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MAN ON TV:
The Academy of Television
Arts and Sciences...

MATT: It's too complicated
to get into right now.

BETH: Matt, will you
get in here for God's sake!

Look, Ma,
how can I show up?

How can I show up tonight
when my union is
boycotting the Emmys?

Look, I have to hang up.
BETH: It's on! Right now!
Right this second!

Come on or you're
gonna miss it!

You're gonna miss it!
You're gonna miss it!

All right,
I gotta go watch.

(APPLAUSE)

The nominees
for best actor

in a limited series
or special are...
Here we go.

Jason Robards,
F.D.R.: The Last Year.

Henry Fonda,
Gideon's Trumpet.

(GROANS)

Tony Curtis,
The Scarlett O'Hara Wars.

Matt Hobbs for

Caine Mutiny Court-Martial.
BETH: Oh, you look
so cute in that hat.

Powers Boothe,
Guyana Tragedy:
Story of Jim Jones.

And the winner is

Powers Boothe.

(APPLAUSE ON TV)
Oh, my!
Damn it!

Damn it!
Damn it!

Oh, look,
he even showed up.

(APPLAUSE CONTINUES)
What an act of courage.

Yeah,
he was really good
in that role.

You make me crazy!

If you played
someone insane

who killed someone
by poisoning
a popular soft drink,

you would have won, too!

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Yeah, I wonder if
they send you something
for just being nominated.

BETH: Of all
the pathetic questions!

Why are you so damn foul
all of a sudden?

(BOOTHE CHATTERING)

Beth, what?

BOOTHE: ...and I believe
in the Academy.

(APPLAUSE)

(SIGHING)

We've been going back
and forth on where we've
been heading for so long,

I was hoping that if
you won tonight, it might
mean something for us.

Marriage?

Yes.

Look, Beth,
the only thing...

Please go fast.
I can't take your
dragging this out.

The only thing that I have
against our getting married

is that
it might not be fair,

because you...
See, I love acting.
I love it so much.

And I'm just gonna
stay with it forever,
no matter what.

And, you know,
it's okay for me to put up
with the ups and downs,

and the money
and all of that,

but it might not
be fair to you.

I'm going to
tell you something that
I've never told you before.

Your feelings
towards your work

are one of the things
I love most about you.

Really?

Well, then we have
no problem here.

Marry me.

(WHISPERING)
I was just worried whether
I could make you happy.

(BETH LAUGHS)

(BABY CRYING ON INTERCOM)

(CRYING CONTINUES)

(BETH MIMICKING CRYING)

(CRYING CONTINUES)

Could you get her, honey?
I've got that big reading
tomorrow.

No.

I have a busy day
tomorrow, too.

I have to borrow
on our Christmas club.

I have to cut out the coupons
from the damn newspaper

so I can go
to the store.

Beth. Beth.
I don't want you to worry
about money anymore.

Now, I didn't want
to tell you this because

it may sound strange
when I say it out loud,

but you know me,
I'm not that cocky,

but I'm gonna get
Kiss of the Spider Woman.

(GROANS)

I mean, it is
between me or Raul,

and I've never
been so sure.

It's weird.

I just know it.

I do.
Huh.

Boy, am I reassured.

What good news.
Isn't that a load off?

I've got a baby girl in there
sleeping in a used crib

who couldn't care less
what a director named
Hector Babenco thinks.

Beth, I'm gonna
get this part.

Oh, I can't stand this
anymore.

(CRYING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?
Matt, this is Beth.

Oh, Beth, I'm glad you
finally returned my call.

Don't sound
so self-righteous
about not returning calls.

What are you
so mad about?

I'm talking about you!

Taking your share of
the responsibility...
You know, Beth...

Beth, you're not
the only one
that can scream!

You know,
I can scream too,
you know!

(SIGHS)

You know what?
What?

I'm being sort of
a gutless wonder here.

I'm arguing back
with you because
I'm embarrassed.

I won't be able
to take the kid
when I said.

Beth, now listen.
Wait a second.
Listen to me.

You're taking her.
You're taking her.

You're taking her.
Do you know how long...

Beth, I know exactly
how long it's been,

and I feel strange
as hell at not seeing her,
but this isn't a choice.

I'm broke.
It's a dry spell
in my life.

That's not my problem.

I know that's
not your problem,

but it's no place
for a six-year-old.

What can I do?

The only full-time job
I seem to have right now

is not showing
how scared I am.

Is that something
you're trying to say
particularly well?

No, that's not something
I tried to say
particularly well.

Well, it was very well put.
Well, thanks.

But you're still
taking your daughter!

And there's no way...

Beth! Hey!

Look, let me tell you
what you are.
Beth! Hey, hey!

Never mind!
I'll take her! Bye!
What kind of...

I must get work.
I will take anything.

I must get work!

I must not be embarrassed
by these pep talks to myself!

RECEPTIONIST:
Popcorn Pictures.

MAN: The truck is ridiculous.
Get the Lexus. Get the Lexus.

WOMAN:
It's nuts here today.

RECEPTIONIST: Cathy,
Matt Hobbs on one.

Hi, this is Cathy.

Sure I remember you.
Sure.

Um, just a minute.
I have another call.

(PHONE CLICKS)

Hey.
Hello. How are you?

Hi. Do you know a...

Hey, Shannon!

Don't ever refer to me
or any of us again
as "D" people.

We are
Development Executives.

There's an easy way
to remember that.

We're what
you want to be.
Sorry.

What?
Do you know
a Matt Hobbs?

Matt Hobbs?
Matt Hobbs?

It does ring a dull
something or other, uh...

He's the guy Redford
played in The Natural.

No, no, no,
that's Roy Hobbs.

There is
a Matt Hobbs.

If I were you, I would be
cautiously enthusiastic until
I figured out who that was.

Hi. Sorry. I was just
finishing a script
evaluation, Matt.

So, um,
is everything okay?

Good, good.
I haven't seen you since...

The last time we saw...

(STAMMERING) The one time
we saw each other.

Oh! The night
at the acting school.

Sure. Matt, hi.

Actually, uh,
I do know
of something

that's starting
in a hurry.

Um, they're auditioning
here today.

I can get you in.

No, no. No problem.

Um, yeah.
I'll see you later.

No, no, don't thank me.
You didn't interrupt anything.

This script is beyond awful.

Bye.

(EXCLAIMS)

Even the title, Little Dick,
means so many things.

WOMAN: Story, story,
story, story.

This one you loved,
right?

I had some problems.

Like what?

What? It is
a little garbagey.

So? It has to be
cast right.

If Cathy doesn't like it,
we know it's a smash.

Hey.

RECEPTIONIST:
Popcorn Pictures.
Please hold.

It's not like
I didn't recommend it.

RECEPTIONIST: No, I'm sorry.
He's not available.

No, I understand,
but I can't interrupt.
Really.

If he checks with me,
I'll have him call you
as soon as I can.

What did you say
your number was?

You know, I wasn't sure
you would remember me,
let alone help.

Stop! You're good.

I am doing them a favor
by getting you in.

Well, that's
a fresh slant.

(LAUGHS)

WOMAN:
No, no, you're at the top
of the list. I promise you.

Claire,
this is Matt Hobbs.

How you doing, Claire?
It's good to meet you.

Same here.

Please.

Hi, I'm George LaForest.
I'm here for the part
of Harry.

CLAIRE: Okay.
Have a seat next to him.

Thanks.

Hey.

Um, this is
Matt Hobbs.

This is John Earl McAlpine,
our director.

Good to meet you.

Burke Adler,
our producer.

Okay, fine.

So, what have you
been doing with yourself

in the last few years?

Look, if you don't mind,
I'm really bad at interviews,

and I'd really prefer
just to read first.

That's the way
you'd like to do it?

Yes.
I see.

Okay, I'll tell you what,
why read at all?

Why don't we just
give you the role?
Okay?

You want the part?
We don't have to read.

(LAUGHING)
No, no, I'm serious.
Really.

Ah! Very good
in the mini-series.

MARTIN: Yeah, he got
an Emmy nomination
for it.

BURKE: You know,
there are all different ways.

Did you know Bertolucci
never reads actors?

Just looks at them,
feels around a little bit
and then he decides.

Doesn't read a word.
Well, I also have a way.

I like to interview first,
then I like to read.

Maybe come back
the next day,
do it all over again.

I'll call people up
the actor's worked with.

I'll check him out
if he's famous,

I'll do an opinion survey
to see if people like him.

If he's not famous,
I'll put him on tape,

grab anybody I can find
and show them the tape.

That's the way
I like to do it.

I believe in screen tests.

I believe
in cutting people out
if the dailies are bad.

I believe in replacing
people if the previews
aren't there.

Because I don't make movies
for theaters that serve
cappuccino in the lobby.

I make popcorn movies.

You want to know what I like,
come to my house,
look at my lamps.

That's what I like.
But you're not gonna find it
in my movies.

In my movies,
you'll see what I know,

and what I know
is detail.

And what I don't know,
I discover.
I'll tell you something.

Yesterday we were mixing this
last scene in a movie, right?

Huge field of windmills.
Big windmills.
Now, they blow up.

The propellers come loose.
They slice through the air.

One of them hits
this four-story tank
of propane gas.

There's this
humongous explosion.

Now, I'm sitting there
going, "Louder!

"It's gotta be louder,
louder, louder, louder!"

They're saying to me,
"We can't make it louder.
There's too much distortion."

We went louder.

See, they discovered
a thing, a filter.
I don't know what they did.

But the fact is,
we did it.

I don't question.
I just do it.

So if you're asking me
can you do it differently,

you don't want to talk,
you just want to read,
I say...

Ask him,
he's the director.

Whatever.

Okay.
Good. Let's go.
Any questions?

They only gave me
two pages.

And I really want to
give this my best shot,

so if I could read the script
and then come back.

The part works tomorrow.

MATT: Okay.

Who will I read with?

Right here.

I'll play Wendy.

Over there, okay?

(CLEARING THROAT)

What? What is it?
What are you holding?
What does it say?

WOMAN: They need
John for the physical.
They won't wait.

Time for my buns
to have visitors.

All right.
Go ahead.

(LAUGHING) Go ahead?
The director just left.

So? He trusts me.

Anyway, we're just
doing the first page.

Let's start with
"I've been so..."
Just...

(SIGHS)

(SNIFFLES)

You know...

God, I've been
so messed up.

Maybe all the bad stuff
was in my mind?

Right?

"Okay, darling Harry,
here it is.

"If someone were
breaking up with me,

"I'd like it
short and sweet.
What about you?"

"Incredibly drawn out."

"I can't take care
of you right now.
What am I, your mother?"

"What am I, your duck?

"You know,
we've been together
for two years

"and you act like you're
blowing away some feathers,

"so what I'm asking you..."

BURKE: You didn't
do the quack.

Huh?

Stage direction says
for him to quack.
You didn't do it.

Over there.

(SNIFFS)

Oh, yeah.
But, you know,

why would he quack
when somebody is
breaking up with him?

(LAUGHING)

Well, hopefully
because it's funny.

But this isn't a comedy.

Then we're in
a lot of trouble,

'cause they're already
fall-down laughing

at the teaser trailer
in 5,235 theaters!

Yes, it's a comedy.

Comedy.

I think I need to make
an adjustment here.

No. You know what?
You're not right for this.

But, Martin, I like him.

I want to bring him back
for something else. Okay?

MARTIN: Okay.

Sure.

Thank you.
BURKE: Bye.

MARTIN:
It was very touching.

WOMAN: Burke wants everybody
starting for the preview.
Cathy!

You know, I got
all the way to the car,
and I forgot to thank you.

Oh, sure, um,
how'd it go?

Well, I didn't get it.

Strange man.

He did say something
about wanting me back,
though.

Well, good. His saver is
he means what he says.

Well, I just wanted
to say thanks.

WOMAN: Let's go.
He wants everybody
at the preview early.

MAN: I'm coming,
I'm coming.

Don't be sad.

No.

No.

CATHY: So long, Matt.

Oh, that's Matt.
How do you know him?

Oh, uh, well,

I was, uh, auditing
this acting class and...

He filled in
teaching one night.

He did a scene himself,
and he was awesome.

For some reason
he just can't get arrested.

Listen. Just listen to me.

BETH: It is very important
that you get here
exactly on time.

Oh, Beth.

Very important, Matt.

I'm gonna tell you,
it just makes more sense

if you put her
on a plane in Georgia.
BURKE: Hey, you, actor! You!

And I'll be right here
to pick her up.

Absolutely not.
You know what I mean?

I'm so lucky to run
into somebody I know.
What's your name again?

Excuse me, I'm on the phone.
Matt, don't have two
conversations at once.

Hang up, hang up.
Excuse me.
I'm on the phone, please.

Matt, listen to me.
I'm sorry, Beth.

Where's my driver?
Why do you think?
If I pick her up,

it's going to end up
costing an extra $480.
Hang up.

It's senseless.
Please, please.
Hang up.

I said no.
Why are you so upset?

You know, it doesn't
have to be like this.

Please.
Oh, yes, it does.

(MUTTERING)
Okay, okay.
I'll see you tomorrow.

Is Jeannie there?

Just be here
on time, okay?

Is Jeannie there?

Just be here
on time.

Tell her I said hi.

I will. Okay.
All right, so long.

What...
(SHUSHING)
I got a crisis!

This kid who's
supposed to drive me
is 30 minutes late.

Everybody from my office
is gone.

Now, I have a very big
movie opening.

There's a test screening
in the valley in 45 minutes.

Do you have any idea
how important this is?

Do you know what
I'm talking about?

Is that what
this is all about?
You need a lift?

Yes, yes.

Okay, I got my car
right over here.

Wait up.

This is your car?

Yeah.

(CAR APPROACHING)

How late are you?
How late are you?

BOY: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
BURKE: Were you surfing?
Not just today.

There's no way
you're ever going
to make it.

You are going to fail!

Listen, listen,
I know about this.
You're gonna be a failure!

Look, a guy got
shot on the freeway.
Traffic was all tied up.

You should leave time
for that kind of thing!

Let's go. You said
you'd give me a lift.

What the hell
are you talking about?

Not in your car.
I got my own.

I'll give you $120
to take me.

And don't worry.
It'll still be a favor.

What do you need me for?
Don't you drive?

Yeah, I drive.

I don't like
to look for parking.

Keep driving.

She runs the test screenings.
Very smart, very...

She's got a real case on me.
So far I've been keeping it
in the bank.

(GROANS)

(SIGHS)

(INHALES)

(GRUNTS)

Hello. Welcome.

The name of the picture
you'll be seeing is
Ground Zero.

There may be some scratches.
Some of the colors may be off.

There are no titles,

and it has not been
finally mixed for sound.

And the music is temp.

That means temporary.

So thank you all for coming
and enjoy the show.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

BURKE: Come on.
Here we go.

Nothing good
that happens tonight

will make feeling the way
I do right now worth it.

Nothing.

(GUNS FIRING ON SCREEN)

Please, God,
let tonight
give him peace.

Nan, shh!
No prayers.

Forgive my manners.
I'm Nan.

Have you two met?
Yeah.

Good.

(LOUD EXPLOSION)

MAN: Turn it down!
WOMAN: Ow!

Lower it!
That hurt!

Yeah, I'm divorced, too.

Hmm.

Yeah, my daughter's six.

Mine's 11.

Oh, 11, yeah.

She's coming out here.
I'm gonna go pick her up.

Oh, good.

I remember
how it was for us

when my daughter and I moved
out here from Washington.

Well, she's only
gonna be here
for three weeks.

Oh.

Washington.
Washington?

Boy, that must have been
a big adjustment.

It wasn't that bad.

Both places have
a lot in common.

Over-privileged people,

crazed by their fear
of losing their privileges.

Alcoholism.

Addiction.

Betrayal.

The near total degradation
of what once were
grand motives.

The same spiritual
bloodletting.

I kind of do miss
the seasons though.

(CHUCKLES)
What?

(LAUGHING)
What?

So how long has it been
since you've
seen your daughter?

Oh, a little
over two years.

Two years?

Well, my ex-wife insisted
on moving back to Georgia,

and I was in the Philippines
on a mini-series...

Oh, please!

It's one thing to be
a son of a bitch.

You don't have to be
a stupid son of a bitch.

People move
heaven and earth
to see their kids.

I don't care if
she moved to Pluto.
It's abandonment.

Hey, wait a minute.
We just met.

Oh. I'm sorry.

(CHEERING)

(AUDIENCE GROANING)

(CHUCKLING)

Sorry to bust your chops.

(CHEERING)

MAN: Faster, people.
Faster, please!

Very good.
Who else?
Yeah, yeah.

All right.

All right, we're running
behind on Hispanics.
Let's go, people.

Women over 25.
Women under 25.
Past 40.

Males under 25.
Males over 25.

I just never thought
it would do that well.

There were
so many holes.

I told everybody
it wasn't gonna
do business.

Why am I so public
with my opinions?

You might
just be right.

Not with
that score.

(MUTTERING)
Here, here.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I got it.

You know,

maybe tonight's
the night I'm losing
my entire mind,

but weren't you
in Platoon?

That's incredible.

You know, I was only
in there for a minute.

In the rape scene,
moving past Charlie Sheen
when I left the Quonset hut.

I had a great scene,
but it was cut out.

But there was that one long
close-up where you seemed,

um, ashamed of yourself,

but still arrogant?

No?

That's exactly
what I was going for.

It was?
Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll take my...

Ooh!

(CHUCKLING)

Thanks.

You read
all those scripts?

Beast of burden.

Okay.

So what are you?
Totally wonderful or what?

I...

Oh, good night.

So how come
you haven't said anything?
This is great, right?

No.

What no?

The definite recommends
are way off for a score
this high.

And even for action-adventure,
it's just too low for women.

But it was
such a good score.

I know.

I'm sorry.

And, unfortunately,
yesterday's tracking
wasn't...

I'm sorry.

They just don't seem
in the mood for
action-adventure right now.

Whoa.

I think it's
so wonderful

that you don't worry about
even trying to act strong.

Thanks.

Hey, um,

you wanna eat
something sometime?

I'm, uh...

I'm blushing
from head to foot.

Good.

I'll call you.

Maybe I'll come by
the office tomorrow.

Ten, 15 and 20.

Thank you.
Yep.

You know, I was gonna
offer you this regularly,

but I thought
it would humiliate you.

I don't mind
an occasional odd job.

But I can't work tomorrow.
I gotta get my kid.

All right.
Let's go.

I gotta look at the cards.
I'll ride back here.

(ENGINE STARTS)

I shouldn't be long.

WOMAN: Okay.
We'll make your plane.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Hi, are you Matt?
Uh-huh.

I didn't know
if we could
wait much longer.

She's a real nut
on smoking
anywhere near the kid.

Just... One...

(EXHALES)
Come on in.

You wait here.

Hello.

Hi.

Did you two meet?

(CHUCKLING)
No, not really.

Is she ready?
I have a taxi waiting.

I just have to say
goodbye to her.

You have no idea
how difficult that is.

(LAUGHING)
It's three weeks.

It's not three weeks.

Yes, it is.

No, it's not.

Yes, it is.

He doesn't know?

You're not taking her
for a visit.

You're taking her
for a while.

Just because you want
to go off with him,
doesn't mean I have to...

You're getting
the wrong idea.
Oh, I don't think so.

No matter
how you put this,
I don't think so!

Hey, look, I'm
a United States marshal.

I'm here because she
didn't show up yesterday
to start serving her time.

(EXHALES)

I don't have a choice.

You don't have a choice.

(STUTTERING)

What did she do?

I loved, helped
and supported,
in every way possible,

a businessman
who committed
the terrible crime

of being financially
imaginative with
a pension fund.

Jeannie, come over here.
I want to talk to you.

Okay, there.

Now listen carefully.
Be still.

What's the most important
thing in life to know?

No one will ever love me
as much as you do.

Good.

Now concentrate
with all your muscles

and remember everything
I'm about to say to you.

Don't talk to strangers.
They may be monsters.

Take your vitamins so
the poison in the food
can't hurt you.

What else now?
Teeth.

Right! Thank you.

Brush right after
you eat

or your gums will start
to bleed in your sleep
and choke you.

Beth, Beth, Beth!
Mrs. Hobbs...

What? I'm giving
Jeannie her reminders.

Her reminders?
You can't say things
like that to a little girl.

No, don't.
Don't dare.

Don't criticize
the way I mother her

or I think
I'll start to scream
and never stop!

Mrs. Hobbs.
Yes?

You know, I've been involved
with this sort of thing
for a long time.

You're not gonna
criticize me, are you?

Not in front of him.

Because all he's done
is send Jeannie these
long, stupid letters.

He doesn't even realize
she can't read.

He sends letters to
somebody who can't read.

It's almost funny.

I thought you'd
read them to her.

Oh.

The meter's running.
All right.

Can I just have
another minute with her?

Jeannie, Jeannie,
come here. Come here.

That's a very good outfit
you just picked out.

Mrs. Hobbs.

Hi. Hi, hi,
hi, hi, hi.

What have you
been telling her?

Okay, love,
Mommy's going to help others
who need her for a few years,

and you're going with Daddy,
as I explained.

BETH: Look at me.
Don't step in
the street alone.

You don't want to
lose a foot. Remember
the story I told you.

Now if someone ever comes up
and offers you candy,

you scream for
the police immediately.

Stranger, danger, Jeannie.
Stranger, danger.

Beginning now,
you must give
less value

to your own happiness
and well-being.

Then, hopefully,
you will reach a point

where you give that
no value whatsoever.

Give her everything.

There's no such thing
as spoiling a child.

MARSHAL: Even if you have
to steal to do it?

You don't really
want to mess with me,
do you?

No.

MATT: Come on, Jeannie.
We've got to go.

I want to
go with you.

Can't, pretty heart.
I'm sorry.

Not even
a compromise?

Okay, the compromise
will be that you don't
have to ride in back.

What?
You can ride up front
with the driver, okay?

Now, remember, Jeannie,
don't talk to strangers.

Don't forget to
say your prayers
at night.

Remember God.
He made you.

Can we go, please?

Yeah.
To the airport?
MATT: Yes.

BETH: Goodbye,
sweetness.

You think of me!

WOMAN ON RADIO: Tonight,
Atlanta's own Attman's Theater
for the Arts

presents kids' comedy
theater on Saturday
from 1:00 to 5:00...

(WOMAN CHATTERING)

It'll be okay.

I'm your dad,
you know,

so it'll be okay.

You and I will
make it okay.

You ever ridden
in a plane before?

Yes.

Don't stare at me.

Sorry.

I want to put on
my yellow dress.

We can't get the yellow dress
'cause it's underneath
the plane.

Why don't you
run under there
and get it?

It's underneath the plane,
so we can't get it.

I want my yellow dress.

Please!
I want my yellow dress!

Jeannie, it's impossible.
It's impossible.
Please!

Please, I want it!
It's underneath the plane.
We can't get it.

I want my yellow dress!

Please, I want
my yellow dress!
Jeannie, please.

Please, give it to me!

(SCREAMING)
MATT: All right,
all right, Jeannie.

Jeannie, listen to me.
Give it to me,
give it to me,

give it to me,
give it to me!
Jeannie, Jeannie.

Jeannie, it's impossible.
It's underneath the plane.

(GRUNTS)
Don't, don't kick the seat.

I want to put on
my yellow dress!

Jeannie.
Give me a compromise!

All right, you want
a compromise?

As soon as we land,
that's the compromise.

ALL: Don't hit her!

(STAMMERING)
I didn't hit her.
She hit herself.

Let go, let go, let go!
Jeannie!

(CRYING)
Let go, let go!

(BEEPING)

WOMAN ON PA:
Ladies and gentlemen,

the captain has turned on
the fasten seat belt sign.

Please remain seated.

Jeannie.
Jeannie.

Jeannie! Jeannie...

Sir, the seat belt
sign is on!

Jeannie, please,
we have to sit down.
Sir, please.

(JEANNIE SCREAMING)
Jeannie...

JEANNIE: (CRYING)
I want my dress!

I have no idea
what to do.

God.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(MAN SHOUTING)

Okay, partner.

Okay. All right.
What?

WOMAN:
Where you going now?

(DOOR SLAMS)

All right.
I'll have you in bed
in a second.

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

MATT: It's cheerier
in the daytime.

Can you read the sign?

(SIGHS)
The Jeannie part.

Oh, yeah.
All right.

(YAWNS)

(EXHALES)

(SUITCASE CLICKS)

Where do I sleep?

I have a sleeping bag...

Or a bed.

Which do you want?

That.

Okay.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Socks off?
Okay, in bed.

Hug?

Hug?

JEANNIE:
Let go.

Let go.

WOMAN:
Uh, Mr. Adler, I've given
Mr. Vincent another note.

He knows you're holding.

(GRUNTING)

(HYDRAULICS HISSING)

WOMAN: Uh, Mr. Adler,
he's running late,

and he asked me
to read you this.

"I've gone over
the Ground Zero test scores.

"And I think we must..."
He underlines must.

"Delay the release of the film
until we see the results
of the next preview.

"I'm also concerned
that the running time
is now 78 minutes.

"I'll speak to you
after the next test."

Sorry.
The "sorry" was mine.

(GROANS)

Monica?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Yeah, is Leslie up yet?

Oh, good. I didn't want you
to get worried when you
realized I wasn't there.

I'm, um...

I'm still with that man.

Well, I'll tell you
about it later.

But it sure is nice
to have wobbly legs again.

Yeah, look, today
is recycling day
for Leslie at school,

so give her
some empty cans.

Well, then dump
some soda out.

Yeah, well, thank you.

Yeah. Well,
take good care.

(BURKE WHIMPERING)

Oh, I thought you took off
in the middle of the night.

No, no, I just
had to call home.

Is that why
you're upset?

No.

(CAR ALARM BLARING)

How you doing?

I'm from next door.

Right across the hall.

And I've seen you
in the laundry room
with your kids.

Hello.
So... Hello.

Who are you?

I'm Lucy Grizada.

What's your name?

MATT: Say "Jeannie."

I need somebody
to help me and her
on short notice.

You know, I have
seen you in the building
with your kids,

and I was hoping
you knew someone that
I could leave her with.

I've got a new job
that starts now.
Do you know anyone?

Well, I'm always here.

Um, maybe
I could do it myself.

Great! Great!

We'll work out
a full-time schedule.

Wait!

Why don't you
go in and meet Ricky
and Essa. Okay?

We're gonna make
fruit bars.

Why don't you
leave her for a while
and then we'll talk?

Sort of a test?

No. Just to see
how it works out.

Uh-huh.

Birdie.

(WHISPERS)
Please behave.

I don't know
what we'll do if
this doesn't work out.

So behave,
sweetheart.

Behave.

All right. Thank you.
She'll be fine.

(CHILD SCREAMING)

Shoot.

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

(CHILD CRYING)

(CRYING CONTINUES)

I'm sorry
I bothered you.

(CRYING CONTINUES)

Come on, Jeannie.
Let's go.

Come on. Let's go.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Oh, wait. Can I have her
just a little while longer?

My little boy just fell,
and she's the only one
he lets hold him.

Your little boy fell.
He's the one
that's screaming.

Yes, she can stay.

All right, Jeannie.

Jeannie.

No, no, that's okay.
That's okay.

(CHATTERING ON TV)

MAN: Women over 25,
under 25. Count!
So go ahead.

So they moved her
up to first class.

Don't worry.

My daughter used
to have fits in supermarkets
when we first moved here.

It's all so
perfectly normal.

Plus, I know
a great psychiatric
children's group.

No, no, no, no.

What breaks your heart
about Jeannie is that...

She... She doesn't think
anything can help.

She's...

She's lucky she has
a daddy who cares,
believe me.

I don't know
if lucky's the word.

You know,

I'm hoping that
she's asleep
when I get home

so I don't have
to deal with her.

I'm actually afraid
of my own kid.

(SIGHS) My God.

I've had exactly
that feeling and
never said it aloud.

Excuse me, Nan.
Here are the cards.
Uh, you could...

Oh, never mind.
I'll do it. Thanks.

MAN: Very good? Fair?

I felt terrible, the way
that I blew up at you
when I first met you.

It was really rude.
No, please.
No, no, no.

MAN: Quickly! Come on!
Let's count!

I began taking antidepressants
when we moved here
from Washington.

I had some
side effects.

Sleeping 14 hours,
no libido,

I gained
17 pounds in nine days,
that sort of thing.

So they gave me
pills to deal with
the side effects,

then pills to deal with
the side effects I was
getting from those pills.

All this besides
the stuff the nutritionist
was giving me.

The combination formed
some sort of...

Potion.

So I keep telling the truth.
I don't have a choice.

That's why I was
so rude to you.

(LAUGHS)
It's true.

Thanks.

Your doctor says this?

Oh, yes.
He's excited.

He's monitoring me
for a while longer

before writing it up
for a medical journal.

Burke's going crazy
waiting for the score.

Okay. All right.
Thanks. Coming!

(CHATTERING)

So, how are you anyway?

Oh, I'm...

It's a tough one, huh?

Me, too.

BURKE:
Hey, Cathy! Come on!

BURKE: Nan, I didn't say...
I can barely hear you.
You're getting fuzzy.

MATT: We're right here
at the office anyway.
NAN: Can you hear me now?

BURKE: Stop right here
so I can hear her, please.

Nan, you're breaking up.

Look, my daughter's home
with a baby-sitter for
the first time. I gotta go.

BURKE: Would you wait
one second, please?

I can't hear you.
Back up an inch.

Keep talking, Nan.
NAN: I said that...

I can't hear you.
Go forward two inches.
Keep talking, please.

Stop right there!
Go back again.

Nan, you're fading.
There! Right there.
NAN: Can you hear me?

You checked over
every card yourself?

Yes, I did.

Did we do well
with any group at all?

Eleven-year-old boys,
but there were only three
of them in the audience.

Just three 11-year-olds?

NAN: Honey, I know
you'll feel better soon.

It's only a movie.

Yeah, right. See you.

And I love...

I'm all alone.

At least there's that.

JEANNIE:
I don't wanna go!

Everybody is tired!
You can come back tomorrow.

I want to live with them!
I want to live with
those people!

God, let me live there!

Jeannie. Jeannie.

(SCREAMS)

Please, Lucy,
don't make me go!

Maybe if she just
stayed tonight.

I love it here
so much that...

Daddy says I can stay.

I think it's terrible
to give her
what she pleases,

especially when
she acts like that.

Terrible!
I know, I know.

She's gonna think
that she can do
whatever she wants.

I know.

All right, you will see
Lucy in the morning.
We're going home.

No, I'm not! Stop!

MATT: What is
wrong with you?

JEANNIE: What's wrong
with you?

Don't talk back!
Don't talk fresh!

You promised!
You promised!

You're on
a time-out!

(SOFTLY)
What's that?

That is where you
stay by yourself
and you be quiet!

Could I please
just say one word?

No!

One word!

No!

(MATT SIGHS)

JEANNIE: Goodbye,
bunny rabbits.

Goodbye, Georgia.

Goodbye,
new training wheels.

Bye-bye,
stuffed animals,

especially Doris.

Goodbye, Ronnie's puppy.

And...

(DOOR OPENING)

What's the matter?
Are you sad?

I don't like
that word, please.

Which? Which word?

Sad.

(CLEARS THROAT)
You know,
you're in here

because you made a choice
by the way that you acted.

So if you
don't like the way
that this worked out,

then next time that
you have to make a choice,

you just think of this.

I don't understand.

Well, I don't either.
I just read it.

All right.

Um... Okay.

I don't feel
like being alone
right now, do you?

(WHISPERS)
No.

Okay, let's do
this time-out

together.

Okay.
Okay.

What is the sin
that we've committed that we
have to eat take-out Thai

every day of our lives?

(CLEARING THROAT)
Did you bring chopsticks?

Here.

(PHONE RINGING)
Chopstick.

WOMAN:
Popcorn Pictures.

Hey.
Hey.

How you doing?
Good.

You want some?
It's perk.

No, thanks.
I brought my own.

Uh, I'm almost
finished with this, if you'd
just give me a minute.

No, no, that's fine.
I'll sit over there.

You want a script
to read?

No. No, thank you.

Will somebody take a minute
to look over my casting list

before Burke gets here?

(PHONE RINGING)
WOMAN: Popcorn Pictures.
Please hold.

(HUMMING)

(MUTTERING)

This list isn't
so great, Millie.

Well, I wanted to put
people on there
we had a shot at getting.

"Jeff Daniels,
Ed Harris,

"F. Murray Abraham,
Willem Dafoe,

"Tommy Lee Jones,
John Malkovich."
For an action lead?

Does Academy Award stuff
mean anything here?

I mean, could you just
take my list and go down it
one name at a time

instead of this
general lack of...
Okay, okay.

Let's play
State the Obvious.

"Ed Harris."
Losing his hair.

"F. Murray Abraham."
Has a nose as long
as an Aspen ski-line.

(SNICKERING)
"Jeff Daniels."
Beanpole.

"Bob Hoskins."
Looks fur-bearing when
he takes off his shirt.

"Tommy Lee Jones."
Very unfortunate skin.

"John Malkovich"?
What dermatologist
gave you this list?

(LAUGHING)
Hey.

"James Spader."
Vanilla, vanilla, vanilla.

"Christopher Walken."
Weird hair.

Where do you
put the garbage?

MAN: "Willem Dafoe."
Teeth.

"Gary Busey."
WOMAN: Teeth again.

Teeth again.

"James Woods."
Small head, pointy face.

"Raul Julia."
Bug eyes.

"John Goodman."

(LAUGHING)
Bombed on
the big screen.

Bombed on
the big screen.

(WOMAN LAUGHING)

Where do they find
these people?

MAN: Did you say
something?

Yes. Where did
they find you?

What?

Yes. You know,
I always thought

that people in your job
had to have
some qualifications.

I mean, forget
common decency
for a minute. Okay?

You don't even know
that these people that
you're talking about

are some of
the best guys alive!

I don't think
all the yelling
is necessary.

Yes, it is.
And I'm not talking to you,
and I don't like you.

You know, I...

You know, I always had
a firm idea about acting.

That you just shut up
and act.

And I always believed that
you forget about all the
crap that you can't control.

But, you know...

My God, man!

I mean, where did
they find you?

I...

Okay, okay, okay.
All right, you know,
I know.

It's a business.

And nobody ever put
a gun to anybody's head.

You know, nobody put it
up there and said,

"Okay now,
you've gotta act."

But, you know, doesn't
somebody in your job
still have to have at least

some dull feeling of respect
for people who really do know
what they're doing?

I mean, don't you have
to know something besides

how to pose for this
picture of you that
nobody's snapping?

Hey, why don't you just
mind your own business?

Well, because, man,
because you're
minding my business!

And that's the problem!

The hell with this.
I'm really sorry.

No, no, no.
Take my seat, please.

(SNICKERING)
Don't hit me.

I'm not gonna hit you.

It's not your fault,

this stupidity of yours.

You're just a scared
little shit that gets to say
he's making movies.

And the only thing that
they ever taught you

is that what you really
like doesn't matter.

I didn't mean you.

If you didn't,
you sure should have.

(SIGHS)
I'll take that.

Oh, thank you.

What? What is it?

I've been...

I just got this feeling,

seeing myself talking
to you and...

Like this is the most
important moment of...

Ever.

Okay, good.
What is it?

(EXHALES)

I've been watching
this company make movies

that cost tens of
millions of dollars.

And all the while,
I have known

about this wonderful script,
which we somehow own,

and we could make
for about 14 million.

Three million if
you can live without
stars or a name director.

That's it?
Send me the coverage.

I have sent you coverage
on it nine times!

(SOFTLY) I'm sorry.

I swear to you, Burke,
it'll work.

You have never
heard me say that.

Oh, really?

How about last
night's preview?

I don't know anything
about action-adventure!

Uh, I have no idea
where that came from.

(CATHY SIGHS)

Look, I know that everyone
thinks that I don't have
any commercial sense

because of what I said
at that Gremlins preview
and all.

And you think that I can't
put myself on the line.

Well, if this picture
doesn't work,

fire me.

Have me killed if it
doesn't get good reviews.

If this picture doesn't get
a 70% definite recommend
from women 49 and under,

I promise to be your
sex slave until they
drop ticket prices

back to five bucks
and start enforcing
the "R" rating.

You're selling
very excellent.

Very excellent
presentation.

You

gotta do this for me.

I think this movie
could save me.

Oh, please.

What's the script?

Mr. Deeds Goes To Town.

A remake.

Yeah.

JEANNIE: I would like
you to look at this.

You're being poopie.

Jeannie!

Thanks, Lucy.

Say goodbye.

Say goodbye.

Jeannie,
say goodbye.

Why wouldn't you
look at the way
I dressed Ricky?

I had a real
rough day.

So I don't want
to talk about it.
Just let it sit there.

ANSWERING MACHINE:
You have no messages
at this time.

(SARCASTICALLY)
What was so rough?

Tell me.

Compromise.

Are you sad?

Yes.

Now I really need
to be quiet.

You!

I know what
will cheer you up.

¶ You are the best

¶ You can do everything

¶ You can be everything
you want to be

¶ You are a smile

¶ You are a rainbow

¶ You were created
so perfectly

¶ Sometimes we laugh

¶ Sometimes we cry

¶ Sometimes we hurt inside
and don't understand why

¶ We're only human

¶ We make mistakes

¶ Sometimes it seems like only
other people get the breaks

¶ Hey

¶ You're the best

¶ Don't you worry

¶ You're not your friends,
you're not your mother

¶ You're not your father
and you're not your brother

¶ Don't let sadness
get you down, just...

¶ ...and that's the best
anybody can do

¶ Don't let sadness
get you down ¶

I'm stupid!

I can't even
remember the words!

No, no, no, listen to me.
You're not stupid.

I am stupid.

I can't even remember
the words to some baby song.

(PHONE RINGING)

MATT: Hello?

Matt, they may let me
finally make a movie
I love!

(EXCLAIMING)

And I think you're
perfect for it, too.

JEANNIE: (WHISPERING)
Who is it?

Me? Well, uh...

Is it Lucy?

Well, this is great. Okay.
I'll come right over
and pick up the script.

CATHY: No, I'll get
your address from Claire.

Okay.

Can I just talk?

If you like,
bring it right on over.

CATHY: Okay, fine.

Let me talk!

We might make
it yet, kid.

MATT: I let you wear
your cape and crown.
Now, come on!

JEANNIE: Why can't I stay
just a little while?

Because this is a very
special friend of Daddy's

and I need the privacy.

Now, be fair!

I let you wear
that dress!

Hi, come in.

I want you to
meet my daughter,
Queen Elizabeth.

Boo!

Jeannie,
this is Cathy.

Hi. What a
pretty dress.

(WHISPERS)
Thank you.

Thank you.
That's nice.

Are you going
to a party?

Hey, Dad, am I
going to a party?

No, you're going
next door.

Jeannie!

Do you remember
our compromise?

You're gonna go
next door to Lucy's,
and you're gonna play.

And you're gonna
show them this dress.

And then I'm gonna come
by and get you later,

and we'll go out and
we'll buy you anything you
want for under $17.

I remember.

Goodbye.

I love you very much.

Well, thank you!

(WHISPERS)
Say thank you.
Say thanks!

Thanks.

JEANNIE: Now say,
"Thanks, Jeannie."

MATT: Thanks, Jeannie.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

MATT: Go on inside.

What a little
winner, huh?

Thanks.

This is my
favorite project.

Good.

And it looks like
we're going ahead
with it.

Mr. Deeds Goes
To Town, huh?
Oh, it's a remake.

Well, come on.
Well, it's original.

This is a wonderful rewrite.

It's funnier.

And there's
a part in it for...

Yes. Burke says I can
test whoever I want.

He wasn't even surprised
when I mentioned you.

So if you could
read this now,

and if you like it,
we can make a test deal.

Okay. Which part?

Longfellow Deeds.

(CHUCKLES)

Mr. Deeds?

Who goes to town, yeah!

I just can't wait to hear
what you think of it.

I mean,
who are we kidding?

I'm even having trouble
getting short parts.

I'm gonna say that
I love this no matter
what you've done to it.

Stop being
so creepy honest.

I really have an instinct

about you for this.

I'm going home.

Call me when you finish
reading it, or...

You know,
just come on over.

For luck.

For luck.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(BOTH GASP)

Oh!

I mistimed it.

I wanted you to catch
me fully frontal.

(CATHY CHUCKLES)

So, the script?

It's really good.

I get a little nervous
thinking about the
opportunity.

Well, I want to
hear everything.

Should we go through
it page by page?

Okay.

(STUTTERING)

If it's okay...

I kind of...

I kind of work on
these things in private.

It's just that it's
a little better for me

if I don't...
If I don't...

Okay.

No, it's okay.
It won't kill me.

No, no, really, please.
I do understand.

I'm just not that fragile.

No, no, no, no.

(WHISPERS) Let's go.
Yeah.

(SIGHS)

(LAUGHING)

You look so serious.

I am so serious.

Good.

(PHONE RINGING)

I get a lot of calls.
I'm a phone person.

(ANSWERING MACHINE CLICKS)

MAN: Cathy,
you were supposed to be here
an hour and five minutes ago.

Maybe you think
a one-month anniversary
is silly. Goodbye.

You know something?
Maybe we should start
seeing other people.

Oh!

(PHONE RINGING)

(ANSWERING MACHINE CLICKS)

WOMAN: Hey, Cath,
pick up, pick up, pick up.
Great news.

Oliver Stone's movie
just fell apart.

He's going crazy.
Perfect timing to send
him Deeds. Bye.

Oh, guess who's gay?
Call me, bye.

Is this the kind of crap
you listen to all day?

Please, we're making
love here.

(PHONE RINGING)

(BOTH MOANING)

JEANNIE: Daddy?

Daddy? Where is he?
Lucy, you dialed wrong.

LUCY: Matt,
you left this number.
Are you there?

Jeannie misses you
and is upset

because you're not
here to watch TV
like you promised.

I think all daddies
should keep their
promises, Matt. Bye.

(DIAL TONE DRONING)

I'm sorry.

(PANTING)

It's all right.

Is there a name
for what we just had?

No.

Just tell me what made
you rush over and pick me
up at my office

and bring me here at 6:00.

We seem to have this
unspoken agreement,

not to talk about
why we're together
when we're together.

And I don't think
it's good to let that
become a pattern for us.

Come on.

Why did I rush
over to see you?

Uh, well...

Um...

Well, I had
the urge to

be with someone.

You were the closest.

What's wrong?

You're not at all aware
that you've just said
something

unattractive?

I'm sorry if it came
out the wrong way.

I'm not looking
for an apology.

"Closest."

One of the things
I'm not great at
is expressing...

Let's not make this
about your shortcomings.

I'm sure you've had enough
of those conversations
to last you a lifetime.

What I'm trying...
No, I haven't.

No, you haven't what?

Had conversations
about shortcomings.

No woman has
ever told you

that you have an almost
barbaric insensitivity?

That you seem to have lapsed
into some final cynicism

where you actually believe
that not only does everyone
think the way you do,

but only you have
the courage to express it.

That you seem
horribly certain

that everyone else
is sort of pretending
when they talk about love.

Or seem to care for anything
outside their own anus.

No one's ever said that
sort of thing to you?

Yeah, I heard that.

But I didn't know
that's what you meant
by shortcomings.

If you think this way,
what are you doing here?

I'm here for
the same reason

that 86% of older women
love Beauty and the Beast.

I would like to believe
that underneath the creature,

there's a sweet,
caring guy.

I sure hope
you're wrong.

No.
I'm kidding.

Come on.
I have to pick up Leslie.

Oh, come on.
No.

Come on!

Stop making me feel bad.

Okay.

(DOOR CLOSES)

You know, this is awkward,
me driving you around

and then going in to
test for you tomorrow.

Not really.

Well, I can't drive you
to work tomorrow and then
go right in and test.

It's okay.
I'm coming in late tomorrow.

I'll get one of the kids
to drive me.

Thank you.

And, look, if I get
the lead in this movie?

Yeah?

You have to go back
to sitting up front with me
when I drive you.

(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

Very good!

Hey, Kenny?
Yeah, baby.

Did you hear
I was in the hospital
last week?

Matt, should we
run lines?
Yeah.

For food poisoning.

Food poisoning?

I thought that
I would die.
"What's wrong?"

Guys, they're
ready for you.

Okay, so, Matt,
they're ready.
I went to the hospital.

Lily, ready for you.

(ALL CHATTERING)

Is he fabulous?

Do you always
wear your hair...

Is he out there?
Yeah.

They couldn't
pump my stomach.

You can't keep...
Underneath?

You want more powder
under there?

If that will be
good for you,
it's good for me.

How's that? Good?

Yeah.
Yes.

Where's Jeannie?

Jeannie's fine.
I'll never eat
there again.

Well, I hope not.

They're all
ready for you.
All right.

How many men
are testing today?

You're the only one.

Well, well, all right.

In that case,
tell them I need
more time.

No, actually,
I'm finished.

No, I mean for me.
I want to focus
a little more.

Oh, okay.

Matt?
Yeah?

The thing they're
looking for most is sexy.

You know who
she was involved with
for a minute or so?

Who?

Hey, hey, hey, uh,
you guys, you know, uh...

I really need to
be alone right now.

'Cause I need
to focus a little,
so if you don't mind.

Is that all right?

That's fine.
MATT: Thank you.

Focus a little.

Ken.

Have you seen
the pastry truck?
Has that guy been by?

No, he's always late.

WOMAN: Let's focus
on a Danish.

I can't remember.
You're too pretty.
You're...

I can't remember.
You're too pretty.

Oh, I told them
I could be a chairman.

No, that's a lie.
Oh, I tell them...

I told them I'd
tell her the truth.

I told her I'd keep
on being chairman.

Uh, oh, I told them
I'd keep on being chairman.

Oh, I told them I'd keep...

I told them that I'd
keep on being chairman.

You know, you know...

You know
I am chairman.

Sexy, sexy.

Sexy. I am chairman,
you know.

Oh.

(EXCLAIMS)

BOY: I'm so nervous, Mom.
WOMAN: It'll be okay.

I forgot everything.

Get out of my way!

Don't say it
like that!

How should I say it?

Get out of my way.

Or, get out of my way!

Or, get out of my way.

Wow.

No, I'm doing my name.

J-E...

Hey, hey!

Hey, it felt great!

Tell me!

Great!

Let him finish. God!

I want to tell him!

If you wait one minute,
I'll let you.

¶ I can't wait to tell him,
I can't wait to tell him

Anyway, the girl
I did it with?
She's really good!

And the director, the crew,
we all felt we nailed it.

¶ I can't wait to tell him,
I can't wait to tell him

¶ I can't wait to tell him,
I can't wait to tell him ¶

Now?

Uh-huh. Wait'll you
hear this one.

Yeah.

WOMAN: Who's next?

MAN: Tell them
you liked the script.

MATT: Excuse me.

WOMAN: Just be yourself,
honey, but remember to smile.

Some lady asked me
to go in a room and
you know make-believe,

and say stuff like
we were playing a game,

and everybody
went "Yeah!"

And they said they wanted
me to be on television!

¶ And give me money

¶ And have a teacher there

¶ And a person
to braid my hair

¶ And color my face
and give me clothes ¶

They said that they
want you on television?

Yeah.

Come here.

Uh, just sit right here
for one second, okay?

¶ And give me money

¶ And have a teacher there

Excuse me.

She auditioned
for a TV show?

Yeah.

Come here.

JEANNIE: ¶ And give me money

¶ And have a teacher there

¶ And a person to braid
my hair and color my face
and give me... ¶

Do you actually think you
can have my kid audition
for a show without asking me?

I didn't!

She went for water,
and by the time she got back,
they had offered her the part.

Blame Burke.
He was there.

What's the part, anyway?

(SIGHS)

It's, um...

A white kid in a multiracial
foster home with all these
kids of varying ages.

It's not a bad show.

I can't wait
to see the test.

How did they test
her so fast?

No, they offered it
to her off the reading.
I meant your test.

Oh.

Offered off
the reading.

Child actor.

Just what any kid
with problems needs
to straighten out.

A series of her own.

You'll let me know
as soon as
they see my test?

Right away.

You've got my vote.

MATT:
I'm not changing my mind.
I've thought about this.

I'm doing it.

Uh-uh.

Back up a bit.

Do I have to learn to read
to be on television?

MATT: You have to learn
to listen to me.

I'm doing it.

Not if I don't let you.

That's the law.

Police law.

(GROANS)

All right,
just listen to me.

I don't like
listening to you!

You talk too much!
Why? Why do you?

Because I know about this.

I have worked
with kid actors,

and they don't have
that much fun.

You know,
they're inside all day.

They don't get to go
to regular schools.

And they don't play
with regular friends
like Ricky and Essa.

And their parents.

Do you think that I am
going to be one of those
parents that sits around

in one of those
little rooms...

You're cuckoo anyway!

I won't do it!
And I don't care!

Because I'd be
stupid at it anyway!

Pick it up, Jeannie.

We don't throw
things here.

Take it out
of the trash.

Take it out
of the trash.

Come here.

Let's work on it.

MATT:
So when you play a part,
the character is you.

So anything you think
or feel will be right.

You can't make a mistake.

And once you get that,
then you can relax.
You really feel...

I'm really thrilling you
with this, aren't I?

Come on.
Let's get off the bed.

Let's do the scene where
they say "I love you."

Get off the bed.
Come on over here.

JEANNIE: I don't want to do
that "I love you" again.

Why don't you do that
with poopie Cathy?

(WHOOPS) Look.
My hair's so pretty.

(WHOOPING)

My hair's so pretty.

Look, I'm pretty.

Barbie.

(WHOOPING)

WOMAN: Come on, Deeds.
Tell me about the meeting.

I can't remember.
You're too pretty.

Oh, all right, darling.

DEEDS: I told them
that I would keep
on being chairman.

WOMAN: I know.

Do you always
wear your hair
back like this?

DIRECTOR: Cut.
He's so good!

(CHUCKLING)

Beautiful!

DIRECTOR:
Great, very good.

Gee, are you good.
Oh, thanks.

Okay, let's have our
creative meeting right here.

Well, I'd sure go
to bed with her.
Very fuckable.

MAN: I'd bone her.

What about him?

I think he's a very good
to excellent actor.

Mmm-hmm.

But there's something...

You wouldn't go
to bed with him.

Well, six years ago, maybe.

CATHY: Everything
doesn't boil down to...

I like that shy thing
he was going for.

He's talented
and attractive.

So you'd go
to bed with him?

He, um,

might be a little
light in that area.

The man is talented.

Let me stop you before
you embarrass yourself!

We all can do
our little lectures about
what things boil down to.

Everybody else here was
professional enough to say,

"I'd go to bed with him,
I wouldn't go to bed
with him."

You're ducking it.

So let's cut out the acting
stuff and focus on what's
important.

You know, we do have
some kind of responsibility
to the audience.

So, you've just seen
the screen test, okay?

Your job aside,
would you, yourself,
go to bed with him?

Would you, Cathy?

I'm being real now.

No.

Okay, then
we keep looking.

Well, that's
standing up to him.

CATHY: I'm fine.

I'm right outside my office.

Good, give the phone to him.

Hello, Matt.

Oh, okay, sure.

Matt?

Matt.

Matt!

Maybe it would be easier
if I just said hi to her?

Okay, here she is.

Hi.
Hi.

Yeah, it's exciting,
isn't it?

No. No, no,
he's right, honey.

They get somebody
to read it to you.

Can you put your dad on?

Yes. It's important.

No, put your
dad on first.

Damn it!

Rude.

Hello?

Hi, Matt. Uh-huh.

A few hours ago.

They all, uh...

Everyone liked
your work, but...

You know, I think they'll
go for a name or something.

(SIGHS)

You know, I...
I could do...

I can do it with
more humor, if...

No, it's not a matter
of doing it differently.

They liked what
you did a lot, and...

It's not you.

It's them.

I want you to know
that I really hung
in there for you.

Really. I fought hard.

Well, gee, Cath,
I want to thank you for
giving me a shot, you know?

No, don't thank me.

If you feel like getting
together later, or anytime.

Yeah.

Give me a call, okay?

It sounds like you have
your hands full right now.

Bye.

Daddy?

(SNIFFLES)

Daddy?

Everything's okay.

I'm sorry.
I forgot to put you
back on with Cathy.

You didn't cry
because of that.

I didn't even want
to talk to her.

(WHISPERS) Dad,
can I say one thing?

Yeah.

You've got to
make me supper.

(JEANNIE HUMMING)

Okay, here we go, kids.
On the set, please.

Set?

That pretend living
room right over there.

Set. Bye-bye.

Wait, wait, Jeannie,
Jeannie, Jeannie.

Let Daddy give
you a big kiss.

No, I have to
go to work.

Is this the set?
That's the set.

Thanks for trusting me.

I love you, I love you.
You're the world's
greatest mom.

I owe you everything.

Bye, honey.

You just told me
she was sad.

No, I never said
for you to look sad.

Okay, okay, wait.
No, come on.

Let me figure out how
to tell you what I want.

I know what you want.
What?

You want that
Jackee thing.
Oh, no.

That very
colored thing.

No, way over the top.

Cop to it.
Yes, you do.

A little would be fun.

JEANNIE: Dad!

Daddy!

What? What? Come on.

There's this trouble.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Look, she's just
very worried

about being able to pretend
cry when she has to,

and she doesn't get it
about memorizing,

but that's all.

That's all?

Come here.

This isn't going
to be good.
I can't do it.

Yeah, well, not
with that attitude.

It's just that...
Did they tell you
what an audience is?

Can you help me to cry?

Yes.

Yes, I can.

I can help
make it okay.

Trust me.

JEANNIE: Now I can't even
understand what you're saying!

Do you know what
trust means?

Not very.

It means that if something
is hard to believe,

you believe someone
you trust

because you know
he wouldn't say it
unless it were true.

You don't make sense!

I don't understand you.

I think you do.

Just know that I'm
gonna be here for you
whenever you need me.

I will always...
Okay!

I think you do.

We look like jerks
eating here at this hour.

Everybody's gonna think we
couldn't get a reservation
during the hot hours.

Hey, great to see you!

Can't remember
her name.

Why do you do
this to yourself?

What?

Why do you insist on
eating dinner in a restaurant

where you're bound to see all
the people you're afraid of?

I'm not afraid of them.

What do you call it when
you think that what a group
of people thinks of you

can confirm or destroy
any decent idea you have
of yourself?

Normal.

How did little
Jeannie do today?

Isn't it something?
They've got you
testing my new TV show.

What I asked was
how did Jeannie do?

What are you
talking about?

Somebody else.

Jeannie.

How did she do?

(SHUSHING)

Don't talk
to me like this.

I want to be treated
as if I'm really saying
words to you,

which you engage
and respond to.

I like Matt. I'd like to
know how his daughter did.

So before you start
working this room
desperately,

and I end up feeling
so sorry for you I could die,

I would like you
to answer my question.
How did Jeannie do?

She did okay!
All right,
that's all.

No, no.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

It's heating up.

Don't go.
Don't worry.

I'm not that mad.

I gotta go do this.

(WHISPERS)
That son of a bitch.

How are you?
Nice to see you.

Lovely wife.
Yes.

The smartest
guy in town.

This is my wife.

You, too.

How are you?
See you later.

(LAUGHING)

The world's
funniest man.
Bye-bye.

My hand.

Where you going?

What's the matter with you?
Where you going?

Hi, Victor,
how are you?

Jack. This is Nan.

Jack and of course,
his lovely wife, uh...

Elisabeth.
Elisabeth.

And of course...

Oh, you know, come up
with the great carpets.

Stacy.
Stacy!

This is Nan.

Victor, I called
you yesterday...

I'm sorry I can't
talk now.

I'm very upset about
what's happening to Burke,

so I just made up my mind
that I can't be witness
to it anymore

if I love him.

And I certainly shouldn't
be here if I don't,

so I was just
in the process of leaving

when he stopped me
and you folks walked in.

I'm sure you've had
something like this
happen to you sometime,

some horrible thing
in your personal life
happening in public?

Thank you for
understanding.

Goodbye.

I wish only
good things for you,

even though I feel
I've been very damaged
by this relationship.

Uh, I...

Wasn't that
spectacular?

VICTOR: I've never seen
anybody that secure.

Fantastic.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?
BURKE: Nan.

Yeah?

I hope I'm not
calling too late.

I'd like another chance.

You only think you feel
that way because you're
on the verge of failure

and you're without a core.

See? No one
else gets me!

(SIGHS)

Um...

Do you wanna have
a little sex, huh?

You know, I've never hung
up on anybody in my life.

Because what if
the next thing they said
solved everything?

But I must end
this conversation.

That's no?

Hello? Nan?

GIRL: I'm so nervous, Mommy.

WOMAN: You'll be fine.

Are you gonna
need me?

The kids are rehearsing
upstairs, and I'd like to go
up and take a look.

Yeah, sure.

I have to stay inside
during lunch hours now anyway.

That's when everybody
returns my calls 'cause
they're trying to miss me.

Is that true?

Yeah.

Thanks for the support.

What's the most
important thing you
do when you're acting?

You listen.

Listening.
Right.

You're really worried about
being able to cry when
you're supposed to, right?

Right.
Okay.

Well, you know,
there are only two ways
to do a thing like that.

One is to think of something
that really makes you sad.

Or two, forget you're you,
and really forget
that you're pretending.

(SIGHS)

How do you do that?

Okay, you, uh...

I could eat you for lunch
when I was your age

and I'm a hell of
a lot bigger now!

That's it.
That's it!

Do you see how
it scared you
and you reacted?

Now in acting, that's called
action, reaction. See?

Don't do that again.

(LAUGHS) All right.

Jeannie,
they need you, honey.

Come on.

Hurry up.
Let's go.

MATT: You're welcome!

Come on, baby.

MATT: You're welcome.

You're welcome.

(DOOR OPENING)

What's wrong?
Well...

To heck with it.

I'm a free man.
Let's go to your house and
break the answering machine.

You know, I could
get away right now.

No. I've got a big
meeting later. Uh...

We'd better
take two cars.

(PHONE RINGING)

I hope it's you.

You're a little nutty
in the afternoon.

So this is how the big
ones make out, huh?

So what's new?

You know, this is
the biggest bonus I ever got
out of a busted screen test.

Someday you'll have
to show it to me.

Sure.

No, no, I don't
want to see it.

I'm just trying to figure
out how to get it out from
under my skin. Forget it.

Matt, will you take me
off the speaker?

Sure.

What's the matter?

CATHY: Better talk fast.
This is where my phone
always kicks out.

(STATIC BUZZING)

Matt, before someone
else tells you,

I'd better
confess something.

When we did
your screen test...

(PHONE CRACKLING)
Can you hear me?

Yes.

I sort of folded
on you at the end.

Matt?

You didn't like
what I did?

No, I did, truly,

but the discussion
got sort of dumb.

It was a question
of sexiness.

Oh, oh.

You folded on whether
or not I'm sexy.

You don't think
I'm sexy?

And you expressed
that to...

Well, I tell you,
I certainly must think
so pretty much

because I feel great about
where we're going now.

Oh.

You very mad at me?

Oh, no, no, it's just that,
you know, I know that you
were...

Oh, God!

Oh, I'm... Yeah.

Yeah, I am, damn it.
Damn it, I am.

Matt!

Matt!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(CAR HONKING)

CATHY: I know.
MAN: Come on!

I don't know
if I've been bad,

but I know
somebody's been bad.

I'm a good kid.

(KIDS CHATTERING)

Comb your hair.
Learn your lines.

I don't know
if I've been bad,

but I know
somebody's been bad.

Maybe it's you.

(GROANS)

I won't be
able to do it.

Parents, please?
Parents, parents?
Thank you.

Remember, when you're
in the audience,

be sure you laugh and
applaud, even if it's
somebody else's kid.

Please try to
follow the rules.

They're really
very simple.

You're not allowed
near the stage, okay?

Now, if you haven't
signed a contract,

be sure that before
you leave this building
tonight,

that all your
paperwork's done...

You're not allowed
near the stage.

Hey, you're not allowed
near the stage.

MAN: How's everybody
doing tonight?

We are excited today.
We're here to see
The Rainbow House.

I just found out
that we bow before
we do anything.

Great!
Then everybody claps!

Great!

I made up a great bow.
Are you going to look?

Oh, I wouldn't miss it.
Yes?

Yes!

What's wrong?

I won't be able to cry.
It's too hard for me.

Oh, look, they'll give
you a lot of chances
after everyone leaves.

You'll get to do it
over and over till you
get it right. Don't worry.

Okay?

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

It is my pleasure now
to introduce a bunch of
very talented young actors.

Let's start off
with the charming
Heather Deloach.

A big round of applause
for Heather.

DJ Dellos!
Let's get him out here.

Brittany Johnson!

Matt!

Here is Tricia Joe!

Matt!

I don't want to miss
her introduction.

I'll talk fast.
It's amazing news.

Oliver Stone's been
looking for a comedy,
and he's doing my picture!

Good for you.

No, but part of this
involves you.

He remembers you
from Platoon,

and he wants to use you
in this one.

Got your attention, huh?

MAN: And now I'd like
to introduce a very
special young girl,

Jennifer Cabrera!

Oh, Cathy.

Look, I'm going
to watch this.

Let me talk to you
later or tomorrow.

MAN: Jeannie Hobbs!

It's really good news.
I gotta go!

What show is complete
without twins?

Alissa and Danielle Dowdy!

Oh!

I missed it!
I missed it!

I promised her I'd see it
and I missed it!

Get a grip.
She'll recover.

Just stop
worrying about it.

I mean,

my father never saw
any of my things
when I was a kid.

Oh, this looks intense.
Excuse me.

Good luck tonight, Matt.
I bet it'll be great.

Oh, thank you.
What's going on?
What are you doing?

MAN: We'll start
the show in a
couple of minutes.

She's wishing me luck
because of my kid.

Oh.

Why are you
doing this to me?

Is it because of that
screen test thing?

No, I don't think so.

Well, don't be like this!

I mean, especially since
anyone in the world would have
done the same thing I did.

(CHUCKLES) I don't know.
It's a big world.

Look,

I don't have a kid
or a mate or a talent.

I've got my work and I am
not gonna apologize for
thinking it's important.

I am being
real here, Matt.

You're not going
to make me miss one
minute of this show.

I am late for three
things now too,

two of which are
really important,
and I am taking the...

Don't miss them.

I couldn't help overhearing
because I was intentionally
eavesdropping.

Don't feel bad.
It's not your fault.

It's not?
No.

It's just that he's
too good for you.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

MAN: Get Kate in here,
and then you can have
your favorite food.

What is your
favorite food?

Carbohydrates!

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

You're lucky you
already got to do yours.

Yeah.

When the light goes on,
you go in, okay?

WOMAN: I said stop.

Will you stop?

I want all you kids out.
Clear out so I can have
a talk with her.

Nan?
Just a second.

WOMAN: Just sit there
and wait till I sign this.

WOMAN: Okay,
time to do this!
Everybody, out!

Not you, fool.
And not you.

BOY: Go easy on her.

Now, you gonna hear
what I have to say,

and I'm gonna listen
to what you have to say.

This is as much about me
as it is about you.

Now go ahead.

Say what you got to say.

BURKE: What do you think?

Wait, wait. Listen.

Stop rocking.

Now what's going on?

It's like everyone's pis...

Ticked off at me

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

because I'm not colored!

The word is "black."

The word is
"African-American."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

What do we do
with a new word?
We use it in a sentence.

Go ahead.
Use African-American
in a sentence.

(SIGHS)

(WHISPERING)
This is where
she has to cry.

Look at me! I...

They should cut.

(SNIFFING)

I love an African-American.

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

I love a little redneck.

What?

No.

(LAUGHING)

It's okay, Jeannie.
We just need to get
that hug at the end.

Amazing.
Amazing, right?

You were great.

Do you want me
to put you down?

No, this is okay.

Okay, you have some
more work to do.

You have to go hug the lady
just like you did me.

Wait.

I'm very proud of you.

I love you more
than anybody.

(WHISPERING)
When I had to cry,

I was thinking of someone
taking me away from you.

Give me a kiss.

MAN: All right, we're clear.
We're not done yet. Come on.

(KIDS YELLING)

I can't hear you!
You're a grownup!

My ear is bleeding!

(ALL YELLING)

Hey, Jeannie!
You did it!

Do you have any idea
how special you were?

That looks like a yes.

Gotta get dressed
for the party.

There's more?

BOY: The party's
on the roof!

(GIGGLING)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Wait a second.

I wanna see my kid!

They're taking
the cast picture now,
so just wait for one second.

Nan...

She doesn't look like
the women I normally
go out with.

But you know what
they say. Beauty fades.

What they don't say
is it fades very slowly.

Huh?

You don't think I can
tell you what to do.

No, no!
Only I can do that.

I want you to tell
me what to feel.

This Oliver Stone thing,
does he really want me?

Yeah.

Oh, I forgot to say
congratulations.

Which part?

Which part do you want?

One of the two leads
wouldn't be bad.

No. It's the crippled
factory owner.

Best part
in the movie.

Jeannie?
Smile!

Smile.

Yeah, Mom!

(MATT CHUCKLING)

(JEANNIE LAUGHING)

Daddy.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Why are you
breathing so heavy?

I'm nervous!

Look, let's move our thing
in a more regular direction.

What does that mean?

Let me think.

Why don't we go
out this weekend?

With your kid.

Whose name is...

Leslie.

Okay.
Okay.

I was right?

(NAN CHUCKLES)

NAN: Jerk.

Last ones here?

I told you.

What did you
think of my bow?
I didn't see it.

I know that!

Well, don't push.
Show it to me.

Oh, all right.

Hey, I got a part
in a movie.

JEANNIE: Oh, good.
Don't you just love it
when that happens?

Yeah, I guess I do.

¶ You are the best

¶ You can do everything

¶ You can be everything
you want to be

¶ You are a smile

¶ You are a rainbow

¶ You were created
so perfectly

¶ Sometimes we laugh

¶ Sometimes we cry

¶ Sometimes we hurt inside
and don't understand why

¶ We're only human

¶ We make mistakes

¶ Sometimes it seems like only
other people get the breaks ¶

¶ And give me money

¶ And have a teacher there

¶ And a person
to braid my hair

¶ And color my face
and give me clothes ¶