All language subtitles for The West Wing (1999) - S06E15 - Freedonia (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track3_[eng]

Previously on The West Wing:

This morning's finance report,

$8.2 million.

That ought to buy
a few lawn signs.

And the lawns to go with them.
I'm just confused about

who the viable candidate's
supposed to be

when Russell's gone.

We're going to win
this thing, Toby.

JOSH:
Get in the camo gear,

sling a 12-gauge
over your shoulder,

get a few photos for the AP.

With a gun?

You were in
the Marines.

You know how
to shoot, right?

Yeah, a 20-millimeter chain gun,

but it might be a little hard
on the pheasant.

Don't you actually want
to get some votes

in one of these states?

SANTOS:
When was the last time

you saw a politician answer
a question he didn't like?

WOMAN:
You're saying

the debate
shouldn't matter?

SANTOS:
No, I'm saying

the debate
should be better.

Look, we're practically
teaching media evasion

in kindergarten now.

"Look, teacher, the issue's not

"whether I pinched Dorothy
during milk-and-cookies.

"The American people
are more concerned

with the need for new nap mats,
and I got a six-point plan..."

MAN:
It's the politicians
that turn them

into pumpkin-
judging contests.

Oh, yeah, sometimes, sure.

But it's also the
rules of the game.

Look, we've got
one more debate

before this
New Hampshire primary.

Do we really want
another joint photo-op--

another 90-second sound bite

followed by
a 60-second sound bite--

another beauty pageant
without the beauty?

I think
you're beautiful.

Well, maybe I'm working
against myself here,

but the Dover Herald,
they're announcing

their debate rules
this afternoon,

and I've been banging on them.

Let's make it a real debate,

a debate
where all seven Democrats

get to cross-examine each other.

Where we get to answer
questions, like it or not.

You said politicians

never answer questions
they don't like.

So, we hook
ourselves up

to electrodes--

Crossfire meets
Clockwork Orange.

I don't understand

the wooden eggs.

"Politics and Eggs--"

that's the name
of the forum.

You ever tried signing
a wooden egg?

It's one of those annoying
Granite State traditions.

Like the actual voting.

Can we talk about
your speech?

What about little wooden slices
of toast?

At least you get traction
with your pen.

You're doing
a modified stump.

We beefed up
the foreign policy section

because of these
Pakistani nuclear sales.

The sound bites in bold.
Fine.

Then you can sign
some little wooden
nuclear reactors.

I think I should open
with the V.P. seal joke. Donna?

It's a hilarious joke

that's been hilarious
147 times, sir.

I've never done
this forum before.

These people were at
all the other forums.

Next week, they'll be at
the forum on forums.

They're almost done
with your introduction, sir.

Okay, I'm going
to open with the
V.P. seal joke.

Pound the foreign policy
section,

I'm okay if you tell
knock-knock jokes.

MAN:
...our guest

at this morning's
Politics and Eggs,

Vice President
Bob Russell.

( applause )

RUSSELL:
Thank you, Bill.

And in case
the kitchen staff is wondering,

I like my wooden eggs
sawed in half and scrambled.

( warm laughter )
It is a great...

They just announced the rules
for the Dover Herald debate.

Don't tell me they're doing any
of this Matt Santos nonsense--

thumb wrestling
if you misuse a statistic.

No, pretty thumb-
free, in fact.

RUSSELL:
...the seal of
the Vice President

of the United
States of America,

And I will tell you

what I like best
about that seal.

If you close your left eye
and squint really hard

and tilt your head just so,
it reads a lot like

"President of the United
States of America."

The debate.

Trade the launch codes
for a seltzer bottle,

I swear
we could do vaudeville.

This is important.

They're putting the Vice
President of the United States

onstage
with six also-rans.

Believe me, this debate
isn't important.

See, that's the thing.

SANTOS:
And every year,

health care reform
has been on the national agenda,

whether we passed it
or not,

private insurers have kept
their premium increases down.

So, uh, yeah, it ought
to be part of the debate.

Thanks.

Any news on this, uh, Pakistani
nuclear sale to Nigeria?

Pakistan's
trying to back-pedal.

We ought to put out
some kind of statement.

No one's asking,
but sure.

"We need to lead
toward a world

that's, uh, free,
prosperous, and
also nuclear-free."

That's good.

Second set starts at 9:00.

I have some bad news.

How bad?
Bad.

The Herald's
decided to use

the same old
phony debate rules?

Russell and Hoynes
just made

a huge media buyout
of Boston--

close to 1,800
gross ratings points each.

1,800 points?

It's an ad war...

or an ad apocalypse.

I don't know where
they're getting the money,

but we don't have it.

We ought to just ban
TV ads altogether.

Screw the First Amendment.

Constitutionality aside,

New Hampshire votes
in five days.

The airwaves are going
to be flooded

with Russell, Hoynes
and re-runs of I Love Lucy.

We need to change

the whole dynamic,
or we're finished.

We need
a silver bullet.

"A silver bullet."

A TV ad
that'll vault us

out of the second tier--
turn this campaign on its head.

You want us
to go deeper into debt?

No, but we
can scrape together

enough to buy one minute
of prime time on WMUR.

One minute against 1,800 points?

One minute
that is

so gutsy, so edgy, so different,

that it'll be replayed for free

one every newscast
in the country.

What's the ad?

( very softly ):
I'm working on it.

Go on and buy that air time.

Hi.

Matt Santos.

You sell a hell of a
sweater in this place.

Anything on the debate rules?

No interaction, no
cross-examination.

It's everything we
didn't want, but...

The debate's going
to be a wash anyway.

Nobody's going to watch.

Everyone's calling it "The
Return of the Seven Dwarves."

Two dwarves.
Seven.

The one with the big nose
used to give me nightmares.

Only Hoynes and Russell
are invited.

They're limiting it
to candidates

polling over 20 percent.

The Herald says
they're the only
ones that can win.

You guys are already working
on that silver bullet, huh?

You know, if only front-runners
can debate,

why not just bar the rest of us
from the ballot altogether?

I mean, if New Hampshire

has suddenly become
the Soviet Republic,

they might as well go
all the way.

We're going
to get in this.

They can't shut two thirds
of the Democratic field

out of the debate.

Oh, come on,
don't even call it a debate.

What do voters learn

from 90 seconds
of canned blather

followed by 60 seconds
of canned blather, anyway?

Timing, I suppose.

Look, there's a
serious legal argument
to be made here.

This can be seen

as an illegal contribution
to both Hoynes and Russell.

I know the case law.

We get a team

of election lawyers,
we storm

the District Court...

I don't want
to sue my way into this, Josh.

Shame the Herald,

kick up a huge
cloud of dust.

Maybe even the District Court
stops the debate.

I don't want
to stop it.

I want to get in it.
Well, the publisher

of the Herald
won't meet with us.

I could barely get past
the copy desk.

( sighing )

Do you think the Vice President

really wants to, uh,
go mano a mano with John Hoynes?

No.

Why elevate the number-two mano
in a crowded field?

Maybe Russell
will meet the publisher

of the Herald with us--
demand a full and fair debate.

Get Will Bailey
on the phone.

And call that post-
production shop in Nashua.

We need them open late.

We're going to make a TV ad.

RUSSELL:
And I got a letter

from an eight-year-
old girl in Portsmouth

who said,
and I quote,

"You are the greatest
Vice President of my time."

( warm laughter )

I'm not making this up.

Thanks for your time, folks.

Have a good day.

A two-man debate?

I told you
the Herald was for Hoynes.

Tomorrow,
they'll be denouncing me

for not giving him flyer miles
on Air Force Two.

Josh Lyman
just called.

Tell him he can have your job.

Today I think
he'd take it.

Long as he fakes my signature
on 300 wooden eggs.

Santos wants you
to go to the Herald with him

to say that if all seven
candidates aren't invited,

you'll stay home and scramble
those eggs by your lonesome.

I can't look
like I'm ducking Hoynes.

If you stand with Santos,

Hoynes will look like he's
ducking the whole field.

What about
his nutty debate rules?

We want the Seven Dwarves

to be able
to take direct shots at me?

You realize
you're one of the dwarves.

There are
only seven candidates.

Well, there must have been
a head dwarf.

That'd be Snow White--

not quite what
we're going for.

Forget Santos's rules.

He'll be grateful just
to get on that stage.

The more dwarves
we have up there

with the sitting
Vice President,

the smaller John Hoynes
is going to look.

JOSH:
Will and I choreographed

this whole meeting.

Okay.

Let Russell
do the talking.

He's the front runner.

It should come
from him.

Fine.

You can bob your
head appreciatively.

I've been thinking
about debate prep. Hi.

You know, you were right.

We should bring in
someone to help.

I'll make some calls.

I've called
someone already.

Who'd you call?

Someone I know
from the Hill.

For performance stuff--
eye clicking, things like that.

"Eye clicking"?

Yeah, things like that.

Mr. Lowell.

Congressman, welcome
to the Herald.

Mr. Vice President.

Matt. You've
come a long way

since House Administration.

The Vice President and I
served together

on the, uh, House
Administration Committee.

Siberia of committees.

Non-binding resolutions

to limit the number of
non-binding resolutions.

RUSSELL:
Hey, that one was binding.

That must have been
some time ago.

Yeah, I think
it was back in...

Two years
ago, actually.

LOWELL:
Well, I'll be frank.
We're five days

away from the primary,
two days away from the debate.

No offense, Congressman,

you're not going
to be the nominee.

How does it
serve the voters

to clutter
up the stage?

I'm sure Fidel Castro
would agree.

Mackey, you're trying
to do the right thing,

but it's downright
undemocratic.

My lawyers tell me

that, uh, it could be
an illegal contribution

to the two
top campaigns.

Without the full field, I...

I don't think
I can participate.

The people want another debate,
Mr. Vice President.

I agree.

I was thinking of having my own,
invite the full field.

Who needs the Dover Herald?

LOWELL:
All seven Democrats.

Right as rain,
Mackey.

We should also
take a minute

to discuss format.

These debates
can be better,

not just bigger.

We all saw
what happened

in the New Jersey
Senate debates.

LOWELL:
Are we talking
about the rules

you proposed?
Don't we want this

to be truly democratic,
with real back-and-forth?

A requirement
that each candidate

has to answer
the questions,

not just another seven-
stump-speech collision.

LOWELL:
Well, I'm all
for mixing it up,

but if we proposed

a debate like that,

no one would agree
to it.

What do you say,
Mr. Vice President?

A real debate,

with all of
the candidates

truly engaging
on the issues?

Great.
Terrific.

LOWELL:
I have to talk

to my editorial board,
but, uh,

I will take it to John Hoynes.

Matt.
Mr. Vice President.

SANTOS:
Thank you,
Mr. Lowell.

Who do you think
was the jerk

who wanted to limit
non-binding resolutions?

That did go a bit off-plan.

I won't be a punching bag
for Hoynes and Santos

and every second-
tier welterweight

who wants a
quick tabloid hit.

I'll call Mackey
and revisit the format.

He practically threatened
legal action in there.

I'll call him and tell him
if they're using Santos' format,

we won't debate at all.

You call him and tell him

we'll pay for the
debate ourselves--

just me and Hoynes,
Herald rules.

Then no one can say
it's an illegal
contribution to anyone.

I didn't come here
to be a guest lecturer

in Matt Santos' etiquette class.

Yeah...

So they're back
to a two-man debate, thanks.

You did push the rules business
a little hard.

I don't know how anyone's helped
by us standing up there

spewing out poll-tested pabulum.

We're not trying to help anyone,
we're trying to help you.

Spoken like a true Athenian.

So I guess we cancel
the debate prep, huh?

No, you need
to move ahead with it.

For a debate we're not even in.

We have to get in.

I got two election lawyers from
Boston working on a brief.

You're still on this
illegal contribution jag.

Even if Russell
paid for the event,

he's still
using the Herald's name,

he's getting
a mountain of free media.

How is that
not...

I am not
taking this to court, Josh.

We could try
the Bob Russell thing.

Get a bad haircut
and break ties in the Senate?

No, hold our own debate.

Me and my bedroom mirror.
No, I'm serious.

We rent the hall
across from the main debate,

you personally invite
all the other candidates,

we stir up the good
government groups,

editorial writers,
local activists...

'Cause the Dover Herald
doesn't get to decide

who's a viable candidate for
the highest office in the land.

Frank Capra, eat your heart out.

Can we use my debate rules?

You can use
whatever rules you want,

just get ready to debate.

WILL:
We're going to run this
at about 600 points.

Very effective with
swing-twos in the mall test.

( on TV ):
I'm Bob Russell,

and I approved this ad.

NARRATOR:
In the United States Senate,

John Hoynes had
an 84% NRA voting record.

Now he claims he'll
crack down on handguns.

As Vice President,

Hoynes praised Pakistan's
defense minister

as a bold thinker,
so bold he may now

be selling nuclear
secrets to Nigeria.

You can't take America's side
by taking both sides.

You sure we should run this?

Want to see his ad

on your Colorado mining
connections again?

Hello?

Matt Santos

for the Veep.

He's tied up.

I still don't get why
our ads are that negative.

I mean, of course I get it,
but we're the front-runner,

do they have
to be that negative?

We need to work up some Q&A
for the two-man debate.

Want to grab
dinner later?

You're...
Are you asking me to dinner?

We've had dinner
four nights in a row.

But you never
asked me, we just went.

Who else am I going
to have dinner with?

Everyone else on this campaign

is 14 years old
and irons their blue jeans.

Fine.

Great.

I need the one-pagers
on domestic policy, and, uh,

NSC guidance
on Pakistan, thanks.

So... you want to
grab dinner later?

Sure.

JOSH:
Just set it up

like a real debate--
seven podiums,

a table for the moderator,
the full drill.

When we
get back to headquarters,

we'll draft a statement
announcing this thing.

We'll miss
debate prep.

Yeah, Santos
is gonna work with a guy

I'm bringing in from the Hill.

Smart of you
to widen the team.

Thanks.

What we're gonna do

is start a massive
public relations crusade.

Tonight?

Yeah, do you have that
list of opinion-makers?

Uh, yeah.

Okay, we're gonna call every
political reporter

in this state,
every party leader,

every PTA recording secretary.

We're going to tell them
we're holding our own debate,

the Herald's debate is a sham.

We really believe
anyone's going
to cover our debate?

Ours is a Trojan debate--
it's never gonna happen.

We're going to turn
public opinion

so they have to let us
into the main debate.

Think that'll work?

If I wanted your opinion,

I would stick you in a focus
group in Southern Missouri.

Let's talk
about the ad.

I don't understand
that either.

We're broke, okay?

We can't afford
a huge, glitzy ad buy,

so we run something feisty,
funny, out-of-the-box.

Turns our one minute of prime
time into a national sensation.

Santos on ice skates
wearing a goalie outfit

pledging to defend America.

Closer to the box than that.

Well, what's the message?

How 'bout our exclusion
from the debates,

let's try that.

So what do we do,

film chicken coops
and say they're

too chicken
to debate us?

I want two volunteers.

I want them
in giant chicken suits.

I want them in my office
first thing in morning.

Chicken suits?

You think he's
gonna like this?

He's gonna like what
keeps him in the race.

But let's not,
you know, tell him.

Funny, feisty.

Play around with the...
poultry theme.

Hi.

Hi.

A little cold for ice cream,
isn't it?

I mean, you could've
bought just cream.

I embrace the cold.

Okay.

I luxuriate
in the cold.

Can I ask you...

I fight cold with more cold.

What are you doing
in New Hampshire?

I could ask you the same thing,
but in your case,

it's more of an existential
question, isn't it?

When I want dark,
depressing thoughts

about alienation
and nothingness,

I watch cable news.

That's funny.

You're funny.

You know what's funny?

That you didn't call me
before you gave that speech

at the Shorenstein Center.

I run the Women's
Majority Fund.

I make hundreds of speeches.

Trashing the entire
Democratic field?

Saying we were going to lose
before we even have a nominee?

I was throwing down a gauntlet.

Where I come from,
it's called littering.

The field's pathetic.

Not one of them can take
the Republicans in the fall.

I called them the Seven Dwarves
for a reason.

I'm not going to get
into an argument

about whether size matters.

I'm here
in the trenches,

running a one-man show

and I'm sick of Democrats
eating their young.

You wash them down with a little
Rocky Road, it's not so bad.

You still haven't told me
what you're doing

in New Hampshire.

Miss Gardner,
your room is ready.

Simple answer is...

I'm prepping Matt Santos

for the debate you
haven't gotten him into.

The existential
answer...

is tricky stuff, Joshua.

I want you at every Hoynes

and every Russell event
for the next 36 hours.

Obviously, Bob goes
to the Russell events

and John, the Hoynes.

You know, Bob, John.

We're making
a serious point here.

We're trying to turn
public opinion, so...

no roughhousing,
no tearing down signs,

no excessive flapping
of the wings...

Don't lie about what you're
doing there, don't heckle.

If you get the chance, you ask
humbly and respectfully,

"Are you too chicken
to debate the full field?"

On a personal note,
thanks for...

you know.

Okay.

Let's go out
and get 'em, guys.

So far, no one's
accepted our debate.

And only the Monitor
and Post-Dispatch

are editorializing

against the
Herald's debate.

Two lousy editorials,
that's it?

We've been calling everyone.

The nationals won't bite.

But I stopped by our alternate
debate site and it looks great.

Tell our Potemkin advance team
great work.

The second they post
those editorials on-line,

I need pull-quotes for the ad.

Okay.

I don't understand
why we're

not putting policy
in the ad.

We got great policy.

We're trying
to get free media.

Great policy
doesn't give goosebumps

to bored 55-year-old
segment producers.

As opposed to...

Chickens.

It's a complicated business.

You have no idea.

Josh, you're not gonna believe

who's on the phone.

I feel terrible
making you do this

when I'm not even
in the debate.

You're not
in the Olympics either,

that doesn't mean you don't
do some sit-ups now and then.

Well, you know,
you've coached

about 50 women Congressional
candidates to debate wins,

so there must
be some secret.

There is.

Always keep an extra pair
of pantyhose in your purse.

After bombing
the way I did in Iowa,

I'm not going
to rule that out.

Congressman, I looked
at the tapes.

You're great.

You're quotable,
you're cute enough

to be a Presidential-
primary pinup...

Oh, wait until you see
my runway work.

You don't have
the Presidential voice.

The Presidential voice?

You don't have it.

And it's a time
of global peril

and you're going to be
sharing the stage

with two Vice Presidents.

Or not.

Congressman, what
do you think of the
ultra-nationalist

gains in the Russian
parliamentary elections?

Well, it ain't
the Litchfield City Council,

but Russia makes its own
choices, and in a democracy...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You just wrote the lamer half
of Jay Leno's monologue.

You're not a House backbencher
trying to get a quote on CNN.

Sobriety, understatement...

Let the words

carry the authority.

The Presidential voice.

Think filling out

a suit, instead
of wearing bright orange...

Pantyhose.

I was gonna
say neckties,

but what the hell.

How's the eye-clicking.

We're still on hosiery.

I need the Congressman
for a minute.

Yeah.

Thanks, Amy.

How's the ad?

We'll have something
by prime time tomorrow night.

Look, I'm sorry I didn't
tell you about Amy.

I just got a call

from Hoynes'
campaign manager.

Hoynes wants
to meet with me.

You think he wants us
in the main debate?

I can't imagine why,

but we're getting
some good editorials.

Maybe we're making more hay
than I thought.

You want me to come with you?

After your soliloquy
at the Herald,

maybe I should take
the solo this time.

Okay.

Say, you got a few minutes
for debate prep?

I mean, I know
how you feel about me and...

You should get back in there.

You know what I'm finding about
being out on the trail again?

What's that?

I never stop talking.

No, really, I'm surprised
I don't babble like an idiot

in the shower-- 15 stops a day,
eight speeches, five interviews.

I could do a good 45 seconds
on your overcoat.

Okay, but let's not...

It's a stitch too little
and a season too late, Josh.

You can do better.

America can do better.

You wanted to talk
about the debate?

I don't.

Why'd you return the
Congressman's call?

I called you,
not the Congressman.

You think I want
to tell him no?

You know how this works.

They only put me on the phone
if I get to say yes.

I'm not gonna pretend
you don't benefit
from a two-man debate,

but there are
already editorials

denouncing the Herald's
decision.

Public opinion's turning.

You're gonna start
seeing it at your events.

First of all, Russell's picking
up the tab, it's his decision.

And second, the way Russell's
hammering me in these ads...

I've gotta get him
up there one-on-one.

So why did you want to see me?

I want to talk about Matt
Santos's statement on Pakistan.

You're the only one.

"Free and nuclear-free."

I used that exact phrase myself

at the Merrimack Chamber.

If we're going to work
from the same material,

let's find some way
to coordinate.

We don't want to get caught up
in a plagiarism charge.

What are you talking about?

Amy's memos.
Amy?

Amy Gardner, her memos

on the Presidential voice.

That's where I got
the Pakistan line.

I assume that's
where you got it.

Now, if we're both
going to use them,

let's divvy them up.

She gave you the memos.

"Security
as the new women's issue."

Pretty smart stuff,
don't you think?

Yeah, that's pretty smart stuff.

Time's up, Josh.

Gotta keep talking.

NARRATOR ( on TV ):
When Bob Russell
was in Congress

he voted for a bill
that would have raised

gas and electric bills

for New Hampshire families
by as much as 13%.

All so he could help
his supporters

in Colorado's
big mining companies.

That's the new
Hoynes spot?

Hoynes approved it
right into the camera.

You know, I fought for that
in Congress.

We thought that if candidates

had to look right into
the camera an approve every ad

it would somehow raise

the tone of
these campaigns.

It's not working very well.

NED:
Candidates just approve
the negative ones

at the top,
so by the time

they twist the knife you
forgot who stuck it in.

...good for the Colorado
mining industry,

but is he good
for New Hampshire?

I'm going back the hotel
for my debate prep.

One of the advantages
of being Vice President,

aside from the motorcades and
the planes and all the hoopla,

is the honor of standing behind
the Vice Presidential seal.

And I'll tell you what I like

about the Vice Presidential
seal.

If you close your left eye,
you squint really hard

and you tilt your head
just so...

Here's what's troubling me about
our debate answer on Pakistan...

We're exploiting vague
and unverified claims

that have been denied
by the Pakistani
and Nigerian cabinets?

I was gonna say our 60-second
answer's more like 90.

I know. I hate it
when clandestine

proliferation networks
won't stay on the clock.

( Vice President
continues speaking )

You sure that was Advil
you gave me on the bus?

That's a very large chicken.

It's not the mascot.

Aren't these guys
the Fighting Wombats?

Warthogs.

We magged him.
He's clean.

May I ask about the debate--

why you're not willing
to have full participation?

Are you chicken?

I'm going in.

May I ask, sir,
why you're not willing...

Why, you're...

You're from the Santos
campaign, aren't you?

Yes, ma'am.

Do you realize how
pathetic this is?

Do your parents know
you're doing this?

Pakistan could be
arming Nigeria--

a potential Muslim coup--

and you're pulling
shaving-cream-and-balloon-style
pranks.

If this is his idea
of democracy,

Matt Santos belongs

in a fraternity house
not a debate.

Now go dip your beak
in someone else's feed.

Tell me you're not
going to use that.

There are whole generations
of Russians

who were trained by the KGB.

Now, when the Wall fell,

they didn't all go open
pizzerias.

Now that's not to say...

AMY:
No, no, no.
Bad, bad, bad.

If I could pull a lever and
drop you through the floor,

I'd do it right now.

What, my analysis
isn't right?

Your analysis is fine.

I don't know how to
explain this any better.

It's not a pop quiz,
and it's not

a late-night talk show.

The leader of the free world
has to speak in broad concepts,

in value statements;
"I love America,"

"I will lead the world
towards liberty..."

Oh, I don't sound
pompous enough.

You sound like you're commenting
on events, not shaping them.

I don't shape them, Amy.

And it's not the way I think.

Congressman,

the prospect of first-
strike capabilities

got to change
the way you think.

Anything from Hoynes?

Yeah. I need five minutes
with Amy.

Take ten.
I'm gonna call my wife.

Show Amy how little
I shape events.

I'm trying to explain
the Presidential voice.

The difference between

leading the marketplace
and catering to it.

The difference between,
I don't know,

John Lennon and John Davidson,

Sgt. Pepper and the fifth
Herman's Hermits album...

You should have told me
you were working for Hoynes.

I'm not working for Hoynes.
You're giving
the same one-liners

to two campaigns.

It was a memo.
I give it to all seven.

I suppose your love
is a free gift

to the Bolshevik
brothers, too.

Did you see the gender gap
in the last election?

Probably not, 'cause there
pretty much wasn't one.

Yeah, and since chicks
really dig plagiarism,

this'll help.

Security's the new
women's issue.

It's why we're losing
all these races.

People are scared and
Democrats sound like

a bunch of think-tank
hair-twirlers.

So you pick a candidate and you
help him, that's how this works.

And if that candidate
doesn't win?

What do you want,
a 90-day warranty?
I want every candidate

to be able to take
the Republicans.

Oh, you don't give a damn
about the candidates.

You want...
The whole party
to be stronger,

that's right.
We don't open
our inner-circle

to dilettantes
and Earth mothers.

Who's "we"?

You didn't even know
I was coming.

No, but I know you're leaving.

And don't knock
Herman's Hermits.

It's hard enough
getting on the charts.

What happened in here?
Amy practically

knocked me over in the lobby.

She's going back to Washington.

You fired her?

She's been advising
the whole field.

Hoynes used the exact same line
on Pakistan.

And she's brilliant, I can
understand how you'd want her,

and she's my ex-girlfriend,
so you didn't want to tell me,

but maybe if had trusted me
for two seconds...

I knew she
was advising everyone,

that's why I didn't tell you.

You think I care about
your dating life?

Okay. ( clears throat )

Let's get back
to Politics 101--

the object is to beat
the other guys.

We are all getting
beaten on security.

It's like these debate rules;

if all of us were better,

then maybe one of us would
finally break through.

And did I just see chickens
on CNN up in my hotel room?

This may not be the best time
to bring this up,

but we have to get over
to the District Court.

It closes in an hour.

No, we're not going
to any cor-- chickens?

I had the lawyers
finish the brief.

They're waiting at
the courthouse.

Tell 'em to find
an ambulance to chase.

In case you haven't noticed,
we're in one.

We're hosting a debate
that nobody is coming to.

Two lousy editorials
taking our side...

You know all this,

why do you keep making me
have this argument?

Because it's not the way

I want to do things.

Being in a real debate

like an actual candidate?

I got Amy

telling me to be more
Presidential

and you want me to act like
a mob attorney.

Okay, here's what Amy
won't tell you

about the Presidential voice:

you have to become President
to use it.

I had the brief,
we were ready to go.

C.J.:
Well, I got to tell you,
if you end up canceling

your alternate debate
because of lack of interest...

I know.

the field just shrank to six
dwarves and a porcelain donkey.

Collectible, though.

You should have told him
a court case

kicks up a media storm.

I tried. The guys has

the P.R. instincts of Idi Amin.

Now we're shut out of a debate
we could have been in.

I fired my ex-girlfriend
from a job she never had.

Santos practically had me
battered, dipped and seasoned

when he saw Donna fighting
a giant chicken on CNN.

Talk about dignifying
a weak appointment.

You don't engage a chicken.
Yeah.

Didn't you teach that girl not
to engage a chicken? Though...

I swear watching the footage, it
looks like she's going to pluck

the feathers right off
that little cluck.

It's the best press
we've had all week.

Got to go.

See ya.

RONNA:
Post production guys
worked all night, huh?

Yeah. Did you get a working
cell number for Amy?

Actually she called

and left it for the Congressman,

but made me promise
not to give it to you.

Hey.

Well, uh, let's see the ad.

RUSSELL ( on TV ):
Health care costs are spiraling
out of control.

That's something we should
talk about in the debate.

NARRATOR:
Then why has Bob Russell

refused to take part
in a real Democratic debate?

HOYNES:
The people of New Hampshire
deserve to hear us speak

about the issues.

I'm looking forward
to the debates.

NARRATOR:
Then why won't John Hoynes
debate all his opponents?

The Concord Monitor
calls tomorrow's debate,

"Quite possibly
an illegal contribution

to the Russell
and Hoynes campaigns."

The Post-Dispatch says,
"A subversion of democracy."

Or maybe they're just chicken?

( applause )

It's an attack ad.

Well, they shut us out
of the debate.

We should crawl on our knees
and thank 'em?

So you expect me
to look into a camera

and say that I approve that?

We're going to put that
at the top.

Thank you all for
all of your hard work.

We're not running it.

Congressman...

this is your argument.

People deserve
a full and fair debate.

It wasn't what I had in mind.

What did you
have in mind?

I don't know.

Well, great.

I'll... I'll call
the editing bay.

Tell them we need
to overhaul the spot.

We really have not clue, but get
it ready for broadcast tonight.

It's sketch comedy.

It's fun.
It's feisty.

It'll get us on the news.

It's cheap.

What did you expect,
the Roman Senate?

I'm sorry,
but nobody else cares about

your Marquis of Queensbury
rules.

I didn't want this to
be some crank campaign

swinging wildly at
the gates of Eden.

Well, guess what,
that's what we are.

I like your debate rules,
Congressman, honestly I do.

And I admire
your campaign ethics.

But we're game players,

not role makers.

And if walk away
from our last chance

to make any kind of splash--

and I'm telling you,
this is our last chance--

the only rules
we're going to need

are for a long,
linger game

of shuffleboard.

We got a good ad.

We got a minute
of prime time

on one of the top stations
in the state.

You don't want to run it,
it's up to you.

( soft knocking )

Do you need some time?

No, it's fine.

Maybe we could run a bit
of your stump speech.

Get the footage from C-SPAN.

In less than two hours?

Yeah, probably not.

Say, did you, uh,
happen to catch

the New Jersey Senate
debate last week?

No, sir.

Someone asked about the
situation in Freedonia.

And Barber said

that he was
studying it.

Freedonia is fake.

It's from a Marx Brothers movie.

And there was no follow-up,
no cross-examination.

The bigger story in
the papers the next day

was how he slammed his opponent
for being "too liberal."

You get into this

thinking to yourself that you're
going to play by your own rules.

And then, bit by bit, you chip
away at them until, uh...

you can't even name the game.

You were a History major over
at, uh, U.T., weren't you?

Yes, sir.

You think there's such a thing
as a Presidential voice?

Always seemed to me that
the President makes the voice,

not the other way around.

We're going to WMUR.

To drop off the ad?

( tape clatters )

I'm going to do
it live to camera.

Do what live to camera?
Get a room
and a laptop.

We'll figure it out
when we get there.

Call the news director.
Tell him we need a...

A room and a laptop.

Right. And call...

call anyone else
you think you should call.

Congressman.
Hi.

This way. Hey, this is
exciting stuff.

We love live TV
around here.

( sighs )
Yeah, me, too. Love it.

Is he going to talk
about Pakistan?

Hard for a House member
to make much of that.

I don't want to
spoil the surprise.

You'll have to
forgive the staff--
they're pretty jaded.

They hardly look up
when the first-tier
candidates come through.

TECHNICIAN:
15 seconds to live.

STAGE MANAGER:
Stand by to roll VTR...

stand by VTR audio.

TECHNICIAN:
Coming live
in six, five...

STUDIO MANAGER:
And roll VTR...

...four, three, two...

SANTOS:
Good evening.

I'm running for President.

And if you don't know who I am,
I wouldn't be surprised.

I've been shut out
of tomorrow night's debate

for suggesting
that it actually be a debate,

and this is the only ad
I can afford.

I got in this to improve
a broken school system;

to fix entitlements,
'cause they're going bankrupt;

to expand health coverage,
'cause it'll save money

if fewer people show up
in emergency rooms.

What I've found

is that Presidential campaigns
aren't about these things.

They're about clawing
your opponents' eyes out,

so long as
you don't get tagged for it.

So how 'bout this:

I will never say anything
about my opponents--

or anything about anything--
without saying it myself,

right into the camera.

You might not get
to hear much of me,

but when you do,
you'll know I stand by it.

I'm Matt Santos.

And you better
believe I approved this ad.

( microphone bristles and pops)

Hard part's clearing
your throat, really.

Thanks.

Bye.

( chuckles )

( phones ringing )
Well I honestly
don't know

if we could run the ad again.
It wasn't really...

( ringing continues)
I'm-I'm sorry.

Could you hold, please?
Hello, Santos for...

Federal limit's $2,000, ma'am.

Could you please hold
for a second?

REPORTER:
John Hoynes isn't commenting
on your ad.

SANTOS:
And I'm not commenting
on his failure to comment.

So, uh, tag-- he's it.
( reporter chuckles )

REPORTER 2:
Are you planning to
go on TV more often?

Yeah, I'm trying to get
my own game show:

Let's Make a Country.
I'll keep you posted.

( reporters laughing )

I don't understand
the strategy.

I wouldn't call it
a strategy per se.

I mean, obviously,
we talked about it.

Before you
wrote the ad?

Matt Santos wrote the ad.

C'mon, Josh, we're on
deep background here.

Matt Santos wrote the ad.

Off the record, then.

You could put me in the
witness protection program.

The guy wrote
his own ad, okay?

I will never say anything
about my opponents--

or anything about anything--

without saying it myself,
right into the camera.

I'm Matt Santos.

And you better believe
I approved this ad.

NEWSCASTER:
It's hard to say

whether Congressman Matthew
Santos' minute of prime time

can turn
his flagging campaign around.

But many political observers
agree that the most unusual ad,

run on rival station WMUR,
raises the question:

If candidates mean
what they say,

why don't they simply
say it themselves...?

Look, Amy, it's...

really hard out there.

We got people lobbing grenades

at us from all sides.

Even our friends.

They need to know
if he can take it.

Even your friends.

NEWSCASTER 2:
...for its part,

the Russell campaign says
that, in fact,

it stands by all its ads,

which is why Bob Russell
appears on-screen

at the top of each one,
attesting to its veracity...

I should be calling columnists.

Don't.

No, we should be doing
spin-off events,

county by county...
Don't.

We should be sending
out copies of...

Don't! Stop!
This thing spins itself.

You send out copies,
they're gonna stop running it.

So, what do I do?

Sit here.

NEWSCASTER:
...what Congressman Santos

did tonight,
intentionally or not,

was put both the Hoynes
and Russell...

What happens now?

Very little.

...on the defensive,
and defending

a campaign reform law

that hasn't done much
to clean up campaigns...

REPORTER:
You think it's cynical

that all four
of the other candidates

that were excluded
from the main debate

have now accepted your offer
to participate?

I don't call it cynical.

Yesterday this looked
like a vanity exercise.

I might not have
accepted it myself.

MSNBC's announced
they're running

the two debates
back-to-back.

And I'd watch 'em,
but I'm busy that night.

( reporters chuckling )

RUSSELL:
This is a disaster.

We're not getting
a dime's worth of coverage

of Politics and Eggs, of our
get-tough-on-Pakistan message...

The press loves
an underdog.

How many points does he have
behind this ad?

None. It's all
free media.

Can we ramp up
our media buy?

I think we need to pull
some of our negatives,

replace them
with positives.

That sounds like a retreat.
National press will smell blood.

It's a multi-candidate field.
If the press falls in love

with Mr. Squeaky
Clean and we're
rolling in the mud...

We're leading in the polls.
How did we end up in a crouch?

I'm not changing my ads
because of a stunt.

You saw this morning's
editorials about the debate...

Thank God we kept him
out of it.

He'd have probably shown up
in a powdered wig,

quoting from
The Federalist Papers.

That's right.
It's a stunt.

DONNA:
I disagree.

I don't agree,
Mr. Vice President.

Maybe it is a stunt,
but if it is,

we invited it-- by trying to
ride above the herd,

by treating everybody else
as if they were a herd.

You have to go
to Santos' debate.

Then Hoynes would have to go.

Then we're letting the chips
fall on you, on your ideas,

not on some
Machiavellian maneuver.

SANTOS:
And what's the alternative?

Alienating Pakistan,
which cuts off

our only decent source of
intelligence in that region.

I actually agree with
John Hoynes on this one.

We have to keep that part
of the world

free, prosperous
and also nuclear-free.

Chest-beating's
not gonna do it.

Thanks, Congressman.
That's great.

Thanks, guys.

Where have you been?

I got, uh... tied up.

I'm fine if we want
to bring Amy back.

Any news?

Uh... ( clears throat )

Hoynes turned us down
for the debate again.

He must've been scared off
by what he saw on TV,

'cause at this point,

even raw opportunism
would suggest that...

Bob Russell for
the Congressman.

Mr. Vice President.

Yes.

NEWSCASTER:
...and after
Vice President Russell

decided to skip
today's Herald debate

and join Congressman Santos,

the Hoynes campaign had no
choice but to do so, as well.

One thing's for sure:
The debate you're about to see

isn't the one John Hoynes
and Bob Russell wanted.

I thought we had
a tougher line
on means-testing.

You're gonna want
to save that for
the cross-examination.

Right.

...far more freewheeling
rules are sure to make

this seven-way
debate a must-see.

Have you ever actually closed
one eye and tilted your head

and looked at the Vice
Presidential seal?

I hate to admit it,
but yes.

Really just a blurry-
looking seal, isn't it?

I'm thinking about closing
botheyes.

( sighs )
What was it you said
about front-runners?

Everything to lose,
nothing to win?

And don't forget
to tip the dealer.

Want to grab dinner later?

Who else am I going
to have dinner with?

...the Hoynes campaign had no
choice but to do so, as well...

ANNOUNCER ( voice echoing ):
Ladies and gentlemen,

please take your seats.

The debate will begin
in two-and-a-half minutes.

I'd like to remind you
that this is a live broadcast...

I don't know if I've
served you very well
the past few days.

What are you talking about?

The ad was your idea;
so's this debate.

I never thought
we'd be here.

It's a miracle I
ordered podiums.

( chuckles )

Truth is, I can't think
of one thing I've done

to make this your
campaign, and not some...

cookie-cutter beltway
hack-a-thon.

Oh, I can think of one:

You put me in it.

ANNOUNCER:
...for the candidates'
responses.

Please reserve your applause
until the end of the debate...

( announcer continues
indistinctly )

...no flash photography
is to be used...

I buy you an ice cream
cone when this is over?

Finally, there is no food
or drink permitted...

My flight's in an hour.

You're not gonna
stay and watch?

I can never stand to see

candidates flub
my lines, anyway.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome

tonight's moderator,
Alexander Thompson.

THOMPSON:
Welcome.

Thank you for joining us today
for the final debate

of the New Hampshire
Democratic primary.

( applause )

For the next 90 minutes,
our panel will ask questions

of the candidates, and all
candidates will answer,

and all candidates
must answer before the
debate is to proceed...