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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
00:00:07,216 --> 00:00:09,176
[NICK] All right, let's see.
How does this thing work?
3
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,303
Let me just get... [GRUNTS]
4
00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:12,596
Yeah, got it.
5
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:15,641
Finally. Now we can
watch our first porn.
6
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:18,018
[SOBBING] Missy!
7
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:21,521
I'll never love anyone again,
and no one will ever love me.
8
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:25,275
Ohh, Andrew, you know I really
don't like seeing weakness.
9
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,194
- [SOBS] I'm not crying.
- Uh-huh.
10
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,656
Maybe if I die, she'll
feel bad and take me back.
11
00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:34,743
Good idea. Or we could watch
the Sylvester Stallone porn.
12
00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:36,203
"The Italian Stallion,
13
00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:39,164
the story of two young lovers
beefing in a gross motel."
14
00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:43,377
Two young lovers? Oh, Missy,
why did you break up with us?
15
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:44,753
Goddamn it.
16
00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:46,505
Well, well, well, a hole.
17
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:50,175
[GASPS] Ooh! And crotch level,
no less. Mmm, yes, please.
18
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:54,179
All right, once I press play,
our lives will be changed forever.
19
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:56,765
I literally do not care about anything.
20
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:59,935
Hey, before we start, I want you
boys to meet my fiancée, Candice.
21
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:01,603
She's absolutely perfect.
22
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:04,648
I mean, the only downside
is the dick splinters.
23
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,189
[MUSIC PLAYING]
24
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,820
Hey, Kitty, you wanna hop
on this stallion or what?
25
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:13,657
- Sure, but I only ride bareback.
- Oh, yeah, great.
26
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,284
- Hoo hoo!
- Whoa...
27
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:18,328
Oh, yes. Oh, this is
great. You're great.
28
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,871
- [KITTY] Is it great?
- [STALLONE] Oh, that's great.
29
00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,915
Hey, Kitty, you gotta
do one thing for me.
30
00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:24,209
- [KITTY] What?
- Stroke the shaft, cup the balls.
31
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:25,961
- Whoa...
- [GRUNTING AND MOANING]
32
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,423
Adrian!
33
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:07,336
All right. Wrestling is apparently
not what we're doing here today.
34
00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:09,921
It's a field trip to
the police department.
35
00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:12,132
Matthew, you clearly lied to me.
36
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:15,844
The man rode on a bus for 20
minutes in a wrestling singlet
37
00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:17,346
and didn't ask a single question.
38
00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:19,806
I don't think I can keep
my balls to one side.
39
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,600
I really think I'm
gonna have to spread 'em.
40
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:24,269
All right, kids. Welcome to
the Bridgeton Police Department.
41
00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:25,687
Yes, son. Do you have a question?
42
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:28,482
Oh. Nah. I just keep my
hands up in a police station.
43
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:31,026
- You know, 'cause, uh, duh.
- That's a good call.
44
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,779
Hey, guys. Check it out, my first zit.
45
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,740
I guess watching The Italian
Stallion knocked something loose...
46
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,075
[CHUCKLES] you know, manhood-wise.
47
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,868
Oh, please. You call that a zit?
48
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:42,954
My crackne's so bad I
take Ortho Tri-Cyclen,
49
00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:45,666
which is basically birth control. Ha ha!
50
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,834
Up top. No? Fuck you, guys.
51
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:51,588
All right, everyone, file
in. This is our line up room.
52
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,465
That's one of those
two-way mirrors, right?
53
00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:56,009
So I can see them and they can see me?
54
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:58,553
You are thinking of a
window, you orangutan.
55
00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,222
Matthew, cutting deep.
56
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:04,142
- Oh, hi... hi, Andrew.
- Oh. Hi, Missy.
57
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,520
Okay, kids, let's see those profiles.
58
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:10,148
I was, um, just hoping that,
um, maybe we could be friends?
59
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:15,362
Oh, Missy, I can't be your friend
and just pretend I don't love you.
60
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:18,698
And then what? Someday I get
an invitation to your wedding,
61
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:21,410
and I watch you marry a guy named Joel.
62
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:23,161
What do you see in Joel?
63
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:25,414
I guess he's an
architect. He's a good man.
64
00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:27,541
Missy, I'm happy for you.
65
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:31,294
Sarge, we just found another dead
body with their ponytail cut off.
66
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,588
- The Ponytail Killer strikes again.
- Damn it!
67
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,382
Hold on. Is that what we're calling him?
68
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,260
'Cause I thought we were going
with the Ponytail Prowler?
69
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:41,388
- Why prowler? He's not a cat burglar.
- I like alliteration.
70
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,141
How about Ponytail, uh... Person?
71
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,101
That's nothing. That's
a nothing nickname.
72
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,145
Enough! Women are dying!
73
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:51,106
Now I want a catchy nickname on
my desk by the end of the day.
74
00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:55,193
So this is our crime lab. It's
where we analyze genetic evidence.
75
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,528
Can I have a volunteer?
76
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:59,448
How about you, the child
with the puffy lifeless eyes.
77
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:02,367
Your results might be tainted
because I'm empty inside.
78
00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:05,579
You guys realize DNA is a hoax
created by gay scientists, right?
79
00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:07,664
[GROANS] Stop quoting
your dad's law commercials.
80
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,542
- Oh, yeah? Maybe I will stop.
- Don't you dare.
81
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:18,467
- Oh, yeah, my mouth is sopping wet.
- No, no, don't talk, don't talk.
82
00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:24,181
Hey, that's the old pet
cemetery where my dad is buried.
83
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,265
Whoa!
84
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:29,269
That's Carole from my Curves gym
who yells at me for not being female.
85
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:32,773
And that's the bus driver with
the pretty, pretty ponytail.
86
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:34,441
What a coinkydink.
87
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:37,486
Sir, if you don't mind, we'd
like to ask you a few questions.
88
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:39,696
Me? A legit hang sesh?
89
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,240
Spoiler alert, I'm your guy.
90
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:44,576
Yeah, you just might be.
91
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,037
- Wait, wait.
- What?
92
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,582
Hey, I'm not complaining or anything,
but why do you keep kissing me?
93
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:53,251
I'm just acting out because my parents
are getting divorced. Don't stop.
94
00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:57,672
- Got it. But I crave emotional intimacy.
- Oh, boy.
95
00:04:57,756 --> 00:05:00,425
Because my parents have
a no-touch policy with me.
96
00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:02,969
So I don't really feel
human contact at all.
97
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,013
- Oh, God.
- Unless I trick people into touching me,
98
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:07,432
like, by pretending to be
falling down or something.
99
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:10,477
- What?
- I think I want more of a relationship.
100
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,187
- Does that sound gay?
- Um...
101
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,397
Baby, you gotta throw this boy a bone.
102
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,859
Anything to make him
start frenching you again.
103
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:21,530
- [GROANS] Fine. One date.
- Yes! Fuck yeah!
104
00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:23,698
Now smooch up on him.
105
00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:28,269
Oh, look at those
adorable little fingers.
106
00:05:28,270 --> 00:05:30,455
I can't stand being so close to her.
107
00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,374
You know what might
make you feel better?
108
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,876
Going home and watching porn again?
109
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,796
Ah, yes. The student
has become the master.
110
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,422
Oh, that would make a pretty good porn.
111
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,841
Hey, Andrew, who's that, like,
creature you're friends with?
112
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,134
The... the puberty guy?
113
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:44,886
- The hormone monster?
- Yeah.
114
00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:47,639
Now that I have this zit, I
feel like we should have a chat.
115
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,724
- He wants to talk to you.
- [GROANS]
116
00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:52,852
So, what makes you think you'd
be a good candidate for puberty?
117
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,605
Well, I'm almost 13, I
have kissed two girls,
118
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,942
and, of course... [CHUCKLES]
the old Yellowstone Caldera here.
119
00:05:59,025 --> 00:05:59,985
Nice callback.
120
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:03,363
So I know you, uh, recently
watched The Italian Stallion.
121
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:04,614
Did you cum?
122
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,283
Oh, yeah. Big time.
123
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,826
Oh, yeah? And what did that feel like?
124
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:10,829
Like puncturing a Capri
Sun on the first try?
125
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:13,290
[CHUCKLES] Okay. I
think we're done here.
126
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,458
Give me a call in, like,
I don't know, two years.
127
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:19,296
- Oh, come on, please. What about the zit?
- Oh, right. Yeah, let me see that.
128
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,423
- Ow!
- Look, your zit just came
129
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:23,967
- more than you ever have. [LAUGHS]
- [GROANS]
130
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,719
He was totally unreasonable
131
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:29,014
and he was, like, eating
pistachios the whole time, which felt rude.
132
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,600
Yeah, he loves pistachios.
I mean, he's a weird guy.
133
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:32,723
So I gotta go.
134
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,269
Hold on. Aren't you coming over?
135
00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:39,316
No, I have plans. I'm... I'm
going to my, um, aunt's wedding.
136
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,775
Your aunt's getting
married on a Thursday?
137
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,527
Yeah, she's cheap. Cheap lady.
138
00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:44,696
- Okay, let's hang out tomorrow.
- Okay.
139
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,448
Nice lie, baby.
140
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:49,868
I mean, the kid had no idea
that your aunt died years ago
141
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:54,205
after a slow miserable battle
with cancer. Ha ha! Idiot.
142
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:58,209
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?
143
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:01,630
What? We're gonna watch the
porn, so I can forget about Missy.
144
00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:02,797
The same one?
145
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,549
Oh, my little sweet potato,
146
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:07,135
there's a whole world
of pornography out there.
147
00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:09,012
In fact, you can trace erotica
148
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:12,015
all the way back to the early
Paleolithic cave drawings.
149
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:14,059
- Whoa.
- What's your safe word again?
150
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:16,853
Honestly, I'm embarrassed,
but it's "ooga-booga."
151
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,165
In the third century, the Kama Sutra
152
00:07:19,166 --> 00:07:20,166
became the standard go-to jerk work.
153
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:21,942
[ANDREW] Wow.
154
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:24,819
Sorry, can you just shift a
little bit? My leg is cramping.
155
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:27,781
You're cramping? I'm
upside fucking down.
156
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,199
Very well-researched.
157
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:33,244
Video changed the game, and for
a while flicks helped us fap.
158
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:36,289
Did someone order a pizza?
'Cause I already ate it.
159
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:39,209
Jesus, Ron, are you gonna
burp into my pussy again?
160
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,836
Why would that guy be in
a... Oh, it's quite big.
161
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:45,006
And, finally, the mother
of all pornovations...
162
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,466
the internet.
163
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:49,970
Everything you could ever
want, whenever you want it.
164
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:55,392
Amazing. Oh, but this
site says I need to be 18.
165
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:59,729
I think we're gonna be okay,
Andrew. I'm 75 million years old.
166
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,606
- [MOANING]
- Whoa.
167
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:03,817
[MOANING]
168
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,319
- Hi, Andrew. I like your fedora.
- Missy.
169
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:07,404
Hi, hi.
170
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,990
It's really nice being alone with you.
171
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:11,908
Andrew, we need to break up.
172
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:12,993
[GRUNTS]
173
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,620
I want you, Andrew.
174
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,706
- Welcome to jazz club.
- [WOMAN] Oh, yeah.
175
00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,374
See you at school tomorrow.
176
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:20,875
Seven minutes of...
177
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,128
[MOANING AND PANTING]
178
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,713
[ALARM CLOCK BUZZING]
179
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:29,300
- [MAN] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
- [WOMAN MOANING]
180
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:30,468
[SIGHS]
181
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,721
- Oh, boy, what a night.
- [ALARM STOPS]
182
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,848
- When did you finally go to sleep?
- I didn't.
183
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:37,976
Oh. Mature group pissing?
184
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:41,271
I guess I just got a little
bored of the solo pissing stuff.
185
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,690
- Uh-huh. Sure, okay.
- All right.
186
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:47,444
I guess I should go to school,
even though there's no porn there.
187
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,737
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
188
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:52,365
You can't leave your room like this.
Your mom will mature piss herself.
189
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,159
Oh, yeah, yeah. Good call.
190
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,910
I'm gonna toss all these
in the kitchen garbage.
191
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:59,080
Are you crazy? You gotta go
offsite with this biohazard.
192
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:00,665
- [SHATTERING]
- Oh, boy.
193
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,834
The synagogue, huh?
194
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:06,379
I guess the smell of pickled herring
will hide the scent of your seed.
195
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:09,466
- That's exactly what I was thinking.
- You're very smart.
196
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:13,511
And chemical bonds that exist
between two atoms that share electrons
197
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:17,515
- are called covalent bonds.
- [TAPPING ON CHALKBOARD]
198
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:18,933
- Andrew.
- Huh? What?
199
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:22,270
Can you give us an example of
a molecule with a covalent bond?
200
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,606
Um... a big molecule?
201
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,399
You haven't been
listening at all, have you?
202
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:29,527
You're being very, very bad.
203
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,407
Do you need to be punished, Andrew?
204
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:38,536
Oh, I need to be punished
'cause I'm a bad little baby.
205
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,790
Why don't you bend me over that
desk and spank me on the ass?
206
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,124
Excuse me, Mr. Glouberman?
207
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:44,248
Oh, hi.
208
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:47,003
He wants you to spank him on
his ass as if he were a baby,
209
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,255
even though he's not actually a baby.
210
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,382
But he wants it over the desk
because he's a bad little bitch.
211
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,220
All right, so where were you
on the night of August 21?
212
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:58,056
Let's see. I was home by myself.
213
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:02,268
- What about September 11th?
- Oh, my birthday. I was home alone.
214
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,436
September 28th?
215
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,939
I was watching Home
Alone at home, alone.
216
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:09,400
Sir, I gotta tell you,
based on your lack of alibi
217
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,903
and your various
connections to the victims,
218
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:14,364
you are currently a person of interest.
219
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,865
So let me get this straight:
220
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:19,285
you think that I am
interesting and also a person?
221
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:24,958
You're the person, Steve. You
have the right to remain awesome.
222
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:28,294
- Hey, Andrew.
- What, Missy?
223
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:31,631
Oh, well, I just saw what
happened in Science class.
224
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:32,966
Is... is everything okay, Andrew?
225
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:35,260
Yep. Hunky-dory. Okay, bye.
226
00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:36,469
We're going to my house, right?
227
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,180
No, I gotta go home
to the baseball game.
228
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:40,598
- What?
- With my aunt.
229
00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:43,268
Why is your aunt going to a baseball
game the day after her wedding?
230
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,728
I don't know, Nick. Why
would you suck on a strap-on?
231
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:49,023
The thing's made of plastic. Who
benefits from that? I have to go.
232
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,400
What's going on with Andrew?
233
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,528
I don't know, Missy, but I'm
pretty sure it's your fault.
234
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,613
Oh, no. I don't doubt it.
235
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:57,365
[PANTING]
236
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:58,533
All right.
237
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:01,494
No. What the hell? The Wi-Fi is out.
238
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:05,290
No big deal. We don't need porn.
Let's just use our imaginations.
239
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:07,167
You remember what tits look like, right?
240
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:10,545
They're like... like, like round boxes.
241
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:15,091
- Why doesn't anything in this house work?
- Yeah. Why doesn't anything work?
242
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,677
- What are you talking about?
- This house sucks.
243
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,221
- Yeah, it does suck.
- Why is it my fault?
244
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,931
[YELLS]
245
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,475
You know who's funny?
The Big Bang Theory.
246
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:28,479
May I offer you a beverage? Ta-da!
247
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:31,149
Why isn't your magic as
annoying as it used to be?
248
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:34,360
'Cause he looks like a sexy porcupine.
249
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:37,071
You know, my dad called your dad
about being his divorce lawyer.
250
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:40,742
Oh, boy. Guy Bilzerian
is gonna destroy your mom.
251
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:41,868
She deserves it.
252
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:45,079
My dad's living in the basement.
There's no bathroom down there.
253
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:47,582
He has to shower in the
backyard. It's so sad.
254
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,084
My dad has a shower in his office.
255
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:52,670
He and his receptionist
both have robes there.
256
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,672
Your dad is screwing his receptionist?
257
00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,507
Oh, I never thought of it like that.
258
00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:58,051
- Oh, my God.
- Fuck.
259
00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,260
Both our houses suck.
260
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:01,971
Yeah. But spending time
with you doesn't suck.
261
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,181
Aww.
262
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,390
[MAN] Oh, no.
263
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,643
[HEAVY BREATHING]
264
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,396
Ponytail.
265
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,319
[DOORBELL RINGING]
266
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,822
Oh, Andrew. Are you sick?
Have you lost a lot of fluids?
267
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,157
No, Mrs. Birch. I'm fine.
268
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,160
He's not fine. A cardiologist
knows a broken heart.
269
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:27,288
- Aww, you poor baby.
- And there's only one cure.
270
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:30,541
A hug from your friend's father
while he holds a magazine.
271
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,835
I thought you were going to a
baseball game with your aunt?
272
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,171
Oh. Um, a foul ball hit her in the face,
273
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,965
- so she died in 2011.
- What?
274
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:39,175
Can I use your bathroom? Does
your bathroom have a lock?
275
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,594
- You wanna use it right now?
- Oh, and what's your Wi-Fi password?
276
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,930
Oh, that's "WE LOVE
OUR CHILDREN," all caps.
277
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:47,433
- I gotta go.
- Have fun surfing the web. [CHUCKLES]
278
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:51,729
Oh, Andrew, you make me feel so good.
279
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,648
So can you take your clothes off?
280
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:56,359
But you must go to my
Amazon wish list first
281
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,861
and buy me mini fridge.
282
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:01,531
You'll take off your clothes
if I buy you a mini fridge?
283
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:05,910
[SVETLANA] Yes. I'm so hot,
but I must be made cold.
284
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:06,995
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- [MUFFLED GASP]
285
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:09,747
Andrew, you okay? Who
are you talking to?
286
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,082
[ANDREW] Occupied.
287
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,043
Hey, sweetheart, you need to
take a break from pornography.
288
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,838
What? Are you kidding? I thought
you were a hormone monster.
289
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,923
Hey, you know I'm all
about jacking that stack,
290
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:22,385
living that horndog life, whoop-whoop!
But this is pure compulsion.
291
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:25,096
You've taken something
beautiful and made it ugly.
292
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:26,973
Well, then get lost, Maury.
293
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:28,307
Wow, that's cold.
294
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:29,851
[SIGHS] Goodbye, kiddo.
295
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,436
Whoop-whoop.
296
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:32,937
And then, after all those lies,
297
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,398
he comes over and locks
himself in the bathroom.
298
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:39,485
- It doesn't make any sense.
- It's as clear as day. He's doing smack.
299
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:41,279
I don't know. That
doesn't sound like Andrew.
300
00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:44,032
My friend Booger Wheeler
got left by a lady.
301
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,325
Sent him straight to
the needle. [CHORTLES]
302
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:50,455
♪ And he died with his eyes open wide ♪
303
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:52,373
So, what are you saying? It's hopeless?
304
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,792
No. Go save your friend.
305
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:58,171
Kick down the door, grab his
drugs and bring him up here.
306
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:02,800
♪ And don't forget to bring a spoon ♪
307
00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:06,888
- [MAN] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
- [MOANING AND PANTING]
308
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,640
Oh, Andrew. Hey, great.
309
00:14:09,654 --> 00:14:10,680
Whoa, what the... ?
310
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,102
- Why don't you come in here, join us?
- Me?
311
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,396
Yeah, you. Could it be? Don't know.
312
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,483
Adrian, you stole a cookie
from the cookie jar.
313
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,610
- Uh, I'm Andrew.
- Yeah, this is Cookie.
314
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,693
My name's Kitty.
315
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,739
Hey, and I'm great. Come on in,
buddy. Yeah, through the screen.
316
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,158
- What? Come in?
- That's it. Closer.
317
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:30,203
Okay, I don't know why I
trust you, but I... whoa!
318
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,832
Andrew, open up. Put down the needle.
319
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,250
[GRUNTING]
320
00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:37,877
- Andrew?
- He's gone.
321
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,880
- Did he OD on heroin?
- Heroin? No.
322
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:42,590
He's addicted to pornography.
323
00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:47,095
Nick, Andrew has been
sucked into the PornScape.
324
00:14:47,578 --> 00:14:48,593
The what?
325
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:53,017
An alternate dimension where
pornography comes to life.
326
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,519
PornScape.
327
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,854
- [MAN] Oh, yeah.
- [NICK] Oh, God.
328
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:57,939
- Oh, yeah.- Andrew!
329
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:00,233
If we don't get him out
of the PornScape soon,
330
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,801
he'll never be able to connect to anyone
331
00:15:01,802 --> 00:15:04,112
on an emotional or sexual level.
332
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:05,655
- Take my hand, Ned.
- It's Nick.
333
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,073
Yeah, that's what I said.
334
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,450
- Just squeeze a little bit. No.
- Okay. I'm a little...
335
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:11,994
Sorry, can you just shift a
little? My leg is cramping.
336
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:16,332
Oh, you're cramping?
I'm upside fucking down.
337
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:20,128
Ugh! The synagogue
where Cantor Dina works.
338
00:15:20,211 --> 00:15:22,004
I just wanna, like, do something to it.
339
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,840
Let's throw a brick through a window.
340
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,008
Um, of the synagogue? That's
a little hate crimey, Jay.
341
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:31,639
What if we let it be known
that Cantor Dina, as a snack,
342
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:32,932
eats little pieces of shit?
343
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,767
Why is that your go-to thing?
344
00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,102
- [THUMP]
- What's that?
345
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,312
- [MEOWING]
- Aww.
346
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:40,690
What's wrong, buddy? What's in there?
347
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,317
[SCREAMING]
348
00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:45,319
- [JAY] Holy shit!
- [JESSI] Oh, my God! There's a dead body!
349
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,822
- Will you be my girlfriend?
- What? This is not the time!
350
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,532
- Then when is?
- Not now!
351
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,285
- I'm in love with you, Jessi!
- [SCREAMING]
352
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:57,248
- Whoa. The Italian Stallion?
- Hey, great.
353
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,375
We're looking for
Andrew. Have you seen him?
354
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,919
Pear-shaped, glasses,
smells like cold pasta.
355
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,922
Oh, yeah. I thought his name was Adrian.
356
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:07,758
He's the king. 'Cause,
you know, he's a good king.
357
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:12,013
- Yeah, well, we need to talk to him.
- Oh, you don't talk, though, you listen.
358
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:14,098
You know, in here, we're
all his children, right?
359
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:16,100
- I mean, the guy is a sex god.
- [NICK] Huh.
360
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,853
- Do you know how to find him?
- Yeah, he's up the River Dicks.
361
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:21,063
I'll take you there,
and this hairy guy too.
362
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:24,692
Get over here. Give me a kiss.
Get the fuck outta here. Let's go.
363
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,322
- Ooh, ooh, ooh!
- [MOANS]
364
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:31,616
What is this place?
365
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:33,784
What you're seeing is
Andrew's search history.
366
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:36,204
Everything he watched,
you know, come to life.
367
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:40,041
Hey, great. It's Mickey,
Paulie, and all the gals.
368
00:16:40,425 --> 00:16:41,459
This is my fault.
369
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:44,170
I never should've forced Andrew to
watch The Italian Stallion.
370
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,631
Uh... maybe I had
something to do with it,
371
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,591
you know, ravaging him
with puberty and all.
372
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,093
Speaking of, when are you
gonna ravage me with puberty?
373
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,513
Oh, this again. You're just not ready.
374
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:56,599
Then why did you bring me
along to this porn world?
375
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,267
It's called the PornScape.
376
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,353
It's a cool name. Please use it.
377
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,396
I brought you to the PornScape
378
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,732
because Andrew listens
to you. He respects you.
379
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:07,151
Hey, no offense, but we're here.
380
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,990
- But where's Andrew?
- Adrian? Hey, king's in there.
381
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:14,032
[HORMONE MONSTER] Whoa.
382
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,867
It's the heart from the science museum
383
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,079
where I skullfucked Garrison Keillor.
384
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:21,082
Andrew and Missy almost kissed
there, but that's not relevant.
385
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,250
All you need to know
386
00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:24,794
is that I put my penis in
Garrison Keillor's skull.
387
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,215
- [MUFFLED SHOUT]
- Aah!
388
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:31,509
- Sorry. You can't go in there.
- [ANDREW] Ah-pah-pah!
389
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:33,344
Bring them to me.
390
00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:40,893
- Oh, Andrew. Jesus Christ.
- [BLEATING]
391
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,854
- Whoa, great jack shack, man.
- What's that shirt?
392
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:45,690
My porn shirt?
393
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:49,008
It's from my Dracula
costume from two years ago.
394
00:17:49,009 --> 00:17:50,530
- Halloween.
- Uh-huh.
395
00:17:50,534 --> 00:17:52,655
- What brings you travelers here?
- We're here to save you.
396
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,323
I choose not to be saved.
397
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:58,244
Yes, he wants to stay and
buy me mini dishwasher.
398
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:01,372
Small, but can fit big plates.
399
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:03,165
You know, you haven't
taken anything off yet.
400
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,875
Andrew, this isn't who you are.
401
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:07,420
You're not a sex freak.
You're a sweet guy.
402
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,755
You don't like all of
this. You like Missy.
403
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,674
- [GROANS]
- [RUMBLING]
404
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,637
No. It hurts too much out there.
Nobody can hurt me in here.
405
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:17,722
But this isn't real.
406
00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:20,391
- It is to me, Nick. It is...
- [SMACKING]
407
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:22,810
Will you stop spanking him for
five seconds while I'm talking?
408
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:23,805
Uh, sorry, boss.
409
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,813
Okay, fine. Let's do this.
410
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:27,481
If you won't leave, I won't either.
411
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:30,276
I'll throw away my life and be
a part of your crazy porn world.
412
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:34,196
Scape. It's a PornScape.
Why is this so hard for you?
413
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,907
Whatever. PornScape. Sign me up.
414
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:40,161
I'll jack off that guy
and rim job that girl,
415
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,746
and eat everyone's ass out.
416
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:43,998
- That's what a rim job is, Nick.
- Exactly.
417
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,958
The rim of his anus. It
couldn't be more clear.
418
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,501
You see what I'm dealing
with here, Andrew?
419
00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,086
Oh, fine. Who cares?
420
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:51,005
Come and get me, you freaks.
421
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:53,341
Yeah. Okay.
422
00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:54,925
[SHUDDERS] Uh-oh.
423
00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:57,928
Uh, Andrew, we need to get this
kid outta here, like, right now.
424
00:18:58,012 --> 00:19:01,557
He's gonna get molested and I
don't mean fun babysitter molested.
425
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,809
- Andrew?
- [SVETLANA] I want you.
426
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:04,805
No!
427
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:08,356
Hey, leave him alone. He's
not ready for any of this.
428
00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:10,941
Maurice, let's get out of here.
429
00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,652
- [PANTING]
- Oh, shit.
430
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:15,571
These horny fucks are so fast.
431
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,531
[BLEATING]
432
00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:21,661
[PANTING] Oh, I'm out of
shape. I gotta smoke less.
433
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,708
Hey, you ain't leaving with our
king. I mean, the king's great.
434
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:31,045
Boys, take the boat and go on without
me. I'll hold off the Stallion.
435
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:34,965
- But, Maury, we can't leave you.
- Go, boys. Go, now!
436
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:37,301
Let's see what you got, you juiced pig.
437
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:41,138
Hey, this isn't great.
438
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,767
[MOANING AND GRUNTING]
439
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,228
Cowabunga!
440
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,398
This is great!
441
00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,066
[MONSTER GROANING]
442
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,901
Oh. I feel bad for him.
443
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:59,156
No. He's told me many times this
is exactly how he wanted to go.
444
00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:02,284
- Andrew, wait!
- Missy?
445
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,662
- What are you doing here?
- I... I came to find you.
446
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:07,081
- Guys, we gotta get out of here.
- We can be happy here.
447
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:09,333
- I wanna get back together with you.
- Really?
448
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,419
Andrew, you can't stay here with Missy.
449
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:13,963
Oh.
450
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,382
- That's not really Missy.
- How do you know?
451
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:20,386
[SIGHS] Because the real Missy
doesn't want to be with me.
452
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:22,471
Also, look at her feet.
She got those dildo feet.
453
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,473
- Okay, let's go.
- Well, you know what, Andrew?
454
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,309
[VOICE DISTORTS] You
aren't going anywhere.
455
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:28,853
[ROARING]
456
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,024
[SCREAMING]
457
00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:37,902
[GROANS]
458
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,822
- Oh, God, we made it.
- [SIGHS]
459
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,157
I don't know if you noticed,
460
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,160
but, Nick, I've got a real
problem with the pornography.
461
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:48,164
Yeah. Some old people pissed
on us, and it smelled different.
462
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,207
My guess is it's all
the vitamins they take.
463
00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:51,542
It's all the supplements, yeah.
464
00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:55,045
Then we heard a noise, and me and
my very serious girlfriend, Jessi,
465
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,047
opened the lid and saw a dead body.
466
00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:59,967
- And, uh, you're the girlfriend?
- Uh, not exactly.
467
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,594
Then what is this guy to you?
468
00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:03,387
You're going steady? You pinned her?
469
00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:06,140
- Yeah. What am I to you?
- You're a guy that I kiss sometimes.
470
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:08,058
That's nothing. That's
a nothing relationship.
471
00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,042
Women are dying!
472
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:12,396
So I want you to define your
relationship by the end of the night.
473
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,107
That noise they heard must have
been our guy dumping the victim.
474
00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:17,777
All the while we got
Coach Steve in custody,
475
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:22,114
which means, gentlemen, that
he cannot be Jon Bon Ponytail.
476
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:24,450
You stop trying to make that work!
477
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:26,786
- Sir, you're free to go.
- [CHUCKLES]
478
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:28,621
But am I free to stay, my friend?
479
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,664
That don't make no never mind to me.
480
00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:33,626
- Well, I guess we should go home.
- Ugh.
481
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:36,295
- I don't wanna go home.
- Yeah, me neither.
482
00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:37,838
The dogs probably ate my dinner by now.
483
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:39,340
What if we don't go home?
484
00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:40,758
You mean, like, go to a movie,
485
00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:42,426
or sneak into the
cemetery and sleep there?
486
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:44,929
- No.
- I know a pretty empty mausoleum.
487
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:46,514
I mean, like, get out of here.
488
00:21:46,597 --> 00:21:49,391
Run, child. Run away to Mexico.
489
00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:50,559
We'll live on the beach
490
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:53,103
and get those weird little
braidy things in our hair.
491
00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:55,147
Let's go somewhere far away.
492
00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:56,732
- Seriously?
- Seriously.
493
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:58,984
Because I am a hundred
percent on board for this.
494
00:21:59,068 --> 00:22:01,111
I have a go-bag right here.
495
00:22:01,195 --> 00:22:03,364
Okay, we need to run before
I change my mind. Let's go.
496
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:06,116
It's just all loose tortilla chips.
497
00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:08,410
[MONSTER] Hello, Nick.
498
00:22:09,537 --> 00:22:11,997
- [GROANING]
- Are you all right? How'd you get out?
499
00:22:12,081 --> 00:22:14,041
- I fucking fucked all those fucks.
- Yeah.
500
00:22:14,124 --> 00:22:16,293
On that note, I think you were right.
501
00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:18,462
I'm not ready for
puberty. I'm gonna wait.
502
00:22:18,546 --> 00:22:20,965
Oh, no, no, Nick.
It's not your decision.
503
00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:23,008
In fact, check your mons.
504
00:22:23,092 --> 00:22:24,844
- Hey, Nick.
- What it do?
505
00:22:24,927 --> 00:22:26,679
We are your curly new pals.
506
00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:29,139
Are we in Tampa? 'Cause
it's hot and stinky.
507
00:22:29,223 --> 00:22:31,475
- I don't wanna be here.
- No, we're not in Tampa.
508
00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:33,352
We're in Crotch City, USA.
509
00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:34,478
Hi, guys.
510
00:22:34,562 --> 00:22:36,105
Does this mean I'm
going through puberty?
511
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:39,900
- Are you gonna be my hormone monster?
- Uh, no, not exactly.
512
00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:42,111
You'll be working with
my friend Rick. Great guy.
513
00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:44,405
- Where is he? Where's the kid?
- What?
514
00:22:44,488 --> 00:22:48,367
He can't even see me. And
there's shit running down his leg.
515
00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:53,163
- We're gonna have a lot of fun, man.
- No, no. I don't accept this.
516
00:22:53,247 --> 00:22:54,689
I'm gonna have my mom call a doctor.
517
00:22:54,690 --> 00:22:56,917
There's gotta be a
shot I can take, right?
518
00:22:57,001 --> 00:22:59,920
You want me to teach
you how to masturbate?
519
00:23:01,639 --> 00:23:02,715
[SIGHS]
520
00:23:02,798 --> 00:23:04,883
Well, one door closes,
521
00:23:05,759 --> 00:23:07,094
and another opens.
522
00:23:07,678 --> 00:23:09,513
- [SCREAMS]
- Get down on the ground, you sick fuck!
523
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:11,890
- Oh, my God, what's happening?
- You're under arrest.
524
00:23:11,974 --> 00:23:13,475
What are you doing to my boy?
525
00:23:13,559 --> 00:23:15,561
I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings,
526
00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:17,605
but your boy here is a
perverted killer, ma'am.
527
00:23:17,605 --> 00:23:18,631
I knew it!
528
00:23:18,647 --> 00:23:20,855
His DNA was found all over a dead body
529
00:23:20,856 --> 00:23:23,319
in the synagogue dumpster. All over.
530
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:24,778
[GASPS] My jizz socks.
531
00:23:24,862 --> 00:23:27,615
There was so much semen, at first
we thought a horse had done it.
532
00:23:27,698 --> 00:23:29,992
I know who you are, you little bastard.
533
00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:32,494
You're the ponytail something.
534
00:23:32,578 --> 00:23:34,496
Guys, please, I'm just some weird kid.
535
00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:36,707
- Detective, check this out.
- Who's this?
536
00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:39,752
- Your next victim?
- That's my associate Susan.
537
00:23:39,835 --> 00:23:41,670
And what the hell is this here now?
538
00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:44,423
That's not mine. That's
the hormone monster's.
539
00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:46,884
Oh, my God. My son is deranged.
540
00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:49,303
Let me guess, the monster did this too.
541
00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:53,390
Yes. He wanted to climax in my
wall. Why am I saying all of this?
542
00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:58,354
Andrew, my son, I can't believe
you made a hole in my drywall.
543
00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:01,065
- Officers, take him away.
- No, guys. Ow, ow!
544
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:05,903
I'm gonna have to go to
Home Depot on a Sunday.
545
00:24:05,986 --> 00:24:08,822
Why, Andrew? Why?
546
00:24:08,906 --> 00:24:10,157
[CELL DOOR RATTLING]
547
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:11,909
Hey. How you doing, buddy?
548
00:24:11,992 --> 00:24:13,827
I'm terrified, Nick.
549
00:24:13,911 --> 00:24:17,665
My cellmate called me a pretty shit
today. It's a real mixed message.
550
00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:21,085
[GRUNTS] I think we need to
start accepting and enjoying.
551
00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:23,879
Don't worry, we'll get you
out of here. You're innocent.
552
00:24:23,962 --> 00:24:25,214
You are innocent, right?
553
00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:28,801
'Cause your DNA was found,
like, all over the body.
554
00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:29,885
Under the eyelids...
555
00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:31,553
Nick, of course I'm innocent.
556
00:24:31,637 --> 00:24:35,099
They're saying I'm a serial killer,
but I'm just a chronic masturbator.
557
00:24:35,182 --> 00:24:38,102
Stop quoting my law commercials.
558
00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:40,187
Guy Bilzerian? What are you doing here?
559
00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:43,524
I'm your fucking lawyer, and
you're fucking going home, fucknuts.
560
00:24:43,607 --> 00:24:44,507
I am?
561
00:24:44,525 --> 00:24:45,567
The good news is,
562
00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:47,528
there's security footage
of the real killer
563
00:24:47,611 --> 00:24:49,738
throwing the body in
the synagogue dumpster.
564
00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:51,115
Oh, thank God.
565
00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:52,408
The bad news is,
566
00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:56,078
there's also footage of you
tossing dozens of jizz-soaked socks
567
00:24:56,161 --> 00:24:57,579
in the same dumpster.
568
00:24:57,663 --> 00:24:59,707
And it's gone viral.
569
00:25:01,667 --> 00:25:04,211
- And this is where you fart?
- Yup.
570
00:25:04,294 --> 00:25:05,838
And this is where I picked my nose.
571
00:25:05,921 --> 00:25:07,464
- [NICK LAUGHS]
- [ANDREW GROANS]
572
00:25:07,548 --> 00:25:09,007
How will I face the kids at school?
573
00:25:09,091 --> 00:25:11,802
Look, I know this all seems
embarrassing now, boys,
574
00:25:11,885 --> 00:25:15,723
but maybe one day you'll
look back on this time fondly.
575
00:25:15,806 --> 00:25:18,350
And perhaps even make
something beautiful out of it.
576
00:25:18,434 --> 00:25:21,770
What? Like a show about a
bunch of kids masturbating?
577
00:25:21,854 --> 00:25:24,314
Isn't that basically just
like child pornography?
578
00:25:24,398 --> 00:25:26,233
Holy shit. I hope not.
579
00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:29,111
I mean, maybe if it's animated,
we can get away with it.
580
00:25:29,820 --> 00:25:30,821
Right?
581
00:25:37,661 --> 00:25:38,695
[HORN HONKS]
582
00:25:39,204 --> 00:25:42,207
Y'all can hop in the back, just
shove that shit to the side.
583
00:25:42,291 --> 00:25:43,834
- Oh, thanks.
- Thank you.
584
00:25:45,794 --> 00:25:47,629
Pam? Scorpion?
585
00:25:47,713 --> 00:25:49,923
Jay, who are these pillows?
586
00:25:50,007 --> 00:25:53,010
We're his family. Who
the fuck are you, bitch?
587
00:25:53,093 --> 00:25:54,970
[GROANS] This is awkward.
588
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:03,400
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
47514
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