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♪ ♪
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(DOOR OPENS)
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(CLEARS THROAT)
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They're ready for you now.
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Gwendolyn Harris. We've met.
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Bournemouth.
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But you don't know the others.
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No, but I'm familiar with you.
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Why do you want to be an MP?
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Because I'm not satisfied
with the way things are.
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And rather than
sit back and moan,
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I'd prefer to do
something about it.
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(MAN) Go again from the start.
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Ok. I don't know why anyone's
surprised the world's
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number one teen idol's
become a Scientologist.
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Speed up the autocue please.
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Popstars do believe
in weird things.
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Abba believed in angels.
R Kelly believed he could fly.
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They said show you this.
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- This happen just now?
- Mm-hm.
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Gladwell?
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"Shamed Tory Jason
Gladwell resigns capitals -
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over Twitter porn pic scandal."
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Oh, so he wasn't
hacked after all.
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"Originally claimed his
account had been hacked.
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Resignation statement admits
'inappropriate correspondence'
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with a 15-year-old girl.
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What's he tweeting dick photos
as "correspondence" now is it?
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"Departure triggers a
by-election in his Stentonford
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and Hersham constituency."
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Well you get to use
the Gladwell stuff.
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Mm-hm.
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Bump it all to the
top of the monologue.
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Anyone seen Jamie?
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(PHONE RINGING)
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(JAMIE) Rach-
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(RACHEL) Oh. You shouldn't
be calling me any more.
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You need to sort yourself out.
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I am.
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Focus on Waldo.
That's going well for you.
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00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:06,160
But it's not...
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00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:07,720
He's a hit, Jamie.
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"He", not me, "he".
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Oh, just do your show.
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I will...
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- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- I mean, hon, if you'd just...
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(WOMAN) Jamie.
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Jamie, hurry up.
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(WOMAN) What do you know about
Stentonford and Hersham?
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Safe Tory seat,
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so realistically I know there's
not much of a chance but...
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So it's a stepping stone
for you?
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Yes.
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Obviously I wouldn't say
that outside of this room but...
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You want me to be honest,
there's no point in pretending.
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Is there anything
in your past that
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might conceivably
cause problems?
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No.
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Except...
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I did commit a series of
murders in Huddersfield
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between '99 and 2003 but
that, apart from that...
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Well. Thank you, Gwendolyn.
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If you could leave
via that door.
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Oh. That door?
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We like to keep the
candidates separate.
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Right. Yes.
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Idiot, idiot.
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(MAN) Shamed supergroomer
and all round pillock of the
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community Jason Gladwell
has resigned as an MP, saying
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he could "no longer maintain
his position": that position
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presumably being "hunched over,
wanking madly at schoolkids".
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(LAUGHTER)
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- You ready?
- Uh-huh.
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...how old the girl wasn't.
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That's the sort of feeble excuse
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00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,560
only a naive
schoolkid could swallow.
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Which presumably was the idea.
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00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:58,000
Anyway the bad news is
he's resigned in disgrace.
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The good news is he's now
free to pursue a full-time
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00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:04,240
career in the disgraced
paedophile industry.
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(LAUGHTER)
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Personally I don't understand
why anyone's surprised the...
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00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:10,400
Um, small change to the intro.
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- What?
- Nothing huge.
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Conor wanted the Jacko gag
for the monologue...
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That was my bit.
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00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,480
There's the Chancellor stuff,
you could use that.
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- Bit "politics".
- You can do politics.
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I do piss taking.
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Go be Waldo.
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00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,040
Yes, commander.
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(CONOR) R Kelly
believed he could fly.
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And Michael Jackson believed
that his doctor was qualified.
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00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,040
Big. Bold. Blue. Bear. Bollocks.
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And now it's time for our
final visit to the world of
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educational children's
programming courtesy of
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everyone's favourite and only
occasionally inappropriate
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cool kids TV character, Waldo.
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(APPLAUSE)
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Whose mum's in
tonight, apparently.
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Waldo, who have you had
in your cave this week?
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Well, Conor.
In my big pink cave this week
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I had former minister
for culture Liam Monroe.
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He's quite handsome isn't he?
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I was hoping he'd nosh me off.
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Wanna see how it panned out?
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I think we should.
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Run VT!
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Hey, everybody.
It's Waldo time. Yaaayy!
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Cool! Cool! Waldoriffic!
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Hey, kids. My guest this
week is Mister Monroe.
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Hello, Mister Monroe.
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Hello, Waldo.
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Mister Monroe is a
"politician."
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Po-li-ti-shann.
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So what is a
politician, Mr Monroe?
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Well a politician is
someone who tries to make
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the world a fairer place.
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Like Batman?
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Not exactly like Batman.
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Do you beat people up?
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No, I don't beat people up.
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Are you a pussy then?
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Well, I'm not sure I know
exactly what you...
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You don't know what pussy is?
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(LAUGHTER)
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00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,880
Okay, clearly this
is some kind of joke.
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No joke, sorry, let's move on.
Friends again?
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(KISSING SOUNDS)
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Hello, mate. Great show.
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Good. Yeah.
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(JACK) Well done, really good.
So uhm, we'll bring him over.
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You go and get him,
I'll explain about...
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Jamie.
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00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,040
What you want, Miss Tamsin?
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00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,600
Behind me, man in glasses,
talking to Jack Napier.
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Jack freaks me out.
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Yeah, ditto, but he owns
the company,
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and the man he's
with is important
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and wants to talk to you.
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He's from the channel.
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Go on.
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00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:46,440
(JACK) Honestly what,
all I'm saying is -
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(JIM) Is he shy?
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00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:49,160
(JACK) No all's I'm saying
is he's a terrific guy -
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00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:51,360
Jim, Jamie.
Jamie, Jim.
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How do you do?
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00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:53,360
Jim, Jack James -
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Jamie.
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Jim was just talking
about Waldo.
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00:06:56,840 --> 00:07:00,000
Yeah. Liam Monroe
has lodged a complaint.
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Toys out of the pram.
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00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,360
And that's...
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00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:04,960
Good press.
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00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:06,600
So tough to get a
breakthrough these days,
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00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,760
but when it does,
well, it's just fantastic.
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It's fantastic the way Waldo
puts the piss up Monroe,
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you know all those twats,
its punk, it's-it's...
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(CONOR) Jack.
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Excuse me.
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00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,040
Well, Twitter can't
get enough of Waldo.
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Loves him.
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Look, I know this show is
coming back again next year
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but we want
to see more of Waldo.
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They want to do a pilot.
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A Waldo pilot?
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Yeah. I mean how
does that sound?
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Yeah, that sounds good.
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Sounds Storming Norman,
Fucking Storming.
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Gonna give it to 'em!
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(CELL BEEP)
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(MAN) Yeah but look, we
can't do sketches without Waldo,
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it's a Waldo pilot,
it's a Waldo show,
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00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,040
it's gotta be
Waldo, Waldo, Waldo.
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Realistically there isn't the
budget for other animations.
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00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,360
I mean live action,
other characters I can do.
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00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:15,600
What about The Brown Knight?
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What, the "Crap Crusader"?
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(WOMAN) We can look
into the Brown Knight.
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But right now, let's,
let's find more Waldo ideas.
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(CELL PHONE RINGS)
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(JAMIE) The problem is any
guests we book will be in on it.
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00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,840
They know that Waldo's a
joke, the surprise has gone.
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00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,200
Yeah, So we think round that.
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00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:34,800
Hey, boys and girls,
it's Waldo Time!
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Yeahhhhh!
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He's awesome, isn't he?
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I mean, look.
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Sod "name in lights",
you're an app now my brother.
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00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,440
Alright, Sara. How's the think
tanking going? Good shit?
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00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:50,640
Yeah, yeah.
We're making headway.
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00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:54,440
Good. I see our friend
Monroe is in the news again.
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00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,160
Running in the
Stentonford by-election.
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00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,400
We should get Waldo down there.
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00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,440
Hey. That's not a bad
idea, actually.
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00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:03,080
We get a van...
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00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,880
right, with a screen with
the image of Waldo on the side.
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00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,320
Like it.
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00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,000
And then when Monroe's
doing a meet-and-greet,
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00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:10,680
we just turn up and
just get under his skin.
201
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,520
I love that.
I love it.
202
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,520
- I've done Monroe.
- But, It was a great bit.
203
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,520
I'm dumb or clever enough
to be political. I just...
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00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:20,000
Why don't we get Waldo
to stand for the by-election?
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00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:21,200
Get people to vote for him?
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00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:22,840
He's not real.
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00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,760
But people have stood
as fictional characters before?
208
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,160
Do you think Screaming Lord
Sutch was his real name?
209
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,440
We just put "commonly
known as" on the ballot.
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00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,400
No one's actually going to vote
for him, that's not the point.
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00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,040
The point is we get
to hang around.
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00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,640
We're there for the count.
213
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,240
Well, go on then, Sara.
Whack it up there.
214
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,920
♪ ♪
215
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:56,400
(WOMAN) He's with
a mum and baby group.
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00:09:56,520 --> 00:10:01,000
Okay. Going live in
five, four, three, two.
217
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,760
(LIAM) Thank you so much for
joining me this morning.
218
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,040
It's been incredibly informative
and I think we should
219
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:07,320
have a little round of
applause for the children.
220
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,880
Who were fantastic.
Thank you, Naomi.
221
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,960
Thank you for your time.
222
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,320
Hey! Hey, it's me Waldo.
223
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:23,080
Oh, I like your trainers, man.
224
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:24,680
I'd wear trainers myself
225
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,600
but I can't 'cause I haven't
got feet. I've got stumps.
226
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,160
(LAUGHTER)
227
00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:29,560
He's out.
228
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,640
Hey, Mister Monroe!
Mister Monroe. Hey!
229
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,800
Did you get off with
any of the mums?
230
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:35,280
Where'd you look while
they were breastfeeding?
231
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,160
They got big milky
tits, Mr Monroe.
232
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:42,000
He said it! Mister Monroe,
don't walk away from me.
233
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,600
I'm sorry about this, Liam.
234
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,480
Hey, I'm being snubbed.
Hey, don't ignore me.
235
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,040
Don't just get in your car.
236
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,160
It's a death trap
anyway, look at it.
237
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,280
Let's find out what we can about
the idiot inside that thing.
238
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,440
(MAN) Sure.
239
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:55,680
(WALDO) Mr Monroe. Oi!
240
00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,480
(WOMAN)
Stentonford labour party.
241
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,920
Right, you've got
a choice of styles,
242
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:06,680
so just choose one from there,
then you put your name in there.
243
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,800
This is like bloody Moonpig.
244
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,520
(MAN) Don't knock
the free mail-out.
245
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,400
Bet Liam Monroe doesn't use
some Fisher Price leaflet app.
246
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,280
He doesn't have to.
247
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:27,160
Day one of the campaign
in Stentonford and Hersham.
248
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:30,280
And Tory hopeful Liam Monroe
hits the ground running.
249
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,320
The licence fee is something
that's very close to my
250
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,920
heart and I suspect...
251
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:36,240
(WALDO) Mister Monroe!
Look at me Mister Monroe!
252
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,480
Hey, over here! Hey, over here.
Look over here, Mister Monroe.
253
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,240
(LIAM) The conservative
party have been er... have
254
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:45,920
been arguing for a reduction
of the licence fee for...
255
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:49,280
Good morning, everybody. Why
you ignoring me, Mister Monroe?
256
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:52,360
Why you ignoring me?
Mister Monroe?
257
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:55,280
Mister Monroe?
Why you ignoring me?
258
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,360
Mum with a pushchair,
drag her into it.
259
00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,160
Hey, you. Mum with the
pushchair. Yeah, you.
260
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,160
Ask Mr Monroe why
he's ignoring me.
261
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,080
Why are you ignoring Waldo?
262
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,920
Mr. Monroe, what's
Waldo done to you?
263
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:12,520
We should probably just shift
before this turns stupid.
264
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,720
I'm not walking away
from a cartoon.
265
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:18,800
I'm not ignoring you.
266
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:23,320
Yeah, you were, you upset
me. You made Waldo sad.
267
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,920
Wah.
268
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:32,280
Well, obviously I'm absolutely
devastated that you're upset!
269
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,520
Wah!
270
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,320
Let him get a word in.
271
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,600
I'm not ignoring "you"
because there is no "you."
272
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,760
You are an image
voiced by a comedian,
273
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,840
an alleged comedian
more accurately.
274
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,240
If I'm not real,
why you talking to him?
275
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:52,960
And by him I mean me.
Nobber.
276
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,760
Right.
277
00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:58,440
There's no point in attempting
to converse with a cartoon.
278
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,560
Oooh, "converse", your
lordship; thy flowery language
279
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:04,200
doth give me a right
throbbing bone-on.
280
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:07,600
Uhhh. Uhhh. Uhhh.
281
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,000
Finished.
282
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,560
Drink?
283
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,320
I've got emails.
284
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:36,480
You know that's
Gwendolyn Harris?
285
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,480
The Labour candidate.
286
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:41,360
Did you read my background doc?
287
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,120
Yes.
288
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,080
Why don't you read it tonight?
Alone.
289
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:59,520
I'll swing by about nine,
so have your breakfast first.
290
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,640
Are you my dad?
291
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,680
Apparently not.
292
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,320
See you tomorrow.
293
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,240
(TV REPORTER) Today in the
Stentonford by-election.
294
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,240
Waldo the bear left
Monroe in stunned silence.
295
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,840
The colourful Waldo
launched his own campaign in
296
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:15,320
typically loud and
crowd-pleasing style.
297
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,440
Someone's bold?
Do I know you?
298
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,840
Nice way to greet a voter.
299
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:24,760
Sorry, I thought...
300
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,400
Actually, I'm more of a rival.
301
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,880
"Hey Mister Monroe,
Mister Monroe.
302
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,400
Why are you ignoring me,
Mister Monroe".
303
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:32,400
You're good at that.
304
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:33,480
Because I am "that".
305
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:34,680
What? You're that thing?
306
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,960
Waldo's not a "thing".
He's a bear.
307
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,640
Liam Monroe calls him worse.
308
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,360
Nice work there, by the way.
309
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,880
Yeah, well. It's dick jokes
at his expense basically.
310
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:46,840
Another one?
311
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,160
Okay. One.
312
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:53,920
The way you describe it,
313
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:55,840
it's like you're
doing this for a showreel.
314
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,840
No, but...
315
00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,560
Like this place is the equivalent
of a walk-on in a sketch show.
316
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,400
Shhh!
317
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,600
But your party leader has to
show up because it's a mid-thing-
318
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:04,480
Midterm by-election.
319
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:05,760
Terminology tits.
320
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,320
You are twelve.
321
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:10,240
So because leaderballs is there,
suddenly it's walk-on
322
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,800
in a Ricky Gervais sketch
show so it's good exposure.
323
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,600
You're not gonna win, you
know you're not gonna win.
324
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:15,760
Come on, shhh.
325
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,600
You're not gonna win though.
326
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,160
Of course not.
327
00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:21,640
So why not be honest?
Say "You arseholes aren't going
328
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,360
to vote for me, so here's
what I think anyway."
329
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:24,920
It doesn't work like that.
330
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,680
Nothing does, that's why
everything's bollocksed.
331
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,680
You're angry for someone
who's doing well.
332
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,840
I'm the voice of a blue bear.
333
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,760
If that's doing well,
then we are doomed.
334
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,160
I can't see.
335
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,280
(JAMIE) Hang on,
there's a thing.
336
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:50,520
Have you had a fox in here or
do you live like a 14-year-old?
337
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,880
Don't get too excited,
I'm not sleeping in it.
338
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,520
Shit, really?
339
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:02,520
(LOUD MOANING)
340
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:16,640
You're amazing.
341
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:17,800
Sorry?
342
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,160
You're amazing?
343
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:20,800
Ha! Thank you.
344
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,960
(SIGHS)
345
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:45,880
What's up?
346
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,440
Nothing.
347
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,480
Are you sure?
348
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,920
It's just...
349
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:04,520
I haven't been happy in a while
350
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,120
and this is good, you know.
351
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,920
Mm.
352
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:21,200
Can I have your number?
353
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,760
Yes.
354
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,720
♪ ♪
355
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,440
Where's our mark this morning?
356
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:46,520
We're out on the road.
357
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,960
Ooh. Bien sur.
358
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:57,000
Hello. I'm Mister Monroe.
359
00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:00,560
Vote for me and
keep things shitty.
360
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,400
(LAUGHS)
361
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,200
(CELL BEEP)
362
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,960
Vote Waldo. Vote Waldo.
363
00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:30,920
Vote Waldo. Vote Waldo.
364
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:35,480
(GWENDOLYN)
You're right. Strong Tory.
365
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,240
I warned you.
366
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:39,760
You know you're on Monroe turf
when they live so far apart.
367
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,880
(HORN HONKS)
368
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,440
(MAN) I'm voting Waldo!
369
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,440
I met Waldo last night.
370
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,200
Jamie, the guy who plays him.
He's fun.
371
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,440
Fun?
372
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,680
Mmm-hmm.
373
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,480
Did you tell him anything
about our campaign?
374
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:00,640
Not really.
375
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:04,320
Not really or no?
376
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,440
Not really.
377
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:07,760
Look, he's okay.
378
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,200
He's a comedian.
379
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,120
He's mocking Monroe
now, it'll be you next.
380
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,880
His act is all f-this
and penis jokes.
381
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,720
- But...
- Don't see him again.
382
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:30,560
Okay. Job done
till the husting tomorrow.
383
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,320
Some media students doing
a Question Time type thing;
384
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,360
they've asked Waldo
to join the panel.
385
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,480
Oh, come on. It's my nightmare,
going on Question Time.
386
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:39,720
It's students, you'll walk it.
387
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,240
I can't answer
serious questions!
388
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:42,600
No one wants you to!
389
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,840
You're the comic
relief, lighten up.
390
00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:00,080
Just have a look. I'm sure
you'll find lots in there.
391
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,040
(CELL RINGS)
392
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,720
(ROY) Are there any issues
you're concerned about at all?
393
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:07,680
(RINGING STOPS)
394
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,880
(DISCONNECT TONE)
395
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:24,600
Hey.
396
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:25,680
Oh, hi.
397
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:26,840
I thought we were going to...
398
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:27,960
Sorry I've had a tough day.
399
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,360
Right. Not even one?
400
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:30,880
Sorry.
401
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,520
Well, what about tomorrow?
402
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,560
Look, I can't. When this is
happening, I can't see you.
403
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,520
- What do you mean?
- I'm sorry.
404
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,960
Do they think that
looks like Question Time?
405
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:55,240
Yeah.
It looks politicsy.
406
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,720
Check the host.
Jailbait Dembleby.
407
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,240
When it comes
to addiction and addicts
408
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,160
we should sympathise,
but we shouldn't patronise.
409
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,400
You know serious drug
use is a criminal offence,
410
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:20,520
that is committed
voluntarily and for pleasure.
411
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,280
Look, I'm sorry,
these are the facts.
412
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:23,840
Waldo, what do you think?
413
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,880
Mister Monroe, are you addicted?
414
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,080
No.
415
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:28,800
Sorry I mean
"Are you a dickhead?"
416
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,760
(LAUGHTER)
417
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,160
I think we have to ask
ourselves...
418
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:34,960
I think we have to ask ourselves
419
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,960
"What is this for"?
And "Why do we waste our time
420
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:43,120
with animated trivialities
like him? I mean why?
421
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,960
Why?
422
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,600
I mean why? I mean why? I mean
why? I mean why? I mean why?
423
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,280
This is just the kind of thing,
rather than see you laugh...
424
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,280
They laugh at you, Limbo.
425
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,440
You laugh, you're laughing
at someone who won't engage.
426
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,040
Who is scared to engage,
427
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:59,760
who hides behind
a children's cartoon.
428
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,440
Who you calling a
kiddy toon, fool?
429
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:07,360
I'm, I'm, I'm speaking
about James Salter.
430
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:12,120
- That's your name, isn't it?
- Don't worry about it.
431
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:17,160
James Salter, this is the
man who's behind all this.
432
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:22,480
He's 33 years old, a man whose
career can be summed up
433
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:26,240
surprisingly quickly: you were
in a sketch troupe that enjoyed
434
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,120
minor success about six years
ago and the, the others moved
435
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,800
on to better things, but your
main achievement seems to have
436
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:35,040
been playing the, the part of
a corn-on-the-cob in a high
437
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,520
interest personal loan
commercial.
438
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,760
I notice you're,
you keep that pretty quiet.
439
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,000
And now of
course operating this,
440
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:43,960
this sort of teddy bear thing.
441
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:45,880
Which by the way is
easier than it looks.
442
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,040
Anyone could do it.
See this is, this is the thing.
443
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,880
It's easy, what he does.
444
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,560
He mocks.
445
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,400
And when he can't think of
an authentic joke, which is
446
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:00,360
actually quite often,
he just swears.
447
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:04,720
I think that this puppet's
inclusion on this panel debases
448
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,960
the process of debate, and
smothers any meaningful
449
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,360
discussion of the issues.
450
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,760
So I return to
my original question,
451
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,920
is that really what this is for?
452
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:17,440
He has nothing to offer
and he has nothing to say.
453
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:22,000
Prove me wrong.
Huh? Speak, Waldo.
454
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:23,800
Please.
455
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,200
Come on. Speak up.
456
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,560
There you see, nothing.
457
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:33,000
Aw, go fuck yourself.
458
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,760
(LAUGHTER)
459
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:36,520
There. More swearing.
460
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,240
You're a joke.
You look less human than I do
461
00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:41,280
and I'm a made-up bear
with a turquoise cock.
462
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,280
(LAUGHTER)
463
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:48,160
What are you? You're just an
old attitude with new hair.
464
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,240
Assuming you're my superior
because I'm not taking you seriously?
465
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:53,640
No one takes you seriously,
that's why no one votes.
466
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,440
- The vast majority do vote.
- Bullshit.
467
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:57,480
Surely this is enough?
468
00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:58,720
You think you deserve respect?
469
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:00,200
Well, just common courtesy.
470
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,080
Because you went
to public school and
471
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:03,320
grew up believing you're
entitled to everything?
472
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,680
Ad hominem nonsense.
473
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,360
Gwendolyn Harris we...
474
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:08,760
Something's got to change.
475
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,680
No one trusts you lot
'cause they know
476
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,640
you don't give a shit about
anything outside your bubble.
477
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,800
What about your mate Gladwell,
the kiddy-flasher, you knew
478
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:18,400
him for 20 years, did you
not know what he was like?
479
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:19,920
No, of course not.
480
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:21,920
Yeah, 'cause you're
all just front, like him,
481
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:25,560
sly and pretending, and in
that way you're all the same.
482
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:30,040
Gwendolyn Harris, is all
of politics a waste of time?
483
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,960
Well, of course I think no.
484
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,120
Oh, shut up.
You're worse.
485
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,360
Seriously, she's faker than him.
486
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,040
For once I find myself
agreeing with Liam Monroe in
487
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:42,920
that this really doesn't
get us anywhere, and there's
488
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:44,480
not much point
in us continuing to...
489
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,560
Why are you here?
Tell them why you're here.
490
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,520
Tell them why you're here.
Tell them why you're here.
491
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,880
She's here to build a showreel.
I'm not kidding,
492
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,720
that's literally it.
Knows she's not going to win,
493
00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:00,280
this is all experience,
to get herself on telly.
494
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,840
She actually gives less of a
shit about anyone round here
495
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,480
than he does because he'll
actually have to represent you.
496
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,080
Am I wrong?
497
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,640
A career politician, someone
else less real than me,
498
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,400
and I can do this.
499
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,160
(LAUGHTER)
500
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,080
Can I just make
a couple of points...
501
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:20,040
Oh, shut up, you pebble.
502
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,720
What is this for?
Is that what you wanted to know?
503
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,680
And the truth is, none of us
know any more thanks to you.
504
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,520
What are you for?
What are you for?
505
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,200
Thank you and goodnight.
506
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,800
(LOUD PANTING)
507
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:49,880
♪ ♪
508
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:20,920
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
509
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,800
(TAMSIN) Jamie.
510
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,560
Jamie?
511
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,320
Jack says he wants to see us.
512
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,920
You can't avoid it.
513
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,920
Get dressed.
He'll meet us outside.
514
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:59,200
(REPORTER) And yet accusations
of vapidity aside, it's clearly
515
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:03,720
tapped a nerve: in just three
days, Waldo has gone viral.
516
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,840
The video of his clash has
already been viewed over a
517
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:08,880
million times on YouTube.
518
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:10,880
There are Facebook
groups calling on
519
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,800
Waldo to form a national party.
520
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,240
(WALDO) You're a joke.
You look less human than I do
521
00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:18,200
and I'm a made-up bear
with a turquoise...
522
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:22,640
What are you? You're just
an old attitude with new hair.
523
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,480
Assuming you're
my superior because I'm
524
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,320
not taking you seriously?
No one takes you seriously.
525
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,880
Oh, look here he is,
the man of the moment!
526
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:41,640
How does it feel
to be a phenomenon?
527
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,320
(JAMIE) Shitifying.
528
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,120
You are everywhere, my son.
529
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,560
Twitter, the news,
have you seen the poll?
530
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:51,560
You're in third place, mate.
You overtook that Lib Dem prick.
531
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,160
Yeah, well, he's
a glass of water.
532
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:54,360
This is an opportunity, Jamie.
533
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:55,840
He knows my name now.
534
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:57,840
(JACK) We could really
do something here.
535
00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,480
You know everyone's
pissed with the
536
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:02,040
status quo, and Waldo
gives that a voice.
537
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:05,160
Waldo's a bear, a blue bear.
538
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:06,400
Tell him, Tams.
539
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,120
We've been asked on Consensus.
540
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,200
It's a ten minute
one-to-one interview
541
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:13,240
- with Phillip Crane.
- "Pitbull Crane"?
542
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:14,440
Big guns for big guns.
543
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:16,480
Hello? I'm not a
politician, okay?
544
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:17,840
I don't want to be a politician.
545
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:19,800
(JACK) We know that
you hate politics.
546
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,400
I don't hate them, I'm just
not interested in them.
547
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,040
You don't need to be
interested in them.
548
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,760
You just need to be Waldo.
549
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,600
And when Crane asks
something tricky and
550
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,360
I look stupid because I
don't know how to answer?
551
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:33,200
You'll know the answer.
Because you have a producer.
552
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,560
Look, I can tell you
what to say.
553
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:38,440
I can live-google any facts,
554
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,640
give you stats, quotes,
whatever else you need.
555
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,200
So you've got a safety net
for the concrete stuff
556
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,320
and the rest is Waldo and you
can do that in your sleep.
557
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:47,240
You'll piss all over Crane.
558
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:49,320
He'll know there's a team
around me, he'll see it.
559
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,760
Yeah, good. I hope he does.
I hope he points a camera at it.
560
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:53,960
All the other MPs have
got teams, we're just
561
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:58,160
more honest about it. Now
come on. What d'you say? Ey?
562
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:02,600
Jamie. Jamie!
563
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,560
Why would I want to do this?
564
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:07,000
Look the world is knackered and
you can do something about it.
565
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:08,600
I don't know what
you're on about.
566
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:10,640
Waldo has got the attention
of the young, and the young
567
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:14,120
don't give a shit about anything
except trainers and pirating films.
568
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,960
Do you have any other astounding
theories about young people?
569
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:20,640
Yeah, yeah, I do actually.
Look, they care about Waldo,
570
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:24,240
they'll vote for Waldo. The
video was a hit for a reason...
571
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,400
The video's embarrassing.
I'm embarrassed by it.
572
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:28,040
I was lashing out.
I wasn't even articulate -
573
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:29,280
It doesn't matter-
574
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:30,400
Or funny which is almost worse.
575
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:31,400
We can build on that.
576
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,120
Waldo's not real.
577
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,160
Exactly! That's what you
said that really hit home,
578
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:37,720
he's not real, but he's
realer than all the others.
579
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:39,480
He doesn't stand for anything.
580
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,840
Yeah well at least he doesn't
pretend to. Look we, we don't
581
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:46,720
need politicians, we've all got
iPhones and computers right?
582
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:50,000
So any decision that has to
be made, any policy we just
583
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:52,520
put it online. Let the
people vote thumbs up,
584
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:55,400
thumbs down, the majority
wins. That's a democracy.
585
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,280
That's a, that's an
actual democracy.
586
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,240
So's YouTube and I don't know
if you've seen it but the most
587
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:04,800
popular video is a dog farting
the theme tune to Happy Days.
588
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:08,560
Well, today it's Waldo.
589
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,280
No. It's still the dog.
590
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:13,760
Listen, can you imagine
all the things we can change
591
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:15,680
if we fucked the
politicians out the equation.
592
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,800
I've said what I've said
and now I'm shutting this door.
593
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:27,480
Do you know who owns Waldo?
I do, I own the rights.
594
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:30,920
He's my character.
595
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:33,760
Yeah, written for my show.
596
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:35,680
You're too frightened to
take to the next level.
597
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:39,920
Fine. I understand.
But also: fuck off.
598
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:43,280
And watch me fly.
599
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:46,960
You own Waldo,
you can't be Waldo.
600
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,880
(WALDO VOICE) Eh Jamie,
Jamie. What's happening?
601
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,640
Pretty close I'd say.
602
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:05,200
What's happening?
Ahh, Waldorific yeahh, yeahhh.
603
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,080
Why's it going of left a bit?
604
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:08,040
Because the...
605
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:09,400
I know I've got my...
606
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:10,600
Put your thumb
in the white thing -
607
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:11,920
I got that in there. Okay.
608
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:13,840
That's not how that works.
609
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,440
First tonight,
a figure, or more accurately
610
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,040
a character who's been
causing an upset in the
611
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,000
Stentonford by-election.
Unlike the other candidates
612
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:35,200
he has no party affiliation.
He doesn't even have a surname.
613
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:39,120
He is Waldo, a few weeks ago
just a cult character in a
614
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:43,680
comedy show, today, an official
mascot for protest voters.
615
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:45,560
Vote Waldo.
616
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,920
Cartoons don't play by the
rules and Waldo's open disdain
617
00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:51,520
for his opponents has
clearly struck a chord.
618
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,920
Waldo, as a mascot for the
disenfranchised aren't you
619
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,600
ultimately neutralizing
seriously effective dissent?
620
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,440
Can I have subtitles
for Mr Crane, please?
621
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:05,480
By encouraging people not to
care, you're actively dangerous.
622
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,440
Dangerous, you think the
public can't be trusted?
623
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:09,920
No.
624
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:11,240
Isn't that basically
you calling them twats?
625
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:12,200
No, I...
626
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:13,760
Bellends, then?
627
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:15,600
Did you actually come
here for a discussion or...
628
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:17,520
You're snooty for a glorified
Punch and Judy man, Phil.
629
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:19,360
You know you're gonna get
your best ratings in months
630
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:20,680
'cause I'm here.
631
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:22,320
To even get close
to the figures,
632
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:24,320
I'm gonna pull in
for you tonight,
633
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:25,840
you'd have to fuck
a prawn sandwich live on air.
634
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:27,520
Make a nice prawn cocktail.
635
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:29,200
Yeah could we make a serious
political point that is.
636
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,040
I've got one big blue
point to make, fool.
637
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,200
Would you like to
have a look at it?
638
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:35,680
Great work tonight. Look at,
Look at this, look at this.
639
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,480
It's The Waldo polling app.
Now this can pinpoint you
640
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,800
with GPS so that when
you're at a polling station
641
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,640
it unlocks loads
of free shit, look.
642
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,160
(WALDO) Thanks
for voting, dickhead!
643
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,000
Thanks for voting, dickhead!
644
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:48,000
(LAUGHS) It's good isn't it?
645
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:49,520
Who's this guy we're meeting?
646
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:51,360
I dunno.
But he's from Washington
647
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:53,840
and he's got my
restricted number.
648
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,400
Jeff Carter, from the agency.
649
00:32:58,520 --> 00:32:59,560
(JACK) Hey.
650
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:01,280
Hey. And I'll leap right in.
651
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,800
I think what you're doing
with Waldo is fascinating.
652
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:05,680
From "the agency"?
653
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:08,840
Yeah, listen, Waldo may be the
perfect political figurehead.
654
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:10,480
Waldo the bear.
655
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:13,400
The bear people like. The fact
he's a bear's an assist.
656
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,280
- "An assist"?
- It helps.
657
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:17,160
(JEFF) Right. You look
at human politicians;
658
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,560
you're instinctively like
brrrr - uncanny, right?
659
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:22,200
Like the girls in porn you
just know something's wrong,
660
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:23,800
'cause why else
are they doing it?
661
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:25,120
It's usually Daddy issues, ey.
662
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,280
Just like politics.
Waldo bypasses that.
663
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:30,160
You already know he's not real.
So no personal flaws.
664
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:31,440
I'm a person.
665
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,480
With respect, Waldo's
more than you.
666
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:37,280
He's a team, and you're open
about that, which is fantastic.
667
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:38,960
The honesty thing works.
668
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:43,560
Waldo is a construct people
not just accept but embrace.
669
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:45,440
At the moment
he's anti-politics,
670
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,040
which is a political stance
in itself, right?
671
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,280
But he could deliver
any brand of political
672
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:53,560
content, minus the potential
downsides of a human messenger.
673
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:57,160
In a debate, your team could
google every word the other guy
674
00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:00,280
says, then let Waldo hit him
with debunk stats and spit a
675
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:03,200
Twitter-ready zinger
into the next sentence.
676
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:05,520
He's the perfect assassin.
677
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:07,760
We won't win though.
678
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,120
You guys are so British.
679
00:34:13,240 --> 00:34:16,560
No, of course he won't win, you
started out too coarse off the
680
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,480
bat, there's no substantial
basis to what you offer, and the
681
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:24,320
whole nihilist "democracy sucks"
thing yeah is kind of wack-a-doo
682
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:28,400
but with a targeted, hopeful
message which we of course can
683
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:31,320
provide. Energising the
disenfranchised without spooking
684
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:35,400
the middle via your new
platform: you got a global
685
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:39,760
political-entertainment product
people actually want.
686
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,200
You could roll
this out worldwide.
687
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:46,680
- Like Pringles.
- Absolutely.
688
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:54,080
It's...
It's interesting stuff though.
689
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:56,600
When you're done
with Stentonford,
690
00:34:56,720 --> 00:34:58,640
there may be an opportunity
in South America.
691
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:00,360
Se puede hablar español?
692
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:03,360
Vivi en Madrid tres años.
693
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:05,520
Excelente.
694
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:25,600
What?
695
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:27,960
He's not coming.
696
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,840
But he's the party leader.
697
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,800
It's too toxic.
698
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,880
(WOMAN) Meanwhile as support
for Gwendolyn Harris appears to
699
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:41,400
be dwindling, Labour denies
the party is losing faith
700
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:44,080
in their young candidate but
Miss Harris spent most of the
701
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,480
day locked in crisis talks
at party head...
702
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:49,080
(TURNS TV OFF)
703
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,280
(RADIO) In the Stentonford
by-election,
704
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:56,360
Waldo the cartoon
bear continues to...
705
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:58,400
Did you see Gwendolyn
Harris yesterday?
706
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:00,680
She looks like
she's been poisoned.
707
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:03,360
Because he's gonna overtake her.
708
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:06,000
If that thing is the main
opposition, then the
709
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,640
whole system looks absurd.
710
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,680
Which it may well be.
711
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,400
But it built these roads.
712
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,520
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
713
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:24,440
Just come in, Roy.
714
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:33,480
I'm sorry, okay?
715
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:36,440
It was wrong to
speak to you like that...
716
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:39,600
After the campaign,
I would've called you.
717
00:36:39,720 --> 00:36:42,000
After the campaign.
718
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:45,040
All you've done
is strengthen Monroe.
719
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:46,800
You won't win either, but
I was at least attempting
720
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:48,960
to represent...
721
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,840
Well, I don't know, not just
bollocks to everything.
722
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,440
If you were preaching
revolution, that'd be something.
723
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:58,800
But you're not because that'd
require courage and a mindset.
724
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:00,720
And what have you got?
725
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:03,800
Who are you?
726
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,840
What are you for?
727
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:14,840
Morning.
728
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:25,920
So final push.
729
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:27,920
You remind everyone that's
got the app, that if they
730
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:31,840
recommend it to friends it
unlocks a little fez for Waldo.
731
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:33,760
(TAMSIN) We're here.
732
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,480
Attention shoppers.
733
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:41,280
I'm here to ask you an
important favour. Gather round.
734
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,800
Come over here and listen.
735
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:49,960
Don't vote for me, I'm
an insult. Seriously.
736
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:53,160
Vote for Monroe or
Harris or I dunno,
737
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,440
UKIP or even that Lib Dem guy.
738
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:57,280
(WOMAN) He's a prick!
739
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,520
Seriously, only an arsehole
would actually vote for me.
740
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:01,680
What Is this, irony?
741
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:03,840
I'm worse than a wasted vote.
742
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:05,240
He's from the Harris campaign.
743
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,360
I mean it, you idiots!
Don't vote for me!
744
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:09,680
Don't vote for me!
Don't vote for me!
745
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:11,600
Don't vote for...
746
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:15,960
Booo!
747
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:17,360
Shut up.
748
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,080
No. Don't boo him, he's right!
He's right.
749
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:20,720
- What are you doing?
- Resigning.
750
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,040
Jamie.
751
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:25,280
Look! It's me, I'm Waldo.
752
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,040
This guy, whoever this
guy is, he's a hero.
753
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:30,720
You should throw stuff at
Waldo, he's bad bloody news.
754
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:32,160
- (WOMAN) He's funny.
- He's not.
755
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,560
Don't listen to that
man, he's a lesbian. Ah!
756
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:36,280
- (LAUGHING)
- So remember,
757
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,480
the polls are open,
and if you've got my app,
758
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,640
you can unlock new stuff like
catchphrases and a little
759
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:44,360
hat n' that. Only an idiot
wouldn't vote for me.
760
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:46,240
So question the status quo!
761
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:47,480
(JAMIE) Kill it!
762
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:48,920
Kick them where it hurts!
763
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:51,280
The first man to hit him
gets five hundred quid!
764
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,760
Yeah, that's right. Knock
him down. Knock him down.
765
00:38:54,880 --> 00:39:00,280
Smash it.
Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, Yeah.
766
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,040
Yeah.
767
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:08,200
♪ ♪
768
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,680
(TV) I the undersigned, being
the returning officer for the
769
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,960
Stentonford and Hersham
constituency, hereby give
770
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,240
notice that the total number
of votes recorded for each
771
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:22,720
candidate at the
election is as follows.
772
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:27,280
Finch, Simon Arthur.
Liberal Democrats.
773
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:30,400
Two thousand four
hundred and forty-nine.
774
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,560
(APPLAUSE)
775
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:36,280
Harris, Gwendolyn Jodie.
Labour.
776
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,760
Eleven thousand, two
hundred and thirty-seven.
777
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:46,560
Monroe, Liam George Tennyson.
Conservative.
778
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,240
Nineteen thousand, one
hundred and sixty one.
779
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:57,360
Waldo, Independent.
780
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:01,080
(YELLING)
781
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:06,120
Sixteen thousand seven
hundred and eighty four.
782
00:40:06,240 --> 00:40:08,360
(CHEERING)
783
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:11,240
Ladies, Ladies and gentlemen,
please, I declare that Liam Monroe
784
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:15,240
is duly elected member of
Parliament for the constituency.
785
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,200
(APPLAUSE, BOOING)
786
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:18,880
(WALDO) Hey, hey everyone.
787
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,400
Five hundred quid to
anyone who can lob a shoe!
788
00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:54,520
(OFFICER) Up you get, come on.
789
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:56,000
Come on!
790
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:06,920
Come on, out you go.
791
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,280
Come on.
792
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:39,200
(CHINESE VOICE)
793
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,040
(OFFICER) Oi!
794
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:06,880
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
795
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:10,920
♪ ♪
796
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:39,840
♪ ♪60354
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