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1
00:00:05,210 --> 00:00:07,130
-Ten bucks says that lady
clears it, no problem.
2
00:00:07,170 --> 00:00:08,960
-What? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm in.
3
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,420
Because she's got
courthouse sushi.
4
00:00:10,460 --> 00:00:13,340
She's not playing
with a full deck.
5
00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:15,366
- What are you guys doing?
- They just cleaned the door.
6
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:17,076
We're betting on who
can tell the difference
7
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,260
between glass and
air. You want in?
8
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,326
-Hey! None of that. It's
the new clerk's first night.
9
00:00:21,350 --> 00:00:22,810
I want to make a
good impression.
10
00:00:22,850 --> 00:00:24,730
Wyatt is just what
we're looking for.
11
00:00:24,770 --> 00:00:27,360
He's a law student. He has
a lot of life experience,
12
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,360
And I'm just gonna say
it... the guy is cool.
13
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,030
-You don't get to
say what's cool.
14
00:00:31,070 --> 00:00:34,280
I've heard you say "yikes,"
"yoinks," and "yowzers"
15
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:37,160
while dropping the same cookie.
16
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,240
-Well, tonight I am
a human chill pill.
17
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,620
Aah! That's him! Okay!
Everybody make him feel welcome.
18
00:00:42,660 --> 00:00:44,830
Dan, smile! But maybe
don't show teeth!
19
00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,856
It's too late! He can hear
everything! Just follow your heart!
20
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,790
-As someone who took
chill pills in the '80s,
21
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,380
you need a new dealer.
22
00:00:51,420 --> 00:00:53,340
-Nice to see you
again, judge Stone.
23
00:00:53,380 --> 00:00:55,550
Thanks for the incredibly
detailed directions,
24
00:00:55,590 --> 00:00:56,890
down to the step.
25
00:00:56,930 --> 00:01:00,510
Now I see why shoe size
came up in our interview.
26
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,390
-Do I know you from somewhere?
27
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:05,690
-Oh, yeah. Trader
Joe's, 14th Street.
28
00:01:05,730 --> 00:01:07,230
I used to work the
sample station.
29
00:01:07,270 --> 00:01:09,150
You're the lady who loops
around like six times
30
00:01:09,190 --> 00:01:10,730
for salsa shots then leaves.
31
00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:12,980
-Nope. Never mind.
Never seen you.
32
00:01:13,030 --> 00:01:15,740
-I've probably run into
all of you at some point.
33
00:01:15,780 --> 00:01:17,070
I've had a million jobs.
34
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:19,240
Spin instructor, hotel bellhop.
35
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,330
For a while, I fixed
granddaughter clocks.
36
00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:24,250
There wasn't much of a market.
37
00:01:25,330 --> 00:01:27,460
But I'm really
excited to be here.
38
00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:29,380
-Who wouldn't be? You
know, on the one hand,
39
00:01:29,420 --> 00:01:31,090
I mean, the money's
not very good,
40
00:01:31,130 --> 00:01:32,420
but then on the other hand,
41
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:35,470
this will do nothing
for your career.
42
00:01:35,510 --> 00:01:38,010
-Don't listen to him.
You're gonna love it here.
43
00:01:38,050 --> 00:01:41,430
It's just a breezy, fun,
totally normal place to work.
44
00:01:41,470 --> 00:01:44,270
-We've been hacked! I
repeat! We've been hacked!
45
00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:45,680
Hand off your devices!
46
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,366
Don't worry! I have my
whistle!
47
00:01:47,390 --> 00:01:49,270
-No, a whistle is
the cue for the...
48
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,700
-Very chill.
49
00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:08,670
-We're locked out of the
server and our e-mails.
50
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:11,500
Well, every time I refresh,
I just get that "bonk" sound.
51
00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:13,040
Bonk.
52
00:02:13,090 --> 00:02:15,840
Bonk. Bonk, bonk, bonk, bonk!
53
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,800
-You know, it's sad how
helpless you all are
54
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,510
without your beep-boops
and porn cubes.
55
00:02:20,550 --> 00:02:23,930
Oh! What ever shall we do
without our precious computers?
56
00:02:23,970 --> 00:02:26,770
We might actually have
to have a conversation.
57
00:02:26,810 --> 00:02:28,480
-I would love to
have a conversation.
58
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:29,940
-Ugh. Abby, not now!
59
00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:33,570
We've got to figure out
this computer thing!
60
00:02:33,610 --> 00:02:35,480
-Isn't there an I.T.
guy who can fix this?
61
00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:37,400
-The I.T. department
isn't open at night.
62
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,780
We do have an "It" department,
but it's just a clown
63
00:02:39,820 --> 00:02:42,700
who smells like a sewer and says
our fear makes him stronger.
64
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,660
-What's that sound?
65
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,750
-It can't be. What... It...
66
00:02:52,210 --> 00:02:53,840
It is!
67
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,050
- Is that a fax machine?
- Oh, yeah.
68
00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:59,220
They put them in 10 years
ago to modernize the place.
69
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,430
-It's a list of demands
from the hacker.
70
00:03:03,470 --> 00:03:05,510
He's gonna leak all our
personal information
71
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,850
unless the defendant in
the sixth case tonight
72
00:03:07,890 --> 00:03:09,140
is found guilty.
73
00:03:09,180 --> 00:03:10,890
-What's the sixth case?
74
00:03:12,060 --> 00:03:14,560
-Oh! That's me.
75
00:03:14,610 --> 00:03:17,530
Criminal Mischief. Code 17-3.
76
00:03:17,570 --> 00:03:21,450
Destruction of a hotel
room by a non-musician.
77
00:03:21,490 --> 00:03:22,860
-I don't care what it is.
78
00:03:22,910 --> 00:03:25,370
Abby Stone does not
negotiate with terrorists.
79
00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:28,870
Or the cable company.
Nobody wants Starz.
80
00:03:28,910 --> 00:03:31,210
-Oh. Look at her go.
81
00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:32,960
The curves of the Buick LeSabre,
82
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,380
the aroma...
83
00:03:34,420 --> 00:03:36,960
of ink that you didn't
know could kill you.
84
00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:40,800
-"No police. I'm
not messing around."
85
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,090
And then there's a
picture of someone dressed
86
00:03:43,130 --> 00:03:45,010
as a high-school mascot.
87
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:47,060
The "Westview Goblin."
88
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:48,406
Actually, it kind
of looks like...
89
00:03:48,430 --> 00:03:49,850
-No! It's not possible!
90
00:03:49,890 --> 00:03:53,270
The only known copy
is on my... phone.
91
00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:56,230
-So the hacker's in
our personal devices.
92
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,070
That means he has
all our secrets.
93
00:03:58,110 --> 00:03:59,900
-And our dance mixes!
94
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:05,240
-This is from an
online pet store.
95
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:07,620
There's enough toys
here for 100 cats.
96
00:04:07,660 --> 00:04:09,740
-Or one open-minded
human who wants to work
97
00:04:09,790 --> 00:04:12,660
on their dexterity
while lying in the sun!
98
00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:15,170
-This could get so much worse.
99
00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:17,750
Goblin pictures are really
just the tip of the iceberg.
100
00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:19,460
This guy could ruin me.
- Not me.
101
00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:21,316
The only thing on my phone
is an app that tells me
102
00:04:21,340 --> 00:04:22,760
when something is hummus.
103
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,090
Heh-heh-heh. I'm not
gonna get fooled again.
104
00:04:28,970 --> 00:04:32,640
-You all know me. You
know how I earn my living.
105
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:35,350
I'll catch that hacker for you.
But it ain't gonna be easy.
106
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:39,650
Not like going down to holding,
chasing drunks and tommycats.
107
00:04:39,690 --> 00:04:42,400
I don't want no volunteers.
I don't want no mates.
108
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:43,820
I just want your trust.
109
00:04:43,860 --> 00:04:47,660
And for that, I'll get
you the head, the butt,
110
00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:49,700
the whole damn thing.
111
00:04:51,370 --> 00:04:53,960
-Great. So we're
gonna do Gurgs' thing.
112
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,146
We'll slow things down in court
to give her some more time.
113
00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,460
-Yeah, that'll be easy.
114
00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:59,316
Things never move as fast
as you want around here.
115
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:01,300
-Yeah, but tonight
it'll be on purpose!
116
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,680
-Hey, Wyatt!
117
00:05:08,010 --> 00:05:09,350
Did I interrupt something?
118
00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:10,810
-Just checking out
my new workspace.
119
00:05:10,850 --> 00:05:14,430
Making sure the drawer
opens and shuts,
120
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,270
which is what you
want in a drawer.
121
00:05:17,310 --> 00:05:19,150
-Interesting.
122
00:05:19,190 --> 00:05:21,190
I understand you used
to work at a hotel.
123
00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:23,650
Bet it makes you pretty
mad to hear about a case
124
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:26,570
where someone trashed
a innocent hotel room.
125
00:05:26,610 --> 00:05:29,740
-Not really. I've seen those
rooms under a black light.
126
00:05:29,780 --> 00:05:32,580
They should allbe destroyed.
127
00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:34,370
-Sounds like a motive.
128
00:05:34,410 --> 00:05:38,790
Looks like that drawer isn't the
only thing that's open-and-shut.
129
00:05:40,210 --> 00:05:42,500
-Okay. Dan Fielding,
saving the day once again.
130
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:43,920
I got us a tech expert.
131
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,880
-That's your expert? Some
random kid you found?
132
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,470
-Yeah. He's a teen.
They love technology.
133
00:05:48,510 --> 00:05:50,600
Probably taking
his laptop to prom.
134
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,810
Alright, Shaggy,
tell us what to do.
135
00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:54,906
-Have you tried unplugging
it then plugging it back in?
136
00:05:54,930 --> 00:05:58,520
-That's it?! How did you
people ever invent Facebook?
137
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,360
Get outta here!
138
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:02,770
-Gurgs.
139
00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,570
Act like I
said something funny.
140
00:06:04,610 --> 00:06:06,216
Where are
we on the investigation?
141
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,610
I think it's
someone on the inside.
142
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:11,030
I don't know who
to trust, Judge!
143
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:14,040
-So now we're just
laughing to hide our fear?
144
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,200
No. It's real now.
145
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:18,250
I thought of something
funny to get myself started,
146
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:20,170
and now I can't stop!
147
00:06:20,210 --> 00:06:21,710
-Well, take all
the time you need
148
00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:24,090
because no one can slow
things down like Abby Stone.
149
00:06:24,130 --> 00:06:26,760
See how I just referred to
myself in the third person?
150
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,430
That took a little more
time than saying "me."
151
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:31,430
And notice how now
I'm explaining it?
152
00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:33,850
Also more time.
153
00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:36,220
-You know, there is
another way we could stall.
154
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,350
We could use... The Box.
155
00:06:38,390 --> 00:06:40,980
-We're not using... The Box.
156
00:06:41,020 --> 00:06:44,070
-What's... The Box?
157
00:06:44,110 --> 00:06:45,190
-Don't ask about The Box.
158
00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:46,900
God willing, you'll
never need to know!
159
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,320
Alright. Let's call
the first case.
160
00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,610
The People versus Kyle Eh.
161
00:06:51,660 --> 00:06:53,280
- Eh?
- Eh.
162
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,240
-Ugh!
163
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:58,000
Where's a meaty five-syllable
last name when you need it?!
164
00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,750
Alright, Counselor,
please tell me
165
00:06:59,790 --> 00:07:02,920
in excruciating detail what
Mr. Eh is charged with.
166
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,050
-Unfortunately, the
defendant has decided
167
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:06,300
to defend himself.
168
00:07:06,340 --> 00:07:08,420
- Why is that unfortunate?
- He's an auctioneer.
169
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:11,260
-Up to the counter. I said,
"Can I get seven scones?"
170
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:12,760
"No." "Can I get six?
171
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,576
Bid a little five. Do I
hear four? Three... two..."
172
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,786
Can't get two, can't get one.
Do I hear there are no scones?
173
00:07:16,810 --> 00:07:18,730
I do! Out comes the knife!
174
00:07:18,770 --> 00:07:20,166
Plunged into the chest of
the man behind the counter!
175
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,560
And I'm guilty. Going
once, going twice.
176
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:26,190
Last and final call! I'm guilty!
177
00:07:28,230 --> 00:07:30,530
-Do I hear we're screwed?
Screwed going once.
178
00:07:30,570 --> 00:07:33,530
Screwed going twice.
We're screwed!
179
00:07:38,410 --> 00:07:40,750
-Court is moving a little
faster than I planned.
180
00:07:40,790 --> 00:07:42,556
Is there any intel you
can give me on the case?
181
00:07:42,580 --> 00:07:45,290
Like maybe the guy is guilty
and I'm worried over nothing?
182
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,630
-He's actually a new
legal classification
183
00:07:47,670 --> 00:07:49,710
known as "Super Innocent."
184
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,356
There's proof that he
wasn't in the hotel room
185
00:07:52,380 --> 00:07:54,970
when it was trashed, we
have time-stamped footage
186
00:07:55,010 --> 00:07:57,930
of him at a bodega buying
grape soda for his son.
187
00:07:57,970 --> 00:08:01,020
-Grape soda? Can't you
at least find him guilty
188
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:03,400
of slowly poisoning his kid?
189
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:04,980
-You know that's not an option.
190
00:08:05,020 --> 00:08:07,020
And I have as much to
hide as anyone else.
191
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:11,190
I have a Guns N' Roses tattoo
in a very Guns N' Roses place.
192
00:08:12,490 --> 00:08:14,530
-Ah, the high-pitched siren song
193
00:08:14,570 --> 00:08:17,200
when it receives
its mating call.
194
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,200
-Stop romanticizing the
machine that's destroying us!
195
00:08:21,750 --> 00:08:23,870
- Whoa. What was that?
- Nothing.
196
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,540
-It was one of
yoursecrets, wasn't it?
197
00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:28,670
Why are you being
weird? Is it about me?!
198
00:08:28,710 --> 00:08:31,050
-That's a crazy thing to think.
199
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:33,236
Unless it's because you have
a bunch of secrets about me.
200
00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:35,390
-You know what? Let's just
be clear for a second here
201
00:08:35,430 --> 00:08:38,350
that I have zero thoughts
about either of you.
202
00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:42,640
But... But...
203
00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:44,140
Okay. This has
gotten out of hand.
204
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,440
We're two grown adults.
I'm just gonna eat it.
205
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:50,320
-Don't you dare! Fax ink?
It's like liquid asbestos!
206
00:08:55,490 --> 00:08:57,950
-Daughter of a magician.
207
00:08:57,990 --> 00:09:00,120
-Co-worker of lunatics.
You know what?
208
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,410
I'm just gonna have
to solve this myself.
209
00:09:02,450 --> 00:09:04,476
I'll open up a line of
communication with the hacker
210
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,120
and then simply outwit him...
211
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:08,340
like the mental game of
chess that I delivered
212
00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:10,550
to that poor sucker
from the cable company.
213
00:09:10,590 --> 00:09:14,720
You will never believethe
deal that I got on Starz.
214
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,970
-Dan's right. We
just have to focus.
215
00:09:17,010 --> 00:09:18,890
We'll just keep
stalling so Gurgs
216
00:09:18,930 --> 00:09:21,100
can follow up on her lead,
and I wouldn't be surprised
217
00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:23,890
if she has the culprit in
her crosshairs as we speak.
218
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,810
-Sandy, I'm only gonna
ask you one more time!
219
00:09:26,850 --> 00:09:29,810
What is your nighttime
skin routine?!
220
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,780
-We started this. We
have to finish it.
221
00:09:32,820 --> 00:09:34,400
No one will know I was involved.
222
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,610
Oh. Hey, Gurgs.
Found the hacker yet?
223
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,450
-As a matter of fact,
I have a suspect.
224
00:09:39,490 --> 00:09:42,660
Uh, maybe we could talk
about it over lunch.
225
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:47,670
-So... what's good here?
226
00:09:47,710 --> 00:09:49,080
-I know you're
the hacker, Wyatt.
227
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,890
So you're just gonna
claim it's a coincidence
228
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:52,500
all this happened on
your first night...
229
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,760
andyou happen to know your
way around a fax machine?
230
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,930
-Only because I once
worked at a Fax Bistro,
231
00:09:56,970 --> 00:09:59,970
a short-lived rival
to Internet cafés.
232
00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:01,930
-I bet you think you're
a pretty cool customer.
233
00:10:01,970 --> 00:10:04,220
Well, you're not the only
cool one around here!
234
00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:07,390
Ooh.
235
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,820
- You don't look comfortable.
- Well, I am.
236
00:10:11,860 --> 00:10:13,230
I know you're hiding something.
237
00:10:13,270 --> 00:10:16,400
We can do this the easy
way or the orange way!
238
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:17,990
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
239
00:10:18,030 --> 00:10:19,660
Can you grab those?
240
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,740
-I have to take this.
We're good, right?
241
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,450
Do you need anything?
- No. I'm fine.
242
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,580
But if you see Sandy,
send him my way
243
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:29,920
and tell him "it
happened again."
244
00:10:31,460 --> 00:10:34,380
-The altercation started
when the subway performer
245
00:10:34,420 --> 00:10:37,130
Emcee Scruggs accused
Mr. Beats-Fresh
246
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:40,930
of stealing his iconic
loco loco-motive dance move
247
00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:44,100
with the pale imitation
choo-choo crazy train.
248
00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:46,196
-In order for me to settle
this, I'm gonna need to see
249
00:10:46,220 --> 00:10:49,100
the full routine...
probably a couple times.
250
00:10:53,310 --> 00:10:55,650
-♪ I got the flava
to make 'em jump ♪
251
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:06,580
-Oh, no. Blood?
252
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,420
-You know, it's times like this
253
00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:13,540
I think we should reflect
on how lucky we are
254
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:16,630
that weweren't
kicked in the head.
255
00:11:16,670 --> 00:11:18,840
Let's take a short recess.
256
00:11:21,590 --> 00:11:23,850
-Dan! I figured it out.
257
00:11:23,890 --> 00:11:25,890
The only way our
secrets don't go public
258
00:11:25,930 --> 00:11:28,140
is if you convince number
six to plead guilty.
259
00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:29,746
-You know what? I don't say
this to make you feel better,
260
00:11:29,770 --> 00:11:31,350
but whatever you're
trying to hide
261
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:34,770
can't be any more embarrassing
than what we already know.
262
00:11:35,610 --> 00:11:39,900
-Well, did you know that I
once tried to get Gurgs fired?
263
00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:41,610
Well, in my defense,
she made me take
264
00:11:41,650 --> 00:11:43,740
a "Which 'Sex and the City'
Character Are You?" quiz.
265
00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:45,160
And I got "Steve."
266
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,740
-You tried to get Gurgs
fired? She's an angel!
267
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,500
I once saw her blow on a cocoon,
268
00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:53,120
and I swear to God a
butterfly was born just then!
269
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,380
Lucky for you, I've
almost ended this.
270
00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:57,420
I buttered up the
hacker with this line...
271
00:11:57,460 --> 00:12:00,090
"You know, we're not so
different, you and I."
272
00:12:00,130 --> 00:12:02,050
Huh? And his response?
273
00:12:02,090 --> 00:12:05,010
He sent me this picture
of his middle finger.
274
00:12:06,140 --> 00:12:08,720
Now it's a dialogue.
275
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:11,770
-Well, at least we got three
more cases to try and drag out.
276
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,600
-The People versus
Rosemary Smith,
277
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,190
Evie Brown, and Ellyn Daniel.
278
00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:17,860
-What? Aren't these supposed
to be three separate cases?
279
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:20,400
-The decision was
made to combine them.
280
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,440
-Why?
281
00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:24,450
-Okay. Now I see why.
282
00:12:24,490 --> 00:12:26,120
-Your Honor, the
three defendants
283
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:29,040
got into a prenatal brawl
at Osteria Pucillo when...
284
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:30,410
Your Honor,
285
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,790
the fight broke over
Osteria's pregnancy salad,
286
00:12:32,830 --> 00:12:35,420
which has been known
to induce labor!
287
00:12:35,460 --> 00:12:36,880
-It's the dressing.
288
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:40,090
We took turns chugging it in
the squad car, and n... ohh!
289
00:12:40,130 --> 00:12:42,170
-I know that you want
to slow things down, but
290
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,930
unless you hurry up, we're gonna
have three more defendants.
291
00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:48,640
-Fine. Go to the
hospital. Time served.
292
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,600
-Wait. If this is case three,
four, and five, then...
293
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:52,980
-That means we're out of time.
294
00:12:53,020 --> 00:12:55,900
-Case six. The People
versus Ryan Umansky.
295
00:12:55,940 --> 00:12:59,150
-Okay. Guess we have no choice.
296
00:12:59,190 --> 00:13:01,860
Gurgs, get The Box.
297
00:13:04,530 --> 00:13:07,030
-Yo! Where did that
box of bees come from?!
298
00:13:07,070 --> 00:13:08,780
-I counted 10, 20, 25, 30!
299
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,266
Do I hear 40? 40
bees!
300
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,250
-I should've asked more
questions about The Box!
301
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:24,720
-Oh, Gurgs. Glad you're
here. Had a thought.
302
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:28,350
Next time you call it "The
Box," maybe add "of Bees"...
303
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:31,720
because some of us
are pretty allergic.
304
00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,100
-Those were circus bees
who gave up their stingers
305
00:13:34,140 --> 00:13:36,020
for a life in the theater.
306
00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:38,560
What kind of courthouse
do you think I run?
307
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:41,730
-Well, that explains why they
were making fun shapes and...
308
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,440
But that's all it explains.
309
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,530
-We don't have time for
this game of fax and mouse.
310
00:13:46,570 --> 00:13:47,950
Either you come clean,
311
00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:50,200
or I sign you up for
Kohl's Cash Rewards.
312
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,240
It's so many e-mails,
313
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,250
and the unsubscribe is
a three-step process.
314
00:13:54,290 --> 00:13:56,580
You'll never do it! So what
are you hiding, Wyatt?!
315
00:13:56,620 --> 00:13:58,420
What are you hidin'?!
316
00:13:58,460 --> 00:14:01,290
-This isn't worth it!
It's Jupiter, okay?!
317
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,760
I've been sneaking
off to paint Jupiter.
318
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,920
My daughter has a solar
system due tomorrow,
319
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,380
and if she doesn't
get a good grade,
320
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,090
she loses her screen time.
321
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:13,010
And I need her to
have her screen time.
322
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:14,326
-Well, I didn't
know you had kids.
323
00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:15,770
-With all this stuff going on,
324
00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:17,810
it didn't leave a lot
of time for small talk.
325
00:14:17,850 --> 00:14:21,820
And then you thought I hacked
the server, which is hilarious.
326
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,440
With what time?
327
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:26,440
I'm a divorced law student
with two little girls
328
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:30,410
and a goldfish I'm pretty sure
is romantically in love with me.
329
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:31,910
I'm spinning so many plates,
330
00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:36,250
the mom text chain just
voted me "Messiest Bitch"!
331
00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:39,120
And that's saying something
because Julie's on there!
332
00:14:40,750 --> 00:14:43,130
You've got to be kidding me.
333
00:14:43,170 --> 00:14:45,420
-Okay. Uh...
334
00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:49,510
I've got an
investigation... to start.
335
00:14:53,510 --> 00:14:55,140
-What, Julie?
336
00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:58,600
No, I don'tknow
where your kids are.
337
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,496
-So the bright side of
the random bee attack
338
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,650
is that we could
chat, Mr. Umansky.
339
00:15:03,690 --> 00:15:05,530
Was just wondering,
is there anyone
340
00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:07,940
who you think might want
to see you thrown in jail?
341
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:12,160
-No. Everyone loves me.
My wife says I'm tooloved.
342
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:16,120
-Okay, well, what were you
doing in the hotel room
343
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,000
before the destruction occurred?
344
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,420
-I was making love
to my mistress.
345
00:15:21,540 --> 00:15:23,340
-I believe it's what
the French call...
346
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:25,670
Le Noonér.
347
00:15:27,380 --> 00:15:29,760
-So when your wife says
you're too loved...
348
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,800
-She means by many women who
aren't her. That's right.
349
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,350
-So glad my reputation
is gonna be ruined
350
00:15:35,390 --> 00:15:37,520
just so that this
guy can sleaze it up
351
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,430
with a woman I assume
is named Trish.
352
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,440
-I wishl could land a Trish.
353
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,230
-Seems to me that an affair
might lead to some grudges.
354
00:15:45,270 --> 00:15:47,320
-My wife, I guess.
355
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,940
My mistress's husband.
356
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:51,030
My othermistress.
357
00:15:51,070 --> 00:15:53,030
But not my other
mistress's husband
358
00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:56,200
because, weirdly,
he's rooting for us.
359
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:59,410
- Court's clear, Your Honor.
- That was fast.
360
00:15:59,450 --> 00:16:02,620
I knewwe should've
used The Big Box.
361
00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:07,460
-Patricia Guberman?
You're looking good.
362
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,880
You know, I'm on trial
for the next couple hours,
363
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,220
but afterwards...
364
00:16:11,260 --> 00:16:13,130
-You know, I go by "Trish" now.
365
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,590
-Oh.
366
00:16:16,510 --> 00:16:19,680
-Well, I guess all the secrets
are gonna come out now.
367
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:23,060
It's been really
nice not knowing you.
368
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:24,560
-You'll never guess
what Wyatt found.
369
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,560
-I was sorting through
garbage, looking for things
370
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:29,070
to make into Venus,
and I stumbled on this.
371
00:16:29,110 --> 00:16:31,650
- That's my secret!
- That's your secret?
372
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:32,950
-Run!
373
00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:36,370
-How do you have that?
I threw it out a window!
374
00:16:36,410 --> 00:16:37,910
I mean, made it disappear.
375
00:16:37,950 --> 00:16:41,160
A magician's daughter
never reveals her secrets.
376
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,766
-Because this isn't
the one you received.
377
00:16:42,790 --> 00:16:45,920
It's the original the hacker
faxed you. No timestamp.
378
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,460
-If you found that in the
garbage here, that means...
379
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:51,420
-That the hacker's been in
the courthouse the whole time.
380
00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:54,880
-And thanks to Dan's uncanny
ability to irritate strangers,
381
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:57,600
we know what the guy's
middle finger looks like.
382
00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,850
So we can catch him, but
it's gonna take all of us
383
00:17:00,890 --> 00:17:04,310
working as a team together.
384
00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:07,440
Yoinks!
385
00:17:14,490 --> 00:17:16,930
-So we know this middle finger
is somewhere in this courtroom.
386
00:17:17,910 --> 00:17:19,160
We just have to find it.
387
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,636
-I know my way around
a pair of hands.
388
00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:23,330
I used to work for
Kate Cavanaugh.
389
00:17:23,370 --> 00:17:25,170
She's the Meryl Streep
of shadow puppets.
390
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,580
-You go, new guy, and I swear...
391
00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:29,750
if you find that finger,
I'll learn your name.
392
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,760
-Okay, before we begin, I'd
like to invite the gallery
393
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,800
to enjoy complimentary
hand massages
394
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:40,260
courtesy of our
clerk and bailiff.
395
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,390
-Your Honor, can we
scoot this along?
396
00:17:42,430 --> 00:17:44,350
I got a date with the
beekeeper after this,
397
00:17:44,390 --> 00:17:46,560
and she's a real smokeshow.
398
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,940
That's how she gets
the bees back in the box.
399
00:17:50,980 --> 00:17:52,940
-Everything okay in the
gallery there, Bailiff?
400
00:17:52,980 --> 00:17:54,900
-Someone doesn't want
his hands touched.
401
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:57,110
-Well, there's nothing
we can do if people
402
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,660
don't want their hands touched.
403
00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:00,870
Except have them arrested!
404
00:18:00,910 --> 00:18:04,790
That was a middle finger, but
not the one we were looking for.
405
00:18:04,830 --> 00:18:07,500
-Okay. This is an extensive
list of property damage.
406
00:18:07,540 --> 00:18:10,340
Would it be possible
to hear it out loud?
407
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:12,550
I get nauseous reading
408
00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:15,510
while thinking about driving.
409
00:18:15,550 --> 00:18:17,550
-I got you, Your Honor.
410
00:18:17,590 --> 00:18:19,890
Damage includes...
411
00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:23,260
one smashed door, brown...
412
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:26,180
one torn pillow, down...
413
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:29,600
one destroyed painting, clown.
414
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:34,980
And now a list of items that
were missing from the mini-bar.
415
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,070
Grape soda.
416
00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:39,070
And that's the whole list.
417
00:18:39,110 --> 00:18:43,410
So the only thing missing from
the mini-bar was grape soda.
418
00:18:43,450 --> 00:18:44,870
-His alibi.
419
00:18:44,910 --> 00:18:46,870
-Mr. Umansky, do you
drink grape soda?
420
00:18:46,910 --> 00:18:49,460
-My client has already
stated that he's not a fan.
421
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:51,170
It's his son who likes it.
422
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:53,920
-Was your son with you at the
hotel on the night in question?
423
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,090
-Clearly, you've
never had an affair.
424
00:18:56,130 --> 00:18:59,090
Kids totallykill the vibe.
425
00:18:59,130 --> 00:19:02,300
-Is it possible that he
snuck into the hotel room
426
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,680
and trashed it to frame you?
427
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:09,270
Perhaps as revenge for sleeping
with half of Manhattan?
428
00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:12,440
-If only the boy
himself could tell us.
429
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,570
Because if he was
acting out of anger
430
00:19:14,610 --> 00:19:15,940
over his father's infidelities,
431
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:18,150
the court would be
very sympathetic!
432
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:19,900
And he's just crawling away!
433
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,410
-Beau?!
434
00:19:23,450 --> 00:19:25,056
- The "just unplug it" kid is...
- The hacker!
435
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:28,460
Ha ha! I said it
first! I solved it!
436
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:31,000
-Kids really do kill
the vibe, don't they?
437
00:19:33,790 --> 00:19:36,460
-I can't believe
how crazy today was,
438
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:38,380
but I have an idea to make sure
439
00:19:38,420 --> 00:19:40,060
that nothing like that
ever happens again.
440
00:19:40,090 --> 00:19:42,970
-Change the Wi-Fi
password from nothing?
441
00:19:43,010 --> 00:19:46,260
-We tell all of our secrets
to each other... right now.
442
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:47,850
-I'm good.
443
00:19:47,890 --> 00:19:50,100
Oh, God. The door's locked!
444
00:19:50,140 --> 00:19:53,150
-Abracadabra, open the door!
445
00:19:53,190 --> 00:19:56,320
Her name is... I wasn't
trying to use magic to open...
446
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:58,780
Why am I explaining
myself to you?!
447
00:19:58,820 --> 00:20:01,990
-No one leaves this room until
it's all out on the table.
448
00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:03,570
I'll go first.
449
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,330
This fax was a print-out
from my Notes app,
450
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:08,200
where I complain about all
of you to let off steam.
451
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,040
"Olivia is very quick
452
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,870
to cross her arms and
blame other people."
453
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:15,380
-What?! Who told
you that?! Carol?!
454
00:20:15,420 --> 00:20:17,090
Whatever.
455
00:20:17,130 --> 00:20:19,436
Now I don't have to feel so bad
about trying to get you fired.
456
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:20,776
-You said you tried
to get Gurgs fired.
457
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:21,986
-Oh, I tried to
get you all fired.
458
00:20:22,010 --> 00:20:23,510
There. That's my
secret. I shared it.
459
00:20:23,550 --> 00:20:26,300
Feels amazing! Now let me out!
460
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:27,720
-Well, I'll go next.
461
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,720
The secret ingredient
in my world-famous stew
462
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,390
is two bottles of gin.
463
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:32,786
You're so drunk
after the first bite,
464
00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:34,940
you don't realize how
bad it is!
465
00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:37,270
-See? This is great. Now
Wyatt knows everything,
466
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,690
and we don't have to worry
about making a good impression.
467
00:20:39,730 --> 00:20:42,110
-That was you trying to
make a good impression?
468
00:20:42,150 --> 00:20:45,030
Gurgs threatened to beat
me with a sack of oranges.
469
00:20:45,070 --> 00:20:47,030
-Oh, you know what?
Since you're all sharing,
470
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:52,620
I wasn't completely honest
about not having any secrets.
471
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,540
-"Mr. Monk and
the Bayou Blues"?
472
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,710
-It's my "Monk" fan fiction.
473
00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,380
You know what?
Now that it's out,
474
00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:05,140
I would humbly have the pleasure
of sharing it all with you.
475
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,430
- No.
- Ah...
476
00:21:06,470 --> 00:21:08,350
One thing to note...
in my version,
477
00:21:08,390 --> 00:21:10,560
Monk doesn't have OCD.
478
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,390
I never saw the
point of that. Uh...
479
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,100
"Monk climbed out of
the Atchafalaya Basin,
480
00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:17,520
his body covered in mud...
481
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,730
or as he liked to call
it, 'Louisiana Gold.'"
482
00:21:19,770 --> 00:21:23,650
Also, one more note... in
my version, Monk's a Cajun.
483
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,070
-Abby, please let us out!
484
00:21:25,110 --> 00:21:28,200
-This is why I always
carry a flask of stew.
485
00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:32,500
It's funny!
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