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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:24,440 This programme contains some violent scenes and some scenes of a sexual nature. 2 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:35,640 DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC 3 00:00:41,554 --> 00:00:44,074 My God, who did this thing?! 4 00:00:44,074 --> 00:00:45,914 Mathilde, speak to me! 5 00:00:46,994 --> 00:00:51,634 In the darkness, scarce I saw him 6 00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:56,434 Man or beast, I could not tell PHONE RINGS 7 00:00:56,434 --> 00:01:01,434 Soft his shadow fell before him 8 00:01:01,434 --> 00:01:06,194 Apparition born in Hell 9 00:01:06,194 --> 00:01:10,274 Ghostly, ghastly, through the gloom 10 00:01:10,274 --> 00:01:15,754 He struck me down upon the stair 11 00:01:15,754 --> 00:01:20,434 Then a black abyss consumed me 12 00:01:20,434 --> 00:01:25,354 When I woke he was not there 13 00:01:25,354 --> 00:01:29,594 He had vanished in the air... 14 00:01:29,594 --> 00:01:31,594 MALE ACTOR: But how could he have escaped 15 00:01:31,594 --> 00:01:35,194 through a locked door and a barred window?! 16 00:01:35,194 --> 00:01:37,274 It's impossible! 17 00:01:37,274 --> 00:01:41,634 What evil creature of the night 18 00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:46,674 Was here and then took flight? 19 00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:51,434 What phantom in this chamber Yet may hide? 20 00:01:51,434 --> 00:01:55,474 What demon in his dark domain May yet remain? 21 00:01:55,474 --> 00:01:58,194 WHISPERED ARGUMENT 22 00:01:58,194 --> 00:02:02,634 What secrets in The Yellow Room reside? 23 00:02:07,434 --> 00:02:10,034 So, how did that work for you, then, tactically? 24 00:02:10,034 --> 00:02:12,394 You might know the man would try and bite you in the neck. 25 00:02:12,394 --> 00:02:15,514 I might know he'd try and bite me in the neck? No! 26 00:02:15,514 --> 00:02:19,354 Do we have to assume everyone in the theatre's a vampire now, do we? 27 00:02:19,354 --> 00:02:21,914 Hi, Polly and Jonathan Creek, MMP Marketing. 28 00:02:21,914 --> 00:02:23,674 we're here to see Zelda Niedlespascher. 29 00:02:23,674 --> 00:02:25,834 60 quid a throw, you expect a little decorum. 30 00:02:25,834 --> 00:02:28,474 I'd hate to see where they try and bite you in the cheap seats... 31 00:02:28,474 --> 00:02:30,794 Can't you ever turn a blind eye to these things? 32 00:02:33,034 --> 00:02:35,434 It may not be our biggest account, but very high profile, 33 00:02:35,434 --> 00:02:37,394 and it'll be great to get their creative input 34 00:02:37,394 --> 00:02:39,474 on the rebranding strategy for next year. 35 00:02:39,474 --> 00:02:44,034 Yeah, well, The Mystery of the Yellow Room? I'm sorry, Gaston Leroux? 36 00:02:44,034 --> 00:02:46,114 Only happens to be one of THE benchmark novels 37 00:02:46,114 --> 00:02:47,954 of impossible crime fiction. 38 00:02:47,954 --> 00:02:51,914 Whereas THAT was just two and a half hours of complete and utter tos... 39 00:02:51,914 --> 00:02:54,634 Ow! Polly and Jonathan, hello! Hello! 40 00:02:54,634 --> 00:02:56,394 Oh, mon Dieu, quel dommage! 41 00:02:56,394 --> 00:03:00,674 Mais, qu'est-ce qui s'est passe? On va au theatre, c'est comme la Bataille de la Somme. 42 00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:04,594 I know, I know, you don't have to say it. 43 00:03:04,594 --> 00:03:06,714 My whole interpretation in the gondola scene, 44 00:03:06,714 --> 00:03:10,154 it lacked phrasing, it lacked modulation, it lacked intensity. 45 00:03:10,154 --> 00:03:12,194 It also lacked the gondola. Did you notice? 46 00:03:12,194 --> 00:03:15,074 Three nights now, Zelda, we have to walk on water because the man in 47 00:03:15,074 --> 00:03:18,114 the wings with his toy boats can't pull a screwdriver out of his arse! 48 00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:20,314 What's going on? Yes, yes, we fix in the morning, OK? 49 00:03:20,314 --> 00:03:23,034 10:30, all the technicals. 50 00:03:25,274 --> 00:03:27,114 And I cast these people! 51 00:03:27,114 --> 00:03:30,794 A leading lady with no confidence, a leading man with no patience. 52 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:33,034 You want some true insights for your campaign? 53 00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:35,874 you should come back tomorrow and witness the chaos. 54 00:03:35,874 --> 00:03:38,714 Yes, well, tomorrow, sadly, we're out of town, aren't we? 55 00:03:38,714 --> 00:03:42,114 Sunday lunch at Sharon's with their little eight-year-old? 56 00:03:42,114 --> 00:03:44,554 Promised to go and say hello to the new pony. 57 00:03:44,554 --> 00:03:45,954 Or had you forgotten? 58 00:03:45,954 --> 00:03:49,114 No, no, no. I hadn't forgotten. 59 00:03:49,114 --> 00:03:50,594 Hey, Angus. 60 00:03:50,594 --> 00:03:54,394 You all right? Oh, I've got some post for you. 61 00:03:54,394 --> 00:03:56,594 Thank you. Night-night, sweetie. 62 00:04:30,794 --> 00:04:33,594 Was it a late one? 63 00:04:33,594 --> 00:04:34,834 Sorry. 64 00:04:36,114 --> 00:04:38,194 How was your day? 65 00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:39,834 You all right? 66 00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:56,634 HE GRUNTS 67 00:04:56,634 --> 00:04:58,434 Stop it. Stop it! 68 00:04:58,434 --> 00:05:00,434 Stop it, get off me! Get off! 69 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,354 What, what? For God's sake, what's wrong? 70 00:05:02,354 --> 00:05:05,754 What's wrong is that I'm not here any more, am I? 71 00:05:05,754 --> 00:05:08,994 It's just you and her! You're wrong. 72 00:05:08,994 --> 00:05:13,714 It's a sickness, Angus, what's going on with that woman in your head. 73 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:16,154 And I swear to God, you are going to have to deal with it, 74 00:05:16,154 --> 00:05:17,954 because I'm sorry, I can't! 75 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,754 No, well, listen, it works for Roger. 76 00:05:29,754 --> 00:05:32,234 I mean, an hour on the train each day, but what's that? 77 00:05:32,234 --> 00:05:35,194 And when you were born and brought up in the country, it's just... 78 00:05:35,194 --> 00:05:38,314 Cos obviously we've only just started looking around, but, 79 00:05:38,314 --> 00:05:42,634 no, definitely feeling the time's right now to make the move. 80 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:45,714 Anyway, listen. It's meant the world to her today, you coming over. 81 00:05:45,714 --> 00:05:47,834 Especially after that big upset this week, 82 00:05:47,834 --> 00:05:51,154 which, I have to say, she's taken amazingly well. 83 00:05:51,154 --> 00:05:53,034 Upset? 84 00:05:53,034 --> 00:05:58,194 Yeah. Last Tuesday was awful. Her imaginary friend died. 85 00:05:58,194 --> 00:06:00,754 They were out together playing in the garden, 86 00:06:00,754 --> 00:06:05,074 and this dragon came down and just completely burnt her alive, 87 00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:08,074 there on the spot, with its fiery breath. 88 00:06:08,074 --> 00:06:10,434 I mean, horrible, right? 89 00:06:10,434 --> 00:06:15,074 All that oozing skin, and eyes melting in their sockets? 90 00:06:16,954 --> 00:06:18,194 But listen - did I tell you? 91 00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:21,154 Ridley's going to be joining us for dinner tonight? Oh! 92 00:06:21,154 --> 00:06:23,394 Managed to sneak the weekend off from uni. 93 00:06:23,394 --> 00:06:26,114 You know he's been doing this module in advanced criminology? 94 00:06:26,114 --> 00:06:29,634 I tell you, it's like this genius talent he's got for working things out 95 00:06:29,634 --> 00:06:32,154 from the tiniest details and scraps of evidence. 96 00:06:32,154 --> 00:06:35,594 Of course, that's his big dream, is a career in forensic detection, 97 00:06:35,594 --> 00:06:38,794 so, obviously, you know, he's desperate to talk to your husband, 98 00:06:38,794 --> 00:06:41,434 about how to... Yeah. Jonathan's not a detective. 99 00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:44,194 No, no. But all those weird cases he's solved. 100 00:06:44,194 --> 00:06:47,194 Yeah, are the very thing we're trying to put behind us, Sharon. 101 00:06:47,194 --> 00:06:50,994 You know, it would be nice to live in the real world now if we can. 102 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:55,074 CHILD SCREAMS Ripley? What is it? What's happened! 103 00:06:55,074 --> 00:06:58,834 He chopped the head off my pony! 104 00:07:00,474 --> 00:07:02,874 Chopped the head off her pony? 105 00:07:02,874 --> 00:07:05,714 What? What? 106 00:07:05,714 --> 00:07:08,994 I was showing her some pictures I took of the two of them 107 00:07:08,994 --> 00:07:10,994 and I said, "I'm sorry about that one. 108 00:07:10,994 --> 00:07:14,034 "Looks like I've cut his head off." How could you say such a thing! 109 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,354 Don't you even think before you speak? 110 00:07:16,354 --> 00:07:17,994 She has a very vivid imagination. 111 00:07:17,994 --> 00:07:20,874 So what does she think I am now, some kind of hit man for the Mafia? 112 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,914 She's only got to go in the stable, hasn't she? 113 00:07:22,914 --> 00:07:26,074 See it's still standing there. Why would she go in the stable now, 114 00:07:26,074 --> 00:07:29,034 which she presumably thinks is swimming in horse's blood? 115 00:07:29,034 --> 00:07:32,994 Ripley, it's OK, he's fine, he's fine, I promise! 116 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:35,554 Ripley and Ridley. 117 00:07:35,554 --> 00:07:38,434 No prizes for guessing what her favourite film is. 118 00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:44,954 ROMANTIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC 119 00:07:48,194 --> 00:07:54,354 Drifting together in a daydream 120 00:07:54,354 --> 00:08:00,434 Floating for ever on a moonbeam 121 00:08:00,434 --> 00:08:03,554 Beneath a dark enchanted night 122 00:08:03,554 --> 00:08:06,714 Where silver stars Bestow their light 123 00:08:06,714 --> 00:08:10,634 Upon the waters from above 124 00:08:10,634 --> 00:08:12,714 Where on an evening such as this 125 00:08:12,714 --> 00:08:15,394 An angel watching our first kiss 126 00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:20,034 Came down and taught us how to love... 127 00:08:20,034 --> 00:08:22,074 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 128 00:08:22,074 --> 00:08:23,954 TUBA PARPS OFF KEY 129 00:08:23,954 --> 00:08:26,394 SHE COUGHS 130 00:08:26,394 --> 00:08:28,674 Oh, my God! For God's sake, Zelda! 131 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:31,114 It's all right, sweetheart, it's OK. 132 00:08:33,274 --> 00:08:34,914 What did I say? 133 00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:37,594 I said we'd not seen the last of that sweet and sour squid. 134 00:08:37,594 --> 00:08:40,034 Just a touch of mal de mer, you'll be fine. 135 00:08:40,034 --> 00:08:45,234 It's not that, Darryl, it's me, I'm rubbish. 136 00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:47,234 The things you read now. 137 00:08:47,234 --> 00:08:51,114 Apparently, I'm just this third-rate maladroit soubrette. 138 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,914 Blond, bland, and blind to her own inadequacies. 139 00:08:53,914 --> 00:08:56,754 Critics! It's the public you should listen to. 140 00:08:56,754 --> 00:09:00,714 Oh, that was the public. That was in the ladies toilet upstairs. 141 00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:02,754 Written on the cistern, in lipstick. 142 00:09:02,754 --> 00:09:04,794 TUBA PARPS 143 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:09,034 Today's fan club, tomorrow's lynch mob. What are they like? 144 00:09:09,034 --> 00:09:11,714 Here. Thank you. 145 00:09:11,714 --> 00:09:15,874 I tell you, there's some really frightening people out there. 146 00:09:15,874 --> 00:09:19,194 OK, first positions then, everyone, let's start again! 147 00:09:46,154 --> 00:09:48,554 Bye, Juno. Bye. 148 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:12,194 DISTANT YELLING 149 00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:17,354 GLASS SMASHES, DOG BARKS 150 00:10:19,154 --> 00:10:22,114 DISTANT SHOUTS 151 00:10:26,434 --> 00:10:29,234 You - Juno Pirelli? 152 00:10:29,234 --> 00:10:31,074 I've got a present for you. 153 00:10:31,074 --> 00:10:32,914 SHE GASPS 154 00:10:43,954 --> 00:10:49,514 Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God! No, no, no, no! 155 00:10:49,514 --> 00:10:54,874 No, no, no! No! Oh, no! Oh, no! 156 00:10:54,874 --> 00:10:56,834 What have you done?! 157 00:10:56,834 --> 00:11:00,474 Oh, shit, oh, shit! Jesus, what have you done?! 158 00:11:00,474 --> 00:11:03,354 Get away from her! Get away! Open that door! 159 00:11:05,074 --> 00:11:07,474 It's OK. JUNO GASPS 160 00:11:07,474 --> 00:11:09,434 TYRES SCREECH 161 00:11:13,594 --> 00:11:16,474 Mmm, smells great. Lovely. 162 00:11:16,474 --> 00:11:19,114 Oh, now, please, sugar, don't do that. 163 00:11:19,114 --> 00:11:22,634 That's only on trees, remember? Come away from there. 164 00:11:22,634 --> 00:11:27,834 Epitaph, for her imaginary friend? No, just likes carving her name. 165 00:11:27,834 --> 00:11:29,394 Which is all very well, but... 166 00:11:29,394 --> 00:11:32,954 Come on, Ripley, think it's way past your bedtime, so, off you go. 167 00:11:32,954 --> 00:11:36,594 Ah! Here he is, the man of the moment! 168 00:11:36,594 --> 00:11:39,434 How were the trains? You have a good journey? Yeah, fine. 169 00:11:39,434 --> 00:11:42,314 Ridley, this is Jonathan. 170 00:11:42,314 --> 00:11:45,754 Hi, Jonathan, a real pleasure. Me too. Polly, hi. 171 00:11:45,754 --> 00:11:47,434 Hello! 172 00:11:47,434 --> 00:11:50,274 So, I see you're just back from Reykjavik, both of you? 173 00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:53,754 Hope you had an enjoyable flight. I beg your pardon? 174 00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:58,154 Reykjavik? You never said! You see? This is what he does. 175 00:11:58,154 --> 00:12:00,554 How, I have absolutely no idea. 176 00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:03,394 Oh, come on, you make me sound like some kind of sorcerer! 177 00:12:03,394 --> 00:12:04,914 When, as Jonathan knows, 178 00:12:04,914 --> 00:12:07,834 there's no trick to the art of simple observation. 179 00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:10,274 The abrasions round the side of your neck, quite recent, 180 00:12:10,274 --> 00:12:12,274 quite deep, and quite nasty. 181 00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:13,634 Something feral at work. 182 00:12:13,634 --> 00:12:16,354 If not feral, then certainly not happy. A pet, perhaps? 183 00:12:16,354 --> 00:12:18,754 Provoked or antagonised? Or traumatised? 184 00:12:18,754 --> 00:12:21,474 In your bag, a diary entry, largely obscured, for yesterday. 185 00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:24,834 A visit somewhere, to a cemetery? A monastery? A presbytery? 186 00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:27,954 The name, Zelda, a touch too exotic. More plausibly feline. 187 00:12:27,954 --> 00:12:30,314 A cattery, then, but boarding or collecting? 188 00:12:30,314 --> 00:12:33,154 Allow room for Zelda. where. In a car full of bags? 189 00:12:33,154 --> 00:12:34,754 Returning from the airport, surely? 190 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,514 Why drop a cat off more than 24 hours before departure. 191 00:12:37,514 --> 00:12:40,474 And a week or two in a kennel would explain the feisty behaviour. 192 00:12:40,474 --> 00:12:43,194 The watch on your wrist, still set for a previous time zone, 193 00:12:43,194 --> 00:12:46,594 is one hour behind, which leaves us only Iceland or north-west Africa. 194 00:12:46,594 --> 00:12:50,394 Yet no discernible suntans and that faint reddening of the left eyelid. 195 00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:55,074 What else but a biting Arctic wind? So, you see. 196 00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:59,434 Really very simple. Anyway, if you'll excuse me a sec while I just, erm... 197 00:13:03,594 --> 00:13:07,034 Should I tell him it needs a new battery? 198 00:13:07,034 --> 00:13:11,354 Oh, God! Oh, my God, no! 199 00:13:11,354 --> 00:13:14,994 Sharon? What is it? You OK? What's happened? 200 00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:17,754 It's my dad. He's dead. 201 00:13:18,954 --> 00:13:20,674 What do you mean he's dead? 202 00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:24,034 It just says, "I'm sorry to let you know, 203 00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:28,274 "he just peacefully slipped away, about half an hour ago." 204 00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:34,354 Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God! Oh, Sharon, I'm so sorry. 205 00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:37,314 Oh, no! 206 00:13:37,314 --> 00:13:40,754 You know what? This isn't my phone! 207 00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:44,834 It must be your phone! Oh, thank you, God! 208 00:13:44,834 --> 00:13:46,914 Thank you so much! 209 00:13:46,914 --> 00:13:49,794 Cos I just naturally picked it up off there and... 210 00:13:49,794 --> 00:13:53,234 What a relief! I mean, that really scared me to... 211 00:13:55,754 --> 00:13:58,234 ..death. 212 00:13:58,234 --> 00:14:02,234 Oh, yeah, so that's, erm... 213 00:14:03,834 --> 00:14:05,114 You'll... 214 00:14:06,634 --> 00:14:08,274 ..probably want to... 215 00:14:15,394 --> 00:14:19,554 It's OK, you're going to be OK. 216 00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:23,794 Doesn't look like it's deep at all, as far as I can tell. 217 00:14:23,794 --> 00:14:25,194 It's just a flesh wound. 218 00:14:26,514 --> 00:14:27,754 Thank God. 219 00:14:27,754 --> 00:14:30,314 The thick coat, I think, took the worst of it. 220 00:14:41,794 --> 00:14:44,714 SHE COUGHS 221 00:14:46,234 --> 00:14:49,194 Why, Angus? Why? 222 00:14:50,794 --> 00:14:52,594 Y-You have to try and understand... 223 00:14:54,114 --> 00:14:57,114 She's in this really bad place at the moment. 224 00:14:57,114 --> 00:15:01,314 16 months. It's not getting any better. 225 00:15:01,314 --> 00:15:03,274 16 months since...? 226 00:15:05,754 --> 00:15:08,514 He was barely four-weeks-old. 227 00:15:08,514 --> 00:15:11,034 Emotionally, she's like... 228 00:15:11,034 --> 00:15:14,554 Everything's a conspiracy, everything's a threat. 229 00:15:14,554 --> 00:15:19,274 I try and tell her it's all in her mind, this morbid insecurity. 230 00:15:19,274 --> 00:15:21,834 I didn't mean to hurt you! 231 00:15:21,834 --> 00:15:24,274 Oh, God, what have I done?! 232 00:15:24,274 --> 00:15:26,394 SHE SOBS 233 00:15:26,394 --> 00:15:30,794 More time. She just needs more time. 234 00:15:30,794 --> 00:15:32,914 SOBBING CONTINUES 235 00:15:36,154 --> 00:15:39,234 No, no, you've done a wonderful job, Mr Partridge, thank you. 236 00:15:39,234 --> 00:15:40,314 It's just... 237 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:42,874 I think any more red in the cheeks and we'll be getting 238 00:15:42,874 --> 00:15:44,754 a bit Prince Harry. Yes. 239 00:15:44,754 --> 00:15:49,834 He just looks a bit... sad, I suppose. 240 00:15:49,834 --> 00:15:53,474 I suppose you would be. We can cheer him up if you'd prefer. 241 00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:57,434 Could you? Yes. Just perhaps, erm... 242 00:15:58,994 --> 00:16:00,514 Oh, God. 243 00:16:02,474 --> 00:16:04,834 Things hadn't been good for some time, but... 244 00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:07,634 Just seemed to go downhill so fast. 245 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,914 It seems like only yesterday he was here 246 00:16:09,914 --> 00:16:12,394 making arrangements for your dear mother. 247 00:16:12,394 --> 00:16:13,674 11 years. 248 00:16:13,674 --> 00:16:16,314 Is it really? 249 00:16:16,314 --> 00:16:20,394 And so, great big empty house there, now. 250 00:16:20,394 --> 00:16:23,634 What will you do, will you put it on the market, do you think? 251 00:16:23,634 --> 00:16:25,594 Oh, who knows? 252 00:16:29,394 --> 00:16:31,394 Why is everything so hard? 253 00:16:31,394 --> 00:16:33,394 Rigor mortis, I think you'll find. 254 00:17:16,074 --> 00:17:17,834 How can a house die? 255 00:17:19,874 --> 00:17:23,674 It doesn't have to. It's whatever we put into it. 256 00:17:25,354 --> 00:17:27,554 I'm sure they'd both have wanted that. 257 00:17:31,434 --> 00:17:34,154 And for the life of me, I'm still not getting this. 258 00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,554 You won't go to the hospital, or the police? 259 00:17:36,554 --> 00:17:38,234 Bloody woman needs locking up! 260 00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:41,354 She needs help! Darryl, if you'd been there... 261 00:17:41,354 --> 00:17:45,594 And all I could think was, what would it do to me, you know? 262 00:17:45,594 --> 00:17:48,634 It's like, where is the justice in her life? 263 00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:52,074 Come on, I turn up at A & E now, with a stab wound? 264 00:17:52,074 --> 00:17:54,154 It's going to be a bit tricky to explain. 265 00:17:54,154 --> 00:17:56,314 God forbid we ever let a jury near this - 266 00:17:56,314 --> 00:17:58,554 they're the people that write on toilet cisterns. 267 00:17:58,554 --> 00:18:01,074 Well, you need to get that looked at, young lady, 268 00:18:01,074 --> 00:18:03,434 and by someone who's handy with a needle. 269 00:18:03,434 --> 00:18:06,194 I might know someone. Meantime... 270 00:18:06,194 --> 00:18:07,754 Meantime... 271 00:18:11,194 --> 00:18:13,554 ..you think you might have something? 272 00:18:13,554 --> 00:18:18,434 For you, my sweet, always. I'm a magician, you know that. 273 00:18:18,434 --> 00:18:21,794 When was it, you said, last year in that Joe Orton, 274 00:18:21,794 --> 00:18:24,474 a certain well-known young actress with a Caesarean scar? 275 00:18:24,474 --> 00:18:28,674 You had to come up with this special prosthetic. See? 276 00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:33,994 You star turn! We'll make this work, won't we? 277 00:18:33,994 --> 00:18:36,114 Cos I promised him, you know? For her. 278 00:18:47,034 --> 00:18:48,754 Two minutes for the pasta. 279 00:18:48,754 --> 00:18:53,594 I managed to cobble a sauce together, of sorts. What's that? 280 00:18:53,594 --> 00:18:57,314 No, just having a nose around. Found it in one of those books. 281 00:18:57,314 --> 00:19:00,234 Oh, yeah, from the local paper. 282 00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:05,314 Used to keep this next to him, just there on his desk. 283 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:09,754 Shame about the blasted coffee ring. 284 00:19:09,754 --> 00:19:11,994 Got the look of a halo ... 285 00:19:11,994 --> 00:19:15,274 Yeah, well. To him, she was always a saint. 286 00:19:23,874 --> 00:19:28,194 Oh, God, yes. Ironic after yesterday. 287 00:19:28,194 --> 00:19:30,154 Me with my imaginary friend. 288 00:19:30,154 --> 00:19:33,194 Polly and Orez. "Oreth"? 289 00:19:33,194 --> 00:19:36,234 Name my mum came up with because she was half Spanish. 290 00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:43,354 Tickled me at the time, all those funny little Latin references 291 00:19:43,354 --> 00:19:44,994 when I was growing up. 292 00:19:48,434 --> 00:19:52,634 Oh, God, it was never going to be easy, was it? 293 00:19:52,634 --> 00:19:54,714 Come on, shall we... shall we go and eat? 294 00:19:59,514 --> 00:20:03,674 Some mysteries our hearts Cannot conceive 295 00:20:03,674 --> 00:20:08,594 And when the story-teller's Tale is spun, and we are one 296 00:20:08,594 --> 00:20:16,154 BOTH: What secrets will The Yellow Room reveal? 297 00:20:20,994 --> 00:20:23,834 I'm in front of 1,500 people back there for God's sake. 298 00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:26,114 This bloody thing keeps coming back on. 299 00:20:28,154 --> 00:20:30,634 Look, it's ridiculous! 300 00:20:34,394 --> 00:20:36,674 SHE GASPS 301 00:21:03,874 --> 00:21:05,754 KNOCK AT DOOR 302 00:21:05,754 --> 00:21:09,594 Darling, can I leave these with you to sign? OK. 303 00:21:09,594 --> 00:21:13,674 Some children from my old ballet school. Just a sec, Zelda. 304 00:21:13,674 --> 00:21:16,834 They thought you were sensational tonight! When you have the time. 305 00:21:16,834 --> 00:21:21,114 Yes! Surely. Bye, my darling. Night, Zelda. 306 00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:23,794 Oh, Chloe! Tu etais parfaite ce soir... 307 00:21:27,474 --> 00:21:29,514 SHE WINCES 308 00:22:00,434 --> 00:22:03,034 SHE CRIES OUT 309 00:22:03,034 --> 00:22:06,554 Juno? Are you all right in there? 310 00:22:09,674 --> 00:22:14,434 Mon Dieu! Oh, my precious one! 311 00:22:16,194 --> 00:22:19,314 What in the name of God? 312 00:22:19,314 --> 00:22:23,314 Someone get an ambulance and ring for the police! 313 00:22:23,314 --> 00:22:26,354 What happened? She's been stabbed! 314 00:22:26,354 --> 00:22:30,554 But how? No-one came in or out of the room, I would have seen! 315 00:22:30,554 --> 00:22:33,114 We all would have seen! There was nobody here! 316 00:22:33,114 --> 00:22:34,674 The whole thing is impossible! 317 00:22:36,794 --> 00:22:39,794 Why am I remembering that Conrad Veidt silent classic, 318 00:22:39,794 --> 00:22:41,834 The Man Who Laughs? 319 00:22:41,834 --> 00:22:45,594 You think they might have gone too far now, in the other direction? 320 00:22:47,634 --> 00:22:49,194 HE CLEARS THROAT 321 00:23:06,434 --> 00:23:12,034 Yes, I know, I know. Oh, Jonathan. This is Hazel. 322 00:23:12,034 --> 00:23:15,274 Auntie Hazel. Hello. My mum's closest friend. 323 00:23:15,274 --> 00:23:19,074 Just always been around, haven't you? 324 00:23:19,074 --> 00:23:22,474 For my dad, especially these last few weeks. 325 00:23:24,554 --> 00:23:25,874 I'm so grateful. 326 00:23:25,874 --> 00:23:30,474 And listen, Polly. One word, if I may, at this difficult time? 327 00:23:30,474 --> 00:23:32,074 Hope. 328 00:23:33,194 --> 00:23:38,954 You know, it's only a week since I lost my mother who was 86, but... 329 00:23:38,954 --> 00:23:40,674 Doesn't make it any easier. 330 00:23:40,674 --> 00:23:44,154 And all I'm saying, and I want you to think about this, 331 00:23:44,154 --> 00:23:46,714 the end can actually be a beginning 332 00:23:46,714 --> 00:23:50,274 if you open your eyes and your mind, to other possibilities. 333 00:23:51,474 --> 00:23:55,914 What are these? Well. You tell me, Polly, what you see in them. 334 00:23:55,914 --> 00:24:00,874 Angels, ghosts. The spirits of departed souls who just happen 335 00:24:00,874 --> 00:24:03,074 to have been caught on camera. 336 00:24:03,074 --> 00:24:05,274 This one just takes your breath away. 337 00:24:05,274 --> 00:24:08,154 You see there, in the fountain? 338 00:24:08,154 --> 00:24:10,394 This was my granddaughter, Gracie, who I swear, 339 00:24:10,394 --> 00:24:13,274 had no idea the angel was behind her. 340 00:24:13,274 --> 00:24:16,834 Although she does say that she felt like a cold shiver 341 00:24:16,834 --> 00:24:19,674 on the back of her neck as she was sitting there. Go on? 342 00:24:19,674 --> 00:24:23,834 Then there was my Auntie Norma here saying a prayer in the sky. 343 00:24:23,834 --> 00:24:25,834 OK, yes, with her hands pressed together. 344 00:24:25,834 --> 00:24:28,474 That was taken ten years to the day after she died. 345 00:24:28,474 --> 00:24:30,594 PHONE RINGS 346 00:24:30,594 --> 00:24:31,914 QUIETLY: Jonathan Creek. 347 00:24:31,914 --> 00:24:34,874 Now obviously I know, there's a lot of people just think this is 348 00:24:34,874 --> 00:24:36,834 all completely cranky, but... 349 00:24:36,834 --> 00:24:42,314 My God! No, that's erm... Yeah. 350 00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:44,194 Distinctly odd. 351 00:24:44,194 --> 00:24:46,714 Hang onto those, I've got copies. 352 00:24:46,714 --> 00:24:51,754 And I'm just writing you a link now to a website, 353 00:24:51,754 --> 00:24:55,754 that just gave me so much comfort. Thank you. 354 00:24:55,754 --> 00:24:59,114 Well, weird or what? That was Zelda. 355 00:24:59,114 --> 00:25:00,754 Yellow Room producer? 356 00:25:00,754 --> 00:25:05,194 Juno Pirelli, the star of the show, is in hospital in a coma. 357 00:25:05,194 --> 00:25:07,274 They found her last night in her dressing room 358 00:25:07,274 --> 00:25:10,114 after the performance, stabbed in the stomach. 359 00:25:10,114 --> 00:25:11,634 And from what she's just told me... 360 00:25:11,634 --> 00:25:13,514 Please don't say it. 361 00:25:13,514 --> 00:25:15,714 Not a bloody impossible crime. 362 00:25:15,714 --> 00:25:19,874 Ooh, now, then. Do I hear the words work experience? 363 00:25:22,554 --> 00:25:25,074 They are thinking perhaps some kind of crazed fan 364 00:25:25,074 --> 00:25:28,274 with an obsession about the story in the show. 365 00:25:28,274 --> 00:25:30,394 But in the show, of course, we explain... 366 00:25:30,394 --> 00:25:33,354 The injuries had all occurred before the character went in the room. 367 00:25:33,354 --> 00:25:37,394 Yes, but here only ten minutes before, not a mark on her body. 368 00:25:37,394 --> 00:25:38,754 I saw with my own eyes! 369 00:26:07,434 --> 00:26:09,514 Morning! How are you today, Polly? 370 00:26:10,874 --> 00:26:14,354 Wasn't sure if I'd still find you here. No, well... 371 00:26:14,354 --> 00:26:16,754 We were overdue some downtime from the office, so. 372 00:26:20,394 --> 00:26:22,674 Question is, I suppose, 373 00:26:22,674 --> 00:26:25,114 whether I can bear to imagine anyone else living here. 374 00:26:26,394 --> 00:26:30,154 Or whether it's fate, in a way, that's brought us back... 375 00:26:30,154 --> 00:26:32,954 You all right today, Hazel? You look as though you've seen a ghost. 376 00:26:42,074 --> 00:26:44,314 OK, OK. 377 00:26:44,314 --> 00:26:48,794 Early intimations only, but... A crime of passion, we can fairly assume. 378 00:26:48,794 --> 00:26:53,714 A lover, very much her senior, age 50-51, possibly 52. 379 00:26:53,714 --> 00:26:57,794 A tall man. Somewhat simian in appearance. In excess of 6'. 380 00:26:57,794 --> 00:27:00,914 Disproportionately long arms and big hands. 381 00:27:00,914 --> 00:27:04,874 And, dare I venture, no mean athlete in the bedroom department. 382 00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:08,034 We know from the angle of penetration the blade was inserted from below. 383 00:27:08,034 --> 00:27:10,594 The victim's in a state of undress, yet comfortable with her 384 00:27:10,594 --> 00:27:12,954 assailant's proximity. They were clearly embracing. 385 00:27:12,954 --> 00:27:15,594 The force of the blow implies recoil. Witness three grey hairs 386 00:27:15,594 --> 00:27:18,034 on the door where the back of his head made contact. 387 00:27:18,034 --> 00:27:20,434 The position gives us his height. The colour, his age. 388 00:27:20,434 --> 00:27:23,514 Very early 50s. Any older would make the liaison improbable. 389 00:27:23,514 --> 00:27:25,754 A dead wasp in the saucer - has to be recent. 390 00:27:25,754 --> 00:27:27,514 But swatted against the wall too high up, 391 00:27:27,514 --> 00:27:30,394 too far across, for all but our elongated giant to reach. 392 00:27:31,474 --> 00:27:33,994 The thickness of the magazine he rolled up bears testament 393 00:27:33,994 --> 00:27:35,354 to the girth of his grip. 394 00:27:35,354 --> 00:27:36,674 His sexual prowess? 395 00:27:37,994 --> 00:27:40,554 Such an ungainly man surely had some allure. 396 00:27:40,554 --> 00:27:41,994 As for his means of exit... 397 00:27:53,674 --> 00:27:55,234 Of course. 398 00:27:55,234 --> 00:27:59,194 She could have climbed on a chair and used both hands? 399 00:28:01,114 --> 00:28:05,434 And I've seen a grey angora sweater hanging on that hook in there. 400 00:28:06,994 --> 00:28:08,994 But then, what do we know? 401 00:28:11,354 --> 00:28:15,154 Have to make a start tomorrow, I suppose, on the dreaded clothes. 402 00:28:15,154 --> 00:28:18,154 If anything's guaranteed to finish me off... 403 00:28:18,154 --> 00:28:21,554 All these people who talk about catharsis and closure. 404 00:28:21,554 --> 00:28:26,714 I know. As if grief can be just stuffed into a black bin liner 405 00:28:26,714 --> 00:28:28,154 and sent to Oxfam. 406 00:28:30,474 --> 00:28:31,714 You've had a long day. 407 00:28:32,714 --> 00:28:33,834 Come on. 408 00:28:37,794 --> 00:28:41,434 So how did all that go this morning, at the theatre? 409 00:28:42,434 --> 00:28:45,154 Are you any the wiser about what happened? 410 00:28:45,154 --> 00:28:46,274 Oh, I dunno. 411 00:28:47,514 --> 00:28:50,994 What's that about the torch being passed to the new generation? 412 00:28:51,994 --> 00:28:54,554 Think I may just be getting very old. 413 00:28:56,434 --> 00:28:58,354 Yeah, well, I wasn't going to tell you this, 414 00:28:58,354 --> 00:29:02,674 but while you were there I had another visit from our friend Hazel. 415 00:29:04,114 --> 00:29:06,594 And if you thought those photographs took the biscuit... 416 00:29:07,714 --> 00:29:11,674 It's like she had this weird story she absolutely swears is true. 417 00:29:14,874 --> 00:29:17,754 'You remember last week she told us her mother died? 418 00:29:17,754 --> 00:29:20,514 '86, apparently, but still had her own house. 419 00:29:22,314 --> 00:29:26,434 'And after she left here yesterday, she went up to the crematorium 420 00:29:26,434 --> 00:29:30,114 'to collect the ashes. Took them back there to scatter in the garden. 421 00:29:31,754 --> 00:29:33,194 'Suddenly, her phone rings...' 422 00:29:33,194 --> 00:29:34,834 PHONE RINGS 423 00:29:36,474 --> 00:29:39,754 '..and they go everywhere.' Oh, no! 424 00:29:39,754 --> 00:29:42,074 Hello? 'The phone call's from her next door neighbour 425 00:29:42,074 --> 00:29:44,794 'to say that the cat has got out of the house onto a busy main road, 426 00:29:44,794 --> 00:29:47,754 'so in a mad panic, she has to dash straight out again. 427 00:29:47,754 --> 00:29:50,714 'Couple of hours later she comes back 428 00:29:50,714 --> 00:29:52,154 'ready to clear it all up. 429 00:29:54,474 --> 00:29:56,114 'Except now they've gone. 430 00:29:56,114 --> 00:29:58,474 'They've completely vanished from the room, 431 00:29:58,474 --> 00:30:01,754 'and she's absolutely adamant there was nobody else in the house, 432 00:30:01,754 --> 00:30:04,154 'it was all locked up, she was the only one with a key. 433 00:30:04,154 --> 00:30:06,634 'There were no windows open, no draughts or breezes, 434 00:30:06,634 --> 00:30:08,634 'or anything that could have got to them. 435 00:30:08,634 --> 00:30:11,234 'It was like, in her words, it was just as if...' 436 00:30:11,234 --> 00:30:13,314 God must have taken her... 437 00:30:14,954 --> 00:30:15,994 ..to heaven. 438 00:30:18,354 --> 00:30:20,594 So is that it then, do you think? 439 00:30:21,834 --> 00:30:24,594 It's a terrible thing when your mind starts to go. 440 00:30:25,954 --> 00:30:28,834 And to think what a loyal friend she was to my mum. 441 00:30:31,274 --> 00:30:34,314 And such a tower of strength, at the end, when she... 442 00:30:34,314 --> 00:30:35,474 HE SNORES 443 00:30:42,794 --> 00:30:46,954 Apparition born in hell 444 00:30:46,954 --> 00:30:49,234 Ghostly, ghastly 445 00:30:49,234 --> 00:30:51,474 Through the gloom... 446 00:30:52,594 --> 00:30:55,354 OK, time to dive in, I suppose. 447 00:30:55,354 --> 00:30:58,554 Is it me or is there something different here? 448 00:30:58,554 --> 00:31:02,714 This was her last performance, same night as the stabbing. 449 00:31:03,754 --> 00:31:06,194 Off someone's phone in the audience. 450 00:31:09,674 --> 00:31:12,794 Dunno. Maybe not quite the same passion? 451 00:31:14,754 --> 00:31:16,274 Bit of an off-night, maybe. 452 00:31:16,274 --> 00:31:18,994 Hmm. I'll come and give you a hand in a bit. 453 00:31:20,234 --> 00:31:21,274 No rush. 454 00:31:59,474 --> 00:32:00,794 How you getting on? OK? 455 00:32:02,794 --> 00:32:04,394 What have you found? 456 00:32:04,394 --> 00:32:07,994 I dunno. Looks like a note from my mum just before she died. 457 00:32:09,394 --> 00:32:10,914 Virtually unreadable. 458 00:32:10,914 --> 00:32:13,434 I remember she could barely hold a pen by that time. 459 00:32:13,434 --> 00:32:14,594 "My Dearest Peter, 460 00:32:14,594 --> 00:32:17,434 "I have just one final heartfelt request..." 461 00:32:18,354 --> 00:32:20,754 I think that is. "Under the... 462 00:32:20,754 --> 00:32:24,314 "something, something or other you'll find a box. 463 00:32:24,314 --> 00:32:28,034 "Please, please destroy without opening. Cathy." 464 00:32:29,794 --> 00:32:32,554 "Under the thin backroom." 465 00:32:32,554 --> 00:32:33,834 Bedroom, is it? 466 00:32:34,994 --> 00:32:37,354 Bedroom! Bedroom... 467 00:32:38,954 --> 00:32:40,634 Flowerbed? Floorboard, maybe? 468 00:32:40,634 --> 00:32:42,554 Er... 469 00:32:42,554 --> 00:32:44,914 "Under the third bedroom floorboard, 470 00:32:44,914 --> 00:32:47,234 "you'll find a box." 471 00:32:47,234 --> 00:32:48,794 PHONE RINGS 472 00:32:55,914 --> 00:32:57,314 Hello? 473 00:32:57,314 --> 00:32:59,154 Oh, hi, Hazel, how are you? 474 00:33:01,314 --> 00:33:02,954 This afternoon? 475 00:33:02,954 --> 00:33:06,234 Erm... Well, I suppose I could. 476 00:33:06,234 --> 00:33:07,354 What time? 477 00:33:09,994 --> 00:33:11,794 Third bedroom floorboard. 478 00:33:13,154 --> 00:33:15,514 Third floorboard, but from which end? 479 00:33:16,954 --> 00:33:18,154 Or try both... 480 00:33:46,634 --> 00:33:47,874 Ahh! 481 00:33:48,994 --> 00:33:51,274 Oh, my God! Is that you in there? 482 00:33:51,274 --> 00:33:52,394 Yes! 483 00:33:52,394 --> 00:33:54,594 God Almighty, you scared me to death! 484 00:34:01,994 --> 00:34:05,874 Sorry, I was just under the third bedroom floorboard. 485 00:34:05,874 --> 00:34:09,194 This is the third bedroom and this has got to be the floorboard. 486 00:34:09,194 --> 00:34:12,194 It's the only one that's not nailed down. Fairly obviously. 487 00:34:13,994 --> 00:34:16,754 Maybe he did find it, and did exactly as she asked him to... 488 00:34:18,634 --> 00:34:19,994 Hang on a sec. 489 00:34:25,874 --> 00:34:28,234 What did she say? Please destroy without opening? 490 00:34:28,234 --> 00:34:29,474 Yes, bugger that. 491 00:35:03,674 --> 00:35:05,394 I'm so sorry. 492 00:35:05,394 --> 00:35:08,114 Not really what you wanted on top of everything else. 493 00:35:08,114 --> 00:35:10,754 Two years... 494 00:35:10,754 --> 00:35:13,874 looks like this was going on. Thank God he didn't find them. 495 00:35:15,274 --> 00:35:18,194 Sounds as if it got pretty heavy, on both sides. 496 00:35:18,194 --> 00:35:19,994 You imagine? 497 00:35:19,994 --> 00:35:22,554 Behind his back... 498 00:35:22,554 --> 00:35:23,874 for two years. I... 499 00:35:25,434 --> 00:35:26,514 I can't believe it. 500 00:35:28,474 --> 00:35:30,074 And Septimus? 501 00:35:30,074 --> 00:35:33,754 Who the bloody hell is Septimus? Septimus who? Hmm. 502 00:35:48,554 --> 00:35:51,634 These all her books in this room, I take it. 503 00:35:51,634 --> 00:35:52,674 What? 504 00:35:54,394 --> 00:35:56,394 God, you think you know people. 505 00:35:56,394 --> 00:35:59,074 Someone you grew up with your whole life! 506 00:36:00,274 --> 00:36:02,754 And you realise you actually never knew them at all. 507 00:36:09,794 --> 00:36:11,874 Oh. I didn't hear you go out. 508 00:36:11,874 --> 00:36:15,634 Yep, just up the road. Had to get an orange, so... 509 00:36:16,754 --> 00:36:19,994 Right. For any particular reason or just...? 510 00:36:19,994 --> 00:36:25,074 No. Just when I was in that dressing room I saw something. 511 00:36:25,074 --> 00:36:28,194 Corner of my eye... Didn't sit right. 512 00:36:29,314 --> 00:36:31,274 Sometimes if you can get back in the moment 513 00:36:31,274 --> 00:36:34,394 and recreate the association, one thing'll trigger the other. 514 00:36:37,994 --> 00:36:40,074 So where is it you're going again? You did say. 515 00:36:40,074 --> 00:36:43,034 Oh, this Hazel woman. What was that all about again? 516 00:36:45,194 --> 00:36:46,554 Her mother's ashes. 517 00:36:46,554 --> 00:36:49,354 She went to collect them the other day, from the crematorium 518 00:36:49,354 --> 00:36:52,474 and when she got back... That was it. 519 00:36:52,474 --> 00:36:54,434 That was it. 520 00:36:54,434 --> 00:36:57,154 Sawjoy. On the picture. What? 521 00:36:57,154 --> 00:36:59,794 Signature of an artist on a big abstract painting 522 00:36:59,794 --> 00:37:00,914 that was on her wall. 523 00:37:02,114 --> 00:37:03,834 You have to say, that was odd. 524 00:37:03,834 --> 00:37:06,834 Sawjoy? Does sound very made-up. 525 00:37:06,834 --> 00:37:08,994 What's that got to do with anything? 526 00:37:08,994 --> 00:37:12,434 Erm, no, the fact that it sounds made-up is not what was odd. 527 00:37:12,434 --> 00:37:14,514 Sorry, you were saying? About Hazel. 528 00:37:15,794 --> 00:37:17,114 I'll tell you when I get back. 529 00:37:21,994 --> 00:37:23,954 I mean, no, when you think 530 00:37:23,954 --> 00:37:28,554 I knew her probably better than anyone, but Septimus? 531 00:37:28,554 --> 00:37:32,834 No, I never heard her mention that name before, ever. 532 00:37:32,834 --> 00:37:37,354 Septimus who? Well, exactly! And it's all there, in black and white. 533 00:37:37,354 --> 00:37:39,234 Stuff they got up to, you've no idea. 534 00:37:40,394 --> 00:37:42,314 Talk about a shock to the system. 535 00:37:42,314 --> 00:37:45,874 Anyway, look, thanks so much for popping round. 536 00:37:45,874 --> 00:37:48,674 I do appreciate it. Erm, shall we? 537 00:37:51,794 --> 00:37:56,154 So, when you said on the phone about grasping the nettle this afternoon, 538 00:37:56,154 --> 00:37:58,074 what exactly did...? 539 00:37:58,074 --> 00:38:00,434 Sorry, has there been a power cut? 540 00:38:00,434 --> 00:38:05,194 Patience, I think, Polly, is all that's required. 541 00:38:05,194 --> 00:38:06,234 You see... 542 00:38:07,794 --> 00:38:09,034 ..I know she's here. 543 00:38:24,314 --> 00:38:25,914 PHONE RINGS 544 00:38:28,714 --> 00:38:30,514 Jonathan! 545 00:38:30,514 --> 00:38:33,034 Hi, is this a good moment? It's Ridley. 546 00:38:33,034 --> 00:38:34,794 Yeah. Hi, Ridley, How you doing? 547 00:38:34,794 --> 00:38:36,874 Surprisingly well, surprisingly well. 548 00:38:36,874 --> 00:38:39,474 Though hobbled for a while, I must admit, 549 00:38:39,474 --> 00:38:43,674 by the ingenuity of a master strategist in this case, 550 00:38:43,674 --> 00:38:46,994 who relied upon us all accepting the prima facie evidence 551 00:38:46,994 --> 00:38:49,634 of an attack that took place within the woman's dressing room. 552 00:38:49,634 --> 00:38:51,594 Crucially, the upward incision of the blade, 553 00:38:51,594 --> 00:38:54,674 which meant the assailant had to be standing close against the victim. 554 00:38:54,674 --> 00:38:55,874 But did it? 555 00:38:55,874 --> 00:38:58,834 Take the pieces of this puzzle apart. The direction of the wound, 556 00:38:58,834 --> 00:39:02,194 the copious bleeding on the floor, and put them back together again, 557 00:39:02,194 --> 00:39:04,514 and a very different picture emerges... 558 00:39:06,274 --> 00:39:09,394 ..of a lithe young singer-dancer, we know looks after her body, 559 00:39:09,394 --> 00:39:13,994 and with her nightly work-out presents the perfect inverted target 560 00:39:13,994 --> 00:39:16,594 for a weapon with a disappearing missile. 561 00:39:24,434 --> 00:39:25,954 Oh! 562 00:39:32,354 --> 00:39:35,834 Coolly constructed in every sense, who would suspect a crossbow 563 00:39:35,834 --> 00:39:38,834 firing a shard of frozen blood? 564 00:39:38,834 --> 00:39:42,874 Designed to kill and then instantly melt away without trace. 565 00:39:42,874 --> 00:39:45,274 OK? Yeah, er... 566 00:39:45,274 --> 00:39:48,194 I see where you're coming from, Ridley. I certainly missed that one. 567 00:39:48,194 --> 00:39:49,434 Elementary, my dear Holmes. 568 00:39:49,434 --> 00:39:52,354 And, based on some other research, I've got a pretty good idea now 569 00:39:52,354 --> 00:39:54,674 about the identity of the perpetrator, 570 00:39:54,674 --> 00:39:57,594 which, with everyone's indulgence, I was planning on erm... 571 00:40:05,274 --> 00:40:06,994 Holmes... 572 00:40:08,434 --> 00:40:09,514 Holmes! 573 00:40:30,834 --> 00:40:33,834 You know what, Hazel, I really will need to be getting along in a minute, 574 00:40:33,834 --> 00:40:35,394 because... Wait! 575 00:40:35,394 --> 00:40:37,674 What's that? 576 00:40:37,674 --> 00:40:38,914 A presence! 577 00:40:40,634 --> 00:40:42,114 You feel it, Polly? 578 00:40:42,114 --> 00:40:46,914 Like a kind of faint vibration, almost. In the air. 579 00:40:51,114 --> 00:40:54,154 MACHINERY WHIRS 580 00:41:22,514 --> 00:41:24,554 MACHINE BLEEPS MELODICALLY 581 00:42:07,034 --> 00:42:09,354 Oh, God, are you serious? 582 00:42:09,354 --> 00:42:11,674 Actually I was thinking I might drop by there again, 583 00:42:11,674 --> 00:42:15,074 so if you were going to be around then maybe... 584 00:42:15,074 --> 00:42:16,634 Yeah, OK. 585 00:42:16,634 --> 00:42:18,474 Thanks, Zelda, bye. 586 00:42:20,674 --> 00:42:23,074 Oh, hi. You were a while. 587 00:42:23,074 --> 00:42:25,754 Things all seem to be hotting up, 588 00:42:25,754 --> 00:42:27,714 apparently, on the Yellow Room front, so... 589 00:42:27,714 --> 00:42:30,434 Yes, well, we've cleared up one mystery there at any rate. 590 00:42:31,794 --> 00:42:34,914 An urn full of ashes she spills all over her mother's carpet, 591 00:42:34,914 --> 00:42:36,434 went away for a couple of hours 592 00:42:36,434 --> 00:42:38,634 and when she gets back they've just disappeared. 593 00:42:38,634 --> 00:42:42,034 Without any explanation. And do you know what it was? 594 00:42:42,034 --> 00:42:44,194 Robot vacuum cleaner? 595 00:42:44,194 --> 00:42:47,314 Pardon? A robot vacuum cleaner! 596 00:42:48,594 --> 00:42:51,834 Do you not think that's the most absurd unlikely scenario 597 00:42:51,834 --> 00:42:53,354 you could possibly imagine? 598 00:42:54,714 --> 00:42:55,914 So...was it? 599 00:42:58,354 --> 00:42:59,554 Yes. 600 00:43:00,634 --> 00:43:03,314 Programmed for half past three, as it turns out, by the old dear 601 00:43:03,314 --> 00:43:05,714 every afternoon. Makes sense. 602 00:43:05,714 --> 00:43:07,434 OK! 603 00:43:07,434 --> 00:43:11,474 OK, well, maybe you can make sense of this. 604 00:43:15,954 --> 00:43:19,914 On a tombstone in the churchyard directly behind my mother's grave. 605 00:43:19,914 --> 00:43:22,234 I mean, it can't just be a coincidence. 606 00:43:22,234 --> 00:43:25,234 Except that he died at least three years before those love letters 607 00:43:25,234 --> 00:43:27,794 were written. Septimus Noone. 608 00:43:30,274 --> 00:43:32,474 No, I'd say that far from being a coincidence, 609 00:43:32,474 --> 00:43:36,594 it fits in with everything else here absolutely perfectly. 610 00:43:36,594 --> 00:43:39,554 Only, one thing at a time, I'm afraid. 611 00:43:40,714 --> 00:43:46,034 I'm going to need you to run me back to the theatre, if you would. 612 00:43:46,034 --> 00:43:49,794 Our young friend Ridley's asked them all to assemble on the stage 613 00:43:49,794 --> 00:43:53,114 at six cos he wants to announce his big solution, 614 00:43:53,114 --> 00:43:56,274 which, as you can imagine, is completely preposterous, 615 00:43:56,274 --> 00:44:00,034 but arguably no more preposterous than the real solution, 616 00:44:00,034 --> 00:44:03,994 which, unfortunately, there's only one way to confirm now. 617 00:44:03,994 --> 00:44:06,914 By going back into that dressing room. So... 618 00:44:08,554 --> 00:44:09,954 ..whenever you're ready. 619 00:44:26,994 --> 00:44:28,474 Jonathan? 620 00:44:32,514 --> 00:44:36,154 (OK, you know what to do. I just need three minutes.) 621 00:44:36,154 --> 00:44:38,434 (I can't! I can't do this sort of thing! 622 00:44:38,434 --> 00:44:41,234 (How am I supposed to just suddenly pretend to scream in agony?) 623 00:44:41,234 --> 00:44:42,914 (I don't know. 624 00:44:42,914 --> 00:44:45,874 (Remember when you got halfway through Piers Morgan's memoirs? 625 00:44:45,874 --> 00:44:47,114 (Just call on some of that.) 626 00:45:00,634 --> 00:45:02,834 Aaaaah! 627 00:45:02,834 --> 00:45:04,234 Oooh! 628 00:45:05,274 --> 00:45:08,194 Oh! Oh, my God, are you OK, madam? 629 00:45:08,194 --> 00:45:11,874 Yeah, I just fell down the stairs. Ooh! Aahh! 630 00:45:11,874 --> 00:45:14,674 Let me take your weight. It's OK. OK. 631 00:45:16,034 --> 00:45:19,874 Steady. Up on the step. Let's have a look. OK. 632 00:45:22,674 --> 00:45:24,994 I can't believe we're all taking this seriously! 633 00:45:24,994 --> 00:45:26,994 And who is this Ridley person anyway? 634 00:45:26,994 --> 00:45:29,834 Well, he seems to be making more progress than the police over here, 635 00:45:29,834 --> 00:45:31,714 but we have to wait and see. 636 00:45:31,714 --> 00:45:34,194 From what they're saying at the hospital, 637 00:45:34,194 --> 00:45:36,274 this could soon be a murder inquiry. 638 00:45:44,434 --> 00:45:46,754 What are you doing here? 639 00:45:46,754 --> 00:45:48,634 Rachel, come on! 640 00:45:48,634 --> 00:45:50,794 Come on. 641 00:45:50,794 --> 00:45:52,154 This is scary. 642 00:45:52,154 --> 00:45:53,314 Did you hear what she said? 643 00:45:54,834 --> 00:45:56,194 A murder inquiry. 644 00:46:00,554 --> 00:46:02,714 I don't think it's broken. Let's just... 645 00:46:02,714 --> 00:46:04,114 Let me just feel. Ooh! 646 00:46:07,434 --> 00:46:10,274 My husband's here, thanks ever so much. 647 00:46:10,274 --> 00:46:13,114 Yeah, that's great. Oh, my pleasure. Just take it easy. 648 00:46:13,114 --> 00:46:14,554 Thank you. Yeah, bye. 649 00:46:22,194 --> 00:46:24,634 And now we're looking for...? 650 00:46:24,634 --> 00:46:28,794 Make-up artist named Darryl Kimble, I think, has to be our man. 651 00:46:31,034 --> 00:46:32,434 KNOCK AT DOOR 652 00:46:35,154 --> 00:46:39,114 Hi, sorry, I wonder if you have a minute. My name's Jonathan Creek. 653 00:46:39,114 --> 00:46:41,994 Oh, right, yes. The amateur sleuth who's come to enlighten us all 654 00:46:41,994 --> 00:46:43,714 about the other night! 655 00:46:43,714 --> 00:46:45,194 Goodbye! 656 00:46:45,194 --> 00:46:46,594 Erm... 657 00:46:48,474 --> 00:46:50,034 Yes... 658 00:46:50,034 --> 00:46:51,754 It's Darryl, isn't it? 659 00:46:53,714 --> 00:46:57,114 Fairly obviously there's someone here that you and Juno 660 00:46:57,114 --> 00:46:59,994 were both really desperate to protect. 661 00:46:59,994 --> 00:47:03,554 I just wondered how sure you are still you made the right call. 662 00:47:10,954 --> 00:47:13,554 Everyone, can I have your attention, please? 663 00:47:16,234 --> 00:47:18,514 Let me introduce you Mr Ridley, 664 00:47:18,514 --> 00:47:21,914 who is here very kindly to help us resolve Juno's attack. 665 00:47:21,914 --> 00:47:23,474 Thank you very much. 666 00:47:23,474 --> 00:47:26,234 OK. I know this is a little irregular. 667 00:47:26,234 --> 00:47:29,154 But Zelda's very kindly said I might present a few thoughts to you 668 00:47:29,154 --> 00:47:33,634 tonight, about how I think that attack really took place... 669 00:47:33,634 --> 00:47:37,194 and, more importantly, who was responsible. 670 00:47:37,194 --> 00:47:41,754 Someone, I would venture to suggest, who is here with us today 671 00:47:41,754 --> 00:47:43,914 in this very building. 672 00:47:43,914 --> 00:47:46,234 In the original story of the Yellow Room, 673 00:47:46,234 --> 00:47:49,314 the whole solution revolves around an injury sustained 674 00:47:49,314 --> 00:47:51,274 before the victim entered the bedchamber. 675 00:47:52,354 --> 00:47:54,434 No way that could have happened here 676 00:47:54,434 --> 00:47:57,074 because Juno Pirelli had been clearly seen by her director 677 00:47:57,074 --> 00:48:00,074 minutes earlier, completely unscathed. 678 00:48:00,074 --> 00:48:03,354 Or was there something already troubling her that night? 679 00:48:04,794 --> 00:48:08,834 Enough to slightly put her off her game in one or two arias, 680 00:48:08,834 --> 00:48:11,914 something potentially life-threatening that had been 681 00:48:11,914 --> 00:48:13,514 very skilfully covered up. 682 00:48:14,754 --> 00:48:18,274 The name on that picture, Sawjoy. 683 00:48:18,274 --> 00:48:21,274 OK, slightly unusual, but not as unusual as the position 684 00:48:21,274 --> 00:48:25,914 in the top left-hand corner instead of the bottom right. 685 00:48:26,994 --> 00:48:30,554 Made me wonder how easy it would've been for someone in a hurry to have 686 00:48:30,554 --> 00:48:32,674 taken it down at some point, 687 00:48:32,674 --> 00:48:35,714 and then put it back again the wrong way up. 688 00:49:09,554 --> 00:49:11,394 I imagine the artist, Beverley Holmes, 689 00:49:11,394 --> 00:49:13,634 might have been a little put out, but... 690 00:49:13,634 --> 00:49:16,274 After that, there was no way for you to get back in there without 691 00:49:16,274 --> 00:49:19,274 being seen, so whatever it was had to still be there. 692 00:49:32,674 --> 00:49:34,274 She'd convinced herself... 693 00:49:34,274 --> 00:49:36,874 she'd convinced me that was just superficial. 694 00:49:38,754 --> 00:49:41,434 We'd get it patched up, it would heal. 695 00:49:41,434 --> 00:49:42,634 Maybe... 696 00:49:43,874 --> 00:49:45,834 Well. 697 00:49:45,834 --> 00:49:50,074 Guess now we'll never know, will we, whether something else happened that set it all off. 698 00:49:52,434 --> 00:49:54,354 Yes, she was stupid, yes, she was mad. 699 00:49:54,354 --> 00:49:56,234 But she was mad for the right reasons. 700 00:49:56,234 --> 00:49:58,874 And thank God for people like that sometimes, you know? 701 00:50:01,914 --> 00:50:04,394 God bloody bless her, is all I've got to say. 702 00:50:07,034 --> 00:50:08,954 I'm sorry. 703 00:50:08,954 --> 00:50:11,154 Any more than that, you're not going to get from me. 704 00:50:12,994 --> 00:50:16,154 ..that would find its target and then simply melt away, 705 00:50:16,154 --> 00:50:18,554 completely undetected. 706 00:50:18,554 --> 00:50:19,834 More to the point, 707 00:50:19,834 --> 00:50:23,594 who would have a grievance strong enough to construct such a plan? 708 00:50:23,594 --> 00:50:25,394 Someone, we may suppose, 709 00:50:25,394 --> 00:50:28,834 on the verge of hysteria. Emotionally unbalanced, 710 00:50:28,834 --> 00:50:32,834 who was prepared to go to any lengths to wreak their revenge. 711 00:50:32,834 --> 00:50:36,474 A crime of passion, love spurned, recriminations, 712 00:50:36,474 --> 00:50:39,794 irrational and real, nausea, jealousy and hate. 713 00:50:39,794 --> 00:50:44,274 Who else could it point to, but the tuba player, who she'd already... 714 00:50:44,274 --> 00:50:45,994 PEOPLE SCREAM 715 00:50:48,394 --> 00:50:50,234 Rachel! 716 00:51:37,634 --> 00:51:41,034 Yeah, I'm sorry you had to see that. 717 00:51:41,034 --> 00:51:42,714 Sorry I had to see that?! 718 00:51:44,314 --> 00:51:47,434 I sometimes wonder, Jonathan, exactly what I married! 719 00:51:47,434 --> 00:51:50,874 Free admission for life to the Twilight Zone? 720 00:51:50,874 --> 00:51:55,474 If it's not phantom knife-wielding stalkers or ghostly human remains 721 00:51:55,474 --> 00:51:58,474 suddenly vanishing in the... Now what are you looking for? 722 00:51:58,474 --> 00:52:01,794 Ah! I did see it here, I thought I had. 723 00:52:03,194 --> 00:52:05,754 That web link she wrote down for you. 724 00:52:06,794 --> 00:52:10,754 If I'm not mistaken, it tells us everything we need to know 725 00:52:10,754 --> 00:52:14,194 and all that other. Oh, God. What? 726 00:52:14,194 --> 00:52:16,914 A little slower, please, would be nice. 727 00:52:16,914 --> 00:52:19,354 The letters of Septimus Noone. 728 00:52:19,354 --> 00:52:21,554 The name, you know I said 729 00:52:21,554 --> 00:52:25,194 fitted in perfectly well with everything else here? 730 00:52:25,194 --> 00:52:27,434 Everything from a book collection that includes 731 00:52:27,434 --> 00:52:29,874 the works of Dylan Thomas and Samuel Butler, 732 00:52:29,874 --> 00:52:33,154 to that imaginary friend of yours you had when you were a child. 733 00:52:33,154 --> 00:52:37,354 Easiest thing, I think, would be to make one brief detour on the way back. 734 00:52:40,314 --> 00:52:41,874 No. My gosh. 735 00:52:43,114 --> 00:52:44,154 I'm impressed. 736 00:52:45,634 --> 00:52:47,994 Considering the time it took 737 00:52:47,994 --> 00:52:51,634 and all the trouble I went to to disguise the writing. 738 00:52:51,634 --> 00:52:55,114 Of course, I was rather pleased with myself at the time. 739 00:52:55,114 --> 00:52:57,434 The writing, oddly, I never questioned. 740 00:52:58,474 --> 00:53:00,514 It was the paper. 741 00:53:00,514 --> 00:53:05,114 Most people, if a letter's too wide for the envelope, 742 00:53:05,114 --> 00:53:09,394 fold it a couple of times down the long way and then across. 743 00:53:09,394 --> 00:53:12,194 Your way's more distinctive. 744 00:53:16,314 --> 00:53:20,914 I'd say it's verging on unique. 745 00:53:20,914 --> 00:53:25,514 I'm just writing you a link now to a website that just gave me 746 00:53:25,514 --> 00:53:26,794 so much comfort. 747 00:53:28,834 --> 00:53:32,154 Why, Hazel? For what possible reason? 748 00:53:32,154 --> 00:53:36,634 You don't think we argued? My head against her brick wall. 749 00:53:37,634 --> 00:53:41,794 And how could I refuse her anything at that stage? 750 00:53:41,794 --> 00:53:46,034 As soon as she knew her time was running out... 751 00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:50,474 Believe it or believe it not, the whole idea 752 00:53:50,474 --> 00:53:52,594 was to try and lessen the grief. 753 00:53:54,234 --> 00:53:56,074 He'd find the letters, and... 754 00:53:57,274 --> 00:53:59,634 She just had this horror, you see, 755 00:53:59,634 --> 00:54:04,394 of him moping about over her memory, for the rest of his days. 756 00:54:04,394 --> 00:54:08,754 If she could somehow discredit herself in his eyes, 757 00:54:08,754 --> 00:54:11,354 at the very end, she just thought... 758 00:54:14,994 --> 00:54:16,074 ..well. 759 00:54:17,354 --> 00:54:19,434 Thank God it never came to anything. 760 00:54:27,034 --> 00:54:30,194 So, Erewhon by Samuel Butler, 761 00:54:30,194 --> 00:54:33,794 a place he famously invented, as "nowhere" spelt backwards. 762 00:54:33,794 --> 00:54:39,594 And Llareggub backwards, the village in Under Milk Wood. 763 00:54:39,594 --> 00:54:40,954 "Bugger all." 764 00:54:40,954 --> 00:54:45,074 I know, but how you could just zero in on those two titles, 765 00:54:45,074 --> 00:54:46,554 out of all this lot. 766 00:54:46,554 --> 00:54:49,954 Yeah, the rule of three that made it just about plausible. 767 00:54:49,954 --> 00:54:54,994 Zero. Imaginary friend, whose name, in reverse, meant "nothing." 768 00:54:54,994 --> 00:54:58,394 She loved words. And playing with words, but... 769 00:54:58,394 --> 00:55:00,434 trust you to make that connection. 770 00:55:00,434 --> 00:55:04,194 A name she must have seen God knows how often in that churchyard. 771 00:55:04,194 --> 00:55:08,034 If she's wondering what to call this non-existent lover... 772 00:55:08,034 --> 00:55:09,714 Septimus Noone... 773 00:55:09,714 --> 00:55:12,314 Was actually Septimus No-One. 774 00:55:31,914 --> 00:55:34,834 So, he'll be back at uni then, now, Ridley? 775 00:55:34,834 --> 00:55:37,634 I trust he didn't find the whole experience a waste of time. 776 00:55:37,634 --> 00:55:39,554 Oh, no way. No, no. 777 00:55:39,554 --> 00:55:42,034 Admits he's still got a lot to learn, but... 778 00:55:42,034 --> 00:55:46,274 No, he'll be back. Oh, good. 779 00:55:46,274 --> 00:55:49,074 And you've made the right decision, I'm sure, about this place. 780 00:55:49,074 --> 00:55:50,994 Why would you want to live anywhere else? 781 00:55:50,994 --> 00:55:52,834 Yes, well, I wasn't too sure at first. 782 00:55:52,834 --> 00:55:55,994 There's been one or two very creepy moments round here, I have to say. 783 00:55:55,994 --> 00:55:58,754 Oh, finding those old love letters of your mother's. 784 00:55:58,754 --> 00:56:01,114 And what was even weirder, the very next moment 785 00:56:01,114 --> 00:56:05,514 that halo suddenly vanishing from her photo. That was creepy. 786 00:56:05,514 --> 00:56:08,274 Like, a coffee ring on the page that was there one minute, 787 00:56:08,274 --> 00:56:10,554 and then miraculously gone. 788 00:56:10,554 --> 00:56:13,874 But you know what, some of that lateral thinking must be rubbing off, 789 00:56:13,874 --> 00:56:17,714 because it was when I thought about that painting being the wrong way up, 790 00:56:17,714 --> 00:56:20,674 I suddenly remembered that's a, a partner's desk in there, 791 00:56:20,674 --> 00:56:23,234 which means the back of it's exactly the same as the front. 792 00:56:23,234 --> 00:56:26,714 And what if the top section had somehow been turned around 793 00:56:26,714 --> 00:56:28,074 to face the other way? 794 00:56:28,074 --> 00:56:31,554 Which, guess what, when we checked, is exactly what we found. 795 00:56:31,554 --> 00:56:33,154 At some point in the past, evidently, 796 00:56:33,154 --> 00:56:36,234 the desk had been moved around the room, and that page from the paper, 797 00:56:36,234 --> 00:56:39,874 he put in there to save had just ended up against the wall. 798 00:56:39,874 --> 00:56:43,354 The one with the ring on it, obviously another copy altogether, 799 00:56:43,354 --> 00:56:45,794 we just happened to find in that pile of books. 800 00:56:45,794 --> 00:56:49,914 Except, who would have gone in there to move the top of a desk around? 801 00:56:49,914 --> 00:56:51,474 We couldn't imagine. 802 00:56:51,474 --> 00:56:54,114 I mean, there's been no-one else in the house. 803 00:56:54,114 --> 00:56:57,314 Apart from people like yourself, at the funeral the other day. 804 00:57:05,714 --> 00:57:09,034 Ridley? I can't find Ripley. We'll have to go. I'm so sorry. 805 00:57:09,034 --> 00:57:10,194 We'll have to go. 806 00:57:15,634 --> 00:57:18,274 Ripley? 807 00:57:18,274 --> 00:57:19,714 Ripley? 808 00:57:25,874 --> 00:57:27,674 SHE GIGGLES 809 00:57:31,514 --> 00:57:32,874 Stay there. 810 00:57:32,874 --> 00:57:34,994 What shall we do?! We switch the desk. What?! 811 00:57:34,994 --> 00:57:37,594 We take everything off, turn it round, and then it's done. 812 00:57:37,594 --> 00:57:39,074 We put everything back. Fine. 813 00:57:39,074 --> 00:57:41,234 This side's exactly the same as this side. Right. 814 00:57:43,874 --> 00:57:45,954 Three, two, one! Oh! Oh! 815 00:58:04,034 --> 00:58:05,594 Oh, God. 816 00:58:05,594 --> 00:58:07,594 Polly... 817 00:58:07,594 --> 00:58:09,154 Jonathan... 818 00:58:09,154 --> 00:58:10,634 What can I say? 819 00:58:10,634 --> 00:58:11,914 WATER RUNNING 820 00:58:15,714 --> 00:58:18,754 Listen, I don't know when you're thinking of starting a family, 821 00:58:18,754 --> 00:58:20,754 but, you know what they say about space. 822 00:58:20,754 --> 00:58:23,354 No-one can hear you scream? 823 00:58:23,354 --> 00:58:24,754 Make the most of it? 824 00:58:24,804 --> 00:58:29,354 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 66231

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