All language subtitles for Imaginary Mary s01e05 In a World Where Worlds Collide.eng

Look what I found in the fridge,
a lovely ros?.

Or a pink lemonade that went bad.

Either way, it's doing the trick.

What are we drinking to?

Hmm, nine days without freaking out
about your committed relationship?

It would've been 14 if Andy
hadn't texted me that night.

Ben's kids really should not be
texting me yet. It's way too fast.

And the freak-out calendar
is back to zero.

- Uh-oh.
- Nice one, blondie.

- Uh-oh, now it's your turn to freak out.
- [Scoffs]

I don't freak out about anything.

Really? 'Cause I remember

a certain game we used to play as kids.

You are very scared of vacuums.

- No, I'm not. Shut up. You are.
- [Vacuum whirring]

I just like dirt 'cause dirt is cool,

- and... and I'm cool.
- [Laughs]

Hey! Get that thing
away from me! Come on!

Okay? This isn't funny.
Okay, I'm over here. No, I'm not.

Okay. [Grunts]

[Laughs]

I feel like relaxing over here. Just...

- Leave me alone. Just, I-I...
- Got you.

No, I'm not. Okay. [Shouts]

Okay, okay, I'm scared
of vacuums! Turn it off!

- [Shouts]
- [Vacuum stops]

[Sighs] No, I'm not.

- [Scoffs]
- Yes, I am! I'm scared! I'm scared!

- [Vacuum whirring]
- Alice: Ha!

Mary: This is Alice.

When she was a kid, she
dreamed up me to be her BFF.

Now my girl has finally fallen in love,

but she's in way over her head,
so I'm back to help.

I've got this all figured out.

- No, you don't.
- No, I don't.

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

Okay, before we watch the next episode,

you need to know that in Season 12,

Kiki thought she fell
in love with Damon,

but now Damon, according to US Weekly,

is marrying the makeup
artist from Season 6,

which makes perfect sense 'cause
when someone touches your face

and makes you beautiful, you're like,

"Yeah, I'll spend my life with you."

Aw, poor Kiki.

And a little bit poor you.

The heart wants what the heart wants,

and my heart wants this show.

[Cellphone vibrates]

Darn it!

Strong language.

No, I forgot Zoe was having
a party tonight.

I'll just tell her I can't make it.

- Which one is Zoe?
- [Cellphone chimes]

A friend.

Well, I've never met
any of your friends,

so can you give me a little more?

I met her through Rebecca.

- And Rebecca is?
- Zoe's friend.

Hey, you two. What are we doing?

Normally, I'd be partying hard
with my friend Jeff,

but he just moved away.

Aw. That's hard.

Not as hard as Jeff and I used to party.

- Why don't you call your friend Finn?
- Oh, we're just lab partners.

We don't mix science and pleasure.

Right.

Hey, Andy, Alice and I are
just finishing up something,

but I'll come find you in a minute.

- Got it.
- Yeah.

I'll come find you.

In your room.

Double got it.

You got an ETA on that or...?

We'll call it a soft 10.

I really do need to help that kid
make some new friends. [Laughs]

You know how Dora is never around

and never tells me anything?

I need Andy to be more like that.

I think it's sweet how
you're always there for him.

You're like his best friend.

- Oh, okay, I see the problem.
- [Cellphone vibrates]

Zoe again?

No, now it's Rebecca, hounding me
about skipping the party.

- [Sighs]
- You know...

maybe the party doesn't
have to be skipped.

Aw, you're so sweet, but I don't
want to leave you home alone.

Where's the remote?

Well, in my scenario,
I wouldn't be home alone.

Oh, you'd be with Andy?

No, 'cause I'd go to the party.

And I'd stay with Andy?

There's an option
you're not considering.

We can go together.

Mary: Oh, no. We do not mix worlds.

When worlds collide, no one survives.

Ask the dinosaurs.

- Oh! Distract him with some Frenching.
- Um, I...

I said get to Frenching, woman!

- I like what this show does to you,
- Mm-hmm.

but I feel like you're avoiding the issue.

You know what I love?

I love that you know me so well

you know when I'm avoiding an issue.

Okay. Okay.

Is there a reason you don't
want to take advantage

of this very convenient opportunity
for me to meet your friends?

Or is this just your usual fear

of emotional hurdles
and deepening commitment?

- The uzhe.
- That's my girl.

Well, when you are ready,
just know that I'd love

to get to know the people in your life.

Okay.

[Click, indistinct talking on TV]

FYI, I'm happy to meet Ben

whenever you feel the time is right.

- [Grunts]
- [Thud]

- Left, right. Left, right.
- Sorry I missed the party. Was it fun?

- It was the most amazing party.
- It was fine.

It was okay.

I get that when your friends disappear
to marriage and motherhood,

you have to restock but, uh, these two?

You could've shopped around
a little longer, right?

[Laughs]

Ooh. Ow, ow, ow!

Instructor: Good. One, two. One, two.

So, why didn't you make the party?

I was hanging out with Ben.

You know, you could've brought him.

Oh, really? Oh, I didn't
know he was invited.

Oh, that's my bad. Maybe my text
wasn't clear enough.

You know, the one that said,

"Bring Ben. We'd love to meet him."

It's hard to read tone in text.
I heard it as

[Sarcastically] "Bring Ben.
We'd love to meet him."

Alice, seriously,
we want to meet your boyfriend.

Okay, seriously, I would like
to put that off for a while.

Not a big fan of mixing worlds.

Look, the first time I did
something like that with Ben

was when I met his kids,
and it almost broke us up.

We're in a really good place right now,

and I just want to stay here.

For the record,
Ben is cool with it, too. So...

Can I just get serious
with you for a second,

- as your best friend?
- Best friend?! Who dis?

Ben might say that he's okay with it,
but that doesn't mean that he is.

I mean, meeting friends
is pretty standard.

And if you're not willing to do

the basic stuff,
then this guy could bolt.

[Laughs] Bolting?
This guy's got three kids

dragging from his ankles.
He's not bolting anywhere.

- Are you serious?
- Something to think about.

- Very serious.
- Dead serious.

She said she didn't want to mix worlds.
Best friend?

More like "worst friend
of all time" friend.

Ben's not gonna break up with me

just because I want to keep
my worlds a little separate.

If Damon can leave someone like Kiki,

anything can happen.

Instructor: Good. One, two.

Bunny, Madison's mom
is here to pick you up!

Girl takes the longest peepees.

I am so happy we've finally been
able to schedule a playdate.

Seems like Bunny's been
in high demand lately.

She's on a good run.

Three trips to the aquarium
in one week...

That's got to be some kind of record.

Hi, Madison With the Brown Hair's mom.

No, I'm Madison With
the Blond Hair's mom.

Oh, good. I like her better.

Hey, you have an older son, right?

Yeah, Mike.

Maybe we can set something up
for Mike and Andy?

[Laughs]

Good one.

Can you imagine? Setting a
playdate for our teenagers?

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

Yeah, no, that would be insane.

That's something Madison
With the Brown Hair's mom

would suggest.

She's the worst.

I know. I was joking.

[Laughs]

[Door opens]

[Door closes]

- Hey, Dora.
- Yeah?

You know Andy's friend Jeff
moved away, right?

And that Andy's having
a tough time with it?

Nope. Okay, bye.

No, no, no. Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Sweetie.

Ever notice how most of us
hide our weirdness

and don't reveal our true selves

until after we've made friends?

Andy leads with his weird.

I mean, in a perfect world,

he'd be revered
for his emotional honesty,

but that's not the world we live in.

Yeah, no, I-I get what you're asking.

And, hey, you know, in a...
in a perfect world,

I would love to help Andy make
friends, but as you pointed out,

it's not perfect, so... bye.

- Whoa. No, no.
- Oh, look!

[Gasps] Your girlfriend's here.
You should talk to her instead of me.

[Sighs]

Hi, babe.

Why are you listening to those girls?

He is not gonna break up with you

if he doesn't meet your friends.

I want you to meet my friends.

- [Groans] Why am I even here?
- Shut up. Really?

Mixing worlds is fun.
It's normal. I can do it.

- Great. Let's set something up.
- Yeah.

- Tomorrow.
- Okay, even better.

Cool. Don't talk me out of it.

Okay.

[Sighs] Why didn't you
talk me out of it?

Oh, don't you dare.

[Sighs] What did I do?
Why did I invite Ben

- to meet my friends?
- Mary: That's what you get

when you listen
to your worst friend, Rebecca.

[Coughs] Whore.

And not your best friend, me.

There are so many ways

this mixing of worlds could go wrong.

What if my friends think
he's a boring suburban dad,

and then I start thinking
he's a boring suburban dad,

and then we break up?

Scenario is highly likely.

Wouldn't kill the guy
to jazz it up a bit.

What if they have nothing in common?

What if Ben thinks they're a
couple of millennial ding-dongs,

which makes him start
looking differently at me,

which then leads him
to breaking up with me?

Well, that's a pretty real possibility.

'Cause those two are 10 out
of 10 on the ding-dong scale.

It's official, then.

12 hours until I'm single again.

- Look, if you really like him...
- I really do.

All right, keep it in your pants.

Here's what we do.

We find a way these worlds
can mix without really mixing.

Yes. Exactly. How? That makes no sense.

Remember after your parents split?

Once a year, they'd take you out
for your birthday

and they'd somehow get through
the night without anyone

getting yelled at,
ticked off, or stabbed.

They only stabbed each other once.

- It was not at my birthday party.
- Exactly.

'Cause the restaurant we always went to

was too loud, too distracting,
and too damn wonderful

for anyone to even talk to each other.

Never mind stab each other.

My worlds can mix without mixing at all.

[Cheers and applause]

So...

Right this way.

This okay?

Oh, it's okay. We can move over.

No, no, no. Please, please,
please, do not move.

We don't want to inconvenience you.

You're our nation's greatest treasure.

You guys sit there.

Wait, um...

Over here?

Why... couldn't we do that?

I think it's gonna be a
little hard for us to talk.

Shh. Babe, look, he's chopping onions.

This is my favorite part.

Yeah, magical. [Chuckles]

So, Rebecca...

Hold up, here come the peppers.
These are my second favorite.

Fun, huh?

So, Ben, Alice says you're a contractor.

- What do you work on?
- Shrimp us!

Yeah!

Ben: Hey!

Oh. [Laughs]

That shrimp just hit me
in the face, Alice.

- Yay.
- Alice: Bravo.

I'm not gonna clap.

Wait. Do you guys not hear that?

It's the sound of a thousand
knives not being banged.

So we can talk now.

We have to take advantage.

Yeah, Ben, you either said

that you went to college
or that you liked collage.

FYI, I approve of both.

Well, interesting story.
Um, I actually applied...

[Overlapping names mumbled]

So glad you guys got to meet.
That was so fun. Bye!

Ben: Whoa.

Hold on. I mean,
did we really get to meet?

This is where I go when I don't
want to talk to my kids.

This is where I go when I don't
want to talk to my parents.

I just don't like this place.

Right? This place sucks.
Let's disperse and get out of here.

Do you ladies think that
someone was a little nervous

about me meeting her friends
and possibly, subconsciously,

picked a place that makes it impossible

for us to have any type
of human interaction?

No, I think maybe someone
just likes onion volcanoes.

That's exactly right, Ben.
This isn't the first time

Alice has tried to avoid
mixing her worlds,

but it is the first time a guy
has noticed, so I like you.

Ooh, the bar downstairs
has two-for-one drinks,

and you get to keep the Buddha cup.

I have 30.

Well, you're about to get
one to four more

depending upon how much
we all like our Buddha cups.

- Buddha cup!
- This is happening.

No.

[Zoe squeals]

[Groans]

Hi, Bunny.

We'll have her back after dinner.

- Whatever.
- Bye.

- Yep, bye.
- Andy: Jeff, you just moved there.

You'll meet people.

Me? Uh, I am taking this time
to get to know myself.

I think I'm a pretty cool guy.
Like, I see what you see in me.

[Laughs] All right, later, bro.

- [Cellphone beeps]
- Okay. I'm heading out.

Oh, okay, yeah. Have fun.

[Cellphone keys clicking]

Do you have plans tonight?

I do.

- Oh, great.
- Get ready for

a supportive handwritten letter, Jeff.

[Chuckles] Going old school.

And that's when I saw her,
and I knew right then and there,

I got to pretend to be a writer,

schedule a fake interview, and
somehow convince her to love me.

[Both laugh]

It was weird, but it worked.

- Aw.
- Oh.

- Mm.
- Cheers.

- Rebecca: Cheers.
- Cheers.

[Zoe whoops, giggles]

Mmm.

Rebecca: And then Alice tells the guy,

"You stay away from my friend,
you creepy-ass [bleep] knuckle."

[Laughter]

- He was a priest.
- Oh, great.

- It was a misunderstanding.
- Still, such a good friend.

And, uh, Bunny goes, "Alice is fun

- when she isn't breaking me."
- [Laughter]

[Laughs] Sorry.

I zoned out for five seconds.
What are we laughing at?

- Classic Zoe.
- Classic Zoe.

[Giggles, squeals]

[Mouths] I love them.

Well, I guess there was another way

this mixing of the worlds could go

that we didn't even predict.

They all love each other
and they all love you.

I do think the Japanese steakhouse
really loosened everyone up.

Gonna give myself some credit for that.

[Both laughing]

Oh...

We did it! We did it.
You met my friends...

at my suggestion,
no big deal, huge deal...

- [Sighs]
- ...and it went great.

Oh, my gosh, it really did.

- [Laughs]
- Thank you.

- Mmm.
- Mwah.

And why stop here?

This may be the thrown shrimp talking,

but I'm just gonna say it.

I want to meet your friends.

[Laughs] Okay, sweetie. We'll get there.

Right now, you're just high
on world-mixing and MSG.

No, I'm serious.

We're on a roll. Let it ride.

My friends are all dorky dads.
It won't be nearly as fun.

A lot of carpool talk and hemorrhoids.

I don't care.

I showed you mine, show me yours.

Not your hemorrhoids, your friends.

This did go great,

but just 'cause something goes great
doesn't mean you keep doing it.

You don't open
all your presents on Christmas.

You do, actually.

Am I not making myself clear?

I, Alice, want to meet your friends.

Do you not want them to meet me?

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- No, no.
- Hmm.

You want to meet 'em? [Scoffs]

Let's do it.

Uh, speaking of meet,
we'll have a barbecue.

It'll be like a-a meet-meat.

Okay. I'm excited.

[Laughing] Okay.
Don't try to talk me out of it.

Okay, bye.

Ben: See you at the barbecue!

[Door opens, closes]

That wasn't weird, right?

Weird? No. Sketchy and suspicious? Yeah.

And now that I'm sort of running
it back in my head, also weird.

All right, Ben was acting
so weird about this.

We got to figure out what's going on.

Alice: Let's not freak out about it.

I don't want to make such a big deal.
Maybe he was just nervous like I was.

Oh, Alice.

- So beautiful. So always wrong.
- Hi!

Hey, babe!

Everyone, this is Alice.

- Together: Hey, Alice.
- Hey, everyone.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Um, so...

This is my buddy Jonathan.

Nice to meet you, Alice.

You, too.

[Shrieks] Dad, grill fire!

Thank you. That's how
the meat gets cooked, Andy.

- No, this is different!
- I know you can handle it.

I know that I can't!

- So this is great, huh?
- Maybe you should help him.

- It's spreading like wildfire!
- Mm. He's fine.

- I'm fine.
- [Shouting frantically]

Okay. [Sighs]

Dad, help!

So, Jonathan, how do you know Ben?

Oh, we met at Lincoln Park High.

Oh, wow, you must be really close.

Well, we carpooled every day.

Wow. So, tell me a crazy story

about Ben from
his Lincoln Park High days.

Oh, one time he found asbestos
in the girls' locker room.

What was he doing
in the girls' locker room?

Looking for asbestos.

Oh, so you worked
at a high school together.

You didn't go to high
school together. Right.

Ah.

Still found that asbestos, though.

Mm. No one can take that away from you.

- I can't. No.
- Andy, just take it.

I'm always there for
Ben when he needs me.

For anything.

Aw.

Drainage, roofing,

sinks, Christmas lights.

I'm there.

[Chuckles]

I do a lot of foundation work with Ben.

Any chance we're talking about
a philanthropic foundation?

Poured concrete.

Gotcha.

And how do you know Ben?

Electrical.

Okay. No double meaning there. Just...

- Electrical.
- Electrical.

Cheers.

[Gasps] You're not meeting
Ben's best friends.

You're meeting Ben's
best subcontractors.

Why doesn't he want me
to meet his real friends?

What the hell is going on here?

Worst case... He's ashamed of you,

he's not as serious as we thought,

he's got another girlfriend,
and his real friends

are meeting her right now!

Okay, let's just ask him.

And maybe we don't always
have to start with worst case.

Andy: Carlos!

What's up?! Would you like a burger?

Gracias, amigo.

Hey, it's nice to relax
and have fun, right?

Fun is a luxury.

I have to work hard
to support my family.

Well, that's, uh... fun to know.

Dora: What are you doing?

Why are you hanging out
with Dad's lame co-workers?

Who, Carlos? He's not lame.
He made that bench.

Andy, these guys aren't
gonna be your real friends.

Okay, listen, if it was
a month ago and Jeff was here,

we'd be doing who knows what...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...who knows where.

Although, probably
the grillin' at this very party.

- Jeff loved grillin'.
- Okay. I can't believe I'm saying this,

but if I don't help you, no one will.

Put on something less dorky.

I'm bringing you
to my friend Megan's party.

Really?

Party!

Yes. Okay. Oh. Ooh. Ha.

Hey, should I... should I
box up some lemon squares?

- I just, I don't want to show up empty...
- Don't make me change my mind.

Okay.

- Lemon squares?
- Everything okay?

Yeah. Let the weirdness begin.

Hey, babe! There you are.

- Having fun at this par-tay?
- Oh, yeah, a blast.

Love meeting all your friends.
Your besties.

Hi. I don't think we've met yet.
I'm Alice.

Oh, uh, Ricky. Nice to meet you.

Tell me, Ricky, where'd you meet Ben?

- Well, actually, we...
- No, no. I got this.

- Let me guess, Ricky. Was it on a job?
- Oh, sure was.

Cool. What's your
favorite thing about Ben?

Uh, he hires me?

How many kids does Ben have?

- I don't know.
- How long have he and I been dating?

I thought you were his sister.

Ah.

Good, Ricky. Okay, well, please,

go enjoy this networking opportunity.

- Alice, um...
- I get it.

You don't want me to meet
your real friends.

Are you ashamed of me?

What are you talking about?

Why aren't our worlds mixing?

Because I don't have a world!

I have no friends.

I have no friends!

Friends I do not have!

I got married and lost
touch with old friends.

I got divorced and lost touch
with the new friends.

I'm down to three friends.

And you've met them.

My kids. Andy, Dora, and Bunny.

Three kids. He has three kids.

Too late, Ricky. Late like
you are to every damn job.

So you're right, Alice.

None of these people are my friends.

And you're all free to go.

Go!

Wow. I thought we were friends, Ben.

Great. I had one friend,
and I just pushed him away.

Why didn't you just tell me?

Because after seeing your friends

and how close you guys are
and how much fun you have,

I thought I'd seem like a loser.

A loser?

You...

Impossible.

You're an amazing dad,
you're a wonderful boyfriend,

you're an employer
who clearly inspires loyalty.

- I may have jeopardized that.
- They'll get over it.

You're irresistible.

So...

It doesn't scare you that,
outside of the kids,

you're all I have?

[Whispers] I love it.

If you have no friends,
that's one less world to mix.

I mean, I'm a master
at it now, but still.

- Right.
- Not my favorite thing.

- That's one way to look at it.
- It's the best way.

Tell me both your parents
are dead, and we're golden.

- One is.
- Hey, we're halfway there.

Sorry, that seems callous.

[Both chuckle]

- [Groans]
- Let's start fresh,

and we can build a world
of friends together.

We can start with mine as a base.

You know all I'm offering
is Andy, Dora, and Bunny.

And eventually an ex-wife.

Andy, Dora, and Bunny are plenty.

Oh, Alice. You're Frenching, but inside,

you're thinking, "Ex-wife?! Ex-wife?!"

Oh, now, I can't wait to
meet the ex-wife.

[Laughs]

No, no. I got this.

No, Andy, you know I appreciate that,
but placemats

- are kind of my thing.
- I want to.

So where am I going tonight?

You aren't going anywhere.

We miss you. You're staying right here.

Huh. Weird.

But fun to try.

[Laughs]

Andy: I'm staying home tonight, too.

I'm worn out from all my socializing.

- I brought you to one party.
- And it was epic.

You're so wild. Jeff would be proud.

They had a karaoke machine, and
did I sing every Cher song?

No. Because they didn't have them all.

Tou-Cher.

Was it a disaster?

Actually, no. I mean,
it started kind of weird,

but after everyone Googled Cher,
they loved him.

[Laughs]

And you thought I should throw away

my America's greatest divas CD.

Still do.

- Maybe keep it as a coaster.
- Okay.

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