All language subtitles for Age Before Beauty.S01E03.Episode .1.3.MTB

- Sheila Gruff?
- Goff. She's new and she sounds...

Petrified?

How could I even begin to...

- What?
- Compare.

Oh, it's not a competition.

D'you actually want
us to succeed?

Since when was it "us"?

If we can't provide what you
need, you should go elsewhere.

So no-one's arsed, then?
That mum's having an affair?

'Scuse me?

- Give over...
- She'd never do that.

Wouldn't she?

I slept with Bel.

He said it was just the once.

She'd made a real effort and he
felt so bad for her, he just...

Poked her out of pity?

I feel bad for her.

And guilty? At cheating
on her with me?

Of course.

Then you still love her.

You do know you're
playing with fire?

What I know is

I'm going to make them wish they'd
never set eyes on each other.

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

Who's the fairest of them all?

Age before beauty?

Pearls before swine?

Handsome Prince Charming.

Will you be mine?

Sync & corrections by
emeline-whovian www.addic7ed.com

I want blood.

Come on, love. All this hate.

- It's not you.
- Why? Why do I have to be the good one?

Because you are.

She can't do this to people
without consequences.

And I'm sure there will
be, but don't you...

What's her name? Lorelei?

Oh, yeah, I know all about it.

We don't have secrets any more.

Since when?

I've told her to butt out.

Swear. Not a word to Wes.

Not an utterance.

Whatever's going on in
that head of yours...

- Nobody walks over me.
- Nobody is walking over you.

I can't bear a woman who tramples
over other women's property.

- You swore...
- And I stand by it.

I won't say a single solitary
word to that husband of hers.

But that Lore-lying-bitch has got
to know who she's messing with.

Can't have either of 'em
thinking they're being pushed.

I'm on course with Wes.
What's Miss Lorelei saying?

That they're having fun, she still
feels like his "bit on the side".

I'd hoped she'd feel more like
a permanent fixture by now.

We've got a night lined up with the gang.
He's invited.

You show him what he's missing.

Get him high as a kite.

Bright lights! Freedom!

And Bel's spag bol and
Thorn Birds box set

might not seem so appealing.

See, they're beating down
the doors to get in again.

All down to you, kid.

Come on in, ladies.
Welcome to my world.

Oh, it's Lexie's first
go at the promo.

Give us a look?

It's just the beginning, just a few
snippets to be getting on with...

Oh, look at you!

- Cringe.
- No!

That's good. She's done
a good job with it.

And I'm where?

Obviously, I don't actually
do anything around here!

Obviously, I'm invisible!

You wish!

That's torn it!

You never say anything
bad about Bel.

Why would I?

She's not enough for you.
Why is she not enough?

I dunno.

So maybe one day, this
won't be enough either?

Whatever THIS is.

It's just... THIS.

Kitchen sex?

In a very nice kitchen. I mean,
I'd shag whoever fitted it!

- Shag?
- Make love.

I dunno.

If people knew what THIS
was, they'd bottle it.

They'd have it every day.

And when it ran out, they'd
just make some more.

Nobody would be sad and
relationships would last for ever.

But they don't.

So, I don't know what to tell you
to stop your head from hurting.

Let's enjoy it. Make the most,
and hope it never runs out.

Hi, Sheila, it's Lorelei.

Your favourite PT... SHE GIGGLES

I just had a thought.

How about you nip round to my place
sometime this week and we can

check your weight and
measurements, yeah?

Take your body fat percentage,
BMI, all that stuff?

Don't panic... I know
it sounds scary,

and nobody likes having
their fat pinched.

But trust me, it's totally the
best way to measure progress.

And you have made
progress, Sheila.

You should be proud of yourself.

I really, really want you to
see how amazing you're doing.

So, yeah... Let me know.

What you doing to yourself?

No! No! No! Wesley Finch,
I'm not doing it now!

Oh, yes, you are! C'mon! Why do you
think I bought you a new dress?

So you could put it on!

Yeah? And then you
can take it off?

Now we are talking!

Go on...

Can't do that. I've got
a meeting with Mitch.

Who?

Guy I've got coming to finalise
designs for our billboard.

What billboard? Does
Bel know about this?

I've texted her.

I care about the future of this business.
Unlike some.

Suppose I decided to swan
off whenever I fancied?

Do it.

We've sat for years listening to you
skrike about being stuck in here

while the world's going on outside.
Now's your chance. Get out.

- Do it.
- What's it look like I'm doing?

I'm dragging us into
the 20th century!

21st.

Billboards, tellin'
you, it's the key.

Me? Do one? No chance.
She'd love that.

I doubt she'd even notice. She
don't give you a second thought.

But for you, it's like she's your
obsession. You want revenge.

- Be happy.
- How's that work?

I dunno. But you're jealous
as hell whenever she is.

Shit. Shit!

That was supposed
to be a quickie.

Was for me.

You know what? Don't just
stand there starkers.

Clothes on, out.

It's Dante - wants to know if you're
coming for that drink tonight.

Think he's got a
soft spot for you.

You could maybe even stay again?

Where's my under-crackers?

I know it's a big ask.

But I'd love it if we could
have the night together.

You know, like a proper couple.

Hi, love.

You all right?

Yeah, er, I've got a job
on in Leeds tonight.

So I've got to stay over.
Is that OK?

Yeah, sure.

OK. OK, see you later.

Let's see how many
mils you lost.

Right, now, we set you a
target of three mils.

Don't worry if we don't hit it.

Did you get a
glance at my fella?

What d'you reckon?

- Not your type?
- I wouldn't say that.

You know, I finally decided to
stop beating myself up about it.

Is that right?

Well, yeah. We all have a
right to be happy, don't we?

Happy people don't have affairs.

He's happy when he's with me.

Gives me that stupid loved-up
look, you know the one?

The, er, the foam roller. The roller!
In your car.

For my muscles. You
said I could borrow it?

Yeah. Sure. I'm sorry.
Wittering on.

This can be a very confronting
process, can't it?

OK, er... Two ticks, I'll...
You take a minute to yourself.

Shit!

_

I'm so sorry. I was just
getting a drink of water.

I'm sorry all you could find to
mop up with was Wes's knickers!

See? This is how I
know she's not fussed!

Three-for-a-quid
grundies off the market?

Seriously, to say you've
lost nine mils is amazing.

You should be so
proud of yourself.

Poor Mrs Parjour. Who'd
do that to her car?

You know, when I
came down before,

there was some weird old
bloke on a Vespa over there.

It doesn't sit right.

When it's just me and Lorelei,
it's this secret thing.

But going out, it's like

I'm cheating on Bel with all her
mates as well. Know what I mean?

No.

But the sex is amazing.

It's not about sex.

It is when you're
not having any!

It's like the good old days.

All the fun, less
of the fumbling.

One wife. Two lives. It's a
lot of faff for a fumble.

Someone's going to get hurt.

That's art, that is.
You're a proper Picasso.

Well, I'm only as good as
the material I work with.

The billboards are
just the start.

There's cinema, TV
adverts we can exploit.

I am so ready for my close-up.

So will the billboards be ready
for the big launch tomorrow?

I want the family to share
in the grand unveil.

Of course. The Excelsior package
guarantees a 24-hour printing service.

It's the best five grand we'll spend.
You watch.

It'll put this salon on the map.

Least the bailiffs'll
know where to find us.

Sorry about my sister, she's
great for a tattooed anchor

or a borstal spot, but no appreciation
for the finer things in life.

You'll end up saving. Signing
with us gives you access

to very competitive rates
with our partners.

Has Bel agreed to this?

Those who turn up get
to make the decisions.

Not when those who don't
still hold the cheque book!

Oh, here she is. Manchester's
Olympic hopeful, "Older Korbut".

Nice of you to show. I'm
just saving the business.

First she's late,
then she's rude!

I think you owe
Mitch an apology!

Real card, your sister.

These mobile billboards that
I've facilitated are the media

strategy that'll turn
this business around.

- Where's Mum?
- On the roof.

Right!

We need to finalise
the budget for the...

I envy you, mate. Two
women to keep happy?

I can't even please one!

Maybe I should make
the most of it.

Nights out, fresh
flesh, sex on tap...

That's what keeps you young!

Rest of us sad sacks end up wearing
Lycra and running marathons!

I was always the sensible
one, growing up.

Mm! Job, wife, kids...

Before you had a chance
to be young and daft.

So maybe I've earned this.

Trip to the Pleasure Beach...

..while the rest of us sit
at home playing dominoes.

Oh, I just don't want
to hurt Bel, though.

Then don't. Be daft.

And careful.

What d'you do to
that woman's car?

Exactly what she
had coming to her.

The 68-year-old librarian?
You got the wrong car!

Oh. Collateral damage.
I'll get her next time.

Next time?

Well, you'll do sod-all.
You haven't got the balls.

I'm going to put hair-dye
in her washing machine.

Oh, well, that'll show her...

..what her kecks look like
with caramel highlights!

How much does all this hurt?

Sometimes, I can't get
breath in my body.

Take hold of that.
Tie a big bow on it.

And know that the only
time that hurt stops

is when hers starts.

_

_

We need to do
something so bad...

..that they'll still wake up
sweating in 20 years' time.

Them?

- Her and Wes.
- Not him. He can't know that I know.

It's tying one hand behind your
back before you even start.

Don't you dare say
a word to him.

Me and Wes still have a
chance to work things out.

What? By pretending
it never happened?

Hopefully.

Until the next time.

You can't let him think
he's got away with it.

Men are dogs.

It's your fault for
not training him.

Don't blame the dog,
blame the owner.

All right, you two?

Yeah.

Deep down, Wes knows that
what he's doing is wrong.

He's still doing it!

And he'll keep lying to your face
and laughing behind your back

until you teach him he can't.

I might lose him for good.

He's already gone.

Wes stays out of this.

I tried to get out
of it, but Marco...

You remember me
saying about Marco?

Great guy, solid, but he's
going to owe this bloke

a shed-load if he can't get his
contract job done tonight,

and he's helped me
out in the past,

so we're going to
pull an all-nighter,

which, in my shoes, you'd
do the same, right?

Sure.

Is there any chance you could
get me some new pants?

- These are a bit...
- Knackered?

Naff.

I thought you liked those, you
said they didn't ride up.

Did I? 20 years ago!

Have you seen the state?

Cheers, love!

_

She said yes?

You make sure Wes
has a good night.

And I'll make sure Bel
gets to hear of it.

Where is he?

Be here any minute.

I'm telling you, this guy
Wes is hot, hot, hot!

He is!

Wes!

Do I look all right?

You look amazing.
Ten years younger.

Here he is. Everybody,
this is Wes.

And you've met Dante already.

Mate. Come and sit over here.

Right, cheers, everybody.

Leanne's lying to me about where
she's going. Where she's been.

I've been following her.

If you know someone's password,

you can enter it and
trace where they are.

It's meant to be for when
you lose your phone.

But it also works when your
partner's lying through

their back teeth about
who they're shagging.

Hey...

Part of me wants to scream,
kick and fight to win her back.

And the other part?

Thinks I should just walk away.

She lies so easily now, I'm not
sure I could ever trust her.

It's like a bone.

Once it's broken...

..you're always wondering,
if you put pressure on it,

is it going to snap?

What will you do?

If I don't respect myself
enough to walk away...

..how can she respect
me enough to stay?

Do you moisturise?

No, I didn't think so.

Hey, we've all been trying
to score Lol for years.

What's your secret?

Not wearing make-up.

Nah, we all reckon you're working
that old-man-daddy-shit.

Oh, yeah?

So, how d'you nab her?
Did you buy her a pony?

Take her to Disneyland?

What are you two gassing about?
Or shouldn't I ask?

Hey, Wes! Get one
of these down you.

Yeah, baby!

_

Wow.

Where to next?

Next? I'm a bit knacked.

C'mon, mate. Need to
get some practice in.

We've booked a villa in Ibiza next year.
You been?

Lol's going to ask you to come.
Say yes?

It's mad out there.
You'll love it!

Wow. Look at you.

Gorge or what, huh?

Ding-Dong won't engage
with my billboards.

She's scared shitless of me having
even one split second of success.

Couldn't get her even
to look at the budget.

So I signed the
paperwork anyway.

Is that so?

Why's everyone trying to
shove Bel in, 'stead of me?

I am that salon.

Without me, it'd be as popular
as a dead dog at Crufts!

Why won't she treat
me as her equal?

Maybe you need to show
Bel you've changed.

- What's wrong with who I am?
- Nothing. You're amazing.

You just need to
let Bel see that.

You've got your big launch tomorrow.
Whole family will be there.

To celebrate you. And
your billboard campaign.

Yeah, and so will she, being
all nicey-nicey so I look bad!

But you're right, I
am totes amazing!

It's time they all knew it.

I will not be seen as
some second-rate Bel!

I am not keeping her seat warm!
Am I?

- Teddy Bear? Am I?
- Huh? No, Baby Bear.

You're nobody's substitute.

Watch your step. You're
going to knock me over.

She just looks at me
and says, "So tasty!"

Hang on, hang on, wait for us.

Oh, my God!

You're right, Mum.

He's lying to me and
laughing behind my back.

Let's get both the bastards.

Great night, eh?

Yeah!

Great.

At this morning's session with
Lorelei, I'm going to tell her

that I'm so...

Grateful for everything
you've been doing.

Everybody's been saying
how great I'm looking.

You are.

Yeah, you are.

Thanks.

Our Leanne's stupid
marketing nonsense

might actually come in handy.

I'm going to tell Lorelei...

I've got a friend, owes me a
favour, runs a marketing company.

They do these big billboards
that you drive around the city,

and I thought maybe we could do one
of them with your business on it.

What do you reckon?

She'd lap it up.

Then, I'll tell her I want to
organise an unveiling of the

billboard outside a bar in
town and that she should...

Get all your clients
and your mates there.

Our lot will be at Leanne's
billboard bollocks next door.

And that's when we
unleash the beast.

Yes!

SHE LAUGHS Love it.

A minute?

You two seem very...
chummy at the moment.

- Anything you want to tell me?
- No.

I just think we've finally
found a few things in common.

Well, whatever you and her
are cooking up, stop it.

This won't just end up hurting him.
Think about the kids.

D'you want to poison
them against him, eh?

Oh, Dad...

Oh, come on, you must have had
something in common with her mates.

In common with her mates?
Er, zilch.

They sing theme tunes to kids'
shows I've never heard of.

They go on about Giggs. As in footy?
No. Grime artist.

Seriously? I've only just caught
onto Banksy. And I'm knackered.

Like, Walking Dead knackered.

Now Lorelei's invited me to some
media do for her PT business.

Which is on the same night as I'm
meant to rock up to Leanne's launch.

What d'you know about this media
thing she's invited Wes to?

One of her clients
sprung it on her.

He told her he's going.

That'll go down well, Wes not
showing at a family gig.

How'd he get on last night?

Everyone loved him.

Apart from being a nasty little
cheat, he's a lovely guy.

I knew you'd get on.

He was really cool
when his son came out.

What d'you mean?

Huh? Just that the whole gay
thing wouldn't get in the way.

Who said I was gay?

Nobody, er... I just knew.

How?

So, you're not?

No, I am. But you
can't just assume it.

- Why would I think you were anything but?
- Because!

You dress nice. You're polite.
You look after yourself.

You go to the gym. You're
never out the salon.

Homophobe!

How...?

Dante!

Taxis will be here soon.

I love you, girl, and I've long
since give up trying to make you

something you're not.

But I'll not stand by whilst you
poison the well with our kids.

Oh, keep your callipers on.

If we had it your way,

they'd be laying on the road
with tyre marks up their back.

Bollocks!

I picked that dress up
from the dry cleaners.

I've never seen it before.

Which meant she wore it on a
night out I didn't know about

with someone I didn't know, looking
for someone else's approval.

Mitchell?

Yeah.

The billboard driver's
parking outside,

after Lorelei's
lot have arrived.

Wes will be there about ten.

And I've told Lorelei to meet
me next door in about an hour.

Since when were
they such bezzies?

I think it's lovely her and
Mum are getting closer.

Like me and Diz.

It's always about her, though.
I've organised all of this.

And "blot on the landscape" is
acting like she's star of the show.

Were just saying how
amazing you looked.

Beautiful dress. Few more
weeks, you'll fit it a treat.

What? I said it was nice.

Any news of the billboard?

Driver said it should be
there in the next hour.

Sign-up fee seems
hefty, but it means

I could negotiate a
massive discount.

And I looked gorge on an iPad.

Imagine me blown up on
the back of a truck.

Mitchell calls me
Manchester's Alan Sugar.

I know you can't bear me
being in the spotlight.

But you should sack the frown.

Adds years to you. Trust
me, you can't afford it.

Do you know what else
we can't afford?

You, you daft cow.

No wonder Mitchell loves you.

You've just given him five and a
half grand for a 1K billboard!

Bel, give it a break. Leanne,
we can make use of it.

Tell her, Teddy Bear!

Yeah, tell her, Teddy Bear.
You're the accountant.

It's way overpriced.

But we can write it off as
a loss for the company.

Genius! You are hired!

Bel! Over 'ere.

I've never seen you look more
like your mother than in the last

- five minutes. What's going on?
- Nothing.

You've never lied to me.
And you are now.

So... what are you
and her up to?

Teaching them a lesson.

Whatever comfort you think you're
going to take from this, you won't.

- I have to see this through.
- Your mother...

..put me into this wheelchair.

What? How?

Oh...

It was my idea to
start the swinging.

Your mother weren't keen.

But I knew how
much she loved me,

and I took advantage of that.
We had this one rule.

No shitting in our
own back yard.

She had a best friend. Claire.

As you might imagine, your
mum don't make friends easy.

But Claire was special.

Which, er, shouldn't have, but
the fact she was off bounds

made her more attractive to me.

I didn't know she'd
found out about us

until half a second before she'd
pushed me out that window.

She don't know I know.
I mean, I was pissed.

We were both pissed as parrots.
Anyway...

..in the hospital, I could see
how bloody devastated she was,

so I lied.

I said I fell.

Oh, Dad...

No, no. Save your sympathy.
I deserve this.

What I did cost her. She's
never trusted anyone since.

And revenge has a funny way
of bouncing back on you.

I'm in this chair...

..but she's had to look
after me the last 30 years.

You want to sort this?

Talk to him.

Tell him how you feel.

Taxis are here!

We've got to call it all off.

Anyone for starters?

There's a waiter and breaded
crab claw I've got me eye on!

- Oh!
- He's not picking up!

- Who?
- The billboard guy!

I need to tell him not
to drive the van here!

Did I not say? I've texted him.

You have? Oh, thank
God for that!

Was he OK about it?

Yeah, he had some sort
of family emergency,

couldn't deliver
within the hour.

Oh, my God, relief!

So he's had to
drop it off early.

What?

And he can't pick it
up till tomorrow.

Get your coat!

I'll tell you who's a genius...

Oh, well, I get what
he sees in her.

Well, you wanted to rip her face off?
Get ripping.

Well, don't just stand
there, help me!

He's going to be
here any minute.

This is you all over.

Leanne's a snidey little cow,

but least she's got the guts
to stick up for herself.

Not now!

Well, when? You do realise
you've asked for all this?

I have not! I've been a
good, loving, loyal wife.

Not like you!

Oh, do you want the coconut
or the cuddly toy?

Least me and your dad aren't
shagging around behind

- each others' backs.
- Yeah, but you still hurt each other.

Oh, that's love. Grow up!

Least I know where my
old man is every night.

Yeah! In a wheelchair.

Long story short, gave
taxi wrong pick-up time,

so I'm going to be
there stupid early.

- Where are you?
- Er, nowhere near.

Er, exactly how "stupid
early" are you going to be?

Er, just around the corner? No worries.
I'll just wait.

No, Lorelei...

She's only seconds away. So,
I don't care how you do it,

but sort it!

Where are you going? Mum!
You're not ripping!

Get in.

- What you doing?
- Sorting it.

Ah! Ha-ha!

Oh, if you don't want tonight to
go totally tits-up, call her,

distract her before
she sees this van.

Oh, shit.

Come on, come on, come on.

That's it.

Hi.

Lorelei. Er, there's been a
terrible mix-up and the, er...

..the man...

..the man that was
doing the poster,

he's had a problem and he
can't, he can't do it.

Oh, it's fine. Sheila, you
sound really stressed.

You've no idea!
Er, I'm so sorry.

I, er... I, er... Can we cancel?

I feel really awful. I feel
like I've let you down.

I can't believe how upset you are.
Honestly, it's fine.

- Oh, it's Wes.
- Where?

- On the phone.
- I've got to go.

Hi.

No. That's terrible news.

OK. So we're going
somewhere else.

It's not going to be
a late one, is it?

OK. I've just got to nip somewhere
else first. Won't be long.

- It's raw.
- You don't like raw?

Smile, Mum!

Oh, here she is. Waltzing in
and out whenever she fancies.

It's just like at work.

Up the duff, off she goes.

- Kids go to uni, back she swans.
- It was her choice.

Yeah? You should've seen her
face when YOU came back to work.

"Only just popped it out and
now she's back at the salon.

"Can't understand women who
put career before kids."

No. What I said was I
couldn't with mine.

So, Disney's not as
important as your two?

I don't want any rows.

Did you want to win
your ice-skating final?

When I was nine?

Some wounds don't heal.

Especially when your sister loosens
your blades before you go on!

You dared me. I didn't know
you'd break your ankle!

It's ancient history. Can
we just have a quiet night?

My ankle's never been the same.

Did Bel ever tell you she thinks
tattooing's a waste of space?

- That's not true!
- No?

OK, yeah, when we started, I did
wonder if the rooms could be

better used, you know, for
other beauty treatments.

She was getting us all ganged-up.
Ready to get rid of you.

I was thinking about you.

If you thought it, you
could've said it to my face.

Too busy, two-faced and
so high-and-mighty,

she's started
collecting air miles!

That ain't true! Mum don't look down
and she don't talk behind your back!

Did she tell you she
sobbed her heart out

when you shook your little
spangles out the closet?

Pack it in, Leanne.

Mum?

Swear on his life you didn't wish
him straight when he told you.

Did you?

For less than a second. It's
not how she's making out.

Mum...

Bloody hell!

You were never there for Mum.

No, you're right.

Ty...

Gave her no support when
Dad had his accident.

Almost like you blamed her!

You did. Very judgmental.

And was I wrong, eh?

Since it turns out it was you who
pushed him out of the window!

He deserved it.
Cheating bastard.

Speaking of cheats...

- Sorry I'm late.
- Mum!

So, that's what you two's
been thick as thieves about?

Little Miss Perfect
is shagging around!

- I'd never cheat on you.
- Do we believe her?

Ah! There's your answer.

You hard-faced,
snide-arsed witch!

There's nothing you love more
than other people's misery!

Jealous, are we? That somebody
might have a better life than you?

Who'd be jealous of you?
Yeah, your kids despise you,

your husband's sussed you out

and the guy you really
wanted is married to me!

Is he? Wow! And what makes you
think he really wanted you?

Well, just ask anyone!
Ask Teddy!

You ask him.

Did you see that?

She's the witch, not me.

How did we not know
about Dad and Bel did?

- How long has she known?
- And why didn't she tell us?

Cos she'll say anything to
be centre of attention.

Oh, come on, sack the sympathy!
It's complete and utter bollocks.

Dad fell.

And Teddy wouldn't touch
her with a Taser!

She's ruined my night,

but if you think I'm going
to sit here snivelling,

wrecking me 50 quid mascara
over that sack of spuds...

I'm grabbing Ted,
we're out of here.

I'm sorry, Ted, I...

I don't know why I
said that to Leanne.

You and I have only
ever been mates.

Good mates.

Best mates.

But that was it.

I think we did once
grab a Christmas kiss.

Did we?

You don't remember?

Yeah, actually, it's
coming back to me.

I think I kind of liked it.

Then later, you talked
me into giving Wes a go.

Did I?

I remember, I said, "I think
he's a bit immature."

- And you said...
- Don't go off first impressions.

The right guy might be
right in front of you.

Still good advice, Bel!

You're right.

I shouldn't let anything
stop me and Wes being happy.

I have to go home.

Need a lift?

No, I just need time
on my own to think.

So, I hope you're not picking
up because you're out with Wes.

Well, it's all kicked off.
Exactly as we wanted.

So, now I need you to give
Wes the night of his life!

- Where've you been?
- Er, just putting money in the meter.

I was upset.

I'm just glad everyone's finally
seen Bel for who she really is.

Can we go home?

Yep.

Bloody hell.

Oh, my goodness me!

Oh, my God, look at the state!

- Are we dropping you off?
- No, I'm coming with you.

- Home?
- Home? It's early!

Josh has got us on the guest list for
this secret club night in Salford.

I've got work in the morning.

It's a retro '80s throwback night.
You'll fit right in.

Come on.

If you can't keep up, we can swing
by the retirement home on the way.

Keep your snotty schneb
out of this, Josh.

- The pair of you!
- Or you'll what?

All right, out of the
car, you little shit.

- Ready when you are!
- Stop it!

Wes, what's wrong?

I'm sorry, but I can't cope with this.
Not tonight.

- Come on!
- I am shagged out, I'm stressed,

I'm too old for this shit.

And I am sick of hanging
out with dickheads

who think they invented
dancing, drinking and drugs

and refer to the '80s as retro!

Ever heard of the
Hacienda, you cock-end?

Wes!

You should have
told us about Dad.

How about you take the day off?

Stupid cow!

You were miles away. You weren't
still worrying about last night?

The no-show billboard?

I can't quite figure you out.

It's weird, cos you
pay me to help you,

but you're always
there, helping me.

Willing to listen.
Never judging.

It's like we have this connection,
like we share this thing...

..I can't put my finger on.

But despite that, I feel
like there's something else.

Some sadness...

..that you're too
scared to talk about.

You know, life isn't perfect.

I think it's about
finding a way to say,

"This is how it is, and can
I be at peace with that?"

And the tree that doesn't
bend in the wind, breaks.

Does that make sense?

- I guess.
- Hey.

It's a make-up pressie.

We had our first
barney last night.

And I did think when I were buying
'em, he moans about the ones

his missus gets, so why doesn't
he buy his own bloody pants?

You know that dress he got me?
Nothing happened, did it?

When you were there?

No, nothing. How d'you mean?

No, I just, er...

I found a rip in it that
I'd not noticed before.

- How strange.
- Yeah.

You know what, we should make up for
our missed night out, go for drink.

Yeah, great.

Me, you and our other halves?

Bye.

_

_

_

Sorry. Didn't handle
that well yesterday.

I just wanted you to see me as
your son before you met me as a...

..gay bloke.

Why?

Mate, it makes no difference to me.
Why does it to you? Hm?

What I feel for Bel, I've
never known anything like it.

From the moment I first felt it, I
promised myself I'd make it happen.

You've seen what
I'm willing to do.

So who am I to tell you who
you can and can't love?

And anyway, why would you care?

I just want you to
be proud of me.

Then you find
someone you love...

..and don't let anything
come between you. Hm?

Did she get to hear?
About him cheating?

No, hopefully next time.

Right, then.

We nearly lost Wes last night
because you went AWOL.

I need my best lieutenant...

..back in action.

Room on there for a little one?

- I haven't been having an affair.
- You don't need to say it.

Wouldn't blame you if you had, the
way I've been with you lately.

Last few weeks, since
the kids left.

It's all been a bit crazy.

Relationships change. Maybe
we haven't acknowledged that.

Too scared to ask questions.

Things have to evolve.

Or die.

Are you bored of us?

No.

What's wrong with boring? I like boring.
I like this.

Staying in with you. We don't have to try.
New's nice.

Normal's better.

Mum and Dad aren't normal.

Nope. They are not.

From the outside, it looks
like they'd be miserable.

Screwing around and cheating on each other.
But they're not.

They love each other.

And they've lasted.

Maybe it's because they accept
that life isn't perfect.

The tree that doesn't bend...
breaks.

_

I can't quite figure you out.

Is it Sheila?

Like we share this thing I
can't put my finger on.

Latte?

Kale & beetroot spritzer.

Yum.

Oh, hi there, bitch!
Or should I say, Bel?

I took you at face value.

I went the extra mile on your
programme because I really

wanted to help you get
fit, turn back the clock.

And in return, you've used me.
Talk about two-faced.

Yeah, let's talk about that.

About the conniving witch

who got her claws into
someone else's husband.

How's that working out by the way?
Dumped me yet, has he?

Asked for a divorce and
moved in with you?

Oh, wait, he hasn't! Why
d'you think that is?

Come on.

There you go.

I've been thinking about
where we'll live.

Oh?

Yeah, I've seen this amazing thatched
cottage in the middle of nowhere.

I'm more of a townie...

- No shops, no traffic...
- I kind of like the city.

Two bedrooms, you know, for
when the kids come to stay.

Kids? What kids?

Your kids. My step-kids.

Speaking of which,
when do I meet them?

Is that really a good idea?

Obviously, they'll
hate me at first.

But once they realise
I make you happy...

Their mum made me happy,
that's what they'll say.

And I'll say, "Watch me
take it to the next level."

It's not a competition.

What would you call it, then?

Client. Won't be a sec.

Hello. Yep, speaking.

What can I do for you?

- What am I up to?
- Mm.

I'm spying on your life!

I'm trying to work out
how to stitch you up!

And how about this?

D'you blame me?

Believe me, I never
wanted any of this.

But if you won't fight
fair, why should I?

£4, please.

Keep the change.

Bye.

Sorry.