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1
00:00:08,718 --> 00:00:09,927
I'm going down
to South Park.
2
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,138
Gonna have
myself a time.
3
00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:13,639
Friendly faces
everywhere.
4
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,433
Humble folks
without temptation.
5
00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:16,434
Going down
to South Park.
6
00:00:16,559 --> 00:00:18,686
Gonna leave my
woes behind.
7
00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,479
Ample parking
day or night.
8
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:22,064
People spouting
"howdy neighbor".
9
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:23,399
Headed on up
to South Park.
10
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,192
Gonna see if
I can't unwind.
11
00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:30,114
So come on down
to South Park.
12
00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:31,574
And meet some
friends of mine.
13
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,995
Okay Stan, I'm going
to give you...
14
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,413
a "U.F.O.
crash-landing" card,
15
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,999
you can deny it
or cover it up.
16
00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:41,643
Dude, I don't understand
this game at all.
17
00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:43,687
It's "Investigative Reports
of Bill Curtis Fun Time Game",
18
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,087
you have to deny it
or cover it up.
19
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,505
Uh, deny it.
20
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:47,649
Okay, let's see
what Bill Curtis says.
21
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:48,924
Hello, I'm Bill Curtis.
22
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,593
Many believe that
the U.S. government
23
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,845
covered it up,
I'm Bill Curtis.
24
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,638
Alright, Cartman,
I'm going to give you...
25
00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:56,348
A "jail time card,"
you lose a turn.
26
00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:57,808
Sweet.
27
00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,810
Oh yeah, well, I'm
going to give you...
28
00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,145
AIDS.
29
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,605
What?
30
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,231
- I just gave you AIDS.
- AIDS?
31
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:06,001
Dude, that's not cool,
don't give Kyle AIDS.
32
00:01:06,025 --> 00:01:09,028
Kyle has AIDS and now loses
47 turns and 800 points.
33
00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,321
Kenny, your dad and I
34
00:01:10,446 --> 00:01:11,989
are thinking about
having another baby.
35
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:13,550
Wouldn't you love to have
another brother or sister?
36
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,742
No.
37
00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:17,661
We just might
work on it later tonight.
38
00:01:17,787 --> 00:01:18,947
God damn it,
poor people suck!
39
00:01:19,038 --> 00:01:20,706
Your family is
already on welfare
40
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,434
and now you're going to bring
another kid into the world.
41
00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:23,292
Poor people are
turning out babies,
42
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,086
adding on to over-population
43
00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:27,251
and expecting m e to pay
for it with my tax dollars.
44
00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:29,507
You don't pay tax dollars,
Cartman, you're eight.
45
00:01:29,632 --> 00:01:32,093
You see, this is just
what I've been talking about!
46
00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:33,761
I can't even relate to
you guys anymore
47
00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:35,030
- because you're too immature.
- What?
48
00:01:35,054 --> 00:01:36,531
I've got to start
hanging out with friends
49
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:38,116
that are a little more
intelligent and understand
50
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,600
politics and stuff.
51
00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:41,411
It's just that I'm up
on this level, up here
52
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,978
and all my friends
are down here.
53
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:44,206
You don't know what you're
talking about, fat-ass!
54
00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,524
No, no, no,
me, "nah", you guys, "nah".
55
00:01:46,649 --> 00:01:48,984
Maybe more down,
down "nah".
56
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:53,114
Screw you guys,
I'm going home!
57
00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:55,491
I'm Bill Curtis.
58
00:01:57,493 --> 00:01:58,828
I've outgrown
all my friends,
59
00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:00,514
I need to meet more
mature people, Clyde Frog.
60
00:02:00,538 --> 00:02:03,582
Oh, great idea,
Clyde Frog!
61
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,543
I can meet new friends
on the internet.
62
00:02:07,545 --> 00:02:08,796
Here's a chat room.
63
00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:10,273
"Men who like young boys",
that's perfect!
64
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,966
Hi, everybody.
65
00:02:12,091 --> 00:02:15,219
I am a young boy seeking
an older male for good times.
66
00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:16,846
I am eight years old and
would like...
67
00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,993
Wow, look at all these guys
that want to be my friends!
68
00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:24,687
I'll pick tony316.
69
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:27,523
Hi, Tony.
70
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,109
Oh, you know
the usual stuff.
71
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:32,236
Smiley face.
72
00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,572
"Kewl, wanna get together?
Smiley face."
73
00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:37,199
Sure, Tony,
that would be cool.
74
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,577
Winking smiley face.
75
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,874
Sounds good,
see you then!
76
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,792
Clown hat, curly hair,
smiley face.
77
00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:49,628
You see that
Clyde Frog!
78
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,713
Tomorrow I'm going to meet
my first mature friend.
79
00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:55,342
Hi, are you Tony?
80
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:57,970
- Yeah, you're Eric?
- Yeah!
81
00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:00,389
- I brought you some candy.
- Wow, cool!
82
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,601
And some books
on Kama Sutra.
83
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:06,061
Neato, having
older friends kicks ass!
84
00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:08,063
You see I've really
been having a tough time,
85
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,958
I've kind of matured faster
than my other friends,
86
00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:11,418
we don't really
relate anymore and...
87
00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:14,612
Uh, all my friends seem
so childish now, you know.
88
00:03:14,737 --> 00:03:17,198
Do you like having
your back rubbed?
89
00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:19,575
Yeah, that seems
really nice, thanks.
90
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,860
Hold it right
there, scum bag!
91
00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:23,662
We monitored your little
online chat,
92
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:26,707
- now you're coming with us.
- No!
93
00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:28,459
What the hell
just happened?
94
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,899
You can't eat Kenny, we have
to save food for the baby.
95
00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:35,567
Your mom and I are going
out for a few weeks, Kenny,
96
00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:37,051
take care of the baby.
97
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:38,778
Kenny, you have to change
the baby's diapers!
98
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,846
You have to share
your room with the baby!
99
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:42,091
The baby, the baby,
the baby!
100
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,808
Huuuh!
101
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,393
Stop it.
102
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,246
Come on, let's go try to
get you pregnant again.
103
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:49,688
Oh, alright.
104
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:50,813
Dad, I want
to play catch.
105
00:03:52,316 --> 00:03:53,108
Oh, I'll play catch
with you later, son.
106
00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:54,777
I want to play now!
107
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,612
Oh, go ahead, we can
make love afterwards.
108
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,155
Oh, alright.
109
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:02,785
Alright, here comes a pop fly,
see if you can catch it.
110
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:05,579
Good job,
now throw me one.
111
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:11,001
Blech!
112
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,336
What happened?
113
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:13,879
He smacked me
in the balls.
114
00:04:15,673 --> 00:04:16,840
Blech!
115
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,470
Okay, we'll
try this again.
116
00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:29,311
This one looks good,
"HungDaddy".
117
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,647
Hello, HungDaddy!
118
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,192
Damn dude, this guy is tiny,
he must be a dwarf.
119
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,517
Sorry, I'm not interested
in being friends with midgets.
120
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,530
Frowny face.
121
00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:42,366
How about this one?
122
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:45,911
Mr. Hammer Head?
123
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,036
Hi, there.
124
00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:48,914
- Mr. Garrison!
- Ahh, Eric!
125
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,417
- You want to be my friend?
- Oh, crap!
126
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,061
That's cool, we can hang out,
what do you want to do first?
127
00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:54,295
Nothing, nothing!
128
00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:55,671
Alright, scum bag,
we got you.
129
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,464
Hey, ah!
130
00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:58,924
Good thing
you guys came.
131
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,902
This little boy was trying
to have his way with me.
132
00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:03,512
Nice try, buddy, we monitored
your little online chat,
133
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,306
- now you're coming with us.
- No!
134
00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:08,309
Why the hell does the FBI
keep arresting all my friends?
135
00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:10,034
This has to be the work
of Stan and Kyle.
136
00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:11,102
God, I hate those guys!
137
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,148
See, I told you, dude!
138
00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:15,691
Those are
dialysis machines.
139
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,711
Old people have to hook
themselves into it with a tube
140
00:05:17,735 --> 00:05:19,087
and it sucks all
their body fluids out.
141
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:20,404
Oh, man,
that's terrible!
142
00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:21,822
I know, huh?
143
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:23,049
Put your mouth against
the glass, like this.
144
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:23,907
Wah!
145
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,534
Yeah,
haaa!
146
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,244
Bleh-leh-leh-leh!
147
00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:28,996
Wha-la-la-la-la!
148
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,182
Alright, just what the hell
do you guys think you're doing?
149
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:32,434
We're making faces
at sick people.
150
00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:34,960
No! I mean what
the hell are you doing?
151
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:35,919
Why are all my mature
adult friends
152
00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:38,505
being mysteriously
arrested, huh?
153
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:39,649
- We don't know.
- I'll tell you why!
154
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,467
Because you guys are jealous
155
00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:42,861
and can't handle the fact
that you're immature,
156
00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:45,346
and so you started a government
conspiracy against me!
157
00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:46,865
We don't know what you're
talking about, lard butt.
158
00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:48,766
Lard butt, oh,
that's so mature.
159
00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:50,410
God, I guess I was wrong
about you guys, huh?
160
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:51,661
You're not more
mature than us, Cartman.
161
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,479
Yes, I am!
162
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,399
I'm telling you this is
all a terrible mistake,
163
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,109
Officer Barbrady.
164
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:01,570
Well, the FBI said
I have to hold you here,
165
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,739
so that's what I'm going
to do, Mr. Complainy-pants.
166
00:06:05,491 --> 00:06:09,203
Do you like having
your back rubbed?
167
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:10,328
Eat me, pervert.
168
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,872
Okay.
169
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,643
We demand you release
these men at once.
170
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:16,794
Who are you?
171
00:06:16,919 --> 00:06:18,087
We are NAMBLA,
172
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,214
the North American Man-Boy
Love Association
173
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:21,173
and we heard about
these political prisoners
174
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,758
you're keeping.
175
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,885
Political prisoners?
No, these are child molesters.
176
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,154
Loving young boys
has been around
177
00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:27,805
since the time
of the Romans, pal.
178
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:29,181
There's nothing
wrong with it!
179
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,058
We are an organization
dedicated to showing
180
00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,619
that sex between
a man and a young boy
181
00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:34,186
can be a beautiful thing!
182
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:35,396
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
183
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:37,022
Uh, I don't know
who you are,
184
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,416
but these men aren't
going anywhere
185
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,067
until I hear
from the FBI.
186
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,194
Hate mongerer!
Hate mongerer!
187
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:43,946
Hate mongerer, yeah.
188
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,831
Okay, people, I think
you'd better move along
189
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,116
before I arrest more of you.
190
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,927
All these men wanted
was to love a young boy,
191
00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:51,495
there is nothing
wrong with love.
192
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,247
I did not want love
from a young boy,
193
00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,623
I like men
my own age.
194
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,125
Ah! I mean...
195
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,584
I like women,
what did I say?
196
00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:59,002
Oh, God,
I love titties!
197
00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:00,003
You haven't heard
the last of us, officer.
198
00:07:00,129 --> 00:07:02,131
Together we are strong.
Come on, men!
199
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:05,175
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
200
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,594
Well, they got activists
for everything these days.
201
00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:11,223
I've done it, Kevin!
202
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,867
I've successfully gene-spliced
this chipmunk
203
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:14,171
with a piece
of provolone cheese.
204
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:17,104
Do you know what
this means, Kevin?
205
00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:19,731
No more will the world have to
look in two different places
206
00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:21,525
for squirrels and
provolone cheese.
207
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,002
No more will mankind
have to pick...
208
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:24,278
Who could that be?
209
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,072
Why, it's little
Eric Cartman.
210
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:28,490
Doctor Mephesto,
I need help.
211
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,615
Of course,
come in.
212
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,201
See, unfortunately,
213
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:32,345
I have matured faster
than all my friends.
214
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,120
I want to hang out
with older friends,
215
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:34,663
but I can't find any.
216
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:35,664
So I was wondering if you can
genetically engineer
217
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,249
some older friends for me.
218
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,726
Oh, Eric, I'm afraid
it's not that simple.
219
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:41,211
Genetic engineering has not yet
evolved to the state
220
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,963
where I can just
make people.
221
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,691
Damn it, but I want to
hang out with older guys!
222
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,551
Oh, well, I happen to be
a member of an organization
223
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,261
that can help you.
It's called NAMBLA.
224
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,637
NAMBLA?
225
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,681
Yes, I've been a member
for several years.
226
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,850
I'm sure they'll let you join,
you look about right.
227
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,685
- Okay, thanks, Doctor Mephesto!
- Sure.
228
00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,605
Fellow members
of NAMBLA,
229
00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:03,275
as you know, we continue
to be discriminated against.
230
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,819
Recently the FBI
has started to arrest men
231
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:07,964
who are doing nothing more
than than trying to start
232
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,615
a sexual relationship
with a young boy.
233
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,511
And now that all ethnic
groups, homosexuals and womens
234
00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:15,015
are protected under
civil rights laws,
235
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,997
we want the same!
236
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,999
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
237
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,435
What we need is proof
that young boys
238
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:21,668
want be members of NAMBLA.
239
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,545
That they want
love from us.
240
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,256
We need a poster child.
241
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,860
To show the world that it is a
beautiful and wonderful thing...
242
00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:29,885
Ooooh.
243
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,304
Can we help you?
244
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:34,189
Yes, I'd like to join
your fine organization,
245
00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:35,390
is that cool?
246
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:37,184
- You do?
- Sure.
247
00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:40,020
Thank you!
Thank you, Jesus!
248
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,438
Sweet.
249
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,319
Whah!
250
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:48,779
- Bleh!
- Bleh!
251
00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:50,614
Le-le-le-le!
Buh!
252
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,783
Well, Kenny,
the doctor confirmed it.
253
00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:54,368
I'm pregnant!
254
00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:55,678
You're going to have
a little brother or sister.
255
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,956
Yup, it's for sure.
256
00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:01,041
And he fixed my shattered
left testicle, too.
257
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,417
Don't be out
too late, Kenny.
258
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,229
We need to start moving
stuff out of your room.
259
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:07,089
Wow, your mom's
pregnant, Kenny!
260
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,715
Yeah, now what are
you going to do?
261
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,802
I don't know, but I have to
think of something!
262
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:12,927
Nyah-nyah-nyah.
263
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:13,971
Nyah-nyah-nyah
264
00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:15,305
I got
into NAMBLA.
265
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:17,140
And you guys didn't.
266
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:18,684
What are you
talking about, fat-ass?
267
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:20,745
Oh, no big deal, I just found
a group called NAMBLA
268
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,969
with adult members and they all
think that I'm so mature
269
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:25,691
they want m e to be their
new poster child, is all.
270
00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:28,151
It looks like I'm finally
going to have mature friends
271
00:09:28,277 --> 00:09:29,570
who I can relate to.
272
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:30,815
Nyah-nyah-nyah
nyah-nyah-nyah
273
00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:32,239
I'm too mature
for you guys.
274
00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:33,524
Nyah-nyah-nyah
nyah-nyah-nyah.
275
00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:37,742
Can I help you,
young lady?
276
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,591
Oh, you want "morning after"
abortion pills.
277
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,584
- Well, they're right over there.
- Thanks!
278
00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,346
I'm sorry,
young lady,
279
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:57,598
but I can't sell that to you
280
00:09:57,723 --> 00:09:59,163
without permission
from your parents.
281
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,605
Well, alrighty then,
cash or charge?
282
00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:05,730
Cool.
283
00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,369
Look, mom, I made you
something to drink.
284
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,288
Oh, well, that's
very sweet of you, Kenny,
285
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:22,998
you made my favorite
drink for me.
286
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,083
Yeah.
287
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,419
But, unfortunately, now
that I'm pregnant I can't drink.
288
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,087
- What?
- Well, I could still drink.
289
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,212
No, Daddy.
290
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,051
Oh, that hits
the spot.
291
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,720
Makes me forget all about
my shattered balls.
292
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,724
What, what's
the matter?
293
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,559
Why don't you go
make me another one of...
294
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:47,230
What's the matter?
295
00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:50,150
Oh God, I'm gonna
crap my pants!
296
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:51,943
Oh, God!
297
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,073
Oh, my balls.
298
00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:57,198
Blech!
299
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:02,704
Oh, God!
300
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,339
Just a few more
pictures, Eric.
301
00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,257
You make a perfect
poster child.
302
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:15,383
Thanks, dude.
303
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:20,180
Hey, Eric, we have
a surprise for you.
304
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,945
We want you to have
a big dinner and dance
305
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,684
honoring you as
our new poster child.
306
00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:25,727
Really, awesome!
307
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,854
Yes, and we want you
to, umm...
308
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,357
Invite all your
young male friends.
309
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:32,275
Oh, yes.
Aww!
310
00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,528
Well, sure, I have some
friends who want to be mature
311
00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,363
excluding Stan and Kyle,
of course.
312
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:38,368
Great, now you go and
invite your little friends
313
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:39,608
and we'll get
the hotel ready.
314
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,368
Kick-ass!
315
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,056
Kenny, don't forget
to clean out your room,
316
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,624
so we can paint it
for the baby!
317
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,001
Hey, are you feeling down,
you need some excitement!
318
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:52,271
And North Park Funland has
just opened its newest ride,
319
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,172
the John Denver Experience!
320
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,425
You'll be "Rocky Mountain High"
with this,
321
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:59,094
the most extreme,
insane ride ever built!
322
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,430
It was fun.
323
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,324
Note: People with heart
conditions and expectant mothers
324
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:06,101
should not ride "The John
Denver," open now, come on down!
325
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,226
Mom!
326
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:12,607
Are you sure you should be
going on this thing?
327
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:14,359
Oh, it's alright.
328
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:15,628
You know, I think maybe
Kenny's been a little worried
329
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:17,112
about the new baby,
330
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,237
we have to show him that
he's still our little boy.
331
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,416
What'd he say?
332
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,855
Oh, God, my nose,
I think I broke my nose.
333
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,708
Come on, Stuart, let's just
get you to a bathroom.
334
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,067
Oh, I'm not going to make it,
I'm going to be sick.
335
00:12:56,193 --> 00:12:58,361
Oh, my stomach.
336
00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:00,489
Oh, my nose.
337
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:01,782
Gross.
338
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,292
Oh, Stan and Kyle, just
the guys I wanted to see,
339
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:13,752
my NAMBLA organization
340
00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,438
is having a very important
benefit in my honor.
341
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,047
They are?
342
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,733
We're going to have a big
mature party at this hotel
343
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,842
and I can invite all
my mature friends that I want.
344
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,727
And that means I'm going
to invite everybody,
345
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,679
except for
you guys!
346
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:27,808
Nyah-nyah-nyah
nyah-nyah-nyah.
347
00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:29,619
We don't want to go to some
stupid adult meeting anyway.
348
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:30,787
Well, that's nice,
because you can't go.
349
00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:31,686
We don't
want to go.
350
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:32,687
You can't go.
351
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:33,897
We don't want
to go.
352
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,565
No, you can't go.
353
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:38,276
Hey, Clyde, Butters,
check this out!
354
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:40,487
Dude, maybe we do need to
start being more mature.
355
00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:42,812
Yeah, I guess we've got to
try to get in that club, too.
356
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:47,828
You're doing fine,
Ms. McCormick.
357
00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:49,412
It's alright, Kenny.
358
00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:50,705
Come see
the miracle of life.
359
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,166
Ewww!
360
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:54,709
- I can see his head.
- You can?
361
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:55,835
Push now,
push hard!
362
00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:58,796
Oh, my God!
363
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:00,881
What is it?
364
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:03,510
It's alive!
365
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,932
Oh, my God!
It killed Kenny!
366
00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:10,684
Bad baby, bad!
367
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:15,105
That does it!
368
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,986
Oh, hi, Kenny,
what are you doing?
369
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:25,031
What are you
doing Kenny?
370
00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:29,703
Kenny, what are you
going to plunge?
371
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:30,996
Grrrrr!
372
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:34,274
Kenny, what the
hell are you doing?
373
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,512
What the hell?
374
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:48,948
Hey, what the hell
are you guys doing here?
375
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,181
This is for
mature people only.
376
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:51,433
We got invited too,
fat-ass.
377
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,767
Well, I guess nowadays
378
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,203
they allow any old schmucks
into NAMBLA.
379
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,854
Fellow NAMBLA members,
380
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:57,647
it is great to see
you all here.
381
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,441
It seems like we have
finally found a city
382
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,442
that won't oppress us!
383
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,235
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah!
384
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,113
First and foremost,
I want to recognize Eric Cartman
385
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,074
for putting us in touch with
all you pretty young boys.
386
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:09,760
Thank you, thank you
very much, thank you.
387
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,119
Now, I know that many of us
388
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,805
have already found partners
in this fine city
389
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,581
and I'd like to take a minute
390
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,374
to hear some testimonials
from members.
391
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:17,834
- This is boring.
- Yeah.
392
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,186
Hey, when are we going to
get to some action, huh?
393
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:21,046
Oooh!
394
00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:23,298
Goodness,
what a gift from God.
395
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,217
We'll get "to it" very soon,
I'll assure you.
396
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:27,583
But first,
I'd just like to hear
397
00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:29,113
from a couple of you
on your progress.
398
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,513
Yes, Patrick.
399
00:15:30,639 --> 00:15:33,683
I found a little
eight-year-old named Butters,
400
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:36,186
he's a beautiful
bright little boy.
401
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:37,896
Well, I sure am,
I guess.
402
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:40,690
And his skin is as soft
as fresh linen.
403
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,693
That seems
kind of weird.
404
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,654
Well, my skin is "springtime"
soft, I suppose.
405
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:46,780
Wonderful.
406
00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:48,323
And how about you
Mr. Harris?
407
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,866
Well, I want to announce
408
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,844
that I may have found
the dream boy of the decade,
409
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:54,996
he's sexy and sassy
and full of spunk.
410
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:55,997
His name is Timmy.
411
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,667
Timmy!
Tim-my?
412
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,502
Well, members,
I know we're all eager
413
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,146
to get acquainted with
our new partners.
414
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:05,215
So why don't we turn down
the lights and start the dance.
415
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:12,990
Alright, I want these
perverted bastards
416
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:14,516
- all taken in, got it?
- Got it.
417
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:15,934
Fellow NAMBLA members,
418
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:17,419
as the South Park
representative...
419
00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:18,959
- Hold it right there!
- Nobody move!
420
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,230
What's going on?
421
00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,649
Alright, sickos,
where are the children?
422
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:25,151
- What children?
- This is NAMBLA, right?
423
00:16:25,276 --> 00:16:26,903
Yes.
424
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:28,673
"The North American
Man-Boy Love Association".
425
00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,281
What? No!
426
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:32,659
We're "The North American
Marlon Brando Look-a-likes."
427
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:35,763
Oh, crap, we've got
the wrong NAMBLA.
428
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,622
Oh, damn it,
I'm in the wrong place!
429
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,499
Don't tell me that
other NAMBLA
430
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,394
- is actually in South Park.
- You know of them?
431
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:42,711
Know of them?
432
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:43,854
We've been fighting with them
for years
433
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:45,255
over the rights
to NAMBLA.com.
434
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,298
Yeah, those
perverted bastards!
435
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:49,884
Wow, you guys really do
look a lot like Marlon Brando.
436
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,594
Thank you.
437
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,780
Now, let's go get those
other NAMBLA bastards
438
00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:54,281
before they hurt any
South Park children!
439
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:55,974
Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
440
00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:58,299
And let's kick their asses
for stealing our domain name!
441
00:16:58,393 --> 00:16:59,394
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah!
442
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,315
Alright, members,
that's enough of that.
443
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,722
It's time for for us all to
retire to our respective rooms
444
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,695
and get to know
our new young boys.
445
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,697
Alright!
446
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,241
- Dude, being mature is boring.
- Yeah!
447
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,243
Everyone come up and
grab your room keys
448
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,745
and we'll head upstairs.
449
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:29,066
Dude, I think
these guys mean to have
450
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,467
sexual encounters with us!
451
00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:32,802
I know dude, let's get
the hell out of here!
452
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,512
Ah! There's more
of them, quick hide!
453
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:38,933
Alright, Marlon Brandos!
454
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,179
They've got to be here
somewhere, let's try this room.
455
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:42,896
Let's get those perverts.
456
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:47,442
- Ah!
- Sacre bleu!
457
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:51,695
Kenny, no!
Leave me alone!
458
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:56,826
Kenny!
459
00:17:56,951 --> 00:18:00,121
This time I will
not drop the food.
460
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,623
Where's the boys?
461
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,667
Sacre bleu!
462
00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:06,669
I think the boys
went in here.
463
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,550
Maybe the boys
are in here, oh, boys!
464
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,554
Alright, you're
under arrest!
465
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,181
No, you've got
the wrong NAMBLA again.
466
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,599
Damn it!
467
00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:21,142
Hey, we didn't
try that room.
468
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,479
Sacre bleu.
469
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,956
Dude, we're
surrounded by perverts.
470
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:26,999
They're all over
the place.
471
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,023
Timmy!
472
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,275
What are we
going to do?
473
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,920
Well, Cartman, you got
everybody into this,
474
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,713
you have to figure out a way
to get everybody out.
475
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:33,613
- Yeah!
- Uhh, that's fine.
476
00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:34,364
I know how
to get us out.
477
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,241
How?
478
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,576
Well, look, those perverts
aren't going to rest
479
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,954
until they've made love
to one of us, right?
480
00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,039
So somebody is just going
to have to go out there
481
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:45,083
and take one
for the team.
482
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:49,462
And I think in all fairness,
it should be Butters.
483
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:52,382
Huh, well,
why me?
484
00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:53,827
Now, are you a team player
or not?
485
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,760
Well, sure, I'm
a team player, I guess.
486
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,554
Well, Butters, there is
no "I" in team.
487
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,222
You mean you expect me
to go out there
488
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:00,849
and let all those
horny old men
489
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,475
have their way with
my fragile person?
490
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,310
Just what team
is this anyway?
491
00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:05,996
Just go Butters,
we're running out of time.
492
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:08,940
Oh, alright then.
493
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,650
He's such
a dumb ass.
494
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,652
Alright men,
here I come.
495
00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:16,114
I'm ready to
take one for the team.
496
00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:18,825
Kenny, Kenny, I've had enough
of your shenanigans!
497
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:20,702
Ooh, one of the boys
just came in!
498
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,204
- I get him first!
- What the...?
499
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,831
Oh, no!
Ahhhhh!
500
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:30,211
Are you alright,
Stuart?
501
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:31,504
Don't touch me.
502
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:34,090
I've had my nuts broken,
body poisoned,
503
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,758
and been made love to
in the ass
504
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,719
by three dozen
40-year-old men.
505
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:41,181
I just want to go home
and take a hot bath.
506
00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:43,026
We've been after you
for a long time, buddy.
507
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,309
Do you know
your rights?
508
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,603
Rights? Does anybody
know their rights?
509
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,813
You see, I've learned
something today,
510
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:51,107
our forefathers came
to this country
511
00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,193
because they believed
in an idea.
512
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,278
An idea
called freedom.
513
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:56,964
They wanted to live
in a place where a group
514
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,823
couldn't be prosecuted
for their beliefs.
515
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:00,948
Where a person can live
the way he chooses to live.
516
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,286
You see us as being perverted
517
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:04,704
because we're different
from you.
518
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:07,040
People are afraid of us
because they don't understand.
519
00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:10,251
And sometimes it's easier to
persecute than to understand.
520
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,922
Dude, you have
sex with children.
521
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,715
We are human.
522
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,426
Most of us didn't even choose
to be attracted to young boys,
523
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,053
we were born
that way.
524
00:20:20,178 --> 00:20:21,512
We can't help
the way we are,
525
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,765
and if you all can't
understand that, well,
526
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:27,310
then I guess you'll just
have to put us away.
527
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:34,651
Dude, you have
sex with children.
528
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,212
Yeah, you know, we believe
in equality for everybody
529
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,112
and tolerance and all
that gay stuff, but dude,
530
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:38,988
- fuck you.
- Seriously.
531
00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:40,573
Alright, that's enough,
532
00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:42,742
you're all going to be
put away for a long time.
533
00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,495
- Well, Cartman.
- Well, what?
534
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:46,847
Don't you think you
owe everyone an apology
535
00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:48,057
- for bringing NAMBLA here?
- Yeah!
536
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,540
Alright,
alright.
537
00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:51,626
I'm sorry I almost got
you guys all raped, there.
538
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:52,853
And now do you still think
you need to hang out
539
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,420
with older mature friends?
540
00:20:54,545 --> 00:20:56,398
No, I guess you guys will
blossom into maturity some day,
541
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,590
just don't
take too long.
542
00:20:58,967 --> 00:20:59,967
Okay, let's roll.
543
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:09,143
Coo-coochie-coo
coo-coochie-coo.
544
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,979
Our little angel,
yes.
545
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:12,647
Oh, he's so beautiful!
546
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:13,958
I know it's been
hard on both of us,
547
00:21:13,982 --> 00:21:15,316
losing poor Kenny.
548
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,235
But this knew baby
kind of reminds me of him.
549
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,695
What should
we name him?
550
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:20,530
Well, seeing as though
Kenny passed away,
551
00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:22,073
maybe we should
name him...
552
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:23,283
Kenny.
553
00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:25,451
Yes, Kenny is such
a great name.
554
00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,704
My little Kenny,
a brand-new Kenny.
555
00:21:30,081 --> 00:21:32,417
God, this must have been
the 50th time this has happened.
556
00:21:32,542 --> 00:21:33,793
52nd.
40294
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