Original subtitles

OKAY. STILL WALKING. ALL'S GOOD.

HUP.

OKAY.

HOW ARE YOU?

I SHOULD PROBABLY KEEP MOVING.

GOD, MY FEET HAVE NEVER BEEN IN THIS MUCH PAIN BEFORE.

OH, YEAH? WHAT ABOUT THAT TIME?

THE TIME WHEN I DID THE THING AND YOUR FEET WERE...

[ INHALES ] GOTTA STOP.

GOTTA SIT.

OHH.

WHAT WERE YOU SAYING? ABOUT WHAT?

MY FEET. WHAT ABOUT YOUR FEET?

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE THING YOU DID TO MY FEET.

WHAT THING?

THE THING THAT YOU... YOU AND...HUH?

WHAT? I DON'T KNOW.

YOU AND I DO NOT FUNCTION WELL ON A FUNKY SLEEPING PATTERN.

I FEEL JET-LAGGED.

YOU'VE BEEN UP 24 HOURS STRAIGHT.

WHY'D I DO THAT?

BECAUSE I ASKED YOU TO.

AND THAT WORKED?

I DON'T EXPECT IT TO AGAIN.

A REALIST. I LIKE THAT.

[ SIGHS ] HOW FAR IS LUKE'S?

IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE.

IT LOOKS FAR.

VERY FAR.

MAYBE IF WE CONCENTRATE REALLY HARD,

OUR COMBINED PSYCHIC POWERS WILL MOVE IT CLOSER.

I DON'T THINK IT'S WORKING.

EH, IT'S MY FAULT. I'M NOT FOCUSING.

YES, THAT MUST BE WHY

WE CAN'T MOVE A HALF A CITY BLOCK CLOSER TO US.

ALRIGHT THEN. LET'S GO. ON THE COUNT OF THREE...

* IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD *

* FEELIN' LONELY AND SO COLD *

* ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CALL MY NAME *

* AND I'LL BE THERE ON THE NEXT TRAIN *

* WHERE YOU LEAD, I WILL FOLLOW *

* ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO *

* IF YOU NEED *

* IF YOU NEED *

* YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU *

* I WILL FOLLOW *

* OH, OH, OH *

* WHERE YOU LEAD, I WILL FOLLOW *

* ANY, ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO *

* IF YOU NEED *

* IF YOU NEED *

* YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU *

* I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD *

OH, MY GOD. THANK YOU.

I NEVER REALIZED LUKE'S WAS A HUNDRED MILES AWAY.

LUCKY IT WASN'T SNOWING.

WOULD'VE BEEN THE DONNER PARTY ALL OVER AGAIN

BUT WITH SLIGHTLY BETTER HAIR.

[ CHUCKLES ] WHY ARE YOU SITTING OVER THERE?

WHERE? AT THAT TABLE.

HUH. HOW DID I GET HERE?

YOU SAT THERE.

THIS CHAIR'S VERY CLOSE TO THAT CHAIR

SO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW I COULD'VE MADE THE MISTAKE.

MOVE OVER HERE.

WHY DON'T YOU MOVE OVER HERE?

I'M NOT THE ONE WHO SAT IN THE WRONG CHAIR.

I THINK IT'S PRESUMPTUOUS TO ASSUME

THAT MY CHAIR IS THE WRONG CHAIR

WHEN MY CHAIR COULD JUST AS EASILY BE THE RIGHT CHAIR.

NO. WHY?

BECAUSE I'M THE LEADER OF THE CLAN,

THE PROVIDER OF THE HOUSEHOLD,

THE ALPHA MALE, AND THE ONE WHOSE FEET JUST FELL ASLEEP,

SO THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE OF MOVEMENT.

[ CLICKS TONGUE ]

FINE. THANK YOU.

SEE? IT'S NICE SITTING AT THE GROWN-UP TABLE, ISN'T IT?

OH, EXCUSE ME, DID MY TROPHY BUMP YOU?

NO, KIRK, IT DIDN'T.

GOOD, BECAUSE THE SIZE OF IT IS SO LARGE

I CAN'T JUDGE WHERE THE EXACT END OF IT IS.

WE'RE FINE, KIRK.

I'M GLAD, BECAUSE THESE SHINY, GOLDEN EDGES ARE VERY SHARP.

THEY COULD TAKE AN EYE OUT

OR CAUSE A DEEP GASH COMPLETELY UNINTENTIONALLY.

UH-HUH.

IT'S ALMOST MORE A WEAPON.

CAN I HOLD IT THEN?

GET OUT OF THE WAY. YOU'RE BLOCKING THE DOOR.

I'LL BE NEEDING ONE OF YOUR LARGER TABLES.

YOUR SMALLER TABLES SIMPLY CANNOT ACCOMMODATE

THE SHEER SIZE OF MY MASSIVE TROPHY.

PUT IT ON THE FLOOR.

IT NEEDS ITS OWN CHAIR.

IT'S GONNA NEED SOME GLUE IF YOU DON'T SIT DOWN.

EVERYBODY HATES A WINNER.

HOW 'BOUT ONE PERSON GETS PANCAKES

AND ONE GETS EGGS AND WE CAN SHARE?

I CAN'T. I'VE TO GO.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

[ GASPS ] IT TOOK US 30 MINUTES TO GET HERE?!

LOTS OF LIMPING. OH, SHOOT!

AT LEAST GRAB A DOUGHNUT BEFORE YOU GO.

HEY, [ GROANS ] LUKE,

UH, WE NEED A COUPLE OF DOUGHNUTS

AND SOME OF THOSE EXTRA LEGS

HEATHER MILLS IS SENDING OVER TO CROATIA.

COMING RIGHT UP.

HI.

HEY. HI.

HI. HI.

I'VE TO GET TO SCHOOL. YEAH, ME TOO.

BYE. BYE.

BYE.

BYE. BYE.

BYE. BYE.

BYE.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

EPISODE ONE OF "RORY AND JESS -- THE EARLY YEARS."

WHAT?

RORY AND JESS ARE TOGETHER.

YOU SERIOUS? WHAT ABOUT DEAN?

DEAN AND RORY BROKE UP.

HOW COME I DIDN'T KNOW?

BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU.

WHAT HAPPENED?

JESS HAPPENED.

WOW! WOW.

SO...

YEP. WOW. THIS IS GREAT.

I'LL TELL DEAN. I MEAN,

RORY AND JESS. JESS AND RORY.

I THINK THIS IS GREAT. DON'T YOU THINK THIS IS GREAT?

I THINK RORY'S 17.

IT'S PROBABLY ABOUT TIME FOR A JESS.

I KNOW JESS IS TOUGH SOMETIMES,

BUT HE LIKES RORY AND RORY'S A GOOD KID.

HOPEFULLY SHE'LL RUB OFF ON HIM.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I SPENT A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY FIGHTING THE JESS THING.

RORY'S MADE HER CHOICE. I WANT HER TO BE HAPPY.

I'M JUST HOPING FOR THE BEST.

VERY ROMANTIC.

SAYS THE MAN WHO YELLED "FINALLY."

I'LL GET YOUR COFFEE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

DO IT AGAIN, PLEASE!

I'M NOT SURE WHAT OTHER WAY THERE IS TO SAY

"NO WALNUTS IN THE SALAD"

EXCEPT TO SAY "NO WALNUTS IN THE SALAD."

MOM, SHE JUST MADE A MISTAKE.

SHE DOESN'T LISTEN. SHE DOESN'T CARE.

SHE HAS NO WORK ETHIC. SHE HAS SOME WORK ETHIC.

YOU MADE HER REMAKE THE SALAD.

I LIKE THINGS DONE CORRECTLY.

PREFERABLY THE FIRST TIME.

THANK YOU, RICHARD.

YOU KNOW, MOM, IN EUROPE THEY EAT THE SALAD LAST

AND THE MAIN COURSE FIRST.

WE'RE NOT IN EUROPE. WE COULD PRETEND.

YOU CAN'T WAIT TEN MINUTES FOR ANOTHER SALAD?

THE SITUATION'S THAT DIRE?

FOUR SALADS AGO -- NO, NOT DIRE.

RIGHT NOW IT'S "YOUR MONEY FOR NOTHING

AND YOUR CHICKS FOR FREE."

RORY?

SHE DIDN'T HAVE LUNCH.

FINE. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

APPARENTLY WE'RE GOING TO BE EUROPEAN TONIGHT.

OH, WONDERFUL.

I WAS GETTING SO TIRED OF BEING AMERICAN

DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY.

I'M STARVED.

THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

LIKE WHAT? SOMETHING DISGUSTING

THAT WILL TAKE YOUR APPETITE AWAY.

ARI FLEISCHER?

ARI FLEISCHER'S OUR NATION'S MOUTHPIECE, YOUNG LADY.

OFFICIALLY NOT HUNGRY NOW.

LILLIANA WILL BE RIGHT OUT WITH THE SAND DABS.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO LET HER GO.

IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL, EMILY.

YOU'RE FIRING SOMEONE OVER PUTTING WALNUTS IN A SALAD?

I'M GOING TO FIRE SOMEONE OVER PUTTING WALNUTS IN A SALAD

AFTER SHE WAS TOLD NOT TO.

IF YOU'RE NOT A LITTLE NICER,

MIGHT FIND YOURSELF IN A FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT SITUATION.

FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT?

WHAT ON EARTH DOES FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT HAVE TO DO?

AND YOUR WALNUTS.

MRS. WRIGHT HAD THIS MAJOR PROBLEM

WITH HER HELP.

SHE WAS ROUGH AND THEY HATED HER.

THIS GUY WHO HAD WORKED FOR HER FOREVER

HAD FINALLY HAD ENOUGH.

THE INCIDENT WAS OVER WALNUTS, WASN'T IT, HONEY?

THE EXACT CAUSE HAS NOT BEEN PROVEN.

MRS. WRIGHT INVITES THIS WHOLE POSSE OF PEOPLE OVER FOR DINNER

AND THEY'RE ALL SITTING AROUND

AND MR. DISGRUNTLED-SERVANT-GUY GOES OUTSIDE

AND LOCKS ALL THE DOORS AND WINDOWS

AND DOUSES THE WHOLE HOUSE IN GASOLINE

AND SETS THE PLACE ON FIRE.

MY GOODNESS.

THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE, PEOPLE ARE FREAKING OUT,

THEY RUN TO THE DOORS, BUT THE DOORS ARE LOCKED.

A FEW OF THEM TRY TO GET OUT THROUGH THE WINDOWS

BUT MR. ANGRY-PUSS IS STANDING OUTSIDE WITH AN AXE,

HACKING THEM TO DEATH, AND SO THEY ALL DIED.

WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT STORY?

ALL I'M SAYING IS SOMETIMES EATING A WALNUT IS PREFERABLE

TO GETTING HACKED TO DEATH OR SET ON FIRE DURING DINNER.

I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU EAT IN YOUR ROOM.

I'M GOING TO GET ANOTHER SODA.

WOULD ANYONE ELSE LIKE SOMETHING?

A BIG BAG OF WALNUTS.

TELL HER THEY'RE FOR ME.

I BELIEVE I NEED A LITTLE MORE ICE.

EMILY, ARE YOU FINE?

YES, RICHARD, I'M FINE. THANK YOU.

[ SNIFFING ]

OH, STOP THAT.

DID YOU FIND IT? YES, I DID.

GOOD, GOOD.

AH, HERE WE ARE.

ICE...

AND...

[ CHUCKLES ]

CHOCOLATES.

BLESS YOU!

SO, TELL ME, HOW'S IT GOING AT SCHOOL?

IT'S GOOD. IT'S CRAZY.

MMM. SENIOR YEAR. YEP.

PREPARING FOR COLLEGE CAN BE A DAUNTING TASK.

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS PREPARING FOR YALE.

BAD?

I DON'T BELIEVE I SLEPT THE ENTIRE YEAR.

I DIDN'T CUT MY HAIR FOR TWO MONTHS.

GRANDPA! OH, YES, IT WAS QUITE A SCANDAL.

BUT IN THE END IT WAS ALL WORTH IT. YEAH?

MY YEARS AT YALE WERE ABSOLUTELY

THE MOST GRATIFYING ONES OF MY LIFE.

JUST THE SHEER FREEDOM OF KNOWING

THAT ANYTHING I WANTED TO LEARN, I COULD LEARN RIGHT THERE.

PLUS THE HISTORY OF THE PLACE, THE HERITAGE.

MY FATHER WENT TO YALE.

I KNOW. I ALSO MADE WONDERFUL FRIENDS THERE --

FRIENDS I STILL HAVE TODAY.

THAT MUST BE NICE.

I'M GOING TO BE GOING BACK THERE NEXT WEEK.

THERE'S GOING TO BE A LITTLE REUNION OF THE WHIFFENPOOFS.

I'M SORRY -- THE WHAT?

IT'S AN ACAPPELLA SINGING GROUP I BELONGED TO AT YALE.

A SINGING GROUP?

A VERY FAMOUS SINGING GROUP, ACTUALLY.

LIKE THE BEATLES BUT WITH BETTER TABLE MANNERS.

I'VE NEVER HEARD YOU SING.

WELL, I'M NO PERRY COMO,

BUT MY SHOWER HASN'T KICKED ME OUT YET.

ANYWAY, A GROUP OF US ARE GOING TO GET TOGETHER

AT THE OLD ALMA MATER AND HAVE A LITTLE DINNER,

SWAP SOME WAR STORIES.

SOUNDS FUN.

[ Voice breaking ] EXCUSE ME.

UGH, DID YOU SEE WHAT I JUST SAW?

WALNUTS. POOR GRANDMA.

POOR US.

YOU KNOW...

YOU MIGHT, UH, WANT TO COME WITH ME NEXT WEEK.

COME WITH YOU WHERE? TO YALE.

WHAT? I DON'T MEAN THE DINNER -- THAT WOULD BE BORING --

BUT YOU MIGHT ENJOY SEEING THE SCHOOL.

WELL... YOUR MOTHER COULD COME TOO.

IT'D BE A FUN LITTLE ADVENTURE.

WOW. WE COULD DRIVE DOWN...

HAVE A LITTLE ROADSIDE SNACK, GET THERE ABOUT NOON,

HAVE A LITTLE TOUR.

THE TWO OF YOU GIRLS COULD GO OFF AND HAVE FUN

THE OLD FOLKS COULD'VE A SOMBER LITTLE DINNER.

I THINK YOU'D LOVE TO SEE IT.

I'D LOVE TO SHOW IT TO YOU.

WELL...SURE, GRANDPA. THAT WOULD BE NICE.

WONDERFUL. OH, I'M THRILLED.

DO YOU WANT TO TELL YOUR MOTHER OR SHALL I?

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN TELL HER.

ALRIGHT, YOU TELL HER.

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA NEED A FEW MORE OF THESE.

YEAH.

OKAY, I OFFICIALLY VOTE THAT WE SEND MY MOTHER AN ANONYMOUS NOTE

REQUESTING THAT SHE NEVER MAKE US THE SAND DABS AGAIN.

I'M NOT SURE HOW ANONYMOUS IT WOULD BE

CONSIDERING SHE SAID WE'RE THE FIRST PEOPLE

SHE EVER MADE THEM FOR.

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

OKAY.

GRANDPA TALKED TO ME TONIGHT...

[ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ]

WHY'D YOU TURN THE CAR OFF?

I'M GETTING THE SENSE I SHOULDN'T BE DRIVING

A VEHICLE WHEN YOU TELL ME.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL. UH-HUH.

IT'S NOT. THEN TELL ME.

OKAY, UM...

WELL, GRANDPA WAS MENTIONING THAT HE AND GRANDMA ARE GOING

ON A TRIP NEXT WEEK -- A DRIVING TRIP SOMEWHERE --

AND HE INVITED ME TO GO -- AND YOU.

HE INVITED US TO GO ON A TRIP WITH THEM.

WHERE?

WHAT? WHERE TO?

YALE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

MOM?

MOM, WAIT.

NO, IT'S OKAY. I GOT IT.

HE'S GOING FOR SOME NOSTALGIA THING --

FOR A REUNION OF -- I DON'T KNOW --

THE WHIFFENGOOFS?

POOFS. WHIFFENPOOFS.

NOT MUCH BETTER. I TOTALLY AGREE.

HE GOT ALL SENTIMENTAL,

HE WANTS TO SHOW ME THE CAMPUS.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL. IT IS.

THERE'S A REASON HE'S DRAGGING YOU OUT THERE.

HE'S MANIPULATING YOU. HE'S A MASTER AT IT.

OKAY, FINE. MAYBE HE IS.

BUT HE REALLY WANTS ME TO GO. I CAN TELL.

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO.

I MEAN, HE INVITED YOU,

AND I'D REALLY LOVE IT IF YOU'D COME,

BUT REALLY, YOU CAN STAY HOME.

DON'T MAKE A BIG THING OUT OF THIS.

THIS DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A FIGHT.

WE GO. HI, YALE. BYE, YALE.

NO HARM. NO FOUL.

HOW MANY MORE TWO-WORD SENTENCES CAN YOU COME UP WITH?

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A TOTAL LOSS.

LOOK HOW SHE'S LEADING ME BACK TO THE CAR.

I'M SURE YOU AND I CAN FIGURE OUT FUN THINGS TO DO

WHILE THEY'RE OFF AT DINNER --

SOME COOL ROAD-TRIP THING.

IN NEW HAVEN? WELL, YEAH.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO NEW HAVEN?

NO.

LOOK AT THE COFFEE POT BEFORE I CLEAN IT.

THAT'S NEW HAVEN. WE CAN MAKE IT FUN.

IT'D MEAN A LOT TO THE GRANDPARENTS.

EVERYBODY WINS. RORY, LISTEN TO ME...

I KNOW. I AM BEING MANIPULATED.

THIS IS PART OF GRANDPA'S EVIL PLAN TO TAKE OVER MY LIFE,

ABOLISH MY FREE WILL, PULL ME INTO THE GILMORE WORLD,

DRESS ME IN PEARLS, AND RUIN MY LIFE.

DID I LEAVE ANYTHING OUT? HMM, LET ME SEE...

MANIPULATE, EVIL PLAN, NO FREE WILL, PEARLS.

NO, I THINK YOU'VE ABOUT COVERED IT.

OH, WAIT -- DID YOU CALL MY FATHER THE "PUPPET MASTER"?

NO, I DID NOT.

ALWAYS CALL HIM THE PUPPET MASTER.

I WILL NEVER MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN.

LUKE, WHERE'S YOUR LOST AND FOUND?

OUT BACK IN THE DUMPSTER.

I NEED YOUR HELP. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I'M SHAKING LIKE A SPASTIC COLON.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, KIRK?

MY TROPHY'S GONE. SOMEONE TOOK HER.

THE LAST TIME I REMEMBER SEEING HER

SHE WAS NEXT TO ME AT THE MOVIES.

STOP CALLING IT "SHE."

I'VE RETRACED MY STEPS ALL DAY AND NOTHING.

I SUSPECT FOUL PLAY. KIDNAPPING POSSIBLY.

I THINK YOU SHOULD GO TO THE POLICE,

AND IF THEY MENTION SOMETHING

ABOUT STAYING SOMEWHERE FOR OBSERVATION,

IT'S JUST ROUTINE.

HEY, KIRK.

RORY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHERE WERE YOU THIS MORNING AT ABOUT 10:00?

AT SCHOOL. DO YOU HAVE ANY WITNESSES?

YES. CAN YOU GET A SHORT STATEMENT?

NO. OH. WELL. OKAY.

SOMEONE TOOK HIS STATUE AGAIN.

YEP. EVERY YEAR.

THERE'S SOME THINGS IN LIFE THAT NEVER LET YOU DOWN.

SO, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU, RORY.

IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU TOO, LUKE.

SO, TABLE FOR ONE? I'LL JUST SIT AT THE COUNTER.

OKAY. WHAT CAN I GET YOU?

UM, I GUESS I'LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER.

HEY, JESS, LOOK WHO'S HERE. RORY.

HI. HI.

TIME TO ADD ANOTHER WORD. JESS, YOU WANT SOMETHING TO EAT?

I'M NOT HUNGRY. YEAH, I'M NOT HUNGRY EITHER.

WHAT ABOUT THE BURGER?

WELL, COULD YOU WRAP IT UP? I'M GONNA EAT IT LATER.

I ACTUALLY PREFER BURGERS

AFTER THEY'VE BEEN SITTING AROUND FOR A WHILE.

LETS THEM AGE.

OKAY.

YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT THAT BOOK UPSTAIRS.

OH. THE BOOK WE TALKED ABOUT.

YEP. GREAT.

WE COULD GO LOOK AT IT.

LOOK AT THE BOOK. SURE.

LET'S GO UPSTAIRS AND LOOK AT THE BOOK.

OKAY. OKAY.

SO, HERE WE ARE.

YEP. HERE WE ARE.

WOW, I HAVEN'T SEEN IT SINCE YOU GUYS REDID IT.

OH, YEAH.

IT'S BIGGER.

RIPPING A WALL DOWN CAN HAVE THAT EFFECT ON A ROOM.

YEAH.

THAT PART OVER THERE... THAT'S MINE.

YOUR... YEAH.

YOU WANT A SODA?

NO, I'M FINE.

OKAY.

SURE YOU DON'T WANT A SODA?

YEAH, I'M SURE.

PLEASE LET ME GET YOU A SODA.

I GOTTA DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN STANDING LIKE A MORON.

TAKE COMFORT IN THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOT DOING IT ALONE.

OKAY. LET'S JUST REGROUP HERE.

YEAH. REGROUP.

FIRST, WE SHOULD TRY AND GET WITHIN A FOOT OF EACH OTHER.

OKAY.

I THINK THAT'S ABOUT A FOOT.

HUH. THAT SCHOOL OF YOURS IS REALLY PAYING OFF.

SO NOW WHAT?

NOW WE SHOULD...

I THINK WE EITHER NEED TO GET A LITTLE CLOSER

OR NEED TO WARM UP.

OKAY.

HI.

HI.

OH, I GOT THE BURGER.

THANK YOU. I ALSO THREW IN SOME FRIES.

FRIES. GREAT. I LOVE FRIES.

OKAY, UM, JESS, THANK YOU FOR, UM...

UM...

I GOTTA GO.

WHAT WAS GOING ON UP HERE?

NOTHING. NOTHING?

I WALK IN AND YOU TWO ARE LIKE SHRAPNEL.

YOUR TIMING'S PERFECT.

NEXT TIME I'LL HANG A SOCK ON THE DOOR.

THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. DO YOU HEAR ME?

RELAX. I WAS KIDDING.

REALLY? THAT'S YOUR IDEA OF FUNNY?

DEPENDING ON THE SOCK DESIGN IT COULD BE HILARIOUS.

THAT'S IT. SIT DOWN. WHY?

IT'S TIME TO LAY DOWN A FEW GROUND RULES. SIT.

ALRIGHT, FIRST OFF,

WHEN SHE IS UP HERE, THAT DOOR STAYS OPEN.

EXCUSE ME?

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED ON EITHER END OF THIS APARTMENT.

YOU'RE TO REMAIN HERE IN THE MIDDLE PORTION OF THE ROOM.

YOU MAY SIT ON THE COUCH OR ON THE CHAIR

AS LONG AS YOU TWO ARE SITTING ON SEPARATE SEATS --

WHEN YOU'RE ON THE COUCH, THEN SHE'S ON THE CHAIR.

SHE'S ON THE COUCH, YOU'RE ON THE CHAIR.

I GET IT. THANK YOU.

ON WEEKDAYS, YOU WILL HAVE HER HOME BY 9:00.

ON WEEKENDS, YOU WILL HAVE HER HOME BY 11:00.

ANY EVIDENCE OF ALCOHOL, CIGARETTE SMOKE,

OR ANYTHING THAT NANCY REAGAN WOULD FIND UNACCEPTABLE,

AND YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED NEAR HER WITHOUT AN ADULT PRESENT.

ARE THESE RULES CLEAR?

YES. MAY I SPEAK? GOOD.

IF YOU MUST.

DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE YOU COMMITTED

OR WOULD YOU CHECK YOURSELF IN?

I'M NOT JOKING HERE, MISTER.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE MY GUARDIAN, NOT HERS.

YOU DON'T NEED THE GUARDIAN.

SHE TRIED TO KISS ME. JESS.

SHE DID THAT THING WHERE YOU PRETEND TO STRETCH

AND PUT YOUR ARM AROUND THE OTHER PERSON'S SHOULDER

THEN YOU SNEEZE AND YOUR HAND FALLS AND YOU TRY --

JESS, STOP IT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GONNA HAPPEN?

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK'S GONNA HAPPEN.

NO, I DON'T. TELL ME WHAT I'M GONNA DO TO HER.

NOTHING BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE AT HER PLACE, THERE'S LORELAI,

WHEN YOU'RE HERE, THERE'S ME,

AND WHEN YOU'RE OUT THERE, THERE'S TAYLOR.

ROMEO AND JULIET HAD WARRING FAMILIES

AND THEY STILL MANAGED TO DO A LITTLE DAMAGE, YOU KNOW?

AS SOON AS I CATCH YOU IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS I'LL GET WORRIED.

UNTIL THEN, DO YOUR HOMEWORK.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

RORY, LET'S MOVE. THEY'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

AND MAKE SURE TO BRING AN EXTRA COAT. WHY?

DO NOT ASK WHY. IT'S GILMORE ROAD RULES.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

WE'RE ONLY GOING TO BE GONE FOR ONE DAY.

SAY THOSE EXACT WORDS TO MY MOTHER.

TAKING THE COAT.

NOW, I HAVE BEEN DOING SOME RESEARCH ON OUR TRIP.

I WENT TO THE BOOKSTORE, AND I FOUND THIS.

"THE BEST OF NEW HAVEN." IT'S LIGHT.

IT'S NEW HAVEN.

ANYHOW, I LOOKED THROUGH IT, AND IT JUST SO HAPPENS

THAT ONE OF THE BEST TACO PLACES

IS TEN MINUTES FROM CAMPUS.

WE LIKE TACOS. YES, WE DO.

"YOU HAVEN'T HAD A TACO

"UNTIL YOU'VE SPENT SOME TIME AT HECTOR'S.

"CRISP AND MEATY --

DIRTY. THANK YOU.

"NOT GREASY, WITH HOMEMADE TORTILLAS,

"IT ELEVATES FAST FINGER-FOOD TO THE LEVEL OF HAUTE CUISINE."

I THOUGHT MAYBE WHEN DAD WAS BUSY POOFING IT UP,

WE COULD GO SAY HELLO TO HECTOR.

I LIKE YOUR THINKING.

GOOD. WHERE'S YOUR STUFF?

THE EXTRA COAT'S BY THE DOOR.

I KNOW, BUT WHERE'S YOUR STUFF?

WHAT STUFF?

RORY, I LEFT A LIST ON YOUR DRESSER LAST NIGHT.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING.

YOU DIDN'T PACK?

WELL... [ SIGHS ]

LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU.

THE WAY YOU SURVIVE A ROAD TRIP WITH MY MOTHER

IS TO HAVE ALL YOUR BASES COVERED.

LEAVE NOTHING TO CHANCE.

NEVER GIVE HER THE OPPORTUNITY TO GIVE YOU A LECTURE

ON HOW IF YOU'D BROUGHT THE SECOND BATHING SUIT

LIKE SHE TOLD YOU TO, IT WOULDN'T HAVE MATTERED

THAT THE FIRST ONE'S STRAP BROKE

IN A POOL-SLIDE INCIDENT THAT NO ONE --

INCLUDING THE AMAZING KRESKIN -- COULD HAVE PREDICTED,

YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN COVERED.

I HAVE TO BRING A BATHING SUIT? IT'S 30 DEGREES OUTSIDE.

THIS WAS AN EXAMPLE BASED ON A TRUE STORY.

GET A SKIRT TO GO WITH THIS.

I'M CONFUSED. WHEN ARE WE CHANGING?

WE'RE DRIVING, WE'RE WALKING,

WE'RE EATING TACOS, AND WE'RE DRIVING AGAIN.

CHECK THE LIST. WHY DO I NEED RAIN BOOTS?

WHY'RE YOU STILL QUESTIONING ME?

SHOULD I BRING BOTH A RAIN HAT AND AN UMBRELLA?

FORGET IT. STUPID QUESTION.

OH, WOW.

I GUESS THIS MEANS THERE REALLY ISN'T A DEAN ANYMORE, HUH?

YEAH. THAT AND IT BROKE IN THE SHOWER THIS MORNING.

THOUGH I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE TAKEN IT OFF ANYWAY.

OR JESS WOULD HAVE DONE IT FOR YOU. WHAT DID THAT MEAN?

JESS WOULDN'T WANT YOU WEARING ANOTHER GUY' BRACELET.

OR JESS IS A THIEF AND WOULD'VE STOLEN IT.

IT DOES WORK ON BOTH LEVELS.

THIS IS HOW IT'S GONNA BE?

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

YOU LIKED DEAN, AND YOU HATE JESS.

JESS WILL ALWAYS BE THE GUY WHO MOUTHED OFF TO YOU

DEAN WILL ALWAYS BE THE PERFECT GUY

WHO'D COME OVER AND CHANGE THE WATER BOTTLE.

I FORGOT ABOUT THE WATER BOTTLE.

MOM. RORY, I SAID NOTHING.

I DIDN'T MEAN WHAT YOU THOUGHT I MEANT.

I'M TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE.

HOW SUPPORTIVE? SUPPORTIVE. YOU KNOW, "GO, TEAM."

I'M SERIOUS.

I WANNA KNOW HOW IT'S GONNA BE.

CAN I INVITE HIM OVER? OF COURSE.

CAN HE COME INSIDE? YES. HE CAN COME IN.

YOU GONNA TALK TO HIM? GOD.

ARE YOU?

I'LL MATCH HIM GRUNT FOR GRUNT. OKAY.

SAY HE'S IN THE HOUSE AND THERE'S A FIRE,

YOU CAN EITHER SAVE HIM OR YOUR SHOES. WHICH IS IT?

THAT DEPENDS. DID HE START THE FIRE?

I PROMISED YOU BEFORE AND I'M PROMISING YOU AGAIN,

I WILL CUT THIS KID SOME SLACK.

DID I LIKE DEAN? YES.

DID I WORRY LESS WHEN YOU WERE WITH DEAN? YES.

I NEVER EXPECTED YOU TO BE WITH DEAN FOREVER,

I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO BE WITH JESS FOREVER.

SO NOW YOU'RE WAITING FOR THE DAY I'M NOT WITH JESS ANYMORE.

I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO MY MOTHER GETTING HERE.

I'M KIDDING. AND THANK YOU.

YOU'RE ANNOYING. AND YOU'RE WELCOME.

HMM. LET THE GAMES BEGIN.

YOUR DRIVERS HAVE ARRIVED.

Rory: HI, GRANDMA. HI, GRANDPA.

HELLO, RORY. HELLO, LORELAI.

WHAT A PERFECT DAY FOR A DRIVE.

SURE IS. YOU BROUGHT AN UMBRELLA?

AND A RAIN CAP. EXCELLENT!

LET ME HELP YOU. OKAY.

[ HUMMING ]

WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT? TO THE CAR.

YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT IN THE CAR.

I KNOW. THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH IT?

WALKING IT.

LORELAI... I KNOW I CAN'T HAVE IT IN THE CAR.

IT WILL NOT BE IN THE CAR. IS THAT EVERYTHING?

I THINK SO.

ALRIGHT THEN. LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD.

NOW LET'S SEE YOU DRINK IT.

MMM. GOOD TO THE LAST DROP.

YOU STAY THAT WAY UNTIL IT'S GONE.

AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

LET'S GO, RICHARD.

ALRIGHTY.

WOW, DOES THAT GUY LOOK SMART. I MEAN IT.

HE'S GOT THE SMART LOOK DOWN --

THE GLASSES, THE FURROWED BROW, THE TICKY WALK.

THE KIERKEGAARD. I REALLY THINK IT'S THE WALK.

WE ARE AT YALE. THERE ARE SMART PEOPLE HERE.

I KNOW. I JUST DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MANY.

IF I PULLED MY CHECKBOOK,

12 GUYS COULD HELP ME BALANCE IT.

13 IF YOU WERE NEAR THE RIGHT BUILDING.

GRANDPA, THAT ART GALLERY WAS AMAZING.

THANK YOU.

YALE HAS ONE OF THE FINEST COLLECTIONS

OF BRITISH ART IN THE WORLD.

LOUVRE, SHMOUVRE.

I SPENT A LOT OF TIME IN THAT GALLERY.

I'LL SAY YOU DID.

WHAT WAS THAT "I'LL SAY YOU DID"?

THAT GALLERY WAS ONE OF YOUR FATHER'S FAVORITE PLACES

TO BRING THE LADIES. EMILY...

IT'S WHERE YOU TOOK ME ON OUR FIRST DATE.

DAD LIKED TO IMPRESS THEM WITH THE PAINTINGS.

WHY'D YOU BRING THIS UP?

HE WAS THE MASTER OF

THE "FROWN, STEP BACK, WRINKLE, AND SIGH."

THE WHAT?

FROWN... STEP BACK...

WRINKLE... AND SIGH.

I DID NO SUCH THING.

HE'D TALK ABOUT THE PAINTINGS HE'D SEEN IN PARIS

THE COLORS OF TITIAN, AND BY THE END

YOU THOUGHT HE'S THE MOST BRILLIANT MAN IN THE WORLD.

USING TITIAN TO SCORE. EVEN TITIAN DIDN'T DO THAT.

YOU SHOULDN'T TELL THEM THIS.

THEY'LL THINK I WAS SOME KIND OF LOTHARIO.

YOU WERE.

I WAS -- I WAS JUST A YOUNG SINGLE MAN

WHO WANTED TO EXPERIENCE LIFE.

[ GIGGLES ]

DON'T EVER FALL FOR THAT LINE.

I PROMISE.

YOU KNOW, EMILY,

YOU WEREN'T SUCH AN INNOCENT LITTLE DOE

LOST IN THE WOODS YOURSELF.

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

THEY'RE TURNING ON EACH OTHER.

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I WAS HAPPILY INVOLVED

IN A VERY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP

WHEN YOUR MOTHER DECIDED SHE SIMPLY HAD TO HAVE ME.

OH, THE SIZE OF YOUR EGO! I SWEAR.

LINNY LOTT. THAT MOUSE?

THAT MOUSE AND I WERE ENGAGED.

YOU WERE NOT. I'D GIVEN HER MY PIN.

I'D INTRODUCED HER TO MY PARENTS. SO?

THE DATE WAS SET, INVITATIONS MAILED OUT.

YOU COULDN'T MARRY LINNY LOTT.

THAT WOMAN NEEDED DIRECTIONS TO GET TO A POINT.

[ IMITATES CAT SCREECHING ]

YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE THESE GIRLS THE WRONG IMPRESSION.

WHAT IMPRESSION IS THAT?

THAT YOU'RE THE HELENA BONHAM CARTER OF THE SOCIETY SET?

I DID NOT STEAL YOUR GRANDFATHER.

I SIMPLY GAVE HIM A CHOICE.

WHEN YOU SHOWED UP AT MY FRATERNITY PARTY

IN THAT BLUE DRESS, I HAD NO CHOICE.

YOU STOLE MY FATHER WITH FASHION.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU REMEMBER THE DRESS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WERE THE "OTHER WOMAN."

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

ANOTHER WOMAN SHOULD BE SAYING "THIS IS RIDICULOUS."

WILL YOU STOP?

WELL?

WELL WHAT?

YOU MEAN YOU DON'T REMEMBER?

OH, MY GOD! THERE WAS A BENCH HERE.

MOVED IT LAST YEAR. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

ME EITHER. WHAT IF WE WANTED TO SIT DOWN?

THIS IS WHERE YOUR FATHER PROPOSED.

REALLY? THAT'S RIGHT.

BY THE TRASH CAN.

THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S VERY ROMANTIC.

ESPECIALLY IF YOU NEED TO SPIT YOUR GUM OUT.

MY GIRLFRIENDS WERE GOING TO DRIVE ME BACK TO SCHOOL.

AND YOU WERE ANGRY WITH ME.

YOU WOULDN'T COMMIT TO THE HOLIDAY PLANS.

I WAS GOING TO INVITE YOU TO THE HOUSE TO MEET MY PARENTS.

WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW BECAUSE YOU GAVE ME NO INDICATION.

ANYWAY, YOU'D JUST FINISHED CALLING ME

A SPINELESS JELLYFISH...

YOU GOT VERY ANNOYED, REACHED IN YOUR POCKET,

PULLED OUT A BOX, AND SAID, "HERE!"

AND YOU OPENED THE BOX, SHOWED NO EMOTION,

SLAMMED IT CLOSED, AND SAID, "FINE."

YES, I DID.

[ LAUGHS ] [ LAUGHS ]

THAT IS SO SWEET.

OH, NO, MY BUTTON BROKE.

OH, YEAH? LET ME SEE.

IT JUST BROKE IN TWO AND FELL.

LET ME LOOK.

WHAT IS THERE TO LOOK AT?

THERE'S A BATHROOM OVER THERE. WHAT CAN WE DO IN A BATHROOM?

MEET GEORGE MICHAEL.

WHAT? LET'S GO.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT. THIS IS A BRAND-NEW SKIRT.

MOM, LET ME SEE.

I'VE THIS DINNER TO GO TO. WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

DRINK A LOT. IT'S EASIER TO EXPLAIN NOT WEARING A SKIRT

IF YOU'RE FALLING-DOWN DRUNK.

THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE.

I CAN RIG THIS TILL YOU GET HOME.

YOU CAN? YEAH. JUST GIVE ME FIVE SECONDS HERE.

[ CLINKING ]

WHAT IS THAT? IT'S A PAPER CLIP.

WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO?

I INTEND TO CARVE SOMETHING REALLY DIRTY

INTO THE BATHROOM DOOR. LORELAI!

WHAT RHYMES WITH "NANTUCKET"?

I'M STANDING HERE HOLDING MY SKIRT.

GONNA PUT THIS PAPER CLIP THROUGH YOUR BUTTONHOLE

THROUGH THE THREAD THAT USED TO HOLD THE BUTTON.

THEN YOU'RE GONNA PUT YOUR JACKET BACK ON.

THAT'S INGENIOUS. I KNOW.

IF I HAD A THUMBTACK I COULD MAKE A SCUD MISSILE.

YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER'S HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME.

WELL, GOOD.

IT MEANS A LOT TO HIM TO SHARE THIS WITH RORY.

I KNOW.

ACTUALLY, IT MEANS A LOT TO HIM

TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU AND RORY.

IT'S VERY NICE THAT YOU'RE HERE.

I JUST FOUND OUT YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE MY REAL MOTHER,

SO I'M A LITTLE SCARRED.

SEE THAT?

THAT'S MY FAVORITE BUILDING IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL.

IT IS?

YES, IT IS. WHY?

THAT'S WHERE THE TIMOTHY DWIGHT DINING HALL IS.

I THOUGHT CAMPUS FOOD WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DISGUSTING.

NOT YALE FOOD.

THEY HAVE THE MOST DELICIOUS POT ROAST.

I LOVE POT ROAST.

WHO DOESN'T LOVE POT ROAST?

ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME?

I'M HAVING A VERY GOOD TIME. I'M GLAD.

IT'S NICE BEING ABLE TO SHOW THIS PLACE

TO ANOTHER GILMORE GENERATION.

YOU KNOW, ONE DAY WHEN YOUR MOTHER WAS 10 YEARS OLD,

SHE RAN INTO MY OFFICE AND SHE SAID,

"I'M GOING TO GO TO YALE JUST LIKE YOU."

SHE ACTUALLY TOOK MY DIPLOMA OUT OF MY OFFICE

AND PUT IT IN HER ROOM.

SHE WOULDN'T GIVE IT BACK TO ME FOR ABOUT SIX MONTHS.

THIS PLACE MAKES YOU REMEMBER THINGS --

HOPEFULLY THINGS YOU'RE BEING GRADED ON.

ALRIGHT...

WE'RE ALL IN ONE PIECE AGAIN.

OH, GLAD TO HEAR IT. SHALL WE CONTINUE?

OKAY.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA SHOW ME WHERE I WAS CONCEIVED, ARE YOU,

'CAUSE I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE IT.

[ SIGHS ]

WOW! LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS...

OH, MY. IMPRESSIVE, ISN'T IT?

I'D LIKE TO OPEN A CHECKING ACCOUNT.

WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

THIS IS THE MAIN ADMINISTRATION BUILDING --

PROFESSORS' OFFICES, THE DEAN'S OFFICE.

SOME OF THE BEST SCOTCH IN THE COUNTRY

CAN BE FOUND BEHIND THOSE DOORS.

I'M NOT SURE HOW TO TAKE THAT, DAD.

COME ON. FOLLOW ME, PLEASE.

WHAT'S HE SO EXCITED ABOUT?

OH, WHO KNOWS?

DICKENS MUST HAVE DROPPED A PENCIL HERE AT SOME POINT.

RORY, THIS IS THE OFFICE OF A VERY DEAR FRIEND OF MINE.

HIS NAME IS HARRIS FELLOWS,

AND HE JUST HAPPENS TO BE THE DEAN OF ADMISSIONS.

REALLY? THAT'S RIGHT.

I CALLED HIM BEFORE WE CAME,

ASKED HIM IF HE HAD TIME TO SQUEEZE YOU IN,

AND HE SAID YES.

SQUEEZE ME IN... FOR AN INTERVIEW.

AN INTERVIEW FOR WHAT?

FOR YALE. GRANDPA...

I TOLD HIM ABOUT YOU AND YOUR GRADES

AND HOW YOU'RE DOING AT CHILTON.

HE INSISTED ON SEEING YOU.

HE WOULDN'T LET ME OFF THE HOOK.

I HAVEN'T APPLIED TO YALE.

I TOLD HIM THAT YOU WEREN'T FINISHED DECIDING --

THAT YOU WERE BEING VERY PICKY.

I THINK THAT MADE HIM WANT YOU EVEN MORE.

THEY CAN BE VERY COMPETITIVE, THESE IVY LEAGUE SCHOOLS.

HE'S EXPECTING YOU AT 3:00. OH, LOOK -- IT'S 3:00 NOW.

WELL, WE TIMED THIS PERFECTLY, DIDN'T WE?

I'LL WALK YOU IN. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

RORY, HONEY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO IN THERE.

WHAT? WELL, OF COURSE SHE'S GOING TO GO IN THERE.

RORY, HONEY -- THE ONLY PERSON I'M TALKING TO --

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO IN THERE.

LORELAI, THE MAN IS WAITING.

YOU WANNA LEAVE? WE CAN.

NO, IT'S OKAY. I'LL GO IN.

HARRIS IS A VERY NICE MAN, RORY.

YOU TWO ARE GONNA HIT IT OFF.

COME ON, I'LL WALK YOU IN.

MY SKIRT SEEMS TO BE HOLDING UP VERY WELL.

LORELAI -- NO. MNH-MNH.

SHE SHOOK HIS HAND.

SHE JUST REACHED OUT AND SHOOK HIS HAND.

IT COMPLETELY THREW HIM OFF. I SWEAR, THAT GIRL...[ LAUGHS ]

I ALMOST FEEL LIKE A STANDING OVATION IS IN ORDER.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET DRAMATIC, LET'S GO OUTSIDE.

IT ECHOES IN HERE.

WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?

I WAS HELPING MY GRANDDAUGHTER GET INTO WHAT IS,

IN MY OPINION, THE BEST IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL IN AMERICA.

EVEN THOUGH SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GO HERE.

SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT.

YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE.

YOU CORNER HER WITHOUT ME THERE.

YES. YOU WOULDN'T LET HER GO.

OH, I WOULDN'T?

THE LAST THING YOU'D WANT

WOULD BE FOR RORY TO GO TO YALE.

AND THE REASON FOR THAT?

I WENT TO YALE, THEREFORE RORY CAN'T.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT -- THE CRAZY REASON.

THAT'S ALRIGHT.

IT'S YOUR PREROGATIVE TO FEEL THAT WAY.

IT'S MINE TO MAKE SURE THAT RORY KNOWS ALL HER OPTIONS.

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO SLAP MY FACE WITH A GLOVE?

I'M NOT GOING TO DISCUSS THIS.

YOU LIED TO EVERYBODY.

YOU LIED TO ME, TO RORY,

AND MOM -- I'M THINKING YOU LIED TO HER TOO.

LORELAI, PLEASE, LET'S TRY AND CALM DOWN.

THIS IS FOR RORY'S OWN GOOD.

RORY'S GOING TO HARVARD.

WE'LL SEE. NO, RORY'S GOING TO HARVARD.

IT'S ALREADY BEEN DECIDED WITHOUT YOU.

GET IT? YOU DON'T CONTROL IT.

AND THAT LITTLE STUNT OF YOURS

DOESN'T CHANGE THAT FACT ONE BIT.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THE WAY IT HAD TO BE DONE,

BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO ARGUE ABOUT IT.

MY WHOLE LIFE YOU HAVE TRIED TO CONTROL EVERYTHING,

IF YOU DIDN'T GET TO CONTROL SOMETHING

THEN YOU JUST DIDN'T DEAL WITH IT.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

YOU DIDN'T DEAL WITH ME.

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

THIS IS ABOUT RORY AND RORY'S EDUCATION,

WHICH FRANKLY, LORELAI,

IS SOMETHING YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.

EXCUSE ME?

YOU NEVER WENT TO COLLEGE,

YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING

ABOUT THE SYSTEM, THE WAY IT WORKS.

I DO. I WENT THROUGH IT.

YOU WANT RORY TO GO TO HARVARD THAT BADLY?

WELL, SO DO THOUSANDS OF OTHER MOTHERS.

YALE IS AN EXCELLENT SCHOOL.

THE EQUAL OF HARVARD IN EVERY WAY -- EXCEPT ONE.

I WENT HERE. I'M AN ALUMNUS.

THAT MAKES IT EASIER FOR RORY TO GET IN.

IF YOU HAD ANY IDEA ABOUT THE WAY THE SYSTEM WORKS,

YOU'D KNOW THIS.

OH, SO, HERE IT IS.

KNEW WE'D EVENTUALLY GET TO THE BIG "MY DAUGHTER'S A LOSER,

"POOR ME, FUTURE SQUANDERED,

THE GILMORE NAME SULLIED" SPEECH.

I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE RORY'S EDUCATION TO CHANCE

SIMPLY BECAUSE I MIGHT RISK OFFENDING YOU.

HER FUTURE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR PRIDE.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT, I'M SORRY.

IF IT MAKES YOU ANGRY, WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

BUT THAT, IS THE WAY IT IS.

I'M CALLING A CAB. WE'RE LEAVING.

LORELAI, COME BACK INSIDE.

LORELAI, PUT THE PHONE AWAY AND COME BACK INSIDE.

YES, HI. NEW HAVEN.

I NEED THE NUMBER OF A CAB COMPANY.

UH, ANY ONE. PICK ONE. THANKS.

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE A CAB BACK TO STARS HOLLOW.

HE LIED TO YOU TOO. DON'T YOU CARE?

THAT'S BETWEEN ME AND YOUR FATHER.

GREAT. WHATEVER.

DAMN, I JUST FORGOT THE NUMBER.

JUST CALM DOWN AND LOOK AT IT FROM HIS POINT OF VIEW...

HI. UM, NEW HAVEN. I NEED A CAB COMPANY.

ANY CAB COMPANY.

YOUR FATHER IS A VERY STRONG-WILLED MAN, LORELAI.

YOU KNOW THIS. YOU TAKE AFTER HIM.

HE WANTS THE BEST FOR RORY. HE THINKS THIS IS THE BEST.

DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE THINKS.

IT MATTERS WHAT I THINK, WHAT RORY THINKS.

RORY TAKES A MEETING AT YALE.

DOESN'T MEAN SHE WON'T GO TO HARVARD.

SHE IS GOING TO HARVARD.

IF SHE APPLIES TO YALE -- SHE'S NOT!

AND GETS IN, MIGHT MAKE HER MORE APPEALING TO HARVARD.

NO, BECAUSE I'M NOT TRYING TO REASON AWAY

A CRAZY MAN'S ACTIONS.

DON'T TURN THIS INTO YET ANOTHER ONE

OF YOUR CRUSADES AGAINST YOUR CHILDHOOD.

JUST LET IT GO.

REALIZE THAT DESPITE THE MANNER IN WHICH YOUR FATHER DID THIS,

HIS INTENTIONS WERE HONORABLE. YOU KNOW WHAT?

SOMETIMES I TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY DAD AND I

HAVE SUCH AN AWFUL RELATIONSHIP.

I TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY WE CAN'T COMMUNICATE

WHY WE CAN'T BREAK THROUGH

WHATEVER CRAP THAT STANDS BETWEEN US.

THEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS, IT'S LIKE,

"OH, YEAH, THAT'S WHY."

FINE, LORELAI. YOUR FATHER'S A DEMON.

HE'S CRUEL AND OUT TO DESTROY YOUR HAPPINESS.

BUT THINK ABOUT THIS --

YOU'RE FIGHTING SO HARD TO SEND RORY OFF TO HARVARD

THAT YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STOPPED TO CONSIDER

THAT IF SHE WENT TO YALE SHE COULD LIVE AT HOME.

CONSIDER THAT ON YOUR CAB RIDE.

HI, NEW HAVEN, I NEED A CAB COMPANY.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

IT WAS A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

I'LL READ THAT BOOK YOU RECOMMENDED.

DON'T BE FOOLED BY THE OPRAH SEAL ON THE COVER.

IT'S ACTUALLY VERY GOOD.

HOW DID IT GO? I SEE THAT EVERYONE IS SMILING.

RICHARD, YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER IS EVERYTHING YOU SAID AND MORE.

YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD.

I AM. VERY PROUD.

IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.

SAME HERE.

I'LL SEE YOU AT DINNER.

THANKS, HARRIS.

WELL, THAT -- THAT SOUNDED LIKE IT WENT VERY WELL.

UH, WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM TO READ?

WHY DID YOU DO THAT? DO WHAT?

MAKE THIS APPOINTMENT WITHOUT TELLING ME?

RORY, I KNOW THIS APPOINTMENT UPSET YOUR MOTHER,

BUT THIS WAS AN IMPORTANT OPPORTUNITY.

I KNOW IT WAS IMPORTANT.

THAT'S WHY I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T PREPARE ME FOR IT.

DIDN'T HAVE MY TRANSCRIPTS, MY LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION.

I COULDN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT I WANTED TO MAJOR IN.

I'M SURE HE KNEW YOU WERE NERVOUS.

I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE THAT NERVOUS.

I COULD'VE BEEN CALM. I COULD'VE BRUSHED MY HAIR.

I NEVER WOULD'VE WORN THIS. RORY, NONE OF THIS MATTERS.

IT MATTERS TO ME. I LIKE TO BE PREPARED.

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MOM.

IF YOU WANTED ME TO TAKE THIS MEETING

I WOULD'VE DONE IT,

AND I WOULD'VE DONE IT RIGHT.

RORY, CAB IS MEETING US AT THE MAIN GATE. LET'S GO.

I'M COMING.

BYE, GRANDMA. GOODBYE, RORY.

DON'T YOU EVEN LOOK AT ME!

THANKS.

[ SIGHS ]

UH...WELL, HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS --

YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WHICH COLLEGE TO GO TO,

'CAUSE THAT CAB RIDE WAS YOUR COLLEGE TUITION.

CAN WE NOT SAY THE WORD "COLLEGE" FOR AT LEAST 48 HOURS?

FINE. THANK YOU.

HOW ABOUT "COLLAGE"? CAN I SAY "COLLAGE"?

'CAUSE IT SOUNDS THE SAME, BUT VERY DIFFERENT.

"COLLAGE" IS FINE.

'CAUSE I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW

TO GET THROUGH A CONVERSATION WITHOUT THE WORD "COLLAGE."

I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU ABOUT TODAY.

OH, NO.

THERE'S NO WAY EVEN I COULD HAVE SEEN THIS ONE COMING.

CAN'T BELIEVE I HAD A MEETING AT YALE TODAY.

I KNOW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THE ONLY NAME THAT POPPED INTO MY HEAD

AS MY ROLE MODEL WAS GLORIA ESTEFAN.

YOU DON'T WORK GREAT UNDER PRESSURE.

SUCKY DAY. EXCELLENT TACOS.

YEAH, HECTOR REALLY CAME THROUGH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? RECOVERING FROM A DAY WITH MY PARENTS. WANT A TACO?

I ALREADY HAVE FOOD HERE.

WE SELL IT TO THE OTHER CUSTOMERS,

WHO DON'T COME AS PREPARED AS THE TWO OF YOU.

BE NICE AND GET US SOME SALSA.

ORDER A CUP OF COFFEE.

COFFEE AND TACOS?

SOUNDS JUST GROSS ENOUGH TO WORK.

HI. HI.

I'LL FINISH. "HI." "HI." "HI." "HI." "HI."

I'M GETTING THE COFFEE.

I GOT GET A PART FOR MY CAR. GET A RECEIPT THIS TIME.

I'LL BE BACK.

HEY, LUKE, WHAT'S THE RECORD FOR MOST TACOS EATEN

IN A DINER THAT DOESN'T ACTUALLY SELL TACOS?

I HAVE NO IDEA. FIND OUT, WILL YOU?

'CAUSE IF IT'S LESS THAN FIVE, WE'RE FAMOUS!

WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE THINGS? NEW HAVEN.

REALLY? THE DUMP WAS CLOSED?

WE PAID A LITTLE VISIT TO YALE TODAY.

ONE THAT I WOULD PREFER NOT TO RELIVE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I'M GONNA GO STUDY.

OKAY, HON. SEE YOU BACK HOME.

BYE, LUKE. BYE.

UH, LISTEN, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

I HAD A LITTLE TALK WITH JESS EARLIER.

YOU DID?

AND I REALLY LAID DOWN THE RULES CONCERNING HIM AND RORY.

HE NOW KNOWS THAT I AM GOING TO BE WATCHING THEM

EVERY SECOND THEY ARE TOGETHER.

OH, GOOD. YEP.

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE TOGETHER NOW.

"I'VE TO GET A PART." "I'M GOING TO GO STUDY."

THAT'S KID CODE FOR "MEET ME AT THE AGREED UPON LOCATION

AWAY FROM MY CLUELESS UNCLE."

YOU'RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT? YOU DON'T REALLY THINK THAT --

DAMN! THEY ARE! THEY'RE TOGETHER.

THEY USED THE KID CODE, AND THEY'RE TOGETHER!

IT'S OKAY, LUKE.

THEY ARE OUT THERE RIGHT NOW,

DOING GOD KNOWS WHAT, COMPLETELY UNSUPERVISED!

HOW DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN? ME?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE AGAINST THIS.

YOU WERE ALL "THIS IS SO GREAT, RORY'S GONNA CHANGE JESS."

IS SHE A MIRACLE WORKER? WAKE UP -- THE GUY'S TROUBLE.

I HAVE TO FIND THEM.

CEASER, I'LL BE BACK IN A LITTLE WHILE.

YOU'RE GONNA RUN ALL OVER TOWN LOOKING FOR JESS AND RORY?

IF I HAVE TO, YES.

IF YOU WERE REALLY A CONCERNED MOTHER, YOU'D GO WITH ME.

I CAN'T. BUT IF YOU LIKE, I'LL LET YOU SNIFF RORY'S SWEATER.

MAYBE HER SCENT WILL HELP YOU TRACK THEM DOWN.

THE THINGS YOU FIND AMUSING ASTOUND ME SOMETIMES.

OH.

YOU'RE NOT REALLY GONNA SNIFF IT?!

NO, IT'S COLD OUT. SHE MIGHT NEED IT.

OHH.

[ SIGHS ]

YOU GOING TO SMOKE THAT OR MIND-MELD WITH IT?

DEPENDS.

SO, WHERE'S THE PART FOR YOUR CAR?

HUH. I DON'T KNOW.

GYPSY SAID SHE WAS GONNA LEAVE IT FOR ME SOMEWHERE.

GUESS SHE FORGOT. SHE'S BAD THAT WAY.

I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO TAKE MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE.

LOOKS THAT WAY.

SO... SO...

HERE WE ARE. YEAH. HERE WE ARE.

SO...TELL ME,

WHAT'S YOUR DECISION ABOUT SMOKING THAT DEPENDING ON?

ON WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN. WHEN?

NOW.

I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T SMOKE IT.

OH, YEAH? YEAH.

WELL...WHATEVER ELSE HAPPENS BETWEEN US,

AT LEAST WE KNOW THAT PART WORKS.

WHAT?

I HAVE TO GO.

WHAT?

D-DID I DO SOMETHING OR --

NO. NO.

THIS WAS --

YOU WERE -- ARE --

IT WAS WONDERFUL, AND I LOOK FORWARD

TO MANY SIMILAR OCCURRENCES IN THE FUTURE.

BUT RIGHT NOW, I HAVE TO GO. UNDERSTAND?

NOT AT ALL.

IT'S MORE FUN THAT WAY, ISN'T IT?

COME HERE.

BEAT IT.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

[ SIGHS ]

[ KNOCK ON WINDOW ]

HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I CLIMBED A TREE.

WHY?

WELL...I WAS AFRAID TO RING THE DOORBELL,

'CAUSE YOUR MOM WOULD ANSWER, AND I ASSUME SHE KNOWS,

SO I ASSUME SHE HATES ME,

AND...I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO YOU, SO --

SHE DOESN'T KNOW. SHE DOESN'T?

I HAVEN'T BEEN IN THE MOOD TO TALK ABOUT IT.

BUT YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TELL HER EVENTUALLY.

SO IF SHE DID ANSWER THE DOOR AND WAS NICE TO ME,

THEN I WOULD'VE KNOWN SHE WAS GOING TO BE HATING ME SOON,

AND THAT JUST WOULD'VE BEEN REALLY HARD,

BECAUSE I LIKE YOUR MOM.

I GUESS YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA TELL YOUR SISTER ALSO,

SO SHE'S PROBABLY GONNA HATE ME, TOO.

WELL, TOO BAD, RORY -- SOMEBODY DOESN'T LIKE YOU, FOR ONCE.

I DIDN'T MEAN -- WHAT DO YOU WANT?

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT GIRL BUTTERFLY

WHO LIVED IN A TREE FOR A YEAR?

I CAN OFFICIALLY ATTEST THAT SHE WAS NUTS.

I HAVE TO GO.

I WANT TO SAY... THAT I'M SORRY.

FOR WHAT?

FOR TREATING YOU THE WAY I DID,

FOR DOING ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID I DID.

I AM SO, SO SORRY. IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.

YOU WERE THE MOST AMAZING BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD.

YOU MADE ME SO HAPPY.

YOU MADE ME LAUGH, YOU MADE MY MOTHER LIKE YOU,

YOU WERE NICE TO MY FRIENDS, YOU PROTECTED ME.

YOU EVEN CAME WITH ME TO THAT STUPID DEBUTANTE BALL.

I DON'T NEED THE LIST.

I REALLY DID LOVE YOU.

PLEASE BELIEVE THAT.

YOU WITH HIM NOW?

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM.

I JUST CAME TO TELL YOU THAT I'M TRULY SORRY I HURT YOU

AND...THAT I'M GOING TO MISS YOU SO MUCH,

AND I JUST HOPE THAT SOMEDAY, YOU WON'T HATE ME ANYMORE.

[ SIGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

I HOPE SO, TOO.

COFFEE AND OVALTINE.

THANKS.

IT'S GETTING LATE. YOU ALMOST DONE? ALMOST.

DON'T STUDY SO MUCH THAT YOU GET BRILLIANT,

GROW A BIG, BALD EGGHEAD, AND TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD,

'CAUSE I WANT TO GO SHOE SHOPPING.

I'LL NOT GO MAD UNTIL WE GET YOU SOME BOOTS.

THANK YOU. [ CHUCKLES ]

HEY. YEAH?

HOW WAS THE REST OF THE EVENING?

IT WAS...EVENTFUL.

EVENTFUL. [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

WELL, OKAY. GOODNIGHT, HON.

MOM. YEAH?

DETAILS TOMORROW. OHH! THANK GOD.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT NOT KNOWING THESE THINGS DOES TO ME. I KNOW.

I CAN'T SLEEP. WONDERING WHAT I DID WRONG.

SHOULD I NOT HAVE LEFT YOU THAT FIRST DAY IN KINDERGARTEN,

WHEN YOU BEGGED ME NOT TO?

I WAS FINE, STAYING AT KINDERGARTEN.

YOU WERE THE ONE THAT HAD TROUBLE LEAVING.

SEE HOW IRRATIONAL I GET WHEN YOU HOLD OUT ON ME?

NIGHT, MOM. NIGHT, BABE.

[ INHALES, EXHALES DEEPLY ]

[ SIGHS ]

[ SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ]

[ MUSIC CONTINUES]

[ THEME MUSIC ]