All language subtitles for The Vampire Next Door 2024 1080p WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-AOC_track3_[eng]

♪ As long as you are by my side ♪

♪ All along way ♪

(light indie rock)

♪ As long as you are in my eye ♪

♪ I can see it through ♪

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

- Let's just stay in bed all day.

- I have work.

- So call in sick.

Last night was amazing.

Please, Cam.

- If you insist.

(light indie rock continuing)

- Thank you.

- I love you, Diane Jardine.

♪ As much as I've done for you ♪

(Cameron giggling)
♪ There's more I'll do ♪

♪ As much as I- ♪
(Cameron gasps)

(birds chirping)

Sup.

- Son, we need to talk about
your plans after summer.

- Dad, it's June.

- That's what you said last year.

You wanted a gap year, remember?

Well, the gap is over.

It's time to get school on your radar.

- Honey.

- Yeah, well, I don't
know what I wanna do, so,

why go to just go?

- There's more to life than
just those toys upstairs.

- Collectibles.
- What?

- They're collectibles.

- Not toys.
- Honey,

it's the first week of
summer, give him a break.

- Yeah, gimme a break.

- I'll give you a break.

In three weeks, you need to
come back and have an idea,

a hint, a possibility about something

that you want to do in the future, okay?

(Cameron sighs)

- Fine, I'm late for work.

- Just a coke?

That's not breakfast.

- See ya tonight, Mom.

(door clicks)

- You have to talk to
Cameron about his diet.

There is no food in his food.

- Add it to the list, sweetheart.

(upbeat rock music)

♪ Move through me ♪

♪ And feel what I've been told ♪

♪ See a way ♪

(lyrics indistinct)

♪ Move through me ♪

♪ And feel what I've been told ♪

♪ See a way ♪

(lyrics indistinct)

- You're late.

- 10 minutes early.

(Lenny sighs)

- I need you to close tonight.

- Nope, can't.
- Why?

- I have a date.

- No, seriously, I need you to close.

- No, seriously, I have a date.

- With who?

- You wouldn't know her.

- Yeah, well, I don't know
any of your made-up friends.

- Yeah, her name is Diane.

- Diane what?
- Jardine.

- There is no way that you
have a date with Diane Jardine.

- How do you know her?

- She applied here a few years ago.

- Here?

- Yeah, and there's no way
that she even knows your name.

- I don't care if you believe me or not.

- Bring her here tonight.

- I'm not bringing her here.

- That's 'cause there is no date.

- Wait, who has a date?

- Cameron here thinks he's
got a date with Diane Jardine.

- Oh.

- I want photographic proof.

- No, I don't care if
you believe me or not.

- That's 'cause the only date you have

is with a sock, wank boy.

- Pew, pew, (mimics explosion)

(Liz chuckles)

(ominous music)

(door creaking)

Thanks for that, by the way.

- For what?

- He's making me close.

- Oh, well, you opened, so tell him no.

- Hey, um, are you really
going out with Diane Jardine?

- Yeah, why doesn't anyone believe me?

- Well, I mean, she's like...

Her and you're you.

Which, which is fine, which is fine.

Well, how do you even know her?

- We're friends.
- Really?

- Yeah, I was the first person she called

when she got back from college.

- Oh, she called you.

- Well, she sent me a text.

- Well, how do you know
you were the first?

Well, you know, if you need me,
I'll be here, closing alone.

(upbeat indie rock)

♪ There's no one quite like you ♪

♪ No one makes me feel like you do ♪

♪ Just a look in your
eyes, smile on your face ♪

♪ No one makes me feel that way ♪

(soft music)

(smooth rock music)

♪ Uh, yeah ♪

- What are you looking at?
- Nothing.

- You taking pictures of Diane?

- No, no, I wasn't.

- I saw you, you're a perv.

- Whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What the hell is going on?

- He's taking photos of you.

- Cam?

- No, no, I wasn't taking
pictures, I was texting you.

- Right, I saw him, he's perv.

- I can show you.

(car rustling)

(glass shatters)
Oh!

It's ruined.

- Why was your phone in the street?

- Well, he threw it.
- Chad.

- Was protecting you
from the little creep.

- Know what, just go home.

- Whatever.

- Perv.

Later, Diane.

- Were you taking pictures of me?

- No, why would I want a photo of you?

(sighs) My god, this is...

(soft music)

(soft music)

(crickets chirping)
(soft music continuing)

(smooth synthwave music)

(light switch clicks)

(smooth synthwave music continuing)

(door clatters)
(light switch clicks)

- I said dinner's ready.

(crickets chirping)

Why are you sitting in the dark?

- You're always complaining
about the electric bill.

I'm just doing my part.

- Oh, well, thank you.

Wash your hands.

(door clicks)

(door clicks)
(light switch clicks)

(crickets chirping continuing)

(chilling music)

- Oh, shit.

(crickets chirping)

Um, what is that?

- You need to start eating better.

- Where's my normal food?

(Carol sighs)

(silverware clinking)

Just say it.

- I am not buying you another phone.

(Cameron mumbles)

- It wasn't his fault this time, dear.

- He should have punched
that kid in the face, bam!

That dickhead has been
tormenting you for three years.

Just once I'd like to see
you stand up for yourself.

- Violence is never the answer.

- And bullies will always be bullies

until somebody stands
up to 'em, that's life.

Anything you wanna add to this?

- Um...

(doorbell rings)
I'll get it.

(Carol sighs)

(chilling music)

Oh shit, oh shit, oh, shit,

oh shit.
(doorbell rings)

- [Hunter] You gonna get that?

(ominous music)

(Cameron groans)

- Hi.
- Hi.

(crickets chirping)

Did you see someone standing
here when you walked up?

- No.

- What's up?

Ah.

- Do you still wanna get some pizza?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah?

Okay, let's go.

(upbeat rock music)

♪ I don't wanna hear ♪

♪ Your bitchin' in my ear ♪

- What?

♪ I don't wanna hear you ♪

♪ Da-da-da-don't, da-da-da-don't ♪

♪ Say that I can't make it alone ♪

♪ 'Cause I can do it on my own ♪

(music muffling)
(Cameron chuckles)

- Is your phone totally broken?

- It's crushed.

- I'm sorry, I'm really
sorry I doubted you too.

You've already seen me naked twice.

Why would you need
pictures of me in a bikini?

- When have I seen you naked?

- When we went to the quarry,

when I jumped off the rock

and then when I came
up, my top was missing

and I totally saw you staring.

Just like you're doing now.

- I didn't see anything.

And I gave you my shirt,

which you still haven't given back.

- Okay, fine, you get a pass on that one.

- When was the second time?

- It was last summer, you
really don't remember?

(muffling rock music)
(door chimes clinking)

Oh, shit.

- It's okay, you don't have to tell me.

- No, look who just came in.
- Just came out the other side

and it's just it's not like anything

when you get in that
environment, you know?

It's just-
- Oh, hey, Martin!

- Cameron, what are you doing?

- I'll be right back.
- Cool, bud.

- What?
- What are you doing?

- We're friends, I
tutored him in geometry.

- No, he's not, no-

- Hey, Cameron.

Uh...

- Hi, Martin.

- Oh, hi.

Um, so, you know, may-maybe just...

Uh...

Um, I-I, I gotta go.

(Cameron laughs)

- What was that?

(car keys rattling)
- Thanks a lot, Cameron.

- What?

-What'd I do?

(rock music muffling)

(car humming)

(soft music)

(brake clicks)
(ignition clicks)

(crickets chirping)

You gotta fill me in.

- I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

- Okay.

(car door shuts)

(seatbelt clicks)

(crickets chirping continuing)

- He stood me up.

Do you remember our senior prom?

One where Becky Sniderman
thought it would be a great idea

if the girls asked the guys instead?

- Yeah, and you forgot to ask me?

- I'm being serious.

- Oh.

(soft music)

(car door shuts)

- I asked Martin.

He just kind of stared at me

and then said, "Uh, hi, yeah, sure."

And then he turned around and walked away.

(soft music continuing)

He ignored me for two weeks.

So I sent him a text
the night before prom,

telling him I'd pick him up at seven

and we'd go to dinner and prom.

And I we even made hotel room reservations

just in case things went really well.

- Why are you telling me this?

- 'Cause when I went to pick
him up, he wasn't there.

His mom answered the door.

She had no idea who I was and
knew nothing about the prom.

So I was just standing there

in my prom dress feeling like an idiot.

It was humiliating.

- What did he say?

You didn't talk to him?

- No, every time he saw
me again after that,

he'd turn and run the other way.

Please don't tell anyone.

- No, I'm really sorry
that happened to you.

(soft music continuing)

You know, I would've been ready

in a black and white tux,

flowers in hand, and a
poem I wrote, just for you.

- See, that's why I like you, Cam.

You're never playing an angle.

You're just Cameron.

- "Just Cameron."

So when was the second
time I saw you naked?

- Hmm, you had a lot to drink.

Maybe you actually don't remember.

My parents were outta
town and you came over

and we drank most of my dad's tequila.

- Oh yeah.
- Yeah. (chuckles)

(Cameron chuckles)

I was actually gonna share something

really personal with you that night.

You would've been the first.

(chilling music)

Cam?
- Hmm?

(ominous music)

I gotta go.

- You don't have to be embarrassed.

(ominous music continuing)

(door clattering)

(chilling music)

- Oh, shit.

(ominous music)

(air whooshes)

- We need to talk.

- How did you, how did you get in here?

- Do you like watching me undress?

- No.

- No?

- No, uh...

I kinda did.

- Oh, so you do like watching.

- No, I'm sorry, I just
looked through your,

or, my window and I saw you bare, there.

I'm sorry, it's, it's only old

Miss Carpenter in that house, so-

- And do you like watching old
Miss Carpenter get undressed?

- No, who are you?

- I'm watching the house
while Miss Carpenter is away.

- Oh.

I'm, I'm sorry I saw you naked.

(door clicking)

You should probably go.

We could talk about
this tomorrow, outside.

- Yeah, I need a ride.

- Shh.

(woman sighs)

I need a ride, help me out and we're even.

- I can't.

- What, you don't have a car?

- Well, I have a car,
I just can't drive it

until I can pay for the insurance.

- Well, that's not
really my problem, is it?

So you can either help me out

or I can tell your
parents about your little

voyeur issue.
- Shh! Shh!

Well, they're not gonna believe you.

- Really?

Why don't we find out?

- I'm sorry, I'm not driving you anywhere.

(soft bass music)

(car rustling)

So are you gonna tell
me where we're going or?

- We're almost there.

- Are we going to your boyfriend's or?

- He's dead.

- Oh. Sorry.

- So how old are you?

- 21, almost 21.

I just turned 20.

- Hmm.

- How old are you?

- Just pull into this parking
lot, pull up on the right.

(soft bass music)

(ignition clicks)

- Oh, they're closed.

- Gimme your keys.

- Why?

- I don't really want you
to leave me here, do I?

- I won't, I promise.

(car keys rattling)

(car door shuts)

(heels clacking)
(soft music)

(fist knocking)

(soft music continuing)

(soft music continuing)

- Fuck it.

(door shuts)

(soft music continuing)

(chilling music)

(man panting)

(chilling music rising)

- Help me!

Help me, help me!

Help me.
(car door shuts)

Let me in, let me in!

Let me in, (grunting) let me...

(hand banging)

Help me. (grunts)

(hands banging)
Let me in!

(man screaming)
(flesh squelching)

(ominous music)

(Cameron panting)

(woman spits)

(Cameron grunting)
(car door locks clicking)

(ominous music)
(heels clacking)

(Cameron screams)

(Cameron grunting)
(car door thudding)

Stupid guy's...

What, oh god, oh my god, whoa.

(chilling beat)
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Okay, you, you killed that
guy and he's on the car...

- You need to calm down.

(Cameron's breathing steadying)

Now get in the car.

- Get in the car, yeah,
get in the car, yeah-

- Now!

- Okay. (mumbling and panting)

(ominous music)

(woman sighs)

You seem stressed out.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm stressed out!

You just killed him on my car

and I'm not even supposed to be driving,

all because I saw you undress

and I didn't even see anything!

- You're really going to need to relax

if you're gonna be my driver.

- Well, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, that's it.

That was it, you said one ride

- And now I trust you.

- Oh, crap, you're a vampire.

- You don't wanna lose my trust, do you?

- What happens if I lose your trust?

- Well, I think you just saw what happens.

(crickets chirping)

(car door shuts)

(heels clacking)

Thank you for helping me tonight.

(ominous music)

You need to trust me.

- Kiss of death.

(crickets chirping continuing)

(hand knocking)

(door clatters)

- Cameron, your dad
wants to see you outside.

- Oh, okay.

- Now.

- Oh, shit.

(birds chirping)

- You wanna explain to me

how you got blood all over the car?

- You're not gonna believe
this, but, uh, it's the truth.

Last night after Diane dropped me off-

- [Girl] Good morning.

- Hey, good morning, you must be Victoria.

Miss Carpenter said you'd
be watching her house

for a couple weeks.
- Yeah.

- This is my son, Cam, this is Victoria.

- Oh, we met last night, actually.

Um, I heard this thud.

So I came running out

and there was this deer
just lying there, bleeding.

It, it must've run into
the side of the car.

I was completely freaked out.

And then, and then Cam, he came home

and he made me feel so much better.

- My Cameron?

- I said we should call animal services.

- And, and then the deer, it
just, it got up and run away.

- It was a miracle.

- That's funny, I, I didn't,

I didn't hear anything last night.

- Well, I'm gonna go inside.

- So last night I asked
Cam if he could drive me

to the store and he explained
the whole insurance situation.

- Can't drive my car until I can pay

for it myself and could take months.

- And so I was thinking,
um, maybe I could pay

for the insurance this month
if Cam would be willing

to drive me on a few errands?

- Oh, you know, I'd love to, yeah.

But my dad wants me to earn it.

- I, I think that's a great idea.

- It might take some weeks, you know,

to get some good insurance.

Really wanna get that
good deal. (chuckling)

- Been on insurance the whole time.

He can start today if you need him.

- That's perfect.

- I have work today.

- Oh, then tonight, say around 8:00 PM?

- That's great, it's a date.

- Great.

- Great.

- [Lenny] Run that by me again.

- She picked me up and we went

and got pizza at Benny Pineros.

- Yeah, something's not
right by this story.

- Why do you care?

- 'Cause your job depends on it.

- You're gonna fire me if I
can't prove I went on the date?

- Right, look, I'm trying to
run a legitimate business here

with legitimate employees.

People who lie are those who steal.

- I don't have to prove anything to you.

- Hey, Cam?

Some weirdo outside is looking for you.

- I'm taking my break.

- We haven't even opened yet.

- [Cameron] Hi.

- Hey, yeah, I need to ask you a question.

- What?

- How well do you know Diane?

- Well, we're not together if
that's what you're wondering.

- I know that. (chuckles)

You can't tell anyone this.

I was supposed to go to the prom with her

and her hotness freaked me out.

Then I bailed and I think she hates me.

- Yeah, that's fair,
you're kind of a dick.

- It's not my fault.

Her face and her body make me stupid.

- Is that why you came to see me?

- I want you to help
me get a second chance.

- Hey, I need you to run down

to the sippy sip and
grab me some cigarettes.

- Go get your own.

- Somebody's dog took a shit, pick it up.

(door clatters)

- Please, bro, I would owe you big.

- Uh, you stood her up on prom night, man.

- Man, help me out, come on.

(light music)

- I can talk to her and see what she says.

- Yes, (laughs) I knew
I could count on you.

- She's probably gonna say no.

- Bring it home, bro! (laughing)

- I wouldn't get your hopes up.

(light uplifting music)

(Cameron sighs)

- So he actually admitted
to the whole thing?

- He said he wants a second chance,

but it's not his fault because
your hotness freaked him out.

- Right, and I make him nervous?

- No, your face and body make him stupid.

- That's sort of sweet.

- He, he stood you up on prom night.

- But haven't you ever been
so attracted to somebody that

you just fumble for words and...

(soft music)

You're too scared to tell
them how you really feel,

so you just hope someday

they'll notice you and fall in love?

So what do you think?

- About what?

- Should I give Martin another chance?

Well, of course you do.

That's, that's why you told me, right?

- Yeah. Yeah.

(crickets chirping)

- Victoria?

Hello?

- I like a punctual man.
(chilling beat)

- Don't sneak up on me like that.

(Victoria giggles)

Hey-

- Relax.

Your shirt's all messed up.

- Gotta look good for murdering people.

- Until you know me and know why I'm here,

I don't need your judgment.

- Geez.

So are you gonna fill me in on
what we're doing tonight, or?

- The less you know, the better.

That way I won't have to
kill you when it's all over.

I'm kidding.

Turn here.

(ominous music)

(ignition clicks)

I'll be back.

- What am I supposed to do?

- Don't freak out like last time?

(car door shuts)

- "Don't freak out."

Yeah, easy for you to say.

(ominous music)

(heels clacking)

(ominous music continuing)

(body whips)
(body splatters)

Oh shit, oh my god!

Oh my god, oh my god, oh
my god, oh my (gagging)

Oh fuck, oh god.

(car door slams)

(car door slams)

- We can go.

(ominous music)

You might wanna roll down your window.

We don't wanna attract the police.

(automatic window buzzing)

(ominous music continuing)

(car door shuts)

(heels clacking)
(car door shuts)

You wanna talk about it?

- No.

(ominous music)

(crickets chirping)

Gah!
- Shh.

(Cameron exhales)
We need to talk

- Now?

- Yes now.

I need to tell you why I'm
here and why I need your help.

- Okay.

- And you need to promise
that you won't tell anyone.

- Okay, I promise.

- I was turned when I was 16.

- How old are you now?

- Two hundred and forty-seven?

- Whoa, you're so old.

What?

But I mean, you still look
really good for your age.

- The man I loved and was
loyal to was killed in 1890.

He was traveling without me

when he made contact with
a rival pack of vampires.

They insisted that he join them.

And when he refused, they killed him.

Over the last hundred years,

most of that pack has moved to America.

A few in your town.

- And so you're here to kill them?

- I will find and destroy
every last one of them.

- So the two I saw you kill weren't human.

(Cameron laughs)

Oh, this is great.

- So you have no problem
with me killing vampires?

- No, no, why didn't you just
tell me that from the start?

- I needed to know that I could trust you.

- You can trust me.

- Good.

- But what happens if you don't kill them?

- That's not an option.

- Yeah, yeah, okay, this is great.

So tomorrow night, we're gonna
go vampire hunting again.

Bad vampire-
- Shh!

(birds chirping)

(Cameron mumbling)
- Hey.

- What, what are you doing in my room?

- You didn't return any of my calls

or texts so, I came over.

- My phone is broken.

- I'm in big trouble.

- What happened?

- So I sent her a text
like you told me to,

and she texted me back and said

we should get together tomorrow night.

- Great.

- No, uh...

I think I used all my
best material in the text.

I don't know what to talk about.

- What did you say?

- "Hi, Cameron said to text
you, so I'm texting you."

- Keep reading.

- "You are so hot, like
really, really hot.

"Do you think I'm hot too?"

- You see, I was creating conversation.

(chuckles) Read what she wrote back.

- "I still haven't
forgiven you about prom,

"but let's get together on Friday night

"and see how your apology goes."

- That means she's ready to bang.

- I don't think that's what she's saying.

Diane's funny, she's beautiful,

and her hair smells like heaven.

And her skin is like
perfect, and she's smart,

and you can talk to her about anything,

and her voice is like, you know?

- Yes, perfect!

Can you write that down for me?

No, no, no, better yet,
dude, come with me.

If I get stuck, you say something nice

and I can add onto it.

Please, bro, come on.

- What time are you meeting her?

- Six.

- Hmm, maybe, I have plans.

Well, maybe I could go for an hour, but,

but then you're on your own.

- Bro, I am so getting
laid tomorrow night.

(light upbeat music)

- He likes the word "hot" a lot.

- Better get used to that.

- Is there like a signal
or something I can give you

if I need you to stay longer?

- I have plans.

- With who?

- With a girl.

- You have a first date too?

- Actually, this will be our third.

- When did this happen?

Uh-uh.

Have you kissed her?

- Uh, let's just say she's been in my bed.

- Naked.

- Cameron, you never fail to amaze me.

- He's gotta be paying her.

- For what?

- To be here with him.

To prove to me that he's not a geek.

- I promise you he does
not care what you think.

- Everyone cares what the

assistant manager thinks, Elizabeth.

God.

- So who are we eliminating tonight?

So do you usually take like
a chunk outta their neck?

Is that like a, like a, like a,

"Fuck you for killing
my boyfriend," thing or?

- I'm worried about you.

- Well, hey, they started it

and we're gonna finish it, baby, yeah.

Wait, how many are there?

- Just one more tonight and one more

that I still need to locate.

- Then what?

- Then I move on.

- Well, I mean, you can
stay a little longer

if you don't have anywhere else to go.

- The last one will be much
tougher to find and kill.

- Why?

- The others have been descendants

without any real power or protection.

But the final one,

she's as old as I am.
(ominous music)

And she has evaded my revenge
for hundreds of years.

She's the one who killed my master.

And when I find her,

I will make her death long and painful.

I will peel the skin from her cold body

and I will feed it to the rats.

I will rip out her heart and incinerate it

on a bed of fiery molten stone.

- That went a bit dark.

(ominous music)

(dramatic guitar chord)
Oh, yah.

(Cameron's sneakers squeaking)

- What are you doing?

I told you to wait in the car.

- Pfft, I'm not missing out on this.

(ominous music)

Wait, wait.

- You need to calm down.

Stay here or you're gonna get hurt.

- Whatever.

Wait, who's gonna hurt me?

- I will.

(ominous music)

(Cameron's sneakers squeaking)

(water dripping)
(ominous music)

(ominous music continuing)
(dripping continuing)

(ominous music rising)
(dripping continuing)

(person whistling)

(ominous music rising)

(security guard whistling)

(ominous music)

(water dripping)

(door clatters)

(dripping continuing)

(ominous music)

(Cameron's sneakers screech)

(ominous music continues)

(chilling beat)

- How did you get in here?

I'm gonna have to escort
you off the property.

What?

(Victoria screaming)
(gun firing)

(Victoria's body thuds)

- No!

(gun firing)
(bullets clanging)

(ominous music)

(Victoria growls)

(ominous music rising)

(flesh squelching)

- Cameron, you fool, Cameron!

- I'm playing dead, I was playing dead.

(Victoria groans)

- Did we get him?

- What were you thinking?

- He, I was distracting
him, he was shooting you.

- I didn't need your help.

- Wow.

(Cameron's sneakers squeaking)

Kinda looked like it.

- I've managed for a very
long time without you.

- How about a thank you?

- And what if he'd shot you?

- Well, you, you would just heal me

with your healing powers.

- It doesn't work like that.

- I'd be dead?

Oh.

I shoulda asked a lot more
questions on the way here.

- Look, if you're gonna help me,

you really need to follow the rules.

Otherwise I can't protect you, okay?

- Noted.

Hmm.

Oh, that's so cool.

- I'm serious.

- Yeah.

I was just joking.

I'm still learning.

(car door shuts)

- Oh, uh, tomorrow night,

can we murder just a little bit later?

I have this thing.

- I haven't located her yet, so have fun.

- Oh, wait, um...

I need help getting out
of this, uh, situation.

If you come to get me, then you
could be my reason to leave.

- I'll try.

- Hey,

I've been helping you.

Could you help me out just once?

- Fine.

- Fine?

- Okay.

- Thank you.

- Goodnight, Cameron.

- [Cameron] How do you know where I'll be?

- Trust me, I'll find you.

- How?

- I have your scent.

(soft music)

(Cameron chuckles)

- Ooh, she has my scent.

(giggling) Oh my god.

(light upbeat music)

- [Liz] Hey.

- Hey.

- So, um, my friend plays in this band

and I was wondering if
maybe you wanted to go

and see them with me tomorrow night.

Nevermind.

- Uh...

That would be cool.

- Really?

Oh, um, awesome.

They're like this cross between

like The Specials and Green Day,

and I've already got two tickets,

so you don't have to worry
about that, um, yeah. (giggles)

- Great, yeah.
- Yeah.

- But, uh...

I got a lot of stuff going on right now.

I can't really talk about it but um...

Maybe another time?

- Cool. Yeah.

- Next time for sure.
- Mm-hm, yeah.

(Cameron sighs)

♪ All our love ♪
(light upbeat music)

♪ Right here in me ♪

(music muffling)
(patrons chattering)

♪ It's coming through ♪

(muffling drowns out lyrics)

- So this is Diane's favorite place.

- Lots of chandeliers.

- Uh-huh, yeah.

- Um, Martin, he's actually trying out

for the Blue Jays farm club this year.

- Earned that, semi-pro.

- That's amazing, that's amazing.

- Diane has this photographic memory,

so she doesn't even have to study

and she gets straight A's,
especially in history.

- No, no, I have to study sometimes.

- Right on.

- Okay.

(Diane and Martin chuckle)

- I once knew this dude who
studied all night for a test.

Like, like he had it down and (chuckles)

and right before he was
going to leave for school,

he, he fell asleep. (chuckles)

And missed the test. (chuckles)

(Diane and Cameron chuckling)

I mean, what a doofus.

(muffled music continuing)

♪ Right here in me ♪

- So I'm gonna go let you two eat.

- No!
- No!

♪ Right here in me ♪

- I have plans.

- Ah, well I am gonna go to the bathroom.

♪ Right here in me ♪

So I'll be right back
and you stay right there.

(muffling music continuing)

- Dude, this is not working.

- What are you talking about?

- You don't feel it?

- No, it's great,
star-crossed lovers, baby.

- Think so?
- Cameron, Cameron, Cameron.

- Oh, hi, um...

Victoria, This is my friend Martin.

(Martin stuttering)

(Martin chuckling)

- We're leaving, now.

- Don't go.
- Now.

- You're on your own, buddy.

- What am I supposed to say to her?

- Wait, wait up, wait.

That was perfect, you
got me out just in time.

- So who's the girl?

- Oh, that's Diane.

That's the girl I was telling you about.

- No, you never mentioned her.

- Really?
- Yeah.

How do you know her?

- I've been in love with
Diane since freshman year.

- So then who's the guy?

- Oh, he's into her too, so I set them up.

- Well, that doesn't really
seem very smart, does it?

- Well, he's an idiot, I'm not worried.

- Kinda sounds like
you're the complete idiot.

- I have a plan.

She thinks he's cute,

but I know if she spends
enough time with him,

she'll realize he's a moron.

- And what, realize that
you're the love of her life?

- Uh, something like that.

- After four years?

- Five.

- You know, sometimes love
is never reciprocated.

In fact, it's rare.

(smooth electric guitar)

- Thanks for the pep talk.

(uplifting rock music)

Okay, now you've seen it,
let's go somewhere else.

- No, I wanna see where you work.

- Can we please just go somewhere else?

- Why?

What are you hiding?
- Nothing.

Do you see those two guys over there?

They've been giving me shit for years.

- Really?

Oh, this should be fun.

- Huh?

- Hey, pencil dicks.

- What did you just say to us?

- I called you a pencil
dick and you both looked.

So I must be onto something.

- What's your problem, lady?

- I asked my friend if he could find me

the two biggest losers in town and he did,

because here you are.

(dramatic beat)

Hey Cam, come over here.

- So what, you always have
a women fight your fights?

- You have another woman besides me?

Well, that's two more than you.

(Jason chuckling)

- You think this is funny?

- No, no.

Whoa, I, I, I didn't,
I didn't say anything.

(fist smacks)
(Cameron grunts)

(Cameron thuds)

(light rock music)

- [Victoria] Well, get up.

- Hi.
- No.

(light rock music continuing)

(fist smacks)
(Cameron grunts)

Letting him hit you in the face over

and over isn't a strategy, Cam.

- Thank, oh!
(fist smacks)

(Cameron grunts)

(Cameron groaning)
(Victoria sighs)

- Time out, time out.

Look, you're not really doing too great.

- No shit.

- Here's a tip: hit him in
the ribs over and over again.

Trust me.

(heels clacking)

All right, let's go.

(fist smacks)
(Cameron grunts)

(fist thuds)
(Chad groans)

- Oh my god, ow.

(Chad coughs)

- That's it, Cameron, don't let up.

(light rock music)

(fist thuds)

(Chad coughs)

- You're the perv.

You're the perv, you're the, ow.

Okay.

(light rock music continuing)

(fist smacks)
(Cameron grunts)

(Chad thuds)

Ow, god, oh.

- That's enough, right?

- I've never seen anyone
take Chad down before.

- Well, good.

Well, help him up.
- Oh.

They say the fighting doesn't help but,

I think that was very effective.

- Come on, there you go.

(Chad groaning)

(Chad spits)

- Now are you going to
bother Cameron anymore?

And Cam, you and Pencil
Dick, you're good, right?

- Sure.
(Chad spits)

- Great, let's go.

(heels clacking)

- Hey lady, who are you?

(Victoria chuckles)

- Well, I'm whoever
Cameron wants me to be.

(hand smacks)

- Bye, Cam.

- Thanks for the support.

- Whatever, Pencil Dick.

(car door shuts)

(Cameron groans)

- I think it's broken.

- It's not broken.

- Oh my god. (groans)

- Here, drink this.

- What is it?

- It'll help take the pain away.

- My tummy doesn't do well with Motrin.

- Just drink it.

- Okay.

Hm.

- We're connected forever now.

- Why?

- You just drank my blood, so.

- Ah! Oh!

What's it gonna do to me?

- Oh relax, it'll just make
you heal faster, that's all.

- Am I gonna be a vampire now?
- No!

Okay, so where are we going to?

- I kinda wanna just go home.

I've never been in a
fight before, that sucked.

- You did good.

(soft music)

- Oh...

Thanks. (chuckles)

(car door shuts)
Whoa!

Whoa, oh, that worked.

Oh, I'm feeling good.

- See?

You need to trust me.

- Yeah, no, I'm feeling really good.

We should go do something.

No, we could go dancing,
do you like dancing?

I like dancing.

- Yeah, maybe another night.

- You know, yeah, yeah, that's cool.

Tomorrow night!

(shoes shuffling)
(arms whipping)

I feel it, I feel it in my bones.

- Good night, Cameron.

- Yeah, yeah, good night, night, Victoria.

(Cameron shrieks)

(crickets chirping)

(upbeat rock music)

- You wanna hand with that?
- Woo!

Hey, oh...

How did you get in here,
or, what are you doing here?

- I forgot to mention the sexual overdrive

that you'll be experiencing
for the next few hours.

- Yeah, I noticed, it's
like a vampire Viagra.

Is that why you came to see me?

- No.

I was thinking about Diane.

- Me too.

- Maybe, maybe she needs
to see another side of you.

- She knows every side of me.

- I mean, the problem is

that she doesn't really
know you like I know you.

Last night you...

Almost took a bullet for me.

I mean, he was a terrible shot, but...

When I needed someone that I could trust

to help keep my secret, you were there.

You didn't tell anyone, did you?

(soft music)

Maybe the best way to not
be lusting after Diane

is to be lusting with someone else.

(soft music continuing)

You know what I mean?

- Yeah, I think I get the picture.

- If Diane knew that you were
involved with someone like me,

she just might wonder
what she's missing out on.

(soft music continuing)

- Cam, did you know, in 1926-

Uh...

(door clicks)

- Where were we?

- Wait, wait, wait.

It's not you, but I'm not
just lusting after Diane.

I know the date tonight
had to go horrible.

So maybe tomorrow things
will be different.

- Yeah, I don't wanna hurt your feelings,

but things will never be different.

- You don't know that.

- I've been around a
very long time, Cameron.

- Yeah, well, I'd rather get hurt

than trick her into liking me.

- Well, then you're a fool.

- Yeah, well, you can leave.

- Really?

- Yeah, get out.

I'm sorry, I, I just, I-

(ominous music)

(crickets chirping)
(ominous music continuing)

(birds chirping)

- Bro, you need to get a phone.

Everything fell apart after you left.

- At least you tried.

- But...

I need your help.

- She either likes you
or she doesn't, man.

- She likes the looks of me

and the whatever it is
she likes about you.

- Maybe it's just not meant to be.

- You're bumming me out, bro!

- What do you want me to say?

- I thought you were my wing man.

The coke to my Jack.

The thunder to my lightning.

The arrow to my bow, frosting to my cake.

Man, the peanut to my butter-

- Yeah, I get it, I get it.

Look, I'm just really busy
right now, so good luck.

(car starting)

- So are you gonna help me?

(door chimes clinking)

- Hi, can I help you find anything?

- No, I'm just having a look.

You know, I've always
felt more comfortable

in vintage clothing.

- Let me know if you wanna
try anything on, okay?

- [Victoria] Thank you.

Excuse me?
- Yes?

(ominous music)

- Is your name Diane?

- So the girl who's
staying next door wanted

to have sex with you, but
you're still hung up on Diane,

but at the same time, you're trying

to set Diane up with Martin?

- There are a few other details, but yeah.

- These are some very
first-world problems.

- You know what, fuck all of 'em.

- Really?

- You know, I'm always
trying to make people happy,

but not anymore.
- Mm.

Come out with me tonight,
I'll help cheer you up.

- What do you want to do?

- Oh, well, um, I already told you,

my friend's band is playing.

- I don't know.

- You do know what the definition

of insanity is, right?

It'll be fun, trust me.

- Okay.
- Nice.

(door clatters)

- You two still work here?

"Uh," let's go.

(crickets chirping)

(hand knocking)

- Got a date tonight?

- No, gonna go see a band with Liz.

- [Hunter] Thought her name was Victoria.

- No, Liz from work.

- What happened to Diane?

- I'm working on it.

- And the girl next door?

- Been there, done that.

- Okay.

We all have these streaks in life

where our romantic options seem numerous.

- Dad.

- No, hear me out, hear me out.

If you start to explore too
many options at one time,

you may end up with none.

- Okay, yeah, thanks, thanks.

- It's like oxygen, right?

We need it to breathe.

But if we get too much
of it, makes us dizzy.

- What's your point?

- If you plant too many seeds,

one may end up growing.

- Dad, I have it under control.

- Okay, okay, look, just in case.

The rate you're going.

- Wow.

(crickets chirping)

(soft music)

(soft music continuing)

(rock music muffling)

(crickets chirping)

Oh, (chuckles) she, she's
just loaning her a dress.

(soft music)

Whoa.

No.

This is not happening.

(soft music continuing)

(soft music continuing)

(rock music muffling)

(birds chirping)

- Did you enjoy the show?

- All the people, you had
to mess around with her?

- I had to find out if she was all that.

And she was insatiable.

- You ruined everything.

- Trust me, she's not your
type and she never will be.

So get over it.

- You stay away from her.

- Or what?

- Or I'll tell her what you really are.

- But that wouldn't really work
out for any of us, would it?

(Victoria's feet shuffling)

- I'm not helping you anymore.

(chilling beat)

(ominous music)

- Don't try me, Cameron.

Tomorrow night it'll be all over.

But until then, you'll do
exactly what I ask of you.

Do you understand?

- Ah-om.

Ah-om.

- Martin.

- How'd you find me?

- Your mom told me you were here.

(tranquil music)

- Ah-om.
- Whatcha doing?

- I am entering the deepest
and darkest parts of my soul

and I need complete and
utter silence, thank you.

(tranquil music)

Ah-om.

Ah-
- Martin,

if you want my help
with Diane, I am all in.

- No, what you said was right.

- No, no, no, no, no, forget
what I said, she is hot, right?

- Super hot.

- Mm-hm, and I know what
she likes to talk about.

So if we work together as a
team, we can get her back,

and I'm gonna throw all
my best stuff at her.

(birds chirping)

- What happens when
you're not there anymore?

- No, I'm gonna be with
you the whole time.

- Even when we're banging?

- No, I'm gonna let you do that.

- 'Cause that would be a little weird.

- Yeah, are you free tonight?

- Yeah.

- Okay, gimme your phone.

- Why?

- I'm gonna set you up with a date.

(thumbs tapping)

Ooh, yeah. (chuckles)

Okay, okay, (giggles) okay.

All right, I'll call you
later, see what she says, okay?

Martin, don't text her without me.

- Okay.

Hey, Cam?
- Yeah.

- Why are you helping me?

- 'Cause you're the
lesser of two evils, man.

(Martin chuckles)

- "Lesser of two evils,"
(giggles) awesome!

- (chuckles) Yeah.

(light upbeat music)

- You're a little devil,
yes, you are, yes, you are.

(door creaking)

- You're late, again.

- I quit.

- What?

- Huh? Ah.

I'm making life choices.

- Come on, Cameron.

(door creaking)

- Hey!

What happened last night?

- Oh, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot.

- You forgot.

(foot thuds)
(Cameron grunts)

(fist smacks) (Liz grunts)
(Cameron grunts)

(Cameron groaning)

- Oh my god. (groaning)

- Bye.
- Have a good one.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Cameron.
- Hey!

- [Diane] What are you doing here?

- Uh, I need a new outfit
for a big date tonight.

- Did Chad hit you again?

- No, no, it was a girl at work.

I, I had it coming.

- Cameron.

- Well, let's see.

Ooh, actually, these
might work for your date.

They cover the bruise.

- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah.
- It's not bad.

- Nice, yeah. (chuckles)

Uh, well, I, I, um, I,
I, I'm going next door.

- Well, thank you for stopping by.

- Yeah.

- Oh, well, Martin asked me out again.

- Oh, he did?
- Mm-hm.

I don't know if I'm gonna go or not.

- Why?

- Because he's really
not boyfriend material.

You know, I'd just be using
him for all the wrong reasons.

- Well, you can use me for that.

(both chuckling)

- No. (chuckles) (sighs)

- You're gonna say yes, right?

- Yeah, I think I will.

- Did you get it?

- We just have to keep this
a secret for a few weeks.

- Yeah, yeah.

- No, seriously, can't go off at dinner,

you can't walk through a room with it.

Your dad's like the CIA.

- Dad'll never see it.

- All right, the guy said all your

numbers transferred, so you're good to go.

- Awesome.
- Okay.

You know I'm proud of you, right?

- I know.

- I know you don't know
what you wanna do yet,

but um, you're gonna find it.

- Yeah.

- Keep that outta sight.

- Thanks, Mom.

(birds chirping)

Okay.

- So how am I gonna explain
wearing this all night?

- Uh, just say you're waiting
for an important call.

- From who?

- I don't know, who would you
get an important call from?

- Margot Robbie. (chuckles)

- Someone you know.

- Oh, my coach.

- Perfect, okay, so I'm
gonna hear what Diane says

and then I'm gonna tell
you what to say back, cool?

- Cool.

- Right, let's practice.

(phone vibrating)

- Oh, one sec.

Yello?

- Martin.
- Sup.

- It's me.

- Ah (chuckling) tricky.

- Okay, so when you pick up the phone,

you can't say anything.

- Right.

- So she says, "It's
a nice night tonight."

You say?

- I'd be like, "It's awesome."

- No, you say,

"It's a great night 'cause
I'm here with you," say it.

- It's a nice night
'cause I'm here with you.

- "I hope this is the first of many."

- I hope this is the first of many.

It's gonna be so easy.

- Are you ready to have
the night of your life?

- Yes, I am, 'cause I'm a
lean, mean, bonin' machine!

- Not what I meant.

(soft music)

- You look really nice tonight.

- Thank you.

- I know our past dates
haven't gone that well.

- I know our past dates
haven't gone that well.

- [Cameron] Thank you for
giving me a third chance.

- Thank you for giving me a third chance.

- Even though I don't deserve it

and there's probably someone more worthy

that should be with you tonight.

- Even though I really don't deserve it

and there's probably someone more worthy

who should be with you tonight?

- Let's not worry about the past

and focus on enjoying tonight, okay?

- Cool.

- Are you gonna keep your
earpiece in the whole time?

- Uh...

- I'm sorry, I want you to know

that this evening is
really important to me.

- Uh, I'm sorry, I want you to know

that this evening is
really important to me.

- [Cameron] But I have a tryout

with the farm team for the Blue Jays.

- But I have a tryout with the farm team

for the Blue Jays.

- [Cameron] They're gonna call
tonight with my start time

and they expect me to answer.

- They're gonna call
tonight with my start time

and they expect me to answer.

- Well, that's amazing.

- I thought it would be a distraction

to have my phone on the table.

- I thought it would be a distraction

to have my phone at the table.

- Especially when my
focus should be and is...

On you.

- Especially when my focus
should be and is on you.

- See, I, I knew there'd
be a sweetheart somewhere.

So what do you wanna do now?

- I'm up for anything you are.

- I'm up for anything you are.

- Anything?
(car keys rattling)

- Well, if you're driving,
I'll go wherever you take me.

- I have an idea, how about you drive?

And I'll go anywhere you take me.

- Martin, Martin, you gotta take her home.

(smooth upbeat rock music)

Martin. Martin?

Martin, take her home.

- So where are we going?

- You'll see.

- Can I get a hint?

- Um, Lover's Lane?

- Lover's lane?

No, no, no, no, no, no, not,
not, not Lover's Lane, no.

- Okay.

(smooth upbeat rock continuing)

(smooth upbeat rock)

- Martin, talk to me.

Martin, Martin.

(crickets chirping)

- Are you nervous?

- No. (chuckles)

- Oh, so it's not the first
time you've been here.

- I'm not looking for a hookup.

- I'm not looking for a hookup?

- Oh, this is gonna be so
much more than a hookup.

(automatic window buzzing)

I've got it from here, Cameron.

(crickets chirping)

Are you ready for a
life-changing experience?

- Oh, yeah.

- Ew.

(ominous music)

(ominous music rising)

(flesh squelching)

(Martin groans)

(ominous music)

- Where's Liz?

- You can't have your job back, buddy.

- Where's Liz?

- Look, I don't know what you said to her,

but she doesn't wanna see you.

- Is she working?

- No.

- Okay, thanks.

- All right, fine.

But on a trial basis only.

- What?

(Lenny clears throat)

- You can have your job back.

- Cam, I need to talk to you.

- Stay away from me.

- Please, just let me explain.

- No, no, you killed Martin and
it, it was my fault and you-

- Martin's fine.

- He's alive?

- Sorta.

- What did you do to him?

- I made him...

Better.

- Better, better how, how is dead better?

- No, no, he's not dead,
he's just different.

You know, he's just gonna
live a whole lot longer

and his strength's gonna quadruple.

So he's gonna have a
real shot at going pro.

Isn't that what he wanted?

Cameron, I would never hurt you.

- You lied, everything
you've ever done is a lie.

- That's not true.

Our friendship is real.

The time we spent together is real, Cam.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- I tried.
- Really?

'Cause I feel like I would've remembered,

"By the way, I'm a fucking vampire."

- That night in my bedroom,

I was going to tell you everything.

- So why didn't you?

It's been like two years.

- 'Cause I was afraid you'd react

like how you're reacting now.

(Cameron scoffs)

Cam, I haven't told anybody
this for literally centuries.

- So why me?

- Because I love you.

(soft music)

And I knew that when I told you,

I would probably have to leave.

- You love me?

'Cause I've been in love with you

since the moment I saw you.

- I know.

(soft piano music)

But your love and my love are
two very different things.

Every mortal I've ever loved,

I have watched get old and die.

I promised myself I wouldn't love again.

And then I met you.

Your heart is so pure, Cam.

- Really?

- No matter how I feel or how
you feel, it's impossible.

I knew the more attached you got,

there was gonna be a day where
I'd have to push you away.

- Why?

- 'Cause I'm a fucking vampire, Cameron.

(Cameron chuckles)

- There's that.

- I'm sorry.

- So what happens now?

- It's time for me to move on.

Think things here have
gotten too complicated.

- I don't want you to go.

- I know.

(soft music)

(soft piano music)

(heels clacking)

- So what happens now?

(car door clatters)

(car door shuts)

(crickets chirping)

- [Victoria] Are you okay?

- What do you care?

- [Victoria] I don't, I'm just here

to answer any questions,
now that you know.

(ominous music)

- Why didn't you tell me?

- I didn't know until I saw
her and once I did, I...

I knew that you wouldn't believe me.

- I wish I never met you.

- This has nothing to do with you.

At least now you know why.

- Why what?

(ominous music continuing)

- Why she's going to die.

- I won't let you hurt her.

- Because she gave you a kiss?

Because she told you she loves you?

Don't be a fool, Cameron,
she's incapable of love.

- I don't believe you.

- It doesn't matter.

Tonight, I will finally get my vengeance

and there is nothing
that you can do about it.

- I won't let you.

- Your passion is sweet.

Don't let it get in the way.

Think about how your parents
would feel childless.

Now you're gonna help me one final time.

(chilling music)

(door clatters)

- Where are you going?

My parents don't know you're here.

- They went out. (giggles)

- What?

How do you know?

So where are they?

- Dinner and a movie.

I told your dad to let your mom pick both.

- Please just tell me what you're doing

and why all the candles.

- We're about to find out
if Diane really loves you.

- What?

- If she does,

she'll know that you're about to die.

(chilling music)

(crickets chirping)

- Get out.

- I don't know what you did
to me, but it's awesome.

- You're welcome.
- Pew!

- Aha, I knew it!

- What are you doing here?

- I knew that Cameron could
never be with, with you.

- You don't know what
you're talking about.

- I know that you're a vampire.

You're turning all your
little friends into vampires.

- Do you?

- And I'm gonna tell everyone.

- Oh, bro, you fucked up.

(chilling music)

- No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no.
(flesh squelching)

- You don't have to do this.

- I've waited 200 years for this night.

- What happens if she doesn't show up?

(door slams)
(dramatic beat)

- Cameron.

- Diane, run.
- Whoa.

- You don't need to hurt him.

- I have no interest in hurting Cameron.

He's actually been very helpful.

It's you that I want.
(Cameron grunts)

(dramatic music)

- I know who you are.

- [Victoria] Then you know
that I'm here to kill you.

(Cameron grunts)

(candle holder thuds)
- Doh!

(crickets chirping)

(candle holder thuds)

(Diane growls)

(Diane and Victoria grunting)

Whoa.
(Diane thuds)

- You took the man I love

and you cursed my life.
(Diane gasping)

- You don't know the whole story.

(Diane screams)
(intense music)

(Diane and Victoria grunting)

(Victoria and Cameron grunting)

(ominous music)

- Only one of us leaves here alive.

(intense music)

(Cameron grunts)
(blade stabs)

(dramatic music)

(Victoria grunts)
(flesh squelches)

You're trying my patience, Cameron.

(intense music)

(Diane screams)
(objects clattering)

(blade stabs)

(Diane and Victoria grunting)

(Victoria shrieks)

(intense music continuing)

(Victoria grunts)

If you're gonna kill me, then just do it.

I will not beg for my life from you.

- Not until you know the truth.

My master was vicious.

He ruled our clan into a
pack of murderous vagrants.

I met your master when
he was passing through.

He told me all about you and your clan.

I told him how I was
forced to serve my master.

He convinced me to join
your clan, and I accepted.

He gave me his blood, your blood.

- When my master found out,

they tracked us down and they killed him.

I fled, as far as I could get away.

(blade clangs)

(soft music)

- I'm sorry, there's no
way that I could've known.

- I know.

- We're the last of our
clan, blood sisters.

- Blood lovers.

(soft music continuing)

- Hot.

- We can rebuild our family.

- I don't know what just happened,
but it was awesome, yeah!

- So what now?

Were you really gonna kill
me if Diane didn't show up?

- There was no way that she
wasn't gonna come and save you.

(crickets chirping)

- If you hadn't met me,
would you have found her?

Sorta lucky, staying next door
and me seeing you undress.

(soft music)

Were you staying next door because of me,

it was all planned out?

- Almost, I didn't really plan

on you rejecting my seduction.

It's never really happened before.

- It wasn't you.

- You love her.

- I did have fun killing
bad vampires with you.

- Me too.

Bye, Cam.

- Hey,

what happened to Miss Carpenter?

- Well, she's gonna be just fine.

Better than ever, actually.

(soft piano music)

- Hi.

- I still don't understand
why you have to leave.

- It's time for me to move on.

Things have gotten too
complicated for me here.

- I don't want you to go.

- I know.

But you have to move on too.

- It just sucks.

- You have a whole
amazing life ahead of you.

- We could have an amazing life.

- We can't, it's not possible.

But I will see you again.

- When?

- When you need me most, I'll be there.

(soft music)

- Hey, Cam.

So, uh...

I'm a vampire now.

- I can see that.

- Yeah, and you know here,

someone's gonna have to
watch over the store, so,

tell Liz the job is hers.

- You got it.

- Hey, guys, can I come?

- Come on.

- Yeah, oh my god.

(crickets chirping)

(birds chirping)

(light uplifting rock music)

- Mother, Father.

(refrigerator door clatters)
Ah.

- Sit.
- I have somewhere to be.

You're not going anywhere
till you have something real.

- Raisins.

- It's been three weeks, got any plans?

- Yep.

- Really?

- That's great, you wanna share the news?

- I'm gonna be a writer.

- Sweetie, English wasn't
one of your best subjects.

- Almost didn't graduate high school

because you can't spell.

- But it's storytelling, not high school.

- He's right, software can help him

with all that grammar stuff.

- You're 20 years old, what
are you gonna write about?

- Vampires.

- Vampires?
- Vampires.

- Lesbian vampires.

All right, I'm late.

You really shouldn't be
riding your bike in the rain.

- [Cameron] I'll see you tonight.

- Would you read a book
about lesbian vampires?

- No.

But I'd watch the movie.

(rain tapping)

(Liz exhales)

- Hey, can I talk to you for a moment?

- Go away, Cameron.

- I'm sorry, I know what I did was shitty,

but if you just give me a few moments,

I can, I can explain everything.

- I'll give you 30 seconds

and if I don't like your story,

I never wanna see you again.

- Okay.

- Clock started.

- Oh, okay, so the girl next door,

she was actually a vampire

and she was here to kill
all these other vampires

that had killed her master, lover,

I didn't really get all the details.

But she really wanted me to help.

And I didn't really wanna help her,

but my dad insisted I did,
and I was like, okay, okay,

and then I had to help her, and then,

okay, for the next few nights,

we were killing all these vampires, right?

We were shootin' 'em, we were killin' 'em.

And then, and then on top of that, Martin,

he was actually also a
vampire, crazy, right?

But he was, he was into Diane.

Then, then, then they were starting

to fight each other-
- Okay.

I'll give you a D for honesty.

Um, I'll give you an F
for how you treated me.

- Yeah.

- But I'll give you a
B plus for that story.

Sounds like you really put some
thought into that bullshit.

(light music)

- It was all true.

(bright uplifting music)

- You coming in?

It's raining pretty hard out here.

- Okay.

♪ (indistinct) That I found you ♪

♪ Don't want another, yeah,
don't want another but ♪

♪ I'm still trying not to jump to ♪

♪ Swim to the others,
walk back to my mother ♪

♪ And I'm just (indistinct) ♪

♪ So that I don't want
another, why even bother ♪

♪ (indistinct) That I found you ♪

♪ Don't want another,
yeah, don't want another ♪

♪ And I fall into you ♪

(music drowns out lyrics)

♪ I can't wait until I get the room ♪

♪ Yeah, I don't want a ♪