All language subtitles for Inside Amy Schumer s04e07 Psychopath Test.eng
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1
00:00:00,608 --> 00:00:02,208
Look at me.
2
00:00:02,243 --> 00:00:04,413
If you ever feel like you
aren't good enough
3
00:00:04,445 --> 00:00:07,445
because you don't meet
society's standards of beauty,
4
00:00:07,482 --> 00:00:09,182
well, this one's
for you.
5
00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:13,057
You are gorgeous
no matter what you do
6
00:00:13,087 --> 00:00:17,127
You are perfect
no matter how you act
7
00:00:17,158 --> 00:00:20,958
Where my glamorous
girls at?
8
00:00:20,995 --> 00:00:25,365
You better
accept the fact...
9
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,140
You're beautiful
10
00:00:27,168 --> 00:00:29,138
Next up, we've
got Amber.
11
00:01:06,140 --> 00:01:09,980
Keep your chins held high and
your empathy nonexistent.
12
00:01:10,011 --> 00:01:11,381
You do you, girl.
13
00:01:11,412 --> 00:01:13,782
And, if you want,
I'mma do you, too.
14
00:02:41,102 --> 00:02:45,042
You are gorgeous
no matter what you do
15
00:02:45,073 --> 00:02:49,143
You are perfect no matter
how you act
16
00:02:49,177 --> 00:02:52,917
Where are my
glamorous girls at?
17
00:02:52,947 --> 00:02:55,287
You better accept
the fact...
18
00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:59,216
You're beautiful
19
00:03:11,165 --> 00:03:15,205
Perfect matches is filmed
before a live studio audience.
20
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:18,036
Tonight on the 7:15 news, is
your husband cheating on you
21
00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:19,212
with a hotter woman?
22
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,180
Wait, what?
23
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:28,418
Are you cheating
on me?
24
00:03:28,449 --> 00:03:30,219
Shhh.
25
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:31,491
The Girl
Scouts are comin'.
26
00:03:31,519 --> 00:03:34,059
So?
So, I owe 'em $2,000.
27
00:03:35,890 --> 00:03:37,130
Hello,
anyone there?
28
00:03:37,158 --> 00:03:38,358
Oh my God.
29
00:03:38,393 --> 00:03:39,123
They got in
the back door.
30
00:03:41,029 --> 00:03:42,799
Here...
Hide under this.
31
00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:50,343
When's lunch?
32
00:03:55,210 --> 00:03:57,180
It's just Amy.
33
00:03:57,212 --> 00:03:59,152
I thought you were
a Girl Scout.
34
00:03:59,180 --> 00:04:01,220
Thanks.
35
00:04:01,249 --> 00:04:02,719
Going sailing?
36
00:04:04,085 --> 00:04:07,085
Actually, I'm about to go
take care of some business.
37
00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:13,363
I'm terrified.
38
00:04:13,394 --> 00:04:15,934
I think Ralphie's
cheating on me.
39
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:18,304
With what,
a doughnut hole?
40
00:04:31,179 --> 00:04:33,179
Don't you knock?
41
00:04:33,214 --> 00:04:34,814
We don't knock.
42
00:04:34,849 --> 00:04:36,149
The postman
always rings twice.
43
00:04:41,389 --> 00:04:43,129
You look
very nice, Amy.
44
00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:44,227
I like your haircut.
45
00:04:46,194 --> 00:04:47,964
Aren't you just supposed
to deliver the mail
46
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:50,036
and not pickup lines?
47
00:04:50,064 --> 00:04:51,464
Come on.
48
00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:52,469
When are you going
to let me take you out?
49
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:53,800
Huh?
50
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:59,044
Your breath's already
doing it from there.
51
00:05:03,077 --> 00:05:04,977
Candy!
52
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:08,883
Hey!
53
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,816
Anybody see Candy?
54
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,024
Ralphie, every day
of his life.
55
00:05:15,056 --> 00:05:17,756
Hey, uh, ease up
on the fat jokes.
56
00:05:17,792 --> 00:05:18,932
That's my
scripted line.
57
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:20,730
You're blowing
this.
58
00:05:20,731 --> 00:05:21,928
Hey, are
those new jeans?
59
00:05:21,963 --> 00:05:23,093
I like 'em.
60
00:05:23,131 --> 00:05:24,431
Oh, yeah...
Thanks.
61
00:05:24,465 --> 00:05:25,765
Is there a mirror
in your pocket,
62
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,770
because I sure can
see myself in 'em.
63
00:05:31,072 --> 00:05:33,812
'Cause that would mean that
we would have had sex.
64
00:05:33,842 --> 00:05:35,012
We heard you.
65
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,283
No one is even
listening to me.
66
00:05:37,312 --> 00:05:40,112
I think Ralphie's
seeing someone else.
67
00:05:43,918 --> 00:05:46,058
Well, we know it's
not his feet.
68
00:05:46,087 --> 00:05:47,757
No.
69
00:05:47,789 --> 00:05:48,789
What the (bleep) is
going on today?
70
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:55,902
Hey, everybody, I just took a
huge dump 'cause I'm so fat.
71
00:06:02,303 --> 00:06:04,073
Ralphie, you're
not that fat.
72
00:06:04,105 --> 00:06:06,175
For a sperm whale.
73
00:06:07,842 --> 00:06:09,712
Why?
Why?
74
00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:12,344
No, every joke is that he's
so fat and you guys love it.
75
00:06:12,380 --> 00:06:14,050
No, no, (bleep) you.
76
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,282
What... no.
77
00:06:15,316 --> 00:06:16,386
This show is
not funny.
78
00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:18,287
It's disgusting.
79
00:06:18,319 --> 00:06:20,919
It's a horrible depiction
of an Indian man, first of all.
80
00:06:20,955 --> 00:06:22,195
When is lunch?
81
00:06:23,358 --> 00:06:24,728
No.
82
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:25,999
You're all
sheep.
83
00:06:26,027 --> 00:06:28,127
These jokes aren't
funny.
84
00:06:28,162 --> 00:06:30,462
You're just used to the
rhythms and laughing at them!
85
00:06:30,498 --> 00:06:31,938
No!
86
00:06:31,966 --> 00:06:33,466
Where are you
taking me?
87
00:06:41,309 --> 00:06:42,849
Amy?
88
00:06:42,877 --> 00:06:44,447
You look
different.
89
00:06:44,479 --> 00:06:48,179
Yeah, you know,
I feel different.
90
00:06:49,918 --> 00:06:52,188
Honey, I've
got terrible news.
91
00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:54,490
Are you
cheating on me?
92
00:06:54,522 --> 00:06:56,422
No, the toilet's
broken.
93
00:06:58,893 --> 00:07:03,093
I was so scared,
jinga-binga-boom.
94
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:06,171
You got nothing to
bow-wawow-wowow.
95
00:07:06,201 --> 00:07:08,101
Dubba-lubba-dubba-chowm-chowm.
96
00:07:10,171 --> 00:07:11,411
La-la-la-lala-la.
97
00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:14,811
Hey,
badda-boom-bop-boom.
98
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,151
When's lunch?
99
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,730
What's your
favorite sitcom?
100
00:07:33,761 --> 00:07:36,361
"Barney Miller."
Oh, that's a classic.
101
00:07:36,397 --> 00:07:38,837
Are you a 109?
Almost.
102
00:07:38,867 --> 00:07:40,297
Are there any sitcoms
that you watch now.
103
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:44,105
My favorite TV show
is "Inside Amy Schumer."
104
00:07:44,138 --> 00:07:46,808
So full of shit... You've
never watched an episode.
105
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,181
I've watched the one
I was in.
106
00:07:48,209 --> 00:07:49,949
Narcissist.
107
00:07:55,970 --> 00:07:56,970
Excuse me.
108
00:07:57,004 --> 00:07:58,804
I think my internet
bill's too low.
109
00:07:58,839 --> 00:08:00,279
Too low?
110
00:08:00,307 --> 00:08:01,377
That's a
surprise.
111
00:08:01,409 --> 00:08:03,409
My wife says I'm
pretty unpredictable.
112
00:08:03,444 --> 00:08:05,684
No, I meant a
surprise sale.
113
00:08:05,713 --> 00:08:07,253
With the Mobile C
family plan,
114
00:08:07,281 --> 00:08:08,951
we'll give you a surprise
discount once a year
115
00:08:08,983 --> 00:08:10,983
as a way of saying
thanks for making us
116
00:08:11,018 --> 00:08:13,418
your 4G wireless
hotspot provider.
117
00:08:13,454 --> 00:08:14,694
I didn't
expect that.
118
00:08:14,722 --> 00:08:16,392
Surprise.
119
00:08:16,424 --> 00:08:17,424
Cut!
120
00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:18,588
Okay, fine.
121
00:08:18,626 --> 00:08:20,996
Um, can we get a part
in her bangs?
122
00:08:21,028 --> 00:08:21,998
Just a part
right there?
123
00:08:22,029 --> 00:08:23,429
Hair?
That was fun.
124
00:08:23,464 --> 00:08:25,664
So, wha-what is that
exactly... a hotspot?
125
00:08:25,700 --> 00:08:26,830
It's like wifi?
126
00:08:26,867 --> 00:08:27,937
Amy, great stuff.
127
00:08:27,968 --> 00:08:29,438
Really great...
so adorkable.
128
00:08:29,470 --> 00:08:30,870
So awkward...
I love it.
129
00:08:30,905 --> 00:08:31,975
Steve, who
is this guy...
130
00:08:32,006 --> 00:08:33,846
Who are you, Steve?
131
00:08:33,874 --> 00:08:35,574
Uh, I think he's just,
like, a normal guy.
132
00:08:35,609 --> 00:08:36,579
Yeah, that's how
you're playing it.
133
00:08:36,610 --> 00:08:37,710
That's the problem,
Steve.
134
00:08:37,745 --> 00:08:39,415
He's not a
normal guy, you know?
135
00:08:39,447 --> 00:08:40,417
It's not a normal day.
136
00:08:40,448 --> 00:08:41,578
It's a special day.
137
00:08:41,615 --> 00:08:42,985
See, he's
meeting Amy, right?
138
00:08:43,017 --> 00:08:44,817
Mmm.
The Mobile C girl.
139
00:08:44,852 --> 00:08:46,822
Mmm. Look at her,
she's beautiful.
140
00:08:46,854 --> 00:08:51,694
How often does this guy get
to talk to a girl like this?
141
00:08:51,726 --> 00:08:52,956
Right, right,
got it. -Right?
142
00:08:52,993 --> 00:08:54,933
Okay, great.
Rolling.
143
00:08:54,962 --> 00:08:57,262
So... because I have
wifi in my apartment.
144
00:08:57,298 --> 00:08:58,498
And action!
145
00:08:58,532 --> 00:09:01,272
Excuse me, I think my
internet bill's too low.
146
00:09:01,302 --> 00:09:02,402
Too low?
147
00:09:02,436 --> 00:09:03,336
That's a
surprise.
148
00:09:03,371 --> 00:09:05,811
Well, my wife says I'm
pretty unpredictable.
149
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,310
Cut!
150
00:09:07,341 --> 00:09:08,711
What are you doing?
151
00:09:08,743 --> 00:09:10,413
Wh...
You're flirting with her?
152
00:09:10,444 --> 00:09:12,284
Well, you just said
she was something else.
153
00:09:12,313 --> 00:09:13,643
That take felt
really good to me.
154
00:09:13,681 --> 00:09:17,381
Amy, you are perfect, you are
an angel and I love you.
155
00:09:17,418 --> 00:09:19,818
Can we fix
these bangs, please?
156
00:09:19,854 --> 00:09:23,854
Does anybody here know what a
goddamn bangs part looks like?
157
00:09:23,891 --> 00:09:24,861
Steve, can
I talk to you?
158
00:09:24,892 --> 00:09:26,292
Yeah.
159
00:09:26,327 --> 00:09:27,457
Have you seen
these commercials, Steve?
160
00:09:27,495 --> 00:09:28,565
Be honest with me.
161
00:09:28,596 --> 00:09:30,436
Mobile C commercials?
Any of 'em.
162
00:09:30,464 --> 00:09:32,464
Car commercials...
Uh, insurance...
163
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:34,570
cell phones, prescription
pills, whatever. -Yeah, yeah.
164
00:09:34,602 --> 00:09:36,002
In every one,
you've got a girl, right?
165
00:09:36,037 --> 00:09:37,407
A nice girl.
166
00:09:37,438 --> 00:09:38,978
We like the girl,
the girl is the company.
167
00:09:39,006 --> 00:09:41,306
You can't flirt with
a company, Steve.
168
00:09:41,342 --> 00:09:42,412
You can't (bleep)
the company.
169
00:09:42,443 --> 00:09:43,413
Huh?
170
00:09:43,444 --> 00:09:44,414
You don't have a shot.
171
00:09:44,445 --> 00:09:45,685
Okay, you just
said she's sexy.
172
00:09:45,713 --> 00:09:47,713
Not sexy...
She's got an oxford shirt on.
173
00:09:47,748 --> 00:09:48,948
She's beautiful.
174
00:09:48,983 --> 00:09:51,453
Like a picture of your mother
when she was a young woman.
175
00:09:51,485 --> 00:09:52,855
And, you, you're
John Q. Dickhead
176
00:09:52,887 --> 00:09:55,287
going into her store
to say hello.
177
00:09:55,322 --> 00:09:57,922
And you're lucky she even
gives you the time of day,
178
00:09:57,958 --> 00:09:59,898
so you want to
make it last.
179
00:09:59,927 --> 00:10:01,367
You make
a little joke.
180
00:10:01,395 --> 00:10:02,895
You share a little laugh,
but the whole time
181
00:10:02,930 --> 00:10:04,630
you're trying to
hang onto that moment.
182
00:10:04,665 --> 00:10:07,265
That moment where you, a grown
man with no dick
183
00:10:07,301 --> 00:10:09,801
and a child's hobbies gets
to talk to the Mobile C girl
184
00:10:09,837 --> 00:10:11,277
for a second before
you go back
185
00:10:11,305 --> 00:10:12,945
to your useless,
stupid (bleep) life.
186
00:10:12,973 --> 00:10:14,513
Got it.
187
00:10:14,542 --> 00:10:16,942
That's how people out
there see themselves, Steve.
188
00:10:16,977 --> 00:10:18,847
Awkward...
Uncomfortable.
189
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:20,649
Can't make eye contact.
190
00:10:20,681 --> 00:10:22,681
They sit at home going click,
click, click, click, click,
191
00:10:22,717 --> 00:10:23,947
well, I'll guess
I'll go to the store
192
00:10:23,984 --> 00:10:27,524
and buy a mobile hotspot for the
wifi router in my porn dungeon,
193
00:10:27,555 --> 00:10:28,785
because I let
my life come to this.
194
00:10:28,823 --> 00:10:29,793
Huh?
195
00:10:29,824 --> 00:10:30,854
Rolling!
196
00:10:30,891 --> 00:10:31,861
Oh, so it's
a router.
197
00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:33,562
Action!
198
00:10:33,594 --> 00:10:37,734
Excuse, I think my, uh,
internet bill is too low.
199
00:10:37,765 --> 00:10:38,965
Too low?
200
00:10:38,999 --> 00:10:40,299
That's a
surprise.
201
00:10:40,334 --> 00:10:42,274
My wife says I'm
pretty unpredictable.
202
00:10:42,303 --> 00:10:43,603
Okay, we're gonna cut to
the wife here, Steve,
203
00:10:43,637 --> 00:10:45,007
so can I
just see a hate her.
204
00:10:45,039 --> 00:10:47,839
Can I just see a hate
your wife's guts.
205
00:10:47,875 --> 00:10:49,945
You hate your family,
but you love Mobile C.
206
00:10:49,977 --> 00:10:51,417
You love Mobile C
207
00:10:51,445 --> 00:10:53,245
because it's a girl
who's being nice to you.
208
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:57,520
Your family is trash, but
the phone company is a girl
209
00:10:57,551 --> 00:11:01,891
who gets you and little
shrug back to Amy perfect.
210
00:11:01,922 --> 00:11:05,422
No, I meant a surprise sale,
you silly, wonderful man.
211
00:11:05,459 --> 00:11:06,929
Mobile C will give
you a surprise
212
00:11:06,961 --> 00:11:09,801
as a way of
saying thanks.
213
00:11:09,830 --> 00:11:11,670
That's it, Steve...
That's the spot.
214
00:11:11,699 --> 00:11:12,969
Guy on the edge.
215
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,700
Nothing
to live for.
216
00:11:14,735 --> 00:11:16,535
He's thinking of burning
it all to the ground
217
00:11:16,570 --> 00:11:18,570
with a rifle he bought
on the Mexican Internet
218
00:11:18,606 --> 00:11:20,946
until holy shit,
this sweet woman
219
00:11:20,975 --> 00:11:22,545
gives him
10 seconds reprieve
220
00:11:22,576 --> 00:11:24,276
from his own
screaming mind.
221
00:11:24,311 --> 00:11:27,411
So maybe the reckoning can wait
for another day, huh, Steve?
222
00:11:27,448 --> 00:11:30,288
That's who's
watching TV, Steve.
223
00:11:30,317 --> 00:11:31,987
People on
the (bleep) brink.
224
00:11:32,019 --> 00:11:34,289
Mobile C saves the day
225
00:11:34,321 --> 00:11:38,591
and awkward... keep
it fun... very cute.
226
00:11:38,626 --> 00:11:41,926
Bangs are perfect
and rolling!
227
00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:44,462
It's our way
of saying thanks.
228
00:11:44,498 --> 00:11:47,338
Didn't expect that.
229
00:11:47,368 --> 00:11:48,708
Surprise.
230
00:11:48,736 --> 00:11:49,836
What the (bleep)
is this?
231
00:12:00,248 --> 00:12:03,348
So, the water just has
cucumber slices in it.
232
00:12:03,384 --> 00:12:05,024
I saw it at a spa
and I thought, like,
233
00:12:05,052 --> 00:12:06,522
I could do that
at home.
234
00:12:08,055 --> 00:12:09,125
Um, you guys...
235
00:12:09,157 --> 00:12:10,327
Yeah.
236
00:12:10,358 --> 00:12:12,028
I'm so glad that
we all got pregnant
237
00:12:12,059 --> 00:12:13,229
at the exact
same time.
238
00:12:14,362 --> 00:12:15,592
Isn't it a treat?
239
00:12:15,630 --> 00:12:16,660
Oh, have you guys figured
out your birth plans?
240
00:12:16,697 --> 00:12:18,337
Oh, yeah,
for months.
241
00:12:18,366 --> 00:12:19,466
All I know is that I
want a natural birth
242
00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:21,640
and definitely
not a epidural.
243
00:12:21,669 --> 00:12:23,409
I mean... -Oh, my
God, of course not.
244
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:24,508
It's better
for the baby.
245
00:12:24,539 --> 00:12:25,639
It is better
for the baby.
246
00:12:25,673 --> 00:12:27,143
So much better
for the baby.
247
00:12:27,175 --> 00:12:28,375
Yeah. -We are having
a water birth,
248
00:12:28,409 --> 00:12:30,409
but instead of water,
we are gonna to fill
249
00:12:30,445 --> 00:12:32,685
the tub with
gender-neutral barley.
250
00:12:32,713 --> 00:12:36,183
Which is also the name of the
baby it will be better for.
251
00:12:36,217 --> 00:12:38,187
Oh, what a cute
name. -Little Barley.
252
00:12:38,219 --> 00:12:39,049
You see how well
that goes together.
253
00:12:39,087 --> 00:12:41,327
My midwife suggested
a sea turtle birth.
254
00:12:41,355 --> 00:12:42,595
What is that?
255
00:12:42,623 --> 00:12:44,593
Oh, it's when you
give birth on a beach
256
00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:47,595
and you dig a small hole and
you kick sand on the baby
257
00:12:47,628 --> 00:12:50,098
and you see if it crawls into
the ocean or into your arms.
258
00:12:50,131 --> 00:12:52,371
Wow. -It's better
for the baby.
259
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,630
You know what?
260
00:12:53,668 --> 00:12:55,038
I would be careful,
though, with a midwife.
261
00:12:55,069 --> 00:12:56,269
Even though they're not
technically doctors,
262
00:12:56,304 --> 00:12:57,504
they still have some
medical training.
263
00:12:57,538 --> 00:12:59,208
It's close enough.
264
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:00,480
And I just don't trust Western
medicine at this point.
265
00:13:00,508 --> 00:13:02,048
That's why I'm
having my baby
266
00:13:02,076 --> 00:13:04,176
on the highest
mountain top in Tibet
267
00:13:04,212 --> 00:13:06,582
as far from real medical help
as is humanly possible.
268
00:13:06,614 --> 00:13:07,984
Oh yeah.
So smart.
269
00:13:08,015 --> 00:13:09,985
My doula's a Sherpa. -Oh.
270
00:13:10,017 --> 00:13:14,387
My doula is a three-month-old
baby, so she, like, gets it.
271
00:13:14,422 --> 00:13:17,092
Oh, hey, but right
when the baby's crowning,
272
00:13:17,125 --> 00:13:18,495
we're gonna take a bunch
of rose petals
273
00:13:18,526 --> 00:13:20,666
and shove them up my
pussy so when she's born
274
00:13:20,695 --> 00:13:24,065
it looks just like that
scene from American Beauty.
275
00:13:24,098 --> 00:13:25,638
Which is better
for the baby.
276
00:13:27,235 --> 00:13:28,335
My plan, when
the baby's half out,
277
00:13:28,369 --> 00:13:30,109
is to just put it in a heroin
balloon and just, like,
278
00:13:30,138 --> 00:13:32,478
mule it to Tijuana
so it's bilingual.
279
00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:35,077
Que hora
es son bebé.
280
00:13:35,109 --> 00:13:36,579
That means better
for the baby.
281
00:13:36,611 --> 00:13:38,081
Wow.
So beautiful.
282
00:13:38,112 --> 00:13:40,382
Well, I hope you all plan
on eating the placenta.
283
00:13:40,415 --> 00:13:41,585
Of course.
284
00:13:41,616 --> 00:13:43,386
Nom, nom, nom,
nom, nom, nom, nom.
285
00:13:43,418 --> 00:13:45,018
Yum.
Every drop.
286
00:13:45,052 --> 00:13:47,392
Except for the part that
you bury in the front yard.
287
00:13:47,422 --> 00:13:49,222
It's so full
of nutrients.
288
00:13:49,257 --> 00:13:50,487
I'm just
juicing it.
289
00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:51,325
It's better for
the mother.
290
00:13:53,094 --> 00:13:54,064
Oh no.
291
00:13:54,095 --> 00:13:55,435
And the baby.
292
00:13:55,463 --> 00:13:58,503
Oh my God, you guys, I
don't care about myself.
293
00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:00,603
Oh my God, I don't care if
I die during childbirth.
294
00:14:00,635 --> 00:14:02,035
I hope I die
during childbirth.
295
00:14:02,069 --> 00:14:03,309
That's how I feel.
296
00:14:03,337 --> 00:14:04,977
A mother haunting
their baby
297
00:14:05,006 --> 00:14:06,476
is the best thing
for the baby.
298
00:14:06,507 --> 00:14:08,207
Yes. -I don't
care if my baby
299
00:14:08,242 --> 00:14:10,212
splits my
body in two,
300
00:14:10,244 --> 00:14:11,684
if my vagina doesn't look
301
00:14:11,712 --> 00:14:14,982
like the inside of a shark
mouth when Benoit is born,
302
00:14:15,016 --> 00:14:17,386
I'm just gonna feel,
like, cheated.
303
00:14:17,418 --> 00:14:19,188
If I still have
two decipherable holes
304
00:14:19,220 --> 00:14:20,690
after this is all
said and done,
305
00:14:20,721 --> 00:14:22,691
I'm gonna be
pretty pissed.
306
00:14:22,723 --> 00:14:24,323
Oh, my God, so mad.
-Oh, my God, shove it back in.
307
00:14:24,358 --> 00:14:26,298
Two holes.
308
00:14:28,096 --> 00:14:30,066
So, Mena, what's
your birth plan?
309
00:14:30,098 --> 00:14:31,698
I don't know.
310
00:14:31,732 --> 00:14:33,302
When I go into labor
I think I'm just
311
00:14:33,334 --> 00:14:36,434
gonna go to the hospital
and do what the doctor says.
312
00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:01,965
Mmm, cake pops.
313
00:15:07,001 --> 00:15:08,671
What's the worst hotel you've
ever stayed at on the road?
314
00:15:08,703 --> 00:15:12,103
I stayed in Howard Johnson's
in Virginia Beach and, uh,
315
00:15:12,140 --> 00:15:13,980
it was under
construction at the time.
316
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,045
What about you?
317
00:15:15,076 --> 00:15:17,716
I'd say Red Roof Inn
Youngstown, Ohio.
318
00:15:17,745 --> 00:15:20,245
There was pubes
all over the tub.
319
00:15:20,281 --> 00:15:21,681
That's just your hair, Mark.
-How do you know it was pubes?
320
00:15:21,716 --> 00:15:23,046
You could tell
it was pubes
321
00:15:23,084 --> 00:15:23,654
because they
were short and curly.
322
00:15:23,684 --> 00:15:25,054
Well...
323
00:15:25,086 --> 00:15:26,456
Well, I got pubes
up here, but...
324
00:15:26,487 --> 00:15:28,057
Mark just, like, knew in his
heart that they were pubes.
325
00:15:28,089 --> 00:15:29,059
Yes.
326
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:43,540
Hello, welcome to the
Raddiston Inn in Canton, Ohio.
327
00:15:43,571 --> 00:15:47,711
Nestled in the heart of
exit 107A off Interstate 77.
328
00:15:47,742 --> 00:15:51,242
The Raddiston Inn of Canton is
the perfect home away from home
329
00:15:51,279 --> 00:15:54,249
for the length of you business
trip, road trip, pit stop
330
00:15:54,282 --> 00:15:56,722
or domestic
squabble/dispute.
331
00:15:56,751 --> 00:15:59,351
Our business center is
located on the first floor,
332
00:15:59,387 --> 00:16:01,957
by the front desk,
off of the lobby.
333
00:16:01,989 --> 00:16:04,289
Equipped with two
Compaq Presario computers
334
00:16:04,325 --> 00:16:06,165
and a disconnected printer.
335
00:16:06,194 --> 00:16:09,434
Our business center is perfect
for checking emails, weather,
336
00:16:09,464 --> 00:16:12,204
and also emails.
337
00:16:12,233 --> 00:16:14,603
We start serving free
continental breakfast at 7:30
338
00:16:14,635 --> 00:16:16,275
in the hotel lobby.
339
00:16:16,304 --> 00:16:18,204
Try our soggy bread.
340
00:16:18,239 --> 00:16:20,139
There's a
French toast sign on it.
341
00:16:20,174 --> 00:16:21,974
Breakfast ends promptly
at 8:00 am.
342
00:16:21,976 --> 00:16:23,576
No exceptions.
343
00:16:23,611 --> 00:16:26,981
After 8:00 am we will leave
out sad packets of butter,
344
00:16:27,014 --> 00:16:28,484
peanut butter,
345
00:16:28,516 --> 00:16:30,416
butter,
and jelly.
346
00:16:30,451 --> 00:16:32,651
All day.
347
00:16:32,687 --> 00:16:34,687
Our fitness center is
located on the fourth floor
348
00:16:34,722 --> 00:16:37,192
and is accessible with
your room key.
349
00:16:37,225 --> 00:16:39,695
Which doesn't matter,
because you'll never go.
350
00:16:39,727 --> 00:16:40,997
We used to have a poo...
351
00:16:43,364 --> 00:16:44,704
Marybeth?
352
00:16:44,732 --> 00:16:46,002
Hey, listen.
353
00:16:46,033 --> 00:16:47,203
Can we just-can
we just talk?
354
00:16:47,235 --> 00:16:50,035
Can I-can I-can
I just talk to you?
355
00:16:50,071 --> 00:16:51,571
God dammit!
356
00:16:54,242 --> 00:16:55,642
...zing predators.
357
00:16:55,676 --> 00:16:57,516
Small children and
dogs are not allowed
358
00:16:57,545 --> 00:17:00,285
in the exotic bird room
for their own safety.
359
00:17:04,218 --> 00:17:07,258
Rent out our ballroom.
360
00:17:07,288 --> 00:17:10,158
I'm trapped
in your television.
361
00:17:10,191 --> 00:17:12,031
Check out is 11:00 am.
362
00:17:12,059 --> 00:17:14,199
They're serious
about that.
363
00:17:14,228 --> 00:17:16,528
I overslept and now I'm
stuck in this waking nightmare
364
00:17:16,564 --> 00:17:18,664
until someone else
misses the cutoff.
365
00:17:18,699 --> 00:17:20,269
I shouldn't warn you,
366
00:17:20,301 --> 00:17:21,541
but I wouldn't wish
this hell on anyone.
367
00:17:21,569 --> 00:17:23,209
I guess...
368
00:17:23,237 --> 00:17:24,067
Adult entertainment
is available
369
00:17:24,105 --> 00:17:25,645
by ordering
on your TV.
370
00:17:25,673 --> 00:17:27,443
We have porn.
371
00:17:27,475 --> 00:17:29,245
So much porn.
372
00:17:29,277 --> 00:17:30,347
But it's not
the kind you like.
373
00:17:30,378 --> 00:17:32,678
And there's too much
story and makeup.
374
00:17:32,713 --> 00:17:35,983
No money shots and
you can't fast forward.
375
00:17:36,017 --> 00:17:38,157
We're all so alone
in this world,
376
00:17:38,186 --> 00:17:40,356
but no one
is alone as me.
377
00:17:40,388 --> 00:17:41,618
Please...
378
00:17:54,130 --> 00:17:57,500
So, Jon Ronson, you are the
author "The Psychopath Test."
379
00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:58,534
Mmm-hmm.
380
00:17:58,568 --> 00:17:59,808
Let's talk
about it.
381
00:17:59,836 --> 00:18:01,636
Do you think people
overuse the word Psychopath?
382
00:18:01,671 --> 00:18:02,641
Yes.
383
00:18:02,672 --> 00:18:04,142
Does it bug you?
Yes.
384
00:18:04,174 --> 00:18:06,714
Remember Robert Hare, the guy
who-who's like the king
385
00:18:06,743 --> 00:18:08,413
of all of this stuff...
Yeah.
386
00:18:08,445 --> 00:18:11,745
...said to me, when you meet a
high scoring one, it's stunning.
387
00:18:11,781 --> 00:18:13,451
Why?
388
00:18:13,483 --> 00:18:14,983
I mean, I met a Haitian
Death Squad leader
389
00:18:15,018 --> 00:18:16,958
called Toto Constant.
390
00:18:16,987 --> 00:18:18,727
I met him in prison
in upstate New York.
391
00:18:18,755 --> 00:18:19,955
Mmm-hmm.
Fishkill?
392
00:18:19,990 --> 00:18:21,960
Uh, Coxsackie.
393
00:18:21,992 --> 00:18:23,792
That's not
a bad one.
394
00:18:23,827 --> 00:18:26,627
All the prison guards were
calling me Harry Potter.
395
00:18:26,663 --> 00:18:27,733
Why?
396
00:18:28,865 --> 00:18:31,505
So, anyway,
I went to see him.
397
00:18:31,535 --> 00:18:32,765
What happened?
398
00:18:32,802 --> 00:18:34,902
He just wanted to
protest his innocence,
399
00:18:34,938 --> 00:18:38,438
like he didn't kill anyone
and he started to cry
400
00:18:38,475 --> 00:18:41,515
and I look at him and he
is only pretending to cry.
401
00:18:41,545 --> 00:18:42,715
Right.
402
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:44,486
You're like the Jane Goodall
of psychopaths.
403
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:45,814
Yes.
404
00:18:45,849 --> 00:18:47,519
Are you scared that you're,
like, Grizzly Man
405
00:18:47,551 --> 00:18:49,151
and that one of
them will kill you?
406
00:18:49,185 --> 00:18:50,855
Yes.
407
00:18:50,887 --> 00:18:52,787
I remember an Islamic
fundamentalist called Omar Bakri
408
00:18:52,822 --> 00:18:56,162
once outed me as a Jew at
his Jihad training camp
409
00:18:56,193 --> 00:18:58,493
near Gatwick airport.
410
00:18:58,528 --> 00:18:59,668
Oh, in the Gatwick.
411
00:18:59,696 --> 00:19:00,996
Yeah, and I took
that... -Lines.
412
00:19:02,199 --> 00:19:03,569
Anything happen?
413
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,440
They all went...
414
00:19:05,441 --> 00:19:09,035
And I said, "Surely it's better
to be a Jew than an atheist,"
415
00:19:09,072 --> 00:19:11,512
and I heard someone go,
"No, it's not."
416
00:19:11,541 --> 00:19:13,681
Um, and...
Oh, man.
417
00:19:13,710 --> 00:19:15,780
That heckler
kicked your ass.
418
00:19:15,812 --> 00:19:18,012
Are these people looking at
you to see if you like them.
419
00:19:18,048 --> 00:19:19,688
No.
That's good.
420
00:19:19,716 --> 00:19:21,486
I find that with
other extremists.
421
00:19:21,518 --> 00:19:22,848
Like, I remember I was
with the Grand Wizard
422
00:19:22,886 --> 00:19:24,756
of the Ku Klux Klan
one time
423
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:27,558
and when none of his
Klansmen were listening
424
00:19:27,591 --> 00:19:31,731
he kinda whispered to me,
"Do you think I'm weird?"
425
00:19:31,761 --> 00:19:33,661
What?
Yeah.
426
00:19:33,697 --> 00:19:34,767
What did you say?
427
00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:36,168
Were you like,
"Dude, you're the best.
428
00:19:36,199 --> 00:19:37,569
"You're the Grand
Wizard.
429
00:19:37,601 --> 00:19:39,901
You're not just,
like, a wizard."
430
00:19:39,936 --> 00:19:42,136
Your book has a
psychopath checklist.
431
00:19:42,172 --> 00:19:44,842
Will you run me through it
and we can see if old girl
432
00:19:44,875 --> 00:19:46,475
is a psychopath?
433
00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:48,616
Glibness, superficial
charm. -Yeah.
434
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:49,945
Grandiose sense
of self worth.
435
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,550
No.
436
00:19:51,581 --> 00:19:52,851
I should have that,
because I'm so great...
437
00:19:52,883 --> 00:19:53,853
Okay.
438
00:19:53,884 --> 00:19:55,014
Okay, so one
for two.
439
00:19:55,051 --> 00:19:57,621
I once asked, uh,
a CEO that one.
440
00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:59,154
Grandiose sense
of self worth -Yeah?
441
00:19:59,189 --> 00:20:00,929
and we both looked up
because he was standing
442
00:20:00,957 --> 00:20:04,797
underneath a giant oil
painting of himself.
443
00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:07,098
He was famous for
firing people with a joke.
444
00:20:07,130 --> 00:20:09,930
Somebody said to him one time
I just bought myself a new car
445
00:20:09,966 --> 00:20:11,636
and he said, "You
may have a new car,
446
00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:12,938
but I'll tell you what
you don't have...
447
00:20:12,969 --> 00:20:14,169
a job."
448
00:20:14,204 --> 00:20:15,134
Hold on one second.
-Okay.
449
00:20:15,171 --> 00:20:17,571
Owen.
Mmm-hmm.
450
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,477
Uh, remind me I want to
tell you a joke later.
451
00:20:23,146 --> 00:20:24,946
So, okay,
please, yes.
452
00:20:24,981 --> 00:20:26,951
Pathological
lying.
453
00:20:26,983 --> 00:20:28,623
Once in a blue.
454
00:20:28,652 --> 00:20:30,952
Cunning,
manipulative.
455
00:20:30,987 --> 00:20:32,727
Three.
456
00:20:32,756 --> 00:20:35,456
Poor behavioral control
so you kinda lash out.
457
00:20:35,492 --> 00:20:36,822
Kim?
Yup.
458
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,130
Okay, four.
459
00:20:38,161 --> 00:20:39,631
Promiscuous
sexual behavior.
460
00:20:39,663 --> 00:20:40,833
No.
Five!
461
00:20:44,734 --> 00:20:46,634
Oop oop.
462
00:20:46,670 --> 00:20:48,510
Oop oop.
463
00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:50,478
Oop oop.
464
00:20:50,507 --> 00:20:51,537
That's just
a thing I do.
465
00:20:55,612 --> 00:20:57,012
So Easy.
466
00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:57,847
Mmmm, magic.
467
00:20:57,897 --> 00:21:02,447
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