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This programme contains
some violent scenes and some scenes of a sexual nature.
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00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:35,640
DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
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00:00:41,554 --> 00:00:44,074
My God, who did this thing?!
4
00:00:44,074 --> 00:00:45,914
Mathilde, speak to me!
5
00:00:46,994 --> 00:00:51,634
In the darkness, scarce I saw him
6
00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:56,434
Man or beast, I could not tell
PHONE RINGS
7
00:00:56,434 --> 00:01:01,434
Soft his shadow fell before him
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00:01:01,434 --> 00:01:06,194
Apparition born in Hell
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00:01:06,194 --> 00:01:10,274
Ghostly, ghastly, through the gloom
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He struck me down upon the stair
11
00:01:15,754 --> 00:01:20,434
Then a black abyss consumed me
12
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When I woke he was not there
13
00:01:25,354 --> 00:01:29,594
He had vanished in the air...
14
00:01:29,594 --> 00:01:31,594
MALE ACTOR:
But how could he have escaped
15
00:01:31,594 --> 00:01:35,194
through a locked door and a barred
window?!
16
00:01:35,194 --> 00:01:37,274
It's impossible!
17
00:01:37,274 --> 00:01:41,634
What evil creature of the night
18
00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:46,674
Was here and then took flight?
19
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:51,434
What phantom in this chamber
Yet may hide?
20
00:01:51,434 --> 00:01:55,474
What demon in his dark domain
May yet remain?
21
00:01:55,474 --> 00:01:58,194
WHISPERED ARGUMENT
22
00:01:58,194 --> 00:02:02,634
What secrets in
The Yellow Room reside?
23
00:02:07,434 --> 00:02:10,034
So, how did that work for you, then,
tactically?
24
00:02:10,034 --> 00:02:12,394
You might know the man would try
and bite you in the neck.
25
00:02:12,394 --> 00:02:15,514
I might know he'd try
and bite me in the neck? No!
26
00:02:15,514 --> 00:02:19,354
Do we have to assume everyone in the
theatre's a vampire now, do we?
27
00:02:19,354 --> 00:02:21,914
Hi, Polly and Jonathan Creek, MMP
Marketing.
28
00:02:21,914 --> 00:02:23,674
we're here to see
Zelda Niedlespascher.
29
00:02:23,674 --> 00:02:25,834
60 quid a throw,
you expect a little decorum.
30
00:02:25,834 --> 00:02:28,474
I'd hate to see where they try
and bite you in the cheap seats...
31
00:02:28,474 --> 00:02:30,794
Can't you ever turn a blind eye
to these things?
32
00:02:33,034 --> 00:02:35,434
It may not be our biggest account,
but very high profile,
33
00:02:35,434 --> 00:02:37,394
and it'll be great to get
their creative input
34
00:02:37,394 --> 00:02:39,474
on the rebranding
strategy for next year.
35
00:02:39,474 --> 00:02:44,034
Yeah, well, The Mystery of the Yellow
Room? I'm sorry, Gaston Leroux?
36
00:02:44,034 --> 00:02:46,114
Only happens to be
one of THE benchmark novels
37
00:02:46,114 --> 00:02:47,954
of impossible crime fiction.
38
00:02:47,954 --> 00:02:51,914
Whereas THAT was just two and a half
hours of complete and utter tos...
39
00:02:51,914 --> 00:02:54,634
Ow! Polly and Jonathan, hello! Hello!
40
00:02:54,634 --> 00:02:56,394
Oh, mon Dieu, quel dommage!
41
00:02:56,394 --> 00:03:00,674
Mais, qu'est-ce qui s'est passe?
On va au theatre, c'est comme la Bataille de la Somme.
42
00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:04,594
I know, I know, you don't
have to say it.
43
00:03:04,594 --> 00:03:06,714
My whole interpretation
in the gondola scene,
44
00:03:06,714 --> 00:03:10,154
it lacked phrasing, it lacked
modulation, it lacked intensity.
45
00:03:10,154 --> 00:03:12,194
It also lacked the gondola.
Did you notice?
46
00:03:12,194 --> 00:03:15,074
Three nights now, Zelda, we have to
walk on water because the man in
47
00:03:15,074 --> 00:03:18,114
the wings with his toy boats can't
pull a screwdriver out of his arse!
48
00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:20,314
What's going on?
Yes, yes, we fix in the morning, OK?
49
00:03:20,314 --> 00:03:23,034
10:30, all the technicals.
50
00:03:25,274 --> 00:03:27,114
And I cast these people!
51
00:03:27,114 --> 00:03:30,794
A leading lady with no confidence,
a leading man with no patience.
52
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:33,034
You want some true insights
for your campaign?
53
00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:35,874
you should come back tomorrow
and witness the chaos.
54
00:03:35,874 --> 00:03:38,714
Yes, well, tomorrow, sadly,
we're out of town, aren't we?
55
00:03:38,714 --> 00:03:42,114
Sunday lunch at Sharon's with their
little eight-year-old?
56
00:03:42,114 --> 00:03:44,554
Promised to go and say hello
to the new pony.
57
00:03:44,554 --> 00:03:45,954
Or had you forgotten?
58
00:03:45,954 --> 00:03:49,114
No, no, no. I hadn't forgotten.
59
00:03:49,114 --> 00:03:50,594
Hey, Angus.
60
00:03:50,594 --> 00:03:54,394
You all right?
Oh, I've got some post for you.
61
00:03:54,394 --> 00:03:56,594
Thank you. Night-night, sweetie.
62
00:04:30,794 --> 00:04:33,594
Was it a late one?
63
00:04:33,594 --> 00:04:34,834
Sorry.
64
00:04:36,114 --> 00:04:38,194
How was your day?
65
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:39,834
You all right?
66
00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:56,634
HE GRUNTS
67
00:04:56,634 --> 00:04:58,434
Stop it. Stop it!
68
00:04:58,434 --> 00:05:00,434
Stop it, get off me! Get off!
69
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,354
What, what?
For God's sake, what's wrong?
70
00:05:02,354 --> 00:05:05,754
What's wrong is that I'm not here
any more, am I?
71
00:05:05,754 --> 00:05:08,994
It's just you and her!
You're wrong.
72
00:05:08,994 --> 00:05:13,714
It's a sickness, Angus, what's going
on with that woman in your head.
73
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:16,154
And I swear to God, you are going
to have to deal with it,
74
00:05:16,154 --> 00:05:17,954
because I'm sorry, I can't!
75
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,754
No, well, listen, it works for
Roger.
76
00:05:29,754 --> 00:05:32,234
I mean, an hour on the train each
day, but what's that?
77
00:05:32,234 --> 00:05:35,194
And when you were born and brought
up in the country, it's just...
78
00:05:35,194 --> 00:05:38,314
Cos obviously we've only just
started looking around, but,
79
00:05:38,314 --> 00:05:42,634
no, definitely feeling the time's
right now to make the move.
80
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:45,714
Anyway, listen. It's meant the world
to her today, you coming over.
81
00:05:45,714 --> 00:05:47,834
Especially after that big
upset this week,
82
00:05:47,834 --> 00:05:51,154
which, I have to say,
she's taken amazingly well.
83
00:05:51,154 --> 00:05:53,034
Upset?
84
00:05:53,034 --> 00:05:58,194
Yeah. Last Tuesday was awful.
Her imaginary friend died.
85
00:05:58,194 --> 00:06:00,754
They were out together
playing in the garden,
86
00:06:00,754 --> 00:06:05,074
and this dragon came down and
just completely burnt her alive,
87
00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:08,074
there on the spot, with its fiery
breath.
88
00:06:08,074 --> 00:06:10,434
I mean, horrible, right?
89
00:06:10,434 --> 00:06:15,074
All that oozing skin, and eyes
melting in their sockets?
90
00:06:16,954 --> 00:06:18,194
But listen - did I tell you?
91
00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:21,154
Ridley's going to be joining us
for dinner tonight? Oh!
92
00:06:21,154 --> 00:06:23,394
Managed to sneak
the weekend off from uni.
93
00:06:23,394 --> 00:06:26,114
You know he's been doing this
module in advanced criminology?
94
00:06:26,114 --> 00:06:29,634
I tell you, it's like this genius
talent he's got for working things out
95
00:06:29,634 --> 00:06:32,154
from the tiniest details
and scraps of evidence.
96
00:06:32,154 --> 00:06:35,594
Of course, that's his big dream,
is a career in forensic detection,
97
00:06:35,594 --> 00:06:38,794
so, obviously, you know, he's
desperate to talk to your husband,
98
00:06:38,794 --> 00:06:41,434
about how to...
Yeah. Jonathan's not a detective.
99
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:44,194
No, no. But all those weird
cases he's solved.
100
00:06:44,194 --> 00:06:47,194
Yeah, are the very thing we're
trying to put behind us, Sharon.
101
00:06:47,194 --> 00:06:50,994
You know, it would be nice to live
in the real world now if we can.
102
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:55,074
CHILD SCREAMS
Ripley? What is it? What's happened!
103
00:06:55,074 --> 00:06:58,834
He chopped the head off my pony!
104
00:07:00,474 --> 00:07:02,874
Chopped the head off her pony?
105
00:07:02,874 --> 00:07:05,714
What? What?
106
00:07:05,714 --> 00:07:08,994
I was showing her some pictures
I took of the two of them
107
00:07:08,994 --> 00:07:10,994
and I said, "I'm sorry about that
one.
108
00:07:10,994 --> 00:07:14,034
"Looks like I've cut his head off."
How could you say such a thing!
109
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,354
Don't you even
think before you speak?
110
00:07:16,354 --> 00:07:17,994
She has a very vivid imagination.
111
00:07:17,994 --> 00:07:20,874
So what does she think I am now,
some kind of hit man for the Mafia?
112
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,914
She's only got to go in
the stable, hasn't she?
113
00:07:22,914 --> 00:07:26,074
See it's still standing there.
Why would she go in the stable now,
114
00:07:26,074 --> 00:07:29,034
which she presumably thinks is
swimming in horse's blood?
115
00:07:29,034 --> 00:07:32,994
Ripley, it's OK, he's fine,
he's fine, I promise!
116
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:35,554
Ripley and Ridley.
117
00:07:35,554 --> 00:07:38,434
No prizes for guessing what her
favourite film is.
118
00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:44,954
ROMANTIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
119
00:07:48,194 --> 00:07:54,354
Drifting together in a daydream
120
00:07:54,354 --> 00:08:00,434
Floating for ever on a moonbeam
121
00:08:00,434 --> 00:08:03,554
Beneath a dark enchanted night
122
00:08:03,554 --> 00:08:06,714
Where silver stars
Bestow their light
123
00:08:06,714 --> 00:08:10,634
Upon the waters from above
124
00:08:10,634 --> 00:08:12,714
Where on an evening such as this
125
00:08:12,714 --> 00:08:15,394
An angel watching our first kiss
126
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:20,034
Came down and taught us
how to love...
127
00:08:20,034 --> 00:08:22,074
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
128
00:08:22,074 --> 00:08:23,954
TUBA PARPS OFF KEY
129
00:08:23,954 --> 00:08:26,394
SHE COUGHS
130
00:08:26,394 --> 00:08:28,674
Oh, my God!
For God's sake, Zelda!
131
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:31,114
It's all right, sweetheart, it's OK.
132
00:08:33,274 --> 00:08:34,914
What did I say?
133
00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:37,594
I said we'd not seen the last of that
sweet and sour squid.
134
00:08:37,594 --> 00:08:40,034
Just a touch of mal de mer,
you'll be fine.
135
00:08:40,034 --> 00:08:45,234
It's not that, Darryl, it's me,
I'm rubbish.
136
00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:47,234
The things you read now.
137
00:08:47,234 --> 00:08:51,114
Apparently, I'm just this
third-rate maladroit soubrette.
138
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,914
Blond, bland, and blind
to her own inadequacies.
139
00:08:53,914 --> 00:08:56,754
Critics! It's the public
you should listen to.
140
00:08:56,754 --> 00:09:00,714
Oh, that was the public. That
was in the ladies toilet upstairs.
141
00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:02,754
Written on the cistern, in lipstick.
142
00:09:02,754 --> 00:09:04,794
TUBA PARPS
143
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:09,034
Today's fan club, tomorrow's
lynch mob. What are they like?
144
00:09:09,034 --> 00:09:11,714
Here. Thank you.
145
00:09:11,714 --> 00:09:15,874
I tell you, there's some really
frightening people out there.
146
00:09:15,874 --> 00:09:19,194
OK, first positions then,
everyone, let's start again!
147
00:09:46,154 --> 00:09:48,554
Bye, Juno. Bye.
148
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:12,194
DISTANT YELLING
149
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:17,354
GLASS SMASHES, DOG BARKS
150
00:10:19,154 --> 00:10:22,114
DISTANT SHOUTS
151
00:10:26,434 --> 00:10:29,234
You - Juno Pirelli?
152
00:10:29,234 --> 00:10:31,074
I've got a present for you.
153
00:10:31,074 --> 00:10:32,914
SHE GASPS
154
00:10:43,954 --> 00:10:49,514
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
No, no, no, no!
155
00:10:49,514 --> 00:10:54,874
No, no, no!
No! Oh, no! Oh, no!
156
00:10:54,874 --> 00:10:56,834
What have you done?!
157
00:10:56,834 --> 00:11:00,474
Oh, shit, oh, shit!
Jesus, what have you done?!
158
00:11:00,474 --> 00:11:03,354
Get away from her! Get away!
Open that door!
159
00:11:05,074 --> 00:11:07,474
It's OK.
JUNO GASPS
160
00:11:07,474 --> 00:11:09,434
TYRES SCREECH
161
00:11:13,594 --> 00:11:16,474
Mmm, smells great. Lovely.
162
00:11:16,474 --> 00:11:19,114
Oh, now, please, sugar,
don't do that.
163
00:11:19,114 --> 00:11:22,634
That's only on trees, remember?
Come away from there.
164
00:11:22,634 --> 00:11:27,834
Epitaph, for her imaginary friend?
No, just likes carving her name.
165
00:11:27,834 --> 00:11:29,394
Which is all very well, but...
166
00:11:29,394 --> 00:11:32,954
Come on, Ripley, think it's way
past your bedtime, so, off you go.
167
00:11:32,954 --> 00:11:36,594
Ah! Here he is,
the man of the moment!
168
00:11:36,594 --> 00:11:39,434
How were the trains?
You have a good journey? Yeah, fine.
169
00:11:39,434 --> 00:11:42,314
Ridley, this is Jonathan.
170
00:11:42,314 --> 00:11:45,754
Hi, Jonathan, a real pleasure.
Me too. Polly, hi.
171
00:11:45,754 --> 00:11:47,434
Hello!
172
00:11:47,434 --> 00:11:50,274
So, I see you're just back
from Reykjavik, both of you?
173
00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:53,754
Hope you had an enjoyable flight.
I beg your pardon?
174
00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:58,154
Reykjavik? You never said!
You see? This is what he does.
175
00:11:58,154 --> 00:12:00,554
How, I have absolutely no idea.
176
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:03,394
Oh, come on, you make me sound like
some kind of sorcerer!
177
00:12:03,394 --> 00:12:04,914
When, as Jonathan knows,
178
00:12:04,914 --> 00:12:07,834
there's no trick to the
art of simple observation.
179
00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:10,274
The abrasions round the side
of your neck, quite recent,
180
00:12:10,274 --> 00:12:12,274
quite deep, and quite nasty.
181
00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:13,634
Something feral at work.
182
00:12:13,634 --> 00:12:16,354
If not feral, then certainly not
happy. A pet, perhaps?
183
00:12:16,354 --> 00:12:18,754
Provoked or antagonised?
Or traumatised?
184
00:12:18,754 --> 00:12:21,474
In your bag, a diary entry,
largely obscured, for yesterday.
185
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:24,834
A visit somewhere, to a cemetery?
A monastery? A presbytery?
186
00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:27,954
The name, Zelda, a touch too exotic.
More plausibly feline.
187
00:12:27,954 --> 00:12:30,314
A cattery, then,
but boarding or collecting?
188
00:12:30,314 --> 00:12:33,154
Allow room for Zelda. where.
In a car full of bags?
189
00:12:33,154 --> 00:12:34,754
Returning from the airport, surely?
190
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,514
Why drop a cat off more than
24 hours before departure.
191
00:12:37,514 --> 00:12:40,474
And a week or two in a kennel would
explain the feisty behaviour.
192
00:12:40,474 --> 00:12:43,194
The watch on your wrist,
still set for a previous time zone,
193
00:12:43,194 --> 00:12:46,594
is one hour behind, which leaves us
only Iceland or north-west Africa.
194
00:12:46,594 --> 00:12:50,394
Yet no discernible suntans and that
faint reddening of the left eyelid.
195
00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:55,074
What else but a biting Arctic wind?
So, you see.
196
00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:59,434
Really very simple.
Anyway, if you'll excuse me a sec while I just, erm...
197
00:13:03,594 --> 00:13:07,034
Should I tell him it needs a new
battery?
198
00:13:07,034 --> 00:13:11,354
Oh, God! Oh, my God, no!
199
00:13:11,354 --> 00:13:14,994
Sharon? What is it?
You OK? What's happened?
200
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:17,754
It's my dad. He's dead.
201
00:13:18,954 --> 00:13:20,674
What do you mean he's dead?
202
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:24,034
It just says,
"I'm sorry to let you know,
203
00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:28,274
"he just peacefully slipped away,
about half an hour ago."
204
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:34,354
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
Oh, Sharon, I'm so sorry.
205
00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:37,314
Oh, no!
206
00:13:37,314 --> 00:13:40,754
You know what?
This isn't my phone!
207
00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:44,834
It must be your phone!
Oh, thank you, God!
208
00:13:44,834 --> 00:13:46,914
Thank you so much!
209
00:13:46,914 --> 00:13:49,794
Cos I just naturally picked it
up off there and...
210
00:13:49,794 --> 00:13:53,234
What a relief! I mean, that really
scared me to...
211
00:13:55,754 --> 00:13:58,234
..death.
212
00:13:58,234 --> 00:14:02,234
Oh, yeah, so that's, erm...
213
00:14:03,834 --> 00:14:05,114
You'll...
214
00:14:06,634 --> 00:14:08,274
..probably want to...
215
00:14:15,394 --> 00:14:19,554
It's OK, you're going to be OK.
216
00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:23,794
Doesn't look like it's deep at all,
as far as I can tell.
217
00:14:23,794 --> 00:14:25,194
It's just a flesh wound.
218
00:14:26,514 --> 00:14:27,754
Thank God.
219
00:14:27,754 --> 00:14:30,314
The thick coat, I think,
took the worst of it.
220
00:14:41,794 --> 00:14:44,714
SHE COUGHS
221
00:14:46,234 --> 00:14:49,194
Why, Angus? Why?
222
00:14:50,794 --> 00:14:52,594
Y-You have to try and understand...
223
00:14:54,114 --> 00:14:57,114
She's in this really bad place
at the moment.
224
00:14:57,114 --> 00:15:01,314
16 months.
It's not getting any better.
225
00:15:01,314 --> 00:15:03,274
16 months since...?
226
00:15:05,754 --> 00:15:08,514
He was barely four-weeks-old.
227
00:15:08,514 --> 00:15:11,034
Emotionally, she's like...
228
00:15:11,034 --> 00:15:14,554
Everything's a conspiracy,
everything's a threat.
229
00:15:14,554 --> 00:15:19,274
I try and tell her it's all in her
mind, this morbid insecurity.
230
00:15:19,274 --> 00:15:21,834
I didn't mean to hurt you!
231
00:15:21,834 --> 00:15:24,274
Oh, God, what have I done?!
232
00:15:24,274 --> 00:15:26,394
SHE SOBS
233
00:15:26,394 --> 00:15:30,794
More time. She just needs more time.
234
00:15:30,794 --> 00:15:32,914
SOBBING CONTINUES
235
00:15:36,154 --> 00:15:39,234
No, no, you've done a wonderful job,
Mr Partridge, thank you.
236
00:15:39,234 --> 00:15:40,314
It's just...
237
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:42,874
I think any more red in the cheeks
and we'll be getting
238
00:15:42,874 --> 00:15:44,754
a bit Prince Harry. Yes.
239
00:15:44,754 --> 00:15:49,834
He just looks a bit...
sad, I suppose.
240
00:15:49,834 --> 00:15:53,474
I suppose you would be.
We can cheer him up if you'd prefer.
241
00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:57,434
Could you? Yes. Just perhaps, erm...
242
00:15:58,994 --> 00:16:00,514
Oh, God.
243
00:16:02,474 --> 00:16:04,834
Things hadn't been good
for some time, but...
244
00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:07,634
Just seemed to go downhill so fast.
245
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,914
It seems like only yesterday
he was here
246
00:16:09,914 --> 00:16:12,394
making arrangements
for your dear mother.
247
00:16:12,394 --> 00:16:13,674
11 years.
248
00:16:13,674 --> 00:16:16,314
Is it really?
249
00:16:16,314 --> 00:16:20,394
And so, great big empty house
there, now.
250
00:16:20,394 --> 00:16:23,634
What will you do, will you put
it on the market, do you think?
251
00:16:23,634 --> 00:16:25,594
Oh, who knows?
252
00:16:29,394 --> 00:16:31,394
Why is everything so hard?
253
00:16:31,394 --> 00:16:33,394
Rigor mortis, I think you'll find.
254
00:17:16,074 --> 00:17:17,834
How can a house die?
255
00:17:19,874 --> 00:17:23,674
It doesn't have to.
It's whatever we put into it.
256
00:17:25,354 --> 00:17:27,554
I'm sure they'd both have wanted
that.
257
00:17:31,434 --> 00:17:34,154
And for the life of me, I'm still
not getting this.
258
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,554
You won't go to the hospital,
or the police?
259
00:17:36,554 --> 00:17:38,234
Bloody woman needs locking up!
260
00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:41,354
She needs help!
Darryl, if you'd been there...
261
00:17:41,354 --> 00:17:45,594
And all I could think was,
what would it do to me, you know?
262
00:17:45,594 --> 00:17:48,634
It's like,
where is the justice in her life?
263
00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:52,074
Come on, I turn up at A & E now,
with a stab wound?
264
00:17:52,074 --> 00:17:54,154
It's going to be a bit tricky
to explain.
265
00:17:54,154 --> 00:17:56,314
God forbid
we ever let a jury near this -
266
00:17:56,314 --> 00:17:58,554
they're the people that
write on toilet cisterns.
267
00:17:58,554 --> 00:18:01,074
Well, you need to get that
looked at, young lady,
268
00:18:01,074 --> 00:18:03,434
and by someone who's handy
with a needle.
269
00:18:03,434 --> 00:18:06,194
I might know someone. Meantime...
270
00:18:06,194 --> 00:18:07,754
Meantime...
271
00:18:11,194 --> 00:18:13,554
..you think you might have
something?
272
00:18:13,554 --> 00:18:18,434
For you, my sweet, always.
I'm a magician, you know that.
273
00:18:18,434 --> 00:18:21,794
When was it, you said,
last year in that Joe Orton,
274
00:18:21,794 --> 00:18:24,474
a certain well-known young actress
with a Caesarean scar?
275
00:18:24,474 --> 00:18:28,674
You had to come up with this
special prosthetic. See?
276
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:33,994
You star turn!
We'll make this work, won't we?
277
00:18:33,994 --> 00:18:36,114
Cos I promised him, you know?
For her.
278
00:18:47,034 --> 00:18:48,754
Two minutes for the pasta.
279
00:18:48,754 --> 00:18:53,594
I managed to cobble a sauce
together, of sorts. What's that?
280
00:18:53,594 --> 00:18:57,314
No, just having a nose around.
Found it in one of those books.
281
00:18:57,314 --> 00:19:00,234
Oh, yeah, from the local paper.
282
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:05,314
Used to keep this next to him,
just there on his desk.
283
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:09,754
Shame about the blasted
coffee ring.
284
00:19:09,754 --> 00:19:11,994
Got the look of a halo ...
285
00:19:11,994 --> 00:19:15,274
Yeah, well. To him,
she was always a saint.
286
00:19:23,874 --> 00:19:28,194
Oh, God, yes.
Ironic after yesterday.
287
00:19:28,194 --> 00:19:30,154
Me with my imaginary friend.
288
00:19:30,154 --> 00:19:33,194
Polly and Orez. "Oreth"?
289
00:19:33,194 --> 00:19:36,234
Name my mum came up with
because she was half Spanish.
290
00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:43,354
Tickled me at the time, all those
funny little Latin references
291
00:19:43,354 --> 00:19:44,994
when I was growing up.
292
00:19:48,434 --> 00:19:52,634
Oh, God, it was never going to be
easy, was it?
293
00:19:52,634 --> 00:19:54,714
Come on, shall we... shall we go
and eat?
294
00:19:59,514 --> 00:20:03,674
Some mysteries our hearts
Cannot conceive
295
00:20:03,674 --> 00:20:08,594
And when the story-teller's
Tale is spun, and we are one
296
00:20:08,594 --> 00:20:16,154
BOTH: What secrets will
The Yellow Room reveal?
297
00:20:20,994 --> 00:20:23,834
I'm in front of 1,500
people back there for God's sake.
298
00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:26,114
This bloody thing keeps coming
back on.
299
00:20:28,154 --> 00:20:30,634
Look, it's ridiculous!
300
00:20:34,394 --> 00:20:36,674
SHE GASPS
301
00:21:03,874 --> 00:21:05,754
KNOCK AT DOOR
302
00:21:05,754 --> 00:21:09,594
Darling, can I leave these with you
to sign? OK.
303
00:21:09,594 --> 00:21:13,674
Some children from my old
ballet school. Just a sec, Zelda.
304
00:21:13,674 --> 00:21:16,834
They thought you were sensational
tonight! When you have the time.
305
00:21:16,834 --> 00:21:21,114
Yes! Surely.
Bye, my darling. Night, Zelda.
306
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:23,794
Oh, Chloe! Tu etais parfaite
ce soir...
307
00:21:27,474 --> 00:21:29,514
SHE WINCES
308
00:22:00,434 --> 00:22:03,034
SHE CRIES OUT
309
00:22:03,034 --> 00:22:06,554
Juno? Are you all right in there?
310
00:22:09,674 --> 00:22:14,434
Mon Dieu! Oh, my precious one!
311
00:22:16,194 --> 00:22:19,314
What in the name of God?
312
00:22:19,314 --> 00:22:23,314
Someone get an ambulance
and ring for the police!
313
00:22:23,314 --> 00:22:26,354
What happened?
She's been stabbed!
314
00:22:26,354 --> 00:22:30,554
But how? No-one came in or
out of the room, I would have seen!
315
00:22:30,554 --> 00:22:33,114
We all would have seen!
There was nobody here!
316
00:22:33,114 --> 00:22:34,674
The whole thing is impossible!
317
00:22:36,794 --> 00:22:39,794
Why am I remembering that
Conrad Veidt silent classic,
318
00:22:39,794 --> 00:22:41,834
The Man Who Laughs?
319
00:22:41,834 --> 00:22:45,594
You think they might have gone too
far now, in the other direction?
320
00:22:47,634 --> 00:22:49,194
HE CLEARS THROAT
321
00:23:06,434 --> 00:23:12,034
Yes, I know, I know.
Oh, Jonathan. This is Hazel.
322
00:23:12,034 --> 00:23:15,274
Auntie Hazel. Hello.
My mum's closest friend.
323
00:23:15,274 --> 00:23:19,074
Just always been around,
haven't you?
324
00:23:19,074 --> 00:23:22,474
For my dad, especially these last
few weeks.
325
00:23:24,554 --> 00:23:25,874
I'm so grateful.
326
00:23:25,874 --> 00:23:30,474
And listen, Polly. One word,
if I may, at this difficult time?
327
00:23:30,474 --> 00:23:32,074
Hope.
328
00:23:33,194 --> 00:23:38,954
You know, it's only a week since I
lost my mother who was 86, but...
329
00:23:38,954 --> 00:23:40,674
Doesn't make it any easier.
330
00:23:40,674 --> 00:23:44,154
And all I'm saying,
and I want you to think about this,
331
00:23:44,154 --> 00:23:46,714
the end can actually be
a beginning
332
00:23:46,714 --> 00:23:50,274
if you open your eyes and your
mind, to other possibilities.
333
00:23:51,474 --> 00:23:55,914
What are these? Well. You tell me,
Polly, what you see in them.
334
00:23:55,914 --> 00:24:00,874
Angels, ghosts. The spirits of
departed souls who just happen
335
00:24:00,874 --> 00:24:03,074
to have been caught on camera.
336
00:24:03,074 --> 00:24:05,274
This one just takes your breath
away.
337
00:24:05,274 --> 00:24:08,154
You see there, in the fountain?
338
00:24:08,154 --> 00:24:10,394
This was my granddaughter,
Gracie, who I swear,
339
00:24:10,394 --> 00:24:13,274
had no idea the angel
was behind her.
340
00:24:13,274 --> 00:24:16,834
Although she does say that she
felt like a cold shiver
341
00:24:16,834 --> 00:24:19,674
on the back of her neck as she was
sitting there. Go on?
342
00:24:19,674 --> 00:24:23,834
Then there was my Auntie Norma here
saying a prayer in the sky.
343
00:24:23,834 --> 00:24:25,834
OK, yes,
with her hands pressed together.
344
00:24:25,834 --> 00:24:28,474
That was taken ten years to the
day after she died.
345
00:24:28,474 --> 00:24:30,594
PHONE RINGS
346
00:24:30,594 --> 00:24:31,914
QUIETLY: Jonathan Creek.
347
00:24:31,914 --> 00:24:34,874
Now obviously I know, there's
a lot of people just think this is
348
00:24:34,874 --> 00:24:36,834
all completely cranky, but...
349
00:24:36,834 --> 00:24:42,314
My God! No, that's erm... Yeah.
350
00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:44,194
Distinctly odd.
351
00:24:44,194 --> 00:24:46,714
Hang onto those, I've got copies.
352
00:24:46,714 --> 00:24:51,754
And I'm just writing you a link now
to a website,
353
00:24:51,754 --> 00:24:55,754
that just gave me so much comfort.
Thank you.
354
00:24:55,754 --> 00:24:59,114
Well, weird or what? That was Zelda.
355
00:24:59,114 --> 00:25:00,754
Yellow Room producer?
356
00:25:00,754 --> 00:25:05,194
Juno Pirelli, the star of the show,
is in hospital in a coma.
357
00:25:05,194 --> 00:25:07,274
They found her last night in her
dressing room
358
00:25:07,274 --> 00:25:10,114
after the performance,
stabbed in the stomach.
359
00:25:10,114 --> 00:25:11,634
And from what she's just told me...
360
00:25:11,634 --> 00:25:13,514
Please don't say it.
361
00:25:13,514 --> 00:25:15,714
Not a bloody impossible crime.
362
00:25:15,714 --> 00:25:19,874
Ooh, now, then. Do I hear the words
work experience?
363
00:25:22,554 --> 00:25:25,074
They are thinking perhaps some
kind of crazed fan
364
00:25:25,074 --> 00:25:28,274
with an obsession about the story
in the show.
365
00:25:28,274 --> 00:25:30,394
But in the show, of course,
we explain...
366
00:25:30,394 --> 00:25:33,354
The injuries had all occurred before
the character went in the room.
367
00:25:33,354 --> 00:25:37,394
Yes, but here only ten minutes
before, not a mark on her body.
368
00:25:37,394 --> 00:25:38,754
I saw with my own eyes!
369
00:26:07,434 --> 00:26:09,514
Morning! How are you today, Polly?
370
00:26:10,874 --> 00:26:14,354
Wasn't sure if I'd still find you
here. No, well...
371
00:26:14,354 --> 00:26:16,754
We were overdue some downtime from
the office, so.
372
00:26:20,394 --> 00:26:22,674
Question is, I suppose,
373
00:26:22,674 --> 00:26:25,114
whether I can bear to imagine anyone
else living here.
374
00:26:26,394 --> 00:26:30,154
Or whether it's fate, in a way,
that's brought us back...
375
00:26:30,154 --> 00:26:32,954
You all right today, Hazel? You look
as though you've seen a ghost.
376
00:26:42,074 --> 00:26:44,314
OK, OK.
377
00:26:44,314 --> 00:26:48,794
Early intimations only, but...
A crime of passion, we can fairly assume.
378
00:26:48,794 --> 00:26:53,714
A lover, very much her senior,
age 50-51, possibly 52.
379
00:26:53,714 --> 00:26:57,794
A tall man. Somewhat simian in
appearance. In excess of 6'.
380
00:26:57,794 --> 00:27:00,914
Disproportionately long arms
and big hands.
381
00:27:00,914 --> 00:27:04,874
And, dare I venture, no mean athlete
in the bedroom department.
382
00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:08,034
We know from the angle of
penetration the blade was inserted from below.
383
00:27:08,034 --> 00:27:10,594
The victim's in a state of undress,
yet comfortable with her
384
00:27:10,594 --> 00:27:12,954
assailant's proximity.
They were clearly embracing.
385
00:27:12,954 --> 00:27:15,594
The force of the blow implies
recoil. Witness three grey hairs
386
00:27:15,594 --> 00:27:18,034
on the door where the back of his
head made contact.
387
00:27:18,034 --> 00:27:20,434
The position gives us his height.
The colour, his age.
388
00:27:20,434 --> 00:27:23,514
Very early 50s. Any older would
make the liaison improbable.
389
00:27:23,514 --> 00:27:25,754
A dead wasp in the saucer -
has to be recent.
390
00:27:25,754 --> 00:27:27,514
But swatted against the wall
too high up,
391
00:27:27,514 --> 00:27:30,394
too far across, for all but our
elongated giant to reach.
392
00:27:31,474 --> 00:27:33,994
The thickness of the magazine
he rolled up bears testament
393
00:27:33,994 --> 00:27:35,354
to the girth of his grip.
394
00:27:35,354 --> 00:27:36,674
His sexual prowess?
395
00:27:37,994 --> 00:27:40,554
Such an ungainly man surely had
some allure.
396
00:27:40,554 --> 00:27:41,994
As for his means of exit...
397
00:27:53,674 --> 00:27:55,234
Of course.
398
00:27:55,234 --> 00:27:59,194
She could have climbed on
a chair and used both hands?
399
00:28:01,114 --> 00:28:05,434
And I've seen a grey angora sweater
hanging on that hook in there.
400
00:28:06,994 --> 00:28:08,994
But then, what do we know?
401
00:28:11,354 --> 00:28:15,154
Have to make a start tomorrow,
I suppose, on the dreaded clothes.
402
00:28:15,154 --> 00:28:18,154
If anything's guaranteed to
finish me off...
403
00:28:18,154 --> 00:28:21,554
All these people who talk about
catharsis and closure.
404
00:28:21,554 --> 00:28:26,714
I know. As if grief can be just
stuffed into a black bin liner
405
00:28:26,714 --> 00:28:28,154
and sent to Oxfam.
406
00:28:30,474 --> 00:28:31,714
You've had a long day.
407
00:28:32,714 --> 00:28:33,834
Come on.
408
00:28:37,794 --> 00:28:41,434
So how did all that go this morning,
at the theatre?
409
00:28:42,434 --> 00:28:45,154
Are you any the wiser
about what happened?
410
00:28:45,154 --> 00:28:46,274
Oh, I dunno.
411
00:28:47,514 --> 00:28:50,994
What's that about the torch being
passed to the new generation?
412
00:28:51,994 --> 00:28:54,554
Think I may just be getting very
old.
413
00:28:56,434 --> 00:28:58,354
Yeah, well, I wasn't going to
tell you this,
414
00:28:58,354 --> 00:29:02,674
but while you were there I had
another visit from our friend Hazel.
415
00:29:04,114 --> 00:29:06,594
And if you thought those photographs
took the biscuit...
416
00:29:07,714 --> 00:29:11,674
It's like she had this weird story
she absolutely swears is true.
417
00:29:14,874 --> 00:29:17,754
'You remember last week
she told us her mother died?
418
00:29:17,754 --> 00:29:20,514
'86, apparently,
but still had her own house.
419
00:29:22,314 --> 00:29:26,434
'And after she left here yesterday,
she went up to the crematorium
420
00:29:26,434 --> 00:29:30,114
'to collect the ashes. Took them back
there to scatter in the garden.
421
00:29:31,754 --> 00:29:33,194
'Suddenly, her phone rings...'
422
00:29:33,194 --> 00:29:34,834
PHONE RINGS
423
00:29:36,474 --> 00:29:39,754
'..and they go everywhere.'
Oh, no!
424
00:29:39,754 --> 00:29:42,074
Hello? 'The phone call's from her
next door neighbour
425
00:29:42,074 --> 00:29:44,794
'to say that the cat has got out of
the house onto a busy main road,
426
00:29:44,794 --> 00:29:47,754
'so in a mad panic, she has to dash
straight out again.
427
00:29:47,754 --> 00:29:50,714
'Couple of hours later
she comes back
428
00:29:50,714 --> 00:29:52,154
'ready to clear it all up.
429
00:29:54,474 --> 00:29:56,114
'Except now they've gone.
430
00:29:56,114 --> 00:29:58,474
'They've completely vanished from
the room,
431
00:29:58,474 --> 00:30:01,754
'and she's absolutely adamant
there was nobody else in the house,
432
00:30:01,754 --> 00:30:04,154
'it was all locked up,
she was the only one with a key.
433
00:30:04,154 --> 00:30:06,634
'There were no windows open,
no draughts or breezes,
434
00:30:06,634 --> 00:30:08,634
'or anything that could
have got to them.
435
00:30:08,634 --> 00:30:11,234
'It was like, in her words,
it was just as if...'
436
00:30:11,234 --> 00:30:13,314
God must have taken her...
437
00:30:14,954 --> 00:30:15,994
..to heaven.
438
00:30:18,354 --> 00:30:20,594
So is that it then, do you think?
439
00:30:21,834 --> 00:30:24,594
It's a terrible thing
when your mind starts to go.
440
00:30:25,954 --> 00:30:28,834
And to think what a loyal friend
she was to my mum.
441
00:30:31,274 --> 00:30:34,314
And such a tower of strength, at the
end, when she...
442
00:30:34,314 --> 00:30:35,474
HE SNORES
443
00:30:42,794 --> 00:30:46,954
Apparition born in hell
444
00:30:46,954 --> 00:30:49,234
Ghostly, ghastly
445
00:30:49,234 --> 00:30:51,474
Through the gloom...
446
00:30:52,594 --> 00:30:55,354
OK, time to dive in, I suppose.
447
00:30:55,354 --> 00:30:58,554
Is it me or is there something
different here?
448
00:30:58,554 --> 00:31:02,714
This was her last performance,
same night as the stabbing.
449
00:31:03,754 --> 00:31:06,194
Off someone's phone in the audience.
450
00:31:09,674 --> 00:31:12,794
Dunno. Maybe not quite the same
passion?
451
00:31:14,754 --> 00:31:16,274
Bit of an off-night, maybe.
452
00:31:16,274 --> 00:31:18,994
Hmm. I'll come and give you a hand
in a bit.
453
00:31:20,234 --> 00:31:21,274
No rush.
454
00:31:59,474 --> 00:32:00,794
How you getting on? OK?
455
00:32:02,794 --> 00:32:04,394
What have you found?
456
00:32:04,394 --> 00:32:07,994
I dunno. Looks like a note from my
mum just before she died.
457
00:32:09,394 --> 00:32:10,914
Virtually unreadable.
458
00:32:10,914 --> 00:32:13,434
I remember she could barely hold
a pen by that time.
459
00:32:13,434 --> 00:32:14,594
"My Dearest Peter,
460
00:32:14,594 --> 00:32:17,434
"I have just one final heartfelt
request..."
461
00:32:18,354 --> 00:32:20,754
I think that is.
"Under the...
462
00:32:20,754 --> 00:32:24,314
"something, something or other
you'll find a box.
463
00:32:24,314 --> 00:32:28,034
"Please, please destroy without
opening. Cathy."
464
00:32:29,794 --> 00:32:32,554
"Under the thin backroom."
465
00:32:32,554 --> 00:32:33,834
Bedroom, is it?
466
00:32:34,994 --> 00:32:37,354
Bedroom! Bedroom...
467
00:32:38,954 --> 00:32:40,634
Flowerbed?
Floorboard, maybe?
468
00:32:40,634 --> 00:32:42,554
Er...
469
00:32:42,554 --> 00:32:44,914
"Under the third bedroom floorboard,
470
00:32:44,914 --> 00:32:47,234
"you'll find a box."
471
00:32:47,234 --> 00:32:48,794
PHONE RINGS
472
00:32:55,914 --> 00:32:57,314
Hello?
473
00:32:57,314 --> 00:32:59,154
Oh, hi, Hazel, how are you?
474
00:33:01,314 --> 00:33:02,954
This afternoon?
475
00:33:02,954 --> 00:33:06,234
Erm... Well, I suppose I could.
476
00:33:06,234 --> 00:33:07,354
What time?
477
00:33:09,994 --> 00:33:11,794
Third bedroom floorboard.
478
00:33:13,154 --> 00:33:15,514
Third floorboard, but from which end?
479
00:33:16,954 --> 00:33:18,154
Or try both...
480
00:33:46,634 --> 00:33:47,874
Ahh!
481
00:33:48,994 --> 00:33:51,274
Oh, my God!
Is that you in there?
482
00:33:51,274 --> 00:33:52,394
Yes!
483
00:33:52,394 --> 00:33:54,594
God Almighty, you scared me to
death!
484
00:34:01,994 --> 00:34:05,874
Sorry, I was just under the
third bedroom floorboard.
485
00:34:05,874 --> 00:34:09,194
This is the third bedroom and
this has got to be the floorboard.
486
00:34:09,194 --> 00:34:12,194
It's the only one that's not
nailed down. Fairly obviously.
487
00:34:13,994 --> 00:34:16,754
Maybe he did find it, and did
exactly as she asked him to...
488
00:34:18,634 --> 00:34:19,994
Hang on a sec.
489
00:34:25,874 --> 00:34:28,234
What did she say? Please destroy
without opening?
490
00:34:28,234 --> 00:34:29,474
Yes, bugger that.
491
00:35:03,674 --> 00:35:05,394
I'm so sorry.
492
00:35:05,394 --> 00:35:08,114
Not really what you wanted
on top of everything else.
493
00:35:08,114 --> 00:35:10,754
Two years...
494
00:35:10,754 --> 00:35:13,874
looks like this was going on.
Thank God he didn't find them.
495
00:35:15,274 --> 00:35:18,194
Sounds as if it got pretty heavy,
on both sides.
496
00:35:18,194 --> 00:35:19,994
You imagine?
497
00:35:19,994 --> 00:35:22,554
Behind his back...
498
00:35:22,554 --> 00:35:23,874
for two years. I...
499
00:35:25,434 --> 00:35:26,514
I can't believe it.
500
00:35:28,474 --> 00:35:30,074
And Septimus?
501
00:35:30,074 --> 00:35:33,754
Who the bloody hell is Septimus?
Septimus who? Hmm.
502
00:35:48,554 --> 00:35:51,634
These all her books in this room,
I take it.
503
00:35:51,634 --> 00:35:52,674
What?
504
00:35:54,394 --> 00:35:56,394
God, you think you know people.
505
00:35:56,394 --> 00:35:59,074
Someone you grew up with
your whole life!
506
00:36:00,274 --> 00:36:02,754
And you realise you actually never
knew them at all.
507
00:36:09,794 --> 00:36:11,874
Oh. I didn't hear you go out.
508
00:36:11,874 --> 00:36:15,634
Yep, just up the road.
Had to get an orange, so...
509
00:36:16,754 --> 00:36:19,994
Right. For any particular reason or
just...?
510
00:36:19,994 --> 00:36:25,074
No. Just when I was in that
dressing room I saw something.
511
00:36:25,074 --> 00:36:28,194
Corner of my eye...
Didn't sit right.
512
00:36:29,314 --> 00:36:31,274
Sometimes if you can
get back in the moment
513
00:36:31,274 --> 00:36:34,394
and recreate the association,
one thing'll trigger the other.
514
00:36:37,994 --> 00:36:40,074
So where is it you're going again?
You did say.
515
00:36:40,074 --> 00:36:43,034
Oh, this Hazel woman.
What was that all about again?
516
00:36:45,194 --> 00:36:46,554
Her mother's ashes.
517
00:36:46,554 --> 00:36:49,354
She went to collect them the other
day, from the crematorium
518
00:36:49,354 --> 00:36:52,474
and when she got back...
That was it.
519
00:36:52,474 --> 00:36:54,434
That was it.
520
00:36:54,434 --> 00:36:57,154
Sawjoy. On the picture.
What?
521
00:36:57,154 --> 00:36:59,794
Signature of an artist on a big
abstract painting
522
00:36:59,794 --> 00:37:00,914
that was on her wall.
523
00:37:02,114 --> 00:37:03,834
You have to say, that was odd.
524
00:37:03,834 --> 00:37:06,834
Sawjoy? Does sound very made-up.
525
00:37:06,834 --> 00:37:08,994
What's that got to do with anything?
526
00:37:08,994 --> 00:37:12,434
Erm, no, the fact that it sounds
made-up is not what was odd.
527
00:37:12,434 --> 00:37:14,514
Sorry, you were saying?
About Hazel.
528
00:37:15,794 --> 00:37:17,114
I'll tell you when I get back.
529
00:37:21,994 --> 00:37:23,954
I mean, no, when you think
530
00:37:23,954 --> 00:37:28,554
I knew her probably better than
anyone, but Septimus?
531
00:37:28,554 --> 00:37:32,834
No, I never heard her mention that
name before, ever.
532
00:37:32,834 --> 00:37:37,354
Septimus who? Well, exactly! And
it's all there, in black and white.
533
00:37:37,354 --> 00:37:39,234
Stuff they got up to,
you've no idea.
534
00:37:40,394 --> 00:37:42,314
Talk about a shock to the system.
535
00:37:42,314 --> 00:37:45,874
Anyway, look, thanks so much
for popping round.
536
00:37:45,874 --> 00:37:48,674
I do appreciate it. Erm, shall we?
537
00:37:51,794 --> 00:37:56,154
So, when you said on the phone about
grasping the nettle this afternoon,
538
00:37:56,154 --> 00:37:58,074
what exactly did...?
539
00:37:58,074 --> 00:38:00,434
Sorry, has there been a power cut?
540
00:38:00,434 --> 00:38:05,194
Patience, I think, Polly,
is all that's required.
541
00:38:05,194 --> 00:38:06,234
You see...
542
00:38:07,794 --> 00:38:09,034
..I know she's here.
543
00:38:24,314 --> 00:38:25,914
PHONE RINGS
544
00:38:28,714 --> 00:38:30,514
Jonathan!
545
00:38:30,514 --> 00:38:33,034
Hi, is this a good moment?
It's Ridley.
546
00:38:33,034 --> 00:38:34,794
Yeah. Hi, Ridley, How you doing?
547
00:38:34,794 --> 00:38:36,874
Surprisingly well,
surprisingly well.
548
00:38:36,874 --> 00:38:39,474
Though hobbled for a while,
I must admit,
549
00:38:39,474 --> 00:38:43,674
by the ingenuity of a master
strategist in this case,
550
00:38:43,674 --> 00:38:46,994
who relied upon us all accepting
the prima facie evidence
551
00:38:46,994 --> 00:38:49,634
of an attack that took place within
the woman's dressing room.
552
00:38:49,634 --> 00:38:51,594
Crucially, the upward incision of
the blade,
553
00:38:51,594 --> 00:38:54,674
which meant the assailant had to be
standing close against the victim.
554
00:38:54,674 --> 00:38:55,874
But did it?
555
00:38:55,874 --> 00:38:58,834
Take the pieces of this puzzle
apart. The direction of the wound,
556
00:38:58,834 --> 00:39:02,194
the copious bleeding on the floor,
and put them back together again,
557
00:39:02,194 --> 00:39:04,514
and a very different picture
emerges...
558
00:39:06,274 --> 00:39:09,394
..of a lithe young singer-dancer,
we know looks after her body,
559
00:39:09,394 --> 00:39:13,994
and with her nightly work-out
presents the perfect inverted target
560
00:39:13,994 --> 00:39:16,594
for a weapon with a disappearing
missile.
561
00:39:24,434 --> 00:39:25,954
Oh!
562
00:39:32,354 --> 00:39:35,834
Coolly constructed in every sense,
who would suspect a crossbow
563
00:39:35,834 --> 00:39:38,834
firing a shard of frozen blood?
564
00:39:38,834 --> 00:39:42,874
Designed to kill and then instantly
melt away without trace.
565
00:39:42,874 --> 00:39:45,274
OK? Yeah, er...
566
00:39:45,274 --> 00:39:48,194
I see where you're coming from,
Ridley. I certainly missed that one.
567
00:39:48,194 --> 00:39:49,434
Elementary, my dear Holmes.
568
00:39:49,434 --> 00:39:52,354
And, based on some other research,
I've got a pretty good idea now
569
00:39:52,354 --> 00:39:54,674
about the identity of the
perpetrator,
570
00:39:54,674 --> 00:39:57,594
which, with everyone's indulgence,
I was planning on erm...
571
00:40:05,274 --> 00:40:06,994
Holmes...
572
00:40:08,434 --> 00:40:09,514
Holmes!
573
00:40:30,834 --> 00:40:33,834
You know what, Hazel, I really will
need to be getting along in a minute,
574
00:40:33,834 --> 00:40:35,394
because... Wait!
575
00:40:35,394 --> 00:40:37,674
What's that?
576
00:40:37,674 --> 00:40:38,914
A presence!
577
00:40:40,634 --> 00:40:42,114
You feel it, Polly?
578
00:40:42,114 --> 00:40:46,914
Like a kind of faint vibration,
almost. In the air.
579
00:40:51,114 --> 00:40:54,154
MACHINERY WHIRS
580
00:41:22,514 --> 00:41:24,554
MACHINE BLEEPS MELODICALLY
581
00:42:07,034 --> 00:42:09,354
Oh, God, are you serious?
582
00:42:09,354 --> 00:42:11,674
Actually I was thinking I might drop
by there again,
583
00:42:11,674 --> 00:42:15,074
so if you were going to be around
then maybe...
584
00:42:15,074 --> 00:42:16,634
Yeah, OK.
585
00:42:16,634 --> 00:42:18,474
Thanks, Zelda, bye.
586
00:42:20,674 --> 00:42:23,074
Oh, hi. You were a while.
587
00:42:23,074 --> 00:42:25,754
Things all seem to be hotting up,
588
00:42:25,754 --> 00:42:27,714
apparently, on the Yellow Room
front, so...
589
00:42:27,714 --> 00:42:30,434
Yes, well, we've cleared up one
mystery there at any rate.
590
00:42:31,794 --> 00:42:34,914
An urn full of ashes she spills all
over her mother's carpet,
591
00:42:34,914 --> 00:42:36,434
went away for a couple of hours
592
00:42:36,434 --> 00:42:38,634
and when she gets back they've
just disappeared.
593
00:42:38,634 --> 00:42:42,034
Without any explanation.
And do you know what it was?
594
00:42:42,034 --> 00:42:44,194
Robot vacuum cleaner?
595
00:42:44,194 --> 00:42:47,314
Pardon? A robot vacuum cleaner!
596
00:42:48,594 --> 00:42:51,834
Do you not think that's the most
absurd unlikely scenario
597
00:42:51,834 --> 00:42:53,354
you could possibly imagine?
598
00:42:54,714 --> 00:42:55,914
So...was it?
599
00:42:58,354 --> 00:42:59,554
Yes.
600
00:43:00,634 --> 00:43:03,314
Programmed for half past three, as it
turns out, by the old dear
601
00:43:03,314 --> 00:43:05,714
every afternoon. Makes sense.
602
00:43:05,714 --> 00:43:07,434
OK!
603
00:43:07,434 --> 00:43:11,474
OK, well, maybe you can
make sense of this.
604
00:43:15,954 --> 00:43:19,914
On a tombstone in the churchyard
directly behind my mother's grave.
605
00:43:19,914 --> 00:43:22,234
I mean, it can't just be a
coincidence.
606
00:43:22,234 --> 00:43:25,234
Except that he died at least three
years before those love letters
607
00:43:25,234 --> 00:43:27,794
were written.
Septimus Noone.
608
00:43:30,274 --> 00:43:32,474
No, I'd say that
far from being a coincidence,
609
00:43:32,474 --> 00:43:36,594
it fits in with everything else here
absolutely perfectly.
610
00:43:36,594 --> 00:43:39,554
Only, one thing at a time,
I'm afraid.
611
00:43:40,714 --> 00:43:46,034
I'm going to need you to run me back
to the theatre, if you would.
612
00:43:46,034 --> 00:43:49,794
Our young friend Ridley's asked them
all to assemble on the stage
613
00:43:49,794 --> 00:43:53,114
at six cos he wants to
announce his big solution,
614
00:43:53,114 --> 00:43:56,274
which, as you can imagine,
is completely preposterous,
615
00:43:56,274 --> 00:44:00,034
but arguably no more preposterous
than the real solution,
616
00:44:00,034 --> 00:44:03,994
which, unfortunately, there's only
one way to confirm now.
617
00:44:03,994 --> 00:44:06,914
By going back into that dressing
room. So...
618
00:44:08,554 --> 00:44:09,954
..whenever you're ready.
619
00:44:26,994 --> 00:44:28,474
Jonathan?
620
00:44:32,514 --> 00:44:36,154
(OK, you know what to do.
I just need three minutes.)
621
00:44:36,154 --> 00:44:38,434
(I can't! I can't do this sort
of thing!
622
00:44:38,434 --> 00:44:41,234
(How am I supposed to just suddenly
pretend to scream in agony?)
623
00:44:41,234 --> 00:44:42,914
(I don't know.
624
00:44:42,914 --> 00:44:45,874
(Remember when you got halfway
through Piers Morgan's memoirs?
625
00:44:45,874 --> 00:44:47,114
(Just call on some of that.)
626
00:45:00,634 --> 00:45:02,834
Aaaaah!
627
00:45:02,834 --> 00:45:04,234
Oooh!
628
00:45:05,274 --> 00:45:08,194
Oh! Oh, my God, are you OK, madam?
629
00:45:08,194 --> 00:45:11,874
Yeah, I just fell down the stairs.
Ooh! Aahh!
630
00:45:11,874 --> 00:45:14,674
Let me take your weight. It's OK.
OK.
631
00:45:16,034 --> 00:45:19,874
Steady. Up on the step.
Let's have a look. OK.
632
00:45:22,674 --> 00:45:24,994
I can't believe we're all
taking this seriously!
633
00:45:24,994 --> 00:45:26,994
And who is this Ridley
person anyway?
634
00:45:26,994 --> 00:45:29,834
Well, he seems to be making more
progress than the police over here,
635
00:45:29,834 --> 00:45:31,714
but we have to wait and see.
636
00:45:31,714 --> 00:45:34,194
From what they're
saying at the hospital,
637
00:45:34,194 --> 00:45:36,274
this could soon be
a murder inquiry.
638
00:45:44,434 --> 00:45:46,754
What are you doing here?
639
00:45:46,754 --> 00:45:48,634
Rachel, come on!
640
00:45:48,634 --> 00:45:50,794
Come on.
641
00:45:50,794 --> 00:45:52,154
This is scary.
642
00:45:52,154 --> 00:45:53,314
Did you hear what she said?
643
00:45:54,834 --> 00:45:56,194
A murder inquiry.
644
00:46:00,554 --> 00:46:02,714
I don't think it's broken.
Let's just...
645
00:46:02,714 --> 00:46:04,114
Let me just feel. Ooh!
646
00:46:07,434 --> 00:46:10,274
My husband's here, thanks
ever so much.
647
00:46:10,274 --> 00:46:13,114
Yeah, that's great. Oh, my pleasure.
Just take it easy.
648
00:46:13,114 --> 00:46:14,554
Thank you. Yeah, bye.
649
00:46:22,194 --> 00:46:24,634
And now we're looking for...?
650
00:46:24,634 --> 00:46:28,794
Make-up artist named Darryl Kimble,
I think, has to be our man.
651
00:46:31,034 --> 00:46:32,434
KNOCK AT DOOR
652
00:46:35,154 --> 00:46:39,114
Hi, sorry, I wonder if you have a
minute. My name's Jonathan Creek.
653
00:46:39,114 --> 00:46:41,994
Oh, right, yes. The amateur sleuth
who's come to enlighten us all
654
00:46:41,994 --> 00:46:43,714
about the other night!
655
00:46:43,714 --> 00:46:45,194
Goodbye!
656
00:46:45,194 --> 00:46:46,594
Erm...
657
00:46:48,474 --> 00:46:50,034
Yes...
658
00:46:50,034 --> 00:46:51,754
It's Darryl, isn't it?
659
00:46:53,714 --> 00:46:57,114
Fairly obviously there's someone
here that you and Juno
660
00:46:57,114 --> 00:46:59,994
were both really
desperate to protect.
661
00:46:59,994 --> 00:47:03,554
I just wondered how sure you are
still you made the right call.
662
00:47:10,954 --> 00:47:13,554
Everyone, can I have your attention,
please?
663
00:47:16,234 --> 00:47:18,514
Let me introduce you Mr Ridley,
664
00:47:18,514 --> 00:47:21,914
who is here very kindly to help us
resolve Juno's attack.
665
00:47:21,914 --> 00:47:23,474
Thank you very much.
666
00:47:23,474 --> 00:47:26,234
OK. I know this is a little
irregular.
667
00:47:26,234 --> 00:47:29,154
But Zelda's very kindly said I might
present a few thoughts to you
668
00:47:29,154 --> 00:47:33,634
tonight, about how I think that
attack really took place...
669
00:47:33,634 --> 00:47:37,194
and, more importantly,
who was responsible.
670
00:47:37,194 --> 00:47:41,754
Someone, I would venture to suggest,
who is here with us today
671
00:47:41,754 --> 00:47:43,914
in this very building.
672
00:47:43,914 --> 00:47:46,234
In the original story of
the Yellow Room,
673
00:47:46,234 --> 00:47:49,314
the whole solution revolves around
an injury sustained
674
00:47:49,314 --> 00:47:51,274
before the victim entered
the bedchamber.
675
00:47:52,354 --> 00:47:54,434
No way that could have
happened here
676
00:47:54,434 --> 00:47:57,074
because Juno Pirelli had been
clearly seen by her director
677
00:47:57,074 --> 00:48:00,074
minutes earlier,
completely unscathed.
678
00:48:00,074 --> 00:48:03,354
Or was there something already
troubling her that night?
679
00:48:04,794 --> 00:48:08,834
Enough to slightly put her off her
game in one or two arias,
680
00:48:08,834 --> 00:48:11,914
something potentially
life-threatening that had been
681
00:48:11,914 --> 00:48:13,514
very skilfully covered up.
682
00:48:14,754 --> 00:48:18,274
The name on that picture, Sawjoy.
683
00:48:18,274 --> 00:48:21,274
OK, slightly unusual, but not
as unusual as the position
684
00:48:21,274 --> 00:48:25,914
in the top left-hand corner instead
of the bottom right.
685
00:48:26,994 --> 00:48:30,554
Made me wonder how easy it would've
been for someone in a hurry to have
686
00:48:30,554 --> 00:48:32,674
taken it down at some point,
687
00:48:32,674 --> 00:48:35,714
and then put it back again
the wrong way up.
688
00:49:09,554 --> 00:49:11,394
I imagine the artist,
Beverley Holmes,
689
00:49:11,394 --> 00:49:13,634
might have been a little put out,
but...
690
00:49:13,634 --> 00:49:16,274
After that, there was no way for you
to get back in there without
691
00:49:16,274 --> 00:49:19,274
being seen, so whatever it was had
to still be there.
692
00:49:32,674 --> 00:49:34,274
She'd convinced herself...
693
00:49:34,274 --> 00:49:36,874
she'd convinced me
that was just superficial.
694
00:49:38,754 --> 00:49:41,434
We'd get it patched up,
it would heal.
695
00:49:41,434 --> 00:49:42,634
Maybe...
696
00:49:43,874 --> 00:49:45,834
Well.
697
00:49:45,834 --> 00:49:50,074
Guess now we'll never know, will we,
whether something else happened that set it all off.
698
00:49:52,434 --> 00:49:54,354
Yes, she was stupid, yes,
she was mad.
699
00:49:54,354 --> 00:49:56,234
But she was mad for the right
reasons.
700
00:49:56,234 --> 00:49:58,874
And thank God for people like that
sometimes, you know?
701
00:50:01,914 --> 00:50:04,394
God bloody bless her,
is all I've got to say.
702
00:50:07,034 --> 00:50:08,954
I'm sorry.
703
00:50:08,954 --> 00:50:11,154
Any more than that, you're not going
to get from me.
704
00:50:12,994 --> 00:50:16,154
..that would find its target and then
simply melt away,
705
00:50:16,154 --> 00:50:18,554
completely undetected.
706
00:50:18,554 --> 00:50:19,834
More to the point,
707
00:50:19,834 --> 00:50:23,594
who would have a grievance strong
enough to construct such a plan?
708
00:50:23,594 --> 00:50:25,394
Someone, we may suppose,
709
00:50:25,394 --> 00:50:28,834
on the verge of hysteria.
Emotionally unbalanced,
710
00:50:28,834 --> 00:50:32,834
who was prepared to go to any lengths
to wreak their revenge.
711
00:50:32,834 --> 00:50:36,474
A crime of passion, love spurned,
recriminations,
712
00:50:36,474 --> 00:50:39,794
irrational and real, nausea, jealousy
and hate.
713
00:50:39,794 --> 00:50:44,274
Who else could it point to, but the
tuba player, who she'd already...
714
00:50:44,274 --> 00:50:45,994
PEOPLE SCREAM
715
00:50:48,394 --> 00:50:50,234
Rachel!
716
00:51:37,634 --> 00:51:41,034
Yeah, I'm sorry you had to see that.
717
00:51:41,034 --> 00:51:42,714
Sorry I had to see that?!
718
00:51:44,314 --> 00:51:47,434
I sometimes wonder, Jonathan,
exactly what I married!
719
00:51:47,434 --> 00:51:50,874
Free admission for life to the
Twilight Zone?
720
00:51:50,874 --> 00:51:55,474
If it's not phantom knife-wielding
stalkers or ghostly human remains
721
00:51:55,474 --> 00:51:58,474
suddenly vanishing in the...
Now what are you looking for?
722
00:51:58,474 --> 00:52:01,794
Ah! I did see it here,
I thought I had.
723
00:52:03,194 --> 00:52:05,754
That web link she wrote down
for you.
724
00:52:06,794 --> 00:52:10,754
If I'm not mistaken, it tells us
everything we need to know
725
00:52:10,754 --> 00:52:14,194
and all that other.
Oh, God. What?
726
00:52:14,194 --> 00:52:16,914
A little slower, please,
would be nice.
727
00:52:16,914 --> 00:52:19,354
The letters of Septimus Noone.
728
00:52:19,354 --> 00:52:21,554
The name, you know I said
729
00:52:21,554 --> 00:52:25,194
fitted in perfectly well
with everything else here?
730
00:52:25,194 --> 00:52:27,434
Everything from a book collection
that includes
731
00:52:27,434 --> 00:52:29,874
the works of Dylan Thomas and
Samuel Butler,
732
00:52:29,874 --> 00:52:33,154
to that imaginary friend of yours
you had when you were a child.
733
00:52:33,154 --> 00:52:37,354
Easiest thing, I think, would be to
make one brief detour on the way back.
734
00:52:40,314 --> 00:52:41,874
No. My gosh.
735
00:52:43,114 --> 00:52:44,154
I'm impressed.
736
00:52:45,634 --> 00:52:47,994
Considering the time it took
737
00:52:47,994 --> 00:52:51,634
and all the trouble I went to to
disguise the writing.
738
00:52:51,634 --> 00:52:55,114
Of course, I was rather pleased
with myself at the time.
739
00:52:55,114 --> 00:52:57,434
The writing, oddly, I never
questioned.
740
00:52:58,474 --> 00:53:00,514
It was the paper.
741
00:53:00,514 --> 00:53:05,114
Most people, if a letter's too
wide for the envelope,
742
00:53:05,114 --> 00:53:09,394
fold it a couple of times down the
long way and then across.
743
00:53:09,394 --> 00:53:12,194
Your way's more distinctive.
744
00:53:16,314 --> 00:53:20,914
I'd say it's verging on unique.
745
00:53:20,914 --> 00:53:25,514
I'm just writing you a link now to
a website that just gave me
746
00:53:25,514 --> 00:53:26,794
so much comfort.
747
00:53:28,834 --> 00:53:32,154
Why, Hazel?
For what possible reason?
748
00:53:32,154 --> 00:53:36,634
You don't think we argued?
My head against her brick wall.
749
00:53:37,634 --> 00:53:41,794
And how could I refuse her anything
at that stage?
750
00:53:41,794 --> 00:53:46,034
As soon as she knew her time was
running out...
751
00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:50,474
Believe it or believe it not,
the whole idea
752
00:53:50,474 --> 00:53:52,594
was to try and lessen the grief.
753
00:53:54,234 --> 00:53:56,074
He'd find the letters, and...
754
00:53:57,274 --> 00:53:59,634
She just had this horror, you see,
755
00:53:59,634 --> 00:54:04,394
of him moping about over her memory,
for the rest of his days.
756
00:54:04,394 --> 00:54:08,754
If she could somehow discredit
herself in his eyes,
757
00:54:08,754 --> 00:54:11,354
at the very end, she just thought...
758
00:54:14,994 --> 00:54:16,074
..well.
759
00:54:17,354 --> 00:54:19,434
Thank God it never came to anything.
760
00:54:27,034 --> 00:54:30,194
So, Erewhon by Samuel Butler,
761
00:54:30,194 --> 00:54:33,794
a place he famously invented,
as "nowhere" spelt backwards.
762
00:54:33,794 --> 00:54:39,594
And Llareggub backwards,
the village in Under Milk Wood.
763
00:54:39,594 --> 00:54:40,954
"Bugger all."
764
00:54:40,954 --> 00:54:45,074
I know, but how you could just zero
in on those two titles,
765
00:54:45,074 --> 00:54:46,554
out of all this lot.
766
00:54:46,554 --> 00:54:49,954
Yeah, the rule of three that
made it just about plausible.
767
00:54:49,954 --> 00:54:54,994
Zero. Imaginary friend, whose
name, in reverse, meant "nothing."
768
00:54:54,994 --> 00:54:58,394
She loved words. And playing with
words, but...
769
00:54:58,394 --> 00:55:00,434
trust you to make that connection.
770
00:55:00,434 --> 00:55:04,194
A name she must have seen God knows
how often in that churchyard.
771
00:55:04,194 --> 00:55:08,034
If she's wondering what to call
this non-existent lover...
772
00:55:08,034 --> 00:55:09,714
Septimus Noone...
773
00:55:09,714 --> 00:55:12,314
Was actually Septimus No-One.
774
00:55:31,914 --> 00:55:34,834
So, he'll be back at uni then,
now, Ridley?
775
00:55:34,834 --> 00:55:37,634
I trust he didn't find the whole
experience a waste of time.
776
00:55:37,634 --> 00:55:39,554
Oh, no way. No, no.
777
00:55:39,554 --> 00:55:42,034
Admits he's still got a lot to
learn, but...
778
00:55:42,034 --> 00:55:46,274
No, he'll be back.
Oh, good.
779
00:55:46,274 --> 00:55:49,074
And you've made the right decision,
I'm sure, about this place.
780
00:55:49,074 --> 00:55:50,994
Why would you want to live
anywhere else?
781
00:55:50,994 --> 00:55:52,834
Yes, well, I wasn't too sure
at first.
782
00:55:52,834 --> 00:55:55,994
There's been one or two very creepy
moments round here, I have to say.
783
00:55:55,994 --> 00:55:58,754
Oh, finding those old love
letters of your mother's.
784
00:55:58,754 --> 00:56:01,114
And what was even weirder,
the very next moment
785
00:56:01,114 --> 00:56:05,514
that halo suddenly vanishing from
her photo. That was creepy.
786
00:56:05,514 --> 00:56:08,274
Like, a coffee ring on the page
that was there one minute,
787
00:56:08,274 --> 00:56:10,554
and then miraculously gone.
788
00:56:10,554 --> 00:56:13,874
But you know what, some of that
lateral thinking must be rubbing off,
789
00:56:13,874 --> 00:56:17,714
because it was when I thought about
that painting being the wrong way up,
790
00:56:17,714 --> 00:56:20,674
I suddenly remembered that's a,
a partner's desk in there,
791
00:56:20,674 --> 00:56:23,234
which means the back of it's exactly
the same as the front.
792
00:56:23,234 --> 00:56:26,714
And what if the top section had
somehow been turned around
793
00:56:26,714 --> 00:56:28,074
to face the other way?
794
00:56:28,074 --> 00:56:31,554
Which, guess what, when we checked,
is exactly what we found.
795
00:56:31,554 --> 00:56:33,154
At some point in the past, evidently,
796
00:56:33,154 --> 00:56:36,234
the desk had been moved around the
room, and that page from the paper,
797
00:56:36,234 --> 00:56:39,874
he put in there to save had just
ended up against the wall.
798
00:56:39,874 --> 00:56:43,354
The one with the ring on it,
obviously another copy altogether,
799
00:56:43,354 --> 00:56:45,794
we just happened to find in that pile
of books.
800
00:56:45,794 --> 00:56:49,914
Except, who would have gone in there
to move the top of a desk around?
801
00:56:49,914 --> 00:56:51,474
We couldn't imagine.
802
00:56:51,474 --> 00:56:54,114
I mean, there's been no-one
else in the house.
803
00:56:54,114 --> 00:56:57,314
Apart from people like yourself,
at the funeral the other day.
804
00:57:05,714 --> 00:57:09,034
Ridley? I can't find Ripley.
We'll have to go. I'm so sorry.
805
00:57:09,034 --> 00:57:10,194
We'll have to go.
806
00:57:15,634 --> 00:57:18,274
Ripley?
807
00:57:18,274 --> 00:57:19,714
Ripley?
808
00:57:25,874 --> 00:57:27,674
SHE GIGGLES
809
00:57:31,514 --> 00:57:32,874
Stay there.
810
00:57:32,874 --> 00:57:34,994
What shall we do?!
We switch the desk. What?!
811
00:57:34,994 --> 00:57:37,594
We take everything off, turn it
round, and then it's done.
812
00:57:37,594 --> 00:57:39,074
We put everything back. Fine.
813
00:57:39,074 --> 00:57:41,234
This side's exactly the same
as this side. Right.
814
00:57:43,874 --> 00:57:45,954
Three, two, one!
Oh! Oh!
815
00:58:04,034 --> 00:58:05,594
Oh, God.
816
00:58:05,594 --> 00:58:07,594
Polly...
817
00:58:07,594 --> 00:58:09,154
Jonathan...
818
00:58:09,154 --> 00:58:10,634
What can I say?
819
00:58:10,634 --> 00:58:11,914
WATER RUNNING
820
00:58:15,714 --> 00:58:18,754
Listen, I don't know when you're
thinking of starting a family,
821
00:58:18,754 --> 00:58:20,754
but, you know what they say about
space.
822
00:58:20,754 --> 00:58:23,354
No-one can hear you scream?
823
00:58:23,354 --> 00:58:24,754
Make the most of it?
824
00:58:24,804 --> 00:58:29,354
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