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1
00:00:55,567 --> 00:00:59,162
Slow down. I think it's
coming up on the left.
2
00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:16,358
Holey moley!
3
00:01:17,527 --> 00:01:20,360
How many cats could you swing in there?
4
00:01:20,527 --> 00:01:23,121
Bachelor pad, my elbow!
5
00:01:49,607 --> 00:01:51,006
Oh!
6
00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:10,405
- Oh, God damn it, Duncan!
- I'm sorry!
7
00:02:10,567 --> 00:02:15,687
I heard you pull up. I thought you
might need some light. How are you?
8
00:02:15,847 --> 00:02:21,399
Yes, just the ticket for nearly
plunging into an open grave. My heart!
9
00:02:23,007 --> 00:02:27,125
The family plot... my mother and father.
10
00:02:27,287 --> 00:02:29,755
What the hell's it doing open?
11
00:02:30,127 --> 00:02:32,357
Er... I'll tell you later.
12
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:35,724
- Shall we get inside? It's freezing.
- Yes, well...
13
00:02:35,967 --> 00:02:38,162
Many happy ones, anyway.
14
00:02:39,847 --> 00:02:41,917
You've met Clare, haven't you?
15
00:02:42,087 --> 00:02:45,875
Three times, but who's
counting? Right. Of course.
16
00:02:53,167 --> 00:02:58,082
So, who don't you know? Rand
and Rosamund. Lincoln and Thalia.
17
00:02:58,247 --> 00:03:01,239
This is Felicity and...
Oh, lordy, I'm so sorry.
18
00:03:01,407 --> 00:03:04,319
- Clare.
- Clare. Now, Neville you have met.
19
00:03:04,487 --> 00:03:07,479
Neville, my bestest
buddy in all the world.
20
00:03:07,647 --> 00:03:09,365
Hi.
21
00:03:09,567 --> 00:03:12,445
Sandy and Tom from Auckland...
22
00:03:12,607 --> 00:03:15,565
and Derek, who's something
very big in the City.
23
00:03:15,727 --> 00:03:17,843
The Thames Flood Barrier!
24
00:03:18,087 --> 00:03:23,445
And further down the food chain,
my ex-comrades Ben and Buster.
25
00:03:23,607 --> 00:03:26,804
So, a bit of hush now,
everybody, please...
26
00:03:28,687 --> 00:03:31,520
for a trick shot that's
just a little bit different.
27
00:03:35,487 --> 00:03:40,766
- Army humour. One reason why I got out.
- Oh... Happy birthday.
28
00:03:41,527 --> 00:03:43,518
A
- ha. What have we here?
29
00:03:47,847 --> 00:03:52,762
Oh, right! I see.
This is how you see me.
30
00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:55,037
I love it!
31
00:03:55,207 --> 00:03:57,198
The new Gerald Scarfe, everyone!
32
00:03:58,607 --> 00:04:00,802
I adore it... totally.
33
00:04:01,927 --> 00:04:05,124
- And from me. Happy birthday.
- Thanks.
34
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:09,280
Now, I'll show you where you're
sleeping, then we'll get a drink.
35
00:04:10,967 --> 00:04:15,085
♪ Happy birthday to you
36
00:04:15,247 --> 00:04:18,956
♪ Happy birthday to you
37
00:04:19,127 --> 00:04:23,917
♪ Happy birthday, dear Duncan
38
00:04:24,087 --> 00:04:29,115
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
39
00:04:46,527 --> 00:04:48,995
- Goodnight, Clare.
- Goodnight.
40
00:04:52,487 --> 00:04:54,478
Goodnight, Duncan.
41
00:05:57,967 --> 00:06:01,960
Sorry. Were you praying? I heard
the words "Oh, God" several times.
42
00:06:02,127 --> 00:06:04,163
- Duncan, look, please...
- Come on.
43
00:06:04,367 --> 00:06:08,485
Phew! It's got awfully
steamy in here. Do you mind?
44
00:06:08,647 --> 00:06:11,241
- Look, I'm sorry. I know this is...
- For what?
45
00:06:11,407 --> 00:06:15,525
- Why have you been so shy about it?
- Oh, for heaven's sake!
46
00:06:15,687 --> 00:06:18,360
No, that's fair. I've no complaints.
47
00:06:18,527 --> 00:06:21,405
Neville gets unlimited
exclusive rights to your body,
48
00:06:21,567 --> 00:06:24,843
and I get this to
remember you by for always.
49
00:06:26,207 --> 00:06:30,120
- Ah! Must put a hook on that wall.
- Is this achieving anything?
50
00:06:30,287 --> 00:06:33,438
Listen, don't mind
me. You just plough on.
51
00:06:33,607 --> 00:06:36,041
Enjoy yourselves, while
I get some fresh air.
52
00:06:38,127 --> 00:06:41,961
- My gosh! It's blowy.
- Can we discuss this in the morning?
53
00:06:42,167 --> 00:06:46,604
My advice to you both, if you
come out here, be bloody careful.
54
00:06:47,687 --> 00:06:51,965
A chap could come to a very sticky
end if he did something silly.
55
00:06:52,167 --> 00:06:54,158
Duncan!
56
00:06:56,007 --> 00:06:59,522
We all have to learn
to deal with rejection.
57
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:02,679
- Life goes on.
- Does it?
58
00:07:04,487 --> 00:07:06,478
Duncan, for God's sake!
59
00:07:06,687 --> 00:07:10,475
Some things are more precious than
life, and when you lose them...
60
00:07:10,687 --> 00:07:14,805
What's all the blethering about?
Duncan. What...? This isn't funny.
61
00:07:15,007 --> 00:07:17,316
Bye, Fliss.
62
00:07:17,487 --> 00:07:19,637
The grave was open...
63
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:21,406
for me!
64
00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:23,359
No!
65
00:07:33,607 --> 00:07:35,677
Duncan!
66
00:07:42,847 --> 00:07:44,838
Oh... Oh, God!
67
00:08:25,567 --> 00:08:28,320
Oh, hi. You're back. I didn't know...
68
00:08:28,487 --> 00:08:31,206
Hang on. Signal's a bit iffy here.
69
00:08:31,367 --> 00:08:33,801
No, I'm on the road with Adam.
70
00:08:33,967 --> 00:08:36,686
Pressing the flesh and
being very wonderful.
71
00:08:36,847 --> 00:08:42,046
Yeah, he's fine. Just ran into an
old school chum, if I'm not mistaken.
72
00:08:42,207 --> 00:08:45,961
So, you got my message about
tonight? That grab you at all?
73
00:08:46,127 --> 00:08:48,766
Tonight. Hewie Harper.
74
00:08:48,927 --> 00:08:53,921
He's playing the Café Royal. It's a
hot ticket, and he's got four for Adam,
75
00:08:54,087 --> 00:08:57,238
because he's guesting for
us on his next TV special...
76
00:08:57,407 --> 00:09:01,320
How could you not have got
my message? I distinct...
77
00:09:01,487 --> 00:09:03,603
I don't know. About 10.30.
78
00:09:03,767 --> 00:09:06,406
Some guy answered. Said
you'd be another hour.
79
00:09:06,607 --> 00:09:08,598
Yes, that would've been the burglar.
80
00:09:09,487 --> 00:09:14,641
The burglar? Oh, you're kidding? He said
he was doing something to your computer.
81
00:09:14,807 --> 00:09:17,241
Yes. He was stealing it.
82
00:09:17,687 --> 00:09:20,201
Look, all right. I loathe jazz,
83
00:09:20,367 --> 00:09:23,757
but it won't be a barrel
of laughs here this evening.
84
00:09:23,927 --> 00:09:27,078
- What time?
- We can meet there.
85
00:09:27,287 --> 00:09:29,721
Seven, seven-fifteen would be great.
86
00:09:30,847 --> 00:09:35,284
And, er... sorry about
the other. See you then.
87
00:09:35,447 --> 00:09:37,199
Bye.
88
00:09:37,407 --> 00:09:40,558
.. and I know he's
desperate to meet you.
89
00:09:40,727 --> 00:09:44,402
One of our oldest residents, Mr Ramis.
90
00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:50,202
This is Adam Klaus, Mr
Ramis, off the television.
91
00:09:50,927 --> 00:09:55,079
Mr Ramis does a bit of conjuring
himself from time to time.
92
00:09:55,287 --> 00:09:58,120
Always a thrill to meet a
fellow magician, Mr Ramis.
93
00:09:58,287 --> 00:10:02,360
There's a little trick he's been
rehearsing all day. Would you mind?
94
00:10:08,447 --> 00:10:13,441
Mr Ramis, another ten minutes
and we have to cut you down.
95
00:10:14,607 --> 00:10:17,997
She hates jazz? Why bring
someone who hates jazz
96
00:10:18,167 --> 00:10:20,727
to see the greatest trumpeter since...?
97
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:22,684
Dumbo?
98
00:10:22,847 --> 00:10:25,600
I mean, Hewie Harper, Jonathan.
99
00:10:25,767 --> 00:10:28,486
Bringing an atheist to
the Sermon on the Mount.
100
00:10:28,647 --> 00:10:33,801
There are ten young ladies I could call,
who would wrestle eels for this ticket.
101
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:38,003
Yes. I daren't ask how you know that.
102
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:43,800
What's he like? I get very nervous
meeting big American megastars.
103
00:10:44,007 --> 00:10:47,204
He's a pussycat. Plus, he's a gentleman.
104
00:10:48,207 --> 00:10:50,243
Half man, half pussycat.
105
00:10:50,407 --> 00:10:54,002
.. which is very rare
these days. However,
106
00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:57,477
there is also one thing you should know,
107
00:10:57,647 --> 00:11:01,037
and God forbid you ever
breathe this to a living soul.
108
00:11:01,207 --> 00:11:04,916
Hewie Harper... the legendary
blind jazz musician, right?
109
00:11:06,887 --> 00:11:08,286
Right.
110
00:11:08,447 --> 00:11:10,438
Isn't blind.
111
00:11:12,527 --> 00:11:17,282
What do you mean? Of course
he's blind. Blind Hewie Harper.
112
00:11:17,487 --> 00:11:22,083
Eight years ago, surgery restored his
sight, but only a few were informed.
113
00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:26,282
You create a cool image,
you don't dicker with it.
114
00:11:26,447 --> 00:11:29,564
That look's kept him
at the top for 32 years.
115
00:11:29,727 --> 00:11:32,287
Honey! How are you? Any improvement?
116
00:11:32,487 --> 00:11:34,762
I can't believe what you're saying.
117
00:11:34,927 --> 00:11:38,203
Hewie Harper can really see.
118
00:11:38,367 --> 00:11:41,757
That's like saying Barry
Manilow's really dumb.
119
00:11:43,207 --> 00:11:46,597
- I'm flabbergasted.
- Like I say, that's strictly entre nous.
120
00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:49,076
We want him, we play by his rules.
121
00:11:49,247 --> 00:11:53,923
Oh, about an hour and a half, and,
er... don't go sick on me, babe.
122
00:11:54,087 --> 00:11:56,078
We got some serious boogie tonight.
123
00:12:01,527 --> 00:12:03,802
The shortest joke in the world?
124
00:12:03,967 --> 00:12:06,276
The Bismarck is unsinkagurgle.
125
00:12:14,807 --> 00:12:18,880
You know the shortest joke in the
world? The Bismarck is unsinkagurgle.
126
00:12:27,967 --> 00:12:30,322
The Bismarck is unsinkagurgle.
127
00:13:08,607 --> 00:13:13,522
Don't shut me off, Neville. You
can't just ignore me and I'll go away.
128
00:13:13,727 --> 00:13:15,718
I need to talk.
129
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:20,198
- I need help.
- I think the entire street can see that.
130
00:13:24,647 --> 00:13:27,366
For God's sake, what do I have to do?
131
00:13:27,527 --> 00:13:32,442
We all have to learn to deal with
rejection. Didn't you say that?
132
00:13:32,807 --> 00:13:35,879
You always said fate
had put us together.
133
00:13:37,767 --> 00:13:40,804
You can't give that up
just because of Duncan.
134
00:13:41,007 --> 00:13:45,239
It's not because of Duncan. It
wasn't going anywhere, Fliss.
135
00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:48,444
We were having fun,
that's all, remember? Fun.
136
00:13:49,687 --> 00:13:51,678
You're lying.
137
00:13:54,207 --> 00:13:56,323
Tell me you never loved me.
138
00:13:58,127 --> 00:13:59,924
Say it.
139
00:14:01,127 --> 00:14:03,118
You can't.
140
00:14:03,287 --> 00:14:06,404
Felicity... I never loved you.
141
00:14:08,887 --> 00:14:10,320
No.
142
00:14:36,927 --> 00:14:40,476
So, how's the patient?
Still terminally gorgeous.
143
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:44,686
You've met my assistant Jonathan.
He's joining us for the show tonight.
144
00:14:44,847 --> 00:14:49,284
- I thought we'd eat around eight.
- Oh, I feel like death dug up.
145
00:14:49,447 --> 00:14:52,280
- I think I'm getting something.
- What?
146
00:14:52,447 --> 00:14:55,598
- It might be tonsillitis.
- I've had that.
147
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:59,959
Or scarlet fever starts the same
way. Have you vomited blood at all?
148
00:15:00,127 --> 00:15:03,164
- Don't listen. He's a hypochondriac.
- Ever had mumps?
149
00:15:03,367 --> 00:15:06,882
I don't think so. Do you
want to feel my glands?
150
00:15:07,047 --> 00:15:11,598
No, he doesn't. Put your glands
away. Any more calls came in?
151
00:15:11,767 --> 00:15:14,565
From Hewie's PA, saying
the table's booked at 11.
152
00:15:14,727 --> 00:15:18,197
Oh, yes. You didn't
say you had a sister.
153
00:15:18,367 --> 00:15:21,200
- I haven't.
- Yes, you have. She rang.
154
00:15:21,367 --> 00:15:23,881
Her name's Kitty. She lives in Dumfries.
155
00:15:24,047 --> 00:15:27,005
Oh. That sister. What did she want?
156
00:15:27,207 --> 00:15:30,756
She wanted a lift from the
station, so I sent her a taxi.
157
00:15:30,967 --> 00:15:34,357
- She's here now, upstairs.
- Here?! Kitty?!
158
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,922
Not now.
159
00:15:45,807 --> 00:15:48,924
- This isn't happening.
- You met his sister?
160
00:15:49,087 --> 00:15:51,442
Yeah, twice. She's very nice.
161
00:15:51,607 --> 00:15:53,598
Don't be funny, Jonathan.
162
00:15:53,767 --> 00:15:56,156
Kitty! What an unexpected thrill
163
00:15:56,327 --> 00:15:58,397
Hello, Chester. How are you?
164
00:15:59,087 --> 00:16:02,557
Och, you've got lipstick
all over you now. Come here.
165
00:16:02,727 --> 00:16:05,924
Thank you. Now I've got
lipstick and spit all over me.
166
00:16:06,087 --> 00:16:08,282
And how are you, Jonathan?
167
00:16:10,527 --> 00:16:14,361
He's a bright lad. Without him,
Chester wouldn't have an act,
168
00:16:15,127 --> 00:16:18,039
wouldn't have half what he has got.
169
00:16:18,207 --> 00:16:21,404
Yes. Is this a fleeting visit or...?
170
00:16:21,607 --> 00:16:25,441
Have you still that wretched
beast roaming about the place?
171
00:16:25,607 --> 00:16:28,758
Where does he do his
business? It's not natural.
172
00:16:28,927 --> 00:16:32,317
Not in my bedroom, anyway.
For the next five days,
173
00:16:32,487 --> 00:16:34,955
I'm keeping that door locked.
174
00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:38,517
- Five days?
- And something else I'll tell you,
175
00:16:38,687 --> 00:16:41,645
this lass is going
nowhere, the state she's in.
176
00:16:41,807 --> 00:16:44,958
Pop this under your tongue.
It's rectal, but it's clean.
177
00:16:45,687 --> 00:16:49,043
Och, you're wringing wet,
child. Let's get you upstairs.
178
00:16:49,207 --> 00:16:54,918
- But we're going to the Café Royal...
- Well, you'll have a ticket spare now.
179
00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:06,079
Hewie! What can I say? You tore
'em apart. How are you doing?
180
00:18:06,247 --> 00:18:10,479
I'm all right. Had a little
sinus thing a few weeks back.
181
00:18:10,647 --> 00:18:14,435
I'm not blowing so good,
but it's clearing up.
182
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:18,083
Can I introduce Jonathan.
He'll be working on the show.
183
00:18:18,247 --> 00:18:21,205
Jonathan! Genius to the Magus.
184
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:24,677
- And his friend Madeline.
- Madeline!
185
00:18:27,847 --> 00:18:32,557
Ooh, I know I'm gonna be
enchanted. Aren't you a pretty lady?
186
00:18:32,727 --> 00:18:34,718
Such contours.
187
00:18:34,887 --> 00:18:37,526
And, er... my sister Kitty.
188
00:18:37,687 --> 00:18:40,724
Kitty, how are you? Well...
189
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:43,959
I'm thrilled skinny, Mr Harper.
190
00:18:44,127 --> 00:18:48,006
I thought you were smashing
tonight. I really did.
191
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:51,876
- Thank you.
- I love anything on a trumpet.
192
00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:57,121
The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band
are another one I can't get enough of.
193
00:18:57,967 --> 00:18:59,958
Did you meet Camille,
194
00:19:00,127 --> 00:19:04,006
aka Miss Tropic of Cancer, 1997?
195
00:19:04,167 --> 00:19:06,522
- Where are you, honey?
- I'm here.
196
00:19:06,727 --> 00:19:09,605
- Camille, it's a pleasure.
- Hello.
197
00:19:09,767 --> 00:19:12,327
OK. I hope none of you ate.
198
00:19:12,487 --> 00:19:16,639
We have a table booked at
the Bombay Brasserie at 11.
199
00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:21,961
It's not Chinese food, is it? If it is,
you'll have to count me out, I'm afraid.
200
00:19:22,127 --> 00:19:24,118
Well, it's kind of Chinese.
201
00:19:24,287 --> 00:19:26,278
What? It's nothing like Chinese.
202
00:19:26,447 --> 00:19:28,836
Indian food, Kitty. You
like curry, don't you?
203
00:19:29,007 --> 00:19:31,396
Och, curries I'm fine with.
204
00:19:31,567 --> 00:19:35,276
All that Ho Chow Mein stuff
always gives me the burps.
205
00:19:36,847 --> 00:19:39,361
I'm sorry, I think
that's sick, actually.
206
00:19:39,527 --> 00:19:41,677
You're telling me the
man's a complete fraud?
207
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:44,407
He plays a mean horn, I'll say that.
208
00:19:44,567 --> 00:19:48,082
Don't breathe a word of this. I
was told in complete confidence.
209
00:19:48,247 --> 00:19:53,275
Hang on. When he accidentally put
his hand up that waitress's skirt...?
210
00:19:53,447 --> 00:19:55,642
Oh, give me a break!
211
00:19:55,807 --> 00:19:59,243
All that guff about "Who
moved the ice bucket?"
212
00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:01,796
Even Miss Tropic of Cancer was laughing.
213
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:04,720
She probably thinks he
wants her for her mind.
214
00:20:12,047 --> 00:20:14,038
Interesting security system.
215
00:20:14,207 --> 00:20:16,926
I've got a mate who's
putting new locks on cheap,
216
00:20:17,087 --> 00:20:20,284
but he can't do it till
Saturday, which is a pain,
217
00:20:20,447 --> 00:20:22,597
but there's nothing left
worth nicking, anyway.
218
00:20:23,647 --> 00:20:26,320
Yes, not very subtle,
but you made your point.
219
00:20:26,487 --> 00:20:29,081
So there's no misunderstandings later.
220
00:20:30,207 --> 00:20:31,799
What?
221
00:20:31,967 --> 00:20:36,961
Straight to the sofa bed like a bullet,
before you've even put the light on.
222
00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:41,957
No, I just... thought you'd be
really tired by now, that's all.
223
00:20:52,967 --> 00:20:56,039
- Wow.
- I know.
224
00:20:56,207 --> 00:21:01,201
It took all day to straighten up.
Look, I appreciate your staying over.
225
00:21:01,367 --> 00:21:04,962
I mean, I know you'd be
useless if they did come back...
226
00:21:05,127 --> 00:21:10,645
- Of course.
- But someone else being here with you
227
00:21:10,807 --> 00:21:13,037
is a real comfort.
228
00:21:13,207 --> 00:21:16,882
Just for tonight and tomorrow,
anyway, till the door's sorted,
229
00:21:17,047 --> 00:21:19,436
to give me peace of mind.
230
00:21:19,967 --> 00:21:24,165
Tomorrow might be a problem.
I've got my badger watch.
231
00:21:24,327 --> 00:21:27,956
- Otherwise, obviously, like a shot.
- Oh. OK.
232
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:33,084
Your what?
233
00:21:33,247 --> 00:21:37,479
- My badger watch.
- Is that like a Mickey Mouse watch?
234
00:21:37,647 --> 00:21:41,720
My local natural history group.
After dark, we put some food down,
235
00:21:41,887 --> 00:21:44,640
then wait for badgers to come and feed.
236
00:21:46,007 --> 00:21:47,406
Why?!
237
00:21:48,367 --> 00:21:50,597
Because they're very
fascinating creatures.
238
00:21:51,487 --> 00:21:53,637
You should come and check it out.
239
00:21:54,847 --> 00:21:57,202
So it's, like... country stuff?
240
00:21:58,847 --> 00:22:03,443
Right. Country stuff. On the
other hand, it involves patience
241
00:22:03,607 --> 00:22:06,724
and the need to stay silent,
so it's not your scene.
242
00:22:06,927 --> 00:22:09,043
- Meaning what?
- Sorry?
243
00:22:10,367 --> 00:22:15,282
Meaning because I'm an intolerant
gasbag who can't keep her trap shut?
244
00:22:17,967 --> 00:22:20,401
"No" is the word you're struggling for.
245
00:22:22,087 --> 00:22:24,555
Where does this bizarre
ritual take place?
246
00:22:24,727 --> 00:22:28,242
A little nature reserve.
Place called Gallows Gate.
247
00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:30,358
I'll let you know if I'm available.
248
00:22:59,407 --> 00:23:00,920
Clare?
249
00:23:04,207 --> 00:23:06,402
What's that car...?
250
00:23:07,927 --> 00:23:09,918
- Get out.
- Felicity...
251
00:23:11,207 --> 00:23:14,199
What are you trying to do to me?
252
00:23:17,767 --> 00:23:22,045
From Kiko. I think they're very nice.
253
00:23:27,967 --> 00:23:31,562
What do you want? You've
already taken everything I had.
254
00:23:31,727 --> 00:23:35,037
Neville was never yours to relinquish.
255
00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:39,798
Until you accept the truth, you will be
infected with feelings of recrimination.
256
00:23:39,967 --> 00:23:42,242
I understand that.
257
00:23:42,407 --> 00:23:45,285
Don't understand me.
Don't you dare come here
258
00:23:45,447 --> 00:23:47,597
and understand me, you
patronising little crow.
259
00:23:48,727 --> 00:23:52,197
I'd rather you just gloat.
Just laugh in my face,
260
00:23:52,367 --> 00:23:54,483
but don't pretend it doesn't feel good.
261
00:23:54,687 --> 00:23:58,999
It feels good, of course, to be
with someone perfect and wonderful
262
00:23:59,167 --> 00:24:01,601
who reciprocates your love,
263
00:24:01,767 --> 00:24:06,557
but none of us has the power or the
right to demand that love, Felicity.
264
00:24:06,727 --> 00:24:10,481
Neville is happy with me. That
should make you happy, too.
265
00:24:10,687 --> 00:24:15,238
Oh, it should? Really? I see.
266
00:24:15,407 --> 00:24:17,398
Instead of seeing yourself
267
00:24:17,567 --> 00:24:21,560
as a piece of detritus he has
cast aside for someone else,
268
00:24:21,767 --> 00:24:28,206
accept that you were a necessary stepping
stone on his journey towards true love,
269
00:24:28,367 --> 00:24:32,246
a vital part of his own
process of discovery.
270
00:24:33,087 --> 00:24:36,921
Rejoice in that and you will
neutralise your bitterness.
271
00:24:37,087 --> 00:24:42,639
Because I won his affections and you lost
them is no reason we can't be friends.
272
00:24:45,767 --> 00:24:48,918
You're insane! Totally insane!
273
00:24:49,087 --> 00:24:51,078
I think you forgot something.
274
00:24:51,247 --> 00:24:56,526
Now take your smug, self-righteous
little clichés and sod off out of my face!
275
00:25:02,967 --> 00:25:05,037
Wait. Wait.
276
00:25:06,607 --> 00:25:11,044
- Hewie!
- Klaus, my man!
277
00:25:11,207 --> 00:25:15,041
- How you doing?
- I'm magnificent. How are you, baby?
278
00:25:15,207 --> 00:25:18,040
- You remember Jonathan?
- Jonathan, how are you today?
279
00:25:18,207 --> 00:25:20,562
- There's a step there.
- OK, I'm with that.
280
00:25:20,727 --> 00:25:23,002
- Here's another
one. - Uh-huh.
281
00:25:23,167 --> 00:25:25,840
- And one small one.
- All right.
282
00:25:26,007 --> 00:25:28,202
- And this is Petra.
- Hi.
283
00:25:28,367 --> 00:25:30,085
- Hewie Harper.
- Hello.
284
00:25:30,287 --> 00:25:33,916
Mmm! Such fragrant skin.
285
00:25:34,087 --> 00:25:37,284
And you're looking much
better today, so Adam tells me.
286
00:25:37,487 --> 00:25:40,877
We think it was one of
those 24-hour bugs, you know?
287
00:25:41,047 --> 00:25:44,596
So, listen, Jonathan's got
some nice ideas for the spot,
288
00:25:44,767 --> 00:25:50,319
which I thought we could tease around...
till the others get here for dinner.
289
00:25:50,487 --> 00:25:53,923
Great. Magnificent. Is Lazy Sam coming?
290
00:25:54,127 --> 00:25:56,721
- Er, Lazy Sam
and Lucy. - Uh-huh.
291
00:25:56,887 --> 00:25:59,959
- Scatman'll be here.
- All right!
292
00:26:00,127 --> 00:26:04,643
- BJ and Blakey.
- The elders of the Temperance Society.
293
00:26:05,287 --> 00:26:08,643
OK, Petra, my coated pearl,
294
00:26:08,807 --> 00:26:13,278
you will point me towards the
restroom at this establishment.
295
00:26:13,447 --> 00:26:17,725
- No problem. Come with me.
- Thank you, darling. Thank you.
296
00:26:46,967 --> 00:26:49,242
- Oh!
- Oh!
297
00:26:50,087 --> 00:26:52,157
Oh, Mr Harper!
298
00:26:52,327 --> 00:26:55,399
- Oh, mercy me!
- It's me.
299
00:26:56,767 --> 00:27:01,602
Kitty. Chester said to come
in here and try out his sunbed,
300
00:27:01,767 --> 00:27:05,316
but, truth be told, it's
a pain in the sit-upon.
301
00:27:06,487 --> 00:27:11,436
A couple of hours on this, I know
what a grilled kipper feels like.
302
00:27:11,607 --> 00:27:14,167
Were you needing assistance, at all?
303
00:27:14,327 --> 00:27:18,605
- I was just heading back...
- Wait a tick. I'll be right with you.
304
00:27:20,727 --> 00:27:23,366
So, basically, it's an
inversion of Pepper's Ghost.
305
00:27:24,247 --> 00:27:27,080
When the curtains go back,
the mirror's tilted down
306
00:27:27,247 --> 00:27:32,526
at 45 degrees over Hewie and the Jag
to reflect the matching drape up here...
307
00:27:32,727 --> 00:27:37,164
That's it, Mr Harper. Here they are.
308
00:27:37,927 --> 00:27:40,760
One, two...
309
00:27:40,927 --> 00:27:45,523
Now, just you plonk your
bottom down here. That's it.
310
00:27:46,367 --> 00:27:51,521
I was just saying, Chester, to Mr
Harper, that contraption you use
311
00:27:51,687 --> 00:27:56,397
for your all-over fake suntan,
it's giving me pins and needles,
312
00:27:56,567 --> 00:27:58,797
so I'll give it a miss.
313
00:27:59,007 --> 00:28:03,444
Er... Yes. I guess you'll be getting
ready soon? To see Cousin Milly?
314
00:28:03,647 --> 00:28:06,207
Don't leave it too late,
the way the trains are.
315
00:28:06,407 --> 00:28:09,240
Didn't I tell you? She rang to cancel.
316
00:28:10,007 --> 00:28:13,477
She's not feeling so clever.
It must be what Petra had.
317
00:28:13,687 --> 00:28:16,042
I'll pop across on Saturday.
318
00:28:17,207 --> 00:28:19,323
Oh, just the job!
319
00:28:19,607 --> 00:28:23,202
What's this? Another one of your
disappearing tricks, Jonathan?
320
00:28:23,367 --> 00:28:25,358
How does this work, then?
321
00:28:26,527 --> 00:28:30,679
You should never neglect
your feet, Mr Harper...
322
00:28:30,847 --> 00:28:35,318
Remember when the queen asks the huntsman
to take Snow White into the forest?
323
00:28:35,487 --> 00:28:39,400
- It's a nature reserve, Adam.
- That's not the issue.
324
00:28:39,567 --> 00:28:44,357
If she's here when the Rat Pack arrive,
we won't be playing happy families.
325
00:28:44,527 --> 00:28:48,520
Put another way, the headline "Man
Feeds Own Sister to Bengal Tiger"
326
00:28:48,687 --> 00:28:51,042
won't look good on
tomorrow's front pages.
327
00:28:52,087 --> 00:28:55,966
Begging doesn't come into
it. This is a royal command.
328
00:29:03,087 --> 00:29:05,999
Nearly there. Just
another 100 yards and...
329
00:29:06,887 --> 00:29:10,004
What have you brought a
camera for? Put it away.
330
00:29:10,167 --> 00:29:13,955
- It'll be too dark.
- It's got a flash.
331
00:29:14,127 --> 00:29:18,040
Flash?! The badgers are going
to love that, aren't they?
332
00:29:18,207 --> 00:29:21,404
What are they supposed to think?
It's a very large glow-worm.
333
00:29:21,567 --> 00:29:23,922
She hasn't quite got the idea, Kitty.
334
00:29:24,087 --> 00:29:27,443
I think it might scare them
off. They're nervous wee things.
335
00:29:27,607 --> 00:29:31,964
- Well, what are we going to do, then?
- Just watch them
336
00:29:32,127 --> 00:29:36,405
and observe their behaviour and,
in the meantime, keep very quiet.
337
00:31:14,247 --> 00:31:16,238
Clare, it's Judy.
338
00:31:16,407 --> 00:31:19,399
Give me a buzz when
you get a moment. Bye.
339
00:31:35,247 --> 00:31:37,044
Clare?
340
00:31:38,967 --> 00:31:40,958
Clare, are you...?
341
00:32:03,767 --> 00:32:05,564
Clare?
342
00:32:55,287 --> 00:32:57,642
Where did you come from?
343
00:32:58,847 --> 00:33:01,236
Out. Go on. Shoo!
344
00:33:38,687 --> 00:33:41,121
I want to go to the toilet.
345
00:34:02,367 --> 00:34:04,358
Shh!
346
00:35:25,647 --> 00:35:27,365
A
- ha!
347
00:35:27,567 --> 00:35:28,886
Jonathan!
348
00:35:30,927 --> 00:35:34,397
- Kitty!
- I've just seen... Oh, my God!
349
00:35:34,567 --> 00:35:37,559
My God! Out there...
350
00:35:37,727 --> 00:35:41,003
a man strangling a girl...
351
00:35:41,967 --> 00:35:44,401
in the window of a cottage.
352
00:35:45,527 --> 00:35:48,599
I thought I was imagining it, but...
353
00:35:48,767 --> 00:35:50,883
I feel sick!
354
00:36:02,967 --> 00:36:06,755
How do we know they
weren't just larking about?
355
00:36:06,927 --> 00:36:09,566
- It's none of our business, this.
- Larking about?!
356
00:36:12,447 --> 00:36:16,156
I reckon we should wait here
until the police manage to get...
357
00:36:17,167 --> 00:36:19,840
- What can you see?
- Nothing.
358
00:36:20,007 --> 00:36:22,760
If we wait, it might be too late.
359
00:36:22,927 --> 00:36:25,122
We're jumping to a lot of conclusions!
360
00:36:25,287 --> 00:36:29,678
The strangulation may have been an
act of love to heighten her arousal.
361
00:36:30,727 --> 00:36:33,400
Some people are into that stuff
- restricted breathing,
362
00:36:33,567 --> 00:36:36,445
sex between consenting asthmatics.
363
00:36:36,647 --> 00:36:40,720
Will you quit gibbering?
Every second could be vital!
364
00:36:47,007 --> 00:36:49,237
What did he mean by that?
365
00:36:49,967 --> 00:36:52,356
To heighten her state of arousal?
366
00:36:53,127 --> 00:36:55,118
Ignore him. He's being sick.
367
00:36:55,327 --> 00:36:58,000
Oh, not on the lupins.
368
00:36:59,847 --> 00:37:02,884
OK. Don't move, either of you,
369
00:37:03,047 --> 00:37:05,277
while I try my luck round the back.
370
00:37:41,167 --> 00:37:43,158
No dice. All locked up.
371
00:37:45,247 --> 00:37:48,398
Well, that's it, then. We did our best.
372
00:37:48,607 --> 00:37:51,201
There are other ways, Jonathan.
373
00:37:51,367 --> 00:37:56,919
How do you think that burglar got into
my place? He didn't give up, the bastard.
374
00:37:57,687 --> 00:38:01,043
What about this lock? Couldn't
you pick it with a hairpin?
375
00:38:02,647 --> 00:38:05,207
I suppose... if I had a bit more light.
376
00:38:06,607 --> 00:38:08,165
OK.
377
00:38:09,967 --> 00:38:11,958
Where is it, then?
378
00:38:12,247 --> 00:38:14,886
- What?
- The hairpin.
379
00:38:16,047 --> 00:38:20,643
I haven't got one. Why would I
need a hairpin, for goodness' sake?
380
00:38:20,807 --> 00:38:24,356
I thought you carried
all that malarkey around.
381
00:38:24,847 --> 00:38:26,838
Hang on a sec.
382
00:38:41,727 --> 00:38:46,482
- What it lacks in subtlety...
- Goodness! What are you doing?
383
00:38:46,687 --> 00:38:49,804
- It's called "anything for a story".
- You coming?
384
00:38:50,007 --> 00:38:53,761
- You must be joking.
- Oh, sod you, then.
385
00:39:24,167 --> 00:39:27,318
Jonathan! Oh, my God!
386
00:39:27,487 --> 00:39:29,717
- Wait here.
- What are you going to do?
387
00:39:29,927 --> 00:39:32,441
Call 999.
388
00:39:33,447 --> 00:39:36,678
Oh, my God... Oh, my God...
389
00:39:36,847 --> 00:39:39,122
What have you found?
390
00:40:01,367 --> 00:40:03,358
Still quite warm.
391
00:40:03,527 --> 00:40:07,361
I really don't think
we should be in here.
392
00:40:09,127 --> 00:40:12,802
Look at all the finger
marks on her neck.
393
00:40:24,967 --> 00:40:27,925
Hey, under the basin.
Look, there's a pipe.
394
00:40:28,087 --> 00:40:31,238
- There usually is.
- Jonathan!
395
00:40:38,367 --> 00:40:41,200
Fell out the killer's
pocket, do you reckon?
396
00:40:43,527 --> 00:40:45,324
Yes.
397
00:40:45,487 --> 00:40:47,682
What have you noticed?
398
00:40:48,887 --> 00:40:50,878
Don't pick it up.
399
00:40:51,047 --> 00:40:53,242
I've got my glove on.
400
00:40:54,047 --> 00:40:55,844
Hmm...
401
00:40:58,167 --> 00:41:02,604
She said she saw him strangling
her in the kitchen, didn't she?
402
00:41:17,167 --> 00:41:20,159
Definitely in here where it happened.
403
00:41:20,367 --> 00:41:24,645
And yet the body's been moved
back there into the bathroom.
404
00:41:29,167 --> 00:41:31,158
What's that? A stocking?
405
00:41:31,327 --> 00:41:35,559
It's been torn, and there's
loads more of them in that bin.
406
00:41:39,127 --> 00:41:42,358
Back door's locked, so's the front.
407
00:41:43,647 --> 00:41:47,003
- You see those bolts were both done up?
- Mmm.
408
00:41:48,127 --> 00:41:52,564
Looking dangerously like another of
your hermetically sealed thingummies.
409
00:41:53,847 --> 00:41:59,717
Could have just locked up after him for
whatever reason to stop people like us...
410
00:42:19,087 --> 00:42:21,396
Right, so the keys...
411
00:42:21,567 --> 00:42:24,081
Look, I don't know!
412
00:42:45,767 --> 00:42:47,758
Yes, police?
413
00:42:47,927 --> 00:42:52,239
A woman's been murdered. I think
someone's already rung you, but...
414
00:42:52,807 --> 00:42:56,595
It's Cypress Cottage, 14 Gallows Gate.
415
00:42:57,447 --> 00:43:00,519
No, I'm here now... with the body.
416
00:43:03,367 --> 00:43:05,164
Right.
417
00:43:10,287 --> 00:43:14,280
They said to stay put.
They'll be here in a second.
418
00:43:17,767 --> 00:43:21,555
- What now?
- Look at these and tell me what's wrong.
419
00:43:24,367 --> 00:43:26,164
Expensive.
420
00:43:26,727 --> 00:43:28,718
I can't see properly.
421
00:43:29,847 --> 00:43:33,044
These three have only just been washed.
422
00:43:34,567 --> 00:43:38,606
This pair... have been worn...
423
00:43:39,847 --> 00:43:43,476
but... no snags or runs.
424
00:43:43,647 --> 00:43:48,243
- What am I looking for?
- I wondered why they were thrown away.
425
00:43:50,487 --> 00:43:53,399
Oh, great. Z Cars have made it.
426
00:44:09,767 --> 00:44:13,157
Hang about! Give us a chance!
427
00:44:16,127 --> 00:44:18,960
Hi. I'm Madeline Magellan.
428
00:44:19,767 --> 00:44:22,076
She's, er... in there.
429
00:44:27,447 --> 00:44:31,201
I had to break a window,
obviously, to get inside.
430
00:44:33,807 --> 00:44:36,321
We thought she might still be alive.
431
00:44:36,487 --> 00:44:39,479
She might have needed
some help or something.
432
00:44:39,687 --> 00:44:43,839
Right, out the front, please. DC
Koontz will take your statements.
433
00:44:44,007 --> 00:44:48,842
Seal off the whole road, I think,
before the world and his wife gets wind.
434
00:44:49,007 --> 00:44:51,282
- What's happened?
- You are?
435
00:44:51,447 --> 00:44:53,915
I live here. Clare
Sallinger. What happ...?
436
00:44:55,287 --> 00:44:57,562
Felicity.
437
00:44:57,727 --> 00:45:01,117
- No.
- I'm very sorry, Miss Sallinger.
438
00:45:13,687 --> 00:45:16,963
So, age, "young-ish".
439
00:45:17,127 --> 00:45:19,516
Hair, "average colour".
440
00:45:19,687 --> 00:45:22,360
Clothes, "dark-ish".
441
00:45:22,527 --> 00:45:26,520
Face, you "didn't like
the look of it one bit".
442
00:45:28,527 --> 00:45:32,315
It's not really one I can
go on the News at Ten with.
443
00:45:34,687 --> 00:45:39,966
Would it be fair to say that from where
you were standing in the nature reserve,
444
00:45:40,127 --> 00:45:44,598
this man was not much more
than a speck on your glasses?
445
00:45:44,767 --> 00:45:47,281
No, that is not fair, Inspector.
446
00:45:47,447 --> 00:45:49,756
Besides which, I wasn't
wearing my glasses.
447
00:45:50,807 --> 00:45:56,757
- You weren't what?
- I had Jonathan's binoculars to my eyes,
448
00:45:56,927 --> 00:46:00,920
and I could see them right
up as close as you are now.
449
00:46:01,647 --> 00:46:07,517
- Try them if you don't believe me.
- You didn't mention this before.
450
00:46:07,687 --> 00:46:11,885
They're 10x25, so they'd take
her right up to the window.
451
00:46:12,087 --> 00:46:16,205
Question, then, Mrs Burgess.
452
00:46:17,847 --> 00:46:21,203
Would you recognise this
person if you saw him again?
453
00:46:21,367 --> 00:46:24,245
- Oh, I don't want to!
- No, but if you did...
454
00:46:24,447 --> 00:46:27,757
Never. As long as I
live. In the name of God,
455
00:46:27,927 --> 00:46:31,158
- after what he did?!
- Yes, but if you did see him again,
456
00:46:31,327 --> 00:46:33,318
would you recognise him?
457
00:46:34,647 --> 00:46:38,037
- Oh, definitely.
- Right, Mrs Burgess.
458
00:46:38,247 --> 00:46:41,557
I'd like you to have a
look at a photo for us.
459
00:46:42,527 --> 00:46:47,521
This is a photo of the young lady
who was murdered, Felicity Vale,
460
00:46:47,687 --> 00:46:50,759
at a recent party with some friends.
461
00:46:50,927 --> 00:46:54,124
This is the woman you
saw being strangled?
462
00:46:55,687 --> 00:47:00,158
Then have a glance at the other
faces. Tell me if any ring a...
463
00:47:01,527 --> 00:47:03,518
Yes?
464
00:47:06,127 --> 00:47:07,924
That's him.
465
00:47:10,967 --> 00:47:12,958
Now, Mrs Burgess...
466
00:47:13,127 --> 00:47:16,164
Look very carefully
before you say anything.
467
00:47:16,327 --> 00:47:18,716
The one who was strangling her.
468
00:47:19,967 --> 00:47:23,642
As God is my lord and judge, that's him.
469
00:47:28,287 --> 00:47:30,278
Let's get him in here.
470
00:47:36,407 --> 00:47:38,204
Miss Sallinger.
471
00:47:40,327 --> 00:47:45,401
We seem to have got a positive ID
here on the man who killed your friend.
472
00:47:45,567 --> 00:47:48,604
If you could tell us his name, please.
473
00:47:48,767 --> 00:47:50,803
This gentleman here.
474
00:47:52,527 --> 00:47:56,759
I'm sorry, Inspector. She's
made a mistake, I'm afraid.
475
00:47:57,767 --> 00:48:00,076
That man couldn't possibly
have murdered Felicity.
476
00:48:00,287 --> 00:48:02,562
Oh? What makes you so sure?
477
00:48:02,767 --> 00:48:05,156
Because that man's Duncan Proctor.
478
00:48:06,527 --> 00:48:10,600
He killed himself three weeks
ago, jumping out of a window.
479
00:48:10,650 --> 00:48:15,200
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