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1
00:00:04,183 --> 00:00:06,681
Which of these shapes
is a parallelogram?
2
00:00:06,683 --> 00:00:08,583
- That one.
- Nope.
3
00:00:08,584 --> 00:00:10,417
Can you take your shades
off please?
4
00:00:10,419 --> 00:00:12,386
Yeah, if you take
your top off.
5
00:00:12,388 --> 00:00:14,755
I'm not taking my top off.
Take off your sunglasses.
6
00:00:14,757 --> 00:00:16,423
Doesn't seem fair, but...
7
00:00:16,425 --> 00:00:17,573
Frickin' crazy.
8
00:00:17,575 --> 00:00:19,542
Which of these women
is Harriet tubman?
9
00:00:19,543 --> 00:00:20,929
[mumbles]
10
00:00:20,930 --> 00:00:22,813
- The what one?
- The sexy one?
11
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:24,998
I don't... which one
is sexy to you?
12
00:00:26,969 --> 00:00:30,628
Nope, that's Nancy Reagan.
First lady.
13
00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:33,173
- First lady of what?
- America.
14
00:00:33,175 --> 00:00:35,109
Speaking of geography,
15
00:00:35,518 --> 00:00:38,361
which of these...
- Is not a total waste of time? Neither one of them.
16
00:00:38,385 --> 00:00:41,348
Let's get some beers
up in here's... Joy!
17
00:00:41,350 --> 00:00:43,650
Joy!
18
00:00:43,652 --> 00:00:44,785
Hey, Gene?
19
00:00:44,787 --> 00:00:46,087
- Gene.
- Hmm?
20
00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:49,056
If you don't learn,
you don't pass your GED.
21
00:00:49,058 --> 00:00:51,492
You don't pass your GED,
you go to prison.
22
00:00:51,494 --> 00:00:54,061
Know what happens to girls
like you in prison?
23
00:00:54,063 --> 00:00:56,396
Yeah, I get along with everyone
and have a super cool time,
24
00:00:56,399 --> 00:00:57,726
and then I get
corn-rowed-haired.
25
00:00:57,728 --> 00:00:59,299
Nope, you get your teeth
knocked out
26
00:00:59,301 --> 00:01:01,101
with a shower handle
and they use your mouth
27
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:03,337
as a tampon depository.
28
00:01:03,339 --> 00:01:04,630
Soup's on.
29
00:01:05,141 --> 00:01:08,142
Now which of these countries
is Botswana?
30
00:01:08,411 --> 00:01:09,807
Sorry about that.
31
00:01:10,323 --> 00:01:12,079
- Okay. It's fine.
- Which... which one is what?
32
00:01:12,081 --> 00:01:14,679
Which one of these... they're
both a country...
33
00:01:14,681 --> 00:01:16,404
- Oh, yeah?
- Which one is Botswana?
34
00:01:16,406 --> 00:01:19,703
- In Africa.
- I think like maybe like that one's Botswana?
35
00:01:20,923 --> 00:01:22,604
Okay. All right.
I'll get it.
36
00:01:22,690 --> 00:01:24,222
- Oh, no, no, I got it.
- It's expensive card stock.
37
00:01:24,224 --> 00:01:25,511
I got it.
I'll pick it up.
38
00:01:25,513 --> 00:01:26,879
Don't.
Don't!
39
00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,114
- It's mine!
- Don't touch it.
40
00:01:28,116 --> 00:01:29,496
Don't kick it with
your dirty sneakers.
41
00:01:29,498 --> 00:01:30,664
Do they play soccer
in Botswana?
42
00:01:30,666 --> 00:01:31,680
Don't!
Give it!
43
00:01:31,682 --> 00:01:33,600
Don't you... don't!
44
00:01:33,602 --> 00:01:37,237
You're eating Malaysia.
45
00:01:37,239 --> 00:01:38,772
Tastes like Thailand.
46
00:01:38,773 --> 00:01:40,640
We're too gangsta for TV
47
00:01:40,641 --> 00:01:42,641
That's why you don't see us
48
00:01:42,642 --> 00:01:44,519
But they still wanna be us
49
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,854
Ha ha!
50
00:01:51,821 --> 00:01:53,687
I wonder if anyone's
ever died
51
00:01:53,689 --> 00:01:55,322
dying these tennis balls
their classic
52
00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:57,124
neon green color.
53
00:01:57,126 --> 00:01:58,859
That's how I wanna go,
you know?
54
00:01:58,861 --> 00:02:00,761
Like, doing something
hella weird
55
00:02:00,763 --> 00:02:02,729
slash sports related.
56
00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:04,364
I want to go
in a fire tragedy.
57
00:02:04,366 --> 00:02:07,501
Speaking of, I need
your help.
58
00:02:07,503 --> 00:02:08,702
We need to get Billie fired.
59
00:02:08,704 --> 00:02:10,704
No! Why?
I mean, why, and...
60
00:02:10,706 --> 00:02:11,905
What?
61
00:02:11,907 --> 00:02:14,174
But, I thought you liked her.
62
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:17,077
No, she's like,
freakin' lame.
63
00:02:17,079 --> 00:02:19,546
With, like, a capital "f"
and a lowercase "I,"
64
00:02:19,548 --> 00:02:20,681
'cause you only capitalize,
like,
65
00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:22,249
the first letter
of the sentence.
66
00:02:22,251 --> 00:02:23,250
Damn it!
67
00:02:23,252 --> 00:02:24,618
You do?
68
00:02:24,620 --> 00:02:26,687
Yeah, it's a thing.
Why do I know that?
69
00:02:26,689 --> 00:02:28,088
I mean, I'm impressed.
70
00:02:28,090 --> 00:02:29,690
I mean, it seems like
she's taught you
71
00:02:29,692 --> 00:02:31,124
some really cool things.
72
00:02:31,127 --> 00:02:34,228
Yeah, it's, like, the worst.
73
00:02:34,230 --> 00:02:35,896
What if you just, you know,
74
00:02:35,898 --> 00:02:37,798
kept her around in case
she has a crush
75
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,533
on one of your friends?
76
00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:41,268
Mm... I don't have
any friends.
77
00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:43,176
I thought I was your friend.
78
00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:47,660
[laughter]
79
00:02:47,661 --> 00:02:48,667
[knock at door]
80
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,379
- Gene?
- Don't come in, we're naked!
81
00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:53,580
No you're not, you're both
wearing terrible clothes.
82
00:02:53,582 --> 00:02:55,415
Maybe that's just what
our bare skin looks like.
83
00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:58,685
Oh, hi Billie.
I didn't see you there.
84
00:02:58,687 --> 00:03:00,120
Hello, Chet.
85
00:03:00,122 --> 00:03:02,089
She knows I'm here.
I can't stand it.
86
00:03:02,091 --> 00:03:03,724
I can hear you.
[clears throat]
87
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:06,093
Uh, Gene, did you start
your book report?
88
00:03:06,095 --> 00:03:08,028
Yeah.
Done.
89
00:03:08,030 --> 00:03:10,230
Capital "d."
Lowercase "one."
90
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:11,932
Damn it!
91
00:03:11,934 --> 00:03:14,034
You read a whole book
and already wrote your report?
92
00:03:14,036 --> 00:03:17,137
Yeah.
I read "The Grapes Gatsby."
93
00:03:17,139 --> 00:03:18,472
Do you mean
"The Great Gatsby?"
94
00:03:18,474 --> 00:03:19,840
Mm-hmm.
95
00:03:19,842 --> 00:03:21,508
Okay.
Well, what's it about?
96
00:03:21,509 --> 00:03:23,509
[groans]
97
00:03:24,647 --> 00:03:26,647
- It's about rich people.
- Uh-huh.
98
00:03:26,649 --> 00:03:28,115
- Who are in love.
- Mm-hmm.
99
00:03:28,117 --> 00:03:29,883
And it's directed
by Baz Luhrmann.
100
00:03:29,885 --> 00:03:32,686
- It's directed by?
- It's written by Baz Luhrmann.
101
00:03:32,688 --> 00:03:36,117
- Okay.
- And the music for the book was done by Jay Z,
102
00:03:36,692 --> 00:03:38,158
and it stars Leo Dicaps,
103
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,826
old Spider-man,
and Borat's wife.
104
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:40,994
Okay, so you watched
the movie.
105
00:03:40,996 --> 00:03:42,262
You didn't read the book.
106
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:43,530
They made a movie
out of that?
107
00:03:43,532 --> 00:03:44,865
Come on.
We'll start over.
108
00:03:44,867 --> 00:03:46,167
We'll pick a new book.
Come on.
109
00:03:46,169 --> 00:03:48,268
And what's gonna happen
if I don't?
110
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,103
Uh, major consequences.
111
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:51,699
- Major consequences.
- Yeah.
112
00:03:51,701 --> 00:03:53,807
That sounds like a Disney
movie about the army.
113
00:03:53,809 --> 00:03:56,562
"Major consequences,"
starring Zack and Cody!
114
00:03:56,563 --> 00:03:57,782
[laughs]
115
00:03:57,783 --> 00:03:59,445
- They would be in it!
- They would.
116
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:01,815
- Totally they would star in it!
- Yeah!
117
00:04:01,817 --> 00:04:03,984
Hey, Chet, do you want
to go to my guesthouse
118
00:04:03,986 --> 00:04:06,753
where all my underwear is
and pick a new book?
119
00:04:06,755 --> 00:04:08,955
Yes, yes,
a thousand times, yes.
120
00:04:08,958 --> 00:04:10,490
Great.
121
00:04:10,492 --> 00:04:12,626
Guess your plans have changed.
122
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:16,659
123
00:04:17,112 --> 00:04:18,932
Oh, yes, "Fear and Loathing
in Las Vegas."
124
00:04:18,934 --> 00:04:20,901
You'd love this.
It's all about drugs.
125
00:04:20,903 --> 00:04:22,369
And there are bats in it.
Really cool...
126
00:04:22,371 --> 00:04:23,937
well they're my favorite
night creature, so...
127
00:04:23,939 --> 00:04:25,138
Ooh, Gene, you might like
"Of Mice and Men."
128
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:26,173
It's all about guys...
129
00:04:26,175 --> 00:04:27,307
I'm already sold.
130
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:28,842
Mice are my favorite
day creature.
131
00:04:28,844 --> 00:04:31,278
Okay, so, we're off
to a good start.
132
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:33,553
- I feel it too.
- What?
133
00:04:35,017 --> 00:04:38,151
Okay, let's just get
one more for safety.
134
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:41,321
Um, "The Adventures of
Huckleberry Finn."
135
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,323
It's a classic, and you
love adventure.
136
00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:45,125
And huckleberry's my jam.
137
00:04:45,127 --> 00:04:46,393
I put it on everything.
138
00:04:46,395 --> 00:04:48,544
English muffins.
Croissants.
139
00:04:48,546 --> 00:04:51,631
So we have three
awesome options.
140
00:04:51,634 --> 00:04:53,700
Guess they are kinda
three awesome options.
141
00:04:53,702 --> 00:04:56,536
Probably start these never.
142
00:04:56,538 --> 00:04:59,206
I sincerely thought
she was gonna say "now."
143
00:04:59,208 --> 00:05:02,275
Look, I'm spending
the day with Chet.
144
00:05:02,277 --> 00:05:03,744
That's what I'm doing.
145
00:05:03,746 --> 00:05:06,079
And nobody's gonna
change that, okay?
146
00:05:06,081 --> 00:05:09,216
Sorry.
Is what it 'tis.
147
00:05:09,218 --> 00:05:12,386
- Chet, leave.
- Okay. - What?
148
00:05:12,388 --> 00:05:14,321
[dramatic music]
149
00:05:15,958 --> 00:05:18,992
I hate you, you're the worst,
just die!
150
00:05:18,994 --> 00:05:21,728
You're still inside.
151
00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:23,263
Die!
152
00:05:23,265 --> 00:05:25,132
[dramatic music]
153
00:05:27,992 --> 00:05:29,084
[clears throat]
154
00:05:29,805 --> 00:05:30,837
Mr. Russell?
155
00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:33,173
- Huh?
- Can I talk to you for a minute?
156
00:05:33,175 --> 00:05:35,729
Yeah, sure thing, Bill.
Hey, do you know where my balls went?
157
00:05:35,778 --> 00:05:40,147
I don't, uh, even know
how to answer that.
158
00:05:40,149 --> 00:05:42,482
Uh, it's about Gene.
159
00:05:42,484 --> 00:05:45,485
I... I'm having a hard time
getting her to do her work
160
00:05:45,487 --> 00:05:46,820
or not hate me.
161
00:05:46,822 --> 00:05:48,188
Oh, well, you know,
she just takes
162
00:05:48,190 --> 00:05:49,222
some time warming up.
163
00:05:49,225 --> 00:05:50,724
You have to ease her into it.
164
00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:52,893
It's like, uh... I should be
able to think of
165
00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:55,462
a better example...
166
00:05:55,464 --> 00:05:58,432
Can't.
It's like date rape.
167
00:05:58,434 --> 00:06:00,801
- Date... date rape?
- Yeah. Date rape.
168
00:06:00,803 --> 00:06:03,670
- Uh... I don't know...
- You can't force her into doing something,
169
00:06:03,672 --> 00:06:06,206
you have to take her out,
make her feel good.
170
00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:08,275
Well, then at the end
of the night, well,
171
00:06:08,277 --> 00:06:11,964
you get what I'm saying. Look,
I'm... I'm late for my... late for my match.
172
00:06:12,648 --> 00:06:13,747
Hope I was helpful.
173
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,982
- Not at all.
- Hey, Joy!
174
00:06:15,985 --> 00:06:17,751
Have you seen my balls?
175
00:06:23,325 --> 00:06:25,792
Bunch of rich weirdoes.
176
00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:27,793
[knock on door]
177
00:06:34,003 --> 00:06:35,569
"This is Gene writing.
178
00:06:35,571 --> 00:06:37,771
"Meet me by the pool.
Let's talk books.
179
00:06:37,773 --> 00:06:41,641
"P.S. Ran out of
note paper."
180
00:06:41,644 --> 00:06:43,610
Bunch of rich weirdoes.
181
00:06:51,387 --> 00:06:53,286
Gene?
182
00:06:54,490 --> 00:06:56,189
Gene?
183
00:07:00,143 --> 00:07:01,143
[screams]
184
00:07:01,697 --> 00:07:03,530
Ha, you thought I was gonna
push you in the pool.
185
00:07:03,532 --> 00:07:04,998
- Push me in the pool?
- What?
186
00:07:05,087 --> 00:07:06,578
[both scream]
187
00:07:08,871 --> 00:07:10,971
You got my cast wet!
188
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:12,239
I don't know how to swim!
Here, I'll help you.
189
00:07:12,241 --> 00:07:13,340
I'll help you.
I got you.
190
00:07:13,342 --> 00:07:15,709
Ow, no, no!
No, no, no!
191
00:07:15,711 --> 00:07:17,611
[laughs]
I'm not making a funny joke!
192
00:07:17,613 --> 00:07:19,646
- Get off of me!
- I can't.
193
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:21,314
You're weighing me down, man.
194
00:07:21,317 --> 00:07:22,949
I need you.
[groans]
195
00:07:22,951 --> 00:07:25,385
Why are you so much heavier
than you are on land?
196
00:07:25,387 --> 00:07:27,621
- Wake up! Wake up!
- Okay?
197
00:07:27,623 --> 00:07:29,222
I can't die!
What's wrong with you?
198
00:07:29,224 --> 00:07:31,091
I can't die, I've never
been to France.
199
00:07:31,093 --> 00:07:33,160
- You're my sea pony.
- I am not your sea pony.
200
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:34,795
- Giddy-up!
- Ahh!
201
00:07:34,797 --> 00:07:35,896
Dinner!
202
00:07:35,898 --> 00:07:37,164
Give it a rest, Joy.
203
00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:38,665
Everyone knows
your accent is fake.
204
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,034
[laughs]
That is true.
205
00:07:41,036 --> 00:07:42,803
Help us!
Don't go chasing waterfalls.
206
00:07:42,805 --> 00:07:44,438
No, no, no, no, no!
207
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:45,505
No, no!
208
00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,506
[laughs]
209
00:07:53,023 --> 00:07:55,657
Tanzy, what is this link
you just sent me?
210
00:07:55,659 --> 00:07:58,092
It's all the buzzfeed quizzes.
211
00:07:58,094 --> 00:08:00,395
I'm finding out what kind
of bird I would kill
212
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:02,163
if I was a jaguar.
213
00:08:02,165 --> 00:08:03,662
Oh, yeah.
214
00:08:03,664 --> 00:08:06,153
- You look ridiculous.
- Get a mirror.
215
00:08:06,155 --> 00:08:07,259
Why?
216
00:08:07,267 --> 00:08:09,368
Obviously I'm indicating
that you look the same.
217
00:08:09,382 --> 00:08:10,439
Oh, indicating.
218
00:08:10,441 --> 00:08:12,908
Why don't you take your five-dollar
words and live off of that
219
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,543
instead of living off
my dad's money.
220
00:08:14,545 --> 00:08:17,085
Brring, brring!
Hold on, I have to take this.
221
00:08:17,087 --> 00:08:18,136
- What?
- Hello?
222
00:08:18,138 --> 00:08:21,864
Oh, it's the ironic operator
from... Irony... Town.
223
00:08:22,274 --> 00:08:24,786
That's not a real phone.
Or a town.
224
00:08:24,788 --> 00:08:27,889
Ha, it says Rip Torn
would play me
225
00:08:27,891 --> 00:08:29,146
in a movie about my life.
226
00:08:29,148 --> 00:08:31,545
Ooh, I got Kate Blanket.
227
00:08:31,547 --> 00:08:33,464
Oh.
228
00:08:34,350 --> 00:08:36,145
- Oh, Mr. Russell?
- Hmm?
229
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,233
I'm sorry to bother you,
but I think that
230
00:08:38,235 --> 00:08:40,402
if I'm gonna get Gene
to listen to me,
231
00:08:40,404 --> 00:08:42,504
we should lay down
some ground rules.
232
00:08:42,506 --> 00:08:44,638
- What are you doing?
- Also, I'm sorry I'm wet.
233
00:08:44,908 --> 00:08:46,675
Gene, what do you have
to say about that?
234
00:08:46,677 --> 00:08:48,810
I think it's disgusting
that she's telling everyone
235
00:08:48,812 --> 00:08:50,445
that she's sexually aroused
at the table.
236
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,614
- I'm not sexually aroused.
- It's okay.
237
00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:55,030
It happens, just don't
tell everybody about it
238
00:08:55,032 --> 00:08:56,251
over a nice pasta salad.
239
00:08:56,253 --> 00:08:58,754
How the heck am I Chandler?
240
00:08:58,756 --> 00:08:59,799
I don't know.
241
00:08:59,801 --> 00:09:01,056
You know what
I just realized?
242
00:09:01,197 --> 00:09:03,283
- I don't say this lightly.
- Hm.
243
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,694
I really don't like you.
244
00:09:05,891 --> 00:09:08,658
Hey.
Get a mirror.
245
00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:10,427
It doesn't work
in this instance
246
00:09:10,429 --> 00:09:12,221
because that would mean
I don't like myself.
247
00:09:12,235 --> 00:09:13,468
And it's okay that you don't.
248
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,217
Everyone agrees
that you shouldn't.
249
00:09:15,219 --> 00:09:18,173
Yeah, right, who?
Everyone likes me.
250
00:09:18,175 --> 00:09:19,908
Who doesn't like me?
251
00:09:19,910 --> 00:09:21,509
Easy-skeezy,
right off the bat.
252
00:09:21,511 --> 00:09:23,483
- There's me.
- Good. - There's your parents.
253
00:09:23,485 --> 00:09:25,608
Who names their kid that they
like after Billy Crystal?
254
00:09:25,639 --> 00:09:28,426
I was not named
after Billy Crystal.
255
00:09:28,430 --> 00:09:31,692
But even if I was,
joke's all over you, babe,
256
00:09:31,887 --> 00:09:34,389
because "Forget Paris" is one
of my favorite movies.
257
00:09:34,391 --> 00:09:36,491
I thought your favorite movie
was "Pretty Woman"
258
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,860
because you love the opera
and you're a whore for money.
259
00:09:38,862 --> 00:09:41,062
Well then your favorite movie
must be "Waterworld"
260
00:09:41,064 --> 00:09:43,303
because it was expensive
and terrible.
261
00:09:43,305 --> 00:09:44,318
Like you.
262
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,196
Ha, look at that.
263
00:09:46,376 --> 00:09:50,371
The quality I most admire
in a woman is earrings.
264
00:09:50,374 --> 00:09:51,788
Mm-hmm.
265
00:09:51,790 --> 00:09:54,724
I thought your favorite movie
was "Splash" because
266
00:09:54,726 --> 00:09:56,148
splash!
267
00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:57,178
Ha-ha.
268
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,480
I'm already wet, idiot.
269
00:09:58,481 --> 00:10:00,126
[mocking gibberish]
270
00:10:00,127 --> 00:10:02,252
- Is that supposed to be me?
- Yeah, this is also you.
271
00:10:02,254 --> 00:10:05,307
"Please, sir, do you have
any change?
272
00:10:05,309 --> 00:10:07,283
"I'm so very poor."
273
00:10:07,285 --> 00:10:08,869
Mm-hmm.
[wails]
274
00:10:10,293 --> 00:10:12,694
Am I a ghost?
No, it's cold outside.
275
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:13,695
Temperature-wise.
276
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,731
Well, at least my daddy
doesn't have to pay people
277
00:10:16,733 --> 00:10:18,272
to hang out with me.
278
00:10:24,769 --> 00:10:28,343
Hmm, my ginger soul mate is
279
00:10:28,345 --> 00:10:30,254
Ed Sheeran.
280
00:10:30,256 --> 00:10:31,422
Huh.
281
00:10:31,424 --> 00:10:32,856
Where's Gene?
282
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,168
I'm not Gene.
283
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,339
Oh, yeah.
284
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:40,939
Do you know who I am?
285
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,208
You're Billy Crystal.
286
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,610
Billy Crystal.
Funny.
287
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:47,912
Yeah, remember that movie
where we saw
288
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:53,384
where he was in that
movie with the woman?
289
00:10:53,387 --> 00:10:54,247
I saw that.
290
00:10:54,249 --> 00:10:56,778
[insects chirping]
291
00:11:04,735 --> 00:11:06,235
Gene?
292
00:11:08,039 --> 00:11:09,616
Gene?
293
00:11:10,074 --> 00:11:13,642
Um, I brought you a beer
and some ice cream.
294
00:11:13,644 --> 00:11:14,977
I know you usually mix it,
I couldn't quite
295
00:11:14,979 --> 00:11:17,917
bring myself to do it, but...
296
00:11:18,883 --> 00:11:20,549
A... are you there?
297
00:11:21,953 --> 00:11:24,787
Anyway, I just wanted
to apologize for earlier
298
00:11:24,789 --> 00:11:27,456
at dinner, and, uh...
299
00:11:27,458 --> 00:11:28,657
That's it, really.
300
00:11:28,659 --> 00:11:30,174
I'm not very good at this.
301
00:11:30,748 --> 00:11:34,596
So, I'll just leave this here
in case you're still awake.
302
00:11:37,835 --> 00:11:39,599
Can you hear me?
303
00:11:40,171 --> 00:11:41,171
Gene?
304
00:11:43,225 --> 00:11:46,359
All right, well,
see you tomorrow.
305
00:11:47,459 --> 00:11:48,825
No, you won't,
306
00:11:48,827 --> 00:11:50,994
'cause tomorrow...
307
00:11:50,996 --> 00:11:52,996
I'm gonna Kill Bill.
308
00:11:56,236 --> 00:11:57,821
What'd you say?
309
00:11:59,557 --> 00:12:01,690
I heard you say my name.
What'd you say?
310
00:12:04,328 --> 00:12:06,061
Honk-shoo, honk-shoo...
[pretend snore sounds]
311
00:12:06,063 --> 00:12:07,583
are you just going
"honk-shoo" like you're snoring?
312
00:12:07,585 --> 00:12:09,145
At the door?
313
00:12:09,888 --> 00:12:11,317
Go away!
314
00:12:11,466 --> 00:12:14,716
Everyone's got their own kinda power
315
00:12:14,841 --> 00:12:18,629
Everyone's power is cool and unique
316
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:19,952
[dramatic music]
317
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:27,271
What the f...
318
00:12:27,273 --> 00:12:29,873
"All dicks welcome here,"
that's not true.
319
00:12:30,039 --> 00:12:32,206
So many bras...
320
00:12:32,208 --> 00:12:34,169
And they're not mine.
321
00:12:35,177 --> 00:12:37,614
Where would you even...
Put it?
322
00:12:37,616 --> 00:12:39,079
Hey, Billie,
I read my assignments,
323
00:12:39,081 --> 00:12:40,447
and the Bible.
324
00:12:40,449 --> 00:12:42,349
Oh, my gosh.
325
00:12:42,351 --> 00:12:43,851
You did this.
326
00:12:43,853 --> 00:12:46,120
I really hope
my dad slash your employer
327
00:12:46,122 --> 00:12:48,322
doesn't come in and see this.
328
00:12:48,324 --> 00:12:49,890
Dad!
Dad, come now!
329
00:12:49,892 --> 00:12:51,191
All right, what?
Gene, I got a conference call
330
00:12:51,193 --> 00:12:52,726
with a chocolate company.
331
00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:56,063
Don't look up
from your phone... oh, dang it.
332
00:12:56,065 --> 00:12:58,832
Oh, you're probably gonna want
to fire her now.
333
00:12:58,834 --> 00:13:00,634
This bites the big one.
334
00:13:00,636 --> 00:13:02,703
Pack your stuff?
335
00:13:02,705 --> 00:13:05,105
Mr. Russell, I...
336
00:13:05,107 --> 00:13:08,248
- This is not my stuff.
- Hmm.
337
00:13:08,250 --> 00:13:09,476
Although I do actually
338
00:13:09,478 --> 00:13:10,744
greatly enjoy that movie.
339
00:13:10,746 --> 00:13:11,912
"American History X"?
It's...
340
00:13:11,914 --> 00:13:13,718
- You like it?
- I love it.
341
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:15,315
- Me, too!
- Edward Norton?
342
00:13:15,318 --> 00:13:17,117
With those arms?
Hold me.
343
00:13:17,119 --> 00:13:19,153
How 'bout Edward Norton
with that semi-chub.
344
00:13:19,355 --> 00:13:21,288
Are you kidding me?
When he's getting arrested?
345
00:13:21,290 --> 00:13:22,456
Is that what that is?
346
00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:23,790
Yeah, what did you think
it was?
347
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:24,958
Like, a shorts bubble.
348
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,360
I'm sorry, what's going on?
349
00:13:26,362 --> 00:13:27,961
Oh, this is just all
Billie's stuff,
350
00:13:27,963 --> 00:13:29,096
so you probably want
to fire her.
351
00:13:29,098 --> 00:13:30,197
Pack your stuff.
352
00:13:30,199 --> 00:13:32,666
Gene clearly staged all of this
353
00:13:32,668 --> 00:13:34,512
to get me fired.
- Mm-hmm.
354
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:35,699
Why would I wanna
get you fired?
355
00:13:35,701 --> 00:13:39,139
'Cause I don't want to watch
"Garbage Men With Penises part VI"?
356
00:13:39,141 --> 00:13:41,008
[hums]
How do you know the very specific,
357
00:13:41,010 --> 00:13:42,909
very bad title of this porno?
358
00:13:42,912 --> 00:13:45,345
Because it's one of the
best... I don't know.
359
00:13:45,347 --> 00:13:46,713
- You own it!
- No!
360
00:13:46,715 --> 00:13:48,649
You were like, "here I am
in the porn shop."
361
00:13:48,651 --> 00:13:51,229
"Garbage Men With Penises,
part VI"!
362
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:54,054
I've never been to a porn
sho... what did you call it?
363
00:13:54,056 --> 00:13:55,389
- A shop?
- Mr. Russell.
364
00:13:55,391 --> 00:13:57,157
- A porn shop?
- Mr. Russell, I...
365
00:13:57,159 --> 00:13:58,425
No, don't listen to what
she's about to say, dad.
366
00:13:58,427 --> 00:13:59,693
She's a coke-head.
367
00:13:59,695 --> 00:14:01,028
Look at her, racing to it!
368
00:14:01,030 --> 00:14:02,462
Like a regular Tim Allen.
369
00:14:02,464 --> 00:14:04,197
- This is flour.
- Sure, Billie.
370
00:14:04,199 --> 00:14:06,967
The room is filled with
flowers, man!
371
00:14:06,969 --> 00:14:08,468
[whispers] LSD!
372
00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:10,137
You're covering the wrong
side of your mouth.
373
00:14:10,139 --> 00:14:12,306
She's on LSD, dad!
374
00:14:12,308 --> 00:14:14,341
Gene, this is very, very
creative stuff.
375
00:14:14,343 --> 00:14:16,443
Really, it is, but as I said,
376
00:14:16,445 --> 00:14:19,680
I have a call,
and the chocolate people wait
377
00:14:19,682 --> 00:14:21,381
for no man.
378
00:14:21,383 --> 00:14:23,350
Excuse me.
379
00:14:23,352 --> 00:14:24,584
Mr. Russell.
380
00:14:24,587 --> 00:14:25,622
- Mr. Russell.
- Huh?
381
00:14:25,624 --> 00:14:28,317
Hi. Is that all you're
gonna say about that?
382
00:14:28,490 --> 00:14:29,990
It's just Gene, all right?
383
00:14:29,992 --> 00:14:31,768
She's like a... oh, what's
a good analogy?
384
00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:33,994
She's like Y2K,
385
00:14:33,996 --> 00:14:36,496
which everybody thought was
gonna be this huge disaster,
386
00:14:36,498 --> 00:14:37,998
then nothing happened.
387
00:14:38,187 --> 00:14:39,411
- That's terrible.
- Yeah.
388
00:14:39,413 --> 00:14:40,368
[chuckles]
389
00:14:40,369 --> 00:14:42,102
Still have a garage
full of soup.
390
00:14:42,104 --> 00:14:43,470
No, I mean, don't you
think there should be some
391
00:14:43,472 --> 00:14:45,539
consequences or guidance
392
00:14:45,541 --> 00:14:48,142
from you?
- Don't listen to her, dad.
393
00:14:48,144 --> 00:14:49,827
She's a sex addict
who loves trash dicks.
394
00:14:49,829 --> 00:14:54,448
I don't love trash
di... I have normal urges.
395
00:14:54,449 --> 00:14:55,502
Look.
396
00:14:55,504 --> 00:14:57,417
Gene respects you,
and I don't think that
397
00:14:57,419 --> 00:14:58,919
that applies to many people.
398
00:14:58,921 --> 00:15:00,587
I think she would stop
if you'd just
399
00:15:00,589 --> 00:15:02,422
lay down the law a little.
400
00:15:02,424 --> 00:15:04,124
I knew there was a reason
I hired you.
401
00:15:04,699 --> 00:15:05,626
You're smart.
402
00:15:05,628 --> 00:15:06,827
- Thank you.
- Come on, let's go.
403
00:15:06,829 --> 00:15:09,329
Now? No, I thought you had
a chocolate emergency.
404
00:15:09,331 --> 00:15:10,640
It's my daughter.
What's wrong with you?
405
00:15:10,642 --> 00:15:11,916
Oh, yes.
406
00:15:13,836 --> 00:15:15,035
- Yeah.
- I'm... I'm coming.
407
00:15:15,037 --> 00:15:16,336
- Okay.
- All right.
408
00:15:16,338 --> 00:15:18,038
Oh, gross, but also natural?
409
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,173
Gene, your dad would like
to talk to you.
410
00:15:20,175 --> 00:15:21,036
Yeah.
411
00:15:21,038 --> 00:15:22,536
Cool, cool, cool,
is it to tell me
412
00:15:22,538 --> 00:15:24,044
that uh... He fired you?
413
00:15:24,046 --> 00:15:24,739
Pack your stuff?
414
00:15:24,741 --> 00:15:27,684
All right, Gene, I, um...
415
00:15:29,017 --> 00:15:31,751
- Need to talk to you.
- Need to talk to...
416
00:15:32,029 --> 00:15:33,320
- You.
- You.
417
00:15:33,322 --> 00:15:36,723
What you did was...
418
00:15:38,394 --> 00:15:41,041
Bad.
And...
419
00:15:41,630 --> 00:15:42,796
Get out of the house.
420
00:15:42,798 --> 00:15:44,064
No, she's on
house arrest, so...
421
00:15:44,066 --> 00:15:45,465
- Huh?
- She has to stay here. (Clean the room.)
422
00:15:45,467 --> 00:15:47,734
Clean the room!
423
00:15:47,736 --> 00:15:49,035
(Do the book report.)
424
00:15:49,037 --> 00:15:50,504
And report a book.
425
00:15:50,506 --> 00:15:52,607
- That's good. That's close enough.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
426
00:15:52,638 --> 00:15:54,875
- I would love to.
- Mm-hmm.
427
00:15:54,877 --> 00:15:57,444
But I don't want to.
428
00:15:57,446 --> 00:15:58,391
Okay, well, that's solved.
429
00:15:58,393 --> 00:16:00,080
No, no, no.
Not gonna want to, remember?
430
00:16:00,082 --> 00:16:01,515
- Oh, yeah.
- But she has to.
431
00:16:01,517 --> 00:16:02,507
- Yeah.
- Yes.
432
00:16:02,509 --> 00:16:04,257
Oh, right, right.
Makes sense to me now.
433
00:16:04,259 --> 00:16:05,230
Yeah, yes. Here we go.
Okay.
434
00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:07,499
Gene.
[mumbles]
435
00:16:08,257 --> 00:16:09,823
You have to.
436
00:16:09,825 --> 00:16:11,063
No.
437
00:16:11,065 --> 00:16:12,898
- More stern.
- More stern. Okay.
438
00:16:12,995 --> 00:16:14,909
- You have to!
- Oh, my God!
439
00:16:14,911 --> 00:16:16,518
- What are you doing?
- I wasn't gonna hit her!
440
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:19,266
I just... I was just threatening
her, a little bit.
441
00:16:19,268 --> 00:16:22,131
- Just use your voice.
- Okay. All right.
442
00:16:23,338 --> 00:16:25,005
Gene,
443
00:16:25,007 --> 00:16:26,940
I want you to clean
this room right now,
444
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:28,742
and after that, I want you
to do your book report,
445
00:16:28,744 --> 00:16:30,977
and from here on out,
446
00:16:30,979 --> 00:16:32,812
you will listen to what...
447
00:16:32,815 --> 00:16:35,782
- Billie.
- Billie tells you to do
448
00:16:35,784 --> 00:16:39,558
or I will be very, very
disappointed
449
00:16:40,191 --> 00:16:41,292
in you.
450
00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:44,836
Fine.
451
00:16:47,329 --> 00:16:48,862
- That was great.
- That was really good.
452
00:16:48,864 --> 00:16:50,378
- That was so great!
- You did so good.
453
00:16:50,380 --> 00:16:52,365
My God, you're so brave
and authoritative.
454
00:16:52,367 --> 00:16:54,601
- Well, you know.
- My God.
455
00:16:54,603 --> 00:16:56,236
Oh, and Gene?
456
00:16:56,705 --> 00:16:58,826
You can leave that poster.
457
00:16:59,308 --> 00:17:01,521
Thanks.
Mm.
458
00:17:03,512 --> 00:17:04,844
Stupid book report!
459
00:17:05,537 --> 00:17:07,380
460
00:17:07,399 --> 00:17:10,066
Sorry if this book report's
not very good.
461
00:17:10,068 --> 00:17:12,535
I've been up late
working hard on it,
462
00:17:12,537 --> 00:17:14,070
but then also "School Ties"
came on,
463
00:17:14,072 --> 00:17:15,705
and that's one of
my favorite movies,
464
00:17:15,707 --> 00:17:17,307
which is surprising,
'cause I don't like
465
00:17:17,309 --> 00:17:20,076
anything school-related, but
I love Jewish-themed movies.
466
00:17:20,078 --> 00:17:22,946
- No, that's okay.
- Why are you interrupting the book report?
467
00:17:22,948 --> 00:17:24,614
Oh, I didn't realize you...
468
00:17:24,616 --> 00:17:26,649
Are you reading that
off the page?
469
00:17:26,651 --> 00:17:28,484
- Yes!
- Oh. Sorry.
470
00:17:28,487 --> 00:17:30,320
It was so conversational,
I thought we were just talking.
471
00:17:30,322 --> 00:17:32,689
Okay, well now I lost
my frickin' spot.
472
00:17:32,691 --> 00:17:34,724
- I'm sorry.
- Just let me...
473
00:17:34,726 --> 00:17:37,960
All flustered now.
[clears throat]
474
00:17:38,497 --> 00:17:40,363
I did my book report on
475
00:17:40,365 --> 00:17:42,595
"Fear and Loathing
in Las Vegas."
476
00:17:42,908 --> 00:17:46,195
I liked it slash it was
confusing as **.
477
00:17:46,671 --> 00:17:48,705
The book starts
with Raoul Duke
478
00:17:48,707 --> 00:17:50,406
behind the wheel
of a convertible.
479
00:17:50,618 --> 00:17:52,618
[eagle screeches]
480
00:17:52,711 --> 00:17:55,878
He realizes the drugs he took
earlier are kicking in.
481
00:17:55,881 --> 00:17:57,138
They're kicking in,
the drugs, yes?
482
00:17:57,140 --> 00:17:58,029
[garbled mumbling]
483
00:17:58,030 --> 00:18:01,184
- Next to him sits
his 300-pound attorney,
484
00:18:01,186 --> 00:18:04,498
Dr. Gonzo,
aka the fat Samoan.
485
00:18:05,405 --> 00:18:06,918
[mumbles]
486
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,392
- They were headed
to Vegas from L.A.
487
00:18:09,394 --> 00:18:10,827
Let's go to Vegas.
488
00:18:10,829 --> 00:18:12,762
- And there were bats
and stuff.
489
00:18:12,764 --> 00:18:15,632
I see two more.
I see bats.
490
00:18:19,070 --> 00:18:21,237
It's real. It's real.
491
00:18:21,239 --> 00:18:22,739
- They're on their way
to Vegas,
492
00:18:23,192 --> 00:18:25,648
but they got derailed
because Lennie is like,
493
00:18:25,650 --> 00:18:27,910
"Curley, what's up
with your hand?"
494
00:18:27,913 --> 00:18:29,579
I like to keep my hand
nice and soft
495
00:18:29,581 --> 00:18:32,567
so I can touch my girlfriend.
496
00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:34,346
Aw, that feels gross.
497
00:18:34,719 --> 00:18:36,307
Wait, who's Lennie?
498
00:18:36,309 --> 00:18:38,788
Me... sometimes, uh,
Raoul Duke
499
00:18:38,790 --> 00:18:40,590
calls himself Lennie.
500
00:18:40,592 --> 00:18:41,724
Got it.
501
00:18:41,726 --> 00:18:42,792
- So they took off.
502
00:18:42,794 --> 00:18:45,162
This plane's going fast.
503
00:18:45,164 --> 00:18:48,065
I don't think planes
were invented yet.
504
00:18:48,067 --> 00:18:50,066
- They continued their journey.
505
00:18:50,068 --> 00:18:52,761
Cow, cow, cow, cow.
506
00:18:52,781 --> 00:18:54,814
That's not a cow.
That's a tire.
507
00:18:54,855 --> 00:18:56,939
- It was much easier
for them to get to Vegas
508
00:18:56,942 --> 00:18:59,861
by taking the good ol'
Mississippi river.
509
00:18:59,863 --> 00:19:01,705
We gotta catch that
riverboat.
510
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:03,678
I agree with you.
511
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,225
You catch anything?
512
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:07,317
Just this minnow.
513
00:19:07,319 --> 00:19:08,716
Uh-oh.
514
00:19:08,718 --> 00:19:09,761
You want it?
515
00:19:09,763 --> 00:19:11,545
Nice minnow!
516
00:19:11,547 --> 00:19:15,491
- And by that time, Dr. Gonzo
was a free man.
517
00:19:16,460 --> 00:19:17,460
Gene.
518
00:19:17,633 --> 00:19:18,732
Whoosh.
519
00:19:18,734 --> 00:19:20,233
- Gene!
- Sup?
520
00:19:20,235 --> 00:19:22,173
Okay.
Gimme that.
521
00:19:22,175 --> 00:19:24,193
- Okay.
- And get off my desk.
522
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:27,239
Jeez. Demanding.
523
00:19:27,241 --> 00:19:28,607
Any questions?
524
00:19:28,609 --> 00:19:30,271
You with the stupid glasses
in the front?
525
00:19:30,273 --> 00:19:32,740
How many of the books
that I gave you did you read?
526
00:19:32,903 --> 00:19:35,066
'Cause it feels like you read
parts of all of them
527
00:19:35,068 --> 00:19:36,406
without noticing
they were different,
528
00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:38,117
and wove them into one story.
529
00:19:38,391 --> 00:19:40,817
Okay, CSI Miami,
if you say so.
530
00:19:40,819 --> 00:19:42,083
Or... any of the CSI's
would work.
531
00:19:42,085 --> 00:19:45,060
Didn't you notice that
the names kept changing?
532
00:19:45,062 --> 00:19:46,761
Yeah, but I thought
they were, like, nicknames.
533
00:19:46,891 --> 00:19:49,559
Like, how some people call me
"Genie" or "Goosetits."
534
00:19:49,561 --> 00:19:51,327
Really wish that one
would go away.
535
00:19:51,329 --> 00:19:52,275
How is that even possible?
536
00:19:52,277 --> 00:19:56,099
Oh, guys said that my tits
looked like goose beaks.
537
00:19:58,142 --> 00:20:00,403
I meant that you read
three different books
538
00:20:00,405 --> 00:20:01,604
without noticing?
539
00:20:01,606 --> 00:20:03,673
Well at least I tried.
Jeez.
540
00:20:03,675 --> 00:20:05,241
Do you mind if I actually
go finish them?
541
00:20:05,243 --> 00:20:06,509
Because now that I know
that the ending isn't
542
00:20:06,511 --> 00:20:07,910
that Huck and Lennie
go to L.A.,
543
00:20:07,912 --> 00:20:09,178
I kinda want to find out
what happens.
544
00:20:09,180 --> 00:20:11,013
Sure, Gene.
545
00:20:11,016 --> 00:20:12,782
- Class over. Go.
- Okay.
546
00:20:12,784 --> 00:20:14,937
Oh, and can I borrow a few
books from your guesthouse?
547
00:20:14,939 --> 00:20:16,961
Yeah, have at it.
Go nuts.
548
00:20:16,963 --> 00:20:19,096
Can't wait.
549
00:20:20,773 --> 00:20:22,272
Can't wait?
550
00:20:22,274 --> 00:20:23,707
Wait a minute.
551
00:20:23,709 --> 00:20:25,509
Gene likes reading.
552
00:20:25,511 --> 00:20:27,511
She likes to read.
553
00:20:27,513 --> 00:20:29,279
I did it.
554
00:20:29,281 --> 00:20:31,114
I did it.
555
00:20:31,116 --> 00:20:32,449
Oh, God.
Mr. Russell?
556
00:20:32,451 --> 00:20:33,870
- Huh?
- I did it.
557
00:20:33,872 --> 00:20:35,771
I got through.
558
00:20:35,773 --> 00:20:36,738
Yeah...
559
00:20:36,740 --> 00:20:38,190
I...
560
00:20:39,224 --> 00:20:40,721
I raped your daughter.
561
00:20:40,723 --> 00:20:43,824
That a bill.
562
00:20:43,872 --> 00:20:45,605
Date raped her!
Who am I?
563
00:20:45,655 --> 00:20:50,205
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