Original subtitles

Here we go.

Okay...

Go get your bone, go get your bone!

Go get it!

That was a good run.

What was that, five k?

That must be 35 k in dog.

...welcome back to "wake up, Denver"!

And if you're not quite up yet,

this next segment is sure to get your blood pumping.

Stopping by to visit with us today

is none other than Dr. susie,

bestselling author of "what's wrong with Mr. right."

And "checklist for love."

Dr. susie will be talking to us about her current best-seller.

"The dater's handbook"

a how-to for the modern, single gal.

Welcome, Dr. susie.

I have read your book, and I love it.

But for the audience members who haven't,

why are so many women having issues

finding the right men in today's dating world?

Well, like with most issues in life,

the first step is admitting you have a problem.

Now, in this case,

it might be a little hard to admit,

because, ladies,

the problem is not the men in your life,

it's you.

That's right! You!

You're choosing the wrong kind of man.

You're picking the rebel guy, the fun guy,

the brooding artist,

when, really, what you need is someone who is reliable,

responsible, dependable.

Reliable, responsible and dependable?

Duke, that's you.

They're talking about you.

You're loyal, you're also loyal.

Dog Walker's coming at noon.

Bye, Duke.

Hi, Bob. Thank you for calling back.

Okay, here is the capsule pitch for your logo.

Think about it,

every day, millions of fans fill stadiums,

doling out their hard-earned money

on their favorite beverage,

but when they look inside their cup,

they see nothing,

six blank inches of white plastic.

But, Bob, what they could be seeing

is your company's logo.

Now, that is prime advertising space,

and, Bob, the first person to claim it would be you.

Mm-hmm.

That is great news.

Okay, we can have the logos printed

and shipped out to you by...

Oh, uh... Wednesday the 15th.

Friday the 17th...

Okay, great.

We will send you and email confirmation.

Thank you so much for your business,

we appreciate it.

Bye-bye.

We'll send it on Wednesday, and he'll love us.

Um, can you make sure

that first thing Monday morning to email those graphics?

Okay.

Oh, um, actually, cass,

Monday doesn't work for me.

How could I forget?

Yes, it's your big weekend.

You're getting married.

Fine, go, abandon me,

and live happily ever after.

I can not stop doing this.

I've tried, I can't.

I'm getting married!

I'm going to be Mrs. Dana schmointz.

Schmointz!

Mrs. schmointz, okay!

She's taking his last name?

No hyphen?

What kind of name is schmointz?

An absolutely hilarious one.

No, but she was so happy.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone that excited

about anything,

ever.

I didn't know people could get that excited.

Of course, she's excited.

Marrying schmointz is her fairy-tale dream.

It's kind of like our wedding, huh, honey?

It was a fairy tale.

A dream...

Nightmare.

Well, nauseous.

Then I ran away,

then I threw up.

Yeah, she's not kidding

because I had to hold the veil.

You're such a good sister.

Oh, look, here comes your boyfriend,

bearing gifts.

You guys have to try these.

Cilantro-sesame-honey chicken wings.

And because I can't hang with you

because we're short-staffed,

these are on the house.

Nice, well, we like free.

Uh, well, you know I love wings,

I just, I can't have them because...

Because of the honey.

Duh, she's allergic?

Hmm.

It's, uh... Yeah, they're interesting.

- Interesting... - Tangy.

Great, okay, so here's what I'm thinking tomorrow, guys,

college games start at 11:00, right?

Pick up some subs,

get in front of a big screen,

boom, football marathon.

Boom, we are so in.

We have two birthday parties tomorrow.

We are so out

'cause of the birthday parties.

And we have Dana's wedding.

Cass, we talked about this,

you know how I feel about weddings.

Wait a sec, you're not going to this wedding?

No, I don't do weddings.

What?

And you're okay with that?

Oh, I couldn't ask him to miss the games.

That are on every week.

That would be selfish of me.

No, seriously, how do you get out of these things?

It's easy.

Look, weddings are boring for everybody

except the two people getting married.

Yeah, but that's what couples do,

they do boring things together.

We do plenty of boring things together,

just not weddings.

Or family functions, or work events, or...

That's because when you go to those things,

everybody always asks, "when are you getting married?

When is it your turn?"

So annoying, right?

I wouldn't know.

No one's ever actually asked me that about us.

Well, that's because we avoid those type of situations.

See? It all works.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll get you some more wings, honey.

Ah!

But with no honey.

Ah, who's thinkin'!

Are they a couple or not?

I'm right here.

Uh-oh.

Table five...

Just the best table

in the entire place.

Am I right?

Hey, are you kids ready

to get this party started?

First thing we're going to do,

we're ordering a full round of Shirley temples, on me.

Who's with me?

He's one cool dude.

Hah! See that?

Yes.

Okay.

Hello. Welcome to table five,

the best table at the wedding.

Wow.

Would you like to join us in a Shirley temple,

miss... Cassandra brand?

That sounds lovely, Mr...?

Zappia,

Robert zappia.

Make it a double, Mr. zappia.

She's going crazy, kids.

Gotta dance.

Come with me!

Can you believe that I'm married!

I'm officially Mrs. Dana schmointz!

Can you believe it?

Okay, you dance a mean hora.

Well, thank you.

You dance a pretty mean hora yourself, Mr. zappia.

Thank you.

Are you having fun at the wedding?

Oh, it's great...

But the second best part about the wedding

is the dancing.

And what, pray tell, the first best thing?

- The cake. - Ah.

Clearly.

Speaking of cake...

They really are a perfect couple.

Yeah, you know, if you're into that whole,

"be happy for the rest of your life" thing.

Yeah, who wants that? Blah, boring.

Boring.

But seriously, people, you know they want...

They want love.

They want that happily ever...

- ...after. - ... after.

Hey, kiddo.

Hey.

Oh, that looks really good.

Put the cake on the table, and the kids run...

Oh...

Excuse me?

That's... my cake, woman.

Mm...

It's so good.

That's... That was my cake.

Turnabout's...

Ah!

Do you see what's going on?

She just took your cake.

See, I told you

you'd meet the girl of your dreams

at this wedding.

You are a wonderful dancer.

Thank you.

You're a little clunky.

Wow, thanks.

Thanks a lot.

It's because you're on my toes.

Come here.

How's that?

Are you going to ask that lady out on a date?

I don't know. Do you think I should?

You want to get married

before you get too old and crinkly, don't you?

Well... well, first off,

you gotta go on a couple of dates first,

and then you get married later,

that's usually how it works.

You two were cute together,

especially when she tried to stab you with her fork.

That was funny.

Yeah? It was funny?

I'm glad it made you laugh.

You'd better ask her before someone else does,

and she gets married.

You...

Kiddo,

are right.

You are so right.

Wish me luck.

And thank you for my dance.

Hi! How you doing?

Thank you.

You're not going to stay for the toss?

Okay. Bye.

You're going to love this place, mom.

Yeah, unbelievable desserts.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, wow.

Oh, let me try that one.

Mm!

It's good, right?

Good choice, hon'.

Mm! I forgot to ask, how was Dana's wedding?

You know, it was actually better than expected.

It was a nice ceremony, fun crowd, good cake.

Mm.

Did Peter have fun?

Peter didn't come.

He doesn't do weddings.

What does that even mean,

"he doesn't do weddings?"

Is he planning on attending his own wedding?

Good question, mom.

Tell us about that, cass.

You know...

I don't know if the marriage thing

is really in the cards for us.

Huh.

You've been seeing each other for almost two years.

You should know if he's the one, I mean, at least potentially.

Do you even want to get married?

Yes, I want to get married.

Of course, I want to get married.

Actually, I was watching something about this very thing

on TV the other day,

and I realized what your problem is...

I didn't know that I had a problem.

Exactly.

First step, admitting you have a problem.

Right, but I have to know what my problem is

before I can fix that problem.

Okay, you're talking in circles, you guys.

Would you please explain?

- Okay, cass... - Yes?

You tend to go for the same kind of guy.

You pick someone you think you can change,

and mold into what you want,

but you can't...

Because it's not the man, it's you.

Wait a minute, I saw this.

Are you quoting Dr. susie?

I am, and she's right.

You have a history

of picking the noncommittal guys.

You pick the guys

who never have any intention of committing long term.

Don't get me wrong, they're nice guys,

Peter, Jamie, Jack...

Now, hold on,

um...

What about Scott?

Scott from college,

he was, um...

Scott was...

Oh.

You're right, I do.

I pick the wrong guys.

How... how did I not realize that until right now?

Because you're competitive?

You like a challenge.

Peter is a great guy.

And he's easy on the eyes,

and you have nothing in common.

Yeah, and he wouldn't even go to a wedding with you.

He hasn't even met mom yet.

He hasn't met me.

You're saying he's never going to commit.

Are you saying I should break up with him?

What we're saying, dear, I think, is,

we just want you to be happy.

And to be happy,

you have to change

the kind of guy you date.

Right.

Yeah, that seems... Simple.

I am really sorry, George.

Just give me one second

to figure out what happened to your order.

Don't worry cassandra,

you and your staff have always come through for me.

I don't know how Dana finds anything on her desk.

Um, I remember the order.

It was 1,000 umbrellas,

1,000 stressballs, all with your logo.

You know how stressed out us insurance adjusters get.

Apparently you also get wet.

That's funny...

No, the umbrella symbolizes the coverage...

I don't know why they haven't arrived at your office yet.

It says here they shipped.

How about this,

I will double check with the manufacturer,

and I promise,

I will make this up to you.

I know you will, cassandra.

You've always done great work,

and I have complete confidence in your company.

Thank you so much. That really means a lot to me.

I will take care of this.

"When you are together,

"you should be the only person he's focused on.

"You've agreed to spend your valuable time with him,

"you deserve his full attention.

No distractions."

When you said we would have plans tonight,

I... I don't know,

I thought maybe we'd be doing something together.

We are together. We're at the batting cages.

Boo-ya.

See that?

Yeah, I did.

Um...

I don't know if this whole batting cage thing...

It's not really my idea of being together.

Why?

We are...

...totally together.

Okay,

if, by "together," you mean

I'm on this side of the fence, and you're on that side.

Okay, well, what do you want to do?

I thought maybe we could do something

where we're face-to-face,

and, you know, talk

and maybe have dinner?

Man...

Why can't I connect like this all the time?

Peter, I need you to focus.

Yeah. You need... what?

Peter!

What is going on?

I'm on this side and you're on that side.

We are not together.

And I don't just mean tonight.

I mean, we're at the restaurant,

and I'm with Nadia and Michael,

and you're running around,

or we go to a party,

together,

but it's like you forget that I'm even there.

Or I go to a wedding, and you don't come with me.

What... what's going on?

I don't know, cass.

I'm not really sure what you want me to say.

Nothing.

I don't want you to say anything.

Okay.

See ya.

That one had a flight attendant on it.

You see that?

Cass?

Cass?

Okay, come on.

You were right,

things weren't going well with Peter,

and you know what,

he didn't seem to care if they did.

Same old, same old.

Good for you.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I mean, I think there was a part of me

that always knew he was just...

He was never going to be the one.

Seriously?

What makes you think anyone could wear that?

Clearly, she's not six months pregnant.

You're tilting at windmills again.

They mock me.

Real women are not built like that.

Okay.

Well, you are, but you're a freak.

Stop.

Maybe it's time to try something new,

break the habit

of always choosing the wrong guy,

time after time.

Maybe seek some professional help?

What?

In the form of a manual,

or handbook...

Mm-hmm, like consulting "the dater's handbook,"

I get it.

How could it hurt?

Look, it's funny,

I actually just saw a copy of it

in Dana's desk...

As in Dana, who just married the schmointz of her dreams?

Yes.

Try the book.

Worst case, you end up where you are now.

Best case, you meet your own schmointz,

fall in love,

and live happily ever after.

I don't know,

the whole thing just seems so...

Desperate.

Dr. susie, she is a love and relationship expert.

She has seven published books,

all of them best-sellers.

I mean, she gives lectures all over the country.

Mm-hmm.

In fact,

she is giving a lecture on "the dater's handbook."

Tonight!

Huh!

I'm as shocked as you are.

Sure.

Thank you.

Oh, and don't forget,

you can download the audio version

from my website as well.

I'm your sister, I support you.

Okay.

- Hi. - Hi.

I'm married.

Oh, congratulations.

Hopefully, you'll read my book,

and it will validate your choice in husband.

Make it out to Nadia.

And this is my sister, cass.

- Hi. - Hi.

It's not the man, it's her.

It really is.

That's why we're here.

Thank you, I feel really great about myself now.

Oh, no, you don't need to be embarrassed.

You're not alone in this.

And honestly,

I wouldn't have written this bestselling book,

or be giving these sold-out lectures,

if it weren't for the fact that I was once just like you,

facing the same obstacles.

She goes for the non-committal guys.

No, it's not that they're noncommittal.

It's just that they all...

They all just have a history

of not actually committing.

Well, if you're picking the noncommittal guys

then maybe you're noncommittal.

I never thought of that.

Oh, you're good.

Cass, the truth is, nobody wants to admit

that they want the predictable, consistent,

same-routine-every-day kind of guy.

We all think we want the unpredictable,

rebellious, exciting guys,

but those are the ones that are never content.

They need to keep moving,

always looking for the next thing,

and that means you're never going to be enough.

That's why they can't commit.

Wow, you are really good.

I know.

Cass, my husband is consistent, predictable,

and average in every way.

He brings home the steady paycheck,

he always asks about my day,

he doesn't look around constantly for the next thing

when you are sitting right there in front of him.

That is commitment.

Hmm?

Make it out to cass!

Cass...

Welcome to the dater's handbook.

If you're listening to this audio recording,

that means you've made

the conscious decision to improve your love life

and change the way you look at the opposite sex.

I will show you

why the men you are choosing are the wrong kind of men,

and I will help you break that pattern

to find your Mr. right...

And get the happily-ever-after you deserve!

Here! Here!

Good! Good boy!

Sorry about that.

I'm sorry.

Wow.

Were you trying to hit us with your ball?

No, this was for protection,

because you might have a concealed cake fork.

- Hi. - Hi.

And who is this?

This is Duke.

Hi, Duke.

Who is that?

This is Daisy.

Um, I actually just got Daisy last week from a shelter.

Can you imagine that somebody left her

on the side of the road?

- No. - It's crazy.

And apparently, she's a very good retriever.

- Oh, let's see. - Hey, Daisy!

So, do you, um...

Do you come here often?

Is that an actual question

or just an incredibly cheesy and dated pick-up line?

Both.

Yes.

We come here a couple times a week.

Sorry I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to you

at the wedding.

Oh, it's okay.

I wanted to, uh...

Uh...

- I think that's your cue. - Don't go.

- So, no... - Let me just take this...

Yeah, yeah.

This is Robert zappia.

Uh, it was, uh...

- Hold on a second. - Good to see you.

Duke? Duke, before she disappears again,

will you ask your mother

if she'd like to go on a date with me?

We've got a slight problem

with the tornadoes order.

The order was

for a thousand "futbols"?

Okay...

And?

And it's for a give-away for a soccer team in Argentina,

where they play "futbol".

Honest mistake.

Yeah, "football,"

"futbol."

Yeah.

So...

What do you want me to do?

First, I want you to call the company

and see if they can make the correct balls.

Second, I found a high school in Wichita,

their colors are black and blue,

and their mascot is a tornado.

Call them, see if they're interested,

and maybe we can recover some of your losses.

That seems like a lot of work.

Yeah, Phil.

Yeah, it is.

Got it. Okay.

Cass!

Well, don't you look relaxed.

Welcome back.

It's good to be back.

Well, you are bursting at the seams,

so tell me, how was it?

Oh, it was amazing.

Beach-front bungalow with our own private palapa.

I love palapas.

Who doesn't love a palapa? Even the word is fun to say...

- Palapa! - Palapa.

I don't think that there is anywhere more romantic

than a palapa in acapulco.

Well, you know, a girl can dream.

But back to reality,

I need the jrb contracts,

and please set a meeting with Stan Morris.

Yes.

- Great. - Okay.

Thank you.

Oh!

Um...

I just have to say something.

At my wedding,

you and Robert looked really great together, and...

He already asked me out.

Oh, yay!

Chapter one.

The first date

is the first opportunity he has

to show you

what type of effort he's going to put into this relationship.

Does he make plans and capture your personality?

The first date should be fun, appropriate,

and something you would enjoy.

Watch and learn.

Oh, don't worry, he's an herbivore.

He only eats trees, and bushes,

and golf balls.

That's not an herbivore, that is a tyrannosaurus Rex.

I want a mulligan.

Man up, friend.

There are obstacles in mini-golf.

Now, let me see what you got.

Okay.

Ooh...

Really?

I think I'm being hustled.

Am I being hustled?

One never knows.

Oh...

One does know. One is being hustled.

All right...

Okay. Oh, you're going to stand up there.

Well, there's not much room to stand elsewhere.

Oh, come on!

Aw, that's too bad.

Right there.

You know what?

All right, here we go...

Oh, that is so sad.

By the way, that's not sad,

that's just called cheating.

You just told me that obstacles were a part of miniature golf.

Fine, fair enough.

- Go for it. - Fine. All right.

Oh, come on, that is a foul.

That is a foul, that is a blatant...

There are no fouls in mini-golf.

I am gonna get my ball,

and put it back where it should be,

which is here,

and that

is a gimme.

Tell you what, I'll make you a wager.

Okay.

If you sink the putt,

you get to choose where we go

on our second date,

but if you miss the putt,

I get to choose where we go on our second date.

You're assuming we're having a second date?

I am, and we are.

The where is the only question.

Okay.

You ready?

Blindfolded?

You missed that putt on purpose.

No.

I just didn't want to bruise your ego,

so I thought I'd keep it interesting.

Let's me see what you got, kid.

Okay.

I got an idea here.

Uh-oh, she's getting down with it.

Oh!

I am being hustled.

You were saying?

I don't even know what I was saying.

What do I do? I, um...

I oversee the operations of

and the financial budgets for

the city's parks and recreation department.

That sounds very important.

What made you want to get into that?

The free t-shirts...

Excuse me?

Yeah, whenever an event is held

at one of our facilities,

I get to attend for free,

and I get a t-shirt.

And how about you?

How did you get into marketing?

Well,

after college, I started working

at this big conglomerate marketing firm,

where I was tasked with increasing advertising

and finding new avenues for promotion.

But when I was there for a while,

and I saw what they were doing,

and how much money they were making

by just slapping their logo on stuff,

I thought,

instead of going through a middle man,

why not be the middle man?

Plus, I wanted to work

for the best boss in the world,

and it turns out, it's this guy right here.

Oh, and she's humble, too.

Oh, stop.

I like that, I like it...

All right, I need to ask you

a very personal question.

Okay.

I'm serious,

and I want you to think hard about it

before you answer,

because I'd like the truth.

Did you miss that putt on purpose?

Well, what if I did?

Then I get to choose where we go on our second date.

Well, that would mean we both win.

That was really...

That was so cheesy.

Yeah, that was cheesy.

Super cheesy.

Okay, it was, yeah.

- Good night. - Good night.

Okay, let's move it, people.

The school fair starts at noon,

and I have 100 of these to deliver.

So...

I had a date.

That's great.

Talk while you work.

What's his name?

Robert.

Where did you meet him?

Wait a second, what about Peter?

Peter and cass broke up.

Oh, seriously?

Yeah, it's old news, hon'.

Okay, the date, the date...

Okay, I met him at Dana's wedding,

and he's handsome, he's fit,

he works for the city, he has a dog.

I like him already.

Was there a connection? Any sparks?

There were definite sparks...

Ah, ah, ah!

Excitement, passion, sparks are not important.

Consistency and reliability,

that is what we are looking for.

Wow.

You memorized the book.

Wait, what book?

Oh, cass has handed over her love life

to Dr. susie

and "the dater's handbook,"

and I am coaching her.

Oh.

So, is this Robert "handbook approved"?

Was he attentive?

Was he genuinely interested in what you had to say,

or was he just there?

Yes, he paid complete full to me, and...

It felt really good.

Good.

Robert's passed the first test.

And remember, cass,

one good date does not a relationship make.

You have to be sure

to open to other opportunities.

That's right.

Mm-hmm.

Seriously?

Oh, sometimes it's like I already have two children.

Three.

Okay...

Cassandra, hi.

Hi.

- Are you busy? - No.

No, I just wasn't expecting to see you here.

Hello.

I'm sorry to drop by unannounced,

I just, I wanted to come by in person and thank you.

You really went above and beyond

the normal customer service for our order.

Well, you're welcome, and it's really my pleasure.

Your business is important to us.

We gave it all away at the claims expo,

and we had people coming up to us after

asking if we had extras.

Great.

I really appreciate what you did.

And I was wondering,

if you might like to have dinner with me?

Oh, that's really kind, but it's not necessary.

I mean, again, your business...

Is important, I know,

and you have my business.

I, um, I meant personally.

A date.

Oh.

Unless you feel like it's inappropriate

because we do business...

No. No, I mean...

I guess it would be fine, and I...

Yes.

That would be...

That would be really nice.

Great.

I will call you and make the appropriate arrangements.

Perfect.

Hey!

Did I forget to schedule a meeting with George?

Oh, no, no, no,

he, um, he just came by

to thank us for all of our work.

Oh, well, that's really nice of him.

Yeah.

Chivalry is not dead.

It's okay to expect and want a gentleman.

We've come a long way,

but we should still be treated like ladies.

A real gentleman

will do the big things and the small things.

Wow.

This is really nice.

Chateau gruaud LA rose 1995.

Parfait.

Although, cassandra,

you should really be the one judging.

Oh, okay.

Thank you.

Wow, that...

That's incredible.

Do you mind if I order for both of us?

Please do.

You've done everything perfectly so far.

Nous commencerons avec LA salade nicoise,

suivi du steak tartar,

et comme plat principal

nous prendrons tous les deux

le canard a l'orange.

Tres bon choix.

Quelque chose d'autre pour madame?

Oui, oui.

She's asking if you need anything else.

Oh. No, I'm fine.

That's great.

Thank you.

Merci.

Wow.

That is very impressive.

I didn't know that you spoke French.

Oh, don't be impressed,

it's just, I seem to have an ear for languages.

Well, I don't,

and I just learned

when I was in an Indian restaurant last week

that "naan" does not mean "no"?

They kept bringing me bread.

Well, to a beautiful,

and the most interesting woman I've ever met.

And to getting to know her better.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Cass, listen to me and learn from my mistakes,

never volunteer to be "room mother".

One week, it's making a hundred cupcakes,

and the next week, it's making costumes

for a healthy eating extravaganza.

Ow.

- I'm begging you. - Sorry.

You know, you could have got this costume

in one day from Amazon

and it would have been free shipping with prime.

That's what I told her.

She is a walking advertisement now.

Does this strawberry make me look fat?

Yes.

That's what I thought.

I've been dying to ask, any more dates?

Well, you know,

since, um, I'm keeping my options open,

I went out to dinner with a client of mine.

His name is George kazminski,

and it was actually really nice.

He was a perfect gentleman.

He pulled out my chair,

and opened all the doors.

He even ordered for us.

Hmm, sounds like the kind of guy we're looking for.

You mean "I'm" looking for.

Whatever.

I know I'm not supposed to ask, but were there any sparks?

Not yet.

But that's not what we're looking for.

Right, Nadia?

Word.

How do I look?

Mm.

Really good.

Okay, so when you said "a running date,"

I gotta be honest,

I thought you meant maybe outside,

little sun shining,

perhaps bring the dogs...

Well, that was the plan,

and the forecast said

that it was gonna be warm and sunny.

Yeah?

It's obviously not.

It's cold and rainy,

but we improvise,

and I had a free ticket,

a free pass for a guest to come,

and so I figured I'd use it on you,

and I think that's romantic.

It's so romantic.

Awesome. Now, let's just see if you can keep up.

That sounds like a challenge.

I'm just going to jam mine up to,

I don't know, six.

You do that. I'm getting ready.

Oh, really, you're gonna just put ear buds in,

from an ancient iPod?

As luck would have it...

I brought you earbuds and a splitter.

You're welcome.

That's very considerate.

Thank you.

Here we go.

Motivation for our run.

- Seriously? - What?

You find this motivating?

It's reo speedwagon.

It was my mom's favorite band.

She played it all the time when I was growing up,

and... come on,

you know you love them.

I love reo speedwagon.

Yeah, you see?

♪ I'm gonna keep on loving you ♪

Whoa!

Um...

- Are you okay? - I'm sorry.

What just happened?

Oh, no, I broke it.

I'm sorry.

Did you really hate the music of the '70s that much?

No, I really didn't. I'm so sorry.

You must have been so fond of this.

You've had it for, like two decades.

I'm sorry, should we have a moment of silence

for this little guy?

Is it too soon for jokes?

Not if they're funny.

Ouch.

Man-pride stung.

Speaking of man-pride,

there is a yoga class that starts in 10 minutes.

Should we?

Yes.

I'm sorry about your iPod.

You should be.

Come on.

All right, the first thing I learned is,

do not trust the weather guy on channel four.

I don't know.

I have to be honest,

seeing you fly off of that treadmill?

Pretty irresistible stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is my "go-to".

Second date go-to move.

Nicely done.

As is...

This.

A picnic?

In a car?

Well, you are full of surprises, aren't you?

What would you like?

Would you like fruit,

or do you want a croissant?

- I will have fruit, please. - Okay.

Thank you.

There you go.

Okay, so this is what I know about you,

I know that you have a dog named Duke,

I know that you like to run...

Yeah.

And you own your own company,

which is very impressive.

Thank you.

What don't I know about you?

Where were you born?

I was born right here in Denver,

and then I, um, I went away to college in Boston,

and then right around my graduation,

my dad had passed away,

so I came back home to help my mom out.

I'm sorry.

That's really sad.

Thank you.

Were you guys close?

Yeah, we were.

I was, um...

I was quite the daddy's girl.

Um... he was the best.

He would take me and my friends to ball games

and movies, and...

But he also knew how to disappear

when he needed to,

like, um, sleep-overs, and dances.

Sounds like a great guy.

Yeah, he was.

You actually remind me of him a little bit.

He had that fun and adventurous thing.

I really like that about you.

What are... Oh, my gosh.

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

I'm sorry.

It was just so good.

Stop eating my food.

I'll trade you.

I don't want the fruit.

It's my favorite one.

The art of dating.

At this point, you may be getting close to someone.

Careful!

You do not want to fall into old habits.

Keep all options open

until you figure out how you feel,

what you want,

and where you want things to go.

So, how did you learn about art?

Before I enrolled in a business program,

I studied art in college.

It gave me an appreciation for, um...

The way people see things,

how humans express themselves.

I studied art for a couple years,

in preschool.

It helped me learn about tactile senses,

you know, that feeling of paint oozing between my fingers.

See, this one really speaks to me.

The color,

the way the owl is front and center,

acting as a symbol of wisdom,

power, intuition,

mystery,

and change.

Hmm.

What does it say to you?

Hoo hoo hoo!

That's "punny."

What about this one?

What does it say to you?

Hmm, you know,

I'm not sure.

Oh, come on, give it a try. There's no wrong answers.

Okay.

Well, I like the contrast of good and evil,

the way the artist has created

this dichotomy of darkness and light,

illustrating the struggle of human nature,

just clawing for one moment of relief.

Interesting.

I'm not sure the artist would agree with you,

but we all see art in our own way.

No...

I was kidding.

Look, I find this piece captivating.

I love abstract art.

This has beautiful shape and form in its asymmetry.

I didn't mean to make fun of it.

That's all right,

I didn't think you were making fun of it.

We see what we see.

That's the beautiful thing about art

is everybody sees what they want.

Maybe this wasn't your thing,

maybe you prefer sculptures.

Or not.

There is no wrong.

It's all okay.

Thank you.

That means a lot to me.

Whoo! Hee hee!

I can't believe I'm in a limousine!

This is so exciting,

even if I don't know where we're going.

That makes two of us.

Wait, hold... Time out.

So, a limousine ride isn't enough?

Because this is all there is, ladies.

You're expecting something else?

Okay, this is very nice.

It's just, I don't normally bring my mom with me

on my dates.

Ah, well, you see,

actually, this is Gloria's date.

You are literally just along for the ride.

So, I'm the third wheel?

That's good, that's funny. Yes.

Oh, come on, Robert,

when are you going to tell us

what the occasion is?

The anticipation is killing me.

Okay, well, we're almost there,

so I guess I can... I guess I can tell you.

We are going to a benefit concert

for children's hospital, and several musicians are...

Reo speedwagon?

Reo speedwagon.

- No! - Yes!

No, reo speedwagon?

- Yes. - Really?

This is by invitation only!

It's impossible to get tickets.

Our office helped set it up,

so I asked for a couple of tickets,

and then asked for another one

for the third wheel,

because I thought it would be weird

if we went on a date without her.

Oh, wow,

this is amazingly sweet of you.

I have loved reo speedwagon,

and I've never had the chance to see them live.

Well, tonight's your night.

Tonight's my night.

♪ When I said that I love you

♪ I meant that I love you forever ♪

♪ and I'm gonna keep on loving you ♪

♪ 'cause it's the only thing I wanna do... ♪

Well, you did this

just to score brownie points with my mom.

No...

No, why would I do that?

Yes, that's exactly what I did.

Chapter Twelve Gifting.

Giving the right gift is imperative.

Any gift should be thoughtful and personal.

See, I thought the rule was

"you get what you get, and you don't get upset,"

but it turns out,

getting the right gift is imperative.

Good to know, right, Duke?

I know.

Oh!

Happy Birthday!

And many more!

Aw, thank you.

Am I first? Did I beat mom this year?

Well, it's 6:30 in the morning,

so, yeah, you're the first.

I can't wait to see what Robert and George get you.

Well, you're assuming that they're getting me gifts.

Uh, yeah, it's imperative.

If they don't, then they're gone.

I gotta go. It's mom.

Tell her I was first!

Okay.

Hi, mom.

Happy Birthday, honey!

Um, I know it's really early,

but I wanted to be first.

Well, you are the first, congratulations.

Yes!

Nadia always wants to be first,

but she will never beat me

now that I've mastered the video chat.

Oh, I am very proud of you.

Thank you.

Mwah...

"Bank of devner."

I mean, come on,

does anyone spell check anymore?

I know you're busy,

but I hope these brighten up your day.

Thank you.

They're gorgeous, thank you.

I mean, lilies are my favorite.

Plus, you brought them to me personally.

Well, deliveries are so impersonal,

and I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday

in person.

I know you're having dinner with your family tonight,

but I look forward to celebrating with you

on Friday.

I can't wait.

Better go.

I have a deposition in a half hour,

big accident dispute.

Ah, okay,

well, um, thank you again for the flowers.

They're really beautiful.

Hi.

Sorry, is this a bad time?

No, no, just leaving.

She's all yours.

Thanks.

Hello.

Hi.

So, I'm on my way to finalize arrangements

for this lantern festival that I'm organizing,

but I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday.

How did you know it was my birthday?

Oh, cass, Facebook, Google,

instagram, the Twitter,

there's a billboard on the side of the road,

which I think is a little bit obnoxious.

Okay.

I know a lot about you, cass.

The "Rachel hair cut" when you were a little girl?

Not so good.

Wow...

You googled me?

No, I'm kidding.

Your mom... your mom told me it was your birthday.

Well, look at you two,

bff's now?

Yeah, no, she friended me.

She friended you.

Yeah.

Wow, okay.

Um, anyway,

I just wanted to give you this.

Happy Birthday.

An iPod.

That's pretty great.

But how did you know that I needed a new one?

I just... I had a feeling.

Mm-hmm.

I gotta go,

I have a big, important meeting with a paper lantern maker,

so I'm gonna...

But Happy Birthday.

Thank you.

Of course, yeah.

Um... Friday? Is it Friday?

Saturday.

Saturday? Wonderful.

- Happy Birthday. - Thank you.

There's the bride, hi.

Hey.

Ooh, pretty flowers from Robert.

Oh...!

Bigger breath, bigger breath, bigger breath!

Only one girlfriend.

- You can get it, you can get it! - One more!

Nice one!

I hope all your wishes come true, my darling.

Well, they will,

after I have a piece of this cake.

Sure, yeah. Cut it up.

Mom...

What? Oh! Too small, right?

I forgot.

I forgot who I was dealing with here.

We'll take it, we'll take it,

and we'll come back for seconds.

How about you and I split this, huh, buddy?

We're gonna head off into the other room,

watch some teenage mutant ninja turtles.

My gift to you,

ladies time.

Aw...

See you guys later. Let's go, buddy.

Okay, so, you guys are never going to believe

what happened today.

George and Robert both came to see me at work.

No.

Not good. Did they meet?

No, they just missed each other.

They passed each other in the hallway.

Phew. Close call.

But, more importantly, what did they get you?

George brought me flowers.

Lilies.

Oh, your favorite.

Score one for George.

I mean, that's a personal gift

without being too over the top.

Yeah, and, um, Robert...

Robert got me a new iPod.

Oh.

Electronics?

Well, he knows that mine is broken,

so he, yeah, he got me a new one.

Yeah, but you're not his nephew.

I mean, an iPod, it's not really personal.

Wait, why is not personal?

Okay, he knew she needed one,

and he got her what she needed...

Yeah, but Dr. susie says if...

I don't care what Dr. susie says.

I think an iPod is an appropriate gift,

and it's certainly going to last

a lot longer than flowers.

One thing that concerns me, though,

is, um...

How long are you planning

on dating both George and Robert

at the same time?

I don't think it's fair to either of them...

Mom's right.

"The handbook" was intended

to weed out the wrong kind of man,

not string multiple men along.

Okay, but I'm not stringing them along,

I'm just getting to know them better

so that I don't make the wrong decision

again.

Okay, but eventually

one of them is going to find out about the other,

and someone's going to get hurt,

and it's probably going to be you.

Clearly, they both like you,

but you are going to have to make a decision eventually.

Ugh, I will make a decision,

but how?

How do I choose?

Oh!

It's time to bring out the check-list.

Oh, there's a check-list?.

Of course there's a check-list.

Okay, here's the plan.

You go out with George and Robert

for another week...

Okay...

Then we'll see how they rate,

and we'll eliminate

whoever doesn't reach all the requirements.

I don't know.

I just think it's kind of weird

to use a check-list to find love.

I think it should be about the heart and feelings.

Sure, but then

you end up with another Peter,

or Jamie,

or Jack.

Nadia's right.

I have been following Dr. susie this entire way through,

and if I want to succeed,

I have to stick with it till the very end.

It's decision time.

By now, you should know

if the person you've been spending time with

is worth elevating to the next level.

I got this, Dr. susie.

"Some final things for you to consider are,

"how well does he know you,

"how much effort and planning

"does he put into your time together?

"And finally,

"does he respect your boundaries?

You get to determine how and when your date ends."

All right, I've got the check-list ready.

Let's see how the guys did.

Question one,

did he make adequate plans for the evening?

Okay, well, George...

George took me to a concert.

I love concerts.

- A quartet. - Not so much.

This quartet plays all over the world.

You work so hard,

I thought you might enjoy something soothing

and relaxing.

Sounds like a nice change of pace.

I thought you might not appreciate bach

or tchaikovsky,

too boring.

This group is quite whimsical.

Tonight, they'll be playing popular movie scores.

Everything from "Lawrence of Arabia"

to "jaws."

So, less chance of us falling asleep.

The theme from "jaws"?

Mm-hmm.

It was actually... It was really good.

So, it ended up being the best of both worlds.

Why didn't you just go to a movie?

Because he made an effort.

He considered her likes,

planned ahead,

and she liked it.

Point, George.

Okay, now, what about Robert?

Well, Robert started strong...

Just grab a seat anywhere.

Yeah, you have no idea

how long the wait is to get a seat in this place.

I can only imagine.

You know, actually, I almost called

to make a reservation.

Did you?

Well, let's sit at the counter.

Great.

Well, I'm not sure

about Robert's choice of restaurant.

It's a date,

he could have picked somewhere nicer.

George took you to a concert...

Yeah, where they couldn't talk to each other.

Nope. I'm going to say no check.

Next question,

oh, this is a big one.

Is your date genuine?

I mean, is he being true to himself,

or is he putting on airs to impress you?

Ah! So boring.

Is there anything good on that sheet?

Like, is there anything about romance there?

Skipping ahead...

Please.

Is the evening romantic throughout?

Well...

For you.

Thank you.

Wow.

Well, you certainly know the way

to a girl's heart.

- I certainly hope so. - Cheers.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Hey, folks, what can I do you for?

Hi, boss, um...

What are your specials tonight?

We got a steak salad,

but we are known for our wing sampler.

I will have the steak salad.

And what do you recommend?

The wing sampler.

Okay, well, I'm gonna make it easy on you,

I'm going to get the wings.

Five

bold flavors of wings.

I mean, have you ever heard of so many flavors

on one chicken body part?

No, you know, I can't say that I have.

Right, which makes me think you're going to eat my wings.

No, I ordered the steak salad.

That's all major food groups

in just one salad, so we're good.

I doubt it, I doubt it.

Hey, sir?

Could you save us a piece

of that seven layer tower chocolate cake for us?

'Cause you don't want to know what happens if you don't.

Are you serious?

They're famous for their cake.

"Seven layers of chocolatey heaven.

Can you climb the tower?"

Oh, well, I didn't wear my hiking boots,

but if it's chocolate,

it's on.

Look at that, confident.

Clearly, he knows the way to cass's heart

is through her stomach.

Fine. How was the food?

It was delicious.

Mm!

Sorry for the wait on those, guys.

Thank you.

That is very good.

That is amazing.

Yeah.

They're amazing.

Mm... wow.

All right, here,

there's five bold flavors.

You might as well prepare.

Oh, I plan on it.

Okay, he let you share his food with him,

that's romantic.

Point, Robert.

Well...

Cass, are you all right?

You look...

Red, green, and pale

all at the same time.

I'm gonna get you a wet towel.

It's just a little rash.

Um...

Wait a second, was there... Was there honey in the...

Uh-oh.

Cass? Cass!

Cass?

Cass?

Oh, my gosh,

she's been stabbed!

Dominic, call 9-1-1!

Wow...

That's...

Yeah, I know.

Unfortunate.

Another point lost for Robert.

Oh, come on!

How was he supposed to know

that she had an allergy?

Plus, she was eating off his plate.

Yeah, "by now,

he should know all about you..."

Oh, you know what,

I was married to your father for 26 years,

and he still couldn't tell you

what I'd like on a hot dog.

Didn't mean he didn't care.

Okay, well, we're just

going to have to agree to disagree on this one.

And now, back to the list,

final question...

Yes.

End of the date, does he respect your boundaries?

Well...

I guess, uh, this is good night.

That was really fun,

going to the string quartet.

I never would have chosen something like that,

but it was nice.

Well, I can tell you enjoyed it.

You've been humming the theme from "jaws" since we left.

It's very sweet.

Um...

I would invite you up, but I... I just...

When you're ready.

I'm not going anywhere.

He hugged you?

I wish it weren't true.

He was being respectful.

Point George.

Respectful, yes.

Romantic, no.

Okay, well, look, it... It was nice.

I would say that it was...

It was romantic up until that point.

Okay, let's just move on to Robert.

Yeah, let's, please.

Okay, well...

Um...

Thank you for

riding with me in the ambulance

to the emergency room.

That was a date for the memory books.

No, it's just,

I'm sorry that tonight turned out

the way that it did.

Can I have a redo, please?

Yeah. Yeah, we'll definitely give it another shot.

Look, I know that you're capable

of taking care of yourself,

but I would feel better if I stayed,

just to make sure that you're okay.

That's really sweet, but I, uh, I just need to get some sleep.

I'm not trying to be weird.

I just... it would make me feel a lot better

seriously.

Okay.

Very sweet. Very considerate.

How long did he stay?

We both fell asleep.

No!

No, no, no.

Oh.

Hey, Duke.

Hi, bud.

I've got to go see Daisy.

And then when I woke up in the morning,

he was just gone.

That is a serious infraction.

Boundaries breached.

At first, you wanted him to leave,

and then he stays overnight,

and then he leaves without saying goodbye?

I hate to say it,

but it's not looking good for Robert.

Oh, come on, it may not have gone perfectly,

but he was really trying...

Not hard enough.

One bad date, okay?

Cass, you have to admit

that there's something between you two, right?

I saw you guys.

You can't deny that you have feelings for Robert.

I do.

I like him.

I really like him.

Well, that's all that should matter.

No...

According to the handbook, there needs to be more.

There needs to be consistency

and reliability.

That's great if you want hugs

for the rest of your life.

Tell me something,

when you look into George's eyes

does it feel the same as when you look into Robert's eyes?

Those feelings fade

when you have kids and you work,

and you're sewing strawberry costumes

late into the night,

and Michael comes home tired, and...

This is not about me,

but I think I've made my point.

Okay, mom, look, I...

I completely see what you're saying,

and I've...

I've had those feelings before,

and they've gotten me nowhere.

I like George, and I like Robert...

It's not fair to either of them.

I have to make a decision.

Hey, it's cass.

Um...

I was thinking, and I, um...

I...

I don't think that we should see each other anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sure.

I'm sorry.

I like it.

Pretty good, right?

Good color scheme, nice font size,

good placement,

and it's the right type of "futbol".

Dana?

Yeah, it looks good.

Finally.

Let's get them into production.

I am so on this.

How many?

A thousand, right.

I should have known that.

That was due, like, three weeks ago, right?

Yeah, but his dad was so supportive of me

when I was getting started,

so I just, I want to pay it forward with him.

All right.

♪ I'm gonna keep on loving you ♪

♪ 'cause it's the only thing I wanna do ♪

♪ yeah!

Close the door!

Is cass here?

Did she say when she was going to come?

She didn't,

only that she was going to bring a friend with her.

The suspense is killing me.

Is it going to be Robert or George?

Is it Robert, George?

Maybe she got together with that Peter guy again?

Michael, this is cass's life, not some romantic TV movie.

Okay, it's killing me, too. I'm hoping it's Robert.

No way!

The book says it has to be George.

Well, I hope she threw that ridiculous book away.

Guys, she's here!

She's here!

And the winner is...

- Who is that? - George.

George!

George.

Okay, hang up your coats

at the front!

Or drop them on the ground, whatever!

Um, we need more dino dogs.

More dino dogs.

Really? Okay. Good, good!

Here you go.

Quite a party.

I am so glad you guys could make it.

I know a dinosaur party

isn't high on most people's weekend to-do list.

Well, it's nice to meet all of you.

Cass has been telling me a lot about you.

And it's great to meet you, finally.

Cass has been telling us all about you.

String quartet? Impressive.

This is very impressive.

The dinosaur cake...

And "pin the tail on the brachioauras,"

and "feed the t-Rex."

And outside, we have a Jurassic jumphouse.

Yes, because, apparently, Jurassic is in again!

Um, well, he has not met the birthday boy yet,

so we're going to go do that.

- Yes. - Right over here.

So that's George?

I like him.

I can read you like a book.

Hmm.

Hey, cass!

Hey.

You must be George!

Nice to meet you. Michael.

Hi, nice to meet you, too.

So, I guess congratulations are in order, huh?

Okay, thanks...

For, um, for what?

Well, you've passed the tests,

you've been declared the winner,

you beat all the other suitors...

Well played, good sir!

He's pretending to be a king...

Dragon-slayer,

all those medieval things.

Honey, it's a dinosaur party.

Dinosaur party, right.

There are no suitors.

No suitors.

Right, there's no suitors.

Of course, there's no suitors.

Right, oh, totally, yeah.

Ah, pinata!

Yeah, pinata!

Let's just do... We... why don't we...

Can you help me in the living room

with the pinata?

Sure, of course.

Could we do that? Thanks, thank you.

I was just thinking

that those kids need some more sugar.

All right, Jeremy, give it a good whack!

Okay, look out... Whoa, whoa, whoa!

That hurt!

Oh, look out!

Whoa, I'm getting dizzy.

The kid's got a great swing, huh?

Easier without the blindfold on.

Kind of cheating, don't you think?

He's a kid. It's about the candy.

Whoa!

I suppose.

Still, it's a good teaching moment.

Cheating's not going to get him anywhere in life.

Did someone say lava juice?

I would love some, wouldn't you?

There we go...

He's polite, mature, focused...

I don't know. Seems a bit stiff to me.

Mom! Shh!

He might hear you.

Look, he's not stiff, he just...

Coming to this party, meeting all of you at once...

I think it was a little overwhelming.

And you've got to give him credit

for having the courage to show up at this zoo.

That's something that Peter never would have done.

Our little cass is all grown up.

Going for the adult, not the noncommittal.

Well, if you say so...

Oh, come on, mom. You've got to give him a chance.

How about this?

I will invite him to the house to have dinner,

and then you'll get to know him better.

Okay, that sounds fair.

Michael... kids...

T-Rex...

Nope. This all works.

I nailed this party.

Is it bad?

I think I can see where it's coming from.

Should have it as good as new in no time.

Do you think I should call a plumber?

No, no. It's all right.

I got this. Just one sec.

There we go. Okay.

It's good? Wow!

Think so.

Thank you!

I mean, it's...

It's really nice of you, George.

I don't know why I'm surprised,

because you're always so dependable,

but... I can really rely on you.

I love that.

Well, thank you.

Ee....

Duke...

Behave.

It's all right. He's just being protective.

Once he spends more time with you,

he'll warm up to you.

I'm sure he will.

Anyway, sink problem fixed.

Wow...

Now, if only you could install snow tires.

Oh, no, cassandra,

you really have to get that done by a professional.

The insurance institute for highway safety

recommends that radials be used all year round now.

Interesting.

Did they tell you that personally?

As a matter of fact, they did.

That's...

I will make sure I do that

first thing in the morning.

Mr. zappia.

Yeah?

You're all set.

I'll grab your keys and you can roll out of here.

Awesome. Thank you so much.

You bet.

Yeah, and thanks for letting me hang my poster.

No problem. Looks good.

Oh, thanks.

Ms. brand...

Hi.

You're never going to believe this,

but we just ran out of rubber.

What?

I'm just kidding.

A little tire humor there for you,

but it wasn't "wheely" funny.

We don't have your tires in stock,

but we can get them here in a couple hours.

- Do you want to wait? - Um...

Coffee and a couch.

You know what? I'll wait outside.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hey!

No, no, no, no, no, no.

If you want to hide from me,

you're going to have to run faster than that.

Robert.

- Hi. - Hi.

What are you doing here?

I'm getting my transmission worked on.

You?

Uh, just... Waiting for tires.

Ah.

Yeah.

So here we wait.

Together.

Mm-hmm...

So... our date.

I'm really sorry for the way things ended,

and you have to know,

honestly, it wasn't anything that you did.

It was me. I know how that sounds.

It's just...

I always go for the same type of guy,

and I need to start making better choices

in that department.

So... Instead of giving me a chance,

you just decided to sabotage

any possibility of a relationship?

Yeah, pretty much.

I'm just...

I'm trying to change the way I choose my relationships,

and you happened to get caught in the middle of that,

so I'm sorry.

Okay.

Thank you for your honesty.

Yeah.

Okay.

We can stand here, waiting,

probably endlessly,

or...

There's a bowling alley up the street.

We could bowl away our boredom.

Oh, I don't think it's a really good idea.

Well, okay.

All right, I'm going to go,

'cause I'm going to go bowl,

but you can stay here,

'cause this parking lot, this looks awesome.

That looks like a lot of fun in there,

the waiting room,

so you have fun.

Okay, I will come...

As a friend.

Okay.

Mr. zappia, I've got a...

Couple more hours on your car.

All right.

Friends.

Friends.

Ah, thank you.

Waiting, like, a half an hour for these.

Okay, quiet, please!

I want to hear a pin drop.

Spare me.

Okay...

Nice shot.

Oh!

Unbelievable.

Thank you.

I was, uh, 6th grade bowling champion

in my elementary school.

I've got the trophies to prove it, so...

Impressive... No, no, no! Uh-uh.

I don't share my French fries with my "friends."

Wow. Okay.

Be a French-fry hog.

Hey, look it, you can call me whatever you want.

I'm just...

I'm not going to share my food with you anymore.

Okay, but now it's your turn,

so what are you going to do about your fries?

Watch.

Are...

Really?

Yeah.

Oh!

Gutter ball!

Oh, that's a shame,

but you know what?

I will give you a do-over...

For the fries.

No...

I'm going to keep my gutter ball,

and I'm going to keep my tasty French fries.

Okay, but what if we share the fries

and, um...

The loser pays for them.

Why do I feel like I'm being hustled right now?

Do we have a deal?

Yeah, yeah. It's your turn.

Thank you.

This is where I get my revenge.

Aah...

What are you doing?

Playing defense.

We're bowling.

Yeah, there's a whole basket of tasty fries at stake.

I'm holding a bowling ball.

I could hurt you.

I'll take my chances.

Yeah? Okay! Fair enough.

Yes!

Unbelievable.

This is why cheating

won't get you anywhere in life.

Did you really just say that?

I did. You're up.

Oy. All right.

Are you ready?

Yes.

Come on.

Aw, see?

And this is why you shouldn't cheat.

I'm sorry. I can't.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Uh... I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Thank you for the game.

Oh, George, the desserts are so beautiful.

Well, dinner was so delicious,

I thought bringing dessert from my favorite patisserie

was the least I could do.

George, I was just trying

to explain to my mom

exactly what it is you do for a living,

but I thought maybe

you could explain it even better.

Well, I can try. Um...

I am a group manager for an insurance service.

We investigate automobile accidents

and help determine liability

and provide cost analysis.

Ooh, that sounds exciting!

So it's kind of like you go out and investigate,

like a detective...

No, we don't go out and investigate.

I manage a group of people

that look at the evidence surrounding an accident.

Okay, so they're the detectives?

Not really.

No.

Ah... Sort of, I suppose.

As a team, we look at the evidence

and talk to witnesses,

get statements from drivers,

then I spend hours

calculating loss ratios

and negotiating...

Trying to save the company as much money as possible.

Mm.

I, um...

I actually brought enough for us each to have one.

Of course.

Gloria, what do you do for fun?

Oh, well, um...

I like to play on my iPad.

I just discovered Facebook.

That's one of those time killers

I've thankfully never been interested in...

George.

Um... But if you enjoy it,

then by all means, keep doing it.

So, I know how you guys met,

but tell me, what do you two do for fun?

Well, you know what?

George and I are both so...

Adventurous,

and we like to discover...

New music, and fine dining,

and, um... And art.

Really?

I didn't know you liked art.

Yeah, you did...

And going to a gallery

that I've never been to before.

I mean, as George said, it's...

That is...

Adventure.

It really is.

Hear hear.

Yeah.

You have an amazing daughter.

Thank you. I know.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Yeah, good night.

Had a wonderful evening.

Whoo!

Okay...

So...

Second impression?

Well, um, you know,

his work seems important and useful.

Mm-hmm.

Uh...

He's very polite, and good manners, and...

And you don't like him.

No, I don't, really, um...

But I...

I don't understand why you like him.

I like him for plenty of reasons.

He's reliable,

dependable...

He's well put together.

You know...

Those are great words

when describing a major appliance,

but not when you're talking about your boyfriend.

What about "fun?" What about "exciting?"

Right, right, but we know that I'm trying to grow away

from being attracted to that kind of guy, right?

Again with that book...

Look...

I am trying to find a man

who will actually commit to a mature relationship,

and you know what?

That could be George.

Yeah, I just...

Listen, honey, I...

I don't know anything about anything

in this modern world of ours,

but I listen when you and Nadia are talking

about what Dr. susie promotes,

and one of the things she asks,

if I remember correctly...

"Is he genuine,

or is he acting differently to win you over?"

You don't think he's being genuine?

No, I definitely think he's being genuine.

The question is...

Are you?

Don't mind him.

He's an herbivore.

He only eats bushes, trees, and golf balls,

but you never know

when a dinosaur could ruin your game.

I never understood the need to take a fun game

and then add windmills,

and clown faces, and dinosaurs.

Plus, I didn't realize how loud it was going to be,

but you know, if this is what you want to do...

I just thought that it would be fun, maybe,

to loosen up a little,

you know, be more ourselves.

I'll try anything once...

As long as it's with you.

Okay.

Okay.

Bleagh...

No, it was great!

It's good. Really good.

Give it another shot.

Okay.

Oh!

Hey, what are you doing?

Just a little playful defense.

In golf?

It's miniature golf,

and...

Looks like I've got a gimme...

And that is how it's done.

Oh, George.

If you're not enjoying this,

I bet there's some games upstairs

that you might think are fun to play.

Look, cassandra, you are amazing.

You are one of the most interesting, talented,

driven women I've ever met,

and so if this is the sort of place you like to come,

I'll learn to like it, too.

Um...

Well, that's not exactly private.

I didn't realize that you were so...

Spontaneous,

or outgoing, or passionate?

No, I don't think

you've gotten to know any of those things about me

since we've been dating.

I guess I haven't.

Or that I'm competitive, or that I share food, or...

Look, we're just getting to know each other.

I'm sure that I'll like all of these sides of you.

I know I will,

because I'm... I'm falling in...

No.

George...

Wait.

You can't be falling in...

Whatever with me,

because the truth is,

you don't really know me.

I haven't...

I haven't been genuine with you.

I mean, I let you call me cassandra.

No one calls me by my full name.

They don't?

No.

They don't.

You're a great guy,

and I have had a great time with you,

but I have been trying to see

if you could live up to some ridiculous standard,

and...

I haven't been myself with you...

And I can't keep that up for the rest of my life,

and at some point, you'll figure out

that I am not the girl that you think I am.

And I'm really sorry.

Thank you.

Come on, Duke.

Whoo...

Okay, go on.

Welcome back to "wake up Denver,"

and if you are looking

for something fun to do tonight,

cissy and I will be hosting the lantern festival.

We would love to have you there.

To kick things off today,

we're, once again, talking to Dr. susie,

author of the just-released book

"dissecting divorce."

"How to leave that not-so-perfect mate behind."

After several successful

self-help relationship best-sellers,

Dr. susie is now helping those who have loved and lost.

Dr. susie, can you give us some advice?

Well, as you know, Kyle,

i am in the midst

of what is becoming a very public divorce,

and, ladies, I just want you to know

that after a break-up,

yes, you will have moments of doubt,

and you will want to blame yourself for the loss,

but let me tell you something...

It is not you.

It's the man!

So true.

Ugh...

Whoa!

Hi.

"The dater's handbook?"

Really? You?

I don't know why you're so surprised.

We all know my dating history, and...

...and I just figured

if it could work for you and Jim, that...

Maybe I'd give it a try.

You think Jim and I...?

Please!

I saw it in your desk.

It was a gag gift.

Dr. susie would never approve of my relationship.

Jim is crazy.

Never what he's going to say or do from one day to the next,

or if he's going to show up when he's supposed to,

but...

It's always a puzzle, and I'm never bored.

He's the most interesting person I know,

and keeps me on my toes all the time...

And, frankly,

who wants someone

boring, dependable, and reliable anyway?

Hello, this is cassandra.

Hey, cass, it's Nadia.

Do you want to join us at the lantern festival tonight?

Jeremy's so excited. Mom's coming too.

- Yes, um... - Great.

That sounds like fun. I would love to.

Great! We'll pick you up at 6:00.

Okay.

See you soon!

What a wonderful turnout!

A fantastic crowd!

Gung hay fat choy!

Welcome. Welcome to everyone.

Now, if you haven't done so already,

find your lantern.

We'll be launching them in about 10 minutes.

So we go back to the start?

Chapter one... It's not the man, it's you.

No...

I think I'll, uh...

Just do it on my own now.

Oh, sweetie, don't give up.

You know that George wasn't the right one,

but...

The list works.

I say, we start fresh.

No, I...

I think I know what I want now...

Really.

I'll catch you guys later. Sorry!

Attagirl.

Find your spot!

Raise those lanterns!

Sorry, sorry...

And here we go!

In ten...

Nine... eight...

Seven...

Six... five...

Four...

Three...

Two...

One...

I was hoping I'd find you here.

Here I am.

I made a huge mistake, and I...

I misjudged you,

and I really shouldn't have been judging you at all.

I should have been getting to know you,

and instead, I was following these ridiculous guidelines.

What are you talking about?

You're...

You're full of surprises,

and you're fun, and you're thoughtful...

I just want you to know that I was wrong.

Cass, what do you want from me?

I know that I don't deserve a second chance,

but I really hope you give me one.

I guess what I'm trying to say...

I'm...

And I'm also really sorry that I just let your lantern go.

It's okay. It's okay.

I'm happy to let my lantern go, 'cause I am hanging onto you.

Ooh...

Cheesy?

So cheesy...

Cheesy.

So cheesy!

♪ I just wanna keep on loving you ♪

♪ ooh