All language subtitles for F Troop S02E13 Wilton_ the Kid.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.WB_prob3

Agarn, this was one of the
best weeks the saloon ever had.

That proves what happens when
you have responsible management

and a town full
of heavy drinkers.

Ah, here we are.

There's your share,
and here's my share.

Ah, here. We'll deposit
this in the bank, all right?

Yeah.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm walking proud.

Bank robbery. Bank
robbery. Bank...

Bank robbery, bank
robbery. Bank robbery.

Where? Where? In the bank.

I made a break for
it with my heart going

kaboom, kaboom, kaboom.

How many of 'em are there?

Just one. But a very nasty one.

Let's try to capture him.

I got a better idea.

Let's send a collect telegram
to the territorial marshal.

Hurry up. And you stay
out of sight. Come with me.

Reach.

And throw down your
gun real easy-like.

Tell me we're not
seeing what we're seeing.

I'm seeing it, but
I don't believe it.

That Parmenter
was Captain Crook.

That crook was
Captain Parmenter.

Yeah...

I can't get over it.

Neither can I.

Our Captain Parmenter. A
common, ordinary bank robber.

It seems impossible.

Maybe it was his twin brother.

He hasn't got one.

His twin sister. In disguise.

Well, in that case, I have
only one other theory.

The man you and I saw coming
out of that bank this morning

with a gun in his hand and
a saddlebag full of money

who looked exactly
like Captain Parmenter,

was in reality...
Was in reality who?

Captain Parmenter.

I'm afraid you're right.

He must be sick.

We gotta do
something to help him.

How about turning him in?

Come on.

Where we going?

We'll appeal to
his sense of honor.

Maybe he'll turn himself in.

And bring disgrace to the
whole United States Army

with dignity.

Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two.

No, it still doesn't
check out... Dobbs?

Dobbs?

Never sneak up on me...

Give me that.

Come in.

Captain, sir, may we have
a word with you in private?

Can you come back later, men?

I'm in the middle of reviewing
F Troop's laundry list,

and I'm two pillowcases short.

But this is urgent. It is?

Yes, yes. Very well.

Dobbs, you go
double-check the linen closet.

Yes, sir. Sarge, did you hear that
bank was held up this morning?

Yes, I know about it.

The bandit more a mask.
So nobody saw his face.

That's what you think.

Well, sergeant,
what's on your mind?

Well, it's like this, sir.

You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.

Agarn, will you
leave this to me?

Captain, sir,
Corporal Agarn and I

happened to be in
town this morning

and saw the man who robbed
the bank without his mask.

You did? Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Describe him to me.

He was approximately your
age and your height, your coloring.

With exactly your mouth

eyes, ears, nose and throat.

You mean that the man who
robbed the bank resembles me?

Yes, you might say that, sir.

What do you know?

I look like a bank robber.

Sir, if you'll just sign
a complete confession

and tell us where the money is.

Corporal, put down
my laundry list.

I don't mind a joke,
but until we recover

these two missing pillowcases

this is a classified
military document.

Captain, may I speak frankly?

About the pillowcases?

No, sir. About the robbery.

Oh. Oh, have... Have you
wired a description of the criminal

to the territorial marshal?

Uh, no, sir, not yet.

We had reason to feel
that we ought not to do that.

Reasons such as?

Well, such as, uh...

Well, you see,
nobody knows better

than Corporal Agarn and
myself that the men in the Army

don't make much money.

I mean, that even
includes officers.

For example... a captain?

Yeah. Some men might
give in to the temptation

get a little extra
cash by, you know,

some innocent bank robbing.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no.

Sergeant, a man in the
Army owes it to his country

to be completely honest.

Now, honesty is the best policy.

And don't you men
ever forget that.

We won't, sir.

But isn't that a little
unusual coming from you?

What do you mean?

Well, sir, let's
phrase it this way:

This morning, when the
bank was being robbed,

where were you?

Right here in my office,
writing a letter to my mother.

Do you have any witnesses?

Do I need a witness
to write my mother?

You don't need a witness
to write your mother.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Now, if you gentlemen
will excuse me,

I would like to get
back to my laundry list.

Yes, sir.

He must be suffering
from emotional shock.

I know. He's just not the
type to be a bank robber.

And my Aunt Sylvia wasn't
the type to be an Indian scout.

But she was.

Speaking of Indians

we gotta go up the Hekawi camp
and check on our whiskey supply.

You want us increase
factory production on firewater?

That's right. We
had a real big week

and the supplies are
running dangerously low.

Glad to hear it.

You put firewater
crew on overtime.

Why not transfer part of
crew from basket-weaving?

Because soon be festive
ceremonial egg hunt.

And chief not want to put
all his eggs in one basket.

All right, everybody,
reach for the sky.

Sarge, it's him.

I said reach.

Now, the first one who
tries anything gets plugged.

You first. You chief.

So we meet again.

Him friend of yours?

Well, not exactly, no.

He used to be, but lately,

we don't approve of the
way he's been behaving.

I'm a friend of nobody's.

I'm a ruthless outlaw

who'd just as soon kill
a man as look at him.

Including redskins?

And anybody who tried to
stop me from taking what I need.

And what I need now is a horse.

What happened to the horse you
used when you robbed the bank?

I had to turn him loose.

He was all burnt out from
my lightning-fast getaways.

Besides, I didn't trust him
to see where I hid the money.

You want buy horse from Hekawis?

Cheap?

I don't wanna buy nothing.

I wanna steal that big pinto
I saw on the edge of camp.

But that my horse.

Aw.

You. Go get him.

No have to. Chief call,
horse come running.

Okay, chief, call.

Hey, horse.

All right, you two,
saddle him up.

Hold him steady.

Did you notice his voice?

Yeah, he sounded just
like Captain Parmenter.

Because that's who he is.

Yeah, well, I'm gonna
get another look at him.

Uh, he's all ready.
All ready, sir.

Thanks for the present, chief.

You're welcome.
Ride it in good health.

You very big sport.

Him got very big gun.

There you are. Let
me tell you something.

Ooh, sorry, I slipped.

You're lying.

You're a wise guy who's
looking for a bellyful of lead.

What are you staring at?

I thought you were
reviewing the laundry list.

Both wise guys.

But my doctor advised
me to cut down on my killing

so I'm letting you live.

Joke on him.

What do you mean?

As soon as horse get chance,

he run away and come home.

Chief's horse love chief.

Chief's horse dumb animal.

Our Captain Parmenter.

First a bank robber
and then a horse thief.

He's sicker than we thought.

But I've come to a conclusion.

So have I. He needs
help and he needs it quick.

Yeah. Well, my conclusion
is, he's got a double.

A double what?

A double. A guy that looks
like him, walks like him,

talks like him, acts like him

but actually is a
whole different person.

Well, I find that highly,
highly, highly unlikely.

Yeah, well, so do I.

But it's the only
conclusion I can come to.

Hi, fellers.

Hi, Wrangler. Sit down.
Sit down, Wrangler.

That darn Wilton.

I asked him to go
for a moonlight walk

and he turned me down.

He said he couldn't
leave the fort

until he finds two pillowcases.

She thinks she's got trouble.

Give me a triple anything.

Howdy, gorgeous.

Wilton Parmenter,
you fibbed to me.

You told me you
couldn't leave the fort.

Baby, I don't know
what you're talking about,

but I sure think
you're powerful pretty.

Wilton, don't try to
get out of it with flattery.

You fibbed to me. Where
did you get that suit?

I stole it

from the finest
tailor in Dodge City.

Stole it?

Janey, go sit down.

This man is not
who you think he is.

Oh, so it's you again.

Friend, I suggest
you go and sit down.

Can't you see the little
lady is flirting with me?

You wouldn't be
talking to him if you knew

what a polecat he really is.

You are mighty
unsociable, friend.

You are so mighty unsociable,

I may have to put
a hole through you.

Now, now. What do
you say we just ease

the tension here
with a little joke?

This is gonna kill you.

Figure of speech.
Figure of speech.

There were these
two Scotchmen, see?

And they both
meet in the street.

And the first one says,
"I say, there, Angus..."

Hoot, man, I did not
dream it was that expensive.

Or I would never have come to...

Enough of this small talk, baby.

Here.

Keep this lit. Yes, sir.

You ain't my Wilton.

All right, Kid.
You're under arrest.

Well, well, look who's here.

Sheriff Pat Lawton, the
oldest gun in the West.

I'm not really old,
Kid. I just look old.

From chasing you

from one rotten
crime to another.

And now, at long
last, I got you.

Sheriff, who is this man?

He's Kid Vicious.

The meanest, lowest outlaw
that ever strapped on a gun.

He's wanted for
murder and robbery

in eight different
counties this year alone.

That means he ain't
Captain Parmenter

because Captain
Parmenter ain't had a furlough

in a year and a half.

He's Captain Parmenter's
perfect double.

Are you gonna go
with me easy, Kid?

Or are you gonna
go with me hard?

Pat, old pal, I hate
to disappoint you.

But ain't going with you at all.

Ah. Ah. Ah.

Hey, come back here.

Which way did he go?

Can't you hear? He's
going down that way.

Scully, Hightower,
get on those horses.

Go after him.

All right, Dobbs, turn
out the lamp and let's go.

Mission accomplished.

With recovery of
these two pillowcases,

F Troop's laundry
list now checks out.

Nice going, sir.

Thank you.

As of this moment,
everything at Fort Courage

is in perfect military order.

Captain, it's downright amazing.

If Sergeant O'Rourke
wasn't here to vouch for you

I'd place you under arrest

as Kid Vicious
masquerading as an officer.

In that case, I'm glad
Sergeant O'Rourke

is here to vouch for me.

How long have you
been hunting him?

Nigh onto five years.

From territory to territory.
From town to town.

Over hill, over dale, I
have hit the dusty trail.

Was last night the closest
you came to capturing him?

Nope. Once I cornered him
in a wheat field in Kansas.

You did?

There he stood without his gun.

What happened?

Sudden rainstorm come up

and fogged my glasses.
He gave me the slip.

Oh, that's too bad.

How did you know to
look for him in our town?

He just run out of
towns to hold up.

I guess being a sheriff
is a pretty tough job.

Oh, I don't know, I don't mind.

You have a lot of
prestige in the community

and you get to travel.

Man, do you get to travel.

Well, so long, sheriff.

If the men of F Troop can
be of any assistance to you,

don't hesitate to call on us.

Much obliged, captain.

I think you'll find
he's riding a pinto.

Captain, sir, I have
vital information.

Oh?

I just came from
the Hekawi camp.

Sergeant O'Rourke
told me to tell them

to keep an eye
peeled for Kid Vicious

in case he tries to hide
out in one of their caves.

What's so vital about that?

Chief Wild Eagle told me

that the horse Kid Vicious
stole from him came back alone.

When? Last night.

Captain, do you
know what that means?

What?

Well, Kid Vicious has to go
out and steal another horse.

Well, he couldn't
have stolen the horse

from in front of the saloon
because we were standing there.

That means he could
still be here, on foot.

He's right. Captain, I'm gonna
take you up on your offer.

Ask you to organize
as many troopers

as you can spare
for a search party.

Of course. I'll lead it myself.

Begging the captain's pardon.

But I think you'd
better stay here. Why?

Well, somebody might mistake you

for Kid Vicious and kill you.

Oh. Oh, yeah, that's good
cavalry thinking, sergeant.

In that case, you
lead the search party.

Yes, sir. Be saddled and
ready to go in 10 minutes.

All right, let's go, Agarn.

Dobbs, Duffy, Duddleson,
Hightower, Scully.

Kid Vicious, huh?

All right, Kid.

Draw!

You all ready, sheriff?

Ready.

Forward, ho!

All right, captain,
stick 'em up.

I'll bet you a dollar
you're Kid Vicious.

You win.

The big sergeant said
we were perfect doubles,

and he was right.

You may look like me
and you may sound like me

but you certainly don't
have my table manners.

Shut up. Take off
that uniform. What for?

To avoid getting
shot through the head.

Oh. On that basis, I agree.

All right, shoo your
legs. Brush them down.

Clean out those hooves.

Water them down. Feed
them. Take care of your leather.

Sheriff, we'll be right with you

as soon as they put
our mounts away.

Come in.

Captain, sir, I'm sorry
but we couldn't find him.

But I could.

Well, I'll be swaggled.

What happened, sir?

He came in to steal
my midmorning snack

so I tied him up
for Sheriff Lawton.

Are those ropes
good and tight, sir?

Oh, yeah, corporal, they are.

You snake. You rotten robber.

You slimy outlaw.

You despicable...
Corporal, excuse me,

but I've waited
for this for so long.

How about giving
me first crack at him?

Be my guest.

So, Kid, here we are.

The end of a long
and weary road.

Five years of tracking you down

to make you pay
your debt to society.

I don't know whether
to take you back for trial

or to save the taxpayers' money
and just hang you right here.

Sheriff, wait a minute.

Your only duty
is to bring him in.

Sergeant, I guess you're right.

Here. I'll cover him
while you untie him

and put on the handcuffs.

But leave the gag on.

He's been using a lot
of improper language.

Then you can borrow
one of our horses for him.

Get your hands behind you.

Thank you, captain, thank you.

This is the happiest
day of my life.

My pleasure.

All right, Kid, let's get going.

Hey, hold it, sheriff.

Something wrong, sarge?

There's something
about the way he tripped

that looks strangely
familiar to me.

Come on, sergeant,
you're wasting time.

Take off the gag.

I said leave the gag on.

And I'm your commanding officer.

Maybe you are and
maybe you aren't.

Take the gag off.

He's Ki... Ooh!

He's Kid Vicious.

He forced me to switch
clothes with him at gunpoint.

That's a lie.

It is not. You're Kid Vicious,

and I'm Captain Parmenter.

And I say you're Kid Vicious,
and I'm Captain Parmenter.

Kind of a interesting
problem, ain't it, sarge?

Yeah, but I think I
know how to solve it.

You in the uniform.

What's Corporal
Agarn's first name?

Yeah.

Irving.

His first name is Randolph.

You in the uniform again.

What is the name
of our troop bugler?

Clyde.

Trooper Hannibal Dobbs.
And my first name is Wilton.

And my girlfriend's
name is Wrangler Jane.

Big deal.

Is there a chance you put the
handcuffs on the wrong man?

All right, nobody move.

You, get over there with them.

Hi, Wilton.

I see you caught Kid
Vicious. Jane, go away,

Oh, no. Jane, you
stay right where you are.

All right, throw your
guns into the kitchen.

Oh, yes, sir. Guns
in the kitchen.

Now, this little lady is gonna
help me make my getaway.

And if anybody tries to stop me,

she gets it.

Quick, your guns!

So long, baby.

Your boyfriend may
not be too bright,

but he sure is good-looking.

All right, Kid Vicious.
Just stay there now.

Sheriff Lawton, until you're
ready to take him away,

you can lock him
in our guard house.

So, Kid, here we are.

No, no, no, sheriff. Over there.

So, Kid, here we are.

The end of a long
and weary road.

Five years of tracking you down

to make you pay
your debt to society.

I don't know whether
to take you in for...

Sheriff.

You already said that.

But not to him.

Wilton, I'm so proud of you.

You risked your
life to save my life.

Well, I suppose
that was part of it.

Also, I didn't want a civilian
to get away with my uniform.

I never saw anything like it.

Wilton fell down, and
the bullet hit the cannon

and the cannon
hit the water tower

and the water hit Kid Vicious.

Parmenter?

Yes, Vicious?

Lucky shot.