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1
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:28,403
[laughing]
2
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,030
- We don't have time
for this.
3
00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:32,032
You're hurt.
I get it.
4
00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:33,825
Now, there's a way
out of this.
5
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,410
Okay?
6
00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,162
[laughing]
7
00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:43,168
[clicking]
8
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:44,711
This never happened
to me before.
9
00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,755
Really.
Man.
10
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,383
Oh, man.
11
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,095
Damn it.
12
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,222
You never get a second chance
to make a first impression.
13
00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:59,184
You know?
[engine starting]
14
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,561
Hey!
Oh, no, no, no, no! No!
15
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,524
This time it's loaded.
16
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,068
Six bullets,
each with your name on it
17
00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,111
if you don't get out
of my car right now!
18
00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:14,616
That said,
I'm willing to negotiate.
19
00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:16,159
[engine sputtering]
20
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:20,038
Oh, I guess Evelyn
doesn't like you very much.
21
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,498
I'll make you a deal.
22
00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:23,750
You scooch over,
I'll get you out of this alive.
23
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:24,793
But you better
think fast,
24
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:27,128
'cause that ain't
no birthday clown.
25
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,510
Okay, go!
26
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:36,971
[horn honks]
27
00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:40,183
Oh, shit.
28
00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:46,064
Okay, L1, R1, up, down, left,
right, right, down, up.
29
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:50,485
[engine revving]
30
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,945
All right, Evelyn,
we have nine days
31
00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:53,238
to get away
from this clown,
32
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,240
ditch this psychopathic
hitchhiker,
33
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,701
and make it
to New Chicago.
34
00:01:57,742 --> 00:01:59,327
Hey, look!
You forgot your seatbelt.
35
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:02,288
[brakes squealing]
Agh!
36
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,604
- Here for the show?
37
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:29,482
- I'm definitely here
for the show!
38
00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,359
[gunfire]
39
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,668
Oh, shit!
40
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:52,422
[laughing]
41
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,017
- You're not
coming to my show?
42
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:07,520
Well, then the show
is coming to you!
43
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:26,873
**
44
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,462
* Oh baby
I like it raw *
45
00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:34,589
* Yeah baby
I like it raw *
46
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,007
* Oh baby
I like it raw *
47
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,551
- Suppertime!
48
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:43,306
- Stu, I love you,
but this is all your fault.
49
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,516
- How was I
supposed to know
50
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:45,725
the woods would be
crawling with butchers.
51
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,519
- They're talking about
getting us exiled.
52
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,479
You had to get caught
sleeping on duty!
53
00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:51,523
- Hey!
You were sleeping, too!
54
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,400
- I wasn't the one snoring
like a goat in heat!
55
00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:54,567
- It's called sleep apnea.
56
00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:55,777
It's a real
medical condition.
57
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:57,821
And it would be
a lot more manageable
58
00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:00,657
if you hadn't traded in
my CPAP machine for porno.
59
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:02,492
- Well, excuse me for trying
to get you something dope
60
00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:03,618
for your birthday!
61
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:04,786
- You know what's dope?
62
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,996
A full eight hours
of sleep.
63
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:08,081
Dreaming is dope!
64
00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:09,165
- [Butcher] Francis!
- [Francis] What?
65
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,084
- Why did you season
both meat baths
66
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,335
in teriyaki sauce?
67
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:14,879
Francis, we talked about
diversifying flavors.
68
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,381
- Fine! Um...
69
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,383
Oh, I'll cover the thick one
in lemon pepper.
70
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,094
- No, no!
[sputtering]
71
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,430
Oh, god,
it's so tangy, dude!
72
00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:25,140
- I call dibs
on the man titties.
73
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:26,474
[gunshots]
74
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:32,439
- Holy cow!
75
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:35,316
- Clear!
76
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,027
[whimpering]
77
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,330
- We don't usually find
the pigs alive
78
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:53,752
before the luau.
You can cut 'em loose.
79
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,295
Butchers!
80
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:58,715
They'd rather eat the flesh
of their own kind than starve.
81
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:04,971
You guys are guards?
82
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,931
- We, uh, we used to be.
83
00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:08,892
Uh, Mike and I were...
- On a scouting mission
84
00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:10,894
from Seattle
looking for trading routes.
85
00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:12,771
Our car broke down
and the next thing you know
86
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,689
we're getting grabbed
by these assholes.
87
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:20,403
- We're always on the lookout
for upstanding citizens.
88
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,821
I'll give you guys
a choice.
89
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,740
You can try and make
your way back up north
90
00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:26,284
where it can be
pretty dicey,
91
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,453
or if you can
take the grit,
92
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,455
join us in bringing
law and order
93
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:34,125
back to the Divided States
of America.
94
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,044
What do you say?
95
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,842
- Come on.
96
00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:48,139
- Sweet.
- All right.
97
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,016
Welcome to the law, huh?
98
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,518
[cheers and applause]
- [agent] Yeah!
99
00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:53,645
- [Agent Stone] You guys.
- [agent] Don't go dying on us.
100
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,357
- [John Doe] I can't believe
101
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,651
I already got
a flat tire.
102
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,695
Way to go, John.
Way to go.
103
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,824
Hey, silent
but not very deadly,
104
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,575
you gonna come over here
and help me with this?
105
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:08,827
Don't shush me!
106
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:09,994
You come over here
and help me with the tire.
107
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:13,498
[Sweet Tooth]
* Toyland Toyland *
108
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:17,836
* Little girl
and boy land *
109
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:20,005
- I'm gonna handle this shit.
Watch my back.
110
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,464
Ahh!
111
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:23,758
Ah, shit. Ahh!
112
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,469
[Sweet Tooth]
* When you dwell within it *
113
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,597
* You are ever
happy then *
114
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:36,354
You can hide,
115
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,857
but I have ways
to find you.
116
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:45,822
Marco! Marco!
117
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,490
- I'll be right back,
Evelyn.
118
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,451
I'll get us outta here.
119
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,786
- [Sweet Tooth] Marco!
120
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:58,209
Damn!
That usually works.
121
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:02,005
[electrical humming]
122
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,423
[clangs]
123
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,091
Huh?
124
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,844
- Shh.
125
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:11,306
[glass breaking]
Oh, shit.
126
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,766
[jackpot ringing]
127
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,898
- Marco.
128
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,824
[growls]
129
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,123
- [Sweet Tooth] Well, hi there!
130
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,917
[laughing]
131
00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:42,379
Oh, that tickled.
132
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,798
You know, my dad always
wanted to play catch,
133
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,591
but he could never
catch a ball.
134
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,551
He could catch
a bullet.
135
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,637
[gunshot]
136
00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,639
Why are you scurrying away,
little squirrel?
137
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:55,058
Looking for a nut?
138
00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:02,023
This is gonna be fun!
Machete!
139
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,359
Huh, swung
a little wide there.
140
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:09,197
Well, aren't we
a tall glass of water!
141
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:12,117
Me, I'm more of
a Hawaiian punch!
142
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,827
[groans]
143
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:14,828
I'm guessing
you don't fight much
144
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:16,371
outside of your car now,
do you?
145
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:19,332
- Look, clown, I don't need
four wheels to kick your ass.
146
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,337
[laughing]
147
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:26,673
[growling]
148
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,550
Any chance we could get this
back in the cars?
149
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,260
[laughing]
150
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:36,391
- How about a little
kill music?
151
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,059
* Livin' la vida loca *
152
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,437
* She had dumps like
a truck truck truck *
153
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,230
* Thighs like
what what what *
154
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,691
* Baby move your
butt butt butt *
155
00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:45,942
* I think
I'll sing it again *
156
00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:48,445
* She had dumps like
a truck truck truck *
157
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,363
* Thighs like
what what what *
158
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:52,365
* All night long *
159
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:56,077
* Let me see that thong *
160
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,537
* Likin' where
the beat go *
161
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:58,413
* Da-da-da-da *
162
00:08:58,455 --> 00:08:59,247
* Baby let your bootie go *
163
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,331
* Da-da-da-da *
164
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,374
* Girl you wanna show *
165
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:02,500
* Da-da-da-da *
166
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,752
* That thong
thong thong thong thong *
167
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,421
- Do you love
the silver-haired god?
168
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:07,756
And don't lie to me.
169
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:08,965
- Yeah, man.
170
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,592
Look, I listened to
"Unleash the Dragon"
171
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,218
so many times
the disc broke.
172
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,386
I'm not a liar.
173
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:15,388
- Well, you said you were
coming to my show
174
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:16,723
and then you
shot at me!
175
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,350
- It was
a misunderstanding.
176
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,436
I been getting shot at
ever since I can remember.
177
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,730
It's force of habit,
I guess.
178
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:25,607
- Sounds like
you have trust issues.
179
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:26,941
- Yeah,
you're not wrong.
180
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,651
Nice pipes, dude,
I have to say.
181
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,112
That high note, whoo!
It was perfect.
182
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,448
- Oh, word?
- Yeah, can I go?
183
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:34,783
I got somewhere to be.
184
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,409
- I thought you said
you were coming to the show!
185
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:39,496
- Of course, I am.
186
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:42,415
Just can I leave
after the show?
187
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:50,590
- Well, in that case,
tonight is opening night!
188
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,801
[laughing]
189
00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,179
- How were your showers?
190
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,889
- Aw, I don't know
the last time
191
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,392
I felt hot water
that wasn't my own piss.
192
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,643
Uh, sir.
193
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:03,186
- Consider it
your recompense
194
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,313
for upholding
law and order.
195
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:11,069
Warm showers, warm blankets,
warm meals.
196
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,197
- Oh.
- Aw, fuck, mashed potatoes?
197
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:17,117
- [Mike] And goddamn,
look at all that gravy!
198
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,911
I wonder how we can get
one of those punch cards.
199
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:23,415
- Now, let's proceed
to your initiation.
200
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,545
Right this way,
gentlemen.
201
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:33,967
What you see down there
is our supply truck.
202
00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:35,802
It brings us
important provisions.
203
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:38,972
As you can see,
it's broken down.
204
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,890
That's why
it's not moving.
205
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:45,186
What I need for you to do
is to protect that truck.
206
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:46,604
- From what?
207
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,481
- Seagulls.
208
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:58,199
- [Sweet Tooth] Skittles?
- [John Doe] No, I'm good.
209
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:01,202
[chomping]
- Pre-show jitters.
210
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,913
Listen, I really appreciate
you coming along willingly.
211
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:05,665
Normally I have to drag people
into the theater
212
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:06,958
kicking and screaming.
213
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,752
But word of advice,
214
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:11,212
you won't like
what happens if you run.
215
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:14,674
What? Oh, him?
216
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:15,925
Nah, he was here
before.
217
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,052
Hey, Donald.
218
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,012
Don't worry,
he can't hear us.
219
00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:21,348
I love names.
I'm kind of a name guy.
220
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:23,683
You know, the right one
can send a shudder
221
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:24,851
down your spine.
222
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,895
Wanna know
what I go by?
223
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,730
- There's not a person
on the West Coast
224
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:31,399
that hasn't heard
of Sweet Tooth.
225
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,567
- See what I mean?
226
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:36,154
I mean, you really
feel that in your bones!
227
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,531
What's your name,
friend?
228
00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:40,950
- John Doe.
229
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:42,744
- Nah, I'll give it
a seven.
230
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:44,120
- Hey, I didn't
pick it.
231
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:45,789
I don't know what name
I was born with
232
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:49,167
or who I am really.
233
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,753
- Oh, amnesia.
What's your brand?
234
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:54,714
Post-traumatic,
transient, dissociative?
235
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:55,799
- All I know
is my first memory
236
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,801
is me waking up
in my car
237
00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,302
with blood coming
out of my head.
238
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:00,887
- Wait, that's
my first memory too!
239
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:03,139
My head
covered in blood.
240
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:04,307
Of course,
it was being pushed
241
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,725
out of my mom's
whisker biscuit, but...
242
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:06,893
- Whoa!
You remember that?
243
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:10,397
- Oh, yeah.
I remember everything.
244
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:12,190
You should consider
yourself lucky.
245
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,734
There are some things
I wish I could forget.
246
00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:17,529
Like the time
I shit my pants
247
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,490
in my elementary school
production of "Oklahoma".
248
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:24,160
I can still see
the audience's faces
249
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,705
laughing,
mocking.
250
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,501
Did you know Sisqo's
real name was Mark?
251
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,718
[grunting]
252
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,637
- [Stu] Oh, a rock.
253
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,516
- Man, what is
wrong with you?
254
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:48,601
You holding in a fart
or something?
255
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:51,271
- If the truck is so important,
why don't they just move it?
256
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,440
Something doesn't
smell right, man.
257
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,608
- Smells good to me.
258
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,569
Back in Seattle,
they treated us like morons.
259
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,405
Now look at us;
we holding .30-cals, dude!
260
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,033
Come on, baby,
get your head in the game.
261
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,785
Come on. Come on.
262
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,620
There you go.
- Fuck you!
263
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,456
- Eyes up, boys.
264
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,959
Those seagulls lay a fingernail
on our supplies,
265
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,503
it's open season.
266
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:16,921
- What the hell?
267
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,965
Hey, why do you
call 'em seagulls?
268
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,675
These look like
normal survivors to me.
269
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,636
- What else would you call
a bunch of fucking trash eaters?
270
00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:36,232
- Dude, are we really
gonna kill these guys?
271
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:39,903
[suppressed gunshot]
272
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,488
- There's one left, Stu.
273
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,323
He's all yours.
274
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:56,378
Clean it up!
275
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,137
[suppressed gunshot]
276
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:09,683
[laughter]
Melon down.
277
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,184
- I saved your ass.
278
00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,853
- [Agent Stone] Seagulls,
butchers, exiles.
279
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:17,190
They see the world
in shades of gray.
280
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:19,859
What I need
from you two lawmen
281
00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:21,069
is to just show them
282
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:23,697
that there's only two colors
in the world,
283
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:27,283
black and blue.
284
00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:31,246
Now, you missed, Stu.
It can happen to anyone.
285
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,790
Rookie mistake.
286
00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:36,835
Hey, don't let it
happen again.
287
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,464
Okay.
288
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:44,342
You guys want
some burgers?
289
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,428
- Bubby-baby,
bubby-baby.
290
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:48,138
Tip of the teat,
tip of the teat.
291
00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,597
Tip of the teat.
292
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:54,144
My marvelous mutterer
makes me mingy on Monday.
293
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:56,271
- You sleep here?
294
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,064
What, the penthouse
was booked up?
295
00:14:58,106 --> 00:14:59,983
- Nah, way too much
space up there.
296
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,192
Nice bidet, though.
297
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,445
Like taking a shotgun
up the ass.
298
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:05,947
No, I sleep here
because it reminds me
299
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:08,366
of where I was
before Vegas.
300
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,327
Back then, I lived with
a real solid group of dudes.
301
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:14,998
But then the world took a shit
and I came to Sin City.
302
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:18,460
Now that was a party.
303
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:21,087
- You've been here alone
for over two decades?
304
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:24,007
- Oh, shit, has it been
that long?
305
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:25,258
Look at this guy.
306
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,886
Hasn't aged a day.
What a beauty.
307
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,262
Nah, I'm not alone.
308
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:31,264
I got Harold,
which, have you--
309
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:32,932
you haven't met
Harold yet.
310
00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,769
I'm gonna introduce you.
311
00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:38,396
This is Harold.
312
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,607
Been my best friend
since I was a kid.
313
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,901
You know, my entire life
people have been lying to me.
314
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,362
Even my fucking parents!
315
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,405
But, uh, never Harold.
316
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:50,950
No, he can't lie to me.
He can't lie to anyone.
317
00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,535
- I can see that.
318
00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:53,661
[sighing]
319
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,622
- I don't know what I'd do
without him.
320
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,665
Look at that smile.
321
00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:59,376
So, you got a Harold?
322
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:01,628
- No.
I got an Evelyn.
323
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:03,296
- Oh, that's cute.
324
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:07,467
- Before I met her,
being alone was all I knew.
325
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:09,969
You know, she makes
everything easier, you know?
326
00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:13,640
Sometimes I wish I could
make her laugh. Right?
327
00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:15,308
I have to say
after all this time
328
00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:17,894
that's the sound
I miss the most.
329
00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:20,146
- [Sweet Tooth] You know
what sound I miss the most?
330
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:23,149
The sound of hand meat
clapping together.
331
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:25,568
Nothing like that
glorious applause.
332
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,362
I mean, it's almost better
than, I don't know,
333
00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:29,406
hearing somebody choking
on their own blood.
334
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,241
But look at me
getting carried away.
335
00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:33,535
Good thing that your Evelyn's
got hands, huh?
336
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,495
She must clap for you
all the time.
337
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,831
- Nah, she doesn't.
She's my car.
338
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,290
- You talk to your car?
339
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,836
That's weird, man.
340
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:47,173
Ah, mwah!
There you are.
341
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:51,261
So, if Evelyn's not the girl,
who's she?
342
00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:56,558
I caught this little pest
crawling through my vents.
343
00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:58,435
See, I was gonna
starve her.
344
00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,437
Watching the life slowly
drain from their eyes.
345
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,814
Kind of
my artistic process.
346
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,524
[laughing]
347
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:08,278
You know, the last guy
lasted almost four weeks.
348
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:09,821
Hey, Wilbur!
349
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:12,157
I think she's gonna give you
a run for you money.
350
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,616
She won't.
351
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:17,370
Bubby-baby, bubby-baby.
352
00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:19,914
- Hey, you tried to kill me
every chance you get.
353
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,666
Why should I
show you mercy?
354
00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:26,713
Goddamn it!
355
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:32,886
Hey, man,
why don't you let her out?
356
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:35,388
- And why would I do that?
- No, no, no, listen.
357
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,349
What good
is an audience of one?
358
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,100
Think about
all the meat slapping
359
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:42,729
you'll hear
with four hands.
360
00:17:42,771 --> 00:17:44,898
- Ah, that's true.
361
00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:46,358
I don't often
get feedback
362
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:50,111
from the 18 to 35
female demographic.
363
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:53,365
Fine!
[sighs]
364
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,575
You fish her out
and take a seat.
365
00:17:55,617 --> 00:18:00,163
Don't worry,
I got a table just for you.
366
00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:02,332
- And what happens
after the show?
367
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:04,876
- Well, you go on
your merry way.
368
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:06,503
- Really?
369
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,754
- Well,
if I'm being honest,
370
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:10,882
nobody has survived
all three acts.
371
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:12,592
Gird your loins!
372
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:25,313
- Tonight,
you will be enjoying
373
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,774
white tiger
prepared three ways.
374
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:30,068
There's a whole pack of those
milky white assholes
375
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,945
breeding up on
the fourth floor.
376
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:33,905
Anyway, enjoy.
377
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,532
Bony tit!
378
00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:40,704
- Give me back those keys!
Hey, hey!
379
00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:41,871
If it wasn't for me,
380
00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:43,873
you would be
a starving corpse right now.
381
00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:57,929
Listen, neither one of us
made it pretty far on our own.
382
00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:02,058
So, instead of us trying to--
holy shit, this steak is good.
383
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,768
Instead of us trying to stab
each other in the back,
384
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,478
we should put our heads
together and figure out
385
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,355
how in the hell we're going
to make it through the show.
386
00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:11,651
Is any of this
getting through to you?
387
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,742
Blink twice for yes.
388
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,871
Cool, we're fucked.
389
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:23,955
[clapping]
390
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,375
[clears throat]
391
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,424
- Tonight, I will be presenting
a one-man play entitled
392
00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:37,552
"That's In-Room
Entertainment",
393
00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:40,305
based on the hotel's
in-room entertainment.
394
00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:46,436
**
395
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:48,980
Hi, I'm Debra
from guest services.
396
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:51,316
And welcome to Nevada!
397
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:55,236
Deep in the heart of Vegas
is the Monte Cristo,
398
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,739
a veritable oasis
in the sand.
399
00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:04,454
And don't forget
about our promenade.
400
00:20:04,496 --> 00:20:06,498
It features
all the latest brands
401
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,793
and is just a stone's throw
from the salon.
402
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:13,004
Girl, might be time to take care
of those split ends!
403
00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:21,554
And for all you
lovebirds out there,
404
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:26,309
Las Vegas is still the marriage
capital of the world.
405
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,728
Time for kisses!
406
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:36,736
And you have selected
express checkout.
407
00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:39,864
Please leave your key
at the drop box
408
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,701
at the front desk.
409
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:46,037
And thank you
for staying with us.
410
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,340
Well, we've come
to the Q&A
411
00:20:57,382 --> 00:21:00,343
where I ask the Q's
or I kick your A.
412
00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:03,304
So, now is
the moment of truth.
413
00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:05,056
What do you think?
414
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:12,856
- Oh, um, I loved it.
415
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:15,316
- Liar!
416
00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,902
What exactly
did you love about it?
417
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,654
- Uh, your performance!
I was moved!
418
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:25,952
What? It was
a tour de force!
419
00:21:25,994 --> 00:21:29,372
- I am gonna tour de force
this machete down your throat!
420
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,583
If you're not gonna
tell the truth,
421
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:34,252
then I'm gonna make you
shut up and bleed.
422
00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:37,047
- It was a fucking
snooze-fest.
423
00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:39,090
- Now you talk?
424
00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:40,133
- What the hell
did you say?
425
00:21:40,175 --> 00:21:42,260
- It sucked.
426
00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:43,928
Your performance was
dull as dick water
427
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:46,431
and frankly beneath you.
428
00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:48,224
- And you?
429
00:21:48,266 --> 00:21:49,976
You agree with her?
430
00:21:56,775 --> 00:21:59,652
- Yes.
I agree with her.
431
00:22:02,405 --> 00:22:03,948
Come on, man,
it was boring.
432
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:04,949
I get it,
you've been here forever,
433
00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:06,785
but you did a play
about a hotel!
434
00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:13,416
- But didn't Mark Twain say
you should write what you know?
435
00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:14,709
- Well, Mark Twain's
a dumbass.
436
00:22:14,751 --> 00:22:16,086
You gotta get out
in the world, man.
437
00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:17,504
- Yeah.
Look, trust me,
438
00:22:17,545 --> 00:22:20,382
you don't want to spend
the rest of your life alone.
439
00:22:20,423 --> 00:22:21,966
You end up
talking to a car.
440
00:22:22,008 --> 00:22:23,593
- Yeah, like this guy.
441
00:22:23,635 --> 00:22:25,261
- You know what?
You're right.
442
00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:27,013
I can't wait here
for my audience.
443
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:30,892
I need to get out there
and hunt my audience down.
444
00:22:30,934 --> 00:22:31,976
- Oh, no, no,
that's not what I meant.
445
00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:33,937
- No, that's exactly
what you meant.
446
00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:36,940
I'm gonna get out there,
and I'm gonna embrace the chaos.
447
00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:41,403
Who knows,
maybe I'll even fall in love!
448
00:22:41,444 --> 00:22:44,030
The show is going
on the road!
449
00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:53,790
**
450
00:22:53,832 --> 00:22:56,084
- That was
beautiful, man!
451
00:22:56,126 --> 00:23:04,092
**
452
00:23:17,522 --> 00:23:19,816
- Well, a night
of firsts.
453
00:23:19,858 --> 00:23:21,067
My first
honest critique,
454
00:23:21,109 --> 00:23:23,778
first people I ever let
leave here alive,
455
00:23:23,820 --> 00:23:27,824
but most importantly,
my first two fans.
456
00:23:27,866 --> 00:23:29,576
You two.
457
00:23:29,617 --> 00:23:31,911
I got you a headshot.
458
00:23:31,953 --> 00:23:33,788
There's an inscription
in that.
459
00:23:33,830 --> 00:23:36,666
- [John Doe] "See you soon."
- I hope not.
460
00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:39,252
- Hey, thanks
for being honest.
461
00:23:43,465 --> 00:23:45,800
[engine revving
and tires squealing]
462
00:23:45,842 --> 00:24:00,273
**
463
00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:03,485
[gunshots]
464
00:24:03,526 --> 00:24:05,320
* Come on *
465
00:24:05,362 --> 00:24:07,447
* Come on *
466
00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:09,616
* Come on *
467
00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:14,871
* Yeah *
468
00:24:14,913 --> 00:24:17,582
* Baby
That thong *
469
00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:21,336
* I said I like
the way *
470
00:24:21,378 --> 00:24:24,714
* Baby *
471
00:24:24,756 --> 00:24:29,719
* Listen
Said I like the way *
472
00:24:29,761 --> 00:24:33,431
* I don't think
you heard me *
473
00:24:33,473 --> 00:24:37,268
* Oh-oh-oh *
474
00:24:39,604 --> 00:24:41,731
* Baby *
475
00:24:41,773 --> 00:24:45,402
* Oh-oh-oh *
476
00:24:45,443 --> 00:24:49,072
* Yeah *
477
00:24:49,114 --> 00:24:52,200
* All right *
478
00:24:52,242 --> 00:24:53,576
- [John Doe] You know, I have
to admit I didn't think
479
00:24:53,618 --> 00:24:56,454
we were gonna make it
out of there alive.
480
00:24:56,496 --> 00:24:57,789
I mean, it would have been
a lot easier
481
00:24:57,831 --> 00:24:59,457
if you had piped up
instead of just trying to--
482
00:24:59,499 --> 00:25:01,042
oh, come on!
Have you learned nothing?
483
00:25:04,796 --> 00:25:06,297
What is your problem
anyway?
484
00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:07,424
- I'm trying
to find someone.
485
00:25:07,465 --> 00:25:08,383
- Well, I'm trying
to get somewhere,
486
00:25:08,425 --> 00:25:09,342
and I lost a hell
of a lot of time
487
00:25:09,384 --> 00:25:11,136
watching that
god-awful play.
488
00:25:13,179 --> 00:25:15,348
If you put the gun down,
I'll drop you off
489
00:25:15,390 --> 00:25:17,600
as close as I can
to where you're going. Deal?
490
00:25:17,642 --> 00:25:19,978
- Fine.
But I'm keeping the gun.
491
00:25:20,020 --> 00:25:22,355
- No, come on, that one's new.
All right, all right, take it.
492
00:25:27,861 --> 00:25:29,696
What's your name anyway?
493
00:25:32,532 --> 00:25:34,284
Okay, I'll start.
Hi, I'm John.
494
00:25:34,325 --> 00:25:36,453
You're...?
495
00:25:36,494 --> 00:25:38,538
Bridget?
496
00:25:38,580 --> 00:25:40,040
Yolanda?
Jennifer?
497
00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:43,752
Okay. So, since you
like to be quiet,
498
00:25:43,793 --> 00:25:45,462
that's what I'm gonna
call you: Quiet.
499
00:25:45,503 --> 00:25:48,131
Is that okay, Quiet?
- Yep.
500
00:25:48,173 --> 00:25:49,966
- So, you're really not
gonna tell me your name?
501
00:25:50,008 --> 00:25:51,676
- Nope.
502
00:25:52,635 --> 00:25:54,304
- Fine.
503
00:25:54,346 --> 00:25:55,889
Makes it easier
when I drop your ass off
504
00:25:55,930 --> 00:25:58,433
in the middle
of nowhere, Quiet.
505
00:26:05,065 --> 00:26:06,483
- [Agent Shepard]
Sack up, newbs.
506
00:26:06,524 --> 00:26:09,194
Got a live one.
507
00:26:09,235 --> 00:26:10,987
I'll stop the vehicle
508
00:26:11,029 --> 00:26:13,073
and demand to see
their open road license.
509
00:26:13,114 --> 00:26:15,075
If they don't got it,
they don't pass.
510
00:26:19,412 --> 00:26:20,372
What?
511
00:26:20,413 --> 00:26:22,499
- Hey, sorry,
just one question.
512
00:26:22,540 --> 00:26:24,876
Where do we bring 'em?
513
00:26:24,918 --> 00:26:28,755
Oh, and why are we
stopping them?
514
00:26:28,797 --> 00:26:31,508
And what's
an open road license?
515
00:26:31,549 --> 00:26:33,843
Is it common at the--
- Just get in.
516
00:26:33,885 --> 00:26:36,054
- We learn on the job.
I respect that.
517
00:26:36,888 --> 00:26:37,889
- I've never seen
a checkpoint
518
00:26:37,931 --> 00:26:39,891
that wasn't outside
of a settlement.
519
00:26:39,933 --> 00:26:41,101
And these guys
aren't on the map.
520
00:26:41,142 --> 00:26:43,895
So, more delays.
521
00:26:43,937 --> 00:26:44,979
Let me do
all the talking.
522
00:26:45,021 --> 00:26:46,356
I deal with these guys
all the time.
523
00:26:46,398 --> 00:26:49,192
I speak their lingo.
524
00:26:49,234 --> 00:26:51,986
- Hey, ORL, please.
525
00:26:52,028 --> 00:26:54,406
- Did you just ask me
for oral?
526
00:26:54,447 --> 00:26:58,243
- Uh, no, sir.
ORL.
527
00:26:58,284 --> 00:26:59,911
Open road license.
528
00:26:59,953 --> 00:27:02,539
- That's an awful acronym.
529
00:27:02,580 --> 00:27:04,541
Hey, look,
I'm just a milkman.
530
00:27:04,582 --> 00:27:07,168
I'm just passing through, man.
Come on.
531
00:27:07,210 --> 00:27:08,795
And you guys look great,
by the way.
532
00:27:08,837 --> 00:27:10,130
I love your shirts, man.
533
00:27:10,171 --> 00:27:11,965
What are you, like a club
or a team or something?
534
00:27:12,007 --> 00:27:14,718
- We're officers.
Of the law.
535
00:27:14,759 --> 00:27:17,262
- Ah, angry black friend.
Okay.
536
00:27:26,688 --> 00:27:29,065
Hey, where--
Get back in the car!
537
00:27:29,107 --> 00:27:30,442
- [Stu] Listen to
your friend!
538
00:27:30,483 --> 00:27:31,818
- Eat my ass,
motherfucker!
539
00:27:31,860 --> 00:27:35,780
[clicking and buzzing]
540
00:27:35,822 --> 00:27:38,074
[wincing]
541
00:27:38,116 --> 00:27:44,456
**
37697
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