Original subtitles

[BEEPING]

The name is Partridge. G. Emory Partridge.

Tell them to try South American rain forest, ruler of.

Or village of Eastsnout, lord of.

- I've drawn the file, sir. WAVERLY: As well you might.

All right, thank you.

Nothing. Whereabouts unknown.

He was last seen riding an Arabian stallion in a sandstorm...

...pursued by 200 tribesmen.

It seems they resented the fact...

...that, uh, he was trying to unseat the reigning sultan.

Interesting man, Partridge.

[ILLYA GRUNTS]

The ingot concealed inside this sponge conforms to the properties...

...predicted by Professor MacPhee of Edinboro University in 1962.

An H-factor of 140, specific gravity, 484.

Will you translate that please, Mr. Kuryakin?

Uh, it's the heaviest and hardest material in the world.

It's 14 times harder than a diamond.

It would have been a poor way to go, Napoleon.

Any other unusual properties, Mr. Kuryakin?

Very.

Push.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

ILLYA: Okay, left.

Ah. Here. Are you ready?

[ALARM BEEPING]

It's all right. Purely an experiment.

- Electromagnetic field, huh? - Yes. In the presence of electricity...

...a magnetic pull of 40,000 times that of magnetite.

That's why MacPhee called it quadrillenium X.

- Well, I'll leave for Edinboro at once. - At once is not soon enough.

MacPhee disappeared on an expedition about a year ago.

Oh. After Partridge's disappearance.

- What other facts, Mr. Kuryakin? ILLYA: Very few.

MacPhee only speculated on the existence of the ore.

He described it green with--

I'm not interested in the color, Mr. Kuryakin.

I take it this hasn't been put through the geological computer analyzer.

I thought you wanted this demonstration first, sir.

WAVERLY: Obviously, any concentration of this metal...

...could work havoc with navigational instruments.

Anyone who could lay hands on a large enough concentration...

...of quadrillenium X would have control of the air and the seas.

[COMPUTER CLICKING]

Previously unknown.

- Hm. Helpful. - Latitude, 68 degrees, 41 minutes north.

That's above the Arctic Circle.

Longitude, 144 degrees, four minutes west.

[RINGING]

What? Why, that's up in the Yukon.

Mm. Period.

I want an instantaneous report. All divisions.

Subject, Thrush purchases of heavy-load transportation and mining facilities.

- Thrush, sir? - The only organization with facilities...

...for a project of this kind is Thrush.

Therefore, Partridge is working with Thrush.

I want the source of this metal and any stockpile...

...found and destroyed promptly.

- Yes, sir. WAVERLY: Mr. Kuryakin.

You're particularly qualified for an assignment of this kind...

...by reason of your experience in cold climates.

Do you wish Mr. Solo to accompany me, sir?

Well, since Mr. Partridge may very well be implicated...

...I suggest you do.

Well, better make the arrangements immediately.

Well, good luck.

Better take your winter underwear.

[WIND WHISTLING]

[BELL RINGING]

ILLYA: Ah, there it is, almost.

Well, it's nice to have a cold-climate expert along.

It's good to be aboard.

- You're sure on how it works? - Mm-hm.

This new device from the Development section.

It's a miniaturized aqualung.

SOLO: Mm-hm.

ILLYA: On this side, oxygen, which feeds the face mask.

Here, we have an emergency fuel, which is an adaptation for frigid climates.

I understand perfectly.

Oh, uh, by the way, if you do have any questions, you won't hesitate to ask.

SOLO: Mm-mm.

[WATER BUBBLING]

[WIND WHISTLING]

[ILLYA COUGHS]

I think I have a further question.

[DOGS BARKING]

Must you really go, Uncle Emory?

It's frightfully cold, and it's such a long way.

You are the most solicitous child, Victoria.

In other circumstances, I wouldn't bother.

But we are expecting some rather influential visitors tomorrow, aren't we?

Yes, of course.

But don't you find it odd that we have two sets of visitors, Uncle Emory?

Oh, quite. But one must be hospitable.

[PARTRIDGE SIGHS]

We don't want you getting the sniffles.

It was extremely thoughtful of Edith to send you here...

...while she's visiting her cousin George in Sussex.

You know, it feels to me as though you've always been here in Partridgeville.

I felt it was my duty to come, Uncle Emory.

Of course. Stock will show, I always say.

Wouldn't you rather have Innoke sled you to the settlement?

No. As one used to say in India:

"One must set a good example for the natives."

I shall be back before nightfall, alone.

Oh, by the way, uh, which husky did he put in the lead harness?

- Disraeli, I believe. - Oh, fiddlesticks!

I told him yesterday that Disraeli was to be disciplined...

...and Gladstone promoted to lead dog.

One simply cannot find good servants anywhere anymore.

[BELL DINGING]

[DOGS BARKING]

SOLO: Well, the reception committee was Class A...

...but the accommodations leave much to be desired.

Well, we'll complain to our travel agent.

SOLO: Ha. Oh!

Here comes an Eskimo. It's a girl, a woman.

ILLYA: Hello.

[BOTH MEN SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGES]

Uh, hi.

Uh, you're a very attractive, charming Eskimo girl.

And I'd like you to remove these encumbrances.

I'll make it my responsibility...

...to rig next year's Miss Galaxy beauty contest so you'll win.

Every girl wants to be Miss Galaxy.

Doesn't she?

Mr. Waverly is not going to be amused...

...if our hunt for Partridge winds up with two dead pigeons.

Neither will I. Hey, you hit something. Try it again.

Partridge? Emory Partridge.

He's a tall, dark, untrustworthy man.

ILLYA: I think you overstated the case.

I've always adored blond men.

And I don't like Partridge.

McGill University.

I meant what I said about the Miss Galaxy contest, Miss, uh...?

- Murphy. ILLYA: Murphy?

Of the gold rush Murphys.

If you wish to avoid Mr. Partridge, you better get out of here now...

...because my father has long since sent word to him.

By the way, I'd suggest you be careful. Mr. Partridge dominates this whole area...

...including the tribe, and my father, who is the headman.

ILLYA: Hey, Miss Murphy.

Uh, we need your help.

Sorry. My people can be very nasty.

One might even say primitive.

HEADMAN: From the water, Mr. Partridge. Like two seals.

MURPHY: You better come this way.

Hurry.

[LAUGHING]

[HEADMAN GRUNTS]

Mr. Solo.

What a total and absolute surprise.

Is it?

I hadn't the faintest notion that it was you.

Uh, would I be correct in assuming that your companion...

...is that light-haired chap with the odd name?

Ah, guess.

Uh, please see if you can locate Mr. Kuryakin.

Uh, he can't have gone very far.

Uh, I must apologize for my headman. He is a little bit headstrong.

Um, after you, Mr., uh, Solo.

I wouldn't dream of harming so distinguished a guest.

[MURPHY SCREAMS]

Partridge has taken the dark one away.

Feed this light one to the dogs.

Your father?

A fine eye and a strong wrist.

I would sincerely appreciate being out of range of both.

Thank you, Murphy.

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

Welcome to Partridgeville, Mr. Solo.

I hope you'll be happy here, even if only for a short while.

SOLO: Well, I'll do my best, squire. - A friendly place, Partridgeville.

You've no idea, Mr. Solo, in today's frantic world...

...how far a man must go in order to find a peaceful, friendly place.

Uh, my dear, may I present Mr. Solo? This is my niece Victoria.

Charmed.

- I thought--? - Uh, that I would be returning alone?

One must be flexible, my dear.

We shall soon be having his companion as well.

Uh, both are gentlemen of many accomplishments...

...and simply overflowing with information of interest.

Um, Mr. Solo will not be venturing out of doors for quite a while...

...so I think that we ought to try to find him some more suitable attire.

I shall have to take your measurements.

[SOLO CLEARS THROAT]

Well, it seems like a fair exchange.

- Forty. PARTRIDGE: Forty.

- Thirty-one and a half. PARTRIDGE: Thirty-one and a half.

- How do you keep so fit, Mr. Solo? - I play games.

Oh, do you really?

Perhaps we can play some. Together.

You can change in here.

[SOLO CLEARS THROAT]

Thank you, Miss Victoria.

A great stroke of luck, Victoria. Simply smashing.

- You've laid a deuce on a four. - Oh, so I have.

Well, it hardly matters today.

Thrush will be here tomorrow to collect the quadrillenium.

- What's unusual about that, Uncle Emory? - It's the final shipment.

With it, they will get what they need. Mastery of the sea and the air.

And we will receive payment, plus an additional premium.

- They'll pay a king's ransom for these two. - Two?

Oh, the headman will find the other.

I say, he's rather slow at dressing, isn't he?

VICTORIA: Hm.

You look positively handsome, Mr. Solo.

There. The final touch.

[DEVICE BEEPING]

MURPHY: Illya? ILLYA: Oh, it's you.

What was that funny little noise?

It tells me where my friend is by a small device he wears in his necktie.

- But what's that? - For you. Seal blubber.

Oh, thank you, Murphy.

It's delicious.

Oh, I-- I know what you think.

Raw seal blubber. Ugh.

But we're hungry now most of the time.

Partridge doesn't let the tribe fish or hunt where it used to.

Why did you come back from college, Murphy?

There was something peaceful here.

And I had an idea.

- Ha, ha. I thought I could help. - How?

Where our village used to be, before Partridge...

...there was a beautiful, unusual green stone.

Wait, I'll show you.

- With red veins in it. MURPHY: You've seen it?

Well, let's say I-- I know about it.

MURPHY: Everyone, even the children, used to carve it.

Beautiful statuettes.

In Montreal, I used to think:

"If we had a way to sell our statuettes, the entire village would be prosperous.

And we'd live happily ever after."

- Could you? - I don't know.

It's not easy to be part one thing and part another.

No one treats you as if you're real.

I don't know why I'm telling you all this.

I better get back. He'll miss me.

If you help me, I'll try to help you. Just show me where that village used to be.

- I want to, but I can't. - I need a way to get there.

Listen, if Partridge were out of the way...

...you could go ahead with your plan, couldn't you?

No, it's not possible.

It's a schoolgirl's dream.

Dreams can come true, Murphy, if you want them to.

PARTRIDGE: Shall we play a hand?

SOLO: Well, let's say, one. PARTRIDGE: All right.

[BELL DINGS]

My daughter Murphy, gone.

Never mind about your daughter. Did you get the cheechako?

Yes. Find him.

[HEADMAN GRUNTS]

You mean you:

PARTRIDGE: How distressing.

Mr. Kuryakin was our guest.

[PARTRIDGE YELLS]

[HEADMAN GRUNTS]

Guns on display are never loaded.

[PARTRIDGE GRUNTS]

[GLASS BREAKING]

[GUNSHOT]

[GUNSHOT]

You spoiled my shot.

Good heavens, Victoria, can't we keep one alive?

Ladies first. Mm.

You might have spared yourself the trouble.

- Ah-ha. True, true. - Stand up, Mr. Solo.

You really must talk to your tailor.

Yes, he's at the top of my list for consultations.

And that cravat.

Much, much better.

You really don't need it at all.

[SOLO CLEARS THROAT]

Poor Mr. Kuryakin. A harpoon.

Just like a common whale.

[PARTRIDGE GRUNTS]

ILLYA: You'll be much safer here, Murphy.

[ILLYA GRUNTS]

PARTRIDGE: Spartan for a reunion after all these years.

But at this late hour, it was the best I could do.

The best is none too good. Ah! Oh.

Up, Mr. Kuryakin. At attention.

It's a trick knee acquired in an Olympic trial. I didn't make it.

Persons of your caliber never do, I'm sorry to say.

The team did.

Would you be so kind as to go into your room?

A person of my caliber needs a hand. Please.

[ILLYA GRUNTING]

You will be returned to your father in the morning.

I understand he has some words of paternal advice for you.

You're worried about your father, aren't you?

What will he do to you?

Something they'd never approve of at McGill College.

I'm sorry, Murphy.

You know, you have a particularly beautiful smile.

Mm. Now to find a way.

MURPHY: But you can't even walk.

I've had a sudden recovery.

[ILLYA SINGS]

You understand, Mr. Solo, that I dislike this chore.

But as my dear wife, Edith, has so frequently pointed out...

...there are certain moral rules.

Compliance should be rewarded, and disobedience punished.

Yes, I can see that.

You have an alert mind.

To tomorrow, Mr. Solo...

...at which I time I shall turn you and Mr. Kuryakin over to my clients.

[PARTRIDGE CLEARS THROAT]

Ah.

Oh, just practice, Mr. Solo.

- I like to be precise. - Ah, I wouldn't have it any other way.

You do have breeding.

That's the style. Hm.

You don't seem to be surprised to learn that your colleague...

...is in good health and safekeeping.

- Oh, I never doubted it for a minute. - Oh, really? Why not?

Because Eskimos don't kill Kuryakins...

...when they're with girls named Murphy.

- Pleasant dreams. ILLYA: And the same to you.

Psst.

[WHISPERS] I'm sorry.

More or less.

[WHISPERS] Give me your necklace.

Shh.

A special fuel.

You do look well among the trophies, Mr. Solo.

Good taxidermists are hard to find.

PARTRIDGE: Of course there are other ways to preserve your charm.

Pity you're worth so much more alive.

Well, I wouldn't want you to sustain any great financial loss.

My investment looks quite secure.

- You should sell when the market is high. - Is there some way I can give you a hand?

You wouldn't.

[SOLO GRUNTING]

Here.

The quadrillenium is somewhere in Partridgeville.

That true or false? Huh?

Now, answer, all right?

One good turn deserves another. True or false?

[PARTRIDGE GRUNTS]

- You advance to a new plateau. - All right.

PARTRIDGE: Mm. - Thrush is coming to collect it tomorrow.

Compasses, toys, formal evening wear, right this way in this department.

SOLO: Illya.

Which way is north?

That way.

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

Listen.

The quadrillenium is somewhere in the dance hall.

Well, I'm not dressed for dancing.

Well, I'll go do some dancing or something else to distract them.

- You look for the quadrillenium, okay? ILLYA: Okay.

[BELL DINGING]

[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

MAN: Come on. Give it to him.

Flip him over.

Use your muscles. Use your muscles. You got him now, come on.

Come on, you got him. Come on.

Over your shoulder, over your shoulder. Over your shoulder with him.

[ALL MEN LAUGHING]

Hey, hey, hey, listen. You never know unless you try, huh?

MAN 2: Look at this. Timber, timber.

Throw him over the chandelier. Throw him over the chandelier.

[MEN GRUNTING]

[ALL MEN CHEERING]

Two out of three.

[MEN LAUGHING]

MAN 3: Over the top, here.

Even up?

Lose something?

More or less.

Good luck.

Timber.

ILLYA: "Edith." Of course.

[MAN LAUGHING]

[MUSIC STOPS PLAYING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[BOTH MEN GRUNTING]

- I'm sorry, but I had to come. - Yes, I know, you adore blond men.

Oh, I seemed to have caused some trouble.

Yes, well, life's too valuable to spend even a single minute of it in remorse.

[GUNSHOT]

ILLYA: Hey!

Bingo.

[GUNSHOTS]

Move in that direction. Stay lying down.

Sorry, Florabelle.

[GIRLS SCREAMING]

[DOOR CLOSING]

[BOTH MEN GRUNTING]

- Find and destroy. - Ha. Easily said.

The walls are reinforced concrete.

I think we will be here for a while.

It was wicked of you to keep secrets from me, Uncle Emory.

Oh, you mean Aunt Edith's piano?

I didn't know you liked music.

You never mentioned that storeroom either.

Did you ever meet Aunt Edith's older brother?

Perhaps as a child.

What's in it?

I mean the one that lives in Kent.

Charles.

It's where you keep the quadrillenium, isn't it, Uncle Emory?

Charles used to say that a man should always have a few secrets.

Another kipper?

[GAS SWOOSHING]

[MEN COUGHING]

What's that?

It's Partridge's alarm clock.

ILLYA: Hold your breath.

[GRUNTS]

SOLO: You wouldn't happen to have a--? ILLYA: Of course.

The little aqualung that you used to get out of the cell. You have it?

Put this on your mouth.

[ALL COUGHING]

An excellent breakfast, Victoria. Aunt Edith would be proud of you.

Ah.

That should do it.

You do have a lot of secrets.

Uh, if you'll excuse me...

...there is a slight matter of business that I have to attend to.

I shan't be very long.

Uh, when you see your daughter, you might find her somewhat fatigued.

In fact, lifeless. But actually, she's only asleep.

- You understand? - I will awake her and punish.

That may take several hours.

But I must say that I strongly approve of your attitude.

Children are so laxly reared nowadays.

Please handle the bodies with care. They have some value for me.

[PIANO SOUNDS]

Go that way.

[MEN GRUNTING]

[DRILL THUMPING]

Thank you, Napoleon. It was a good effort.

Ah, not good enough.

An interesting performance, gentlemen.

You may bring your little native girl with you, of course.

You seem to have grown quite fond of her.

No sense of propriety. Pity.

Uh, to the wall, if you have no objections.

Nice work, Uncle Emory.

- I beg your pardon? - Won't you join your friends?

My dear, you're getting to look more and more...

...like your aunt Edith every day.

Not a good family, really.

I suppose you wouldn't care to share the quadrillenium.

I've not been catering to your whims in this forsaken country...

...for a share of anything, Uncle Emory.

Hands above your heads. All of you.

- I'm sorry, Murphy. - Don't be, please. I brought this on myself.

ILLYA: Not without my help.

And I did promise your dreams would come true.

Mr. Partridge, considering the gravity of the occasion...

...I should like very much to stand right next to my dear friend, Mr. Kuryakin.

A very tender sentiment, Mr. Solo. Rather unlike you, I would say.

Would you have any objection to your prisoners lining up in a different order?

What are you talking about, Uncle Emory?

- Sentiment, my dear. Pure sentiment. - Thank you, Emory.

Capital. My congratulations.

A most untrustworthy child.

There's not much time before Thrush arrives.

The dynamite is in the trading post.

Mr. Solo, uh, will you take me with you?

- No, but I've come to admire your style. - No, I think not, Emory.

Well, then, may I inquire just what you plan to do with me?

Because it's a matter of some personal interest.

- Napoleon. Find and destroy. - Ah, good.

I want you here when Thrush arrives so you can discuss...

...why the quadrillenium was destroyed.

I think you'll find their mercy, um, tender.

PARTRIDGE: Oh.

ILLYA: There must be a simpler way.

SOLO: No one in there anymore? - No, they are long gone.

As we should be.

- Ready? - Yeah.

Gee, I've always wanted to throw one of those things.

Yeah, well, now you know how Captain Ahab felt...

...when he harpooned Moby Dick.

Well, I don't see what you're so cheery about.

You don't look very healthy either.

I don't know. Feels good to rest up for a bit.

Well, what do you think?

Well, I see you've given up the idea of rejoining your tribe.

MURPHY: Oh, not really.

I decided to go back to McGill and finish my master's.

Whatever you do, don't lose the native charm of your people.

Oh, so you like it.

Well, it may be primitive, but who wants to get complicated about that sort of thing?

MURPHY: Mm-mm.

Doesn't take much to rub off some thin veneer of civilization, does it?

Thank you.

Bye, boys.

[ENGLISH SDH]