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00:00:01,254 --> 00:00:03,395
Your next presenter is
best known
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00:00:03,423 --> 00:00:06,423
for dying on your favorite
HBO shows.
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00:00:06,459 --> 00:00:09,029
Please welcome Steve Buscemi.
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00:00:10,397 --> 00:00:11,996
Women.
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00:00:12,032 --> 00:00:14,032
Am I right?
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00:00:14,067 --> 00:00:16,667
Without the five beautiful,
talented women we're honoring now,
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00:00:16,703 --> 00:00:19,303
their movies would only have
five names on the poster
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00:00:19,339 --> 00:00:20,639
instead of six.
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00:00:20,674 --> 00:00:23,344
Here now are the nominees
for Best Actress.
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00:00:23,377 --> 00:00:26,277
Amy Winsbury
for "The Clumsy Coal Miner."
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00:00:26,313 --> 00:00:29,083
I know what you're doing
over there is important.
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00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:31,756
But when you coming home, baby?
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00:00:31,785 --> 00:00:35,625
I'm your wife!
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00:00:35,655 --> 00:00:38,526
Julianne Moore for "The Time
Traveler's Wife's Husband."
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00:00:38,559 --> 00:00:41,199
Our baby's due tomorrow.
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00:00:41,228 --> 00:00:45,077
You need to come back
to our past.
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00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:47,681
For his future.
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00:00:47,713 --> 00:00:49,083
Maggie Gyllenhaal,
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00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:50,515
"The Wallaby Whisperer."
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00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,051
Do what you have to do.
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00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:57,458
Then come back to me.
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00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,594
Jennifer Hudson,
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00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:06,401
"The Phone Rings Eternal."
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00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:13,710
I'm sorry,
I was in the bathroom.
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00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,211
I'm your wife!
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00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,343
Laura Linney, "Canadian Sniper."
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00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:20,478
Hello?
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00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:23,684
Oh, God, Mark? Mark!
29
00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:27,557
Mark, I-- I can't hear you
because of the snipering!
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00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,177
Mark!
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00:01:29,209 --> 00:01:30,278
Can you hear me now?
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00:01:30,310 --> 00:01:32,250
Oh, hi.
How's it going?
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00:01:32,278 --> 00:01:36,118
And the award goes to...
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00:01:36,150 --> 00:01:39,090
Amy Winsbury,
"The Clumsy Coal Miner."
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00:01:39,118 --> 00:01:41,558
Unfortunately, Amy couldn't
be here tonight,
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00:01:41,588 --> 00:01:43,457
but we do have her by phone.
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00:01:43,489 --> 00:01:45,460
Oh, my God, I'm so happy.
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00:01:45,492 --> 00:01:48,027
First of all, I'd liketo thank my hair team,
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00:01:48,028 --> 00:01:50,397
Hair Team Six,we call you guys.
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00:01:50,430 --> 00:01:51,731
But more than anything,
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00:01:51,765 --> 00:01:54,305
I really want to thankthe writers,
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00:01:54,334 --> 00:01:56,704
because you'rethe ones that come up
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00:01:56,736 --> 00:02:00,477
with all these dynamic rolesfor women.
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00:02:00,507 --> 00:02:04,106
Without you, we wouldn't beable to answer the phone.
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00:02:04,144 --> 00:02:06,183
Thank you, heroes.
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00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:08,152
Okay, Amy, just wrap it up,
they're playing you out.
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00:02:08,181 --> 00:02:09,411
Oh, we lost her.
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00:02:09,449 --> 00:02:10,649
Okay.
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00:02:10,683 --> 00:02:12,053
It was nice working with you.
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00:02:12,084 --> 00:02:13,484
This is Amy's first win
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00:02:13,519 --> 00:02:15,489
and first nomination
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00:02:15,521 --> 00:02:18,361
after wasting years of her life
in comedy.
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00:02:18,391 --> 00:02:21,331
��
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00:02:28,434 --> 00:02:30,734
About a month ago, I--
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00:02:30,770 --> 00:02:32,340
I tweeted a photo of myself.
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00:02:32,371 --> 00:02:35,571
I did a photo shoot
with Annie Leibovitz.
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00:02:35,608 --> 00:02:37,408
Fancy, right?
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00:02:37,443 --> 00:02:39,583
High end, high end.
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00:02:39,612 --> 00:02:44,012
So we did this photo shoot
and I was like, um,
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00:02:44,016 --> 00:02:46,016
"I want to take off my clothes,"
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00:02:46,018 --> 00:02:48,318
and she was like,
"Please don't."
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00:02:48,354 --> 00:02:52,224
And I was like, "No, like,
I'm, you know, 34.
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00:02:52,258 --> 00:02:54,358
"Like things are going
south, you know,
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00:02:54,393 --> 00:02:56,763
I want to do it
before it's over."
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00:02:56,796 --> 00:03:00,296
So I took off my clothes and she
was like, "It's already over."
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00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:03,003
And then, uh,
and then the photo came out
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00:03:03,036 --> 00:03:04,536
and I was like,
"I'm gonna share it,"
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00:03:04,570 --> 00:03:10,411
and, um, this is the word
you don't want people to use
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00:03:10,443 --> 00:03:13,643
after a photo of you where
you're nude goes viral--
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00:03:13,679 --> 00:03:16,349
"Brave."
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00:03:16,382 --> 00:03:18,282
Um...
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00:03:31,131 --> 00:03:35,000
I wiggle around
on this chair
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00:03:35,034 --> 00:03:36,674
I guess I look adorable
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00:03:36,702 --> 00:03:39,102
Not trying
I swear
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00:03:39,138 --> 00:03:41,738
And you better get home soon
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00:03:41,774 --> 00:03:46,044
'Cause when you're gone
all I do is think about you
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00:03:46,078 --> 00:03:48,378
'Cause you're so
irresistible
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00:03:48,414 --> 00:03:50,354
Sexy and cute
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00:03:50,383 --> 00:03:52,423
Don't make this girl
wait long
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00:03:52,452 --> 00:03:54,252
I don't think
I'm that strong
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00:03:54,287 --> 00:03:58,427
With me is where you belong
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00:03:58,458 --> 00:04:01,958
I want to feel you now
so I put on your shirt
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00:04:01,961 --> 00:04:03,701
It smells just like you
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00:04:03,729 --> 00:04:07,500
And I slip on your socks
and now I'm not blue
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00:04:07,533 --> 00:04:10,003
'Cause I'm reminded of you
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00:04:10,036 --> 00:04:11,676
And I know
that it's true
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00:04:11,704 --> 00:04:13,674
That you think that I'm cute
88
00:04:13,706 --> 00:04:15,977
When I do what I do
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00:04:16,009 --> 00:04:17,278
To feel closer
to you
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00:04:21,048 --> 00:04:24,687
I use your old toothbrush
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00:04:24,718 --> 00:04:28,658
The fact that it was in your
mouth gives me a huge rush �
92
00:04:28,689 --> 00:04:32,189
I put on your ball cap
93
00:04:32,225 --> 00:04:35,996
And I sit on the couch
and I watch the game �
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00:04:36,028 --> 00:04:38,429
Shove handfuls of creatine
down my throat �
95
00:04:38,465 --> 00:04:40,205
So we weigh the same
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00:04:40,234 --> 00:04:42,304
Your face is
all I see �
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00:04:42,336 --> 00:04:44,336
I fit you perfectly
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00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:48,511
I think that I am forgetting
how to be me �
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00:04:48,542 --> 00:04:50,242
But I don't care
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00:04:50,277 --> 00:04:54,047
I went to your job
and did a presentation �
101
00:04:54,081 --> 00:04:57,721
They told me to tell you that
we should take a long vacation �
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00:04:57,751 --> 00:04:59,550
Then I found your hairs
in the sink �
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00:04:59,586 --> 00:05:01,985
And I glued them to my face
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00:05:02,021 --> 00:05:05,622
Close my eyes and I run
my hands up and down �
105
00:05:05,658 --> 00:05:07,158
To feel closer to you
106
00:05:07,194 --> 00:05:10,064
I put a pickle
in my underpants �
107
00:05:10,097 --> 00:05:14,137
To remember how excited
you get �
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00:05:14,168 --> 00:05:18,367
When I do my sexy dance
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00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:19,705
Then I
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00:05:19,740 --> 00:05:21,340
Pee standing up
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00:05:21,375 --> 00:05:22,705
Down my leg
it runs �
112
00:05:22,742 --> 00:05:24,643
And I cut my hair short
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00:05:24,677 --> 00:05:26,518
But not
the pit ones �
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00:05:26,547 --> 00:05:30,687
Then I go through the trash
and I eat your old food �
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00:05:30,717 --> 00:05:32,987
So I poop what you poop
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00:05:33,020 --> 00:05:34,390
And I think what
you think �
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00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:36,360
Do you like my new ink
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00:05:36,390 --> 00:05:39,730
Scream at 14-year-olds
on Xbox 'cause I... �
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00:05:39,759 --> 00:05:42,129
Lost!
Push my feelings way down
120
00:05:42,162 --> 00:05:44,302
Watch your porn and jack off
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00:05:44,331 --> 00:05:48,100
Then I light my farts
to feel closer to... �
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00:05:49,369 --> 00:05:51,009
Sup?
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00:05:51,038 --> 00:05:52,638
Sup?
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00:05:52,673 --> 00:05:55,242
You you you you
you you you you �
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00:05:55,275 --> 00:05:58,515
I'm not here
because there is just you ��
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00:06:06,194 --> 00:06:09,544
��
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00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:12,577
Oopsie, I forgot
my cell phone.
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00:06:12,613 --> 00:06:13,683
Garrett!
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00:06:13,714 --> 00:06:14,984
Huh?
130
00:06:15,016 --> 00:06:17,387
Has this ever happened to you?
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00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,388
You meet a guy, fall in love,
get married, have a baby,
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00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:23,021
and then your husband up and
(bleep) your hot young nanny?
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00:06:23,057 --> 00:06:24,727
Of course it has.
134
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:26,759
And it's your fault.
What were you thinking?
135
00:06:26,794 --> 00:06:28,435
Hiring a nanny who's hotter
and younger than you
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00:06:28,462 --> 00:06:31,802
is like hiring a wolf to...
137
00:06:31,834 --> 00:06:33,363
I don't know.
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00:06:33,401 --> 00:06:34,031
Here at Matronly Nannies,
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00:06:34,068 --> 00:06:35,868
we match you and your family
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00:06:35,903 --> 00:06:38,703
with only the most matronly
older nannies.
141
00:06:38,739 --> 00:06:40,709
You won't have to worry
about your husband
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00:06:40,741 --> 00:06:43,741
getting all hot and heavy with
such qualified nannies as...
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00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,378
Hadassah,
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00:06:45,413 --> 00:06:46,953
Rosita,
145
00:06:46,981 --> 00:06:49,051
and straight-up Mrs. Doubtfire.
146
00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:51,423
All our nannies are trained
in infant CPR
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00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:53,152
and even in their heyday
were fours.
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00:06:53,187 --> 00:06:54,487
Call now.
149
00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:59,725
Why do men (bleep)
their nannies?
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00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:01,930
Because you're with them
every day, every day, every day,
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00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,563
and you become friends,
152
00:07:03,598 --> 00:07:04,998
and then all of a sudden,
your wife shuts--
153
00:07:05,032 --> 00:07:06,802
When you have a kid.
Yeah.
154
00:07:06,834 --> 00:07:08,674
Shuts down sexually, 'cause
she's tired, she goes to bed.
155
00:07:08,703 --> 00:07:10,774
But your nanny's kinda--
Hey, you become friends,
156
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,775
and all of the sudden,
the boobie kinda slips out,
157
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,577
then all of a sudden, you come
out of the shower,
158
00:07:14,609 --> 00:07:15,709
and you're like,
"There's no towel,"
159
00:07:15,743 --> 00:07:17,644
and she's like, "Oh, you need
the towel, Mr. Kelly?"
160
00:07:17,678 --> 00:07:18,878
And you're like,
"Oh, okay, sorry--"
161
00:07:18,913 --> 00:07:20,513
What?
Is she Scottish?
162
00:07:20,548 --> 00:07:21,519
What just happened there?
163
00:07:21,549 --> 00:07:22,819
She's... Mexican-Scottish.
164
00:07:22,850 --> 00:07:24,120
Oh, okay.
165
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,122
Wow, this got real
specific, Bob.
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00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,423
You know the wife goes--
167
00:07:26,454 --> 00:07:27,824
All the time she was
burping the kid,
168
00:07:27,855 --> 00:07:29,755
the eye contact between
the guy and the nanny.
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00:07:29,790 --> 00:07:30,960
Very "Hand That Rocks
the Cradle."
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00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,632
That must be so hot,
though,
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00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,430
just knowing that your nanny
is willing to do it.
172
00:07:34,462 --> 00:07:35,662
Can't get
a good-looking nanny.
173
00:07:35,697 --> 00:07:36,896
You gotta get like a--
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00:07:36,931 --> 00:07:38,632
like an Eastern European
with a dead tooth
175
00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:41,036
and a mole you could
hang a coat off of.
176
00:07:41,068 --> 00:07:44,408
Yeah, you can't get
a hot Dominican. -No.
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00:07:44,409 --> 00:07:46,875
You know, not even like
a Haitian lady that can cook,
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00:07:46,908 --> 00:07:48,138
'cause that turns me on, too.
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00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,507
How (bleep)-up-looking would
the nanny have to--
180
00:07:49,544 --> 00:07:51,114
Like she has to be bald
right here.
181
00:07:51,145 --> 00:07:52,815
Yeah, she--
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00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:54,687
She'd have to look like
she survived an honor killing
183
00:07:54,715 --> 00:07:56,455
for me not to try
to have sex with her.
184
00:08:02,423 --> 00:08:03,823
Oh, hey, did you
get a chance
185
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,728
to look at the proposal
I sent you last week?
186
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,560
Yeah, no.
187
00:08:07,596 --> 00:08:09,465
I will get to it
when I get to it, I guess.
188
00:08:09,497 --> 00:08:11,367
Hey.
I got this.
189
00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:15,540
Hey, Sal, I'd ask you
how your weekend was,
190
00:08:15,570 --> 00:08:17,000
but I like stalk
your Instagrams.
191
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,978
Someone saw
three sunsets.
192
00:08:19,007 --> 00:08:20,376
But here's the thing,
though.
193
00:08:20,408 --> 00:08:23,108
One sunset,
three filters.
194
00:08:23,144 --> 00:08:24,844
Oh, (bleep) you, Sal!
195
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:27,479
You tricked me.
You are so bad.
196
00:08:27,515 --> 00:08:29,585
You're like
the king of Instagram.
197
00:08:29,617 --> 00:08:33,388
Anyway, I've got this really
dumb proposal that's so stupid,
198
00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:35,427
but I'd love your eyes on it.
199
00:08:35,456 --> 00:08:37,726
Anything for you, kiddo.
200
00:08:37,759 --> 00:08:39,399
Boop.
201
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:43,696
Sal never boops me
or looks at my work.
202
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:44,901
None of the guys here do.
203
00:08:44,932 --> 00:08:46,102
You should try
my Guy-gles.
204
00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:47,573
They're like Google Glass,
205
00:08:47,602 --> 00:08:48,872
but they show you
the kind of woman
206
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:49,973
the guy in front of you
needs you to be.
207
00:08:50,004 --> 00:08:51,875
Needs you to be?
208
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,606
Yeah, you know, like flirty
victim, spunky kid sister,
209
00:08:54,643 --> 00:08:56,413
nurturing mother,
but flirty,
210
00:08:56,414 --> 00:08:58,550
wounded skank,
step-MILF,
211
00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,779
sexy sex kitten,
flirty sex kitten,
212
00:09:00,816 --> 00:09:03,456
flirty friend of Mom,
manic pixie or Amy Adams.
213
00:09:03,485 --> 00:09:05,684
Here, try them.
214
00:09:05,721 --> 00:09:06,591
Okay.
215
00:09:08,055 --> 00:09:09,826
Wow, they hurt.
Yeah, a lot.
216
00:09:09,857 --> 00:09:11,357
Now go hand out
those proposals.
217
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:12,429
Oh, oh.
218
00:09:15,364 --> 00:09:16,563
This is Ryan.
219
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:18,067
No one had sex with him
in high school
220
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,870
because he had
red hair and no dick.
221
00:09:19,901 --> 00:09:21,971
Has no interest in you but needs
to know you'd (bleep) him.
222
00:09:22,004 --> 00:09:22,833
Needs to know you'd (bleep) him.
223
00:09:22,870 --> 00:09:23,910
Hey, Ryan.
224
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,379
Oh, my God.
225
00:09:25,380 --> 00:09:26,703
I feel so weird
talking to you,
226
00:09:26,741 --> 00:09:28,841
'cause I had the craziest dream
about you last night.
227
00:09:28,876 --> 00:09:30,976
Oh, my God,
I can't focus around you.
228
00:09:31,013 --> 00:09:33,382
Really?
What was it?
229
00:09:33,414 --> 00:09:35,554
I really shouldn't say.
Come on.
230
00:09:35,583 --> 00:09:38,683
Here I am going on and on about
my wet dream about your dick.
231
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:41,590
Anyway, would you take
a look at this proposal?
232
00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:43,663
Absolutely.
233
00:09:48,764 --> 00:09:49,894
Joshy Weinjosh.
234
00:09:49,932 --> 00:09:51,501
Believes he is hilarious.
235
00:09:51,533 --> 00:09:52,832
Tweets awful things
at female celebrities.
236
00:09:52,867 --> 00:09:54,567
Needs you to laugh at his jokes
237
00:09:54,602 --> 00:09:56,002
like it's your (bleep) job--
your (bleep) job.
238
00:09:56,038 --> 00:09:57,408
Hey, Joshy.
239
00:09:57,409 --> 00:09:58,576
That's what she said.
240
00:09:58,606 --> 00:10:01,406
Hahahahaha!
You're so funny!
241
00:10:01,409 --> 00:10:02,439
You should be on "SNL."
242
00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,007
That's what my mom says.
243
00:10:04,045 --> 00:10:05,645
Oh, my God.
244
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:08,350
You're funny.
What is that, a proposal?
245
00:10:08,352 --> 00:10:09,789
Yeah.
Then where's the ring?
246
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,620
Joshy.
Oh, Jesus.
247
00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:14,824
I'll take a look
at it for you.
248
00:10:18,593 --> 00:10:20,364
This is Toby.
249
00:10:20,394 --> 00:10:21,465
He's gay.
250
00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:22,496
Here's the proposal.
251
00:10:22,530 --> 00:10:23,500
Great, thanks.
252
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,533
Hey, hey, everyone.
253
00:10:26,567 --> 00:10:30,538
Just so you know, there are
cupcakes in the break room.
254
00:10:30,572 --> 00:10:33,771
Joshy had a black girlfriend
once and thinks he's a hero.
255
00:10:33,808 --> 00:10:36,649
Expects you to be sassy...
256
00:10:53,189 --> 00:10:54,559
I don't know
where my head is.
257
00:10:54,591 --> 00:10:56,331
I keep forgetting to bring
my cell phone.
258
00:10:56,359 --> 00:10:57,559
Garrett?
259
00:11:00,263 --> 00:11:02,233
Has this ever happened to you?
260
00:11:02,265 --> 00:11:04,635
You call Matronly Nannies
and hire a nanny
261
00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:07,438
who seems way too old to arouse
your husband's sexual interest,
262
00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:09,570
but then he up
and (bleep) her anyway?
263
00:11:09,605 --> 00:11:11,176
We were surprised as well.
264
00:11:11,206 --> 00:11:13,576
But not that surprised,
because men.
265
00:11:13,610 --> 00:11:16,780
That's why we started
a new company, Just Mannies.
266
00:11:16,813 --> 00:11:20,613
We match your family with only
the most qualified male nannies.
267
00:11:20,650 --> 00:11:23,120
Your kids will be thrilled
with such mannies as...
268
00:11:23,153 --> 00:11:24,323
Marvin,
269
00:11:24,354 --> 00:11:25,484
Dan,
270
00:11:25,522 --> 00:11:27,122
and Kyle.
271
00:11:27,157 --> 00:11:29,227
We know it might seem weird
to have a male nanny,
272
00:11:29,259 --> 00:11:31,759
but aren't you just emotionally
exhausted from this nonsense?
273
00:11:31,795 --> 00:11:33,465
Call now.
274
00:11:33,496 --> 00:11:35,766
Now?
Now.
275
00:11:35,799 --> 00:11:37,129
Now.
276
00:11:40,403 --> 00:11:41,903
...tries to cut throughthe middle, ooh!
277
00:11:41,938 --> 00:11:43,638
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
278
00:11:43,673 --> 00:11:44,743
Damn it, Vernon!
279
00:11:44,774 --> 00:11:46,374
God!
280
00:11:46,409 --> 00:11:47,809
My kid could have made
that catch.
281
00:11:47,844 --> 00:11:49,144
Frickin' loser.
282
00:11:49,179 --> 00:11:50,278
That's it.
283
00:11:50,313 --> 00:11:51,853
I am trading your ass.
284
00:11:51,881 --> 00:11:53,281
I hear ya.
285
00:11:53,316 --> 00:11:54,816
I got Brandon Marshall.
286
00:11:54,850 --> 00:11:56,821
He takes the ball down to the
two-yard line for the Jets,
287
00:11:56,853 --> 00:11:58,293
then they hand the ball off
288
00:11:58,321 --> 00:12:00,291
to Tommy (bleep) Bohanon
to run it in!
289
00:12:00,323 --> 00:12:02,823
Aren't you a Jets fan?
That's not the point!
290
00:12:02,859 --> 00:12:05,459
Sick and tired of copy room
Jerry beating me all the time.
291
00:12:05,495 --> 00:12:08,165
Hey, what about Greg Olsen?
292
00:12:08,198 --> 00:12:09,838
Oh, you--
you know how Olsen does it.
293
00:12:09,866 --> 00:12:12,136
Try hitting the weight room,
you lazy sack of shit.
294
00:12:12,138 --> 00:12:13,435
Hey!
295
00:12:15,472 --> 00:12:16,572
Hey!
296
00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:18,446
Oh!
297
00:12:18,475 --> 00:12:20,215
You had it!
God!
298
00:12:20,243 --> 00:12:21,843
It was right
in your hands.
299
00:12:21,878 --> 00:12:23,177
Why'd you even
pick Metzger?
300
00:12:23,213 --> 00:12:24,583
He's a clumsy sack of shit.
301
00:12:24,614 --> 00:12:26,314
He's the worst.
302
00:12:26,349 --> 00:12:28,149
Butterfingers who married
a real butter pussy.
303
00:12:28,151 --> 00:12:29,651
He was so solid last
week, though. -He was.
304
00:12:29,686 --> 00:12:31,456
He carried five bags
of groceries
305
00:12:31,488 --> 00:12:34,488
to his Tercel
on one trip, one trip.
306
00:12:34,524 --> 00:12:35,594
Who do you got
this week?
307
00:12:35,625 --> 00:12:37,195
I got Werzbowski.
Fah...
308
00:12:37,227 --> 00:12:38,767
Werzbowski?
Are you (bleep) kidding me?
309
00:12:38,795 --> 00:12:40,165
I like him.
310
00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:41,463
I think he's
a solid e-mailer.
311
00:12:41,498 --> 00:12:44,668
His most recent reply-all
got a lot of LOLs
312
00:12:44,701 --> 00:12:46,771
and even one ROTFLMAO.
313
00:12:46,802 --> 00:12:50,443
Werzbowski is the WOAT--
worst of all time.
314
00:12:50,473 --> 00:12:52,273
He sucks.
315
00:12:52,309 --> 00:12:54,278
He still has an egg
as his avatar
316
00:12:54,311 --> 00:12:55,741
on Twitter, man, Twitter!
317
00:12:55,778 --> 00:12:58,579
The game changed.
318
00:12:58,615 --> 00:12:59,815
He didn't change with it.
319
00:13:01,451 --> 00:13:02,821
All right, I love you, Ma.I love you, too.
320
00:13:02,852 --> 00:13:04,592
Hey.Hey, hey, hey.
321
00:13:04,621 --> 00:13:07,621
You didn't accept my--my LinkedIn request.
322
00:13:07,657 --> 00:13:09,757
Okay, I'll send it--I'll send it again later.
323
00:13:09,793 --> 00:13:12,163
What the (bleep),
Werzbowski? Told ya.
324
00:13:12,195 --> 00:13:13,165
Every week
with this LinkedIn?
325
00:13:13,196 --> 00:13:15,736
We just told you--
Nobody wants it!
326
00:13:15,765 --> 00:13:17,735
What's next?
You gonna ask Jeeves?
327
00:13:17,767 --> 00:13:19,737
You outdated baby!
He told you.
328
00:13:19,769 --> 00:13:21,339
I gotta bench this guy.
329
00:13:21,371 --> 00:13:22,571
Should have done that
a long time ago.
330
00:13:22,605 --> 00:13:24,246
What do you guys think
about Jim Piffers?
331
00:13:24,274 --> 00:13:26,214
Keep or trade?
Piffers?
332
00:13:26,243 --> 00:13:28,343
I would do what Hertz
Rental Car did in '09.
333
00:13:28,378 --> 00:13:30,848
Let him go.
Drop his ass, do something.
334
00:13:30,879 --> 00:13:32,350
He's not that bad.
335
00:13:32,382 --> 00:13:34,622
That vadge weasel
from Secaucus, New Jersey?
336
00:13:34,651 --> 00:13:35,651
He barely graduated
high school.
337
00:13:35,685 --> 00:13:37,455
Guys, guys, guys.
Check it out.
338
00:13:37,487 --> 00:13:40,357
Frank Canone is shopping for
a dehumidifier at Best Bought.
339
00:13:40,390 --> 00:13:42,860
Let's see if he remembers
his gift card.
340
00:13:42,893 --> 00:13:44,263
Hey, that's my clerk!
341
00:13:44,294 --> 00:13:46,494
It's Keith time!
Oh, Keith...
342
00:13:46,528 --> 00:13:48,699
Watch my boy sell your boy
an extended warranty. -No, no.
343
00:13:48,732 --> 00:13:50,532
Okay, can I interest youin the extended warranty?
344
00:13:50,567 --> 00:13:51,597
No thanks.
345
00:13:51,635 --> 00:13:54,475
Shut him down!
346
00:13:54,504 --> 00:13:56,104
308.69.
347
00:13:58,108 --> 00:13:59,408
Goddamn it!
348
00:13:59,442 --> 00:14:01,312
Come on!
349
00:14:01,344 --> 00:14:04,284
Sheila left it out for you
right on the table!
350
00:14:04,314 --> 00:14:05,754
This jackass is paying
for it twice.
351
00:14:05,782 --> 00:14:07,322
What's the extended?
352
00:14:09,853 --> 00:14:11,223
You know,throw in that warranty.
353
00:14:14,724 --> 00:14:16,564
I don't know why
I do this to myself.
354
00:14:16,593 --> 00:14:19,333
Look, it's Dennis Huggins
heading to the bar, 2:00.
355
00:14:19,362 --> 00:14:21,162
Man, that dude sucks!
Give me a break.
356
00:14:21,197 --> 00:14:22,297
He used to be good,
357
00:14:22,331 --> 00:14:24,232
but he fell apart
after his wife left him.
358
00:14:24,267 --> 00:14:25,607
Can you blame her?
359
00:14:25,635 --> 00:14:26,605
He couldn't (bleep) pussy
even if he dunked it
360
00:14:26,636 --> 00:14:27,706
in a jar of Nutella.
361
00:14:27,737 --> 00:14:29,237
True.
362
00:14:29,272 --> 00:14:30,512
Good one.
True.
363
00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:32,510
Look at his ass right now.
Look at that.
364
00:14:32,542 --> 00:14:33,712
Stupid!
Stupid!
365
00:14:33,743 --> 00:14:34,613
Just like we said,
he's so stupid.
366
00:14:34,644 --> 00:14:36,344
Pull the door.
367
00:14:36,379 --> 00:14:38,449
No!
It's a door.
368
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:39,581
Just pull the handle.
It's not that hard.
369
00:14:39,616 --> 00:14:41,316
Pull the door!
370
00:14:41,350 --> 00:14:42,850
Look, look, look, look.
What?
371
00:14:42,886 --> 00:14:45,156
Don't-- don't--
don't look. -You said look!
372
00:14:46,656 --> 00:14:48,456
Let me have a slow
gin fizz, honey.
373
00:14:49,459 --> 00:14:50,528
That's him.
374
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:51,800
Don't go.
375
00:14:51,828 --> 00:14:53,598
He's going.
Hey, man.
376
00:14:53,629 --> 00:14:54,530
Are you Dennis Huggins?
377
00:14:54,564 --> 00:14:56,534
Yeah-- yes?
378
00:14:56,566 --> 00:14:58,736
I don't mean to sound weird,
but you're like my hero, man.
379
00:14:58,768 --> 00:15:00,668
Denn-- Dennis?
Denn--
380
00:15:00,704 --> 00:15:02,274
Listen, I've never
done this.
381
00:15:02,305 --> 00:15:04,345
I am so sorry,
but my buddies-- come on--
382
00:15:04,374 --> 00:15:06,674
we, we have to get our picture
taken with you.
383
00:15:06,710 --> 00:15:08,280
You are like the ma--
384
00:15:08,311 --> 00:15:09,611
We could never do
what you do.
385
00:15:17,941 --> 00:15:19,610
Okay, I think I need
to have my cell phone
386
00:15:19,643 --> 00:15:22,643
sewn to my hand
because I keep forget--
387
00:15:22,678 --> 00:15:23,308
Garrett!
388
00:15:25,649 --> 00:15:27,448
Has this ever happened to you?
389
00:15:27,484 --> 00:15:29,124
Out of desperation,
you hire a male nanny
390
00:15:29,152 --> 00:15:30,621
because you think
it's the only way
391
00:15:30,653 --> 00:15:32,494
you could have both
quality childcare
392
00:15:32,522 --> 00:15:34,892
and keep your marriage from
shattering like a light bulb
393
00:15:34,924 --> 00:15:36,764
being run over by a wagon wheel?
394
00:15:36,793 --> 00:15:39,493
But then he up and (bleep)
the manny anyway?
395
00:15:39,528 --> 00:15:42,568
Because even though
he's not gay, he's lazy.
396
00:15:42,599 --> 00:15:44,168
How about robot nanny?
397
00:15:45,802 --> 00:15:46,772
Garrett?
398
00:15:49,172 --> 00:15:50,772
Aww, dick balls!
399
00:15:50,807 --> 00:15:52,777
Pack of wolves nannies.
400
00:15:52,808 --> 00:15:53,948
Garrett!
401
00:15:53,976 --> 00:15:55,777
Jesus!
402
00:15:55,812 --> 00:15:57,251
Oh, man...
403
00:15:57,279 --> 00:15:59,580
Team of improvisers nannies.
404
00:15:59,615 --> 00:16:01,755
Garrett!
405
00:16:01,784 --> 00:16:03,085
And scene!
406
00:16:03,119 --> 00:16:04,489
Your parents.
407
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:05,620
Garrett!
408
00:16:07,691 --> 00:16:08,961
His parents?
409
00:16:08,991 --> 00:16:11,831
Garrett!
410
00:16:11,860 --> 00:16:13,600
You sick (bleep)!
411
00:16:19,501 --> 00:16:21,471
So, Sarah,
you have Down syndrome.
412
00:16:21,473 --> 00:16:23,640
Yes.
Let's talk about it.
413
00:16:23,673 --> 00:16:26,613
So I heard that you worked
on the ABLE Act.
414
00:16:26,643 --> 00:16:28,113
Yes.
What's that?
415
00:16:28,144 --> 00:16:30,783
It's Achieving a Better Life
Experience Act.
416
00:16:30,813 --> 00:16:35,053
It's a bill for people with
Down syndrome to save money.
417
00:16:35,085 --> 00:16:36,215
And the bill passed?
418
00:16:36,253 --> 00:16:38,552
The bill passed in 2014.
419
00:16:38,587 --> 00:16:40,057
Girl.
Um...
420
00:16:40,090 --> 00:16:41,629
That's amazing.
Thanks.
421
00:16:41,658 --> 00:16:43,057
What's your favorite
TV show?
422
00:16:43,092 --> 00:16:45,092
Gosh, um, I love
"Full House."
423
00:16:45,128 --> 00:16:46,567
What about the new one,
"Fuller House"?
424
00:16:46,596 --> 00:16:47,936
I saw some of it,
I love it.
425
00:16:47,964 --> 00:16:49,234
What do you think?
You love it? -Yeah.
426
00:16:49,265 --> 00:16:50,135
The new one,
I haven't seen it yet.
427
00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:51,206
But I loved "Full House."
428
00:16:51,234 --> 00:16:53,234
Which Michelle
do you like more?
429
00:16:53,269 --> 00:16:54,909
I think I liked Ashley.
430
00:16:54,937 --> 00:16:56,778
Ashley over Mary-Kate?
Yeah.
431
00:16:56,806 --> 00:16:58,946
I'm the same. I'm an
Ashley girl. -Me too.
432
00:16:58,975 --> 00:17:00,674
Did you ever watch
a TV show
433
00:17:00,710 --> 00:17:02,509
where they have a Down syndrome
person on the show?
434
00:17:02,544 --> 00:17:04,115
Yes.
What shows?
435
00:17:04,146 --> 00:17:05,846
"Glee."
Yeah?
436
00:17:05,882 --> 00:17:07,652
Originally,
"Life Goes On."
437
00:17:07,683 --> 00:17:09,153
Yeah, Corky.
Um, Corky.
438
00:17:09,184 --> 00:17:10,884
Chris Burke.
Yeah.
439
00:17:10,921 --> 00:17:12,790
Me and him are really
good friends. -Oh, really?
440
00:17:12,822 --> 00:17:15,461
And he's one of my
favorite people. -Cool.
441
00:17:15,462 --> 00:17:16,557
Just friends?
Yeah.
442
00:17:16,593 --> 00:17:18,563
Just friends.
No benefits.
443
00:17:18,595 --> 00:17:20,464
No benefits.
No benefits.
444
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:22,666
Do you like when you see someone
on TV with Down syndrome?
445
00:17:22,699 --> 00:17:24,739
Yeah, yeah It's like good.
for people to see that, right?
446
00:17:24,768 --> 00:17:26,738
Are you dating anybody?
Mmm, single.
447
00:17:26,769 --> 00:17:28,470
Single?
Still searching.
448
00:17:28,471 --> 00:17:30,570
Still looking?
Do you drink?
449
00:17:30,606 --> 00:17:32,747
Yeah.
450
00:17:32,776 --> 00:17:35,476
I'm not a heavy drinker,
but I like to drink.
451
00:17:35,511 --> 00:17:36,642
I love that you said that.
452
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,710
What's your favorite
thing to drink?
453
00:17:37,747 --> 00:17:39,186
Malibu Bay Breeze.
Mm-hmm.
454
00:17:39,214 --> 00:17:40,984
My favorite.
I hear that.
455
00:17:41,017 --> 00:17:42,916
Do you ever smoke pot?
456
00:17:42,952 --> 00:17:43,923
No.
Really?
457
00:17:43,953 --> 00:17:45,183
Never.
458
00:17:45,221 --> 00:17:46,990
Me neither.
459
00:17:50,660 --> 00:17:52,000
What are you best at?
460
00:17:52,028 --> 00:17:53,827
Mmm.
Gosh, there's a lot.
461
00:17:53,863 --> 00:17:55,932
Long list.
A long list.
462
00:17:55,966 --> 00:17:57,605
Um...
463
00:17:57,634 --> 00:18:00,233
I think I'm pretty good
at like bowling.
464
00:18:00,269 --> 00:18:02,539
Yeah?
Swimming, in the summer.
465
00:18:02,572 --> 00:18:04,241
Do you pick a fake name
when you go bowling?
466
00:18:04,274 --> 00:18:06,173
To put up on the screen?
467
00:18:06,209 --> 00:18:07,679
With friends of mine, I do.
468
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:09,141
If you're with friends
of yours. -Yeah.
469
00:18:09,179 --> 00:18:12,519
Um, I say that my name is
Sharita Chapitall.
470
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:13,785
Cool.
It's pretty good, right?
471
00:18:13,817 --> 00:18:15,017
Yeah.
472
00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:16,091
Who is the happiest person
you know?
473
00:18:16,118 --> 00:18:18,058
My sister.
Really?
474
00:18:18,087 --> 00:18:19,057
Are you guys like
best friends?
475
00:18:19,088 --> 00:18:21,189
Uh, yeah, yeah.
476
00:18:21,223 --> 00:18:22,894
Oh, no!
Yeah, we are.
477
00:18:22,925 --> 00:18:24,596
Some days, right?
Some days we are.
478
00:18:24,627 --> 00:18:26,728
She's the--
the main person.
479
00:18:26,762 --> 00:18:28,502
She's your main person.
Yeah.
480
00:18:28,530 --> 00:18:31,471
Yeah, that's how
my sister is, too. -Cool.
481
00:18:31,472 --> 00:18:33,768
But then sometimes...
Mmm?
482
00:18:33,803 --> 00:18:36,742
I'm like, "What is
your problem today?"
483
00:18:36,772 --> 00:18:38,543
Me too.
All right.
484
00:18:40,777 --> 00:18:41,977
Anyway...
Just between us.
485
00:18:42,011 --> 00:18:43,041
Just between us.
That does not leave this room.
486
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:45,048
Yeah.
Um...
487
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,020
What do you want people to know
about people with Down syndrome
488
00:18:47,049 --> 00:18:48,220
that they don't know?
489
00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:51,520
Don't label us.
490
00:18:51,554 --> 00:18:54,653
I think that we are
just like you,
491
00:18:54,691 --> 00:18:56,490
and just treat us
just like you.
492
00:18:56,492 --> 00:18:57,623
Have you been--
493
00:18:57,661 --> 00:18:58,790
You've been
discriminated against.
494
00:18:58,827 --> 00:19:00,998
In third grade, I was,
495
00:19:01,030 --> 00:19:03,500
but all my friends
took care of it for me.
496
00:19:03,532 --> 00:19:05,772
Really?
What happened in third grade?
497
00:19:05,801 --> 00:19:07,501
He called me the R-word.
498
00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:10,977
Uh, retarded.
Um...
499
00:19:11,007 --> 00:19:12,807
And you hate that word.
And I hate that word.
500
00:19:12,842 --> 00:19:14,541
Yeah.
You know?
501
00:19:14,577 --> 00:19:16,847
All my friends, when they made
him apologize, he apologized,
502
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,920
and then the next day
in school,
503
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:22,548
he carried my lunch for me,
carried my books for me.
504
00:19:22,586 --> 00:19:24,685
And then years later
into high school,
505
00:19:24,721 --> 00:19:27,591
he asked me to the prom,
but I couldn't go
506
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:28,894
'cause I was already going
with somebody else.
507
00:19:28,924 --> 00:19:30,625
Oh, my gosh.
508
00:19:30,660 --> 00:19:31,859
That's cool, your friends
really have your back.
509
00:19:31,894 --> 00:19:33,865
Yeah, they do.
510
00:19:33,896 --> 00:19:35,497
Thank you so much
for doing this, girl.
511
00:19:35,531 --> 00:19:37,201
Thank you very much,
having me. -Yeah.
512
00:19:37,232 --> 00:19:39,532
Let's get a drink.
513
00:19:39,568 --> 00:19:40,669
Malibu Bay Breeze!
514
00:19:44,740 --> 00:19:46,740
You take your shirt off
in front of a guy,
515
00:19:46,776 --> 00:19:49,746
and he's like, "Damn!
516
00:19:49,778 --> 00:19:53,519
You look mad brave right now."
517
00:19:56,620 --> 00:20:00,690
'Cause, like here like
I'm pretty normal and like here,
518
00:20:00,723 --> 00:20:05,493
but then I get like really brave
like right here.
519
00:20:05,528 --> 00:20:09,668
I'm like Joan of Arc
on my upper thighs, like.
520
00:20:09,699 --> 00:20:10,969
Oh, my God, you guys.
Don't feel bad for me.
521
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,230
You know I'm like
very rich now, right?
522
00:20:12,269 --> 00:20:13,568
Um...
523
00:20:17,961 --> 00:20:19,841
What kind of woman--
524
00:20:19,875 --> 00:20:21,716
Hold on.
525
00:20:21,745 --> 00:20:23,884
Step-MILF,
sexy sex kitten,
526
00:20:23,913 --> 00:20:25,513
flirty sex kitten.
527
00:20:25,548 --> 00:20:26,718
Flirty friend's mom--
528
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:27,849
I'm sorry.
529
00:20:27,884 --> 00:20:29,084
Cut, cut!
530
00:20:29,118 --> 00:20:30,888
You know, like
flirty victim, spunky--
531
00:20:30,921 --> 00:20:32,921
Wait, hold on.
532
00:20:32,955 --> 00:20:34,455
Wounded skank.
533
00:20:34,457 --> 00:20:36,027
Spunky kid sister.
534
00:20:36,058 --> 00:20:38,558
Flirty mom--
I'm sorry.
535
00:20:38,595 --> 00:20:40,035
I'm sorry, I'm trying
not to look at you.
536
00:20:41,817 --> 00:20:43,067
Where are you from?
537
00:20:43,098 --> 00:20:44,699
Australia.
No.
538
00:20:48,137 --> 00:20:51,008
Man, this is incredible.
Thi--
539
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,471
Hello.
540
00:20:52,474 --> 00:20:53,575
And then Vernon, action.
541
00:20:53,609 --> 00:20:55,480
We could never do
what you do.
542
00:20:55,481 --> 00:20:56,948
So easy.
543
00:20:56,980 --> 00:20:57,849
Mmm, magic.
544
00:20:57,899 --> 00:21:02,449
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