Original subtitles

Once there was a little mountain village in the northern Alps.

THREE SWEDISH GIRLS IN UPPER BAVARIA

Some mountain people lived in this village in the northern Alps.

The meadows were as rich and bountiful as the people, ...

... and no one had need to suffer want.

Therefore, everyone lived in happiness each and every day...

... and was satisfied if the sky was blue, the beer was cold and his neighbor's wife was buxom.

But one day, others saw how good life was here ...

... and tourists began to arrive in their numbers.

Thus began the all the mischief, and what lies behind our tale.

- Hildegard, have you seen my husband? - The boss? No, I'm afraid not.

Dunja! Have you seen the boss?

The boss? No, I'm afraid I haven't seen him either.

- Have you seen the boss? - He's not my concern. I don't keep track of him.

Yes... is it any wonder that the local population ...

... haven't lost their basic character, despite all the tourists?

Something stinks.

There must be some dogs under the table.

There's none there.

There's something...

Throughout the tourist season, the townspeople ...

... have more work to do than anyone could have imagined, especially at the inn.

I'll be back, I promise! You were wonderful!

It was great, sweetie. But I must go, my wife is calling.

Otto !

I wonder what women see in you.

As hard as I try, no one wants me.

Since I got married and don't need any more women, ...

... they all want me. Maybe you should give that a try, Alois.

Don't talk nonsense!

Olga is so suspicious. She always keeps an eye on me.

Casanova... and married.

What's wrong now?

- Damn it to Hell! Son of a bitch! - Alois...

Thou shalt not curse. Try prayer instead!

Just say: "Dear God, help me. "

Dear God, help me.

Damn it to Hell! Son of a bitch!

And thus begins our story.

A story that begins harmlessly, with a letter.

"Since you still haven't repaid the loan, ...

... I am forced to take action. "

"On Wednesday I will secure the sum of one million Marks... " Tomorrow morning!

"... by taking possession of your hotel."

Signed: "Miiller-Mayer Fall." What a load of crap! The miserable Prussian!

The greedy, dishonest, impotent, wretched old owl!

Alois? It's Otto.

It's all over. Disaster has struck.

Miiller-Mayer Fall wrote. He's repossessing the hotel in the morning.

What did you say'? It was only the cuckoo, the cuckoo clock!

Soon it will be the kids. They'll be living in your house.

Why are you so upset by a cuckoo? It's from the north, too.

- Who is it? - Otto.

Tell him I said, "Hello."

Get those things out of my face!

I don't understand what you're talking about, if the cuckoo isn't the problem.

You don't understand? What do you think Olga will say about this?

She gave me 500,000 Marks for improvements, because she thought that the hotel was mine.

If he...

If he comes and repossesses the hotel it's all over for me.

She'll learn I've deceived her. And you know what Olga is capable of.

I can't even think about it. Then she'll file for divorce ...

... to get back her 500,000 Marks! But I spent the money to buy the hotel.

And now it belongs to this man!

She'll have me locked up.

- Otto! - Here she comes.

I have to talk to you. Be here in half an hour.

Our only guest just left, and we haven't got a single booking for the summer.

I spent 500,000 on renovations, and you run the hotel like a city tavern!

Calm down, baby. We've only just begun.

And it will soon be over.

- Well, at least I have the place as collateral. - And what security it is!

- How much is it worth? A million? - Yes, at least.

BAKERY SHOP

Some may find certain local customs confusing.

TODAY 16th HOT BERLINER

Excuse me, miss, am I in time for the gentleman?

There's only one solution: We go to Munich and confront Miiller-Mayer Fall.

I told him the hotel is fully booked, but we don't have a single guest!

And I have a plan to take care of that.

If the hotel is full, ...

... and if he repossesses it ...

Which he said he would.

Just listen to my idea. And so, the hotel is fully booked ...

... and if he should try and repossess the hotel ...

Continue!

... you will be bankrupted, the hotel will be closed...

Excuse me. Enjoy...

... and he gets no money.

He'll have to extend the payment deadline until after the guests check out and pay you.

What a great idea!

- But it's not going to work. - Why not?

Miiller-Mayer Fall is in Stockholm at the IHOFA. He can't go anywhere.

- LHO-what? - IHOFA, a trade fair for the hotel industry.

- Then we must also go to Stockholm. - Olga would immediately know what was going on.

Nonsense! A real hotel owner must attend... IHOFA.

Yes, if only it wasn't in Stockholm. Those Swedish girls, you know ...

- Olga's as jealous as a Sicilian. - Tell her that it's in her best interest!

And that you will be forever faithful.

Eternally faithful...

- Where is little Mimi? - Is this a personal call, or are you a veterinarian?

A veterinarian, of course. I would never make a personal call on you.

That wouldn't have been wise of you, in any case. Now, what would you really like to do?

Since you have no bulls, I'm here to inseminate Mimi.

You're a disgusting pig! Don't you have a shameful bone in your body'?

There's Mimi, and you can hang your pants over there, you sex maniac!

You'll have to kiss me first.

And our Otto was able to convince Olga that the journey was absolutely necessary.

All the next day he and his friend flew to Stockholm.

He left his faithful wife believing that he had honorable intentions.

What? A flight to Stockholm is that expensive?

Sure, I saw the bill for my husband's flight!

Yes, I want to fly out tomorrow morning.

In Stockholm our friends managed ...

... to arrange a meeting with the implacable Miiller-Mayer Fall the next day ...

... and then decided how best to direct their energies.

With no concern for personal sacrifice, or the effort involved...

... they obtained knowledge at the fair about the lastest gastronomic trends.

Even at night they were out exploring ...

... all possible ways of entertaining tourists in their homeland.

Taxi !

Help!

How long do you expect me to wait here?

Hurry up, I want to check in!

Lunatic!

Otto! Otto!

Wake up, Otto! Your wife is here!

Otto! Olga's down there, outside the hotel.

Hallelujah!

No one gives a shit about me!

There...

Otto !

He has a whole harem in here.

All three... the horny bastard!

Otto?

Wake up, Otto! Your wife is here!

Oh, hell... Haven't you heard what I'm saying?

Your wife is here! Olga will be here any moment. O-L-G-A!

Yeah... Ask her to bring me a beer, two pretzels and a couple of sausages.

You are so...

Olga?

Why didn't you say so right away, you fool?

Where are you going with her?

Help me, your sheep's brain!

So... you did it with all three?

- Otto dear. - Stall her.

Otto!

Otto, what are you doing?

Open up, Otto!

The boa!

Ottol Open this door immediately!

- Otto! - Who is it?

Come in.

Olga...

What a surprise. How did you get here?

By carrier pigeon, of course. What's going on here?

- Good morning, Mrs. Olga. - It's noon, Alois.

Of course it is. What made him say that? You must be hungry. Come on, let's go.

No, I need to freshen up. Put my bags there!

- What are you doing? - I wanted to show you where the bathroom is.

- Otto, you're so messy... - Let it be. I'll take care of it.

- What did you say'? - Nothing. It was my stomach.

- He's quite hungry. - Didn't you have breakfast?

Yes, of course. But now it's lunch time.

What is that?

Yeah... that. That's nothing at all.

- Nothing? It's an evening gown! - Are you sure?

- How did it get here? -Yes, how?

Hold on, Otto.

Now that she's seen it, you may as well tell her the truth.

What should I say?

He bought it. It was meant to be a surprise.

- I bought that? -Yes, for your beloved Olga.

Now you can tell her.

- I hope you like it. - Otto, I never expected anything like this!

Now, let's get rid of the first one. What shall we do with her?

- Throw her out the window! - Yeah, from the eighth floor!

- Come, little Swedish girl. - We need to get her dressed.

- That was her dress... - Damn! Hold her up!

Did you really do it with all three last night?

Good day, we'll deal with you later.

I love you, my strong stallion!

Like this... with all three?

You must go, Birgit... or whatever your name is.

- You have to disappear. - Why?

Because his wife is here.

- You want me to go out on the street like this? - His wife is deadly jealous.

She's wild. She'll kill us all!

- No, help me! - No, not in there!

You think it's a little too tight?

No, absolutely not. It fits like a glove.

- What was that? - There was a knock at the door.

- It's Mr. Wasserfall. - A banker who wants money from me.

He wants to borrow money from you?

A bankrupt banker... who wants a loan from Otto.

- He's been pursuing him. - I'll show him...

Good day.

All right, Mr. Gruber...

We both know why I'm here.

Where's your check!

Who do you think you are?

What's she doing here?

What's it to be, Mr. Gruber?

In two hours I'll take possession of the hotel. Then it's out of there for you.

- You hear a cuckoo? - A cuckoo? She's totally crazy.

What did you call me, you...

Excuse us a moment.

Who is that crazy woman?

It's his wife. She's crazy.

And who are you, Miss? Oh, I understand, he's your husband.

He told me that he was married, and terrified of his beastly wife.

- Herr Miiller-Mayer Fall. My wife... - She is adorable, delicious!

- Delicious? -Yes!

I'm disappointed that you didn't introduce me to you wife.

You are a rogue, sir.

Madame, I hope that we might spend some time together.

No problem. I work at the Kittycat Lounge.

It's the bar at the hotel Pirchner Hof.

You also have a bar at the hotel? Fantastic!

It's high time I visited you at my hotel.

I'll delay the foreclosure.

Why didn't you tell me that you had such a lovely wife? This woman is certainly no beast.

- You! - I'm leaving now.

Everything's taken care of.

Good bye!

He's not the brightest guy, is he. Now we can go to the IHOFA.

- I'll get your coat... - No, I don't need it!

- The main thing is that we get there. - Thank God!

Good morning.

What's with all the noise? Can't a person sleep in peace?

Dear God, help me...

...and bring me a beer.

Now the storm had broken right here in Stockholm. Looking ahead, there was no question about that.

There were 1370 exhibitors at IHOFA, and Olga was tireless.

And in the evening she had other desires.

What's a husband to do with a wife like that?

Otto didn't have anything against Olga, ...

... but, being a gentleman, he had to bid farewell to their three Swedes.

Cheers!

In good spirits and bolstered by their success ...

... our two heroes and the unsuspecting Olga returned home.

What are you doing down there, children?

- We're fucking, Aunt Josefal. - Good, good.

I thought you might be smoking.

I'm a proper little deviant who likes to fuck in the house or the barn.

Not here, someone might hear you!

I'm a horny parrot and I fuck in the house or the barn.

- Detlev! - Schorschi! Now you've gone too far.

This is so embarrassing, Father. What am I to do with this bird?

Hey baby, let's fuck!

You should have trained it better. My parrot sits and prays all day.

Come and see.

Look! lt just sits there, quiet as can be.

That's how I trained her. Leave Detlev here and I'll clean up his language.

All right, I leave my Detlev here.

- Goodbye, sweet Detlev. - Bye.

- What do you say we fuck, good looking? - Sure, what do you think I've been praying for?

Trump.

It really makes me mad. Every day my wife asks for more money.

What does she do with it, then?

I don't know. I don't give her any.

Then one day a very beautiful guest came to the hotel, ...

... and Otto was happy again. Stockholm was nearly forgotten.

What are you doing there, Josefa? Why are you messing around in the septic tank?

- I dropped my apron. - Surely you can't wear it now!

I don't care about the apron, but my lunch was in it.

Hotel Pirchner Hof. What did you say'?

Help! Help!

- There's a killer on the phone! - What is it?

It's you, Mr. Miiller-Mayer Fall. You're dumber than a box of rocks!

No, no, not you, Mr. Miiller-Mayer Fall. I was talking to the ...

- It's Miiller-Mayer Fall... - Now who's dumber than a box of rocks?

He's taking possession of the hotel.

I'm here, Mr. Miiller-Mayer Fall. Sorry. Everything is just fine.

Then listen to me: I have a folder in front of me.

A million Marks is a lot of money, even for me.

I extended the due date only because you have such a wonderful wife.

But you are well aware that I can foreclose at any time?

You understand that? Good, good.

Then you'll understand that I want something in return. Namely, your wife.

How could it have slipped your mind to put your wife to good use?

I don't understand...

Can you at least give me the room key?

Tony! Show the lady to her room!

I'll be happy to...

I'm not sure that I heard you correctly...

See what you've done, shit-for-brains!

No, I didn't mean you. Yes, yes... I understand.

Good! Very good!

I'm going to take three days off. Book me a room at the hotel ...

... with a love-friendly bed!

But that's impossible. We're fully booked.

That doesn't matter. I'll get a room at another inn.

The important thing is that your lovely wife is there.

I take the car. lt's just a stone's throw from here. Bye.

What should I do now?

Get Alois, quick!

Why are you standing there fumbling around? Take the lady and go wash her dress!

Here, boss.

Hello? No, I'm looking for Alois. Is he out on the meadow?

This is so... I have up on the meadow.

Otto, have you signed the checks?

- Oh, them. No, I haven't had time. - You promised to send me on a sightseeing trip.

- I'd also like you to go. - You promised you'd give me the money.

You'll get it. Josefa! Go get Tony from the linen closet!

What's Tony doing in the linen closet? He is too young for that!

I can't go any farther...

Look, it's right there.

Fool!

That's enough! What's going on here?

Get off her, you miserable swine!

Cover yourself up! Begone!

And you cover yourself up, too, you little whore!

The raging hormones of youth!

Mr. Wasserfall is coming.

He's after your wife. That Swede he thinks is your wife.

And when he doesn't find her, cuckoo!

There's only one way out: Olga must disappear.

What did you say? I won't kill anyone!

Don't be an idiot. Send her on her sightseeing trip!

While Olga's gone away on her trip ...

... Wasserfall can have his fun with the Swede in peace and quiet.

Do you understand me now?

- But Birgit is in Stockholm. - So what? We'll fly her here.

Swedes do it often, so they might as well do it with Wasserfall.

Give that to me.

Alois... you've saved my life!

Stop it! I don't like that!

No, it won't work. He's arriving today. "It's just a stone's throw from here!"

Leave it to me! I'll take care of him tonight.

Tomorrow Birgit will be here and Olga will be gone.

I'm going straight to the travel agency. She's as good as on her way.

Welcome, Mr. Miiller-Mayer Fall.

What does he think he's doing?

He thinks he can pass me!

Begone! Pull over!

He must have the Holy Spirit under his hood.

Sunday driver!

- Maniac! You're going too fast. - You're crazy in the head.

You're in league with the devil!

You shall not commit a sin! I'm going to the police to report you!

Shit! He sure knows his way around here.

Out of the way, sisters!

- It's about time we got here! - Yes, boss.

Help! Help!

- Hey, boss! - I don't have time now.

Your wife asked for you. She has something to tell you.

- Did she say what she wants? - What do you think, a warm afternoon?

Yes, yes, the joys of marriage...

Tell Olga that I have a surprise for her, and that I'll be back in an hour!

Does he think I'm deaf or senile?

Josefa! Water the birch trees, too.

Whatever you say.

I heard that.

You again? It certainly wasn't me, madam.

You'll come tomorrow morning! I'll look forward to seeing you.

Birgit is coming just in time, tomorrow morning.

And? Does she understand what's going on?

Yes, she agreed to everything, just like I said.

- What will it cost? - Cheap as it gets. Flights, accommodations...

But nothing compared to a million...

- Miiller-Mayer Fall will be here soon! - Quiet, I'll take of him.

Max?

Max?

Max!

See, Samson, it's shady there on the terrace. We'll have our coffee there.

No, Eleonore. Over there. I want to sit in the sun.

My beautician won't be pleased. Shade would have been better...

He's as clumsy as you.

- I pray you'll accept my apology. - I said we ought to take the terrace!

I won't do that again.

She'll be on the first bus in the morning. Olga has always wanted to do this!

Tell her that you won the trip in a contest!

Olga can't say no to anything that's free.

That's true enough.

I'll be waiting for Wasserfall in the Croatian. You take care of Olga!

It's that bankrupt banker. No wonder he drives a car like that.

My God! Maybe he's here to borrow money from Otto again! I'll show him!

Hey you!

- If you think you can come here... - The mad woman from Stockholm!

That's right! Begging from honest people...

Watch out!

Boss?

What happened, boss? Why were you driving backwards? You couldn't see the curve.

- Do you think I'm a perfect idiot? - No one is perfect.

- Where have you been all this time? - I...

Damned door!

Now you can step out of the car.

Get behind the wheel! You drive!

Is there something wrong, boss?

How did you get here? I thought you were coming from Munich.

I've already been to the Pirchner Hof, but I had to leave.

In reverse...

- Because your wife suddenly appeared. - My wife?

I have no... Oh, yes, my wife!

Of course, she lives down at the hotel.

She's off to a nursing home tomorrow.

You should have a gun license to keep her around!

Tell your friend that I only have three days. He knows what's required.

He most certainly does.

Shall we have a drink together?

Thus, our two rascals had succeeded again.

Olga was happy as a little kid over her husband's generous gift.

And the dangerous Miiller-Mayer Fall was, as planned, ...

... safely in the custody of Alois.

At least he knows when it's time to quit.

Another round.

Oh my God but you're ugly. How did you get to be so ugly?

And you are blind drunk!

Yes, but I won't be tomorrow.

Everything seemed to indicate that the story would have a happy ending ...

... since life in the village went on as usual the next day.

What a nice pussy!

And hello to you, too, Hildegard.

- Can I pet your pussy? - Sure, if you're not afraid of a black cat.

No! Help!

- Good morning! - Not so loud.

- I don't feel too good. - Why not?

One of the 60 schnapps I drank last night must have been bad.

- Otto, the bus is leaving soon. - Yes, I'm coming.

Alois, how did you do with Miiller-Mayer Fall?

If he's still alive, he'll wake up this afternoon.

Come in!

It's me.

Your eggs, boss.

- Did you really want three dozen? - Perfect. They'll strengthen me for tonight!

Just a moment, Max.

Have some yourself! It's best to always be ready.

What are you waiting for, Max? Your machine won't be out of the garage any time soon.

Lunatic! You poured raw eggs on my head!

Next time I'll cook them first.

What's this I see?

- That man's crazy woman is leaving. - Good, then all obstacles are cleared away!

- I'll soon make a name for myself. - How?

His wife drives to the pub every night.

That sounds bad. Has she started to drink?

No. She comes to see me.

Everything is ready, Alois. Olga has gone.

- The boss! The taxi is here with l-l-l... - Stammer faster.

A taxi has arrived with a group of...

Otto! My darling! My love!

Birgit, so good to see you. lsn't she lovely, Alois?

I don't understand...

What's going on here?

- Are you crazy? - She wouldn't come by herself.

- Thanks for the holiday. - What holiday?

I'll take the ladies' luggage, Otto!

- Where will you take it? - To your apartment.

Now you've gone totally insane!

Not there, Hildegard. Give them the big triple room!

- Boss, I must say... - They are merely guests of the hotel!

Well, I'm glad you cleared that up!

Tony!

You stay here.

- Boss, really... with all three? - Begone!

And you...

... are you completely mad? Do you know what this will cost me?

It will cost at least four thousand!

But it's for the one million, so I thought it was a good investment.

And what did they mean by "holiday"? Tell me what you said to them!

I said that you longed for them, and that they could stay here.

- And the spas... and the hiking. - That's nice.

But you haven't said anything about Miiller-Mayer Fall?

About him? No, not a word.

- You moldy slime bucket! - He may not come.

But she is here now!

Then you tell her about the arrangement with Miiller-Mayer Fall.

Alright. But let them rest a while and enjoy our beautiful countryside first.

And when they're happy and content, I'll explain things.

- I have a top-secret plan. - Oh, yes, I'm sure it's top-secret.

When Wasserfall comes, I'll take him...

Watch out, you brainless dolt!

What the hell?

That's one.

Max!

- Good day, Mr. Miiller-Mayer Fall. - Thanks!

- How is our little business running? - Like clockwork.

- Must he join us? - No.

- All is just as you asked, except one thing. - One thing?

- My wife doesn't know anything. - What do you mean?

She must think you are me.

- Oh, yes, I understand. Brilliant idea! - There's only one small problem.

My wife is in fact... a pervert.

- She can only do it Bavarian-style. - Bavarian-style?

Tonight you need to get a ladder.

You'll use it to climb in through the window.

- Ah... so I'll climb in through the window. - And then you know what to do?

- Yes, but... - No buts.

My wife wants everything done Bavarian-style.

- And then... - Then you're ready to go!

It sounds promising. I'm always open to new things.

But don't say a word, boss. Then she'll realize it's you.

The window is on the second floor, the third from the right.

That window there.

It will be open for business at midnight.

What's the matter with you? It can't go wrong...

... now that Wasserfall has gone for it!

But what if Birgit recognizes that damned Prussian?

Then she'll disappear in the blink of an eye!

First, it will be dark in the room.

And second, Wasserfall won't say a word.

She won't recognize him by his moaning.

Sure, you can laugh.

It's important that you ensure Birgit will be alone.

She has to believe you're in love with only her, not all three of them.

If you include the others, you're doomed.

That's the least of my worries. Say she comes by herself and opens the window, ...

... but then she might feel it's not me, but Miiller-Mayer Fall.

She doesn't know you nor your Little Man that well.

- If it were Olga, that would be something else. - Stop! I'm glad she's gone.

One more time:

I go to Birgit and say that I want to be alone with her tonight.

She'll come when the other two are asleep.

Then she'll sneak down to the second floor and into room 29 ...

... and open the window at midnight.

I'll climb up to her on the ladder, and press her down in the bed.

The treacherous villain! He'll sneak through that window and find me ...

... in room 29.

- Did you hear that? What was that sound? - Hello? Is anyone there?

- What is it? - It's coming from the beer garden.

- Why did you kick me? - What are you talking about?

I don't believe this.

Oh, gosh, m-m-my Swedish girls!

Keep your paws off!

- Those girls are mine! - Don't talk nonsense.

Take him home to mama so he'll learn to speak properly!

Josefa! Help me!

- My Swedish girls! - They mustn't get our girls.

You vermin, you'll get what's good for you!

Feel like vomiting?

It's like May Day!

Have a refill!

Stop this in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost!

Excuse me, Otto!

It was nothing.

- Does it hurt? - No, only when I laugh.

What's this? Help, Otto!

Thanks!

Bravo! Bravo! Fantastic!

I must say... Your wife is amazing!

- Thanks, Mr. Miiller-Mayer Fall. - Continue with the show!

It's amazing to see something like that! Outstanding!

I can see I need not worry about your property and my money anymore.

Thanks for the compliment. It's so kind of you.

You'll see her later.

Good day, my lovely. l am deeply impressed... speechless.

Such a brilliant singer and an equally brilliant dancer...

... who would have guessed that?

- I'm looking forward to tonight. - What about tonight?

Are you crazy?

He's looking forward to tonight so that he can dream about you then.

Excuse us, but the ladies need to change now.

Good bye!

And this Wasserfall expects to get that girl tonight.

What an injustice.

Wait, the other two! There are other opportunities for me!

I'll take care of them tonight.

What a despicable man. Who was he?

A bankrupt banker who wants to borrow money from me.

Why not just throw him out?

Why? Because I'm a nice guy.

Excuse me, ma 'am. Do you know where I can buy birth control here in the village?

You can't buy such things here.

But there's one hanging in the stables. You can use it, if it's urgent.

But hang it back up afterward. It's community property.

Birgit...

I want to be alone with you tonight, without your friends. Would you like that?

Of course. I'd really like that.

But Ulla and Vivi want you, too. They love you.

Therefore, you should come when they have fallen asleep.

Sneak away from them, and go down to room 29 on the second floor.

Room 29?

Open the window at midnight, lie in bed and wait for me!

- Naked, of course. - And then... ?

Then I'll climb up onto the balcony and come in to you.

But you mustn't leave the light on. And I won't say a word.

But I always leave the light on.

Then make an exception just for tonight and turn it off, if only for your friends' sake.

Alright. I'll do anything for you.

Oh, Birgit... I'll leave the room unlocked.

So that's it... "Don't leave the light on, and I'll not say a word?" How nice!

Come here!

We'll have a good view from over there.

Come here!

What time is it?

- Ten 'til. - Then he'll be coming soon.

So room 26 becomes 29...

... and room 29 becomes room 26.

Room 26?

Ah, here's 29.

- Who's calling me so late at night? - It's just the king calling for his fool!

This is no time to be talking nonsense!

- Did you say something to me about a king? - Be quiet! Just set up the ladder!

- It's too short. - So, you noticed that too?

You moron! Idiot!

I've got it, boss.

You climb up there, I'll lift the ladder up, and you can climb on.

- Did you get all that? - I'm no idiot.

I'll lift the ladder up to you now.

You'll be up there soon.

And how should I get up there now?

- I thought you were up there. - One day you'll end up even higher up...

Even better! The rope is over the balcony by her door.

Good. I don't weigh much and the hoist will easily lift me.

No problem. I lifted heavy ladies in my youth.

Good! Keep going, Max!

I can't lift any more, boss!

My compliments, madam. You have stunning tits!

- Rude man! You'll get yours! - That sounds just wonderful.

I can't hold you any longer, boss!

- Spit in your hands! - Okay, boss.

You said I should spit on my hands.

A donkey! Get the donkey! We can manage it with him.

You stay here and watch quietly! I'm going away for a while.

- Why? - We could use a telescope.

- You think so? - Yes, exactly.

Perhaps that's not a bad idea...

Stop! That's too high! I said it's too high!

Tony! There's a flying man outside the window. Look!

Do you always hallucinate when you fuck?

What did you say, boss? I couldn't hear you.

There really was a man outside the window, Tony.

Oh, it's just a donkey.

Perfect! This is just the right place.

Boss!

ls everything okay, boss?

I can't quite...

Fuck it, this is where I get off.

Damn, she likes it!

- You? What are you doing here? - What are you doing here?

I thought her room was down there.

- Everything is going well. - So you say, but why are you here?

I felt sorry for the girl, having to be with such a scoundrel...

The thought of him on top of her is unpleasant. I feel sorry for her.

- It's a shame and a disgrace... - You should have thought of that earlier!

- Go back outside. - What are you doing?

- I need to be comforted. - No, it's my turn now.

- Can you handle both of them? - Are you saying I can't?

Quiet, Alois. You're right. Go on in.

- You know what... there's a donkey in there. - What? A donkey?

You're trying to trick me into not going in. A donkey...

Hello...

The bastard has turned them against me! He wants all the women for himself!

That's it! I've had enough!

- Tony, wait! - My Swedish girls!

I wasn't finished!

Birgit? Birgit, open up!

I'm sorry to disturb you, Birgit. I have to tell you something...

Please don't interrupt us, Alois. Now, if there's nothing more...

Alright, but the man in there is...

It's Otto's fault. It was all about the money...

Otto made love to me so wonderfully that I have forgiven him for everything.

Otto?

- Olga... - Yes, my Otto.

Tell him how lovely it was, Otto darling.

Oh yes, it was the best.

- What? You? - The mad woman from Stockholm?

- Was that you? - And... you?

- You were fantastic. - You were outstanding.

- My love... - My love...

This can't be happening!

What's going on?

Is that you?

- Aren't you up there? - Then who's in here?

You?!

- But, but... - Otto, I have to tell you something!

- So that's why nothing happened. - I should have drunk the eggs...

Up there, in room 29, with Mr. Wasserfall... your Olga.

- With Olga? - Olga was fucking Wasserfall...

- Then we're finished, Alois... - No, quite the contrary!

Wasserfall was so good in bed that Olga has forgiven you for all the nonsense!

He was much better than you. Yes, better than him!

Eggs... I have only one thing to say: Eggs.

After the unbelievable had happened ...

... and everyone involved had sorted themselves out, even if in unexpected ways, ...

... a happy end was inevitable.

Just a moment...

Mr. Gruber, you must sign the new contract. You are the hotel owner.

And we are your partners.

- Please... - It's official!

Now we can go, the plane is waiting. Olga's honeymoon must begin immediatly.

She wants it all the time!

Goodbye, everybody!

- Enough of that! - Goodbye.

Wait, now it's my turn!

No, Max. You stay here. We'll be alone during the honeymoon.

- What should I do? - You have two weeks off. Have fun!

Then I'll throw myself at the Swedes!

Damn! I nearly forgot something.

My eggs!

- Ciao! - Let's go...

Excuse me.

- Where are you? - I'm over here!

Sodom and Gomorrah!

And if they haven't yet died, they're still making love to this day...

END