All language subtitles for mr robinson 3_track3_[und]

.

.

[loud clattering]
Ow!

(Ben)
Man, could you
keep it down out there?

You keep it down
in there.

Yo, man, I'm
trying to sleep.

Ah, this must be
your messy brother.

Hello.

I'm noticing you have on
an eye patch.

I do.

And boy did Ben
shiver my timbers.

(Tina)
Well, I got to
get to work.

It was fun.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Don't go.

Let's do more of
what we did last night.

Next time.

You're out of peanut butter
anyway.

Arr, matey.

So you ate
all my peanut butter?

There's still
a little left.

But trust me,
you don't want it.

Look, I can't live
like this anymore.

This place is disgusting.

You're right, man.

I've been trying to find a maid
to have sex with,

but it's so specific.

What is this?

Orange soda.

You spilled orange soda
on my test papers?

No.

I spilled orange soda
on your computer,

and I thought quick

and used your papers
to wipe it up.

Is my computer working?

I mean, not if
you want to turn it on.

That's it.

Ben, I've had it.

Okay, you're inconsiderate,
you are a slob,

and it's been six months
since you paid any rent.

Craig, what happened
to you, man?

You used to
be "good time" Craig.

Now you're
just a dick.

I'm a dick

that pays the bills.

Speaking of which,

I just got our new
credit card statement.

Yo, I use that credit card
for everything.

I know.

We're maxed out.

We're sinking,

and you're just putting
new holes in the boat.

In fact, there are more
holes than boat.

Bro,
I love you.

But if you don't
get your act together,

I got to
throw you out.

You need to clean,
get a job,

and stop dating
physically

and emotionally
damaged women.

[funky upbeat music]

¶ ¶

Read this.

I want to hear it
in a nerdian accent.

"Amazingly-Freaking-Awesome-
Cool-Dude

"seeking roommate
situation.

"Has own deep-fryer
and hot tub.

"My fears are:

"arranging spice racks,

"sign language,

"taxidermy,

"Baked Alaska,

"and pasta necklaces...

"Particularly ziti.

No ziti ever."

I think you
forgot to mention

that at some point
you're planning on

wearing your
new roommate's skin.

I got to find a place.

My building's going co-op
in a month.

I got to be out.

Yo, what's up?

Jimmy's looking
for a roommate

to do weird stuff to.

Do weird stuff to mine.

He won't clean
or pay his rent.

Oh, Ben must
hate that guy.

Ben is that guy.

He's a terrible roommate.

He has to get a job
and get himself together

or I'm gonna be
financially ruined.

Are my non-Babar-related
dreams coming true?

Are you asking me
to be your roommate?

I can pay you rent.

That's something I haven't
heard in six months.

I could use the money.

Well, use me, man.

Use me like
a One Direction groupie.

I'm a neat freak.

My old place
was so clean

you could do surgery there,
and I did.

I can't believe
I'm saying this,

but, yes, Jimmy.

How would you like to share
Ben's room with him?

But only short-term,

and only if you can
get him to clean up.

That's the plan.

Okay, well,
on one hand,

plans are for suckers
and Germans.

On the other hand--
oh, my God!

I thought
you'd never ask!

[growls happily]

This is
a great day!

Craig.

This is Jimmy's
roommate ad

for evidence.

Everyone, say hello
to Mr. Pickles.

(all)
Hi, Mr. Pickles.

Mr. Pickles.

Oh, my God.

He is so cute!

How long
have you had him?

Mr. Pickles and I
go back five years.

I rescued him
from a bad lady.

A very bad lady.

Bad lady.

And now we're
bestest buddies.

Does Mr. Pickles
have a first name?

Dilbert.

So you call him "Dill"
for short.

[laughs]

No, Craig.

Because Dill...

Never mind.

Anyhoo, I'm going to Wichita
for a conference--

kill me--
and Eileen has offered

to watch Mr. Pickles
for the week.

Now, you be good.

No funny stuff.

I'm talking to
you, Eileen.

If anything happens
to Dilbert...

well, we've all seen
Kill Bill.

I'll see you all
in a week.

- See you.
- See you, Dalton.

Principal Taylor,
what's wrong?

I'm scared to death
of dogs.

I was bitten
when I was little.

Look at him.

I know when you see him,
you see something cute.

I just see
a bloodthirsty dingo.

Then why did you
agree to watch him?

Because Dalton is giving me
my performance review

next week,
and I need a raise.

I'm sucking up, okay?

Dill Pickles.

Hello.

Jimmy, grab me another
mint julep, will you?

Of course.

Extra mint this time, Craig?

Mind-reader.

Yeah, well, I was
chased out of my hometown

for being a witch.

What the hell
happened in here?

I happened in here,
roomie!

Welcome home, Ben.
Say hello to Jimmy.

He cleans,
pays rent,

and is sharing your room.

Oh, hell no!

Okay.
Shoes off!

I ain't taking
my damn shoes off.

If you don't, me and you
are going at it, pig-pen.

You should know I'm a biter.

[yelps]
All right. All right.

- I'll take my shoes off.
- Yeah, you will.

Until you get a job,

start cleaning up after
yourself,

and generally
acting like an adult,

Jimmy is
your landlord.

Yeah, and I got one rule.

You're gonna use coasters.

And you're gonna
take the garbage out.

Oh, and you're going to date
women

with two of everything.

Craig, are you serious
about this?

Sorry, bro.
You made your own bed.

Or you didn't.

Why don't you get back there
and make our bed!

- Craig.
- Now, soldier!

- Go!
- [shrieks]

Go, go, go, go, go!

Like that?

- Just like that.
- Yes.

Now...
Hello?

This mint julep
isn't gonna refill itself.

Sorry, Craig.

Of course he's got
a fourth-floor walk up.

I'll get you some water,
Mr. Pickles.

No, no, no.

Get down from there,
Mr. Pickles.

[barking]

No!

Mr. Pickles.

.

Mr. Pickles

was standing
on the open ledge,

and I said
to get down.

And he jumped.

Out the window?

Four floors.

- Damn.
- Whoa.

That's a dead dog.

Dalton loved that dog.

He is going to fire me

and then kill me.

Then dig me up
and fire me again.

Well, what did you do
with the body?

I never found it.

All I could find
was his collar.

Sometimes they hit so hard,
they just vaporize.

- Jimmy!
- It's like "Poof!"

Gone.

Like a bloody
magic trick.

Wait.
You've seen that before?

Yeah, in Bangkok.

You can see anything
for 30 baht.

Maybe Mr. Pickles
didn't vaporize.

He did.

We can all go look for
him after school.

Yeah, I'll go
with Ashleigh!

Uh...

To look.

Thanks, you guys.

I'm gonna make flyers to
pass around the neighborhood.

P.T., if he's out there,
we'll find him.

[inhales deeply]

We're probably
breathing him right now.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mr. C, why is
my test orange?

I can't even see
what I got.

My brother
spilled soda on it.

[smacks lips]

My test tastes like
diet sunshine.

Okay, listen up,
everybody.

This is not a drill.

This is a code one
canine emergency.

Pass these out, please.

Supervisor Dalton's dog

may or may not
be missing.

What happened to him?

I was gonna take him
for a walk...

But instead he
went for a drop.

Students, please,
study this flyer.

Learn it.

Share it.

There's a $500 reward

and a get-out-of-detention-free
card forever.

Dead or alive?

Alive.

But dead would
give me closure too.

(Jimmy)
I'm gonna mop
the floor with you!

Yes!

Jimmy is breaking him!

Whoo!

What's going on
in here?

[Jimmy groans]

[grunts]

Ben bet me I couldn't eat
all that nacho cheese.

And he was right.

I--I threw up
all over your room.

[shouts]

Thank you, Craig,
for my new playmate.

Yeah, thank you, Craig!

I had no idea
living in squalor

could be so freeing!

[both shouting indistinctly]

Wait, wait, wait!
Time out!

Okay, time out!
Time out.

Official.

(Craig)
Is that sand?

Where did you
get sand?

Jimmy convinced me
to live at the beach

in my mind.

Jimmy, what happened
to the plan?

Hey, Craig, this
supersedes the plan, man.

Ben really got me in touch
with my inner child.

And the inner Jimmy
is so messy.

And awesome.

And leaving.

You got to go now.
Good-bye.

Nope.

See, you've already
cashed my rent check, Craig,

so the only way
you can evict me

is if you go to court and get an
Order of Possession.

Otherwise...

[darts snap]

I'll sue.

- Time in! Swords!
- Whoa! Whoa!

- Come on!
- [both screaming]

.

Mr. Robinson.

Yeah, baby.
Say my name.

Let me bite that.

Oh, Mr. Robinson!

P.T.!
Good morning.

I just had a crazy
dream about you.

Oh.

So, what,
you're sleeping here now?

Oh, the rumors about Jimmy
moving in with you

must be true.

My plan
completely backfired.

Ben turned Jimmy
from a neat-freak

into a mindless vagrant
who weirdly outsmarted me.

Now they have a voting bloc
against me.

They want to ban
flushing the toilet.

They say they're
"going for the record,"

whatever that means.

I don't know what to do.

Well, if I've
learned anything

in my years of controlling
teenage cliques,

you got to drive a wedge
between them.

Grab the weaker one
and turn them.

Bend them over your will

and spank any resistance
out of them.

That's what I'm looking for.

Target the weak one.

- Thank you!
- Mm-hmm.

You're a really scary lady.

Oh, you have no idea.

Any luck
with Mr. Pickles?

Nothing.

But whereas
you have enlisted

the two dumbest people
in the world to help you,

I have enlisted
two of the smartest.

So I'm--

You're right
in the middle.

So I dropped a jar of pickles

representing Mr. Pickles
from Dalton's window.

Now, the distance he traveled

can be computed
by the formula

D equals
1/2 G T squared.

Samir, I've never seen you
so "take charge" before.

I own science's ass.

If D
is the distance fallen

and G is the acceleration
of gravity towards Earth,

That's 9.8 meters per second
squared.

So confident,
so virile.

Masculine,
even.

So that makes the
distance Pickles fell

220 feet .979 inches.

I'm feeling
much closer. Samir.

So close!

We're so close
to solving this.

All we have to do
is measure a radius

of 220 feet
from Dalton's apartment,

and we can pinpoint
exactly where Pickles fell,

which I've
illustrated right here.

That puts Mr. Pickles
in the middle of the street.

Or does it?

What day
did Pickles fall?

Monday.

Notice anything...

empty?

The--
the dumpster...

Samir,
you're a genius!

I'm gonna go
find the dog.

Thank you!
I could kiss you.

Oh, the thanks
belongs to science.

Did she say kiss?

Stupid, stupid,
stupid science!

Ashleigh!
Wait up!

The thanks
belongs to me!

Hey, Craig,

Ben and I missed you
last night.

We played "Avoid The Dart."

And then we played
"What's My Hand In?"

Man, I got to thank you
for bringing Ben into my life.

Oh, hey, BTW,
from now on,

you can start refering to us
as "Bimmy"

or "Ji-Ben."

That's great,
Bimmy.

I'm so glad you guys
are getting closer.

I've got to say, though,
I'm a little jealous.

Well, then join us.

Man, we can be
the musketeers!

We've already
got the swords.

And the muskets.

See, the thing is,
I really only think

that place is only
big enough

for two people,
you know?

This is what
I'm trying to say.

I think we should be roommates.

Oh, well, I think
I like what you think.

So we just need
to get rid of Ben.

Yes!
I will kill Ben.

Criss-cross.

No, no, no, no, I don't
want you to kill Ben.

And I don't want to
kill anybody.

I just--I just need you to get
him to move out.

He's a dead man.

No, no, no, no, no.

I need you to bother him enough
that he wants to leave.

That's it?

I can do that
in my sleep.

Or his sleep.

I'm going to
not kill Ben.

What kind of dangerous game
are you playing, Craig?

I need to
get my life back,

and the only way to do that

is to break up
the Jimmy and Ben clique.

I'm gonna have Jimmy
irritate Ben so bad

that he wants Jimmy
to leave.

But if you get
Jimmy to leave,

you're gonna be in the exact
same spot with Ben.

But this time
I'll have leverage.

Unless Jimmy kills Ben.

Then you're going to prison.

Bimmy!

Ji-Ben!

What's up,
roomie?

Oh, you got a new girl.
Okay.

Excuse me?

No, no, no.
He's just joking.

Jimmy, what
are you doing?

I'm here to
save this girl, Ben.

Or should I say
Midnight Strangler.

[stammers]

I think
I'm gonna go.

Hey, look,
I'm just a casual observer,

but if I were you,
I would run.

Run!

Run for
your life!

No!

Babe, I just bought

a whole case
of peanut butter!

Damn!

Jimmy,
what's gotten into you?

Hold that
thought.

I noticed it's been getting
warmer outside,

so I went ahead
and cut all

your pants off
into shorts.

You're insane.

Wait till you see what I did
to your leather jackets.

I mean,
your belly vests.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, yeah.

- Now you got to go.
- No, I don't.

- Yes, you do!
- No, I don't!

- No, get out!
- No, you've got to go!

I'm gonna help you pack!

Craig, you got to
help me with Jimmy.

He's out of control.

He's making belly vests

that look like
Prince's cousin.

Look, I want him gone too.
All right?

But my hands are tied.

He's paying rent.

Look.
I'll pay you rent.

I'll get a job.

I'll do whatever I got to do,

What about cleaning?

Absolutely.

You'll flush the toilet?

Man, we so close
to the record.

Fine.

All right, all right,
all right.

Look, look.

Whatever we got to do
to get him out.

Every alien being
has its kryptonite.

I have Jimmy's.

Of course.

Jimmy's afraid of paper.

.

(Dalton)
Eileen!

(Taylor)
Supervisor Dalton.

You're back early.

I stopped by
my apartment,

and Mr. Pickles
wasn't there.

Is he here?

Not exactly.

Where the hell
is Mr. Pickles, Eileen?

Talk, woman!

Aww.

Who is this sweet
little girl?

That's your dog.

This isn't my dog.

Yes.

That's your dog.

$500.

Son, what's wrong
with you?

It's a
long list.

We have to tell you
something.

No, I have to tell you
something...

[distant barking]

(Dalton)
Mr. Pickles!

Oh!

He smells like
a piña colada.

Eileen, did you take Mr. Pickles
to the groomer

to make him handsome
for my return?

That's exactly
what she did.

Thank you, Eileen.

I will glow when
filling out your evaluation

and make sure
you get a raise.

I still don't know
whose dog that is.

Wait.
Eileen.

Did you fall so in love
with Mr. Pickles

that you went out

and got a rescue dog
of your own?

Yes.
That's exactly what I did.

Now we can have
a doggy playdate.

Great.

Come on,
Mr. Pickles,

let's go home.

You can drive.

[whispering]
Where did you find Mr. Pickles?

We were able to reconstruct
what happened to Mr. Pickles.

He did jump
out of the window,

but luckily he fell
into a passing

garbage truck.

We thought we should
get him cleaned him up

before Dalton got back.

Our only choices were
piña colada or taco.

Thank you.
Thank you guys so much.

And, kids,

I really appreciate
you trying to pass off

our three-legged friend here
as Mr. Pickles,

Do you guys think
you can take her home now?

We can't.

We found her living
in an empty rail car.

And the train's
not there anymore.

I guess we could take her
to a shelter or something.

Aww.

What the hell.

Come on,
Tripod.

Kids, help me
get her to my car.

[laughs]

Now I have to find a place
for another stray...

Jimmy.

[Jimmy humming loudly]

What's up, guys?
What's going on?

4:00 to 5:00
is crafts hour.

I'm arranging
my spice rack.

I like to
go alphabetical.

Spice rack.

You guys have never done
that stuff before.

Well, you're just starting
to get to know us.

That's true.

What is that you're doing
right there, Craig?

What is that?

Oh, we communicate
through signing sometimes.

Yeah, I don't know why,
but hand movements

that represent words and
letters, they freak me out.

[screams]

That-- what is--
That's not...

Oh, it's taxidermy.

It relaxes me.

I'm posing this squirrel
to look like Bruno Mars.

[oven timer dings]

Oh, who's ready
for some Baked Alaska?

- Me!
- [screams]

- [screams]
- Yeah.

Oh, man,
I can barely stand up.

Spice racks, taxidermy,
Baked Alaska...

I got to sit down,
you guys.

Hey, Jimmy.

Keep that away from me.

- Relax.
- No, no, no, no, no.

Relax, man.

Look, put this on.
I made it for you.

No, that's ziti!

I'm terrified of ziti!

Well, that's too bad,

'cause me and Craig keep ziti
all over the house.

Look, you guys, I can't
live like this, okay?

Ben, can you--can you
give us a minute, please?

- One minute.
- Okay.

99,

98,

95...

Wow.
Look at that.

It's like somebody
read a pamphlet

with all my fears in it.

Hand it over.

One roommate ad.

Did you know
the whole time?

No.
Just after the taxidermy.

Look, Craig, I get it.
You miss your brother, right?

And I probably went
a little too far.

All you got to do
is say something, man.

I'm your friend.

- You know, and one more thing.
- What's that?

I had a great time.
You know?

But let Ben keeping thinking
that I'm pissed at him.

That way, you'll get
what you want out of him.

All right?
So listen.

- Yell at me.
- What?

Like you're kicking me out.
Yell at me.

- Get out of here, man.
- Give it to me!

- Get out of here!
- More!

Jimmy!
Get out now!

- I'm not playing with you.
- Okay.

Oh, I'm going, Craig!
[screams]

Yeah.

Is he gone?

Yeah.
I handled it.

Thanks, Craig.

(both)
Swords!

[both screaming and grunting]

Wait, wait.
Wait, wait.

[both screaming and grunting]

(Craig)
¶ I like coming over ¶

¶ I really mean it ¶

¶ Girl, your apartment ¶

¶ When you gonna clean it? ¶

¶ How am I supposed
to concentrate ¶

¶ On your booty? ¶

¶ When all I can smell ¶

¶ Is leftover stale foody? ¶

(Ben and Craig)
¶ I think I saw a mouse ¶

¶ This is a real funk house ¶

¶ Somebody's eating trout ¶

¶ You got a real funk house ¶

¶ Roaches sleeping
on the couch ¶

¶ Real funk house ¶

Thank y'all so much.

My name is Craig Robinson.

And I'm
Ben Robinson.

We are the
Nasty Delicious.

[cheers and applause]
Thank you so much.

Good night.

[cheers and applause]

Time to go to work.

A promise is a promise.

All right,
fill the ice well,

wipe down all the bottles,
and wash my car.

Then wipe down
all the tables,

sweep the floors,
and wash my car too.

[scoffs]
My pleasure.

The life
of a working man!

Where's he going?

Is he starting
with the cars?

No.
He's not coming back.