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1
00:00:01,609 --> 00:00:03,475
Oh, my God, you're so hot.
2
00:00:03,561 --> 00:00:05,727
- (giggling)
- Just let me go down on you, please.
3
00:00:05,813 --> 00:00:08,113
Yeah. But, I-- I should
give you a heads up.
4
00:00:08,198 --> 00:00:10,148
It takes me a while.
5
00:00:10,284 --> 00:00:11,984
(scoffing)
I don't mind.
6
00:00:12,069 --> 00:00:13,986
- I love it.
- Have at it.
7
00:00:14,071 --> 00:00:15,737
(chuckling)
8
00:00:15,823 --> 00:00:18,323
9
00:00:23,313 --> 00:00:24,362
What the...
10
00:00:24,397 --> 00:00:25,980
(silence)
11
00:00:30,337 --> 00:00:33,005
(clearing throat)
12
00:00:33,090 --> 00:00:34,673
(grunting)
13
00:00:51,108 --> 00:00:53,358
Aah! Aah! Aah!
14
00:00:53,494 --> 00:00:55,777
So, what you're telling me is...
15
00:00:55,863 --> 00:00:57,762
when I said
"I want a ton of soy sauce",
16
00:00:57,847 --> 00:01:02,300
what you heard was,
"I want two soy sauces"?
17
00:01:04,204 --> 00:01:06,588
That's how it is
in the Han province?
18
00:01:07,307 --> 00:01:11,007
19
00:01:11,378 --> 00:01:13,428
My God...
20
00:01:13,547 --> 00:01:15,714
It's full of stars!
21
00:01:15,849 --> 00:01:17,633
Oh!
22
00:01:17,718 --> 00:01:19,101
Whoo!
23
00:01:19,519 --> 00:01:22,971
Oh, my God, that was so good.
24
00:01:23,057 --> 00:01:24,222
Ah.
25
00:01:24,308 --> 00:01:25,668
- You want to have sex?
- Listen...
26
00:01:25,726 --> 00:01:28,310
Um, this was great, but, um...
27
00:01:28,395 --> 00:01:32,447
I gotta be up early in the morning,
so I'll just let myself out.
28
00:01:32,566 --> 00:01:34,483
Oh.
29
00:01:34,568 --> 00:01:36,820
Okay.
30
00:01:38,238 --> 00:01:40,572
31
00:01:40,996 --> 00:01:46,996
Sync & corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:47,632 --> 00:01:51,116
My sister and I do this thing,
and it's never worked once.
33
00:01:51,201 --> 00:01:54,536
But, we, uh-- when we see
a really hot guy,
34
00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:57,406
we look at him and then we go...
35
00:01:57,491 --> 00:02:02,044
Yoo-hoo!
(laughter)
36
00:02:02,162 --> 00:02:05,581
Sir?
Yoo-hoo!
37
00:02:05,666 --> 00:02:07,165
Hasn't worked yet,
but I'm gonna keep at it.
38
00:02:07,251 --> 00:02:08,500
I'm gonna keep at it.
39
00:02:08,636 --> 00:02:11,084
40
00:02:11,255 --> 00:02:13,536
That's the thing with headphones
you get what you pay for,
41
00:02:13,557 --> 00:02:14,423
so that's why I splurge.
42
00:02:14,508 --> 00:02:16,174
- Wow. Good for you.
- Yeah.
43
00:02:16,260 --> 00:02:17,392
Hey, I'm super tired.
44
00:02:17,511 --> 00:02:18,427
You want to get
out of here soon?
45
00:02:18,512 --> 00:02:19,628
Yes! I'm just gonna
grab my coat.
46
00:02:19,713 --> 00:02:21,146
- Would you grab mine?
- Yeah, of course.
47
00:02:21,231 --> 00:02:22,391
- Okay.
- Nice talking to you.
48
00:02:22,399 --> 00:02:24,399
Nice talking to you, too.
49
00:02:24,518 --> 00:02:26,151
Wow, thanks for that cock block.
50
00:02:26,236 --> 00:02:27,686
Oh, please.
51
00:02:27,771 --> 00:02:29,354
If she wanted to hook up
with you, she would have.
52
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,073
She's a huge whore, trust me.
53
00:02:31,191 --> 00:02:33,231
Cock blocking is not even
a thing, do you know that?
54
00:02:33,276 --> 00:02:34,663
It's just something
that guys made up
55
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,435
so that they don't get
their egos bruised.
56
00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,546
Believe it or not, a girl
could not want to (bleep) you.
57
00:02:38,565 --> 00:02:41,765
If cock blocking's not
a thing, what's that?
58
00:02:42,202 --> 00:02:43,952
Hey, Rick, whatcha guys
talking about?
59
00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:46,421
Your herpes?
He's got herpes.
60
00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:48,457
Block-a-doodle-doo!
61
00:02:48,542 --> 00:02:51,376
(all)
Block-a-doodle-doo!
62
00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:53,545
Yeah, you just got blocked
by Cock Block.
63
00:02:53,681 --> 00:02:54,830
Why don't you have
a t-shirt, huh?
64
00:02:54,915 --> 00:02:55,964
Here you go.
65
00:02:56,050 --> 00:03:00,352
(Cock Block clucking)
Block, block, block, block...
66
00:03:00,437 --> 00:03:02,054
Hey, what's up, Donnie?
How you doing?
67
00:03:02,189 --> 00:03:04,189
(chuckling)
Oh, hey, Cock Block.
68
00:03:04,274 --> 00:03:05,641
Yeah, now's not
a good time, man.
69
00:03:05,726 --> 00:03:06,692
Hey, uh, when is a good time?
70
00:03:06,777 --> 00:03:08,560
When you're back
at your parents' house,
71
00:03:08,696 --> 00:03:10,896
where you still live
with your parents?
72
00:03:10,981 --> 00:03:12,948
Block-a-doodle-doo!
73
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:15,400
(all)
Block-a-doodle-doo!
74
00:03:15,536 --> 00:03:17,402
Hey, uh, no hard
feelings, Donnie.
75
00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:19,371
Just doing my thing.
What are you, a medium, right?
76
00:03:19,456 --> 00:03:21,990
There you go.
(chuckling)
77
00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,959
Oh, Cock Block, I can't
stay mad at you, man.
78
00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:25,827
(laughing)
79
00:03:25,913 --> 00:03:28,914
(clucking) Yeah, block, block,
block, block, block...
80
00:03:29,049 --> 00:03:31,583
Oh, hey, Steve.
Heard you got fired yesterday!
81
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:34,419
Nice try, Cock Block.
I'm not trying to bang her.
82
00:03:34,555 --> 00:03:36,338
I was trying to sleep with
her friend when she blocked me.
83
00:03:36,423 --> 00:03:37,389
No, I didn't.
My friend wasn't--
84
00:03:37,474 --> 00:03:39,091
Hey, you shut the (bleep) up!
85
00:03:39,226 --> 00:03:41,259
No one cock block blocks
Cock Block
86
00:03:41,345 --> 00:03:43,645
when he's trying to block cock.
87
00:03:43,764 --> 00:03:45,931
- You trying to move in on my turf?
- Unh!
88
00:03:46,016 --> 00:03:46,765
- Huh?
- Oh!
89
00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:48,433
'Cause that is
a block-a-doodle-don't!
90
00:03:48,569 --> 00:03:51,570
Ow! God, no! What does
it matter to you?
91
00:03:51,655 --> 00:03:52,988
Do you get paid for this?
92
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:55,440
It seems like you would
lose money on the shirts.
93
00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:57,275
Hey Cock Block,
she giving you problems?
94
00:03:57,411 --> 00:03:59,444
No, I'm good, Mitch.
Why don't you grab yourself
95
00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:01,613
a t-shirt?
I put a 2XL in there for you.
96
00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:03,365
- Thanks, Cock Block.
- (softly) Help me.
97
00:04:03,450 --> 00:04:04,716
Where do you think
you're going, huh?
98
00:04:04,801 --> 00:04:09,087
(crying) Nowhere.
Please, I just want to go home.
99
00:04:09,173 --> 00:04:10,172
I have a dog.
100
00:04:10,290 --> 00:04:14,009
He'll wonder where I am.
Please...
101
00:04:16,513 --> 00:04:20,048
Cock Block...
are you crying?
102
00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:22,384
No.
103
00:04:22,469 --> 00:04:23,802
Cock Block, wait...
104
00:04:25,355 --> 00:04:27,305
You think I like this?
105
00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:30,324
You think I like blocking
all these cocks?
106
00:04:32,396 --> 00:04:35,147
I was born like this!
107
00:04:35,232 --> 00:04:37,399
I got no choice!
108
00:04:37,484 --> 00:04:39,785
Every morning I dread
the sound of myself
109
00:04:39,870 --> 00:04:42,404
waking myself up
in the morning.
110
00:04:42,489 --> 00:04:44,906
I-- I had no idea.
111
00:04:45,091 --> 00:04:47,693
Do you want
to come home with me?
112
00:04:47,878 --> 00:04:49,828
I-- I could try to figure
out how to blow you.
113
00:04:49,963 --> 00:04:52,414
Shh.
114
00:04:52,499 --> 00:04:53,799
That's real sweet, princess.
115
00:04:53,884 --> 00:04:57,085
But I'm gonna have to block
my own cock on this one.
116
00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:58,720
Okay.
117
00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:02,007
They say the hardest cock
to block is your own heart.
118
00:05:02,142 --> 00:05:05,477
119
00:05:05,562 --> 00:05:07,479
Block-a-doodle-doo.
120
00:05:07,564 --> 00:05:09,898
(all)
Block-a-doodle-doo!
121
00:05:10,901 --> 00:05:13,018
- Let's get you a t-shirt, huh?
- Oh!
122
00:05:13,153 --> 00:05:14,853
Men's medium?
123
00:05:14,988 --> 00:05:15,804
No, I'm--
I'm a--
124
00:05:15,889 --> 00:05:18,290
Here's an XL, it can be PJs.
125
00:05:18,325 --> 00:05:20,793
126
00:05:20,828 --> 00:05:22,327
Have you ever been
cock blocked?
127
00:05:22,413 --> 00:05:24,373
I was in the basement
of my friend's house, and...
128
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:27,499
I was on the couch
with a girl, and he got
129
00:05:27,584 --> 00:05:29,201
naked and drunk,
and he started hugging
130
00:05:29,336 --> 00:05:30,816
a Christmas tree,
and he fell with it.
131
00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:34,256
And then, from there,
you really can't go anywhere.
132
00:05:34,374 --> 00:05:36,041
The sun was up at that point.
133
00:05:36,176 --> 00:05:37,876
(chuckling)
134
00:05:40,013 --> 00:05:41,880
- Great meeting you.
- Great meeting you.
135
00:05:42,015 --> 00:05:43,598
136
00:05:45,494 --> 00:05:47,878
137
00:05:47,964 --> 00:05:49,163
- So, my lawyer said...
- Mm?
138
00:05:49,248 --> 00:05:51,382
That they're gonna reactivate
my Instagram account.
139
00:05:51,467 --> 00:05:53,334
I just can't post that photo.
140
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:54,585
- Oh. Speaking of lawyers...
- Mm-hmm?
141
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:55,836
You know, mine said
that the settlement's
142
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,721
not gonna cover all
my medical expenses--
143
00:05:57,807 --> 00:05:59,256
(Cockney accent)
Cheers, mate!
144
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:00,891
(Waitress) Excuse me, sir,
you didn't leave a tip.
145
00:06:00,977 --> 00:06:03,761
Of course I didn't leave a tip,
gormless old bird.
146
00:06:03,896 --> 00:06:05,012
I don't tip where I'm from.
147
00:06:05,097 --> 00:06:06,931
Well, in America,
it's how we earn a living.
148
00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:08,849
Right, yeah.
Sorry I can't stay
149
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,818
for a longer chin wag
but I don't 'ave time
150
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,436
to listen to the random tosh
of some daft cow.
151
00:06:12,521 --> 00:06:13,020
(mouthing silently)
Who is that?
152
00:06:13,105 --> 00:06:14,855
Cheers.
153
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:16,440
Such a sucker for an accent.
154
00:06:16,525 --> 00:06:19,660
Oh, he seems like a dick.
Wait, what are you-- Wait.
155
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:22,446
- Amy?
- Hi, I'm Amy.
156
00:06:22,581 --> 00:06:24,949
I just had to tell you,
I love your accent.
157
00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:26,700
- Ah. I'm Cliven.
- Hi.
158
00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:28,535
- Couldn't do me a favor, could you?
- Yeah.
159
00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:31,505
You ain't got
a fiver for the tube?
160
00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:33,290
Oh, my God, "the tube"?
161
00:06:33,376 --> 00:06:35,509
Um, look, my friend
was supposed to meet me here,
162
00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:37,678
but she didn't show.
She's such a dumb bitch.
163
00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:39,013
Do you want to get a drink?
164
00:06:39,131 --> 00:06:41,015
I'm already pretty pissed
but I might swing by the pub
165
00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:41,882
and 'ave a few more,
if you don't mind,
166
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:43,717
uh, picking up the bill.
167
00:06:43,803 --> 00:06:45,602
Oh, my God, "pub."
(chuckling)
168
00:06:45,688 --> 00:06:47,972
- Just give me one second.
- Okay.
169
00:06:48,057 --> 00:06:49,390
Amy!
170
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:50,524
I'm stuck.
171
00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:51,976
Shut the (bleep) up.
172
00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:54,812
(Cliven urinating)
(chuckling)
173
00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:57,481
(mouthing silently)
Oh, my--
174
00:06:57,616 --> 00:06:58,732
(Cliven)
And so I said,
175
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,150
"You can bugger off,
you wanker.
176
00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:01,846
"I'd rather take it
directly in the arse
177
00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:04,822
than work another day for you."
178
00:07:04,957 --> 00:07:07,241
That was three years ago.
Been on the dole ever since.
179
00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:11,012
I am a comedian
and an actress...
180
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,981
Oi, oi!
Those are mine.
181
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,160
You don't need those anyroad.
182
00:07:15,167 --> 00:07:17,492
Eat any more of them, you're gonna
look like you're up the duff.
183
00:07:17,553 --> 00:07:21,088
(sports crowd cheering on TV)
Oh, you bunch of lazy berks!
184
00:07:21,173 --> 00:07:24,341
God, I really, really like you.
185
00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:27,577
(Amy) I am so sorry I've
been so out of touch.
186
00:07:27,579 --> 00:07:30,230
I've just been hanging out
with Prince (bleep) Charming
187
00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:31,682
- all the time.
- Really?
188
00:07:31,817 --> 00:07:33,650
Tell me everything.
How's the sex?
189
00:07:33,736 --> 00:07:36,020
Mm! Amazing.
Amazing.
190
00:07:36,105 --> 00:07:37,654
He can't really keep
an erection,
191
00:07:37,740 --> 00:07:40,858
but just his accent just,
like, does it for me.
192
00:07:40,943 --> 00:07:42,703
They just told me I can
never have sex again.
193
00:07:42,828 --> 00:07:45,696
And he's huge, okay?
194
00:07:45,781 --> 00:07:47,331
Really?
Like, he has a big dick?
195
00:07:47,416 --> 00:07:48,332
Uh-uh.
196
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:51,285
No, pretty small dick,
but his foreskin is "enorm".
197
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:53,537
It's like a "fiveskin".
198
00:07:53,622 --> 00:07:54,755
If I ever had to
like go parachuting,
199
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:56,006
- I could just like use that--
- Okay.
200
00:07:56,092 --> 00:07:56,707
Thank you!
201
00:07:56,842 --> 00:07:58,709
Oh, she's fine.
She's fine.
202
00:07:58,794 --> 00:08:00,544
Um, I--
I could have used--
203
00:08:00,629 --> 00:08:01,879
Mm!
204
00:08:01,964 --> 00:08:03,096
(imitating Cliven)
"This drink is bollocks."
205
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:05,115
(chuckling)
That's the stuff he says.
206
00:08:07,853 --> 00:08:09,636
You're quite a fit bird,
ain't you?
207
00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:10,804
Keep the extra stone off
208
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:12,556
with a little bit of regular
rumpy pumpy, do we?
209
00:08:12,641 --> 00:08:13,690
You two know each other?
210
00:08:13,776 --> 00:08:17,193
(Cockney accent) Your bloke...
is trying to get into my knickers.
211
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,913
Arsehole.
212
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:20,314
She seems nice.
213
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:22,566
Yeah, right.
Look, Amy,
214
00:08:22,651 --> 00:08:24,971
it's been tickityboo spending
time with you and all, but...
215
00:08:24,987 --> 00:08:27,237
it's time for me to get
on the pull with someone new.
216
00:08:27,373 --> 00:08:28,572
I've got to go.
217
00:08:28,657 --> 00:08:29,740
I love you, too.
218
00:08:29,825 --> 00:08:31,325
Wait, before you go
to the bathroom,
219
00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:32,576
will you just say,
220
00:08:32,661 --> 00:08:34,942
(Australian accent) "That's not
a knife, this is a knife"?
221
00:08:34,997 --> 00:08:37,297
(chuckling)
Will you do that?
222
00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:38,165
Cheers, Amy.
223
00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:40,250
Cheers.
224
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:42,670
Ooh!
Hi.
225
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:45,973
Can I get another
"point for me boyfriend"?
226
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:48,258
And I'll-- I'll have another
chocodilly martini.
227
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,811
Oh, you poor barmy slag.
228
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:52,930
This one's on me, sweetheart.
229
00:08:53,816 --> 00:08:56,900
I love British people.
(chuckling)
230
00:08:56,986 --> 00:09:01,706
Diamonds and freckles,
some-- mittens...
231
00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:04,592
232
00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,510
Do you like when
a girl has an accent?
233
00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:08,662
- Yeah.
- What about English?
234
00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:09,713
How does that sound?
235
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:10,915
(screeching Cockney)
It sounds like this!
236
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,300
Oh, no, that's all right.
237
00:09:13,419 --> 00:09:15,753
Do you automatically think
British people are smart?
238
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,004
Yeah, whether they're
smart or not.
239
00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:18,138
Yeah, but what if
they came up to you
240
00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:19,423
and they had like two teeth,
and they were like,
241
00:09:19,508 --> 00:09:21,976
(screeching Cockney) "Do you
know where the trolley is?"
242
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:22,927
Uh...
243
00:09:23,012 --> 00:09:25,763
"How does this
Metro card work?"
244
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:26,931
(laughing)
Like that?
245
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:29,817
246
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:31,402
I think I wore it best.
247
00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:34,104
(Publicist)
No. Look, Amy...
248
00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:35,773
the general consensus is
that you're being held back
249
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:36,824
by your glaring flaw.
250
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:39,777
- My lower back tattoo--
- Your smile.
251
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:43,998
- You have a lower back tattoo?
- No, I don't.
252
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:45,833
Your smile is garbage
in all of these.
253
00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:48,619
(Publicist) Terrible...
awful... horrible.
254
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:51,588
So, you're gonna meet
my smile guy, David.
255
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:54,508
- Dentist?
- No, he's a smile guy.
256
00:09:54,627 --> 00:09:56,293
He's worked with all
the top smiles,
257
00:09:56,379 --> 00:09:58,796
Julia Roberts,
Swank, Bening...
258
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,681
- Annette Bening?
- Mm-hmm!
259
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:01,920
- Oh, my God.
- Go there now.
260
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:03,050
- He's expecting you.
- Oh.
261
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:05,803
You've got to smile
for the people
262
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:08,973
Each and every day
263
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,990
(Amy) "Smiles are the
windows to our teeth"?
264
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:14,478
- Amy Schumer!
- Hi.
265
00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:17,564
Such a pleasure!
Hi, David.
266
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:19,250
- Great to meet you.
- Great to meet you!
267
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:25,456
Okay, so, I hear we have some
work to do on your smile.
268
00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:26,991
Yeah, that's what Ali told me.
269
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,826
Okay, well, let's see
where we're at.
270
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,411
If you could smile
for me, please?
271
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:32,413
- Smile right now?
- Mm-hmm.
272
00:10:32,498 --> 00:10:33,964
Um...
273
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,001
Okay, can I see
some teeth, please?
274
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,671
All right, we have
a lot of work to do,
275
00:10:40,756 --> 00:10:42,756
But it's nothing we can't figure
out by the end of the session.
276
00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:44,925
And-- and how long is
the session? I--
277
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:47,211
Ah, that all depends on how
hard you're willing to work.
278
00:10:48,597 --> 00:10:51,265
Um, wha-- what exactly
do we do?
279
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:52,850
Well, we begin.
280
00:10:52,935 --> 00:10:54,151
Smile, please.
281
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:57,187
No.
Again.
282
00:10:58,441 --> 00:10:59,356
No.
283
00:10:59,442 --> 00:11:00,059
Try this--
284
00:11:00,084 --> 00:11:02,276
Cock your head, and let that
lead you into the smile.
285
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:04,862
Almost like this.
286
00:11:07,616 --> 00:11:09,199
No.
Again.
287
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:13,037
No.
Again.
288
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:17,875
No.
Again.
289
00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:20,954
No.
290
00:11:20,979 --> 00:11:22,703
Are you going to
offer any suggestions?
291
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,548
You're not even
doing anything!
292
00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:25,716
You're just cocking
your head to the side
293
00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:27,384
and putting your top teeth
on your bottom lip.
294
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,685
I hate what you're doing.
295
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:32,389
- It's not even a smile.
- It's not?
296
00:11:32,475 --> 00:11:33,724
No, it's not!
297
00:11:35,811 --> 00:11:36,693
You're sure?
298
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,479
No, I guess I'm not positive.
299
00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:39,613
Yeah, I didn't think so.
300
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:43,400
Do it again, please.
Cock, and smile.
301
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,121
No.
302
00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:50,074
Cock, and smile.
303
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:54,294
No.
Cock, and smile.
304
00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:59,133
Good.
Cock, and smile.
305
00:11:59,251 --> 00:12:03,337
Better!
Cock, and smile.
306
00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:05,389
Yes!
307
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:07,808
Yes. Perfect.
308
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:08,592
Congratulations.
309
00:12:08,677 --> 00:12:10,928
- Yeah?
- Yes.
310
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:14,648
And that is faster than I've
ever seen anyone get it.
311
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:15,983
- You're a real pro.
- Yeah.
312
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:18,102
That's great, 'cause
the Golden Globes are tonight!
313
00:12:18,187 --> 00:12:19,603
I know.
314
00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:21,905
Let me see you smile
315
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,774
(Paparazzi shouting,
cameras clicking)
316
00:12:23,859 --> 00:12:26,443
Baby, when you smile
317
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,413
Smile
318
00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:31,832
(Ali)
We're making progress!
319
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:33,117
Right?
(chuckling)
320
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:36,753
321
00:12:37,664 --> 00:12:40,114
322
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,549
I am just saying,
Israel has the right
323
00:12:41,668 --> 00:12:42,967
to defend itself with force
against Hamas,
324
00:12:43,052 --> 00:12:44,786
which is a terrorist
organization.
325
00:12:44,871 --> 00:12:46,003
Mm-hmm, and I'm saying,
326
00:12:46,089 --> 00:12:47,839
Israel is equally,
if not more, culpable
327
00:12:47,924 --> 00:12:48,956
in their level of provocation.
328
00:12:49,042 --> 00:12:51,592
Hey, can we maybe just
like keep it light.
329
00:12:51,711 --> 00:12:53,795
It's a Friday.
Wine bar.
330
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:54,762
(all chuckling)
331
00:12:54,881 --> 00:12:56,130
- Babe...
- Okay, okay.
332
00:12:56,148 --> 00:12:57,181
Just for tonight.
333
00:12:57,267 --> 00:12:58,483
- There, truce.
- (Amy) You know what they say:
334
00:12:58,518 --> 00:13:00,768
"Opinions are like buttholes,
everybody's got three!"
335
00:13:00,787 --> 00:13:03,554
(laughter)
336
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,606
Wait, what?
337
00:13:05,725 --> 00:13:08,025
- What?
- "Everybody's got three"?
338
00:13:08,111 --> 00:13:10,228
- Three what?
- You just said,
339
00:13:10,363 --> 00:13:13,364
"Opinions are like buttholes,
everybody has three."
340
00:13:14,701 --> 00:13:16,951
Yeah, I mean, you never heard
that expression? It's a--
341
00:13:18,788 --> 00:13:19,871
It's like a famous--
342
00:13:19,956 --> 00:13:21,739
"Opinions are like buttholes."
343
00:13:21,825 --> 00:13:23,408
Wait, um...
Just for fun...
344
00:13:24,411 --> 00:13:25,710
how many buttholes,
does everyone have?
345
00:13:25,795 --> 00:13:26,878
Just say it on
the count of three.
346
00:13:26,963 --> 00:13:27,879
- Good idea.
- Mm-hmm.
347
00:13:27,981 --> 00:13:29,580
(Amy)
Okay, one, two, three...
348
00:13:29,666 --> 00:13:30,631
- (all but Amy) One.
- Three.
349
00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:32,133
Oh.
350
00:13:37,257 --> 00:13:39,507
Do you guys watch
"Vanderpump Rules", or...?
351
00:13:39,592 --> 00:13:40,308
Amy...
352
00:13:40,427 --> 00:13:44,479
- What's up?
- Do you have three buttholes?
353
00:13:44,597 --> 00:13:47,398
What?
Me?
354
00:13:47,484 --> 00:13:48,972
Oh, my God, I-- I--
I was kidding.
355
00:13:48,997 --> 00:13:50,675
Like, obviously
I was kidding around
356
00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:53,438
Like, that's really
weird that you're asking me.
357
00:13:53,573 --> 00:13:55,106
It's an expression.
It's...
358
00:13:55,241 --> 00:13:57,608
I-- I have the same amount
of buttholes you guys have.
359
00:13:57,744 --> 00:13:59,064
How many did
you guys say you had?
360
00:14:00,079 --> 00:14:02,363
- Just one.
- Yes!
361
00:14:02,449 --> 00:14:07,118
Which is what I have,
one single, solitary, standard--
362
00:14:07,754 --> 00:14:09,203
It's-- It's centered.
363
00:14:09,289 --> 00:14:12,707
Come on!
I have one butthole, okay?
364
00:14:12,792 --> 00:14:13,758
I have one butthole.
365
00:14:13,843 --> 00:14:16,794
What are you guys,
the butthole police?
366
00:14:16,930 --> 00:14:18,450
I mean, you have to
tell me if you are.
367
00:14:18,465 --> 00:14:20,181
No, we're not the
butthole police, Amy.
368
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:21,700
I do think we should
get going, hon.
369
00:14:21,768 --> 00:14:23,184
Yeah, babe, that's a good idea.
370
00:14:23,303 --> 00:14:25,186
Um, we have the sitter at home.
371
00:14:25,305 --> 00:14:26,137
- Dude!
- You guys don't have kids.
372
00:14:26,272 --> 00:14:27,392
- Mm-hmm.
- What do you mean?
373
00:14:27,474 --> 00:14:28,773
Okay, but, I'll just
call you this week, okay?
374
00:14:28,858 --> 00:14:31,526
- You left your coats!
- (man) Uh, keep them!
375
00:14:32,946 --> 00:14:35,613
(chuckling)
That was weird.
376
00:14:35,698 --> 00:14:36,564
(awkward chuckle)
So, what do you say?
377
00:14:36,649 --> 00:14:38,616
You want to get out of here?
378
00:14:38,701 --> 00:14:39,867
You can play me like a flute?
379
00:14:39,986 --> 00:14:43,287
A little Jethro Tull...
on my buttholes?
380
00:14:43,373 --> 00:14:44,322
Aqualung
381
00:14:44,407 --> 00:14:48,042
-
Do do doo, do do doo
- Okay...
382
00:14:48,161 --> 00:14:50,001
I don't think we should
see each other anymore.
383
00:14:50,129 --> 00:14:51,662
Why?
What?
384
00:14:51,748 --> 00:14:52,880
Connor, look at me!
385
00:14:52,999 --> 00:14:53,965
- I'm looking.
- Oh.
386
00:14:54,050 --> 00:14:57,502
- Is this about my three buttholes?
- Yeah!
387
00:14:57,637 --> 00:15:00,555
- Tell me the truth.
- I can't be any clearer.
388
00:15:00,673 --> 00:15:01,973
Be real with me.
389
00:15:02,058 --> 00:15:03,407
Is this about
my three buttholes?
390
00:15:03,442 --> 00:15:06,177
This is the realest
I've ever been with you.
391
00:15:06,262 --> 00:15:08,535
- It's about your three buttholes.
- That you don't like them?
392
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,883
I really am gonna go now.
But... take care.
393
00:15:19,242 --> 00:15:21,026
Yeah, it's definitely three.
394
00:15:21,261 --> 00:15:23,962
395
00:15:24,447 --> 00:15:26,364
How many holes are there
in a human body, go!
396
00:15:26,449 --> 00:15:28,082
- Right off the top of your head.
- 15.
397
00:15:30,370 --> 00:15:31,252
- That's a lot.
- Yeah. (laughing)
398
00:15:31,371 --> 00:15:32,169
That's probably too much.
399
00:15:32,255 --> 00:15:34,288
(laughing)
We gotta check you out.
400
00:15:34,374 --> 00:15:37,208
What is...
the weirdest body part
401
00:15:37,293 --> 00:15:39,377
you've ever encountered
on somebody else?
402
00:15:39,512 --> 00:15:40,678
Oh, my God--
Uh-oh.
403
00:15:40,763 --> 00:15:42,930
A tail?
What?
404
00:15:43,016 --> 00:15:44,382
A kid in school,
we were, uh...
405
00:15:44,467 --> 00:15:47,518
in the locker room,
and he was getting changed,
406
00:15:47,604 --> 00:15:48,719
and we looked over
and he had a tail
407
00:15:48,855 --> 00:15:49,720
about that big,
and he wiggled it.
408
00:15:49,806 --> 00:15:52,139
It definitely wasn't a dick?
409
00:15:52,225 --> 00:15:54,025
(laughing) No, it wasn't.
It was in the back.
410
00:15:54,110 --> 00:15:54,942
That guy can (bleep)
two girls at once.
411
00:15:55,061 --> 00:15:57,361
- Pretty much.
- Would I (bleep) a tail?
412
00:15:57,447 --> 00:15:59,480
- I think I wouldn't, but...
- (woman) Yeah.
413
00:15:59,566 --> 00:16:00,615
Who-- I don't know.
414
00:16:00,733 --> 00:16:02,783
415
00:16:03,885 --> 00:16:05,918
416
00:16:06,053 --> 00:16:07,119
Mark it.
417
00:16:07,254 --> 00:16:08,704
Did they tell you
what we're doing?
418
00:16:08,789 --> 00:16:09,871
- Uh...
- This is a porn.
419
00:16:09,957 --> 00:16:12,441
What?
(laughing)
420
00:16:12,460 --> 00:16:14,543
- Anal?
- Once in a while.
421
00:16:14,628 --> 00:16:17,346
Vaginal?
Yeah, once in a while.
422
00:16:17,465 --> 00:16:19,348
- Pizza?
- I'm trying to quit, actually.
423
00:16:19,467 --> 00:16:20,549
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
424
00:16:20,634 --> 00:16:24,937
What do you think
about our director?
425
00:16:25,022 --> 00:16:27,306
He could be a Fred Armisen
doppelganger.
426
00:16:27,441 --> 00:16:29,375
- Ryan, come here.
- Hi!
427
00:16:29,411 --> 00:16:31,410
I don't think our director looks
like Fred Armisen, do you?
428
00:16:31,445 --> 00:16:32,365
- A little bit.
- Maybe.
429
00:16:32,446 --> 00:16:33,362
Just the littlest bit?
430
00:16:33,415 --> 00:16:36,147
Um, sir, we want to film the worst
parallel parker in New York?
431
00:16:36,232 --> 00:16:37,816
(laughter)
432
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,285
What's going on?
433
00:16:39,286 --> 00:16:41,487
How many people
have you slept with?
434
00:16:41,572 --> 00:16:43,989
I think, in between 30 and 40.
435
00:16:44,075 --> 00:16:45,708
What would you guess
my number was?
436
00:16:45,826 --> 00:16:49,762
Somewhere...
higher or lower than that.
437
00:16:50,798 --> 00:16:53,082
Are you real? 'Cause
you're like saying...
438
00:16:53,167 --> 00:16:55,667
- the "Dudright" thing, always.
- Aw.
439
00:16:55,753 --> 00:16:57,033
How are you liking
the limelight?
440
00:16:57,138 --> 00:16:59,254
Everybody's the same amount
of happy always, I think.
441
00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:01,340
Do you still get as much ass
as you did before?
442
00:17:01,425 --> 00:17:02,674
- No.
- Really?
443
00:17:02,810 --> 00:17:04,226
Yeah.
444
00:17:05,312 --> 00:17:07,513
(both laughing)
445
00:17:07,648 --> 00:17:09,815
- Got really cold out here.
- So cold.
446
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:11,567
Yeah.
(sniffling)
447
00:17:11,685 --> 00:17:13,519
What are you, um...
448
00:17:13,654 --> 00:17:14,653
I like your microphone.
449
00:17:14,739 --> 00:17:16,522
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
450
00:17:16,607 --> 00:17:18,139
- It's old. I'm--
- Yeah?
451
00:17:18,158 --> 00:17:19,174
It's-- It's stupid.
452
00:17:19,193 --> 00:17:21,777
- I should just quit, but--
- No. No.
453
00:17:21,862 --> 00:17:24,229
- I think it's nice.
- Yeah.
454
00:17:31,005 --> 00:17:32,171
- Thanks for talking to me.
- Oh, thank you.
455
00:17:32,256 --> 00:17:32,788
- Thanks for talking to me.
- Oh, you're welcome.
456
00:17:32,873 --> 00:17:34,373
- All right. Thanks, man.
- Yeah. All right.
457
00:17:34,508 --> 00:17:36,759
(Amy and crew laughing)
458
00:17:36,877 --> 00:17:39,545
459
00:17:39,630 --> 00:17:42,714
My favorite performer in the
whole world is here tonight.
460
00:17:42,850 --> 00:17:45,467
You probably already know her.
You probably already love her.
461
00:17:45,553 --> 00:17:47,136
She's a...
little gem of a girl.
462
00:17:47,221 --> 00:17:50,055
Her name...
is Miss Bridget Everett.
463
00:17:50,191 --> 00:17:53,225
(cheering and applause)
464
00:17:53,310 --> 00:17:54,777
(music playing)
Thank you so much.
465
00:17:54,895 --> 00:17:57,613
Turn the track down
a little bit.
466
00:17:57,731 --> 00:17:58,947
How about this?
467
00:17:59,066 --> 00:18:00,232
Don't touch my pussy
468
00:18:00,317 --> 00:18:04,470
unless I say you can touch
my pussy, Mr. Cosby!
469
00:18:05,106 --> 00:18:06,905
When your lady is tired
and her patience is expired
470
00:18:06,991 --> 00:18:10,626
And she needs
to get off her feet
471
00:18:10,744 --> 00:18:11,743
Draw your lady up
some bubbles
472
00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:13,045
Don't you start
any trouble
473
00:18:13,130 --> 00:18:14,830
Let your lady
have her retreat
474
00:18:14,915 --> 00:18:16,965
When you're at
your mama's house
475
00:18:17,084 --> 00:18:18,333
You see
your lady's blouse
476
00:18:18,419 --> 00:18:21,003
And she's standing there
in the wind
477
00:18:21,088 --> 00:18:22,608
And you're staring
at those titties
478
00:18:22,723 --> 00:18:23,672
Like they're
two fluffy kitties
479
00:18:23,757 --> 00:18:25,724
And your mind fills up
with sin
480
00:18:25,810 --> 00:18:28,393
Put your dick
481
00:18:28,479 --> 00:18:31,096
Put your dick
482
00:18:31,232 --> 00:18:33,765
Put your dick away
483
00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:36,602
Put your dick away
484
00:18:36,737 --> 00:18:39,271
Put your dick
485
00:18:39,406 --> 00:18:41,773
Put your dick
486
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:43,057
Put your dick away
487
00:18:43,076 --> 00:18:44,643
Shh.
488
00:18:47,615 --> 00:18:50,282
When I come home
at the end of the day
489
00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:52,167
And my fingers are down
to the bone
490
00:18:52,286 --> 00:18:55,337
My back is aching
don't there be no mistaking
491
00:18:55,456 --> 00:18:58,123
I'm gonna call my girl
on the phone
492
00:18:58,259 --> 00:19:00,626
Then I'll pour a glass of wine
I'm gonna take my time
493
00:19:00,711 --> 00:19:03,378
I'm gonna get
my shit relaxed
494
00:19:03,464 --> 00:19:04,680
And when I say
it's (bleep) time
495
00:19:04,798 --> 00:19:06,118
You're gonna lick
my Valentine
496
00:19:06,133 --> 00:19:08,100
And don't
forget the crack
497
00:19:08,185 --> 00:19:10,853
So put your dick
498
00:19:10,971 --> 00:19:13,522
Put your dick
499
00:19:13,641 --> 00:19:15,357
Put your dick away
500
00:19:15,476 --> 00:19:17,258
Sing it with me, ladies!
Sing it with me!
501
00:19:17,344 --> 00:19:18,961
What do you say?
Here we go!
502
00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:21,530
Put your dick
503
00:19:21,649 --> 00:19:24,032
(scattered audience members)
Put your dick
504
00:19:24,151 --> 00:19:26,618
Put your dick away
505
00:19:27,988 --> 00:19:29,268
What's your name?
506
00:19:29,339 --> 00:19:30,622
Shut up, nobody cares.
507
00:19:30,708 --> 00:19:32,491
(laughter)
508
00:19:32,626 --> 00:19:33,825
Are you a top?
509
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,177
Are you a top?
That's what I thought.
510
00:19:36,463 --> 00:19:38,714
I want you to put your
left hand on your balls,
511
00:19:38,832 --> 00:19:40,999
and your right hand in the air,
and repeat after me.
512
00:19:41,135 --> 00:19:43,001
I'll put it, I'll put it,
I'll put it
513
00:19:43,137 --> 00:19:45,220
I'll put it,
I'll put my dick away
514
00:19:45,339 --> 00:19:46,421
Sing it!
515
00:19:46,507 --> 00:19:49,224
I'll put it, I'll put it--
(laughing)
516
00:19:49,343 --> 00:19:50,842
(man)
I'll put my dick away
517
00:19:50,978 --> 00:19:52,377
Put your dick
518
00:19:52,462 --> 00:19:53,612
Sing with me, ladies!
519
00:19:53,647 --> 00:19:56,064
Put your dick
520
00:19:56,183 --> 00:19:57,182
Put your dick away
521
00:19:57,368 --> 00:20:01,220
I'm looking at you, mother (bleep),
I'm right here!
522
00:20:01,655 --> 00:20:03,021
Put your dick
523
00:20:03,157 --> 00:20:04,323
(backup singers)
Put your dick
524
00:20:04,408 --> 00:20:05,857
Put your dick
525
00:20:05,993 --> 00:20:06,909
(backup singers)
Put your dick
526
00:20:07,027 --> 00:20:09,895
Put your dick away
527
00:20:10,180 --> 00:20:12,531
Put your dick away
528
00:20:12,617 --> 00:20:14,657
That's right, New York City!
(cheering and applause)
529
00:20:14,868 --> 00:20:17,436
530
00:20:17,538 --> 00:20:21,456
(Amy) This has been my favorite season,
and I love all of you so much.
531
00:20:21,542 --> 00:20:22,591
I would do anything
for any of you.
532
00:20:22,710 --> 00:20:24,652
I love you.
I love making the show so much.
533
00:20:24,677 --> 00:20:27,346
It's still my absolute dream, and
you all make it so much better.
534
00:20:27,431 --> 00:20:30,048
And, I-- I love you,
and thank you, and everything.
535
00:20:30,134 --> 00:20:31,334
Thank you for always laughing.
536
00:20:31,385 --> 00:20:33,468
(crew exclaiming, clapping)
Yeah, I'm crying.
537
00:20:33,554 --> 00:20:35,554
Can somebody stand in for me
while I hug my sister?
538
00:20:35,578 --> 00:20:38,278
We have one other
announcement to make, guys.
539
00:20:38,302 --> 00:20:40,402
Carolyn Ashley Pender...
540
00:20:40,527 --> 00:20:42,610
- (Carolyn) Oh, my God.
- Will you marry me?
541
00:20:42,611 --> 00:20:44,090
(laughing)
Oh, my God!
542
00:20:44,115 --> 00:20:45,897
Oh, what the (bleep)!
Yes!
543
00:20:46,033 --> 00:20:49,818
(crew cheering and applauding)
Oh, my God!
544
00:20:49,903 --> 00:20:51,737
(man) And that's a wrap on principal
photography, and season...
545
00:20:51,822 --> 00:20:56,658
(crew cheering and applauding)
546
00:20:56,744 --> 00:20:57,876
(Amy)
So easy.
547
00:20:57,962 --> 00:20:59,294
(man)
Mmm, magic.
548
00:20:59,318 --> 00:21:01,318
Sync & corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com
549
00:21:01,368 --> 00:21:05,918
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39078
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