh, when danger comes for you

You know I'll stand beside you

'Cause ain't nobody keep things hustle cool

I'll always find a way, a way out of the fire

Don't tell nobody, tell nobody

I'm not perfect

So many things I wanna tell you

But I, I, I, I keep it undercover

Livin' my life, no way to learn

Doin' my thing, gonna make it work

Know I'm the realest, baby, I'm fearless

But I always got your back

Nobody can do it like I can

I gotta find out who I am

Ain't got to worry about me

It's all part of the plan

I keep it undercover.

I keep it undercover.

Morning, Agent Cooper.

Hey, Agent Johnson. You working undercover?

From the Wild West?

No, it's Halloween.

I'm a Village Person.

Lighten up, Craig.

Agents, the other side is working on a serum

containing wolf DNA that they'll use

to create genetically modified super soldiers.

Who's ever heard of such a thing?

I have. It makes them part wolf.

They're stronger, faster, and they sniff your butt to say hello.

I don't know why that last thing's a thing.

No one does.

Anyway, we need to get that serum.

There's a hand-off of the prototype at Central Park tonight.

We've detained the agents that were going to receive the sample.

I need two agents to take their place.

Well, Kira and I were going to a costume party tonight, but when duty calls.

Oh, it's calling,

- but it's calling for Ernie and Judy. - What?

The mission profile will be sent to your devices.

Happy Halloween. Yee-haw!!

I can't believe I'm going to New York.

You shouldn't, 'cause you're not.

Why?

Why can't I go?

'Cause you're not ready.

You're inexperienced and too immature.

I am not too immature. I'm not too immature.

Hey, Dad, if you need me, I'll be upstairs.

By the way, I'm having a little party tonight.

Just friends from school, no biggie, super cash.

KC, freeze.

Get your butt back down here.

Is there a problem, Daddy?

No, there's no problem, pumpkin.

- There's also no party. - Oh, who's having a party?

- I am. - Oh, good for you. Who's coming?

Whoa, nobody's coming, 'cause she's not having a party.

Just some friends from school, okay, and maybe a cute guy that I like.

Oh, correction.

Not only are you not having a party, you're not leaving the house... ever.

Why not?

Your mother and I are going out tonight.

You're not responsible enough to have a party while we're out.

But I'm responsible enough

to recover the crown jewels of Barcelona last weekend.

She makes a good point.

Whose side are you on?

Dad, I need a normal life, okay?

If you let me have this party tonight, I promise I will beat the snot

out of some bad guys tomorrow.

You can have a party, when you're married and have your own teenagers,

who I guarantee you won't let have parties.

Have you ever heard of any guy coming to the house for KC?

Between her and Ernie, the only wedding we'll get to throw

is when Judy marries the toaster.

The way things are going, I'm never gonna have grandkids.

At best, I am going to have toast.

Bottom line is, KC is a totally responsible teenager.

There's no such thing.

Craig, I am going as Cleopatra tonight.

- Yes. - Yes.

Either you can go as Mark Antony, or man in dog house.

Party's over by 9:00.

- 11:00. - 10:00

- 11:00. - 9:30.

Okay, 10:00 it is.

So KC can grow up, but not Ernie?

You realize, with this trajectory, I'll be living under your roof

for the rest of my life.

Don't just stand there, boy.

Let's get ready for your mission to New York.

What does the mission report say our contact is wearing?

Let me check.

"Hee-hee" will be wearing an Elvis costume.

"Yoo-hoo" should beat it.

Sorry. Gotta act professional.

Ooh, is that candy corn?

Hey, that's my candy corn.

Then what's it doing in my hand?

Yeah, you want candy, next time, moonwalk faster.

Oh, you wanna be startin' something?

Come on.

I don't know who you are, but you got a big, sassy mouth.

I like that.

Right back atcha.

If this sass fest is over, I'm taking my candy corn.

Jessie said I should eat more vegetables.

Candy corn is not actually a vegetable.

I'm pretty sure it is.

Judy, I just saw Elvis go into that haunted house.

Let's do this.

It'll be easy as A-B-C, 1-2-3.

Sure, it's funny when you do the Michael Jackson jokes.

Yeah. When you do it, it's just... bad.

What are you doing? People are gonna be here soon.

Why are you doing your homework?

I was just doing a little math.

Actually trying to calculate the probability

of me making a fool out of myself in front of River.

Turns out, ahem, 112%.

Yeah, I'm not going to the party.

Um, you're kind of already at the party, because it's your party.

Marissa, River is coming over, and I'm a nervous wreck.

I do not get it, KC.

How is it that someone who can scale Mt. Rushmore

to retrieve papers out of Lincoln's nose can't go downstairs in her own house

and just talk to a guy?

Okay, first of all, the papers were in Roosevelt's ear.

And secondly, when I am doing my spy work, I'm in disguise, okay. I'm not me.

I'm fearless. I'm invincible.

I'm like Jennifer Lawrence in The Hunger Games.

But when I'm just me, I'm more like Jennifer Lawrence

falling face first at the Oscars.

Oh, darn, if only Halloween was an occasion where you put on a costume

and pretend to be someone else.

Oh, wait, it is.

The code word is... hula dancer.

Okay. That is the code word.

But I'm seriously supposed to hand over this serum to kids?

Oh, we're not kids.

We're disguised as kids.

I'm actually 53, and my youngest is about to have a baby.

And if you don't mind, I'd like to be there when I become a grandmother.

So hand over the serum, junior.

Yeah. What Grandma said.

Looking good, y'all.

Trina, I'm lovin' the outfit. Meow.

Bullfighter? Ol?, Jos?.

Hey, KC.

River.

Wow, you look great.

Oh, thank you, thank you. This old thing.

You look smokin' hot.

Don't go settin' off the fire alarm.

What are you supposed to be?

- I'm a spy. - Oh, nice.

But to be honest, I don't think that's a very spy-like costume.

Yeah, trust me. It is.

Aren't spies supposed to go undetected?

Like, who could miss you in that?

Actually, a band of art smugglers, North Koreans, and one time...

I have a very elaborate back story for my costume.

Oh, is that a spy bracelet?

No!

No. Not at all.

What, this? This thing is...

It's a cute-ometer.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

KC, you should wear this costume all of the time.

You are so fun and confident.

What can I say, Marissa?

Pleather brings out the best in me.

Ernie, you better be careful.

If any of that wolf serum spills on you...

Dad, what are you doing here?

I thought it was just me and Judy on this mission.

Relax. I got this.

- (Glass shatters) - Hey! Watch where you're going.

You again?

Look, if you want my digits, all you have to do is ask.

Dude, I have zero percent interest in your digits.

Ooh, looks like your moves have been declined.

Oh, I get it.

Playin' hard to... (Howls like wolf)

Is that some kind of weird Michael Jackson Thriller werewolf thing?

No. You just bring out the animal in me... baby.

Yeah, well, put it back... baby.

(Howling)

You always say boys can be dogs.

You weren't kidding.

Ernie, please tell me those vials didn't break.

Of course they didn't break.

I just have a sweaty belly button?

Wow, I'm really starting to see another side of you, KC.

You're thinking about school KC.

I have many sides. I'm like an octagon.

An octagon is an eight-sided polygon.

School KC creepin' back in.

(Both laughing)

Would you like to see a movie with me next weekend?

No!

- Grab a bite to eat? - No!

- Should I just leave? - No.

Look, I'm really not that good with girls,

and I have to say, you are confusing the heck out of me.

I'm sorry.

Could you hold on a sec?

Sure. Why not?

What happened to cool, confident KC?

(Hysterical gibberish)

Whoa. Is the pleather cutting off circulation to your head?

Did you have some of that guacamole,

'cause I did not know you were supposed to refrigerate it.

No, I lost my spy bracelet.

I had it when I came down the stairs, but now I don't know where it is.

I'm sure they'll just give you another one.

Marissa, that bracelet cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.

If my dad finds out, he's gonna say that I'm irresponsible.

Well, frankly, if you lost an expensive bracelet like that,

he kinda has a point.

Says the girl who forgot to refrigerate the guacamole.

Marissa, you don't get it.

If someone gets a hold of that bracelet and presses the wrong button,

they could blow up this entire neighborhood.

Wait. I live in this neighborhood.

All right, so this is security footage from my house.

I know I was wearing my spy bracelet when the party started.

KC?

Hi, KC. What are you doing up here?

Hey, River. I really wanna hang out with you...

Which is why you stopped talking to me and went upstairs to play pinball?

No, no, no.

No, I was, um... I was comforting Marissa.

You see, um, the guy she likes, allergic to bees.

So how about you go back downstairs, don't talk to any other girls,

enjoy the chips, not the guacamole, and I will see you in a second.

All right, so that's me coming down the stairs, and there is my spy bracelet.

Oh, and there I am.

I look so cute in my bumblebee costume.

Ain't nobody allergic to this.

All right, there's me handing out candy to trick-or-treaters.

Wait a minute. The bracelet's gone.

Go back to when you were handing out candy to Petey.

Well, now we know what happened to my bracelet.

Oh, no. You think Petey ate it?

Hey, bro, how did New York go?

Uh, everything went great.

Really great. Totally great. How was your party?

Fantastic. Best yet. Having tons of fun.

Ernie, are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I just have this itch on my back I can't seem to reach.

Could you get it for me?

This is bad.

That wolf DNA has clearly gotten into your system.

You have to tell Agent Craig.

And have him tell me I'm too immature to handle things on my own?

- I'm fine. - (Doorbell rings)

Someone's at the door! Someone's at the door!

Someone's at the door!

All right.

I may need some help.

Petey!

Petey!!

We're out of candy.

Go away, kid.

It's KC.

In that case, definitely go away.

I need to talk to you.

All right, where's your candy?

It's hidden somewhere.

No one will ever find it.

If I play it right, that stash will last me through Easter.

Yeah, well, I got news for you, Petey.

You don't tell me where your candy is, you ain't gonna last through Easter.

Did you want a bite, bro?

We don't give him people food.

Come on, boy.

Marissa, I don't know what happened to KC, but she's clearly not into me.

I'm gonna bail.

No, no, no. You have to stay.

She just ran out to get some more potato chips.

Oh, look, she's back with potato chips, right?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

No, they're just spicy chips.

Got a lot of kick to 'em.

I'll be right back.

Okay, for the last time, Petey, I do not want your candy, okay?

I just wanna know where your candy is.

That's what Ma says every year.

Then it mysteriously disappears, and she complains her jeans don't fit.

I'll never give up my hiding place.

Fair enough.

I guess I have to put a little more bait on the hook.

- Is that a... - Worm?

Why, yes, it is.

And not of the gummy variety.

But I hate worms.

Oh, really?

I had no idea.

Unfortunately for you, he brought a little friend.

(Terrified shriek)

Where's the candy, Petey? Where's the candy, Petey?!

(Shrieking continues)

KC, you better get down here quick.

Ernie is acting strangely.

He is barking and scratching his ears,

and I think he may have just peed on the rug.

Don't go anywhere, okay? This is not over.

I thought you said they weren't gummy.

Oh, they aren't.

But they are a bit chewy.

Mom!!

(Loud chewing)

Ernie, slow down.

Have something to drink.

You're right.

Let me guess.

New York didn't go as well as you thought it did.

He spilled the wolf serum on himself.

Bro, I gotta tell Dad.

If you do, I'll let him know you're torturing Petey upstairs

because you lost your bracelet.

Wait, how do you know that?

Good nose. Even better ears.

Okay, fine. I don't tell, you don't tell.

But if you start chewing on Dad's shoes, he's gonna figure it out.

For the last time, where is the candy, Petey?

I'll never tell.

Then you leave me no choice.

"Desdemona and Heathcliff gazed into each other's eyes.

He pulled her closer, lips quivering in anticipation."

Please stop with the lovey-dovey stuff.

It's making my ears dry.

Well, tell me where the candy is, or Heathcliff is gonna run his fingers

through Desdemona's flaxen locks.

Okay, okay.

It's in your backyard in the barbecue.

Why would you hide the candy in my barbecue?

Because we don't have one.

And I like my peanut butter cups with a slight taste of mesquite.

You're a weird kid.

Yeah, well, you're the one who tied me up in a sack to find my candy.

Listen, no one can know about that.

If you tell anybody, I swear, you will be

napping with those worms, do you understand me, Petey?

KC?

Hey, River.

Um, this is Petey, our neighbor, and we were just...

You are not the person I thought you were.

You're mean and horrible.

Dang.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

I just wanted his candy, but he wouldn't tell me

where it was, so I had to tie him up,

put him in a sack and... okay, I'll see you at school.

(Chattering)

Wow! The house is cleaner than when we left.

What did you guys expect?

I told you, I'm responsible.

And my mission went according to plan.

The vials are safe and sound.

You sure about that, Ernie?

Yeah. Why?

Something wrong, Ernie?

No.

Are you sure nothing's bothering you, honey?

You wanna go fetch that?

Fetch!

Good boy.

You guys saw the security footage, didn't you?

Yes. You're both getting a lecture on responsibility.

That's right, but first, we gotta take Ernie to get fixed.

Excuse me?!

She meant take you to the Organization to get you the antidote.

- Come on, let's get in the car. - Ooh, the car!

Go for a ride! Go for a ride!

Come on, come on, let's go!

Rob, your name's on TV.

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