All language subtitles for Champaign ILL s01e03 1p1.eng

RONNIE:
What about liquor?

I mean, celebrities make bank
off them shits.

Clooney.

Puffy.

Bethenny Frankel.

-Jack Daniels.
-You're right.

We should totally
get in that game.

Ooh, okay.

Uh, what about,
like, an Internet

that's just for black people?

So it's just, like,
a bunch of memes

and, like, music blogs
and local bail bondsmen.

I love it. And what if there
was a separate Internet

just for Jews... that
was all forwards about Israel

from my mom's side
of the family?

That's brilliant. This
is going on the napkins.

Hey, man, look at us.

You know, a normal person,
they say it takes him

three, four years
to grieve.

What'd it take us,
three, four days?

Shoot, a regular human,
they'd be having

a Lamar-Odom-Bunny-Ranch style
meltdown right now. Not us.

We're fast processors.

We're the Intel Pentiums
of grief.

We're the Alonzos
of mourning.

Hit that, baby boy.

ALF:
Honestly, ever since we

quot;Weekend at Bernie'dquot;
Lou's urn,

it's like he never left.

Ooh. Baby girl.

I hate to poke holes
in your theorem,

but this is nothing like
quot;Weekend at Bernie's.quot;

You see, in quot;Weekend at
Bernie's,quot; they took Bernie

and made it seem
like he was alive

so they could get into parties

and, like,
start conga lines and shit.

Nah, nah, nah, see, if anything,

this is a Wilson
from quot;Castawayquot; situation.

Ooh, my guy,
I hate to correct you,

but this is nothing like that.

See, Wilson was always
just a volleyball,

he was never a human.

And if you think that Lou's urn

couldn't fuckin' start
a conga line,

then you're being silly, homie.

Yeah, you're right.

This is kind of
its own thing, I guess.

Yeah, it's the
first of its kind.

-Yeah.
-Ooh, is that a thing?

Like... like a Mr. Potato Head

-but for urns?
-Write that down.

Yeah. We are fuckin' rolling.

Ass makeup.
It's makeup for your ass.

I mean, the ass is
super hot right now.

Yeah, think about
all the surface area.

I mean, the average behind

is the same size as,
like, two faces.

We're moving
twice as much product.

You better napkin that,
you sweet ramen prince.

-Mm-hmm.
-Man, it was so smart

to strip away
all the distractions.

Yeah, all that stuff
we don't need

so we can just focus
on getting all that stuff back.

And it is cool to see how the
other half lives, you know?

-Can you pass the fork?
-Yeah.

I mean, facts.

Any one of these ideas on
any one of these napkins

could be the one that
catapults us to the top.

Yeah, for real.
Hey, watch this.

Oh, this one's actually
just a napkin.

-But I completely agree.
-Mm-hmm.

Fuck! Phone died.

It's nice to see how the other
half charges their phones.

But at some point,
we should definitely get

-our power turned on, right?
-Yeah.

But cord-cutting is so hot
right now.

Speaking of hot right now,
is this car stolen?

'Cause it is
a straight-up hoopty, brah.

It's my dad's,
but he never uses it.

He got it as a revenge car
after my mom left, but he's

still waiting on the revenge
body to fit in here.

He can't fit in here?

I mean, he could, if he,
like, removed the seats.

And the roof.
Reinforce the chassis.

Triple the horsepower.

Enlarge all the buttons.

Grease-proof the gearshift.
And, like, use,

like, one of those
mechanical chairs that you use

to lower handicapped people
into swimming pools.

But, like, the land version.

RONNIE:
So, like, a crane.

ALF:
Yes.

Every day, every day

If you don't want problems,
stay away...

Ooh. What about this?

Diamond Eye.

Go on.

It's, like,
the new grill, right?

But instead of one of your eyes,

you just got a big-ass diamond!

Oh, yes, leftovers!

Everything's comin' up
ziti, bro.

-(whispers): Hey, hey, hey.
-(snoring)

I mean, I haven't figured out
all the Diamond Eye details yet,

but... think
about the clientele.

-People so rich...
-(snoring continues)

that they can afford
a giant diamond

and to not see
out of one eye.

But who installs it, though?

An optometrist or a jeweler?

TBD, bro.

But I do know this--
the company's name

will be Twinkle in Your Eye.

What about reverse-ketchup?

Is that a thing?

Tomatoes.

What about a shoe
that fucks you?

-(snoring)
-(whispers): What'd you say?

A shoe that fucks you.

Thank God, 'cause I love that.

-You know, I loved Lou.
-Bless up.

But this time, when we get
to the top of the mountain

by ourselves, it's gonna
be that much sweeter.

Yeah. It feels amazing to, like,
stand up on our own two feet

-without, like, somebody's help.
-GAYLE: Ronnie! Is that you?

(loudly):
Uh... no.

ZACK:
Yo! Ronnie!

No way!

Alfonso, what's up, man?

It's me. Zack Chevalier.

Whoa. Oh-ho! Hard landing.

What's up, dawg?
How you doing?

Oh, good. Heard you guys
were back in town. It's good to see you.

-Yeah, obviously.
-Good to be seen.

Heh. Uh, cool
Rollerblades, dude.

What, are you a boozehound
or something?

(laughs): No. More like
an endorphin hound.

I'm, like, an exercise junkie.

Yeah, I work out constantly.

You know, and also, technically,
these are not Rollerblades,

'cause Rollerblades is a brand.
So these are

Bauer brand in-line skates.

So that's
a little food for thought.

Oh, great.
You turned out cool.

Yeah. How-how are you guys
doing, by the way?

-(scoffs) Better than ever.
-Crushin' it. Why?

Well... you know,
'cause Lou died.

Weeks ago.

(fake hearty laughing)

Yeah, I was just really...
really sorry to hear that.

I mean, I know you guys were
his closest friends.

It must have been hard.

-(scoffing repeatedly)
-It sounds like...

it sounds like you're
pretty shaken up about it.

(Alf continues scoffing)

Hey, you know, the...
the old crew and I

get together every week
for a poker game.

We're having one tonight.
You guys should come.

-Maybe.
-I mean, if it happens, it happens.

Uh, first things first.
We got to get these bags of...

charity...

to... charity HQ.

RONNIE:
Yeah, we like to give away

-our year-old electronics.
-Yeah, 'cause once you

update the OS, it's like
carrying a brick around.

-Oh, yeah.
-Yeah, and we also give away watches and cufflinks

-and jewelry, so...
-Yeah, you know, male tiaras,

which are called quot;tiaros,quot; bet
you didn't know that, playboy.

Ooh.

Is that, uh, spaghetti in there?

No.

It's ziti. For the needy.

Ziti for the Needy--
that's the charity...

one of the charities
we give to.

So to clarify,

yes, that bag does have
some ziti in it,

but the other bags are full of
the aforementioned super high...

Ah, damn it,
my toothpaste squirts.

You have a little loose
toilet paper in there, too.

Loose, not used.

Okay. Well...

Listen, I-I-I hope you guys'll
think about coming by.

Might be good to see
some familiar faces and...

Plus, my wife makes
way too much food, every week.

So, uh... all right.

Double peace.

One for each of ya.
(chuckles)

Yeah. Peace.

Stay safe!

Slow down. Residential!

I'm so embarrassed.

You know, for him.

Right?
(chuckles)

I mean, it's, like, have
you ever even met a celeb?

Brah, like, keep it in
your fuckin' Umbros, bro.

Pathetic.

I mean, did you hear him?
Practically begging us

to come over to his house
so him and his boyfriends

can quot;hear what
we've been up to.quot;

Uh, yeah. I think I'd
rather be spending my time

coming up
with next-level fucking ideas

than, like, letting you
take Instas with us

while we eat all your food

and, like, reminisce
about our amazing lives.

And, like, no offense-- I'm sure
your fat wife is a great cook,

but, like...

how great could that food
possibly taste?

-Hey, girl...!
-Hey, girl...!

Hey! I'm so glad
you guys could make it.

-Yeah, we brought Xbox One X.
-You didn't have to bring anything.

It's not for keeps, man.

-It's for when we get bored.
-(laughs): Bored?

RONNIE:
Hey, yo, Zack, man,

you straight love
this kind of carpeting, huh?

-It was a fight, but I won.
-Oof. No, you didn't.

'Sup, boys!

Oh, dang.

-If it isn't the homies.
-Yeah, man.

Dave.

Dan.

Dan Floofloo, right?

No.

(quietly):
What up... dudes?

It's William.

Ah, William Floofloo.

No.

Who is Floofloo?

All right, Bill, well,
I want to be honest with you.

I am not recognizing a single
feature of your face, dawg.

ZACK (laughs):
Okay, wah-ha!

Listen, the, um,
wine fridge is over there,

-beer fridge is over there.
Help yourselves. -RONNIE: Damn.

Seems like big refrigerator
really got their talons in you,

-huh, Chevalier?
-No, no, they're mini fridges.

I know. I was saying,
like, the lobbyists...

who work on behalf of
the refrigerator industry.

-(chuckles)
-Didn't know they had lobbyists.

(laughs)
They don't, it's a joke.

-Ah.
-Don't you like jokes, man?

-Lighten up, bro.
-Ugh, huh, it's a joke.

No, I get it now.

That is good.

Uh, actually, another good one,
uh, that I know,

is about, uh, what is--

-It's a church and a...
-So we gon' play?

-Yeah, yeah.
-Yes.

(poker chips clattering)

ALF:
I call.

You know what this
reminds me of?

Molly's game.

Oh, like the movie?

ALF:
Uh, no, Bill.

We actually participated

in the real Molly's
underground game night.

Yeah, with many
other celebrities.

RONNIE:
That game was, like,

mad illegal.

So there was all these
A-list celebrities there.

They didn't even get named.

Yep. Such as DiCaprio,

Lovato, DeVito,
DeGeneres.

(laughs): I don't know
half of those names.

Once you have a family,
it's like the only famous people

you know anymore are
the ones in "Toy Story."

True. Isabella
loves "Toy Story."

-ZACK: Well, it's great.
-Oh, my God, Rachel, too.

Didn't-- didn't we see that
with you guys?

Was it three or two...?

Ah, it was three.

The theater ran out of popcorn,
I'll remind you.

-Completely nuts. No popcorn.
-(laughing)

It was crazy.

Uh, speaking of crazy stories.

Uh, this one time, Lou was doing
this print thing for Gucci,

and there's a bunch
of models there, right?

And so, needless to say,
the whole thing devolved

-into an absolute f...
-Hey, Daddy.

Can I show everyone
my soccer trophy?

Yes, of course. Go ahead.

Hey, sweetie, your dad
was about to hear

a real fun story about
a genuine F-U-C-K fest.

So you think you can maybe
run upstairs? That'd be great.

Homemade seven-layer lasagna,
anyone?

-Oh, I'll hit that.
-I'll hit that hard.

Oh, oh, okay.

Why don't I just
put that down first?

ZACK: You guys remember Marissa?
M-My wife?

-She was on the volleyball team.
-Mm-hmm.

Hey, Marissa, what are you gonna
pair this with?

What's that varietal
I love so much?

-Uh, Barolo.
-Barolo. Yo, Marissa,

can you pair this with
a beautiful Barolo?

'Cause that would really make
this shit sing

like an umami explosion.

So anyway, we was at
that Gucci shoot, right?

-And, uh... (laughs)
-RONNIE: Oh.

And Ronnie brings Molly
to the set.

And this is the same Molly
from the-- from before, from the poker game?

No, Bill!

The fucking drug. Fuck!

-So anyway, we was fucking
rolling our faces off, right? -It's a little rowdy down here.

And one of them
girls was like,

quot;Oh, why don't we
go buy new cars?

And we can fuck on
the test drive."

Okay, why don't you
take her upstairs?

-It's getting
a little crazy down here. -MARISSA: Cool.

Anyway, so glad to see
you guys out and about.

I know when my friend died,

I couldn't even leave
the house, so...

That's 'cause you weak, Marissa.

We're f-fine.

M-Marissa's right.

I mean, loss hits different
people in different ways.

I know when I lost my sister,

it took years for me
to cope with it,

and if I'm being honest,
I'm still coping.

So, anyway...
(clears throat)

-We was at this M-Maserati
dealership, right? -(Ronnie laughs)

ZACK:
But you know the saying that it's better to have had

and lost, than to, in my case,

never have had a sister at all.

-So...
-DAN: That's right.

Look, if you guys
need someone to speak to,

my wife is a grief counselor;
she is the best in town.

That's a great idea.
And I, and I don't know

what your current
living situation is,

but we just redid our guest
room, I would be honored...

We're fucking fine! Okay?!

RONNIE: What part
of this dope-ass story

where we fucked our way through
a bunch of Gucci models

do y'all not want to hear?!

ALF:
I fucking

refuse to sit here

and eat some fucking lasagna...

whilst being condescended to

by a bunch of fucking townies!

(both screaming)

What dicks.

Pull.

(glass breaking)

-I missed.
-You missed.

Can you believe
those motherfuckers?

quot;Loss can be tough.quot;

quot;My wife is a
grievance counselor."

Well, fuck you.

Those white turds
were trying

to gaslight us into thinking
that we're not okay.

Pull.

You missed.

-I missed.
-Congratulations, pal.

You don't have to watch TV
on your phone.

You have a bunch
of different size fridges.

And you have a-apparently
a very specific brand

of in-line skate.

And still-living friends.

Plus a wife who perfectly
matches sex appeal

with Jon and Vinny-level
cooking ability.

-Big whoop.
-Pull.

Seems like I'm getting it
further away, right?

Well, I've got news
for you, Chevalier,

that perfect wife of yours
has got a secret.

Oh, yeah. She's fucking
that Bill guy.

What? Man, no.

-There's no way she made
this lasagna herself. -(thunder rumbles)

It's way past
home-cooked level.

She quot;Doubtfiredquot; us.

Dollars to donuts,
if you check their trashcan,

you're gonna find
take-out containers.

I guarantee it.

Did you just say
quot;Doubtfired usquot;?

Yeah, man, quot;Mrs. Doubtfiredquot; us.

You know, Robin Williams
burns the dinner,

so he goes and gets
restaurant food

and plates it to make it look
like he cooked it himself.

It's the ultimate deception.

I'm just trying
to get on your level.

You believe the ultimate
deception in the movie

quot;Mrs. Doubtfirequot; is when
Robin Williams passes off

restaurant food as his own?

-One hundred percent.
-Alfonso.

In the movie quot;Mrs. Doubtfire,quot;
Robin Williams tricks

his three children and
his ex-wife into believing

that he is an older
British woman.

And he does so
with a minimal budget

and a horrendously cheesy
English accent.

Yeah, but he gets caught
for that.

He doesn't get caught
for the food thing.

Anyway...

There seems to be this
developing narrative

going around town that,
like, since Lou died...

You know, we're like, n-not
doing well, or whatever.

What? (scoffs)

They think that they're doing
better than us?

They think that we're surviving
and not thriving?

Uh, sounds like we got a case
of the bitch-ass haters.

Uh, those motherfuckers think
that they're better than us?

-Ha. Than the two of us?
-Ronnie and Alf?

-These guys?
-Us.

(both fake hearty laughing)

Pull!

(glass breaking)

Hot take.

Are these motherfuckers
doing better than us?

(scoffs) No.

We're doing great, buddy.

By the way, good call
on going head to toe.

I'm fricking freezing.

So maybe they're doing, like,
a hair better than us now.

But future us?
(scoffs)

You won't even
be able to compare.

-We're gonna have so much money.
-Yeah.

And my future wife,
probably Courtney,

(exhales)
we're gonna be so in love,

just always cuddling in bed,
and kissing with our eyes open,

and leaving little love notes
to each other

in fog in the mirrors
in the bathroom.

Yeah.

And we're gonna buy shit, too.

'Cause we're gonna have
so much money.

We'll buy whatever we want.

Like TVs,
and fucking Apple TVs.

And, like, six kids.

Man, I'm talking about,
like, stuff.

-W-Where're you going?
-Uh...

No, because, like, uh,
did you read

that quot;New York Times" article
about how kids

are the ultimate accessory,
because, like,

how expensive school is
nowadays?

So, you know, you're like,

oh, man, look how many mouths
I got to feed.

Motherfucker, I'm ballin'.

Yeah.

Then I probably need,
like, 19 kids.

Fuck, yeah, man. You know,
I can't wait for future us.

Hey, yo, Alf.

What if we didn't have to?

Listening.

Okay, so...

Future us are
gonna be so rich.

Oh, given.

But we will also
be generous.

Oh, yeah, like a couple of
Melinda and Bill Gateses.

So, who would future us want
to give our charity to?

Other than the people we love
most in the world? Now us.

I like the way you think, dawg.
(chuckles)

RONNIE:
Do you take...

American Express?

No, no, no, please.

I got this.

Bitch, bitch, bitch

Built like a trap house

Choppin' the work
in the front

Servin' the work
in the front

Hoein' at 4:00
in the mornin'

Pockets, they look
like Samoan

Taking the work,
making the work

Cookin' the work,
flippin' the work

You missin' the work,
triple the work

Pitchin' the work,
wrist in the work

Wrist in the, wrist in the,
wrist in the work

Wrist in the, wrist
in the, wrist in the work

Whippin' the work,
whippin' the work

Whippedy, whippedy,
whippedy work

Smackin' the work,
smackin' the work

Smackedy, smackedy, smack.

Are you sure
we can afford all this?

Oh, 45 grand?

It's a drop in the bucket
for future us.

Rich people do this
all the time.

It's not debt,

it's investing
in ourselves.

Yeah, so, if we didn't buy
this cream sectional,

-we'd be saying that we don't
believe in ourselves. -Exactly.

And once you have a
cream sectional, you need a TV

you can see from every cream
corner of your cream sectional.

And now you're in a real

quot;Give a Mouse a Cookiequot;
scenario,

which leads us logically

-to a skateboard shelf.
-Yeah, and once you've got

a skateboard shelf,
you've established an amount

of whimsy that
if you don't carry through

for the entire apartment,
seems insane.

Which is why we bought
these scepters.

And whimsy's
a design philosophy

that basically becomes
an umbrella for...

For dueling
popcorn machines.

-Dueling cowhide rugs.
-And dueling sound bars.

I mean, dueling,

is also its own
design philosophy.

As a singular,

which explains the
solo poker table.

And now all we got
to do is find people

to play at said
poker table, I guess.

Yeah, I mean, we're basically
forced to invite people,

but, who?

Hmm.

(clicking tongue)
It's racking my brain.

Call me crazy...

I'm having
a real change of heart

about those fucking shitheads
from the other day.

You know? Me, too.
And isn't it

the right thing to do?
To extend an olive branch

to those condescending pricks

and give them a chance
to apologize.

Yes. But not because
we want them to see

how well we're doing, or
to squash any sort of narrative

that since Lou died,
maybe we're not doing okay.

No! We're just trying
to be neighborly.

-(knocking)
-Is that my poker crew?

-What's up?
-What up, Chevalier?

Floofloo brothers.
How y'all doing?

-We're not brothers.
-Not Floofloo.

Hey, so, Zack, I want to be
totally honest with you

right at the top--
we don't have

one of those fancy fridges
like you have at your house.

We got three of 'em.

(chuckles)
But who's keeping track?

Looks like you are.

That's right, trick.

Um, hey, about
the other night...

-I accept your apology.
-Oh, no,

-what I think he meant...
-ALF: Heads up, Floofloo!

Shrimps up, bitch.

Comin' at you, Chevalier.

Oh! Pick six on
that shrimp, dawg!

Yeah, actually, I-I'm good.
I don't eat shellfish.

And here, baby-- this
one's for your mama.

-No, thanks. I'm good. Uh...
-No-look.

Thank you.
I actually am...

kind of actually
mildly allergic to it...

-Yeah, baby!
-...so it's not something...

I'm good. I'm good.
Thank you.

-It's all good.
-Really, please.

-No. You are very accurate.
-Eat one.

-Skyhook, bitch.
-I...

Mmm. Num-num-num.

Hey, if it makes you
feel any better,

they say shrimp
don't have genitals,

so whatever hit your face
was just all shrimp bod.

Wow, you guys have
a hibachi table.

-You don't see that every day.
-ALF: You don't.

(scoffs, chuckles)
Trick.

Do the math. These things
pay for themselves in, like,

three shogun dinners.

Anyway, Ronnie's gonna give you
the rest of the tour

while I whip up
some more of these homemade...

snacks.

(chuckles)
A'ight, check this out.

This place was originally
painted taupe,

but we were like,
quot;Give us that beige.quot; (chuckles)

Oh, shit, Courtney.

There a bunch of
motherfucking elves in my house?

Oh, no, it's just these bomb-ass
cookies I made from scratch.

RONNIE: There's four more
flatties in there,

which is more than Zack has
in his entire house,

bringing the grand total
of viewing to about 620 inches,

give or take a square foot.

And, uh,
that's pretty much the crib.

This place is amazing.

It's, like, whimsical.
(chuckles)

Which one of you lives here?

What?

Whew! All right, fellas,
be very careful

with these. They're very,

very fresh.

Homemade.

En-Enough about us, you know?

I'm starting to get embarrassed.

Let's play some fucking poker,
boys.

-Let's do it.
-Let's go.

ALF: All right.
White chips are $1K,

green chips are $5K,

and red chips are $10K!

(chuckles) W-We usually just do,
like, a $20 buy-in.

WILLIAM:
Once I lose my 20, I just

go home to the family
and I call it a night.

Yeah, Bill. We get it.

You're loved.

RONNIE:
All in.

Blind.

All in.

And I fold.

RONNIE:
I also fold.

W-Wait, you went a-all in
but then you folded?

Too rich for your blood,
Chevalier?

Confused?

Huh? Can't follow our game?

You don't know
what we're gonna do next.

That's because we don't know
what we're gonna do next.

(chuckles)
Yeah. IL Lou taught us that.

And, holy shit, do people
lose their minds every time.

I'm sorry, who is this Lou
that you guys keep mentioning?

The fuck you just say to me?

Who is Lou?

Hey, guys,
m-maybe we should just play.

Yeah.

Let's just play.

But I got a friend coming.

Hey, Bill.

I want to introduce you
to Lou.

Deal him in.

Okay, maybe we should just,
uh, put a movie on

or... I just don't think

you guys are in
the right headspace for poker.

(chuckles)
Yeah, you're right.

Let's play a real man's game.

-High card.
-(gasps)

But let's up the ante--

play for assets,

starting with these TVs.

-I don't want to do that.
-Of course you don't, Dan.

You never want to do
anything fun.

You're boring, dawg!

Come on, guys,
we're all friends.

Who are you,
our mediator now?

Maybe you should've mediated
yourself

some more girls
in high school.

Instead, they ignored you,

'cause of that weird-ass
belly birthmark.

ALF: Nobody wanted to swim
with your ass, Zack.

(chuckles)
Your body made people sad.

Those are scars
from my botched appendectomy.

-RONNIE: Good for you.
-Not good for me.

It was really bad for me.

And I thought this
was a friendly game, all right?

N-None of us want to bet
our TVs.

Why? 'Cause there's some sort
of narrative going around town

that, since Lou died,
we're not doing well

and we can't afford
to gamble TVs?

'Cause, news flash, we can!

Okay, well, I-I can't.

RONNIE:
Fine! Fuck it!

I'll make you a deal.

Let's bet one of these fine TVs

up against that basic-ass
tri-blend sweatshirt

-you're wearing.
-Okay, look, it's getting a little out of hand.

I'll take that deal.

-Oh!
-Oh! Shit!

-Look at your boy.
-Bill!

-Look at your boy.
-Motherfucking Bill!

Let's do it, Bill.

You get first card,

'cause I'm a fucking gentleman,
Bill.

You can have the first card.

King! Not good!

Two! Damn it!

-(chuckling)
-ALF: All right, let's go again.

We got TVs for days.

-That's a three for Bill.
-Uh-oh.

-(sputters) Uh-oh, Bill.
-Sorry, Bill.

Billy boy, have you ever heard
the parable

about the scorpion and the f--
Two again?!

-What the fuck?!
-RONNIE: Okay, give me those.

Let's go. Boom! Seven!

Boom! Five!

Shit! Okay! Eight!

Eight! We tied now!

The tide is turning.

Four. Two.

Who shuffled these?!

Okay, Bill!
I will bet you

this fucking shuffling machine

which clearly does not
work right

against
your cool-ass Moscot glasses.

-All right.
-Here we go. Ace. Fuck! Two!

(laughing)

How is this happening?!

ALF: Give it to me again.
Cowskin rug

against those elusive glasses.

Wowee, these guys are good!

-We don't have to...
-All right! Uh, vintage jukebox

versus your glasses!

Yikes!

Microwave!

God dang it!

The SodaStream Plus!

Fuck you!

I want you to die!

Tag me in, big fella!

I ain't leaving here tonight

without those beautiful
tortoise shell glasses.

So here--

What in the...

At least we still
have Lou.

RONNIE:
We're losers.

And now we're losers
who are $70,000 in the hole.

$20K against a pair of Tevas
was just reckless.

What are we gonna do
with our lives?

I mean,
who even are we without Lou?

I mean, there's nothing
left for us here.

Even Courtney,
the love of my life...

You haven't mentioned her name
in 15 years.

I want you to know that.

She won't even text me back.

(sighs)

The only texts I get
are from my dad.

He signs off every one
with "Love, Dad."

So what now?

Well, I guess the only thing
left to do

is to...

finally accept that...

things are never gonna be
the same again.

Exactly.

They're gonna be
so much fucking better.

Exactly.

Because when we were looking at
those pictures of us and Lou...

-Bless up.
-...I came up with the idea

to end all ideas.

You remember how we were
the Alonzos of mourning, right?

-Mm-hmm.
-Okay, we're gonna take that

and turn ourselves
into the Lonzos of balling.

We are going to write
a tribute song!

Oh, shit.

We're about to Puff Daddy the
loss of our friend, aren't we?

Think about it. Grievance songs
always top the charts.

And the people that write them,

they never have to worry
about money again.

quot;I'll Be Missing You,quot;
quot;Crossroads...quot;

quot;Tears in Heaven,quot;
quot;Candle in the Wind,quot;

quot;Candle in the Wind
Part Deux...quot;

That song about Paul Walker

after he wraps his Porsche
around that tree.

Bro, this idea
is fucking genius.

What's that?

What's that, now?

Lou approves.

My dawg.

The ticket to future us
is a bereavement track.

My dude, I am so fucking hyped
about this idea!

Let's fucking get going!

Let's fucking write this track
right now!

Oh, shit!

Here we...

Ah...

Welcome to the show, boys.

RONNIE: Are we still doin'
this comeback? Like, together?

Gettin' back to the top?

Of course, man.

Been a rough week.

(screams) God!

Been a rough few weeks.

Holy crap!

Is that a Supreme brick?

Don't look at me!

(choking)

That went just about as well
as it possibly could have.

Get your ass out there,

and you fight for that life
that you want.

Had to come back for my boy.

(grunts)

All right, so, let's get
this show on the road.

Look out.

Eh, shit.

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