All language subtitles for Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia s13e09 The Gang Wins the Big Game.eng

* Fly, Eagles, fly... *

CHARLIE:
Where is it? It was right here.

I cannot find it.
And by the way, Mac,

what are you even talking
about? The word is

"superstition,"
not "stupidstition."

I know what the word is,
Charlie.

I'm saying your Green Man suit
is a stupid superstition.

Oh, really? Then why do
the Eagles keep winning?

Also, by the way, dude, uh,
you're a Cowboys fan,

-so shut the hell up.
-I'm not a Cowboy fan, I'm a Tony Romo fan,

-and he retired, so now I bleed
green. Go, Birds, go, Birds! -All right, well,

I'm not going to the Super Bowl
without it. I got to find it.

Yeah, don't make us late,
Charlie, all right?

I-If you can't find it,
you can't find it, you know?

The-the fans have no effect on
the outcome of the game, anyway.

-Do you know how football works?
-MAC: Yes, that's right,

your voodoo bullshit is not
gonna mean anything at the--

what? What's going on
with your eye?

Uh, nothing, I got a-- I think
I got an eyelash in it.

You're, like, scratching it
and it's blinking...

I just, I slept on it funny.

What the hell
is the holdup here?

MAC:
Frank, this is why I wanted

total control over
the guest list, all right?

The eyes of the world
are gonna be on Philadelphia.

And I want to show them that we
are not just degenerates, okay?

And that is why I'm very nervous
about these guys.

(chanting):
Yeah! Chug, chug, chug!

Chug, chug, chug!

-Chug, chug, chug!
-Hey!

Chug-- boom!

-(laughs)
-That's 15.

Post that, Jack, post it, baby.

I can't-- it doesn't work
with this, uh...

(laughter)

-Oh!
-MAC: Oh, come on.

No big, giant, ridiculous hands.

What? What? D-Don't make me
go without them.

I'm not making you go at all.

Frank, these people
are the worst.

Come on, Mac.
This is the salt of the earth.

These people represent
Philadelphia. That's right.

-Yeah.
-You have literally picked out

the biggest pieces of shit
in the city.

I got to agree with that.
These guys are pieces of shit.

-What is in your mouth?
-Chew.

-Awesome, cool, good to see you.
-Oh, my God.

-Cricket.
-Yeah, baby?

Bad news, you're out.

-What? Wait, why?
-Well, you are literally

the worst representation
of the entire city.

-Oh...
-Your nose is bleeding as we speak.

Okay, I came up portside
on a horse, and he was

a little quicker than me--
that's lesson learned.

You can't bump Crick.

-I can, I have, and I will.
-Oh, God.

I have an alternate.
Here he comes.

-Hey, guys!
-Oh, hey! -(laughter)

-Pumped for the big game?
-Yeah, baby.

Yes. Now, see,
Rex represents the best

-that Philadelphia has to offer.
-Oh, yeah.

Either way, Cricks, you're out.
Get out of here.

-Unbelievable. I mean...
-All right, Crick, all right.

-You're the worst.
-We got to go, we got to go.

Yo, check it out.
I got one last surprise.

("Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor
playing)

(cheering, whooping)

FRANK:
Here you go, here you go.

-Is this a bar?
-Nice.

-Nice.
-Fully stocked, baby.

(overlapping chatter)

(cheering)

-You found it!
-MAC: All right.

You found the damn suit--
can we go now?

-(whoops)
-E! A! G!

L! E! S! Eagles!

* It's the eye of the tiger *

* It's the thrill of the fight *

* Rising up to the challenge
of our rival *

* And the last known survivor *

* Stalks his prey in the night *

* And he's watching us all
with the eye *

* Of the tiger. *

* The eye of the tiger... *

Yeah.

Wait for it.

-(grunting rhythmically)
-Oh, my God.

No, no, no.
We're gonna sing it again?

This is, like, the tenth time.

Oh, yeah, i-it turns out
there's not that many songs

about Philadelphia.

-(music fades)
-Aw, man...

(overlapping chatter)

REX:
Uh, Charlie.

-What happened to your nose?
-CRICKET: Uh...

You're bleeding, man.

Uh, um. Oh, all right.

-All right, fine, it's me.
-DEE: Oh!

-Cricket.
-Cricket!

Yes, it's me, it's me.
I snuck on, all right?

-Ah, this damn nose.
-Ooh, ooh, ooh. We should, uh,

uh, we should probably go
back for Charlie, right? But...

Ah, I don't want to set
a precedent of little mishaps

setting us back, so...

Cricket, you're back in.
We're going to the Super Bowl.

-Yeah, all right.
-(slurring): Hey, Mac, uh,

what about the waitress?
She's gonna want to turn around.

-Sh-She don't
even like football. -Oh, yeah, football sucks.

But if Charlie missed the bus,
he missed the bus.

I'm not missing a second
of my dreamboat, Tommy Terrific!

-Go, Pats! Go, Pats! Go, Pats!
-(all yelling)

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Drive! Drive!

Go, Pats! Go, Pats!
Oh, shit, pothole.

-(metal clattering)
-(all yelling)

Oh, something kicked loose
inside. (groans)

-Oh, that was bad. That was bad.
-Oh, yeah.

You're not looking
so good, Frank.

-Yeah.
-You want a protein shake?

-No. No.
-Brought a couple cases

of my new Invigaron berries
to hock at the game.

MAC:
Invigaron?

You're involved
in that pyramid scheme, too?

No. No hocking berries
at the Super Bowl, Rex.

Just be meat, okay?

Well-- take off
your shirt, please.

-It's so cold, Mac.
-(groans)

-And you. What's going on
with you? -No, no, no. I'm fine.

Just a little intestinal
cramping. I'll be fine.

-Come on, let's rent a car
and ditch these dodos, okay? -Oh, Jesus.

W-What's wrong with your eye?
It's, like, way worse.

Okay, I get it, I get it.

It's "Pick on Dee for No Reason
Day." Real original.

(grunts)
Uh, okay.

Oh, man,
I got grease on my jean shorts.

All right, well, uh, all right,
there's good news and bad news.

The bad news is,
the axle's bent,

-and this bus
isn't going anywhere. -(groans)

But the good news is
is we passed a Walmart

a few miles back.

So you can go get some parts.

Oh, no, no, no.
They don't have axles there.

But I can get
a new pair of jean shorts.

Damn it, Frank.
I knew this would happen.

We invite the wrong crowd,
and now we've got people

going on expeditions
for jean shorts.

And hocking magical berries
and rooting for the Patriots?

This always happens to us.

Every single thing we do
turns to shit.

And now, we finally have
an opportunity to be something,

to be winners,
and we're not gonna make it.

We are never, ever gonna
make it to the Super Bowl.

Well...

(chanting):
E-A-G-L-E-S! Eagles!

ANNOUNCER: Hi, everyone.
Welcome to Super Bowl LII.

Well, we made it to
the Super Bowl. That was easy.

Yeah, it was incredibly smooth.

All right, guys,
let's go out into the stadium,

see what we can
get ourselves into.

-(cheering)
-MAC: Guys, guys.

Let's just stay in the box,
all right?

You know, for the whole game,
everybody just stays in the box.

(booing, jeering)

Let's-let's cool it
on the boos, you know?

That's-that's kind of, like,
what we're famous for, you know?

We-we boo ourselves, we boo
the Eagles, we boo Santa Claus.

Let's save our boos,
for the team that deserves it.

And that's the most
successful franchise

in the history
of organized sports.

Okay. Let's just be
the most respectful

Philly fans we can be.

Mac's right. Everybody,
just act like you belong.

(booing, jeering)

-What? What?
-That's okay to boo.

Yeah, Dee, your eye
does not look good.

Okay, "Everybody look at me,
I'm a stupid Pats fan,

making up stuff
about Dee's eye."

Dee, you definitely
have pink eye.

I-I don't have pink...
all right.

Would a person
with pink eye do this?

-(gasping, booing)
-Would she do that?

-Boo.
-What?

-Guys, the game's gonna start.
Kickoff, kickoff. -Oh!

-Kickoff, kickoff.
-(cheering)

Guys, stay positive.
Stay positive.

ANNOUNCER: Gostkowski
approaches the football,

and Super Bowl LII is underway.

Oh, I like this drive, boys.

-(groans)
-I like this drive.

Birds look good.
Birds look good.

Frank, what's going on, man?

-Huh?
-What's wrong with you?

I just got to go
to the bathroom.

We can go?
Let's take a, take a walk.

Well, h-hold on one second.
They're-- Eagles are driving.

-Let's just wait till there's
a break in the action. -I got to pee.

Hello. Someone has been pushing
the call button. Nonstop.

Oh, that's me. Yeah, I-I choked
down some dogs too fast.

They-they didn't settle,
you know?

They came back up, actually.

On the other dogs.

Yeah, we're gonna need
some reinforcements there, pal.

Can we get some binoculars
up in here, too?

Oh, my God.
(laughs softly)

How did I move
all the way to Minnesota,

and I'm still waiting
on you people?

-Huh?
-What are you talking about?

-I've waited on you.
-I-I don't know this guy.

-No, you never waited on us.
-Uh-uh.

-We don't live
in Minnesota, bud. -Yeah.

I have waited on you back in--

uh, you know what?
It's not worth recapping.

W-What's the point?

Hey, man.

You seem
a little stressed-- ooh.

You're kind of frail.
You need to get swole.

What if I told you
there's a berry

that can handle
all your fitness needs?

I'm good, but thank you.

I'm just gonna go do my job.

(grunts)

-Oh!
-(laughter)

(laughter, booing)

I tied his shoelaces together.

(laughter)

This Minnesota rube,
he's not ready

for your big-city
shenanigans, Frank.

Waiter, run and go
get us some beer, would you?

-ANNOUNCER:
And the kick is good. -(cheering)

And the Eagles
lead Super Bowl LII...

I got to pee now.
I got to pee now.

-Yeah, let's go now.
-All right. There's a break in the action.

-Frank, we got to come back
fast. Come back fast. -I got to go.

FRANK:
Oh! God! Damn it!

What's going on
over there, Frank?

I got a kidney stone.
(growls)

Oh. O-On the bus.

I felt a little piece
of kidney stone break off

and go through the,
into the bladder.

Why didn't you tell me that
you have a kidney stone, dude?

I don't want to freak you out.

Well, you're freaking me out
now, man.

-(crowd cheering)
-Oh, shit, we're missing something.

Listen, Frank. This kidney stone
better not screw us up.

(scoffs)
I can manage.

This ain't my first rodeo.

ANNOUNCER: The P.A.T.
is no good. He missed it.

-(jeering)
-Yes!

(moans)

We don't see the touchdown and
then they miss the extra point?

Dee, how'd the Eagles score?

Who knows? I can't see
a goddamn thing this high up.

These seats are the worst.

You can't see because you have

a very serious bacterial
infection in your eye.

-Hey, you got new hands.
-Oh, yeah.

Oh, I like them.

-(chuckles)
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where do you think you're going?

Oh, ding-dong here's
getting honored

with the rest of the vets.

I'm gonna sneak down there
with him.

When we get close to the field,
I'm gonna let you in

on a little plan
I've whipped up.

No, no plans, all right?
Just stay in the box.

Guess what? No one's talking
to you, okay?

All right, when we get close
to the field...

Whoa. Dee. Both your eyes are
looking real bad.

MAC: Oh, yeah,
that pink eye's disgusting.

So, you know what,
you can go, but I'm,

I'm just gonna cover you up

so people don't know that
you're from Philadelphia.

Go. Go. Go.

Mac, come on.
What're we doing up here, huh?

L-Luxury suite?
Napkins? Utensils?

We're going soft up here
in this ivory tower.

I mean, if they get to go,
we should, too.

Come on, let us loose, Mac.
Unleash the fury!

I mean, how's Brady even
supposed to know

I'm here in this stupid box?
The guy...

Tom Brady does not care
that you are here.

Guys, nobody leaves the box!
All right? And you.

Take off the goddamn shirt!

-(gasps)
-Whoa.

Oh...

What am I looking at here, Rex?

It's the Invigaron berries, man.

They're loaded with sugar,
but I'm in too deep.

I've got to sell 40 cases
of this stuff

or I'm gonna lose my apartment.

ANNOUNCER: The snap is good,
the hold is perfect...

(all groaning, jeering)

Oh, yes! In your face!
In your face! (laughs)

ANNOUNCER: Brady hands off
to James White.

He's across the 20,

avoids another tackle
and crosses the goal line.

-Touchdown, Patriots.
-(groaning)

Yes! Hell yeah,
another Patriots touchdown.

Tommy Touchdown coming
to get y'all. Yes.

You know what?
You get out, too.

-Oh, yeah?
-Yes.

-I can go?
-Yes.

All right.
Tommy, Mama's coming.

I got to piss.

The stone's making me go.
I got to go.

Frank, I've already taken you,
like, three times, all right?

And all I've got to see are
good plays by the Patriots.

-Let the man piss.
-Yeah, I got to go.

No. Every time Frank goes to
the bathroom, the Eagles score.

(choir sings)

-(grunting)
-Are you pissing?

Piss, Frank, piss.

I'm pissing,
and it hurts like shit.

-What's going on with the game?
-Just...

Just keep peeing. I don't know.
It's not updating.

ANNOUNCER:
...throws into the end zone.

Touchdown!

-Us or them? Us or them?
-I don't know, Frank.

-I don't know.
What happened? Wha...? -Hey-oh!

-Pondy, what happened?
-Eagles score!

Yes!

Pondy, I need you to bring
as much beer to this bathroom

as you possibly can.

-Frank, drink!
-Got to piss.

I need you to piss through
this entire game, Frank.

-We can't leave this bathroom.
-I want to...

The Eagles need us.

(marching band playing)

*

(clattering)

(indistinct chatter)

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.
Hold on. You need a pass.

-Hey, whoa, watch out.
Watch where you're going. -Oop, sorry.

-Open your eyes.
-Sorry. (groans) Oh.

Perfect timing, man.
I need to get this out to Brady.

ANNOUNCER:
Brady's ready to go out.

He's really wiping that sweat
off with that towel.

I mean, he's really
going at it.

Just squirt some out, man,
squirt it out.

I can't piss no more.
It hurts like shit.

You got to force it out, then.

Where's Pondy with the beer? Oh!

You, you! Ten beers, stat.

I'm off duty, just here to go
to the bathroom.

-Mac, the crew got out.
-What?

-REX: It's not just a berry.
-MAC: Oh, no.

It's a berry found deep in the
jungles of the Amazon forest,

and available
for the first time!

I'm a happy client.

First down! Whoo, yeah.
I love you, Tom.

ANNOUNCER
And it's always nice to see

our nation's troops
being honored.

We are Philadelphia!

These guys are a total
embarrassment.

(sighs)
We blew it, man.

Now Brady's got the ball with
two and a half minutes left.

He's gonna take the ball
down the field,

he's gonna score,
and he's gonna win the game.

Because that's who he is, man.

And you know who we are?
We're losers.

All of Philadelphia.

We're angry, and we're mean
and we're cruel.

And we act like jerks,
and now these assholes,

they can't even bring us beer
so that you can pass the stone

and we can win the game.

No. No, no, Mac.
You got 'em all wrong.

No.

Those guys, those guys
are Philadelphia.

They bust their ass every day
just to get through.

And then, on a Sunday, they put
all their hopes into the Eagles.

And year after year after year,
their team lets them down.

And they get angry.

And that anger builds into
a stone of fury.

And if it could
just be released,

then we could feel
something different.

What?

W-Well, then, you, me,
us, those guys,

the whole city of Philadelphia
could feel like champions!

-(grunting)
-Frank.

You got to push that stone out
right now.

-You can do it.
-I can do it.

-You can do it.
-I'll piss it out!

Do it for the Birds, Frank.

-Do it for the whole city of
Philadelphia, man, push! -(grunting)

ANNOUNCER: Brady, with White
to his right, takes the snap.

Do it like Rocky, man. Push.

ANNOUNCER: Brady back, steps up.
He's hit by Brandon Graham.

-(grunting)
-The ball is loose! -(stone clatters)

(laughs)

ANNOUNCER: And the Eagles
have it! The Eagles have it!

It's recovered
by Derek Barnett!

Brady lost the ball.

Looks like he couldn't
see the defender.

It's-it's like something
was wrong with his eyes.

WAITER:
Brady fumbled.

The Eagles recovered.

-You did it!
-Oh, no, Mac. We did it!

BOTH: We did it!
We did it! We did it.

We did it!
We did it!

I don't know why you care,
fair-weather fan.

Fair-weather fan. You're
from Minnesota, that's okay.

E-A-G-L-E-S! Eagles!

* Fly, Eagles, fly... *

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

-What?
-What're you singing about?

Oh, I'm over Tommy Fumbles.

I'm all about my man,
Nick Foles!

Gross.
You know, it doesn't matter.

Guys, I have
an announcement to make.

I owe you an apology.

You guys are true
representations

of the city of Philadelphia.

And we came together as a city.

And, guys, we helped the Eagles
win the Super Bowl.

-They won the Super Bowl!
-(cheers)

Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Brady got the ball back,
and there's 58 seconds

left in the game.

What did you do?!

You sons of bitches,
this is your fault!

You screwed it up!

What're we gonna do?
What do we do?

Do a superstition. Frank!
Pee! Pee! Pee!

-Hey, I'm dry.
-Somebody do a superstition, quick!

Charlie!

ANNOUNCER:
The Patriots with the ball

at their own nine yard line.

Oh! Oh, Brady's got the ball.

-ANNOUNCER:
They are out of time outs. -Wha-What?!

Brady's got the ball
with time on the clock?

Oh, shit. What happened?
What changed?

Yeah, you're gonna have to get
back in that trap.

-Yep.
-Aw, come on, man.

You just told me
to get out of it.

Yeah, that was before
Brady had the ball.

Ah. Does it have to be
the same leg or...

-Same leg.
-Damn it!

Are you sure this is gonna work?

Every single thing
that every fan does,

at home or at the stadium,

makes a direct impact
in the game.

-No, you're right. I want
to help you win out there. -(phone rings)

Oh, I'm getting a call.

Let me think about this
for a minute.

Hey, what's up, Mac?

Hey, Charlie, what's g...

Whoa, man, what the hell
happened to you?

-It's a long story.
-All right.

Well, did you do your
superstitions?

Brady's going to Gronk;
we're screwed.

I got one thing left to do.

All right, well,
you better hurry up, man.

I'm doing it. Here it goes.

MAC:
He's backing up in the pocket!

ANNOUNCER:
He's back again. He steps up.

-MAC: Brady's backing up.
-ANNOUNCER: He's hit. He stumbles.

-Do it, do it now!
-He's throwing!

ANNOUNCER: He is going deep
for the end zone,

and it is...

batted around...

and incomplete!

And the game is over!

(laughs)

-(all cheering)
-We did it!

We did it!
The superstitions are real!

Yes!

(cackling)

MAC:
Charlie, you did it!

You did it, you were right.

The superstitions were real.
You did it, man!

(wails, laughs)

ANNOUNCER:
What a tremendous Super Bowl.

It is still a mystery as to
what happened with Brady's eye,

but it had to have an effect
on his play late in the game.

What a win for the Eagles,

-and what a win for the city
of Philadelphia. -We did it!

(all cheering)

*

They did it! They did it!
They did it! They did it.

-It's over!
-Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

-They did it!
-They did it!

Oh, my God, they did it!

(trio chanting backwards)

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0