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1
00:00:09,359 --> 00:00:10,359
Sweeney!
2
00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:14,324
Captain Parmenter!
3
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,859
Sorry, sir.
4
00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:17,883
Dobbs!
5
00:00:20,037 --> 00:00:21,037
Trooper Duffy!
6
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:26,352
It's from that magazine
I sent my poem to.
7
00:00:26,376 --> 00:00:30,857
Poem? Remember the
Alamo Remember Jim Bowie
8
00:00:30,881 --> 00:00:34,244
Remember Dave Crockett
Who never went to St. Louis
9
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:38,081
Remember the heroes
Whose lives they did gave
10
00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:41,201
But always remember
Old Jim and Old Dave
11
00:00:41,225 --> 00:00:44,137
And remember Old Al
And Old Seymour and Bill
12
00:00:44,161 --> 00:00:48,208
Old Bruno, Old Sigmund
Old Tom and Old Phil
13
00:00:48,232 --> 00:00:52,045
And remember Old Nate
And Old Conrad and Margie
14
00:00:52,069 --> 00:00:53,463
Margie?!
15
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,798
Why don't you open it
and see if they liked it?
16
00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:56,862
Yeah.
17
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:06,143
Well, I'm doing better anyway.
The last time they burned it.
18
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,261
Oh, mother's been baking again.
19
00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:09,462
Oh, captain, it's too bad.
20
00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,280
All the cookies got
broken in the mail.
21
00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:12,849
No, no, mother
breaks them herself.
22
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:15,084
Doesn't want the post
office to go to the trouble.
23
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:16,388
Randolph Agarn!
24
00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:18,471
That's you.
25
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:19,955
I'm sorry, sarge.
26
00:01:19,979 --> 00:01:21,657
It's so long since I
heard the Randolph,
27
00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:23,243
I thought my first
name was corporal.
28
00:01:23,267 --> 00:01:24,494
Maybe it's from your mother.
29
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:26,747
Why don't you open it
and see who it's from?
30
00:01:32,142 --> 00:01:35,855
Hey. It's an absentee
ballot. I'm supposed to vote.
31
00:01:35,879 --> 00:01:37,657
Well, I, uh... I don't
suppose you men
32
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:40,127
would like some of
my mother's cookies.
33
00:01:40,151 --> 00:01:42,851
Not just right now. - Thank you.
34
00:01:44,588 --> 00:01:46,366
Which one of these
guys you gonna vote for,
35
00:01:46,390 --> 00:01:48,184
Dan McGurney or George Bragan?
36
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:49,469
Me, vote?
37
00:01:50,628 --> 00:01:53,228
What good would
my little vote do?
38
00:02:04,241 --> 00:02:07,537
Any way you add it up,
Mindy, it still comes out a tie.
39
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:09,806
I don't get it, Uncle Dan.
40
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,608
It's one chance in a million
41
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,809
that an election
can turn out a tie.
42
00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,678
Everybody who knows
what Bragan stands for
43
00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:16,663
must have voted for me.
44
00:02:16,687 --> 00:02:18,248
Everybody who
knows what I stand for
45
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,398
must have voted for Bragan.
46
00:02:19,422 --> 00:02:21,200
And we both know the
same number of people.
47
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,119
Now, what happens?
48
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,972
Are you gonna demand
a recount and fix it?
49
00:02:25,996 --> 00:02:27,774
Not just yet.
50
00:02:27,798 --> 00:02:30,177
There happens to
be one absentee ballot
51
00:02:30,201 --> 00:02:31,561
that hasn't come in yet.
52
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,351
The deciding vote.
53
00:02:34,804 --> 00:02:37,534
I just know he'll be in
your corner, Uncle Dan.
54
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,085
I just know it.
55
00:02:39,109 --> 00:02:40,920
I'm not so sure.
56
00:02:40,944 --> 00:02:42,071
He's been away in the Army
57
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:44,374
stationed in some place
called Fort Courage.
58
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,758
Well, whose ballot is it?
59
00:02:45,782 --> 00:02:49,195
It's the ballot of
Corporal Randolph Agarn.
60
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,239
So this is Fort Courage.
61
00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:51,190
Well, I'll say one
thing for the place.
62
00:03:51,214 --> 00:03:52,892
It makes Passaic
look like Paris.
63
00:03:52,916 --> 00:03:54,310
Well, now, now, Mindy.
64
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:56,863
You know your uncle is
here for a very worthy cause.
65
00:03:56,887 --> 00:03:59,366
I still say you could
have just sent this Agarn
66
00:03:59,390 --> 00:04:00,984
one of your campaign speeches.
67
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,686
My years in politics
have taught me
68
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,987
that there's nothing
like the personal touch.
69
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:07,963
Then let's touch him for
his vote and get back home.
70
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:14,847
Oh, pardon me, miss. I
wonder if you could help us.
71
00:04:14,871 --> 00:04:16,349
Why, I'd be glad to.
72
00:04:16,373 --> 00:04:18,851
My name's Wrangler
Jane. Howdy, folks.
73
00:04:18,875 --> 00:04:20,302
Howdy.
74
00:04:20,326 --> 00:04:22,956
I'm looking for the commanding
officer of Fort Courage.
75
00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:24,307
Oh, that's Wilton.
76
00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:26,543
I mean, Captain Parmenter.
I'll take you to him.
77
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,545
Well, I am much obliged.
78
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,513
Follow me, folks.
79
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:32,298
All right, Anderson,
let me see it!
80
00:04:32,322 --> 00:04:35,151
Good boy, Anderson!
Did you see that?
81
00:04:35,175 --> 00:04:37,475
Now, Dobbs, make
me proud of you.
82
00:04:42,732 --> 00:04:45,111
Now, men, you have just
seen a typical example
83
00:04:45,135 --> 00:04:47,435
of someone who
wasn't paying attention!
84
00:04:51,608 --> 00:04:54,086
I have just demonstrated
how a sneaky Indian
85
00:04:54,110 --> 00:04:55,955
will attack you from the rear!
86
00:04:55,979 --> 00:04:59,108
First night, we'll bivouac
along the river here.
87
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,795
And the next night in
the foothills right here.
88
00:05:01,819 --> 00:05:03,446
Yes, sir. Very good, sir. Good.
89
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,715
Howdy, Wilton. You
busy? No, no, not really.
90
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,784
They just have a little
map problem here.
91
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,085
Well, these here folks
were wanting to see him.
92
00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:12,905
Captain Parmenter, I
presume? That's right.
93
00:05:12,929 --> 00:05:14,808
Daniel J. McGurney's the name.
94
00:05:14,832 --> 00:05:17,344
The good folks at
Passaic call me Derby Dan.
95
00:05:17,368 --> 00:05:20,112
You can too. Have a cigar.
Oh, no, thank you, Derby, I...
96
00:05:20,136 --> 00:05:22,499
And you too,
lieutenant. Uh, sergeant.
97
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,934
Oh, but you have
the officer look.
98
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,969
Oh, and this is my
niece, Mindy Dawson,
99
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,822
who also acts as my secretary.
100
00:05:28,846 --> 00:05:30,689
So very pleased
to meet you, cap...
101
00:05:32,448 --> 00:05:35,361
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
102
00:05:35,385 --> 00:05:36,929
And you too, lieutenant.
103
00:05:36,953 --> 00:05:38,380
Sergeant, ma'am.
104
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:40,683
I just happened to be passing
and thought I'd say hello
105
00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:43,925
to one of my constituents in
your command, Randolph Agarn.
106
00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:46,356
Corporal Agarn? Yes.
107
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,758
You see, I'm running
for mayor of Passaic.
108
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:52,245
Really? Corporal Agarn is
voting for mayor of Passaic.
109
00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,748
Will coincidences never cease?
110
00:05:54,772 --> 00:05:57,634
Sergeant, would you please
summon Corporal Agarn, please?
111
00:05:57,658 --> 00:06:00,453
Yes, sir. I believe he's at
Indian-fighting tactics, sir.
112
00:06:00,477 --> 00:06:01,771
No, no, no, captain,
113
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,273
I wouldn't think of disturbing
your training routine.
114
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:07,460
We'll just visit our heroic
Indian-fighter out in the field.
115
00:06:07,484 --> 00:06:09,496
Ah, well, good.
I'll take you to him.
116
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:11,764
You're very kind, sir.
Thank you so much, captain.
117
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,149
Not at all, not at all.
118
00:06:24,667 --> 00:06:25,995
Agarn. Yo, sarge.
119
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,364
There's some folks here from
Passaic who wanna see you.
120
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,384
How do you do, son? I
am Derby Dan McGurney.
121
00:06:31,408 --> 00:06:33,675
My gosh, you're beautiful.
122
00:06:35,345 --> 00:06:36,973
Oh.
123
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:40,293
Oh, this is my niece, Mindy.
124
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,727
McGurney. McGurney.
125
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,664
You're on that
ballot they sent me.
126
00:06:44,688 --> 00:06:46,533
I most certainly am.
127
00:06:46,557 --> 00:06:48,601
I'm out your way
because I believe
128
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:51,137
that even a candidate
for a small-town mayor
129
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,155
should keep his fingers
130
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,790
on the nation's pulse.
131
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,174
Isn't that right, Mindy?
132
00:06:55,198 --> 00:06:57,009
Oh, yes, uncle.
133
00:06:57,033 --> 00:06:58,761
And while he's taking the pulse
134
00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:03,032
I'd just love to get better
acquainted with one
135
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,451
of our fighting
men from Passaic.
136
00:07:05,475 --> 00:07:07,102
Bet he did more
fighting in Passaic
137
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:09,171
than he's done since
he's been out here.
138
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:11,374
All right, you men,
don't just stand there!
139
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:12,681
Hit that Indian!
140
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,745
And I said to Uncle Dan:
141
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:19,465
"Uncle Dan, I just know
that a handsome, intelligent,
142
00:07:19,489 --> 00:07:24,019
young man like Randolph
Agarn will vote for you."
143
00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:26,122
You knew I was
handsome and intelligent?
144
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,307
And you hadn't even met me!
145
00:07:27,331 --> 00:07:29,408
Then I can count on you, my boy?
146
00:07:29,432 --> 00:07:31,160
I only regret
147
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:33,868
that I have but one
vote to give to my city.
148
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:38,473
Just make your mark
there, Randolph, honey.
149
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:47,743
No ink, captain.
150
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:48,777
Hm?
151
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,768
Oh, wait, I'll get
you another bottle.
152
00:07:56,326 --> 00:07:57,758
There you are.
153
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,754
Please, this is a secret ballot.
154
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:17,012
I love you.
155
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:25,214
Howdy, Wilton. I brought
you another guest.
156
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,915
Bragan!
157
00:08:26,939 --> 00:08:28,201
What are you doing here?
158
00:08:28,225 --> 00:08:30,003
The same thing you
are, Dan, old man.
159
00:08:30,027 --> 00:08:32,154
Politics makes
strange travelers.
160
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,340
And you must be Randolph Agarn.
161
00:08:34,364 --> 00:08:36,492
You mean the George
C. Bragan on this ballot
162
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,412
is the same George C.
Bragan I used to see perform
163
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:41,748
at the old State
Theater on Main Street?
164
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:44,050
Or was it the old Main
Theater on State Street?
165
00:08:44,074 --> 00:08:45,851
I am the one and only.
166
00:08:45,875 --> 00:08:47,453
What are you doing
running for mayor?
167
00:08:47,477 --> 00:08:49,138
Well, vaudeville's
on the decline.
168
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:51,640
I thought I'd make an appearance
in the biggest show of all:
169
00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:52,625
Politics.
170
00:08:52,649 --> 00:08:54,494
Well, I wouldn't be surprised
171
00:08:54,518 --> 00:08:57,146
if this started a
whole new trend.
172
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,064
You'll never be a
politician, Bragan.
173
00:08:59,088 --> 00:09:01,951
You'll always be just
a song and dance man.
174
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:03,335
You're wrong, McGurney.
175
00:09:03,359 --> 00:09:05,705
I've gotten all the
greasepaint out of my blood.
176
00:09:05,729 --> 00:09:07,273
Yeah? ♪ Da-dum,
da-dum, dum-dum ♪
177
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:12,762
McGurney, don't do that.
178
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,146
What's the matter?
179
00:09:14,170 --> 00:09:17,599
Is my esteemed opponent
afraid his background is showing?
180
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:19,868
At least my background
is a lot sunnier
181
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:22,889
than the shady past
of my worthy adversary.
182
00:09:22,913 --> 00:09:24,390
Gentlemen, gentlemen, please.
183
00:09:24,414 --> 00:09:26,592
No electioneering
here, a man is voting.
184
00:09:26,616 --> 00:09:28,144
And this man is voting for me.
185
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,512
So you can just dance
yourself right out of here.
186
00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:32,815
My noble foe will
pardon my skepticism,
187
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,984
but a vote isn't a vote
until it's been voted.
188
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,086
And until then, we both
stand an equal chance
189
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:38,237
of becoming mayor.
190
00:09:38,261 --> 00:09:39,905
Gentlemen, let
me understand this.
191
00:09:39,929 --> 00:09:44,110
Uh, Corporal Agarn's vote is
going to decide this contest?
192
00:09:44,134 --> 00:09:45,761
Oh, didn't Mr. McGurney mention
193
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,897
that the election
came out a tie?
194
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,865
Shame on you, Dan.
195
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:51,767
It doesn't matter.
196
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:55,738
Because Randolph's gonna
give his vote to Uncle Dan.
197
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:58,440
Aren't you, Randolph?
198
00:09:58,464 --> 00:10:01,227
This is unfair competition.
I demand equal time.
199
00:10:01,251 --> 00:10:03,112
Uh, gentlemen,
200
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,597
Corporal Agarn has not
reached a final decision.
201
00:10:05,621 --> 00:10:07,583
I noticed that Tuesday
is the deadline,
202
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:11,387
and he has until then to,
uh, exercise his judgment.
203
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:14,741
Here we go. But,
sarge... Now, now, now.
204
00:10:14,765 --> 00:10:16,942
I'm sure that Mr. Bragan
and Mr. McGurney
205
00:10:16,966 --> 00:10:19,311
can find suitable
quarters in town, huh?
206
00:10:19,335 --> 00:10:20,618
There we are.
207
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,785
What is going on,
sarge, will you tell me?
208
00:10:25,809 --> 00:10:28,437
What in the world is going on?
209
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,690
Just the sweetest deal
that we have ever run into.
210
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,276
Now, that's no answer.
211
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,577
Why did you stop me
from voting for Derby Dan?
212
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:37,946
I didn't stop you from
voting for Derby Dan.
213
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,967
I stopped you from
losing us a gold mine.
214
00:10:40,991 --> 00:10:42,251
A gold mine?
215
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:45,855
Listen, your vote in
this election is crucial.
216
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,824
The man that you
are going to vote for
217
00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:50,492
is going to be the
mayor of Passaic.
218
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:51,844
Now I get it.
219
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,028
You want me to think it over
220
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:55,231
and make a wise
choice for Passaic.
221
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:56,999
No, I want you to think it over
222
00:10:57,023 --> 00:10:59,469
and make the wise choice
for Agarn and O'Rourke.
223
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,470
Look, you play these two
men against each other
224
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,621
for all it's worth,
225
00:11:02,645 --> 00:11:04,913
and your vote will go
to the highest bidder.
226
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:10,112
Well, my vote is not for sale.
227
00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:13,465
Not even if it means a nice,
soft, cushiony political job
228
00:11:13,489 --> 00:11:15,201
when you return
to civilian life?
229
00:11:15,225 --> 00:11:16,585
Never.
230
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:17,770
And a high salary?
231
00:11:17,794 --> 00:11:19,739
I just couldn't.
232
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:24,043
And certain luxuries to, uh,
fill your immediate needs?
233
00:11:24,067 --> 00:11:27,451
Well... Like money?
234
00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:30,783
Money?
235
00:11:30,807 --> 00:11:32,340
Lots.
236
00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:35,287
Sarge,
237
00:11:35,311 --> 00:11:37,456
you know anybody
who wants to buy a vote?
238
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,521
You know, this place
kind of reminds me
239
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:55,241
of the old Gaiety
Saloon in Passaic.
240
00:11:55,265 --> 00:11:56,926
Can I buy you another
steak, Randolph?
241
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:58,176
No, no, three's enough.
242
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,312
Besides, I gotta get
back to the fort for chow.
243
00:12:00,336 --> 00:12:03,132
Yes, sir. Those were
the good old days.
244
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:05,801
The good old good old days.
245
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,269
That's what I
intend to bring back
246
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:08,721
if I'm elected, Randolph.
247
00:12:08,745 --> 00:12:10,523
And without incurring
any obligations
248
00:12:10,547 --> 00:12:13,158
from stage left or stage right.
249
00:12:13,182 --> 00:12:16,179
Yes, sir. I'm strictly
a stage-center man.
250
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,080
Is that good? It isn't bad.
251
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:20,916
I'm what Passaic needs.
A breath of fresh air.
252
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:22,820
All of New Jersey
could use that.
253
00:12:23,794 --> 00:12:25,187
Randolph, you vote for me
254
00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:27,023
and I'll see that you
get a lifetime pass
255
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,424
to the old State
Theater on Main Street.
256
00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:31,927
Or is it the old Main
Theater on State Street?
257
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:33,450
I'll give you a pass
to both of them.
258
00:12:37,139 --> 00:12:39,485
I'll have to think about it.
259
00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:40,986
Now's your chance, Mindy.
260
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:43,155
I'm counting on you
to go to work on him.
261
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:46,831
That isn't work, uncle.
That's child's play.
262
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:52,848
♪ Da-dum, da-dum, dum-da ♪
263
00:12:56,493 --> 00:12:58,204
Out of your blood, eh?
264
00:12:58,228 --> 00:13:00,177
McGurney, don't do that.
265
00:13:06,903 --> 00:13:09,582
Hello, Randolph.
266
00:13:09,606 --> 00:13:12,434
You've been neglecting me.
267
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,737
Well, I'm in the Army, you know.
268
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:16,455
I know.
269
00:13:16,479 --> 00:13:19,825
There's something
about that uniform.
270
00:13:19,849 --> 00:13:21,244
Did I get any gravy on it?
271
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:24,530
No, it's the way you wear it.
272
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:28,284
The way it clings to
every rippling muscle
273
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,608
of your manly physique.
274
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:33,739
Randolph, Mmm.
275
00:13:33,763 --> 00:13:36,758
If you vote for my Uncle Dan
276
00:13:36,782 --> 00:13:40,213
I just know that
I'd be so grateful,
277
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:44,934
I wouldn't be able
to control myself.
278
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:46,358
No.
279
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,109
I'll think about it.
280
00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:56,067
Boy, will I think about it.
281
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:01,066
Corporal Agarn, if
I'm elected mayor
282
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,818
I can put you on the
ladder to success.
283
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,419
How'd you like to be dogcatcher?
284
00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:05,938
Dog...?
285
00:14:05,962 --> 00:14:08,373
Thought I'd start a little
further up on the ladder.
286
00:14:08,397 --> 00:14:10,331
Dog? Really.
287
00:14:12,368 --> 00:14:15,430
Agarn, you're looking at a man
who can make you tax collector.
288
00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:17,049
No, I don't think so.
289
00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:18,985
You meet so many unhappy people.
290
00:14:19,009 --> 00:14:20,391
Really, it's...
291
00:14:22,845 --> 00:14:24,440
Sanitation inspector?
292
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:25,858
When I get out of the Army,
293
00:14:25,882 --> 00:14:28,202
there's gonna be
no more inspections.
294
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:34,099
First assistant to the second
vice deputy district attorney.
295
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:37,486
No, that title will
never fit on the door.
296
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:40,406
All right. Controller.
297
00:14:40,430 --> 00:14:43,380
City planning manager.
Fire commissioner.
298
00:14:44,434 --> 00:14:45,828
Who goes there...?
299
00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:46,852
Come on.
300
00:14:49,823 --> 00:14:52,567
Sarge, you never...
How'd you make out?
301
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:54,336
I got 'em up as high
as fire commissioner.
302
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,921
Ah, no. There's
still plenty of time.
303
00:14:55,945 --> 00:14:58,190
You gotta get something
bigger and better than that.
304
00:14:58,214 --> 00:14:59,408
But, sarge,
305
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,365
I always wanted to be a fireman.
306
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:09,540
Mr. McGurney to see
Captain Parmenter.
307
00:15:10,593 --> 00:15:12,221
Oh. Uh.
308
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,679
A captain's work is never done.
309
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:23,916
Now, what can I do
for you, Mr. McGurney?
310
00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:26,218
The question is what
can I do for you, captain?
311
00:15:26,242 --> 00:15:27,436
As you may already know,
312
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:29,305
I'm in a position to
get many priorities
313
00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:31,207
for Fort Courage and
the men of F Troop.
314
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:34,994
Ah. Well, we can always use
priorities before anything else.
315
00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:37,646
You know how it
is with us politicians.
316
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,516
You just drop the right
word in the right ear.
317
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,117
Mr. Bragan to see
Captain Parmenter.
318
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:44,019
Good morning, cap...
319
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:47,239
I do hope I'm
interrupting something.
320
00:15:47,263 --> 00:15:50,493
I'll come back when I
can talk to you privately.
321
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,111
Now, as I was saying, captain...
322
00:15:52,135 --> 00:15:53,728
McGURNEY: ♪ Da-dum,
da-dum, dum-da ♪
323
00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:58,851
Don't do that!
324
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:02,338
Oh, actually, I like the
way you dance, Mr. Bragan.
325
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:03,606
Tell me, how did you do that?
326
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:06,408
Oh, here, captain.
I'll show you.
327
00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:08,377
It's just a few simple steps.
328
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:11,643
Try this.
329
00:16:13,455 --> 00:16:15,867
That's excellent. Excellent.
330
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:17,453
How 'bout some soft-shoe?
331
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,477
Yeah.
332
00:16:20,296 --> 00:16:22,908
Captain, I was hoping
maybe you could
333
00:16:22,932 --> 00:16:25,144
speak to Corporal
Agarn about voting.
334
00:16:25,168 --> 00:16:27,312
Oh, I'm encouraging
him to vote, Mr. Bragan.
335
00:16:27,336 --> 00:16:29,932
Maybe you could
encourage him the right way.
336
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,372
The show business way.
337
00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:36,271
Wow. Take it, Parmie.
338
00:16:42,451 --> 00:16:44,947
If it's all the same
to you, Mr. Bragan,
339
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:48,868
I think I'll just stay
out of Passaic politics.
340
00:16:48,892 --> 00:16:50,569
Corporal, here's my final offer:
341
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:52,570
a thousand acres of
land for you and O'Rourke,
342
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:54,473
a lifetime annuity
for each of you,
343
00:16:54,497 --> 00:16:55,958
jobs for all your relatives,
344
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:58,582
and you, my friend,
will be deputy mayor.
345
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,516
What about those theater passes?
346
00:17:03,540 --> 00:17:05,917
Those too. You
have my hand on it.
347
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:09,171
Uh, we'd prefer
something in writing.
348
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:12,057
I'll give you a signed
statement tomorrow.
349
00:17:12,081 --> 00:17:15,310
Good, and that's when
you'll get Agarn's vote.
350
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:16,334
Tomorrow.
351
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,033
Uncle Dan, I have
some terrible...
352
00:17:21,057 --> 00:17:23,202
I heard. O'Rourke
broke the news.
353
00:17:23,226 --> 00:17:25,103
Well, I'm quitting,
throwing in the towel.
354
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,688
The only way I can
top Bragan's offer
355
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:27,840
is to make Agarn mayor.
356
00:17:27,864 --> 00:17:30,076
And the machine
wouldn't stand for that.
357
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:32,828
Well, I'll go arrange
transportation home.
358
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:36,248
Well, anyway, I got a
consolation prize from Agarn.
359
00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:38,417
Which is better than
having to kiss him.
360
00:17:38,441 --> 00:17:40,419
Quite an Indian bracelet.
361
00:17:40,443 --> 00:17:42,037
I wonder where he
could've gotten it.
362
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,389
There's no Indian
trading-post in this town.
363
00:17:44,413 --> 00:17:46,241
He said something
about him and O'Rourke
364
00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:50,312
having ways of acquiring
things from the Hekawis.
365
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:53,065
How could it be, Mindy,
that O'Rourke and Agarn,
366
00:17:53,089 --> 00:17:54,883
soldiers of the
United States Army,
367
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,219
are having dealings
with the Indians?
368
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,656
You said O'Rourke was shrewd.
369
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:05,293
Mindy, as my esteemed opponent,
George C. Bragan, once observed,
370
00:18:05,317 --> 00:18:09,237
a vote is not a vote
until it's been voted.
371
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:23,483
Hi, chief. Hi. Hi, Crazy.
372
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:27,216
Hey, the profits are
down this month.
373
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,467
Much overhead.
374
00:18:28,491 --> 00:18:30,636
Come on, what overhead
did you have this month
375
00:18:30,660 --> 00:18:32,171
that you didn't have last month?
376
00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:34,122
Rain. That's fine.
377
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:36,574
We got a good thing going
here with O'Rourke Enterprises.
378
00:18:36,598 --> 00:18:39,511
True. You scratch Hekawi
back, Hekawi scratch yours.
379
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:41,864
Good idea. Crazy...
380
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,415
Would you scratch
right over there?
381
00:18:43,439 --> 00:18:44,519
I got a terrific itch.
382
00:18:45,508 --> 00:18:47,035
All right.
383
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,837
Gotta get back to the fort.
384
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:51,140
This is election day
and he's gotta vote.
385
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,257
What means election day?
386
00:18:52,281 --> 00:18:53,676
What means vote?
387
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,443
Ah, you wouldn't
understand about that.
388
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,112
You see, voting is
one of the processes
389
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,764
of American democracy.
390
00:18:58,788 --> 00:19:03,168
Oh, voting means taking
land away from Indians.
391
00:19:03,192 --> 00:19:04,903
No, no, no.
392
00:19:04,927 --> 00:19:07,890
Voting is where
the majority rules.
393
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:10,158
Any fool know that never work.
394
00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:12,928
Why Hekawis no
have voting for chief?
395
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:16,348
Because chief handed
down from father to son.
396
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:18,216
Me think voting better.
397
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,118
Let's you and I
go back to the fort.
398
00:19:20,142 --> 00:19:21,669
Settle this among yourselves.
399
00:19:21,693 --> 00:19:24,556
Why O'Rourke always
have to check monthly take?
400
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,325
Him think Hekawis cheat.
401
00:19:26,349 --> 00:19:29,394
Hekawis do cheat, but why
him always have to check?
402
00:19:31,554 --> 00:19:32,548
Corporal Agarn.
403
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:35,067
Ah, ah, ah, now, wait
a minute, McGurney.
404
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:37,402
No matter what it is,
it's gonna have to wait.
405
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,221
He's going in there to vote.
406
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:40,622
Excellent.
407
00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:43,592
Don't forget, Agarn,
you vote for Bragan...
408
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,977
Sarge, he's a good loser.
409
00:19:46,001 --> 00:19:47,495
And I'll tell Captain Parmenter
410
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:49,531
all about your dealing
with the Hekawis.
411
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:53,152
And about your most
enterprising O'Rourke Enterprises.
412
00:19:53,176 --> 00:19:54,586
You're bluffing.
413
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,655
Just call me.
414
00:19:56,679 --> 00:19:58,807
Oh, Corporal Agarn, I
see you're here to vote.
415
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,842
Come right in. Oh, captain.
416
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,711
When the results of
the election are known,
417
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:04,579
I may want to have
a few words with you
418
00:20:04,603 --> 00:20:07,765
concerning a serious
infraction of military rules.
419
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:10,953
Certainly, but I'm sure I
can explain everything.
420
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,393
Everything's ready, corporal.
421
00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:18,844
All right, McGurney,
you got Agarn's vote.
422
00:20:18,868 --> 00:20:20,912
But, sarge, what
about the money?
423
00:20:20,936 --> 00:20:22,747
The jobs, the land,
the deputy mayor?
424
00:20:22,771 --> 00:20:24,983
The passes? Remember our necks.
425
00:20:25,007 --> 00:20:27,119
McGURNEY: Just a minute, boys.
426
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,188
I think we ought to
have a big celebration
427
00:20:29,212 --> 00:20:31,173
to show the workings
of democracy.
428
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:32,908
What's the biggest
place in town?
429
00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:33,892
The saloon.
430
00:20:33,916 --> 00:20:36,094
Fine. I'll meet you there.
431
00:20:36,118 --> 00:20:38,196
Oh, and I wanna
invite the captain too,
432
00:20:38,220 --> 00:20:39,736
just in case.
433
00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:44,186
No wonder he's
such a good loser.
434
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:46,288
He always wins.
435
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:50,326
Bragan, no hard feelings
because Agarn voted for me?
436
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:52,294
All's fair in love and politics.
437
00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:54,012
I sure thought I
had him sewed up.
438
00:20:54,036 --> 00:20:56,331
Yeah, the stitches
must have come loose.
439
00:20:56,355 --> 00:20:59,267
I just came down to say goodbye
to our distinguished guests.
440
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:01,637
Thank you for your
hospitality, captain.
441
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:02,805
By the way, Derby,
442
00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,140
what was that serious
infraction of military rules
443
00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:06,892
you were going to tell me about?
444
00:21:06,916 --> 00:21:08,527
Oh, that. It was nothing.
445
00:21:08,551 --> 00:21:11,813
O'Rourke and Agarn very
kindly clarified it for me.
446
00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:12,997
Come on, Uncle Dan,
447
00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:15,400
or the stage will
leave without us.
448
00:21:15,424 --> 00:21:17,402
Agarn. Agarn.
449
00:21:17,426 --> 00:21:19,972
Agarn, telegram.
It's from Passaic.
450
00:21:19,996 --> 00:21:21,874
Well, if it's for me,
it's gotta be trouble.
451
00:21:21,898 --> 00:21:23,442
Oh, here. I'll read it.
452
00:21:23,466 --> 00:21:26,144
I don't know anybody in Passaic.
453
00:21:26,168 --> 00:21:27,462
Let's see here.
454
00:21:27,486 --> 00:21:29,498
Let's...
455
00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:33,957
"This is to notify you that
your vote has been invalidated.
456
00:21:35,761 --> 00:21:36,922
"All local saloons
457
00:21:36,946 --> 00:21:40,108
"and other places where
whisky can be purchased
458
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,678
should have been
closed on election day."
459
00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:43,784
What?! Let me see.
460
00:21:46,371 --> 00:21:48,750
♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da Boom ♪
461
00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:50,585
Don't do that!
462
00:21:53,379 --> 00:21:54,706
Now what happens, Mr. Bragan?
463
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:56,575
Well, captain, the
election's still a tie.
464
00:21:56,599 --> 00:21:58,059
So it will be up
to the city council
465
00:21:58,083 --> 00:21:59,260
to choose between us.
466
00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:00,379
So long.
467
00:22:00,403 --> 00:22:01,403
Bye.
468
00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:12,473
I wonder how Passaic
knew that saloon was open.
469
00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:15,043
Oh, well, Washington
requested a report
470
00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:16,845
on absentee
balloting procedures,
471
00:22:16,869 --> 00:22:19,615
and naturally, I had
to give them the facts.
472
00:22:19,639 --> 00:22:21,316
Naturally.
473
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,618
Well, we wouldn't have
had it any other way, sir.
474
00:22:23,642 --> 00:22:25,553
Would we, Agarn?
475
00:22:30,649 --> 00:22:31,893
Gentlemen,
476
00:22:31,917 --> 00:22:33,962
I've just had some
political news from Passaic.
477
00:22:33,986 --> 00:22:36,014
Passaic? Ha! Where's that?
478
00:22:36,038 --> 00:22:37,315
What's the news?
479
00:22:37,339 --> 00:22:39,451
Well, the city council
has made its decision.
480
00:22:39,475 --> 00:22:40,936
They picked George Bragan.
481
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,087
And he's now known
482
00:22:42,111 --> 00:22:44,873
as the dancing mayor
of Passaic, New Jersey.
483
00:22:44,897 --> 00:22:47,665
It could only happen in America.
484
00:22:48,651 --> 00:22:50,162
Well, gentlemen, that's all.
485
00:22:50,186 --> 00:22:51,379
You're dismissed.
486
00:22:51,403 --> 00:22:52,403
Yes, sir.
487
00:22:55,674 --> 00:23:00,823
I wonder if a military man
could ever make it in politics.
488
00:23:07,853 --> 00:23:09,497
Wilton, this letter
just came for you.
489
00:23:09,521 --> 00:23:10,648
It's marked urgent.
490
00:23:10,672 --> 00:23:13,318
Oh, uh, thank you, Jane.
491
00:23:13,342 --> 00:23:14,686
Well, aren't you gonna open it?
492
00:23:14,710 --> 00:23:16,205
I will.
493
00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:18,072
Well, you don't seem
very anxious about it.
494
00:23:18,096 --> 00:23:19,658
I-I'll get around to it.
495
00:23:19,682 --> 00:23:20,942
What is it, a love letter?
496
00:23:20,966 --> 00:23:23,311
No. No, it's not a love...
497
00:23:23,335 --> 00:23:24,679
Well, if you must know,
498
00:23:24,703 --> 00:23:29,901
it's a set of instructions
on how to fold a map.
499
00:23:29,925 --> 00:23:31,608
Oh, government business.
500
00:23:32,628 --> 00:23:34,206
Could you hold
that, please, Janey?
501
00:23:44,690 --> 00:23:49,687
Now, "hold left-hand
corner A and fold."
502
00:23:49,711 --> 00:23:52,190
No, that's left-hand...
Yeah, left-hand top corner A.
503
00:23:52,214 --> 00:23:55,043
Fold to right-hand top corner B.
504
00:23:55,067 --> 00:24:00,332
Now, uh, "take
right-hand section F
505
00:24:00,356 --> 00:24:03,785
and fold to middle section."
506
00:24:03,809 --> 00:24:05,170
See, that's the right half.
507
00:24:05,194 --> 00:24:08,823
Now, "fold"... Okay. All right.
508
00:24:08,847 --> 00:24:12,494
"Fold bottom section to top.
509
00:24:12,518 --> 00:24:16,631
Fold left to right."
510
00:24:16,655 --> 00:24:18,349
I did it. I did it!
511
00:24:18,373 --> 00:24:20,118
Oh, Wilton, you're wonderful.
512
00:24:20,142 --> 00:24:22,843
Oh, it was nothing really.
513
00:24:24,647 --> 00:24:26,007
Well, I guess I'd better
514
00:24:26,031 --> 00:24:27,898
put these instructions
away in the file.
35358
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