Original subtitles

BEACH PARTY

We got an early start

We're gonna have a ball

We're gonna ride the surf

And that ain't is all

Nothing is greater than the sand, surf and salt air

Unrack our boards just as soon as we get there

Stack 'em in the sand while they're breaking' just right

Yeah, we're surfing' all day and we're swinging' all night

Vacations is here Beach party tonight

- We're chalking' our boards - Chalking' our boards

- While we're in school - We're in school

- Now we're waxing' our boards - Waxing' our boards

At Balboa, too

Nothing is greater than the sand, surf and salt air

Unrack our boards just as soon as we get there

Stack 'em in the sand while they're breaking' just right

Yeah, we're surfing' all day and we're swinging' all night

Vacation is here Beach party tonight

Nothing is greater than the sand, surf and salt air

Unrack our boards just as soon as we get there

Stack them in the sand while they're breaking just right

Yeah, we're surfing' all day and we're swinging' all night

Vacation is here Beach party tonight

Vacation is here Beach party tonight

Well, there it is, honey, and it's all ours.

Just you and me all alone.

Exactly.

- It's just like we're married. - Exactly!

There's nothing like the beach early in the morning.

It's so quiet and peaceful and mysterious.

- Come on. Let's get the stuff inside. - Right now?

We've waited a long time.

You know, the only thing I've studied this semester is you.

Well, I hope you don't flunk.

There's always summer school, you know.

Hold it, Dolores.

We've got to do this right.

It's like there's nobody else in the whole world.

That's right. Nobody else.

Just you and me.

- Just you and me. - Exactly.

Hey!

- What's going on here? - Deadhead! What are you doing here?

Sleeping. Good night.

Now, you get your big carcass out of here before I pick you up...

- You're gonna wake everybody up. - Who's everybody?

There's just me and Ken...

Tommy y Big Boy.

I guess about all of us.

- Gee, what a wonderful surprise. - Yeah.

I wonder who thought of this wonderful surprise.

This is such a big house, and I didn't want you to get lonely.

She's all heart.

Well, you know it's more fun with the whole gang.

- Not what I had in mind! - Frankie, that's just it.

I don't trust myself when I'm alone with you.

- You really put me on. - Frankie...

"Just the two of us. Nobody else in the whole world. Like being married."

You're not going to get away with it. I'm going to get rid of all these guys.

Then there's going to be the two of us...

rattling around this great big house together.

Frankie!

- Hey. Wall-to-wall girls. - What are you doing here?

Get out of here.

You get out and stay out!

- Take off. - Thanks for the invitation, Frankie.

Where'd I go wrong?

Hey, you're gonna rub a hole right through it.

Hello, there.

Hi, there.

Come on. Let's go.

All right. You can go now.

- What do you mean? - Get lost.

Well! I can see the headlines now.

"Famed Anthropologist Dr. R.O. Sutwell Arrested as a Peeping Tom."

My dear young woman, at this moment, I'm concentrating...

on developmental biology in human beings.

- That's what I mean. - Marianne, I'm no match for your wit.

Here. Take a look, please.

Not me. I blush easily. I'm a Philadelphia girl.

But tell me about it.

I presume you've guessed. It's my new book.

By the way, how do you like this title?

"The Behavioral Pattern of the Young Adult

"and It's Relation to Primitive Tribes."

- I've got a shorter title. - What's that?

- Teenage Sex. - You know, Marianne,

it's absolutely fascinating how similar the behavior patterns...

of these young people is to the other tribes we've observed.

Oh, come on, Professor, these are just normal American kids.

American, yes. Normal, no.

Marianne, they're a true subculture.

They live in a society as primitive as the aborigine of New Guinea.

Now, listen to this, quickly.

- Dis you dig his action? - His action?

He was hanging ten, when he tried to shoot the pier,

and dinged his board just when he took the air.

- Maybe you've got a point. - You bet I have.

I'm gonna need reference books All of Max Jacobson's works on puberty rites.

Murchison's studies of the Aztec fertility symbols at Spanish Key.

Coming of age. That sort of things.

Marianne, this book will be my triumph.

And you'll never get it through the mails.

But hang on the picture rights.

American International will snap it up in a minute.

- I take then that you won't help me? - Have I ever said no?

Come to think of it, you never have.

I'll help.

Thank you, Marianne.

- On one condition. - Yes? What's that?

After you write this book on sex...

Yes?

Read it.

Rhonda, what are you doing?

Watch. They come all unhinged.

See, it works every time.

At the present time I am secluded approximately...

37 to 40 yards from the subject group.

Did it ever occur to you that there's something else in life...

besides getting a boy?

- Like what? - Love.

Here's something now. Here's something coming in.

What's your problem? Frankie giving you the cold treatment or something?

Deep freeze would be more like it.

You can't really blame him.

He brought you down here alone, and you turn the place into a teenage flophouse.

Well, at the last minute I got cold feet.

If somebody had wild plans for me, why stop him?

Rhonda, I want Frankie to think of me as more than just a girl.

- There's something else? - Yes! A wife

Wife? Dee Dee, you're not even a woman.

But I'm close.

And I'm not getting any closer until I'm a wife!

Dolores, come here!

The music you hear in the background they're playing...

Oh, brief footnote on comparison to Haitian voodoo ceremonial.

Well, along the coast past Malibu

I make it every day after school is through

My secret surfing' spot where only I know

- The gremmies and the hodads never go - Never go

I said the gremmies and the hodads never go

Incredible.

Well, I'm hotdogging on my board till the sun goes down

I jump into my woodie and I make it back to town.

My secret surfing' spot where only I know

- The gremmies and the hodads never go - Never go

I said the gremmies and the hodads never go

Never go

My secret surfing' spot is the talk of the school

The Samoan puberty dance all over again.

My secret surfing' spot where only I know

- The gremmies and the hodads never go - Never go

I said the gremmies and the hodads never go

Yeah, I'm hotdogging on my board till the sun goes down

The mating dance of the whooping crane.

My secret surfing' spot where only I know

- The gremmies and the hodads never go - Never go

I said the gremmies and the hodads never go

Never go

Absolutely impossible.

I'm hotdogging on my board till the sun goes down

I jump into my woodie and I make it back to town

My secret surfing' spot where only I know

They're now concluding their ceremony.

And they're collapsing exhausted in the sand.

That was great.

By use of the directional audio phonic microphone now,

I shall attempt to pick up some of their more secret yearnings.

Gee, girls are pretty.

- You just found that out, huh? - Well, I mean when they move.

- Right, Frankie? - Come on, knock it off, huh?

- What's bugging you, Frank? - It's Dolores. She racked him up.

Deadhead, you've got the biggest mouth in the world.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Well, he's right. It is Dolores.

Fellows, how would you like to have plans for a girl

and end up with a surfboard?

If you're smart, you'll dump her.

- He's right. - Yeah.

She's not gonna get away with it.

I've been building for this scene all year.

- Then you're gonna dump her? - Well, I would in a flash.

- Except for one little thing. - What's that?

- I love her. - Never say that!

Man, you want to ruin it for the rest of us?

- We'll throw you out the union. - What am I gonna do? I'm hooked.

Look, you're been building all year for this scene, right?

- Okay, so you build someplace else, huh? - Yeah, right.

- Yeah. Put her down. - Right.

You know what happens when a chick knows you dig her?

What?

- She walks all over you. - Yeah!

Well, I'll show. I'll dig somebody else.

- Another chick? - If I were Dolores, I wouldn't like that.

That's the point, goo-goo. Put her down. But who? Who can I...

- Hey, is she still there? - Who?

The one at Big Daddy's, you know.

- The cream puff. - You mean, Ava.

- Yeah, Ava. - Man, she's something else.

She's got everything, huh?

Well, I'll tell you, if she hasn't got it,

it's only because she hasn't got room for it.

- Big Daddy's tonight. - You're on!

And now,

a poem

by our beloved teacher...

Cappy Caplan!

A poem dedicated to Big Daddy!

D is for Dallas.

I may not go there.

A is for, "Ah, ah, ah."

D is for Nicholas.

Long may he wave.

D is for D-Day or maybe Day D.

Y...

- Why not? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Put them all together, the spell Daddy!

He's been a mother to us all.

Yeah. Yeah!

Dance, swing, live, kids.

Remember that tomorrow may be the day after today.

Swing, live, dance. I will walk among you.

Well, I looked at the heavies They were rolling' in fast

I knew I'd better make it 'cause they just don't last

I'm surfing'

Surfing' Swinging and surfing'

Oh, the sand and the sea is the only life for me

I'm surfing'

Yeah, and I'm surfing'

I'm hotdogging on my board Gonna have me a ball

Caught a good ride and that was all I'm surfing'

Surfing' and a-surfing'

Oh, the sand and the sea is the only life for me

Just surfing' Yeah, just surfing'

Well, I looked at the beach There was nothin' but chicks

Rode a breaker in Gonna get my kicks

I'm surfing'

Surfing' and a-surfing'

Oh, the sand and the sea is the only life for me

I'm surfing'

Yeah, and I'm surfing'

Just surfing'

I met a little blonde and I asked her if I could date her

She said, "Come on, honey You can wash your board later"

I'm surfing'

Surfing' and a-surfing'

Oh, the sand and the sea is the only life for me

I'm a-surfing' Yes, just surfing'

Yeah, surfing', baby Just a-surfing'

Oh, the sand and the sea is the only life for me

I'm surfing'

Just surfing'

Surfing' Come on, I'm surfing'

Well, I'm surfing'

Well, I'm surfing'

- There she is. What do you think? - Hey, man.

- Yeah! - Yeah, she's some chick, huh?

Yeah!

- Is this what you wanted? - It sure is.

- I'm sorry! - Here. I'll help you with that.

Oh, would you? I always spill things.

- I'm sorry. - Yeah!

- Thank you. - My pleasure.

Say, listen, maybe when you take a break, we could kind of dance a little, huh?

Oh yes. I break very soon.

Well, here. Let me take you tray. I'll take this for you here.

You done it again, boss.

You stupid. You stupid.

Fix it.

MICE - RATS

Just what we needed, the black plague.

Out!

Out!

Hold this.

Any moment I shall try for my first contact. This is always difficult.

- Hey, Dad. - I thought maybe you'd skip us this year.

I like you. And when Eric Von Zipper likes somebody, they stay liked.

- Yeah, thanks a lot. - Yeah, and I like it here.

- He likes it here. - He likes it here.

You see, I told you. I like it here.

- I get the message. - Yeah.

Look, just don't make any trouble, huh?

Who me?

Aggressive. Definite aggression.

Something's about to...

Definite jungle reversion. Well-executed, too.

Keep a-moving' and a-grooving' Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Keep a-jumping' and a-stomping' Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Whoa, baby, when you shake so fine

I get the fits and chills up my spine

What you're doing' is getting' to me Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Wind up and let it go now Don't hold back

Don't hold back

Wind up and let it go now Don't hold back

Don't hold back

Whoa, baby, when you shake so wild

You make me feel like a motherless child

What you're doing' is getting' to me Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Little girl, I can tell by that look in your eye

You got a kind of pleasure making' my temperature rise

Let me tell you now That's all right with me.

Long as you never let it drop a single degree

Keep a-saying' what you're saying' Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Yeah, keep a-saying' what you're saying' Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Whoa, each time you twist your hips

Somethin' inside goes a- flippety flip

What you're doing' is getting' to me Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Little girl, I can tell by that look in your eye

You get a kind of pleasure making' my temperature rise

Let me tell you now That's all right with me

Long as you never let it drop a single degree

Keep a-saying' what you're saying' Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Keep a-saying' what you're saying' Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Whoa, every time you twist your hips

Somethin' inside goes a- flippety flip

What you're doing' is getting' to me Don't stop now

Don't stop now

What you're doing' is getting' to me Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Yeah, yeah, what you're doing' is getting' to me

Don't stop now Don't stop now

What you're doing' is getting' to me Don't stop now

Don't stop now Don't stop now

Don't stop now Don't stop now!

Don't stop now

- Hey. - Oh. Oh, please, excuse me.

What's the matter, baby? You got a problem?

Yeah, that oversexed maniac with that girl.

- Well, don't think about him no more. - What?

- Eric Von Zipper likes you. - Who's that?

Me!

- Well, you've done it again, boss. - You stupid.

I'd better go now.

Hey, baby. Girls fall for Eric Von Zipper.

- I didn't fall. I tripped. - Tripped, schmipped.

What's the difference? You're here, and you look good to me.

Yeah, I'm here with friends.

Yeah, well, he found a new chick.

- You'd better let me go. - Hey! I like you.

And whatever Eric Von Zipper wants, he gets.

No! No! Don't!

Excuse me. Excuse me?

I'm R.O. Sutwell. I'm sorry to intrude, but you're molesting this young lady.

What are you, her grandfather?

To be perfectly factual, I've really never met her.

Now, if you'll be so kind as to unwrap her.

Look, nobody tells Eric Von Zipper nothing.

Yeah, that's right. No one tells Eric Von Zipper nothing.

- Couldn't... Who are you? - J.D.

That's short for juvenile delinquent.

One moment. Before you do something you may regret,

I think it only fair to caution you that I practice...

a most potent oriental physic-psycho philosophy.

Yeah, and he looks like one, too.

Well, I'm gonna give you something new to practice.

- Wait just a moment... - Like pain.

Excuse me. Would you hold this for just...

I'll have to send for another one of these. Could you hold these parts for me?

Hold these, too, please, will you?

And watch the battery. They're very hot. Be careful.

I don't think they manufacture this model...

- I'm sorry. - Hey, I'm gonna rip you for that.

The Himalayan time suspensions technique.

I think it would be...

Hey, what'd you do to him?

It's very simple. A complex pressure point and applied force.

You see? Now he's in the clutches of what we call time suspension.

Hey, boss?

You're fantastic. Just wonderful!

Thank you very kindly.

May I escort you home?

Thank you.

I appreciate so much your holding those parts for me.

Thank you. They're very precious to me.

- Hey... - The battery, yes.

But, listen. What about him?

Oh, yes. Fortunately, the force was light.

He'll come around in a few hours. Just keep him warm and comfortable.

My dear.

Dolores.

Where do you think you're going?

I'm being escorted home by this nice, old gentleman.

- Okay! - A-OK!

He done it with his finger. One lousy finger. Zap!

And look at him. He don't even move. No nothing.

- He said he slipped a clutch or something. - And he's in time suspenders.

I don't care what he's wearing. Get this stiff out of here. Out!

Hey, gently! Gently! Don't break him.

Careful.

I just can't get over how great you were.

I mean, the way you saved me from that storm trooper.

That was nothing, Dolores, nothing. But thank you. Thank you just the same.

Oh, say, you don't mind my calling you Dolores, do you?

Oh, not at all, if I can call you... What is your name?

- Sutwell. Robert Orwell Sutwell. - Orwell?

Yes, I'm sorry. That's always been sort of a problem with me.

- I'll just call you Robert, okay? - A-OK.

Dolores, I've got to confess something to you.

You've suddenly become very important to me.

And I'm interested in finding out more about you.

- Oh? - You see, I'm an explorer.

I explore. You understand?

Yes, I understand.

You're my first contact.

Really? At your age?

Yes, and to a man of my age, first contacts are terribly important.

I know. Contact's the most important thing...

in the whole world.

Well, I wouldn't exactly say that.

- You wouldn't? - No.

You're so right. I guess old men always seem to know so much more.

I don't know. We old codgers make mistakes, too, you know.

- Not very often, I'll bet. - Well...

You're so distinguished.

- And you study people. - Yes, that I do.

Are you a doctor, like Dr. Shootser?

- Well, when I... Dr. Shootser? - Yes.

Wait a minute. Don't you mean Dr. Schweitzer?

Is that his name?

Yes. I think he's still using it. You see...

- And you're so exciting. - You think so?

- You're not at all like... - Like Frankie?

You'd like Frankie to think of you...

as something more than a mere girl? Wouldn't you?

That's right.

You'd like him to consider you as a wife.

- That's exactly what I said to Rhonda. - I know.

I mean, I knew that that's the way you'd feel about it

Dolores, now that we've met and sort gotten together...

Well, I guess you could say that we've made contact.

It's funny that with all you experience that I'd be your first contact.

Yes...

- May I say something to you? - Oh, yes, please do.

You may be my first contact, too.

Dolores, dear, could we just go past contact for a moment?

It isn't contact I want so much as your help.

- Me help you? - Yes, with my research.

You see, I want to find out all about you.

How you live, where you live, your friends, what you like to do.

Anything you want, Robert.

Now, now, somehow I don't seem to...

You know, I think it, would be better if we talk this over at my place.

- All right. - You mean you will?

Yes.

Tomorrow then.

- Tomorrow? - Yes, say about noon?

Oh, Robert, you even know when a girl shouldn't be rushed.

Dolores...

Now, steady, old man. You have the age but not the experience.

"You even know when a girl shouldn't be rushed.".

Who said old?

- Gee, what do you think of that? - I think he ought to grow a beard.

- Deadhead, you've got a flabby mouth. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I didn't say nothing. Boy, this has been some night.

You can say that again.

Boy, this has been some night.

Professor!

Oh, yes! Oh, yes, Marianne!

I'll be there in just a moment.

Just a second.

Hurry!

Oh, yes.

I'm sorry.

There's your old Fitzhampton and Murchison and...

- Thank you. - ...Jacobson.

Thank you. My, you've done this swiftly, Marianne.

Marianne, would you believe that last night I made contact?

From the looks of your eyes, I would believe it.

Imagine. Contact in just two days.

Marianne, incidentally, I want to ask you something.

Would you say that I'm an old man?

- Older than what? - Well, older than young.

Do you know what you're talking about?

- You know you're a very pretty woman. - You're not bad yourself.

Thank you.

In a bearded, academic sort of way.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

You know, all those young people out there,

with their squirming tribal dances...

Strange. All the years I spent in the jungle,

I never took time out to learn to squirm.

You think maybe you missed something?

Maybe not all of it.

But mostly with me, it's been a spectator sport.

I've never really played on one of the teams.

Don't you think it's time that you got off the bench

and into the game?

Robert?

Ah, hi, Rob...

There's one of your teammates here for batting practice.

Oh, yes, hello.

Good morning, Dolores.

You asked me to come by tomorrow, so there I am today just like you wanted.

Oh, yes. Dolores, I think it might be well

if I got dressed for the beach and met you down there.

All righty. Don't be long.

All righty.

No wonder you feel old.

Marianne, that's my first contact. It's pure research. It's business!

- Lolita business. - I'm not the...

Ava, I love you!

Thank you, darling.

Hey, Ava.

- Hi, I look for Frankie. - He's coming in off the curl.

- You coming surfing tonight? - If he takes me.

Well, if he doesn't take you, I will.

Frankie.

- Oh, hello, Ava. - Hi, darling.

What's the matter? Don't you like me?

Yeah, sure, I like you, honey, but alone, not in front of so many people.

Now, you're going to take me surfing tonight?

Well, I...

I just might.

Come here, baby.

- Tell me you love me. - Yeah, yeah, I love you.

Where are you going? What you think you're doing?

- Robert. - Oh, yes, right here.

Good afternoon or good morning. No, it's afternoon.

- Something wrong? - Oh, no, there's nothing...

Where did you get those banana boats?

Oh, yes. I'm very proud of these. I brought them back from Africa.

How'd you get them away from the witch doctor?

No, no. They weren't his. They belonged to the Chief.

- Robert, they've got to go. - Do you think so?

Well, all right. They're very comfortable.

- What is this? - Oh, yes. I'm very proud of this too.

This was present to me by another chief,

the Chief of the Tokyo Fire Department.

The firemen wear them to fires. It's fireproof, also waterproof.

It's sort of a conversation piece.

No one around here converses in the Japanese firehouse talk,

so take it off.

All right.

A bathing suit?

Yes, I've had it for quite a while.

It was presented to me by the Hong Kong YMCA.

- With a skirt? - Yes, that's part of it.

I'm afraid that's going to have to go, too.

No, no, no, I'm afraid this will have to stay. This is it.

- Well, maybe you could... - Maybe I could, but I'm not going to.

I'm just fine as I am. Thank you very much.

Well, in that case, here. Put this back on.

Very well.

My... I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, no. Actually, I think you're kind of cute.

Sort of a walking United Nations.

Thank you very much.

You know Dolores, I don't get to the beach very often,

so I really wasn't prepared.

What does she see in old beaver puss anyway?

I don't know. If he had a twin, he'd make a good cough drop.

- You get what you pay for. - Deal!

Hey, pops! Where'd you get that crazy kimono?

It just so happens it was presented to him by the Chief of the Tokyo Fire Department.

Wonderful! If my rickshaw ever catches fire, I'll know who to call!

Come on.

- Isn't it a hooting day? - Yes, is it...

A hooting day?

- The sets are so glassy. - The sets are glassy?

- The waves! They're just like glass. - Oh, I see.

Tell me something? Hooting?

Now, as I see it, it means a sort of a cry of pleasure from the word "to hoot"?

Oh, yeah, Robert, You�re so intelligent.

Hey, come on. Let's skeg him.

I think you're just perfect.

Hooting, hooting.

- What about Dolores? She likes him. - She's Frankie's girl. Come on.

- And stoked? Now, stoked means happy? - Right.

Hi, Dolores, we thought maybe we'd like to meet your friend.

- Not now, Ken. - Stoked to meet you.

- You talk like a real kook. - Thank you. You're very kind.

Robert, I think we'd better go to the house.

How are you on the board, beard?

I can do a swan dive and a fairly goof jackknife.

- No, no, no. The surfboard. - Oh, that, no. I've never done that.

Must be fascinating. I'd like to learn. It seems fairly simple.

Oh, it is, it is. How about right now, huh?

- Hooting! Hooting! - Oh, no, Robert, no!

We'll just try it right here first.

Right there. Just lay right down there. That's the first step.

I see.

That's it. Right on your face, and paddle like this.

What, like this?

- You see that wave out there? - Oh, yes.

Okay, now, you sneak into it.

The first thing you know, you're up on your knees.

- Like this? - That's it, that's it.

Now you're to shoot that wave... You're building to it.

- Shoot it? - Yeah, catch it.

- Oh, catch. - Right. And you stand up.

- Nothing to it. - That's great!

- He's a real hotdogger. - Say, do you...

Hotdogger?

- A good surfer. - Oh, really? Thank you.

- You ride it right in. - Yes, ride it right in.

- What do you say we give it a try? - You know he doesn't know how.

- Now, now, please. - Robert.

It's very, very simple, Dolores. All right, I'll go right...

Don't you think you'd better take off some of your equipment?

Oh, yes. Thank you very much.

My Perkins reminder watch. Would you hold this please, Dolores?

Oh, and my glasses. There we are.

I guess I better take this off, too.

Oh, boy, they just don't make those bathing suits like they used so.

No, no, I'm very attached to this one. I wore it when I swam the Hellespont.

I like it. I think it's substantial looking.

Thank you, my dear. All right.

Say, beard, you're gonna need this...

when you jazz the glass.

Jazz the glass? Oh, that's very good.

- You got that? - Yes, I've got it. Thank you.

Robert, don't!

Now, now, now, please. I told you, I think is very simple, Dolores.

Wait a moment. Wait a moment.

I'd like to do a few calculations if you don't mind.

Let see me. The standard sea level pressure is 29.92.

Ought to be 30 inches to the... Oh, what is the weight of the board?

Twenty-six pounds.

Twenty-six. Thank you very much. Twenty-six...

That's 2.6, averaged over X, times the natural buoyancy.

Now, all submerged, it's 43. Let's see here. Saltwater.

Saltwater is 7.2 over 0.4.

Yes.

There we are. I'm ready.

Oh, no wonder. I forgot to carry the two.

Excuse me.

- Excuse me. - Go away. We're closed.

- Zen? - No, I'm asleep.

I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

Wait a minute. Hey, I know you. You're the guy who put the finger...

on Von Zipper.

I've been trying to figure you out for a long time.

Come on. Squat. Sit down.

What's your racket?

- My name is Sutwell. R. O. Sutwell. - R. O.

And I'm here to ask questions.

- You're a cop? - No.

Don't worry about them. They're asleep.

No, you see, I'm a developmental biologist,

social anthropologist and an explorer.

- You're joshing. - No, I'm doing research...

on post-adolescent surf dwellers. I'm writing a book.

- It's called "The Sutwell Report. - How about that?

I'm studying rather primitive behavior patterns.

You came to the right cat.

If there's anything you want to know about these kids

I can tell you the whole thing in two words.

- They're nuts. - They're nuts?

You see? You noticed it, too.

What do you think they do all day? Run all around the beach.

And they only got one thing on their mind.

Each other.

That's sort of usual, isn't it? That starts in...

I know, but they got so much energy. They don't know what to do with it.

- They need a reason, a cause. - A cause?

Yeah, that's why I hired him.

Big Daddy. He'll give them the reason. He'll give them the cause.

- What cause? He's asleep. - So he'll give them a sleepy cause.

What's the difference?

He's a real weirdo. I found him on the beach one day walking around.

He had a couple of pigeons or seagulls on his shoulders.

All these kids were gathered around him, waiting to hear the word.

- What word? - We don't know yet.

You know, you're a very remarkable fellow.

- I think so. I like you, too, Professor. - Thank you.

- Hey, one thing. Will you level with me? - All right.

What's with the duster? You think it moves the chicks?

No, as a matter of fact, it usually works the other way.

I don't dig. You don't want to level with me, right?

Yeah, all right, I'll level with you.

I was the youngest professor at the university.

In fact, I was so young it was sickening.

Every time I opened my mouth, my students laughed.

The other professors laughed. Even the janitors laughed.

Well. I knew it couldn't go on for long, so one date at lunch,

I presented my problem to an old professor friend of mine.

And without even glancing up from his soup, he said,

"Buy yourself a pair of glasses and grow a beard. "

So, you see, all of this is just 18 years of professor window dressing.

Amazing how our lives parallel. I mean, you got the... And...

- You know how I happened to raise this? - No. Why?

I got a dimple in my chin, and I didn't want anybody mistaking me for Kirk Douglas.

But you don't look anything like Kirk Douglas.

Yeah, you see?

Cappy, any help you can give me with my research

will be deeply appreciated.

Well, you're going to need more help than with your research.

Somehow I don't dig.

It's that Eric Von Zipper. He's looking for you.

He's mad, real mad.

Whoops, there she goes. I better go over and wake those girls up

before they freeze like that.

It once took me three weeks to unwind one of them.

There goes the other one.

All right, come on, girls. Up, up, everybody up.

Well, I guess I'll just have to turn them over.

They sleep better on their head. Come on, come on, up.

Thank you, Cappy.

I want to talk to you about Dolores.

- I'm Frankie. - Oh, yes.

- I know who you are. - You do?

You're the guy who's been cutting in on my time.

Now, please. Just a moment...

You're brainwashing her with your beard.

Brainwashing her with my beard?

Why else would she be crazy about someone like you?

- Now, that I resent... - I mean, you're an old man.

Now, just a moment. If you're so wild about Dolores,

why are you running around with this Hungarian goulash?

Because she's my girl!

- Who, goulash? - No, Dolores.

Oh, I see. Yes. Make her jealous. Put her down.

Typical aborigine attitude.

I suppose you'd like to drag her off on your surfboard by the roots of her hair?

Yes, I would. I love her.

Look, I know how you can love her, too, because she's lovable.

But I'm telling you this. I'm not going to let any overage, fuzzy face

take away my girl, not if I have anything to do with it.

And believe me, mister, I do!

By the way, how you fixed for blades?

Boy, that kid's really got a chip on his shoulders. I think it's his head.

- Can I ask you something, Professor? - Yes.

You studying these kids' sex life, or are you getting involved in it?

See you.

Involved.

- Hi, Sue. Have you seen Dolores? - Dolores who?

Dolores Del Rio. Now, come on! Where is she?

Help yourself.

- Oh, it's you. - Yeah, me.

Well, there's nothing we have to say to each other.

Yes, there is. Plenty.

Now, look, this time has gone on long enough.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, come off it! You and old pig bristles...

It just so happens I love him, pig bristles and all.

Have you gone right out of your mind?

Maybe, but I'm not crazy enough to stick with you.

- Not even if I loved you? - Not even if...

What did you say?

Not even if I loved you?

- Do you, Frankie? - You know I do.

But you never said it like that.

Oh, honey.

What is going on which I am included out?

Ava.

- There's something I have to tell you. - Tell me outside in the dark.

- No, Ava, you've the wrong idea. - Frankie, you promised.

- "Frankie, you promised." - Dolores, I was just...

- I'm waiting. - She's "waiting."

- But, look... What I'm trying to say is... - I want to hear you say it again.

- Say what, Ava? - How he loves me.

Did I say that?

Dee Dee, I was only trying to...

Where'd I go wrong?

Ava will kiss and make it feel better.

You bet she will. Come on. Let's go.

Where did I go wrong?

Treat him nicely.

That's right!

Well, maybe.

Treat him nicely

That's what you should do

I was such a fool to treat him so cruel

He found someone new

Treat him gently

And to him be true

I was so unwise Told him little lies

I lost him to you

So I ask you to

always take care of him

Maybe it's because I know

I still love him

Treat him nicely

With his love be kind

Had a listened to advice I'm giving you

He might still be mine

Had a listened to advice I'm giving you

He might still be mine

Had I listened to advice I'm giving you

He might still be mine

Professor?

Professor?

Yes, Marianne, I'm dressing. I'll be right there.

Don't bother.

I'm just lugging in the rest of your library.

Oh, I see. Still upset with me?

Upset? Why should I be upset?

Oh, I don't know. I got that impression.

By the way, how did the game go last night?

- Any home runs? - No, but it wasn't exactly a shutout.

I went shopping today.

How do I look?

- Like a South Sea island village. - Oh, thanks.

- Waiting for the volcano to erupt. - Yes, that's a dramatic image.

- It sort of blends with your beard. - Tell me, what is this with my beard?

I've heard more about my beard in the last two days...

than in all the years since I grew it.

Maybe this tribe is more hip than the Hari I knew of Japan.

I swear... Oh, hey, speaking of tribes,

I'm gonna mingle tonight and get the inner workings of this tribe.

Now, I want you to follow me with the directional here

and get it all down on tape.

- I'll get all the good stuff. - You know, I'm really enjoying this.

Scratch you later, chick.

"Dig" you later.

Dig. Oh, yes, yes.

Yes, I must work on that.

Well, I looked at the heavies They were rolling' in fast

I knew I'd better make it 'cause they just don't last

I'm surfing'

Yeah, swinging' and surfing'

Hello.

Robert, I thought you'd never get here.

Well, if it isn't King Kamehameha.

Hooting, hooting.

Who gave you the hat? Lily Dache?

No, no, no. I bought this especially for tonight.

Yeah. I want to be one of the gang. It's part of my research.

- Robert, I love being your guinea pig. - Oh, thank you, thank you.

Old pig bristles.

Don't you worry about him.

No.

Put your arms around me.

- What's the matter? You cold? - Yes.

Well, say maybe I could put some more wood on the fire.

- You would. - What?

More wood on the fire.

That's strange, I'm not the least bit cold.

As a matter of fact, it seems very toasty here to me.

- Robert! - What's the matter?

- Your hat? - What's the matter with it?

- It's on fire! - What?

Here, pops! You may catch cold.

- We're all here - Yeah, we're here

The time has come The tide is out

Yeah

- So what do we do? - We keep warm

- How do we do that, brothers? - We hold tight

- What do we hold sinners? - Girls!

Yeah!

Where have they all gone?

If you don't know that, you must've flunked biology.

Come on. Let's go.

This is nice, isn't it?

Robert, you know I like you very much.

- I like you, too. - Thank you.

But I just can't stand by...

and listen to what they're saying about you behind your back.

What are they saying?

They're calling you awful things like "Hair Mattress",

"Old Billy Goat," "Pig Bristles" and "The Finger."

"The Finger"?

Robert, the whole thing, it's got to go.

It won't take long, and you'll hardly feel it.

- Look, I've brought Deadhead's razor. - Dolores...

You're not suggesting I cut my throat?

No, silly! This.

Oh, that.

Oh, yes, yes.

No, no, Dolores, I really shouldn't.

- No, I might not look too good under here. - I'm willing to take the chance.

- Well, I'm not. - Robert, be courageous like me.

No, you don't understand. We're old friends.

We've been together for years.

And you can't just mow down an old friend like that.

- It isn't... - It's a shame, Robert.

- What? - You have...

such young eyes and such an old chin.

Young eyes?

I'll come back after you two have parted.

Dolores...

Dolores, wait a minute, I really...

The moon

Promise me the moon

And every little star that shines above

The world

Promise me the world

And every dream I'm dreaming' of

The moon

What would the moonbeam

I don't want the moon

A moonbeam, a moonbeam

Deadhead, how can you be hungry at a time like this?

Man can't live by love alone.

The world

I don't want the world

To own a real dream

- But please - Promise me anything

Give me love

- Cool it, Ava. Now, just... Wait! - Oh, come on!

You promised!

- Now, just one second. - Come on, darling, don't tease me.

- Ava, down, girl. No, just... No, no, wait. - Baby, come on.

Robert, Robert.

Robert?

Robert.

Robert, I am so disappointed in you

Don't you have...

Robert? Robert, you look positively...

Robert... May I call you Bob?

- Why not? - You know something?

You're whole new you.

- Only on the outside. - I just can't resist you now.

Bob, it's no use. I'm yours.

- No, Dolores. - Bob, are you afraid to be alone with me?

No, no, it's not that. It's just that...

I just don't trust myself, now that I have my pig bristles gone.

Good! Them let's go someplace where we can be alone. Let's fly to the moon.

Dolores, could you help me with my research now?

- I have lots of questions to ask. - Just anything, Bob.

Now, surf dwellers.

Tell me, what�s is this irresistible magnet...

that draws and holds this tribe here to the beach?

Well, it's fascinating. It's exciting. The mystery of it all.

And the little unexplained things.

Like, just the other night, a fisherman saw a little ghost plane with blue lights

land right here on the beach.

And when they went to investigate, the plane had just disappeared.

Like magic.

Real spooky.

You know, we might blast off in that little ghost plane...

with the blue lights

even though they're red and green.

You see, Bob? Now with your pig bristles gone,...

even you are beginning to feel the thrill of the beach.

Come on. Let's go find the little blue lights and fly to the moon.

- Bob. it is an airplane! - Yes, it is.

Oh, Bob, I've never been in an airplane! Could we go for a ride?

Quiet, quiet, please.

All right. I'll take you.

But it'll have to be in the middle of the night when the beach is deserted.

Now, promise me something. You won't breathe a word of this to a soul.

- My lips are sealed. - Good. Just keep them that way.

I'll tell you what. You go home and get some sleep...

and meet me back here at 3:00 in the morning.

- Bob. - Yes?

You're just the coolest coolest.

I never been so insulted in my life!

Hey, what...

Oh, it's you, Ava. I thought you were with Frankie.

I was.

- Well, what'd he do? - Nothing. That's the trouble.

Maybe he was hungry, too.

Marianne.

Marianne, come take a look. I've shaved...

I'VE HEARD ENOUGH

Marianne, jealous.

Well, why not?

I'm a whole new me.

- Which one is it? - It's one of them there.

You're a big help. Hey, what's that?

Looks like a chick.

I could see that, you stupid.

Let's go.

Oh, it's you.

Yeah. Yeah, it's me, Von...

And what you doing here?

It's a secret. We got a surprise for that Sutwell guy.

- I love secrets. - Oh, yeah?

We'll tell you all about it as soon as we give it to him.

Which one of these is he in?

I don't know. I'm stranger in this country, too.

- Are you alone? - Yeah. I'm looking for someone.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Come on, Zipper. Let's go get him.

Yeah.

Stick around, chick. You'll see Von Zipper in action.

All right, I stick around.

Now, listen. The only thing you gotta watch for are this fingers.

Now, he's only got two of them, one there and one here.

Now, there are seven of us and only two of them.

You and you each grab a finger, and then I'll hit him.

- Got it? - Yeah!

You stupids!

But which house is it?

You stupid.

That one.

Let's go. Will you... Will you...

You stupids!

I can't see nothing!

- Don't holler! - Help!

- You're hitting me! - Help!

Dolores.

Help!

Hey! Do you hear a scream?

It's just Dolores and that man.

Help!

- Excuse me. I'm sorry. Excuse me, please. - Help me!

What's...

Zipper! It's the finger! Let's get out of here!

You...

- Quit! Quit! I'm going! - Get out of here!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry I...

You all right?

Here, I'll help you.

There we are. That's it.

No, no. No, this way.

Yes.

- Oh, Bob. - Dolores.

- What happened? - I've been so frightened.

- What? - I don't believe it.

We... I mean, she...

- Frankie... - They...

They seemed a little restless, Frankie and the rest of them.

They didn't seem to believe that I was saving you from that...

You mean that carbon-monoxide commando?

Yeah, that's the fellow.

They seem to think that it wasn't just an accident.

How'd you learn to fly?

Oh, I don't know. They lifted me out of my wheelchair into a Cub,

and somehow I made it.

- That was before the war, of course. - Which one?

Spanish-American.

Oh, you're teasing. I'll bet it was World War I.

You know...

You know, Dolores, incredible as it may seem to you,

it was a World war II,

and I was an instructor of combat aerobatics.

What does that mean?

Well, that-s the art of getting the opponent off your tail...

without being shot down.

Could you show me how it works right now?

Yes. Yes, I could.

What was that?

Oh, that was just primary stuff. A simple loop. Did you like it?

It was simple enough, I guess.

- Did you enjoy it? - I loved it.

But before you do it again, let's get an opinion from my stomach.

- You know, when... Your stomach? - Yeah.

- I'm terribly, terribly sorry. - That's all right.

The analgesic for your stomach is the Chinese Eight.

- Bob? - Yes?

- You all right? - Sure.

Isn't this a sensational curriculum though?

It was designed for the Air Force by a friend of mine, Colonel Wyatt Johnson.

Are you sure it wasn't Wyatt Earp?

Isn't this a great little plane? It'll do anything.

Will it land? That'd be fun.

You don't want land. You don't...

Oh, yes, I guess you do.

Right away, Dolores. Right away.

There we are.

- You're all right? - Oh, I'm fine.

Oh, no. Look, I'd better help you home.

No, no, there are times when one must be alone.

Will I see you tomorrow?

Only if they allow me visitors.

Oh, fine. Blasting off to the moon.

Sitting on a bed. A likely story.

Marianne, I tell you, it's not my fault. I didn't plan it this way. It just happened.

Just because you no longer look like Father Time, don't get ideas.

- It's later than you think. - Listen, you've gotta help me.

I've got a problem.

- You're so right. - Dolores thinks she's in love with me.

Your problem is you're too young for her, mentally.

Look... Oh, Marianne.

You criticized Fitzhampton for going native.

Look at that outfit.

What's wrong with it? It's part of my research.

Marianne, look, please help me.

Look, if I can make her believe that there's something...

- between you and me then I could... - Use me.

If you want a pinch hitter, call Mickey Mantle.

Oh, please, don't put it that way. That sounds so uncouth.

Just like you've always done.

"Save me from the aborigines. Help me with this report, with that report. "

I'm...

I don't know why I've stuck with you all these years.

You're never even noticed that...

That I've...

been around.

Oh, hello. Hello, Dolores.

Sit down. Relax. I'll be right with you.

You beast!

Beast? Oh, you mean this.

Please don't let this worry you. Marianne's very understanding.

- I'm sure you are, too. - Understanding? Bob, what do you mean?

Well, I mean, after all the years that we...

Well, naturally, you didn't think that... We're very cosmopolitan.

You know.

You shave off a red beard and become a bluebeard!

- I think she's gone. - I think it worked fine.

- Professor? Professor? - Please, call me Bob.

Bob.

- You could stop now. - I could.

You know, I've suddenly discovered something.

- You have? - Yes. I... I'll tell you later.

Oh, the rocking' goony bird is seldom ever heard

Even in the reaches of his jungle home

The beast! He's a beast.

Dee Dee, what's the matter?

Don't you dig Father Time without his pig bristles?

Shut up! Can't you see she's had a traumatic experience?

I think it's about time that somebody gave that hairless Chihuahua...

- a little trauma of his own. - Yeah!

- Come on! - Let's go.

- Hey, where you going? - Over there.

- I'm going with you! - Can I go?

You stay here. After I've finished with him,

I'm coming back to Seattle with you!

- I wanna talk to you. - Yeah. Yeah!

- Make it quick. I'm busy. - Okay. Are you gonna marry her?

- Well, I hadn't really... - Dolores, I mean!

Dolores?

For heaven's sake, me marry Dolores?

That's right. The ring, minister, ceremony, the whole bit

Who's she?

- She happens to be... - His girl.

Boy, for an oldie, you really move around.

- He takes vitamins. - If you...

Hey, Frankie, what's this?

Oh, for heaven's sake, would you stay away from these instruments?

- It's expensive electronic equipment. - I know what he is. He's a spy!

- A spy? - What's this?

- Give me that. - Back off, cowboy.

"The Sutwell Report". I told you he's a spy.

Well, that accounts for the phony beard.

Oh, for heaven's sake, this is the most ridiculous thing...

- Fellows, listen to this. - Please...

"And post-adolescent surfing societies are primitive in origin,

similar in most ways to pre-civilized..."

Hey, what's that mean?

It means he's using us for case studies.

- Me and Dolores and all of us. - Yeah?

- He's putting us down. - Yeah!

"And as to their sexual activities it seems..."

Hey, I'm not finished!

Hey, they're gone. Give me that. Come on. Let's go!

Pies and beer. Pies and beer.

I like it.

Go away. Leave us alone, will you?

Cappy, thank you. Thank you very much.

Cappy...

What's going on here?

Listen, is there anyplace that you can hide us?

- Who are you? - Sutwell. R. O. Sutwell, remember?

- Old pig bristles? - I came...

Yeah. What'd you do with the face mop?

- He's in disguise. - Marianne, please!

Cappy, I'm in trouble. Big, big trouble.

That figures. You probably got involved with that Dolores Chick.

- We want Sutwell. - Marianne, I... What's that?

Look, hide us. Put us in...

Now I know how General Custer felt.

Now, here he comes. Singing Bull.

Blast off.

So this is what you think of us, huh?

Yes, it is!

And if I ever get a chance to finish it, it'll be an unusual scientific achievement.

You used us. You used all of us!

You made Dolores fall in love with you for an experiment.

Oh, for heaven's sake, this little girl doesn't love me!

She was pretending to make you jealous, right?

That's right, Frankie. I tried to tell you that.

Gee, I don't know what you're all so upset about.

You were doing the same thing with that Hungarian goulash over there.

You know what you need? You need a leader.

- Somebody to show you the way. - Way to do what?

- If you... - Shut up, goo-goo.

Yeah, shut up, goo... And what's more...

There ain't no more. Eric Von Zipper said he'd be back.

He's back.

With an army.

- All right, where is he? - He who?

You know I'm talking about. Where is he?

- I don't know. - What, what, what?

- That's him. - That's him? You stupid!

- The brush is gone. - The...

You know, I liked him better with the jaw warmer.

Don't you get this? This is the Samson bit.

Without the hair, he ain't nothing.

Dick!

Hey, let me through!

Ring around the rosy Keep Professor cozy

We will break your nosey With a rubber hosey

Keep Professor cozy

We will break your nosey With a rubber hosey

Ring around the rosy Keep Professor cozy

We will break your nosey

Fellows, please, I don't want any trouble.

Ring around the rosy Keep Professor cozy

We will break your nosey With a rubber hosey

Ring around the rosy Keep Professor cozy

We will break your nosey With a rubber hosey

Charge! But watch the fingers.

Look, kids, take it easy, will you?

Take easy! Big Daddy hasn't given us the word yet.

Onward. Onward!

Told you to watch the fingers.

My hero.

Yeah.

That does it.

Oh, you...

Professor!

Onward!

Onward?

- I like your style. - Thank you. Look out!

- You stupid. - I'm sorry.

I got an army of stupids.

This way, folks. Just step right this way, please.

Now we have Big Daddy's.

A favorite spot of the teenagers to gather and have fun,

good, clean fun.

Of course, there's a teahouse across the street...

Be gentle.

Who do you think you're playing with? Kids?

My army.

Look, wreck the joint if you wanna,

but whatever you do, watch out for Big Daddy!

Look out!

Give me one of those pies!

Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Honey, I didn't mean it.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Listen to me, honey. I didn't mean it.

- Too late. - I'm sorry.

Too late for what?

Sluggish nervous system.

Professor?

Yes, Mr. Von Zipper?

I wondered if we could talk for a minute.

- Do you mean like a palaver? - We could do that, too.

All right, Mr. Von Zipper.

- Watch him. You can't trust him. - Thanks.

Look, professor...

Could we be friends?

Why not?

Look, Professor, now that we're buddies,

I wonder if you could learn me something.

Oh, yes. I know what you want to know.

The Himalayan time suspension technique.

Yeah. Could you teach me that?

It's possible.

Good. Because see, that way, I wouldn't need a army.

'Cause, anyway, they're, you know...

I thought so.

Yeah, so if you could teach me that, then I couldn't need a army.

I could go around to anybody if I didn't like them

and I could take the fingers and press...

Please, may I tell you that I only teach this to people...

How do you like that?

Big Daddy's waking up! He's waking up!

He's gonna give us the word!

Well, come on, Big Daddy. Give us the word.

The pit.

Bring me my pendulum, kiddies. I feel like swinging.

Well, I looked at the heavies They were rolling' in fast

I knew I'd better make it 'cause they just don't last

I'm surfing'

Swinging' and a-surfing'

Well, the sand and the sea is the only life for me

I'm surfing'

He still hasn't come out of it.

You know, I kind of like him this way.

- Say it again. - I love you.

Oh, that sounds so wonderful.

Well, I guess my research is just about finished.

It almost finished both of us.

You know, Marianne, you won't believe this,

but my next trip is going to be to the Mariana Islands.

- Oh? - Yes.

And I'm looking desperately for an assistant.

You are?

Someone who can keep me from getting involved,

with the natives, that is.

I think I know someone who could keep you uninvolved...

with the natives, that is.

I'll be back. Just you wait.

Eric Von Zipper will be back!

Hey! Wait for me!

You stupid.

THE END... ALMOST

Keep a-moving' and a-grooving' Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Keep a-jumping' and a-stomping' Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Whoa, baby, when you shake so fine

I get the fits and chills up my spine

What you're doing' is getting' to me Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Wind it up let it go now Don't hold back

Don't hold back

Wind it up and let it go now Don't hold back

Don't hold back

Whoa, baby, when you dance so wild

You make me feel like a motherless child

What you're doing' is getting' to me Don't stop now

Don't stop now

Treat him nicely

With his love be kind

Had I listened to advice I'm giving you

He might still be mine

I got an army of stupids.

Well, I looked at the heavies They were rolling' in fast

I knew I'd better make it 'cause they just don't last

I'm surfing'

Surfing' Swinging' and surfing'

Oh, the sand and the sea is the only life for me

I'm surfing'

Yeah, and I'm surfing'

Just surfing'

We got an early start

We're gonna have a ball

We're gonna ride the surf

And that ain't is all

Nothing is greater than the sand, surf and salt air

Unrack our boards just as soon as we get there

Stack 'em in the sand while they're breaking' just right

Yeah, we're surfing' all day and we're swinging' all night

Vacations is here Beach party tonight

- We're chalking' our boards - Chalking' our boards

- While we're in school - We're in school

- Now we're waxing' our boards - Waxing' our boards

At Balboa, too

Nothing is greater than the sand, surf and salt air

Unrack our boards just as soon as we get there

Stack 'em in the sand while they're breaking' just right

we're surfing' all day and we're swinging' all night

Vacations is here Beach party tonight

- We're here at last - Here at last

- Time's just right - Time's just right

- Gonna try to have - Gonna try to have

A beach party tonight

Nothing is greater than the sand, surf and salt air

Unrack our boards just as soon as we get there

Stack 'em in the sand while they're breaking' just right

Yeah, we're surfing' all day and we're swinging' all night

Vacations is here Beach party tonight

Vacations is here Beach party tonight

Vacation is here Beach party tonight

Subtitles: Kilo