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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,360 --> 00:00:03,396 I decided if I was gonna get my boobs done... 2 00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:06,358 ...I might as well go whole-hog, you know what I mean? 3 00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:08,795 Yeah, I know what you mean. 4 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,673 They're still pretty natural-Iooking, don't you think? 5 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:13,831 They fooled me. 6 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,833 Oh, yeah, gotta get right up on them before you can tell. 7 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:20,158 I think they're really gonna help me reach my career goals. 8 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,476 Do you remember what they were? 9 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,437 What what were? 10 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,750 My career goals. 11 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:31,919 Yeah, sure. You wanna be an actress, right? 12 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:35,157 No, silly. I wanna be a talk show host. 13 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,234 Right. 14 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:44,150 Of course, what they don't tell you is: Big boobies equal bad back. 15 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,595 Say that three times fast. 16 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:50,036 - No, thank you. - Big boobies equal bad back. 17 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:53,590 Big boobies equal bad back. Big boobies equal bad back. 18 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:58,150 Get your skinny little butt in here, and I'll interview you standing up. 19 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,398 I'll be right there. 20 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,238 Okay, we're back. 21 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:05,233 Now, let's give a warm, soapy welcome to my next guest... 22 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:09,757 ...and my close personal friend, Charlie Harper. 23 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,199 Hey. Where you off to? 24 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:21,157 I don't know. Anywhere. 25 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,954 Charlie, the shower's still running. 26 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:26,394 Oh, fine. 27 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,710 There you are. 28 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,148 Charlie! Charlie, help me! 29 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,552 - What's going on? - Nothing. Go watch TV. 30 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,796 Yeah, right. 31 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:57,749 Well, I'm sorry, Alan, but who told you to go sticking your hand in my shower? 32 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,312 Oh, please. How can she sue you? You have no money. 33 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:04,799 Oh, boy. 34 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:09,195 Nothing. Just saw an old girlfriend. Talk to you later. 35 00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:11,914 Lisa? 36 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,874 Oh, boy. 37 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,989 Charlie. I don't believe it. 38 00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:19,631 - You look great. - You too. 39 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:24,392 Although if you're taking votes, I prefer the brown sock to the beige one. 40 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,791 What? Oh, I got kind of dressed in a hurry this morning. 41 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,833 Really? Did somebody's husband come home early? 42 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:34,997 Why do you always assume the worst? Can't I just be hung-over? 43 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:37,791 Sorry. So how are you? 44 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,470 Fine. I mean, you know, considering. 45 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,432 And you? How's married life? 46 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:46,074 Really great. Best decision I ever made. 47 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,276 You deserve all the happiness in the world... 48 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,876 ...and you found a guy who can give it. - Thanks. That's very sweet. 49 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,516 - I mean it sincerely. It warms my heart... - Okay, we broke up. 50 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:59,996 Oh, I am so, so sorry. Honestly. 51 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:02,870 Yes. Yes. 52 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:09,312 - So, what happened? - None of your business. 53 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,918 Okay. 54 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,750 I thought he was the sweetest guy in the world... 55 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:21,717 ...but after we got married, he changed. 56 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,872 He started drinking a lot, and lying around the house all day. 57 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,196 Oh, no. 58 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,470 I caught him in the shower with some bimbo. 59 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,591 Some guys, huh? 60 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,872 Yeah. If I wanted that kind of life, I could have stayed with you. 61 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:38,430 Good point. So, what are you doing for dinner? 62 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,112 - You're shameless. - Thank you. 63 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:42,998 - It's not a compliment. - Whatever. 64 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:44,673 What are you doing for dinner? 65 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,916 Charlie, a lot has changed. 66 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:51,238 I know. I'm older and wiser, and you're hot and on the rebound. 67 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,839 - Charlie. - Dinner tonight. 68 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,911 I won't take no for an answer. 69 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,440 Hey, lady. Lady, you forgot your baby. 70 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,795 Charlie, it's not her baby. 71 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:05,074 Shall we say 7? 72 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:13,590 Just out of curiosity, what the hell happened in your brother's bathroom? 73 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,796 - Nothing. - Dad was wrestling on the floor... 74 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,678 ...with a naked lady. 75 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,714 The quiet ones are always the freaks. 76 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,439 - Jake, I was not wrestling. - But she was naked. 77 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,676 She was taking a shower, and I didn't know. 78 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,035 When I reached to turn it off, she was startled. 79 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,715 It was innocent and there's no reason to tell your mother, understand? 80 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:37,629 Sure. By the way, you have to sign my math test. 81 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:42,516 Okay. D minus? Jake, how do you get a D minus? 82 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,836 How do you get wrapped in a shower curtain... 83 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,797 ...with a naked lady? 84 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,872 - Did you show this to your mother? - No. 85 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:53,350 - Why not? - I didn't catch her doing anything. 86 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:57,794 Okay, I'll sign this. 87 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,154 But you are gonna go study so this won't happen again. 88 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,239 All right, but I wouldn't get my hopes up. 89 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:08,677 If you want something from Dad, now's a good time. 90 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,712 Oh, Alan, I am having the best day. 91 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:17,959 - Really? Do share it with me. - Remember Lisa? 92 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:22,119 Oh, is that the girl who bitch-slapped me in your shower this morning? 93 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,312 No, that's Meegan... 94 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:30,756 ...or Megan or Sue. 95 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,788 Lisa is the woman that I asked to marry, but she married this other guy instead. 96 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,713 They're divorced and we're having dinner. Isn't that great? 97 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:43,515 I'd applaud, but my hand was bitten earlier. 98 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,433 I'm sensing you're upset? 99 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,949 Oh, no, no, no. Why would I be upset? 100 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,879 I mean, besides the... The bite and the mild concussion... 101 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:54,316 ...that I got from my head bouncing off your bathroom floor... 102 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,517 ...while your shower buddy was driving her knee into my groin. 103 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:02,156 She wants to be a talk show host. I don't see it. Not with that voice. 104 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,393 And to top it all off, my son saw me entwined on the floor... 105 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:09,712 ...with Meegan or Megan or Sue... 106 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,950 ...and is now blackmailing me. 107 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,518 Kid's a genius. 108 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,036 Anyway, here's the wrinkle with Lisa. 109 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:20,474 She's got a kid now. 110 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,074 I'm not sure where I'm at with having an instant family. 111 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,555 I'm sorry. Are we done with what's bothering me? 112 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,759 I am. 113 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,950 It's like talking to a horny chimp. 114 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,794 Well, that was uncalled for. 115 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,548 - So, what do you think? - About what? 116 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,558 Lisa, me, the kid. 117 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:45,916 Okay, let's see now. 118 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,196 This is the same woman you've broken up... 119 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,920 ...and gotten back with for years, right? - Right. 120 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,759 And she turned you down in order to marry somebody else? 121 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,951 - Yes. - And then the marriage fell apart... 122 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,429 ...and now she's got his baby? - Yeah. 123 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,393 Sounds perfect. Go for it. 124 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,598 Okay, don't think I don't know what you're doing. 125 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,591 Are you gonna be okay? 126 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,710 Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. 127 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:22,397 It's just nobody's taken a crap in my car since college. 128 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:25,559 Don't be such a baby. 129 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,955 Hey, tell her. 130 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:31,830 I'll change her diaper while your car airs out. Then you can take us home. 131 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,956 But what if it happens again? 132 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,754 Don't worry. I'll hold her out the window till we arrive. 133 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,679 Thank you. Can I make you a nightcap? 134 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,836 Charlie, I'm breastfeeding, remember? 135 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:43,439 Oh, right, right. 136 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,989 And may I say, on behalf of myself, the ma�tre d'... 137 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:49,755 ...and the entire kitchen staff that found a reason to walk past our table: 138 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,837 You're doing a hell of a job. 139 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,995 Look at what a good poopie you made. 140 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,791 Mommy's gonna get you all cleaned up. 141 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,039 - Would you throw this away? - Sure. 142 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,390 You didn't throw that on the beach, did you? 143 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:56,154 No, no. I threw it on my neighbor's deck. 144 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,314 Long story. He started it. 145 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,870 - So how we doing? - All done. 146 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:05,957 Oh, good. 147 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,272 Boy, you hear all these horror stories about screaming babies... 148 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,715 ...but she's not half bad. 149 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,916 She's my little angel. 150 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:19,556 Kind of weird, huh? You and me and a baby. 151 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,438 Yeah. 152 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:26,435 Not that the baby's weird. It's just the whole, you know, gestalt. 153 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,792 You are so sweet. 154 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,638 I know. 155 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,152 Wanna go upstairs? 156 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,877 - No, I have to go home. - Why? 157 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,634 What do you mean, why? I have a baby. 158 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,519 Okay, she can stay too. 159 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,757 I can't spend the night. I didn't bring enough diapers... 160 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:52,911 ...the bassinet. I don't have a breast pump. 161 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,839 So? We'll do it the old-fashioned way. 162 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:58,998 What are you gonna do, Charlie? Milk me? 163 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,832 What kind of thing is that to say? 164 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,952 What makes you think I'm ready to jump back into bed with you? 165 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,400 I don't know. Because I'm sweet? 166 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,238 You weren't ready when I was single. 167 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,277 How are you gonna handle me and a baby? 168 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:16,228 Easy. I love babies, babies love me. Look how good I get along with Jake. 169 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:17,674 Jake's 11. 170 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,752 So? He was 10 when I met him. 171 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,399 Gosh, they grow so quickly, don't they? 172 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:28,431 - Okay, look. If you're serious... - I am. 173 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:32,718 - Come over tomorrow night to our place. I'll make dinner, we'll see what happens. 174 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,598 Or we go to your place now... 175 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,320 ...having already eaten, and see what happens. 176 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,914 Still incapable of delaying gratification, aren't you? 177 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,877 No, no, no, I've grown. 178 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,156 I learned to put the needs of others before me. 179 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,117 - Really? - Oh, yeah. Absolutely. 180 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,748 The old thoughtless, selfish Charlie is gone... 181 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:50,512 ...and I say good riddance to him. 182 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,914 Now, come on. I'll take you home. 183 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,313 - Charlie? - Yeah? 184 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:57,833 The baby. 185 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:15,954 This makes no sense. 186 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,395 It's math. It makes perfect sense. 187 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:22,473 Well, then I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. 188 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,511 No, you just have to do the work. 189 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:29,516 Well, maybe I have a learning disability, or a syndrome of some sort. 190 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,393 You don't have a learning disability. You're just lazy. 191 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,831 Maybe that's the syndrome. 192 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:53,232 See you later. And by "later," I'm hoping tomorrow. 193 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,756 Is there anything in your shower I need to know about? 194 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,678 Oh, come on. That's the most action you've had in months. 195 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,510 I have a loose tooth. 196 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,636 Can't you just be happy for me? The woman I love is back in my life. 197 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,952 That's great. I'm thrilled. I can't eat apples. 198 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,719 I'll bring you back some applesauce from Lisa's. 199 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,951 Her kid needs to lay off the fiber anyway. 200 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,190 Oh, yeah. How's that working out? 201 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:26,670 With the kid? She's great. I love kids. 202 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:30,196 Really? Tell me. How many diapers have you changed so far? 203 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:34,069 Well, none, actually. But I am credited with an assist. 204 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,871 - Have you fed the baby? - No. 205 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:40,072 - Dressed the baby? Bathed the baby? - No. What's your point, Alan? 206 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,511 - Nothing. Have fun. - Thanks. 207 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,631 I intend to. 208 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,914 Don't think I don't know what you're doing. 209 00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,232 - What was that? - Coyotes, Charlie. 210 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,429 Probably dropped her pacifier. I'll be right back. 211 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,512 - No, no, no. You stay. I'll take care of it. - Really? 212 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:11,753 Oh, yeah. No problem. I'm great with babies. 213 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,471 Pacifier is the little nipple thing, right? 214 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,355 Be right back. 215 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,756 Hey, little baby, you decent? 216 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,875 Okay, here's your pacifier, sweetie. 217 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,998 Not as good as the real thing, am I right? 218 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,517 Smells like one of us just crapped our pants. 219 00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,796 I sure hope it's you. 220 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,430 Let's take a look. 221 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,478 Charlie? You okay? 222 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,914 - What? - Is everything okay? 223 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:52,277 Oh, yeah. Just a little diaper issue. I can take care of it. 224 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,119 And then I'll be back to take care of you. 225 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,708 Okay. Let's just take this thing off. 226 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:05,395 Oh, sweet Lord. 227 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:10,357 Did you have Thai food for dinner, or what? 228 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,236 Man, Babe Ruth took smaller dumps. 229 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,032 Do you need any help? 230 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,918 What? 231 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,638 Do you need any help? 232 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,552 No, we're good. 233 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:34,035 Okay. Now we wipe the tushy. 234 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,515 Sorry. It's not you. It's me. 235 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:41,958 Wipe it again. Third time's the charm. 236 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:45,271 Little powder. Oh, that smells nice. 237 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:50,389 Maybe a little powder for my tushy. Don 't tell your mommy. 238 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,872 Charlie, I can hear you on the monitor. 239 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:56,954 Oh, right. 240 00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,834 People of Earth... 241 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,275 ... we mean you no harm. 242 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,995 See? This one is wrong, this is wrong. Jake, you have to check your work. 243 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:10,673 These are careless mistakes. 244 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:15,158 Maybe I'm not careless. Maybe I ate lead paint as a child. 245 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:19,236 - Here. Do it again. - Fine. 246 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,319 Dad, are you and Mom related? 247 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,479 I'm sorry. What? 248 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:36,310 Well, if you marry your cousin, your kids will be stupid, right? 249 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,114 Jake, you're not stupid, your mother's not my cousin... 250 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:44,750 ...and you're not going anywhere until you do your homework. 251 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,070 Like I have somewhere to go. 252 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:55,355 There we go. You were a hungry little girl. 253 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,552 Of course she was hungry. 254 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:01,030 She must of dropped half her body weight in that last diaper. 255 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,157 What a good burp. Wasn't that a good burp, Charlie? 256 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,909 Oh, yeah. Wait till you meet my nephew. 257 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:14,038 He can belch the theme from Shaft. 258 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,036 All right. Good night, sweetheart. 259 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:19,798 Oh, there we go. 260 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:24,757 Now, where were we? 261 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,354 Oh, yeah. 262 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,434 You know, I'm a little tired. Aren't you tired? 263 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,949 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 264 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:35,436 Was it the breastfeeding? Because in the restaurant, it turned you on. 265 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,993 I know, but there I wasn't on deck. 266 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,278 So you don't wanna fool around? 267 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:45,156 It's not that. I'm looking at the sexiest woman in the world... 268 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:48,073 ...and all I can see is a Thermos. 269 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:52,599 Charlie, there are things you do with your penis that aren't exactly a turn-on. 270 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,155 You mean the puppet show? 271 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:59,914 I thought you loved The Amazing Adventures of Stretch Armstrong. 272 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:04,432 That's not what I meant. Now, come on. Come to mama. 273 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:09,392 Okay, time. "Come to mama" bums me a little. 274 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:13,309 Can we make it "Come to Catholic schoolgirl"? 275 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:16,478 Yes, Monsignor. 276 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,796 Hallelujah. 277 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,674 Here you go. Two sugars, no cream. 278 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:32,358 Oh, perfect. And I don't mind saying, last night was none too shabby either. 279 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:37,829 "Dear diary: Coffee perfect, sex none too shabby." 280 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,551 You know what I mean. 281 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,228 I can't remember why we kept breaking up. 282 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:47,991 - You can't? - Well, I can. I was just being romantic. 283 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,033 - What are you doing? - Putting on my pants. 284 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,549 You're leaving already? 285 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:56,394 No. 286 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,433 So why are you putting on your pants, then? 287 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,113 I don't know. Did you wanna wear them? 288 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,032 Forget it. 289 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,357 Hey, I've gotta go home sooner or later. 290 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,869 - Go home whenever you want. - I can't leave... 291 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,871 ...when you're in this mood. - What mood? 292 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:16,314 This mood. 293 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,074 Oh, just leave, Charlie. It's what you do best. 294 00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:23,795 No, it's what I do after I do what I do best. 295 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,318 Oh, come on. I was just putting on my pants. 296 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:33,268 - You wanna spend the day with us? - The whole day? 297 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:39,070 - Here are your shoes. - Hang on a second. 298 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,435 Is this some hormonal thing because of the baby? 299 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:45,229 No, it's some kind of stupid thing because you're stupid. 300 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,353 Any time I don't behave the way you want, it's hormonal. 301 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,633 Not every time, but you gotta admit there is a pattern. 302 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,478 You know the pattern I see? 303 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:58,076 Every time things start going well for us, you find an excuse to run. 304 00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,872 No, no, no. You push me away. 305 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,957 How? How do I push you away? 306 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,072 Like this. You pick a fight over nothing and say I can't commit. 307 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,515 - You can't commit. - Hey, I can commit. 308 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,557 Oh, yeah? Prove it. 309 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,399 Fine. I'll start right now. 310 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,308 I'm gonna stay here all day. 311 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:25,319 - Really? - Really. 312 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,560 We're talking a business day, right? 313 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:38,157 - Hey. How did it go with Lisa? - I don't think it's gonna work out. 314 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:42,229 Really? Even with the little baby there to help smooth things along? 315 00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:44,634 It wasn't the baby. 316 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,434 She has commitment issues. 317 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,191 Oh, that's too bad. Hey, what's that splattered all over your shirt? 318 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,949 Coffee and breast milk. 319 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,517 What happened? Did Starbucks merge with Hooters? 320 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,830 Hooterbucks. 321 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,951 I'd like a double-D cup latte, please. 322 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,395 Dad, you gotta sign this. 323 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:25,351 Another D? Jake, what is wrong with you? 324 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,476 Well, I have a theory. 325 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,278 Oh, really? Another one. Do tell. 326 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,277 I'm a crack baby. 327 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,556 Kid's a genius. 328 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:05,111 Subtitles by SDI Media Group 329 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,271 [ENGLISH] 25920

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