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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:13,846 d Boy, crazy boys d 2 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,882 d Such a crazy boy, crazy boys d 3 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,751 d So crazy boy, crazy boys d 4 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:22,255 d Such a crazy boy d 5 00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,991 d Crazy boys such a crazy boy d 6 00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:27,793 d Crazy boys, so crazy boys d 7 00:00:27,794 --> 00:00:28,875 d Crazy boys, such a crazy d 8 00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,377 d Stop and I said, "stop, leave me alone" d 9 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,969 d "Cause I ain't got time to put up with the tone d 10 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,738 d Too busy dreaming I'm the best d 11 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:41,073 d So sorry, Mr. West, but my video would have won d 12 00:00:41,074 --> 00:00:43,075 d If it only did exist d 13 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:12,772 Oh, man. 14 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:13,973 Where are my clothes? 15 00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,341 d Boy, crazy boys d 16 00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,944 d Such a crazy boy, crazy boys d 17 00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:20,780 d So crazy boy, crazy boys d 18 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,982 d Such a crazy boy d 19 00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:25,251 Why do we need clown pants? 20 00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:36,796 d This is about you like everything nowadays d 21 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,365 d You took my heart spread it thin like mayonnaise d 22 00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:40,933 d A broken record still plays d 23 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,134 d But all I hear is static d 24 00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:43,336 d You want to try again d 25 00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:44,870 d Girl, you're so emphatic d 26 00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:46,572 d So dramatic d 27 00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:48,307 d The queen of the erratic, breaking me down d 28 00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:51,777 d So systematic I can't take the pressure d 29 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,045 d I don't need the pain d 30 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:54,146 d It's time to say goodbye d 31 00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:55,348 d Girl, you so insane d 32 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,083 d Boy, crazy boys d 33 00:01:57,084 --> 00:01:59,585 d Such a crazy boy, crazy boys d 34 00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:02,054 d So crazy boy, crazy boys d 35 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:06,292 d Such a crazy boy d 36 00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,299 Hey, little dude. 37 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,767 Hi. 38 00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:16,168 I'm MF Bob. 39 00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:19,305 I'd shake your hand, let's hold the bacon. 40 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:20,206 Bob? 41 00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,774 Yeah, mother fucking Bob. 42 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:22,775 Oh. 43 00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:24,877 Oh. 44 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:27,780 Oh, are you off of betting me? 45 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:29,115 No. You want some bacon? 46 00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:31,851 Have you seen a cell phone anywhere? 47 00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,119 Phil. 48 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:34,286 Bro, what happened last night? 49 00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:36,222 Dude, I have no idea, man. 50 00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:37,890 I can't remember... You have an arrow right here. 51 00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,959 Yeah, no shit. 52 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,827 I didn't notice. 53 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,663 That looks really bad. 54 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:47,033 Yeah, dude, I'm not as worried about that as I am about these. 55 00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:49,802 These were in my ass last night, dude. 56 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,170 And I'm talking deep. 57 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,205 I mean, upside down Grand Canyon deep. 58 00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:55,207 Bro, what the fuck are you wearing? 59 00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:57,777 I couldn't find my clothes anywhere or my phone. 60 00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,145 I need that phone. 61 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,980 I got clothes for you, man. 62 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,181 You mean, you don't remember 63 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,050 how the fuck you got that on? 64 00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:05,317 You got to get that checked out. 65 00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:06,686 You're right. You know what? 66 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,187 I'm gonna do that after I talk to my buddy Phil 67 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,255 in another fucking room. 68 00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:10,856 Yes. Let's go, man. 69 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,992 But who is Phil? I made bacon. 70 00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,827 You're MF Bob, aren't you? 71 00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:15,995 Yeah, it's me. 72 00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,329 Oh, fuck, bro. 73 00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:19,965 I had such a great time last night. 74 00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,967 Party of the year, straight up, man. 75 00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:24,570 And MF Bob, I'm a fat man. 76 00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:25,905 Who am I kidding? 77 00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:27,606 I fucking love bacon, bro. 78 00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:28,407 Give me that. 79 00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:31,911 Oh, fuck. Wait, man. 80 00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:34,513 What time is it? 81 00:03:34,514 --> 00:03:35,614 I don't know, dude. 82 00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:38,150 It's like fucking 3 o'clock or something. 83 00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:39,652 Oh, fuck that... that was open. 84 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,787 3 o'clock, dude, Beth's gonna be here 85 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,122 any fucking minute. 86 00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,390 Fuck Beth right in her butt, bro. 87 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,692 My virgin ass was fucking tampered 88 00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:49,295 with last night, dude, and I didn't hear the burglar 89 00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:50,796 alarm go off. 90 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:51,997 I called Jamie and Beef, 91 00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:53,933 they're gonna be here any minute 92 00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:56,068 and we're gonna find out what the fuck went down last night, dude. 93 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,270 I already checked all the websites for party fucking evidence. 94 00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,592 Nothing, just titties, still cool. 95 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,643 Shit. 96 00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:07,513 Dude, I didn't tell you everything. 97 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,816 Okay, what? 98 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,620 When I woke up this morning... 99 00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:18,057 I was in bed naked with Polly. 100 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,063 Oh, damn! 101 00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,998 I told you this would happen, dude. 102 00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,267 I told you. I know pussy. 103 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,668 I don't think I slept with her, man. 104 00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:33,679 All I remember is I was sitting in my dorm room 105 00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:40,880 and I just started on my homework 106 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:47,586 when I got a incoming call on my computer for Beth. 107 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,096 Hey, baby. Hey, babe. 108 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:59,832 I really, really miss you. 109 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:00,800 Oh, babe. 110 00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:05,243 You know, these long-distance dealios just don't usually work out. 111 00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,309 Oh. 112 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,614 Oh, come on, Beth. 113 00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:19,151 You are the one who decided to pack up and leave 114 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,920 and go to college 115 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,289 when you could have very well just stayed here 116 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,010 and finished out community college with me. 117 00:05:25,458 --> 00:05:26,826 I know, babe. 118 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,563 But I've told you I'm committed and... and... 119 00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,635 Are you playing with yourself? 120 00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:39,872 No, Beth, no. Absolutely not. 121 00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:43,008 You promised me that you wouldn't play 122 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,176 with yourself. 123 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,744 What would Jesus do, Phil? 124 00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,813 I mean, honestly what would he do? 125 00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:51,050 Open the door! 126 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,818 One second. Dude, open the door. 127 00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:54,053 Hold on. 128 00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,422 I have to take a shit. 129 00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:57,423 Hold on, okay, princess. 130 00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:01,627 The cafeteria food is destroying me, dude. 131 00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,662 It's Dia de Los Diarrhea out here. 132 00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:06,498 Cal, go somewhere else, dude. 133 00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:09,134 You know I can only do in home base. 134 00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:10,936 I don't play away games. 135 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:14,039 I need to send a package for the Philippines right away. 136 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,642 Beth, just hold on, all right? 137 00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:17,683 Just... I'll be right back. 138 00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:20,846 Jesus! 139 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,354 Oh! Oh! 140 00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,055 I'm sorry about that, babe. 141 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,790 Beth, Beth, listen. Phil, come on. 142 00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:36,567 There's something that I've been wanting to ask you. 143 00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:39,632 What? 144 00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,513 I was gonna wait until you came home from break. 145 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,838 Oh, shit. 146 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,507 For the warmth of sweet baby mothers, 147 00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:50,142 will you please close the door? 148 00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:53,012 This one is for you, Beth. 149 00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:57,316 Come on, Phil, I really need to go. 150 00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,184 Beth, Beth, just wait. 151 00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:01,820 Just one second, okay, all right? 152 00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:03,222 Oh, it burns. 153 00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,863 Beth, my sweet babe, I know it's not much, 154 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:12,677 but I wanted to show you that I am committed. Oh, wait one more fart. 155 00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,430 Oh, my God, Phil. Yes, yes, oh, my God! 156 00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:21,840 Sweet baby Jesus, yes! 157 00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:22,875 Really, babe? 158 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,043 Oh. 159 00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,778 You know what? 160 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,846 I'm gonna come up, tomorrow. 161 00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:30,582 I think that we should celebrate together, 162 00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:33,018 you know, the special way. 163 00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,187 Okay, I got to go, baby. 164 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,422 Sweet dreams. 165 00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:39,058 Oh, dude, call Guinness Book and the Roto-Rooter, bro. 166 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,967 Holy crap, I need a cigarette after that. 167 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,635 Oh, that burns. 168 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,797 And you just interrupted the best video chat with Beth. 169 00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:54,907 Oh, Beth sucks, bro. 170 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,209 Dude, just layoff, man. She's my girlfriend. 171 00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:58,344 I just proposed to her. 172 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,347 Oh, Jesus. Yeah. 173 00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:04,183 Dude, we're going to the biggest party tonight. 174 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,684 Get Beth out of your mind. 175 00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:09,355 Where? I got us access to the biggest party of the year. 176 00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:13,292 I'm talking college kids, I'm talking alumni together for one night. 177 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:16,895 I'm talking hookers, guns, fire chops, clowns, MILFs, GILFs. 178 00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:19,765 I'm talking about a campus legend, 179 00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:21,667 mother fucking Bob's party, bro. 180 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,702 No way. Dude, how did you get us into that? 181 00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:25,137 Because I'm the fucking, man. 182 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:28,407 Please, please, please take us to the party, Jamie, please. 183 00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:29,908 I already told Phil we're gonna go. 184 00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:31,410 You know they don't let freshman guys 185 00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,012 and we're gonna look like douches. 186 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,114 Please, Jamie-wan Kenobi, you're our only hope. 187 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,081 Honestly, Cal, you think 188 00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:37,449 I'm gonna stroll into this party 189 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,018 with a string bean and a fat farm animal? 190 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,319 Please, please, please, please, please... 191 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,854 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 192 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,522 Woo-hoo! 193 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,883 Under one condition and you're not gonna like it. What? What? 194 00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:50,462 You have to bring the bouncer a gram of coke, 195 00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:51,997 and mother fucking Bob an eighth of weed. 196 00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:54,099 I don't know where to get weed, coke. 197 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:57,503 You're gonna go here, bring cash and tell them 198 00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:58,937 ping pong girl sent you. 199 00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:02,674 Whatever you do, don't let him talk about baseball to you. 200 00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:05,611 Meet in the quad here at 7:00 with the stuff and then 201 00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:06,879 we'll walk over there together. 202 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,480 It's far. Are you gonna be okay? 203 00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:10,749 Yes. Woo-hoo, party time! 204 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,885 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 205 00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:17,256 Oh, my back. 206 00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,057 Oh. 207 00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:21,160 Just for you, hotties. 208 00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,131 Oh, my God. 209 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,001 He's gonna die. 210 00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,204 Hey, out there it's Friday or, 211 00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:34,907 as I like to call it, the real hot day. 212 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:35,408 All right. 213 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,944 Where is the fire, Jewfro? Pat down. 214 00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:45,317 Jeez man, it's nice you don't have a girlfriend. 215 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:47,119 That sucks for you, bro. 216 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,621 What's going on down here? You want to die by the time you're 30? 217 00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,023 Eat your fiber. 218 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,758 Wait. 219 00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:55,060 Where's your wiener? 220 00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:56,341 You're one of them lesbians, huh? 221 00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:59,097 No wiener. Turn around. 222 00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,165 It just doesn't like you. 223 00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:01,700 Hey, watch the mouth. 224 00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,735 All right, you look good back here. 225 00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:06,705 Drop your pants. What? 226 00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:08,240 Time to search your asshole. 227 00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,642 Oh, I don't think so, dude. 228 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:13,312 Is he good? 229 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,279 Yeah, he's good. 230 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,714 Follow me. 231 00:10:19,652 --> 00:10:23,222 Sit down, be quiet and don't speak 232 00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,190 until you're spoken to. 233 00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,488 What? 234 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,294 Very funny, Tom. 235 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:02,815 You are so... 236 00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:07,666 Oh, you two may go. 237 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,401 We were so scared. 238 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,936 Thank you so much. 239 00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,738 Get the fuck out! Get the fuck out! 240 00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:15,140 How dare you! 241 00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:17,175 Oh. 242 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:19,177 I didn't get to hear about Joseph Smith. 243 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,712 Oh, God. 244 00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:23,148 What's that? 245 00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,117 Oh, no, what is that? 246 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:28,420 You're a cop? I'm not a cop. I'm not a cop. I'm Cal. 247 00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:31,156 He's Cal, Tom. 248 00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:32,758 His name is Cal. 249 00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:34,660 Cal? I'm Mr. Tom. 250 00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,341 Hi. This is my beautiful wife Cherry Lu Rou 251 00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:40,966 and this is my place. 252 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:43,669 I bought it, so she'd stop dancing. 253 00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:46,171 And behind you is monkey boy. 254 00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:47,739 That's monkey boy. 255 00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:49,708 We feed him cocaine and bananas. 256 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,976 That's his diet, man. 257 00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,411 I won him in a very dangerous game, 258 00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,372 Of Huila in Colombia and he doesn't speak English. 259 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,050 I speak English. 260 00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,952 See, look at that... 261 00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:03,589 Ping pong girl sent me here. 262 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,759 Oh, ping pong girl. 263 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,561 We love ping pong girl. 264 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,463 We love ping pong girl. 265 00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:12,385 Hal, are you my friend? 266 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,568 What? 267 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,049 He wants to know if you're his friend. 268 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,175 Yes, I'm your friend, Mr. Tom. 269 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,376 Good. 270 00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:25,711 I love friends. 271 00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:26,712 You want a drink? 272 00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:27,946 You want to talk about baseball? 273 00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,414 Let's talk about baseball. 274 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,116 No, I just need to get, um... 275 00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:33,518 I just need to get an eighth of coke 276 00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:35,187 and a gram of weed or an ounce of weed 277 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,989 or an eighth of coke... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa. 278 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,390 I don't remember what I need right now. 279 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:39,992 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 280 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,027 You're freaking me out, man. 281 00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,296 Are you getting nervous? Hold on. I'm not nervous. 282 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,732 When you get nervous, I get nervous and I don't like 283 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:47,733 to get nervous. 284 00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,768 I'm not nervous. 285 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:50,869 Prove you're not a cop. 286 00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,038 I'm not. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. 287 00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:54,706 Bring, bring, bring, bring me the mirror. 288 00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:55,907 Ow right here. 289 00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:57,209 No, no, no, no, no, no. Let's do it. 290 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,111 We are going to do cocaine. Yeah. 291 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,812 Put it right here, put it right here. 292 00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:03,213 I don't think so. I don't think so, I've never done it before. 293 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:06,652 Oh, fuck, I'm wearing wearing flip flops. 294 00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:19,398 Whoo! 295 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:20,265 Whoo! 296 00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,669 Oh my God, please no, please no, please no. 297 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:24,836 I really shouldn't do this. 298 00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:26,038 I really don't feel like I should do this. 299 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,073 I don't feel like... You're gonna like it. 300 00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:29,274 You're gonna do it. You're gonna love it. 301 00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:30,442 You're gonna love it. You're gonna love it. 302 00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,444 Do it, do it, do it. 303 00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:34,513 I got to leave right after this. 304 00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:35,614 Oh! 305 00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:39,418 You did it! 306 00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:42,554 Oh, my God, you're my friend. 307 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,222 You're my friend. 308 00:13:44,223 --> 00:13:45,824 My friend! 309 00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:07,279 Bring the bouncer a gram of coke, 310 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,048 and mother fucking Bob an eighth of weed. 311 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,321 Guys, can I just get my drugs just so I can... 312 00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:17,656 I got to be somewhere. 313 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:18,824 Get him the drugs. Get him the drugs. 314 00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,058 Where do you have to be? 315 00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,294 It's just a college party, MF Bob's. 316 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:25,030 Oh! I'm going to MF Bob's house tonight. 317 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,798 Party, there's a party there. 318 00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:28,300 I'm meeting a client there tonight. 319 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,968 Well, I want to go to that party, Tom. 320 00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:32,270 It's crazy. He's like a... 321 00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:34,606 Oh, drugs, here they are, my friend. 322 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,208 Here you go. That's $600, pal. 323 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,442 $600? 600 bucks? 324 00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,911 I only have... I don't have 600 bucks. I only... 325 00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:42,114 I didn't know drugs were expensive. 326 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,081 Come on, give me the money. 327 00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:44,516 I want to go to the party, Tom. 328 00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:45,450 All right, come on. 329 00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:46,685 I only have $100. 330 00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:49,354 Are you kidding me? He works for me. 331 00:14:49,355 --> 00:14:52,824 He was over here, he make you drugs and he came back. 332 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,760 I pay him for that. Shit. 333 00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:58,130 I said I want to go to the party, Tom. 334 00:14:58,131 --> 00:14:59,171 I want to go to the party. 335 00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:02,134 I have an idea. Give me the $100. 336 00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:06,805 Give me this. You keep that, all right? 337 00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:09,174 Here, honey, you can have that. 338 00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:10,575 Here's what you're gonna do. 339 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,043 You're gonna sit right there 340 00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:13,812 and you're gonna take her to the party, 341 00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:16,348 but you're gonna wait till she gets dressed. 342 00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:17,783 Okay? You happy? 343 00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:20,786 Yes. 344 00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,888 I love you. Okay, good. 345 00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:25,056 You watch her and keep your eyes out 346 00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:26,825 for a Mexican name Cheeba. 347 00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:28,293 He's coming in from Ridge Crest tonight. 348 00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:29,795 I'm gonna meet him there later. 349 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,396 Yeah, sure. Okay, good. 350 00:15:31,397 --> 00:15:33,098 I'm gonna say something to you and I want you to listen. 351 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,066 If anyone touches, if anyone touches her, 352 00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:43,141 I'm going to take clippers and I am going to cut off 353 00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:46,211 your testicles and I'll feed them to you. 354 00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:50,315 If she gets a splinter- anything, you know what I'm gonna do? 355 00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:53,585 I will cut your throat open and then I'm going to pee 356 00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:55,987 in your eyeballs. And then I'm going to open your neck, 357 00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:57,948 I am going to take a shit inside your fucking neck 358 00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,194 and I will fuck your neck. 359 00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:03,556 I will shit rape your fucking neck! 360 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,599 Do you understand that? 361 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,034 Yes, Mr. Tom. 362 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:16,274 Oh, sorry, God. It's the cocaine, man. 363 00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:18,376 I'm sorry. I was out of my mind, that's all. 364 00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:20,345 I meant it, but it was out of line. 365 00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:22,647 You're my friend. I love this guy. 366 00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,984 I love you, Cal. 367 00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:28,587 You're my friend. 368 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,067 I can't believe we're fucking babysitting 369 00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:43,668 a drug dealer's wife. 370 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:46,109 I mean, haven't you seen, I don't know, Scarface, Pulp Fiction? 371 00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,841 This shit always ends badly. 372 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:50,909 Look at her, man. 373 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:52,110 Dude, these are movies, bro. 374 00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:53,945 I'm talking about real life. 375 00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:56,481 In real life Mr. Tom is a fucking psycho, dude. 376 00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:57,849 He's psychotic. 377 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:58,950 His name is probably not Mr. Tom. 378 00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,752 It's probably Keyser Soze. 379 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,854 You know, fuck it, we're going to the party, fuck it. 380 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,824 Yeah, man, okay. As long as we stay out of trouble and I promised Beth, 381 00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:07,392 I'd stay out of trouble. Dude, fuck that. 382 00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:09,160 I can't believe you're nuts are the size of freaking 383 00:17:09,161 --> 00:17:10,328 beach balls of the baby battery 384 00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:11,630 you got backed up in there. 385 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,064 You try saying that again. 386 00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:14,332 I don't know what that means, man, 387 00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:15,567 but Beth is my fiancee, all right. 388 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:16,935 We're getting married. 389 00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:18,036 Yeah, you're way too the fuck 390 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,271 young to get married, bro. 391 00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:20,839 Like, way too fucking young. 392 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,841 Yo, what's up, shark stain? 393 00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:23,842 Oh, my God. 394 00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:24,976 Hi! 395 00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:26,311 I've missed you so much. 396 00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:28,079 Cherry, what are you doing here? 397 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,016 Well, Jew-baka over here was nice enough 398 00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:32,150 to invite me to the party. 399 00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:34,019 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. 400 00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,254 We're actually just talking about marriage. 401 00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:38,990 Oh, my God. I think you guys will make such a cute couple. 402 00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:40,926 Like, I'm voting yes on gay marriage, 403 00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,494 so you faggots can like... 404 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,699 No. This dipshit is getting engaged. 405 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:50,335 He hasn't farted in front of his girlfriend yet. 406 00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,337 Dude, what does that have to do with anything, man? 407 00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:54,005 You haven't farted in front of your girlfriend. 408 00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,073 You can't take your relationship 409 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,075 to the next level, dude. 410 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,010 Yeah, I mean, like, Tom and I are so close that only 411 00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:00,612 has he farted in front of me, 412 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,414 like, I've seen him shit down some guy's neck. 413 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,317 We should probably get going, right? 414 00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,554 Yeah, it's like a 20 minute walk to the party, so... 415 00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:11,256 20 minutes away? 416 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,377 Oh, my God, Cal, you can sit down and rest on the way. 417 00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:17,829 Come on, dude. 418 00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:21,232 Let's go fuck this pig. 419 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:23,134 I'm like already tired. 420 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,212 Scribble dibble, 421 00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:36,982 it's Meester live from mother fucking Bob's. 422 00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,216 We're looking for Jamie. 423 00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:40,385 Oh, hey, Jamie, there she is. 424 00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:41,853 Jamie! 425 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:43,054 Oh, I'll be right back. 426 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,823 Dude, are we Eskimo brothers? 427 00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,024 Yeah, man. Come on in, bro. 428 00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,025 Good to see you. 429 00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:48,626 Yo, lo... 430 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,028 Where the fuck you think you guys are going? 431 00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:51,396 Yo, we're with Jamie, bro. 432 00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:53,164 Dude, who the fuck is Jamie? 433 00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:55,166 She... she was right here. 434 00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:57,102 Hey, man, you better check yourself 435 00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:59,170 before you biggety wreck yourself. 436 00:18:59,171 --> 00:19:00,839 What the fuck did you just say? 437 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,774 Nothing, dude, I'm just kidding. 438 00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,743 Damn straight, man, and I'm gonna have to kick your fucking ass. 439 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:05,844 Do you have to? 440 00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:06,845 Yeah, I have to. 441 00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,246 Here's the thing. 442 00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:10,949 If you let one fatty freshman fuck with you 443 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,250 the shit's gonna go on all year. 444 00:19:12,251 --> 00:19:13,852 It's a matter of principle, man. 445 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,153 Dude, I'm not really fat. 446 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,821 Yeah, and my dick isn't 2 inches long. 447 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:18,289 Thanks God. 448 00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:21,359 So you see, dude, it's out of my hands, bro. 449 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,628 Hey, hey, hey, I didn't know you were gonna be here. 450 00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,830 Yeah, these two limp dicks are my friends. 451 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,332 They're cool, right. 452 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,334 Shit, fellas, why didn't you say you're with her? 453 00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,036 I told you we're with Jamie, bro. 454 00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,118 Dude, who the fuck is Jamie? 455 00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:34,639 Oh. 456 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,642 You two try not to get your asses kicked. 457 00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,944 Cherry, come with me. 458 00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:41,346 Bye, boys. 459 00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,214 But, Cherry, I need to be watching you. 460 00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:45,183 You got 1000 bucks to make me wait? No. 461 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,418 Then see you inside, suckers. 462 00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:50,121 Yo, you two aren't going anywhere. 463 00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:53,858 No freshman, boys. 464 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,160 Hey, King Kong cock. 465 00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:56,761 What about that girl? 466 00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:59,364 Dude, the lady show their titties, man. 467 00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,032 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 468 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,434 Hong Kong. Dude, a clown? 469 00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,436 Dude, it's a party. Who doesn't like clowns? 470 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,175 Dude, the world's most interesting man, really? 471 00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,843 Dude, that's the school principal. 472 00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:13,211 Dean. 473 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,946 I don't give a shit what his name is. 474 00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:15,947 Whoa, step back. 475 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,282 Get the fuck back. 476 00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:24,355 Dude, you let those guys in? 477 00:20:24,356 --> 00:20:26,191 Dude, that's the gay mafia, dude. 478 00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:27,926 The gay fucking mafia. 479 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,795 Oh, you got that stuff? 480 00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:32,864 Oh, damn, oh, dude, I got something for you. 481 00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:33,865 Yeah? 482 00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,867 Te-tee. 483 00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:37,368 Oh, shizites. 484 00:20:37,369 --> 00:20:40,105 Well, I'll tell you what, you're in, 485 00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:41,840 but your boyfriend stays outside. 486 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:42,841 What? Come on, dude. 487 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:43,908 Yeah. 488 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,644 Dude, Eskimo brothers. 489 00:20:46,645 --> 00:20:48,646 Oh, dude, you guys had sex with Jamie? 490 00:20:48,647 --> 00:20:50,682 Yeah, dude, that's makes us Eskimo brothers. 491 00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,851 You know, guys that had sex with the same girl, dude. 492 00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:55,186 Eskimo brothers are even tighter than frat bros, man. 493 00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,855 You're good. Oh, Eskimo. 494 00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:57,989 Get in, man, get in. 495 00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,298 Oh, oh, oh. 496 00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:11,336 Dude, dude, you didn't tell me you had sex with Jamie. 497 00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:15,673 Oh, I didn't, bro. 498 00:21:15,674 --> 00:21:18,276 But you just told everyone that you did. 499 00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,445 Yeah, it's called saving your ass. 500 00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:23,882 Right, but no one's gonna think that you actually 501 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,250 had sex with Jamie. 502 00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:26,784 Oh, you mean, people are gonna think 503 00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:28,553 I've had more sex than I've actually have. 504 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,329 But, dude, now these people are gonna actually think 505 00:21:34,426 --> 00:21:36,127 that you slept with her and, you know, 506 00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:38,363 she might find out and feel... 507 00:21:38,364 --> 00:21:40,899 Dude, talk to me after you've actually finger 508 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,667 banged a girl, right? 509 00:21:42,668 --> 00:21:44,736 We're at the best party of the year 510 00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:46,471 and I've only got two things to do. 511 00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:48,552 One, take care of Cherry. Two, make sure we get laid. 512 00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:53,378 Oh, my God, I see titties. Later. 513 00:21:59,185 --> 00:22:00,919 Here, let me fill that for you. 514 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,887 What? 515 00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:04,155 Unbelievable. 516 00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:05,290 Um... 517 00:22:05,291 --> 00:22:07,892 It's okay, I don't bite. 518 00:22:07,893 --> 00:22:10,361 Hi, I'm Phil. 519 00:22:10,362 --> 00:22:11,896 Loosen up, Phil. 520 00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:13,164 Sorry. 521 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,700 Oh, God, you probably think I'm... 522 00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:17,421 A nervous freshman who probably doesn't know 523 00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,672 anybody here. 524 00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:22,307 Yeah, actually. 525 00:22:22,308 --> 00:22:25,143 Let me be the first to officially welcome you 526 00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:26,911 to the campus party scene. 527 00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:28,446 Well, thank you. 528 00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:30,782 You know, I... I didn't really think 529 00:22:30,783 --> 00:22:33,685 there'd be anyone so cool to talk to. 530 00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:35,987 Hey, do either one of you want to buy a white elephant tusk 531 00:22:35,988 --> 00:22:37,288 for really cheap? 532 00:22:37,289 --> 00:22:38,489 Either one of you, white elephant tusk. 533 00:22:38,490 --> 00:22:40,325 No, nothing? White elephant tusk. 534 00:22:40,326 --> 00:22:41,687 Hey, would you maybe, I don't know, 535 00:22:43,229 --> 00:22:44,862 want to head into the kitchen 536 00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:46,364 and talk for a little bit? 537 00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:47,832 Bro, what are you still doing here? 538 00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:50,401 It's like boob fest 3000 out there 539 00:22:50,402 --> 00:22:52,170 and I lost Cherry. 540 00:22:52,171 --> 00:22:54,072 If I don't find her, I'm gonna get shit on and raped. 541 00:22:54,073 --> 00:22:55,707 Shit raped, man. 542 00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:58,076 Dude, I'm kind of right in the middle of talking 543 00:22:58,077 --> 00:22:59,110 to Polly here. 544 00:22:59,111 --> 00:23:02,113 Dude, I need you now. 545 00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:03,354 Okay, 5 minutes, in the kitchen? 546 00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:07,085 I'll be waiting. 547 00:23:12,691 --> 00:23:16,694 Dude, that was Polly fucking Wallace. 548 00:23:16,695 --> 00:23:18,696 I'm not saying that just to emphasize a point. 549 00:23:18,697 --> 00:23:20,737 Her nickname is fucking. Polly fucking Wallace, bro. 550 00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:24,702 You're getting laid tonight. 551 00:23:24,703 --> 00:23:26,137 Well, what are you talking about, man? 552 00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:27,839 I'm not trying to get laid here. 553 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:31,209 That's what you think, dude. She's a sure thing. Watch. 554 00:23:31,210 --> 00:23:32,610 Bro, dude, I just have one question. 555 00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:37,115 Who here is in my Eskimo network? 556 00:23:37,116 --> 00:23:38,716 Who's had sex with Polly Wallace? 557 00:23:38,717 --> 00:23:39,984 Yeah, I did. 558 00:23:41,053 --> 00:23:42,987 Absolutely. 559 00:23:42,988 --> 00:23:44,228 Dude, even the Dean's rocked it. 560 00:23:46,892 --> 00:23:48,293 You're getting laid. 561 00:23:48,294 --> 00:23:51,062 Dude, seriously, all we're doing is talking. 562 00:23:51,063 --> 00:23:53,898 No way, bro, she's cock crazy. 563 00:23:53,899 --> 00:23:55,199 She gonna get you drunk 564 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,001 and ride you like a rodeo, brother. 565 00:23:57,002 --> 00:23:58,236 Whoo! 566 00:23:58,237 --> 00:23:59,704 Now we go to go find Cherry. 567 00:23:59,705 --> 00:24:03,308 Uh, but before that I am going to stick 568 00:24:03,309 --> 00:24:06,711 my penis in that nice little girl walking by. 569 00:24:06,712 --> 00:24:08,913 Phil, Cal, what's up, guys? 570 00:24:08,914 --> 00:24:10,415 Hey, what's up, Hensen? 571 00:24:10,416 --> 00:24:12,150 Fuck off, Hensen. We can't be seen with you here. 572 00:24:12,151 --> 00:24:14,719 You're a funny guy. See you later. 573 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,721 Dude, that was for the best. 574 00:24:16,722 --> 00:24:19,390 Fucking Hensen is a loser, bro. 575 00:24:19,391 --> 00:24:21,793 When chicks see him they get dry. 576 00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:24,028 Now come on, go fucking drain your nuts. 577 00:24:24,029 --> 00:24:26,798 Dude, for the last time, I'm not gonna fuck Polly. 578 00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,399 You need to fuck Polly Wallace. 579 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:29,901 Go do some talking with your dick, 580 00:24:29,902 --> 00:24:30,902 don't be a fag. 581 00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:33,471 What did you say? 582 00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:35,073 Yeah, what did you say? 583 00:24:35,074 --> 00:24:36,708 Yeah, what did you say? 584 00:24:36,709 --> 00:24:38,910 Uh, I was just talking to my buddy Phil here, 585 00:24:38,911 --> 00:24:40,211 ot you ga... guys. 586 00:24:40,212 --> 00:24:42,447 You think it's okay to say fag? 587 00:24:42,448 --> 00:24:44,315 You better not have been talking to me. 588 00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:46,150 Look, he didn't mean anything by it. 589 00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:47,719 What exactly did he mean? 590 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,187 Yeah, what did he mean? 591 00:24:49,188 --> 00:24:50,822 It's just a term of endearment. 592 00:24:50,823 --> 00:24:52,390 Like when black people call each other the "N" word 593 00:24:52,391 --> 00:24:55,426 And just what "N" word would that be? 594 00:24:55,427 --> 00:24:56,928 Oh, yes, say it. 595 00:24:56,929 --> 00:24:58,696 I think he's saying that they're gay. 596 00:25:01,934 --> 00:25:03,701 Yes. We're gay. 597 00:25:03,702 --> 00:25:05,269 We're gay, gay, gay, gay. 598 00:25:05,270 --> 00:25:06,371 You're gay, honey? You don't look gay. 599 00:25:06,372 --> 00:25:07,972 I've been gay since '98. 600 00:25:07,973 --> 00:25:10,475 Yeah, trust me, he's gay. 601 00:25:10,476 --> 00:25:13,911 He's, like... like my girlfriend and I'm the, 602 00:25:13,912 --> 00:25:16,147 you know, like, the boyfriend. Tweet-tweet. 603 00:25:16,148 --> 00:25:18,416 Really? Uh-huh. 604 00:25:18,417 --> 00:25:19,917 Then kiss him. 605 00:25:19,918 --> 00:25:21,119 What? Well, yeah, kiss him, kiss him. 606 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:22,186 Yeah, do that. 607 00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:23,821 What? Fuck, no way. 608 00:25:23,822 --> 00:25:26,324 Look, we... we don't do that in public, you know. 609 00:25:26,325 --> 00:25:28,426 I just had garlic, man. Yeah. 610 00:25:28,427 --> 00:25:30,294 Kiss him! 611 00:25:30,295 --> 00:25:31,729 Kiss him! 612 00:25:35,134 --> 00:25:36,534 Okay, yeah. 613 00:25:42,741 --> 00:25:45,910 Oh, isn't that sweet? 614 00:25:45,911 --> 00:25:47,145 Works for me. 615 00:25:47,146 --> 00:25:48,346 Oh! 616 00:25:48,347 --> 00:25:50,027 I told you faggots, you made a cute couple. 617 00:25:52,251 --> 00:25:54,986 I love homosexuals. 618 00:25:58,891 --> 00:26:01,058 Dude, that was really scary, man. 619 00:26:07,533 --> 00:26:09,834 You put your tongue in my mouth, dude. 620 00:26:09,835 --> 00:26:11,769 Dude, what the hell was I supposed to do? 621 00:26:11,770 --> 00:26:14,405 It was the gay mafia. It had to look realistic. 622 00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:17,041 You'll clean my life out. 623 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:36,260 Hey. 624 00:26:36,261 --> 00:26:37,695 Hey. 625 00:26:37,696 --> 00:26:39,797 I've been waiting for you. 626 00:26:39,798 --> 00:26:41,032 You okay? 627 00:26:42,034 --> 00:26:43,668 Yeah, no, I'm fine. 628 00:26:43,669 --> 00:26:46,604 It's just I think I pounded that last drink 629 00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:49,340 a little bit too quickly. 630 00:26:49,341 --> 00:26:52,076 I could really stand to get something in me right now, actually. 631 00:26:52,077 --> 00:26:54,517 Oh, my God. I would love to get a little something in me, too. 632 00:26:56,849 --> 00:26:58,450 You know what sounds really, really good? 633 00:27:01,253 --> 00:27:03,888 Um, what's that? 634 00:27:03,889 --> 00:27:05,523 Bacon. 635 00:27:05,524 --> 00:27:06,290 I love bacon. 636 00:27:07,593 --> 00:27:10,194 After that everything pretty much went black. 637 00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:17,101 I mean, that's all I really remember. 638 00:27:20,706 --> 00:27:23,441 Yeah, that's mostly right, 639 00:27:23,442 --> 00:27:25,710 but I remember it more like this. 640 00:27:44,263 --> 00:27:46,430 No, dude, I'm gonna stop you right there 641 00:27:46,431 --> 00:27:48,199 'cause that is not how shit went down. 642 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,636 Fine. Dude, I remember as much as you remember. 643 00:27:51,637 --> 00:27:54,071 I mean, someone slipped something in our drinks 644 00:27:54,072 --> 00:27:55,706 or some shit. 645 00:27:55,707 --> 00:27:57,008 Well, dude, we got to figure it out, all right, 646 00:27:57,009 --> 00:27:58,876 because Beth's gonna be here any minute 647 00:27:58,877 --> 00:28:01,846 and I need to know if I slept with Polly or not. 648 00:28:01,847 --> 00:28:03,114 We know what happened, dude. 649 00:28:03,115 --> 00:28:04,749 You laid the lumber. 650 00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:07,385 I don't think so, man. I think I'd remember sex. 651 00:28:07,386 --> 00:28:08,886 We got dosed, man. 652 00:28:08,887 --> 00:28:10,988 I don't even know where Cherry is. 653 00:28:10,989 --> 00:28:14,158 I'm probably moments away from getting shit raped 654 00:28:14,159 --> 00:28:15,726 and murdered by Mr. Tom. 655 00:28:15,727 --> 00:28:17,607 I just... I need to know what happened last night 656 00:28:19,565 --> 00:28:21,098 for sure. 657 00:28:21,099 --> 00:28:22,900 Oh, I get it, dude. 658 00:28:22,901 --> 00:28:25,169 You don't want to give her the syphilo, 659 00:28:25,170 --> 00:28:26,337 the syphilitis. 660 00:28:26,338 --> 00:28:27,338 No. 661 00:28:27,339 --> 00:28:28,339 Yo, Cal! 662 00:28:28,340 --> 00:28:30,341 Yo, Eskimo. 663 00:28:30,342 --> 00:28:33,411 Uh, yo. 664 00:28:33,412 --> 00:28:34,812 Yo. 665 00:28:34,813 --> 00:28:36,581 Hey, I heard you needed some help, man. 666 00:28:36,582 --> 00:28:37,915 I brought Georgia here. 667 00:28:37,916 --> 00:28:41,152 She's got like a pornographic memory. 668 00:28:41,153 --> 00:28:43,788 Photographic memory and there's no such thing. 669 00:28:43,789 --> 00:28:45,489 See, pretty and smart, huh. 670 00:28:45,490 --> 00:28:48,759 Yeah, she is hot. 671 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:52,496 Hey, have you guys seen a phone? No. 672 00:28:52,497 --> 00:28:53,965 Jesus, what happened to your shoulder? 673 00:28:53,966 --> 00:28:56,834 Look, don't worry about my shoulder, George. 674 00:28:56,835 --> 00:28:58,636 Okay, here's the fucking scoop. 675 00:28:58,637 --> 00:29:00,771 Phil, his girlfriend's coming. 676 00:29:00,772 --> 00:29:03,441 He woke up naked with no clothes in bed with Polly 677 00:29:03,442 --> 00:29:04,775 fucking Wallace. 678 00:29:04,776 --> 00:29:06,711 Dude, you need a shot. How is your dick? 679 00:29:06,712 --> 00:29:08,412 A little bit of itching, a little burning? 680 00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:09,447 Can I see it? 681 00:29:09,448 --> 00:29:11,916 No. No, ma'am. 682 00:29:11,917 --> 00:29:13,637 I don't feel comfortable discussing my penis 683 00:29:15,654 --> 00:29:17,555 with someone I just met. 684 00:29:17,556 --> 00:29:18,990 I told you, bro, you don't need an expert. 685 00:29:18,991 --> 00:29:20,591 You're already scratch-a-thon. 686 00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:22,093 Dude, I don't need to scratch. 687 00:29:22,094 --> 00:29:25,329 It's just 'cause you keep putting that in my head. 688 00:29:25,330 --> 00:29:27,665 Let's just get back to what happened, all right. 689 00:29:27,666 --> 00:29:29,467 Do you have any idea? 690 00:29:29,468 --> 00:29:32,603 Oh, man, I don't remember much because I was pretty trashed, 691 00:29:32,604 --> 00:29:35,072 but here's what I remember. 692 00:29:35,073 --> 00:29:36,914 It was me at the door and wall to wall bitches, 693 00:29:39,511 --> 00:29:40,911 every single one of them. 694 00:29:40,912 --> 00:29:42,346 I love you, Beef. 695 00:29:44,349 --> 00:29:45,816 Well, a lot of ladies do. 696 00:29:45,817 --> 00:29:48,352 Just go ahead and wait inside and stand in line 697 00:29:48,353 --> 00:29:49,654 with the rest of them. 698 00:29:49,655 --> 00:29:51,522 I'd wait all night if I had to. 699 00:29:51,523 --> 00:29:52,657 I'm sure you would. 700 00:29:52,658 --> 00:29:54,191 You sexy beast. 701 00:29:54,192 --> 00:29:55,660 Yo, you two can't come in. 702 00:29:57,963 --> 00:29:59,063 Oh. 703 00:29:59,064 --> 00:30:01,232 Sorry, these two ass monkeys are with me. 704 00:30:04,369 --> 00:30:06,370 Hey, who is that hottie? 705 00:30:06,371 --> 00:30:08,406 Oh, thanks, handsome. 706 00:30:08,407 --> 00:30:09,440 Bye, boys. 707 00:30:11,376 --> 00:30:14,378 But I thought she was... 708 00:30:14,379 --> 00:30:15,579 What? 709 00:30:15,580 --> 00:30:17,181 You thought she was with you? 710 00:30:17,182 --> 00:30:19,917 Well, you know, once, like, a long time ago. 711 00:30:19,918 --> 00:30:22,853 No, dude, it just means that you're in my Eskimo network, 712 00:30:22,854 --> 00:30:24,355 you know, two guys that are banging 713 00:30:24,356 --> 00:30:25,523 the same girl, man. 714 00:30:25,524 --> 00:30:27,358 It's all good. Yeah, dude. 715 00:30:27,359 --> 00:30:28,392 Whoo! 716 00:30:28,393 --> 00:30:29,360 Glenn. 717 00:30:31,196 --> 00:30:32,463 Glenn. 718 00:30:32,464 --> 00:30:34,365 He tastes like beef jerky. 719 00:30:34,366 --> 00:30:36,367 I do. 720 00:30:36,368 --> 00:30:37,501 Glenn. 721 00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:39,537 What? Wait, I love you. 722 00:30:39,538 --> 00:30:41,439 I love you. 723 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:42,840 Okay. 724 00:30:42,841 --> 00:30:44,608 Glenn, come here, man. 725 00:30:46,044 --> 00:30:47,211 Hmm? 726 00:30:52,384 --> 00:30:54,018 Bye. Who's that? 727 00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:55,886 I don't know who that was. 728 00:30:55,887 --> 00:30:57,888 Oh, man. Well, dude, you up for a game of assketball? 729 00:30:57,889 --> 00:30:59,156 You know it, brosef. 730 00:30:59,157 --> 00:31:01,292 Hells yeah. Hey, Derek. Yo. 731 00:31:01,293 --> 00:31:03,360 Come watch the door, man, I'll be back in ten. 732 00:31:03,361 --> 00:31:04,395 Oh, yeah. 733 00:31:04,396 --> 00:31:05,362 Pussy central. 734 00:31:06,932 --> 00:31:09,900 You're cute. 735 00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:13,504 And you're just the right amount of drunk. 736 00:31:19,678 --> 00:31:21,846 Hey, Glenn, give those M&Ms, man. 737 00:31:40,632 --> 00:31:42,199 Hey, I got this for you. 738 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:43,200 What? 739 00:31:43,201 --> 00:31:44,735 Just drink it. 740 00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:46,604 I bet Meester here can chug the whole thing 741 00:31:46,605 --> 00:31:47,671 in under 5 seconds. 742 00:31:47,672 --> 00:31:49,607 Don't make me pay him. 743 00:31:49,608 --> 00:31:51,375 Chug it, Beef. 744 00:31:51,376 --> 00:31:52,476 Oh, wow. 745 00:31:57,182 --> 00:32:00,384 Hope you got that for your stupid movie. 746 00:32:00,385 --> 00:32:01,585 I did. 747 00:32:06,491 --> 00:32:07,625 Oh, my God. 748 00:32:07,626 --> 00:32:09,693 You have such amazing eyes. 749 00:32:09,694 --> 00:32:10,894 My tits are down here, asshole. 750 00:32:12,164 --> 00:32:13,798 Mother... 751 00:32:15,033 --> 00:32:16,600 Hey, babe, it's me. 752 00:32:18,370 --> 00:32:21,138 So I got the wedding colors picked out already. 753 00:32:21,139 --> 00:32:24,475 I think I'm gonna pick lavender and white because, 754 00:32:24,476 --> 00:32:26,677 you know, those are my favorite colors. 755 00:32:26,678 --> 00:32:28,379 Let me know what you think. Bye. 756 00:32:34,085 --> 00:32:35,753 Hey, man, what's up, Beef? 757 00:32:35,754 --> 00:32:37,922 Hey, give us some of that candy, man. 758 00:32:37,923 --> 00:32:39,790 I can't, man, I got to use it for something. 759 00:32:39,791 --> 00:32:41,058 Use it? What the fuck? 760 00:32:41,059 --> 00:32:44,862 Hey, man, share some of that candy. 761 00:32:44,863 --> 00:32:46,597 Dude, this isn't Casablanca babes, 762 00:32:46,598 --> 00:32:49,767 Stop bogartin' the goddamn candy and pass it out, man. 763 00:32:49,768 --> 00:32:53,137 Hey, you want to get high? 764 00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:55,606 Hell, man, there's a priest molesting little boys, 765 00:32:55,607 --> 00:32:56,740 hell yeah! 766 00:32:56,741 --> 00:32:57,775 Hey, give them some candy. 767 00:32:57,776 --> 00:33:00,010 Yeah, candy. 768 00:33:15,794 --> 00:33:17,595 You know about stereotypes? 769 00:33:17,596 --> 00:33:21,432 You know how that black guys only like that white chicks? 770 00:33:21,433 --> 00:33:24,435 What if black guys don't really like fat white chicks 771 00:33:24,436 --> 00:33:26,237 but they like frozen Snickers bars, 772 00:33:26,238 --> 00:33:29,340 and fat white chicks always has frozen Snickers bars? 773 00:33:30,075 --> 00:33:32,877 That shit is racist, man. 774 00:33:34,446 --> 00:33:36,247 Hey, man, you're fucking racist, mother fucker. 775 00:33:36,248 --> 00:33:39,016 Hey, Jamal, what did you get on your SATs? 776 00:33:39,017 --> 00:33:41,719 I don't know, man, barbeque sauce. 777 00:33:45,790 --> 00:33:47,258 Oh, there she is. 778 00:33:47,259 --> 00:33:48,759 Fuck you asshole face. 779 00:33:50,795 --> 00:33:53,797 And I want my abortion money tonight. 780 00:33:53,798 --> 00:33:55,432 Yeah, asshole face. 781 00:33:55,433 --> 00:33:57,701 Yo, man, I never went inside her, man. 782 00:33:57,702 --> 00:33:59,036 I went in her eyes. 783 00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:00,437 She probably didn't see that coming. 784 00:34:05,644 --> 00:34:07,144 What happened? 785 00:34:07,145 --> 00:34:09,113 Hey, man, who listens to music in a party, dude? 786 00:34:09,114 --> 00:34:10,948 Hey, man, give me more candy. 787 00:34:10,949 --> 00:34:12,483 I can't, man, I need it for something, man. 788 00:34:12,484 --> 00:34:13,851 Come on, Glenn, let's get out of here 789 00:34:13,852 --> 00:34:14,952 and get that little pudwacker. 790 00:34:14,953 --> 00:34:16,453 Thanks for the weed, guys. 791 00:34:16,454 --> 00:34:18,122 All right stereotypical white dude. 792 00:34:21,693 --> 00:34:23,227 Hold on, man, hold on, hold on. 793 00:34:23,228 --> 00:34:25,729 All jokes aside, man, where the fuck is our bong? 794 00:34:25,730 --> 00:34:28,632 Oh, shit, where is our bong, man? 795 00:34:28,633 --> 00:34:29,667 It disappeared. 796 00:34:33,204 --> 00:34:35,806 Do you guys want to buy this bong for $50? 797 00:34:35,807 --> 00:34:37,708 Oh, yeah, yeah, we'll buy it, ma'am. 798 00:34:37,709 --> 00:34:39,443 Awesome. 799 00:34:39,444 --> 00:34:41,712 I got $60 right here. Good. 800 00:34:41,713 --> 00:34:43,647 Thank you. 801 00:34:43,648 --> 00:34:44,949 Can I get my change please? 802 00:34:44,950 --> 00:34:46,650 I don't do change. I'm so sorry. 803 00:34:46,651 --> 00:34:47,732 It's just like our old one. 804 00:34:48,720 --> 00:34:50,955 Oh, my God, Tiffany. 805 00:34:52,657 --> 00:34:54,658 My name is not Tiffany. 806 00:34:54,659 --> 00:34:56,660 It's Cherry, you bitch. 807 00:34:56,661 --> 00:34:57,161 Oh! 808 00:34:58,196 --> 00:35:00,197 Look at your face. 809 00:35:01,766 --> 00:35:03,801 Die, dog, die. 810 00:35:06,838 --> 00:35:07,639 I think it's broken. 811 00:35:08,206 --> 00:35:10,808 This is a decimal right here. 812 00:35:17,983 --> 00:35:20,884 Hey, Phil, it's me again. 813 00:35:20,885 --> 00:35:23,053 So I was thinking we should go out 814 00:35:23,054 --> 00:35:24,989 to a really nice restaurant tomorrow 815 00:35:24,990 --> 00:35:26,256 and I think it'll be really cool 816 00:35:26,257 --> 00:35:28,959 if you propose to me again in front of everyone. 817 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:30,661 Doesn't that sound awesome? 818 00:35:30,662 --> 00:35:32,296 Okay, call me back, babe. 819 00:35:34,399 --> 00:35:36,700 So my doctor strongly advised 820 00:35:36,701 --> 00:35:38,902 that I should get my penis reduction sooner, 821 00:35:38,903 --> 00:35:39,937 rather than later. 822 00:35:39,938 --> 00:35:41,205 Yeah. 823 00:35:41,206 --> 00:35:43,507 What's your name? 824 00:35:43,508 --> 00:35:44,875 Pilar. 825 00:35:44,876 --> 00:35:47,711 Pilar, I'm Cal. 826 00:35:47,712 --> 00:35:49,513 Hi. 827 00:35:53,885 --> 00:35:55,119 Guess what? 828 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,688 We should really get you out of these wet clothes. 829 00:36:04,229 --> 00:36:07,264 You know what, I bet your dad was a thief 830 00:36:07,265 --> 00:36:09,299 because he stole the stars in the skies 831 00:36:09,300 --> 00:36:11,001 and put them in your eyes. 832 00:36:11,002 --> 00:36:14,438 My daddy was shot and killed while stealing 833 00:36:14,439 --> 00:36:17,241 from a jewelry store, you asshole. 834 00:36:18,443 --> 00:36:20,511 What the... 835 00:36:25,050 --> 00:36:26,417 Is everyone okay up there? 836 00:36:26,418 --> 00:36:28,185 Yeah, but you shot a dog. 837 00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:29,887 Oh, it's not my first. Is it still alive? 838 00:36:29,888 --> 00:36:33,057 Yeah, it's still moving. 839 00:36:33,058 --> 00:36:34,391 How about now? 840 00:36:34,392 --> 00:36:36,894 Yeah, that did it, it's dead. 841 00:36:36,895 --> 00:36:38,896 Just put the bottle down, man. 842 00:36:40,899 --> 00:36:43,100 Hey, why don't we go do a tarot reading. I'll charge you, but... 843 00:36:43,101 --> 00:36:45,836 Do you know how degrading it is to come to a party 844 00:36:45,837 --> 00:36:48,078 where you're hired as a clown and find your ex girlfriend 845 00:36:49,908 --> 00:36:51,141 here with someone? 846 00:36:51,142 --> 00:36:53,310 You cheated on me multiple times 847 00:36:53,311 --> 00:36:55,031 with the moms from your birthday party gigs. 848 00:36:56,915 --> 00:36:57,748 You back off, man. 849 00:36:58,616 --> 00:37:01,051 Oh, my God. 850 00:37:03,722 --> 00:37:05,456 My hero. 851 00:37:05,457 --> 00:37:07,291 I am gonna take such good care of you. Rawr! 852 00:37:11,296 --> 00:37:14,465 Now somebody get that clown the hell out of here. 853 00:37:18,036 --> 00:37:19,703 So that was weird. 854 00:37:19,704 --> 00:37:21,872 I thought it was pretty cool what he did. 855 00:37:21,873 --> 00:37:24,141 Well, I mean, I totally could have kicked that 856 00:37:24,142 --> 00:37:25,342 clown's ass, but, you know, 857 00:37:25,343 --> 00:37:26,910 Phil had the sitch under control. 858 00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:28,312 Mm. 859 00:37:28,313 --> 00:37:29,913 My sorority sisters are waiting for me upstairs, 860 00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:31,915 let's go. Oh, hell yeah. 861 00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:34,918 I really want to screw that guy. 862 00:37:34,919 --> 00:37:36,453 Me too. 863 00:37:42,727 --> 00:37:44,728 Okay, well, your lifeline is very short, 864 00:37:44,729 --> 00:37:47,231 but there's nothing I can really do about that, all right? 865 00:37:47,232 --> 00:37:49,066 Do you have any other questions? 866 00:37:49,067 --> 00:37:51,902 Um, what about my love life? 867 00:37:51,903 --> 00:37:53,137 Your love life? Okay. 868 00:37:53,138 --> 00:37:55,072 Well, I hate to tell you this, 869 00:37:55,073 --> 00:37:56,473 but your boyfriend is fucking everybody. 870 00:37:56,474 --> 00:37:59,143 Everybody, he fucks everything with vagina. 871 00:37:59,144 --> 00:38:00,911 I know. It's terrible. 872 00:38:00,912 --> 00:38:02,212 Are you kidding me? 873 00:38:02,213 --> 00:38:03,747 He's supposed to be at bible study. 874 00:38:03,748 --> 00:38:06,283 Bible study? No. He is not at bible study. 875 00:38:06,284 --> 00:38:08,318 No, no. You know what I would do if I were you? 876 00:38:08,319 --> 00:38:11,255 I would find the ugliest, most repulsive 877 00:38:11,256 --> 00:38:12,936 looking person at this party and screw him. 878 00:38:15,193 --> 00:38:17,394 Thank you. I will. 879 00:38:21,099 --> 00:38:24,067 Is this marijuana you're smoking? 880 00:38:24,068 --> 00:38:26,603 Is this marijuana, you're... 881 00:38:26,604 --> 00:38:28,272 yes. Why? 882 00:38:28,273 --> 00:38:30,353 I'm not comfortable with you smoking drugs around us. 883 00:38:32,010 --> 00:38:33,911 Okay, come here. 884 00:38:33,912 --> 00:38:35,913 Closer. 885 00:38:35,914 --> 00:38:37,381 Say please. 886 00:38:37,382 --> 00:38:40,050 Please. 887 00:38:44,455 --> 00:38:46,456 All right, why don't we all move on 888 00:38:46,457 --> 00:38:47,658 to the Ouija board? 889 00:38:47,659 --> 00:38:49,092 Okay? 890 00:38:49,093 --> 00:38:50,527 This is not what I was expecting. 891 00:38:50,528 --> 00:38:51,995 Oh! Ooh. 892 00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:55,866 Rusty coke pipes, 893 00:38:55,867 --> 00:38:58,135 that means it's time to switch to heroin everybody. 894 00:38:58,136 --> 00:38:59,403 Take over. 895 00:38:59,404 --> 00:39:00,704 I'm gonna go find a bathroom. 896 00:39:00,705 --> 00:39:02,039 Jamie, hi. 897 00:39:06,077 --> 00:39:07,311 Hello, Jamie. 898 00:39:07,312 --> 00:39:08,745 So Cherry's got you guys 899 00:39:08,746 --> 00:39:10,747 playing with the dark hearts, huh? 900 00:39:10,748 --> 00:39:12,916 We're gonna Ouija. 901 00:39:12,917 --> 00:39:14,251 Actually I have a question. 902 00:39:14,252 --> 00:39:15,492 Um, will I have sex with Elaine? 903 00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:19,923 Yes, I will. 904 00:39:19,924 --> 00:39:21,558 You did that, totally. 905 00:39:21,559 --> 00:39:23,160 No, no, that wasn't me. 906 00:39:23,161 --> 00:39:24,728 Um, here let me try again. 907 00:39:24,729 --> 00:39:27,931 Will I have sex with Marilyn? 908 00:39:27,932 --> 00:39:29,933 Yes, I will. 909 00:39:29,934 --> 00:39:31,034 You did that. 910 00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:32,336 No, I swear it wasn't me. 911 00:39:32,337 --> 00:39:33,570 Will I have sex with Jamie? 912 00:39:36,841 --> 00:39:38,041 No. 913 00:39:39,711 --> 00:39:41,591 Will I have a threesome with Elaine and Marilyn? 914 00:39:44,449 --> 00:39:46,617 Yes, I will. Wow. 915 00:39:46,618 --> 00:39:48,785 Oh, my God, I think it actually moved that time. 916 00:39:48,786 --> 00:39:51,622 You guys know that whatever the Ouija board says 917 00:39:51,623 --> 00:39:53,784 you have to do, no matter how freaky or kinky or gross, 918 00:39:55,493 --> 00:39:56,760 you have to do it. 919 00:39:56,761 --> 00:39:58,962 It's like a thing, like a law. 920 00:39:58,963 --> 00:40:00,063 It's true. 921 00:40:00,064 --> 00:40:01,231 Oh, my God, really? 922 00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:02,466 Yeah. 923 00:40:02,467 --> 00:40:03,767 I guess we have to do it then. 924 00:40:03,768 --> 00:40:04,968 Sounds like we should get a room. 925 00:40:04,969 --> 00:40:05,969 Mm. 926 00:40:05,970 --> 00:40:07,104 Let's go. 927 00:40:21,686 --> 00:40:23,086 All right, I'm gonna find us a room. 928 00:40:23,087 --> 00:40:25,722 Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. 929 00:40:29,460 --> 00:40:33,230 Do you know, my boyfriend thinks that 930 00:40:33,231 --> 00:40:34,792 he is the only one whom he gets to play. 931 00:40:37,235 --> 00:40:38,835 Well, I'll show him. 932 00:40:38,836 --> 00:40:40,704 Yes! 933 00:40:44,042 --> 00:40:46,243 Oh, I can't believe this is actually happening. 934 00:40:46,244 --> 00:40:47,344 No, it sure is, Peter! 935 00:40:47,345 --> 00:40:49,012 It's Cal. 936 00:40:49,013 --> 00:40:50,414 Ow. 937 00:40:50,415 --> 00:40:52,249 Oh! This isn't working. 938 00:40:52,250 --> 00:40:53,583 Move over. 939 00:40:53,584 --> 00:40:55,852 Yes. Get up you fat phone! 940 00:40:55,853 --> 00:40:58,855 Right, so wiggle a little so I can pull your pants off. 941 00:40:58,856 --> 00:41:00,056 Oh, shit. Red alert! Red alert! 942 00:41:03,061 --> 00:41:05,228 Oh, shit. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 943 00:41:05,229 --> 00:41:08,265 Let me get a condom and a towel, we'll try over again. 944 00:41:08,266 --> 00:41:09,933 Oh, fuck. 945 00:41:09,934 --> 00:41:11,501 Please give me a condom. 946 00:41:13,738 --> 00:41:15,372 There's a drunk chick in there. 947 00:41:15,373 --> 00:41:17,507 I'm going to testify that she was sober. 948 00:41:17,508 --> 00:41:19,343 Dude, I don't use condoms, man. 949 00:41:19,344 --> 00:41:20,510 Go, go check the bathroom. 950 00:41:20,511 --> 00:41:21,878 Okay, okay. 951 00:41:21,879 --> 00:41:23,580 Uh, I will find us a room, let's go. 952 00:41:31,322 --> 00:41:33,790 Oh, this so works. Hold on. 953 00:41:34,726 --> 00:41:37,260 Oh, bro. 954 00:41:40,865 --> 00:41:43,066 Ladies, hold on. Dude. 955 00:41:45,737 --> 00:41:48,271 Hey, what the fuck? I was taking a shit, man. 956 00:41:48,272 --> 00:41:49,573 Come on. 957 00:41:49,574 --> 00:41:50,874 Who shits with the door open? 958 00:41:50,875 --> 00:41:52,876 Okay, ladies, hold on, hold on. 959 00:41:53,778 --> 00:41:56,713 Oh, my God I swear I will find us a room. 960 00:42:00,351 --> 00:42:01,785 I will. 961 00:42:01,786 --> 00:42:04,254 Please I need you you in there like fucking stat. 962 00:42:04,255 --> 00:42:05,856 Oh, wait. 963 00:42:09,494 --> 00:42:10,861 Come on, get in here. 964 00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:11,962 What? 965 00:42:11,963 --> 00:42:13,463 Where? What? 966 00:42:13,464 --> 00:42:15,665 Oh, dude, thanks for sharing, man. Sharing? 967 00:42:15,666 --> 00:42:17,334 Don't you know who the fuck this is? 968 00:42:17,335 --> 00:42:19,503 This is Mr. Tom's wife. 969 00:42:19,504 --> 00:42:21,171 Oh, fuck, dude. 970 00:42:21,172 --> 00:42:23,273 I don't want anything to do with this shit, man. 971 00:42:23,274 --> 00:42:24,574 It's too late, bro. 972 00:42:24,575 --> 00:42:25,842 I'm supposed to be watching her. 973 00:42:25,843 --> 00:42:27,277 Mr. Tom's gonna be here any minute. 974 00:42:27,278 --> 00:42:28,745 If she dies, I die 975 00:42:28,746 --> 00:42:31,014 and then bonus, I get shit raped. 976 00:42:31,015 --> 00:42:32,482 Oh, fuck you, dude. 977 00:42:32,483 --> 00:42:33,817 You keep this bitch alive. 978 00:42:33,818 --> 00:42:36,353 If I see Mr. Tom I'll distract him. 979 00:42:36,354 --> 00:42:38,255 Fake ass Eskimo brother. 980 00:42:38,256 --> 00:42:40,257 Fuck. 981 00:42:40,258 --> 00:42:41,858 Oh, man. Goddamn it. 982 00:42:43,728 --> 00:42:45,262 Mr. B is on move. 983 00:42:47,265 --> 00:42:48,498 What? 984 00:42:48,499 --> 00:42:49,900 Later with that. 985 00:42:49,901 --> 00:42:51,981 Oh, my God, you're Mr. Belding from Saved by the Bell. 986 00:42:54,072 --> 00:42:55,739 Well, actually my name is Dennis Haskins 987 00:42:55,740 --> 00:42:57,474 but I did play Mr. Belding. 988 00:42:57,475 --> 00:42:59,276 Yeah, I know, I know. You're like my hero. 989 00:42:59,277 --> 00:43:00,477 I got this. 990 00:43:00,478 --> 00:43:01,945 I need some advice. 991 00:43:01,946 --> 00:43:03,080 Okay, shoot. 992 00:43:03,081 --> 00:43:04,514 All right. 993 00:43:04,515 --> 00:43:06,183 I'm really drunk right now 994 00:43:06,184 --> 00:43:08,351 and inside the bathroom is a drug dealer's wife. 995 00:43:08,352 --> 00:43:09,786 Mr. Tom's wife is in there. 996 00:43:09,787 --> 00:43:11,288 She may have overdosed and she may be dead. 997 00:43:11,289 --> 00:43:13,423 What do I do? 998 00:43:13,424 --> 00:43:14,891 You got a beeper? 999 00:43:14,892 --> 00:43:16,293 No. 1000 00:43:16,294 --> 00:43:17,894 Rotary dial phone? 1001 00:43:17,895 --> 00:43:19,029 No. 1002 00:43:19,030 --> 00:43:20,664 VCR, VHS, 1003 00:43:20,665 --> 00:43:22,766 maybe a floppy disk, eight track. 1004 00:43:22,767 --> 00:43:25,402 Zack phone, pencil, paper clip. Help me out here. 1005 00:43:25,403 --> 00:43:27,270 No, this isn't the '90s, bro. 1006 00:43:27,271 --> 00:43:28,772 I don't have any of that stuff. 1007 00:43:28,773 --> 00:43:31,608 Well, looks like you're in quite a predicament 1008 00:43:31,609 --> 00:43:33,276 and I'm not gonna be able to help you. 1009 00:43:33,277 --> 00:43:35,078 But, you know what though? 1010 00:43:38,583 --> 00:43:40,184 I suggest that you drink this really fast 1011 00:43:42,286 --> 00:43:43,653 and then pass out. 1012 00:43:43,654 --> 00:43:45,455 Yeah. 1013 00:43:47,358 --> 00:43:48,692 Uh. 1014 00:43:48,693 --> 00:43:51,328 Thanks, Mr. Belding... I mean, Dennis. 1015 00:44:05,443 --> 00:44:07,277 And... 1016 00:44:07,278 --> 00:44:09,613 that's all I remember. 1017 00:44:09,614 --> 00:44:12,349 Dude, Mr. Belding was not there. 1018 00:44:12,350 --> 00:44:14,417 No, Mr. Belding, no Zack Morris, 1019 00:44:14,418 --> 00:44:16,386 o Jessy Spano, bro. 1020 00:44:16,387 --> 00:44:17,687 Dude, that's all I remember, man, 1021 00:44:17,688 --> 00:44:20,524 except waking up next to this angel. 1022 00:44:20,525 --> 00:44:22,292 You know, I prefer Tinkerbell, baby. 1023 00:44:22,293 --> 00:44:23,527 All right, guys, listen. 1024 00:44:23,528 --> 00:44:24,368 Me, Polly, no memory. 1025 00:44:27,298 --> 00:44:28,598 Girlfriend coming to town. 1026 00:44:28,599 --> 00:44:30,367 Can we please just stay on track? 1027 00:44:31,736 --> 00:44:33,803 d Hey-ho, pick up your phone d 1028 00:44:33,804 --> 00:44:34,804 Oh. 1029 00:44:34,805 --> 00:44:36,406 Dude, Brah Man. 1030 00:44:37,408 --> 00:44:38,775 What's up, dude? 1031 00:44:38,776 --> 00:44:40,710 Hey, dude, I'm here with Cal and Phil, man. 1032 00:44:40,711 --> 00:44:43,647 You remember Mexican Jonah Hill and Neil Patrick Harris? 1033 00:44:43,648 --> 00:44:45,288 No, dude, he looks like walking HIV, dude. 1034 00:44:47,385 --> 00:44:48,752 I was thinking, man... 1035 00:44:48,753 --> 00:44:50,554 Man, he's either in the movie Philadelphia 1036 00:44:50,555 --> 00:44:52,222 or we need to go to the hospital right now, 1037 00:44:52,223 --> 00:44:53,390 you know. 1038 00:44:53,391 --> 00:44:56,026 Yeah, dude, you remember me, right, Brah Man. 1039 00:44:56,027 --> 00:44:58,595 I'm the one you kept calling Chia Pet. 1040 00:44:58,596 --> 00:45:00,916 Wait, no, you're the one that looks like a gigantic frijole 1041 00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:03,767 with an afro bro, right? 1042 00:45:03,768 --> 00:45:04,768 Well, that's me. 1043 00:45:04,769 --> 00:45:06,236 Holy fucking shit. 1044 00:45:06,237 --> 00:45:08,872 Oh, man, I totally remember those guys, man. 1045 00:45:08,873 --> 00:45:10,974 We were at the party, dude and it's like... 1046 00:45:10,975 --> 00:45:14,211 it was a complete tit fest, dude, and we were getting high... 1047 00:45:14,212 --> 00:45:16,813 And these extreme astrophysical effects 1048 00:45:16,814 --> 00:45:19,182 can lead to short bursts of fusion 1049 00:45:19,183 --> 00:45:20,943 and that's my first lesson in fusion science. 1050 00:45:22,186 --> 00:45:24,254 Oh, my God. You are the smartest man ever. 1051 00:45:27,725 --> 00:45:28,725 Thank you. 1052 00:45:28,726 --> 00:45:30,093 And the sexiest. 1053 00:45:30,094 --> 00:45:31,928 Yeah, I am. 1054 00:45:31,929 --> 00:45:35,198 Hey, you're my greatest customer ever. I never do this. 1055 00:45:35,199 --> 00:45:38,735 But here's a rebate check for $20,000 1056 00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:41,338 and I also want to give you these beautiful ladies. 1057 00:45:42,974 --> 00:45:44,641 Oh, my God. 1058 00:45:47,945 --> 00:45:51,114 Brah Man, you're the coolest man in our solar system. 1059 00:45:51,115 --> 00:45:52,995 Yeah, Brah Man, you're beautiful inside and out. 1060 00:45:54,986 --> 00:45:56,353 I sure am. 1061 00:46:07,932 --> 00:46:10,667 Yes, um, that's all I remember, man. 1062 00:46:10,668 --> 00:46:13,637 Dude, that is not how anything happened. 1063 00:46:13,638 --> 00:46:15,105 Are you fucking kidding me? 1064 00:46:15,106 --> 00:46:17,040 This guy probably can't even drive straight. 1065 00:46:17,041 --> 00:46:18,942 Fuck you, man, I'm not an idiot. 1066 00:46:18,943 --> 00:46:21,011 I'm Asian, dude. I'm smarter than you, man. 1067 00:46:21,012 --> 00:46:23,213 Fuck you and your fucking lumber cut Beatle's haircut. 1068 00:46:23,214 --> 00:46:26,316 Hey, man, fuck you, you walking big brown piece of shit, man. 1069 00:46:26,317 --> 00:46:28,018 I know Yakuza, bro. 1070 00:46:28,019 --> 00:46:29,719 Oh, shit. 1071 00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:32,656 Mother fucker, fuck. 1072 00:46:32,657 --> 00:46:34,224 Talk to me like that... 1073 00:46:34,225 --> 00:46:36,960 Well, it sounds like you're fucked. 1074 00:46:36,961 --> 00:46:38,828 Or at least you were last night. 1075 00:46:38,829 --> 00:46:40,869 Get thee to a healer before the burning starts, man. 1076 00:46:42,667 --> 00:46:43,700 Jamie. 1077 00:46:43,701 --> 00:46:45,402 Meester, cute outfit. 1078 00:46:45,403 --> 00:46:46,204 Oh, scribble dibble. 1079 00:46:48,205 --> 00:46:49,706 You guys see a video camera? 1080 00:46:51,676 --> 00:46:52,742 I can't find it. 1081 00:46:52,743 --> 00:46:53,977 No, I haven't seen it 1082 00:46:53,978 --> 00:46:56,046 but have you seen a phone by chance? 1083 00:46:56,047 --> 00:46:59,449 You shit stains, I told you to stay out of trouble. 1084 00:46:59,450 --> 00:47:02,419 One party and you need your momma to come here 1085 00:47:02,420 --> 00:47:04,054 and wipe your asses? Me-me-me! 1086 00:47:04,055 --> 00:47:05,656 Jamie, just please tell us what happened. 1087 00:47:07,491 --> 00:47:08,892 Okay. 1088 00:47:08,893 --> 00:47:10,293 I'll tell you what happened. 1089 00:47:10,294 --> 00:47:12,195 First your daddy forgot to pull out. 1090 00:47:12,196 --> 00:47:13,963 Then he dropped in your fucking head 1091 00:47:13,964 --> 00:47:15,432 a couple of times. 1092 00:47:15,433 --> 00:47:16,866 And then he forgot to teach you 1093 00:47:16,867 --> 00:47:18,668 how to man up and drink a beer. 1094 00:47:18,669 --> 00:47:20,804 And now I have to come here and clean up this entire mess. 1095 00:47:20,805 --> 00:47:22,138 So Phil's girlfriend will leave everyone 1096 00:47:22,139 --> 00:47:23,907 on campus the fuck alone. 1097 00:47:23,908 --> 00:47:26,209 Oh, Beth, is she here? 1098 00:47:26,210 --> 00:47:29,412 Apparently, she's already torn up the entire dorms 1099 00:47:29,413 --> 00:47:30,413 looking for you. 1100 00:47:30,414 --> 00:47:32,682 Now I'm fucked. 1101 00:47:32,683 --> 00:47:33,683 Fucked. 1102 00:47:33,684 --> 00:47:35,085 What's the problem? 1103 00:47:35,086 --> 00:47:37,053 Well, according to Beef over there, 1104 00:47:37,054 --> 00:47:38,934 Phil stuck his dick in a VD cocktail last night. 1105 00:47:41,025 --> 00:47:42,659 Beef? 1106 00:47:42,660 --> 00:47:43,860 Beef? 1107 00:47:43,861 --> 00:47:45,295 Needledick the bug fucker 1108 00:47:45,296 --> 00:47:48,431 was completely fucking trash last night. 1109 00:47:48,432 --> 00:47:50,233 Hey, so were you. 1110 00:47:50,234 --> 00:47:52,202 I was with Meester all night and we were only half trashed. 1111 00:47:52,203 --> 00:47:55,338 So together we can totally piece together the real deal. 1112 00:47:55,339 --> 00:47:56,873 It's true. 1113 00:47:56,874 --> 00:47:58,675 So, Helen Keller. Need a braille book? 1114 00:47:58,676 --> 00:48:00,677 What the fuck happened? Yeah! 1115 00:48:00,678 --> 00:48:02,245 This is how shit went down. 1116 00:48:02,246 --> 00:48:05,749 I showed up at the party looking insanely gorgeous. 1117 00:48:05,750 --> 00:48:08,685 I mean, seriously amazing. 1118 00:48:08,686 --> 00:48:10,086 Jamie, Jamie. 1119 00:48:10,087 --> 00:48:12,222 You two pricks wait here for one second. 1120 00:48:16,727 --> 00:48:17,827 Did you get the stuff? 1121 00:48:17,828 --> 00:48:19,162 Yeah, sure. 1122 00:48:19,163 --> 00:48:20,797 Not that, you fuck, with the money. 1123 00:48:20,798 --> 00:48:22,832 Oh. Yeah, yeah, sure thing, yeah. 1124 00:48:22,833 --> 00:48:24,067 Oh, we're with Jamie, bro. 1125 00:48:24,068 --> 00:48:25,668 Pricks. I'll be right back. 1126 00:48:25,669 --> 00:48:26,669 Okay, see you inside. 1127 00:48:26,670 --> 00:48:28,004 Okay. 1128 00:48:28,005 --> 00:48:30,140 Beef, they're my friends. 1129 00:48:32,042 --> 00:48:34,978 Oh, Jamie, these guys are with you? 1130 00:48:34,979 --> 00:48:36,780 I didn't know that. Of course, they're welcome. 1131 00:48:36,781 --> 00:48:38,548 Of course, they're welcome. You're the best. 1132 00:48:38,549 --> 00:48:42,185 Aww. You guys try not to get your asses kicked, just try. 1133 00:48:43,921 --> 00:48:45,989 I thought you knew we were with Jamie. 1134 00:48:48,692 --> 00:48:49,692 Ow! 1135 00:48:49,693 --> 00:48:51,327 Jamie. 1136 00:49:01,772 --> 00:49:03,173 Hey. 1137 00:49:59,697 --> 00:50:01,030 Be sure that door is locked. 1138 00:50:01,031 --> 00:50:02,699 If somebody walks in, the price doubles. 1139 00:50:02,700 --> 00:50:04,701 Okay. 1140 00:50:04,702 --> 00:50:05,768 Locked. 1141 00:50:05,769 --> 00:50:07,403 Oh, my God. Wow. 1142 00:50:13,010 --> 00:50:15,512 Ladies and gentlemen... who am I kidding? 1143 00:50:15,513 --> 00:50:17,847 The only people watching this are frat guys. 1144 00:50:17,848 --> 00:50:19,516 All right, let's get it moving, Seacrest. 1145 00:50:19,517 --> 00:50:22,552 You've seen the rest, now check out the best. 1146 00:50:22,553 --> 00:50:24,593 The most insane thing you've ever seen in your life. 1147 00:50:27,024 --> 00:50:28,525 Okay, are you ready, we're rolling? 1148 00:50:28,526 --> 00:50:29,726 Yeah, we're rolling. All right, perfect. 1149 00:50:29,727 --> 00:50:30,727 Bring me a beer. 1150 00:50:30,728 --> 00:50:31,995 All right. 1151 00:50:31,996 --> 00:50:33,229 Meester. 1152 00:50:35,466 --> 00:50:36,799 Oh, ho, ho, ho. 1153 00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:40,003 Holy shit, I had no idea. 1154 00:50:40,004 --> 00:50:43,106 I just thought you wanted more beer. 1155 00:50:43,107 --> 00:50:44,841 Oh, give me a hug, girl, this is amazing. 1156 00:50:44,842 --> 00:50:46,309 Hold on a sec, cowboy, 1157 00:50:46,310 --> 00:50:47,944 o hugging till the talent gets her pants on. 1158 00:50:47,945 --> 00:50:49,612 Oh, you know I'm gay, right? 1159 00:50:49,613 --> 00:50:52,515 Yeah, I just didn't want you to get all perioded on. 1160 00:50:52,516 --> 00:50:54,150 All right. 1161 00:50:54,151 --> 00:50:55,871 Oh, my there's some of your junk in the cup. 1162 00:50:58,322 --> 00:50:59,722 Oh. 1163 00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:00,723 Oh, my God. 1164 00:51:00,724 --> 00:51:02,058 Let's go a two-fer 1165 00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:04,727 on the YouTube delights for tonight. 1166 00:51:04,728 --> 00:51:05,695 Yeah. 1167 00:51:05,696 --> 00:51:07,697 Let's go. 1168 00:51:07,698 --> 00:51:09,032 Come on. 1169 00:51:18,275 --> 00:51:20,395 Okay, so let's see who we can get to drink the menses? 1170 00:51:22,179 --> 00:51:24,781 Who the fuck calls it menses? 1171 00:51:24,782 --> 00:51:26,716 It's called... 1172 00:51:26,717 --> 00:51:27,917 Oh, shit. 1173 00:51:27,918 --> 00:51:29,719 There he is. 1174 00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:32,288 I'm gonna teach this jizz-bucket to tell people he fucked me. 1175 00:51:33,424 --> 00:51:35,491 What? 1176 00:51:36,527 --> 00:51:37,894 Hey, I got you this. 1177 00:51:37,895 --> 00:51:39,128 What? 1178 00:51:39,129 --> 00:51:40,330 I was playing beer pong and I won 1179 00:51:40,331 --> 00:51:41,798 and I wanted you to drink it. 1180 00:51:41,799 --> 00:51:43,600 I wasn't even in the game. 1181 00:51:43,601 --> 00:51:46,769 I told you he'd be too chicken shit just to drink one beer. 1182 00:51:46,770 --> 00:51:48,237 Show you. 1183 00:51:48,238 --> 00:51:50,106 Oh, oh-ho, this shot. 1184 00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:58,281 Wet balls in the face. 1185 00:51:58,282 --> 00:52:00,116 Yeah, well, you got that for your stupid video. 1186 00:52:00,117 --> 00:52:01,784 Oh, we did. 1187 00:52:01,785 --> 00:52:03,519 It so worked. 1188 00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:05,822 Oh, my God, I just cut this girl's hair off. 1189 00:52:18,802 --> 00:52:20,436 Nobody's phone? 1190 00:52:52,970 --> 00:52:54,971 It's a pretty crazy night, huh? 1191 00:52:54,972 --> 00:52:57,173 Yeah, right. 1192 00:52:57,174 --> 00:52:58,741 Um, I should probably, like, 1193 00:52:58,742 --> 00:53:01,044 go find Cherry before she shoots somebody 1194 00:53:01,045 --> 00:53:02,445 or something crazy like that. 1195 00:53:02,446 --> 00:53:05,081 I've known Cherry a long time. 1196 00:53:05,082 --> 00:53:06,749 She'll be okay. 1197 00:53:06,750 --> 00:53:08,317 You know, I want to tell you something. 1198 00:53:11,422 --> 00:53:14,490 This is like the coolest night of my life. 1199 00:53:14,491 --> 00:53:16,526 No, you're actually a pretty cool guy 1200 00:53:16,527 --> 00:53:19,162 when you're not running around trying impress everybody. 1201 00:53:19,163 --> 00:53:21,964 Or make everybody think you're a stud. 1202 00:53:21,965 --> 00:53:23,399 Oh, my God. 1203 00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:24,840 Come here, you have to see this. Okay. 1204 00:53:25,469 --> 00:53:27,003 Phew! 1205 00:53:39,917 --> 00:53:42,885 Phil, every single time you don't pick up the phone 1206 00:53:42,886 --> 00:53:45,655 that's another year that you're waiting to have sex. 1207 00:53:45,656 --> 00:53:47,557 Are you prepared to wait that long? 1208 00:53:47,558 --> 00:53:49,559 Because it's been about 20 calls now. 1209 00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:52,095 Better call me back, sweet cheeks. 1210 00:53:52,096 --> 00:53:53,563 Ugh! 1211 00:53:57,334 --> 00:53:59,168 Please have sex with me. 1212 00:53:59,169 --> 00:54:01,404 Um, have you seen us? 1213 00:54:01,405 --> 00:54:04,073 Yeah, we wouldn't let you videotape us making out. 1214 00:54:04,074 --> 00:54:06,175 Okay, what about... what about... 1215 00:54:06,176 --> 00:54:07,877 Let me just see one nipple. 1216 00:54:07,878 --> 00:54:10,079 Can I suck your elbow skin with my eyes closed? 1217 00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:12,415 It'll feel the same. 1218 00:54:12,416 --> 00:54:14,150 Okay, can I feel your foot? 1219 00:54:14,151 --> 00:54:15,752 Um, yeah, sure. 1220 00:54:15,753 --> 00:54:16,886 Oh! 1221 00:54:24,094 --> 00:54:25,628 Oh... 1222 00:54:29,566 --> 00:54:32,101 Yo, anybody know a bitch named Beth? 1223 00:54:32,102 --> 00:54:33,636 Philip, what the fuck? 1224 00:54:33,637 --> 00:54:35,238 Pick up your phone right now. 1225 00:54:35,239 --> 00:54:37,073 I'm so goddamn angry. 1226 00:54:37,074 --> 00:54:38,007 Oh! 1227 00:54:38,408 --> 00:54:41,210 Jamie. 1228 00:54:44,248 --> 00:54:46,716 Don't forget to pull out there, buddy. 1229 00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:57,860 Yeah! 1230 00:54:57,861 --> 00:54:59,395 Hey, look out! 1231 00:55:02,766 --> 00:55:04,100 Jamie. 1232 00:55:04,101 --> 00:55:05,735 Hello, Cheeba. 1233 00:55:05,736 --> 00:55:07,236 Jamie. 1234 00:55:08,705 --> 00:55:09,772 Cheeba. 1235 00:55:09,773 --> 00:55:11,307 Jamie. 1236 00:55:11,308 --> 00:55:13,242 Where's Mr. Tom? 1237 00:55:13,243 --> 00:55:14,710 I'm right here, Cheeba. 1238 00:55:14,711 --> 00:55:18,114 Look what I found which is a fucking crossbow. 1239 00:55:18,115 --> 00:55:19,248 Mr. Tom, oh, shit. 1240 00:55:19,249 --> 00:55:21,350 Cal, my friend. 1241 00:55:21,351 --> 00:55:22,351 Where's my wife? 1242 00:55:22,352 --> 00:55:25,087 She's dead... tired. 1243 00:55:25,088 --> 00:55:26,889 She's fine, man. 1244 00:55:26,890 --> 00:55:28,391 She was talking about how much she loves you. 1245 00:55:28,392 --> 00:55:30,092 You guys are like the best couple. 1246 00:55:30,093 --> 00:55:31,327 You're a good man. 1247 00:55:31,328 --> 00:55:32,628 How are you, Cheeba? 1248 00:55:32,629 --> 00:55:34,330 I'm good, man. 1249 00:55:34,331 --> 00:55:36,098 I see you still got monkey boy. 1250 00:55:36,099 --> 00:55:37,099 I do. 1251 00:55:37,100 --> 00:55:38,334 Hi, Cheeba. 1252 00:55:38,335 --> 00:55:39,669 You didn't teach him English? 1253 00:55:39,670 --> 00:55:41,437 Who has time to teach English, right? 1254 00:55:41,438 --> 00:55:42,705 You got my stuff? 1255 00:55:42,706 --> 00:55:44,540 Oh, yeah. Yeah. You got my money? 1256 00:55:44,541 --> 00:55:47,109 Yes. I'd like to see the stuff first. 1257 00:55:47,110 --> 00:55:48,177 Eh. 1258 00:55:48,178 --> 00:55:49,378 I want to see the money. 1259 00:55:51,915 --> 00:55:54,250 Where the fuck am I? 1260 00:55:54,251 --> 00:55:55,718 Tom... 1261 00:55:55,719 --> 00:55:57,253 Ah! 1262 00:55:57,254 --> 00:56:00,556 I'm dead for a minute and now I'm alive. 1263 00:56:00,557 --> 00:56:03,693 Hey, Cheeba, why you pointing a gun at Tom? 1264 00:56:03,694 --> 00:56:05,094 No, bad boy. 1265 00:56:05,095 --> 00:56:06,128 Cherry, back off. 1266 00:56:06,129 --> 00:56:07,330 I will fucking kill you. 1267 00:56:07,331 --> 00:56:08,397 Yeah, Mr. Cheeba. 1268 00:56:08,398 --> 00:56:09,866 Mr. Tom is my friend. 1269 00:56:09,867 --> 00:56:11,100 Put it down or else... 1270 00:56:11,101 --> 00:56:12,335 Or else what? 1271 00:56:12,336 --> 00:56:13,469 Shoot me with a bow and arrow? 1272 00:56:13,470 --> 00:56:15,338 It's a compound crossbow. 1273 00:56:15,339 --> 00:56:16,672 I got this, Cal. 1274 00:56:16,673 --> 00:56:18,507 No, just put down the crossbow, Cal, 1275 00:56:18,508 --> 00:56:21,110 the arrow's just gonna piss him off even more. 1276 00:56:21,111 --> 00:56:23,512 Drop that gun, Cheeba. 1277 00:56:23,513 --> 00:56:25,448 Yeah, Miss Cal's one of us. 1278 00:56:25,449 --> 00:56:27,917 He's gay? I almost had sex with him. 1279 00:56:27,918 --> 00:56:31,354 Cal is gay? All right, back up, everybody, right now! 1280 00:56:31,355 --> 00:56:33,122 Put it down, Cheeba! 1281 00:56:33,123 --> 00:56:34,257 I'm in love with her. 1282 00:56:34,258 --> 00:56:35,725 You're in love with me? 1283 00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:38,261 Oh, my God, that is so fucking sweet, baby. 1284 00:56:38,262 --> 00:56:39,262 He's bisexual? 1285 00:56:39,263 --> 00:56:40,763 Shut up! Shut up! 1286 00:56:40,764 --> 00:56:42,231 Shut up! Shut up! 1287 00:56:42,232 --> 00:56:43,633 Put it down or I will shot you. 1288 00:56:43,634 --> 00:56:46,102 I'll shit rape your body, dude. 1289 00:56:46,103 --> 00:56:47,103 On the count of three. 1290 00:56:47,104 --> 00:56:48,738 Ooh, shit rape. 1291 00:56:48,739 --> 00:56:50,239 One! I got this, Cal. 1292 00:56:52,242 --> 00:56:53,576 I got this. 1293 00:56:53,577 --> 00:56:54,677 Two. 1294 00:56:54,678 --> 00:56:56,913 No, no, no, nobody shit raping anybody. 1295 00:56:56,914 --> 00:56:58,447 Three. 1296 00:57:02,219 --> 00:57:03,319 Come on. 1297 00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:04,453 Come on, are we good? 1298 00:57:04,454 --> 00:57:06,322 Are you kidding me? 1299 00:57:06,323 --> 00:57:07,690 Shit rape, really? 1300 00:57:07,691 --> 00:57:10,226 I know. What the fuck... Get over here. 1301 00:57:10,227 --> 00:57:10,727 Oh, God. 1302 00:57:11,929 --> 00:57:14,297 I'm glad you didn't shoot me. 1303 00:57:15,599 --> 00:57:18,234 I know. Me too, right? 1304 00:57:18,235 --> 00:57:19,402 And fucking Dean. 1305 00:57:19,403 --> 00:57:20,803 Hey, bro. 1306 00:57:20,804 --> 00:57:22,271 I left you at the Statue of Liberty, man. 1307 00:57:22,272 --> 00:57:23,439 How did you get down here? 1308 00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:24,807 I used a balloon. 1309 00:57:24,808 --> 00:57:26,776 Did you? I fucking love you, bitch. 1310 00:57:26,777 --> 00:57:27,858 Fucking love you too, bitch. 1311 00:57:28,712 --> 00:57:31,247 Hey, are we good? 1312 00:57:33,283 --> 00:57:34,617 Yeah, we're good. 1313 00:57:34,618 --> 00:57:36,953 This, it's filled with appletini. 1314 00:57:36,954 --> 00:57:38,634 Hey, you guys, who here wants to be my fan? 1315 00:57:47,030 --> 00:57:48,965 You want to go make out sometime? Sure. 1316 00:57:54,237 --> 00:57:56,372 Then Cal, you tried to kiss me 1317 00:57:56,373 --> 00:57:58,708 and then you passed out. 1318 00:57:58,709 --> 00:58:01,243 So I made sure you weren't bleeding 1319 00:58:01,244 --> 00:58:02,712 and then I went home. 1320 00:58:02,713 --> 00:58:05,247 I can't believe it. I'm just so embarrassed. 1321 00:58:07,250 --> 00:58:08,517 Oh. 1322 00:58:08,518 --> 00:58:10,319 This shit is wrong. 1323 00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:12,254 You made me drink your period. 1324 00:58:12,255 --> 00:58:14,523 Scribble dibble. 1325 00:58:14,524 --> 00:58:16,225 No, not scribble dibble, man. 1326 00:58:16,226 --> 00:58:17,293 What the fuck is scribble dibble? 1327 00:58:17,294 --> 00:58:19,228 Did anyone see my dog? 1328 00:58:19,229 --> 00:58:21,998 Oh, no, bro. 1329 00:58:21,999 --> 00:58:22,499 It's weird. 1330 00:58:23,567 --> 00:58:26,135 And then I went home to google, 1331 00:58:27,704 --> 00:58:29,739 to see if there was a way that you could live 1332 00:58:29,740 --> 00:58:32,708 with an arrow in your shoulder or if we had to put you down. 1333 00:58:32,709 --> 00:58:35,478 Well, what did you find out, doctor? 1334 00:58:35,479 --> 00:58:36,999 Well, I found out that all I have to do 1335 00:58:40,484 --> 00:58:43,152 is take it nice and hard and rip it out. 1336 00:58:43,153 --> 00:58:44,720 Ow! 1337 00:58:44,721 --> 00:58:47,189 Oh, God. That smarts. 1338 00:58:47,190 --> 00:58:50,760 That was like some American Indian type shit. Oh... 1339 00:58:50,761 --> 00:58:52,795 That was like one with the earth, like... 1340 00:58:52,796 --> 00:58:55,564 You fucking made me drink your menses. 1341 00:58:55,565 --> 00:58:57,700 Seriously, what is with the all this menses talk? 1342 00:58:57,701 --> 00:59:01,437 Is this like a 1950s paper doll sex ed class? 1343 00:59:01,438 --> 00:59:04,006 And, honestly, Beef, you deserve it. 1344 00:59:04,007 --> 00:59:05,541 That's what you get for telling everybody 1345 00:59:05,542 --> 00:59:07,176 that we fucked. 1346 00:59:07,177 --> 00:59:08,844 Okay, so somebody Scooby-doo me. 1347 00:59:10,781 --> 00:59:13,382 Who the hell fricking juiced us? 1348 00:59:13,383 --> 00:59:14,884 It was Cherry. 1349 00:59:14,885 --> 00:59:16,952 She said she doesn't like to be baby-sat. 1350 00:59:16,953 --> 00:59:19,188 Listen, guys, we're getting off point here, all right. 1351 00:59:19,189 --> 00:59:22,391 We've figured out everything except for whether or not 1352 00:59:22,392 --> 00:59:23,926 I slept with Polly. 1353 00:59:23,927 --> 00:59:26,929 So what... what are you... what are you worried about? 1354 00:59:26,930 --> 00:59:29,932 I don't know how to find out whether or not 1355 00:59:29,933 --> 00:59:31,767 I actually slept with her, okay. 1356 00:59:31,768 --> 00:59:34,403 And I need to figure it out before my girlfriend, 1357 00:59:34,404 --> 00:59:35,771 soon-to-be fiance gets here. 1358 00:59:35,772 --> 00:59:38,641 You couldn't... Why don't you just ask her? 1359 00:59:38,642 --> 00:59:41,544 Uh, uh, I don't know. 1360 00:59:41,545 --> 00:59:43,479 That's weird. You can't just do that, Bob. 1361 00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:44,680 You want me to ask her? 1362 00:59:44,681 --> 00:59:46,682 No, no, no, thank you, man. 1363 00:59:46,683 --> 00:59:48,084 All right, I respect you. 1364 00:59:48,085 --> 00:59:49,185 Yeah. Yeah. 1365 00:59:49,953 --> 00:59:52,388 Polly? 1366 00:59:53,657 --> 00:59:55,124 - What are you doing? - Yeah? 1367 00:59:55,125 --> 00:59:56,625 No, no, no. 1368 00:59:56,626 --> 00:59:57,793 Can you come in here? 1369 00:59:57,794 --> 00:59:59,929 - Oh, fuck. - Yeah. 1370 01:00:04,935 --> 01:00:06,402 Hey... 1371 01:00:06,403 --> 01:00:08,704 everybody. 1372 01:00:08,705 --> 01:00:10,585 What is this, some kind of extended after party? 1373 01:00:12,409 --> 01:00:14,643 Phil here... 1374 01:00:14,644 --> 01:00:17,646 partied hard last night and he's wondering 1375 01:00:17,647 --> 01:00:18,927 if he partied hard inside of you. 1376 01:00:21,485 --> 01:00:22,818 Phil? 1377 01:00:22,819 --> 01:00:24,887 Polly, I'm sorry, okay. 1378 01:00:24,888 --> 01:00:28,090 I just... I wanted to know what happened. 1379 01:00:28,091 --> 01:00:31,660 Well, first off, 1380 01:00:31,661 --> 01:00:34,730 Bob, your dog Molly is dead. 1381 01:00:34,731 --> 01:00:35,412 I'm really sorry. 1382 01:00:36,633 --> 01:00:38,400 Oh, thank God. 1383 01:00:39,469 --> 01:00:41,036 Oh, thank God. 1384 01:00:41,037 --> 01:00:43,973 I got to tell you, I mean, she had cancer really bad. 1385 01:00:43,974 --> 01:00:46,742 Cancer of her ovaries. Oh. 1386 01:00:46,743 --> 01:00:49,178 I didn't even know dog had ovaries. 1387 01:00:49,179 --> 01:00:50,546 Me neither. 1388 01:00:50,547 --> 01:00:53,749 So I'm glad she went peacefully. 1389 01:00:53,750 --> 01:00:56,886 Well, here's what happened. 1390 01:00:56,887 --> 01:00:59,421 We were all standing around the beer pong table 1391 01:00:59,422 --> 01:01:00,823 in the living room 1392 01:01:00,824 --> 01:01:03,893 and my ex Dave just showed up... 1393 01:01:08,165 --> 01:01:09,665 Whoa! 1394 01:01:09,666 --> 01:01:11,667 Why, why would you mess with a girl? 1395 01:01:14,104 --> 01:01:15,571 Polly. 1396 01:01:15,572 --> 01:01:18,407 Polly, you broke my heart. 1397 01:01:18,408 --> 01:01:19,675 We need to talk. 1398 01:01:19,676 --> 01:01:21,177 Back off, Clown. 1399 01:01:21,178 --> 01:01:22,478 They're with me. 1400 01:01:22,479 --> 01:01:24,580 This is between me and her. 1401 01:01:24,581 --> 01:01:25,081 Oh, yeah? 1402 01:01:26,016 --> 01:01:28,417 Is everyone okay up there? 1403 01:01:29,753 --> 01:01:32,087 Yeah, but you shot a dog. 1404 01:01:32,088 --> 01:01:33,422 Oh, my God. 1405 01:01:33,423 --> 01:01:34,890 I love dogs. 1406 01:01:38,495 --> 01:01:40,062 Oh, fuck. 1407 01:01:44,301 --> 01:01:47,570 Bro, dude, you really whacked the shit out of that guy. 1408 01:01:47,571 --> 01:01:49,505 Oh, dude, I didn't mean to. 1409 01:01:49,506 --> 01:01:51,440 Can you do me a favor, man? 1410 01:01:51,441 --> 01:01:52,841 Take him back to the dorm 1411 01:01:52,842 --> 01:01:54,743 and make sure he finds his pants. 1412 01:01:54,744 --> 01:01:56,512 Yeah, absolutely. Hey, Glenn. 1413 01:01:56,513 --> 01:01:58,047 Yeah. 1414 01:02:02,986 --> 01:02:04,653 He smells amazing, doesn't he? 1415 01:02:04,654 --> 01:02:06,288 Yeah, his face smells like crayons. 1416 01:02:06,289 --> 01:02:07,656 You okay, bro? 1417 01:02:08,858 --> 01:02:10,659 Yeah, I'm okay, Hensen, thanks. 1418 01:02:10,660 --> 01:02:12,428 Hey, could you do me a favor, man, 1419 01:02:12,429 --> 01:02:14,897 and make sure they actually get him back to the dorms? 1420 01:02:14,898 --> 01:02:16,699 By the way, I want to introduce you to Rachel. 1421 01:02:18,435 --> 01:02:19,501 She is my... 1422 01:02:19,502 --> 01:02:21,203 I'm his new girlfriend. 1423 01:02:21,204 --> 01:02:22,438 Oh. 1424 01:02:22,439 --> 01:02:24,440 She's a contortionist. 1425 01:02:24,441 --> 01:02:25,908 I'm a contortionist. 1426 01:02:25,909 --> 01:02:27,509 You want to see me do the puzzle? 1427 01:02:27,510 --> 01:02:29,578 I do. 1428 01:02:29,579 --> 01:02:31,447 I do, I do. 1429 01:02:31,448 --> 01:02:33,449 Oh, are you okay? 1430 01:02:33,450 --> 01:02:36,452 Oh, I just feel... 1431 01:02:36,453 --> 01:02:37,686 I feel a little, oh. 1432 01:02:37,687 --> 01:02:40,689 Oh. Oh, my gosh. 1433 01:02:40,690 --> 01:02:42,524 Okay, come with me. 1434 01:02:42,525 --> 01:02:44,193 I'm gonna take care of you, okay? 1435 01:02:44,194 --> 01:02:45,828 Thanks. 1436 01:02:45,829 --> 01:02:47,663 Why is it going straight to voicemail, Phil? 1437 01:02:47,664 --> 01:02:49,431 Call me back now. 1438 01:02:49,432 --> 01:02:51,600 Look, Dave is an okay guy. 1439 01:02:51,601 --> 01:02:54,603 He's just a little confused. 1440 01:02:54,604 --> 01:02:55,564 Yeah. I think we all are. 1441 01:02:57,140 --> 01:02:58,674 Yeah, I think you're right. 1442 01:03:09,452 --> 01:03:11,186 I'm so... 1443 01:03:11,187 --> 01:03:12,454 I'm sorry. 1444 01:03:12,455 --> 01:03:14,256 No. It's okay. 1445 01:03:14,257 --> 01:03:17,693 It's just, you know, I thought you got a girlfriend. 1446 01:03:17,694 --> 01:03:20,429 Oh God, Beth. 1447 01:03:20,430 --> 01:03:22,231 I'm just... 1448 01:03:22,232 --> 01:03:24,967 I proposed to her and she's coming here tomorrow. 1449 01:03:28,438 --> 01:03:30,839 So why aren't you sure? 1450 01:03:30,840 --> 01:03:32,541 It seems like it's the only thing 1451 01:03:32,542 --> 01:03:34,743 that's really gonna make her happy. 1452 01:03:34,744 --> 01:03:37,446 Does it make you happy? 1453 01:03:37,447 --> 01:03:39,915 I don't think it does. 1454 01:03:39,916 --> 01:03:41,996 You know, you should never settle in your life, Phil. 1455 01:03:46,456 --> 01:03:48,023 Oh, God. 1456 01:03:48,024 --> 01:03:49,825 Look, if you ever want to talk about anything, 1457 01:03:52,595 --> 01:03:54,596 you know... 1458 01:03:54,597 --> 01:03:56,031 Oh! 1459 01:03:56,032 --> 01:03:57,066 Oh. 1460 01:03:57,067 --> 01:03:58,500 Oh. 1461 01:03:58,501 --> 01:04:00,069 Oh. 1462 01:04:04,207 --> 01:04:05,607 You done? 1463 01:04:05,608 --> 01:04:06,108 I think so. 1464 01:04:12,449 --> 01:04:15,451 Oh God, I'm devastated. 1465 01:04:15,452 --> 01:04:16,752 Oh, God. 1466 01:04:16,753 --> 01:04:19,455 Why, because you farted in front of me? 1467 01:04:19,456 --> 01:04:20,377 Hey, look, look, ready? 1468 01:04:24,461 --> 01:04:26,061 See? 1469 01:04:26,062 --> 01:04:29,465 I did it, too, it's no biggie. 1470 01:04:29,466 --> 01:04:30,933 Oh, okay, mister. 1471 01:04:30,934 --> 01:04:32,868 It's time to get you cleaned up and into bed. 1472 01:04:32,869 --> 01:04:35,270 Oh, you are not in good shape. 1473 01:04:35,271 --> 01:04:36,605 Okay. 1474 01:04:36,606 --> 01:04:38,474 Up, up, up. 1475 01:04:38,475 --> 01:04:41,009 All right. Oh, God. 1476 01:04:49,052 --> 01:04:50,519 Bro. 1477 01:04:50,520 --> 01:04:52,921 Come on. 1478 01:04:52,922 --> 01:04:54,857 Okay, yep. Oh, God. 1479 01:04:54,858 --> 01:04:57,526 All right. All right. 1480 01:04:57,527 --> 01:04:58,827 Oh. Phil. 1481 01:04:58,828 --> 01:05:00,462 Oh, oh, oh, oh. You know what? 1482 01:05:00,463 --> 01:05:02,598 Why don't we just do it under the covers instead? 1483 01:05:02,599 --> 01:05:04,166 Okay. Okay. 1484 01:05:11,875 --> 01:05:13,475 Thank you. 1485 01:05:13,476 --> 01:05:15,043 Kind of gross. Okay. 1486 01:05:15,044 --> 01:05:17,084 Um, listen, I'm gonna be right back, just stay here. 1487 01:05:18,848 --> 01:05:21,016 Okay? All right. 1488 01:05:21,017 --> 01:05:23,719 Philip, you're supposed to be worshiping me. 1489 01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:25,587 I'm supposed to be your god. 1490 01:05:25,588 --> 01:05:27,256 The only above me is Jesus. 1491 01:05:27,257 --> 01:05:30,993 You need to call your future wife back right now. 1492 01:05:30,994 --> 01:05:32,234 What the fuck is wrong with you? 1493 01:05:33,096 --> 01:05:35,230 Hey. 1494 01:05:36,299 --> 01:05:37,466 Hey. 1495 01:05:37,467 --> 01:05:38,767 I've got a shirt, pants 1496 01:05:38,768 --> 01:05:40,569 and underwear with vomit on them. 1497 01:05:40,570 --> 01:05:42,471 You want to help me out? 1498 01:05:42,472 --> 01:05:43,472 You're gonna wash them? 1499 01:05:43,473 --> 01:05:45,007 Yeah. 1500 01:05:45,008 --> 01:05:46,708 I don't know where the laundry room is. 1501 01:05:46,709 --> 01:05:49,478 You're in it. 1502 01:05:49,479 --> 01:05:51,480 Oh, fuck. 1503 01:05:51,481 --> 01:05:52,881 I thought that was a robot. 1504 01:05:52,882 --> 01:05:54,483 Doesn't it look like a robot? 1505 01:05:54,484 --> 01:05:55,717 A little bit. 1506 01:05:55,718 --> 01:05:57,352 All right. Well, cool. 1507 01:05:57,353 --> 01:05:59,221 I'm about to do a load of pukey pants myself. 1508 01:05:59,222 --> 01:06:01,290 Thank you. 1509 01:06:01,291 --> 01:06:05,961 Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go to Jupiter. 1510 01:06:09,866 --> 01:06:11,967 Oh, what the fuck, man. 1511 01:06:11,968 --> 01:06:13,089 It's like fucking skunk shit. 1512 01:06:16,573 --> 01:06:17,973 All right, look, I'll see you later. 1513 01:06:19,108 --> 01:06:22,644 Oh, I don't know why that's funny. 1514 01:06:22,645 --> 01:06:23,685 What the fuck is this, man? 1515 01:06:26,483 --> 01:06:28,951 This is fucking crack. 1516 01:06:28,952 --> 01:06:30,352 Fuck! I'm gonna be fucking paranoid. 1517 01:06:31,688 --> 01:06:33,489 Hi. Hi. 1518 01:06:35,291 --> 01:06:37,359 Listen, your clothes are in the wash, all right? 1519 01:06:37,360 --> 01:06:38,927 They'll be ready in the morning. 1520 01:06:38,928 --> 01:06:41,997 Thank you. 1521 01:06:41,998 --> 01:06:43,232 What are you doing? 1522 01:06:43,233 --> 01:06:44,967 I'm gonna lay down next to you, 1523 01:06:44,968 --> 01:06:46,235 so you don't choke on your own vomit 1524 01:06:46,236 --> 01:06:48,570 in the middle of the night. 1525 01:06:48,571 --> 01:06:50,372 Why are you... 1526 01:06:50,373 --> 01:06:52,307 You think I'm gonna let you blow chunks on my clothes, too? 1527 01:06:52,308 --> 01:06:55,744 But, listen, no funny business. 1528 01:06:55,745 --> 01:06:57,145 If you try anything, 1529 01:06:57,146 --> 01:06:59,348 I'm going to punch you square in the nuts 1530 01:06:59,349 --> 01:07:01,550 and then I'm not gonna be your friend anymore. 1531 01:07:01,551 --> 01:07:03,752 Okay? 1532 01:07:03,753 --> 01:07:04,987 Can you move? 1533 01:07:07,490 --> 01:07:09,224 Okay. 1534 01:07:12,896 --> 01:07:15,130 Hey, could you turn off the light? 1535 01:07:26,276 --> 01:07:28,143 That's pretty much what happened. 1536 01:07:28,144 --> 01:07:30,012 See, dude, I told you. 1537 01:07:30,013 --> 01:07:31,513 I knew I did not have sex. 1538 01:07:31,514 --> 01:07:34,349 Okay, you don't have to sound so excited about it. 1539 01:07:34,350 --> 01:07:36,018 Well, he was just concerned 1540 01:07:36,019 --> 01:07:37,553 that he'd get a case of the crotch rot 1541 01:07:37,554 --> 01:07:38,687 because, you know. 1542 01:07:38,688 --> 01:07:40,155 Because of what? 1543 01:07:40,156 --> 01:07:42,791 Oh, you know what the kids call it today, 1544 01:07:42,792 --> 01:07:45,460 you know, a trollop. 1545 01:07:45,461 --> 01:07:47,029 You know, a hussy. 1546 01:07:47,030 --> 01:07:48,797 You're a slut. 1547 01:07:48,798 --> 01:07:50,832 You know, all the guys on this campus 1548 01:07:50,833 --> 01:07:54,102 just love to talk about how much sex you've all had. 1549 01:07:54,103 --> 01:07:57,472 Guilty, guilty for sure. Indeed. 1550 01:07:57,473 --> 01:07:59,041 Wait, so, Polly, do you mean that... 1551 01:08:02,211 --> 01:08:03,478 No. 1552 01:08:03,479 --> 01:08:05,514 Not that it's any of your goddamn business, 1553 01:08:05,515 --> 01:08:07,555 but no I haven't had sex with anyone on this campus. 1554 01:08:09,085 --> 01:08:10,965 A couple of years ago, I went off to a band camp 1555 01:08:14,257 --> 01:08:17,025 and this guy there liked me, 1556 01:08:17,026 --> 01:08:19,895 but this girl liked him. 1557 01:08:19,896 --> 01:08:22,097 So she started a rumor saying that I was a big old slut. 1558 01:08:24,434 --> 01:08:25,914 Polly is the cleanest chick on campus, 1559 01:08:28,037 --> 01:08:30,339 spick and span. 1560 01:08:30,340 --> 01:08:32,441 You can eat off her vagina. 1561 01:08:32,442 --> 01:08:33,809 Thank you, Bob. 1562 01:08:33,810 --> 01:08:36,511 Polly, I'm sorry. 1563 01:08:36,512 --> 01:08:37,779 Um... 1564 01:08:37,780 --> 01:08:40,048 listen, I... 1565 01:08:41,284 --> 01:08:42,517 Oh, I'll get it. I'll get it. 1566 01:08:42,518 --> 01:08:45,621 I need to ask you if, I don't know, 1567 01:08:45,622 --> 01:08:47,623 maybe we can start over. 1568 01:08:47,624 --> 01:08:49,324 Oh-ew! 1569 01:08:49,325 --> 01:08:50,359 Oh. 1570 01:08:50,360 --> 01:08:52,794 I've been looking all over for you. 1571 01:08:52,795 --> 01:08:54,162 Beth. You? 1572 01:08:54,163 --> 01:08:56,765 You? Polly fucking Wallace. 1573 01:08:56,766 --> 01:09:00,035 Bitch-breath backdoor Beth. 1574 01:09:00,036 --> 01:09:02,104 Oh, wait a second. You two know each other? 1575 01:09:02,105 --> 01:09:03,572 I cannot believe, Phil, 1576 01:09:03,573 --> 01:09:05,841 that your girlfriend is backdoor Beth. 1577 01:09:05,842 --> 01:09:08,343 Phil, she just doesn't want us to be here, let's go. 1578 01:09:08,344 --> 01:09:11,513 This is the bitch from band camp. 1579 01:09:11,514 --> 01:09:15,050 We all called her backdoor Beth. 1580 01:09:15,051 --> 01:09:16,385 You want to know why? 1581 01:09:16,386 --> 01:09:18,053 Why? 1582 01:09:18,054 --> 01:09:21,456 She didn't even wait for orientation to end 1583 01:09:21,457 --> 01:09:25,160 before her backend was open for business. 1584 01:09:25,161 --> 01:09:26,762 No, I said in my butt only. 1585 01:09:27,563 --> 01:09:30,032 What's up? 1586 01:09:32,201 --> 01:09:33,835 Oh, yeah, keep going. 1587 01:09:33,836 --> 01:09:36,338 Oh, it's my first time in the butt with a black guy. 1588 01:09:36,339 --> 01:09:38,140 It's great. Excuse me, hold on. 1589 01:09:38,141 --> 01:09:40,042 Do you need something? 1590 01:09:40,043 --> 01:09:41,610 Hurry up, bro. 1591 01:09:41,611 --> 01:09:43,111 Polly, what the fuck. 1592 01:09:44,380 --> 01:09:45,620 You never knock, you dumb bitch. 1593 01:09:48,051 --> 01:09:49,184 Your friend gonna join us? 1594 01:09:49,185 --> 01:09:51,053 No. Get the fuck out. 1595 01:09:51,054 --> 01:09:53,255 What's wrong with you? I said leave. 1596 01:09:53,256 --> 01:09:55,090 So were you like born with a penis? 1597 01:09:55,091 --> 01:09:57,059 No, it's just a really big clit. 1598 01:09:57,060 --> 01:09:58,794 You get the fuck out! 1599 01:09:58,795 --> 01:10:01,129 Was crazy. 1600 01:10:01,130 --> 01:10:02,731 That summer she had more dongs in her ass 1601 01:10:05,134 --> 01:10:06,768 than a Chinese phonebook. 1602 01:10:06,769 --> 01:10:08,470 Oh. 1603 01:10:08,471 --> 01:10:10,038 Oh, damn. 1604 01:10:10,039 --> 01:10:12,207 It was just one summer 1605 01:10:12,208 --> 01:10:15,277 and technically I'm still a virgin. 1606 01:10:15,278 --> 01:10:17,238 I mean, I saved my front end engines just for you. 1607 01:10:19,048 --> 01:10:20,148 I call foul there. 1608 01:10:20,149 --> 01:10:21,283 Shut up, Cal! 1609 01:10:21,284 --> 01:10:22,951 Nobody asked you. 1610 01:10:22,952 --> 01:10:24,952 Beth, we were together when you left for band camp. 1611 01:10:27,056 --> 01:10:29,124 Let's, um, let's just get out of here 1612 01:10:29,125 --> 01:10:31,860 and go talk about of it, shall we? 1613 01:10:31,861 --> 01:10:33,861 I don't care how many guys you've had in your butt. 1614 01:10:36,132 --> 01:10:37,232 You don't? 1615 01:10:37,233 --> 01:10:38,500 You don't? 1616 01:10:38,501 --> 01:10:39,781 He may not, but Jesus does, Beth. 1617 01:10:40,536 --> 01:10:42,070 No, I don't, 1618 01:10:44,140 --> 01:10:45,380 because I've realized something. 1619 01:10:46,375 --> 01:10:48,043 I know what I want now. 1620 01:10:51,214 --> 01:10:53,048 And it's not you. 1621 01:10:53,049 --> 01:10:54,316 What? 1622 01:10:54,317 --> 01:10:56,418 If I were to stay with you, 1623 01:10:56,419 --> 01:11:00,055 then I'd just be settling 1624 01:11:00,056 --> 01:11:02,057 and I don't want to settle. 1625 01:11:02,058 --> 01:11:03,291 But, Phil... 1626 01:11:03,292 --> 01:11:04,826 No, Beth, I'm sorry but no. 1627 01:11:07,463 --> 01:11:08,743 But look, no hard feelings, okay? 1628 01:11:10,266 --> 01:11:13,368 Let's try and stay friends, okay? 1629 01:11:13,369 --> 01:11:17,072 And actually I know how much you love sweets, 1630 01:11:17,073 --> 01:11:18,513 so I got you some special chocolates. 1631 01:11:21,377 --> 01:11:24,212 Do you have those special chocolates I got for Beth? 1632 01:11:24,213 --> 01:11:25,413 Yeah, yeah, they're right here. 1633 01:11:26,849 --> 01:11:29,217 You know how much you like sweets, babe. 1634 01:11:31,020 --> 01:11:34,322 And I had these special chocolates imported just for you. 1635 01:11:34,323 --> 01:11:37,058 So why don't you just head back home 1636 01:11:37,059 --> 01:11:39,060 and we'll just talk when we talk. 1637 01:11:39,061 --> 01:11:40,061 Okay? 1638 01:11:40,062 --> 01:11:41,696 Um, well... 1639 01:11:41,697 --> 01:11:43,298 Wow, these are great, thanks. 1640 01:11:45,535 --> 01:11:47,096 And this will... this will all blow over. 1641 01:11:49,405 --> 01:11:51,673 And I'll pray for us. Okay? 1642 01:11:52,675 --> 01:11:54,843 Bye. 1643 01:11:57,146 --> 01:11:58,513 Good-bye, Beth. 1644 01:11:58,514 --> 01:12:00,849 Peace be with you, Beth. Enjoy the wafers. 1645 01:12:00,850 --> 01:12:02,517 Bye, Beth. 1646 01:12:02,518 --> 01:12:04,478 Oh, dude, that was so instant revenge. Oh, my God. 1647 01:12:06,689 --> 01:12:10,158 She better not get ass cancer from those candies, bro. 1648 01:12:10,159 --> 01:12:12,594 Dude, no. It was petty, it was mean, 1649 01:12:12,595 --> 01:12:14,555 it was stupid and it felt really fucking good. Yes! 1650 01:12:16,566 --> 01:12:18,466 I mean this doesn't answer about Phil's nuts. 1651 01:12:20,903 --> 01:12:22,637 What about them? 1652 01:12:22,638 --> 01:12:24,873 Well, I mean, if he didn't the hoochie coochie from you 1653 01:12:24,874 --> 01:12:27,175 then why has he been scratching like there's no tomorrow? 1654 01:12:27,176 --> 01:12:29,845 Last night after we went to bed, 1655 01:12:29,846 --> 01:12:31,446 we heard gunshots 1656 01:12:31,447 --> 01:12:33,548 and then Mr. Tom and Cherry came running up 1657 01:12:33,549 --> 01:12:35,650 into the room and you told Mr. Tom 1658 01:12:35,651 --> 01:12:37,519 that you guys were BFF for life 1659 01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:40,388 and started talking to him about baseball. 1660 01:12:40,389 --> 01:12:42,257 And then he asked you 1661 01:12:42,258 --> 01:12:44,092 if you wanted a baseball tattoo on your pubes 1662 01:12:44,093 --> 01:12:46,094 and you were like, "Fuck, yeah." 1663 01:12:46,095 --> 01:12:48,864 So you have a new tattoo. 1664 01:12:54,170 --> 01:12:56,238 It's actually pretty fucking cool. 1665 01:12:56,239 --> 01:12:59,140 Well, this is getting a little weird. 1666 01:12:59,141 --> 01:13:00,609 Come on, Georgia. 1667 01:13:00,610 --> 01:13:02,210 Meester, let's go talk about our friendship. 1668 01:13:02,211 --> 01:13:03,912 I've never had a gay friend before. 1669 01:13:03,913 --> 01:13:06,314 Yeah, yeah, I don't know if you've official met Georgia. 1670 01:13:06,315 --> 01:13:08,083 She's my... 1671 01:13:08,084 --> 01:13:09,084 I'm his girlfriend. 1672 01:13:09,085 --> 01:13:10,418 Girlfriend. 1673 01:13:10,419 --> 01:13:11,299 Oh, nice Adam's apple. 1674 01:13:14,323 --> 01:13:16,157 All right, ass clowns, I'm out of here. 1675 01:13:16,158 --> 01:13:17,492 Jamie, wait. 1676 01:13:17,493 --> 01:13:20,262 I just want to talk to you for a second. 1677 01:13:20,263 --> 01:13:21,529 I feel like a douche 1678 01:13:21,530 --> 01:13:23,565 because last night in the party 1679 01:13:23,566 --> 01:13:24,887 I told everybody that I loved you. 1680 01:13:27,103 --> 01:13:28,637 And I know now 1681 01:13:28,638 --> 01:13:32,240 that what I should've done is taken you aside like this 1682 01:13:32,241 --> 01:13:34,342 and told you that you're the first girl 1683 01:13:34,343 --> 01:13:36,344 I've ever really liked. 1684 01:13:36,345 --> 01:13:38,013 And ever since I first saw you, 1685 01:13:38,014 --> 01:13:40,248 I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. 1686 01:13:40,249 --> 01:13:43,485 And I know 1687 01:13:43,486 --> 01:13:45,086 that you would never feel that way about some... 1688 01:13:45,087 --> 01:13:48,223 about somebody like me. 1689 01:13:48,224 --> 01:13:50,325 Well, first of all, 1690 01:13:50,326 --> 01:13:52,427 don't tell me how I feel. 1691 01:13:52,428 --> 01:13:55,096 And second, why don't you take me out to breakfast 1692 01:13:55,097 --> 01:13:57,866 so we can talk about it? 1693 01:13:57,867 --> 01:13:59,534 Yes. 1694 01:14:06,208 --> 01:14:08,528 Thank you again for taking such good care of me last night. 1695 01:14:11,113 --> 01:14:13,248 Hey, it's okay. 1696 01:14:13,249 --> 01:14:15,317 I actually kind of liked it. 1697 01:14:15,318 --> 01:14:16,584 I really took to heart 1698 01:14:16,585 --> 01:14:19,087 what you said about not settling. 1699 01:14:19,088 --> 01:14:21,556 I don't want to settle. 1700 01:14:21,557 --> 01:14:23,237 I want to find someone who loves me for me, 1701 01:14:26,095 --> 01:14:28,430 someone who respects me, 1702 01:14:28,431 --> 01:14:30,899 someone... someone who doesn't 1703 01:14:30,900 --> 01:14:32,834 tell me what to do, asks me what to do. 1704 01:14:34,203 --> 01:14:36,171 We all do, Phil. 1705 01:14:53,122 --> 01:14:55,123 Oh, oh. 1706 01:14:55,124 --> 01:14:56,925 Wow. 1707 01:14:56,926 --> 01:14:59,486 I think that might have been the greatest kiss of my entire life. 1708 01:15:01,831 --> 01:15:03,164 Me too. 1709 01:15:03,165 --> 01:15:04,265 Oh. There you go, man. 1710 01:15:04,266 --> 01:15:05,500 Coffee and duds. 1711 01:15:05,501 --> 01:15:07,102 Perfect. That's my finger. 1712 01:15:07,103 --> 01:15:08,103 All right. Sorry. 1713 01:15:08,104 --> 01:15:09,637 I need it. 1714 01:15:09,638 --> 01:15:11,199 Well, well, Phil, now that we've kissed, 1715 01:15:13,909 --> 01:15:16,111 I think it's time for you to meet my dad. 1716 01:15:16,112 --> 01:15:17,445 Oh, whoa. 1717 01:15:17,446 --> 01:15:19,781 Let's slow down there right, man? 1718 01:15:19,782 --> 01:15:21,349 Phil, 1719 01:15:21,350 --> 01:15:22,911 I would like you to meet my father, Bob. 1720 01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:26,521 Hey, little guy. 1721 01:15:41,504 --> 01:15:44,339 Her nickname is fucking. 1722 01:15:44,340 --> 01:15:45,874 Polly fucking Wallace, bro. 1723 01:15:45,875 --> 01:15:47,675 As in mother fucking Bob. 1724 01:15:47,676 --> 01:15:49,077 His name's probably not Mr. Tom. 1725 01:15:49,078 --> 01:15:50,412 It's probably Keyser Soze. 1726 01:15:50,413 --> 01:15:51,880 It's just a college party. 1727 01:15:51,881 --> 01:15:53,882 MF Bob, just... it's like a campus legend. 1728 01:15:53,883 --> 01:15:56,317 Let me be the first then to officially welcome 1729 01:15:56,318 --> 01:15:57,652 you to the campus. 1730 01:15:57,653 --> 01:15:59,487 You want some bacon? 1731 01:15:59,488 --> 01:16:02,824 Polly, I'm talking about a campus legend. 1732 01:16:02,825 --> 01:16:05,493 Oh, I'm going to MF Bob's house tonight. 1733 01:16:05,494 --> 01:16:07,162 I love bacon. 1734 01:16:09,131 --> 01:16:10,331 Bob? 1735 01:16:11,467 --> 01:16:14,335 Bob is your dad? 1736 01:16:14,336 --> 01:16:17,338 And this is your house? Yes. 1737 01:16:17,339 --> 01:16:19,507 Oh, God. 1738 01:16:19,508 --> 01:16:20,668 I'm sorry about your mug, sir. 1739 01:16:23,512 --> 01:16:24,579 We are family. 1740 01:16:24,580 --> 01:16:26,081 He's a good one, daddy. 1741 01:16:26,082 --> 01:16:27,415 Oh, I see that, babe. 1742 01:16:36,325 --> 01:16:38,493 Hey, Bob. 1743 01:16:38,494 --> 01:16:40,128 Uh... 1744 01:16:40,129 --> 01:16:42,964 Cherry has something she wants to say to you, man. 1745 01:16:42,965 --> 01:16:44,445 Hey, I'm really sorry I shot your dog. 1746 01:16:47,136 --> 01:16:49,176 I got this little guy from the shelter this morning. 1747 01:16:51,073 --> 01:16:53,341 He's so cute. 1748 01:16:53,342 --> 01:16:54,342 I know. 1749 01:16:54,343 --> 01:16:56,144 I'm so sorry. 1750 01:16:56,145 --> 01:16:58,346 I love dogs so much. 1751 01:16:58,347 --> 01:16:59,514 It's all right. 1752 01:16:59,515 --> 01:17:00,949 I know you killed my dog, 1753 01:17:00,950 --> 01:17:03,785 but she was going to be put down today anyway. 1754 01:17:03,786 --> 01:17:05,787 I wasn't going to shoot her. 1755 01:17:05,788 --> 01:17:07,655 I would've had her put down professionally with a needle. 1756 01:17:07,656 --> 01:17:10,358 But, hey, you saved me in the trouble. 1757 01:17:10,359 --> 01:17:11,493 Really? Yeah. 1758 01:17:11,494 --> 01:17:12,794 So what now? 1759 01:17:12,795 --> 01:17:14,462 What do we do now, is we just see 1760 01:17:14,463 --> 01:17:16,364 if this little puppy likes bacon. 1761 01:17:19,602 --> 01:17:21,836 Who doesn't like bacon? 1762 01:17:21,837 --> 01:17:24,572 d Crazy boys, such crazy boys d 1763 01:17:24,573 --> 01:17:26,908 d Crazy boys, so crazy boys d 1764 01:17:26,909 --> 01:17:28,743 d Crazy boys, such crazy boys d 1765 01:17:32,148 --> 01:17:33,815 d Crazy boys d 1766 01:17:33,816 --> 01:17:35,884 d Such crazy boys, crazy boys d 1767 01:17:35,885 --> 01:17:38,586 d So crazy boys, so crazy d 1768 01:17:38,587 --> 01:17:41,890 d Such crazy d 1769 01:17:41,891 --> 01:17:44,159 d I said, "stop, leave me alone" d 1770 01:17:44,160 --> 01:17:47,162 d "Cause I ain't got time to put up with the tone d 1771 01:17:47,163 --> 01:17:49,230 d Too busy dreaming I'm the best d 1772 01:17:49,231 --> 01:17:51,199 d So sorry, Mr. West, but my video would have won d 1773 01:17:51,200 --> 01:17:54,202 d If it only did exist Boy, boy you're crazy d 1774 01:17:54,203 --> 01:17:56,204 d Girl, girl, I know I keep battling your demon d 1775 01:18:23,365 --> 01:18:25,033 You okay? Yeah, I'm fine. 1776 01:18:25,034 --> 01:18:26,067 All right. 1777 01:18:30,172 --> 01:18:32,974 Wait, no, no. Tell me, what is it? 1778 01:18:32,975 --> 01:18:34,215 Well, there's something in here. 1779 01:18:35,844 --> 01:18:37,284 Oh, my God, this is Meester's camera. 1780 01:18:40,616 --> 01:18:42,350 No, it isn't. Yes. 1781 01:18:42,351 --> 01:18:43,618 Oh, my God, put it on. 1782 01:18:43,619 --> 01:18:44,986 All right, all right, yes. 1783 01:18:49,358 --> 01:18:50,458 Oh. 1784 01:18:50,459 --> 01:18:50,959 Oh, my God. 1785 01:18:52,127 --> 01:18:54,596 So Georgia, you just cut the aorta right here 1786 01:18:57,600 --> 01:18:58,401 and there his heart. 1787 01:19:01,036 --> 01:19:02,604 Yeah! 1788 01:19:02,605 --> 01:19:04,339 You see it. 1789 01:19:04,340 --> 01:19:05,974 I'm kidding, I'm not actually gonna eat your heart. 1790 01:19:05,975 --> 01:19:07,508 I'll put it back. I'll put it back. 1791 01:19:07,509 --> 01:19:08,843 Don't you worry. 1792 01:19:18,954 --> 01:19:21,256 Oh! 1793 01:19:21,257 --> 01:19:23,891 I just made another mistake, I'm really sorry. 1794 01:19:24,727 --> 01:19:27,362 You see, I told you 1795 01:19:28,931 --> 01:19:31,966 if you drain it fast, you will pack up. 1796 01:19:31,967 --> 01:19:34,469 Yeah. 1797 01:19:34,470 --> 01:19:35,837 Cheers, boys. 1798 01:19:42,845 --> 01:19:44,379 Now do yours. 1799 01:19:44,380 --> 01:19:45,413 Georgia! 1800 01:19:45,414 --> 01:19:46,848 Georgia! 1801 01:19:50,619 --> 01:19:53,087 Come here. Dog is so cute. 1802 01:19:57,926 --> 01:19:59,160 Is everyone okay up there? 1803 01:20:00,095 --> 01:20:02,363 Hey. 1804 01:20:03,899 --> 01:20:06,367 Is that Kevin Smith? 1805 01:20:07,770 --> 01:20:09,370 Got me. I don't know. 1806 01:20:09,371 --> 01:20:10,371 Good party though. 1807 01:20:10,372 --> 01:20:11,906 Great party. 1808 01:20:11,907 --> 01:20:13,675 You know the problem is, Bob's gonna be pissed, 1809 01:20:13,676 --> 01:20:15,443 because Cherry messed up his whole house. 1810 01:20:18,714 --> 01:20:19,914 Really? Yeah. 1811 01:20:19,915 --> 01:20:21,382 Are you serious? Yeah. 1812 01:20:21,383 --> 01:20:22,517 Let's get on. 1813 01:20:22,518 --> 01:20:25,119 Hey, are you filming us? 1814 01:20:25,120 --> 01:20:26,788 Oh. Yeah. 1815 01:20:26,789 --> 01:20:28,289 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 1816 01:20:31,460 --> 01:20:34,395 Now! 1817 01:20:34,396 --> 01:20:35,463 Now! 1818 01:20:39,401 --> 01:20:40,601 Hey, give me the money. 1819 01:20:40,602 --> 01:20:42,036 Give me the money. 1820 01:20:42,037 --> 01:20:43,705 Give me the money. 1821 01:20:45,374 --> 01:20:47,241 Give me the money. Give me the money. Oh! 1822 01:20:47,242 --> 01:20:50,545 All right, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. 1823 01:20:50,546 --> 01:20:52,480 Go, go, go, go, go, go. 1824 01:20:57,353 --> 01:20:58,686 Oh, my God. 1825 01:21:04,159 --> 01:21:05,480 Phil here partied hard last night. 1826 01:21:07,863 --> 01:21:10,365 You know how we all party. 1827 01:21:10,366 --> 01:21:12,500 He partied hard. 1828 01:21:12,501 --> 01:21:13,768 And he's wondering 1829 01:21:13,769 --> 01:21:18,573 if he partied hard inside of you. 1830 01:21:22,711 --> 01:21:24,412 God, I mean, am I ever gonna figure out 1831 01:21:24,413 --> 01:21:26,293 how I got this freaking wooden arrow in my neck? 1832 01:21:28,550 --> 01:21:30,551 Wait, wait, wait. 1833 01:21:30,552 --> 01:21:33,688 Well, how do I know? 1834 01:21:33,689 --> 01:21:36,691 Like when they stand up they look like the letter ten... 1835 01:21:36,692 --> 01:21:38,493 Well, letter ten. 1836 01:21:38,494 --> 01:21:39,861 - Number ten. - Quiet. 1837 01:21:39,862 --> 01:21:41,302 Now what the fuck is the noise about? 1838 01:21:41,330 --> 01:21:43,498 Oh! 1839 01:21:44,800 --> 01:21:47,902 Goddamn it, why is there noise? 1840 01:21:47,903 --> 01:21:49,504 I'm not really that bad. 1841 01:21:49,505 --> 01:21:51,506 That's a baby pig, 1842 01:21:51,507 --> 01:21:52,807 Oh. Oh. 1843 01:21:52,808 --> 01:21:54,642 That makes me sad. 1844 01:21:54,643 --> 01:21:56,811 No, man, because, 1845 01:21:56,812 --> 01:22:00,181 it's like a little pig and... 1846 01:22:00,182 --> 01:22:02,483 Take two. 1847 01:22:02,484 --> 01:22:04,018 He's making me laugh. 1848 01:22:04,019 --> 01:22:05,979 I thought you were at the Britney Spear's concert. 1849 01:22:07,956 --> 01:22:09,357 How the fuck did you get out of there? 1850 01:22:09,358 --> 01:22:11,318 I was supposed to take her to the vet this morning 1851 01:22:13,495 --> 01:22:14,695 to put her down. 1852 01:22:14,696 --> 01:22:15,576 Now you don't have to. 1853 01:22:18,500 --> 01:22:19,967 Yeah, I guess you're right. 1854 01:22:19,968 --> 01:22:23,704 I was about... I guess it saved me the trip. 1855 01:22:23,705 --> 01:22:25,145 She had... she had sickle cell anemia. 1856 01:22:27,509 --> 01:22:28,810 Ooh. 1857 01:22:28,811 --> 01:22:30,077 Yeah, it's weird. That's rough. 1858 01:22:30,078 --> 01:22:32,213 She was a black lab. 1859 01:22:32,214 --> 01:22:33,614 Yeah, yeah, yeah, Mexican Jonah Hill 1860 01:22:35,250 --> 01:22:36,784 and the guy that looks like the dude 1861 01:22:36,785 --> 01:22:38,586 from the eating out movies. 1862 01:22:41,790 --> 01:22:43,858 Okay. 1863 01:22:43,859 --> 01:22:45,059 Oh! 1864 01:22:45,060 --> 01:22:46,141 Phil, Carl, what's up, bros? 1865 01:22:47,362 --> 01:22:49,564 Cal... How you doing, bro? 1866 01:22:51,600 --> 01:22:54,769 Dude, I left you 50 foot under by that sunken treasure. 1867 01:22:54,770 --> 01:22:58,105 How the fuck did you get up without another tank of oxygen? 1868 01:22:58,106 --> 01:22:59,941 Dude, I can hold my breath forever. 1869 01:22:59,942 --> 01:23:01,375 No, shit. Oh, yeah. 1870 01:23:01,376 --> 01:23:04,111 Let me practice that right now, goddamn it. 1871 01:23:04,112 --> 01:23:06,013 I've just woke up... 1872 01:23:06,014 --> 01:23:08,783 Just say you want to know who you fucked. 1873 01:23:08,784 --> 01:23:10,785 Get it out. 1874 01:23:10,786 --> 01:23:12,787 He totally put his pig in your blanket. 1875 01:23:12,788 --> 01:23:14,255 That's enough. Polly? 1876 01:23:14,256 --> 01:23:16,624 Why don't you just ask me? 1877 01:23:16,625 --> 01:23:19,026 I would. 1878 01:23:19,027 --> 01:23:20,394 I should cut. 1879 01:23:20,395 --> 01:23:22,029 I will cut next time, that's your job. 1880 01:23:22,030 --> 01:23:23,831 I apologize. I'll go all the way through. 1881 01:23:23,832 --> 01:23:25,233 I'll go all the way through. I'm so sorry, Dante, I love you. 1882 01:23:25,234 --> 01:23:26,000 It's okay. 1883 01:23:26,001 --> 01:23:27,401 Fuck, man. 1884 01:23:27,402 --> 01:23:29,070 I thought you were doing America's race. 1885 01:23:29,071 --> 01:23:30,872 You're in the fucking catamaran. 1886 01:23:30,873 --> 01:23:32,273 I thought you were in Tahiti. 1887 01:23:32,274 --> 01:23:36,077 Well, hold on. You think it was anal or vaginal? 1888 01:23:36,078 --> 01:23:38,312 Excuse me? It's definitely anal with this guy. 1889 01:23:38,313 --> 01:23:39,347 Hey. 1890 01:23:39,348 --> 01:23:41,048 Last time I saw you, 1891 01:23:42,818 --> 01:23:45,219 you were giving Miley Cyrus a buzz cut. 1892 01:23:45,220 --> 01:23:48,189 So were you like born with a penis? 1893 01:23:48,190 --> 01:23:49,590 You get the fuck out! 1894 01:23:50,192 --> 01:23:52,793 Fuck. 1895 01:23:54,930 --> 01:23:58,199 25 fucking years, I still burn my fucking thumb. 1896 01:23:58,200 --> 01:23:59,800 You're gonna... you're gonna get. 1897 01:23:59,801 --> 01:24:01,969 This is why I like fruit. 1898 01:24:01,970 --> 01:24:04,138 I hate this shit. 1899 01:24:04,139 --> 01:24:07,208 Bitch, take your lunch break. 1900 01:24:07,209 --> 01:24:10,478 Chop, chop, let's go. 1901 01:24:10,479 --> 01:24:12,547 What's up, man? 1902 01:24:12,548 --> 01:24:13,814 How you guys been? 1903 01:24:13,815 --> 01:24:15,116 What's up, Hensen? 1904 01:24:15,117 --> 01:24:16,817 Fuck off, Hensen, 1905 01:24:16,818 --> 01:24:18,119 and my name's Cal for Christ's sake. 1906 01:24:18,120 --> 01:24:19,954 Get the fuck out of here. 1907 01:24:19,955 --> 01:24:22,189 Was her tail, still connected when she died? 1908 01:24:23,592 --> 01:24:25,960 Because there's people that steal tail, 1909 01:24:28,196 --> 01:24:30,236 they're called tail thieves, off a dead dog carcass. 1910 01:24:31,833 --> 01:24:33,200 Last time I saw you, 1911 01:24:33,201 --> 01:24:34,969 you were on top of the Arc d'Triumph, 1912 01:24:34,970 --> 01:24:36,637 How the fuck did you get... 1913 01:24:36,638 --> 01:24:38,172 Is that, I'm sorry, 1914 01:24:38,173 --> 01:24:39,540 was that a fuck one or a regular one? 1915 01:24:39,541 --> 01:24:40,808 You can say fuck. 1916 01:24:40,809 --> 01:24:42,977 You kill me every time. 1917 01:24:42,978 --> 01:24:44,045 Step in, step out. 1918 01:24:44,046 --> 01:24:45,313 I don't want to talk to you. 1919 01:24:45,314 --> 01:24:46,981 Well, I'm sure you don't, but... 1920 01:24:46,982 --> 01:24:48,416 I don't want to talk to no dog killer. 1921 01:24:48,417 --> 01:24:51,619 I know I killed your dog but I feel really bad 1922 01:24:51,620 --> 01:24:54,221 and that's why I got this dog from the shelter this morning. 1923 01:24:54,222 --> 01:24:56,057 It's like a peace offering. 1924 01:24:56,058 --> 01:24:57,892 It's not even the same kind of dog. 1925 01:24:57,893 --> 01:24:59,360 Look how cute it is. Don't you want to hold it for a second? 1926 01:24:59,361 --> 01:25:02,630 Yeah, but you made my dog Alpo. 1927 01:25:02,631 --> 01:25:05,299 But I feel bad, that's why I'm bringing you this one. 1928 01:25:05,300 --> 01:25:07,435 Maybe we should take this one and kill it. 1929 01:25:07,436 --> 01:25:08,469 See how you feel. 1930 01:25:08,470 --> 01:25:09,904 Whatever you want to do, I don't care. 1931 01:25:09,905 --> 01:25:10,905 I'm just trying to be nice. 1932 01:25:10,906 --> 01:25:12,006 You disgust us. 1933 01:25:12,007 --> 01:25:13,140 What? Let's go. 1934 01:25:13,141 --> 01:25:14,342 You know what, fuck them, let's go. 1935 01:25:14,343 --> 01:25:15,843 You know what, fuck you people. 1936 01:25:15,844 --> 01:25:16,844 Fuck you. Fuck off. 1937 01:25:16,845 --> 01:25:18,145 The dog looks like you. 1938 01:25:18,146 --> 01:25:20,414 These mother fuckers. 1939 01:25:20,415 --> 01:25:21,575 And Daniel here is wondering... 1940 01:25:23,819 --> 01:25:25,286 Phil. 1941 01:25:29,057 --> 01:25:30,057 Phil. 1942 01:25:30,058 --> 01:25:31,158 Here we go again. 1943 01:25:31,159 --> 01:25:33,227 Ten baby rabbits. 1944 01:25:33,228 --> 01:25:35,129 Whole family is dying in a fire. 1945 01:25:35,130 --> 01:25:36,597 That's hilarious. 1946 01:25:38,000 --> 01:25:39,066 Now it's gonna make me laugh. 1947 01:25:39,067 --> 01:25:40,534 That's good. Oh. 134403

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