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1
00:00:01,126 --> 00:00:03,045
Hey, guys,
Bertie's playing it cool.
2
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:04,254
But you guys coming over
3
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,339
for dinner tonight is
4
00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:06,965
a really big deal to her.
5
00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:09,676
So, be there by 6:00,
and no bailing.
6
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:10,969
Ooh, bailing on dinner.
7
00:00:11,053 --> 00:00:12,095
Nick, I need you.
8
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,347
Wingman sitch.
9
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:14,515
Jewish girl, sensible nose.
10
00:00:14,598 --> 00:00:15,641
High-level target.
11
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:16,767
I can't be your wingman.
12
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,143
We got to go this Bertie dinner.
13
00:00:18,227 --> 00:00:19,728
Don't make it seem
like a chore, okay?
14
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,647
She is making ten or 11 soups.
15
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,649
And all of them are cream-based.
16
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:24,942
-Cool.
-(COACH GRUNTS, RINGTONE PLAYS)
17
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,652
Hey, Mom.
18
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,654
Hi, baby,
I'm sorry to interrupt.
19
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:31,365
I know the morning is
the most sensual time of day.
20
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,075
But, um, I need you.
It's your sister.
21
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:35,118
Abby? What is it?
22
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:37,913
She was arrested
at a hotel in San Diego.
23
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:39,039
How's everything
with your sister?
24
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:40,290
I mean, she was caught stealing,
25
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,917
they called the cops,
it's a mess.
26
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,336
Imagine me next door with a,
with a nice Jewish girl.
27
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,963
-Hey, Jess has a sister?
-Yeah, I've never met her.
28
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,339
I need you to go to the jail,
29
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,049
pick her up
and put her on a plane home.
30
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,134
-Oh, that's fabulous.
-And by the way, um...
31
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:52,511
I don't know
what kind of jail this is.
32
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:53,929
So be prepared for anything.
33
00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:56,139
I mean, wear a shirt
you don't love-love.
34
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:57,683
-Okay.
-Love you.
35
00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,226
-Hi, Nick...
-(DOOR SLAMS CLOSED)
36
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:02,145
Okay, here, these are all the
ladles that I could find.
37
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:05,065
Ooh, this one is deep.
38
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,900
So, what's up
with your sister?
39
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,986
Well, she's coming to town.
40
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,070
-Great!
-Oh, yikes, that's...
41
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,488
The best news ever? I know!
42
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:15,784
It's so, so, so, so, so, so,
43
00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:17,619
so good.
44
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:19,705
Who's that girl?
45
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,165
Who's that girl?
It's Jess.
46
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:25,586
Well, I can't wait to meet
the mysterious Abby Day.
47
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,087
Not mysterious.
48
00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:28,338
Jet setter.
49
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,715
You know,
I always imagined her
50
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:31,508
with a French-speaking
black husband,
51
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,719
like a Jerome St. Pierre.
52
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:34,845
So, I'll probably meet
her at the airport
53
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,013
for a little layover hang.
54
00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:37,222
-Why are you ignoring me, Nick?
-'Cause I'm paying
55
00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:38,390
-attention to my girlfriend.
-Nick!
56
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,517
There, a reaction!
Thank goodness!
57
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,977
Now I know I'm not a ghost.
58
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,437
-All right, I got to go.
-Oh, you're going?
59
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,147
I'll, uh, I, I got to go.
60
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:46,523
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, Jess, Jess!
61
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:47,900
What if I came with?
62
00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:48,984
Yeah, you know, I don't think
63
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,986
-you two would really get along.
-Why not?
64
00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:53,155
Look, I just haven't seen her
in a really long time, and...
65
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,032
Jess, I'd like
to meet your sister.
66
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:57,951
Why don't we do this? Um...
67
00:01:58,035 --> 00:01:59,411
Why don't I go
pick her up? And then
68
00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:02,331
come meet us for a quick dinner
before she leaves?
69
00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:03,874
That would be awesome.
70
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:04,958
-That's all I was looking for.
-Yeah. Okay.
71
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,627
-Winston, we can't make your dinner!
-Bye, Winston.
72
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:07,794
-I'm not gonna be with you.
-Okay.
73
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,421
Wait! No, no, no, no! Wait...
74
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,131
CECE:
Hey, hey.
75
00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:12,966
Are you really
letting Nick meet Abby?
76
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:15,677
Hell, no. I'm going to
pick her up from jail.
77
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:17,137
Like, straight-up jail.
78
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:19,973
I told Nick he could meet
her on her "layover"
79
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:23,227
but, whoops, her flight
got changed. No time. Sorry.
80
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,562
-Bye, Nick! I'll see you later!
-NICK: I'm out of shampoo!
81
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,190
Gonna use bar soap! But your sister won't
know the difference!
82
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,983
Okay! Can't wait
for you to meet her!
83
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:32,236
(WHISPERS)
He's never going to meet her.
84
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:36,865
Hey, dude. I can't go
to this dinner. It's a double date now.
85
00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:38,867
Things are already weird enough
between me and Cece.
86
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:40,202
Because you went on a date
two months ago
87
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,828
and she never texted you?
88
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,038
Yeah.
89
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,208
-Be a man, Coach!
-All right.
90
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:49,211
Be there by 6:00
and bring a bottle of wine.
91
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:52,381
And don't be cheap, either.
Bertie is a Somalian.
92
00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:54,216
Okay.
93
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,219
Oh, tidings, Abigail.
94
00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,429
I'm Jess's beau.
My name is Nicholas.
95
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,223
-It's a pleasure to...
-Oh, good God.
96
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,267
-Is that a common barber's comb?
-Look, Schmidt,
97
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,269
I just want to make a good
impression on Jess's sister.
98
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,271
Yeah, well, I want
Julia Child not to be dead,
99
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,897
but here we find ourselves.
100
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,399
What did you come in here
to talk to me about?
101
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,817
As I was
saying earlier,
102
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,735
I have a very difficult
flirting situation here.
103
00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,863
I mean, it's a double
black diamond: trees, moguls.
104
00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,364
And, as we both know,
you're the best
105
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,490
wingman who's ever wung.
106
00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,242
NICK: Thank you, Schmidt!
107
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:21,493
I'm almost glad
I got in the accident
108
00:03:21,577 --> 00:03:23,370
so we can have more days
like this together,
109
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,122
with you helping me
through this.
110
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,708
How could a guy so rich be
so generous with his time?
111
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,042
Whoa...
112
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:31,044
Excuse me.
Are you the writer
113
00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:34,214
of So You've Mastered
the Female Orgasm, Now What?
114
00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:36,049
-Incredible. Can I have your autograph?
-Of course.
115
00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:37,634
Come on, man. It's a quick
party. I'll have you back
116
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,886
-by your little dinner.
-Okay, I'll do it,
117
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:41,430
but as soon as Jess says
I've got to go, I'm out.
118
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,265
Thank you very much.
For your mitigated support
119
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,474
and tiny portion of your life.
120
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,018
-Sure. (CHUCKLES)
-Okay.
121
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:48,937
Hey, Abby.
122
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:51,648
Oh, look who came to pick up
her big, bad sister.
123
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,318
So, you good to go? Or you gotta
sign yearbooks or something?
124
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:55,444
(LOCK BUZZES, DOOR RATTLES)
125
00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:57,154
Bridget stole your gum.
126
00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,157
What? You took
my Fruity Fruit?
127
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,910
I ain't got your
Fruity Fruit, bitch!
128
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,119
-Oh, my God. Oh...
-Gum?
129
00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:06,246
(GRUNTING)
130
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:07,706
I want my
Fruity Fruit!
131
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:10,167
I ain't got
your Fruity Fruit, bitch!
132
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:14,296
What about the new guy?
I want to meet him.
133
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,089
We don't really have time to meet him
'cause I have to take you
134
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:17,925
to the airport 'cause Mom's
already bought you a ticket.
135
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,302
I know all
of her credit card information,
136
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:21,929
-No.
-and I can just change it.
137
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:24,097
-Wait, what are you doing? Wait, no.
-Sweet.
138
00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:26,308
Why don't you just for once
in your life do something
139
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,935
that you're not supposed to do?
140
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,479
I didn't put the cap back on
the honey bear the other day.
141
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,481
-Drive. Drive. Drive.
-Oh, my God. No! No!
142
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:35,275
-No! No! I will not drive unsafely!
-Try, try it!
143
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:37,986
I have a perfect record.
Get your hands away from me.
144
00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:40,989
-Why don't you want me to meet him?
-About.
145
00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:42,991
-Are you embarrassed of me?
-I do. No.
146
00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:44,868
-Great. I just got on a later flight.
-That's great.
147
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:48,205
-(CHUCKLES) So excited.
-I know.
148
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:51,124
Did you just start driving
really slow?
149
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,502
No, I actually think I'm speeding. I hope
there's no coppers around.
150
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:56,922
-(SIREN WHOOPS)
-Drive faster.
151
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,174
Sorry, sir!
Thank you for your service!
152
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,263
You're over my head,
I'm outta my mind
153
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,515
Thinking I was
bornin the wrong time...
154
00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:08,809
-NICK: What is this place?
-It's a bar mitzvah.
155
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:11,395
NICK: I am not watching a kid
get circumcised.
156
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,772
The target is Rachael.
She's a Hebrew school teacher.
157
00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:15,858
Crashing some random kid's
bar mitzvah's
158
00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:16,984
the best way to get her?
159
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:19,361
Get her on the dance floor--
a little bit softer now,
160
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:22,364
a little bit louder now--
sweep her off her feet,
161
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:24,157
we'll get married,
we'll have a son named Elon.
162
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,368
At his bar mitzvah, I tell
the story of how I met his mom
163
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,328
at this bar mitzvah.
Not a dry eye in the house.
164
00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:30,789
Jewish continuity,
et cetera, et cetera.
165
00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,749
Do you realize how long
you were just talking?
166
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:35,377
There she is. Whew!
167
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,796
-A beautiful piece of hamentaschen.
-What the hell is hamentaschen?
168
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,590
Problem is, is her dad
is my rabbi.
169
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,301
He hates me. So I just need
to charm Rachael
170
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,553
before he gets to her and tells
her horrible-slash-true things
171
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:45,637
-about me.
-Absolutely.
172
00:05:45,721 --> 00:05:46,722
SCHMIDT: Oh! Hello!
173
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,765
-What a day.
-Oh...
174
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,393
-A special day.
-Oh, take my hand.
175
00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:54,605
Take your hand.
A special day.
176
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,690
You just wanted to take my hand so you
could say that again, didn't you?
177
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,233
-Mmm, I did.
-Oh.
178
00:05:58,317 --> 00:05:59,943
I don't think we've had
the pleasure of meeting.
179
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:03,238
May I take
your hand, too?
180
00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:04,740
You can take anything you want,
Shirley.
181
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,410
So, yeah, just the...
182
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:11,580
just the two of us with
Bertie and Winston tonight?
183
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:14,666
Yeah, just, uh...
just, just you and me.
184
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:17,461
Uh, and Bertie. And Winston.
185
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:20,380
-Just... eating night lunch.
-Yeah, like a... you know,
186
00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:22,841
-like a date. But not a date 'cause...
-Hmm?
187
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:24,343
-No.
-Yeah.
188
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,137
So, uh...
189
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,014
What is that? Is that a onesie?
(CHUCKLES)
190
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,432
Yeah.
191
00:06:30,516 --> 00:06:32,351
How do you... how do you take it
off to use the bathroom?
192
00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:33,977
Mmm...
193
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:38,357
Whoa. Nice place.
194
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,275
-CECE: Oh, my God!
-Hey!
195
00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:44,738
-You look, you know, amazing.
-You look amazing. Look at you.
196
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,866
Oh, my God. I'm so happy you're
not just paper-thin any more.
197
00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:50,744
Oh, my God.
You're just the best.
198
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:53,539
Hello, Hot Cocoa. Whoa.
199
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,999
-What's going on here?
-Nothing.
200
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,626
I'm getting a real vibe.
201
00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:58,961
-No.
-Mmm,
202
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:01,713
you want to have sex with her,
203
00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:04,299
you... are not so sure.
204
00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:06,218
(COACH AND CECE CHUCKLE)
205
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,512
If she doesn't want
to put out, I will.
206
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,973
-Abby Day.
-There you go.
207
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:13,517
Abby Day, she always says
208
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,853
The most
inappropriate stuff.
209
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,771
You a cappella sing at me
one more time,
210
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,523
I'll rip that stupid little
dress off you
211
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,108
and shove it down your mouth.
212
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:22,568
JESS:
Okay, I'm scared of you.
213
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:25,445
Let's go in my room...
Don't hurt me.
214
00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:27,447
Please don't hurt me.
215
00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:28,574
Damn it.
She hasn't called.
216
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:29,741
Will you put please that away?
217
00:07:29,825 --> 00:07:30,993
We're 30 seconds
to curtain here.
218
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,536
I don't want to miss a call
from Jess, man.
219
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,329
I need you focused.
Are you ready?
220
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:37,374
Yes. I distract the rabbi
while you hit on his daughter.
221
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,625
And action. Go.
222
00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:41,253
Ugh.
223
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,379
What a spread, huh?
224
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:43,589
-Terrible.
-I agree.
225
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:45,674
Thank God I have
pizza in my car.
226
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,177
(LAUGHS)
Yeah, that's very funny.
227
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:49,553
What's the matter with you?
That wasn't a joke.
228
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,430
Who has pizza in their car?
229
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,598
Listen, when I make a joke,
230
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,016
you'll know it.
I'm a joke machine.
231
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:56,018
What are the chances?
I love jokes!
232
00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:57,769
Oh, good, okay.
233
00:07:57,853 --> 00:08:01,356
Uh... Oh, did you hear
the one about the waiter?
234
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,566
-No.
-Walks up to a table
235
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,401
full of Jewish women and says,
236
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,987
"Ladies, is anything all right?"
237
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:10,490
(BOTH LAUGH)
238
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:12,618
Hi.
239
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:13,785
Rack-hael!
240
00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:16,496
Baruch ata Ado, nice dress.
241
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,540
Oh, thank you!
242
00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:22,544
-Uh, Shabbat sha-hello.
-(LAUGHS) Yeah.
243
00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:24,421
It wasn't as good as mine,
but it was cute.
244
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:26,340
Yeah. Thanks. Thanks.
245
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,091
-How's Hebrew school?
-It's fine. It's the only place
246
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,385
that would hire me after
I got out of rehab.
247
00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:34,806
Two Jews walk into a bar. They buy it.
'Cause they're rich people.
248
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:36,767
Yeah, they... well, these
particular Jews happen
249
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,436
-to be rich, but they worked hard.
-I'm sorry. Hold on...
250
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,396
Telephone call in the
middle of a punch line?
251
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,482
-Generation's the worst!
-Hey. Hey, what's going on?
252
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:46,276
So Abby's flight
is crazy delayed.
253
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,570
Um, so, no time for dinner.
254
00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:50,405
I can come right now, Jess.
255
00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:52,574
No. Um, she has, um,
a conference call
256
00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:53,992
with Hong Kong about a...
257
00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:55,577
very important, uh...
258
00:08:55,661 --> 00:08:58,080
Fashion business, uh,
venture magazine...
259
00:08:58,163 --> 00:08:59,623
Conference.
260
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:04,169
Well, maybe I'll see her
next time.
261
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:07,214
Oh, no,
no, no, no!
262
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:09,049
You will not speak
to my daughter!
263
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:11,552
Rachael, this man
is a nut ball!
264
00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:14,888
A nut ball? How dare you!
I'm a goofball.
265
00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:17,015
Sammy Davis, Jr.
was a goofball.
266
00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:20,185
You, sir,
are no Sammy Davis, Jr.
267
00:09:20,269 --> 00:09:21,562
-I'm a... I'm a goofball.
-I am a goofball.
268
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:22,813
You're bad news. Bad news.
269
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,191
Daddy, I love sex, and he wants
to have sex with me.
270
00:09:26,275 --> 00:09:29,111
Let him!
Oh, I love sex!
271
00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:31,280
(WHISPERING)
Text me. Text me. Text.
272
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:34,658
What was that, man?
273
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,201
Jess is embarrassed of me.
274
00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:37,619
Can you believe that?
275
00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:39,705
What a shanda.
What's a shanda?
276
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,415
A shanda!
277
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,083
What a shanda!
278
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,002
All you care about is Jess.
279
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,920
Remember when we used
to be best friends?
280
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:48,255
Uh, that was neat.
281
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,591
What a neat time
in my life that was.
282
00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:52,718
Hey, Schmidt!
283
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,720
My girlfriend's
embarrassed of me.
284
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,014
Can we go on that
for a little bit?
285
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:01,560
Or does the wingman never get
to, you know, flap his wings?
286
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:04,354
The bird never gets
to be the main bird.
287
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,106
This.
288
00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:08,150
JESS:
Ugh!
289
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,235
So, I just talked to Nick,
290
00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:12,487
and this is a real
shame in the pants,
291
00:10:12,571 --> 00:10:14,281
but he's not
coming home tonight.
292
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:15,532
What? Why?
293
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:16,700
He had to hang out with his work friends.
294
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:20,078
-He can't come and see me?
-Guess it's just us till... the airport.
295
00:10:20,162 --> 00:10:21,538
Mmm.
296
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:25,542
You see what you're
doing, right?
297
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,544
-(GASPS) Oh, my God.
-(LAUGHS)
298
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:29,922
I'm Mom.
(LAUGHS)
299
00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:32,633
No! I'm turning into Mom.
How did this happen?
300
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,718
"Just a little bit."
"Just a tipple."
301
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,637
-"I don't want to get stoned."
-Hey, I love that
302
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:37,846
she calls "getting drunk"
"getting stoned."
303
00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:39,389
(LAUGHS)
304
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:41,642
Oh, my God. Wait.
Big news. Mom got
305
00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:44,520
one of those very, very
small denim backpacks.
306
00:10:44,603 --> 00:10:46,939
-What?
-She did, and she calls it her blue guy.
307
00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:49,566
She's, like, "Oh, I got
to grab my blue guy."
308
00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,109
Can't believe
you're making fun of Mom.
309
00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:52,694
You're her perfect little baby.
310
00:10:52,778 --> 00:10:54,655
I'm... Hey, I'm...
311
00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:56,406
I'm not really a baby.
312
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:57,991
You're a super grown-up.
313
00:10:58,075 --> 00:10:59,826
Thank you.
314
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:04,206
-Oh, my... (LAUGHS)
-What?
315
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,625
I have a picture of Mom
wearing the backpack
316
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,377
at her sign language
class graduation.
317
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,295
-Oh.
-You have to see this.
318
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:12,089
-No.
-It's amazing.
319
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,549
I have it in
a photo album.
320
00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:16,385
(PHONE BUZZING)
321
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,645
Ooh, bonus shot of Dad
322
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,605
getting a haircut
while eating spaghetti!
323
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,440
(LAUGHS)
324
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:33,110
Abby?
325
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,535
Hey, Outside D,
have you seen a girl
326
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,453
that looks like me,
but with chaos in her eyes?
327
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:46,039
Sorry. I'm doing my taxes.
328
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:49,751
Ooh! I'm taking in more
than I'm spending.
329
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:52,379
-(PHONE RINGING)
-Hey.
330
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:54,256
Hey. How's it going with Abby?
331
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,842
Yeah, you know, we were having
fun for once, and then...
332
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:58,594
What happened?
Tell me what happened.
333
00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,220
I will take care of it
for you, baby.
334
00:12:04,016 --> 00:12:05,184
Baby?
335
00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:06,977
I got this.
336
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,938
I got this myself. Thanks.
337
00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:11,607
Quick question.
338
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,443
Is pee-pee a write-off?
339
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:18,864
Hey.
340
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,575
Not sure my body's
built for these chairs.
341
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:23,994
It's a regular chair, man.
342
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,787
Yeah.
343
00:12:25,871 --> 00:12:27,164
Hey, bub.
344
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,749
How you doing?
345
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,627
Well, I want
to apologize.
346
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,712
Sorry I got distracted.
347
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:34,963
It's okay.
348
00:12:35,047 --> 00:12:36,632
I'm sorry
your girlfriend hates you.
349
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:37,966
Ah, she doesn't hate me.
350
00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:39,718
She's just ashamed
of me or something.
351
00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:43,514
Well, you know what?
If she's really ashamed of you, then...
352
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,683
then she's the stupidest bitch
in the whole wide world.
353
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:48,852
-Easy. Okay, slow down.
-I apologize if I went overboard.
354
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,187
-Water under the bridge.
-I've never been ashamed.
355
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,814
Wish I could have helped
you get that girl, man.
356
00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:54,066
Feel like I blew it.
357
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:55,651
Well, she was
kind of nutty.
358
00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:57,319
What happened to us, man?
359
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,446
We used to be
the best in the biz.
360
00:12:59,530 --> 00:13:01,490
We still are.
361
00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:04,159
I'm the best wingman
that's ever wung.
362
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,954
-Make a plan?
-Absolutely.
363
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:12,626
You're my brother.
364
00:13:14,545 --> 00:13:17,297
-Thank you. Charge that to room 304.
-JESS: Ah!
365
00:13:17,381 --> 00:13:19,132
You! Charge that to nothing.
366
00:13:19,216 --> 00:13:20,676
She's checking out.
367
00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,010
Adding this hotel
to your rap sheets?
368
00:13:22,094 --> 00:13:23,303
You found me.
369
00:13:23,387 --> 00:13:25,264
-Oh, yeah.
-Don't you want to know why I left?
370
00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:28,767
You saw my text,
and I'm... I'm honestly sorry,
371
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:32,062
but... you do ruin everything!
372
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,857
Whoa. Thought I was gonna
turn the tables with that one.
373
00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,525
Get your ass in the car.
I'm taking you to the airport.
374
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:37,943
Thought we could share
some calamari.
375
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,361
-Now!
-Kobe beef sliders?
376
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:40,696
-Now!
-Lobster quesadilla?
377
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,447
Right now.
378
00:13:45,409 --> 00:13:47,703
(SIGHS)
379
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,955
(SLURPING)
380
00:13:51,957 --> 00:13:54,543
-(SLURPING CONTINUES)
-This is a great...
381
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,879
Mmm.
382
00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:58,255
(CLICKS SPOON ON BOWL)
383
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:01,008
You know, Bertie had a dream
she killed me. (LAUGHS)
384
00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:04,261
So, uh, Coach, what's new?
385
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,888
Nothing.
386
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:07,055
Isn't that right, Cece?
387
00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:08,557
Hmm?
388
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,392
What's that supposed to mean?
389
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:11,852
Oh, you'll figure it out.
390
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:14,354
If not, just text me.
391
00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:15,772
Or don't. You're good at that.
392
00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:17,191
Oh, my God.
393
00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:18,734
Okay. We made out
394
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,360
once, pointlessly,
395
00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:21,737
for two hours. That's it.
396
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:23,113
Get over it. Let it go.
397
00:14:23,197 --> 00:14:24,865
Pointless... Was it?
398
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,742
-Yeah.
-I mean, who does that?
399
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:29,953
Super-hot make out, and then
you ice me out for two months.
400
00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:32,456
What are you talking about?
Ice out what?
401
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:35,125
You text me, "Happy Monday."
What do I do with that?
402
00:14:35,209 --> 00:14:37,711
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe have a happy Monday.
403
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:38,879
-(CECE LAUGHING) Oh.
-Going out with you
404
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:40,380
was the hottest
405
00:14:40,464 --> 00:14:42,216
and dumbest mistake I ever made!
406
00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,675
It was the hottest, dumbest,
407
00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:46,887
-sexiest mistake I ever made.
-It was so dumb of me
408
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,805
to pick you up and press
you up against that wall.
409
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:52,643
So dumb how cool those bricks
made my skin feel.
410
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:54,895
You guys should try
the fisherman's bisque.
411
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:56,647
It has just the right
amount of tang.
412
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,815
-That tang?
-Mm.
413
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,609
That's tang.
414
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:02,945
Okay. (LAUGHS)
415
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:04,947
-Whoa! Whoa. Okay.
-Sorry. I was trying... I was trying to...
416
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:06,073
Just gonna pivot
a little bit more
417
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:07,824
-to the side. Yeah.
-Yeah, just pivot?
418
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:09,660
-No, okay, look, I think the way it was...
-Okay.
419
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,954
Was more...
I was up, right?
420
00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:14,039
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were up.
-That's, that's how it was... yeah, up.
421
00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,375
Just... Okay.
All right. Now what do we do?
422
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:19,878
Maybe just, like, lower your center of
gravity, and then this is gonna work.
423
00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:21,630
-Lower it down. Just lower it down,
-Okay, okay, okay.
424
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,674
I'm gonna clench my thighs.
425
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,092
I'm gonna fall. I'm gonna fall, all right?
I'm gonna fall...
426
00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:26,176
I'm clenching my thighs
as hard as I can.
427
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:28,846
Okay, okay.
What? Oh. Geez.
428
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,014
-(GROANS) Oh!
-Geez.
429
00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:34,351
That was... awful.
430
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,561
-That was the worst.
-Oh, my gosh.
431
00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:37,813
-Wow, what is happening?
-Oh, Lord.
432
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:40,023
Maybe you were right not to
text me back, 'cause that was...
433
00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:41,984
Embarrassing.
(LAUGHS)
434
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:45,070
-I'm sorry.
-No, that's cool.
435
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,823
Can we just be friends now?
You know?
436
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:51,368
-Yeah. I mean, why not? (CHUCKLES)
-(LAUGHS)
437
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,828
Friends?
438
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:55,289
Friends.
439
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:56,999
Friends.
440
00:15:57,082 --> 00:15:58,876
Come here, you.
441
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,252
-Oh, oh!
-Aah! Sorry.
442
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:03,046
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-Literally just bit my tooth.
443
00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,882
I'm sorry, when I get excited
my teeth come out.
444
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:06,633
Who does that?
445
00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:08,385
-Sorry.
-(MUFFLED) I think I broke my tooth.
446
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,595
Let me see?
447
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:10,846
Oh.
448
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,894
JESS:
Okay.
449
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,479
Go straight to the gate.
450
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:22,274
Look... I get why
you're mad at me.
451
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,276
Okay? But if it's
any consolation,
452
00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:26,904
I'm a woman in my 30s
about to get on a plane
453
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,405
to go live with my mother.
454
00:16:28,739 --> 00:16:30,449
It's only a matter of time
455
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,993
before I have a tiny
denim backpack, too.
456
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,872
I said I would never
go back to Portland.
457
00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:40,417
So I guess
I'm a complete failure.
458
00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:43,921
I'm the baby.
459
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:53,722
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
460
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:55,807
(WHISTLE CONTINUES)
461
00:16:55,891 --> 00:16:59,061
Is this the craziest thing that's
going on in the airport? Really?
462
00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:01,063
Okay, recap,
463
00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:02,314
you hit the dance
floor, and...
464
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:05,108
-Do what I do best: be an embarrassment.
-It's a gift, Nick. I need you to
465
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,735
-ruin this bar mitzvah.
-What do you say, just get out there
466
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,195
and do some weird dancing?
467
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,321
It's got to be bigger than that, man.
468
00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,532
-Bigger than that?
-Then I come out there and I... (GRUNTS)
469
00:17:11,615 --> 00:17:12,741
Knock you out.
It's all right.
470
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:14,701
Again, it'll be a stage punch.
471
00:17:14,785 --> 00:17:16,119
Don't worry.
I've done several productions
472
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,163
-BOTH: Of West Side Story.
-I know. You told me.
473
00:17:18,247 --> 00:17:19,957
As a Puerto Rican Shark.
Da, da.
474
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,083
-That's cool.
-It was awesome.
475
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,751
You never came
and saw it, but...
476
00:17:22,835 --> 00:17:24,795
-Well, I was very busy at that time.
-Whatever, never mind.
477
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,130
The rabbi will then come out,
he'll thank me, the hero...
478
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,257
Gotcha.
479
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:29,967
He'll offer me his daughter's
hand, then, five years from now,
480
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:33,178
Rachael is pregnant with Elon's
little sister and we're having
481
00:17:33,262 --> 00:17:36,014
a beautiful family New Year's
then in our vacation condo
482
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:38,100
-in the Florida Keys.
-Doing it again, talking in speeches.
483
00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:40,853
-Hmm?
-You've been monologuing, lately, Schmidt.
484
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,104
Do you s... Do you,
do you hear yourself?
485
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,064
-I, I'm unaware of it.
-You, okay.
486
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:46,316
I'm not gonna get mad at you, 'cause I
respect you and you're one of my best...
487
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,026
-But, like, it's weird. Okay.
-I'm unaware of it. I apologize.
488
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,152
I'll stop doing it.
489
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,113
-(EXHALES) Hey.
-Yeah?
490
00:17:51,196 --> 00:17:53,031
Light this cannon up
so I can shoot off.
491
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:54,408
(WHOOSHING, HISSING)
492
00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:56,034
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)
493
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:58,161
Oh!
494
00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,998
Well, well, well,
it's a snake in the grass.
495
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,292
How you doing?
My name's Nick.
496
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,377
You know martial arts?
497
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,129
Swear to God you don't?
498
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:08,922
You run around
with this hunk any more,
499
00:18:09,006 --> 00:18:11,091
this little surfer cat.
500
00:18:11,175 --> 00:18:12,759
I know your game.
501
00:18:12,843 --> 00:18:14,928
Charming the ladies
with your baby blue eyes.
502
00:18:15,012 --> 00:18:16,388
I wish I had 'em!
503
00:18:18,307 --> 00:18:19,933
Breaking my heart, beautiful.
504
00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:21,810
What?
505
00:18:21,894 --> 00:18:23,937
And I all do is love you.
I give and I give.
506
00:18:24,021 --> 00:18:28,150
I been working for 40 years
at the steel mill for you.
507
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,444
-We just met.
-I want to rip that blouse
508
00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:32,154
off you and put it on me.
509
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:36,033
-Oh, wow.
-I want to wear your lipstick.
510
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:39,328
-Well, that's interesting.
-I want to rip those earrings off
511
00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:42,164
and put 'em on and I
want to be the girl!
512
00:18:42,247 --> 00:18:44,041
That would be wonderful.
513
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:48,378
But I won't do it around
all these crazy Jews.
514
00:18:48,462 --> 00:18:50,422
And I don't care who's watching.
I want what I want.
515
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:52,716
-(ALL GASP)
-Ooh!
516
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,599
-Unhand her, sir.
-Whoa, what is... Hey, man.
517
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,351
That's my mother!
518
00:19:02,434 --> 00:19:03,435
Ooh!
519
00:19:03,519 --> 00:19:05,229
-(ALL GASP)
-You okay?
520
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,105
Nice shot, Dr. Nussbaum.
521
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:08,482
Would you like to
date my daughter?
522
00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:10,776
-She's available.
-Oh, great, yeah, tell the
523
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:11,860
whole room that I'm available.
524
00:19:11,944 --> 00:19:14,780
I'm not telling the whole room
I'm telling Dr. Nussbaum.
525
00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:17,199
-A doctor.
-No, I got that.
526
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,287
-(SIGHS, GROANS)
-Oh, hey.
527
00:19:22,371 --> 00:19:24,331
-Hey.
-I like your glasses.
528
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:25,499
What happened to your eye?
529
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:27,584
-I got beat up at a bar mitzvah.
-(SIGHS)
530
00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:30,045
And I know that's embarrassing, and
I know you're too embarrassed of me
531
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:31,421
to introduce me
to your sister.
532
00:19:31,505 --> 00:19:32,923
-What?
-And I get that, Jess.
533
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:35,843
-Nick, that's not at all what...
-You know what?
534
00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:37,261
There is something
I just cannot shake,
535
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:39,263
I've been tossing and turning
all night long.
536
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:40,389
We literally
have been apart
537
00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:41,849
for like 15 seconds,
man, get out of here.
538
00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:44,142
I am your wingman now, Nick,
because it, it takes two wings...
539
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,269
Don't do this.
540
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,229
For a, for a bird to dance.
541
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:49,106
Jessica Day, you are
dating a champion.
542
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:50,732
-I agree.
-And I don't know
543
00:19:50,816 --> 00:19:52,401
why on earth you would be
embarrassed of him.
544
00:19:52,484 --> 00:19:54,236
-Don't... I told him not...
-Excuse me?
545
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:55,654
I don't understand where
this is coming from.
546
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:57,281
I am not embarrassed of Nick,
547
00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:58,615
-not at all.
-For real?
548
00:19:58,699 --> 00:20:00,284
-No.
-Well, that's great news.
549
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:01,869
I'm glad that's out of the way.
Fantastic.
550
00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:04,121
I'll see you guys
for brunch.
551
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,415
Why would you
think that?
552
00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:09,751
She's embarrassed
of me. Oh, hello. Oh, hey.
553
00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:11,086
-This is, um...
-I'm Abby.
554
00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:13,046
-Abby.
-Hi.
555
00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:15,549
Mom was right-- he does
have an uptown butt.
556
00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:16,633
What?
557
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:19,178
-I'd like to put that butt in ski pants.
-What does that mean?
558
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:20,429
-Nothing.
-Everything.
559
00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:22,514
-Come on, Abby.
-Oh, come on.
560
00:20:22,598 --> 00:20:24,141
Jess, I'm putting my
stuff in your room.
561
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,309
So that means you guys
562
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,269
are gonna stay in your room.
563
00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:29,646
-Thank me later.
-All right.
564
00:20:31,565 --> 00:20:34,818
Well, she is just a delight.
(CHUCKLES)
565
00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:37,321
So I might have told
566
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:39,948
a few lies about my sister.
567
00:20:40,032 --> 00:20:42,117
She's a total train wreck
and she was in jail.
568
00:20:42,201 --> 00:20:44,453
Well, look, why lie? You know
how many Millers have been
569
00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,288
or are currently in jail?
570
00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:48,207
I get it. It's just,
she's such a...
571
00:20:48,290 --> 00:20:49,875
ABBY: (MUFFLED)
I can hear you.
572
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:54,171
-(WHISPERS) Complicated person.
-Right.
573
00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:55,547
Anyway.
574
00:20:55,631 --> 00:20:56,840
She needs me.
575
00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:58,008
Right.
576
00:20:58,091 --> 00:20:59,134
Can she stay with us?
577
00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:01,011
Yeah, of course.
How, how long?
578
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:02,179
A few weeks.
579
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:04,181
-Few weeks.
-A month, tops.
580
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:05,933
Six months, super tops.
581
00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:08,227
-Six months?
-Just till I get on my feet.
582
00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:10,020
Oh. What's your address?
583
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,356
In case I want to get
any "deliveries."
584
00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:14,149
I'm not telling you.
585
00:21:14,233 --> 00:21:15,359
I'm not telling
you, I'm n...
586
00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:17,611
"Deliveries"? No.
587
00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:19,988
Deliveries are fine,
"deliveries," no.
588
00:21:20,072 --> 00:21:21,156
Depends what you want
"delivered."
589
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:22,616
I'll figure it out.
590
00:21:26,495 --> 00:21:27,788
Well...
591
00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:32,543
I love you.
43427
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