Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,629 --> 00:00:06,381
-Your Honor,
Mr. Crane is charged
2
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,425
with disorderly conduct
after forcing his way
3
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:09,718
into the kitchen at Chez Louie
4
00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:12,554
and demanding to
sanitize his dishes.
5
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,140
-Disorderly conduct?
6
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,559
As a man with OCD, my
client is incapable
7
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,437
of being disorderly,
according to these five
8
00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:23,106
hermetically sealed
doctor's notes.
9
00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:26,276
-Humanity is in a
silent war with germs,
10
00:00:26,317 --> 00:00:27,694
and we're losing.
11
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:28,903
Losing!
12
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,823
-Mr. Crane, only
the Board of Health
13
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,705
is allowed to burst into
a kitchen unannounced,
14
00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:36,411
and even they would frown
upon Windexing vegetables.
15
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:39,581
Hm, $100 fine and
community ser...
16
00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:41,249
Where is my gavel?
17
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:44,961
You smell good.
18
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:48,089
Like a dirty martini with
a Lemon Pledge twist.
19
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:52,218
-Up next, the people
versus Clark Everett.
20
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:56,556
Y... Ah, Sorry, Judge.
My knees are killing me!
21
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,767
I play catcher in
"Damn Yankees."
22
00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:00,435
Well, it's my
church's production,
23
00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,520
so it's "Dang Yankees."
24
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,689
-Well, put 'er there.
25
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,025
-Your honor, with
all due respect
26
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:10,028
to Nathan Lame over there...
27
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,990
isn't it time we got
ourselves a permanent clerk?
28
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:14,616
Or at least one who's not in
a play that is so off-Broadway
29
00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:17,827
it is no longer
technically theater?
30
00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:20,789
-Actually, we're not off
Broadway or on Broadway.
31
00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:22,457
We're under it.
32
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,752
-No one wants a killer
clerk more than me,
33
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,171
but with budget cuts,
there's been a hiring freeze.
34
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,090
Also a coffee-cup freeze.
35
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:31,758
We have to bring
mugs from home now.
36
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,677
Made it for my mom
in fifth grade.
37
00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:36,096
She asked if we could
turn it back into clay
38
00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,640
because at least
clay has potential.
39
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:41,601
-Uh, it's not so bad.
We're making it work.
40
00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:47,482
Also, to save money, they put
our lights on a motion detector
41
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:50,193
that doesn't detect motion.
42
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:52,320
Alright, everybody! Headlamps!
43
00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:00,328
-Let the record
show it isthat bad!
44
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:09,713
-So, what are we looking for?
45
00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:12,007
Because if it's
rats, we can stop.
46
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:15,719
-They cut our handcuff
budget, so I need duct tape.
47
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,595
Of course, they do
it after the holidays
48
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:21,266
when everyone's all
bloated with thick wrists.
49
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,226
-What is Joltron Cola?
50
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,979
- Joltron!
- I remember this!
51
00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:28,857
It has enough caffeine to
kill a horse andrevive it.
52
00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:31,151
You never
heard of Joltron?
53
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,653
-Growing up, I didn't hear
about a lot of stuff, Gurgs.
54
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:36,239
I was too focused on
dominating my peers.
55
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:39,200
I'm personally responsible
for four nervous breakdowns...
56
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:42,120
three classmates, one tutor.
57
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,663
So this stuff was popular, huh?
58
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:45,623
-Joltron used to
fly off the shelves.
59
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:49,336
That was before it was blamed
for the 1997 Summer of Sprees...
60
00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:51,838
carjacking, streaking,
naked carjacking.
61
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,465
It's Florida in a can.
62
00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,509
-You know, the budget cuts
63
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,191
took away all the
drinks in the cafeteria.
64
00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:01,806
I bet we could sell this stuff.
Just need a company name.
65
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,351
-Moore and Gurgs.
We could be Morgues.
66
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:06,436
"You'll die when
you see our prices!"
67
00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:09,105
-Whoo-hoo! This
is gonna be fun!
68
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:12,025
-Let's get these upstairs. Uh,
I'll clean out this cooler.
69
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,651
Nope.
70
00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:19,532
-Hey, there... Linda.
I'm Judge Stone.
71
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:20,825
And I'm here with a petition
72
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,452
to have my court's
budget reinstated.
73
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:23,870
-Take a number.
74
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,713
Fifty-five!
75
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:37,050
-That's me. Ah.
76
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,969
I just want you to know that
I really respect this process.
77
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:43,056
Every bubble, every
box is important to me
78
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,183
because it's important to you.
79
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,810
-Denied.
80
00:03:48,144 --> 00:03:50,605
-Denied?! That
must be a mistake!
81
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:54,401
-Oh, we're the government.
We don't make mistakes.
82
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,404
But your petition
had quite a few.
83
00:03:57,445 --> 00:04:00,615
Page ten, section F
oval was toofilled in,
84
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,951
as if done with resentment.
85
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,996
Box C3 needed to be
completed in blue ink,
86
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:09,416
but your ink had a violet hue.
87
00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:11,543
-It's called Blurple.
88
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,378
-And since this is
an even-numbered day,
89
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:16,548
the L9 is invalid
without the X8.
90
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,299
-You need that X8.
91
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,761
-Okay, okay, well, I'm sure
that I can fix every...
92
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,097
-And since this would
be your second appeal,
93
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:28,059
you need to fill out a
different set of forms.
94
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,061
In triplicate.
95
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,980
-Three times.
96
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,107
-Once received, you'll
have your answer
97
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,651
within 6 to 70 business days.
98
00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,987
Be aware we work off
the Swedish calendar,
99
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,656
so our weekends are
most of the week.
100
00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:45,535
-Now, you have a tough job.
101
00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,954
It must be hard to
say no all the time.
102
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,831
-Oh, I manage.
103
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,919
-I'm gonna get you to
use that "yes" stamp.
104
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:59,090
Wow. That web was made by
generations of spiders.
105
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,968
-Fifty-six!
106
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,266
Still me.
107
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,602
Look. I'm sure there are
things we could do without,
108
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,270
but a clerk is not one of them!
109
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:16,274
-So you're saying there are
more things you can do without?
110
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,611
Here's your "yes"...
to another audit!
111
00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:21,654
-Who says "yes" to a bad thing?!
112
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:25,408
La-la-la-Liinnddaaa!
113
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:27,494
-Fifty-seven!
114
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,588
-That's it! These budget
cuts have gone too far!
115
00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,714
-You know, I don't even
miss spoons and knives.
116
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,676
I'm getting used to
forking my borscht.
117
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:45,804
-What? That's not about me.
118
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,223
Look at my shoe!
119
00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:49,557
They're scuffed!
120
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:52,560
The bastards took my
shoeshine stand away!
121
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:53,871
I don't mind the
lights going out.
122
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,480
I don't need to
look at you people.
123
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,399
But this!
124
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,943
I look like a school
administrator.
125
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,905
-Worst part is it
happened out of the blue
126
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:06,533
and not because of
anyone's actions!
127
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:10,995
-What the fork did you do?
128
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,415
-Only everything right!
129
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,542
I went to City Hall,
I took a number,
130
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,752
and "Linda" still
denied every request.
131
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,964
She didn't like
blurple, Dan. Blurple.
132
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:25,260
- Hey. You done with the fork?
- Oh, yeah.
133
00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:26,720
I'm gonna need it back.
134
00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:30,473
Dan, it's gonna be fine.
135
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,100
I just have to do
some more paperwork,
136
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:34,161
and it should all be fixed
before news of the exterminator
137
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,520
being cut gets to the...
138
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,189
roaches.
139
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,609
-Alright. You know what? I'm
gonna take care of this myself.
140
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,403
They say you can't
fight City Hall.
141
00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:45,530
Well...
142
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,240
I'm not gonna fight.
143
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,661
Take a number.
144
00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:54,706
-How about 12?
145
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:59,127
-Bryant, put these
in the leak bucket.
146
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,212
The water's brown,
but it's fine.
147
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,798
So what brings youhere?
148
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,134
-Fate. Linda means
"beauty" in Spanish.
149
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,554
And now I can tell that
your face is fluent.
150
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:11,514
-And you are...?
151
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,975
-Dan Fielding. At your service.
152
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,162
You know, I did come down here
to talk about the courthouse,
153
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,313
but now I think
I'm more interested
154
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,273
in a courtship.
155
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,901
Con tu, señorita.
156
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:26,488
-I see.
157
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,656
Bryant, make yourself busy.
158
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,325
-Copy that.
159
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:31,785
Lights on or off?
160
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:34,704
-On. On. Leave the
light on. On. On.
161
00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:38,458
-Dan Fielding, is it?
162
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,834
You thought you
could come in here
163
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,295
like some stretched-out
Wolf Blitzer...
164
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,757
wave some flowers around,
165
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,467
give the basement
lady some attention,
166
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,260
and get what you want?
167
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,388
-Yeah, pretty much about it.
168
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,390
-You live on West 86th.
169
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:56,017
That's the block with
24-hour construction, right?
170
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:58,019
-No. No, no. There's
no construction.
171
00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,979
-There is now.
172
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:03,024
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Please. Leave my street alone.
173
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,110
I have family you can hurt.
174
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,530
-Now... let's talk about
175
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,573
what you can reallydo for me.
176
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:14,911
-La-la-la-Liinnddaaa!
177
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,790
-Well, spoons are back,
the lights are on,
178
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,166
and your shoes are blinding.
179
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,044
-Yeah. That's right.
Saved the day. As usual.
180
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:25,255
I look forward to
my thank-you gift.
181
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,257
Cash.
182
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,758
-How'd you do it?
183
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,736
-Well, I just embraced
America's favorite pastime.
184
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,095
A little gentle finagling.
185
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,514
Even managed to get
you a new clerk.
186
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,350
-Is it court time?
187
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,270
-Linda's assistant?
188
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:41,789
-Oh, no. Much more
than Linda's assistant.
189
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,523
He's also her son.
190
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:45,793
Turns out he's been having a
little trouble finding himself
191
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:48,111
since he took his gap decade.
192
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:51,031
-This is nepotism. One of
my least favorite -isms.
193
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:54,409
-And your dad was an
ice-road trucker, huh?
194
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,870
You know what? You're the
only one not happy about this.
195
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,122
-Who the hell got soda
put back in the cafeteria?
196
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:02,667
- You're welcome.
- "You're welcome" blocked!
197
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,753
Did it ever occur to you
that two work friends
198
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,755
might be launching a
beverage consortium?
199
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,149
-You killed our
semi-legal business
200
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:11,968
selling semi-lethal soda,
and we are full mad.
201
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,405
-You know what? You guys are
just jealous that my way worked.
202
00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:15,764
-Your way didn't work.
203
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,408
If it did, we'd have a
real clerk right now.
204
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,768
-For all we know, he could
be the next great legal mind.
205
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,644
Just needs a little molding.
- You're right.
206
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:25,106
I shouldn't judge a book by the
fact that it's all pictures.
207
00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:27,942
Bryant? Bryant!
208
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:30,362
-I'm Bryant, the new clerk!
209
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,905
-Hi. I'm Judge Abby Stone.
210
00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:35,033
-Hold on. I'm about to do
a really important jump.
211
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:39,037
So much to mold.
212
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:48,880
-Man, people are still
buying this stuff
213
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,216
even though the drinks are back.
- Money on the table.
214
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:01,685
-One woman drank two cans and
tried to fight a cement wall.
215
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,895
She won.
216
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,231
-That's a great story, but
you got to get back to work.
217
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:10,026
And the next time there's a
wall fight, charge to watch.
218
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,778
-Well, okay. I'll
get back to it.
219
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,547
"Morgues" on three.
- There's no time, Gurgs.
220
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,074
"Morgues" on one. One.
You missed it. Go.
221
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,283
-Morgues!
222
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,955
-Okay, Bryant, let's
try this one more time.
223
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,290
How do we get you to
care about the law?
224
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:26,084
Um, what about...
225
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,170
the law isn't all that
different from a video game.
226
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,965
-I freaking love video games!
There's this one I play...
227
00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:33,883
-Okay. Okay. Great.
Let's go with that.
228
00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:36,011
Video games are
just like the law.
229
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,929
There are rules that
we have to navigate.
230
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,640
-And you can kill as
many people as you want.
231
00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:42,392
-You can't, though.
232
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:44,227
What are some other
things you care about?
233
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:46,479
Oh! Your mom! Your mom! You
care about your mom, right?
234
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:50,025
-I'm not a mama's
boy. I've had sex!
235
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,528
-What does that have
to do with anything?!
236
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,656
Why am I trying
to make this work?
237
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,324
-Because you're my mentor.
238
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,827
-Is that what you think
is happening right now?
239
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,579
-Well, yeah. My
mom's not around.
240
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:05,040
I need someone to
tell me what to do.
241
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:12,255
-I would love to be your
mentor, but, ugh, I just can't!
242
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:13,923
Err!
243
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,717
-Because I make
more money than you.
244
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:17,844
-No, that's not...
Wait. Do you?!
245
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:21,264
I have got the most
perfect mentor for you.
246
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,808
Don't change a thing. You're
gonna drive him crazy.
247
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,436
I-I mean, he's gonna
be crazy about you.
248
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,440
- Dan.
- No.
249
00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:34,778
-What qualities would you
say you're looking for
250
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:39,032
in a mentee of 41 who's had sex?
251
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,577
-Who told you to do this?
252
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:45,830
-The little one with
the cape on backwards.
253
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,292
-Well, in that case,
my advice to this
254
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:52,671
sexually active young man
would be to go take a flying...
255
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,547
-Hey, Mom!
256
00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,758
-I came by to support my...
257
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,134
No one's buying this.
258
00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,303
I'm just here to make
sure that this jackass
259
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:03,098
is taking care of my jackass.
260
00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,475
-She worries.
261
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:08,144
I was bullied a lot by my
college for plagiarizing.
262
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:11,940
-Took one form to turn
that campus into a DMV.
263
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:14,359
Most of the professors
still work there.
264
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:20,573
-So, Dan, what was your advice?
265
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:23,201
-My advice would be
266
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,829
for you to find a mentor,
267
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:30,667
which you have and I love doing.
268
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,502
-You're my mentor.
269
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:35,380
No. Man-tor!
270
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:38,383
No. Dan-tor!
271
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,428
-This warms my heart.
272
00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,680
Come, let's go get
you a Cutie orange.
273
00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:46,016
- And I'm peeling it!
- No!
274
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,438
-I think 20 years has
made the soda stronger.
275
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,943
-Wow. We really
cornered the market.
276
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,195
And Flobert is an
incredible salesman.
277
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:02,032
-Hey, man. You want
to touch the sky?
278
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,202
-Flobert's a part
of our thing now?
279
00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:08,246
You're just gonna let him
dance in on our profits?
280
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,874
You think he can twirl?!
He's got bad knees!
281
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:13,043
-Well, his knees
have been good enough
282
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:15,420
to tap-dance all over
your sales numbers.
283
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,006
Maybe you need to step
up your game, Gurgs.
284
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:19,549
-You better watch out.
285
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,593
I wasn't originally
cast as the catcher.
286
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:25,638
The guy who was caught a one-way
ticket down a flight of stairs.
287
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:31,895
-How's your new
buddy working out?
288
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:34,230
-Oh. Oh. G-Great.
289
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,608
Uh, the questions, the bonding.
290
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,318
The orange peeling...
291
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,071
because if he does it, he rubs
his eyes, and then it's all,
292
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:44,115
"It burns! Danny, it burns!"
293
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,826
-I just love seeing this.
294
00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:48,536
You two are in it
for the long haul.
295
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:51,831
And the U-Haul. He said he was
gonna ask you to help him move.
296
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:56,211
-Well, like the hand that
Bryant got stuck in his mouth
297
00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:59,297
when he was eating that
orange, I'm all-in.
298
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:02,926
-Alright, Bryant, let's
get this show on the road.
299
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,260
-Sure thing, Judge.
300
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:08,515
Just gotta fold my
newspaper like my Dan-tor.
301
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:15,271
Uh, Dan, it's bullying me.
302
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:17,190
-I told you it's simple.
You close the door.
303
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:20,360
Shut the window.
Fold the menu. Tuck!
304
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:24,531
-Dan, it's just a newspaper.
305
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,116
There's a lot of
ways to fold them.
306
00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:28,034
-Oh, you know there's not.
307
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:31,913
-Next up, the people versus
308
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:33,790
Mrs. Lipschitz?
309
00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,333
Oh, my God! Is that for real?!
310
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,878
Dan, your client
is named Lipschitz!
311
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,631
-I know. Permission to approach.
312
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,467
You did this on purpose.
313
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,303
-I only fixed the first
couple. Then I got lucky.
314
00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:50,140
A fight broke out at the
Wiener family reunion.
315
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,602
- Your Honor, my client...
- Mrs. Lipschitz.
316
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,105
You got
to stop saying it.
317
00:14:58,189 --> 00:14:59,649
-Bryant, it's only a name.
318
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:02,610
Like Rod Sackhoff
or Dick Butkus.
319
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:04,487
I'm
sorry, Your Honor,
320
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:07,782
but you're picking,
like, all the worst ones!
321
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,993
-The defendant is charged
with reckless driving.
322
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,828
-On a Rascal scooter.
323
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:14,289
Could we just please let
this go with a warning
324
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,000
and not say the
defendant's name again?
325
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,668
-Sure. Case dismissed.
326
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:21,254
Thanks for being a good
sport, Mrs. Lipschitz.
327
00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,423
Every time.
328
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:26,176
-It's actually a
huge improvement
329
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,011
over my maiden name.
330
00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:29,763
I was Geraldine...
331
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:31,222
-Don't!
332
00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,267
-Whisper it to me. I gotta know.
333
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:39,481
Your
Honor, I have to apologize
334
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,691
for letting that name
get the best of me.
335
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:43,401
I'll try to be better.
336
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:47,364
I'm a guy who reads
newspapers now.
337
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:49,949
-Why don't you take some
time to collect yourself?
338
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,785
Five-minute recess!
339
00:15:55,914 --> 00:15:58,500
-You gave him my cell number!
340
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:01,461
-He has to be able to
reach his mentor 24/7.
341
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,314
And I know you're not
gonna throw out your phone
342
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,882
because you love that picture
of you and Phil Collins.
343
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,552
-Bye, Phil.
344
00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:14,182
-Alright. I've had enough.
Make it stop, or I'm gonna
345
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:24,153
-Alright. We need a plan.
The kid has got to go.
346
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,278
But if we cross his
mother, she's gonna turn
347
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,280
my apartment building
into a septic tank
348
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,782
with a view of the park.
349
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,951
Dan, I couldn't
figure it out either.
350
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,954
Then Flobert sold me
this $9 can of ideas.
351
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,372
Now I got tons of 'em!
352
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:40,250
"Shark Tank" ideas, shoe
ideas, TV-show ideas!
353
00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:42,919
Get this... King.
Kong's. Family.
354
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:48,091
- Doomed. Got it.
- No. Hey! No, no! Don't go!
355
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,486
You haven't heard my idea of
how we're gonna get rid of him.
356
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,679
You and I work together.
- I think I'd rather watch
357
00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:55,640
a whole season of
"King Kong's Family."
358
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,476
-We can beat Linda
at her own game.
359
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,062
I-I mean, with my form-filling
skills and your ability
360
00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:03,648
to cynically nitpick, we'll
leave no loop unholed!
361
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,568
Dan, I've seen the
future. This works.
362
00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:09,320
Also, I'll have
four kids and a bob.
363
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,698
-You got all of
that from one can?
364
00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:13,658
-Yeah. Just don't
ask me how you die.
365
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,744
Promise me you'll
never go to Nevada.
366
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,122
"May cause..."
367
00:17:19,164 --> 00:17:20,915
What's "fire brain"?
368
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,085
-I think we're
about to find out.
369
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:25,253
-I... I...
370
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:26,546
Well, well.
371
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,883
See you up there.
372
00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:35,513
-Poor faster, Sandy!
373
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,349
-What are you doing down here?
374
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,142
-Oh, well, we're
out of fight juice,
375
00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:40,643
so I'm making my own.
376
00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:42,687
Coffee brewed with
Mr. Pibb instead of water.
377
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,398
The can seals itself. It's a
side effect of the chemicals.
378
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,692
Science is cool! I know, right?
379
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,527
-How much of that have you had?
380
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,946
I can hear your heartbeat
through your mouth.
381
00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:53,531
-Well, I-I gotta keep up
382
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,158
so you don't replace
me with Flobert.
383
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,494
I don't hear pouring, Sandy!
384
00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:01,247
Oh, God. I did this.
385
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:04,417
I made you Florida in a person.
386
00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:06,419
-Nah. I'm good.
387
00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,421
I'm stepping up my game.
We're making money.
388
00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:10,924
I can move things
with my mind now.
389
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:15,804
Nah, everything in
here is too heavy.
390
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,097
-Uh, you know what?
391
00:18:17,138 --> 00:18:19,224
Caused a lot of nervous
breakdowns in my life,
392
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:22,727
but this is the first
one I feel bad about.
393
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,647
It's time to shut this down.
- Oh, thank God. Whew!
394
00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:27,565
Maybe we can get back
to doing fun things.
395
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:30,068
Let's go
to the hospital.
396
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,569
My fingernails are sweating.
397
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:32,696
-Oh!
398
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:47,335
-Oh! Bup-bup-bup-bup!
No blurple!
399
00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:53,091
-The fine print
on this one says,
400
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,760
"Everything you're writing
means the opposite."
401
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,763
Run it
back. Run it back!
402
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,015
-Ungh!
403
00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:11,901
-Aah! Aah! Aah!
404
00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:13,611
-No pain! No pain!
405
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,822
-Straighten out, or
I'll cut you off!
406
00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:17,073
-Get... Yeah.
407
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:26,624
-Lind-a-a-a-a-a!
408
00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:28,752
Good day, Linda.
409
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,545
-I don't remember
calling your number.
410
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,505
-We have all the numbers.
411
00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:36,634
We're also here filing
on behalf of the court.
412
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:40,096
Bryant! That's your cue, baby.
413
00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:43,016
-Mom, don't be alarmed. It's me.
414
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:47,687
-I think you'll find that
this paperwork is flawless.
415
00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:51,441
-"Flawless." That's a big word.
416
00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:54,819
Wait. These are beautiful!
417
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,989
Forms! Subforms! Addendums!
418
00:19:58,031 --> 00:20:01,493
You even found applications
that are no longer in print!
419
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,328
-I hired a TaskRabbit
to infiltrate
420
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:04,829
the Library of
Discontinued Documents
421
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,623
in Little Serbia out
on Randall's Island.
422
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,209
It was almost too easy.
423
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,086
-This is undeniable.
424
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,463
I have no choice but to say yes.
425
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,174
And yet...
426
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:18,551
saying no is who I am!
427
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,472
Without that, I'm nothing!
428
00:20:22,514 --> 00:20:23,848
-Go with it, Linda.
429
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,226
Feel that "yes" flowing
through your body.
430
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,478
-Huh...
431
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,980
I... did it!
432
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,818
-It was the table,
but it's a start.
433
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,945
-Uh, there is one more form.
434
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,697
-It's an XQ-14B.
435
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:42,617
-An XQ-14B? You're firing me?
436
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:44,994
But I'm in suit clothes.
437
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,665
-Bryant, you weren't
happy up there,
438
00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:50,000
and you don't need our approval.
439
00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:53,086
-And you would never
have gotten it.
440
00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:54,879
-I think there is a
person in this room
441
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,215
whose approval you doneed.
442
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,467
Linda, if you could say
"yes" to those forms,
443
00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:02,762
I think you could say "yes" to
something even more special.
444
00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:10,729
-Oh.
445
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,731
-Does it say "approved"?
446
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:15,108
-Well, kinda. Your
head's pretty greasy.
447
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,946
-And that's the
power of a "yes"!
448
00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:24,075
-Dan, I know this
feelslike goodbye...
449
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,745
-Oh, Bryant. It's
absolutely goodbye.
450
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:32,500
It's funny!
33301
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof