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4
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,109
I want more!
5
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:13,697
Oh, God.
6
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,289
Are you okay?
7
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,305
That was fucking charming,
you gutless pack of dickheads.
8
00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,807
- Fuck off, you talent-less dog!
- What was that?
9
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,219
- Show us your pink bits.
- No, I don't think I will.
10
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,183
Now, do you know why
this microphone has such a long cord?
11
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,312
Why?
12
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,145
So it's easily retrieved
after I've shoved it up your ass.
13
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,901
Christ Almighty!
14
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,497
What the fuck's going on
out there tonight?
15
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,617
Are you hurt?
16
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:06,209
All right, which one of you bitches
sat on my dress?
17
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:07,998
Tick, darling, it's for you.
18
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,001
- Hello.
- Ding-dong.
19
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:14,138
Avon calling. Howdy, sunshine.
20
00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:16,094
Long time no hear.
21
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,427
- Where?
- Emergency Ward A.
22
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,439
Mr. Belrose?
23
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:26,933
Yes?
24
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:32,064
So how about it?
25
00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:58,465
Yeah.
26
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:03,388
Bernadette? it's Tick.
Sorry to call you so late, but...
27
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,773
Hey, are you okay?
28
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:10,444
- No, I'm not.
- Well, what's the matter?
29
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,321
Trumpet just died.
30
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:27,411
"The Lord is my shepherd.
I shall not want.
31
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,539
"He maketh me to lie down
in green pastures.
32
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:33,379
"He leadeth me beside the still waters.
33
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,169
"He restoreth my soul.
34
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:39,215
"He leadeth me in the paths
of righteousness for his name's sake.
35
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:42,260
"Yea, though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death,
36
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:45,304
“l will fear no evil,
for thou art with me.
37
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,768
"Thy rod and thy staff,
they comfort me.
38
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:52,270
"Thou preparest a table before me
in the presence of mine enemies.
39
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,108
"Thou anointest my head with oil.
40
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,399
"My cup runneth over.
41
00:05:56,565 --> 00:06:00,911
"Surely, goodness and mercy
shall follow me all the days of my life,
42
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,743
"and l will dwell
in the house of the Lord forever."
43
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,125
It's not fair.
44
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,669
I've spent half my life
and all my savings
45
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:12,422
trying to snag a sympathetic husband.
46
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:15,255
Selfish little shit goes and dies on me.
47
00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:21,015
Twenty-five years old, and he goes
and slips over in a bathroom.
48
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:22,765
He didn't slip.
49
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:27,471
He was peroxiding his hair at home again
and he asphyxiated on the fumes.
50
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,312
I've gotta get some space.
51
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,857
I've been asked to do
a show out of town.
52
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,648
- That's nice.
- Why don't you come with me?
53
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:41,193
I'll need some help,
and I think we can both use the break.
54
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,657
You're not wrong. Where is it?
55
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:45,788
Alice Springs.
56
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:49,034
You've got to be fucking joking!
57
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:54,715
Wo-Man is a
unique range of...
58
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:58,753
...specialty facial products
designed for the more...
59
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,298
...heavy-duty woman in us all.
60
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:04,849
Now, this week...
61
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,973
Excuse me.
62
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,476
Hello.
63
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:12,607
How long is the run?
64
00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:16,774
Four weeks.
Equity minimum, two shows a night,
65
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,689
accommodation included.
66
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,364
I can't just sit around here
crying all the time.
67
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:27,573
Jesus! My mascara keeps running.
I look like a raccoon.
68
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:30,538
Good girl. That's the spirit.
69
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,962
Here's hoping the desert's big enough
for the two of us.
70
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:37,711
Three of us.
71
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:58,395
- Why?
- Why not?
72
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:02,232
Look, he's turned into
a bloody good little performer.
73
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:03,491
That's right.
74
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:07,575
A bloody good little performer,
24 hours a day, seven days a week.
75
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,831
I thought we were getting away
from all this shit.
76
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,584
Two's company, three's a party,
Bernadette, my sweet.
77
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:17,915
We're unplugging our curling wands
and going bush for this show.
78
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,129
Why would you possibly
want to leave all this glamour
79
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,089
for a hike into the middle of nowhere?
80
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:24,926
- Do you really want to know?
- Desperately.
81
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:30,428
Well, ever since I was a lad,
I've had this dream,
82
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:34,018
a dream that
I now finally have a chance to fulfill.
83
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,773
And that is?
84
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:40,946
To travel to the center of Australia,
climb Kings Canyon as a queen
85
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:44,779
in a full-length Gaultier sequin,
heels, and a tiara.
86
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:50,448
Great. That's just
what this country needs,
87
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,915
a cock in a frock on a rock.
88
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:55,418
Get back in your kennels, both of you.
89
00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:58,706
The first thing we have to work out
90
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,883
is how the hell we're gonna get there.
91
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,933
Ta-da!
92
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,567
What do you think?
93
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,400
When do we have to
return it to the school?
94
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,439
We don't. We own it.
95
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:26,612
What?
96
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:27,992
Hi, darling, how are you?
97
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:32,531
I met some nice, Swedish tourists
called Lars, Lars, and Lars,
98
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,166
and I coaxed it out of them
for 10,000 bucks.
99
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:38,044
- We can't afford it.
- That's right.
100
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,877
Mummy, maybe a trip to the Outback
would help me get over
101
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,668
this little phase I'm going through.
102
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:48,509
And you never know.
I might meet some lovely country girl.
103
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:52,805
I hereby christen
this budget Barbie camper,
104
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,853
Priscilla, queen of the desert.
105
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,772
Seems to be the
understatement of the century.
106
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,214
Mum.
107
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:29,550
Ladies and gentlemen,
108
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:32,886
we're here today to see off
a very brave woman
109
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:36,053
who will attempt
to cross a continent alone.
110
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,472
On behalf of all our sponsors...
111
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,911
Ladies, start your engines.
112
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:37,949
Oh, please! Oh, give me a break!
113
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:57,141
How long have we been on the road?
114
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,685
Four and a half hours.
115
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,140
I've got a splitting headache already.
116
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:08,019
Happy hour!
117
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,529
Mother's Ruin pour moi.
118
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:13,567
- Long Island Tea.
- And a Stoli and tonic for me.
119
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,239
- Stupid cow!
- Yeah, well, listen to this one.
120
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,248
After we did the ABBA show,
121
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,035
Kevin had one of those
liposuction penis enlargements.
122
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,454
- He didn't?
- Yep.
123
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,163
Do you know what they do?
124
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,708
They siphon all the fat
out of your love handles
125
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,717
and actually inject it
into your wing-wang.
126
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,093
Yucky!
127
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:36,510
I suppose it gives a whole new meaning
to cracking a fat, though, doesn't it?
128
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,390
Oh, listen to yourselves.
129
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:44,518
You sound like two fat slags
at a pie bake-off.
130
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:49,357
Your contribution to the conversation
hasn't exactly made headlines, Bernice.
131
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,238
Gee, poor Kevin's dick.
132
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,115
There can't be much room down there
133
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,697
with his brain taking up
so much space already.
134
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,497
No, I'll join this conversation
on the proviso
135
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,533
that we stop bitching about people,
136
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:06,829
talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes,
137
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:10,499
penises, drugs, nightclubs,
and bloody ABBA.
138
00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,923
Doesn't give us much
to talk about then, does it?
139
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:20,305
Hey, can you confirm a rumor for me?
Is it true that her real name's Ralph?
140
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,441
How do you like your little boys, girls?
141
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,898
You don't have to answer that
if you don't want to.
142
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,566
Oh, my God.
143
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:38,986
What is this, Outback with Benny Hill?
144
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,951
Just leave mine outside the door
at about 8:00 a.m.,
145
00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:44,741
along with an orange juice
and toast, please.
146
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,042
Oh, why, certainly, madam.
147
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,750
And would you like
Vegemite or jam with that?
148
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,085
Knock, knock, room service.
149
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,254
Can't you read the sign?
Do Not Disturb.
150
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:01,721
- Please come back in the morning.
- Ha ha, girls! Open the door.
151
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,261
Good night, Bernice.
152
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,850
Good night, Mitzi.
153
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:08,932
Open the fucking door!
154
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:16,440
Okay, if you don't open the door,
I'm gonna sing.
155
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,826
Fine. You asked for it.
156
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,390
Good night, John Boy.
157
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,399
I'm seriously falling asleep.
158
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:58,360
It's your shift,
and you're gonna stick to it.
159
00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:01,242
Serves you right
for staying out all night, slut.
160
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,402
I'm not gonna make it.
161
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,498
Fuck off, Grandma.
162
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,493
You all right?
163
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,503
Me? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just thinking.
164
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:48,911
Sorry. Shit!
165
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,375
What is it?
166
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,722
Perhaps we should've flown.
167
00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:29,826
Wrong,
but thanks for playing. Anyone else?
168
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,788
- No.
- Witchetty grub. Your turn.
169
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:36,504
I spy with my little eye
something beginning with “R“.
170
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,378
- Rectum.
- No.
171
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,542
- Ring pirate?
- No.
172
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:42,961
Road.
173
00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:45,304
All right, that's it.
What's the matter with you?
174
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:48,307
- Nothing, darling.
- Don't "darling" me, darling.
175
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,389
Look at you.
You got a face like a cat's ass.
176
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:51,768
Now, come on, 'fess up.
177
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:54,306
Just worried about the show, that's all.
178
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:56,315
We haven't done any rehearsals yet.
179
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:59,227
We got two weeks, for Christ's sake.
There's plenty of time to rehearse.
180
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:01,942
- Now what is your problem?
- it's not a problem.
181
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,732
I just want the show
to be good, that's all.
182
00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:05,775
Gotta be good.
183
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,195
How the fuck did you get this job,
Mitzi, my darling?
184
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,487
I mean, who is the fish that runs
185
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,748
this bloody hotel in the
middle of nowhere, anyway?
186
00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:14,580
- Your mother?
- No, my wife.
187
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,625
Don't tell me you've got an
ex-boyfriend tucked away
188
00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:21,086
- out here somewhere.
- No, my wife.
189
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:23,626
I'm married.
190
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:39,526
And when the joint bank account ran dry
after a couple of years,
191
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:44,738
I guess I preferred her wedding ring
to mine, so no drama.
192
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,320
We swapped and called it a day.
193
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,570
This is getting too weird.
194
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,873
You and a woman.
195
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,331
I mean, what did she
used to do for kicks?
196
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,461
Put a bucket on your head
and swing off the handle?
197
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:05,043
There are two things I don't like
about you, Felicia. Your face.
198
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,758
So how about shutting both of them?
199
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,969
At least this explains
your abysmal batting average, Mitz.
200
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:13,976
I often wondered
why your dance card was so empty.
201
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:15,808
I take it you never got a divorce, then?
202
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:23,566
Well, girls, what can I say?
Here's to a secret very well-kept.
203
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:26,572
Shame it's not gonna
stay that way, isn't it?
204
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,860
Got any more little surprises
you'd like to share with us?
205
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:34,031
Haven't got any kids stashed away
out there as well, have you?
206
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:42,838
Look, I haven't lied about anything.
207
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:48,466
After six years, I get a phone call
out of nowhere, screaming for help.
208
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,256
Christ knows I owe her
a couple of favors.
209
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,936
I'm sorry that I never told you.
210
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:01,565
I'm not sorry that you're here.
211
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,492
Don't worry about it, dolls.
212
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,699
I'm as jealous as all hell.
213
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,089
What?
214
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:31,467
So was it a big wedding?
Get lots of prezzies, did you?
215
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,882
I just wish I was old enough
to have been there.
216
00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:35,516
Oh, ha-ha.
217
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,803
I would've bought you
a lovely matching set
218
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:40,016
of hers and hers bathmats or something.
219
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,149
- Oh, give it a rest.
- Not on your life.
220
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:47,778
Oh, imagine! Mitzi the Magnificent
and her blushing bride.
221
00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:51,528
Mowing those lawns must've been
murder on your heels, though.
222
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,785
All right, Felicia, that's enough.
223
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:56,947
Let's put some money in that seething,
cesspool mouth of yours.
224
00:19:57,113 --> 00:20:00,117
If I win this game,
you will never mention my wife
225
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,455
ever in my presence again, okay?
226
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:06,248
- And if I win?
- Name your price.
227
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:09,543
Well, now, what would I like
more than anything else
228
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,303
in the whole, wide world?
229
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,634
Snap. Better be quick.
230
00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:19,473
(I LOVE THE NIGHT LIFE
231
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,192
What the fuck am I doing?
232
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:38,450
Take that bloody frock off, Felicia.
Don't make it any worse than it is.
233
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:41,081
You think I'm gonna let you walk away
with all the attention?
234
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,915
No chance. Come on, girls.
Let's go shopping.
235
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:48,043
Oh, for Christ's sake.
236
00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:08,184
I just adore these hats.
237
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,523
Come on, come on!
238
00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:32,216
You've got to be kidding.
239
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:36,303
Welcome to Mario's Palace.
Come in, come in.
240
00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:42,635
Come in. What can I do for you?
Would you like a room, madam?
241
00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:00,661
- Subtle.
- Oh, tack-o-rama.
242
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:02,572
Who the hell does
all the painting around here?
243
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:06,117
Someone with no arms or right foot,
by the look of things.
244
00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:10,045
For goodness sakes,
get down off that crucifix.
245
00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:11,672
Someone needs the wood.
246
00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:14,584
What have we here?
247
00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:19,760
What fun. Baby bottles of booze.
248
00:22:20,256 --> 00:22:24,762
Oh. Gather round, girls.
Let me show you a trick.
249
00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:26,808
You drink the gin,
250
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:36,231
fill the bottle up with water,
and put it back in the fridge.
251
00:22:36,397 --> 00:22:38,240
Va t'en vous.
What about the Scotch?
252
00:22:38,399 --> 00:22:42,279
That's where the complimentary teabags
come in handy.
253
00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:44,822
- Very clever.
- Cheers, girls.
254
00:22:44,989 --> 00:22:47,208
And congratulations, Mitzi, darling.
You did it.
255
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,870
One lap of the Broken Hill
main drag in drag.
256
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:53,915
That'll teach you to take on
the Fairmont Boys School Snap champion.
257
00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:57,217
Here's to being off that fucking bus.
258
00:22:58,627 --> 00:23:00,504
- Chookers.
- Chookers.
259
00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:07,224
So, all dolled up and nowhere to go.
260
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:10,481
I sure as shit am not gonna sit
in here all evening.
261
00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:11,640
I'm in.
262
00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:20,066
Oh, all right. Here's hoping
they have a decent cocktail bar.
263
00:23:41,003 --> 00:23:45,759
Hello. Could I please have
a Stoli and tonic,
264
00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:48,895
a Bloody Mary,
and a lime daiquiri, please?
265
00:23:49,803 --> 00:23:55,276
Well, look what
the cat dragged in.
266
00:23:57,353 --> 00:23:59,355
What have we got here, eh?
267
00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:03,029
A couple of showgirls, have we?
268
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:08,031
Where did you ladies
come in from? Uranus?
269
00:24:10,032 --> 00:24:13,878
- Could I please have a Stoli...
- No! You can't have.
270
00:24:14,036 --> 00:24:15,709
You can't have nothing.
271
00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:18,215
We've got nothing here
for people like you.
272
00:24:18,374 --> 00:24:19,671
Nothing!
273
00:24:30,052 --> 00:24:32,146
Now listen here, you mullet.
274
00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:36,150
Why don't you just light your tampon
and blow your box apart,
275
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:39,983
because it's the only bang
you're ever gonna get, sweetheart.
276
00:25:07,423 --> 00:25:10,597
Now, what could be more soothing
277
00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:16,767
than coming home after a
hard day's work down the mine
278
00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:20,520
to the Wo-Man in us all?
279
00:25:20,686 --> 00:25:24,111
Now, don't send any money, okay?
280
00:26:04,104 --> 00:26:05,447
Ooh.
281
00:26:11,528 --> 00:26:13,576
Shit!
282
00:26:14,573 --> 00:26:18,578
All I can see is female impersonators.
283
00:26:25,292 --> 00:26:26,760
This has gotta be a first.
284
00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:30,014
Nobody has ever out-drunk
old Shirl before.
285
00:26:30,172 --> 00:26:32,300
Where'd you learn
to throw them back like that?
286
00:26:32,466 --> 00:26:34,218
That's our girl, Bernadette.
287
00:26:34,384 --> 00:26:37,604
I just knew that stumbling around
the pub circuit with Les Girls
288
00:26:37,763 --> 00:26:39,982
for 200 years
must've taught her something.
289
00:26:40,390 --> 00:26:44,020
- You're a bloody marvel, Bernie.
- Bernadette, please.
290
00:26:44,186 --> 00:26:46,689
- What's that?
- My name isn't Bernie.
291
00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:48,528
She said her name isn't Bernie.
292
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:51,702
It's Ralph!
293
00:26:56,365 --> 00:26:57,617
Come on.
294
00:27:03,413 --> 00:27:06,713
- What did you call me?
- "What did you call me," what?
295
00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:10,053
What did you call me
back there in the bar?
296
00:27:10,212 --> 00:27:11,634
Sorry, Ralph.
297
00:27:14,550 --> 00:27:15,927
You fucking idiot!
298
00:27:18,387 --> 00:27:19,559
FUCK!
299
00:27:21,181 --> 00:27:23,058
Fuck! Get off me, you fucking...
300
00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:24,359
FUCK!
301
00:27:25,185 --> 00:27:27,813
Don't worry about a fucking
thing. It's only my fucking head.
302
00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:30,449
At least the bump on
your head's bigger than your prick.
303
00:27:30,607 --> 00:27:33,076
Why don't you just get fucked,
you stupid old bitch?
304
00:27:33,235 --> 00:27:34,703
Oh, piss off, you little faggot.
305
00:27:34,862 --> 00:27:36,159
You're so bloody boring...
306
00:27:36,321 --> 00:27:38,289
If your mouth was as big as your dick...
307
00:27:59,136 --> 00:28:01,059
- Good morning.
- Morning.
308
00:28:03,432 --> 00:28:05,150
It's funny, you know.
309
00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:09,355
No matter how tough I think I'm getting,
310
00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:13,700
ii Still hurts.
311
00:28:17,404 --> 00:28:20,704
Hope it still works.
Don't have much call for it out here.
312
00:28:20,866 --> 00:28:23,790
- Where you blokes from?
- Uranus.
313
00:28:23,952 --> 00:28:25,295
Oh, good.
314
00:28:35,923 --> 00:28:37,140
There. Left.
315
00:28:37,299 --> 00:28:39,393
I hope you know what you're doing.
316
00:28:39,885 --> 00:28:41,637
If we stick to the sealed road,
317
00:28:41,803 --> 00:28:43,897
we'll be at it for
at least another two days.
318
00:28:48,018 --> 00:28:49,361
Take the shortcut.
319
00:29:43,699 --> 00:29:46,543
One more push,
I'm gonna smack his face so hard,
320
00:29:46,702 --> 00:29:49,376
he'll have to stick his toothbrush
up his ass to clean his teeth.
321
00:29:53,208 --> 00:29:54,881
Just lay off.
322
00:29:55,043 --> 00:29:57,262
I told you not to use the "R" word.
323
00:29:57,421 --> 00:30:00,345
- What did you go and do?
- I was only having a bit of fun.
324
00:30:00,507 --> 00:30:03,727
Fun? What else do you do for amusement,
slam your fingers in car doors?
325
00:30:04,011 --> 00:30:05,263
What's the point?
326
00:30:05,429 --> 00:30:08,399
I like seeing people get hotheaded,
okay? It gives me a kick.
327
00:30:08,557 --> 00:30:09,729
Is it true when you were born,
328
00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:11,859
the doctor turned around
and slapped your mother?
329
00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:16,945
What sort of bent childhood did
you have, Adam Whitely?
330
00:30:17,232 --> 00:30:20,156
Adam? Adam?
331
00:30:23,238 --> 00:30:24,615
Come in here, boy.
332
00:30:26,616 --> 00:30:28,459
Come sit over here.
333
00:30:31,121 --> 00:30:33,590
Would you like to have some fun
with Uncle Barry?
334
00:30:35,083 --> 00:30:37,381
We're gonna play a special game,
335
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:43,517
but you can't tell anybody
ever, ever, ever, okay?
336
00:30:44,176 --> 00:30:47,476
Now, what I want you to do
is put your hand down here
337
00:30:47,637 --> 00:30:50,265
and pull very gently, okay?
338
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:53,352
Very gently.
339
00:30:57,189 --> 00:30:59,612
That's good. That's good.
340
00:31:02,944 --> 00:31:04,946
Jesus Christ, Adam! Get help!
341
00:31:06,031 --> 00:31:09,535
Adam, Uncle Barry's ping-pongs
are caught in the drain.
342
00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:10,623
Get mummy.
343
00:31:10,786 --> 00:31:12,629
- Get mummy.
- No!
344
00:31:12,788 --> 00:31:14,961
What do you mean, no?
345
00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:17,546
Never, ever, ever, ever!
346
00:31:20,462 --> 00:31:22,089
You know the best part?
347
00:31:22,255 --> 00:31:23,973
The best part, mum was out playing golf,
348
00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:26,885
and the dirty old fuck was stuck there
for about seven hours.
349
00:31:28,303 --> 00:31:30,146
Oh, and I thought
they were small and wrinkled
350
00:31:30,305 --> 00:31:31,557
before they got in the water.
351
00:31:41,817 --> 00:31:44,912
Hey, I've got a joke.
Who wants to hear a joke?
352
00:31:46,655 --> 00:31:48,407
Come on, Bernice, it's so funny.
353
00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:51,452
You'll laugh so hard,
your lashes will curl all by themselves.
354
00:31:51,618 --> 00:31:54,838
- Do tell us your hilarious joke.
- Okay.
355
00:31:55,664 --> 00:31:59,009
Well, once upon a time, many moons ago,
356
00:31:59,167 --> 00:32:02,592
there was a famous bunch of Indians
called the Fukawi tribe.
357
00:32:02,754 --> 00:32:05,598
And one day,
the son of the great Indian chief
358
00:32:05,757 --> 00:32:07,054
says to his father,
359
00:32:07,217 --> 00:32:10,938
"Dad, why is my friend, Little Hawk,
called Little Hawk?“
360
00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:14,691
- And his father says...
- "Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"
361
00:32:15,517 --> 00:32:19,363
That's not the end of the joke.
So, anyway, back to me.
362
00:32:22,315 --> 00:32:24,283
- Jesus!
- What's happening?
363
00:32:25,068 --> 00:32:26,490
I don't know.
364
00:32:41,418 --> 00:32:43,386
Oh, my God.
365
00:33:01,730 --> 00:33:05,826
Oh, Felicia, where the fuck are we?
366
00:33:15,744 --> 00:33:19,044
Shit! Shit! Shit!
367
00:33:34,930 --> 00:33:35,931
Oh, shit.
368
00:33:41,144 --> 00:33:43,021
Well, I've had a look around,
369
00:33:43,188 --> 00:33:45,987
and I think we can safely assume
that I now know less about motors
370
00:33:46,149 --> 00:33:50,120
than I did when I first
lifted up that bonnety thing.
371
00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:51,951
Now what?
372
00:33:52,864 --> 00:33:54,457
Let's just not think about it
for the moment
373
00:33:54,616 --> 00:33:55,959
and eat brekkie, shall we?
374
00:33:56,117 --> 00:34:00,122
Oh, that's a novel idea.
Let's stuff ourselves to death.
375
00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:01,874
Imagine the headlines.
376
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,169
"Whales beach themselves in the Outback.
377
00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:08,384
"Mystery bumsticks dead in drag."
378
00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:10,140
Well, there's no point in walking back.
379
00:34:10,298 --> 00:34:11,800
The only life I saw
for the last million miles
380
00:34:11,967 --> 00:34:13,219
were the hypnotized bunnies.
381
00:34:13,385 --> 00:34:15,353
Most of them are now
wedged in the tires.
382
00:34:15,512 --> 00:34:18,857
Well, somebody'll drive past for sure.
We'll keep the ire burning.
383
00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:22,394
Yes, and toast marshmallows and
chill champagne for when they arrive.
384
00:34:22,561 --> 00:34:24,438
What if they don't drive past?
385
00:34:24,604 --> 00:34:27,483
Look, you're not helping here.
Just eat your hormones.
386
00:34:27,649 --> 00:34:30,448
Hell! Why didn't we stick
to the main road?
387
00:34:30,610 --> 00:34:34,331
- What difference does it make now?
- You got us into this, Anthony Belrose,
388
00:34:34,489 --> 00:34:37,117
and I suggest you start thinking
about how to get us back,
389
00:34:37,284 --> 00:34:40,754
or I don't fancy your chances
of ever trying to be a husband again.
390
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,503
Jesus. What are we gonna do?
391
00:34:47,669 --> 00:34:49,671
We're gonna start off
with a little facelift.
392
00:34:49,838 --> 00:34:52,341
Nothing like a new frock
to brighten up your day.
393
00:34:56,553 --> 00:35:01,150
- Purple?
- It's not purple, it's lavender.
394
00:35:01,308 --> 00:35:05,529
- What do you think?
- It's nice in a hideous sort of a way.
395
00:35:07,397 --> 00:35:08,899
Where are you going?
396
00:35:09,065 --> 00:35:10,692
If you think I'm going to sit around
397
00:35:10,859 --> 00:35:13,658
watching Picasso take on
the public transport system,
398
00:35:13,820 --> 00:35:15,822
you've got another thing coming.
399
00:35:15,989 --> 00:35:19,163
I'll be back with the cavalry
in a couple of hours.
400
00:35:19,326 --> 00:35:22,705
There goes a transsexual,
last seen heading south.
401
00:35:22,871 --> 00:35:25,215
We call her Bernie,
but her real name was...
402
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:26,716
Adam.
403
00:38:22,759 --> 00:38:24,761
Help! Help!
404
00:38:26,763 --> 00:38:27,855
- What's that, Pa?
- What?
405
00:38:28,014 --> 00:38:31,769
Out there, you nong.
Looks like a woman.
406
00:38:32,268 --> 00:38:34,612
Help!
407
00:38:37,232 --> 00:38:38,609
Thank God.
408
00:38:44,572 --> 00:38:49,123
Thank you.
I can't tell you how grateful I am.
409
00:39:07,679 --> 00:39:08,771
You fucking beauty!
410
00:39:19,107 --> 00:39:19,983
Shit!
411
00:39:20,149 --> 00:39:22,868
Bernie, I never thought
I'd be so glad to see you!
412
00:39:23,027 --> 00:39:24,825
I wish I could say the same.
413
00:39:25,947 --> 00:39:27,119
I was just drawing up the will.
414
00:39:27,282 --> 00:39:29,660
Come and meet our saviors.
415
00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:34,122
Tony, Adam, this is
Mr. and Mrs. Spencer.
416
00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:35,586
- Hello.
- Hello.
417
00:39:37,792 --> 00:39:39,544
Wait! Stop!
418
00:39:43,464 --> 00:39:44,716
Shit!
419
00:39:47,594 --> 00:39:50,063
Oh, for goodness sakes,
look at yourself, Mitz.
420
00:39:50,805 --> 00:39:53,558
How many times do I have to tell you
green is not your color?
421
00:39:59,522 --> 00:40:01,195
Do you think about Trumpet
much?
422
00:40:01,357 --> 00:40:03,200
- No.
423
00:40:04,986 --> 00:40:07,990
Trumpet was just a nice kid
who had a thing about transsexuals.
424
00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:10,537
Lots of people do.
425
00:40:10,700 --> 00:40:13,328
Sort of bent status symbol, you know?
426
00:40:13,494 --> 00:40:15,792
"Did you know my girlfriend
used to be a boyfriend?"
427
00:40:15,955 --> 00:40:18,754
That sort of thing.
Always good for a supper invite.
428
00:40:19,542 --> 00:40:22,386
Still, it was better than nothing.
429
00:40:25,006 --> 00:40:27,805
Nothing. Nothing for miles.
430
00:40:35,642 --> 00:40:38,065
I've said it before,
and I'll say it again.
431
00:40:38,227 --> 00:40:42,073
- No more fucking ABBA!
- Okay, if we have the time,
432
00:40:42,231 --> 00:40:43,904
we may as well put it to good use.
433
00:40:44,067 --> 00:40:47,697
Come on, girls. Off your snatches.
Rehearsal time.
434
00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:53,876
Okay, two bobs to start with, all right?
435
00:40:54,035 --> 00:40:55,537
Boring.
436
00:40:56,371 --> 00:40:57,998
Ready?
437
00:41:04,128 --> 00:41:08,178
-I did this years ago.
- You did it so beautifully,
438
00:41:08,341 --> 00:41:10,184
and, darling, you do it so well.
439
00:41:10,343 --> 00:41:12,266
Come on. Right, from the top.
440
00:41:13,638 --> 00:41:14,560
One, two.
441
00:41:31,906 --> 00:41:32,907
Hello.
442
00:41:34,158 --> 00:41:35,284
Nice night for it.
443
00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:17,998
I think we just crashed a party.
444
00:42:19,454 --> 00:42:21,206
No, come on. You'll be all right.
445
00:42:34,385 --> 00:42:36,058
Welcome to my office. Have a seat.
446
00:42:48,983 --> 00:42:50,985
Bernice, I don't know what
could've possibly possessed you
447
00:42:51,152 --> 00:42:53,826
-to wear that to a corroboree.
- Shut your face.
448
00:43:10,797 --> 00:43:11,764
Bravo!
449
00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:13,470
Fabulous!
450
00:43:17,970 --> 00:43:21,691
Well, girls, I guess it's our turn.
451
00:44:43,347 --> 00:44:44,724
Hey, take a look at that.
452
00:44:48,561 --> 00:44:51,110
I've got an idea.
453
00:45:38,069 --> 00:45:41,073
So you actually make money
by dressing up like a woman?
454
00:45:41,614 --> 00:45:45,289
Oh, sure. You can make a
fine living in a pair of heels.
455
00:45:46,035 --> 00:45:47,753
Why, Alan, you want a job?
456
00:45:58,172 --> 00:46:01,802
Oh, if only this dress could talk.
457
00:46:02,385 --> 00:46:04,683
You know, sometimes I wonder
where I get my taste from.
458
00:46:04,845 --> 00:46:06,097
Definitely not my mother.
459
00:46:06,264 --> 00:46:09,609
Oh, well, serves me right for letting
her buy me all those awful clothes.
460
00:46:12,019 --> 00:46:13,236
What's this?
461
00:46:15,189 --> 00:46:18,614
That, my darling, is my most treasured
possession in the whole, wide world.
462
00:46:19,277 --> 00:46:20,494
But what is it?
463
00:46:21,487 --> 00:46:22,534
Well, a few years ago,
464
00:46:22,697 --> 00:46:25,075
I went on a pilgrimage
backstage to an ABBA concert
465
00:46:25,241 --> 00:46:28,211
hoping to grab an audience
with Her Royal Highness Agnetha.
466
00:46:28,369 --> 00:46:31,043
Well, when I saw her
ducking into the ladies loo,
467
00:46:31,205 --> 00:46:32,878
naturally I followed her in.
468
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:36,385
And after she'd finished her business,
I ducked into the cubicle,
469
00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:39,388
only to find she'd left me a little gift
sitting in the toilet bowl.
470
00:46:40,798 --> 00:46:45,520
What are you telling me?
This is an ABBA turd?
471
00:46:48,889 --> 00:46:50,391
I know what we can do with this.
472
00:46:52,059 --> 00:46:55,154
- Are you right?
- Hang on.
473
00:46:56,147 --> 00:46:57,740
Okay, go!
474
00:47:19,754 --> 00:47:20,755
There!
475
00:47:51,494 --> 00:47:54,338
Afternoon. What seems
to be the problem?
476
00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:03,176
What a nice dog. What's its name?
477
00:48:03,631 --> 00:48:04,678
Herpes.
478
00:48:06,509 --> 00:48:08,807
If she's good, she'll heel.
479
00:48:11,389 --> 00:48:14,984
Things get pretty quiet around here.
We're a bit starved for entertainment.
480
00:48:15,142 --> 00:48:18,316
Glad we could oblige. How does it look?
481
00:48:20,648 --> 00:48:23,151
Your gas tank's
chockablock full of crud.
482
00:48:23,317 --> 00:48:27,288
Traveling on a rough road on a low tank
chucked it all up into the motor.
483
00:48:27,446 --> 00:48:29,915
Your fuel line's blocked,
injectors are stuffed.
484
00:48:30,074 --> 00:48:33,453
- So does that mean you can ix it?
- In the short term.
485
00:48:34,453 --> 00:48:37,081
What you blokes need is a new gas tank.
486
00:48:37,748 --> 00:48:39,125
Don't suppose you have one lying around?
487
00:48:39,291 --> 00:48:41,214
No, sorry.
488
00:48:41,377 --> 00:48:43,471
You could pick one up
in Coober Pedy in about a week.
489
00:48:43,629 --> 00:48:44,846
When do you have to be in Alice?
490
00:48:45,714 --> 00:48:47,432
Six days.
491
00:48:48,467 --> 00:48:50,890
Well, we can clear it out
and hope for the best.
492
00:48:51,554 --> 00:48:55,104
You might make it.
Won't know unless you give it a try.
493
00:48:56,183 --> 00:48:58,277
Refreshments!
494
00:48:58,561 --> 00:49:00,484
Lemonade, here I make.
495
00:49:01,021 --> 00:49:03,615
That's very nice, darling.
Please, go back inside.
496
00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:06,618
Lemonade, here I make.
Lemonade for guests.
497
00:49:06,777 --> 00:49:09,701
No, darling, please.
498
00:49:09,864 --> 00:49:11,866
I made chocolate cracker.
499
00:49:15,369 --> 00:49:16,666
Thank you.
500
00:49:17,913 --> 00:49:20,132
- We put cream on?
- No, no.
501
00:49:20,291 --> 00:49:22,464
It's a face cream. For face.
502
00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:27,264
Bob, Cynthia, thank you.
503
00:49:28,424 --> 00:49:30,392
I love lamb with meringue.
504
00:49:30,551 --> 00:49:31,894
Thank you for the company.
505
00:49:32,052 --> 00:49:35,556
Like I said earlier, new faces
are pretty hard to come by out here.
506
00:49:35,723 --> 00:49:37,817
If you don't mind me asking,
what are you doing off the highway?
507
00:49:37,975 --> 00:49:39,602
Well, now, that's a
bloody good question.
508
00:49:40,978 --> 00:49:43,731
Glad you bothered.
Don't get your type out here very often.
509
00:49:45,858 --> 00:49:50,204
- Me like to sing, too. Me like...
- Yeah, pretty damn quiet.
510
00:49:50,362 --> 00:49:52,364
Thought of opening
a video business for a while.
511
00:49:52,531 --> 00:49:54,750
But I suppose we gotta wait
to get television first.
512
00:49:54,909 --> 00:49:57,207
Me perform for you. Me dance, too.
513
00:49:57,369 --> 00:50:00,498
My wife used to be
in the entertainment business.
514
00:50:00,664 --> 00:50:05,090
- Yeah. You perform here?
- You're thinking of performing here?
515
00:50:05,252 --> 00:50:07,254
I mean, you've got to be here
at least another night.
516
00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:11,267
Um... the thought hadn't really
crossed my mind.
517
00:50:11,425 --> 00:50:13,644
Well, why not? I could have a word
with Wally at the pub.
518
00:50:13,802 --> 00:50:15,429
Everybody would love it.
519
00:50:16,514 --> 00:50:19,688
I'm not sure our show
would go down too well out here.
520
00:50:21,685 --> 00:50:24,108
If you don't mind me asking,
what kind of cabaret do you do?
521
00:50:24,271 --> 00:50:26,444
We dress up in women's clothes
and parade around
522
00:50:26,607 --> 00:50:28,985
mouthing the words
to other people's songs.
523
00:50:29,735 --> 00:50:32,705
You mean sort of like those...
What do they call them...
524
00:50:32,863 --> 00:50:34,035
Les Girls.
525
00:50:34,949 --> 00:50:35,871
Oh, yeah, I've seen them,
526
00:50:36,033 --> 00:50:37,876
way back in Sydney
when I was a young bloke.
527
00:50:38,035 --> 00:50:41,756
- Fantastic. Just terrific.
- Bob, you are looking
528
00:50:41,914 --> 00:50:44,292
at probably the most famous Le Girl
529
00:50:44,458 --> 00:50:45,835
ever produced.
530
00:50:46,001 --> 00:50:48,675
- You're kidding me.
- Give me a break.
531
00:50:48,837 --> 00:50:51,807
- I was never that famous.
- I am not joking.
532
00:50:51,966 --> 00:50:54,970
What? I mean, I wouldn't really
have seen you, but...
533
00:50:55,135 --> 00:50:58,105
- That must've been 30 years back.
- Oh, you'd be surprised.
534
00:50:58,639 --> 00:51:00,312
Me perform for you. Me sing.
535
00:51:00,474 --> 00:51:03,273
No, Cynthia, you no perform.
They perform, not you.
536
00:51:10,317 --> 00:51:15,164
Well, a real, live Les Girls show.
Right. This calls for a celebration.
537
00:51:19,243 --> 00:51:22,497
- Maybe this isn't such a good idea.
- Oh, shut your twat.
538
00:51:22,663 --> 00:51:25,337
Our frocks were the sensation
of Broken Hill, remember?
539
00:51:25,833 --> 00:51:29,758
There was a Kmart in Broken Hill.
At least they knew what a frock was.
540
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:32,173
Christ, you should see
what this woman's wearing.
541
00:51:32,339 --> 00:51:34,558
It's not a frock,
it's a piece of corrugated iron.
542
00:51:39,555 --> 00:51:41,899
- Can I come in?
- Only if you're single.
543
00:51:48,272 --> 00:51:50,570
Oh, you look incredible.
544
00:51:51,692 --> 00:51:52,944
Where did we find this guy?
545
00:51:53,110 --> 00:51:54,828
You just keep dishing out
the compliments, Bob.
546
00:51:54,987 --> 00:51:58,366
Flattery will get you everywhere.
And where's that lovely wife of yours?
547
00:51:58,532 --> 00:51:59,784
She's at home.
548
00:51:59,950 --> 00:52:01,952
She's not allowed in the pub anymore.
549
00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:03,871
Really? why?
550
00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:06,541
She had a problem with alcohol.
551
00:52:06,707 --> 00:52:09,381
Every time she gets in the pub,
she makes a complete fool of herself.
552
00:52:09,543 --> 00:52:11,420
I know how she feels.
553
00:52:13,672 --> 00:52:15,891
Well, we're all waiting. You ready?
554
00:52:16,884 --> 00:52:20,730
Bob, we're having second thoughts.
555
00:52:22,139 --> 00:52:25,063
You can't back out now.
Every man and his dog's out there.
556
00:52:25,225 --> 00:52:27,102
They're not chained up, by any chance?
557
00:52:27,269 --> 00:52:30,148
You blokes. Sorry. You girls.
558
00:52:30,314 --> 00:52:32,863
Look, you'll be fine.
Take my word for it.
559
00:53:48,225 --> 00:53:49,351
Yeah!
560
00:53:52,146 --> 00:53:53,489
Yeah, right.
561
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:40,448
What the hell is going on?
562
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:07,141
Oh, she's not...
563
00:55:07,513 --> 00:55:08,685
Is she?
564
00:55:10,933 --> 00:55:13,436
Oh, you can't do that
with a ping-pong ball.
565
00:55:15,521 --> 00:55:17,319
You wanna bet?
566
00:55:59,565 --> 00:56:00,487
I'm going!
567
00:56:00,649 --> 00:56:02,777
Darling, don't go.
There's nothing we can't work out.
568
00:56:02,943 --> 00:56:05,241
- You no good man.
- Don't be silly.
569
00:56:05,696 --> 00:56:08,745
You want good wife?
You be good husband.
570
00:56:08,907 --> 00:56:09,999
Darling, don't go.
571
00:56:11,285 --> 00:56:14,664
I no like you anyway.
You got little ding-a-ling.
572
00:56:29,595 --> 00:56:31,723
Some days you just
shouldn't get out of bed.
573
00:56:32,806 --> 00:56:34,558
In my opinion, you should wait here
574
00:56:34,725 --> 00:56:37,478
until I get back from Coober Pedy
with a new gas tank.
575
00:56:37,644 --> 00:56:40,818
Then again, you listened
to my last opinion.
576
00:56:41,189 --> 00:56:44,568
Forget it, Bob.
it's time we made a move.
577
00:56:44,735 --> 00:56:47,204
I'm just a gifted amateur round here.
578
00:56:47,362 --> 00:56:49,410
There's no way a nice frock
and a catchy tune
579
00:56:49,573 --> 00:56:51,246
can compete with three ping-pong balls,
580
00:56:51,408 --> 00:56:52,705
two cigarettes, and a pint of beer.
581
00:56:52,868 --> 00:56:54,791
If we break down, we break down.
I'll play it safe
582
00:56:54,953 --> 00:56:56,330
and stick to the main drag.
583
00:56:56,496 --> 00:56:59,090
Pardon the pun. Well, good-bye, Bob.
584
00:56:59,249 --> 00:57:01,502
Thanks for a very educational stay.
585
00:57:01,668 --> 00:57:04,012
Yes, I'd do anything to be able
to open a bottle like that.
586
00:57:05,297 --> 00:57:09,177
Bernadette, it's certainly been an honor
meeting a member of Les Girls.
587
00:57:09,343 --> 00:57:12,347
And may I say it's been an honor
to meet a gentleman.
588
00:57:12,512 --> 00:57:16,858
Believe me, Bob, these days
gentlemen are an endangered species.
589
00:57:19,853 --> 00:57:23,653
Unlike bloody drag queens,
who just keep breeding like rabbits.
590
00:57:31,365 --> 00:57:32,708
Oh, fuck it!
591
00:57:34,409 --> 00:57:38,164
Bob, fancy a free ride to Coober Pedy?
592
00:57:44,044 --> 00:57:46,388
Now listen, Bob,
let's get one thing straight.
593
00:57:46,546 --> 00:57:48,014
We may wear the frocks around here,
594
00:57:48,173 --> 00:57:50,676
but that doesn't mean that
you wear the pants.
595
00:57:50,842 --> 00:57:52,810
Right. Where will I sleep?
596
00:57:52,970 --> 00:57:54,768
Oh, anywhere that takes your fancy.
597
00:57:55,472 --> 00:57:56,974
The roof will do me fine.
598
00:57:58,475 --> 00:58:01,900
Thank you, Bob.
I don't know what to say.
599
00:58:02,062 --> 00:58:05,987
That's all right. Might as well get
there a few days earlier. Bit of R&R.
600
00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:09,578
God knows I need it.
601
00:58:33,051 --> 00:58:36,555
Can I ask you a personal question?
I mean, if you don't mind.
602
00:58:36,722 --> 00:58:37,939
Sure.
603
00:58:38,849 --> 00:58:42,854
Why? Why do you, you know...
604
00:58:44,938 --> 00:58:47,782
You mean, the $64,000 question?
605
00:58:47,941 --> 00:58:51,571
That's a girl.
Now, don't tear the wrapping paper.
606
00:58:51,737 --> 00:58:55,287
Just slide the ribbon off, and we can
see what Santa's brought you.
607
00:58:55,449 --> 00:58:59,625
Here it comes now. What is it?
608
00:58:59,786 --> 00:59:02,209
Oh, it's a... it's a...
609
00:59:04,708 --> 00:59:06,551
Cement mixer.
610
00:59:08,587 --> 00:59:12,387
Have you been changing
the cards around again, Ralph?
611
00:59:16,553 --> 00:59:19,056
So, I guess I had
no choice in the matter.
612
00:59:19,222 --> 00:59:22,522
Oh, for fuck's sake! Watch
where you're driving, you stupid bitch!
613
00:59:22,684 --> 00:59:24,527
What are you trying to do?
Fucking kill me or something?
614
00:59:24,686 --> 00:59:25,653
My fault.
615
00:59:25,812 --> 00:59:28,941
I'm sorry, Bob.
I thought it was Bernadette.
616
00:59:31,943 --> 00:59:35,698
One, two, three.
617
00:59:35,864 --> 00:59:37,491
Now, you're getting it.
618
00:59:37,657 --> 00:59:40,001
- Who taught you to waltz?
- My wife.
619
00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:41,207
Oh, how sweet.
620
00:59:41,369 --> 00:59:43,997
You and the missus, down at
Arthur Murray's every Tuesday night,
621
00:59:44,164 --> 00:59:45,632
practicing your little hearts out.
622
00:59:45,791 --> 00:59:47,964
- Makes me wanna sick up.
- She's a better dancer than you...
623
00:59:48,126 --> 00:59:51,721
- Married?
- Yes, married.
624
00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:55,475
We've only recently discovered young
Anthony here bats for both teams.
625
00:59:55,634 --> 00:59:58,683
- I do not.
- Oh, so we're straight.
626
00:59:58,845 --> 01:00:00,267
- No.
- Oh, we're not?
627
01:00:00,430 --> 01:00:01,852
So, we're a donut puncher after all?
628
01:00:02,015 --> 01:00:03,688
- No.
- Then what the hell are we?
629
01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:05,602
I don't fucking know!
630
01:00:08,438 --> 01:00:09,530
What the fuck's that?
631
01:00:15,195 --> 01:00:16,663
Good evening.
632
01:00:17,656 --> 01:00:19,033
Nice night for it.
633
01:00:20,575 --> 01:00:22,498
Oh, okay. Good night then.
634
01:00:23,703 --> 01:00:25,205
What a rude woman.
635
01:00:35,799 --> 01:00:39,144
And that's the power steering pump,
that's the radiator fan.
636
01:00:39,302 --> 01:00:41,145
- How interesting.
- Simple.
637
01:00:42,139 --> 01:00:45,018
That's the rubber band
that ties the whole thing together.
638
01:00:49,104 --> 01:00:51,277
Hey, who wants first bath?
639
01:01:07,706 --> 01:01:10,209
I won!
640
01:01:19,426 --> 01:01:20,723
Can I help you, ma'am?
641
01:01:30,937 --> 01:01:32,780
Okay, turn her over.
642
01:02:55,272 --> 01:02:56,649
That's it over there.
643
01:02:57,232 --> 01:02:58,984
It's an okay room with a shower.
644
01:02:59,150 --> 01:03:00,026
- I'm first!
- I'm first!
645
01:03:00,193 --> 01:03:02,161
Is hot water all
you can ever think about?
646
01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:05,665
No. A shower, a comfortable
bed, and a nice meal will do me fine.
647
01:03:05,824 --> 01:03:08,202
You think I'm gonna crawl
into the sack and watch television,
648
01:03:08,368 --> 01:03:11,497
- you got another thing coming.
- Now, look, you blokes watch your back.
649
01:03:11,663 --> 01:03:13,336
This is a pretty tough little town.
650
01:03:13,498 --> 01:03:14,715
They get up in the morning,
they go down a hole,
651
01:03:14,874 --> 01:03:16,467
they blow things up,
and they come up again.
652
01:03:16,626 --> 01:03:18,720
- That about sums things up.
- Fabulous!
653
01:03:18,878 --> 01:03:22,098
You're welcome to hang out with us, Bob,
if you've got nothing better to do.
654
01:03:22,257 --> 01:03:26,387
Yeah, I'm meeting some of the boys
at the old drive-in for a booze-up,
655
01:03:26,553 --> 01:03:28,555
- like the old days.
- I wanna go with Bob.
656
01:03:28,722 --> 01:03:30,349
I wanna go to the boys club!
I wanna go with Bob!
657
01:03:30,515 --> 01:03:32,313
You come and have supper
with us, Adam Whitely,
658
01:03:32,475 --> 01:03:35,024
or you'll stay in your room
by yourself and watch TV.
659
01:04:02,589 --> 01:04:06,344
- He's a good man, our Bob.
- Yeah.
660
01:04:07,635 --> 01:04:09,228
Not my type, though.
661
01:04:09,387 --> 01:04:12,641
Oh, don't come the raw prawn with me.
662
01:04:12,807 --> 01:04:15,686
I can spot the fluttering of a
beaded lash from 300 paces.
663
01:04:15,852 --> 01:04:19,447
Oh, get out. He's far too old.
664
01:04:20,607 --> 01:04:22,450
Mind you, so am I.
665
01:04:23,818 --> 01:04:25,741
Did you catch that mail-order bride?
666
01:04:27,989 --> 01:04:30,492
Why'd he marry? I'm dying to ask.
667
01:04:32,869 --> 01:04:34,792
- Sorry.
- That's all right.
668
01:04:34,954 --> 01:04:39,630
Don't worry about it.
You're the world's best husband.
669
01:04:39,793 --> 01:04:43,047
Given the chance,
a perfectly good father, too.
670
01:04:44,506 --> 01:04:46,133
Do you really think so?
671
01:04:46,299 --> 01:04:49,143
Why? Thinking about children?
672
01:04:50,261 --> 01:04:51,808
Yes, as a matter of fact.
673
01:05:09,823 --> 01:05:12,497
Do you have
The Texas Chainsaw Mascara?
674
01:05:16,329 --> 01:05:17,831
You ever wanted kids?
675
01:05:17,997 --> 01:05:21,968
Sure. But I've learnt not
to think about it.
676
01:05:25,338 --> 01:05:28,387
Do you think an old queen's
capable of raising a child?
677
01:05:28,550 --> 01:05:32,100
Well, Elizabeth did a pretty good job.
678
01:05:32,262 --> 01:05:34,185
Prince Charles is a wonderful boy.
679
01:05:34,806 --> 01:05:37,150
Edward's still a bit of a worry.
680
01:05:39,561 --> 01:05:41,609
What happens if they turn out like Adam?
681
01:05:42,730 --> 01:05:45,074
You stuff them back in
and ask for a refund.
682
01:05:48,736 --> 01:05:50,704
Stupid little shit.
683
01:05:51,739 --> 01:05:53,867
I dread to think what he's up to.
684
01:06:22,270 --> 01:06:26,070
Hello. I'm new in town.
685
01:06:27,066 --> 01:06:28,409
No kidding.
686
01:06:29,569 --> 01:06:32,573
Could I have a Bloody Mary, please?
687
01:06:32,739 --> 01:06:35,993
It's a beer or nothing, sweetheart.
688
01:06:37,410 --> 01:06:39,083
Well, I better have a beer then.
689
01:06:40,914 --> 01:06:41,915
Cheers.
690
01:06:46,294 --> 01:06:48,092
What are you all looking at?
691
01:06:51,257 --> 01:06:52,600
I'm sorry.
692
01:06:54,135 --> 01:06:57,981
We didn't mean to stare.
We don't usually get women down here.
693
01:06:58,932 --> 01:07:00,104
Oh.
694
01:07:01,267 --> 01:07:05,693
So what do women do around here
besides watching videos?
695
01:07:07,732 --> 01:07:10,656
Well, well, well. Look who we have here.
696
01:07:12,904 --> 01:07:14,281
You know that bloke, do you?
697
01:07:19,160 --> 01:07:20,252
No.
698
01:07:22,121 --> 01:07:25,796
So, who's gonna show me the sights?
699
01:07:27,835 --> 01:07:31,305
- Be my pleasure.
- Oh.
700
01:07:34,217 --> 01:07:35,719
So how about it?
701
01:07:39,138 --> 01:07:41,607
Well, I suppose a fuck's
now out of the question.
702
01:07:46,980 --> 01:07:48,482
Get her, Frank!
703
01:07:51,526 --> 01:07:55,281
Come on, boys.
Who wants to see my map of Tasmania?
704
01:07:56,155 --> 01:07:58,453
So I never got a chance
to tell my parents
705
01:07:58,616 --> 01:08:00,334
what a wonderful childhood I'd had.
706
01:08:03,538 --> 01:08:07,668
They never spoke to me again
after I'd had the chop.
707
01:08:12,797 --> 01:08:15,516
I think I have something to tell you.
708
01:08:17,969 --> 01:08:19,437
Oh, shit.
709
01:08:33,234 --> 01:08:35,987
Okay, fellows.
Let's not forget how to treat a lady.
710
01:08:36,154 --> 01:08:37,371
You fucking freak!
711
01:08:42,035 --> 01:08:43,332
Hold him down.
712
01:08:43,494 --> 01:08:45,997
- Spread his legs.
- No, please.
713
01:08:48,416 --> 01:08:50,418
Frank, stop!
714
01:08:50,585 --> 01:08:53,714
Stop! What the fuck
do you think you're doing?
715
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:55,598
You mean you do know this cocksucker?
716
01:08:55,757 --> 01:08:57,600
Get off him, you mongrel.
717
01:08:58,426 --> 01:09:01,930
He was joking, okay?
Now you leave the little bugger alone.
718
01:09:02,096 --> 01:09:05,066
- Get out of here, Bob.
- Cut it out, Frank.
719
01:09:05,224 --> 01:09:07,773
Put the faggot down
and get the fuck out of there, Bob,
720
01:09:07,935 --> 01:09:09,357
- or you'll be next.
- Frank.
721
01:09:09,520 --> 01:09:10,737
Get out of there!
722
01:09:10,897 --> 01:09:14,993
Stop flexing your muscles,
you big pile of budgie turd.
723
01:09:15,151 --> 01:09:17,199
I'm sure your mates
will be much more impressed
724
01:09:17,362 --> 01:09:21,208
if you just go back to the pub
and fuck a couple of pigs on the bar.
725
01:09:21,366 --> 01:09:22,868
Bernadette, please.
726
01:09:23,034 --> 01:09:25,332
Bernadette?
727
01:09:25,495 --> 01:09:29,250
Well, I'll be darned.
The whole circus is in town.
728
01:09:29,415 --> 01:09:31,759
I suppose you wanna fuck, too, do you?
729
01:09:31,918 --> 01:09:35,548
Come on, Bernadette.
Come and fuck me. That's it.
730
01:09:37,340 --> 01:09:40,640
Come on. Come and fuck me. Come on.
731
01:09:42,887 --> 01:09:44,059
Fuck me.
732
01:09:50,061 --> 01:09:52,905
There. Now you're fucked.
733
01:09:53,856 --> 01:09:56,700
You stupid, bloody idiot.
Drugs, for Christ's sake!
734
01:09:56,859 --> 01:10:00,363
Well, three cheers for you!
I hope you're bloody well happy now.
735
01:10:01,698 --> 01:10:02,699
Stupid, bloody fuckwit.
736
01:10:07,912 --> 01:10:09,129
it's funny.
737
01:10:10,456 --> 01:10:11,457
We all sit around
738
01:10:11,624 --> 01:10:15,549
mindlessly slagging off
that vile stinkhole of a city.
739
01:10:17,255 --> 01:10:19,804
But in some strange way,
it takes care of us.
740
01:10:21,634 --> 01:10:23,557
I don't know if that
ugly wall of suburbia
741
01:10:23,720 --> 01:10:29,318
has been put there to
stop them getting in or us getting out.
742
01:10:32,812 --> 01:10:33,904
Come on.
743
01:10:35,690 --> 01:10:37,408
Don't let it drag you down.
744
01:10:38,526 --> 01:10:39,994
Let it toughen you up.
745
01:10:41,571 --> 01:10:43,915
I can only fight
because I've learned to.
746
01:10:45,450 --> 01:10:47,168
Being a man one day
and a woman the next
747
01:10:47,326 --> 01:10:49,420
is not an easy thing to do.
748
01:10:52,498 --> 01:10:55,251
- Sorry. Can't help you.
- No worries, mate.
749
01:10:59,005 --> 01:11:01,508
Well, are we bunny-hopping
all the way to Alice?
750
01:11:01,674 --> 01:11:04,803
No good. He says the man to help us
is a fair way out of town.
751
01:11:04,969 --> 01:11:06,346
Like how fair?
752
01:11:06,512 --> 01:11:08,389
Couple of hundred klicks fair.
753
01:11:08,556 --> 01:11:10,979
No matter. Got nothing else to do today.
754
01:11:11,142 --> 01:11:12,815
Let's get out of here.
755
01:11:12,977 --> 01:11:14,775
Come on, Adam, we're not here.
756
01:11:43,758 --> 01:11:46,011
Some things are said
in the heat of the moment.
757
01:11:50,223 --> 01:11:52,317
I'm sorry I got angry
with you last night,
758
01:11:53,559 --> 01:11:55,402
although I daresay you deserved it.
759
01:11:56,395 --> 01:11:58,272
Anyway, that's enough of that.
760
01:12:00,149 --> 01:12:03,494
This is quite an experience,
sitting here with you now.
761
01:12:03,653 --> 01:12:08,159
I quite safely say that
I think your taste in clothing
762
01:12:08,324 --> 01:12:11,794
is absolutely terrible,
because you can't say a word, can you?
763
01:12:13,371 --> 01:12:15,419
Oh, this is great fun!
764
01:12:19,752 --> 01:12:20,844
We're going to have a problem
765
01:12:21,003 --> 01:12:22,676
finding this guy
with the tank, aren't we?
766
01:12:22,839 --> 01:12:25,388
- Why do you say that?
- Because he's not out here.
767
01:12:25,550 --> 01:12:27,769
He's out here. He's in Alice.
768
01:12:29,262 --> 01:12:31,890
Well, I can't go back
to Coober Pedy for a while.
769
01:12:32,056 --> 01:12:34,935
Not the most popular bloke
in the world back there anymore.
770
01:12:48,114 --> 01:12:49,457
Hello.
771
01:12:49,615 --> 01:12:53,210
- Hello.
- Who are you?
772
01:12:53,369 --> 01:12:55,292
I your wife.
773
01:12:57,915 --> 01:13:01,920
- Guess I'll be going home then.
- No, you no going. I coming, too.
774
01:13:02,086 --> 01:13:03,963
I your wife, see?
775
01:13:04,130 --> 01:13:05,632
I your wife!
776
01:13:05,798 --> 01:13:07,050
Silly girl.
777
01:13:08,801 --> 01:13:10,144
Should have done her homework better.
778
01:13:11,637 --> 01:13:13,731
She thought I was from Sydney.
779
01:13:13,973 --> 01:13:16,101
Why in God's name
did you bring her home?
780
01:13:16,976 --> 01:13:20,321
- She was me wife.
- Couldn't you sell her off?
781
01:13:20,479 --> 01:13:22,481
Oh, the party's over, everyone.
782
01:13:22,648 --> 01:13:25,993
It talks. Can't keep a good bitch down.
783
01:13:26,986 --> 01:13:28,659
What time do you reckon
we'll be in Alice Springs?
784
01:13:29,655 --> 01:13:31,578
Late tomorrow arvo.
785
01:13:31,741 --> 01:13:33,789
How long do you think you'll be staying?
786
01:13:33,993 --> 01:13:37,497
I don't know. Couple of days, maybe.
787
01:13:37,663 --> 01:13:41,167
Hey, big day for you tomorrow, eh?
We all get to meet the missus.
788
01:13:41,334 --> 01:13:45,885
I saw that smile, Felicia.
One word, one derogatory word,
789
01:13:46,047 --> 01:13:48,596
and I'm gonna take you back
to your mate in Coober Pedy.
790
01:13:50,426 --> 01:13:52,178
Look, please, everyone.
Tomorrow's gonna be a little tough.
791
01:13:52,345 --> 01:13:54,188
Please don't make it any harder
than it has to be.
792
01:13:54,347 --> 01:13:55,314
We're only teasing.
793
01:13:55,473 --> 01:13:57,976
We won't open our mouths
until you give the word.
794
01:13:59,101 --> 01:14:00,273
Then it's open season.
795
01:14:14,825 --> 01:14:16,953
Oh, well, time for bed.
796
01:14:17,119 --> 01:14:18,871
I've got to look good for the wife
in the morning.
797
01:14:19,038 --> 01:14:20,631
Come along, Adam.
Time for your beauty sleep.
798
01:14:20,790 --> 01:14:22,884
Come on.
799
01:14:24,251 --> 01:14:25,798
Will you two be joining us?
800
01:14:28,047 --> 01:14:29,845
I just thought I'd have one
for the road.
801
01:14:30,007 --> 01:14:33,102
- How about you, Bob?
- Sounds good to me.
802
01:14:33,260 --> 01:14:35,638
All right, then. See you in the morning.
803
01:14:36,097 --> 01:14:37,223
Good night.
804
01:14:39,850 --> 01:14:42,899
- Another piece of cake, Bob?
- No.
805
01:14:48,234 --> 01:14:52,330
So, tell me about you.
806
01:14:53,864 --> 01:14:57,368
Can't complain.
Life's a lot simpler now.
807
01:14:57,535 --> 01:15:00,584
I spent 30 years
wandering around the world
808
01:15:00,746 --> 01:15:04,421
only to find that I was better off
where I started.
809
01:15:05,918 --> 01:15:07,511
Not much, but it's my turf.
810
01:15:08,170 --> 01:15:09,262
Shit!
811
01:15:24,270 --> 01:15:25,362
Adam.
812
01:15:27,565 --> 01:15:28,657
Adam.
813
01:15:29,900 --> 01:15:33,029
- What?
- Guess who didn't come home last night.
814
01:15:39,952 --> 01:15:42,956
I've waited all my life for this.
815
01:15:43,122 --> 01:15:46,626
Bernice has left her cake
out in the rain.
816
01:16:28,793 --> 01:16:30,340
My fucking back's killing me.
817
01:16:30,836 --> 01:16:32,383
I need a crap.
818
01:16:32,546 --> 01:16:34,969
- Look, do you want me to go in?
- No, no, I'll go.
819
01:16:37,635 --> 01:16:39,637
Excuse me, sir.
You can't park your bus here.
820
01:16:39,804 --> 01:16:41,647
Are you planning on
staying at the hotel?
821
01:16:41,806 --> 01:16:44,810
Sorry. Could you direct me
to Marion Barber, please?
822
01:16:45,309 --> 01:16:47,858
- We're the cabaret act from Sydney.
- Oh, right. Right, yeah.
823
01:16:48,020 --> 01:16:49,818
Just go through to Reception,
and they'll take you right through.
824
01:16:49,980 --> 01:16:51,152
- Thanks.
- No worries.
825
01:16:51,315 --> 01:16:53,192
It's all right, Lenny,
it's the drag queens.
826
01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:58,576
Come on, Bob.
Let's go try on your new frock.
827
01:16:59,657 --> 01:17:00,829
Quay.
828
01:17:03,202 --> 01:17:06,126
- Just over there by the back bar.
- Thanks.
829
01:17:12,253 --> 01:17:14,847
No, those
three kegs didn't arrive.
830
01:17:15,005 --> 01:17:17,758
I need them today,
not tomorrow, but today.
831
01:17:17,925 --> 01:17:20,269
You're a doll. What an asshole.
832
01:17:25,057 --> 01:17:27,105
My God! Husband, husband!
833
01:17:27,268 --> 01:17:29,566
- it's so good to see you.
- Hiya, wife.
834
01:17:29,728 --> 01:17:31,605
You're a day late.
I was just gathering the search party.
835
01:17:31,772 --> 01:17:33,274
- Where are the others?
- They're outside.
836
01:17:33,440 --> 01:17:35,408
You've lost weight,
you rotten old queer.
837
01:17:35,568 --> 01:17:36,990
It's about fucking time.
838
01:17:37,153 --> 01:17:38,905
I can finally get into
that old one-piece of yours.
839
01:17:39,071 --> 01:17:40,869
- You know, the one with the sunflowers.
- You still got that?
840
01:17:41,031 --> 01:17:42,078
What the hell do you do with it?
841
01:17:42,241 --> 01:17:45,461
The Poseidon Adventure routine,
you know. Shelley Winters.
842
01:17:52,376 --> 01:17:53,969
Where is he?
843
01:17:57,923 --> 01:18:00,221
I'm very, very angry with you.
844
01:18:00,384 --> 01:18:04,685
There's one thing I'd like to do to you,
a good spanking.
845
01:18:04,847 --> 01:18:06,440
You forget it.
846
01:18:06,599 --> 01:18:08,317
Spank, spank, spank.
847
01:18:08,475 --> 01:18:10,477
I've got a good mind
to put you over my knee.
848
01:18:10,644 --> 01:18:14,444
- I'll spank, spank you back.
- Benj.
849
01:18:15,858 --> 01:18:16,950
Do you remember Tick?
850
01:18:25,159 --> 01:18:26,786
Hello, Tick.
851
01:18:31,916 --> 01:18:33,463
Hello.
852
01:18:35,628 --> 01:18:37,221
Where's the bloody bar?
853
01:18:42,176 --> 01:18:44,850
- Mr. Belrose?
- Yes?
854
01:18:46,138 --> 01:18:48,641
Congratulations. it's a boy.
855
01:18:53,812 --> 01:18:55,109
Shit!
856
01:18:55,522 --> 01:18:56,489
- You okay?
- What's the matter?
857
01:18:56,649 --> 01:18:58,026
- Help.
- Oh, my God.
858
01:18:58,859 --> 01:19:00,827
For Christ sake, Mitz,
why didn't you tell us?
859
01:19:00,986 --> 01:19:03,239
Why the hell did you have to
shock me like that?
860
01:19:05,157 --> 01:19:08,286
This lump on my head
is getting bigger by the second.
861
01:19:08,452 --> 01:19:11,001
I'm about to make
my Northern Territories debut
862
01:19:11,163 --> 01:19:13,632
looking like a fucking
Warner Brothers cartoon character
863
01:19:13,791 --> 01:19:15,338
has hit me over the head with an iron.
864
01:19:15,501 --> 01:19:16,969
I think you look more
like a Disney witch, myself.
865
01:19:17,127 --> 01:19:19,755
Oh, shut your face, Felicia.
At least I don't look like
866
01:19:19,922 --> 01:19:21,845
somebody's tried to open
a can of beans with my face.
867
01:19:22,007 --> 01:19:22,929
I'm sorry, girls.
868
01:19:23,092 --> 01:19:25,436
I couldn't stand the thought of you
bagging me on the bus for two weeks.
869
01:19:25,594 --> 01:19:27,346
Anyway, what difference
does it make now?
870
01:19:27,513 --> 01:19:29,515
About two inches to my head, for one.
871
01:19:29,682 --> 01:19:32,185
Did you get a good look at him?
He's got my profile, that's for sure.
872
01:19:32,351 --> 01:19:33,227
I think I'm gonna be sick.
873
01:19:33,394 --> 01:19:36,364
I hate to be practical here,
but does he know who you are?
874
01:19:36,522 --> 01:19:38,195
I mean, does he know
what you do for a living?
875
01:19:38,357 --> 01:19:42,533
He knows he has a father in the
show business, cosmetics industry.
876
01:19:42,695 --> 01:19:44,538
Oh, Lord. I don't understand.
877
01:19:44,697 --> 01:19:46,495
No, you don't understand,
so stop trying to.
878
01:19:46,657 --> 01:19:48,250
- It'll be fine.
- It better be.
879
01:19:48,409 --> 01:19:51,379
Hello! Stop wearing out that mirror.
880
01:19:51,537 --> 01:19:53,881
- Do you always knock before you enter?
- Always. Why?
881
01:19:54,039 --> 01:19:56,041
You haven't got anything to
hide in there, have you?
882
01:19:56,542 --> 01:19:58,636
All right, girls,
you're on in 10 minutes.
883
01:19:58,794 --> 01:20:00,637
Sweetheart, you've been on
ever since you were born.
884
01:20:00,796 --> 01:20:03,265
Hope you're ready to slay them.
The word's out, we've got a big crowd.
885
01:20:03,424 --> 01:20:06,052
- Like how big?
- A full house.
886
01:20:06,844 --> 01:20:07,720
Where's Benj?
887
01:20:07,886 --> 01:20:10,389
Safe and sound, asleep in bed.
Don't you worry about a thing.
888
01:20:10,556 --> 01:20:13,560
Okay, my little powder puff?
889
01:20:13,726 --> 01:20:16,070
- Can I come in?
- Now there's a gentleman.
890
01:20:16,228 --> 01:20:18,151
Of course you can, Bob.
891
01:20:19,815 --> 01:20:21,317
My Aunt Minnie in here?
892
01:20:23,694 --> 01:20:26,163
Don't mean to barge in.
Just wanted to wish you luck.
893
01:20:26,322 --> 01:20:28,120
- Thank you, Bob.
- Thanks.
894
01:20:29,575 --> 01:20:31,293
To make up for what happened last time.
895
01:20:31,452 --> 01:20:34,752
Thank you. That's so thoughtful.
896
01:20:34,913 --> 01:20:36,381
All right, girls,
let's get this show on the road.
897
01:20:36,540 --> 01:20:38,918
You, out. That's a
10-minute curtain call.
898
01:20:39,084 --> 01:20:40,085
Good luck.
899
01:20:43,922 --> 01:20:45,549
That's quite a wife
you've got there, Mitz.
900
01:20:45,716 --> 01:20:47,059
What does she do in her spare time,
901
01:20:47,217 --> 01:20:49,595
sand back the hulls of oil tankers
with her tongue?
902
01:20:49,762 --> 01:20:51,435
She sure is something.
903
01:20:52,890 --> 01:20:54,733
- Chookers, girls.
- Watch my jaw.
904
01:20:54,892 --> 01:20:55,939
Be careful with my head.
905
01:20:56,101 --> 01:20:58,149
Aren't we fabulous?
906
01:20:59,188 --> 01:21:02,283
Ladies and gentlemen,
Lasseter's Casino of Alice Springs
907
01:21:02,441 --> 01:21:06,321
presents Miss Mitzi Del Bra,
Miss Felicia Jollygoodfellow,
908
01:21:06,487 --> 01:21:08,455
and Miss Bernadette Bassenger,
909
01:21:08,614 --> 01:21:10,867
the Sisters of the Simpson Desert.
910
01:25:06,143 --> 01:25:08,237
Bravo! Brilliant!
911
01:25:08,395 --> 01:25:10,864
- Come on, everybody!
- More!
912
01:25:11,023 --> 01:25:13,697
More, more!
913
01:25:13,859 --> 01:25:15,406
More!
914
01:25:15,861 --> 01:25:18,705
- More!
- We want more!
915
01:25:18,864 --> 01:25:21,868
- Yes! Magnificent!
- Yeah!
916
01:25:22,034 --> 01:25:23,536
- Bravo!
- More!
917
01:25:23,702 --> 01:25:26,080
We want more!
918
01:25:28,290 --> 01:25:31,510
- Come on, snap out of it.
- Come on, mate.
919
01:25:31,668 --> 01:25:32,920
You'll be fine.
920
01:25:35,464 --> 01:25:36,511
Come on, love.
921
01:25:37,883 --> 01:25:39,009
That's it, mate.
922
01:25:40,302 --> 01:25:41,895
You scared us all for a minute.
923
01:25:42,054 --> 01:25:44,773
Just had to have that extra little bit
of attention, didn't you?
924
01:25:44,931 --> 01:25:46,899
Nice one, lovey. Nice one.
925
01:25:47,059 --> 01:25:49,858
Shit! What are you doing, Marion?
926
01:25:50,020 --> 01:25:50,896
You liar!
927
01:25:51,063 --> 01:25:53,065
- You told me he'd be in bed.
- Oh, shush!
928
01:25:53,231 --> 01:25:55,905
- Drink your daiquiri.
- I hate bloody daiquiri.
929
01:25:56,068 --> 01:25:58,321
No, you don't.
You love bloody daiquiris.
930
01:25:59,321 --> 01:26:02,416
At least now I know why drag queens
drink from such big glasses.
931
01:26:02,574 --> 01:26:06,420
- To make their hands look smaller!
- Oh, ha-ha, Marion.
932
01:26:06,578 --> 01:26:09,252
What am I going to say to the boy?
I've never been so embarrassed.
933
01:26:09,414 --> 01:26:11,087
- I think you're overreacting.
- Really?
934
01:26:11,249 --> 01:26:13,092
Yes, you're just being a drama queen.
935
01:26:13,251 --> 01:26:16,255
You're gonna have to drop all that shit
if you're gonna be a good father.
936
01:26:16,880 --> 01:26:18,553
And don't pretend to be surprised.
937
01:26:18,715 --> 01:26:20,433
I've kept my end of the bargain,
now it's your turn.
938
01:26:20,592 --> 01:26:22,344
Not forever,
maybe just for a couple of months.
939
01:26:22,511 --> 01:26:24,354
Why now?
940
01:26:24,513 --> 01:26:26,982
Because I haven't had a holiday
in eight years.
941
01:26:27,140 --> 01:26:29,438
I need a rest, Tick. I need some space.
942
01:26:31,269 --> 01:26:33,067
Reminds me of something I said
not so long ago.
943
01:26:33,230 --> 01:26:36,450
Well, I do. And besides, it's time
he knew who his father was anyway.
944
01:26:36,608 --> 01:26:39,737
Yeah, and that's the problem.
I mean, I don't know what to tell him.
945
01:26:40,278 --> 01:26:42,280
What do you assume I do, lie?
946
01:26:42,447 --> 01:26:44,950
Assumption, my dear Mitz,
is the mother of all fuck-ups.
947
01:26:45,117 --> 01:26:47,370
- Don't bitch to me. Bitch to him.
- Thanks for the...
948
01:26:47,536 --> 01:26:48,458
You might be in
for a pleasant surprise.
949
01:26:48,620 --> 01:26:49,792
...free advice.
950
01:26:58,130 --> 01:27:00,929
- Who is it?
- It's me, Bob.
951
01:27:05,137 --> 01:27:09,643
Your flowers were being mangled.
Thought I'd rescue them for you.
952
01:27:12,644 --> 01:27:15,113
Good idea. Thanks.
953
01:27:25,031 --> 01:27:28,035
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
954
01:27:33,498 --> 01:27:35,500
Do you know what your father
does for a living?
955
01:27:36,251 --> 01:27:37,423
Yeah.
956
01:27:41,006 --> 01:27:44,010
So I suppose you know
he doesn't really like girls then.
957
01:27:44,176 --> 01:27:46,645
Does he have a boyfriend at the moment?
958
01:27:47,637 --> 01:27:50,231
- No.
- Neither does mum.
959
01:27:50,390 --> 01:27:53,143
She used to have a girlfriend,
but she got over her.
960
01:27:58,106 --> 01:28:01,030
Do you want to come play in my room?
I've got Lego.
961
01:28:02,360 --> 01:28:03,532
Sure.
962
01:28:09,701 --> 01:28:11,328
Come on, butch, get a move on.
963
01:28:11,495 --> 01:28:13,839
We can't brand the cattle
all by ourselves.
964
01:28:14,956 --> 01:28:17,254
Great show last night.
You always end a number like that?
965
01:28:17,417 --> 01:28:19,340
Always.
966
01:28:21,671 --> 01:28:23,548
How'd you like to pick her up
every night, Sundance?
967
01:28:23,715 --> 01:28:24,682
Be a pleasure.
968
01:28:24,841 --> 01:28:26,559
I think that might include
taking the lady home every evening
969
01:28:26,718 --> 01:28:30,143
- and tucking her into bed, Jeff.
- What's the pay like, Marion?
970
01:28:30,305 --> 01:28:32,478
That one's gonna get himself
into trouble one day,
971
01:28:32,641 --> 01:28:35,269
and if you play your cards right,
you might just be the lucky fellow.
972
01:28:35,435 --> 01:28:36,937
Come on, all aboard.
973
01:28:41,399 --> 01:28:43,493
Just watch it with
the innuendos, Marion.
974
01:28:43,652 --> 01:28:45,654
At least give me a clear shot at this.
975
01:28:45,821 --> 01:28:49,121
You call dressing up like
a Xanadu production number a clear shot?
976
01:28:49,282 --> 01:28:52,081
Come on, Tick.
Who's kidding who around here?
977
01:28:52,244 --> 01:28:54,212
He sure as shit isn't.
978
01:29:08,426 --> 01:29:09,427
Swimming, swimming.
979
01:29:13,932 --> 01:29:15,934
Rock. Little Rock.
980
01:29:16,101 --> 01:29:17,603
Rock. Rock Hudson.
981
01:29:18,603 --> 01:29:20,526
You silly old gay.
982
01:29:21,273 --> 01:29:22,274
My turn, my turn!
983
01:29:22,774 --> 01:29:25,448
Okay, smarty-pants, you give it a go.
984
01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:27,074
Come on, then.
985
01:29:27,237 --> 01:29:29,331
- It's a...
- Person.
986
01:29:29,489 --> 01:29:30,786
- A sexy woman.
- Cat.
987
01:29:30,949 --> 01:29:32,201
Famous woman.
988
01:29:34,536 --> 01:29:35,788
- Baby.
- Rocking.
989
01:29:36,121 --> 01:29:37,623
I know this one.
990
01:29:37,789 --> 01:29:40,292
- Race horse.
- Cat. Scary cat.
991
01:29:40,458 --> 01:29:41,960
Scary moose.
992
01:29:42,460 --> 01:29:43,803
- Scary dog.
- I know, I know.
993
01:29:43,962 --> 01:29:45,259
No?
994
01:29:46,006 --> 01:29:47,383
Lindy Chamberlain.
995
01:29:49,175 --> 01:29:51,519
That was appalling, Benji.
Who taught you that?
996
01:29:51,678 --> 01:29:53,806
- Mum did.
- Lies, all lies.
997
01:29:55,765 --> 01:29:59,144
Come on, Adam. Up.
998
01:30:00,145 --> 01:30:03,820
Time is against us,
and we have things to do.
999
01:30:06,651 --> 01:30:10,155
- Come on, you butch thing, you.
- No, count me out.
1000
01:30:10,906 --> 01:30:12,533
- All for one.
- Come on, Tick.
1001
01:30:12,699 --> 01:30:13,871
No.
1002
01:30:17,787 --> 01:30:20,131
Come on, Adam,
let's get f rocked.
1003
01:30:26,671 --> 01:30:28,093
So...
1004
01:30:29,174 --> 01:30:32,303
What's it like to finally have a father?
1005
01:30:32,844 --> 01:30:34,517
It's okay.
1006
01:30:39,517 --> 01:30:41,144
Sorry about last night.
1007
01:30:41,311 --> 01:30:43,655
I don't always dress up
in women's clothes.
1008
01:30:43,813 --> 01:30:46,532
I mean, you know,
don't get the wrong idea.
1009
01:30:49,903 --> 01:30:51,701
I mean, I do a lot of
different stuff, you know,
1010
01:30:51,863 --> 01:30:56,994
like Elvis and Gary Glitter.
1011
01:30:57,160 --> 01:30:58,662
ABBA?
1012
01:31:02,290 --> 01:31:05,134
I'm not supposed to know
about the ABBA show,
1013
01:31:05,293 --> 01:31:07,011
but I'd really like to see it.
1014
01:31:07,963 --> 01:31:10,216
Would you do ABBA for me?
1015
01:31:11,841 --> 01:31:13,058
Sure.
1016
01:31:18,890 --> 01:31:20,608
You know what I am, don't you?
1017
01:31:22,268 --> 01:31:24,145
Mum says you're
the best in the business.
1018
01:31:26,523 --> 01:31:29,197
Well, your mother was always
prone to exaggeration.
1019
01:31:33,238 --> 01:31:36,538
Will you have a boyfriend
when we get back to Sydney?
1020
01:31:40,704 --> 01:31:42,206
Maybe.
1021
01:31:44,124 --> 01:31:45,626
That's good.
1022
01:31:57,679 --> 01:31:59,602
- Come on.
- Where are we going?
1023
01:31:59,764 --> 01:32:02,142
We're gonna unleash
the best in the business.
1024
01:32:10,358 --> 01:32:11,826
I had a dream.
1025
01:33:50,583 --> 01:33:53,553
Well, we did it.
1026
01:33:55,588 --> 01:33:57,090
It never ends, does it?
1027
01:33:57,715 --> 01:33:59,388
All that space.
1028
01:34:05,056 --> 01:34:06,273
So what now?
1029
01:34:07,642 --> 01:34:09,644
I think I wanna go home.
1030
01:34:12,021 --> 01:34:13,273
Me, too.
1031
01:34:15,358 --> 01:34:20,239
Well, then, let's finish
the shows and go home.
1032
01:34:35,503 --> 01:34:37,346
Hey, don't go without leaving me
your number, sunshine.
1033
01:34:37,505 --> 01:34:38,802
Already taken care of, Jeff.
1034
01:34:38,965 --> 01:34:40,842
It's at the far end
of the men's cubicle.
1035
01:34:41,009 --> 01:34:42,761
"For a good time, phone Felicia."
1036
01:34:42,927 --> 01:34:45,350
Hey, can we stop at McDonald's
on the way back?
1037
01:34:45,513 --> 01:34:46,435
That's a good idea.
1038
01:34:46,598 --> 01:34:48,100
I've had just about enough of
this shitty food. Fucking crawfish.
1039
01:34:48,266 --> 01:34:49,859
I don't know.
Where the hell do you start?
1040
01:34:50,018 --> 01:34:52,942
Stop it. Lay it on the line, husband.
Don't conceal a thing.
1041
01:34:53,104 --> 01:34:55,527
That's the key. And if he doesn't
like it, stiff bikkies.
1042
01:34:55,690 --> 01:34:56,942
He can always buy his own ticket back.
1043
01:34:57,108 --> 01:34:59,327
What happens when word gets out
that Mitzi's got a minor?
1044
01:34:59,485 --> 01:35:02,113
That's your problem, not his.
He knows when and where to listen.
1045
01:35:02,280 --> 01:35:03,998
Morals are a choice,
and he'll decide his own
1046
01:35:04,157 --> 01:35:05,875
when he's good and bloody well ready.
1047
01:35:06,034 --> 01:35:08,287
Well, that's it. You're all packed.
1048
01:35:08,453 --> 01:35:09,579
Gotta be joking.
1049
01:35:09,746 --> 01:35:12,670
We haven't got Bernadette's shoes
up on board yet.
1050
01:35:12,832 --> 01:35:15,176
I hate to say this.
Wish I was going with you.
1051
01:35:15,335 --> 01:35:19,135
Your gas tank will be fine.
Your axle may be another matter.
1052
01:35:19,297 --> 01:35:21,595
I'm sure the road home
will just be filled with bored mechanics
1053
01:35:21,758 --> 01:35:24,261
waiting for a bus full of drag queens
to spirit them away to a better life.
1054
01:35:24,427 --> 01:35:27,101
I wish. We're not even gonna
spirit gum at this rate.
1055
01:35:27,263 --> 01:35:29,357
- Where the hell's Bernadette?
- Here.
1056
01:35:31,434 --> 01:35:34,904
Come on, Cabanossi tits.
Where are your bags?
1057
01:35:35,063 --> 01:35:36,565
In my room.
1058
01:35:38,316 --> 01:35:41,160
I'm not going.
I've decided to stay here for a while.
1059
01:35:42,153 --> 01:35:44,997
Oh, really? And you're choosing
to tell us about this now?
1060
01:35:45,823 --> 01:35:48,542
She told me a few weeks back.
Just when I was looking for somebody
1061
01:35:48,701 --> 01:35:50,703
to handle the guest entertainment
while I'm away.
1062
01:35:50,870 --> 01:35:51,837
Oh, I get it.
1063
01:35:51,996 --> 01:35:54,840
Who's been playing
hide the sausage, then?
1064
01:35:56,209 --> 01:35:58,337
That's it.
Let's get out of here before I throw up.
1065
01:35:58,503 --> 01:35:59,675
Come on, Benj.
1066
01:36:01,172 --> 01:36:03,140
- Hope you can drive.
- Hey, not without a hug.
1067
01:36:09,639 --> 01:36:11,232
You sure?
1068
01:36:12,058 --> 01:36:13,435
No, I'm not sure.
1069
01:36:15,728 --> 01:36:18,072
But I'll never know
unless I give it a shot.
1070
01:36:33,871 --> 01:36:35,669
I'm as jealous as all hell.
1071
01:36:37,959 --> 01:36:41,384
Shit. Raccoon time again.
1072
01:36:45,049 --> 01:36:45,925
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
1073
01:36:46,092 --> 01:36:48,265
- Don't forget to write.
- See you. Wish I was staying.
1074
01:36:48,428 --> 01:36:51,227
- Bye. Take care of her now.
- Bye-bye!
1075
01:36:51,389 --> 01:36:52,732
Bye, Mum!
1076
01:36:53,558 --> 01:36:55,401
Yeah. See you, Ralph!
1077
01:39:37,263 --> 01:39:40,437
No, that's enough.
Oh, my tits are falling down.
1078
01:39:42,852 --> 01:39:44,399
Jesus!
1079
01:39:45,021 --> 01:39:49,026
Thank you! Thank you!
it's good to be home!82912
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