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[Music]
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receiving
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Hey babe
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Alyssa
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Alyssa
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[Music]
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foreigner
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[Music]
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[Music]
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I wanted to see if there were any marks
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ok and turn them around, ok turn them around
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please, ok, now I need you to drop the
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to go back
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OK everything is fine
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Are you feeling safe after yes, ok
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Thank you thank you
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[Music]
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97 for
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a little bluer today
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capillary refilling is good, but it
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nails are more blue than pink today
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but her fingertips are hot
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foreigner
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[Music]
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86 over 49
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. 42.
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what happened yesterday
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[Music]
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I think so, you had dinner
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[Music]
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you are getting dizzy
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yes, I always do
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[Music]
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[Music]
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foreigner
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[Music]
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get your jacket
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Thank you, don't touch anything, we are
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let's look for everything
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I want you to do is just sit back and relax
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now we have a safe, ok, any large size
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sums of money you want to lock, ok
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you are responsible for anything you block
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in your wardrobe, ok, look at the wardrobe
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in all moments
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keep the key with you at all times
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ok Maria thank you and good luck
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thanks
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so this is our dining room and what
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you will see that it is published all over
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dining room we have some dinner
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room rules we ask that you do not bring
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any bag backpacks bags blankets
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jackets in the dining room for obvious
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reasons we don't want anyone to hide
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food there
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[Music]
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ok, don't touch it with your face, okay?
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put something in it or have you been
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putting anything I didn't have 60
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. Have you put something in it?
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even though Matt you take all your meds
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orally yes and then I mean I was going
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for repetitions, but
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ok, not to the past
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no suicide attempt, but very close
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tell me what very close means
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Um, I'm a nurse and I took some
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insulin from the hospital and it took a while
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a lot not to disinject me and then
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One time I was breaking my pills to just
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push through my tube
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and I don't know, I only stopped because
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I came, I was living at my brother's house
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home and I couldn't leave my nephew and
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my brother and sister-in-law buying
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my
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and my mother
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it was probably the best my twin sister was
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It's probably the reason I didn't
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you have a twin sister
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What medicine was that you were taking?
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crush
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and I practice a Seroquel Trazodone
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Ambien Klonopin
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Risperidol I haven't been saved enough
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makes me so sad that things go
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Do you want Neurontin?
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you can appear in my hand
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It is
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how sweet
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thank you very much
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hello
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[Music]
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so confused when you talk about people
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and I don't know, I thought your name was
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Andy you thought my name is Angie where
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hell you got Angie
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That's what you said Angie Polly Angie I
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I don't know
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Y'all wanna meet the snow patrols, yeah
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the porch papers are fully
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different from the rules there you
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can talk about calories and weight numbers
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a porch of smoke we don't care
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Um, you can hit the smoke porch
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In fact, we do this quite often, you can
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make fun of other residents in the smoke
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balcony this is not a problem
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um confidentiality and actually
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confidentiality
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It works here, it's sacred here
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Yeah yeah
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I should go to Disney World on
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first week of June with my whole family I
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I spent my birthday and Christmas and New
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Year in the hospital
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this is shit
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I had this whole trip planned for my
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birthday on Monday and then they are still
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celebrating my birthday without me
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[Music]
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I came to Renfrew after a suicide
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to try
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more than two pieces of pizza that weren't
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obviously not the whole reason why I
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I tried to kill myself, that was just
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kind of straw that broke the camel's back
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back I think
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[Music]
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dieting has always been a big part
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my life
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I remember all the things that are
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symptoms of eating disorders that
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I know that now I am being taught by my family to
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I cut my food into very small pieces and
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chew very slowly and take your time and
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you know, always drink water in between
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so that your stomach fills up faster
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I was counting calories and counting fat
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when I was 11 years old.
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happy birthday
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for you
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happy birthday
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happy birthday
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happy birthday guys
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ok, one more because I only have 10
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minutes to download this thing
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one two three
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happy birthday Polly for cookies and
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Thank you cupcakes and panic attacks
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after
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She's fine, this piece of bill is a
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of my three desserts
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Of course
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It's really very sweet
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really
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like, not good, sweet
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[Music]
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see, I wanted a branded muffin
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with a candle inside
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this time really sucks
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I'll take a bite if I can for you
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I'll take it away because I'm so proud of you
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thank you very much
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this is a welcome community group
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community
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Would anyone like to tell us a little?
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a little about the community group and read
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for us and give us the rules of the
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group
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I go
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thanks
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This is the community, this is where you like
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can clash
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ask or receive support
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what else
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Oh, you can't, you have to have a stick
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to talk
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Don't expect colors or numbers to be said
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in the room stay in the room
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no three or four letter swear words, ok
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Today I know I'm taking a huge risk
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at lunch
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and I just wanted to ask for support and
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putting me through this because
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I'm not sure if I'll make it, so
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and I know I need it because it's better
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for me
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ok, this is going to be kind of difficult and
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If I get out of line let me know
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speaking only for myself is difficult for me
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Brittany to support you, but to offer
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support for you
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why
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Um, you've been here for like three or
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four weeks and as I said before
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you give people great advice, but
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Um, it's almost like you're completely
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refused
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take your own advice
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my feeling is that
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you
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Do you want to be the sickest one here
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Hmm
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you know what Brittany I'll just
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order that poly finish and then we can
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give you a chance to speak well
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hello
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Why are you so worried about what others
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people think
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because that's what I've always cared about
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over my whole life that's the reason
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Why did I lose weight in the first place?
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[Music]
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foreigner
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[Music]
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I became a compulsive eater and
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closet eater
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I started dieting when I was 12 because
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I
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I had poor body image and many of my
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colleagues were much thinner than me and
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I was always that big girl and
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so I wanted to change this image
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when I didn't eat anything my mother ate
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force myself to eat at least anything but
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so I would purge this purge
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started as
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when I was 15 years old. I kept a secret for about
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a month and then I told my mother
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she knew
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she just didn't know what to do, she was
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because she
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she
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Um, she also has an eating disorder.
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we would do this thing called truth and
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Spittle
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and it would be
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be um, we would have so much fun
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with that as if we bought bags and bags
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of candy and just chew and
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obviously let's unwind, we just thought
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It was a good time not to think of it as
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a problem
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and it was
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your hair yes
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What will you get out of this?
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Hmm
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No, I think I'm getting ready, wait a minute
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deer get a yogurt you nutritionists
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now
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If I'm eating healthy, so are you
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they even monitor to make sure you
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finish it
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yes, no, no, they don't trust you
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oh
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do you trust me
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that's better
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I think that's it, I don't know what that is
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is it zucchini or not, but it is
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very good
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the yellow thing is fine
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pumpkin
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what is a black bean burger
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carrots in it, yes you want to try it
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I must
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Of course
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I don't like the rule
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and I can't, I can't eat the cheese I'm
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already having dairy
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I think Kelly has that kind of
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distorted image than
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82 pounds feels to her what it feels like
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very good and I wonder
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What does it awaken in you?
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or like
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the other day we were at the beach
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and just like Kelly's
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not here
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Do you think Kelly is big?
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It is
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She doesn't even win, it's actually her
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twin sister, yes, and it's not that I
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Don't think she is, so I just
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I don't know, I don't want to look
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exactly like her
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but I don't want to be bigger than her
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or right
290
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,500
and it seems like this exists
291
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:39,839
competitive aspect, as if I grew up
292
00:16:39,839 --> 00:16:43,320
than her and this is like the end of me
293
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:47,300
as if everyone loved her and
294
00:16:48,959 --> 00:16:51,540
is that everyone feels the same way
295
00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:53,639
about Sally
296
00:16:53,639 --> 00:16:55,680
You know that's how she used to be
297
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,320
before the eating disorder made her so
298
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,440
depressed and all
299
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:05,240
I used to have a personality
300
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:15,539
my name is valti and nice to meet you
301
00:17:15,539 --> 00:17:19,319
ok, I have one of the side effects here
302
00:17:19,319 --> 00:17:21,539
We work on a tier system here that
303
00:17:21,539 --> 00:17:23,160
means that every patient who enters
304
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,199
enter level one, level one is kind
305
00:17:25,199 --> 00:17:27,179
from the base and then you climb
306
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:29,640
levels each level basically gives you
307
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,740
Different privileges and if you can get it
308
00:17:31,740 --> 00:17:33,480
pushed down a level that allows you
309
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,220
different limitations, but let's
310
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:38,299
work in a positive direction
311
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:40,559
When I was seven
312
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,419
my mother took me to the pediatrician
313
00:17:42,419 --> 00:17:44,700
because I think it was an ear infection or
314
00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:47,580
something and the pediatrician said what
315
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:48,660
what are you going to do with your daughter?
316
00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:49,679
Weight
317
00:17:49,679 --> 00:17:51,419
and my mother said what do you mean by what
318
00:17:51,419 --> 00:17:54,059
I'll do better to wait, she's seven years old
319
00:17:54,059 --> 00:17:57,360
and what's wrong with her, wait
320
00:17:57,360 --> 00:18:01,260
and he said well she's fat and he said
321
00:18:01,260 --> 00:18:03,539
She's fat, she's seven years old, that's
322
00:18:03,539 --> 00:18:05,400
fat baby, they started me off with one
323
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:06,660
nutritionist at seven years old, I remember
324
00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:08,700
specifically it was a thousand calories
325
00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:09,780
meal plan
326
00:18:09,780 --> 00:18:12,059
and after I took off six kilos they
327
00:18:12,059 --> 00:18:14,100
He gave me a Snoopy notebook and I thought
328
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:16,620
that was the best because
329
00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:18,120
It was positive reinforcement, I thought, hey
330
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:21,980
this is great, you will smile for me
331
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:33,579
[Music]
332
00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:41,160
every few weeks or so, I would eat and
333
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,679
Purge, I would do it again and again
334
00:18:43,679 --> 00:18:45,360
and again
335
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:46,919
for
336
00:18:46,919 --> 00:18:49,740
three four days and it was usually over
337
00:18:49,740 --> 00:18:51,900
resulting in dehydration and
338
00:18:51,900 --> 00:18:54,900
hospitalization
339
00:18:55,020 --> 00:18:57,360
because me too
340
00:18:57,360 --> 00:19:00,720
use diuretics use hydrochlorothiazide
341
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:04,820
and laxatives and enemas and
342
00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:08,660
[Music]
343
00:19:09,059 --> 00:19:12,480
binge, there was nothing pleasant about it
344
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,780
this
345
00:19:14,940 --> 00:19:17,460
started that morning at Dunkin
346
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:21,360
Donuts and I got a dozen donuts that I
347
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:25,559
I went to Burger King
348
00:19:25,559 --> 00:19:30,240
and I took three cookies and made them
349
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,460
Maybe it's like bacon and cheese
350
00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:35,520
croissant so I went to McDonald's
351
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:38,580
and ordered some breakfast items like
352
00:19:38,580 --> 00:19:41,100
well and then I went to the supermarket
353
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,860
store
354
00:19:43,860 --> 00:19:46,980
items for after breakfast to go half full
355
00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:48,720
gallons of
356
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,559
ice cream two bottles of whipped cream
357
00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:55,559
I don't know these pastry things
358
00:19:55,559 --> 00:19:57,780
peanut butter
359
00:19:57,780 --> 00:20:02,940
and marshmallows I went home and uh
360
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:05,220
had the donuts
361
00:20:05,220 --> 00:20:06,780
It is
362
00:20:06,780 --> 00:20:09,120
McDonald's breakfasts and
363
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,740
Burger King, but at that moment I was so
364
00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:12,840
stuffed I thought I was going to die
365
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:16,140
I think I had chest pains and I
366
00:20:16,140 --> 00:20:17,640
so I purged
367
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:22,080
and then there was the rest
368
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:25,880
and then for lunch
369
00:20:25,919 --> 00:20:29,700
went out and did it again
370
00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:31,380
any restrictions
371
00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:34,380
yes, it is generally restrictive
372
00:20:34,380 --> 00:20:35,940
that's it
373
00:20:35,940 --> 00:20:38,400
I try to keep my calories
374
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,320
Hmm
375
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:44,120
less than 200 per day
376
00:20:51,430 --> 00:20:53,480
[Music]
377
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:57,000
I tried so hard to find satisfaction
378
00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,419
through other achievements, but
379
00:21:00,419 --> 00:21:03,419
nothing compares to this and me
380
00:21:03,419 --> 00:21:07,400
I remember at some point, years ago, I thought
381
00:21:07,679 --> 00:21:09,240
so be it
382
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,039
I mean, that's what I really want
383
00:21:11,039 --> 00:21:13,320
It's the only thing I want so much
384
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,640
I just want to be thin
385
00:21:17,220 --> 00:21:20,900
So if you have to die to get there
386
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:25,760
So be it, at least I'll get there
387
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:32,460
it's okay when you finish eating at 8 pm
388
00:21:32,460 --> 00:21:36,080
until the team can sign up here today
389
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:39,799
It's not a problem
390
00:21:53,580 --> 00:22:01,140
[Music]
391
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:20,960
[Music]
392
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,150
thanks
393
00:22:23,150 --> 00:22:27,659
[Music]
394
00:22:27,659 --> 00:22:30,480
Hey, Brendan, come and sit down, do it
395
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,059
yourself comfortable
396
00:22:33,059 --> 00:22:34,620
how are you with your fluids birthday
397
00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:37,260
I don't know, I just heard a lot like that
398
00:22:37,260 --> 00:22:39,600
How Fluids Can Make You Bigger Than Food
399
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,480
do it and who told you that, oh yeah
400
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,580
It's flying well, you should
401
00:22:44,580 --> 00:22:45,900
listen to your nutritionist or should
402
00:22:45,900 --> 00:22:47,340
you hear the other eating disorder
403
00:22:47,340 --> 00:22:50,360
patients, no, no, I should listen
404
00:22:50,360 --> 00:22:53,820
just to let you know you're acting up
405
00:22:53,820 --> 00:22:56,120
in any other symptoms
406
00:22:56,120 --> 00:23:00,179
about this why the purge cut
407
00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:01,380
purge
408
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:03,799
you are purging
409
00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:08,159
What are you cleaning? I probably did in
410
00:23:08,159 --> 00:23:10,320
at least 12 times when I was here
411
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,600
You purged 12 times so how come when I'm
412
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:13,980
asking how you are and are you
413
00:23:13,980 --> 00:23:16,080
never touched it, sorry, I never
414
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,059
read the opening to say yes
415
00:23:18,059 --> 00:23:20,760
roosting last night, no, no, when was the last
416
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,820
since you purged two days ago, ok
417
00:23:23,820 --> 00:23:27,299
I just hate getting bigger, I don't know
418
00:23:27,299 --> 00:23:29,960
if I want to talk about
419
00:23:31,500 --> 00:23:34,200
you know you're here for help and
420
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,419
we want to be able to help you, but part
421
00:23:36,419 --> 00:23:38,100
What's important is that this is not a locked facility
422
00:23:38,100 --> 00:23:39,960
you know and need to be honest with
423
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,159
us, I'm glad you're honest with us now
424
00:23:41,159 --> 00:23:43,440
however, I think you spent too much
425
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,960
time here not being honest with ourselves
426
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,059
because you know that eating disorders are
427
00:23:48,059 --> 00:23:50,460
about hiding things and secrets
428
00:23:50,460 --> 00:23:52,320
so you know you need to get over it
429
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:53,640
part if you're really serious
430
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,240
improving
431
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:02,039
Hey mom, it's just me, I'm trying
432
00:24:02,039 --> 00:24:03,600
to contact you for a while
433
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,299
now, but I'll keep trying
434
00:24:06,299 --> 00:24:09,299
I really need to talk to you and I'm sure
435
00:24:09,299 --> 00:24:11,700
It's very important, so try
436
00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:14,580
keep an open line, okay, bye
437
00:24:14,580 --> 00:24:16,760
OK
438
00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:23,120
Hmm
439
00:24:32,220 --> 00:24:33,559
hello
440
00:24:33,559 --> 00:24:36,600
oh, she's on the other phone, wait
441
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:37,980
in a second
442
00:24:37,980 --> 00:24:40,020
I am fine
443
00:24:40,020 --> 00:24:41,279
Yes
444
00:24:41,279 --> 00:24:45,539
yes, a lot, it's like a college mix
445
00:24:45,539 --> 00:24:49,220
high school, elementary school
446
00:24:50,039 --> 00:24:52,520
hello
447
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,799
oh yes, wait
448
00:24:55,799 --> 00:24:58,320
I mean it's like Albatraz, you know they
449
00:24:58,320 --> 00:24:59,700
throw away your luggage and look
450
00:24:59,700 --> 00:25:01,980
everything and there were gloves and
451
00:25:01,980 --> 00:25:06,440
things and it's so humiliating
452
00:25:06,659 --> 00:25:08,039
hello
453
00:25:08,039 --> 00:25:11,580
Brittany here, okay, let's go
454
00:25:11,580 --> 00:25:14,360
change phone
455
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,640
huh
456
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,140
mother
457
00:25:19,140 --> 00:25:21,980
finally
458
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,779
I'm not doing well, I don't want to go
459
00:25:24,779 --> 00:25:26,940
home
460
00:25:26,940 --> 00:25:29,100
but mom I don't want to stay here
461
00:25:29,100 --> 00:25:30,360
no more
462
00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:33,000
I just want to break
463
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,340
but it's been a month, mom, I'm not here
464
00:25:35,340 --> 00:25:37,380
get something out of it
465
00:25:37,380 --> 00:25:40,440
how much money are you spending
466
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:43,679
Mom, I can't live with this guilt, how, how
467
00:25:43,679 --> 00:25:45,600
very
468
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,360
Yes, it's the mother, that will be on mine
469
00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:51,260
back forever
470
00:25:52,919 --> 00:25:55,380
parents often have their own idea of
471
00:25:55,380 --> 00:25:57,960
What is an eating disorder do you know
472
00:25:57,960 --> 00:25:59,760
what is happening to them
473
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:01,980
their son and I'm interested in
474
00:26:01,980 --> 00:26:03,059
hearing
475
00:26:03,059 --> 00:26:06,179
what do you think of these things
476
00:26:06,179 --> 00:26:07,860
I think it all started when she went up to
477
00:26:07,860 --> 00:26:10,260
Utah, oh
478
00:26:10,260 --> 00:26:12,179
there are many things that led to this
479
00:26:12,179 --> 00:26:14,700
but she has an eating disorder
480
00:26:14,700 --> 00:26:16,020
and she has problems, I believe
481
00:26:16,020 --> 00:26:17,760
many psychiatrists prescribed a
482
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,100
too many medicines and she is addicted and
483
00:26:20,100 --> 00:26:21,900
She can't escape it, you're saying
484
00:26:21,900 --> 00:26:23,940
that there was a lot involved in this
485
00:26:23,940 --> 00:26:26,760
before going to Utah
486
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:28,679
well me and her mom got divorced and
487
00:26:28,679 --> 00:26:30,779
uh, her mom took her to Utah
488
00:26:30,779 --> 00:26:33,720
and uh Utah is different, I don't know
489
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:34,740
If you've been there, it's different
490
00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:37,440
Everyone eats vegetables they don't eat
491
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,840
good food, right, you know they walked
492
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,279
afternoon puppy and such
493
00:26:41,279 --> 00:26:43,500
like this and I believe she entered the
494
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:46,440
habits there in Utah and colleagues
495
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:47,940
Press her son, you know her friends
496
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:50,460
and all that I think led a lot to
497
00:26:50,460 --> 00:26:52,440
her being the way she is, I don't think
498
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,380
It's Utah and I don't think it was
499
00:26:55,380 --> 00:26:57,840
because I didn't work hard enough, but
500
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,720
I'm very scared of
501
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,059
be independent and be responsible
502
00:27:03,059 --> 00:27:05,220
and be alone
503
00:27:05,220 --> 00:27:06,779
I am
504
00:27:06,779 --> 00:27:08,880
It's very difficult to be here, it's like
505
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:12,299
giving up all the control you had
506
00:27:12,299 --> 00:27:14,580
or did you think you had
507
00:27:14,580 --> 00:27:16,140
you know
508
00:27:16,140 --> 00:27:17,940
It's a kind of control for me, like
509
00:27:17,940 --> 00:27:20,640
I control what goes into my body and
510
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:21,899
you know
511
00:27:21,899 --> 00:27:23,820
It's like you're just your mind
512
00:27:23,820 --> 00:27:25,559
consumed with all these negatives
513
00:27:25,559 --> 00:27:27,779
thoughts about you and
514
00:27:27,779 --> 00:27:29,520
I don't know
515
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:33,299
I'm just not happy anymore, dad
516
00:27:33,299 --> 00:27:35,399
I can, I'm wondering what it's like
517
00:27:35,399 --> 00:27:37,080
you know that
518
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,960
as much as you want to solve it yourself
519
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:40,980
to know
520
00:27:40,980 --> 00:27:42,779
you might not get it, it's really fashionable
521
00:27:42,779 --> 00:27:46,140
her hands, I mean when I'm just you
522
00:27:46,140 --> 00:27:46,860
father
523
00:27:46,860 --> 00:27:50,340
no no you have no idea, well tell me I
524
00:27:50,340 --> 00:27:52,020
I want to get an idea of what it feels like
525
00:27:52,020 --> 00:27:52,740
you
526
00:27:52,740 --> 00:27:55,380
that, uh
527
00:27:55,380 --> 00:27:57,840
It hurts, it hurts inside, it hurts inside
528
00:27:57,840 --> 00:27:59,220
know you're sitting here
529
00:27:59,220 --> 00:28:00,240
and you have a little daughter who is
530
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:01,620
hurting and there's nothing you can
531
00:28:01,620 --> 00:28:03,899
do to help her, you know there's really
532
00:28:03,899 --> 00:28:08,360
nothing I can do to help her
533
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,020
[Music]
534
00:28:16,020 --> 00:28:19,159
what is that?
535
00:28:28,919 --> 00:28:31,880
You can
536
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,740
I'm coming as our time with
537
00:28:34,740 --> 00:28:37,140
these reasons
538
00:28:37,140 --> 00:28:39,720
just think like this when you get it
539
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,399
your healthy body you will never have
540
00:28:41,399 --> 00:28:44,480
look at a resource again
541
00:28:46,700 --> 00:28:51,440
'cause I've had it on my tube for so long
542
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:57,500
look at all the support you have
543
00:29:00,820 --> 00:29:07,620
[Laughter]
544
00:29:07,620 --> 00:29:10,460
health
545
00:29:15,299 --> 00:29:18,539
You're a Polly taking it like a man
546
00:29:18,539 --> 00:29:21,500
with life
547
00:29:25,970 --> 00:29:34,769
[Music]
548
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:43,080
purged yesterday, wasn't it?
549
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,000
how not
550
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,279
Are you using this tube for something?
551
00:29:47,279 --> 00:29:50,659
No, that's what I need to know about
552
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:54,779
Are you sure you're fine last night
553
00:29:54,779 --> 00:29:56,340
it was red
554
00:29:56,340 --> 00:29:58,620
because after the two appeals I [__ ]
555
00:29:58,620 --> 00:30:01,020
and I started to clean it up
556
00:30:01,020 --> 00:30:03,000
Purge through the tube
557
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:06,299
I'm sorry, I did that too, but I stopped
558
00:30:06,299 --> 00:30:08,419
Did you get something out of it?
559
00:30:08,419 --> 00:30:12,419
well, yes, a little well, but not much
560
00:30:12,419 --> 00:30:14,159
OK
561
00:30:14,159 --> 00:30:17,159
OK thanks
562
00:30:21,059 --> 00:30:23,880
every photo I have
563
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,940
Belle, I would say that in the last five years most
564
00:30:26,940 --> 00:30:29,820
they have a tube in my nose
565
00:30:29,820 --> 00:30:32,760
my dad was like, oh, my son can't have one
566
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,740
tube and her nose and then he took me to
567
00:30:34,740 --> 00:30:35,760
the doctor
568
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:37,380
I'm put down and wake up to the
569
00:30:37,380 --> 00:30:38,820
people in my stomach
570
00:30:38,820 --> 00:30:40,500
It was horrible, it's the worst pain I've ever felt
571
00:30:40,500 --> 00:30:43,679
I already felt
572
00:30:43,679 --> 00:30:46,440
When I started, I was fine
573
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:49,440
this is like easy access to my stomach
574
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,080
I could flex my muscles a certain way
575
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:53,880
and things appeared or I just
576
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,039
take a syringe and suck
577
00:30:56,039 --> 00:30:58,799
things that are totally disgusting, I
578
00:30:58,799 --> 00:31:00,120
I know, but
579
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,159
I had to get it out of me and it wasn't
580
00:31:02,159 --> 00:31:05,340
even as a binge, anything I ate
581
00:31:05,340 --> 00:31:07,679
like I ate a few bites of
582
00:31:07,679 --> 00:31:10,140
bread I took it was as if I
583
00:31:10,140 --> 00:31:12,179
love, I don't know, it was like a blessing
584
00:31:12,179 --> 00:31:13,500
feeling because I didn't have to play
585
00:31:13,500 --> 00:31:18,200
told to suck with a syringe
586
00:31:18,899 --> 00:31:21,360
what I would like you to do is make a
587
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,580
outline of what you perceive to be yours
588
00:31:23,580 --> 00:31:26,120
body image
589
00:31:35,039 --> 00:31:36,899
stay here for a second and take a
590
00:31:36,899 --> 00:31:39,360
look and tell me
591
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:42,120
what do you think what are you looking at
592
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,460
I think it's necessary, but
593
00:31:44,460 --> 00:31:47,100
the arms may be protruding just a little
594
00:31:47,100 --> 00:31:50,220
a little too much, this is a stocky person
595
00:31:50,220 --> 00:31:53,340
a stocky man, looks handsome
596
00:31:53,340 --> 00:31:55,799
male, so I'm curious to know
597
00:31:55,799 --> 00:31:57,899
What does this mean for you with your diet?
598
00:31:57,899 --> 00:31:59,940
disorder and your body image that
599
00:31:59,940 --> 00:32:01,559
That's the kind of image you see
600
00:32:01,559 --> 00:32:03,899
in yourself I think I am I I think
601
00:32:03,899 --> 00:32:07,340
I'm short and stocky
602
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,299
What are your thoughts
603
00:32:18,299 --> 00:32:20,279
I don't know for a fleeting moment
604
00:32:20,279 --> 00:32:22,620
I thought no, it can't be that you made one
605
00:32:22,620 --> 00:32:26,659
mistake, you went too far
606
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,399
What do you think I'm looking at this
607
00:32:29,399 --> 00:32:31,580
now
608
00:32:32,159 --> 00:32:36,380
I see problem areas
609
00:33:13,310 --> 00:33:19,460
[Music]
610
00:33:19,460 --> 00:33:23,000
You know what
611
00:33:25,279 --> 00:33:28,260
Alright, let's do Shelly first
612
00:33:28,260 --> 00:33:31,200
she had a mail yesterday 62 to 88
613
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,299
in the morning and they repeated them at
614
00:33:33,299 --> 00:33:34,620
one o'clock in the afternoon and it was
615
00:33:34,620 --> 00:33:36,419
78 to 1 15.
616
00:33:36,419 --> 00:33:38,039
she admitted to me yesterday during
617
00:33:38,039 --> 00:33:39,480
vital signs that she is purging
618
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:41,760
through the tube we will leave
619
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:43,679
It's very well, I think what you are
620
00:33:43,679 --> 00:33:45,240
learning huh
621
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:46,740
and she's probably being more honest
622
00:33:46,740 --> 00:33:48,720
now than she ever was before
623
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:49,919
In her life
624
00:33:49,919 --> 00:33:51,720
but on the other hand I think there is a
625
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,299
part of her that really wants to come back
626
00:33:54,299 --> 00:33:55,620
for the eating disorder to return to
627
00:33:55,620 --> 00:33:58,620
abuse substances
628
00:33:58,620 --> 00:34:00,600
She is not very happy with the fact that
629
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,000
I took her off Klonopin and she is
630
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,519
the Librium detox she reported to me
631
00:34:05,519 --> 00:34:07,559
Monday she was really high
632
00:34:07,559 --> 00:34:09,899
degree of depression and anxiety
633
00:34:09,899 --> 00:34:12,839
and basically I was kind of looking forward to
634
00:34:12,839 --> 00:34:14,699
me to give her some anti-delay
635
00:34:14,699 --> 00:34:17,040
antidepressants or something similar
636
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,560
How is she in terms of therapy, yes
637
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,780
therapy is going very well, she is
638
00:34:21,780 --> 00:34:23,280
trying to do things differently
639
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,199
time she says she's being open with
640
00:34:25,199 --> 00:34:27,060
everyone and honest with everyone and
641
00:34:27,060 --> 00:34:29,699
and don't lie the way she says she did
642
00:34:29,699 --> 00:34:31,199
been in the last six years of treatment
643
00:34:31,199 --> 00:34:33,060
you see, I have a very different feeling
644
00:34:33,060 --> 00:34:34,619
her Adam, you know, I think she's very
645
00:34:34,619 --> 00:34:36,440
sneaky, I think she is very manipulative
646
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:38,879
she she lost several supplements
647
00:34:38,879 --> 00:34:40,739
over the weekend she was not consistent in
648
00:34:40,739 --> 00:34:43,800
everything she did yesterday, but I
649
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:45,239
Don't trust her as much as I can play
650
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,099
we just have to ask her to cooperate
651
00:34:47,099 --> 00:34:48,300
with us
652
00:34:48,300 --> 00:34:51,179
Hey Shelly, how are you, I'm probably not
653
00:34:51,179 --> 00:34:52,859
It will be great, welcome to the team
654
00:34:52,859 --> 00:34:55,940
hi, it's good to have you back with us
655
00:34:55,940 --> 00:34:58,859
You know we're worried about
656
00:34:58,859 --> 00:35:02,339
purging your pulse deficits, we know
657
00:35:02,339 --> 00:35:03,780
you're leaving to get the tube
658
00:35:03,780 --> 00:35:06,180
comes out tomorrow and you know we just want
659
00:35:06,180 --> 00:35:08,640
to hold you for a while for you
660
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,980
I know just to make sure you know
661
00:35:10,980 --> 00:35:12,960
are you clinically stable than your
662
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:14,640
physical condition is fine and then you
663
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:16,740
we know you can move on from there
664
00:35:16,740 --> 00:35:18,240
The thing that bothers me is that I've been
665
00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:20,760
taking all my meds off without offense and
666
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:24,240
this really made me like it a lot
667
00:35:24,240 --> 00:35:27,720
more anxious and more depressed and
668
00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:31,339
I just want to go home
669
00:35:32,300 --> 00:35:36,200
come in and sit down
670
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:39,300
Polly, I'll go ahead and give you
671
00:35:39,300 --> 00:35:41,400
some feedback ok, the team is feeling it
672
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,380
like you're working hard then
673
00:35:43,380 --> 00:35:45,060
we want to recognize you for this and
674
00:35:45,060 --> 00:35:47,880
in particular, I'm also looking at the
675
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:49,859
feelings of anger taking risks I know
676
00:35:49,859 --> 00:35:51,660
you took a chance on the community yesterday
677
00:35:51,660 --> 00:35:53,160
and I think you got good feedback
678
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:54,540
from the rest of the community that
679
00:35:54,540 --> 00:35:56,400
was done very appropriately, but I think
680
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:57,900
what we want to say is that we want
681
00:35:57,900 --> 00:36:00,000
recognize your hard work and that we
682
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,119
I would like to give you level three, so I
683
00:36:03,119 --> 00:36:04,859
Think you know it's well deserved
684
00:36:04,859 --> 00:36:07,260
and we just want to keep watching you rise
685
00:36:07,260 --> 00:36:09,599
for the occasion, ok, so don't stop
686
00:36:09,599 --> 00:36:13,920
working fine, ok, that's it, wait well
687
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:16,099
work
688
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:27,480
thanks
689
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,839
so she's happy to have the tube coming out
690
00:36:30,839 --> 00:36:34,440
no, you really know
691
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:38,240
It's easier with that
692
00:36:39,119 --> 00:36:42,560
Yes, that's what you thought, yes
693
00:36:45,119 --> 00:36:47,040
Well, you're such a beautiful girl, I hope
694
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,400
you you are you have a great personality
695
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:51,480
Yes
696
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:54,980
try to enjoy your life
697
00:36:55,140 --> 00:36:58,560
ok moment
698
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:02,839
preaching I'm sorry
699
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,700
OK, normal bumper
700
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,480
good
701
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:28,200
open bye
702
00:37:30,119 --> 00:37:32,960
chin down
703
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:43,160
here we go look at them more
704
00:37:44,599 --> 00:37:46,740
she can't drink anything now
705
00:37:46,740 --> 00:37:50,460
or Charlie, hi, we're done
706
00:37:50,460 --> 00:37:53,599
how are you feeling well
707
00:37:55,980 --> 00:37:58,880
that's it
708
00:38:01,260 --> 00:38:04,940
very good, right, yes
709
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:08,540
she seems to be relaxing
710
00:38:08,540 --> 00:38:13,700
Yeah, she's just enjoying the ride, okay
711
00:38:13,740 --> 00:38:16,680
I don't want recovery
712
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:20,460
I don't want anything to do with this
713
00:38:20,460 --> 00:38:24,180
I want my children to have a normal life
714
00:38:24,180 --> 00:38:26,220
I do not want it
715
00:38:26,220 --> 00:38:28,680
Do you know why I joined the Air Force?
716
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,060
oh
717
00:38:30,060 --> 00:38:32,400
No one knows why I joined the Air Force
718
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:34,440
To this day it's a mystery why you went
719
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:36,240
in the Air Force I was in the Air Force
720
00:38:36,240 --> 00:38:39,680
lose weight
721
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:43,320
It was in the middle of Desert Storm and I
722
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:46,140
I went to the Air Force to lose weight
723
00:38:46,140 --> 00:38:48,599
I thought about living in a rare place
724
00:38:48,599 --> 00:38:52,200
lifestyle I will remain my strong
725
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,960
feeling is that there is a part of you
726
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:56,700
who wants recovery
727
00:38:56,700 --> 00:38:59,579
so that your children do not calm your
728
00:38:59,579 --> 00:39:02,780
family, but for you
729
00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:13,079
They didn't ask to be brought into this
730
00:39:13,079 --> 00:39:15,260
world
731
00:39:15,420 --> 00:39:18,359
and they are the only thing
732
00:39:18,359 --> 00:39:21,660
10 people in my life
733
00:39:21,660 --> 00:39:24,359
that I already knew how to do
734
00:39:24,359 --> 00:39:27,780
love how to truly love
735
00:39:27,780 --> 00:39:32,359
I don't know how to show off to people
736
00:39:37,619 --> 00:39:42,320
In some ways, there's a better side of me
737
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:47,240
they are all the best in me
738
00:39:50,460 --> 00:39:53,339
and I have the opportunity to
739
00:39:53,339 --> 00:39:55,920
do it all again
740
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:59,960
with them and do it right this time
741
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:06,720
oh
742
00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:09,859
but I do not have
743
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:14,660
and I can't do it
744
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:24,560
Yes
745
00:40:24,980 --> 00:40:27,599
Damn, I just wasn't blind
746
00:40:27,599 --> 00:40:31,020
says I'm done next Wednesday, that's fine, unless
747
00:40:31,020 --> 00:40:33,420
and yes, it was kind of played
748
00:40:33,420 --> 00:40:35,339
me like this
749
00:40:35,339 --> 00:40:36,960
ok, I'm going and I'm freaking out
750
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:39,240
ok, insurance said well, she's in
751
00:40:39,240 --> 00:40:41,460
level three and she's keeping her
752
00:40:41,460 --> 00:40:43,319
weight, then you are planning to leave
753
00:40:43,319 --> 00:40:45,180
Wednesday then well
754
00:40:45,180 --> 00:40:47,280
because of the situation
755
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:49,020
I mean, insurance is saying they are
756
00:40:49,020 --> 00:40:51,660
I won't cover anything else
757
00:40:51,660 --> 00:40:54,300
Um, you know we're looking at the
758
00:40:54,300 --> 00:40:56,880
long-term care option, I don't feel ready
759
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,280
go into long-term care, I don't feel
760
00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:00,960
ready to go home, you know I would
761
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:04,319
I encourage you to talk to Peggy first
762
00:41:04,319 --> 00:41:06,780
would just relax, don't panic, how are you
763
00:41:06,780 --> 00:41:08,400
relax when you get hit with this
764
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:10,980
Friday, I mean, we never turn people away
765
00:41:10,980 --> 00:41:13,500
so fast we need more information this
766
00:41:13,500 --> 00:41:15,180
it seems very difficult for you
767
00:41:15,180 --> 00:41:18,900
and um, you know we'll follow along, you know
768
00:41:18,900 --> 00:41:20,220
I gotta go to the damn beach now
769
00:41:20,220 --> 00:41:22,920
and I didn't want to go anyway and I was
770
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:24,540
I didn't want to and this isn't the mood
771
00:41:24,540 --> 00:41:26,520
I just have all the beach swimsuit for you
772
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:27,660
You know that whole thing about eating ice?
773
00:41:27,660 --> 00:41:28,380
cream
774
00:41:28,380 --> 00:41:30,180
you know and just before I understand I
775
00:41:30,180 --> 00:41:33,060
Gotta get ready for this, I'm hit
776
00:41:33,060 --> 00:41:34,440
safe
777
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:36,420
It's great to see how motivated you are
778
00:41:36,420 --> 00:41:39,720
although I want to say that you really want to recover
779
00:41:39,720 --> 00:41:42,660
And if I go home now, yeah, I'm just
780
00:41:42,660 --> 00:41:44,640
I'm not ready, I will
781
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:48,420
No, I mean, I'll be right back
782
00:41:48,420 --> 00:41:51,560
where did I start
783
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:04,680
if this appeal was denied, then I have no
784
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:06,740
insurance coverage
785
00:42:06,740 --> 00:42:08,940
and it's like they want me to stay until
786
00:42:08,940 --> 00:42:10,400
Friday at least
787
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:13,200
I would be asking my parents to work more than 4
788
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:16,400
500 for nothing
789
00:42:18,060 --> 00:42:19,800
I wouldn't leave [__ ] the next one
790
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:21,900
three days
791
00:42:21,900 --> 00:42:24,900
and I mean I could go straight to
792
00:42:24,900 --> 00:42:26,640
long-term care, but they just told me I'm
793
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:27,839
I won't be able to have mine
794
00:42:27,839 --> 00:42:28,920
therapist
795
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,260
that I had for nine weeks, everyone
796
00:42:31,260 --> 00:42:33,300
another person who switches to Extended Care keeps
797
00:42:33,300 --> 00:42:35,040
the same therapist, but
798
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,660
mine is very busy, she said
799
00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:59,599
Yes
800
00:43:00,060 --> 00:43:01,920
I realized that a few years of fighting
801
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:03,540
During meals today I wonder what's wrong
802
00:43:03,540 --> 00:43:06,380
happening for you
803
00:43:12,660 --> 00:43:14,280
is there any way you can look
804
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,920
this is just
805
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:18,180
red
806
00:43:18,180 --> 00:43:19,980
just cheese on top and tomato
807
00:43:19,980 --> 00:43:23,040
sauce on top
808
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:24,900
tell me what's going on
809
00:43:24,900 --> 00:43:25,980
It's making it hard for you
810
00:43:25,980 --> 00:43:27,540
consider
811
00:43:27,540 --> 00:43:29,720
It's a hard thing to eat anyway
812
00:43:29,720 --> 00:43:32,760
I don't need it on top of everything
813
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:35,180
other
814
00:43:36,060 --> 00:43:37,500
I would like to know if we can support
815
00:43:37,500 --> 00:43:39,740
Colena
816
00:43:40,940 --> 00:43:43,619
You don't need to talk, but you know we
817
00:43:43,619 --> 00:43:46,819
can provide support for you right
818
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:06,300
Mom, yes, I'm sorry for calling you at work
819
00:44:06,300 --> 00:44:08,640
Alright, you got a split second, yeah
820
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:10,859
out, I need you to book me a plane ticket
821
00:44:10,859 --> 00:44:12,900
as soon as possible
822
00:44:12,900 --> 00:44:14,640
because I'm coming home
823
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:16,440
yes I am, no you are not, no you are not
824
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:19,640
What do you mean no I'm not
825
00:44:20,579 --> 00:44:22,980
even you got extended for a week, no I
826
00:44:22,980 --> 00:44:24,780
I don't want to because
827
00:44:24,780 --> 00:44:27,060
because they will throw me in a hole
828
00:44:27,060 --> 00:44:29,520
with a totally different therapist's perspective
829
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:31,940
that is not
830
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:36,079
as apparently necessary
831
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:39,780
you were very lucky to be depressed
832
00:44:39,780 --> 00:44:41,520
there first
833
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:43,680
and I think you know that
834
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:47,460
you have to have the right attitude
835
00:44:47,460 --> 00:44:49,800
Mom, I'm trying, I'm trying to have the
836
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,020
Right attitude, look, I've been sad, oh
837
00:44:52,020 --> 00:44:53,640
[ __ ]
838
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:55,920
saying [__ ] sorry what time are you arriving
839
00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:56,940
off work
840
00:44:56,940 --> 00:44:59,220
because it's my smoke break and
841
00:44:59,220 --> 00:45:01,990
I have to smoke a cigarette
842
00:45:01,990 --> 00:45:15,939
[Music]
843
00:45:19,140 --> 00:45:21,070
foreigner
844
00:45:21,070 --> 00:45:25,619
[Music]
845
00:45:25,619 --> 00:45:28,260
Maybe you need to eat a little less, but
846
00:45:28,260 --> 00:45:31,380
more often I work a lot, move my body
847
00:45:31,380 --> 00:45:34,260
like a madman I think a lot I am very
848
00:45:34,260 --> 00:45:36,900
stressed guy, so how do I not lose
849
00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:39,359
weight I don't know well you're losing
850
00:45:39,359 --> 00:45:41,099
Yes, you're losing the other way, I
851
00:45:41,099 --> 00:45:42,900
If you want to lose him you'll have to go
852
00:45:42,900 --> 00:45:45,900
in the afternoon with the patience process
853
00:45:45,900 --> 00:45:49,260
you don't need to sue, no you have
854
00:45:49,260 --> 00:45:51,660
this secret for me how to lose 40 kilos
855
00:45:51,660 --> 00:45:53,400
in two months why does it feel like I have to
856
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,200
to see
857
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:58,460
I look like
858
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:01,630
no
859
00:46:01,630 --> 00:46:07,679
[Music]
860
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:16,200
[Music]
861
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:18,180
I was talking to Becca about this and she
862
00:46:18,180 --> 00:46:19,380
I was asking where we were going and
863
00:46:19,380 --> 00:46:20,760
I was telling her and she said to
864
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:23,099
three hours and I was like Becca, I was
865
00:46:23,099 --> 00:46:24,960
How Michelle and I Graduated
866
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,660
in literature I was like we were going
867
00:46:27,660 --> 00:46:30,000
a bookstore for an hour and a half is
868
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,220
Heaven, I know and she's like, oh, I can
869
00:46:32,220 --> 00:46:34,740
I totally see this
870
00:46:34,740 --> 00:46:38,060
you are such a good liar
871
00:46:38,220 --> 00:46:41,760
[Music]
872
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,040
this is perfect
873
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:47,720
the big purple one and the small red one
874
00:46:47,720 --> 00:46:50,819
is a symbol of recovery from a diet
875
00:46:50,819 --> 00:46:53,240
disorder
876
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:57,900
was saying no text, no tattoos, no
877
00:46:57,900 --> 00:46:58,940
piercings
878
00:46:58,940 --> 00:47:01,920
piercing too while I'm here
879
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:04,500
I already told Shelly, okay, we could show
880
00:47:04,500 --> 00:47:06,000
Shelley, but I don't know if we can show
881
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:07,319
no one else because I don't know if
882
00:47:07,319 --> 00:47:10,140
Can I trust him Kylie Kylie I could trust
883
00:47:10,140 --> 00:47:12,560
But that's it
884
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:14,819
about this
885
00:47:14,819 --> 00:47:17,720
really personal
886
00:47:20,240 --> 00:47:22,200
Yes
887
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:24,200
Hmm
888
00:47:24,300 --> 00:47:27,300
and they're making us fat there
889
00:47:27,300 --> 00:47:30,180
Yes, I'll try to cheer us up, why
890
00:47:30,180 --> 00:47:32,460
face
891
00:47:32,460 --> 00:47:34,260
don't understand this
892
00:47:34,260 --> 00:47:37,260
oh no, I'm done, yes, I'm done, yes, we're done
893
00:47:37,260 --> 00:47:39,599
both just working to keep up what they do
894
00:47:39,599 --> 00:47:41,400
you, you vomit, you are
895
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,619
this type of person or are you deep
896
00:47:43,619 --> 00:47:46,740
in you know the restrictors of your love only
897
00:47:46,740 --> 00:47:49,020
Don't eat, don't eat, yes, but we eat now I
898
00:47:49,020 --> 00:47:50,880
means I've been there for nine weeks
899
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:53,599
this is horrible
900
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:55,920
you know what you do is eat six small
901
00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:58,079
meals a day instead of three large
902
00:47:58,079 --> 00:48:00,010
speeds up your metabolism
903
00:48:00,010 --> 00:48:08,110
[Music]
904
00:48:08,700 --> 00:48:10,619
they're really like are they 100 to
905
00:48:10,619 --> 00:48:13,160
down here now
906
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:15,599
but I think you get to work
907
00:48:15,599 --> 00:48:18,680
in my car seat again
908
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:32,780
you ask why you were getting this
909
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:35,460
Is he hot?
910
00:48:35,460 --> 00:48:37,760
yes he is weird
911
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:40,260
We're counting this, we'll sit down, we'll be
912
00:48:40,260 --> 00:48:42,839
the first whole day, so this can't come out
913
00:48:42,839 --> 00:48:47,900
what I told them, you told Kylie
914
00:48:47,940 --> 00:48:50,520
yes, come in
915
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:52,920
you can't say
916
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:55,339
OK
917
00:49:00,319 --> 00:49:04,819
okay one two three
918
00:49:05,300 --> 00:49:09,680
cool, I won't mind
919
00:49:10,079 --> 00:49:12,359
11.
920
00:49:12,359 --> 00:49:14,720
OK
921
00:49:14,720 --> 00:49:41,170
[Music]
922
00:49:42,839 --> 00:49:45,540
and you'll walk backwards, yeah
923
00:49:45,540 --> 00:49:50,000
I know it's a blind weight, yeah
924
00:49:54,720 --> 00:49:56,280
OK
925
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:59,359
body examination
926
00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:02,160
ok let me see what it still is
927
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:04,200
since the last one it has gotten much better
928
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:06,480
yes, this is iron, but it stuck
929
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:10,040
better yes, this is cured
930
00:50:10,980 --> 00:50:13,920
No, there are no new scratches or areas, oh no, no, no
931
00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:16,579
no, ok
932
00:50:18,300 --> 00:50:20,599
foreigner
933
00:50:32,620 --> 00:50:35,690
[Music]
934
00:50:44,950 --> 00:50:47,940
[Music]
935
00:50:47,940 --> 00:50:49,980
You're taking all your liquids I'm taking
936
00:50:49,980 --> 00:50:53,540
all this and I drink more than that
937
00:50:55,859 --> 00:50:59,880
2.7 pounds in one [__ ] day
938
00:50:59,880 --> 00:51:05,579
My children, I mean, I'm not sorry
939
00:51:17,700 --> 00:51:21,839
let me see, yes, a minute, my polly
940
00:51:21,839 --> 00:51:23,099
Wally
941
00:51:23,099 --> 00:51:25,339
thanks
942
00:51:25,339 --> 00:51:28,859
Are you ready, yes, I'm ready, you're the one
943
00:51:28,859 --> 00:51:31,819
the one who is tired
944
00:51:32,819 --> 00:51:34,920
I love you guys
945
00:51:34,920 --> 00:51:37,559
you changed your party yesterday
946
00:51:37,559 --> 00:51:41,339
Of course I [__ ] every day I can always
947
00:51:41,339 --> 00:51:43,260
what
948
00:51:43,260 --> 00:51:44,579
OK
949
00:51:44,579 --> 00:51:47,900
you need your bag yesterday
950
00:51:48,119 --> 00:51:52,020
Yes, you will need a Plus feature
951
00:51:52,020 --> 00:51:54,660
I need many things
952
00:51:54,660 --> 00:51:57,520
foreigner
953
00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:01,949
[Music]
954
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:48,020
[Music]
955
00:52:52,460 --> 00:52:55,440
I also did that Bagel was in a million
956
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:56,760
parts
957
00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:59,160
I ate the whole bowl of cereal, yes, but
958
00:52:59,160 --> 00:53:01,140
this is a starch
959
00:53:01,140 --> 00:53:03,240
you give me [__ ] about 90 calories and a
960
00:53:03,240 --> 00:53:04,980
quarter gram of fat and you're not in a
961
00:53:04,980 --> 00:53:07,500
bagel these bagels only have one
962
00:53:07,500 --> 00:53:10,819
180 160.
963
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:12,540
and there's only half a gram of fat
964
00:53:12,540 --> 00:53:13,680
Don't you think this is kinda
965
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:15,740
hypocritical
966
00:53:15,740 --> 00:53:19,819
I have four starches on my plates
967
00:53:19,819 --> 00:53:23,119
I don't call
968
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:26,660
obviously you need it
969
00:53:35,420 --> 00:53:39,619
oh, we see it now
970
00:53:45,660 --> 00:53:47,520
what
971
00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:50,040
Um, we have Shelly to do.
972
00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:51,780
she is a Plus feature for less than 100
973
00:53:51,780 --> 00:53:55,200
and weight loss, she dropped 1.4 today and
974
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:56,880
she will need one she was also discouraged
975
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:58,980
Monday, but she refused and went
976
00:53:58,980 --> 00:54:00,440
reported that there was a partial
977
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:02,819
digested veggie burger found in his room
978
00:54:02,819 --> 00:54:05,160
Diane found out, I really feel like she is
979
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:06,599
purging although she is very pale and
980
00:54:06,599 --> 00:54:09,240
washed, she's up to something we
981
00:54:09,240 --> 00:54:11,520
you really have to be careful and
982
00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:13,640
notice this click that is forming between
983
00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:17,339
Shelley, Polly and Kylie are also
984
00:54:17,339 --> 00:54:19,319
It's not a good thing, I think just
985
00:54:19,319 --> 00:54:20,700
I need to keep an eye on
986
00:54:20,700 --> 00:54:22,079
alliances that are happening in
987
00:54:22,079 --> 00:54:23,819
community and I think it will be
988
00:54:23,819 --> 00:54:25,619
much more potential to act on it
989
00:54:25,619 --> 00:54:29,900
we need to be aware that we must
990
00:54:33,359 --> 00:54:34,380
then
991
00:54:34,380 --> 00:54:37,140
We're, uh, we're worried about you, Shelly
992
00:54:37,140 --> 00:54:38,880
you're starting to get back to it
993
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:40,440
role you played other times in
994
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:41,880
treatment where you are
995
00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:43,799
where you were ruining everything
996
00:54:43,799 --> 00:54:45,540
This is a position you tend to put
997
00:54:45,540 --> 00:54:47,119
yourself again and again and again
998
00:54:47,119 --> 00:54:49,559
and the fact that
999
00:54:49,559 --> 00:54:51,660
Um, in your room a garden was found
1000
00:54:51,660 --> 00:54:54,000
burger that was partially eaten, I mean
1001
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,160
we don't know in my room
1002
00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:58,260
I haven't had a garden burger in
1003
00:54:58,260 --> 00:55:00,540
last week I think what I'm saying
1004
00:55:00,540 --> 00:55:02,280
you right now is that I don't trust you
1005
00:55:02,280 --> 00:55:04,260
I'm being honest with you, I think
1006
00:55:04,260 --> 00:55:05,520
I think you came here with good
1007
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:07,200
intentions I give you a lot of credit
1008
00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:09,420
By being here I think you can do a lot
1009
00:55:09,420 --> 00:55:11,339
work, but I'm worried about the
1010
00:55:11,339 --> 00:55:13,140
people you're dating with your pulse
1011
00:55:13,140 --> 00:55:14,819
deficits, there are some things that are
1012
00:55:14,819 --> 00:55:16,260
not that that's something we're going to do
1013
00:55:16,260 --> 00:55:18,000
move it to a partial day room
1014
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:21,059
and you will be in a position
1015
00:55:21,059 --> 00:55:24,980
where you can prove your worth once again
1016
00:55:29,700 --> 00:55:31,559
You're not fighting and I'm not going
1017
00:55:31,559 --> 00:55:33,540
I see it more as if I weren't, I feel
1018
00:55:33,540 --> 00:55:34,980
like they just want to say yes, I
1019
00:55:34,980 --> 00:55:37,500
I am and I am not, I would say yes
1020
00:55:37,500 --> 00:55:39,240
I wouldn't be here if I were wise and
1021
00:55:39,240 --> 00:55:41,099
waste the money well you understand
1022
00:55:41,099 --> 00:55:43,500
like you want to leave something, yeah
1023
00:55:43,500 --> 00:55:45,420
'Cause Jody don't trust me, she's flat
1024
00:55:45,420 --> 00:55:47,400
told me and I don't trust her, she
1025
00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:49,319
wants to make me a big fat ass and I'm
1026
00:55:49,319 --> 00:55:51,180
No, I really feel like something is
1027
00:55:51,180 --> 00:55:53,040
up and you just nothing is what I
1028
00:55:53,040 --> 00:55:54,420
I want you to understand though, it's me
1029
00:55:54,420 --> 00:55:56,339
understand what it can really be like
1030
00:55:56,339 --> 00:55:59,040
hard for you to say oh my god, no
1031
00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:00,660
It's not hard to say if I were
1032
00:56:00,660 --> 00:56:03,059
purging I would say it's okay, I'm
1033
00:56:03,059 --> 00:56:06,540
not [__ ] vomiting God as it is
1034
00:56:06,540 --> 00:56:08,760
be challenged now and not be
1035
00:56:08,760 --> 00:56:10,799
reliable, I mean that's the biggest problem
1036
00:56:10,799 --> 00:56:13,740
here it is and I'll put it
1037
00:56:13,740 --> 00:56:16,020
challenge you, trust me
1038
00:56:16,020 --> 00:56:18,780
everyone trusts you, not everyone is fine, I
1039
00:56:18,780 --> 00:56:20,280
I want you to think and feel this
1040
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:21,900
now ok, I don't want to sit with
1041
00:56:21,900 --> 00:56:23,099
that I want to get [__ ] out of here
1042
00:56:23,099 --> 00:56:26,280
ok you can sign your 72. ok wait
1043
00:56:26,280 --> 00:56:27,660
one of the things you need
1044
00:56:27,660 --> 00:56:29,819
understand, although the language has to be
1045
00:56:29,819 --> 00:56:31,200
different, okay, because it's just
1046
00:56:31,200 --> 00:56:34,760
disrespectful to everyone, sorry
1047
00:56:35,220 --> 00:56:37,140
[ __ ] again
1048
00:56:37,140 --> 00:56:40,700
sorry, I'm going to screw it up again
1049
00:56:43,740 --> 00:56:45,480
I said Monday, but my mom is traveling
1050
00:56:45,480 --> 00:56:48,380
Sunday so I'm like
1051
00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:51,420
Do you really think your mother will let you
1052
00:56:51,420 --> 00:56:52,380
Yes you
1053
00:56:52,380 --> 00:56:54,240
especially if someone [__ ] is framing
1054
00:56:54,240 --> 00:56:55,400
my
1055
00:56:55,400 --> 00:56:57,660
I feel like I'm angelic, I should
1056
00:56:57,660 --> 00:56:59,220
confess if they keep me alone long enough
1057
00:56:59,220 --> 00:57:00,900
That's why I know I tell people
1058
00:57:00,900 --> 00:57:02,160
commit
1059
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:04,740
Said I was like now I know what it is
1060
00:57:04,740 --> 00:57:07,799
seems to be an interrogated person that I was
1061
00:57:07,799 --> 00:57:09,740
It's no wonder so many innocent people
1062
00:57:09,740 --> 00:57:12,839
confess why you keep them in a
1063
00:57:12,839 --> 00:57:15,359
room and you sit there, I'm like someone
1064
00:57:15,359 --> 00:57:17,579
It's better to [__ ] admit it because I'm not
1065
00:57:17,579 --> 00:57:19,500
take the blame for it [___]
1066
00:57:19,500 --> 00:57:22,520
where is the lighter
1067
00:57:39,359 --> 00:57:42,299
Now imagine having to do this for seven days
1068
00:57:42,299 --> 00:57:43,680
a week you
1069
00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:46,020
waking up at 5:30 in the morning you
1070
00:57:46,020 --> 00:57:48,079
to know
1071
00:57:49,680 --> 00:57:51,920
foreigner
1072
00:58:05,250 --> 00:58:08,440
[Music]
1073
00:58:09,319 --> 00:58:12,059
I can't trust anyone they don't touch
1074
00:58:12,059 --> 00:58:14,160
I why don't they trust you because
1075
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:16,920
someone put a garden burger in my room
1076
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:19,559
someone stole from the cafeteria
1077
00:58:19,559 --> 00:58:21,480
It's on the farm from seven and two o'clock to
1078
00:58:21,480 --> 00:58:23,640
withdraw some treatment
1079
00:58:23,640 --> 00:58:26,640
Do you think that's the answer no I have
1080
00:58:26,640 --> 00:58:28,260
so angry and I don't know that people don't
1081
00:58:28,260 --> 00:58:30,780
trust me here but you have to realize
1082
00:58:30,780 --> 00:58:32,700
that this is part of the healing, I mean
1083
00:58:32,700 --> 00:58:34,319
and part of the things you need
1084
00:58:34,319 --> 00:58:36,180
pass and you have to win
1085
00:58:36,180 --> 00:58:40,160
trust back, you know
1086
00:58:40,260 --> 00:58:43,460
but I've done it all
1087
00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:47,819
You said I know but this time I
1088
00:58:47,819 --> 00:58:51,839
been honest with everything, I hope so
1089
00:58:51,839 --> 00:58:54,140
I really hope
1090
00:58:59,960 --> 00:59:02,760
I'm in trouble and I'm tired
1091
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:04,559
please
1092
00:59:04,559 --> 00:59:06,390
Congratulations
1093
00:59:06,390 --> 00:59:09,699
[Music]
1094
00:59:13,660 --> 00:59:23,760
[Music]
1095
00:59:25,930 --> 00:59:29,060
[Music]
1096
00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:36,240
[Music]
1097
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:39,440
She doesn't look perfect, cool
1098
00:59:39,440 --> 00:59:41,160
[Music]
1099
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:42,900
I'm in trouble
1100
00:59:42,900 --> 00:59:45,079
all good
1101
00:59:45,079 --> 00:59:49,500
just stay here, yes, night, Kylie, you
1102
00:59:49,500 --> 00:59:50,940
I have to go, I'm already in trouble, oh
1103
00:59:50,940 --> 00:59:55,040
It was you who fell on me, yes
1104
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:05,520
one of the reasons why I think everyone
1105
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:08,460
you are here is because your life was
1106
01:00:08,460 --> 01:00:10,799
Too uncontrollable, so you came here
1107
01:00:10,799 --> 01:00:13,020
and the structure we have and the
1108
01:00:13,020 --> 01:00:16,140
rules, policies and procedures must
1109
01:00:16,140 --> 01:00:18,900
actually make your life more manageable
1110
01:00:18,900 --> 01:00:21,059
and I think what surprises me most
1111
01:00:21,059 --> 01:00:23,460
about now are just things I'm
1112
01:00:23,460 --> 01:00:25,859
listen in the community and number one
1113
01:00:25,859 --> 01:00:28,680
blatant disrespect for employees
1114
01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:31,859
and when people are smoking in their
1115
01:00:31,859 --> 01:00:34,200
rooms is a big security problem
1116
01:00:34,200 --> 01:00:36,660
for everyone in this room and when
1117
01:00:36,660 --> 01:00:38,520
people don't really find the structure
1118
01:00:38,520 --> 01:00:41,640
puts all of you, as well as the team, into
1119
01:00:41,640 --> 01:00:43,380
an unsafe place
1120
01:00:43,380 --> 01:00:45,599
I want to see an arm raised
1121
01:00:45,599 --> 01:00:47,579
who really wants to be here and who
1122
01:00:47,579 --> 01:00:50,240
want to improve
1123
01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:53,579
OK
1124
01:00:53,579 --> 01:00:56,460
ok, then think about it, delete your
1125
01:00:56,460 --> 01:00:58,740
hands and I really want to hear about
1126
01:00:58,740 --> 01:01:03,380
the Polly distraction you want to start
1127
01:01:07,440 --> 01:01:09,839
Um, I just want to apologize to everyone.
1128
01:01:09,839 --> 01:01:11,819
in the community
1129
01:01:11,819 --> 01:01:12,980
Hmm, I have
1130
01:01:12,980 --> 01:01:16,619
smoking in my bathroom and
1131
01:01:16,619 --> 01:01:19,140
Um, that was against the rules and I knew it
1132
01:01:19,140 --> 01:01:22,200
It was against the rules, so I was
1133
01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:25,559
you know, putting I think everyone
1134
01:01:25,559 --> 01:01:27,480
risk if there was
1135
01:01:27,480 --> 01:01:30,540
a problem a fire or whatever you were
1136
01:01:30,540 --> 01:01:31,740
the only one smoking in the bathroom
1137
01:01:31,740 --> 01:01:34,200
Up there you were the only person
1138
01:01:34,200 --> 01:01:36,359
I know otherwise this is a this is a place
1139
01:01:36,359 --> 01:01:39,500
to talk about it
1140
01:01:41,339 --> 01:01:44,700
I can't lie, oh, it's there, oh
1141
01:01:44,700 --> 01:01:47,760
once or twice, well, twice, okay, you were in
1142
01:01:47,760 --> 01:01:50,400
there too, ok
1143
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:53,460
I wanted
1144
01:01:53,460 --> 01:01:56,160
I, you know, I just thought I'd get the
1145
01:01:56,160 --> 01:01:57,059
to fall
1146
01:01:57,059 --> 01:02:00,059
Um, what friends take Falls to friends
1147
01:02:00,059 --> 01:02:02,780
It is
1148
01:02:02,880 --> 01:02:04,859
we'll talk about it, we'll cut off her hand
1149
01:02:04,859 --> 01:02:08,900
I got up, I was in the bathroom smoking too
1150
01:02:09,900 --> 01:02:11,520
Holly, I must say I'm frustrated
1151
01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:13,260
that she asked him a direct question and
1152
01:02:13,260 --> 01:02:16,440
You said you were the only one and
1153
01:02:16,440 --> 01:02:18,299
She said you were the only one and
1154
01:02:18,299 --> 01:02:19,740
you said yes and you had the integrity
1155
01:02:19,740 --> 01:02:21,960
stick you didn't have to say names, but
1156
01:02:21,960 --> 01:02:23,940
you were lying again and that's just
1157
01:02:23,940 --> 01:02:25,500
it frustrates me a lot, maybe
1158
01:02:25,500 --> 01:02:27,780
Why I do this, I don't know, but hmm
1159
01:02:27,780 --> 01:02:30,539
it just frustrated me
1160
01:02:30,539 --> 01:02:32,940
and I'm sorry about yesterday I love you
1161
01:02:32,940 --> 01:02:35,039
screaming, I'm sorry about my tongue
1162
01:02:35,039 --> 01:02:36,420
I'm really trying to work on it, but
1163
01:02:36,420 --> 01:02:37,859
It's when I get to a place where I feel
1164
01:02:37,859 --> 01:02:39,119
how am I being
1165
01:02:39,119 --> 01:02:42,119
controlled, I get angry and I swear
1166
01:02:42,119 --> 01:02:44,640
but another thing is that I just feel
1167
01:02:44,640 --> 01:02:46,619
like I can't trust many people
1168
01:02:46,619 --> 01:02:48,960
especially when someone doesn't admit it
1169
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:50,280
what they did
1170
01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:52,559
what if someone had food
1171
01:02:52,559 --> 01:02:54,660
I mean, I don't care
1172
01:02:54,660 --> 01:02:56,460
you know because I'm already me already
1173
01:02:56,460 --> 01:02:58,380
fell above them, my bathroom
1174
01:02:58,380 --> 01:03:00,180
locked and everything
1175
01:03:00,180 --> 01:03:02,160
if someone did this
1176
01:03:02,160 --> 01:03:04,200
you will only hurt yourself and me
1177
01:03:04,200 --> 01:03:06,420
honest about everything I eat
1178
01:03:06,420 --> 01:03:08,220
I believe in things on my tray that I'm
1179
01:03:08,220 --> 01:03:09,900
I won't eat and I say I won't
1180
01:03:09,900 --> 01:03:11,579
I take that supplement, but at least I
1181
01:03:11,579 --> 01:03:13,260
[__ ] have the courage to tell someone
1182
01:03:13,260 --> 01:03:15,059
that I won't do that and I won't
1183
01:03:15,059 --> 01:03:18,119
I hide food and I don't purge and I don't
1184
01:03:18,119 --> 01:03:20,760
exercise I don't do and I would and I can't
1185
01:03:20,760 --> 01:03:23,700
I lie more, I feel very guilty
1186
01:03:23,700 --> 01:03:25,140
That's why I couldn't let Polly take the
1187
01:03:25,140 --> 01:03:27,059
guilt and I knew she was going to do it today
1188
01:03:27,059 --> 01:03:29,460
because I knew she would try and
1189
01:03:29,460 --> 01:03:31,140
I knew what I mean
1190
01:03:31,140 --> 01:03:33,420
I can't lie anymore and I'm sick of lying
1191
01:03:33,420 --> 01:03:36,420
to myself and I will, if I stay, I will
1192
01:03:36,420 --> 01:03:38,460
I'm going to move away from
1193
01:03:38,460 --> 01:03:41,160
community and focus more on myself
1194
01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:43,260
Um, because I want to improve and I
1195
01:03:43,260 --> 01:03:45,119
I know that the people around have a
1196
01:03:45,119 --> 01:03:46,559
influence on me, but it's my fault
1197
01:03:46,559 --> 01:03:48,420
because I left, but I'll try
1198
01:03:48,420 --> 01:03:51,380
harder then
1199
01:03:58,200 --> 01:03:59,640
many people from the community
1200
01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:01,980
said we are here for our own recovery and
1201
01:04:01,980 --> 01:04:03,839
We can't get sucked into this negativity
1202
01:04:03,839 --> 01:04:08,220
and we have to because it was rampant
1203
01:04:08,220 --> 01:04:11,220
yes, and we all have to really try
1204
01:04:11,220 --> 01:04:13,380
recover and we have to do this for
1205
01:04:13,380 --> 01:04:15,780
ourselves and what happened was also
1206
01:04:15,780 --> 01:04:19,140
that apparently Shelley was accused of
1207
01:04:19,140 --> 01:04:20,640
um, taking a garden burger and throwing
1208
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:21,599
that though
1209
01:04:21,599 --> 01:04:23,880
Um, somehow the story was told
1210
01:04:23,880 --> 01:04:25,740
I was in her room, I wasn't in her room,
1211
01:04:25,740 --> 01:04:27,780
I was in the bathroom in the hallway
1212
01:04:27,780 --> 01:04:31,260
It turns out that Samantha admitted that
1213
01:04:31,260 --> 01:04:33,180
it was she who threw away the garden
1214
01:04:33,180 --> 01:04:35,099
burger and it was she who was
1215
01:04:35,099 --> 01:04:36,599
hiding food
1216
01:04:36,599 --> 01:04:39,299
So this is the story of
1217
01:04:39,299 --> 01:04:41,720
garden burger
1218
01:04:44,359 --> 01:04:46,920
both back in Chile about you know a lot
1219
01:04:46,920 --> 01:04:48,839
of questions about nutrition and weight gain
1220
01:04:48,839 --> 01:04:51,660
and so let's try to make it clear
1221
01:04:51,660 --> 01:04:55,079
I'm tired of running away
1222
01:04:55,079 --> 01:04:58,319
the question is a statement, yes
1223
01:04:58,319 --> 01:05:00,180
I just feel like this is a good weight
1224
01:05:00,180 --> 01:05:02,460
For me I'm uncomfortable, it's too much
1225
01:05:02,460 --> 01:05:05,160
food Jody I would be very bad
1226
01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:07,319
nutritionist if I stopped you from
1227
01:05:07,319 --> 01:05:09,780
gaining weight now because you know one
1228
01:05:09,780 --> 01:05:11,520
Can't be healthy at 80
1229
01:05:11,520 --> 01:05:13,319
percentile you know, I mean you think
1230
01:05:13,319 --> 01:05:16,020
they are under 80, well I disagree
1231
01:05:16,020 --> 01:05:19,920
I've never been, never been, wait, are
1232
01:05:19,920 --> 01:05:22,020
you're looking
1233
01:05:22,020 --> 01:05:24,059
Um, I feel like Shelley needs to reach out.
1234
01:05:24,059 --> 01:05:27,240
100 pounds, I think a girl her age
1235
01:05:27,240 --> 01:05:30,359
and her height is normal, you know I
1236
01:05:30,359 --> 01:05:32,599
I mean, I know you hate hearing this, but
1237
01:05:32,599 --> 01:05:35,640
I really like you, I really want to work
1238
01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:37,020
like you
1239
01:05:37,020 --> 01:05:38,339
Um, I know you're a little mad
1240
01:05:38,339 --> 01:05:39,960
for me in the last few days and
1241
01:05:39,960 --> 01:05:42,299
everyone around here and apologize
1242
01:05:42,299 --> 01:05:44,400
I apologize for saying no
1243
01:05:44,400 --> 01:05:48,839
trust you, no and also what we
1244
01:05:48,839 --> 01:05:51,780
garden Burger guilty Fest I apologize
1245
01:05:51,780 --> 01:05:54,059
for you yes I do
1246
01:05:54,059 --> 01:05:55,920
and it wasn't even in my room, I didn't
1247
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:56,700
to know
1248
01:05:56,700 --> 01:05:59,460
I apologize for this was said to
1249
01:05:59,460 --> 01:06:01,920
me who was in your room again I
1250
01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:03,799
I wasn't there when it happened
1251
01:06:03,799 --> 01:06:08,660
so I'm sorry I didn't see this on mine
1252
01:06:08,790 --> 01:06:14,900
[Music]
1253
01:06:19,640 --> 01:06:25,700
oh, you cut it, no, I'm Kelly
1254
01:06:26,599 --> 01:06:30,260
sister yes
1255
01:06:35,539 --> 01:06:37,440
thanks
1256
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:40,200
so I'll be honest, yeah
1257
01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:42,599
Yes, I'm 25 years old. you have a university degree
1258
01:06:42,599 --> 01:06:45,059
and I'm totally like I know that
1259
01:06:45,059 --> 01:06:46,319
I understand you are going through a difficult time
1260
01:06:46,319 --> 01:06:48,420
chilling, I understand all this, but it's
1261
01:06:48,420 --> 01:06:52,980
time I know it's time for you to go
1262
01:06:52,980 --> 01:06:54,960
I know I mean you gotta act like you
1263
01:06:54,960 --> 01:06:57,480
I don't even want to, I don't have time
1264
01:06:57,480 --> 01:06:58,859
I know
1265
01:06:58,859 --> 01:07:01,079
It's like I can't do anything I don't want to do
1266
01:07:01,079 --> 01:07:03,660
She dies and that's what you do
1267
01:07:03,660 --> 01:07:05,880
you reach 80 pounds, which is not
1268
01:07:05,880 --> 01:07:08,400
It's not even funny, I mean, it's not, it's
1269
01:07:08,400 --> 01:07:10,740
like you're going to drop dead at any moment
1270
01:07:10,740 --> 01:07:13,380
and you don't realize it
1271
01:07:13,380 --> 01:07:15,119
I don't mean control yourself, but
1272
01:07:15,119 --> 01:07:17,640
That's what I'm trying to say
1273
01:07:17,640 --> 01:07:20,819
because it's getting old
1274
01:07:20,819 --> 01:07:24,859
I'm sick of this, I'm sick of this
1275
01:07:24,920 --> 01:07:28,020
I'm tired of worrying, I'm tired of
1276
01:07:28,020 --> 01:07:31,260
feeling like a [__ ] because
1277
01:07:31,260 --> 01:07:34,380
Don't you think I care and I care, I just
1278
01:07:34,380 --> 01:07:38,220
I'm trying to do my own thing too
1279
01:07:38,220 --> 01:07:42,599
I just feel so weak compared to her
1280
01:07:42,599 --> 01:07:47,760
ok I'm so stupid and bitter mm-hmm and I
1281
01:07:47,760 --> 01:07:49,559
I think I yell at her
1282
01:07:49,559 --> 01:07:51,359
we know her because I'm yelling at her
1283
01:07:51,359 --> 01:07:53,280
because she looks like me and because
1284
01:07:53,280 --> 01:07:54,900
I want
1285
01:07:54,900 --> 01:07:57,720
like why do I hate myself so much that
1286
01:07:57,720 --> 01:07:59,039
just yell at her because she looks
1287
01:07:59,039 --> 01:08:02,420
I feel like I'm yelling at myself
1288
01:08:09,460 --> 01:08:12,570
[Music]
1289
01:08:20,100 --> 01:08:21,839
let's do a scan and make sure we just
1290
01:08:21,839 --> 01:08:22,979
do a scan and make sure we got it
1291
01:08:22,979 --> 01:08:25,259
everyone here please
1292
01:08:25,259 --> 01:08:26,899
thus
1293
01:08:26,899 --> 01:08:29,520
we feel like we need them
1294
01:08:29,520 --> 01:08:31,500
support the community a little more and
1295
01:08:31,500 --> 01:08:32,939
I don't know people who could have been
1296
01:08:32,939 --> 01:08:35,339
here before we do something we call
1297
01:08:35,339 --> 01:08:37,080
room searches
1298
01:08:37,080 --> 01:08:39,899
this again is really continuing to
1299
01:08:39,899 --> 01:08:41,339
support you, people who can be
1300
01:08:41,339 --> 01:08:43,380
fighting people who may have
1301
01:08:43,380 --> 01:08:45,299
Smuggling and, obviously, some of the
1302
01:08:45,299 --> 01:08:46,560
things we're looking for are the
1303
01:08:46,560 --> 01:08:48,120
things you know you shouldn't have
1304
01:08:48,120 --> 01:08:51,540
gum candy store objects
1305
01:08:51,540 --> 01:08:54,899
cigarettes any type of food sugar
1306
01:08:54,899 --> 01:08:57,179
salty mustard ketchup, those types of
1307
01:08:57,179 --> 01:08:58,259
things
1308
01:08:58,259 --> 01:08:59,359
OK
1309
01:08:59,359 --> 01:09:03,199
never a dull moment
1310
01:09:30,839 --> 01:09:32,960
thanks
1311
01:09:33,080 --> 01:09:36,000
well, people put [__ ] under my pillow and
1312
01:09:36,000 --> 01:09:38,600
It is like
1313
01:09:44,040 --> 01:09:45,859
measuring tape
1314
01:09:45,859 --> 01:09:49,100
and that
1315
01:09:53,840 --> 01:09:58,940
send me some papers for some people
1316
01:10:17,960 --> 01:10:21,080
thanks
1317
01:10:23,219 --> 01:10:27,420
Robin had sugar packets on his body
1318
01:10:27,420 --> 01:10:30,179
Robinette wow
1319
01:10:30,179 --> 01:10:32,219
he's done with sugar, ok, yes, but
1320
01:10:32,219 --> 01:10:35,300
they are not actually storing
1321
01:10:35,780 --> 01:10:38,280
We got something on Charlie, yeah
1322
01:10:38,280 --> 01:10:40,860
let's eat oysters
1323
01:10:40,860 --> 01:10:43,860
cigarettes
1324
01:10:44,100 --> 01:10:46,140
oh you know what she has one of
1325
01:10:46,140 --> 01:10:49,260
sweet things, so that makes
1326
01:10:49,260 --> 01:10:51,480
guys
1327
01:10:51,480 --> 01:10:53,520
around, ok
1328
01:10:53,520 --> 01:10:56,520
300 milligrams of Neurontin mood stabilizer
1329
01:10:56,520 --> 01:10:59,960
I hope this is something she is doing
1330
01:11:04,739 --> 01:11:07,020
I think you're right, I [__ ] Miranda
1331
01:11:07,020 --> 01:11:08,640
in my room
1332
01:11:08,640 --> 01:11:11,120
but
1333
01:11:15,000 --> 01:11:16,860
Holly came to me and I feel like
1334
01:11:16,860 --> 01:11:18,900
I'm really stuck 'cause she's
1335
01:11:18,900 --> 01:11:20,699
how did you tell them you came from
1336
01:11:20,699 --> 01:11:22,920
Me and I are fine [__ ] who else would
1337
01:11:22,920 --> 01:11:24,540
Come because I don't accept 300
1338
01:11:24,540 --> 01:11:27,840
take 600. and I said no, I didn't take it
1339
01:11:27,840 --> 01:11:29,820
tell them so she doesn't think I
1340
01:11:29,820 --> 01:11:32,219
Told you guys so we could keep it a secret
1341
01:11:32,219 --> 01:11:34,199
a little hmm
1342
01:11:34,199 --> 01:11:35,580
Why is she like this depends on me
1343
01:11:35,580 --> 01:11:37,320
life and I'm like [__ ] I already told you
1344
01:11:37,320 --> 01:11:39,420
how do you feel about her putting you
1345
01:11:39,420 --> 01:11:43,219
this position sucks
1346
01:11:44,640 --> 01:11:46,500
I suggest that today you just
1347
01:11:46,500 --> 01:11:48,060
I can't live without this crap in my head
1348
01:11:48,060 --> 01:11:50,640
the rest of my life crap like this
1349
01:11:50,640 --> 01:11:52,320
these things about food and wanting
1350
01:11:52,320 --> 01:11:55,380
come in and control it and
1351
01:11:55,380 --> 01:11:57,719
like I can't continue my whole [__ ] life
1352
01:11:57,719 --> 01:11:59,940
with this in my head
1353
01:11:59,940 --> 01:12:02,580
Like, if it's that high, then I can't do it
1354
01:12:02,580 --> 01:12:04,320
this
1355
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:06,239
all the time because you can't fight
1356
01:12:06,239 --> 01:12:08,020
every minute of the day like I did
1357
01:12:08,020 --> 01:12:09,420
[Music]
1358
01:12:09,420 --> 01:12:12,239
ok, but I tell you this sometimes
1359
01:12:12,239 --> 01:12:14,340
things we say that we think are not
1360
01:12:14,340 --> 01:12:16,800
connected here tend to be
1361
01:12:16,800 --> 01:12:19,560
so we started talking about filling your
1362
01:12:19,560 --> 01:12:21,960
feelings down making a happy face
1363
01:12:21,960 --> 01:12:25,199
and then we get to the food
1364
01:12:25,199 --> 01:12:28,020
and I really think they are connected
1365
01:12:28,020 --> 01:12:29,760
I think when you assert yourself
1366
01:12:29,760 --> 01:12:32,640
when you take care of yourself when
1367
01:12:32,640 --> 01:12:35,760
Are you able to not have to pretend
1368
01:12:35,760 --> 01:12:36,900
For people
1369
01:12:36,900 --> 01:12:41,340
these symptoms will subside
1370
01:12:41,340 --> 01:12:43,020
I wonder if you've ever thought about what
1371
01:12:43,020 --> 01:12:44,640
we talked about yesterday
1372
01:12:44,640 --> 01:12:47,760
about things from the past that you
1373
01:12:47,760 --> 01:12:49,260
I think you might be over it
1374
01:12:49,260 --> 01:12:52,820
you really might not
1375
01:12:54,840 --> 01:12:57,060
Yes
1376
01:12:57,060 --> 01:12:59,400
It's not over
1377
01:12:59,400 --> 01:13:01,800
ok, well, I'm over it, but it affects me
1378
01:13:01,800 --> 01:13:04,040
yet
1379
01:13:04,980 --> 01:13:08,159
[__ ] improve my relationships
1380
01:13:08,159 --> 01:13:10,380
Shelly is it possible that the whole
1381
01:13:10,380 --> 01:13:13,140
eating disorder, a large part of this is
1382
01:13:13,140 --> 01:13:15,179
carrying around
1383
01:13:15,179 --> 01:13:19,679
things you feel are
1384
01:13:19,679 --> 01:13:22,080
really terrible
1385
01:13:22,080 --> 01:13:25,460
It's hard to talk about
1386
01:13:26,699 --> 01:13:28,679
I forget the feeling you carry
1387
01:13:28,679 --> 01:13:30,860
things with you that you think are
1388
01:13:30,860 --> 01:13:33,900
unspeakable literally unspeakable
1389
01:13:33,900 --> 01:13:37,340
I mean, I don't tell anyone
1390
01:13:49,920 --> 01:13:53,239
so why should I tell you
1391
01:13:54,260 --> 01:13:58,340
I finally woke up like this
1392
01:13:58,500 --> 01:14:00,239
we wanted to bring you three together
1393
01:14:00,239 --> 01:14:01,320
together
1394
01:14:01,320 --> 01:14:03,360
'cause we're having some big ones
1395
01:14:03,360 --> 01:14:06,420
concerns about some things that
1396
01:14:06,420 --> 01:14:09,120
things like this happened in private
1397
01:14:09,120 --> 01:14:11,880
appeared in the room search yesterday
1398
01:14:11,880 --> 01:14:13,860
and we feel that you three have
1399
01:14:13,860 --> 01:14:15,900
information that we consider highly
1400
01:14:15,900 --> 01:14:18,360
It's important that you are honest
1401
01:14:18,360 --> 01:14:21,659
about having some integrity so that
1402
01:14:21,659 --> 01:14:24,480
you can work on your own problems here, but
1403
01:14:24,480 --> 01:14:25,739
also so that we can take the community
1404
01:14:25,739 --> 01:14:27,480
safe
1405
01:14:27,480 --> 01:14:30,620
who would like to start
1406
01:14:46,739 --> 01:14:48,860
Hmm
1407
01:14:58,199 --> 01:15:00,420
This is the hardest thing I've ever done
1408
01:15:00,420 --> 01:15:01,880
I had to do it because it really sucks
1409
01:15:01,880 --> 01:15:05,540
whenever you have a friend
1410
01:15:09,239 --> 01:15:13,219
I'm sorry, but I didn't tell you, but
1411
01:15:16,080 --> 01:15:19,940
you can take ownership of any chat
1412
01:15:20,760 --> 01:15:23,219
Um, I gave it to her and in the first week
1413
01:15:23,219 --> 01:15:24,900
she was here
1414
01:15:24,900 --> 01:15:27,540
because she was going through a difficult time and
1415
01:15:27,540 --> 01:15:30,600
I had just been taken away from everything
1416
01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:31,980
it was just
1417
01:15:31,980 --> 01:15:35,000
really hurting
1418
01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:39,300
I felt really torn between
1419
01:15:39,300 --> 01:15:42,380
two sides
1420
01:15:43,380 --> 01:15:46,199
I'm really confused about what these two were
1421
01:15:46,199 --> 01:15:49,560
sides deep inside me that
1422
01:15:49,560 --> 01:15:51,060
doesn't like lying and is sorry
1423
01:15:51,060 --> 01:15:52,860
guilty of doing this
1424
01:15:52,860 --> 01:15:54,840
and then the side
1425
01:15:54,840 --> 01:15:55,920
Polly
1426
01:15:55,920 --> 01:15:57,300
just being a good friend and it was hard
1427
01:15:57,300 --> 01:15:59,719
you know
1428
01:16:00,659 --> 01:16:02,699
and you say you know friends
1429
01:16:02,699 --> 01:16:04,980
I wouldn't have put you in that position
1430
01:16:04,980 --> 01:16:06,540
but if my friend was taking a major
1431
01:16:06,540 --> 01:16:08,280
anxiety too, I probably would have done
1432
01:16:08,280 --> 01:16:10,699
the same thing
1433
01:16:10,800 --> 01:16:13,920
you're talking about life potentially
1434
01:16:13,920 --> 01:16:16,080
and death I intend to give to someone else
1435
01:16:16,080 --> 01:16:19,080
medication you know this wasn't under
1436
01:16:19,080 --> 01:16:22,739
the care of a psychiatrist you know
1437
01:16:22,739 --> 01:16:25,020
what kind of friend is this when when
1438
01:16:25,020 --> 01:16:27,000
they are really putting it at risk
1439
01:16:27,000 --> 01:16:29,420
Um, your life
1440
01:16:36,739 --> 01:16:39,179
she is the leader, she has many
1441
01:16:39,179 --> 01:16:42,020
very negative power
1442
01:16:42,800 --> 01:16:47,640
you got more, yeah, come on in, guys, okay
1443
01:16:47,640 --> 01:16:50,940
Thanks guys, let's go, yes, I
1444
01:16:50,940 --> 01:16:52,560
I think what you did was very difficult and
1445
01:16:52,560 --> 01:16:55,560
Very brave and showed me a lot of courage
1446
01:16:55,560 --> 01:16:57,000
and integrity
1447
01:16:57,000 --> 01:16:59,219
keeping the secret is destructive for you
1448
01:16:59,219 --> 01:17:01,860
for you two that's where we came from
1449
01:17:01,860 --> 01:17:05,659
ok, what do you want to tell us
1450
01:17:05,820 --> 01:17:08,040
we've both known this for a few weeks
1451
01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:11,159
Polly and Michelle Graf got tattoos
1452
01:17:11,159 --> 01:17:13,340
together
1453
01:17:15,300 --> 01:17:16,860
What are you both worried about?
1454
01:17:16,860 --> 01:17:19,140
about right now
1455
01:17:19,140 --> 01:17:23,000
I hate when people are mean to me
1456
01:17:23,040 --> 01:17:25,320
the community can only be as healthy as
1457
01:17:25,320 --> 01:17:26,400
members who are in the community
1458
01:17:26,400 --> 01:17:29,520
ok and when people are keeping secrets
1459
01:17:29,520 --> 01:17:32,159
and when someone is asking you
1460
01:17:32,159 --> 01:17:34,920
lie for them then it takes away from you
1461
01:17:34,920 --> 01:17:36,900
and its recovery
1462
01:17:36,900 --> 01:17:38,580
get lots of credit for both of you
1463
01:17:38,580 --> 01:17:40,140
be willing to go there and I think
1464
01:17:40,140 --> 01:17:43,520
you just need to stay in that space
1465
01:17:47,040 --> 01:17:48,840
I think it's pretty clear that we need
1466
01:17:48,840 --> 01:17:50,900
make Polly leave the community
1467
01:17:50,900 --> 01:17:52,920
because she has a very negative view
1468
01:17:52,920 --> 01:17:54,659
absolutely
1469
01:17:54,659 --> 01:17:56,460
influence on them
1470
01:17:56,460 --> 01:17:59,040
she is a bad place
1471
01:17:59,040 --> 01:18:02,040
tattoos, huh, I know, I wonder what it is
1472
01:18:02,040 --> 01:18:04,140
where is everything ok, I think it will be difficult
1473
01:18:04,140 --> 01:18:06,260
night
1474
01:18:07,380 --> 01:18:11,100
hello mom yes
1475
01:18:11,100 --> 01:18:12,659
Um, we need to start making arrangements.
1476
01:18:12,659 --> 01:18:14,159
for me to come home
1477
01:18:14,159 --> 01:18:17,460
I'm sitting here with the team and they
1478
01:18:17,460 --> 01:18:21,440
they're asking me to leave
1479
01:18:26,040 --> 01:18:29,100
we broke up weeks ago, their problem is that
1480
01:18:29,100 --> 01:18:32,040
I was given the opportunity to confess these
1481
01:18:32,040 --> 01:18:34,080
things and I don't
1482
01:18:34,080 --> 01:18:36,540
please give her another chance, I mean
1483
01:18:36,540 --> 01:18:39,060
She knows she's wrong, please, there is
1484
01:18:39,060 --> 01:18:43,140
nothing here to help you
1485
01:18:43,140 --> 01:18:46,199
There is no support system for anorexics
1486
01:18:46,199 --> 01:18:49,199
individuals
1487
01:18:50,840 --> 01:18:54,659
I'm begging you, please let her stay and if
1488
01:18:54,659 --> 01:18:57,960
she does something that I will never say
1489
01:18:57,960 --> 01:19:00,239
another word
1490
01:19:00,239 --> 01:19:03,960
her father will never pay again if
1491
01:19:03,960 --> 01:19:06,540
you send her away
1492
01:19:06,540 --> 01:19:10,219
and I can't pay for it alone
1493
01:19:10,500 --> 01:19:13,440
It's really this again, we gotta kind
1494
01:19:13,440 --> 01:19:15,900
to see where Polly is and what
1495
01:19:15,900 --> 01:19:17,940
She's willing to do I'll do anything
1496
01:19:17,940 --> 01:19:20,040
apolly, I think we've been through this
1497
01:19:20,040 --> 01:19:22,560
road before, is it possible that Susan will
1498
01:19:22,560 --> 01:19:24,360
the discharge plans
1499
01:19:24,360 --> 01:19:27,060
Um, for Polly, we can get
1500
01:19:27,060 --> 01:19:28,800
something prepared for Polly to leave
1501
01:19:28,800 --> 01:19:31,100
tomorrow
1502
01:19:38,760 --> 01:19:41,880
out of state to send her away, ok and
1503
01:19:41,880 --> 01:19:43,620
We certainly understand your frustration
1504
01:19:43,620 --> 01:19:46,880
no you do not
1505
01:19:50,400 --> 01:19:52,800
So I think you and her dad need to talk
1506
01:19:52,800 --> 01:19:54,900
about it in a different way is that
1507
01:19:54,900 --> 01:19:57,480
What do you know, we're not the ones kicking
1508
01:19:57,480 --> 01:20:02,900
you don't know him, I'm sorry mom, it's okay
1509
01:20:06,540 --> 01:20:09,360
ok, I just got kicked out, thanks everyone
1510
01:20:09,360 --> 01:20:11,960
I thank
1511
01:20:15,860 --> 01:20:19,040
[Applause]
1512
01:20:28,560 --> 01:20:30,739
foreigner
1513
01:20:53,450 --> 01:20:56,520
[Music]
1514
01:21:02,280 --> 01:21:04,460
foreigner
1515
01:21:10,320 --> 01:21:13,580
or did I get vomited again
1516
01:21:14,639 --> 01:21:16,620
I'm too exhausted to find it right
1517
01:21:16,620 --> 01:21:18,800
now
1518
01:21:23,830 --> 01:21:27,540
[Music]
1519
01:21:27,540 --> 01:21:30,920
come here darling
1520
01:21:31,670 --> 01:21:34,770
[Music]
1521
01:21:37,040 --> 01:21:38,639
OK
1522
01:21:38,639 --> 01:21:41,659
there's my card
1523
01:21:43,739 --> 01:21:46,699
right, sweetie
1524
01:21:50,940 --> 01:21:54,020
you are falling
1525
01:21:54,020 --> 01:21:57,179
It's not your fault I caused this
1526
01:21:57,179 --> 01:21:59,420
myself
1527
01:22:02,239 --> 01:22:05,600
this will be fun
1528
01:22:07,560 --> 01:22:09,739
foreigner
1529
01:22:34,620 --> 01:22:37,100
all good
1530
01:22:38,100 --> 01:22:41,420
installation yes
1531
01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:44,280
I totally miss mine
1532
01:22:44,280 --> 01:22:46,520
flight
1533
01:23:01,040 --> 01:23:05,659
I'm smoking your cab, yeah, okay
1534
01:23:13,139 --> 01:23:16,139
foreigner
1535
01:23:25,980 --> 01:23:34,140
[Music]
1536
01:23:34,880 --> 01:23:37,800
But a lot has happened, it seems
1537
01:23:37,800 --> 01:23:41,460
the last week the last week and a half
1538
01:23:41,460 --> 01:23:44,480
what everyone thinks
1539
01:23:44,639 --> 01:23:46,739
last week we talked about this it's so
1540
01:23:46,739 --> 01:23:48,239
negative here and it's so chaotic and
1541
01:23:48,239 --> 01:23:50,820
It's so dramatic but only we can turn it around
1542
01:23:50,820 --> 01:23:52,920
that's it out there
1543
01:23:52,920 --> 01:23:55,500
and I was feeling at my lowest point a few years ago
1544
01:23:55,500 --> 01:23:57,420
days ago
1545
01:23:57,420 --> 01:23:59,219
but the fact is the other
1546
01:23:59,219 --> 01:24:00,719
Last night I really thought about it
1547
01:24:00,719 --> 01:24:02,880
and part of me for a fleeting moment
1548
01:24:02,880 --> 01:24:04,860
I imagined a better life
1549
01:24:04,860 --> 01:24:07,320
and maybe no pun intended, but want
1550
01:24:07,320 --> 01:24:09,719
I like recovery
1551
01:24:09,719 --> 01:24:11,040
I was talking to a group of people who
1552
01:24:11,040 --> 01:24:12,239
said well from here on out, I mean there
1553
01:24:12,239 --> 01:24:14,159
There may be days when I don't want to go out
1554
01:24:14,159 --> 01:24:17,159
out of bed and I don't think I could continue
1555
01:24:17,159 --> 01:24:18,600
but I'll give everything I have
1556
01:24:18,600 --> 01:24:21,659
I got it and then I made a pact with a couple
1557
01:24:21,659 --> 01:24:23,460
of people here, but I was going to do
1558
01:24:23,460 --> 01:24:27,659
and they said ok, I'll do it and the
1559
01:24:27,659 --> 01:24:30,060
really the only requirement to participate in this
1560
01:24:30,060 --> 01:24:31,679
the package is the number one thing you need to do
1561
01:24:31,679 --> 01:24:34,080
Positive choices you need to be willing to make
1562
01:24:34,080 --> 01:24:38,639
not to break the rules here in any way
1563
01:24:38,639 --> 01:24:40,739
and you need to be willing
1564
01:24:40,739 --> 01:24:44,820
try to give everything you have
1565
01:24:44,820 --> 01:24:46,739
so if there is anyone else who wants
1566
01:24:46,739 --> 01:24:49,679
would you like to join me in transforming Renfrew into
1567
01:24:49,679 --> 01:24:52,080
a positive place
1568
01:24:52,080 --> 01:24:54,980
stand
1569
01:24:56,639 --> 01:25:00,120
I just want to say this, hmm
1570
01:25:00,120 --> 01:25:03,000
for you to say that coming from
1571
01:25:03,000 --> 01:25:05,340
claim you were on the first day you
1572
01:25:05,340 --> 01:25:07,500
I just admire you for being able to stand
1573
01:25:07,500 --> 01:25:10,280
stand up and say it
1574
01:25:12,800 --> 01:25:15,869
[Music]
1575
01:25:21,240 --> 01:25:24,060
[Applause]
1576
01:25:24,060 --> 01:25:26,760
I'm really nervous about going home
1577
01:25:26,760 --> 01:25:29,219
because I don't think I'm ready
1578
01:25:29,219 --> 01:25:33,120
I still want to lose 40 kilos to get
1579
01:25:33,120 --> 01:25:35,760
my ideal weight
1580
01:25:35,760 --> 01:25:38,699
I have my first day and I will be
1581
01:25:38,699 --> 01:25:40,920
back planned
1582
01:25:40,920 --> 01:25:43,320
It is
1583
01:25:43,320 --> 01:25:46,820
there is no food involved
1584
01:25:47,600 --> 01:25:51,380
no, I want to go home
1585
01:26:02,400 --> 01:26:07,280
look at this guy it's almost enough
1586
01:26:07,500 --> 01:26:10,139
You're crawling out of your skin, huh
1587
01:26:10,139 --> 01:26:12,120
you want this, mom, you don't understand
1588
01:26:12,120 --> 01:26:15,320
I want it out
1589
01:26:27,900 --> 01:26:30,659
I'm wondering if Brittany
1590
01:26:30,659 --> 01:26:33,960
Leaving is just bringing up a bunch of
1591
01:26:33,960 --> 01:26:37,139
things for you now and um
1592
01:26:37,139 --> 01:26:38,520
on that
1593
01:26:38,520 --> 01:26:40,620
somehow it's about trying to cope
1594
01:26:40,620 --> 01:26:42,179
with the feelings that are that are
1595
01:26:42,179 --> 01:26:43,560
Coming to you at the end of
1596
01:26:43,560 --> 01:26:44,820
treatment
1597
01:26:44,820 --> 01:26:46,739
Both Allison and I want to work hard
1598
01:26:46,739 --> 01:26:48,540
hard with you now to try to keep
1599
01:26:48,540 --> 01:26:49,500
things
1600
01:26:49,500 --> 01:26:51,239
kind of together we know it's not
1601
01:26:51,239 --> 01:26:52,739
fixed, we know there is still a lot
1602
01:26:52,739 --> 01:26:54,900
things to do, but I think there's a piece
1603
01:26:54,900 --> 01:26:57,000
of work you need to do now
1604
01:26:57,000 --> 01:26:59,400
which is about being able to say goodbye
1605
01:26:59,400 --> 01:27:02,040
and get ready to move on to the next
1606
01:27:02,040 --> 01:27:03,659
stage for you
1607
01:27:03,659 --> 01:27:05,940
and if you get into too much of a crisis with
1608
01:27:05,940 --> 01:27:07,500
not eat and
1609
01:27:07,500 --> 01:27:09,600
maybe talking about how you go
1610
01:27:09,600 --> 01:27:11,699
return to your eating disorder or
1611
01:27:11,699 --> 01:27:14,100
become insecure in any way, they will
1612
01:27:14,100 --> 01:27:15,540
be things that will distract you
1613
01:27:15,540 --> 01:27:17,400
to deal with the feelings that
1614
01:27:17,400 --> 01:27:20,239
Are you thinking about leaving
1615
01:27:21,179 --> 01:27:22,440
I don't feel comfortable with you
1616
01:27:22,440 --> 01:27:23,639
leaving because I don't feel that you are
1617
01:27:23,639 --> 01:27:25,860
Okay, I'm actually scared to death
1618
01:27:25,860 --> 01:27:26,580
you
1619
01:27:26,580 --> 01:27:27,960
It is
1620
01:27:27,960 --> 01:27:29,040
Um, that's something that's not really
1621
01:27:29,040 --> 01:27:30,840
easy to say because as much as I want
1622
01:27:30,840 --> 01:27:32,460
you do good
1623
01:27:32,460 --> 01:27:35,400
and I really want you to just
1624
01:27:35,400 --> 01:27:36,780
the fact that you are already slipping
1625
01:27:36,780 --> 01:27:39,239
and you are still impatient, put treatment
1626
01:27:39,239 --> 01:27:41,880
for me if you don't want
1627
01:27:41,880 --> 01:27:45,120
my mother is forcing me
1628
01:27:45,120 --> 01:27:46,980
you can't force me to do something that
1629
01:27:46,980 --> 01:27:48,659
I don't want to do it because she can't do it
1630
01:27:48,659 --> 01:27:51,239
in my head and control how old I am
1631
01:27:51,239 --> 01:27:53,280
you 15.
1632
01:27:53,280 --> 01:27:55,500
Jen, what kind of things could you have
1633
01:27:55,500 --> 01:27:58,739
avoided if you had gotten help at 15.
1634
01:27:58,739 --> 01:28:01,620
Damn, I would have liked so many
1635
01:28:01,620 --> 01:28:03,920
things
1636
01:28:04,860 --> 01:28:09,480
I looked at 12 years and said what
1637
01:28:09,480 --> 01:28:11,159
I remember
1638
01:28:11,159 --> 01:28:14,219
I remember sitting at tables, I remember
1639
01:28:14,219 --> 01:28:16,380
going
1640
01:28:16,380 --> 01:28:19,340
to Thanksgiving dinners with
1641
01:28:19,340 --> 01:28:24,380
prepackaged meals for me
1642
01:28:24,659 --> 01:28:26,820
and just sit at the table with others
1643
01:28:26,820 --> 01:28:29,280
people eating my food
1644
01:28:29,280 --> 01:28:31,920
while everyone was enjoying
1645
01:28:31,920 --> 01:28:34,920
Thanksgiving
1646
01:28:35,219 --> 01:28:38,280
it was embarrassing and shameful
1647
01:28:38,280 --> 01:28:41,300
and now I'm 28 and I'm a little girl
1648
01:28:41,300 --> 01:28:45,139
no period
1649
01:28:45,300 --> 01:28:48,120
and my boyfriend told me that I want
1650
01:28:48,120 --> 01:28:49,920
spend the rest of my life with you and
1651
01:28:49,920 --> 01:28:52,020
at the rate we're going I'm going to bury
1652
01:28:52,020 --> 01:28:55,100
you in five years
1653
01:28:55,620 --> 01:29:00,139
I don't want anyone to be mad at me
1654
01:29:01,380 --> 01:29:02,880
Brittany what's the difference between
1655
01:29:02,880 --> 01:29:04,560
be angry and worried about
1656
01:29:04,560 --> 01:29:06,540
Someone what's the difference I don't
1657
01:29:06,540 --> 01:29:09,360
I want someone to care, ok, we'll see
1658
01:29:09,360 --> 01:29:12,480
that someone we care about is
1659
01:29:12,480 --> 01:29:16,070
basically killing yourself
1660
01:29:16,070 --> 01:29:17,760
[Music]
1661
01:29:17,760 --> 01:29:19,920
I saw someone die
1662
01:29:19,920 --> 01:29:22,800
It's not a pleasant sight and I can't
1663
01:29:22,800 --> 01:29:24,659
imagine losing a child
1664
01:29:24,659 --> 01:29:26,460
let me try to think of your mother
1665
01:29:26,460 --> 01:29:28,739
she wanted you to have life and now
1666
01:29:28,739 --> 01:29:30,360
you're only breaking up because you want to
1667
01:29:30,360 --> 01:29:32,100
be thin
1668
01:29:32,100 --> 01:29:34,320
my son
1669
01:29:34,320 --> 01:29:36,179
It is
1670
01:29:36,179 --> 01:29:38,520
It's everything to what my children are everything
1671
01:29:38,520 --> 01:29:40,080
my
1672
01:29:40,080 --> 01:29:41,340
I choose to bring you into this world
1673
01:29:41,340 --> 01:29:43,620
he is an innocent boy and when he was two
1674
01:29:43,620 --> 01:29:45,120
years
1675
01:29:45,120 --> 01:29:47,940
I used it to feed my disorder every
1676
01:29:47,940 --> 01:29:50,100
tonight I have to give Josh a bath I have to give him
1677
01:29:50,100 --> 01:29:52,260
Josh, a bath, I have to give Josh a bath, I took
1678
01:29:52,260 --> 01:29:53,760
he turned him like this in the shower
1679
01:29:53,760 --> 01:29:55,560
He could play with his toys, well I did
1680
01:29:55,560 --> 01:29:58,460
that went down the drain
1681
01:29:59,060 --> 01:30:02,400
disgusting I lost a son to bulimia
1682
01:30:02,400 --> 01:30:07,139
I miscarried, this is what life becomes
1683
01:30:07,139 --> 01:30:08,820
I do not watch TV
1684
01:30:08,820 --> 01:30:10,860
I haven't seen any movies, I don't have
1685
01:30:10,860 --> 01:30:12,239
friends
1686
01:30:12,239 --> 01:30:15,300
the only thing in my life
1687
01:30:15,300 --> 01:30:17,699
That's what I step on the scale and get out of
1688
01:30:17,699 --> 01:30:19,020
scale get on the scale I get out
1689
01:30:19,020 --> 01:30:20,699
scale, run, I'll come back, I'll enter the
1690
01:30:20,699 --> 01:30:22,380
scale change mine to her seven times
1691
01:30:22,380 --> 01:30:24,000
before leaving home in the morning
1692
01:30:24,000 --> 01:30:25,500
I changed my clothes several times and
1693
01:30:25,500 --> 01:30:28,940
again at two in the morning
1694
01:30:28,980 --> 01:30:32,100
is the only thing that matters is
1695
01:30:32,100 --> 01:30:36,060
pathetic who is doing this
1696
01:30:36,060 --> 01:30:39,420
I miss this a lot
1697
01:30:39,420 --> 01:30:42,600
so that's what I wanted
1698
01:30:42,600 --> 01:30:44,820
I know you're in high school and you're
1699
01:30:44,820 --> 01:30:48,739
surrounded by this please
1700
01:30:49,520 --> 01:30:53,280
and I'm not one of them, I can't take it
1701
01:30:53,280 --> 01:30:53,640
no more
1702
01:30:53,640 --> 01:30:56,819
[Applause]
1703
01:30:57,570 --> 01:30:59,280
[Music]
1704
01:30:59,280 --> 01:31:01,440
he is overweight and I never
1705
01:31:01,440 --> 01:31:04,420
I will miss
1706
01:31:04,420 --> 01:31:07,670
[Music]
1707
01:31:08,699 --> 01:31:11,300
are you upset
1708
01:31:12,020 --> 01:31:15,679
I am so sick
1709
01:31:24,300 --> 01:31:26,840
Ness
1710
01:31:32,010 --> 01:31:35,859
[Music]
1711
01:31:36,000 --> 01:31:39,000
foreigner
1712
01:31:39,970 --> 01:31:43,289
[Music]
1713
01:32:07,100 --> 01:32:10,159
thanks
1714
01:32:11,760 --> 01:32:13,260
I feel like I'm leaving, you're leaving
1715
01:32:13,260 --> 01:32:16,340
and I'll be the only one here
1716
01:32:16,340 --> 01:32:19,800
anyone they are with
1717
01:32:19,800 --> 01:32:23,900
I had money, I would stay longer
1718
01:32:24,659 --> 01:32:26,699
I can even imagine myself sitting
1719
01:32:26,699 --> 01:32:28,800
in an apartment alone what do I do
1720
01:32:28,800 --> 01:32:30,840
what I treat myself as if it weren't
1721
01:32:30,840 --> 01:32:33,260
used to it
1722
01:32:36,840 --> 01:32:38,940
This kind of [__ ] happens and I'm around
1723
01:32:38,940 --> 01:32:41,239
myself
1724
01:32:41,620 --> 01:32:46,680
[Music]
1725
01:32:58,699 --> 01:33:02,760
If you don't mind, I'll swim here
1726
01:33:02,760 --> 01:33:05,880
so do you have plans for tonight, no
1727
01:33:05,880 --> 01:33:08,219
what are you going to do I don't know
1728
01:33:08,219 --> 01:33:10,139
everything will be fine
1729
01:33:10,139 --> 01:33:13,280
it will have to be
1730
01:33:17,940 --> 01:33:19,380
zero
1731
01:33:19,380 --> 01:33:21,659
you can call us if you need us, you know
1732
01:33:21,659 --> 01:33:25,520
that you know our number yes
1733
01:33:29,880 --> 01:33:31,500
Seriously, if you're not going to be fine
1734
01:33:31,500 --> 01:33:34,500
answer the phone, ok, I'll go ok, thank you
1735
01:33:34,500 --> 01:33:36,840
you because you worked hard, ok
1736
01:33:36,840 --> 01:33:39,480
thanks
1737
01:33:39,480 --> 01:33:41,719
foreigner
1738
01:33:44,210 --> 01:33:47,279
[Music]
1739
01:33:52,220 --> 01:34:06,669
[Music]
1740
01:34:11,320 --> 01:34:22,159
[Music]
1741
01:34:22,159 --> 01:34:24,540
I have enormous respect
1742
01:34:24,540 --> 01:34:26,699
for how hard it is to do what you have
1743
01:34:26,699 --> 01:34:28,199
finished here
1744
01:34:28,199 --> 01:34:31,100
very difficult
1745
01:34:33,360 --> 01:34:36,060
Everything fine now
1746
01:34:36,060 --> 01:34:38,719
goodbye
1747
01:34:43,739 --> 01:34:47,000
go when you have fun
1748
01:34:49,370 --> 01:34:52,529
[Music]
1749
01:34:54,060 --> 01:34:57,060
foreigner
1750
01:34:58,060 --> 01:35:08,199
[Music]
1751
01:35:38,040 --> 01:35:38,890
very nervous
1752
01:35:38,890 --> 01:35:40,520
[Music]
1753
01:35:40,520 --> 01:35:43,800
hating, I'm hating here, so where do I
1754
01:35:43,800 --> 01:35:43,950
go
1755
01:35:43,950 --> 01:35:47,100
[Music]
1756
01:35:47,900 --> 01:35:49,690
I'm eating your children
1757
01:35:49,690 --> 01:35:51,739
[Music]
1758
01:35:51,739 --> 01:35:55,940
Might as well eat it like normal people
1759
01:36:13,690 --> 01:36:22,189
[Music]
1760
01:36:26,119 --> 01:36:30,080
okay bye
1761
01:36:34,040 --> 01:36:37,760
some more cone
1762
01:36:40,380 --> 01:36:43,040
what
1763
01:36:43,580 --> 01:36:47,000
you are hungry
1764
01:36:49,320 --> 01:36:54,169
[Music]
1765
01:36:56,610 --> 01:36:59,670
[Music]
1766
01:37:03,420 --> 01:37:06,420
foreigner
1767
01:38:06,239 --> 01:38:08,360
thanks
1768
01:38:24,070 --> 01:38:27,180
[Music]
1769
01:38:29,340 --> 01:38:31,350
foreigner
1770
01:38:31,350 --> 01:38:59,400
[Music]
1771
01:38:59,400 --> 01:39:01,340
foreigner
1772
01:39:01,340 --> 01:39:15,000
[Music]
1773
01:39:18,360 --> 01:39:47,900
[Music]
1774
01:39:47,900 --> 01:39:50,830
thanks
1775
01:39:50,830 --> 01:40:18,119
[Music]
1776
01:40:18,119 --> 01:40:21,119
foreigner
1777
01:40:24,000 --> 02:40:24,000
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